Continued From Page 1
BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP ADVICE– A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, “Darling, it’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She wouldlike something electric.”
The husband replied, “How about a chair?!?”
BEACH RIDE UPDATE–IT’S THIS WEEKEND!– “There are a small amount of brochures leftover but not many,” George Hayward said after attending the Long Beach, California motorcycle swapmeet. A consistent promoter for the Beach Ride to benefit the Exceptional Children’s Foundation, he’s work his ass off.
“Once again the Long Beach Swap meet proved to be fertile (& hot) ground. I am guessing @ 600 brochures for the Beach Ride Bike were peeled from my grubby mits. Once again the Beach Ride Bike built by Bikernet was the hit of the show. Onward and upward to the Beach Ride!”
SIGNS OF THE TIMES–On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
“We’re #1 in the #2 business.”
**************************
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
**************************
At a Proctologist’s door
“To expedite your visit please back in.”
**************************
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
**************************
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
**************************
Pizza Shop Slogan:
“7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door:
“Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
**************************
At a Towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
**************************
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
**************************
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
**************************
On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
**************************
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
**************************
On a Fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
**************************
–from Ladd
BIKERNET BAGGER TEST RIDE–You asked me to send you a report on my ride back to Virginia, on the bagger this past weekend. Well here goes, I headed out Friday morning and it was a beautiful day. I was riding solo. “THE MEANEST” was heading to the beach for the weekend. I needed to go back to Va. to see my family and to see the paint job my brother Gary laid down on his Sporty. He flamed it and handled the whole job himself. It turned out great. I was impressed. His first flame job and first time painting a bike.
The bagger ran great and I got used to the saddlebags quick. I didn’t have to strap anything down. As I got into the trip and into the scenery of the mountains, the ride became a time to relax and think and do some soul searching to realize and appreciate how great riding. There is nothing I like doing better.
The trip up was un-eventful, just taking my time and stopping when I felt like it. Oh yeah, before I left I did the thing from the movie Easyrider, where Peter Fonda takes his watch off and throws it on the ground, except I put mine in the saddlebag!
Saturday my brother Gary and I rode over to Waugh Enterprises, the local H.D. dealer. He has been a dealer since the 70’s. They’re good people. Then we headed out to visit relatives that I had not seen in many moons. Sunday morning we rode to the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains(Skyline Drive). It is a beautiful ride, rolling hills, old buildings and gas stations from the past. Old general stores took me back in time. Speaking of taking you back in time, I am sure everyone remembers the T.V. show, “The Dukes of Hazard”. Well at the foot of the mountains is “Cooters Place”, the guy that played the character “Cooter” owns and operates this place. The car “The General Lee” is parked out front, the one used in the show. The joint is cool, and they even host “biker appreciation” days.
Monday morning snuck up on me, and it was time to roll back to Charlotte N.C., and boy did the skys look bad. But I jammed through the whole stretch and never hit a drop of rain. By the time I hit Greensboro the sun was shining.
So my impressions of the bagger? It was comfortable and the bags made the trip convenient. It was too quiet, and this week it gets a set of Vance+Hines mufflers, dyno jet and S.E. high flow air cleaner kit. Is it my favorite bike? No, I will always be a chopper guy at heart but it is not bad to have different bikes for different rides!
— Mike P.
FROM THE BIKERNET ZOO–Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger ‘n me. We’re the same age, we was the same size as kids..I just don’t get it.”
“Well,” said the big ‘gator, “What you been eatin’ boy?”
“Lawyers, same as you,” replied the small ‘gator.
“Hmm. Well, where do y’all catch ’em?”
“Down at ‘tother side of the swamp near the parkin’ lot of that law firm.”
“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch ’em?”
“Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, grab ’em on the leg, shake the shit out of ’em, and eat ’em!”
“Ah!” says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. You ain’t gettin’ any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin’ the shit out of a lawyer, there ain’t nothin’ left but lips and a briefcase.”
–from Buckshot
–photo by Rogue
IMPRESSIONS FROM MILWAUKEE–I really can’t believe after three days of a build up to the “Party” H-D’s secret headlining guest was fucking Elton John!!!What the fuck does that guy have to do with motorcycling or Harley-Davidson? Harley had everything else laid out very well. Milwaukee welcomed every biker with very open arms, great city!I didn’t see one fight, very well behaved crowd, even the Milwaukee police department was very tolerant of bikers doing what bikers do.
I was donating some of my rear tire to the Milwaukee pavement and looked over to see a local cop eyeing me. He did nothing but gave me the thumbs up, too cool!
All in all other than the let down of the headlining act, The 100th Anniversary Party was a great time, in a great city, celebrating a great American product.
–Jef Kors
Continued On Page 3
