Biker chick of the week from Bubblehead.
I’m in a daze. Life is fuckin’ amazing and women are the icing on the cake. I can’t describe how I feel just now. It’s good, so damn good I’m not sure which way to turn. There’s been a series of valleys and mountains of late, and hopefully the road will widen and straighten. I don’t like the monsoons, yet the brilliant sun can dry out my demons quick.
I know this is all an oblique haze. Sure as shit, it revolves around women. In the meantime, writing projects have been hectic and yet I can feel a book deal coming to fruition. Keep your fingers crossed. Let’s hit the news:
Sunday Writing lesson
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Fcuknig amzanig huh?
–from Bubblhead
TOP 10 WAYS THAT HANDGUNS ARE BETTER THAN A WOMAN
#10 – You can trade an Old .44 for two new .22’s
# 9 – You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you’re on the road.
# 8 – If you admire a friend’s handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
# 7 – Your primary handgun doesn’t mind if you have a backup.
# 6 – Your handgun will stay with you even if you’re out of ammo.
# 5 – A handgun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.
# 4 – Handguns function normally every day of the month.
# 3 – A handgun doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”
# 2 – A handgun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
# 1 – You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
–from Buckshot
Rooke Premier Party
Join us for our premier party…Jesse Rooke
WINO JOE FROM THE ROAD
Just’a nother warning for them ol’farts. Yes that’s y’all 55 plus. If ya been livin’ off your wits/on tha street & ain’t got rich yet (me neither:) get hip ta some kind’va health insurance program. Get’a gig that provides it ’cause the mob ain’t goin’a take care of that.
If you’re a VET, kool. Go ta tha VA hospital. Sign In. Then you are covered all over the World.
Get checked for Diabetist & Colonoscopy. If ya make under $24,000/yr it should be free. Without it, ya don’t ride free.
–Ride On!
Wino Joe,USA
Hillbilly Gas Chamber from Ken M.
Janklow is scheduled to meet with the Media on Monday September 22nd 2003
Please think of Questions you would like answered and contact the media that will be present, and ask them to present questions on your behalf.
How did Janklow still have a drivers license with his record?
Why did it take so long to get fingerprinted? Why was he not photographed? Why was the booking process only partial?
I am sure that you can think of plenty more.
Go to the site below for more information. –Rogue A Young Boy Asks His Father “Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?” Surprised, the father answers, “Well, sure son, we wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t….there are all kinds…depending on a woman’s age– In her twenties, a woman’s tits are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.” “Onions, Dad?” “Yeah, you see them and they make you cry….” Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, “Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?” The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, “Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, it is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” “Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration…” –from Chris T. Indian Motorcycle Closes Its Doors–DEAL TO KEEP GILROY FACTORY RUNNING FALLS THROUGH The first time around, Indian Motorcycle lasted more than 50 years. This time, it lasted five. On Friday, Indian closed the factory in Gilroy where it made heavyweight cruisers and other motorcycles, telling its 380 employees that a deal with a new investor had fallen through. “The motor-vehicle industry is not for the faint of heart,” said Fran O’Hagan, Indian’s executive vice president. “It has huge capital requirements and very long time horizons. “In the end, we didn’t have the momentum” to fund both current operations and future projects, he said. Lou Terhar, Indian Motorcycle’s president and chief executive, broke the news to employees. “It was quite emotional on the floor,” said Ruth Rogers, who worked in Indian’s payroll department for the past year. “I’m sad for myself. We have a lot of employees who have been here for quite a few years. We have families, husbands and wives, who both work here.” The closing comes as Indian was enjoying strong sales and critical acceptance. O’Hagan said the company was “on target” to sell a record 4,500 bikes this year. “The great irony is, the 2004 products finally put Indian where no explanation or apology was necessary to compare Indian to any other brand,” he said. The news took Gilroy officials and Indian dealers by surprise. O’Hagan wouldn’t discuss in detail the would-be investor in what he called “an eight-digit deal.” In 2001, Audax, a private equity firm in Boston, invested $45 million in Indian and brought in new executives, including O’Hagan, who had worked for Jaguar, BMW and Mercedes-Benz. The closing ends another chapter in the storied history of Indian Motorcycle. At first, the company over-promised and under-delivered. An early chief financial officer forecast 9,000 to 10,000 sales in 2000, 16,000 to 20,000 in 2001 and, eventually, 35,000 to 40,000. Instead, only 1,100 of the original 1999 Indian Chief models were built. Sales grew slowly, reaching 2,000 in 2000 and 2,656 in 2001. Employment, which quickly grew to 600, dropped to 400 after layoffs in 2001. “We have not been notified,” an Indian dealer said. In fact, he was planning to be in Las Vegas starting Sunday for an Indian dealer meeting to unveil its 2004 product line and at the factory Wednesday night for a dealer party. The company’s 200 dealers have about 1,500 to 2,000 unsold 2003 models remaining. It’s likely that dealers who sell only Indian motorcycles will be forced out of business eventually. O’Hagan, an Indian dealer, said late Friday that he was unsure what would happen next. Bankruptcy is one option, he said. “In the end, the creditors will control what’s left of Indian Motorcycle,” he said. By Matt Nauman, Mercury News –From TBear and Rogue News From Storm Torn Charlotte Just got off the phone with Trock. He called to see if “Izzy” came close enough to blow me out west. I told him “Unfortunately not, I’m still sweating it out here”! It was good to hear from him. It’s been awhile. It seems to me that at this time in his life Ron and Karen have never been happier. Ron’s retirement, if you can call it that, seems to be looking good. As for me. Just doin “Time” for right now. This fall might be a turning point for me. We’ll see how it all pans out. Lot’s of forks in the road up ahead. It might be “Dice” rollin time. I will be plannin a Phoenix trip in the future. Like you I miss that part of the country. It’s all timing right now. It has to cool off a bit for me yet. I don’t have anything scheduled. Probably base out of Mesa when it happens. By the way I’m goin to be sending you something I made up. It’s Top Secret. So look for it next week or so. Did set-ups on the new Sportster and “King” Custom this last week. Lot’s of cool new things and as always things that make only sense to the “Bean Counter’s” from the “Funny Farm”. –Pablo I’ll meet you in the desert with a lime and a fifth of Tequila. Cop Story While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15mph over the limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he pulled me over walked up to the car and asked me, What’s the hurry?” I replied, “I’m late for work.” “Oh yeah,” said the cop. “What do you do?” “I’m a rectum stretcher,” I responded. The cop said, “What?…. A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum stretcher DO ?” I said, “Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until it’s about 6-foot wide.” The cop asked me, “What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?” I simply replied, “You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge… –Ken Miller I was pulled over Friday night at 1:00 after the Ink Slinger’s Ball. The cop was quick and cool. “He even said while performing a sobriety test, “I won’t hold you up for long, sir.” I was gone in 60 seconds. Slipped through the treacherous claws of the man once more. My girlfriends and I wanted to go out to dinner last night, but couldn’t agree on what we wanted to eat. Carla called and invited us to her place for Sushi! ~Sin Blondes And Jigsaw Puzzles A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me…I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, “Secondly, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, and then”…he sighed, “let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box. ” –Rogue Knew A Blonde That Was So Stupid That……. She called me to get my phone number. –Rogue New Drugs For Women Bob T. Bikernet contributor in the ’70s. BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?” ST. MOM’S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out. PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer. FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number. ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours –from Bob T. SAMSON In Sturgis Kenny Price, Mr. Samson, is building a collection of rare motorcycles for his Sturgis Building. Check this an original Samson Truck. Riding The Bus Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rode in the bottom deck of the bus and the blonde team rode on the top level. The brunette team down below was whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realized she didn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette asked, “What is going on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!” One of the blondes said, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver. –from Chris T. New Pyramid Scheme There’s a new pyramid scheme out there and as you can see from the attached picture, young naive women are falling victim to it’s lure. Just one glance at the look on this poor girl’s face tells you how much she’s suffering. Please do your part to warn everyone about this insidious new scam. –from David M. With That–I’m outta here– This week breaks a record or a rule for the Cantina. There’s pussy in the news. We generally stick with topless only, but so much sweet pussy crossed my desk I couldn’t resist. Thanks to all the hearty contributors out there who made it possible. Otherwise, let me know your thoughts. I could be in trouble. Speaking of women. Well, I’m going to hold off. One has been bouncing off the walls recently. She has me pondering the open road once more. Dangerous, then again, when life is pure nectar of the gods, it couldn’t be better. Let’s see what happens next. –Let’s Ride! –Bandit
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
She studied for a blood test.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
Shen she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left” she turned around and went home. 
