Updating the Bikernet Experience
Hey, Here’s the deal. We’ve worked and spent an entire year to move all Bikernet Free Content (16,000 articles) onto a fast-acting, mobile-friendly, google accessible, WordPress Platform. ...
Read More June 6, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
RIP’S BAD RIDE REPORT, SORTA–HI ALL , I’M TOLD THIS DIDNT GO THRU THE FIRST TIME I SENT IT. TO ALL OF U WHO VOLENTEERED FOR THE BAD RIDE I WANT TO THANK YOU IN ADVANCE WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU FROM LA#1 THESE EVENTS COULD NOT TAKE PLACE AS IVE ALWAYS SAID LA 1 HAS THE GREATEST PEOPLE FOR THE VOLENTEERS PLEASE ARIVE AT BARTELLS BEFORE 7.30 AM ON SUNDAY I HAVE VOLENTEER T SHIRTS FOR YOU THIS YEAR WE EXPECT THE EVENT TO BE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER HOPE TO SEE YALL THERE WEATHER UR A VOLENTEER OR A PARTICIPANT IN THE EVENT PEACE TO ALL
— ALLAN
DALLAS EASYRIDERS GRADUATES–That’s right, the President of Dallas Easyriders, Stephen Fairless is about to graduate from High School in Dallas. The Chairman of the board, his father Rick is might proud of him, as is his mom Tina.
Hell, the staff of Bikernet is proud of him. Congratulations.
JIMS TAPPETS–We received a complaint about JIMS tappets, but have always had positive reports on JIMS workmanship. Let us know, if you have had a similar problem.”Jims is great until something goes wrong. An axle walked out of a tappet and hit an S&S billet block. Jim does not interference fit the axles and only crimps the axle in 3 places. The ones he makes for Harley are better probably because they demand it. There are numerous patents for retention systems due to these problems by the automakers. He knew or should have known.”
–Kevin
Rough concept illustration by the Nutt himself.
COMMENT FROM NUTTBOY ABOUT HIS RECENT FXR ARTICLE–Like I said, it’s sweeter than tangy cooter, it’s tighter than young cunt, it’s hotter than a $2 hooker, it’s better than sliced bread…… print the fucker…..
— NuttBoy
You can find it on the home page, in the Garage or in the Joker or CCI area.
BIKERNET PRE-LACONIA REPORT–Just days before the kickoff of Laconia’s Motorcycle Week – an event dubbed New Hampshire’s Mardi Gras – six of the largest party venues have been told that the state, worried about signs of a simmering feud between rival biker gangs, probably will reject their requests for special liquor permits tomorrowYesterday, devastated business owners said authorities’ fears are overblown and accused them of a ”politically motivated crusade” to stamp out the 79-year tradition.
”We feel that this whole scenario was staged and orchestrated at the 11th hour in secret meetings to ensure that we will not have enough time to react,” according to a statement from the Motorcycle Week Economic Task Force, a group of bar owners who hired an attorney and held a press conference yesterday. The ban on regulated beer tents, they argued, would only increase public drinking in areas that are not prepared for it.
But New Hampshire authorities point to the deaths of four bikers in New York and Nevada during gatherings this year. Biker supporters, however, say a rally in Myrtle Beach last month – the nation’s fourth-largest – was peaceful.”It does beg the question of what [Motorcycle Week]) is supposed to be,” said Aidan Moore, chief of enforcement at the New Hampshire State Liquor Commission. ”Most of the arrests are alcohol-related … Maybe it’s worth looking at whether this event is too closely correlated with alcohol than its original purpose.”
After the Nevada brawl, New Hampshire authorities began to prepare for possible violence in Laconia, a city of 17,000 that hosts 350,000 motorcycle enthusiasts annually, boasts broad support for the biker culture, and is home to a Hell’s Angels clubhouse.
Soon, the state began to debate how Laconia should prepare for the event, which brought in $250 million in tourist dollars last year. The state’s largest newspaper, the Manchester-based Union Leader, ran a front-page editorial last week calling for cancellation of Motorcycle Week, evoking images of Sept. 11.
John Deachman, the attorney representing the businesses, said he intends to go to court Friday if the commission decides not to grant the special licenses.
Yesterday, some bar owners made a desperate plea to the Hell’s Angels and rival gangs, urging them to tell police that they have no plans to fight one another. But Jay Allen, owner of the Broken Spoke Saloon chain, has already canceled his tent.
”New Hamsphire alone is in hysterics about this,” he said. ”And this is the `Live Free or Die’ state.”
This shot came with the caption that women are dicks, or maybe it’s the ultimate VooDoo Penis.
* VooDoo Penis– A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he’d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said,” Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except—” and he stopped.
“Except what?” the man asked.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis”
“So what’s up with this Voodoo Penis?” he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said “Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!
“The old man replied, ‘But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo Penis, the door.”
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said, “Voodoo Penis, return to box!” The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
“I’ll take it!” said the businessman. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say “Voodoo Penis, my crotch.”
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said “Voodoo Penis, my crotch!” The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, “I haven’t had anything to drink, officer. You see, I’ve got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!”
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, “Yeah, right… Voodoo Penis, my ass.”
The rest is history.
Continued On Page 3
June 6, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
Here’s the Run For Breath Banner for this year. The run takes place the 28th of July our of Charlotte. Contact Charlotte H-D for information–Bandit.
I don’t have the slightest idea of what to say on this balmy afternoon. Everything’s on hold, yet traveling at light speed. The site is raging, bikes are coming together, and women are taking care of business. In the wings are deals on books, bikes being sold and even a couple of bills are being paid. Hell the refrigerator is packed. I don’t have a thing to complain about. Tomorrow’s Friday. Let’s get to the news:
NEW PROJECT ON BIKERNET–This is some of the work we do here at Easyriders of Quincy Illinois.Check out the pics , let us know what you think. Also check out our web siteit’s got more pics. http://www.easyridersquincy.com
–Tom
Bikernet reporter, Rogue, on the job.
THURSDAY NIGHT IS LADIES’ NIGHT AT BIKERNET– Two women go out one Friday night without their husbands. As they head back home, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. The only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.
The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties, used them to clean herself and discarded them.
The second not finding anything either, thought, “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other, ” We have to be on the look-out. It seems that these two were up to no good last night. My wife came home without her panties.”
The other responded, “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that read, “We will never forget you.” — from Rogue
JOKER MACHINE’S NEW RENEGADE TRUCK–If you see this truck skipping along the freeway it’s headed to an event or the drags with the Joker Machine team aboard. We just ordered a bushel of quality parts for Nuttboys shrunken FXR from Joker. I’ve never had one lick of trouble with Joker stuff. American Iron Horse Motorcycles in Houston is using Joker controls on all their high end models.
If you’re in SoCal come to the Grand Opening of the Route 66 Roadhouse and Tavern, 1846 E. Huntington Drive, Duarte, CA 91010 for a bike show on June 22. Joker is sponsoring the show.
Check out more on Joker Machine in the tech articles on Nuttboy’s project.
Watch for V-rod parts from Joker Machine in the near future.
Continued On Page 2
Fendering the 18-INCH OPTION
By Bandit |
|
Installing a 160 tire into a stock frame just might be easier than you thought. A few additional modifications are necessary, but can be performed by you, at home with the right tools. We need to add some additional clearances to make this tire fit, but the final affect is sure worth the time. The massiveness of a 160 tire requires more room under the fender so we have to narrow the fender lip to 1/8-inch and eliminate the internal wire harness brackets. Using a strip of 1/8-inch masking tape, lay it down on the outside edge of the fender.
Next locate and remove the metal tabs inside the fender that are used to hold the wire harness, we’ll re-install one later.
|
|
Use a plastic cable harness and silicone it to the highest inside point of the fender.
This will relocate the harness out of the way for additional clearance. Don’t go too big here; use the smallest size necessary to hold your wires. For re-mounting the fender, we have two simple options. One, you can use a half width nut on the inside of the fender, or two, use a buttonhead allen bolt from the inside out and secure with nuts on the outside of the struts.
Either way will work, the choice of fastening is up to you. Here are the basic hand tools used by the folks at Damon’s Motorcycle Creations to perform the job.
Make sure the wheel spacing is correct for the center of the bike and you’re ready to roll! Source: |
| |
May 30, 2002 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT
Yeap, I’m going to sound like I work for the tourism board, but what thehell, it’s summer and we are in the Caribbean, so here are a few tips onour part of the world.
Some call this the 8th continent, a chain of islands from Cuba to Trinidadwith a super mix of everything in between, french, dutch, british andspanish from island to island. I have been lucky enough to sail all overthe caribbean and there are so many incredible places, I don’t even knowwere to start. My favorites are many, but islands like St Martin andAntigua are top ones, The British Virgin islands are amazing, the water,the scuba and the fun, the US Virgin Islands and British are so close youcan cruise all of them in one day, but it will take weeks to really enjoythe whole area.
St Martin, St Barths and Antigua follow the chain, obviousislands for the “stars” and super models, you can rent a Harley in St.Martin and cruise the half french, half dutch island in style , one awesomeparty that can’t be missed is Antigua Sailing Week in may, can’t bedescribed, but if my assistance record shows how great it is…….been 10straight years, and by no means miss Shirley Heights every Sunday.
Guadeloupe and Martinique are french, also Harley populated, the club medthere are to kill for and those creole chicks wearing nothing at the beachare the cherry on top. St.Lucia has Rodney Bay and the parties at GrossIllet are killer, every friday, every week, every year, plus Le Pitons, twomountains that rise right from the sea and the bay it creates it’s asbeautiful place as you could ever see. St Vincent and the Grenadines, arechock full of coves with water 50 feet deep and so clear you can see theboulders at the bottom, the local “fishermon” bring lobsters right to theboat, just caught, and sell for fair prices, Mustique is the island of therich and famous, every rock star and their mothers have a mansion there,
Bequia is friendly and amazing, and most of the Grenadines you can spendthe whole day on an island by yourself. Grenada and Barbados are at the endof the line, if you like to surf Puerto Rico and Barbados are the places todo so, Grenada is famous for the nutmeg and Barbados for the flying fishand parties.
I’m making this short since there are so many places and so many differentthings to do, Dominican Republic is a great place to have an inexpensivevacation and it’s also Harley friendly. All in all each island hassomething extraordinaire which I could not even start to describe in suchshort space. A few years ago when I had less things to do I used to cruiseall the islands, sometimes for months and always rediscovered my”attraction” to them. Hope you can do the same one day. For now, checkPuerto Rico out and give us a call if you are around we will point you inthe right direction.
By next week our friends from the Desertores should be riding the great UShighways heading for Laconia and Montreal, around a dozen bikers will rideall the way from Orlando FL, and back, I will report of their adventuresupon their return.
Three more lucky owners have received their new choppers form Bourget’s,all ready and waiting for the Summer, so we will have even more guys oncool ass choppers on the road pretty soon…. San Juan is a chopper townBaby ! get used to it.
Seems like there’s a V-rod mania going around, heard of prices up on the30’s. You gotta be nuts to pay that much for the V-Max wannabee……Ohwell different folks for different strokes I guess…… Crack kills….
That’s about it for now, have a date with a chopper that’s gotta be donefor Sturgis, even though the Black Hills are a few months away we aregetting ready now…..it’s a long trip from this tiny Caribbeanisland…..See ya next week.
–Jose
Bikernet Wedding Coverage From the North West
The wedding was interesting … it was between a biker named Astro (in his fifties and first time married) and?my brother’s ex-girlfriend of 12 years, and in attendance was my brothers other ex-wife and kid, and his daughter (my niece) by yet another ex-wife was a bridesmaid. Basically an ex-relative biker wedding whew! The got married in the flower garden by the wishing well in Pt Defiance park.?
— Helen
BIKERNET LETTERS TO THE EDITOR–
Bandit,
As good looking as you are honey, you can say anything and it would bealright. I get the little tiny hairs on my knees standing up just when Ihear your name..
Love you,
H.W.
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance: if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features; and if she is menstruating, she is more prone tobe attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass.
MOTORCYCLE MICHAELS OPEN HOUSE–Saturday, June 15th 12-5 pm. FXR Raffle, raffle for leathers, Accessories and much more. Live Rock ‘n Blues by the Rogues, Miss Motorcycle Michael’s Wet T-shir Contest, cash prizes. He’ll throw his own bike show with Custom and Oiginal Trophies. BBQ lunch, vendow and discounts on all the stuff you need. Motorcycle Michael’s 22624 Normandie Ave. B, Torrance, CA (310) 328-3377.
HORSE COVERS BANDIT’S ARREST– Actually the coverage in an upcoming issue will discuss only the first time Bandit was arrested. Other articles in HORSE will cover more arrests. It’s the future arrests the staff of Bikernet is interested in.
The shot below is of the ’66 Shovel he was riding when arrested for kidnap and wreckless riding. That’s is first wife in the background.
You can read more life and Times of Bandit in the Cantina.
IT’S HAPPY HOUR– Let’s split to factory where the girls is just getting off work. You grab the little one, I’ll take the one with the biggest rack and let’s ride to the Cantina for margaritas, chips and salsa and…. Well, we’ll see how the evening goes. Ride forever–Bandit.
May 30, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
Here’s Rogue, a constant and hard working Bikernet reporter for many years. We wouldn’t have funny shit like the next joke without him. He’s been submitting material to ER for over 30 years and looks it. He’s a good man.
BIKERNET MEDICAL STUDY
A well known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. Ahuge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. Theheart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst intolaughter.
When confronted, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral…..I’m a gynecologist.”
–from ROGUE
OPEN HOUSE IN PHILLY
Anyone in the Philadelphia area on June 23rd we are having our open house @ 162 N. Main St. Souderton PA All welcome! 215-721-4110 for more info Thanx!
That’s all I know–Bandit
An aircraft filled with 101st Airborne Division soldiers en routeto Afghanistan circled the World Trade Center disaster site in lowerManhattan last week to remind the troops of why they weredeployed.
It was the first time since Sept. 11 that the Federal AviationAdministration allowed a commercial plane to fly over the site.
Capt. Richard Osborne, pilot of MD-11 World Airways, radioed 20minutes ahead to coordinate the maneuver and the air traffic controllerswere notably moved by the request.
“They were happy to do it when we told them the 101st AirborneDivision (Air Assault) was on board,” said Osborne. “These people are goingover there and are literally risking their lives in response to theterror that occurred at that place; it was very significant that they getan opportunity to see it”
For the soldiers of Task Force 187 making the trip, it was a reminderof what the mission is all about. “It was definitely a sobering moment,(a reminder) of what we’re doing here,” said Spc. RaymondBallance, Company D, 311th Military Intelligence, ground surveillance. “Itbrought it back to the front of my mind, of why we’re doing this, byseeing those two barren sites.” Ballance is also prepared to make thesacrificeto help eliminate terrorism. “Hopefully I’ll find some bad guys anddetain them so we can bring them to justice,” said Ballance.
Osborne, who was an Army aviator during Vietnam, said he was proud to have the job of flying the “Screaming Eagles” to theirdestination.
“I’m glad we’re able to bring them on this leg and what we’re reallylooking forward to is bringing each and every one of them back home,”said Osborne.
“I was proud when I served in the military and I’m proud of the quality of people who are on board today.”
(Editor’s note: Spc. Eric Bartelt is a member of the 40th PublicAffairs Detachment now serving in Afghanistan.)
BIKERNET BILLBOARD ART–We are kicking around ideas for out Sturgis billboards this year. John Siebenthaler our designer has submitted this notion for the board to approve or disapprove. Whatta ya tink?
EASYRIDER EMPLOYEE CUTBACKS–Joe had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.It would be a hard decision to make, as they were bothequally qualified and both did excellent work.
He finally decided that in the morning whichever oneused the water cooler first would have to go.
Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung over afterpartying all night. She went to the cooler to get somewater to take an aspirin and the executive approachedher and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but,I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Debra replied, “Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache.”
–from CarlR.
Continued On Page 4
May 30, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
CANTINA GIRLS CONTEST–If you have a hot shot of a babe with your bike that you’d like to see in the mix of girls in the Cantina, send her in. If Renegade and Snake decide to add her to the silky soft Cantina Girl line-up you’ll get a free annual membership to Bandit’s Cantina. Just send the wicked, wanton image to Bandit@bikernet.com.
Unfortunately we must require that the girl sign a model release and prove that she’s 18 year of age or older.
We’ll post a feature on this bike when we receive shots and his seat is finished. Helluve nice bike. Here’s some info on it:
“There is only one or two parts that are not hand made or modified on the entire bike. The paint job is my first (including flames and pinstriping) and this is my first bike. I designed a lot of the parts like the top motor mount and the rear fender bracket (which also holds the regulator and oil filter) and I did as much of the fabrication as I could, like the polished aluminum shift rod. A mutual friend of ours, Cliff Cake (Buckshot), split the cases for me and then reassembled the entire motor after it had some powder coating and polishing. Cliff is an awesome guy who did a lot of labor in trade for some parts and the fun of it.
Well the seat is still under construction… We scrambled to just get it together enough to put the bike in my friends’ “vendor booth” for his shop at the 2002 Selma Rendezvous (small show outside Fresno). We are in the middle of wiring it and I just bought a battery today so I can start on the seat pan. I am still wrapping my brain around a cool air cleaner idea, then she is ready to roll. “
–G
HORSE SMOKE OUT BIKE SHOW QUANDRY–Yes, there is a major bike show planned for the Smoke Out this year in July. It’s a wild weekend event hosted by the crew at HORSE. The Bike show will be judged by Billy Lane of Choppers Inc.
The question is, what classes to have? Give Edge, the man behind the Smoke Out, your input:EdgeHorse@aol.com
THE TED SAGA CONTINUES–Well I blew off work yesterday afternoon and went riding. Highway 10 going west out of little rock. It’s great because 5 minutes from downtown and you’re in the hills riding beside lake maumelle. The road is wide and smooth, big rolling curves and lake views from the high spots. There is a roadside rest area about 25 miles from the freeway and it has become our burn spot. I rode out there, burned, and slugged down 2 tall boy buds. I was then feeling the road and I made a loop around Pennacle mountain.
After a couple of hours of just wandering, I rode over to Rodney’s shop. It was funny because old fuck Rodney himself was out in the shop wrenching on a bike himself. I’ve been around these guys for over 8 years and ain’t never seen Rodney do nothing but paint. He’s missing Phillip. Anyway, I left and went to titty bar Mike’s house for a while. Remember, he’s “building a bike”. We all are getting a good laugh at his “effort”. Well he has gathered up a bunch of crap parts and has been bolting shit on it willy nilly. I’m getting scared that he might actually come up with something that he will want to ride with me. I told him what I thought he ought to do next and went home to find skitzo Eric in my shop hanging with the old lady.
She had grilled up a bunch of meat and we ate and drank till way too late. Now I’m suckin and I blew off work yesterday. Big boss man is still mad about me cussing him earlier in the week, so he’s gonna fry when he finds out I’m leaving at 11:00. I won’t see him again till tuesday, so fuck him. I’ll tell him “I’m leaving. You saying I can’t come back?” and he’ll stomp around and take it out on all the goober boys who are scared to walk.
Still no solid plan for the weekend but one things for sure, I am gonna sledge hammer party for the whole 3.5 days.
–Ted-F.U.M/C
HAWAIIAN PROJECT NEARS COMPLETION–The Hawaiian rider responsible for the shiny bikernet stickers is building a new scoot in his garage.
If you would like a sticker drop us a self addressed stamped envelope to Bikernet, P.O.Box 1168, San Pedro, CA 90733 and we’ll drop one in the mail to you free of charge.
And if you need stickers for your event, shop, club or business check out Chris’s web site. He’s good people to work with and Jon Towle is always available for art.
AN OPEN LETTER TO JOHN ASHCROFT, ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES–The following is a letter read by Claire Braz-Valentine, the author, at thisyear’s In Celebration of the Muse, Cabrillo College in California. It isworth knowing that the author is a woman of 60+ years, conservativelydressed and obviously quite talented.
On January 28, 2002, Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that he spent$8,000 of taxpayer’s money for drapes to cover up the exposed breast of TheSpirit of Justice, an 18 ft aluminum statue of a woman that stands in theDepartment of Justice’s Hall of Justice.
John, John, John, you’ve got your priorities all wrong. While men flyairplanes into skyscrapers, dive bomb the pentagon, while they stickexplosives into their shoes, and then book a seat right next to us, whilethey hide knives in their luggage, steal kids on school buses , take littlegirls from their beds at night, drive trucks into our state capitalbuildings, while our president calls dangerous men all over the worldevildoers and devils, while we live in the threat of biological warfare,nuclear destruction, annihilation, you are out buying yardage to saveAmericans from the appalling alarming, abominable aluminum alloy of evil,that terrible ten foot tin tittie. You might not be able to find Bin Laden,but you sure as hell found the hooter in the hall of justice.
It’s not that we aren’t grateful. But while we were begging the women ofAfghanistan to not cover up their faces, you are begging your staff membersto just cover up that nipple, to save the American people from thatmonstrous metal mammary. How can we ever thank you?
So, in your office every morning, in your secret prayer meeting, while anAmerican woman is sexually assaulted every 6 seconds, while anthrax floatsaround the post office and settles in the chest of senior citizens, you’vegot another chest on your mind….
Where the hell did this come from?–Bandit.
Continued On Page 3
May 30, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
The industry lost a brother last Friday. Tony Carlini died after a losing fight with cancer. Originally he owned a shop in Detroit and ultimately migrated to the coast. For most of us, the product we will always remember Tony by is the torgue arm he developed for Evolutions, but few know the design projects he was involved with including the Dodge Prowler. A long time pal of Hulk Hogan, Tony ran with serious creative thinking design freaks. His touch will be missed.
I’m not sure where to take my rambling spirit today. One woman, Sin Wu is so kind to me I don’t know what to do with myself, the other is as vicious and a caged python. Keeps me on my toes. Nuttboy’s bike is still with Dr. John for frame modifications. We’re looking to upgrade our Bikernet welding capabilities, although I managed to build a gargoyle gate with the old Linclon stick welder. It weight 5,000 pounds and took a fork lift to move, but it will work. While I wait for the Pro street frame to be modified, I’m thinking about building a fountain in front of the head quarters with a 1916 Indian engine.
Okay, I’m losing it, I agree, while waiting for a New York agent to sell my soul and my next two books to a deep pocket publisher. Let’s get to the news:
Johnson to Challenge HarleyAt a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers ofJohnson outboard marine engines and other recreational and powersportsequipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcyclesdesigned to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.
Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, “We have studied themarket and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowlymissed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers”. Long added, “We, atJohnson, are convinced our product hits the target dead center and promisesto draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle hasbeenable to accomplish”.
The new line of bikes, marketed under the name ‘Big Johnson Motorcycles’,will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. “Ourresearchshow that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after”.
At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley ownersagreed. “When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson”,said one Harley owner.” But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacementfor having a Big Johnson.”
Triple A FINALLY SUPPORTS MOTORCYCLES–The auto club finally broke down and is offering support to RV users and motorcyclists. I broke down twice over the last six years and called on the Auto Club for support each time. In each event I was told that since I was riding, I was out of luck.
Fortunately the Bros Club came along to fill the gap. I threw away my Auto Club Card recently and we support the Bros Club for insurance and breakdown towing.
Now the AAA has what they call in their ads, “This exciting new benefit includes up to $200 worth of motorcycle towing service per disablement.” I thought you guys should know.
Yes, the master of the martial arts training facility, the IMB in Torrence, California is looking for a late model road king, but he wants a deal.
Let him know if you have a King for sale: Richard Bustillo, rbustillo@attbi.com.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to tradeespecially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of herown beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm anddesirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war – haunted by pastmistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders areunpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and allconquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, butnoone wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq – ruled by a dick
–from Cpl. Barry C.
Goddamnit coporal, whose side are you on?
In Bikernet News last week a guy named Brian was asking about Clyde Rawlings. Clydewas busted up pretty bad in a collision with a van a few months ago. He alsolost the lease on his shop, but was ready to move into new digs when theaccident happened. He’s recuperating from his injuries, and we hope to seehim back in business soon.
Clyde’s sis, Audrey, is still painting, and stillone of the best anywhere. I’ll keep ya posted when I hear anything.
–Buckshot
BIG DADDY CHOPPER FROM BMC– Bandit this is the new BMC Big Daddy chopper…. Jose
BMC Motorcycle Company
63018 Plateau Drive, Suite 2
Bend, OR 97701
Phone: (541) 312-2760
Phone: (541) 749-2208 Sales
Fax: (541) 312-2762
www.bmcchoppers.com
THE TED REPORT–Well bad news. titty bar Mike is going out with purhouse Don on his boat, so he ain’t going anywhere. Phillip was contacted, finally, by the Easyrider guy about the photo shoot of his bike. Ee won editors choice award at the er show in memphis (he is on your website under the arkansas abate show winners). Well his base gasket started leaking on the drag races run three weeks ago and it got oil all over the bike. He won’t ride it this weekend because he hasn’t fixed it and he doesn’t want to get oil on it again. So he ain’t going. Wayne and Mark are going to a small club party in a small town where we all grew up. I could go to that, but I spent my whole life trying to get away from those losers, and the last thing I want to do is go down there to another party. I want to GO SOMEWHERE. I got a fews days off and I want to hit the road. I am gonna go by Rodney’s and try to find some people going to Gulfport and hook up with them.
I’ll let you know.
–Ted-F.U. M/C
9/11 BROTHERHOOD BIKE FEATURE–We’re damn proud to run a bike feature this week on Frank Falco’s rigid. I hope to also see it in the HORSE in the near future.
Frank was building the bike to ride with his brother who was a New York fireman. Read the story. It will give you goosebumps and tremendous respect for Frank.
BIKERNET WEEKLY TECH TIP– While I was in Phoenix for school?Hiro a?Buell guy in my class showed me this easy pull clutch deal made by MRC Clutch. This thing?really works good. I put it in my S2 Buell.
I previously removed the spring plate in the clutch pack and added 2 metal plates and a one addtional friction disk. Along with with that I added a stronger clutch pressure?spring. The lever pressure was a bit stiffer after all the mods. With the MRC easy clutch installed it reduced the lever pressure at least 30% if not more!! Installation?for all Buell models is exactly the same as the stock H-D devices for actuating the clutch.
The MRC easy clutch are distributed by:
Phaedrus Cycle
1992 Antelope Hill Ct.
Henderson, NV. 89012
Phone/Fax: 702-269-7322, Cell: 702-580-8759
— Paul
Continued On Page 2
March 28, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
WHAT DOES YOUR DADDY DO?–It was the first day of school in Houston, and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
Then one little boy said: “My name is Jimmy, and my father is a strip tease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.”
The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approached Jimmy privately and asked if it was really true that his Dad danced nude in a gay bar.
He blushed and said, “No ma’am. Truth is, my dad is an auditor for Arthur Andersen, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”
BIKERNET HEALTH DEPARTMENT STUDIES:– Number of physicians in the United States: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 700. (1999)
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000094
Statistically, doctors are approximately 18,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
“FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor.”
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistic on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.
Coolest Tattoo Of The Week–
Brady
BIKERNET SEXUAL EXPOSE–While Biker Bandit goes on a trip to China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells Bandit to return in two days for the results. Bandit returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.”
#%$&* says Bandit. “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.” The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
Bandit screams #$%&*!, “Absolutely not! You #$%&*. I want a second opinion!” The doctors replies, “Well it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.”
The next day, Bandit seeks his All-Knowing-Trusted Sifu, figuring that he’llknow more about the disease. His Sifu examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”
Bandit says to his Sifu, “Yes my Honorable Master I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!”
The All-Knowing Sifu shakes his head and laughs, “Stupid American doctor! American doctor always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”
“Oh, thank God!” Bandit replies.
“Yes,” says his Sifu, “you no worry! You build me a Road King and wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself.”
BIKERNET FRIENDLY FIRE–Jim Houck, aka Wildman Agent Zebra, established the name of this column to house inarticulate ramblings and hateful e-mails between staff members. It’s killer reading if you have a minute. Here?s an example:
To Sin from Nuttboy: I’m a mess. My back has been thrown out, throbbing with pain,stabbing bolts of agony. Probably due to too much time on the computer (youknow how long it takes to download that porn stuff).
Anyway, I’m miserableand stuck at home. I’m working on the Thursday News, if you need it. Letme knowwhat I can do to help, recognizing that I’m about as useful as that wad ofgum stuck under one of the seats at the local movie theater.
Give me a callif you like the sound of continuous whining.
Have a history teacher explain this–If they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Ford.”
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘Lincoln.’
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker.
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Take This Job And Shove It–
Memo To all Employees
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, weareforced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, olderemployees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting theretention of younger people who represent our future.Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the currentfiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employeeswho are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside thecompany.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records beforeactual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey ofCapabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal withupper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority FollowingTermination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,SCREWEDtwice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled toget:HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP(Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who hasreceived HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on boardthatthe company will continue its policy of training employees through our:Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).
We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive.We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If anyemployee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see yourimmediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all theSHITyou can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Victory Motorcycles Generates Additional
Momentum at Daytona Bike Week 2002–Victory Motorcycles made a winning impression on hundreds of new riders andenhanced the riding experience of current Victory owners withcompany-sponsored activities at Daytona Bike Week 2002 in Daytona Beach,Fla. One highlight was the first-ever Victory Riders Association (VRA)Victory Ride as Victory owners enjoyed a group ride that led to Bethune Parkin Daytona Beach where they enjoyed a free lunch and the chance to make newfriends.
“It was our best Bike Week ever. We had a great turnout for the VictoryRide, lots of interest at the demo rides-which were booked full all week-andwe generated a lot of valuable exposure for the bikes and the Victorybrand,” said Victory General Manager Mark Blackwell.
VRA members met at Seminole Power Sports, the Victory dealer in Longwood,Fla., on the morning of March 6 for the first Victory Ride.It was the fourth annual Victory owners ride at Daytona Bike Week, and wasthe first VRA group ride held since the owners group was launched in late2001.
Dozens of Victory?s powered their way along scenic country roads beforestopping at Bethune Park for a sumptuous lunch and the chance to getacquainted with VRA members from across North America. License plates on VRAmembers’ bikes showed they had trekked to Daytona from as far away asCanada, California, Texas, Arkansas, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Maine, New York,and several other states both near and far.
The riders especially enjoyed the chance to meet Arlen Ness and CoryNess, the father-son team of master custom bike builders that suppliesVictory with custom accessories and consults Victory on future modeldevelopment. The Nesses took time from their newly opened Arlen NessMotorcycles store on Beach Street in Daytona to enjoy lunch with VRAmembers, pose for pictures, and sign autographs.
For more information on Victory Motorcycles, including a dealer locator,visit the Victory Web site at: www.victory-usa.com. A dealer locator serviceis also offered toll-free at 1-800-POLARIS.
Victory Motorcycles is a division of Polaris Industries Inc. Informationabout the complete line of Polaris products is available from authorizedPolaris dealers or from the Polaris home page at www.polarisindustries.com.
“The Old Marine Colonel:–A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown,hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies inattendance,one of whom approached the colonel for conversation.
She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Areyouthis way all the time, or is something bothering you?”
“No,” the colonel said, “just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It lookslikeyou have seen a lot of action.”
The colonel’s short reply was, “Yes, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “Youknow, you should lighten up a little – relax and enjoy yourself.”
The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this thewrongway, but when is the last time you had sex?”
The colonel looked at her and replied, “1955.”
She said, “Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quittakingeverything so seriously – I mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a littleextreme?”
The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,”Oh, Idon’t know.
……….. It’s only 2130 now!”
Continued On Page 4
March 28, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
I will also begin a series of articles on Pat Kennedy?s new shop, his product line and build up of one of his bikes. These articles will also be published in HORSE magazine.
In addition, I just sent my report of violence and mayhem on the ship in Japan. Hopefully the board of directors will see fit to publish these world reports post haste, so that you will be up to date.
Whether the executive committee and racy ad hoc committee agrees or not, I?m about to write another drama for Bandit?s Cantina Soap Opera. I know there?s more, but we better get to the news before I get in trouble and am placed in irons again. Where?s my fuckin? bowl of rice?
PRESS STATEMENT FROM TRIUMPH MOTORCYCLES LIMITED– Triumph Motorcycles says distribution of the Triumph range of motorcycles, parts and accessories and their warranty service will continue following a fire that affected part of one of their U.K. manufacturing facilities.
Karl Wharton, managing director of the Hinckley-based motorcycle manufacturer, says that work on rebuilding a section of their Jacknell Road production facility is due to start to later this week.
“The fire, which was confined to a section of the assembly area, was quickly brought under control and has only affected certain areas at one of our four production and distribution centers in Hinckley. No-one was hurt and all of our 650 U.K. staff are being informed that their jobs are secure,” Wharton said.
“It will have no immediate impact on motorcycles ready for distribution held in our network of bike stores in the U.K., Europe, the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Japan and other countries,” he added.
Many staff have been working throughout the weekend with the Triumph management team, preparing for Monday’s clean-up and contacting the company’s worldwide dealer network to inform them that they can order parts and accessories online as usual.
“Stocks of spare parts and most ranges of bikes are available to meet immediate requirements in the U.K. It is also the company’s policy to hold stocks of bikes at other distribution centers in Europe and the United States,” Wharton said.
The preliminary investigation suggests normal manufacturing operation in the effected areas will recommence within four months.
“Over the past three years Triumph has significantly expanded their manufacturing facilities in the U.K. to meet growing demand. This specific incident will not hinder the on-going success of Triumph,” Wharton said.
ROYAL BOOST AS U.K. MOTORCYCLE COMPANY TRIUMPHS OVER ADVERSITY – Issued 26th March 2002–His Royal Highness the Duke of York has given Britain’s only motorcycle manufacturer a huge boost as the company triumphs over adversity.
Within hours of learning about a fire at one of Triumph Motorcycles’ production facilities, the Duke of York, who is special representative for international trade and investment, rearranged his schedule to make a goodwill visit to the company as reconstruction work gets under way in Hinckley.
Accompanied by the lord lieutenant of Leicestershire, Timothy Brooks, His Royal Highness donned a hard hat, toured effected areas, talked to staff and heard about the company’s plans for a rapid recovery.
After the tour, the Duke of York said he was delighted to hear that work was about to start on rebuilding the factory, and predicted that the great British institution would come back stronger than ever.
“This is a great British company that has been a leader in its field for many years. I wanted to let them know how important they are to the U.K. economy,” he said.
And he told staff: “As Britain’s only motorcycle manufacturers, you have a big part to play in the market place. Triumph is going to rebuild and that is good news for the industry and for British engineering.”
The Duke of York was shown around the factory by Karl Wharton, managing director of Triumph Motorcycles, who said: “The Duke’s visit was a real boost for Triumph and everyone involved in helping to rebuild the company. Construction is soon to start and we are optimistic that production will be back to normal before the end of the summer.
“It is very important for all our customers and dealers and staff to know that there is so much support for Triumph,” he said.
The Duke of York’s activities in his new role are in support of British Trade International (BTI), the government body set up to support U.K. countries trading internationally and encourage foreign investment.
Triumph, which manufactures more than 33,000 motorcycles in Britain a year, supplies bikes, parts and accessories to over 25 different countries, including those in western Europe, the United States, Canada, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Kuwait, United Arab Emirates and several markets in Latin America.
As 80 percent of the company’s production is for export, Triumph has reassured its 800-dealer network across the world that the fire will have no immediate impact on its overseas business.
“Distribution of the Triumph range of motorcycles, parts and accessories, and our warranty service, will continue as the company prepares to work round the clock to ensure that motorcycles roll off the new assembly line by late August,” Wharton said.
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–This week is kinda bittersweet; we have been so busy it’s not evenfunny, we’ve done a couple projects but have a lot more on the list. Our?save the Sporty? project is finally done. Remember, we kept this project on abudget (under $3,000), andwe did a lot to the bike for this money. It took a bit of imagination andelbow grease, and the owner is very happy with the results (me too) and that?swhat’s important.
Our lime green WCC chopper is finally heading towardhome. I guess Kevin got tired of riding all over PR, and I mean all over,and he?s boarding a plane back to Massachusetts. The bike will follow soon.
I’m sorry to report that our friend and customer Papote was hit by a carlast Thursday and lost his lower left leg. This is very sad to us; he is agood friend and a rival in our sailing regattas. The dumbfuck who hit himdecided that he was losing too much “valuable? time by waiting for a car topark so he invaded the oncoming lane. He hit the bike on the side andripped a good part of it.
To top it off, this fucker tried to flee but a flat tire prevented his escape and, get this, his whole family was in the car! What a fuckin? beast! He deserves the beating of his life. Lucky (sortof) for our friend he was being followed by a doctor friend, who saved hislife. We know he will get better and we will still battle the winds.
Wewish you the best Papote!
Since we have nothing to do…… like the “other? shops, AKA Weasels, wedecided to take another project for the Horse. We are building a chopperwith stuff that we have lying around the shop (take offs and such). We aregoing to tackle this during our Easter break. I guess this is something toget our minds off work and see what we can do with a few partsand spray paint.
If we do finish (which I doubt) by next week, I’ll post some photos. Anyway,we will have fun with it for sure.
There are reports of Sunday’s ride with HOG. This was an open event, allV-Twins (non HOG). Those who went tell me that around 300 bikes showedup for the party Saturday night and the ride Sunday through the CentralMountain range. That’s a fun ride but I would not do it with 299 otherbikes. Ten or so of our friends would be nicer. Too bad they consider me theanti-Christ; 20 or so of our choppers would have looked good among thesea of “customized” stockers…..Oh well…
Next week the Harley BBQ will take place and we will show up in fullforce. It’s a pretty cool event, full blast chow from Longhorn and all theCoke you can drink for five bucks. So if you arereading this Rub’s, the anti-Christ crew will show up……Sheesh..
OK, so here’s a question that you can answer here or at our e-mail — Jose@chopperFreak.com — We are planning on an event in PuertoRico. Would you like to come down and ride during December? Thewheels are already turning. I can’t say much ’cause I know the”competition” reads this every week, but imagine yourself riding in warmweather with the ocean to your right and then partying all night in SanJuan. Cool eh? We?ll leave it at that.
See ya’ guys next week. Keep an eye out for The Horse #23 issue, there’s oneof our bikes there. Let me know how you like it.
Saludos
Jose………Bikernet Caribbean – anti-Christ.
BEACH RIDE PROMOTES ART SHOW–The Beach Ride is a charity event in Los Angeles every summer for the last 11 years. It will be held in the park in Ventura again this year after difficult negotiations with the parks commission.
The ride was developed to raise funds for the Exceptional Children?s Foundation based in L.A. The following is information on an upcoming art show. If you?re in the area, check it out and support the kids.
View exceptional artwork by extraordinary artists withdevelopmental disabilities. Select from hundreds of drawingsand paintings, ceramics and textiles. Meet featured artist ArthurAndrews. Watch him paint. Enjoy complimentary hors d?oeuvres.Plus, a celebrity appearance is anticipated. All proceeds benefitECF and the artists themselves.Founded in 1968, the ECF Art Center is a nationally recognized,community-based art center that offers developmentally disabledadults a nurturing environment, professional art training andstudio facilities.
Thursday, April 25, 2002 < 69 pm
Aaron Brothers Art & Framing? in Encino
17230 Ventura Boulevard ? In the Encino Town Center
Between Balboa Ave. and Louise Ave.
Subject: FW: Fred–A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than theposted speed limit.
Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to givethe poor fellow a break and write him out a warninginstead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.
“Fred,” he replies.
” Fred what?” the officer asks.
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the mantells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officerthinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
Theman replies, “It’s a long story so stay with me. I wasborn Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kidsused to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself.I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older Irealized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went throughcollege, medical school, internship, residency, finallygot my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decidedto go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got allthe way through school, got my degree so I was nowFred Dingaling MD DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling aroundwith my assistant.She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADAfound out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MDwith VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away myDDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as FredDingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I’m justFred.”
The officer walked away in tears laughing so hard and tore up theWarning Ticket.
–From the Dunns
Continued On Page 2
March 24, 2002
By Bandit |
THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our website at
From TheGUNNY’S SACK
During the month of February, ABATE of Oregon has an annual training meeting called STEAM (Seminars To Educate And Motivate). I mention it in this issue because this year it was a very special one. We were honored to host Simon Milward, the former Secretary General of the Federation of European Motorcyclists Association, FEMA.
Simon, incidently, a long time friend of mine, is on a world tour on a one-cylinder, hand-made motorcycle raising funds for two medical charities. One provides motorcycles for getting medical personnel and supplies into remote areas. The other is in support of doctors working in remote areas of the world. All proceeds he raises go directly to these missions. He is bearing ALL his own trip expenses, using his life savings for the adventure. Needless to say, he’s quite a guy.
He presented and narrated a pictorial story of the trip so far for us. He plans to travel to South America on the next leg and then on to Africa and home. He’s been on the road for two years now, and has traveled all across Europe, Asia, and up through eastern Russia as well as around the U.S. and into Canada.
We wish him well and hope he manages to limit the falls off his ride for the rest of the trip. From his talk I’d guess he will be known as “Upside Down Simon” after he gets home. Seems he has a problem staying on TOP of the bike a great deal of the time. His presentation made many of us jealous of his adventure and it was a real treat.
Away from Simon to remind all you brothers and sisters out there RIDING TIME IS UPON US now, so it?s time to get the “Johnnies come lately” among us busy getting the ride and the rider ready for the onslaught of the cages during this riding season. Get the ride tuned, tired, inspected, and ready for the road.
If you haven’t taken a riding course in a few years or more, it won’t hurt to check one out. What you learn can save your life. I’ve only been riding a little over fifty years and I find the courses handy for me. A refresher course is cheaper than chrome or a hospital bill.
NEWS BITS’N PIECES:
Bike Seizure in EUGENE, OREGON: This is a comfy, liberal college and lumber town two hours south of Portland. So you’d THINK the police were laid back. ‘Fraid not. EVERY February, the Free Souls Motorcycle Club has their anniversary party, and nearly every year, the police buzz all over the area, day and night. This year, our Oregon Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (AIM) Attorney, Sam Hochberg, went down to check it out. He saw more than Eugene cops: There were police from Springfield, Junction City, the Sheriff, the Oregon State Police, and a whole lot of unmarked cars. You’d think the Free Souls were working with Osama bin-goddamned- Laden! I’ve been to this party too, and have seen the same shameful behavior. So, this year, Sam ran into one small thing that may help turn it around.
A biker (NOT a patch holder) was leaving the party, and like almost every biker who has to run the police gauntlet, was stopped. Cops looked at his bike, said something about the ID numbers on the bike not “matching.” The biker told him OF COURSE they wouldn’t match; it?s titled as a RECONSTRUCTED bike ? and in Oregon, that means that the DMV inspected it!! Not good enough. The bike was seized.
And not just seized to look at ? this happened on Feb. 9th, and at this writing, over a MONTH later, the bike is STILL not released. Sam and his new associate, LEAH JOHNSON, put together a Motion for the Return of Seized Property. It’s filed in the Circuit Court for Lane County. Sam says, the burden is on the COPS to prove a legit reason to hang onto it. We’ll keep you posted here in the Sack, as things move along in this case.
STATE COLLEGE, PENN: The AP wire tells us this story of a biker, Kevin Dare. This fellow was a natural athlete who loved the thrill of pole vaulting — and of riding his motorcycle more than 100 mph.
This well-loved athlete was mourned recently by fellow athletes. He lost his life NOT on a motorcycle but during his track event, the POLE VAULT, at the Big Ten men’s track and field indoor championships.
He apparently missed his run and fell, landing head first on the steel “box,” an 8-inch-deep groove in the mat where vaulters plant the pole to lift themselves off the ground. He was pronounced dead, of head injuries, at the hospital a short time later. I guess y’just never know what’s gonna get ya.
BRAZIL: WHOA! We’ve heard about all the millions of bikes built every year in China, but look at what Sam Hochberg, our Oregon A.I.M. attorney dug up on the net:
In a story from South American Business Information, these guys report that from 1993 to 2001, motorcycle sales in Brazil have gone up TENFOLD! Man oh man. And would you believe 90% of the bikes sold there are Hondas?
In 2001 alone there were 692,000 units sold. According to Abraciclo, in 2002 the motorcycle market will reach 780,000 units a year. WOW! And I thought China was the growth giant in the world.
NIGERIA: Taxi drivers can be a wild bunch. Our Oregon A.I.M. Attorney, Sam Hochberg, used to push those big Checkers around NYC for some years, back before he got to lawyering. Put a few shots of Tequila in him, and he?ll tell you a story or two! But here’s another taxi story from Africa. Seems that the commercial motorcycle taxi operators we’ve told you about before here in the Sack — the “Okada” guys — went on a riot in Nigeria, over a spat with the police there. It’s all really political, but it’s of interest to ME because this is a group of BIKERS who are their OWN distinct political force in their country. I’m not endorsing riots, but these folks are people to be reckoned with. Maybe we could take a lesson?
The police there arrested 168 Okada drivers over their violent demonstrations. They also confiscated 194 motorcycles! It?s said the riot was caused by the killing of an Okada driver by police. (That’s not a good reason to be pissed?)
The lesson I see is DON’T RIOT if ya wanta keep yur scoot and don’t piss off Nigerian cops if ya like breathin.
HANOI, VIETNAM: Reuters tells us about Honda being accused of using too many Chinese parts in a new inexpensive model called The Wave Alpha. It’s sold in Vietnam to compete with the cheaper Chinese imitation ride. Honda has denied the allegations. The Wave has only about 4% Chinese parts, says Honda. This thing sells for less than $800.00 American money.
There are more than 8 million motorcycles on the roads of Vietnam and 1.8 million were sold last year alone. Man, that’s nearly 3,000 bikes a day.
SAMSULA, FLA: Mike Schneider of the Associated Press comes up with this jewel. It seems there is a couple in this area who love bikers and are nudists as well. They also own several acres of land so they thought a nudist camp-out for bikers on their property would be a good idea.
So, about fifty guests responded to a sign on their fence that said “Private Party, Nudity,” and to an ad in the Florida Bikers Digest that said “Camping Party and Adult Biker Games.” Do you think bikers responded? You Betcha!
Too bad authorities and neighbors didn’t approve. They were told to cease and desist or face a one thousand dollar fine. Cops said it wasn’t the nudity but a land use issue. HAH!
The property owner said all he wants to do is be able to host his parties during Bike Week and Biketoberfest ? Daytona’s sister motorcycle event in October ? and he doesn’t want to give bikers a bad name. He also didn’t want the Southern Baptists there to be able to seize on something to get him in trouble, but he said “In their eyes, we’re already heathens.”
I’d probably go to that party but I think I’d wear clothes to keep from scaring people away.
GUNNY AGAIN: Did you procrastinate about the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) Convention? Hurry, you might get lucky and still be able to get a reservation. I’ll look for you there. Call 1-800-ON-A-BIKE (or 800-531-2424) for more information and pre-registration.
The NCOM Convention and other services are paid for by A.I.M. Attorneys across the country when they send a hefty chunk of their fees to Richard M. Lester, the lawyer who founded A.I.M. (the free Aid to Injured Motorcyclists program), and NCOM, the National Coalition of Motorcyclists, free to motorcycle groups and clubs. If you happen to have an accident, you can reach your local A.I.M. Attorney by calling (800) ON-A-BIKE, 24/7. Your initial consultation is free, and nobody makes a penny on your case unless you do.
Keep the round side on the bottom.
Gunny, Oregon A.I.M. Chief of Staff
WEB BROWSER ESPOUSES FREEDOM OF CHOICE In a venue that measures Hits instead of Nielson Ratings, Netscape’s Home Page (www.netscape.com) ranks among the most popular sites for web surfers, with lots of news, links, shopping and cool stuff like their Autos Page where Internet users can buy and sell new or used vehicles, and even secure financing and insurance.
A recent “Feature Article” on Netscape’s Autos Page gave visitors a refreshing look at personal freedoms in America, with particular attention to seatbelt laws and helmet laws.
Written by Eric Peters, “Seatbelt & Helmet Laws: It?s Your Life” reached out to millions of people with the very same message that bikers rights groups have been trying to purvey to the public, but with the lightning speed of the Internet.
The article begins; “Whether it’s prudent to wear a seatbelt or put on a helmet (if you ride motorcycles) is entirely beside the point–at least as regards laws that make the use of these things compulsory. Of course wearing a seatbelt or a helmet is ‘safer.’ But so is maintaining ideal body weight or exercising regularly. Yet there are no laws (as yet) requiring you to eat your broccoli or do sit-ups every other day. The police do not carry pincers to measure your body fat ratio and have no authority (yet) to give you tickets for exceeding the ‘healthful’ poundage. Why is that? After all, if the justification for seatbelt and helmet laws is that they’re for your own good, the same argument can be made about such things as dietary habits and exercise. Ditto other personal choices, such as the type of recreational sports or other activities you may be involved in. Where do we draw the line–and on what basis?”
Peters continues, “things like seatbelt laws and helmet laws are, in the first place, entirely arbitrary interferences with personal choices, as distinct from behaviors, actions, or conduct that might affect others, which is another matter. Ergo, the state has no justification to intervene. If we’re going to accept as the basis for public policy the idea that it is the duty of government to involve itself in our private choices on the basis of compelling us all to do what’s ‘good’ for us (however that’s defined), then it’s pretty hard to see how to draw any line at all beyond which the self-appointed busybodies and do-gooders who use the force of government as their cudgel may not transgress.”
“I oppose seatbelt laws and helmet laws not because I won’t admit it’s safer to wear a seat belt or a helmet when riding a bike,” says the author, “Rather, I oppose such laws because a very important principle is at stake: That entirely personal choice is none of the government’s business — just as my diet, exercise habits, and other personal choices that may somewhat increase (or decrease) my exposure to risk/danger are likewise none of the government’s business, either. Or yours, for that matter.”
He concludes, “This is why the founders of the American state set forth strict limits on government — precisely enumerating what it could and could not do, and why. What made the United States so unique in world history was that it enshrined in its governing principles the idea that individuals should be left free to live their own lives as they saw fit, free of interference from those who thought they ‘knew better.’ Taking risks (or not) was part of that philosophy. We were a live and let live people — for a while. Only when an individual’s conduct or actions clearly threatened the safety or well-being of others — and thus became a public matter — did the state have cause to interfere. That distinction is what we’re losing — and it may cost us dearly. Do we want government officials inspecting our cupboards and refrigerators for ‘dangerous’ foods? Or checking our cholesterol and waistlines? No? Then seat belt laws, mandatory helmet regulations, and the like must be rescinded — no matter how much we may instinctively wish to promote our neighbor’s well-being. That’s his business — not yours. Not the government’s. Leave him alone. And hopefully, he’ll return the favor?
…Wouldn’t that be nice?”
DAYTONA BIKE WEEK IN REVIEW– Although national headlines from this year’s Bike Week highlighted the fact that nine people died during the 10-day motorcycle festival, insinuating that the repeal of Florida’s helmet law may have played a part in those deaths, they failed to mention that a record 15 people died during Bike Week 2000, which was the last year under a mandatory helmet law.
Last year, only six people lost their lives in the first Daytona Bike Week without a helmet requirement.
Now in its 61st year, Bike Week draws an estimated 500,000 bikers to Florida for an annual celebration of motorcycles, and along with Biketoberfest, it provides a $744 million boost to the local economy — almost half the $1.6 billion impact to the area from all special events.
In other Daytona Beach news, Karl “Big Daddy Rat” Smith died of a heart attack on Monday of Bike Week while making final preparations for that weekend?s Rat’s Hole Custom Chopper Show, in which he was to receive an award for his contributions to the motorcycle world.
At 74 and despite recent ill health, Smith still was involved in producing the custom-bike shows that brought him international attention. Big Daddy Rat first visited Bike Week in 1963, and started in business on Main Street in a 12-by-16-foot shop aptly named The Rat’s Hole. His business grew to include seven shops in Daytona Beach and a gift shop in Las Vegas.
NORTH FLORIDA COC PROTESTS DAYTONA?S “COLORLESS” BARS– Although most of the bars and saloons in Daytona Beach bar bikers from wearing club patches, hundreds of bikers from various motorcycle clubs wore their “colors” for a Saturday afternoon get together during Bike Week at Daytona Nites in Ormond-By-The-Sea to share some conversation, laughter and a few beers.
“It looked like a high school reunion in black leather,” noted the local newspaper, The Daytona Beach News-Journal.
For years, even the most biker-friendly bars in town, such as the Boot Hill Saloon on Main Street, have not allowed riders to wear anything that represents their membership in a motorcycle club. Even the owners of the Iron Horse Saloon and the Broken Spoke Saloon, two of the most popular biker bars along U.S. 1, choose to remain colorless.
But this does not suit the North Florida Confederation of Clubs, the organization that sponsored the motorcycle club meeting in Ormond-by-the-Sea.
The group originated in 1999 to serve as a “national voice to protect bikers’ lifestyles and their right to ride.”
In protest against the bars and restaurants that prohibit club colors and insignia, Robert “Smitty” Smith, a longtime member of the Outlaws Motorcycle Club, president of the club’s Daytona Beach chapter and the liaison for the North Florida Confederation of Clubs, began circulating a petition that decries what the organization calls “blatant discrimination” against bikers who choose to display their club memberships.
“The rights of cyclists have been violated for years,” said Smith. “We just want a little freedom.”
BANNED BIKES MAY BE BANISHED ABROAD– “Talk about getting rid of a problem. The Baltimore City Council wants to send one of its scourges to another hemisphere,” reported The Baltimore Sun newspaper regarding the city council’s impending vote on a plan to donate seized dirt bikes to needy groups in Africa or elsewhere out of the country.
“Get them out of Baltimore and send the message that we are not going to tolerate them anymore,” said Councilman Melvin L. Stukes, who supports the proposal to ship the bikes abroad, so long as there is no cost to taxpayers. “We want them out of the city, period.”
Baltimore outlawed the use of dirt bikes two years ago after two young men died when their bikes slammed into the back of a 10,000-pound delivery truck. Police have estimated that 1,000 such bikes are in the city and have resulted in several deaths. In the past two years, they have seized 119 dirt bikes and 18 unregistered motorcycles.
Two groups based in Africa are interested in taking the dirt bikes off Baltimore’s hands. The bikes would help people in African countries where roads are not in good condition.
City Council President Sheila Dixon said the council did not want them auctioned off by the Police Department because the bikes could return to city streets.
But Stukes and Dixon were concerned about ensuring the bikes didn’t end up in the wrong hands.
“The last headline we want to see is that all … 75 bikes shipped from Baltimore have ended up in drug lords’ hands,” Stukes said.
SPEED KILLS: POLICE RELEASE DEAD MOTORCYCLIST?S SPEEDING VIDEO– A self-made video of a British motorcyclist “treating roads as a race track” two weeks before his death has been released by police in England in a bid to cut accidents.
After the 28-year-old motorcyclist died in a collision, police released his video showing him speeding and performing stunts. He would strap a video camera to the front of his machine and tape himself traveling in excess of 100mph, pulling wheelies and overtaking other vehicles on blind bends.
Cornwall Police said: “The whole manner of his riding is dangerous. It is treating roads as a race circuit but unfortunately on the roads you have vehicles coming in the opposite direction. The whole reason for releasing the video is to get the message across that this kind of driving is not clever. It is dangerous and fatal consequences can result.”
The dead rider’s girlfriend handed the tape over to the police, and made an appeal urging others to slow down in a bid to reduce the number of fatalities involving motorcycles. “I know that superbikes aren’t made to go slowly but when they see what happened here I hope that they will think about their speed and slow down. It may save a life.”
JAIL FOR BIKE RIDER CAUGHT SPEEDING BY HIS OWN VIDEO– A motorcyclist who made a video recording of himself traveling at more than 160mph has been jailed for 12 months, prosecuted on the strength of his own video after he attached the camera to his 900cc Kawasaki in order to record his exploits.
The 32-year-old U.K. rider was pulled over by officers from the Dyfed Powys Police force, who spotted the video camera and confiscated it.
A Dyfed Powys Police spokeswoman said: “He drove from Church Village near Pontypridd, on to the A470 and down towards Llandovey in mid Wales on the A40. He was stopped by officers, who took the camera away. The video showed the camera pointing out over the handlebars and you can see the speedometer. His speeds regularly topped 150mph.” The spokeswoman said the motorcyclist had attached a hydraulic device to his number plate to flick the plate away to stop police recording his registration.
In addition to a year in jail, the speeding film star is banned from driving for three years and was ordered to take an extended driving test.
WEIRD NEWS OF THE MONTH: BIKER ATTACKED FOR “RIDING TOO SLOWLY” — On the other end of the speed spectrum comes this news story of a Malaysian man who was reportedly beaten up because he was riding his motorbike too slowly.
The 52-year-old was assaulted in Penang by 20 men. He was on his way home to take his family out when he was attacked. According to The Straits Times, the Sun newspaper said he was riding his motorcycle when a car blocked his path. Three men got out of the car and told him off. They then grabbed the keys to his bike. One of them called his friends using a mobile phone and 15 men armed with sticks and knives turned up and attacked the motorcyclist. They fled when other motorists intervened.
QUOTABLE QUOTE: “The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. Ignorance may deride it. But in the end; there it is.”
WINSTON CHURCHILL (1874 – 1965)
British Prime Minister