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HOW TO REPAIR PLASTIC BODYWORK–Unfortunately it’s a familiar story in our world — a simple accident in thedriveway results in a cracked bumper, taillight lens, or motorcycle fairing.With few repair shops interested in repairing plastic bodywork, replacing anexpensive part has often been the only option. Here’s a new book thatsolves this common dilemma with easy-to-follow instructions and clearillustrations that give Do-It-Yourselfers a way to make basic plasticrepairs on their own, easily and with great results. We know. We triedseveral plastic repair projects here at Whitehorse Press, using techniquesand materials described in this book, and the repaired parts look like new!

HOW TO REPAIR PLASTIC BODYWORK: Practical, Money-Saving Techniques for Cars,Motorcycles, Trucks, ATVs, and Snowmobiles, by Kurt Lammon, 144 pages, fullcolor photos throughout, item code W-PLAS, $19.95http://www.whitehorsepress.com/email.asp?cn=50245&en=en0304&id=plas

And, if you want to hear more about our own plastic repair experience, callJeff, our ace Customer Service Rep and all-around gearhead, at 800-531-1133,and he’ll be happy to bend your ear. He saved more than $600 on his firstrepair!

RIGID PHILOSOPHY–If I could, I’d enlist today and help my country track down thoseresponsiblefor killing thousands of innocent people in New York City andWashington,D.C. But, I’m over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I’m too old to enlist. You can’t be older than 35 and join the military.

They’ve got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds offto fight, they ought to take us old guys.You shouldn’t be able to join until you’re at least 35. For starters:Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys onlythink about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a crankysoldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can’t kill the enemy we’llcomplain them intosubmission. “My back hurts! I’m hungry! Where’s the remote control?”

An 18-year-old hasn’t had a legal drink yet and you shouldn’t go to waruntil you’re at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, onthe other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he’s 35 anda jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wondersfor the old beer belly.An 18-year-old doesn’t like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early(to pee).If old guys are captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d probablyforget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be areal brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We’re used to gettingscreamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We’ve also developeda deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better thannaps.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning toshave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants without the top ofthe butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out. To learn that apierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt speaker in theback seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All great reasons tokeep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sendingthem off to a possible death.Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked ourhearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right nowis a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

–RFR

NEW DRUGS FROM THE BIKERNET PHARMACY–F l i p i t o r, Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

HOLDEN RAPHAEL DIED SUNDAY– April 6 at the age of 49 in a motorcycle accident. He is survived by his wife Bonnie, daughter Jackie and his mother and brother. He was known as a big man with a big heart. For eight years he’s been a up-standing member of the Uglies Motorcycle Club. For seven years he has been responsible for the entertainment at the Beach Ride, a charity event that benefits the Exceptional Childrens Foundation.

He promoted motorcycle and non-motorcycle music related events throughout Southern California, across the USA and in Europe. He was well known and respected in the motorcycle and rock and roll communities.

A memorial service will be held Friday, April 11 at noon, at Mount Sinai Memorial Park, 5950 Forest Lawn Drive, Los Angeles.

He will be sorely missed.

MICAH MCCLOSKEY’S CUSTOM MOTORCYCLES BECOMES HOME TO AMERICAN IRON HORSE IN LOS ANGELES–That’s right. If you live in Los Angeles you can now purchase American Iron Horse customs and Dallas Choppers through Micah’s shop. These wild customs come with a two-year warrenty. The shop is located in Canoga Park on Sherman Way. Call (818) 348-8967.

INTERESTING QUOTES ABOUT THE WAR– “It’s like a movie. I can’t believe what I’m seeing,” said Adel, a lawyer in Beirut. “Why didn’t he just give up to start with if this was all the resistance he could muster? Instead of wasting all those lives for nothing.”

“Saddam Hussein is proving for the thousandth time that he is stubborn, stupid, idiotic and a terrorist. He is more like the head of a gang and not the president of a respectable state like Iraq,” said Sultan Nasser, 49-year-old Saudi bank employee.

NEW BIKERNET CORRESPONDENT COVERS DONNIE SMITH SHOW–Check out the coverage of Donnie’s third annual American Thunder Show on the bikernet Home page. Troy is a new Bikernet correspondent, young and learning the ropes. His first lesson: Don’t drink two sixers and try to photograph anything. Enjoy.

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THE BIKERNET OZARK REPORT–The names have been changed to protect to innocent. Man, things change quick. I don’t know what’s up with Skitzo. He’s been seeing this chick and that’s no big deal. I know he’s spending most of his time with her, and I’m ok with that. But I haven’t heard from him in about three weeks except one time when he needed something. I just figured he was spending his time with her. But you know I see that girl that no one knows. I’m seeing and I get told stuff that I ain’t supposed to know and can’t tell.

Well I found out that he’s not hanging out with the chick that much, and he’s still not calling or coming around. I haven’t done anything to piss him off or anything but he’s obviously avoiding me. Now I’m pissed at him. I am very direct with people, and if I’m pissed at someone, they’ll know it.

Next time I talk to him I’ll straighten it out, but I ain’t calling him. In the meantime me and mark rode with Dan out to a prospect party at the shop where Paul works. Pete met me there. We met the president of the Illinois club and arranged a big old thing at Marks club for a book signing party for Sonny Barger.

We found out that Paul quit working at the shop, but it must’ve been friendly because he was at the party. He told me he was opening his own shop in a small town nearby, so I told him he was welcome to eat at my house anytime he wanted to. He’ll need it. There’s already too many shops around and Paul isn’t the most skilled mechanic. He’s got alot of friends, though, so you never know. Anyway, he’ll always have a cold beer and a hot meal at my house.

Mark and Dan left the party early because Dan was playing drums in a band at a club later that night, and Mark had to go open his club. Pete’s drinking again. This is bad and good. It’s bad because he’s one of those guys who slowly but surely loses control and ends up in jail. It’s good though because he’s my best party pal and when he’s on the wagon he’s no fun at all. I tell him that he shouldn’t drink, but I’m not his keeper. He’s a grown man. Me and him stayed at the party until it started thinning out, and then we rode that 30-mile trip home. I was fucked up and I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed riding more than that. We took a curvy back road for the first 15 miles and got our fill of that. We jumped on the freeway and hammered like there was no tomorrow. God I love the freeway. Pete got in trouble with his new girl for being gone all day and coming home drunk, so he called me Sunday to go to the river in her boat. It was raining and cold but we went anyway to get away from the bitches. Both his girl and mine were pissy from the all-day partying. We had all kind of trouble with the boat, but who cares. We were out, had some cold buds and no bitches to nip on our ass.

Now for the update on the secret girl. my goal of hitting that a time or two has been realized way beyond my wildest dreams. It’s now mine for the taking. She isn’t all up in love or anything, but she appreciates that I can hit it and keep it to myself. She’s a beautiful girl of just barely 21, with a goddess’ body. She’s not slutty and doesn’t give it out much. It pisses her off more than anything to treat her like a trophy, and most every guy whose hit it has told everybody they know. You know I want to tell it, too, but I’m not stupid. I can call her at anytime, day or night, and she’ll ditch whatever she’s doing and meet me at the fleabag. Who would screw that up just to be the man? But believe me, it would make me the man, if everyone knew. I know that this kind of shit always comes out, so I’m going to ride the wave and try my best to keep it quiet. When it does come out somehow, it won’t be my fault. My girl will beat her ass to a pulp, and everyone will talk about it. Damn, I’m gonna hate that.

–Ozark Ed

SONS OF LIBERTY RIDERS E-NEWS– A lowlife scum stole a deployed service members ride!See pictures and flyer at http://www.abatesc.com/stolen-motorcycle/index.htmThis motorcycle was stolen just days after its owner Michael M. was deployedin the Iraq War

The motorcycle was stolen from his residence on Brabham Drive in Dalzell, SCthe night of March 17th while his Wife and Daughter slept.1994 Kawasaki ninja zx-9r.. It is red, black, and silver.. the vin number isJKAZX2B12RA006212

Thank you for your help..My husband is really upset about this, and he hasmore important things to worry about.. his name is 1lt Michael P M. … onthe left side of the bike on the frame near the chain there are three stripson the frame where the paint was taken off when the battery leaked..it had ashaw afb sticker on the front..my husband is currently in the middle east ..he works for the 609th ACOMM at shaw afb…anything you can do to help willbe greatly appreciated..Thank you,Sarah M.

If you have any information or questions please contact 843-345-5926 orstolen@abatesc.com

Another stolen bike in Pa.Our Bike http://www.starroute.com/bike.htmThe link above has pictures of bike.1999 FXSTS yellow and copperGMK47vin 1HD1BLL11XY026962Stolen out of garage in Harrisburg PA about 6am April 2 2003

Contact Dubois Danielswebmater@starroute.com717-213-0970

Social Burden?From the ABATE of Wisconsin State Office The following is a letter sent to the Behnke Insurance Agency in Fond duLac ( the agency’s phone number is 920-922-3850). This agency has taken outan ad in a local shoppers guide type paper stating that non-helmetedmotorcyclists are a burden to society, and therefore motorcyclistsnationwide should be required to wear helmets. We are urging everyone to write and or call thisagency and let them know how you feel about their advertising. –Ed Williams 02, 2003 April

Mr. Scott Behnke
Behnke Insurance Agencies, Inc.
17 Forest Avenue
Fond du Lac, WI 54935

Bikers Win Final Appeals Case.Break out the bikes.The Appellate Division of the District Court Department, Northern District,issued its decision March 28 on the final case pending before it involvingthe “Newburyport noise” citations.

The decision was received March 31 at the Law Offices of Joseph S.Provanzano, general counsel of the Massachusetts Motorcycle Association(MMA).

A three-judge panel reversed and vacated a trial court’s responsible findingand dismissed the citation against the defendant, who was cited foroperating a motorcycle with an exhaust system that had been modified toamplifies the noise emitted by the exhaust. The judge’s panel, however,ruled there was insufficient evidence that the decibel reading was louderthan the sound produced by the original exhaust system.

Provanzano’s office has since requested that the Newburyport District Courtreview the decision, along with those issued earlier this month findingother riders not tested by a sound meter also “not responsible.” The lawoffice also advised the court on re-hearings for all prior issued citationsgoing back to the 2000, 2001 and 2002 seasons and those “stayed” pending theoutcome of the four recent appeals court decisions.

Late last month, the Appellate Division of the District Court, NorthernDistrict, reversed the lower court’s findings for three other motorcycliststicketed by the Newburyport Police for “excessive noise” violations, therebyvacating the judgments and dismissing the citations.

“This reaffirms what other district courts have decided in similarsituations, ‘no test, no ticket,'” said Paul Cote, legislative director ofthe MMA. “The court’s decision also shows riders can alter their exhaustsystems so long as they do not exceed the state’s allowable decibel level of99.”

Late Breaking News…… Nebraska needs help!!!!Tomorrow (4-8-03) the helmet bill will be decided by the whole legislature. We could use the help of all to get LB303 passed. We have been hit by 3 terrible amendments they are trying to attach to the bill.

1) we would be required to be organ donors
2) we would be required to carry long term health care insurance.
3) we would not be allowed to use Medicare/Medicaid if involved in a accident without a helmet.

We are completely against these amendments and need to see them defeated before LB303 is voted on. I know this is very short notice as the vote will be taken tomorrow. Any help you and the S.O.L can give in the form of e-mails, will be greatly appreciated.The address for the Nebraska Legislative WebPages ishttp://unicam.state.ne.us then just click on contacting senators

–Breeze Grove

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP ADVICE–Here’s a card for your girl: I admire your strength,
I admire your spunk;
But the thing I like best
Is getting you drunk.

–from Ken Miller

A BROTHERS TRIBUTE– I have attached a shot of the the tribute photo that was done by the local racetrack for my friend. I apologize for the quality. If it is useable by all means use it. Danny and I often laughed over and discussed your column. He also lived by the code of the West always there for a friend but once you messed him over you were on his out side.

A story you might like. There were three of us who rode to Sturgis one year. Danny and I rode up from Lousiana and met another friend of mine in Denver. We toured and camped the area thru the week. One afternoon we went on a “buffalo” hunt riding through the black hills looking for a herd to photograph. After awhile we saw a herd and rode down to check things out. Danny and Bo rode ahead while I stopped to get out my camera. When I caught up I found Bo parked amidst a group of excited tourists. I asked where Danny was and Bo pointed to the herd. There was Danny in the middle of the herd in a standoff with a large bull. He would rev up his FXR and move up a couple feet. The bull would paw the dirt, snort and shake his woolly head. All the time the herd was milling about encircling the two of them. After a minute or two the bull turned and trotted away. Danny rode out of the herd laughing and said “let’s ride”. With that we left the buffalo and stunned tourists and headed into town.

Be cool and ride safe!

–Anson

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It’s one of those weeks. I wish I knew which direction to turn. There’s a benefit to having a small but sexy staff. The project list contained the news, Beach Ride efforts, King techs, Panhead tuning and the need to work on book projects. Yet, in amongst the crap it takes to make a living we could take a break and hit the bed for some serious business. Puts the entire day on a positive note and reestablishes what’s really important in life.

Makin’ money ain’t what it’s all cracked up to be. The touch of a woman and the open road is way above it on the list. Let’s hit the news:

BIKERNET REPORTER EMBEDDED IN THE REAR–Bandit, I made it safely back to the rear. Iraq is great, if you’re a fly. Iguess they really are attracted to shit. There ain’t one thing up thereworth my time.

Mark your calendar. April 8th. Today Saddam Hussien is in hell. Confidenceis high that Special Operators performed survielance and directedlaser-guided bombs from stealth aircraft onto a meeting place where Saddamand his sons were planning their escape from Iraq. That place is now asmoking hole in Iraqi earth. Reporting from the rear area (where I deserveto be).

–Doc In Iraq

UNSCHEDULED DEATH SENTENCE–[The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weirdposthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina’selectric chair on a murder conviction, but his sentence had just beenreduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cellattempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

–from Miss Kris

HACKASAW FEATURE TRIUMPH–The girl is Kat, Hacksaw is the owner of thissnake and several other exotics. Any day now we will launch a full feature on this classic Triumph. Watch for it.

STREET REPORT–What a surprise to see our old Buell photos in the bikernet news this week. It has been a long time since I last updated you and thought this a good opportunity to say hello and what’s been going on.

The Buell thing got old real quick. After Buell dropped the M2 model I had enough. What really got me was how docile it seemed to get in a short while. The claimed rear wheel 90hp kick in the pants seemed to fade as the miles rolled by. I sold it amazingly and moved on to a “bike in a box” project. When I was my son’s age (11) all I craved was a set of motorized wheels. As a kid I pored over the monthly Popular Mechanics ads, drooling over the minibike and go-kart plans. It wasn’t until I was 15 and had my first summer job that my folks agreed to my plea and let me purchase a Harley 125cc Rapido. It was black of course and cost $425 including helmet. I rode it everywhere and anywhere, it was my street and trail ride and I just rode it without concern. I remember riding out of town on it for the first time. As I got out past the interstate and into the country I thought I could just go on forever and there were no limits to the adventures possible. Well this winter I ! found a minibike kit and the kids and I assembled it in a couple evenings. It is a red framed, wide tired, high bar wheelie machine that scoots along at 25mph. It is squirrely as hell and a hoot to ride. My son’s riding it fulfills my wish as a kid.

–Anson

GUITAR GREATCHUCK ALVAREZLIVE at The COACH HOUSE April 18, 2003– For those looking for a great ride and great entertainment…..Chuck Alvarez will be playing this weekend, Sunday April 13th at 12PM noon at Paradise Corners where Hwys. 74 & 371 meet in Garner Valley between Hemet and Palm Desert.

For those of you who might appreciate a ‘blast from the past’ of rock and roll history, The Sons of Champlin will be playing at the Coachhouse www.thecoachhouse.com in San Juan Capistrano on April 18th. I highly recommend catching this concert,

The Sons of Champlin began in 1965 in Marin County, Ca. They brought a unique mix of technical skill, eclectic breadth and solid musical passion. What distinguished the band from their electric guitar-dominated contemporaries playing the San Francisco ballroom circuit was their mix of jazz, blues, R & B, folk and a section of horns.

Opening for the Sons of Champlin is the local blues group, the Chuck Alvarez Blues Band. San Pedro born Chuck Alvarez has been a rockin’ fixture of Southern California blues scene. Chuck often plays at biker related venues and events, both here and in Arizona.

Don’t miss this event, it will be a unique experience for those hip enough to attend.

–Nuttboy

KNITTING BLOND–A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behindthe wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashinglights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on hisbullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

NEW 51MM SCREAMIN? EAGLE SUPER BORE CARB KIT FORDEEP-BREATHING, HIGH-REVVING TWIN CAM 88 ENGINES–
MILWAUKEE, Wis. (April 4, 2003) ? Unleash the full potential of a modified Harley-Davidson Twin Cam 88 engine with the new Screamin? Eagle Super Bore 51MM CV Carburetor Kit (P/N 27926-02).

This is the largest CV carburetor available and is designed to work well on engines displacing at least 95 cubic inches. The CV (constant velocity) design allows the carburetor to compensate for various changes in temperature and engine load. It features easy access to the main and pilot jets without removing the bowl. This exclusive Harley-Davidson kit comes complete with a carburetor, intake manifold, high flow air cleaner and mounting hardware, and fits 1999 and newer carbureted Twin Cam models, using stock throttle and idle cables. It is not compatible with standard HTCC heads. For race applications only, the Screamin? Eagle Super Bore 51MM CV Carburetor Kit has a U.S. retail price of $689.95

The Screamin? Eagle Super Bore 51MM CV Tuners Kit (P/N 27432-02) includes a variety of jets and needles to fine-tune the Screamin? Eagle 51mm CV carburetor for top track performance. For race applications only, the Screamin?Eagle Super Bore 51MM CV Tuners Kit has a U.S. retail price of $74.95.

The Screamin? Eagle Super Bore 51MM CV Rebuild Kit (P/N 27524-02) includes all the necessary components needed to rebuild the Screamin? Eagle 51mm CV carburetor. For race applications only, Screamin? Eagle Super Bore 51MM CV Rebuild Kit has a suggested U.S. retail price of $74.95.

For photography and information on Harley-Davidson Motor Company and Buell Motorcycles, visit www.h-dmedia.com.

For additional information on other Screamin? Eagle and Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories, visit the Harley-Davidson Web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer near you, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.

HOUSE FOR RENT THREE BEDROOMS, TWO BATHS, DEN CONVENIENT STURGIS LOCATION– For rent during Sturgis Rally, available prior to Rally if needed. Close to all the action, but on a quiet residential street south of the interstate. Deck, large yard, very nice and clean, new furniture. Mountain views. Washer and dryer, etc. Attached garage for your bikes. Photos, map available.

?Sleeps up to six people, three separate bedrooms, perfect for three couples.
?$500 per night, seven day minimum. Available prior to Rally.
?Contact Erica at (605) 645-4636 and at ericaWll@mato.com

NEW LINK ON BIKERNET–Please add a web link to FastFred’s Motorcycle Rights E-zine on your Bikernet site under Online Magazines.

FastFred’s Motorcycle Rights E-zinehttp://www.fastfreds.com

“The price of apathy towards public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.”~ Plato

FastFred – http://www.fastfreds.comLow Country Area Coordinator – lowcountry@abatesc.comABATE of South Carolina – http://www.AbateSC.comMRF – Motorcycle Riders Foundation – http://www.mrf.orgSOLR – Sons of Liberty Riders – http://www.solriders.net

Learn the Five Steps to Liberty at http://www.abatesc.com/five-steps-liberty.htmJoin the ABATE of SC email list at http://www.abatesc.com/mail-list/join-list.htm

“In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man and brave, hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.” Samuel Clemmens

–FF

EDITOR ATTEMPTS TO FORCE BANDIT TO ATTEND HONDA EVENT–I received a strict, unconditional assignment from the editor of Cruising Rider Magazine, “Cover this event and don’t come back until you do.”

I didn’t and won’t, but here’s the scoop:The Honda Hoot is June 17-21in Knoxville. This is a laid back affairwith the focus on area rides/scenery, local attractions, some officialHonda-sponsored events (barbecue, etc.). There will be a vendor area, bikeshow and an okay downtown area worth a cruise or two. to ride. There are some real cornball things like Dollywood and Ripley’sBelieve It Or Not Museum within striking distance, which could be good stroyfodder.

Continued On Page 2

Photos and text by, our Bikernet Caribbean connection, Jose. It was a clear and sunny that infamous Monday morning in San Juan. The plane awaited to haul me toward Orlando where I jumped a rental car to Melbourne, home of Choppers Inc. As the plane took off I got the panoramic view of the North Coast. The surf was breaking in foamy explosions. The entire coastline looked better than ever….It was a really nice day. But action awaited for me in Florida and today was the day to rock.

As planned, I arrived at Billy’s shop around 1:00 PM. It was my first encounter with Billy’s Discovery Channel entrant into a two man ride-off. The Orange chopper (which I later nicknamed Agent Orange). It was still on the lift, work to be done, things to complete, I took a long look at the shapely project and sat down on a milk crate to soak it all in.

The Discovery filming crew was there, a bit antsy, but there. Billy was busy as hell trying to juggle the bike and his other commitments. Aaron from Paramount choppers was on hand to give Billy considerable, last minute, assistance. Nick, a Choppers Inc. master mechanic, was going crazy with other projects and his busted, multicolor toe. Yep, so what’s new at Choppers Inc.?Time went by and kept going. I thought about getting a hotel room and resting up. We had a long ride to Pensacola ahead of us, at least that was the plan.?Billy, Aaron, Ruskin, Booster, Beaner and me would get on our choppers and meet the ” other side”. Yeah right. Billy said he was going to work all night, and you know how it is. If a brother is going to burn the candle, we all burn the fucking candle.

Night turned into day and I passed out on the red couch. Not too bad, considering the lovely Suzanne tucked me in when she returned from work. The insanity rolled on. We were expected, yet still working. We all pitched in what we could, being aware of that strange space/relationship between builder and chopper, you know helping out but keeping a safe distance away from flying tools. Finally the chopper sputtered to life, the crew filmed the event and then took off for our meeting point. There was still work to be done. Tuesday was almost over.

At 6:00 am Wednesday Agent Orange rolled out the doors and was ready for a maiden voyage. Soon after that we loaded the Camel bike and my chopper in the trailer to head out. Yep , no trailer shame, I had appointed myself to drive the truck with Nick. The rest of the guys would roll on. Billy decided to load the chopper as well for the ride to the meeting point in Pensacola. It would be quicker that way, but he would ride from time to time to break the beast in. By eight we were on our way to Pensacola, really late, behind fucking schedule late.

The Discovery crew was flipping out, but being in two places at the same time is impossible, as far as I know. Who could blame Billy, he built five awesome bikes, moved the shop, plus built a bunch of customers bikes in less than six months. No easy feat, most single projects take longer than all these combined. The guys took off on their choppers and we never saw them again. Let’s fast forward a bit……

The ” other side” (Perewitz and 60 Hamsters) had already left Pensacola for Baton Rouge, which turned into Lafayette and a bit further. we were haulin’ ass trying to get there as soon as possible, something that never happened.

By the time we got to Pensacola there was a call from Aaron, his battery had taken a dip and they were in Tallahassee searching out a new one. We had their helmets and gear, and they needed it, plus some warm stuff for the night ride. We stopped at the state line and hid their stuff behind a fallen tree trunk, which will bring out other stories. Be we had to keep on rolling like madmen on a mission. We crossed Alabama and Mississippi in a flash. As the evening started to cool down Billy decided to ride the bike a bit, Booster as well. We rode/ drove into the state of Louisiana by night fall. That was the last time we saw Booster that night.

To top it off another call that Aaron’s battery had gone to better life (the second one), plus his regulator as well. They were forced to look for replacements in the darkness. Still in Florida, we were already hitting interstate 12 towards the West, no time to turn around and pick them up. They understood. That’s the way of the brotherhood, sometimes you can help, sometimes not. By the time we got to Baton Rouge we got a call from Booster, his pulley nut had loosened and he was some place near New Orleans.?I guess he got carried away with his new six speed tranny, what the hell. The bike was finished that same morning.

There was a Cajun party and Billy was expected. We had to carry on. We had no choice. By that time Beaner had his hand inside a dark tree trunk and was thinking of snakes. At least they found their gear and his hands were intact. Although, it seemed a bit funny that he had a rattlesnake adorning his top hat later on….

At last we made our exit. Billy was as tired or even more so than we were. The Discovery crew took him right into the party, we headed directly into the hotel room. It?was 11:00 PM Wed night, over 60 hours since I had left my house in Puerto Rico. We snagged Booster a tow truck for a mere $500.00, made the arrangements and crashed like there was no tomorrow. The shitty part was the obvious realization that there was a gruesome tomorrow ahead.

Thursday morning I rode my bike towards the group. On the way there my chopper had felt a bit funny and by inspecting it noticed that the rear axle had come loose, a quick decision was made to put it back on the trailer and fix it on the next stop, no suck luck. The threads had gone south. I was trailer queen ’till Shreveport.

I was apart of the last Discovery ride, what a blast. This time it seemed like a sea of yellow Hamsters. Over 50 bikes were lined up, ready to go. We started calling all this little mishap the ” Hamster Conspiracy”. Actually we started calling shit that since the first morning at Choppers Inc.

We left Lafayette following Billy and Dave Perewitz down country roads. The crowd was separated since it was too much for the small streets of the Bayou. Before I forget, they (Billy and Dave) had to get up at five in the morning to get some helicopter shots down I-10, way too fucking early for this Caribbean soul, I was more than happy in my hotel room.

As always the rides are as fun as the people you meet. We always have a great time at the gas stations along the way. Cops love to show up, shoot the shit and admire the bikes. We even managed to get a police escort in one of the towns. As you might imagine, I’m skipping some stuff. Why? Well, I don’t want to spoil the show, so let’s keep on.

One of the highlights of the day was Billy’s ass catching fire. His pipes merged into the fender. Yep, the fender was actually part of the exhaust. Although we had wrapped it, it still got hot. We became the unofficial water boys, that is, until his padding caught fire and we had to rush to put out the flames. In typical Billy style, he said that Dave was telling him that his ass what hot and he thought Dave had turned gay, to which Dave responded…”Choppers are for Kids”…..

Mike Lichter and Billy Lane. Mike has been shooting Sturgis for over a decade. On Father’s day his first photographic book will be published by Motorbooks International. It’s a tribute to his riding history and Sturgis.

To cap off the road day, we met at the last gas station and Billy popped a classic wheelie. Bye, bye to the rear belt, the Chopper rode in the trailer for the last 40 miles. We had late night plans (AKA visit strip joints) but everyone was beat to a pulp and we had to work on the bikes. We opted for a dinner break. Michael Lichter joined us and we had a great time, just talking, and enjoying Boosters antics. That’s when the rest of the guys showed up. Yep Ruskin, Aaron and Beaner, they finally made it all the way, two rigid choppers and Beaners raked road king. We had to kick out a bunch of kids from Billy’s room. It’s amazing how people recognize him and relate to him. Another long day waited ahead of us.

Friday morning the departure time was set for noon. We split early to a shop, Magic Touch AKA Bayou Customs. If you are ever by that neck of the woods, go visit Jim and TC. Those guys rock ! They opened the shop for us and let us repair anything. This is the stuff that I really like, people helping each other out, no egos, no crowds. The yellow shirted rodents were pissed at our delay and took off for Dallas. We had a good time fixing the bikes, why rush things? While Billy fixed his belt, Booster fixed his pulley. I fixed my axle and all the other guys checked what needed to be checked and welded what was cracked. Mind you, these were all rigid choppers, bare as they can be and ridden hard, very hard. Triple digit speeds are the norm. Aaron was flying over railroad tracks and Miss Behavin’ was on her second long-ass trip. No rest for the wicked! Meanwhile, the Discovery crew and Michael Lichter were having a ball with all the antics that went on. Even the guys from Klock Works out of South Dakota were hanging out. They had jumped ship on the “Hamster side”.

Booster and Chucky.

After reworking my whole rear wheel, we were ready to get the hell outta Dodge. A light rain started falling and we still had a bunch of miles before we’d hit Dallas. We tried to pay, but Jim would have nothing to do with that. I want to thank him and everyone there for their hospitality and help. We left some beer money and left the tallest rooster tails Shreveport has ever seen. I was wet but happy to be riding again. Life plays tricks when you think you have the upper hand. My spacers started rotating once more and I decided to call it quits before becoming a hood ornament or eating a asphalt buffet. My total riding distance of the trip was around 30 miles. Oh well, such is life outside the Tropics.

The afternoon turned into a pretty nice one, and I’m sure some of the best filming took place then. We hauled ass to Dallas, the party awaited.

We arrived in Dallas later that night. The party was in full swing at Easyriders of Dallas. We made the ultimate smoke burnin’ entrance. After so many miles Miss Behavin’s throttle got stuck and sent Ruskin flying into a sea of full dressers. The guy managed to dodge some of them, but not all. Fiberglass and reflectors flew all over the place. He managed to stop at the back wall and assess the damage. Needless to say, there were some very pissed off Texans. But what the hell are you gonna do? The party went on and fist fights never occurred. We closed the place up, these guys deserved it. Dallas cuties were all over the place.

It was Saturday at last. The Easyriders show was full on. Both bikes were separated by the ballot table. We had a grim 60 Hamsters to 6 odds, but people seemed to like Billy’s bike better. He was available all day to sign autographs and talk to people, Knowing Billy I can tell you he is a humble and simple person. I guess that’s why mere Joe’s like him. They can relate, but in all fairness I can’t say anything about Perewitz since I don’t know him that well. The afternoon went on and at the end Billy won the Build off. As the sun ducked out of sight, Tornado warning sirens and hail the size of golf balls sliced to the pavement. What a fucking way to end this strange, long trip. But like they say in the informercials, wait there’s more.

Silver City welcomed us with open arms and hot looking chicks, I took off early since I had to catch a plane back to Puerto Rico, the plane that never happened, the flight canceled and sending me to Miami, sleep over with no luggage?and catch another flight to San Juan, plus waiting six hours at DFW ….. What the fuck ! If this shit did not happen I could not be talking about it. Congrats Billy !

AFTERTHOUGHT

After being fortunate enough to be able to participate in the last two Biker Build Offs, I had a better view of differences and similarities. I don’t want to bash anyone, but I will always say it like I see it, so here we go. Let me warn everyone, this is my opinion and my opinion only !

There’s cool people and there’s dicks. There were over 60 people on this ride, so the odds were greater. Although I have very good friends within the Hamsters, the group at this ride were very competitive, they seemed rallied against us. They rode a lot of dressers and?Easter-egg colored?bikes. We were the “kids” on choppers, including Donny Smith (a Hamster) who had a very cool blue chopper with a girder front end. Maybe not them against us, but them there, we were here–kinda deal. On the first Discovery ride, everyone hung out together and had a great time. The group was together all the time, no bitching, no real desire to win or lose by either builder. No flyers with vote for such and such. At least at the end of the day we all hung out at the bar and laughed at all this.

I noticed that a lot more builders were there, Rumble Customs, Donny Smith, Aaron Greene, Bryan Klock, and others as well as journalists and photographers such as Beau Allen Pacheco and Michael Lichter.

The best time we had was within our small group. I heard that some people were pissed after Billy won, I was not there, but it might have happened, might not. There was no need for that, since we are all winners, no matter what.

I was also amazed by the number of people walking introducing themselves, either for the stuff they read here at Bikernet or The Horse. No one bitched at me, all were encouraging words. I’m still taken by surprise every time someone approaches me and says my name, even people that thought I was Billy’s brother, or saw me in the first show (and remembered !).

I can’t wait for the next ride. I know it’s going to be lots of fun as well. I guess this one was a lesson, in that strength is not based in numbers but on tenacity and friendship. We were just extras in this movie and all the importance was for the main character. I would endure a similar ordeal, anytime, with no regrets. That’s what friends are for.

Let me end this with something that Jim (from Bayou Customs ) said, (in more or less his words), ” I’m glad that this shows the true brotherhood of our lifestyle, the young guns who are keeping the true meaning alive, while the old guys forget what it is all about.” True indeed my friend, the old guys doing new stuff, the young guys keeping the old school tradition alive.

— Jose De Miguel
— chopperfreak@earthlink.net
— Visit our Web Site http://www.chopperfreak.com

Continued From Page 8

We thought something was up the next morning, when we finally woke up with a distinct lack of sun slithering through the cracks in the window blinds. All was confirmed with a step out onto our ocean front balcony, cold wet feet snapped us right to attention, damn. Thankfully, the TV remote still worked and we sailed towards the weather channel, only to discover upon landing, that it was going to be wet and dismal for the rest of the day and the next. Ok, so it’s going to rain, at least it isn’t snowing.

With one eye directed at the sky and the other watching out for traffic, we headed for the Beach St. vendor area. We discovered soon enough, one of the hidden benefits of the vendor area, along with the friends and acquaintances; there were also tarps and awnings to duck under when the clouds cracked. Of course, all the new parts are on display as well; since this is the first time shops get to show off their winter’s work to the riders on the street.

An impressive assemblage of hardware not found anywhere else in the free world was available daily. During one particular drenching downpour, Hachet Head and I were separated, so I ducked into Jose’s “Chopper Freak” booth to keep the camera dry. I think HH sneaked into one of the ladies portables, but I’m not sure. He showed up later with a grin that a quarter mile of rough asphalt wouldn’t budge.

The sun came out for one and a half days, give or take a minute or two. We did get some riding time in, but not nearly what we expected. As we soon discovered there were other sources of amusement. One that comes hit us after lunch at Ponce Inlet. The wind and rain came like a wall of water across the narrow channel toward the restaurant pier where we were seated comfortably, followed by a display of lightening bordering on biblical proportions, even sending a bolt of high-voltage to the end of our pier purely for entertainment value.

Toward the end of the week, we rolled over to Deland, Florida, to Stetson University, the sight of the Woods motorcycle auction. A very nice crop of bikes was waiting the sound of the auctioneer’s satatco enticement and the word “sold”. The parking area surrounding the university gym was a show of motorcycles of all descriptions. Even the bikes loaded in the back of pick-up trucks and lashed down on trailers looked awesome. Some were going to new homes, some just heading home.

Home was where we headed, after witnessing the rapid advancement of a boiling thunderhead, which postponed the weekending Daytona 200 race till the next day. We casually observed firey laps from the dry comfort of a couch.

Did it rain most of the time? Yes. Did it suck? Not at all. We came to have fun and fun being the final frontier, we ventured forth. How can you not have fun in a city stuffed with motorcycles and packed with their riders?

Continued From Page 2

Joker Machine Lens Panels–Brought to you by popular demand,these versitile 8″ x 8″ x 1/8″ thick panels are a must for custom bike builders that incorporate their own lighting ideas into custom applications. Originally manufactured for our own product line, we now offer these Unique and hard to find panels to the public.(See auxillary photo above for close-up of material)

THEY FEATURE:
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High quailty 8 inch square panel covers most size requirements for special projects.

ANOTHER HOT NEW MIRROR FROM JOKER! —Introducing the “Low Brow” mirror. Features shapely CNC machining from a solid block and truly represents itself as a sleek design statement for those who want optimal mirror size (without sacrificing looks!) This mirror gives you the image your looking for! They are Fully chrome plated and feature our famous 1 piece design.

LAUGHLIN PREPARES FOR ALAMO–The City Council in Bullhead City has approved a resolution granting the mayor expanded emergency powers.

She will now be able to impose curfews, close roads, and shut down businesses if necessary during next month’s Laughlin River Run motorcycle rally.

City Attorney Ron Ramsey says Mayor Diane Vick already had the powers sought in the resolution.

He says the resolution was drafted to specifically explain how those powers would be applied.

The resolution was developed as a response to a deadly biker brawl at Harrah’s Laughlin casino, across the Colorado River from Bullhead City, during last year’s River Run.

Three people were killed and many more injured during the clash of rival biker gangs. –Associated Press

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP CORNER– As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard astrange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, sheobserved her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, andthis is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away andleave me alone.”

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from theother side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, heobserved his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To hisquery as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirtyfive years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever getto a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placedthe groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noisecoming from, of all places, the family room.

She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzinglike crazy. The wife asked in a demanding tone, “What the hell areyou doing?” The husband replied: “I’m watching the hockey game withmy son-in-law.”

–Ken M.

BUELL MOTORCYCLES HOSTS 2003 BUELL NATIONAL BATTLE TRAX SERIES–Series includes a 10-city tour with riders competing for a national championship.EAST TROY, Wis. (March 28, 2003) – Buell Motorcycle Company invites riders to participate in the 2003 Buell National BattleTrax Series, a free motorcycle event that challenges riders to compete in a controlled environment and rewards skill and consistency. The National BattleTrax Series, which kicked off March 8 during Daytona Bike Week, showcases Buell?s latest award-winning motorcycles – the Lightning XB9S and Firebolt XB9R.

“Buell motorcycles have always emphasized the importance of mass centralization and frame rigidity, and low unsprung weight, which gives riders improved handling and agility,” says Erik Buell, chairman and chief technical officer. “BattleTrax is a great way to showcase these performance attributes, which provide benefits in any type of riding.”BattleTrax is a closed-course motorcycle event involving a well-marked, circuitous route on a paved surface. The event is designed for all experience levels, giving every rider an opportunity to test their skills. Riders travel the course – one at a time – as efficiently as they can. An electronic timer monitors each rider?s performance. The course, laced with twists and turns, is guaranteed to test riders? skills and produce ear-to-ear grins.

The winner of each regional event – determined by a timed bracket-style format – will receive a trip to Las Vegas to compete for the national championship on July 16, 2003. Buell Motorcycle Company will provide each winner with round trip airfare to Las Vegas and two nights? hotel accommodation, along with a special Buell prize. The national champion will receive the Buell National BattleTrax Series Championship trophy and bragging rights for a lifetime.

Scott Berry of Arlington, Mass., was crowned the winner of the first regional event at Daytona. ?I was really looking forward to the BattleTrax event at Daytona,? said Berry. ?I liked the bracket format. I was counting the time down in my head and trying to be smooth on the course. I am pumped to go to Vegas for the finale.?

The 10-event national series continues this spring and summer giving riders the chance to test their motorcycles and themselves.

?BattleTrax is a fun skills course intended for riders of all experience levels,? says Paul James, communications manager. ?Riders set their own bracket time, and ride within their own limits to match it, which makes for an even playing field and rewards smoothness and consistency.?

Participants need to bring their motorcycle, full-face helmet, appropriate riding gear and a valid motorcycle driver?s license. Riders must be at least 21 years of age to participate. See the following schedule or visit www.battletrax.com <http://www.battletrax.com> for a complete list of Buell National BattleTrax cities and event details.

For photography and information on Harley-Davidson Motor Company and Buell Motorcycles, visit www.h-dmedia.com.To learn more about Buell motorcycles, visit your local Buell dealer today and experience the pure streetfighter attitude, style and performance only found on board a Buell. Call 1-800-490-9635 for the Buell dealer nearest you. Or pull into www.buell.com.

2003 Buell National BattleTrax Series Schedule

Daytona, Fla., March 8 9 a.m. – 5 p.m., Best Buy parking lot , Across from Daytona International Speedway.

Phoenix, Ariz. , April 13 9 a.m. – 4 p.m, Falcon Field Airport Commemorative Air, 2017 N. Greenfield Mesa, AZ 85215 Force, Arizona Wing.

Los Angeles, Calif., April 27, 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., Camarillo Airport , 455 Aviation Drive, Camarillo, CA 93010. SoCal Wing Commemorative Air Force

Gettysburg, Pa., May 10 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., Battlefield Harley-Davidson/Buell, 21 Cavalry Field Road Gettysburg, PA 17325.

Detroit, Mich., May 18 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., Arcadis Building parking lot, 25200 Telegraph Road Southfield, MI 48034.

San Francisco, Calif., May 24 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., Hiller Aviation Museum, 601 Skyway Road San Carlos, CA 94070.

Minneapolis, May 31 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., Minnesota StateFairgrounds, 265 Snelling Avenue No., St. Paul, MN 55108.

Milwaukee, Wis., June 8 9 a.m. – 4 p.m. , Wisconsin State Fair Park, 8100 W. Greenfield Ave., West Allis, WI 53214.

Denver, Colo., June 14 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., ThunderRidge High School , 1991 W. Wildcat Reserve Parkway, Highlands Ranch, CO 80126.

Las Vegas, Nev., July 16 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., Las Vegas Harley-Davidson/Buell, 2605 S. Eastern Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89109.

CRUISING RIDER RELEASE VEGAS ROAD TEST–Just received the new Cruising Rider and read your article on theVegas…Very nice.

A well written article and pictures were good too!

–Tom Motsko
The King of Drag SpecialtiesHere’s somethin’ for you to post, Bandit my dear friend!Barbi

READERS’ POLL RESULTS– I have attached the results. I had around 40 hits from my site. I added 190 from yours.

Even though the response was low, it is interesting to note that thepercentages stayed the same from 10 votes through 229 votes. I thinkit probably is an accurate reflection of road bike miles traveled(NHTSA throws in dirt bikes, ATV’s, mopeds, and god knows what else).

So much for NHTSA saying we average 1,900 miles per year and using thatnumber to issue a death toll alert and feed their helmet propoganda.

I hope everyone had a great time, maybe I’ll create another one!

FTW,

–Stroker

President of the Tahiti Riders Club, Kiki

GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP–If you ever want to visit a pure paradise, Tahiti is the place. The tropical islands, the pristine beaches, the topless French girls, the crystal clear waters and snorkeling that will blow your mind. Bikernet contributor and longtime east coast rider TBear and his lovely wife Maggie discovered a love for the islands and the people. Their relationship with Kiki the president of the Harley club initiated the notion of a run to the islands.

Watch for the complete report and news on the next run to Tahiti for a few lucky riders who want taste a pure island adventure. Hang on.

Ride forever,–Bandit

Continued From Page 1

BIKERNET STICKERS FREE–Just send a goddamn self addressed stamped envelop. If you send a 8×10 folder, we’ll send you a big one.

It’s that simple. Send the SASE to Bikernet, P.O.Box 1168 San Pedro, CA 90733.

THE NATIONAL COALITION OF MOTORCYCLISTS BANQUET IS COMING– At last year’s NCOM Convention in New Orleans, in a moving tribute to Brothers & Sisters Lost, Doc Reichenbach, Chairman of the NCOM Board and President of ABATE of Florida, read a list of names of recently deceased Freedom Fighters submitted by motorcycle clubs and organizations nationwide for this special dedication. ABATE of Florida donated a brass bell to NCOM which was rung once for each name on an 18-page list, which took eight minutes to read.

This dedication will once again take place during the Convention, and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists is requesting that MRO’s, motorcycle clubs, and riding associations submit the names of those members and supporters who have died since May 2002, so that we may pay tribute to their memories.

Please submit names to bish@aimncom.com, with the Subject Line: NCOM Convention Dedication. The cutoff date for submissions will be May 1, 2003.

If you have not already made plans to attend the NCOM Convention in Milwaukee, WI, May 8-10, 2003, at the Four Points Sheraton, rooms may be selling out. This year’s Convention will coincide with Harley-Davidson’s 100th birthday, so Milwaukee should be a great place for bikers this year! Make your reservations now, because this will be one of the best ever. Get with the people at AIM headquarters at 800-ON-A-BIKE to pre-register or for additional information, or you can download a pre-registration form and Convention flyer at www.ON-A-BIKE-com.

Thank you, and we hope to see you in Milwaukee!

–Bill Bish, cyclenews-off@aimncom.com

CYRIL HUZE NEO/RETRO AIR CLEANERS– These air cleaners will never go out of style. They are small and will not hide your engine details. They fit a total of 22 different carburetor applications! From the very old to the latest fuel injected models. From EL bikes to the newest Twin Cam 88. These art-deco style air cleaners are 100% hand made and offered in three styles: smooth with top ridge- all smooth- flamed. Each air cleaner includes the cover, the back plate and an exclusive teardrop filter element by Unifilter. All covers are top quality polished aluminum and reasonably priced. Chrome on request.

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ARIZONA SHOOT OUT– March 23, 2003 The president of a Cave Creek Hells Angels club was shot to death outside a north Phoenix bar early Saturday. Daniel Leroy Seybert, 46, a biker whom most people knew only as “Hoover,” was shot in the head at Bridget’s Last Laugh, a family member from Minnesota said. Hoover headed the club’s Cave Creek charter.

Lt. Joe Harris of the Desert Horizon Precinct in Phoenix confirmed the homicide, saying Seybert suffered “upper-body trauma.” He declined to give more details.

“It was a shock,” said Hoover’s sister, Becky Paggen, 31, of Foley, Minn. “We know he was shot coming out of a bar. “We don’t know much else, and the less we know probably better.”

It’s unknown if the death is related to a long-simmering rivalry between other motorcycle gangs and the Angels, who dominate the state’s tough biker scene. [From Az. Republic.]

POW/MIA RIDE–On September the 14th the 4th annual POW/MIA Ride For Rememberance will take place. Ride meets 11:30 am at VFW post 6643 on rt.18 in East Freetown MA. the ride then goes to the VFW/WASHINGTON CLUB in New Bedford MA., where there is a cookout & live band.The cost is $5.oo per bike. All proceeds will go to the veterans transition house in New Bedford MA. for more info call 508-992-8511

–from Rogue and Bikerlife.com

Bandit, just a little something to brighten your day–Barbi.

TEXAN ARTILLERY TECHNIQUES–A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when theyhear a voice call from behind a sand dune. “One Texas soldier is betterthan tenIraqis.”

The Iraqi commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over thedune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes andthen, silence.

The voice once again calls out “One Texan is better than one hundred Iraqi.” Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again, silence. The Texan voice calls out gain

“OneTexan is better than one thousand Iraqi.” The enraged Iraqi commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought…. Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune andwith his dying words tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men……it’s a trap. There’s two of them.

–from R.R.

SHOP AT SEARS–IT IS ALL ABOUT HOW YOU TREAT THE PROTECTORS OF OUR LAND. I assume you haveall seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees whoare called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open andavailable, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and losebenefits as a result of being called up… Sears is voluntarily paying thedifference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medicalinsurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for upto two years.

I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen andshould be recognized for its contribution. I suggest we all shop at Sears,and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the companygets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.This is definitely one to pass on.

–from Rogue

MA APPEALS COURT AGREES WITH BIKERS, NO TEST, NO TICKET– (Cambridge, MA) Siding with three motorcyclists ticketed by theNewburyport Police for ‘excessive noise’ violations, the Appellate Divisionof the District Court Department, Northern District reversed the lowerCourt’s ‘responsible’ findings, vacating the judgments and dismissed thecitations, reported Paul W. Cote, Legislative Director of the MassachusettsMotorcycle Association.

“This reaffirms what other District Courts have decided in similarsituations, ‘no test, no ticket,’ Cote roared. “The Court’s decision alsoshows,” he continued, ‘riders can ALTER their exhaust systems so long asthey do not exceed the State’s allowable decibel level of 99.”

The citations stemmed from Patriot’s Day weekend last year when theNewburyport Police Department instituted a ‘motorcycle noise abatementpolicy,’ stopping over 55 riders who complained they were detained,harassed, threatened with towing and told to ‘stay out of my town,’ by thepolice.

The MMA engaged its chief legal counsel, Joseph S. Provanzano ofPeabody who argued at trials the sound meter was required. When threeriders were found ‘responsible’ during trial in July despite no ‘testing,’Provanzano appealed.

–from AOL SoLRHawk

Watch out for guys pulling trailers.

MARKETING FLORIDA DRIVERS LICENSES–FACT: The Florida DMV can sell your personal information unless you secureyour records by activating a block.Take a moment and check if your name is blocked from selling yourinformation.

The DMV is authorized to give out (sell) your personal information toanyone: (name, DOB, phone number, address, SS#, Medical disabilities,etc)with no problem. You can go to the State of Florida web site and block theDMV from passing on any of your information.Go to www.hsmv.state.fl.us and click on ON LINE DRIVER LICENSE CHECK toverify if your driver’s license is valid – once it verifies that yourlicense is valid or not it will let you know whether or not your license isblocked and it will give you the opportunity to block it at that time byfollowing the instructions.Pass it along to your Florida friends.

— AOL SoLRHawk

MYRTLE BEACH BOYCOTT STILL ROCKS–5000 flyers go SC to be distributed about the boycott. With the donationsreceived, the folks in SC should be able to educate some folks as to theinjustice committed there. To all those who helped in anyway …….. ThankYou ……… we achieved our goal on the flyers.The URL for the flyer is http://solrpa.com/myrtle/myrtle.pdf it’s in .pdfform

–Hawk
ICQ 34668186
AOL SoLRHawk

BIKERNET EXCLUSIVE–Just in the last couple of weeks Otis Chandler, Los Angeles Times magnet, appeared at a private auction and paid $310,000 for a 1907 Single. There are only four known Harley-Davidson strap tank models in the country. The price of antique bikes just went up.

TERRORIST ATTACK SURVIVAL KIT–This is a Terrorist attack survival kit. Comes with one filter mask, one roll Terrorist Duct Tape, One roll Contractor quality clear plastic. 1 flag and instructions on use.

In case of terrorist attack: Place mask over mouth, Place plastic over head, seal at neck with duct tape, hold flag in hand. PRAY!

Use at own discretion!

–from Bob T.

Continued On Page 3

The sizzling news was launched a day early last week. Cut me a break this week, will ya? I just unwound myself from an 8-hour flight from Tahiti. Last night eight of us partied with the Harley Riders of Tahiti. There are 75 plus Harleys in French Polynesia and this particular group supports the handicapped children’s’ schools and facilities on Tahiti and Moorea. Bikernet is helping them create the first run to Tahiti. This was dry/wet run to one of two major charity banquets in Papeete sponsored by Sofitel Hotels and the Harley Riders. Incredible party of over 800 guests. I’ll tell you much more about it in complete report from the islands, so you’ll know I wasn’t slacking. Let’s get to the news…

NEWS FROM THE WAR FRONT —No ridin over here. Lots of fun with dirt divin’ from them long-range missles the inspectors say that Saddam don’t have.

If the dumbasses don’t cap that paper-hangin son-of-a-whore this time, I’ll take a pen-knife up there and cut his fuckin throat myself. Enjoy it, cause freedom ain’t free. De Opresso Liber,

–Doc Poppe somewhere in the shit.

P.S. Buy them fuckers a beer, who made them Patriot missles. They’re okay with me.

Old flicks from Bob T.

BEACH RIDE REPORT–The Beach Ride 2003 will rock this year at the Queen Mary on September 7th, in Long Beach California. We are in the process of building a Custom Chrome ground up custom to raffle off. This ride was designed for the Exceptional Childrens Foundation. It’s a non-profit Charity Ride. No bullshit.

We hope to have outstanding groups for entertainment such as WAR and ———–. We are working on a world class display of antique motorcycles and a master builder to display his bikes. We will also have a ride-in bike show and we’ll start taking entrants in the next couple of weeks.

We are currently looking for a rider with a sidecar and a pet who loves to be the co-pilot. If you know of someone, drop me a line. We need the rig and rider for television publicity.

–“George Hayward” georgehayward@sbcglobal.net

CRUISING BILL PASSES ARIZONA LEGISLATURE–House Bill 2386 Passes with a 35-22-3 Vote.The Arizona House passed HB2386 on March 12, 2003 with little public fanfare. It has been unaffectionately labeled the ?dangerous driving? or ?anti-cruising? bill by its opponents because in its strict interpretation it makes riding a motorcycle or any other vehicle in ?processions? of two or more illegal.

That means weekend rides by groups of motorcyclists will put them are risk of being cited with a moving violation that is a Class 1 Misdemeanor ? similar to speeding, drag-racing or reckless driving, and exposure to fines of up to $2500 for the offense. It will make all organized ?rides? such as Poker Runs, Charity Rides, etc. illegal and expose all the riders to the aforementioned penalties.

But there is still time to act out against this Bill before it becomes law. Essentially we have four opportunities to stop it.

The Bill now moves into the Arizona State Senate where a Committee will review it and then open up a hearing for public debate on the pros an cons or the proposed legislation.

OK! So what do we/you do now? The best thing we can do as individuals is contact our Senators (and House members) and A list of our Senators can be found at http://www.arizonasenate.org/senate_directory.htm and it provides names, districts, phone number (all 602 area code) and email addresses as well as mailing addresses. Now is the time to start voicing you objection to the bill and the aforementioned argument should be stated in any message you convey to those Senators.

Check CycleRides.com for more info. We will be meeting with Senator Jim Waring (R ? Scottsdale) – a co-sponsor of the Bill in the Senate and Representative Mark Thompson (R ? Tempe) – a member of the House Transportation Committee on Wednesday (March 26) afternoon to voice our concerns. We will report on the results of that meeting next week.

–from Rogue

THE MAY COMPANY USED BIKE LOT–Here’s some bikes my pals have for sale. The first one is this white pearl ’89 Heritage Springer which was torn down and completly rebuilt with S&S cases and lots of billet and chrome goodies. It was been featured in a magazine a few years ago. It’s been sitting for years. These assholes never ride. They just wheel and deal. There was about 30 grand put into this bike and it can be bought for half that. Just contact me, Bill at (702) 301-4042.

This one is a ’57 motor on a unbutchered ’52 frame. The front end is off a Ultra Groundpounder. It is a great running bike and a stock primary cover will fit over the belt. We have one that goes with it. This bike would be an easy restoration. He’s asking 10 grand, all trades considered.

Here’s another old school chopper. It would make someone a great project. The motor is a late ’60s Shovel with a Pan cam cover and earlier left case with a bad number job. It has a clear Nevada title that says it is a ’53 FL. It runs very strong and has Performance Machine brakes front and rear. It is a suicide with a rachet jockey with a folding bayonet on it. As little as $6,000 will take it. Oh, the frame is a real ’56-57 straight leg that has never been raked but it has been moulded and lots of brakets are removed.

Ok, here are the last two. One is your typical 883 Hugger. It is a very clean ’95 with 13k miles on it. Lots of new stuff including the Le Pera seat and drag pipes. Runs perfect, has new tires etc. $5,500 will take it. The other one is a Shovelhead FXR with a 89-inch hot set-up in it. It has forward controls and a late style wide glide off a Dyna. Runs very strong, needs cosmetics, $8 grand. obo. Owner is dying of cancer fast and his family needs the bucks.

Thanks and have a great week, maybe get laid for me cus I haven’t found a chick I am compatable with for a long time, I guess I am too picky or got too much when I was young.

–“Bill May”

HEY HOMES CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!!–$$$$ from tha desk of THE L.B.C.’S BIGGEST MONEY HUSTLA FO LIFE!!

–JESSE JAMES $$$$

FROM THE BIKERNET INTELLECTUAL LIBRARY–A Wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa and takes his faithful pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now!”

Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?”

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, “Where’s that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”

The Moral: SOMETIMES IF YOU CAN’T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, THEN BAFFLE THEM WITHBULLSHIT!!

–from Rev CarlR

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OLD ARMY BIKE RECEIVES READER’S SHOWCASE SPOT–Watch the Reader’s Showcase area for a feature on this soldier’s bike. You can imagine why we honored him with a feature. “Okay, you can put the gun down, now.”

I tried to point out to him that he could feature his bike, whenever he chose, in our Reader’s Showcase area. It’s easy. Post your Jpg shots and tell you’re own story.

We’ve even got back-up in the shape of a female custom painter, CrazyHorse, who can assist you and may even write down her thoughts about your scoot. Check it out, and watch for this scoot, or I’m in big trouble.http://www.bikernet.com/cybercycles/

QUOTE OF THE DAY–“You know the world is going crazy when -the best rapper is a white guy,the best golfer is a black guy,France is accusing the US of arrogance,and Germany doesn’t want to go to war.”

–from Digital Gangster

DEAL OF THE WEEK–Hey Bandit, I drove over to Aztec N.M. last weekend for a ufo conference and I found this Panhead in Farmington. It is a unrestored original ’64. The motor has never been apart and it runs like new. He wants 16K for it, so I thought someone down there might be interested. His name is Dana McGarrh and his cell is (505) 860-2217.

Soon I will send you some pics of bikes we have for sale here. Got to go to work now. Oh my number is (702) 301-4042.

–ride free, Bill May

ICE HUNTING GONE ALL WRONG–Two hunters from Michigan–(true story) This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take in consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don’t want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite…

Remember a while back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog? Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, lightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand newNavigator. They continue to yell as they run. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps anddrops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master. Then–BOOM–the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this “I can’t believe this happened” look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!

And you thought your day was not going well?

–from Bob T.

BIKERNET WAR CORRESPONDENT IN THE AIR– Take away the night vision goggles ….. …… then you get a picture of what the Iraqis see – – NOTHING!

–from Chris T.

GET LAPTOP CONTROL OF HARLEY-DAVIDSON EFI ENGINES WITHSCREAMIN? EAGLE EFI RACE TUNER SYSTEM–
MILWAUKEE, WI Jan. 30, 2003 ? Plug in a laptop computer and maximize theperformance of any fuel-injected Harley-Davidson race engine with the Screamin? EagleEFJ Race Tuner, a sophisticated software package from Harley-Davidson Genuine MotorParts and Genuine Motor Accessories.

Designed for use in racing applications, Screamin? Eagle EFI Race Tuner software is divided into two modes. Tuning Mode allows the user to tune certain variables of the EFJ system for changing track conditions and performance product combinations. The Data Mode monitors up to 28 variables and records and graphically represents tuning changes with easy-to-read graphs or charts. It can produce horsepower and torque curves and speed-to-distance estimates based on recorded data from your last run down the drag strip. The software also includes Screamin? Eagle calibrations, which may be downloaded and tuned to maximize horsepower and torque of an EFI race engine.

The kit (PIN 32107-01) has a suggested U.S. retail price of $459.95 and includes tuning software and User?s Manual on CD, an electronic interface and required cables. Dealer installation is required.

For additional information on the Screamin? Eagle EFI Race Tuner kit and other Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories see your local Harley-Davidson dealer or visit the Harley-Davidson Web site at www.harley-davidson.com.

Tofind a dealer near you, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY–
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.
3. On the other hand . . . you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
12. I intend to live forever–so far so good.
13. Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
14. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
15. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
16. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
17. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
18. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
19. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
20. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
21. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
22. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
23. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
24. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
25. Change is inevitable . . . except from vending machines.
26. Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!
27. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
28. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand…
29. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
30. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

–from Rev CarlR

WIRING TECH COMING FROM JOHN COVINGTON–We spent several days and 40 photographs to bring you a complete tech on running wiring inside highbars for the King. According to John Covington of Surgical Steeds, “It wasn’t good enough.”

Watch, in the next couple of weeks, for the “real” story on Bikernet.

VANCOUVER RIDERS SURVEY–We have a new survey on our website (www.bccom-bc.com) about whereriders would like tosee on-street motorcycle parking Monday-Friday from 6am-6pm in Vancouverand Burnaby ifyou are able to encourage any of your HOG members to check it out andgive us their inputthat would be much appreciated!

Thank you kindly and take care.

Shannon
info@bccom-bc.com

RAISE A TOAST FOR THE TROOPS– When you look beyond the bullshit reporters trying to second guess every move and the politics, it’s the guys and gals on the front line who are bringing the ultimate opportunity for freedom to the middle east. I salute them. I also salute the men and women who have designed and manufactured the equipment behind our troops. They’ve done a helluva job to equip our fighters with the finest gear on earth.

I want to mention one more thing. It took tremendous “Balls” to afford the press the access they have to this action. In a sense we are allowing the world to see all our our blunders, our slips and mis-calculations. We are allowing the world to assess our military equipment and it’s effectiveness. I just hope the decision was wise and ultimately promotes unity and respect world wide.

I’m ducking out for a week. When I return Jose will report on the latest Discovery Ride from Florida to Dallas. Billy Lane and Dave Perewitz will cut a dusty trail across the country. I’ll report on a smaller, more intimate run in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Have a helluva weekend–Bandit.

–from Bob T.

I watched the President speak this morning. He wasn’t saying anything new, but during the FOX reporting they mentioned and showed footage of Iraqi people scrambling for aid packages. The reporter said that the people are still afraid to say anything in public supporting our troops, for fear we will abandon them again. That hit home as a major reason for this effort.

I pray that when the dust settles, the Iraqi people are free and living comfortable lives full of promise, that the world is a better more peaceful place, that terrorism has suffered a severe blow in many ways, that the United States is vindicated for our efforts and the Muslim religion followers know that this campaign was not religiously oriented. That’s a lot to ask, but in my way of thinking, it comes down to doing the right thing for all of humanity.

Let’s get to the news:

CYRIL HUZE CHOPPER SPIKEE GRIPS– Unique design from Cyril Huze with extra length for added comfort. Complements the Huze Spikee line of handlebar risers, mirrors, footpegs, velocity stacks, primary side covers. For factory style or internal throttle systems. A spike theme to develop all over your custom bike. All Spikee grips have a removable end on the clutch side for installation of an optional mirror directly on the left grip

Description and ordering online at:http://store.cyrilhuze.com/CyrilHuze/Accessories/Details.asp?ProductID=10215

Cyril Huze
Tel: 561-392-5557
Fax: 561-392-9923
Website:
http://www.cyrilhuze.com
Webstore: http://store.cyrilhuze.com

WILL BIKERNET BECOME A BAD RIDE SPONSOR?–I have not bugged you as to your involvement with theB.A.D. Ride. BUT, We are approaching a deadline ofsorts. The last printing of flyers will go to pressApril 1, and to have your logo on the flyers, it willtake an involvement of $1000.00. A verbal commitmentis all that we need at this time and of course yourartwork for the logo to go on the flyer. This flyerwill be distributed at all the pre-Laughlin openhouses and of course at laughlin as we do every year.

It would be a real asset to our effort to have”BikerNet.Com” as a partner in our effort. Even if youcould get involved with the committee to adminsterthis fund raiser. All, 100% of the monies go to theAmerican Diabetes Assn.

I am told that a cureis available to cure Diabetes, it just needs moremoney. Please help in any way you can. Thankyou…

Call Lori or Angie at the office, (800) 828-8293ext. 7439 or 7446. The web-site iswww.ripsbadride.com. The next Committee meeting forthe LA chapter is Wed. nite 26, MARCH, 03 at 6.30 pm atBartels Harley-Davidson.

Any time I see you is a real treat, recently, alongthe aisles at the Long Beach Swap Meet and severalyears ago, in Carson City, Nevada, when coming out ofa restaurant and seeing you on your way to Sturgis.

Last year as a journey for me, I RODE my 1978, 750Honda to Kenniwick Washington, for the hydroplaneraces, then over the hills thru Idaho, Montana,Wyoming and eventually into Sturgis. In Cody Wyoming,the street actors thought I was Fank of ZZ Topp andsigned a poster for me. After working for several daysfor other people, I headed to Minn. and Wisconsin,thenIll. for a 45th reunion of my high school class. Firsttime I had been back for a reunion. Then back thruMissouri, Oklahoma, where I wathched Tornadoes on theroom TV, before Passing thru Texas, N. Mexico, andArizona. It was real journey and treat for me to roamaround the US on two wheels. This year I will go thruCanada to Alaska on the AlCan highway. Then on thereturn leg I will venture to Sturgis again. All thison an old Honda.

Hope to see you soon.
–Gypsy

We have made contact with Lori and a sponsorship offer. We haven’t heard back.

BIKERNET CONNECTION OF THE WEEK–Are you looking for Vincent parts, early Triumph parts, early English or Jap parts? Check with Cindy at Century. If you’d like to buy one of the first Excelsior-Hendersons, mine, she has that too. It’s custom, it’s new, it only has about 3,000 miles on the clock, $13,850.

EASYRIDERS RODEO COMES TO EVANSTON, WYOMING–HEY BANDIT;ARE YOU GONNA GO UP TA EVANSTON, WY FOR MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND (EASY RIDER RODEO)? IT’S LOOKIN’ GOOD THAT WAY. I JUST GOT BACK FROM UP THERE. THEY’RE GONNA HAVE JOAN JETT AND HANK WILLIAMS, JR.IF SO… LET’S HOOK UP!!! “KELLY’S” BAR IS THE PLACE TO BE.

—- REDHORSE/STEVE BROWN

BIKERNET CAPTURES THE ACTION IN IRAQ–U.S. Marines from the 15 Marine Expeditionary Unit fire a shoulder-launched Javelin missile during a battle with Iraqi troops at the port in Umm Qasr, Iraq .

–from Bob T.

SADDAM ATTEMPTS TO RAISE WAR EFFORT CASH–The report from Rogue in Bagdad. “Saddam has closed a deal with Dixie Chicks to cut a CD and sell it worldwide to pro-terrorist groups,” Rogue said reporting from the war-torn streets of Bagdad.

“I’m sure that with guns at their heads, all terrorists will buy my new CD,” said Saddam. “Anthrax is getting expensive.”

We’ll bring you more on this development from Saddam’s recording studio in Bagdad. “It’s tough to cut a record when bombs are rocking the building,” Rogue said as he radioed GPS coordinates to USS Kitty Hawk.

— from Rogue

BIKERNET WAR REPORT FROM CARIBBEAN–Ok, so you know what they say, while the cat’s away the mice will play… This might not be the case since the commander in chief and his immediate staff are going to enjoy the tropical shores of Tahiti, yes, the same trip that I was going to, the downside is that I can’t go. That means, It sucks to be me….and they will have a bit less fun.I have other matters to attend to, if not, better believe I would be taking off as well.

But you will find out later which important matters are keeping me on this side of the continent.

This week I refuse to talk about war and stuff, no need to, since all the TV stations have been stuffing the shots and events day and night. I find really cool that all those prim and proper reporters are on the front lines, no shower, no shave, no gel……Although I wish I could be there and report it my way. I imagine my coverage would sound something like this…” Here we are in this fucking sand trap, those motherfuckers were shooting at us from I don’t know where, this lame ass guy next to me is not shooting back because of his strict instructions. Fuck that ! I’m taking his weapon and shooting those scumbags out of their hole…..After getting my ass beaten in this damn contraption for 8 days I’m sick of it. Everyone smells like a goat here, so I guess it’s part of the camouflage. Fucking sand in every little orifice of our bodies. Fucking sand all over the god damn place!

“While you assholes are back in New York in air conditioned studios and plastered with makeup, I have just one thing to mutter through the sand storm, ‘fuck you too. You look gay, by the way. Don’t ask me again where the fuck I am. You know that I can’t tell you, you fucking cunt. If I knew I would not tell you anyway. Have you ever been in the middle of nowhere?’

“This is sick, but at least some of the troops had a few Hustlers and I’ve been having a great time checking those out. I got to ask a few questions to the commander and all I got where some evasive answers, but I will quote him anyway, ‘Get the fuck outta my way you pussy reporter, go hide in the fuckin’ armored vehicle before the rag heads blow you away.’ I politely asked him where he was from and his address. I will make a point to go back home, look for him and kick his ass….Anyway, don’t bother me for a while, I’m going to find one of those hot chicks in uniform to see if I get lucky.

“Reporting from this shit hole called Iraq…Me ! Who the hell did you expect, Larry King ? That pussy !”

Or if I was in the briefing at Commando Central answering the questions…..General why does Iraq still has their TV station and radio?”Dude, you ask that once more and I’m going to fucking puke,” The commander said, “are you retarded? What’s the use of blowing it up if we have to re build it with tax payers money later on. Shut the fuck up!

General, when do you expect to arrive to Baghdad?”What the hell ! Are you in a rush to get back to your sissy beachside resort? We will get there when we fucking get there. You should be praying that we don’t end this soon or you will be back to reporting about sex amongst gay squirrels in Central Park…Sit the fuck down !”

What is going to happen when the enemy hides in Mosques and Hospitals, what are the instructions?

“Hey scumbag! the General spat, “I’m not supposed to say this, but I will say it anyway since I bet those Iraqui fucks are watching this…I don’t give a flying fuck if they are hiding in the fucking Mecca, I’m blowing those fuckers away, dressed, undressed, in uniform or not. If they think they will have a haven in those places they are fucking wrong, We gonna get you sucka! They can stick that white flag up their dirty, sand loaded asses, we are going to blow the fuckers up ! And before you ask me the next question, which I know what it is.”

General What do you think of the press participating side by side with the troops? (this being asked by a hot blonde babe reporter)

It’s the best thing that has ever happened,” said the General eyeing her shape, ” let’s say I take off with you in my Humvee and we spin around town for a bit. I could answer all your questions. I will campaign to have all reporters equal you, to improve the morale of the fighting men. Anyway, you are not wearing a bra right? Man you are hot ! And those knockers real !!!!! Would you like to see a Patriot rocket?”

That’s it for this week. next week we won’t be around and Bandit will still be in the Pacific in hiding. We live in uncertain times, so read this and laugh if you want, it’s not intended to bash anyone, just to get the mind away from the shit that is going on. Do the stuff that you always do and appreciate it even more, those little things we take for granted. I hope this mess ends soon. Also I wish all the Bikernet crew a safe and excellent trip….

See you next week, or maybe the next….

–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet reporter
— Visit our Web Site http://www.chopperfreak.com

SHOW SOME CLASS– Dress up that game room or garage and let folks know how youfeel at the same time. These patriotic art prints, called Old Glory,are available from the artist Chris Kalllas. They come two ways:Don’t Mess or Don’t Fuck with the USA.

These and other black andwhite prints are availble directly from Chris. Contact him atCGKNAK@aol.com and make sure you check out his color printsthat we offer in the Gulch.

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