Editor’s Note: We’ve stared at wonderful boobs with longing and allure all our lives. We’ve become aroused by the sight of tender nipples showing through a shear blouse. We could be in the worst imaginable conditions, on a sinking ship, in a blizzard or a war zone, and the sight and notion of touching the golden orbs transforms us. Suddenly we’re in a warm and tender place away from all the chaos life throws at us.

Sam Burns inspired me the other day, when he sent me a magnificent assemblage of beautiful women images. We couldn’t let them linger in a file without showing respect and love. Enjoy.

The Boob Transformation

Jimmy worked in a Junkyard. Scruffy and filthy, his boots covered in grease, he mounted his Sportster and rode home, where he cleaned up the best he could. Partially balding, with a slight beard and the same flannel and vest he wore for 20 years he mounted his scooter. With a pocket fulla ones he road to Ship Wreck Joey’s the only titty bar in the industrial port town.

With one beer he sipped all night he sat in front of a curtain-wrapped stage and waited patiently for Rosa, the Hispanic goddess to move with old R&B tunes around her polished brass pole. Jimmy was her biggest fan and not only for her magnificent round, soft as silk boobs, but she smiled with those big dark eyes at him like she was his long lost love and he had just returned from war.

From time to time on slow nights with limited action they would find themselves in a booth under dim pink lights. She leaned back against the faux leather interior and let him touched her softness. He could cuddle against her warmth, smell her Chanel perfume and know all was well in a world where milk and honey seemed so distant. Always enough to keep him going until the next time, he rode home with a smile on his face.

The Cure for Violence

Snake, rode a fast FXR. Every day of his life was on edge. He dealt drugs for a cartel he never saw, but if they didn’t like how he did something he paid a heavy price.

As paranoid as a black lab crossing a wide, unlit, asphalt highway, Snake went about his business running drugs to various bike clubs along the coast. Everything about his trapped existence smelled of treachery. No one trusted him and he trusted no one.

Daily he rode to the ghetto for his stash and to turn in the profits. Every day, his life was threatened by the cartel. Menaced while splitting lanes in bumper to bumper traffic, he watched closely for the Man and then his club guys customers. With narrow shades, a black leather vest, black long-sleeve shirt with pearl buttons, he packed constantly, rode fast and tried to keep his club connections to one man per MC.

Everything about his life was hard, fast and packed with deceitfulness, except for her. No one knew and he didn’t dare mention her to anyone, but when times were tough and he was forced to pull his stiletto, there was one room filled with solace, comfort, warmth and love.

Only with her could he nuzzle against her mounds of joy and forget his life completely. Her softness, those golden nipples, her warmth and her lips so precious each kiss took him to a world of peace, warmth and trust. Her baby blues locked with his dark eyes and he was transformed. They spoke little, he held her close and hope returned.

A Woman’s Understanding

Laurie moved around her apartment in a daze. Her life wasn’t packed with security or even a modicum of joy. She worked a minimum wage job and struggled with her faltering health. Her little VW bug coughed and sputtered on her way to work. She attended her evangelistic church twice a week, once on Sunday for the half day of barking sermons and Wednesday nights for bible classes. Even though she strained financially, she tithed and prayed constantly.

But once a week, she caught the rumble of a motorcycle entering her street. Loud and powerful the Shovelhead chopper sounded like a locomotive and her life suddenly changed. Here religion made her question her involvement with this biker as she listened for his engineer boots against the wooden steps. But she couldn’t deny the sensation, the tingle or her hardening nipples.

She freshened her make-up, tossed her hair and unbuttoned her blouse. Her boobs were large magnificent orbs of heavenly softness and as soon as he touched them her world changed for the better. Her large amber nipples called out to him erect and tingling.

The dichotomy was amazing as his rough exterior stood before her, long shaggy hair, full beard, rough black leathers and filth. His hands calloused from oil field work, his boots grimy, but his eyes were clear and warm. He looked at her angelic softness, her dreamy gaze, her rosy cheeks and kissed her deeply. It was as if he had no business being in her glowing heavenly presence, but as he removed her blouse and ran his hands alongside her magnificent softness and touched her nipples, she nearly climaxed.

For long moments they were both transformed from the struggles of life and the violence of the streets to the most natural Nirvana on the planet.

For days after he left, she could shower, close her eyes, run her hands down her mounds of joy, touch her stimulated nipples and remember that there really is heaven on earth.

The First Touch

A small baby boy was born on a mattress in the basement of a tenement house in East Prussia, Poland in September of 1939 as Germany invaded.

From September 1 to October 5 Germans shelled Pomerania. Polish soldiers were out gunned and held no chance of fending off the attack from the Nazi reign of terror. Natalia stood 5’6” tall and slim, she cleaned herself, grabbed her new baby and fled to the streets barefoot wearing a silk slip and a tarnished cotton dress.

Several local women helped her and insisted that she stay, but Natalia refused, made a satchel of torn garments and scarves to hang the baby around her neck in a sling nestling between her boobs. She made her way into the streets, not knowing where to go or where she would find their next meal.

Tanks rumbled over cobblestone lanes leveling homes and buildings at their whim. Rubble stacked as buildings crumbled and burst into flames. Screams and explosions filled the air, but the baby remained silent wrapped securely and tucked between her breasts. She moved quickly away from the action into alleys and side streets hoping to escape the melee.

At one point as the sun set, she untucked the child, kissed his forehead and looked into the smoke filled sky as the fleeting sun glimmered through the plumes of black soot. “I’m naming you Alek from Aleksander the defender of mankind,” she muttered, covered his face and pressed him to her ample breasts.

Less than three weeks passed and a 150-pound bomb collided with the building where Natalia attempted to sleep with her newborn. Leaving everything behind she scrambled out of the rubble surrounded by flying debris and clouds of concrete dust, her baby nestled carefully between her bouncing boobs. Covered in dirt, scratched and torn by the shrapnel she finally discovered a clearing in the rainy muck where she unleashed one of her massive boobs and allowed Alek to suckle his breakfast.

His meals, constant and unwavering came right on time, then he closed his delicate eyes to the turmoil and fell asleep in the torn satchel between the unchanging warmth of her boobs. Another month passed as she attempted to avoid capture by the Nazis.

Natalia finally found herself hidden by a family in their barn. For a few days she experienced meager comfort and regular food. A warm new-to-her sweater hung on her shoulders. Hand-me-down shoes secured her feet and she was afforded a place to bathe along with Alek.

He didn’t understand the wetness, the warmth or the smell of smoke, but for the first time his mother smelled different, delicate and even softer as he touched her bare skin. Two days later, in the barn, gun-fire exploded. Screams filled the air with angry barks from men. Suddenly he was torn from his mother’s grasp and flung onto a pile of hay.

He heard her scream, then plead, but then more gunfire, groans and quiet. He wondered, barely two months old what had happened. Wrapped, unable to see, for the first time the warmth, the touch of her soft flesh and the beating of her heart was gone.

His mind whirled with emotion but he dare not scream. He attempted to reach, and then he heard her sobbing as she picked him up, pushed the hay particles away and hugged him close. She uncovered his face and he could see her tears. Saved from potential rape, she placed the satchel strap over her head once more and cupped him in her secure cleavage.

He reached out and touched the soft flesh of her boob and felt the warmth. Her beating heart slowed and once again he was at peace.

Prison Blues

Prison officers pushed big, buffed Samson in shackles into his new home in cell block number 9 at Folsom Prison. It was all a mistake but he knew it was the unrelenting condition of his outlaw life.

Samson 6’4” and 240 pounds of solid muscle took Knock-Out, his babe for life to an upscale restaurant in Downtown San Francisco. The town switched from romance and seaside views to a mini-3rd World country overlooking the San Francisco Bay.

Why anyone voted for destruction of one of the most picturesque cities in the world was beyond the big guy as he led his petite girl behind the guiding matri’d to their table.

Knock-out also trained and looked as hot as a smoking pistol in a form fitting, black, silk gown that hugged every elegant curve as if spray painted with a pearlescent touch enhanced every delicious shape. Every guy in the joint noticed. Her soft as satin boobs spilled over the split neckline cut to the edge of her tender areolas.

Their perfect evening interrupted by homeless and drug addicts in the streets calmed in the soft, candle-enhance dining room as she slipped into the booth. Samson sat down across from her, when a tall slippery sort stepped up and opened his white sport coat to reveal a .45 Ivory-handled, semi-auto in a hand tooled waist band holster.

“Man, she looks fine enough to eat,” Ricky the 6-foot mafia sort, with slick black hair and polished pointed shoes said.

Samson began to get to his feet.

“Not a good move,” Ricky said and pressed on Samson’s massive shoulder with his right ringed hand and started to reach for the Colt in his waistband with his left.

“You failed your homework assignment,” Samson said, grabbed a polished silver fork and drove it into Ricky’s thigh.

Rick the scumbag from Chicago, who thought he could move to Frisco and take advantage of the open drug scene didn’t know the history he faced. Samson, an ex-1%er for over two decades held Knock-out’s hand in High School. They were meant for each other.

As they grew, trained, fought, built and moved forward in life, they became like a team for good and against evil. Samson stood abruptly. Rick stumbled back, grabbing for the semi-auto, he looked down at Knock-out’s succulent cleavage. Big mistake.

Samson blocked the weapon with his right hand, rolled his palm until the pistol turned into a Judo move breaking Ricky’s thumb. Samson dropped the weapon and hit Ricky in the neck with an open palm.

Usually, that was it. Ricky would fall to the floor and crawl back to his table, but he was dead before he hit the carpet.

Samson recognized his wide eyes and motioned for Knock-out to follow, but before they reached the bottom stairs for the exit, cops surrounded the building and Samson was ultimately convicted of 2nd degree murder.

Unshackled, and given a manilla envelope he sat on his cell bunk and opened it. It contained his sentencing materials signed by the judge. A few personal affects, like his watch, a pen, a pad of lined legal paper and an 8-by-10 shot of Knock-out. He smiled and set the photograph above his stainless steel mirror.

The black-and-white photo of her smiling face and those magnificent boobs were all he needed to survive five years in Folsom, fighting punks, drug addicts, slippery sons-a-bitches, anything and anyone. He’d survive and her nipples would wait for him on the outside. It didn’t matter what they threw at him, her image would remind him of the soft warmth in her arms.

The Bad Boob

As a teenager, mentally badgered in youth, Vickie acclimated to more tomboy characteristics and dodged the female code of softness. An angry countenance enveloped her being. Constantly on guard, she grew up tall and angular, but then recognized the power of her fine feminine side and her own unrelenting sexual desire. She couldn’t get enough.

She trained and worked waiting tables for enough cash to buy a set of bolt-ons. From that day forward her life changed. She used those torpedo boobs to her advantage, although the rest of her wasn’t much to shout about. She tried Botox lips, but then couldn’t kiss passionately.

She enjoyed sex, often but mostly for personal gain. She worked men into a boob frenzy then took from them and moved on.

She banged her way through several relationships, fucked her bosses then extorted from them, destroyed their families and got them fired.

She missed the mammary memo at a young age. As she matured her looks waned, her wanton slipped and her emotional well-being was left without the cherished love her boobs were capable of enhancing in her life.

Bada-bing!

Science, Technology and the American Advertising Industry Saving the Earth, the Forest and your Butthole, one Sheet of Shit-Paper at a time.

Charmin toilet paper has boldly altered the perforations that separate one “sheet” from the next, changing them from straight-line perforations, an example of which would graphically look like this, into CURVED perforations, resulting in a torn edge that looks like…

Ok, there’s no way I can show that on the keyboard apparently. You know what the letter S looks like? Rotate that 90 degrees. And then kinda stretch it out. Kinda like to where it looks like a gentle undulation from one end of the torn sheet to the other. A sort of kind of like the visual depiction of a soft tone of a gentle bell, or ripples in a quiet pond or a rolling kind of hilly road on a country byway on a spring day.

Researching this matter I have learned that this is “smooth-tear technology.” Smooth-tear technology is the result of thousands, or maybe just one, letter of incredible angst and suffering regarding something called the “errant remnant” that occurs (I am guessing one in ten trillion times) enough to where apparently, unlike the eradication of American Culture, people won’t tolerate it any longer.

Apparently when people take the time to write to toilet paper manufacturers, the number one (haha I would call it the number two. But that’s just me)…apparently the number one complaint is the, “useless remnant experience.”

The “useless remnant experience” is apparently so fucking heinous that Charmin, in a gesture of almost saintly selflessness, has created the, “scalloped separation advancement.”

A Google search will reveal that every journalist with a byline at a, “major news entity” has, “reported” on this technological extermination of the “useless remnant experience,” using as validation of the revolutionary aspects of this achievement the official statements from the border-collie-like bright and eager official-statement-makers from Charmin: the corporate chieftains via their ad agency. It’s almost as though these stock-watching high-achievers and everyone in the press, are convinced this renovation of the tear-aspect of their toilet paper is just a shade less earth-shaking than the discovery of an anti-gravity propulsion system. Jesus coming down from the clouds to usher-in the Millennium will not be getting this much journalistic coverage as the Charmin Shitpaper Severance Simplifier is generating.

You see, according to the many many Pulitzer Prize seeking journalists quoting Charmin executives and not claiming to have done any personal research themselves into the matter, the PROBLEM with old fashioned, prehistoric Pleistocene toilet paper like what YOU’RE probably using…the problem is NOT having the shit-sheet come apart in a waveform manner: or in other words in a scollopine undulationary vibrational motif; rather than just a shearing, don’t-give-a-fuck manner….the PROBLEM is that it wastes paper. A small piece falls off. A piece that never gets to touch your dung– And therefor becomes sad.

But this new revolutionary dotted-line technology eliminates that episode of sadness and SAVES PAPER!

You WANT to save paper when you shit. I am sure you know this. When you shit the conservation of the roll is where your attention is when you spin that motherfucker around the center-dowel and those snakelike unravellings come a-speeding off the roll…when you finally decide that the pile of ass-swathing in your mitts is big enough to absorb all the ass-slather that is adhering like a cooling mudflow around your anal canal. You want that tear of the last sheet off the roll to be right on the perforation. And not in some halfway, who knows where, who gives a fuck location on the sheet resulting in the next shitting occupant dropping his drawers, squatting on the bowl, spraying a brown gunnite-like holocaust into the toilet, and then him reaching for the toilet paper in joy and happiness only to find that the FIRST sheet has half of itself missing. You talk about rage and fury and frustration.

Well Charmin has basically obliterated this problem. Your rages and frustrations will have to go and find for themselves some other outlet because the CEO’s and Corporate Directors and Research and Development PhD’s at Charmin Pre-Suppository Prevention Laboratories have scalloped the tear-parameters of your next reach toward the shit-shunter paper on that wobbly bathroom fixture next to you. Yessir, you are looking at calm days ahead. If you think I am just writing fiction like a common journalist, let’s go to Fox News, a place where all its fans are convinced it’s not just another commie, collectivist stronghold.

https://www.fox9.com/news/charmin-revolutionizes-toilet-paper-design-a-game-changer-in-bathroom-comfort

There are dozens of really huge news entities reporting on this, all of them with respectful, dutiful litanies of identical sentences and not a trace of – what I would consider to be essential regarding this “news:” namely – mandatory snark. But there is none.The fact is, as long as the hack gets to see his name attached to a piece of paper or a piece of computer screen in a professional forum. He doesn’t care what he says or what some editor changes what he says into. Not that editors need to monitor their hacks: they all think exactly alike on all political or social or philosophical matters. So, yeah, this is big identical news in a lot of majorly places.

But you, I know, want to get back to the exciting reality of this new shit eraser and I know what you’re asking, “Does the new aspect of the earth-aware tear footprint separating one sheet from the rest affect the actual paper-against-shit accrual aspect at all?” In other words, does the new galloping scalloping cause the toilet paper to gather LESS shit or MORE shit onto itself than does – or did – the old, technology-barren, straightline-torn, now-outdated, toilet paper of long ago? That is, is it better as a shit-accruer? Or is it in fact worse. Or is there no difference? I MUST know!

Well, turns out, THIS is not a question of any particular interest to a “news-gathering” entity because I am GUESSING that gathering-news personnel – already being shit-deep in shit as they already are – why would they have any curiosity about something LESS shit-gathering than they are themselves, namely toilet paper?

Journalists likely – I am guessing – see toilet paper as some sort of inferior, junior varsity level of shit gatherer, not worthy of a lot of scrutiny over and above the official announcements made by the valiant creators of the sections that exist between the sheets that have less sheeting in them when torn.

Sheets for shits – to a professional journalist – is Amateur Hour to a REAL shit-sheet employee, say at The New York Times or Reuters-Rhymes-With-Goiters or Bloomberg or The Washington Post or The Huffington or David Muir Rhymes With Coiffeur. Toilet paper is small potatoes, petulance-wise, to A Major News Source compared to the foul fecal-fumed fundament-like essence of the Major News Source itself.

However I am a journalist of a more noble sort. I do not just accept toilet paper innovations and renovations and ass-salvations just on the words of a CEO most likely written by a copywriter at an ad agency. In fact for all I know the ad agency itself might have actually come up with the idea of perforating the sheets into waveforms rather than straight lines. For the CEO to take the credit is well within the traditional agreements between ad agencies and their clients. In fact ad agencies are EXPECTED to come up with bullshit proclamations, I mean innovative solutions to eternally vexing problems such as this one regarding how best to install separation protocol parameters between sheets of toilet paper.

APPARENTLY the fact that one sheet of toilet paper by itself is absolutely useless for ANYTHING, forget about shearing shit shards off an ass…is never isolated as a topic and set down in the center of a toilet paper manufacturer board meeting as a long-overdue candidate for discussion and debate. One sheet of toilet paper is about as useless as a Kamala Harris translation dictionary: no one on earth knows what she’s saying and no one on earth knows what one sheet of toilet paper could possibly be good for.

You couldn’t wipe the ass of a centipede with one sheet of toilet paper. I know what you’re saying: a centipede has five dozen back legs so it has five dozen crotches which means it has five dozen assholes. This changes nothing in my opinion. In fact, it would make things worse. And let me tell you something pal – you really need to think this shit out before you go on one of these little hoity-toity tears of yours, dragging centipedes into this. Speaking of tears.

Where the fuck was I? Thanks a lot sparky.

Since I am the only journalist in a handful who actually CARES about things, I decided to do some actual asses-on research via the Troll Ops, a Harley, Triumph chopped motorcycle fraternity in Panamint City, referenced here at this website in a previous article. To those of you who insist that Panamint City in Ca. is off limits to casual or serious human habitation as mandated and ordered by one or more Congressionally Approved entities, the Troll Ops are aware of that.

In sort of nearby Ballarat there is a sort of a saloon that is sort of off-limits to State law enforcement for reasons I won’t go into because, frankly, those reasons have nothing to do with toilet paper. Ballarat Ratty, the owner, wasn’t there but his daughter, Vulpina, she was there. Vulpina looks clearly reptilian. But She’s Ballarat Ratty’s daughter and he gets to name her whatever the fuck he wants, I guess.

I asked her if she used Charmin in the restroom. She said “Haha, the restroom? You mean the toilet over there where that guy’s sitting?”

I said “Yeah: there Charmin on that roll?”

She said “Hold on,” and bent into the bar and came back up with a ledger and opened it and flipped a page or two and leaned-in and read something and straightened back up again and looked at me and said “No. Scott-issue.”

I said “You fold a sheet of Scott-issue in fourths and hold it pinched at the corner you can cut glass with it.”

She said, “Are you going to have a fucking drink? Or are you just gonna stand there, drool through your missing teeth, interrogate the House’s inventory policies and tell me what toilet papers can and can’t do.”

I said, “How about I do all of them and you give me two shots of colorless tequila that are a couple of grades higher than Hornitos.”

She said, “We got that. But it’s gonna cost ya.”

I said “Do you know who I am?”

She said, “No. But I know who yer GONNA be: the next in line at the coronor’s you don’t stop fuckin’ with me.”

I said, “Well, look, here’s the deal: I need to have someone test some toilet paper for me cause I’m writing an article for Bikernet.com.”

She said “They still exist?”

I said, “Yeah, look, this is actually important..”

She manifested an eye-to-eye glare that had shortening-someone’s-lifespan written all over it and she said, “You’re writing something for Bikernet…..and it’s important.”

“Yes, that’s correct!” I said with actually a grin of enthusiasm.

She said “In what universe did you come from that you think the words ‘Bikernet’ and ‘important’ can exist in the same sentence.”

We gazed at each other for a long time, her lookin’ at me with hatred and me lookin’ at her with curiosity at whether I could actually take her in a bar fight. It seemed to me even odds. But I said “You’ve broached an issue that has been being discussed and argued for 25 years. We’re not gonna settle this here. It’s too noisy for one thing.

“Listen: Charmin claims it is slicing its shitter sheets a new revolutionary way that is a marvel of American Exceptionalism and that is the rival of the invention of the airplane. I need to have some experiments conducted.”

She kind of leaned back. “Oh! Why didn’t you say so? How can I help?”

I said “You gut any patrons here who need to take a shit?”

She said, raising an index finger and already starting to walk off, ”You stay right there, Sweetie,” and she hustled down to the other end and bent into the bar and came up with a mike and turned to the drink-bottle array and turned off a switch and suddenly the extremely very old school Country music stopped that had a LOT of the men who had been sitting all by themselves, all hangdog and forlorn, suddenly sit upright and look around perplexed.

The barkeep, whose name it actually was, being My Pal Sal, she said into the mike and now facing the quiet patrons said, “Anyone here need to take a crap real bad?”

Couple of hands went up.

She went on: “I gut a guy here says he needs to test a hi-poth-a-noose. Says he claims Charmin has uttered in a new age of shitterosity by cuttin’ the papers off each other different. He needs to test it.”

Someone shouted, “Who cares how its fuckin’ cut off! Long as there’s a-fuckin’ NUFF of it! That’s a DUMB test!”

My Pal Sal said, “What would be a BETTER test of toilet paper, Einstein??”

There was a long silence while the fellow buried his fingers into his whiskers, thinking. Someone yelled out excited, “COLOR????”

A third man turned toward the man who yelled that and said, clearly annoyed and said, “Like, what: brown? Dark brown?”

The other guy thought a minute and then said with some assurance, “Yeah. Brown mebbe.”

The third guy, now clearly exasperated said, “ How would you even know if you GOT any shit on the peper if the paper was already dark brown: touch sections of it with your fingers? When you hit a slick part you’d go ‘Yeah, ok, that part’s shit.’ You really think that’s a good idea?…..’tactile-test toilet paper??”

A fourth guy shouted, “Shape? Maybe round sheets??”

The guy that suggested colored paper said “My shit is usually a kind of runny yellow. With red clumps mixed in. Usually. So I could actually use brown toilet paper. Probly wouldn’t be a problem.”

I had to admire the attitude of some of the patrons. They were clearly trying to cooperate and get into this.

Gesturing to My Pal Sal to hand me the mike I took it and began to amble away from the bar and start explaining the situation.

“I think most of you know who I am and know that I never intrude myself into everyone else’s drinking and relaxation and in some cases morose memories from a life of lost love and lost opportunities courtesy of the in-house melodies and lyrical iterations of depression courtesy of Tex Ritter, Spade Cooley, Doye Odell and Tennessee Ernie.”

“WHO EVEN ARE THESE PEOPLE???!!!”

I looked at the fellow that said that and said, “Legends. Legends, my friend. Legends of travail and hardship and endurance: pioneers in the painting of the American Spirit in song: the spirit of fair-play….kindness to women and children….the gentle balm of drunken oblivion…..and trust in the Lord.” You could have heard a pin drop.

“Oh,” he said finally from out of the silence. “Oh, ok.”

The room now mine to command, I said, “But the reason I’m here is not to amble down the musical road of bad-memories lane where fighting to keep the corn crop from rotting or singing about whether Pappa Clem will die of the rabies and how will we survive if he dies or tuneful inquiries about whether my wife will understand that I love her but ‘Joline At fifteen’ is wearin’ a real thin short dress and no underwear…

“I LOVE THAT SONG!!” someone screamed excitedly.

“But rather I am here to conduct a toilet paper test involving a few volunteers to take a shit over there on the toilet. Does the toilet flush?” I asked loudly, looking around.

“Sometimes,” someone said.

I said, “Sometimes meaning sometimes just today? Or sometimes every few months or so.”

Everyone kind of looked at me, a few people looked at each other and then someone said, “We have lives, you know. We’re not toilet inventorians.”

“This is the only toilet in 20 square miles,” I said annoyed: “You don’t know if it fucking flushes right or not?”

Someone yelled, “Do you see any fucking shit on the floor?”

I looked around and then said, “No, I don’t seem to see any.”

“Then what’s this fucking test and when is it going to fucking start?” The same guy said.

“Ok!” I said excitedly. “Here’s the deal!…Charmin is claiming to have improved their toilet paper.”

Everyone looked up from what they were doing and some left their present locations to quietly move closer and give me their full attention.

I went on, “They’ve altered the separation anomalies of their toilet paper that defines one sheet from another.”

There was an audible but unintelligible murmur among them all, all looking at each other and then silence and looking back at me. “The old tear-footprint was basically the same thing as ‘printing’ and the new one is basically ‘cursive.’ Cursive is like curvy writing like what your parents did.”

“I’VE SEEN THAT!!” someone shouted, standing up and then sitting down. I said, “The CLAIM is that when you tear it…it always tears right across the separation-enabler-perforations. Or, ya know, the tear-place.”

“Toilet paper ALWAYS does that!!” Someone hollered.

I had to admit to myself that this was in fact how it had always seemed to me as well. However this news item had made to the “this just in!” department of every news entity in America. It HAD to be meaningful, was my conclusion.

“I need some people, men, women, I don’t think it matters to use the toilet paper, to take a shit and then use some Charmin. Is there Charmin presently on the roll?”

“No, it’s Scott!” someone shouted.

“God help us,” I said.”Do you keep a rectal-scrapage expert physician on hand during operating hours in that case?” I inquired.

“Yes!!” everyone shouted.

“Divine intervention has brought me here this day,” I announced solemnly. “Our efforts have the approval of On High. This is a holy moment. I have brought some rolls of Charmin: both the old cut and the new cut.”

“WHEN’S THE GODDAMN SHITTING START??????” someone hollered.

“As soon as the rolls are changed,” I assured the fellow.

“Someone take the Scott off and take it outside and put it on a chair in the sand and use it to test the flattening aspects of various steel-jacketed hollow points which is its intended purpose anyway as far as I’m concerned.”

The New And Vastly Improved Charmin having been installed, the first shitter was a fellow named…well maybe his name isn’t necessary. He took what he insisted was a hearty dump and he got up into kind of a bent over squat and we, some of us, took a looksee, and he had a pretty good collection of dung coilage in there and we had him sit back down and get busy with the Charmin.

He spun the roll and got a good ten or twenty feet of toilet paper collected in one hand and then I said, “Ok, tear it off.”

He gave it a good yank and sure enough it was a clear wavy progression of edge both on the section in his hand and the section on the roll.

“Ok, you’re done!” I said.

“What about wiping?” He said.

“Oh, I don’t care about the wiping. Just the tearing of the paper,” I said.

He said “Why is the fucking tearing of the goddamn sheet more important than if the part you actually removed from the roll does or doesn’t clean your fucking ass?”

I said “….What?…..” a bit confused.

He bellowed “WHO THE FUCKING CARES HOW IT MOTHERFUCKING TEARS!”

I went into a slight trance. Almost a reverie. Even though he was still sitting on the toilet, his pants down past his knees, I went forward towards him and bending down, I firmly gripped each shoulder as he looked up at me with an expression I interpreted as him deciding whether or not to extract the Bowie knife from his cascaded trousers and ram it into my abdomen.

I said, quietly and in awe, “You are a genius.”

“I am?” he said, in a sudden reversal of expression from feral to perplexed.

I proclaimed, “That is the entire makings of a rival product’s advertising campaign! ‘Who the fucking cares…. how it motherfucking tears” is how a rival toilet paper company, even Scott, could combat the campaign of Charmin’s ‘we’re saving the earth and your ass too’ toilet paper’ mantra. Even though, if you ask me, it’s actually thinner than the straight-line-cut paper. It’s almost transparent. Seems to me you would need twice as much to get the same amount of shitsmear on the wad once you pulled it around to take a look at it.

“Anyway what you have created sitting here on the hitter, over and above the shit itself, is the slogan ‘who the fucking cares how it motherfucking tears.’ In fact the only thing missing from ‘Who the fucking cares….how it motherfucking tears’ are the words Burma Shave.”

“You wanna take your hands off my shoulders?” the guy said, kind of like in an ultimatum tone.

“Oh! Sure!” I said, backing away. “Sorry! I went kind of into a trance.”

“You really think I’m a genius?“ the guy said, now actually wiping his ass.

“I do indeed, my friend. I do indeed.”

“You gonna steal my slogan?” He inquired blandly, flushing and then unravelling another handload of wavy-cut toilet paper and readministering about a balled-up pound of it down and around his cheek and up into his ass.

“Well I’m sure somebody is, sooner or later.” I said.

“Pisser,” the guy said, flushing and hauling another truckload of paper off the roll.

“Is it still tearing cleanly?” I asked, remembering why I was there in the first place.”

“Fuck if I know,” the guy said, going under and up once again. “And like I say: who the fuck cares.”

I said, “Well….the Charmin CEO apparently cares. And the World Press, apparently cares. Oh, and remember, ‘who the fucking cares how it motherfucking tears’ is a pretty good idea for a rival shitpaper-outfit commercial. You’re quite the Madison Avenue Grey Flannel Suit dude.”

The fellow said, “Well who the fuck DOES care how it tears.” I looked at him pathetically since I now realized the beauty of a properly torn Charmin shit-magnet. “The Earth cares, my friend. The Earth cares.”

The fellow blurted, “The earth cares how I wipe my ass! Is that what you’re saying?”

“Her name is Gaia,” I said benevolently, suddenly filled with CEO wisdom. He looked at the new large wad of about fifty sheets of toilet paper in his mitt, one of the sheets torn cleanly in a sine-wave undulation and said, ”At least I don’t have a leftover shard of paper as a result of an errant bisection of the roll,” saying this with some obvious sincerity. “And that alone is gonna save me a ton of money,” he added redirecting the giant wad to underneath his ass and starting the shit-removal process. “Gonna need another two or three yards o’ this paper ‘fore I’m done with THIS job,” he said. “Chili, sauerkraut, cabbage, plum pie and Bud Lite: gonna have a lotta surprises comin’ out my butthole THIS day,” he added.

“You drink enough Bud Lite you’re butthole’s gonna have a lotta surprises goin’ the OTHER direction too,” I said reassuringly, heading back toward the bar.

“Don’t need THAT HAHAHAHA!!” he yelled as I moved off.

Someone came up to me excitedly and practically stammered, “What if the roll of toilet paper had the curvy serrations going up the middle of the roll instead from side to side??”

I actually thought about this for a very long time. At last and finally I said, “Well, I’m thinkin’ it’s pretty obvious, and I could be wrong, but you would only have two sheets per roll in that case. Two real long ones. PLUS you take two dumps?…. in two days you’d need another roll.”

He said, “Wouldn’t the CEO of Charmin, though, see that as a good idea? Based on their sudden track record of what they see as good ideas? Which is: seeing really stupid ideas as good ideas. I mean, they’re going to outstrip Disney if they keep this up.”

I was on the phone to Proctor&Gamble in two seconds. The Use Just Twice roll was about to be born–J.J. Solari

Epilogue: Not since the revolutionary Charmin ad campaign of “Enjoy the Go” with a proud male bear showing his backside to the other family members, rendering them hysterical with happiness has an ass-maintenance innovation generated so much enthusiasm as the scalloping of the separation perforations of Charmin toilet paper.

Naturally the insistent question is “How is this accomplished?” That’s why next time we will go the remote section of the already-remote Mojave Desert where the machine that creates the cut is located on a one square mile array of industrial technological super-science. A machine left open and exposed to the elements and made out of “malleable titanium,” the Defeater Of The Errant Remnant, as it has been nicknamed, resides open and defiant of the elements, and impervious to spies, malware, and sabotage, it hums and glistens 24 hours a day creating the New Anus-Sourced Happiness For All, where “enjoying the go” is being grandly transformed into “Your Ass Is Now A God” status.

endo

from the Wayfarer
with illustration by the Wayfarer

SPAIN— All motorcyclists might soon be required to wear full-face helmets and gloves every time they ride.

In USA, there is some reasoning and freedoms left while across the pond, the control-ist regimes are “welcomed” by mute citizens, reminiscent of 1930s.

There are many reasons for a road accident and many more for a motorcycle related accident. In USA, even the Feds and NHTSA know that it is the people with more than two-wheels who are reckless and blind and have the shameless (illegal) luxury of texting and dialing while driving.

Yet, why not blame the most fuel-efficient and cheapest transport vehicle available to a citizen–the motorcycle –and its rider for accidents and fatalities.

You might as well say roads kill people and force people into house arrests or ghetto patrol with Judge Dredd being the only one with a gun and a motorcycle!

Even open-face helmets are not good enough for Spain as full-face helmets are being advocated to be mandatory. No gloves? Well, they want to save your middle-finger for later! Gloves are to be mandatory riding equipment as well.

While there’s no specified timeline regarding the implementation of these various new mandates, driving license for two-wheelers itself will be staggered and handed out in stages to those completing courses.

Maybe Spain will mandate a College Degree in Motorcycle Riding to allow a citizen to get a motorcycle driving license.

Meanwhile, the rest of the users of Spain’s roads are not required to know anything about motorcycles, including the lawmakers!

This post raised quite a few questions from quite a few folks, and so I reached out to the Thomas Paine of the Salt Flats, Keith ‘Bandit’ Ball himself, to help me try to break this all down for you guys.

I sent the bastard Bandit a list of questions that I have seen people asking on social media and compiled them here for you all. Before we get to his interview, let me break down a few things he says.

You will see him mention ESG. This stands for Environmental, Social and Governance and is a type of credit score for businesses. This is being used by the EPA to enforce the green agenda on businesses… if you don’t comply with their forced agenda, you will get a bad ESG score that can affect business loans and stuff. ESG compliance is best personified in lay-terms by looking at Bud Light cans, Disney remakes, paper straws, cow farts, and EV vehicles.. the whole rainbow of the ‘go woke or go broke’ agenda.

We already know the heavily regulated Harley-Davidson has boarded that long green train rolling over American Industry with their EV Livewire… and now Drag Specialties is drinking the green Kool-Aid as well. This is important because, if dealers speak out against this program, they could risk losing their Drag Specialties business. Drag Specialties is now massively important to the aftermarket… and this game plan will be forced on other aftermarket manufacturers and distributors as well.

The Drag Specialties waiver is just the beginning of some serious overreach by the emissions control crowd… and if they have their way, when we roar through tunnels and under bridges, it will soon sound like a bumblebee in a Mason jar.

ESG means using Environmental, Social and Governance factors to assess the sustainability of companies and countries. These three factors are seen by liberals and tree huggers as embodying the three things they consider to be the major challenges facing corporations and wider society, now encompassing climate change, human rights and adherence to laws. Keep in mind, no-one voted for this shit.

An example of H-D babying their ESG score is the Live Wire Program.

So… without further ado, let’s get to that interview with the legendary Keith Ball, comprised of your questions and mine.

What does the Drag Specialties waiver waive?

It’s basically testimony that could be used in a court of law. Whoever fills it out and signs it is testifying that said performance product is not being used on the streets but only on the race track.

Who created the waiver?

Drag Specialties the largest distributor of aftermarket parts in our industry. They were no-doubt bullied by the EPA and or the ESG government agencies.

What do they hope to accomplish?

This is all about being doomed via Climate Change which does not even exist. CO2 is not a pollutant and more CO2 means a healthier planet, the opposite of the anti-Fossil Fuel, anti-human movement. The control-freak movement is simple. “We are doomed, so we must do everything possible to reverse everything over the last century that improved our lives” is their battlecry.

Who will enforce it?

EPA and any other government agency they can recruit, like CARB in California (the California Air Resources Board).

What is the punishment for violating it?

Extremely stiff fines. I haven’t seen where they will actually confiscate motorcycles, but that will be coming sooner or later.

What parts and bikes does it affect?

It will affect all bikes capable of being modified in a performance manner. The parts affected are the ones that are pertinent to emissions, like pipes and air cleaners and engine components.

Can onboard computers and GPS be used as enforcement?

This is a good question. No doubt any onboard computer system capable of monitoring the performance or omissions can detect changes.

Does it pertain to certain year models or engine sizes?

No. It’s all of them.

Will it affect my insurance?

Not at this point. Although, down the road fines may be recorded on your record. Then they will surely impact insurance pricing.

Is it state or national?

It has recently gone national. Before it was restricted to California.

Are there any similar current laws in effect?

It might depend on your state.

Are they doing this to cars too?

Absolutely.

Is it similar to the mandated governors on automobiles proposal in California?

Yes and no. It’s just another effort. Don’t say governors out loud…

Can they use the computers in my engine to track the parts added to my bike?

In some cases, with later model bikes, absolutely. Computers will become an element of monitoring and evidence.

Can they use GPS to force me to comply to the waiver?

In a sense yes. If you can be tracked riding a performance enhanced motorcycle on the highway, you have invalidated the waiver.

Can they take my bike or disable it from running if I violate the waiver?

Currently, I believe we are facing stiff fines only. Think about it…. If a government agency comes to your door to check your motorcycle, what will happen? Say you have installed a performance cam, ignition system, air cleaner and exhaust system. The fine could be $500 per item. They might require you to return it to stock configuration and prove you did.

What do we do to stop it?

Start by joining the MRF or the IMA, which is focused on independent shops and bike builders. And maybe join the CO2 Coalition and learn the truth.

Will protests or writing our legislative bodies help?

Yes. We must do anything and everything. In a sense, Drag’s problem might spur the motorcycle industry, the motorcycle rights movement and the individual riders to step up in a big way.

I have one last question. Does the waiver pass the buck down to the repair shop, or the rider?

That’s what it’s designed to do, pass the buck away from Drag Specialties to the dealer and ultimately to the customer.

Where do I find the Motorcycle Riders Foundation and join this fight?

Since the mid ‘90s when we threw our helmets in the corners, our lifestyle has lived a pretty lackadaisical sense of freedom. That lifestyle is now being smothered by Green New regulations. And y’all better be paying attention. It’s time for us to rise up and work with our MROS and the MRF to unify once again… because whether you like it or not, we are now the third monkey on the ark and it’s already starting to rain.

-Amy Irene White

Additional info sent by Chris Callen, Cycle Source Magazine

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

SALES OF RACE ONLY PARTS
The federal Environmental Protection Agency’s policies related to tampering and defeat devices are publicly available at the following sites:

https://www.epa.gov/sites/production/files/2020-12/documents/ epatamperingpolicy-enforcementpolicyonvehicleandenginetampering.pdf

https://www.epa.gov/sites/production/files/2020-12/documents/ tamperinganddefeatdevices-enfalert.pdf

https://www.epa.gov/sites/production/files/2021-01/ documents/caatitleiivehicleenginepenaltypolicy011821.pdf

The EPA has taken civil and criminal enforcement action against companies and individuals for violations of the Clean Air Act’s tampering and defeat device prohibitions. By ordering “Race Only” parts from LeMans Corporation, d/b/a Parts Unlimited® and Drag Specialties® (“LeMans”), you, as the selling retailer, expressly acknowledge and assume all the responsibility for ensuring and documenting information to verify that the sale or installation of every “Race Only” part is for competition racing vehicle use only.

Require that the buyer of the part(s) sign an acknowledgement that the part is for “Race Use Only.” The acknowledgement would contain enough information (i.e., invoice number, purchase date, purchaser name, part number, etc.) to be able to track the part to its ultimate installation.

The detailed owner or operator information and vehicle VIN are recorded.

The vehicle is being used in only closed course competition events like King of the Baggers®, BRL Bagger Racing League®, SUPER HOOLIGAN®, AMA FLAT TRACK®, or one of the hundreds of similar competition racing use only events throughout the US (road race, flat track, drag racing and land speed).

This notice is a material condition of LeMans’ willingness to sell the product to you. By accepting the terms:

You will provide LeMans with copies of the documentation that shows evidence of the use of “Race Only” parts purchased from LeMans upon request; and

You consent to the disclosure of your identity to any governmental entity responsible for regulating emissions and/or enforcing emissions laws, if requested.

NOISE REGULATIONS

A number of jurisdictions/states have exhaust noise laws. Exhaust products advertised might not be legal for sale or use on highway vehicles in such jurisdictions/states. Check applicable laws and regulations.

Hey,

I’ll let the news speak for itself. It’s exciting from a number of perspectives. Fuck it, let’s get started…

It’s been a very busy week. But everything is coming together.

Hang on for next week and keep thinking freedom.

–Bandit

The Bikernet Weekly News is sponsored in part by companies who also dig Freedom including: Cycle Source Magazine, the MRF, Iron Trader News, ChopperTown, BorntoRide.com and the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum.

Click here to read this week’s news only on Bikernet.com

* * * *

Get the gear– get riding— its still sunny in your heart and soul.
Have a look at 5-Ball Racing Shop: https://5-ballgarage.com/

Hey,

I was inspired by Becky Zarling, an MRF Assistant rep and a hardworking member of ABATE of Wisconsin. She pronounced in her newsletter that members of ABATE would attend every motorcycle event in Wisconsin, meet bikers and hand out fliers regarding legislation, MRF efforts and ABATE of Wisconsin activities. I was moved and motivated.

I asked Becky if I could create an important MRF flier about the biggest threat to our lifestyle. Could she add it to her leaflets and make it available to riders all over her state? She said yes, but there were some guidelines she must follow. First the flier had to be motorcycle centric and secondly, and of course, the wording must be approved by the MRF Board.

There you have it. So, I’m here to present my original version and the version edited by the CO2 Coalition. I hope one or the other is approved and we can move forward. Chris Callen, the boss of Cycle Source Magazine volunteered to handle the art layout. We will make these available to anyone who wants them free of charge. Bikernet.com is also sponsoring this
effort.

Keith R. Ball
Bikernet.com

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST THREAT TO MOTORCYCLING AND OUR LIFESTYLE?

CLIMATE DOOMSDAY

Harley CEO Jochen Zeitz tells us that after 120 years of being famous for its big gas-powered models, electrification is the logical next step.
–Jalopnik

SO, WHAT’S THE REAL DEAL, THE TRUE SCIENCE?

CARBON DIOXIDE CO2 IS NOT A POLLUTANT

More carbon dioxide will help everyone including future generations. CO2 is the essential food for land-based plants. The Earth’s biosphere has experienced a relative CO2 famine for millions of years, but the recent increase in CO2 levels with the use of Fossil Fuels has had a measurable, positive effect on plant life.

FUTURE CO2 INCREASES WILL BOOST FARM PRODUCTIVITY, IMPROVE DROUGHT RESISTANCE, BOLSTER FOOD SECURITY AND HELP CREATE A GREENER, LUSHER PLANET.

–CO2 COALITION

YOUR UPSWEPT PIPES HELP CHALLENGING NET ZERO WITH SCIENCE

Net Zero Plans are dangerous and unsupported by science. Six hundred million years of geological evidence shows that CO2 levels are near a recordlow and that atmospheric increases of the gas follow warming periods rather than precede them. This is enough to debunk the notion that CO2 is a dominant driver of global temperatures.

–CO2 Coalition

NET ZERO STANDS FOR ZERO FREEDOMS. WE MUST FIGHT BACK.

WE ARE FIGHTING BACK:

THE MRF: The Motorcycle Riders Foundation is fighting for individual rights to ride internal combustions engines into the future. We want YOU to be able to choose what you ride and when you ride.

We believe in freedom and the ability to ride free
forever.

Join the MRF: www.MRF.org

The IMA: The Independent Motorcycle aftermarket was founded on the principle to protect independent dealers and custom bike builders’ rights to repair and modify motorcycles. The IMA membership is determined to keep us free and vibrant into the future.

We are fortunate to be aligned with the MRF, which fought to protect our culture for over 40 years, has excellent lobbying efforts in D.C and is connected to state organizations all over the country.

JOIN THE IMA: www.MRF.org

THE CO2 COALITION: Providing the facts about CO2 and climate change

CO2 Coalition is the nation’s leading organization providing facts, resources and information about the vital role carbon dioxide plays in our environment.

JOIN THE CO2 COALITION: www.CO2Coalition.org

A FINAL THOUGHT: Did you know every wind turbine contains 80 gallons of oil?

We will never give in or give up on Freedom, the Truth or our Motorcycles

–Keith R. Ball
Bikernet.com

HERE’S THE EDITED TEXT FOR OUR MRF FREEDOM FLIER FROM THE CO2 COALITION—

Climate Alarmism’s Threat to a Cycling Lifestyle

Harley-Davidson CEO Jochen Zeitz tells us in the Jalopnik newsletter that after 120 years of producing big gas-powered cycles, electrification is the logical next step in a so-called age of decarbonization.

REALLY? What’s the real deal? The true science?

FACT: Carbon dioxide (CO2) is a necessity for all life, not a pollutant that threatens our existence.

For millions of years, Earth has been in a relative CO2 famine. However, since the Industrial
Revolution, increasing atmospheric CO2 has had a measurable, positive effect on plant life.

This reversal of CO2’s downward trend may very well prevent the eventual demise of all life from CO2 starvation, according to scientists at the CO2 Coalition.

YOUR UPSWEPT PIPES FERTILIZE THE AIR.

CO2 will continue to boost farm productivity, help feed a growing population and contribute to an overall greening of Earth that began nearly a century ago.

Challenging Net Zero With Science

Net Zero plans to eliminate emissions of CO2 are dangerous and unsupported by science. According to 600 million years of geological evidence, CO2 levels are near a record low and atmospheric increases of the gas follow warming periods rather than precede them. This is enough to debunk the notion that CO2 is a dominant driver of global temperatures.

TRUTH: Net Zero means zero freedoms.

FIGHTING BACK: The Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF) stands for the freedom to choose internal combustion engines far into the future.

YOU should be able to decide what you ride and when you ride. We believe in liberty and the ability to ride free forever.

The Motorcycle Riders Foundation and the Independent Motorcycle Aftermarket are aligned in maximizing the freedom of riders and independent dealers and custom bike builders.

Having fought for more than 40 years to protect the cycling lifestyle, MRF has excellent lobbying efforts in D.C and is connected to state organizations all over the country.

JOIN MRF and IMA.

www.MRF.org

CO2 COALITION, with a membership of 150 scientists and researchers, is the leading organization standing for the truth about CO2’s benefits and for
honest science.

JOIN the CO2 Coalition.

www.CO2Coalition.org

FINAL THOUGHT: Did you know that every wind turbine contains 80 gallons of oil?

We will never give in or give up on Freedom, the Truth or our Motorcycles.

–Keith R. Ball
Bikernet.com
Gordon Tomb
Senior Advisor
CO2 Coalition
610-213-5056

Hey,

I’ll let the news speak for itself. It’s exciting from a number of perspectives. Fuck it, let’s get started…

The Bikernet Weekly News is sponsored in part by companies who also dig Freedom including: Cycle Source Magazine, the MRF, Iron Trader News, ChopperTown, BorntoRide.com and the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum.

OHIO GOVERNOR– Signs SEMA-Supported Vehicle Freedom Bill Into Law

Ohio Governor Mike DeWine has signed a SEMA-supported bill (HB 201) into law that safeguards Ohioans’ right to choose the vehicles that best suit their needs, regardless of fuel type. The new law prohibits any state or local government entity from restricting the use or sale of motor vehicles based on their power source, including internal combustion engines (ICEs).

“This is a monumental win for Ohioans and the freedom to choose,” said Christian Robinson, SEMA’s director of state government affairs and grassroots. “Governor DeWine’s decision to sign HB 201 into law sends a powerful message that Ohio values individual liberty and empowers its citizens to make informed choices about their transportation needs.”

 

I saw the Harley-Davidson X440 at the neighbouring Hero Authorised Dealership where I had purchased my Hero XPulse 200.

The boss said that as an official marketing partner, even Hero dealerships are allowed to take booking and give delivery of these bikes.

I have to say, in person the X440 looks magnificent. It’s like you look at a photo and think the gal is strange and weird and then you meet her and you can’t wait to hop her to hell.

Well, this top variant of the X440 was meant for delivery and they don’t have one for test rides yet.

The only “weird” was maybe the design and shape of the silencer, but who am I to complain after riding with a Classic 350 silencer to comply with police emission demands on my 2004 Enfield Bullet.

X440 looks rock solid, tough and I am sure it will have a good street presence. I will take a trip to the H-D dealership soon and see if I can get a test drive.

Meanwhile, I test drove a Suzuki Jimny, the globally acclaimed 4 wheel drive vehicle. Don’t be proud, it was an automatic gear shift. It costs a little more than five X440 top variant motorcycles. And consumes petrol like a monster. Well, not as bad as a friend’s Jeep of course—- this was a Suzuki after all.

You will like this video comparison between Bajaj Triumph and Hero Harley-Davidson. Since everyone has an Enfield here nowadays, an X440 is definitely a cool pick. Let’s see if they release a second model with this engine —not the Hero Maverick, something with H-D badge.

https://youtu.be/rYdai1z5LT4

The specs and features of X440 (probably the below link won’t work outside Asia)

https://www.harley-davidson.com/in/en/motorcycles/2023/x-440.html

—UDey

THE DISCO CRUISE OF A LIFETIME–NEW Rock & Roll Hall of Fame members The Spinners To Perform During 5-Day Voyage

The Norwegian Pearl will be sparkling with mirror balls, glitter, and a full-lighted dance floor as The Ultimate Disco Cruise & Beyond embarks from Miami, Florida, on February 19, 2025, for its 5-day voyage. Music lovers from the 70’s era of Disco will take a journey back in time as they relive some of the most fun-loving songs that everyone sings along to.

Filled with non-stop music entertainment that includes award-winning hitmakers KOOL & THE GANG, the latest members of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame THE SPINNERS, SHALAMAR featuring HOWARD HEWETT, CAROLYN GRIFFEY, and JEFFREY DANIEL, TAVARES, ROSE ROYCE, THE BROTHERS JOHNSON, LISA LISA, THE LEGENDARY BLUE NOTES, THE TRAMMPS featuring EARL YOUNG, ORIGINAL STONE CITY BAND, GEORGE McCRAE, DOUBLE EXPOSURE, BEE GEES GOLD, and BOOGIE WONDER BAND among others.

Setting sail in 2025, The Ultimate Disco Cruise & Beyond will make stops in Cozumel, Mexico, and Costa Maya, Mexico, before heading back to Miami, Florida. In between stops, music enthusiasts will celebrate the greatest dance, soul, funk, and party music ever. Cabins available include Inside, Oceanview, and Club Balcony Suites, with prices per person ranging from $1,799 to $3,599. Monthly payment plans are available through StarVista Live.

To book your cabin, visit ultimatediscocruise.com.

BRAND New Bikernet Reader Comment!–

Bikernet 100 Word Fiction Contest 2024

https://www.bikernet.com/pages/Bikernet_100_Word_Fiction_Contest_2024.aspx

Real short.

Newbie

Bought bike…. crashed ….. sold it.

The End

–Rhys
FL

From the Risk Monger

Just imagine if, in the coming months, the following studies would be published in peer-reviewed journals:

That battery technologies used in electric vehicles (EVs) have a much higher likelihood to spontaneously combust (and it is highly recommended that EVs be banned from underground or covered parking lots and container ships).

EV lithium batteries emit more elevated electro-magnetic fields (EMFs) that, at exposure levels exceeding 15 minutes, can lead to miscarriages or damage to human DNA which could trigger responses increasing the risk of certain cancers.

Studies in tire dust from automobile use show how they are the main cause of microplastics released into the sea (78% of all microplastics). As EVs are heavier, they emit much more tire dust.

A comparative Life Cycle Assessment showed, from cradle to cradle, that EVs are less sustainable and emit more CO2 than diesel cars.

An impact assessment revealed that present EV batteries cannot be sustainably recycled without a waste management energy and water demand far higher than that needed for recycling entire diesel vehicles.

Would regulators in developed countries, in reading these studies, be able to stop the political juggernaut pushing to replace fossil-fuel based internal combustion engines (ICEs) with EVs? Would regulators be able to introduce limits on where EVs could be parked or publish advice on which vulnerable people should avoid using them? Would they even be able to slow the conversion to an all-EV mobility market within the next decade?

Come on now, let’s be serious. Regulators are helpless in the face the righteous perception of electric vehicles. As it is a moral imperative to replace fossil fuels and the internal combustion power train technologies, these studies would be ignored. Facts have little power when regulators see themselves acting along the path of exuberant righteousness.

David Zaruk
–WUWT

P.S. Tesla Owners Stranded as Arctic Cold Zaps Batteries — Tesla owners in the Midwest are not only being stranded by snow, but an Arctic air blast that is zapping their car batteries faster and creating longer charging times.
www.newsmax.com

Those were Goodyears…

Mr. Wayfarer
Officially Certified Librarian
Bandit’s Cantina

My friend’s father owns a warehouse In Boyle Heights that’s in the middle of being re-leased and currently vacant. He told me I had a month to pull something off before… We reached out to Carrie from Choppers Mag and started the uphill battle of planning everything.

Carrie backed me 100 percent of the way and we pooled our resources to make the H3LLRAISER BIKE SHOW as cool and fun as possible within our budget (pretty much 5k) and limited time–three weeks.

We invited 20 builders, 20 artist, 20 photographers, 4 bands and 17 venders. It was all love and friends who helped pull it together and everyone had a good time. No drama. No bullshit.

We were expecting 300 people, maybe 500 max. I think about 1000 came and went through out the galvanized tin doors. The Chopper Gods were on our side that day and everyone came to pay homage to the Great Keith “Bandit” Ball and Five Ball Racing leathers.

From the overall consensus, we put on the coolest show in Los Angeles this year and people are already asking about the next one to come. The melting pot of Southern California sub culture was all in one spot and the energy was undeniable. If you didn’t know about the Ball brigade before Sunday, you sure do now.

–Frank Ball Jr.
CEO 5-Ball Leathers

RARE SHOT OF THE MANN HIMSELF—

Dave and Mary Mann on his 1948 Harley Panhead, known as “Hangman”. Photo taken at a gas station near Mann’s home in Sugar Creek, MO back in 1965.

–from Sam Burns
Photo Editor
Bikernet.com™

STURGIS MOTORCYCLE MUSEUM ANNOUNCEMENTS—This is going to be a massive year for the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum.

There’s a new Executive Director on board and the Board of directors has been expanded with more motorcycle industry veterans and leaders have stepped up.

The museum is looking to iconic expansion. Hell, I leaned on the bank manager next door to sell. The museum will become the center-piece for and about motorcycling in the city of Sturgis. It will become the beacon of two-wheels for bikers all over the world.

And the collections housed within the museum will be second to none. I’m in discussions with Joe Teresi about bringing the Easyriders Streamliner to the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum, which could become the first skyscraper in the Black Hills.

Hang On: Sturgis Motorcycle Museum proudly announced Heidi Haro as its new Executive Director. With a background in strategic leadership, Heidi brings expertise in accelerating growth, structuring operations, forging partnerships, and building high-performance teams. She’s been the boss of over 500 employees. She knows how to make progress.

Kirk Willard, the 20-year president of the Motorcycle Rides Foundation is now a board member with serious legislative and leadership capabilities and a vast network of riders and freedom fighters all over the world.

Ari Levenbaum, the co-owner and Chief Executive Office of Law Tigers attorney agency stepped up.

Steve Piehl, the boss of Authentic CX, LLC
Communications, and longtime Harley executive, will come onboard most likely next month. He’s going to help with marketing and communications, plus he’s a great guy and longtime enthusiast.

And finally, I was allowed on the board to oversee the janitorial duties and chrome the trash cans. Weekly I need to report on the inventory of toilet paper. They’re afraid I’m taking the shit home.

This year will be an amazing turning point in the Sturgis Museum’s history. Hang on for weekly reports.

–Bandit

HERO MotoCorp announces— ‘Mavrick’ as its upcoming streetfighter, positioned against Harley-Davidson X440

The forthcoming Hero Mavrick will share identical foundational elements, such as the trellis frame and the 440 cc oil-cooled, single-cylinder engine. However, it will undergo several modifications to distinguish itself more clearly from its American counterpart.

While Harley-Davidson X440 is categorized as a roadster, the forthcoming Mavrick will be positioned as a streetfighter.

https://www.livemint.com/auto-news/hero-motocorp-announces-maverick-as-its-upcoming-streetfighter-positioned-against-harley-davidson-x440-11704890523763.html

-Wayfarer
International Editor
Bikernet.com™

I do read SEMA news string. This may be of interest to you. I know a guy who is has been deeply involved in SEMA for many years that feels the leadership needs a change of direction with their push on the RPM Act https://www.sema.org/epa-news

The RPM act is essential, yet the # of people it will effect is too small. Many fans and even some people who work in the business don’t even know details about it. My friend believes what SEMA should be behind and working towards preserving all engines with pistons.

https://www.thebaltimorebanner.com/community/transportation/wes-moore-ben-cardin-chris-van-hollen-electric-vehicles-VS3BWH4PZZFKTEE3X7SNRWW2I4/

https://www.churchmilitant.com/video/episode/vort-new-data-blows-up-climate-change-narrative

Strange times we live in. Keep the faith

–Dan

I’ll share the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J87hHHbLBG4

We wish you all a Happy New Year! Let’s start by reflecting on the year that has passed before turning the throttle and race into 2024.

SBS celebrates a year with more than 20 championships where SBS was Technical Partner on the brakes. The championships range from both international Moto2, Moto3, and World Supersport, to national championships, supported by SBS dealerships worldwide.

SBS is ready to be your racing brake in 2024.

MEME OF THE WEEK—This comes directly from our growing non-profit, Bikers for Truth.

–Bandit

501C3 in process

THE MONGOLIAN RUN— Last of the nomads
­
Imagine you’re tending to your garden when you hear the distinct thrum of motorcycles. You look up from your work, trying to pinpoint the source of this unusual sound.

From the horizon emerges a band of brothers, bikers from the other side of the world. These adventurers approach your home, as curious about you as you are about them. Where did they come from? Where are they going? You find yourself drawn to their friendly demeanor and beautiful vintage motorcycles.

Would you open your door to them? Offer them an evening under the stars around a barbecue? A night of tranquility alongside your family?

MONGOLIA
Grow, share, enrich

This wondrous convergence of worlds can be your reality when you befriend the nomadic herders along your trip through the steppes of Mongolia.

These hearty folks preserve the indomitable spirit of their forefathers, following the seasonal migrations of their herds in search of greener pastures as their ancestors have done for centuries immemorial.

Exhilarated from the day’s ride, you climb off your Himalayan to find an open door and these intriguing strangers immediately become your friends. This beautiful moment embodies the legendary hospitality of Mongolia.

READY TO MAKE YOUR DREAM A REALITY?
Say yes to a new kind of adventure
­
Discover our trips to Mongolia
Mongolia Calendar 2024
• Fom 19 to 28 June
• From 16 to 25 July
• From 13 to 26 August

VINTAGE RIDES
53 Rue Président Krüger
69008 Lyon

teamvr@vintagerides.com
+44 20 7031 60 50

CHIX AT THE CROSSROADS– Announces Overnight Stops

Registration Still Open: Act Fast!

January 17, 2024— For our next vintage motorcycle journey through Americana, the Riveter Chapter of the Antique Motorcycle Club of America announces the overnight stops for the 2024 Chix at the Crossroads event.

Chix at the Crossroads, which blends the riders’ passion for motorcycles with a passion for music, begins in Maggie Valley, North Carolina, at the Wheels Through Time Museum, stopping overnight at the following cities:

• June 15-16: Maggie Valley, North Carolina (Dale’s Wheels Through Time Museum)
• June 17: Chattanooga, Tennessee
• June 18-19: Nashville, Tennessee
• June 20: Muscle Shoals, Alabama
• June 21: Tupelo, Mississippi
• June 22: Meridian, Mississippi
• June 23: Natchez, Mississippi
• June 24-26: Clarksdale, Mississippi
• June 27-29: Memphis, Tennessee

Throughout the 1,200-mile route, riders will be steeped in the history of American music, deepening our appreciation for the pioneering spirit of the early self-expressionists that span many musical genres. Once we depart from Maggie Valley, the group will spend two weeks on the road to experience various aspects of our American music heritage.

We have arranged to spend several nights in key cities to further delve into the music offered in each locale, visiting museums, performance venues, and other points of interest. Riders will also be provided with suggested routes for day rides in some of these cities.

Applications are still being accepted for Chix at the Crossroads, but space is limited, so please apply today at www.riveterchapter.com/chixcrossroads. You must be a current member of both the Antique Motorcycle Club of America (AMCA) and the Riveter Chapter. To join the AMCA and the Riveter Chapter, go to www.riveterchapter.com/membership. And we invite you to browse through the entire website which features a wealth of information about the event.

If you still need further information, contact Riveter Chapter President Karan Andrea at atomic@riveterchapter.com.

The Riveter Chapter is the first woman-focused chapter of the AMCA, with the mission of giving women motorcyclists an increased awareness of their own history, and an enhanced vision of their future in motorcycling.

www.riveterchapter.com/chixcrossroads

@ChixVintageRiders

–Marjorie Kleiman

DOOMSDAY BOOK OF THE WEEK–

This expensive First Edition Hardcover book — a New Yorker magazine publication was being sold at a discount of 85%. That means I paid less than one-fifth of the retail price. I wonder why? And it is also remainder marked so not many buyers since year of publication 2020.

It is a book titled “Fragile Earth–writing from The New Yorker on Climate Change”

What a waste of a rainforest! Total 541 pages of printed matter, not counting end sheets.

Attached the subjects covered–table of contents. I will see what is very skeptical and maybe we can work on some more memes countering such journalism.

–Wayfarer
Associate Editor
Bikers for Truth

DAWN OF A NEW ERA– INTERMOT to be held annually from 2024

As well as switching to an annual cycle, INTERMOT is also moving to a new date: for the first time, Cologne will host Germany’s most thrilling motorcycle fair in winter, from 5 to 8 December. Perfectly timed for getting a new season of biking off to a great start in the following spring – after all, many purchasing decisions are made towards the end of the year.

With all the new models on display at INTERMOT, it’s a chance not only to see them, but also to actually touch and experience them in person. At INTERMOT, the teams of motorbike and scooter manufacturers and importers will be on hand to offer advice and help everyone find their dream bike and, of course, the right accessories for both rider and vehicle!

With all this in store, Koelnmesse – INTERMOT’s organizer – and the event’s conceptual sponsor, the German Motorcycle Industry Association (IVM e.V.), aim to offer trade visitors and end consumers all the information they need as well as a completely new way to enjoy the run-up to Christmas and the shopping that goes with it. Of course, there will also be an event programgeared to the season.

Even before registration officially opens, the four-day event’s new concept has already won over major market players, such as BMW Motorrad Germany, Kawasaki Motors Europe N.V. and Yamaha Motor Europe N.V., who have already announced that they’ll be participating.

Further information: https://www.intermot-cologne.com/trade-fair/intermot-2024/industry-trade-fairs/

The next events:

• polisMOBILITY – Moving Cities, Cologne 22.05. – 24.05.2024
• THE TIRE COLOGNE – The international trade fair for the tire industry, Cologne 04.06. – 06.06.2024
• INTERMOT Cologne – International Motorcycle and Scooter Fair, Cologne 05.12. – 08.12.2024

[page break]

As we rev up for the exciting year ahead, we’d like to get you up to speed on some of the latest developments here at Damon. More than ever before, this journey is fueled by your support, and we’re grateful for your passion and patience as we gear up for a big growth year ahead of us.

A MESSAGE FROM OUR CEO, JAY GIRAUD:

Looking back on 2023, it was no doubt a difficult year for tech companies. Despite numerous challenges exacerbated by capital constraints for so many innovative companies, we are tremendously thankful to be one of the lucky ones that persevered.

But we don’t look back when we ride motorbikes, do we? We look forward – there is no need to look back in life, or on the road. The future waits for us out on the road ahead, so we forge toward it.

As you may already know, we recently announced plans to reverse-merge into a NASDAQ-listed company, known as an RTO, or Reverse-Take Over. Should the merger be successful, we would subsequently be trading on the NASDAQ under the ticker DMN, with Damon Motors Inc. resulting as the publicly traded company.

As you can imagine, this is a tremendously exciting time for us. We are excited about what 2024 has in store; particularly, improving our capitalization to meet the needs of our path to start production in the coming months. And having your continued support proves what we’ve known since the start of this journey: the motorcycle world is ready for the evolution of the species.

HYPERSPORT VS. 1000CC SUPERBIKE

We are thrilled to announce a strategic partnership with E-One Moli Energy Corp. (Molicel), bringing their high-capacity, high-power battery cell technology to Damon motorcycles. This partnership with Molicel will help Damon deliver more range, higher power and shorter charge times than our competition. In fact, during a recent test event at Thunderhill Raceway in California, Damon’s new Molicel-equipped Hypersport motorcycle went head-to-head against a state-of-the-art 2023 model 1000cc superbike.

The results?

– The Damon HyperSport successfully accelerated at a comparable rate to the 1000cc superbike.

– Its power delivery was considerably smoother than that of the 1000cc superbike.

– Enhanced handling and performance resulted in later braking into the corners, faster turn ins and earlier acceleration in corner exits.

– The HyperSport delivered remarkably high continuous power output, comparable to the 1000cc superbike.

This was all achieved without traction control, ABS, launch control or wheelie control enabled on the HyperSport yet – even though the 1000cc superbike had those rider aids turned on.

Molicel’s innovative and superior battery technology will further position Damon at the leading edge of EV tech.

DIRECT FROM THE MOTORCYCLE RIDERS FOUNDATION–

15th Annual Michael “BOZ” Kerr

Bikers Inside the Beltway

 May 20 & 21, 2024

The 15th Annual Michael “Boz” Kerr Bikers Inside the Beltway is the ONLY National Motorcycle Lobby Day held in our nation’s capital. Motorcyclists from around the country ride to Washington D.C., to help educate Members of Congress regarding the issues facing motorcyclists today. This event will be held Monday, May 20th and Tuesday, May 21st, 2024.

All online registration and attendance confirmation need to be completed by May 15, 2024.

MAKE YOUR CONGRESSONAL APPOINTMENTS NOW!

ALL ROOMS NEED TO BE BOOKED BY APRIL 22, 2024.

ROOMS ARE LIMITED

SCHEDULE

Monday, May 20th
MRF Board Meeting @ Embassy Suites – start 8am
Lobbying Prep. Session @ Embassy Suites 6-8 pm

Tuesday, May 21st
Lobby Day @ Congressional Offices (KSU: TBD)
Post Debrief Session @ Embassy Suites 6-8pm

HOTEL

EMBASSY SUITES
1900 Diagonal Rd
Alexandria, VA 22314
703-684-5900

Reservation Code: MRF
$260 Base Rate
Rooms Are Limited!

NEW FROM THE NASH MOTORCYCLE FACTORY–Nash Chain Tensioner
Universal Fit

Regular price$80.00

If you have been a fan of Nash then you have seen the chain tensioners on a few of our bikes. We have been using this design for years. So now by popular demand to help customize your ride. Made from 1.4? mild steel, stainless hardware, original vintage NASH skate wheels/bearings and bearing spacers. These are weld on application only. They have a 2? adjustment, you can mount them anywhere, either used for the rear chain or belt, or used for the primary chain or belt.

Yesterday I was outside doing some yard work and noticed a strange looking Hispanic man meandering up the little Arkansas suburban road I live on. He was walking slow, staring too long at each house, eyeballing vehicles like they were some of his business.

He white eyed me on my porch and quickened his step when he saw my little red car that is emblazoned with Trump support and gave me the stink eye as he slowly passed by my home… I wondered if he was an illegal. A few years ago, this woulda been female hysteria… but these days, America is saturated with them, far, far north of the Southern Border. It was not some outlandish tinfoil hat idea… its America’s new reality.

The bussing from Texas is understandable. The border states simply cannot absorb the massive influx of humans.. but unfortunately, it gives a shit ton of criminals a free pass to infiltrate our country, all the way up to New York City… and every single body that crosses that border without proper channels is most assuredly an intruding criminal.

In a time when we can barely feed ourselves under the inflation of a Democrat administration, we are now expected to deplete our meager resources for the old, poor and sick American citizens, to babysit thousands upon thousands of young strong men, who obviously have no qualms about breaking the law by breaking and entering a whole damned country.

I cannot fathom the mindset of these people. What incentivizes someone to just walk off into a foreign country with nothing but an Adidas sweatshirt and a little backpack. They just stand around on street corners waiting for someone to feed them and house them and take care of them? What kind of milk and honey promises are they hearing from the Biden administration, to make them want to choose indigence?

Regardless of what kind of pipedream they have been fed, it takes a certain kind of human to choose to step off into a free fall of welfare, and it’s not the kind of people we need to be flooding our country. We are not Disneyland. We are not the Emerald City where you click your heels for a miracle. There are no fairy tale Utopian scenarios to be had here. You want to yearn, you got to earn.

The Statue of Liberty asks for poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free.. not rude lazy asses, yearning to eat for free. There should be an elemental expectancy of earning your keep in every human being. This is actually a large factor in the capitalistic equation of the American dream… A dream that is currently being trampled into a welfare nightmare by thousands upon thousands of expensive new tennis shoes, that bear evidence and witness to crime. dirty with the freshly trampled mud of the Rio Grande. America is now drowning in the wretched refuse from that muddy shore. We are not a Motel 6… It’s past time to blow out the lamp, and lock the golden door.

– AIW

THE LATEST FROM BDL–SOFTAIL CHAIN DRIVE PRIMARY FEATURES COMPETITOR CLUTCH

Designed specifically for use on 1990-2006 Softail models, BDL’s CDCS-1-90 chain drive primary kit features their renowned “Competitor Clutch” for instantaneous and absolute transfer of power to the rear wheel.

A patented 7-plate Kevlar clutch provides at least 60% more clutch surface than stock and the 9-spring pressure plate provides varying spring pressure needed for use with both stock and highly modified strokers.

This unique plate allows you to simply add or subtract springs to achieve the tension that is appropriate for your bike and riding style.

Chain drive kit for Big Twin electric start (includes front sprocket, rear basket with “Competitor Clutch,” Diamond primary chain & adjuster assembly). For additional details, current pricing and ordering information visit your local BDL dealer or contact BDL by calling 714-693-1313 or visit their all-inclusive site at www.beltdrives.com

DESCRIPTION BDL PART NO.
A. Diamond primary chain CDPC-100
B. Compensator sprocket CS-25A
C. Compensator nut CSN-100
D. Clutch springs CDCS-100
E. Shoulder bolts (for chain drive only) CDSB-100
F. Hardware kit for chain drive CDHK-100
G. Pressure plate CDPP-100
H. Adjusting screw CDAS-100
I. Main shaft hub nut CDHN-100
J. Chain drive clutch kit CDDCP-100
K. 9 tooth starter pinion gear PG-300

100-WORD FICTION ENTRY–She’s Gone.

I left Hill City on highway 385 north to Deadwood. I had to see it for myself. The temperature was in the low 30s, a little cold for a ride, but it wasn’t respectful to go in a car.

Dark smoke belched from the black mass of rubble, as a small breeze drifted the haze into the pines. A police officer directed traffic while firetrucks and volunteer firemen hosed the area.

Thirty straight rally years did I enjoy many a beer, burgers and conversations at this place. Now she’s gone.

The Sugar Shack can make it back, we pray…

–Jeffrey
aka JJ Spain
www.mikesalasnovels.com

THE FIGHT FOR DOMINANCE IN THE INDIAN MARKET-–

Harley-Davidson, Triumph, Honda, Kawasaki, all are trying to go small to beat Royal Enfield. Meanwhile the Enfield company which had two top selling models with just 350cc engines–the Classic 350 and Bullet 350– they are upsizing to now have four 650cc models.

And the unique thing– their sales are so high, their 6 day work week factory is unable to keep up. Now with the fourth 650cc model, the Shotgun coming out soon–the employees probably can’t get a weekend getaway on their runaway success motorcycles.

Meanwhile, Harley-Davidson pushing ADV again even as it reminisces good ‘ol days with an Icon.

Harley-Davidson CVO Pan America is Confirmed
The Adventure motorcycle gets a Custom Vehicle Operation treatment.

Harley-Davidson Hydra-Glide Revival arriving as a 2024 Icon Model
The first Harley with a hydraulic fork debuted 75 years ago

Harley-Davidson Icon model will be a Hydra-Glide Revival. Icon range pays tribute to different models from Harley-Davidson’s past. Hydra-Glide, first introduced in 1949, will be the oldest model to receive this honor with a modern version.

Firing all barrels with Royal Enfield Shotgun 650

Mark Wells, RE’s Global Head of Product Strategy & Industrial Design says it was envisioned as a blank canvas for custom bike makers. At fairly low 9.5:1 compression ratio it denotes a low state of tune, most likely to ensure it runs well even on poor-quality fuel in delivering a claimed 51.6 mpg.

Even with production at the company’s Oragadam factory outside Chennai running flat out for six days a week, there are waiting lists everywhere for the 650cc models such as Super Meteor, Continental GT and Interceptor — as production struggles to keep up with demand. Yet Royal Enfield’s parent company Eicher Motors (albeit RE accounts for 92% of its overall turnover) just reported a huge 54.70% increase in net profit last November for the second quarter of its business year, with turnover up 17% on the back of a 13% increase in Royal Enfield sales.

The 650cc models have catapulted the Indian manufacturer into a leading role in the global middleweight motorcycle market.

This desirable problem of meeting motorcycle sales demand is expected to worsen with launch of 2024’s new model Shotgun 650.

Rigorous testing regime conducted simultaneously in India, Europe, the USA and the UK are unique to Royal Enfield.

“We looked at what people were doing with our bikes post-purchase, and saw they were increasingly eager to customize and personalize them,” he says. “So we decided to create the Shotgun as the starting point for them to do that, and we’ve taken inspiration from the Custom world to create a platform that people can take forward and develop on their own.” Mark Wells, RE’s Global Head of Product Strategy & Industrial Design.

The 650cc engines are firing all barrels, paving a blaze for glory. CEO Siddhartha Lal says he expected at the outset the 650 models would have greatest appeal to export customers. Instead, Lal and his colleagues have been pleasantly surprised, with demand in the company’s Indian home market for its twin-cylinder models far exceeding their expectations.

https://blog.bikernet.com/firing-all-barrels-with-royal-enfield-shotgun-650/

–Wayfarer
International Editor
Bikernet New Bureau

TWISTED ROAD HEADS TO DAYTONA— For many, Daytona Bike Week signifies the start of riding season; the 10-day event is considered a spring ritual for many motorcyclists.

Riders from all over the world flock to events like Daytona Bike Week, Daytona Biketober Fest, and Sturgis yearly to escape the cold weather and meet up with fellow enthusiasts.

If you’ve never attended Bike Week, it’s a vibrant scene, bursting with vendors, races at Daytona Speedway, beach rides, and lively contests. This year, Daytona Week takes place from March 1-10, with a half-million riders expected to attend.

There are many ways to attend the event; some ride in and others trailer. One convenient way to attend the event is with a motorcycle rental in Daytona Beach from others in the community so you can enjoy the event more without any traveling hassle.

To put this in perspective, last year, we had one of our busiest weeks of motorcycle sharing at Daytona Bike Week, with over 150 bikes rented—100% more than in 2022. Remember, bikes are in high demand during this time.

To ensure you’re part of this epic adventure, book your rental with Twisted Road early. You’ll have access to some of the best motorcycle brands so you can explore scenic routes, from the Street Festival Ride to the iconic U.S. Hwy 1 and the serene National Seashore Ride.

Dive into Daytona’s festive spirit, immerse yourself in its rich history, and make your Bike Week experience unforgettable with Twisted Road. Ride responsibly and make every mile count!

Following is some info about this year’s event, including amazing routes to explore nearby and other amenities to enjoy at the event.

www.twistedroad.com

MRF ROADSHOW STOPS–ABATE of Michigan

The MRF Roadshow is already in full swing as MRF Vice President Jay Jackson was present along with Michigan Representative Tim Walberg for ABATE of Michigan’s Officer Training.

Representative Walberg is Co-Chair of the House Motorcycle Caucus in Washington D.C., as well as the initial Sponsor of the Motorcyclist Anti-Profiling Resolution passed by the House of Representatives at the end of 2022.

Jay Jackson, a recognized expert on rider training, is also the MRF Director of Motorcycle Safety and a top candidate for a seat on the next Motorcycle Advisory Council (MAC). The MAC provides information, advice, and recommendations to the Secretary of Transportation and to the administrators of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the Federal Highway Administration on transportation issues of concern to motorcyclists.

KRIEGA MEETS HELMET HOUSE–

Kriega, the award-winning, premium motorcycle luggage brand, has entered a strategic distribution partnership with US distributor Helmet House.

Kriega is thrilled to announce its partnership with Helmet House. The collaboration marks a significant milestone in expanding Kriega distribution in the US market, commencing on January 15th, 2024.

Kriega, world famous for their market-leading motorcycle luggage, backpacks, hydration packs, and waist packs has partnered with Helmet House as its exclusive US distributor. The deal will enhance Kriega’s presence in the motorcycle market and maintain its focus on providing an exceptional consumer experience. Helmet House will distribute the full range of Kriega products, covering sports/touring, modern/retro/classic and adventure/off-road bikes.

As Helmet House expands its portfolio of brands, this partnership exemplifies its dedication to meeting the diverse needs of its valued dealers and customers. The addition of Kriega reinforces Helmet House’s position as a leading distributor of premium helmets and riding gear.

The partnership means Kriega products will now be available at dealerships across the United States, allowing motorcyclists to assess the superlative quality before purchase.

2024 HARLEY-DAVIDSON HOMECOMING FESTIVAL–TO FEATURE HEADLINING ACTS RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, JELLY ROLL AND HARDY:July 25-28 Event Will Celebrate H-D Icon Willie G. Davidson

Harley-Davidson fans, get ready to rock and ride in Milwaukee this summer. The annual Harley-Davidson Homecoming Festival will be headlined by musical acts Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jelly Roll and HARDY, each performing with other top acts at Veterans Park on the Milwaukee lakefront. Advanced ticket sales for the July 25-28 celebration of music, moto-culture, and the H-D hometown of Milwaukee start on January 18 at HDHomecoming.com/tickets.

Experience Veterans Park with 2-Day and 1-Day General Admission (GA), new for 2024 GA+, or VIP ticket options offering new and enhanced experiences to enjoy the biggest names in music, entertainment, local food, beverages, and more for enthusiasts of all ages. Advanced ticket sales for the July 25-28 celebration of music, moto-culture, and the H-D hometown of Milwaukee start on January 18 at HDHomecoming.com. Sign up for SMS alerts and first opportunities to purchase tickets at the lowest possible prices before they sell out. A public on-sale will follow if tickets remain.

Music and Much More

Harley-Davidson Homecoming™ Festival events will be held at a mixture of free and ticketed venues across the Milwaukee area, including Veterans Park, the Harley-Davidson Museum, the new Davidson Park on Juneau Ave., Harley-Davidson Powertrain Operations in Menomonee Falls , and at local Harley-Davidson dealerships. Admission to Veterans Park for performances and other activities on July 26 and 27 requires a ticket. In addition to headliners Red Hot Chili Peppers (July 27), and Jelly Roll and HARDY (July 26), artists scheduled to appear include: Warren Zeiders, Priscilla Block, Hueston, and Shaylen on Friday, July 26th; and The Offspring, Cypress Hill, Destroy Boys, Otoboke Beaver, and Irontom on Saturday, July 27th. The full performance schedule will be announced at a later date. All events are designed to be family friendly and open to all fans.

Celebrating Willie G.

A special feature of the 2024 Harley-Davidson Homecoming Festival will be a celebration of the contributions of Willie G. Davidson to Harley-Davidson and motorcycling. As the son of former Harley-Davidson president William H. Davidson and the grandson of Harley-Davidson co-founder William A. Davidson, Willie G. Davidson grew up among Harley-Davidson motorcycles and worked for the company for 49 years before retiring as Chief Styling Officer in 2012. He is also a legendary biker and a respected custom motorcycle builder, artist and author who has travelled the world as an ambassador of motorcycling and the Harley-Davidson brand.

More Harley-Davidson Homecoming Festival details will be announced as those plans are finalized. Complete details on ticketing options, venues, entertainment, scheduled events, Harley-Davidson factory tours, and lodging will be available at HDHomecoming.com, where visitors can also sign up for Homecoming updates. Follow the new @hdhomecoming festival social media handle and @harleydavidson for updates.

[page break]

MARIJUANA IS FINALLY FREE FROM FEDERAL GOVERNMENT INTERFERENCE—

Marijuana meets criteria for reclassification as lower-risk drug, FDA scientific review finds.

Marijuana is currently classified as Schedule I, reserved for the most dangerous controlled substances, including heroin and LSD. In 2022, President Joe Biden asked U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra and the attorney general to begin the administrative process of reviewing how marijuana is scheduled under federal law. HHS Assistant Secretary for Health Adm. Rachel Levine wrote a letter to the Drug Enforcement Administration in August in which she supported the reclassification to Schedule III, a list that includes “drugs with a moderate to low potential for physical and psychological dependence” such as ketamine, testosterone and Tylenol with codeine.

The FDA documents, which are posted online, “reflect HHS’ evaluation of the scientific and medical evidence and its scheduling recommendation” to the Department of Justice, HHS said Friday.

–Matt Maielli
KCRA.com

SHOP OWNERS AND BIKE BUILDERS ALERT—

As you know, MRF and the motorcycle aftermarket have teamed up to address issues of importance to both riders and aftermarket business owners. As part of that effort, supportive independent shops are being encouraged to join the Independent Motorcycle Aftermarket (IMA) group. These shops can do so at:

https://mrf.org/join-mrf-imac

In the meantime, MRF is compiling a list of supportive shops to share with our IMA counterparts.

Please send me a list of the independent shops in your state that you feel are supportive of motorcyclists’ rights. Please also include contact information for those shops.

Thanks, and here’s looking forward to a great year in 2024!

–Mark

FROM THE MASTER OF LIGHT— Happy 2024 to all! We hope the new year has started out well for everyone.

Our first show of the year will be the Colorado Motorcycle Expo in Denver later this month. After that, we’ll head to Daytona for Bike Week in March.

In the meantime…

From time to time, I send out an email trying to find new homes for client-owned pieces. Today’s offerings include some sold-out and rare pieces that rarely come up for sale. All pieces are already framed, unless otherwise noted.

You can click on the images to go to our website.

Please let me know if any of these are of interest and I’ll forward additional information. Some of these will go quickly!

Also, please reach out if you’re looking for a piece that isn’t listed today.

Thanks for your time and have a great weekend!

“Antiquities” (above)
Sturgis Commemorative
24×24
Listed at $2,850 and Rare, this one is priced at $2,000

–Greg
David Uhl Studios

OFFICIAL TEXAS WEATHER REPORT— “Forged in Foil” Heavy Duty folded 4 times, with a thick washer the diameter of the pipe and then a thin sheet of brass doubled and precision formed to the washer, to block the hole in the washer.

Temporary or long term, depending on multiple factors to be determined upon future analysis of the materials resilience and durability. Don’t stand in front of it, in case it launches the thick washer upon start up?

**Fear not!** I added a second NHRA possibly approved “safety” hose clamp to grip the large, thick washer and pipe, hopefully?

Yes, that’s the factory headpipe where the crossover pipe fits, I had an issue with the front pipe not going all the way into the head.

Last night, I got it figured out but don’t want to put it all back together after my other recent not measuring twice before I cut the fishtails down. So, for a while it’s going to be a 2-1 with a fishtail that ends about the front of the saddlebag. The neighbors should love it!

Currently 33 degrees, waiting till after 9 when it’s supposed to be 39 to head up to MC Creations. Took Monday off for no other reason than it gave me 3-day weekend. It’s all done on a computer. In nine years, I’ve never had a full work-week off and we’re supposed to get hit with the Arctic front Monday

I think it comes from 40 years of being a heavy truck & bus mechanic, more with Greyhound. As you handed off the running bus and had to hope the driver would remember stop and call the shop if you knew you needed a wrecker, pre cell phone. Myself and my friend Ken “Buff” Buffalo(named after the tool brand),had a competition to see if we could limp them back in. Once he got a bus running, but ran over his road box and couldn’t get his tools out of it. He had to bring it back to the shop or he’d have left it!

Only got 25 miles in at 34 degrees this morning, fingertips were feeling it again. But unlike the 31 degree day a few weeks ago, when I took the car seat on the Shovelhead, I used my gator-skin liners today. This poor circulation thing started since the beginning of ‘22 when I rode in felt-like 17 degrees. No problem, except the wind on the return trip back!

Even though we don’t have much winter I like to ride, so it’s time for the plug-in gloves. Plus, the fairing will help as well, if I ever get it mounted? The main mount for the fairing got to north Houston on Thursday, but it will be Thursday before it’s delivered? USPS deserves to go out of business, why does it take a week?

This shot came from the day I took my motorcycle license test. It was pouring down rain. I was the first of three in line. Houston wasn’t as crowded then. Took it on my Suzuki T500 that only had a front brake. So, I’ve been riding in the weather since the start! You faced the side to indicate under 18

–RFR
Official Texas Meteorologist
Bikernet.com™

WILD New Bikernet Reader Comment!–Review: Chopper Hobo by Shovelhead Dave

https://www.bikernet.com/pages/Chopper_Hobo_by_Shovelhead_Dave.aspx

I read this book gawd knows how many times, as its editor and getting it to print. It’s just raw nuts and bolts reading with no frills. It was a fun ride getting all of Dave’s stories together to turn it into some resemblance of a book. It’s original in its own right as we left it as it was with the deliberately misspelled words as it gave it some sense of being there and a feel for the character recounting his personal experiences, too many Bwahahahas?

As for J.J.’s review, no one could have put it better than he did, it must be bad if he enjoyed it Bwahahaha.

As for my nonexistence of editor skills in producing the book….someone had to do it. Dave ain’t no spring chicken no more. Time is of the essence before he croaks one day and all is lost forever, but now in years to come people can enjoy the book the way it was written and feel as if they are there with the bwahahas

–Richard Sheehy
Wimborne, United Kingdom

MORRIS MAGNETOS NOW AVAILABLE FOR EARLY BIKES!—

Harley 45 Degree Magneto for Twins (Single style also available)

Conventional, reliable, rare-earth based magnetos merged with the Bosch ZEV style mount.

These are fixed timing: For additional cost Retardable MRA can be installed.

Cap options Black, Clear, Red

Finish Options Brushed or Polished

DICE MAGAZINE IS IN CALIFORNIA— We our out in California gathering all sorts of essential content for Issue 103 which is out in March. Check the DicE blog for some Behind the scenes action.

AABL’s ETHANOL PLANT GOES LIVE— Rs. 1500 Mn Investment, H1 FY24 Revenue Rs 3,266 Mn

Associated Alcohols & Breweries Ltd (BO:ASAL) (AABL) is a prominent player in the alcohol beverage industry.

In a strategic move, a versatile boiler has been installed alongside the ethanol plant, capable of utilizing various fuels, including coal, husk, and briquettes. This addition enhances operational efficiency.

The ethanol plant aligns seamlessly with AABL’s current portfolio, serving as a supplier of high-quality Extra Neutral Alcohol (ENA) for its Indian Made Foreign Liquor (IMFL) products and other bottlers.

The Ethanol plant has already secured orders from Oil Marketing Companies (“OMCs”) for supply until April 2024, with a billing rate aligned with the revised rate of maize-based ethanol set by OMCs at INR. 71.86.

Managing Director of AABL, expresses enthusiasm about this milestone, emphasizing the company’s commitment to sustainable energy. He extends gratitude to stakeholders and the community for their support as AABL embarks on this exciting journey towards a greener and more sustainable future.

FROM MSN:
https://www.msn.com/en-in/money/markets/aabl-s-ethanol-plant-goes-live-rs-150-cr-investment-h1-fy24-revenue-rs-3-266-mn/ar-AA1mUy4P

–Wayfarer
Editor –Bikernet Blog & Facebook Page

Deal of the Day “Racer” This cool little Board Track Racer seemed easy enough to paint, until I got to the drive chains!

I have 1 20×30 Canvas Giclee’, signed & numbered, for $500.00/ frt. Normally $850.00 eric@ericherrmannstudios.com (480)280-8738

www.EricHerrmannStudios.com

TURN ON YOUR TV, GREASE AND GEARS ACTION–We’re thrilled to announce the release of our latest video, 2023 Bagger Racing League Round 1 – Pitt International Raceway !

We can’t wait for you to see it. You can watch the video now on our website Grease & Gears TV – please feel free to share it. We hope you enjoy watching it as much as we enjoyed creating it. Thank you for your continued support!

MOVIE REVIEW OF THE WEEK—

Hey,
Have you seen the Mel Gibson starrer movie named “Bandit” (2022) ? It’s on Amazon Prime and based on a true story.

A man robs banks in US and has to flee into Canada. Then he realizes that robbing banks in Canada is like taking candy from a baby. He goes on a bank robbing spree–dozens of banks in matter of days. Incredible. Mel Gibson plays the role of a Canadian mobster who agrees to financially support this American fugitive bank robber in an endeavor to rob banks instead of his minions robbing homes for jewelry.

It’s a pretty awesome movie— back in the 80s these things were possible with banks and police. Plus the movie’s got a great name “BANDIT”.

Do watch the trailer, it will catch your fancy.

https://youtu.be/sSjYZXVXiaM?si=9Hcyriyqgf6IUg-9

–Wayfarer
Movie Review Specialists
Bikernet.com™

LIFESTYLE CYCLES DEAL OF THE WEEK–2019 Harley Davidson FLHR Road King Touring 107 CI

https://www.lifestylecycles.com/default.asp?page=xPreOwnedInventoryDetail&id=14288488&p=5&s=Mileage&d=A&fr=xPreOwnedInventory

Stock# 14023C

Only 14,660 miles!

Our consignment bikes are no joke here at Lifestyle Cycles! This 2019 FLHR Road King is definitely a well maintained Harley and all the added features make it that much better!

* Dual Brake Discs
* 107 Cubic Inch Engine
* Rider FLoorboards
* Chrome Engine Guard
* Stage 1 High Output Air Cleaner
* Passenger Mini Floorboards
* Two Seater with Passenger Backrest
* Chrome Saddlebag Guards
* Dual Chrome Exhaust
* Chrome Luggage Rack
* 20-Inch Clear Windshield
* 8-Inch Chrome Handlebars
* Handlebar Phone Holder
* These tires look very good and ready to get back out there!

This bike is only $15,995.00

Plus license, $85.00 documentation fee, and local sales tax. NO HIDDEN FEES like some dealers. And we have no reconditioning or prep fees. This bike has passed Lifestyle Cycles rigorous 92-point safety/mechanical/structural inspection.This motorcycle has not been refurbished and does not come with any warranty expressed or implied!

EXTENDED WARRANTIES are available!

Fill out an online application today. We have EZ FINANCING

Lifestyle Cycles is located at 1510 State College Blvd,Anaheim,CA,92806. Open 7 days a week.

NOT LOCAL? WE HAVE SHIPPING AVAILABLE! Call today (714) 490-0155.

We are California’s pre-owned Harley Mega-Store with over 200 Pre-Owned Harley-Davidsons in stock! To view our current inventory,

Please visit www.LifestyleCycles.com or www.facebook.com/LifestyleCyclesUsedHarleys/

–Buffie
Please contact me at
buffie@lifestylecycles.com

DEADWOOD EXCLUSIVE ARTISTS RETREAT WITH THE MASTER–Paint Like The Pros

Spend May 8-13th in Deadwood inside Scott’s Studio as you’re taught his famous methods so you too, can paint a masterpiece like him!

Enjoy class time, Historic Deadwood’s nightlife, group dinners, and other fun surprises.

The best part?

There’s no experience required to join this intimate class of students as you’re guided by Scott, Alexa, Dan, and Todd Jacobs.

Learn More

Join Us May 8-13th in Deadwood!

TRIAL OF THE CENTURY STARTING THIS WEEK–The free speech trial of the century is here and we will be bringing you the details – every day.

Our first big project of 2024 will expose the liars behind the climate hoax and those who want to take away your freedom of speech.

We’re bringing you a verbatim podcast of the trial that will reveal the lengths environmental alarmists will go to silence their opponents. But we won’t let them do it in secret. Using transcripts, we are going to re-enact the most dramatic parts of the case, every day, and have them in your inbox that night.

The podcast Climate Change: On Trial will reveal how “scientist” Michael Mann is trying to sue and close down our friend, the writer and broadcaster Mark Steyn, just for challenging his shoddy science. The trial is one of the most significant in the twenty-first century. It reveals the truth about the Climate Change cult and asks: “Is there really Free Speech in America?” You can see the trailer here!

Michael Mann is famous for his “hockey stick” graph which predicts catastrophic global warming and has become an iconic symbol for the climate change movement – especially those who want to blame capitalism and America for all that’s wrong.

Mark Steyn denounced Mann’s graph in an opinion piece for National Review, calling it scientific fraud, and accused Penn State University of aiding in the cover-up of his shoddy science. Mann has since pursued him through the courts… for twelve years. The process is its own punishment, and the DC court refuses to throw out this obviously spurious case.

Our verbatim podcast will reveal the truth behind the climate change hoax. The people behind it know they’re pushing fraudulent science to stoke climate alarmism, and one upside of it heading to court is that they’ll be on record defending the indefensible. They’ll be revealed as liars, and we’ll document every word.

But it’s also going to be fun. Anyone who has read Mark Steyn’s writing knows he’s very, very smart and very entertaining. He’s representing himself, and we’ll bring you his wit in all its glory. He also has never lost a court case.

This podcast is coming to you daily, so stay tuned for episodes and updates! For now, watch the trailer here and subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts here.
We won’t let them get away with this sham.

Thank you,
Ann & Phelim

APPEALS COURT AGREES THAT TEXAS READER Law Violates First Amendment-–

In a unanimous verdict, a three-judge panel on the Federal Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit upheld District Court Judge Alan D. Albright’s clear and comprehensive ruling that Texas’s READER Act, a book banning law, is unconstitutional. The ruling and preliminary injunction blocking implementation of the law, which had been stayed pending the appeal, can now go forward, as the Appeals Court denied the state’s motion for stay pending further appeal.

The case is a clear loser for Texas, and the Appeals Court barely breaks a sweat in rejecting all of the state’s fanciful arguments otherwise: “The question presented is narrow: Are Plaintiffs likely to succeed on their claims that READER violates their First Amendment rights? Controlling precedent suggests the answer is yes.”

The law compels unwilling booksellers and publishers to engage in a comprehensive of “rating” of their own books in ways they would ordinarily choose not to do at all. The “ratings are the vendor’s speech,” the court recognizes, and “if plaintiffs do not comply…they are prohibited from selling to school districts.”

The plaintiffs said in a joint statement: “We are grateful for the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals’ decisive action in striking down this unconstitutional law. With this historic decision the court has moved decisively to ensure the constitutionally protected speech of authors, booksellers, publishers, and readers, and prevent the state government from unlawfully compelling speech on the part of private citizens.

The court’s decision also shields Texas businesses from the imposition of impossibly onerous conditions, protects the basic constitutional rights of the plaintiffs, and lets Texas parents make decisions for their own children without government interference or control. This is a good day for bookstores, readers, and free expression.”

ENERGIZED TIMES—What can I say. I’m scrambling.

You’re about to read the 4-speed rebuild tech of a lifetime.

We are working on a story about the significance of boobs. No wonder they are highly cherished, coveted and adorned.

Getting the shop prepped for final assembly of the VL,XA,FL5.

We had a power outage in Deadwood and the redhead said, “Why can’t we just turn on the propane?”

“Do you mean the torpedo out back?” I responded.

We’ve experienced a cold snap recently, down to about 22 degrees below. Now it’s a heat wave with snow and temps at 22 above. What could be better.

Here’s my first shot of seeing what Tim at Flat Earth can do. Nikki called from TNT to tell me everything is coming together. I appreciate the follow-up.

Dan is putting together a Peashooter and has only fuel lines to run on the ’14.

I picked up the Chevy just after the cold snap. It’s never run so well. It’s behind the new garage doors in Deadwood.

It’s been a very busy week. But everything is coming together.

Hang on for next week and keep thinking freedom.

–Bandit

At Atomic Bob Shop and Atomic Bob meets the Flying Piston
by Prince Najar

I got on the horn with Atomic Bob to ask him to donate some art for the upcoming Flying Piston Benefit online auction in Daytona on March 4, 2024. Instead of answering the question, Bob growled about those thieving sonsabitches hacking his Instagram account and were digitally squatting on his property.

He can’t DM, he can’t post directly, and he can’t get it back through Instagram. And the thieves want 250 hostage money!

I said, “250K?”

Click here to read this artistic endeavor only at Bikernet.com

* * * *

This week, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) held a hearing on proposed emission standards from the State of California. The plan submitted by California would end the sale of new cars and light-duty vehicles with internal combustion engines by 2035.

In response to the California CARB plan, the Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF) submitted comments to the EPA. We know this attack on internal combustion engines will eventually include motorcycles and we must respond. The MRF is fighting to preserve the bikes we love, as well as the local shops and dealers that support the internal combustion engine.

It is time to fight back!

Click to read MRF comments submitted to EPA hearing: MRF Comments to EPA

To Join the MRF visit https://mrf.org

* * * *