BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE G. KIDNAPPED BY FOREIGN TERRORISTS

We all seem to be burning the candle at both ends. Do you feel the same? I think I’m busy and call someone in the industry, and I can tell by the tone of their voice that they’re moving at light speed. Their words are clipped and their concentration drifts. They’re moving onto other projects while dealing with the list facing them. It’s a good thing, then again, maybe not. We need time to reflect on our success, on what we’ve accomplished and to enjoy the fruits of our nail-biting. In other words, grab your babe, a fresh bottle of Jack and your finest ride and get away. Make a point to take time off. Stop thinking about work, memos and politics, grab a handful of heaven and go for a ride. I did on Halloween night, and look at me. I’m a wreck. Let’s get to the news:

STAFF MEMBER RUNS FOR AMA BOARD–Mike Osborn, our affable advertising director and the chairman of Abate of California’s Political Action Committee, has been working within the political structure of motorcycling for over 15 years. Now he’s prepared to take another giant step in the world of motorcycling and run for the board of directors of the American Motorcycle Association.

Speaking of freedom and the elections that are coming up, the country seems to be at a crossroads. Another Abate member recently asked me why we don’t have more celebrity motorcyclists come out publicly in favor of the freedom motorcyclists work so hard to preserve. Could it be that helmet laws have become a political hot potato that rivals abortion or gun laws? Has the public decided to give up its freedoms in exchange for safety regulations? Have they given up their right to choose in favor of mandatory regulations? Have they abandoned the responsibility for one’s actions in favor of having government agencies protect them from themselves? Who the fuck knows. We’ll see, though.

THE BIKERNET FOX REPORT–We’ll be releasing Brenda’s Deuce techs on the site any minute now. But just as we were about to disrobe the Fox from Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in front of Randy’s camera for some suggestive shots in the new Bikernet T-shirt, Hells Angel Dan snagged her for one long wheelstand to Palm Springs Bike Week. We chased his stroked FXR, but he left Snake in the dust. Fortunately Dan couldn’t keep his front wheel on the ground, even in downtown Palm Springs, and he was arrested. We quickly swooped in and kidnapped her back.Watch for Dan, the wheelstand king, who’ll have Big Red Machine Bike on display at the Love Ride. Don’t miss ’em.

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules.

MC CLURE FINISHES UP 2000– McClure Finishes Up 2000 Jim McClure has one more race to finish up his 2000 Top Fuel Harley-Davidson season. McClure will be competing in the rescheduled IHRA CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham Dragway Nov. 4-5.

After the final points were tabulated in AHDRA, McClure finished third nationally in the JIMS Top Fuel series and second in the Eastern Top Fuel points challenge. McClure missed four AHDRA events because of dates that conflicted with the IHRA series.

McClure is currently sixth in the IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Division. The Top Fuel Racers Association has announced that Screamin’ Eagle will continue to sponsor the Nitro Harley series on the IHRA curcuit in 2001.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite and Vanson Leathers

Catch the man at www.jimmcclureracing.com, and don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

LAST NAME BLUES–

BANDIT– Oh, Bandit. You are so cool. No explosions here. Groovy. I hope that you like it…We are and will always be… your loyal outlaw girl gang.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
–GOTHGIRL
Devil Dolls MC

As the sun drifted behind the Palos Verdes Peninsula and a sliver of a moon crept into the Halloween sky like a razor sharp glass shard, a package was delivered to the smoldering Bikernet headquarters. It was the new Devil Dolls MC 2001 calendar. Smoke slithered out of the envelope and the San Pedro bomb squad was called. When they discovered that the call originated at Bikernet, they retreated to the home of the kid with an apple sporting a fuse. For information on the Goth Girl’s new calendar, head to devildolls.com. Keep a fire extinguisher beside your computer though.–Bandit

BUELL REPORT–Here is an S&S Super “D” air horn on a Trock bored 40mm CV carb. This is on my ’95 S2 Thunderbolt. Made the adapter, which has same internal taper as the air horn. Small opening of the air horn is 2.375 diameter. The diameter of the carb radius entry is 2.250 at the carb’s gasket flange. This controls the thickness of the adapter (.750) with the given taper of the S&S air horn. This works very well!!! Too bad there is no filterelement for it.

Also, for a neat light show, turn off the lights when the bike is running on the Dyno. Then point a timing light at the air horn while the bike is running. You get to see what’s going on in the intake tract–eerie shit.–Paul Davis, Charolette Harley-Davidson.

Yes, the air horn is available. It’s a Spit & Sputter (S&S) Super “D” 4 inch.Their P/N was SS17-0141 awhile back. Its cost was about $35. The adapter I had to make. I have enough “Rudiminum” stock to make a couple or so. I had planned to make some this winter. It also requires a mod. on the carb mtg. bracket so it can be screwed on.

Got to make this quick as I have a plane to catch this morning.Got together with the local Buellies last night and got to looking at some of the tricks and tips they have put together as a group.

1.) Shifter linkage and brake lever sideplay? Invest $30 in a set of bronze bushingsfrom American Sport Bike P/N 5546. It tightens up the linkage nicely for smoother shifts and ease of finding neutral. (ABS phone: 760-946-3379)

2.) While you are at it, the aluminum shifter linkage and brake lever polish up nicely.Spray a coat of clear on them before reinstalling to maintain the shine.

3.) Want some footpeg relief from the vibrations? Replace the solid Buell footpegs with a set of standard H-D pegs. I installed a set from my old FXR and what a difference.

4.) The three-spoke wheels can also be stripped of the paint and polished. Looks totally custom. They are super nice wheels when you stop to appreciate them.

5.) Maybe by now you found out that the Buell quits running if you attempt to ride away with the kickstand down. There is a cut out switch at the kickstand pivot mount. It can be bypassed by shorting out the wires if you so desire.

Dropped the stock muffler this morning in anticipation of the Vance/HinesSS2R replacement I ordered. Couldn’t help but start it up with the header in place.Sure sounded like a hotrod Harley! The kids at the bus stop started cheering!

I am out of here. Ride fast, ride safe!!

— Bikernet Buell Agent, Anson

THINGS YOU CAN SAY AT THANKSGIVING–and get away with:

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It’s Cool Whip time!

4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!

5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!

6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Don’t play with your meat.

10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

11. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!

12 . You still have a little bit on your chin.

BIKERNET’S BIG APPLE BABE REPORTS FROM BIKETOBERFEST–Biketoberfest 2000Tricked and Treated while on the Prowl!

The Confederate Hell Cat 2001 both tricked and treated me with its 107-inch S&Sand the Total Performance engines. I couldn’t ride just one. I straddledtwo…a black and a red “kitty.” My grin was like a carved pumpkin facewith a permanently lit candle inside. I made a scary realization:I’ve found my perfect ride. The bike was the definition of sex, drugs androck ‘n’ roll. The sleek steel sexed me up, the horsepower drugged me andthe torque rock ‘n’ rolled me down I-95.

The bright red hellcat with its arched tank was an undeniableTechnicolor dream (or trip?) and the black kitty crossed the paths of many,bringing drools and good luck to the ogling eyeballs of the general cruisercrowd. By the end of my day’s ride, I had affectionately named the prowlingmidnight pussy “kitten,” ’cause I was smitten. I’m still trippin’ from theride!

Florida was OK. The highlight was getting to drive the 2001 HellcatConfederate. Test drove the new Confederate for American Rider but had a photographer with anawful attitude who really made my life difficult. And Ithought this guy was my friend, too.

Chopper2

MY FIRST CHOP–Got these scanned finally. I have more of the Pan but they are slidesthat need to be converted to jpg files. The Pan was my first chopper, first bike. Built it when I got out of the Navy Seabees in ’76.

A ’69 Bagger was my second bike. Put a ’76 front end on it, along with same year seat and heads. Had all Andrews gears in the tranny. I put in a set of 1/2-inch stroker S&S wheels, rods and pistons. It had solids with a “C” grind cam. It was a real sleeper!! Notice the handmade Derby cover on the ’69 one piece primary.

Let me know what you think about the Pan with the Fury Girder.

— Paul Davis, Charolette Harley-Davidson.

Man/Woman– A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells “PIG!”

The man immediately leans out his window and yells, “BITCH!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the nextcurve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If only men would listen.

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT– After a couple weeks and countless hours, we have *finally* tracked down the source of the Mailman (and other) problems–the ethernet card is malfunctioning. That’s why registered readers receive several duplicate e-mails

We have been grappling with our ordering system. We will have new software shortly. If you are turned down trying to order a product, let us know. If you do have a problem, drop us a check in the mail and we will have the order out to you pronto.

Il signore con la barbetta bianca e’ Willi G. Davidson, quello con la maglietta nera Americana Roma e’ Marco J.L. Il primo e’ arrivato con l’aereo privato, il secondo con un viaggio di 40 ore.Ma Willi G. ha disegnato la FAT BOY e io l’ho comptrata.. basta questo!Hasta pronto

Sorry Bandit, I sent an e-mail to my list named “bikers” and you are inside of it, of course.It was just to salute my friends from the HOG NACIONAL RALLY MEXICO (Oaxaca). Attached is a picture of me shopping with Willie G. and his bodyguards.

I went there because if you remember I was interested in organizing a biker meeting in Playa del Carmen for this year, so I met the chapters of Mexico City, Monterey, Guadalajara, etc., and we are going on, finally straight ahead!I hope I will receive the help of the locals. It will be a great meeting. It’s organized by an Italian enthusiast in Mexico in a global village on the Caribbean sea, showing the best of American Legend, with the bikes (few or many) parked on the pedestrian walkway. An expo with Mayan signs and piercing, a mix of anything we like, mescal, tequila and girls included… and don’t forget the TOY RUN!Would you like to be on it? You’d be truly welcome and part of the Californian Kustom Kulture that I think has a lot of roots inside the Mexican way of life, colors and tastes and fine art of “just do it …later.”

If anyone is interested, I need help from only the best!Marco aptcentauro@hotmail.com

MR. BANDIT– give the kids their candy tribute, then scare ’em! After dark,get naked with your pals and party. The next mornin’, have breakfast withthe Dead. Let the holiday season begin! With respect to those thatrespect tradition. Ride On! Wino Joe, USA

Only in the outlaw tradition–Bandit

ORWELL UPDATE–We have a print date of Nov. 20. The books will be shipped the day they are printed or the next. We’re praying for a slightly earlier date so we’ll have the books before Thanksgiving.

OFFICIAL BIKERNET ARTIST REPORT–have just sent Digital Gangster a new, full color, 10-panelcartoon of Nick the Dick. So, please go screwyourself!

–Jon Towle, master craftsman and prick.

WORDS TO LIVE BY–I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a big dick or huge tits.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others — they are more fucked up than you think.

NEW LINK PAGE LAUNCHED–Here in the hallowed halls of Bikernet, we’re working our butts off the seats of our P-pads to make Bikernet more user-friendly. Now, for quick reference to other biker sites, bikers’ rights organizations and our sponsors, run or peel-out to our grand link page for direct access to the cats you need to contact.

QUANTUM UPDATE–Well, Quantum officially filed Chapter 11 on Oct. 27. It looks likethey are going to try and make a go of it.One of the things that almost fucked it up was a dude named Jeff Starke. Hewas a vice president and one of the people that originally started thecompany. He was doing some back door dealings and wanted the company to goChapter 7 (bankrupt). He was trying to get the rights to the 4-Valveheads. His plan was to get the heads and find someone to finance a whole newdeal with him in charge.This is the same guy that made American Motor Works go belly up. Beat everyone out of money and then found investors to open up Quantum. They made him apresident and then eventually vice president when he got other people toinvest more money.It seems to be his scam.

When he moved here from South Florida and boughtHarley Motor Works from Dennis Mitchell, they ended up going to court. ThenSmitty from Spirat had some dealings with him and it either went to court oranother route. The Snap-on tool truck is not allowed to stop at the shopbecause he ripped them off too. Everyone I know of that has any kind ofbusiness dealing with him has had problems or gotten screwed.

Well the new investors knew all this too and wanted to cover all their bases.It appears that they have and are going to try and make a go of it.I met with Keith Ruxton and a couple of the guys Friday and let them knowthat I was still game for it, especially if Starke was out. They assuredme he was.

Now we wait for things to take their course.I will keep you informed–Rogue

AMERICAN IRON MAGAZINE REPORT–Starting with the February 2001 issue, on sale in January, American Iron Magazine will begin year-long coverage of the Indian scene to be part of the 100 years of Indians. This coverage will be in additional pages so we will not be giving up any Harley-oriented editorial pages.

VALUABLE INFO–American car horns beep in the tone of F.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age orolder.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache

CYRIL HUZE ABSOLUTE CUSTOM–Here’s another sharp example of Cyril’s handiwork. For more information, hunt him down for one of his Miami Vice catalogs.

BIKERNET EAST WEEKLY PARTS CONNECTION–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each.
1 Delkron FXR 5-speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1100.
1 4-Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16-inch spoke wheel in box$250.
3 Revtech 16×3 front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each.
2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each.
1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each.
5 billet aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 billet aluminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
3 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
1 H-D outer primary cover to fit FXR$100.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 each.
2 Spyke starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$80 each.
5 New Harley-Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each.
3 5-Speed Harley-Davidson taper shaft diaphragm clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
7 heavy billet aluminum 5-speed transmission doors polished and bearings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each.
3 JIMS pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each.
2 sets CCI 15-294 six-gallon gas tanks H-D FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide, seat, threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide, seat, threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rocker box covers Retail $86.52- Dealer $57.68$25 each.

–BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com

FREE RUSTY.COM–A token of freedom for Rusty–Naomi and Suzy from Bikers Dream. For information on law enforcement, support items and Crime Inc. products, see the above site. Also, if you’re a Hells Angel fan, follow the plight of Rusty Coones on this site.

HAWGSKINS.COM– Are you a long-distance putter? Do you ride in weather that sinks ships? Well Hawgskins manufactures heavy leather bras for lower legs of Harley front ends. These custom puppies will protect your lower legs from ragged nicks and dings shot at you from the high- speed open road. They’re like chaps for your front end. Go to Hawgskins.com and check ’em out.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PUMPKINS DRINK TOO MUCH–

BIKERNET FEATURED IN INDUSTRY REPORT–No shit. Bikernet, that’s us, was featured in an industry report on biker Web sites to watch. I was blown away. It’s like featuring Joe’s Bar in an exclusive restaurant magazine. Here’s a quote, “This West Coast-based online bomb-thrower achieves symmetry, balance and biker Zen by blending old-school savvy with high-tech funk.” Wow! I was blown away. I’d quote some more, but the rest was bad. Real bad. The other site featured was American Motorcycle Network. “Lee Love, whose claim that AMN is the ‘largest source of motorcycle news on the planet,’ is grooming AMN to be ground zero for two-wheeled surfers. Check out the newly launched Motorcycle News Wire for the latest industry buzz including quotes, rumor and hot links.”We sent these bastards a letter bomb this morning. We’re now hiring subversives in the Virginia area to eliminate this site. Please send your resumes to bandit@bikernet.com.

A GHOSTLY RETREAT–Like I was saying before I was interrupted by the news … We need to get away more often. Think back to Halloween night when you painted your face crimson, installed the long fangs of evil and started your glistening steed for a wild ride into the slippery city night. Begin to focus on the party, on the scantily clad girls, the evil lurking around every corner. If your brains cells aren’t completely fried, try to imagine that last party, the one where you promised to meet the women from the first two.

As you sip your last Jack of the evening and watched the lightweights and punks slip into their drunken stupors, you catch the eye of someone in silk with buttery cleavage. Her form entices you, and someone introduces you. One girl is tall, her hair a silken robe that hangs like black icing flowing down the side of a Halloween cake. The other is bouncy and aggressive, short but long on witty attitude. She knows what she wants and is actively pursuing it. They chat with you, each word probing for a response, for acceptance, for an open door. You listen and agree, tease and let the door swing. With each subject, the sexual overtures blossom forth. It’s only for you to allow them freedom. The short blond becomes more furtive, until words turn to touch and the night explodes with new sensations.

What begins as an evening of drinks and cool rides becomes ecstasy between the sheets. As you watch the sun come up, you wonder what the 12-hour work days are all about. Hit the iron pile, polish the bike and find a new adventure. It’s biker heaven right here on earth.

Better hit the road before I’m recognized.–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–CONSPIRACY CHARGES FILED AGAINST MEMBER OF BIKERNET STAFF

This is ridiculous. We’ve got so much shit flyin’ we don’t know which way to turn. Perhaps I should just go out to the Bikernet garage…

and fire up the ’48 and let her warm up. Since we slipped new pistons in it, I’m trying to break it in nice and easy. With the dual Mikunis and an automatic advance distributor she fired first kick, although I fucked up the timing the first time around. Then for some reason the points quit on me. I replaced the coil. Nothing. Then the condensor. Nothing. Finally, I cleaned and sanded the points and it came right back to life. I have a feeling that this old 61-inch tramp is going to run like smooth sex.

We’ve kicked off a link program and will be posting links to biker rights organizations, our sponsors, our advertisers and whoever the fuck I choose. It should be a quick reference guide, if you need to reach someone fast.

The Bike Show area is undergoing some tweaking, but will be flying soon. It’s up to me to design some cool trophies (with the image below). We have something in mind that will double as a point cover, or you can hang it on the wall with all your other trophies. We have also added a couple classes to the mix to spread the wealth. Sure, there will be the standard Radical Class (anything with a custom or modified frame); Street Custom (anything with a stock un-modified chassis), Vintage Chopper (rigids and old chops), Pro-Street (street race scoots), Competition (serious racers); Sportster; Rat and a Ridden Class (any guy who wants to boost his mileage). Did I leave anything out? Let me know if I did. It will be free to enter.

Okay, what else? The Buell is minus the air box, which is making me twitch, I need to go for a ride. I’m waiting on a Screamin’ Eagle air box for the carb. We’ve kicked off a portion on the site dedicated to Buell modifications (Buell Report). You can check there for info from other enthusiasts and I will post any goddamn thing I do to that bike. We might discover that there’s a hidden outlaw in the H-D line-up and it’s called a Buell. Keep in mind that Buells are basically FXRs turned upside down with a high-performance Sportster engine slapped into them. Watch and see what happens. The Blue Flame should be back in the garage for the Love Ride. I’ll be working on the tank tech next week. Oh, and don’t forget: The 1946 Indian is still for sale (bandit@bikernet.com). Send me an e-mail if you have a suitcase fulla cash.

Remember Brenda, Brenda, Brenda, Brenda the famous model/stunt woman/rider who works at Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in Marina del Rey? We just performed three techs on her new Deuce: lowered shocks were installed, as was a new Samson exhaust and the new Holly carb from Harley-Davidson. She’s smiling from ear to ear. You’ll see the info posted here starting next week.

Fuck it, let’s get to the news:

QUANTUM CYCLES UPDATE–The gates are locked and every one is laid off pending the outcome of acourt hearing on Chapter 11.The people from Canada wanted to buy it and started the merger but found allkinds of fucked-up things.They had Hagen and Irving resign and were all set togo ahead when Jeff Starke threw a monkey wrench into the deal by tellingFeuling a bunch of shit and trying to make a side deal with him as some money was still owed on buying the patent for the 4-Valve heads.

This is the same guy who made American Motor Works go belly up and oweseveryone money. He’s been to court for not paying or violating contracts witheveryone he did business with since he moved here from South Florida. Owesme, Smitty and a bunch of other people money too.

We are all hoping that the new guys get it and we all can get back towork. I am doing side jobs for now. Need to call Keith Ruxton and see how heis making out. He just moved all of his stuff here but don’t think he and Chrishave bought a house yet. A lot of people fucked by this. I will keep you advised as best I can.–Rogue

CYRIL HUZE ULTIMATE CUSTOMS– has just launched a new catalog. If you’re a builder and want to explore a completely different line of products, get one of Cyril’s catalogs. It’s packed with products that look like nothing else on the planet. Cyril is a designer from way back and knows what he wants from his products. (Click on his banner for more info) He demands originality and gets it. Here’s one of his own rides.

DRINKS AND YOUR PERSONALITY– Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down-to-earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very pickytaste; knows exactly what she wants. Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her, if she is interested,she’ll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine – (does not include White Zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zin Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually hasno clue. Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is … this should be aneasy target.

Drink: Shots Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk … and naked. Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed thisevening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila: No explanations required-everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT ON BIKETOBERFEST– Hey guys, just got back from Biketoberfest. Once more the traffic andpandemonium got the best of us. All ran strangely smooth, the planes, theshipping, the hotel reservations, etc. As soon as we rolled in, our bikeswere there, nice weather hung over the coast and a quick drive from Jacksonville landed us in the center of Daytona action.

We passed bysome of the booths and said hi to friendsbefore the mayhem of the weekend started, before the pacing walk became amad dash for life. I needed to catch a few hours of sleep before theconstant wacking of drag pipes became unbearable, with rubbies left andright twisting the infernal throttle, “wack ,wack, lookatmee,lookatmee…!”

My girlfriend’s chopper was ready, cool and waiting to be broken in. Some 6inches of stretch, 42 degree rake, kandy green and a 1200 Sportster motor,cool, light and brand spankin’new. Had my new chopper waiting also, black, 10 inches over,47 degrees, Panhead from STD and rigid….. We put some miles in them,limited might I add, but easy, helmetless miles.

As the week went on, things started to get busy. Seems there is notenough time to do all, or even little, crowds, traffic and a hellish timetrying to go from one place to another, meeting here, Rats Hole, Boardwalkshow, dinner, meeting, ride, checking out the endless vendors, ride,dinner, meeting, bars, trying to sleep. They all connect ,everythinghappening at the same time, not having time to do all, finally to hell withall and try to relax, getting almost nothing done.

Thanks to the Volusia County Sheriffs Department, we spent two of thoseprecious hours being interrogated as bike thieves. The story goes likethis:A friend of mine from PR moved to Texas and left his bike in my shop forsafekeeping until he could ship it to Texas. Since my trailer was going toFlorida, I offered to take it as long as he picked up the bike in Daytona,cool.

He shows up with a U-haul and we get on the hotel courtesy van to pick upthe bike at the trailer lot. A cop saw the U-haul and felt that he was up tono good. When we saw the now-Texas residents being pulled over by thesheriff, I pulled the van over and asked what was happening. There and thenmy rights went fliying out the door. He asked me for ID and asked me to corroborate the story. I’m cooperating as much aspossible ’cause I want to get the fuck out of there, before they findsomething, or make it up. Then the Volusia stolen bike task forcechief shows up and we have five cops against four guys that just want to get thehell out of there. Then, another deputy notices my friend’s “Support yourlocal Red & White Orange County” sticker and really starts giving us dirty looks. Lucky he doesn’t know jack shit about the HA. Finally, I ask him to follow us to the trailer and check the fucking VINnumbers so he can feel he did his duty. He went into the trailer, mag light in handand proceeded to check the bikes. I wasso happy to see that dude leave us alone.

On the bright side: Jesse James had some killer chops, Dirty Harry and theBank were never crowded, we got to ride around without the mega crowds ofBike Week. First time ever in Main Street with no helmet, missed all theshows, came back with three killer choppers. I got my book signed by Sonnyand everyone was unhurt in our crowd. And by the way, had a very stokedgirlfriend…

See ya soon……Jose

I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOUR– Buell project and it rattled my brain some. What’s left, anyway? Rick, who is in charge of R&D at Titan, had a Buell S2like mine. He cut up a rejected Thunder Header and used just muffler parts. He made an adapter for it to fit the stock Buell header pipe. The sound was more like a Sportster or Big Twin than a Buell. This may be something to look into.

KT products makes a very loud pipe. Also Force One in Lake Havasu, Ariz., makes a good pipe using the reverse megaphone technology. Also a guttedBuell muffler (Race Type) sounds really fine.

This is the force airbreather setup for the Buell.The Website was forceusa.com but it is unavailable now.

VANCIL FLIPS FOR TROPHY IN VEGAS–Doug Vancil brought home the trophy from the JIMS Las Vegas Nationals at “The Strip” at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But he only took home half the purse.

Vancil’s best qualifying pass on the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties Top Fueler was 6.91 ET at 210 earning him ninth on the 16-bike ladder out of 29 teams. “The clutch was slipping in qualifying but the early numbers were good. Sunday morning in the first round, we won over Bill Furr of Orangeburg, S.C., running a 6.71 ET at 205.10 in the 1/8 mile but the wind was terrible. AHDRA officials decided to change to the 1/8 mile for safety reasons. It was a good decision.”

Round two, Vancil won over Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., running the 1/8th in 4.29 ET as McClure spun the tire. In the semi-finals, it was Vancil over San Antonio, Texan Mark Conner. But the weather went from bad to worse, with rain halting the show and no sign of reprieve.

Vancil was slated to match up against Canadian National champion Ron Houniet in the final. Houniet came to the last round running a 4.37 ET. Vancil said: “I don’t think that I’ve ever run Ron before, it looked to be a good race but oh, well what are you going to do?” The decision was made to call the race a draw and split the money. But what about the JIMS Vegas trophy? The two racers flipped a Canadian coin. “Ron said it was a loon coin. It was OK with me. I won the toss, so I got the trophy.”

The Vancils are proudly supported by Vance & Hines, Drag Specialties, Performance Machine, K & N, PJ 1, B & J Transmission, & Axtell.

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

THE LATEST HORSE MAGAZINE–Sports a cover with our own Rourke and the Silver Slut scoring center stage. Hell, there’s a tech on the Blue Flame, a story of my sordid past and fiction from… Well, it’s too bizarre to mention. Check it out.

SSSHHHH! NEWS FLASH!–“Asphalt Cowboy,” the screenplay based on one of Bandit’s book outlines, is inching closer to production. Yeah, that’s right. All the different elements seem to be coming together. I would like to elaborate, but deals are in the works. Any leak of information could hamstring production and put us back at square one at any moment. So cross your fingers and hold your breath and maybe, just maybe, film will be rolling as early as the start of the New Year. We’ll let you know what’s up as soon as we can. –Conrad

PALM SPRINGS BIKE WEEK–What was purportedly to be a bust, a bike show shifting to cars was a hit from all accounts. For me, it was a search for the face in the photo above. She’s Kendra Roth, once an employee with CCI and a recent recipient of a shapely boob job. I couldn’t find her. If anyone else spotted her, let me know. Now here’s the skinny on the Blackjack Shootout–Bandit:The 21 or Bust – Blackjack Shootout, held Oct. 15, was a huge successby all standards, according to run organizer Fred Pascarelli. We are intoArizona’s prime riding season and the temperature was in the mid 80s. Over 500Arizona bikers were in attendance at the first-ever event. There were evensome bikers from Germany who turned out for the event as part of their holidayin the southwestern United States.

The event, put on by a small group of independent bikers, treated attendees tothe sounds of nationally known country band Duane Moore and Mogollon, who playedsome fine bike rock and blues to boot. Inside Yolanda’s Chuckwagon was a greatDJ, some excellent karaoke singers and some 21 dealers that wowed the crowd.

Outside on the main stage, the fake orgasm contest was more than we had everhoped for with the crowd vote determining the winner. The 50/50 ticket sellersentertained everyone from the band to the security to the crowd and the BudGirls were awesome as they took pictures with event attendees and passed out Budand BudLight mementos.

As for the award winners:Two Florence food banks will split $802 from the 50/50 and extra 21 hand sales.

According to run organizer Fred Pascarelli, “gate receipts did not cover ourcosts associated with putting on the event.” However, even with costs exceedingreceipts, Fred and Jayne are making donations of $500 to the American HeartAssociation and $500 to the American Diabetes Foundation on behalf of the 21 orBust Blackjack Shootout.

50/50 Winners:

* Mike Mullarkie pocketed $650
* Joann Strand, second prize winner in the 50/50, took home a pair of diamondearrings valued at over $600.
* Logan of Logan’s Valley Motorcycle won the third prize in the 50/50, a $300Harley-Davidson Willie G. leather jacket.

Blackjack Shootout Winners
* Dennis Beye won the trip to the 2001 Laughlin River Run and $150 cash.
* Linda Pinkerton won secnd place in the Blackjack Shootout and $150 for her skillat picking cards.

Fake Orgasm Winners:* Here everyone was a winner as the contest was a huge success
* Shawna Davis won first place and a trip for two to Laughlin.
* Second place and $50 went to “Spaz”

A first round of run pictures is currently available on the 21 or Bust Website,http://www.21-or-bust.com.

For more information, contactFred Pascarelli at(480) 759-2218

MY DAMN PICTURE– is showing up more on your site thanmy own. I suppose you still can’t recognize one of yourown highly paid writing staff. That would be me givingthe one finger salute in last week’s news.

My snowbird flight from north to south(west) was kick-ass as usual, the highlight being riding the NatchezTrace. If anyone ever finds themselves in Tennessee,the Trace is a must ride. Especially the first 100 milessouth of Nashville. Winding through the hills, this slabof asphalt has the curves of a centerfold and is smoothas French silk. I’m not talkin’ curves to challenge theBuell riding canyon racers. The sweeping radius on thisroad is one after the other and it makes you feel as if you’reno longer connected to the ground, just floating. Iguarantee you will be smiling. The Trace is limitedaccess, like a two-lane expressway, and no commercialtraffic is allowed. I rode it for two days and saw nomore than a dozen other vehicles. No semis, no towns,no crossroads, just you and the long winding road. Thisis motorcycle Disneyland. It just gets better. I wasblessed with radiant blue sky, T-shirt temps and treespainted with autumn color. How did I get to be such alucky bastard?

Now, you may be asking “whatdafuck is a NatchezTrace?” First it was an Indian trail, then it was a routenorth for Mississippi barge runners. They would floattheir barges of goods down river, then with no way togo back up stream they would sell the wooden floats forlumber and walk home. There are many places alongthe road where you can stop and see the well-worn paththrough the woods, still there after all these years. Nowit is a national parkway running from Nashville toNatchez, Miss. It is definitely on my top 10 list ofroads in this country.

Another note, or maybe I should call it a warning. As Iwas riding through this part of the world, I saw onepolitical ad after another about the increased deaths ofmotorcycle riders in Louisiana since their helmet lawrepeal. They are pushing hard to reinstate the law. I’msure that a closer look at the statistics would reveal thetruth. Like maybe there was a huge increase in ridersduring this same period? So OZ, is there anything wecan do to help stop this from happening?

The second highlight was a visit to Tombstone, Ariz. Yes, it is a tourist trap, but it is the most original andauthentic wild west town I’ve been in. As you passunder the covered store fronts, your boots echo thesounds of yesteryear on the boardwalk. You can almostsmell the black powder in the air and feel the six-shootertied to your leg. To complete the effect, when you arriveat the Crystal Palace Saloon, saunter up to the building-length bar and bark out “whiskey!”

Then suddenly thesoft voice of Debra, a beautiful young freelancephotographer, snaps you from your daydream, “Youhave just the tall rugged look I’ve been waiting for. Could I ask you to……..”

I’m such a lucky bastard!

–FTW,Stroker

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES–

English: He’s cleaning his automobile
Chinese: Wa Shing Ka

English: This is a tow away zone
Chinese: No Pah King

English: Is there a fugitive here?
Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

English: Small Horse
Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni

English: Your price is too high!!!
Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!

English: Did you go to the beach?
Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?

English: I bumped into a coffee table
Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni

English: It’s very dark in here
Chinese: Wai So Dim?

English: Has your flight been delayed?
Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?

English: I thought you were on a diet?
Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?

English: They have arrived
Chinese: Hai Dei Kum

English: Your body odor is offensive
Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu

English: You know lyrics to the Macarena?
Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

English: I got this for free
Chinese: Ai No Pei

English: Stay out of sight
Chinese: Lei Lo

English: Phew! Does this bathroom stink!
Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?

–Michael Walch

MYSTERY SLED–Thebike was custom-built at Strokers plus in Sabattus, Maine. The motor is a 113-inch S&S with branch head work, crane hi-4 ignition, headquarters bumpstick, S&S carb and E.M.C blower. Bike makes some serious H.P. Baker 6-speed trans, 200 series rear tire and Chopper Guys chassis. The paint work was done by East Coast and features checkered flag with ripped purple paint (House of Kolor). lowbikes@aol.com.

Yeah, so why is it here?–Bandit

BIKERNET CONSPIRACY INVESTIGATION– What’s that,putting a rev limiter under someone’s seat (Zebra’s Scoot, from his account of the Sturgis 2000 run from the East)? That’s why I’m not trusting someone over 50 years of age from San Pedro! You Sly Dog! He, he, he, he.–Thomas Brown

I’m innocent, I tell ya.–Bandit

ULTRA WIDE ONE– Here’s one of Ultra’s new models. The first company of this type to build reasonably priced rigid framed models, Ultra continues to build a complete line of Softail and rubbermount models.

This is the Wide One: A classic with a twist, this sporty cruiser gets better every year. It’s loaded with new features for 2001: Chrome inverted front end; smooth gas shocks; new ultra-comfortable passenger saddle; precision machined fender struts and an all-new chassis for 2001. All bikes come with full custom paint schemes. For more info, go to www.ultracycles.com.

WE WERE WONDERING– FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT US: www.chopper.ite-mail: info@chopper.it. WE WOULD BE GRATEFUL TO HAVE A PLACE ON YOUR WEB SITE ABOUT THE SHOW.THANK YOU. “Francesco Agnoletto”

NEWS BRIEFS–Biketoberfest has been a horror this year – LOTS of deaths. Very scary! Oh, and did you hear about Lauren Hutton going off the road on her motorcycle in Vegas? Dangerous days, I guess!

–Sundance

BIKERTRASH.COM– Biker Internet Magazine published since 1997. I had been looking for a publication that wasn’t afraid or too pussy whipped too publish my adventures revolving mostly around the Outlaw Club, 1%ers, patches.I am trash and honor my brothers. I live, breathe and devoted my life to the old- school way.

Bikertrash.com not only had no problem with my “friends” and doesn’t fuck with my way/style of expressing myself. Yeah, he edits some, but not really that much and never changes the meaning of whatever it is I’m trying to get across to my readers.

I really enjoyed your site and would love to be one of your contributing biker news bitches. Perhaps even a column page set up for a fictional reporter written by me with the pen name……….humm lets see…Biker Bobbi (this is one mean, bad-ass, knock-down, give-ya-a-hard on- within-seconds-of-looking-at-her bitch). She could be at events and write about what she REALLY sees/hears. Could be trouble for ya.

If ya got Biker Magazine, September issue, number 186, flip to pages 44 and 45. Feature story “BB DOES RUBY” with semi nude photo’s…yeah that’s right, it’s me in the flesh. I wrote about how I stripped in Keystone last year (1999) during Sturgis in a place called The Rubby House.

–BB

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules.

THE PRESIDENT– The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with secret service agents. One of them leans over and whispers in the President’s ear. Mr. Clinton pauses, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dug out, kicking and screaming obscenities.

The President shakes hands of those near him and gets “high five’s”. The secret service agent leans over again and whispers, “Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!”

MY NAME IS DEAN LAMAR– and I am the Internet marketing director for Gettysburg Financial Inc. We specialize in financing custom cycles, exotic/classic and sports cars.

Balloon finance specialists
With good credit, we offer the lowest payments available
Refinance existing vehicles and lower payments
Age of collateral is no problem
Custom quotes are our pleasure
Thousands of satisfied customers
We finance Euro cars

Please visit our Website at www.gettysburgfinancial.com We offer a secure online application for your convenience.

For more information and a custom quote, please contact us at (954) 786-2642 or info@gettysburgfinancial.com

DEVIL DOLLS NEW CALENDAR–No, this is not a shot from the Bastard Babes from Frisco’s new calendar. This is a shot of the president, Goth Girl and the babe, who will come to your home and kick your ass if you don’t buy a calendar. Here’s a note from the pres: “If the frickin’ mail delivers your Devil Doll 2001 calendar, you can scan whatever you want from that.”

As far as news, we are announcing our big Frisco bash on Dec. 1 at the groovy niteclub Double Play to celebrate the 2001 calendar release. It will begin at 7 p.m. and go til we say “enough.” More enticing info and threats can be found on our events page on our Website www.devildolls.com

I will be going to Denver on Thursday afternoon until Sunday evening for work. Hopefully, I will not be kidnapped by any rival gangs…he he. OK, masked man. Let me know when that damn calendar arrives.

–GOTHGIRL,your Doll

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS–The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; “7” was selected becausetheoriginal containers were 7 ounces. “UP” indicated the direction ofthebubbles.

Mosquito repellents don’t repel. They hide you. The spray blocksthemosquito’s sensors, so they don’t know you’re there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feetawayfrom a toilet, to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood.

That’s all ya get this week. Pop quiz later.

SPORT CRUISER– Takes Cruiser Performance to a New, Higher Level WithRefinements for 2001.

A year ago, Victory Motorcycles rewrote the book on cruiser motorcycle performance with the introduction of its phenomenal V92SC Sport Cruiser. “It delivered such outstanding handling and braking that it established a newtype of motorcycle not a sport bike, not merely a cruiser, but aSport Cruiser.” Check the Victory Website for all the hot new innovations.

BOUDREAUX AND THIBODAUX– Boudreaux and Thibodaux were walking down a country road when they came upon a young woman with a flat on her bicycle. Boudreaux stopped to help her with the flat and Thibodaux continued on down the road.

Awhile later Boudreaux came riding up on the bike and Thibodaux asked him what happened. “Well,” said Boudreaux, “I stopped and fixed de flat for dat chick and after I did dat, she took off her panties, lay down in de grass and told me to take whatever I wanted. I chose dis bicycle.”

Thibodaux said, “My friend, you did just the right thing, cause dem panties probably wouldn’t fit you anyway”.

THERE YOU HAVE IT–That’s all I can handle. I know I forgot something, but what the hell. Chew me out, point out my mistakes. I don’t care. As soon as the news is packed in, I pack it in for the week. Yeah, right. I’ll be back at it tomorrow, for awhile, but then it’s Jack Daniels, screwing with the bikes in the garage and chasin’ ever-lovin’ women. Which reminds me, keep sending in the shots. There are valuable prizes waiting for the most outrageous riding shots to melt Kodak paper.

A buddy stopped by just after Sin Wu scooted out the back door after lunch, and we blathered on about bikes and broads. We chatted about life and its ups and downs and came to the conclusion that as bikers, we have the world by the tail. We’ve had one helluva run, and as long as there are bikes, women and streets to ride on, the adventure continues. So don’t let the bastards get you down, ever. Get out and ride, and if your woman is giving you grief, hell there’s plenty where the last one came from. On the other hand, don’t blow a good thing if you can help it. Fuck, we’re burnin’ daylight, let’s ride–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HEADQUARTERS OVERRUN WITH WOMEN

Big week at the Bikernet sweat shop. You know the feeling of having a week that looks as calm as Monday Night Football and a cold one — no break-ins, fist fights, cops banging on the crumbling exterior of the Bikernet headquarters, nada. Sure, my plate was full with six tech features that needed to be written and I had to proof the Orwell cover and send it to the printer. We had a press release to write and a couple more tweaks to perform on the classic ’48 Pan with the dual Mikunis. John Buttera of Lil’ John Products, a master designer and machinist, had visited the headquarters and demanded that I build him a Panhead desk. I planned to inventory the scruffy, broken and twisted parts bin for the mangled material to begin the project. That was Monday’s check list, which also included trading in my new Buell Thunderbolt. It has bulletproof touring hard bags and is fuel injected for the sportier Cyclone with carb, smaller fairing, low-end torque and black on black exterior. I immediately felt more comfortable on the model with the lower handlebars and narrower profile.

Unfortunately there was a sense of unrelenting urgency to the fleeting hours of the first day of the week. I was expecting the parts needed to perform three techs on a new H-D Deuce the following day, and she was delivering the bike just after the Titans tromped the Jaguars. I had also made arrangements to have the tech operation performed at the Harley-Davidson fleet center by the knowledgeable hands of Gene and Gene Jr.That’s when the week got crazy. Gene Jr. called and a movie shoot would take the two skilled professionals out in the field. I checked schedules, there was a trip to Nashville, a $5,000 photo shoot for Brenda later in the week and innumerable other commitments to be filled. It had to go down on Tuesday, but the parts still hadn’t arrived. At 10 a.m. Monday, with no products in hand and the fleet center closed on Tuesday, my plan was rapidly going to shit. What, me worry? First, Nuutboy and I, along with Wrench, swaying Snake and the affable Renegade, decided that we would undertake the project ourselves in the Bikernet garage. Of course Renegade got pissed and stormed out because I ran out of Jack. Snake went to the bar to reflect on the proposed physical labor and after the second six pack withdrew his offer of help. Wrench and Nuutboy scoffed at their timely retreat and stood fast, I thought. But where were the parts? We better get to the news:

PENTHOUSE COVERS STURGIS–I’m writing to announce that PENTHOUSE.COM’S coverage of the Sturgis2000 Races and Rally is now up and running at:www.penthouse.com/sturgis_journal/

BANDIT’S 1946 INDIAN FOR SALE–No, I don’t want to sell it, but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Not only will you receive my favorite Indian of all time, but several posters of the above image. That shot alone is worth $25,000. Quick, send me the cash –bandit@bikernet.com.

EXCELSIOR HENDERSON HITS DELAYS–E.H. Partners Inc., owner of the Excelsior-Henderson Motorcycle Manufacturing Company, announced Monday its plans for the business it acquired out of Chapter 11 in September. A two- month review of the business by new management and consultants indicates clearly that restructuring and relaunching the company will require more time than originally anticipated to execute a successful, high impact re-entry of the brand for the 2001 season.

Given that conclusion, management has decided to plan new model market entry for 2002. This will allow the company time to properly restaff the organization, re-establish its dealer network, perfect the design of its original market entry motorcycles and develop a broader line of motorcycles and accessories. At the appropriate time, E-H will return to market with the very best heavyweight motorcycle technology, backed by a complete and well-financed marketing plan.

SWEET DREAMS–Harley-Davidson Authorized Rentals Announces”I Dream of Harley” Contest Winners at www.hdrentals.com.

James White of Huntsville, Ala., hasbeen named grand prize winner of the “I Dream of Harley” contest sponsoredby Harley-Davidson Authorized Rentals. The contest marked the launch of thefirst-ever motorcycle rentals program backed by Harley-Davidson MotorCompany.

White’s essay was chosen out of more than 6,500 entries received frommotorcycling enthusiasts from across the country. As grand-prize winner,White will receive a complimentary seven-day rental from the Harley-DavidsonAuthorized Rentals location of his choice. The complimentary motorcyclingvacation also includes: lodging for the week, round trip airfare and $500 inspending money. Visit www.hdrentals.com to view White’s winning essay alongwith the entries of the six semi-finalists.The semi-finalists will receive complimentary Harley-Davidson AuthorizedRentals for up to three days.

*H.D. Sell, Northridge, Calif.
*John Bowers, Canton, Ohio
*Rob Tejeda, Miami Beach, Fla.
*Ernst Ulibarri, Albuquerque, N.M.
*Christopher Raymond, Mohrsville, Penn.
*Dave Tuttle, Mesa, Ariz.

COMING TO YOUR TOWN SOON–Transportation Appropriations conferees voted to include sanctions forstates that do not enact laws making .08 blood alcohol content the legallimit. Under the provision, states will have until fiscal year 2004 to enact .08 BACor lose 2 percent of their federal annual highway construction funds; in 2005they lose 4 percent; in 2006 they lose 6 percent; and in 2007 they lose 8 percent.States that adopt the standard by 2007 would be reimbursed for any withheldmoney.

The conference report must still be adopted by the full House andSenate, but once passed by Congress, the president is expected to sign thebill into law. The coalition worked throughout the year with the AdvocatesforHighway and Auto Safety to effect this life-saving outcome despite strongopposition from the alcohol and restaurant industries.

A FEDERAL APPEALS COURT HAS UPHELD– an Alabama law banning the sale ofartificial penises. The law was challenged last year by six women who eithersell sex aids or said they need them to get the job done. A U.S. Districtjudge agreed, saying it was “overly broad” and in violation of due processrights. But last week a three-judge 11th Circuit panel overturned theruling.They said the law, “is rationally related to the state’s legitimategovernmentinterest in public morality.” The penalty for selling or distributing rubberdicksin Alabama? Up to one year in jail and a $10,000 fine.

–Cowboy

AH, CHRISTMAS IS COMING–DON’T YA HATE IT?–But since we are obligated to spend our hard-earned coin on gifts for all 45,000 of our closest friends, I’m tired of buying them bike parts that don’t fit. There’s a sure-fire cure to that dilemma: You’ll to buy all your friends “Sam “Chopper” Orwell.” If that won’t do, check out the winter line-up from Whitehorse Press. Check the assortment at WhitehorsePress.com

EVERY MARRIED MAN KNOWS– Every married man knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s $50.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.

BIG APPLE BIKERNET BABE CORRESPONDENT–Sasha is headed for Biketoberfest to romp and stomp with the big dogs while reporting for Bikernet and Bikerlady.com, which is soon to be launched. If you see her there, tell her Bandit asked you to watch out for her. She’s a jewel.

VICTORY MOTORCYCLES NEW MODEL LINE-UP–An excited e-mail arrived from the heady Polaris headquarters: “Bandit, did you receive a press kit?”

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope.”

We’ll fix that,” the banter continued.

Less than an hour later, a gilded carriage pulled by massive Clydesdales halted in front of the headquarters. The team of horses snorted and whinnied after the trek from Minnesota to the coast. Armed cavaliers in leather jackets weilding razor-sharp sabors sliced the growling Bikernet mascot into a case of T-bone steaks and made their way to the weather-beaten front door with an engraved leather satchel. Renegade and Agent Zebra burst out the door with cocked .45s aimed at the two goateed drivers.

I stepped between my two trigger-happy lieutenants and retrieved the package. Without a word, we stepped back into the headquarters, bolted the rickety front door and raised the bridge from over the seething moat.

It’s one of the most impressive press packets I have encountered. Expanding their line-up to three models with an assortment of accessories is quite a feat for this fledgling company. We’ll highlight one model each week for the next three weeks.

BIKERNET’S BLUE-LIGHT PARTS SPECIALS–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each.
1 Yellow powder coated Kenny Boyce Pro Street Frame$400.
1 Delkron FXR 5 speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1100.
1 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.
3 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each.
2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only Rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each.
1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each.

5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
3 HD inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
1 HD outer primary cover to fit FXR$100.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 each.
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$80 each.
5 New Harley Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each.
3 5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
7 Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each.
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each.
1 CCI 12-997 floorboards$25.
1 CCI 09-930 mini floorboards$75.

1 Sets CCI 15-298 Gas Tanks replaces HD 61211-84A & 61228-84$100 set.
3 Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front exhaust rocker arms$50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front intake rocker arms$50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear intake rocker arms$50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear exhaust rocker arms$50 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rocker box covers$25 each.

10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$50 each.
20 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$25 each.
100 Feuling-Quantum intake valves$7 each.
100 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves$6 each.
100 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts$8 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 Cam V-twin$150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Plenun chambers for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$100 each.
2 Black powdercoated oil tanks for Kenny Boyce frames$100 each.
1 White powdercoated oil tank for Kenny Boyce frames$100.
1 Chrome oil tank for Kenny Boyce frame$150.
10 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100 set.
10 Front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25 each.
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30 each.
10 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10 each.
10 Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30 each.
10 Barnett idle cables 96 up HD$8 each.
10 Barnett throttle cables 96 up HD$8 each.
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40 each.
Other Stuff like fenders,seats,handlebars,stainless lines and cables to belisted later as I am still sorting parts–Rogue, BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com

CYRIL HUZE’S NEW CATALOG IS OUT– Cyril Huze absolutely customs is rapidly becoming one of the world’s premier bike builders. If you’re looking for a style with the craze of Lear Jet or the art deco look of the ’30s you need to see the bikes and the component Cyril is responsible for. Check www.cyrilhuze.com, you’ll be blown away.

THE BUELL REPORT–Hey,read the news about H-D on your Website. Will be in Daytona next weekend for the Buell Lighting Series race. Helping pit for my buddy from Thunder Mountain H-D in Colorado. Will be pulling in late Saturday night and be at the track early Sunday morning.

You should check the race out. Lots of good engine builders there.Don Tilley will be testing and Henry Duga from Buell will be there. Henry is Buell’s race liaison. Might give you some ideas for your Buell project.– Paul

PS. Buell’s are the untapped chopper’s of the new millennium.

I will be interviewing Don Tilley for “Hot Rod Bike” if I can catch up with him. I’ll quiz him about Buell performance mods.–Bandit

TATTOO EDITOR GETTING MARRIED–Billy Tinny is getting married to Tammy Robinson (she says finally) on Dec. 4 on the beach at St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. See you there…

BIKERNET CANADIAN CORESPONDENT-EH!–I am attending a course to certify as a three wheeler instructor. My wife Rosalie and I had a wreck back in ’97 on the bridge between Portland, Ore., and Vancouver, Wash., and she could not get around too well after that, so I started riding hack to keep her interested in the sport. Well there was no one in my neighborhood to give me any pointers so I went out and scared the shit out of myself until I had a conversation with Trev Deeley one day. He gave me a couple of pointers to help, thank you very much.So I figured if I got certified I may be able to lend a hand to others in the same boat.

The Trev Deely Motorcycle Museum is going through a make over and should be about finished.

Here’s the dope on the instructors course:

I am pleased to announce that arrangements for the second S/TEPInstructor Prep course for this year have been finally set.

If you have anyone in your program, or know of anyone interested ingetting certified as a Sidecar/Trike Instructor they need to get registeredfor this IP as soon as possible.

The IP will be held in Kankakee, Ill., from Oct. 18 – 22. S/TEP Chief Instructor Vic Hari will be doing this IP. He isblocking off a group of rooms in a local hotel for the class. As soon as Iknow exactly which hotel it will be I will post the information on ourWebsite www.esc.org/sidecar.html.

Cost of the course is $275 per instructor candidate, and does notinclude hotel or meals. Sidecar experience is not required. MSFcertification is not required but is helpful. Registrations can be taken byphone at Evergreen Safety Council with credit card payment. Call (800) 521-0778 and ask for Tina.

The course will be two days of how to teach the curriculum, one day ofrange evaluation and management, and the last two days instructor candidateswill perform student teaching during an actual novice S/TEP class.Certification is good for three years. Rectification can be accomplishedby teaching three classes in a three-year period.

Dave
Program Manager
Evergreen Motorcycle Safety Training
www.esc.org/cycle.html
Sidecar/Trike Education Program
www.esc.org/sidecar.html
(800) 521-0778 — office
(360) 434-5221 — cell

That’s it from the great north–Gypsy Dan

ONE SUNDAY MORNING– William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. “Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She’s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half- sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Dianne said yes! We’re getting married in June.”

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I’m awfully sorry about this.”

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. “Dad has done so much harm.. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.”

His mother just shook her head. “Don’t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He’s not really your father!”

ULTRA MOTORCYCLES HIT THE SKIDS–Seems the bedraggled clone has been de-listed on the stock exchange. That means that the NASDAQ has quit posting it for poor performance, although their stock last registered higher than Easyriders.

What this means to the company’s future is yet to be determined. De-listing is only a factor of stock pricing and all stocks are currently down. The company is still clickin’ and tickin’ away.

A PROFESSOR OF MATHEMATICS SENT A FAX TO HIS WIFE– A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife: Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54-years-old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. — Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband: You, too, are 54-years-old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Don’t wait up.

RACING ALERT–THE WORLD FINALS HAVE BEEN CANCELED DUE TO POOR WEATHER AND COURSECONDITIONS.

BNI CHAIRMAN MIKE COOK REGRETS THE CANCELLATION AND INVITES ALL RACERSTO THE FINAL SCTA LAND SPEED RACING EVENT AT EL MIRAGE NOV. 18-19.–“LandSpeed” Louise Ann Noeth

JOHN BAKER NAMED DIRECTOR OF RACING AT HARLEY-DAVIDSON– John Baker has been named Directorof Racing, assuming full responsibility for the Harley-Davidson VR 1000Superbike effort. In this newly created position, he will oversee and directthe development of the VR 1000, and have responsibility for the Superbiketeam and riders, as well as program partners, sponsors and privateer anddealer race programs.

“Over the past 90 years, winning on the race track has been animportant part of Harley-Davidson’s heritage,” said Vice President MarketingJoanne Bischmann. “We are committed to continuing that racing tradition.”

Baker, 32, has been involved with Harley-Davidson Motor Company’sEngineering and Business Planning groups since 1993. Most recently, he wasinstrumental in the development of Harley-Davidson’s long-range strategicbusiness plan. Prior to that, Baker played a key role in managing the launchand limited production run of the 1994 VR 1000 Superbike. He also held theposition of Platform Manager for the recently introduced Buell Blastmid-size motorcycle. Baker has extensive experience leadingHarley-Davidson’s external suppliers and consultants in various engineprograms and brings additional manufacturing experience from his previousemployment at Cummins Engine Company.

SEWING ON A BUTTON– Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming”Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that’s come off of me fly. Icanny button me pants. “

“Oh Angus…I’ve got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and seeif Mrs. Mac Donald could be helpin ya with it”

About 5 minutes later there’s a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yellingand the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comesAngus. The little lady looks at him and says “My god, what in hells namehappened to you?Did you ask her like I told you?”

“Aye” says Angus..”I asked her to sew on the wee button an shedid, everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off thewee thread…Mr. MacDonald walked in…

WORK-OUT WINNERS–Seems if you have a Gold’s Gym nearby you have a chance to win a new Harley. In conjunction with the 35th anniversary of the line of Gyms, Harley-Davidson has offered to support their celebration: The promotion runs from Sept. 1 through Oct. 19 –fuck that’s today. Better hurry

BIKERNET PHOTO CONTEST–Send us flicks of anything bike oriented and if we decide to run it in our new “Roadworthy Photos” section, you’ll receive a valuable prize from Bikernet or Belt Drives Limited. Could be a ballcap, T-shirt, signed book, etc. Send them to me, quick, but don’t forget to include your address: Bandit@bikernet.com or to Bikernet, P.O. Box 1168, San Pedro, Calif. 90733-1168.And while I’m at it, here’s an exploded view of the tough Belt Drives Limited clutch. This exposed belt drive system is the choice of many custom builders including Jesse James and myself. They’re a breeze to set up and work like they’re supposed to.

THEREIN LIES THE BEAUTY OF THE TWO-WHEELED MACHINE–ALWAYS A FRONT-ROW SEAT TO A GAME THAT WILL NEVER BE PLAYED TWICE–That’s a quote from Agent Zebra’s Sturgis saga now playing on Bikernet. Check it out. It’s one helluva story, and he, if I don’t say so myself, is one helluva writer.On the other hand, the obnoxious bastard isn’t worth the powder to blow him to hell, but he’s my brother.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Hey guys, Biketoberfest has not officially started. Look like ladyluck is not smiling. My girlfriend’s Sportster chopper motor was lostsomewhere in the shipping universe, that left one day to put it in and hookit up, muchos problemas for me. Nothing worse than the wrath of a woman.

The bikes and trailer are waiting for us in Jacksonville, maybe we cansqueeze a couple more hours in The Doll House before hitting the mega overpriced hotel in Daytona fuckin’ Beach. My head mechanic has been MIA forthe past two days, maybe he’s in a love fest, or something…Customers areringing my cell phone of the cradle bitchin’ like I’m doing now, aboutirrelevant stuff. Oh well, cest la vie like the froggy’s say….

The only news I have for you this week is the final opening of the newCaribbean Custom Cycles showroom in San Juan, it’s at 801 Fernandez JuncosAve, Miramar, San Juan PR, phone number 787-727-0633, if you are visitingthe island please roll by and say hi. There will be a bike show the firstSaturday of every month, will post the cool bikes here, I promise.Also promise to report the action from Biketoberfest and even somephotos. — Jose

MOTORCYCLISTS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY– are angry and disappointed about thenegativelink U.S. Sen. Charles Robb (D-VA) is making between guns, criminalactivityand motorcyclists.

A disappointing campaign advertisement, aired by the Virginia DemocraticCoordinated Campaign attacks Virginia Gov. George Allen’s (Robb’sopponentin a U.S. Senate race) position on gun control. The ad depicts the Governorconversing with a motorcyclist dressed in a black leather vest adorned withaHarley-Davidson patch, while a voice over talks about the use of assaultweaponsin the state of Virginia.The American Motorcyclist Association (AMA), the Motorcycle RidersFoundationand other concerned motorcycling organizations have reacted strongly statingthat motorcyclists are no more likely to commit a crime, with or without agun,than any other member of the community.

After initial conversations with Sen. Robb’s campaign staff expressed awillingness to “pixel out” the Harley-Davidson logo. While this tokenremedialtactic may prevent a suit by Harley-Davidson, it by no means excuses himfromculpability in the implication that motorcyclists are a dangerous element.

Sen. Robb’s insistence upon the inclusion of a motorcyclist in his adshows areckless disregard for a large segment of the electorate in his home state,andthe AMA has demanded that he alter the commercial so it no longer uses amotorcyclist to make his points on gun control or any other issue.

For more info contact: Edward Moreland, AMA Washington rep at (202) 682-4750 or atedmoreland.ama@erols.com

I GOTTA BAIL–Speaking of bail, a friend of mine just pled guilty to a tough charge. His wife has a Website to support him, and keep him busy for the next four to eight years. When you have a chance, go to freerusty.com and drop him a line.

Remember the rigid I rode to Sturgis? Well as you know, it didn’t make it back alive. The busted tank had to be replaced and while roaming vendor booths in the Badlands I ran across Paul Yaffe and next to him, the man who makes the tanks for the his custom creations Independant Tank Co. If you haven’t read the Bikernet West Sturgis Saga, check it out.

This is a shot of the original Sportster tank that I mounted. That was the problem in a ball-sack. I mounted it and it went all to hell on the road. So Paul mounted the new sleek Independant job and shipped it back to Harold Pontarelli for repaint. I should have it back on the road for the Love Ride, which is just around the corner.

TODAY’S QUOTE–“The teacher, if indeed wise, does not bid you enter the house of hiswisdom, but leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”

THIS TIME I’M REALLY GONE–Back to terrible Tuesday. Monday afternoon the UPS driver rolled up with a set of rip-saw pipes for the lovely Brenda’s new 2000 Deuce, but I was still lacking the Holly carb kit and the lower shocks. Tuesday morning exploded with my new workout routine and a lot of pacing the hardwood deck. Would the parts arrive? Could we handle the job without the experts? The kick-off time with our dependable photog Markus Cuff was scheduled for 10 a.m. to 11 a.m., allowing valuable time for the constant L.A. traffic jams. At 10, the UPS man rolled to a stop outside, hesitated, then put on his blinkers. The parts had arrived. Then the phone rang. Nuutboy, who doubles as a college professor, was called to grade mid-term papers. The heat was on.

Brenda, who was going to model the new Bikernet T-shirt and double as our blissful cheerleader, started throwing up and was delayed. Sarah, the haunting 21-year-old who darts in and out of my life like a strange whirlwind, showed up at the door. She had been evicted and she was desperate. It was 10:15 and she was standing about the shark-infested moat blabbering faster than wind chimes in a thunder storm, dressed in fuck-me pumps, a black ankle-length skirt that was slit to her slit, and a blood red skin-tight top. What the fuck was she thinking’? Layla was due to show up and snarl at Brenda. The day was turning dicey. What if Sinwu arrived early?

I ducked into the garage with Markus and pretended to be busier than piss-ants trying to escape a Raid can. I kept my head low and went to work. By the time Marcus shot each component, it was noon and I was just beginning to jack up the Softail to remove the shocks.

Believe it or not, by 9 p.m. Markus and I were sitting on the edge of the harbor at the rowdy Mexican joint sipping’ margaritas. The shocks were in place and the bike was a solid inch lower in the rear for short-legged Brenda. The Samson exhaust fit like a dream, and the Holly carb project went together flawlessly. The girls, well they’re all now mad at me except Sinwu, who floated into the garage in time to miss the cat-fight and bring us fish tacos from the harbor. Another day in paradise. Let’s ride–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–EVERYONE GOES CHAPTER 11

Damn,

I left the highrise, executive board room, life of Easyriders to slow down, and instead have become a speed freak and go faster every day. At least the commute is 20 feet instead of 45 miles, there’s no tele-conferencing and no memos. It’s all phone, fax and e-mail. Orwell goes to press tomorrow. The Street Stalker was sold, the printer paid, the dual-Mikuni-carbed Panhead is ready to fire thanks to the expert cable manufacturing capabilities of mechanic Al at Century Motors in San Pedro. New Bikernet T-shirts were just delivered. She’s big, on the back and the small horizontal patch is screened over the pocket area on the front. And no, they’re not black T-shirts, but tan three-button Henleys. Quality shit. Now we need to have lovely Brenda pose with them so you can see what they look like. Last week we packed away five writing features for the site and various magazines. Oh, I almost forgot — believe it or not I’m riding a Buell.

OK, back off, I haven’t lost my Choppers for Life touch. In fact, the challenge will be to chopperize a Buell (a Sport Chop), and I have a plan. I’ll also give you some background on the performance characteristic of Eric Buell’s creation, how we can boost performance, then we’ll see if we can’t make it sound like a Harley, make the engine look like a Harley and run like a bat outta hell. You’ll see it featured here and in the Enthusiast magazine spring edition.

Let’s get to the news:

BRENDA FOX–Our “Diva on the Deuce” stunt woman/show model was spotted at the Del Mar Races showing off the fine artistry and talent of the men of Al Martinez Body and Paint. Brenda was stopping traffic driving around fending off guys on a motorized bar stool.

Only one man could catch her, Hells Angel Dan, the wheelie king, who was seen with her on the back while the front tire was off the ground. She was also straddling him while sitting on the tank, again during a wheelstand. Dan knows women and wheelies.

Next week, we will install a Harley-Davidson/Holly Carb system on her Deuce, a new set of Twin Cam exhaust and a set of shorter shocks to allow her tiny feet to touch the pavement. All the tech will be available on Bikernet in the next couple of weeks. That is, if Dan will return her to the headquarters.

FLASH !!!!!!!!!! YESTERDAY, AMERICAN MOTORCYCLE COMPANY IN MELBOURNE, FLORIDA FILED FOR CHAPTER 11– Employees were notified when they showed up for work at 7 a.m. on Oct. 12. This comes after the recent merger of American QuantumCycles and the new company, American Motorcycle Co.

After reorganizing under Chapter 11, the company said itexpects to reopen and hire back employees in the near future. Employees are owed five weeks pay and will be furloughed until furthurnotice. Company spokesmen told employees they would bepaid as soon as possible, and that when the companyreopens all will be called back.

Most employees say they are not suprised by this and feel that it wasnecessary for the company to make some serious changes.There isexpected to be some problems with officers and salaried personal who may notlike the new changes.

Please note that this is not an official document from American MotorcycleCo. but information from one friend to another. For official information, call (321) 752-0008.

RACER’S WINTER TIPS–If you’re going to ride during these cold, nasty winter months, be prepared!!! Ican not emphasize enough for you to dress warmly, pay attention to yoursurroundings and keep an eye on the weather!!!

Plan your rides, ensure that youhave alternate routes/destinations in the event of inclement weather and ensurethat you have your scoot in top shape. Ride in a group if possible, carry yourcell phone (in the SADDLEBAG) and let others know where/when you aregoing.

Keep your insurance up to date and keep in mind that the cagers aregoing to be MORE dangerous than ever: i.e. the windows are going to beup, the heaters on and your presence on the roadways will be even MOREunexpected to the unwashed masses than normal.

Keep your head on straight,stay AWAY from the alcohol (it WILL NOT keep you warm) and payattention to your riding!!! Hope to see you at the Motorcycle Expo in February 2001..meanwhile take care of you.–Racer

Hey, don’t take the party out of the ride.–Bandit

CHRIS HILL OF HILL PRODUCTS HAS TWO BRAINS– and two matching Harley-Davidson Ford trucks. Plus he built and owns this dyna. Recently featured in Hot Bike magazine, the bike sports an Al Martinez Cheatah paint job and showcases the handlebars that made Chris Hill famous.

But that’s not the reason for this note. No more than six weeks ago, Chris discovered that he had a brain tumor. The surgery took 11 hours.

He is currently recruperating in his vast estate. Drop him a note and cheer him up, he’s not thinking too clearly, lately– HILLPRODUCTS@aol.com

BIKETOBERFEST GUIDE ON BIKERNET–Thanks to Rogue, the other Bikernet East correspondent, Monday a complete guide to the event on the beach will be posted. It’s packed with events, guidelines, resources and maps to whorehouses.Don’t miss it. It may save your ass.

AH, THEN THERE’S LITTLE NANCY– who was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-facedyoungster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your “fuckin’ cat.”

HARLEY-DAVIDSON, INC. REPORTS RECORD THIRD QUARTER– Harley-Davidson Inc. (NYSE:HDI) today announced record sales and earnings for its third quarter endedSept. 24. The company’s third quarter sales were $714.1 million, an increase of 14.6 percent over the third quarter last year. Dilutedearnings per share for the third quarter were 27 cents, a 27.7 percentincrease compared with last year.

“Demand for our motorcycles has continuedto exceed supply, even as we continue to increase our production capacity,”said Jeffrey L. Bleustein, chairman and chief executive officer ofHarley-Davidson Inc.

“An important step in continuing the growth of the company was theratification of a new labor agreement by the union employees at ourproduction facility in York, Penn.,” said Bleustein. “This newagreement runs until February 2007 and is an example of the strongcollaborative relationship we have with our union partners.”

Motorcycles and related products segment – third quarter resultsThird quarter sales of Harley-Davidson? motorcycles were $528.1million, an increase of 15.9 percent over the third quarter last year.Shipments totaled 48,077 units, up 5,462 units or 12.8 percent over lastyear. The company has revised its production target upward to 203,000Harley-Davidson motorcycles in 2000 and to 225,000 motorcycles for 2001.

Buell? motorcycle sales for the quarter totaled $10.4 million, down$6.3 million. Total shipments of 2,631 units during the quarter werecomprised of 227 Buell V-Twin models and 2,404 Buell? Blast* models.Buell’s V-Twin production was temporarily interrupted due to partsavailability issues and a voluntary recall in June of this year. Buell’sV-Twin production is expected to resume during the month of October. Thecompany now estimates that it will produce 10,000 Buell units in 2000.

Sales of parts and accessories (P&A), which consist of Genuine Motor Partsand Genuine Motor Accessories, totaled $133.4 million, a 21.7 percentincrease from the year-ago quarter. Third quarter sales of generalmerchandise, which consists of MotorClothes apparel and collectibles,totaled $41.2 million, up 0.7 percent over the same period last year. Thecompany believes that the nine month growth rate for general merchandise,13.5 percent, is more indicative of the product line’s expected growth ratefor 2000.

Third quarter gross margin was 33.6 percent of revenue, up slightly from32.8 percent of revenue last year. Gross margin improved primarily due tofavorable product line mix, favorable motorcycle mix and model year priceincreases, despite negative effects of European currencies and somemanufacturing inefficiencies.

Third quarter operating margin for the motorcycles and relatedproducts segment was 16.3 percent of revenue, an improvement on last year’sthird quarter margin of 15.4 percent. The increase in gross margin drovethe commensurate increase in operating margin.Harley-Davidson/Buell retail registrations have grown in all major markets,with the U.S. up 19.1 percent through August, Europe up 7.4 percent throughJuly and Japan/Australia up 3.3 percent through May. (See tables onharley-davidson.com for more detail.)

Harley-Davidson Inc. – Nine Month Results:For the nine-month period ended Sept. 24, sales totaled$2.15 billion, a 20.1 percent increase over the year-ago period. Dilutedearnings per share were 82 cents, an increase of 32.7 percent. When thefirst quarter sale of the Harley-Davidson? Chrome VISA? card is excluded,diluted earnings per share were 80 cents, an increase of 28.8 percent.Through the first nine months of this year, Harley-Davidson?motorcycle revenue was $1.64 billion, a 20.5 percent increase, while Buell?motorcycle revenue was $47.4 million, a 4.6 percent increase compared withthe same period in 1999.For the first nine months of 2000, P&A revenue totaled $349.4million, a 22.9 percent increase, while general merchandise revenue totaled$110.8 million, a 13.5 percent increase compared with the same period in1999. Through the first nine months of 2000, HDFS operating income was $24.2million, a 25.7 percent increase over last year.

Acquisition of Italian DistributorOn Oct. 2, Harley-Davidson acquired the assets of its Italiandistributor in a cash transaction. The new wholly owned subsidiary willdistribute Harley-Davidson and Buell motorcycles and related productsthrough a network of independent dealers in Italy.

MC CLURE TAKES ET RECORD TO 6.61 AND RUNS 226.01 MPH–Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., had ’em stomping on the grandstands, cheering their hearts out at Rockingham Drag Way for the AHDRA Eastern Finals. McClure qualified second in the quick field of 16 JIMS Top Fuel setting a new ET record to 6.61, previously held by Doug Vancil of Albuquerque, N.M.

But for the last few races McClure knew there was a 220 mph pass just waiting to happen. At the Rock, where records are smashed, McClure found his 220, but his performance exceeded his modesty. McClure lit up the crowd when the lights showed a 226.01 pass. It was awesome. “There was big traction, good air and we knew it was in there. It felt wonderful.” according to the radiant McClure.

But just like the Sunday temperature, things went down hill. The temperature dropped almost 25 degrees, McClure was on a back up when a tappet broke, bending a pushrod, slowing the bike and outing him for the day. McClure said: “We just can’t seem to get a break, we know it’s there, the computer showed we were on the back up, same curve, same power band, but with this horsepower, sometimes things break.”

McClure left Rockingham for a quick trip to repair the damage before leaving Tuesday morning for Shreveport.

Oct. 12-14 IHRA Shreveport, La. (Finals)
Oct. 21-22 AHDRA Las Vegas, Nev. (Finals)
Nov. 3-4 IHRA Rockingham, N.C.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle, Inc, Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers– www.jimmcclureracing.com

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights 10:30 pm EST.

YOUR PAPERS, PLEASE … Senate bill rewrites search-seizure laws Congress likely to ‘stuff’ provision in last-minute spending legislation –By Patrick Poole ? 2000 WorldNetDaily.com

Just months after a public outcry scuttled a bill sailing through Congress that would have given federal law enforcement authorities the right to conduct secret searches, a new threat to the Fourth Amendment has arisen that will allow federal agency employees, rather than judges, to authorize certain searches of personal information.

In May, WorldNetDaily reported on a bill, the Methamphetamine Anti-Proliferation Act, which contained a section that would have authorized federal agents to enter a citizen’s home or office with a warrant, to search and copy files from his computer and not tell him what items were taken until months afterwards. The bill also exempted law enforcement officials from ever telling suspects that certain “intangible” items were seized or copied.

After a bipartisan coalition of Republican and Democratic members of the House Judiciary Committee, including Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee. D-Texas, and Rep. Bob Barr, R-Ga., expressed serious reservations about the so-called “sneak-and-peak” searches, the measure was pulled from the bill.

The latest assault of the Fourth Amendment is contained in section 3(g) of the Fugitive Apprehension Act, S. 2516, which would authorize the attorney general to issue “administrative subpoenas” for personal information and records without court authorization. A delayed reporting requirement also found in the bill allows Department of Justice attorneys to ask the court to conceal the subpoena from the target of the investigation.

The bill has already passed the Senate, and opponents of the measure are concerned that it might be brought to a vote in the House as early as this week. David Kopel, an attorney and constitutional expert for the Denver-based Independence Institute told WorldNetDaily the U.S. Marshall Service is pushing the administrative subpoena provision to broaden their search powers in fugitive cases, but that the provision is unneeded.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– As you guys are reading this we will be in Biketoberfest. Cool, can’twait to ride in Florida with no helmet……(already did before Sturgis,but it does not count).

Seems like every year the little bike week is earlier in October. Iremember one of the first ones that was smack on Halloween night, what acreepy and cool sight it was. People riding in costumes and having a ball.We stayed until the following morning partying around Main Street. No linesin the bars, no crowds, cops were more or less going with theflow. Really cool.

Now it’s just like the nasty, over-crowded spring event, but less time todo the usual crap we always do, bit of work, bit of fun. On the brightside, my chopper will be there, and thatno lid law rules !!!

If anyone sees a long, tall, 230 tire, rigid, black chopper with a PRplate and a Che Guevara on the tank, feel free to say hi, and shoot theshit. Hey Bandit, maybe we can hook up and go visit the Pink Pony?

The HOG caribbean rally will take place around Nov. 18. They plana ride around the island with stops (overnight) in north, west, east andsouth towns, culminating with the party in San Juan. If interested, call the HOGchapter in San Juan.

The new Caribbean Custom Cycles showroom will open by the rally. Anyonewho makes it down here is welcome to roll by and say hi.

Harley-Davidson San Juan (motorsport) had the unveiling of the 2001models in their Old San Juan Boutique, reported that over 800 bikes showedup to the party and for demo rides.

We hear Sonny Barger is going to be the whole week at the Corbin place inMain Street Daytona, signing his new book from 9 a.m. until, and I quote, “tiring.”

Oh well, that’s about it, lucky to be missed by the hurricanes thisseason, which is almost over for us. Watch out Gulf area, now it’s your turn.–Jose.

GOOD CHARACTER OF AMERICAN BIKERS ATTACKED–There have been major developments this morning regarding themalicious attack on the reputation of American bikers by the VirginiaDemocratic Party for the sake of Sen. Chuck Robb’s re-electioneffort. I would strongly recommend everyone take time to read thismessage.

Our callers and Ed Moreland of AMA received indications asearly as this past Saturday (Oct. 7) that a commercial, runningon the major network affiliates serving D.C., Northern Virginia andMaryland, would be changed by obscuring the Harley-Davidson logoclearly visible on the back of a biker’s leather vest, a biker onwhom the camera lingers for far too long given the pace of the videotrack.

The commercial ran yesterday withoutthe promised change. (I personally viewed the spot on the CBSaffiliate at about noon, 3:30 p.m. and again at about 5 p.m.)<

Also yesterday, several of our members reported that they werereferred by Robb’s office to the Virginia Democratic Party. They called Sen.Robb’s office and also the office of his campaign requesting that thesenator himself take action and call a halt to thismalicious campaign.Staffers with the Virginia Democratic Party told our people thatall video of bikers would be deleted.

Today, however, results of any change are spotty. I saw thecommercial on the NBC affiliate at 10:24 with the H-D logo clearlyvisible. Switching channels, I saw the spot again on the NBCaffiliate at 10:37, without the H-D logo. (I must say, they did agood job in post-production, as the resultant video is relativelyclean.

I would be remiss if I didn’t hail Brother George Crum of ABATE ofVirginia (Mason-Dixon Chapter) and Sister Kim Pace of ABATE ofVirginia (Olde Dominion Chapter) for their work. Kim’s telephoneinquiry of the Virginia Democratic Party yielded this new, startlingrevelation:- After Robb’s office connected her with the Virginia DemocraticParty, Kim reported, “They took all credit for the ad. Robb wasnot aware of the ad. Their excuse was it was a random photo usedwhich just so happened to have a biker in it at a gun rally, shakingAllen’s hand.” It was appropriate, the campaign explained since Allen does not support gun control at all.

Unfortunately, none of this is true.The video in the commercial was captured not at a gun rally but atthe Annual Bike Show in Orange, Va., on June 17, sponsored by oneof the East Coast’s biggest Harley dealers, Waugh Enterprises. I have placed a call to CNN legal counsel in Atlanta to determinewhether the network or any of its affiliates ever dispatched a crewto Orange, Va., on June 17.

I will continue to keep all concerned advised.

–Tom Wyld
Vice President for Government Relations
Motorcycle Riders Foundation.
Member, MRFPAC

BIKERNET MOVIE PROJECTS REPORT–Hospitalized with walking pneumonia Conrad Goode was just recently released from an Indiana facility for the mentally ill. While strapped to a gurney we interviewed him. Seems Asphalt Cowboy is on the edge of production. Basically they promised Goode that if he would leave the country permanently, they would begin filming before the first of the year. Major actors are being courted, but we can’t release the names just yet.

Agent Zebra’s 1%er film is being rewritten for the 43rd time. Zebra and Ian, the co-writers on opposited coasts are still fighting over the syntax in the first line. There is hope, though.

Burnin’ daylight the madcap biker video shot on the slippery streets of San Pedro last winter may be pulling into an editing bay as we speak. Marco the mad producer/director/camerman is still working for Playboy and in hiding on the back streets of Hollywood. New developments have surfaced regarding Burnin’ Daylight which may afford it Pay Preview exposure. More on that later.Reporting drunk from Hollywood–Snake

POLARIS TEAMS UP WITH BOND–JAMES BOND–in Promotionto Celebrate Release of 007 Classics.Prizes Include Victory & Polaris Vehicles, Apparel & More

Special agent “007” – also known as “Bond,James Bond” – always travels in style. So will the winners of the “007Sweepstakes” in which entrants can win prizes such as a Victory motorcycleor a Polaris snowmobile, ATV or watercraft.The promotion celebrates the Oct. 17 release on video cassette andspecial edition DVD of six James Bond adventures from MGM HomeEntertainment: “Diamonds Are Forever,” “From Russia With Love,” “The LivingDaylights,” “Octopussy,” “A View to a Kill” and “You Only Live Twice.”

Each of the special edition James Bond DVDs features exciting newdocumentaries, previously unseen footage, music videos, directorcommentaries and more.

Among the grand prizes in the “007 Sweepstakes” is a Victory V92Cmotorcycle. Additional prizes include a Polaris Indy 800 XCR snowmobile,Polaris Sportsman 335 ATV and Polaris SLX Watercraft. Additional prizesincluded with the product awards are high-quality Pure Polaris Victory andPolaris apparel.

Fifty winners will also receive prizes from MGM Home Entertainmentconsisting of sets of five MGM videos.The prizes and the Victory and Polaris logos will be featured in anexpansive, multi-million dollar marketing campaign publicizing the “007Sweepstakes”. It will be advertised in numerous major publications, onradio, online, at Polaris dealerships and in retail outlets where the JamesBond videos and DVDs from MGM Home Entertainment are sold.

The promotion is scheduled to run from Oct. 17 to Jan. 16 and is open to residents of the continental U.S. and Alaska. Detailsabout the sweepstakes, including information on how to enter, will beavailable in select magazines, at Polaris and Victory dealerships, at selectretail outlets where the James Bond videos are sold and on the Polaris homepage (www.polarisindustries.com), which will include a link to the JamesBond Web site (www.jamesbond.com).Information about the complete line of Polaris products is available fromauthorized Polaris dealers or from the Polaris home page at:www.polarisindustries.com.

THE BOSS’S BOOK TOUR REPORT–Please do not be alarmed by the recent message that the upcoming eastern tour may be “the last chance to meet Sonny.” He is in good health and spirits, but after all the touring in the last seven months he will enjoy some well-deserved time at home with his family. The new Road King he got in March has over 30,000 miles on it already. We will keep you informed when additional appearances are planned.

THE BUST–This story originally started with “The Bust” in the spring of 1999, thepaper followed up several times with continuing pieces covering the trialsand sentencings. Most of the charges were dismissed or resulted in “not guilty” verdictsand the majority of individuals arrested eventually walked. There was even astory where one or two of the bro’s became born again.

This morning’s paper had a strange turn of events I thought you would findinteresting. –Eric

Clarence “Mac” McNamara and Richard “Phez” Conner say theirmotorcycles were damaged after they were seized by the FBI in the RenegadesMotorcycle Club drug bust last year. Three of the bikers have filed damageclaims with the FBI and two have settled for payments below the claimeddamage amount. Frank Sylvia Jr.’s 1990 Harley Softail was his baby. Ten years ofsweat, tons of custom parts and a 22-coat paint job turned his ride into a$12,500 showpiece that was the envy of his fellow bikers. Then the FBI charged him — wrongly, it turned out — as part of theRenegades Motorcycle Club’s methamphetamine ring last year. And as itroutinely does in drug cases, the bureau seized the bikers’ money, property,guns and motorcycles, including Sylvia’s Harley-Davidson. When Sylvia was acquitted in November, he expected to get his bike back indecent condition. “Not by a long shot,” Sylvia said last week. Instead, the 22-coat paint job was ruined and expensive parts were missing.The odometer had mysteriously gained more than 1,000 miles, and the Harleyhad a Fairfax County sticker on it — leading Sylvia and his attorney tobelieve that the FBI took it for its own use without waiting to see ifSylvia would be convicted.

Now the FBI is investigating whether one of its own broke the law. On Friday, Chuck Owens, special agent in charge of the Norfolk office,acknowledged that the bike had been “misused,” but said the misuseoccurred in another FBI office.

The U.S. Justice Department’s Office of Professional Responsibility islooking into the matter, Owens said, and disciplinary action against anyagents or FBI employees involved “is a possibility.” The investigation “won’t be resolved any time soon,” said Phil Mann,assistant general counsel for the Norfolk FBI office. The flap over the seized property is fallout from one of the biggest andlongest trials held in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. Federal officialscharged 33 defendants last year with being part of a drug distribution ringassociated with the Renegades. Twenty defendants pleaded guilty to drug distribution charges before trial.At the end of the trial, which lasted from September to November 1999, fivewere convicted of lesser charges, two were convicted of conspiracy todistribute drugs and one was convicted on gun charges. Five, including Sylvia, were acquitted.

The Renegades defendants had federal forfeiture proceedings brought againstthem that would have taken any property bought from drug profits or used inselling drugs — including land, homes, cars, trucks and motorcycles. But under that section of the U.S. Code, the defendants have to be convictedfirst.

Sylvia isn’t the only one associated with the Renegades case who is unhappywith how his property was treated. Five others who got their motorcycles back also say they were damaged whilein FBI custody. Three have claims against the FBI for damages, and twoothers settled for payments less than the damages they claimed. Richard “Phez” Connor, James Edwin “Ed” Land Jr., and Amy Stephan, –who was not charged but had her motorcycle seized because she is the wife ofthe Renegades’ Garry Stephan — are still negotiating with the FBI overdamage to their Harleys, said their attorney, Andrew Protogyrou. Connor, to this day, is livid. Though convicted of possession with intent todistribute, he was still entitled to get his 1991 Softail back. “When I saw it, I was shocked,” Connor said. “It was all (messed) up.Rusty. It was disgusting.”

“The truth is, it’s easy for the government to work over the littlepeople,” Protogyrou said. “But things have gotten better.” Reach Chris Grier at (757) 446-2643 or cgrier@pilotonline.com

HANNON RACING SETS ER AND MPH RECORDS AT THE ROCK–Bill Hannon, Ft. Myers, Fla, and Dan Baisley, Portland, Or. just love breaking records and it was grins and giggles at the ROCK, one of their favorite playgrounds.

Hannon Racing continue their pursuit of excellence in the Pro Stock Harley Davidson world. This weekend at the AHDRA, Eastern Finals, Rockingham Dragway, Rockingham, NC in the Joker Machine Division, the Hannon/Baisley duo established new 3 records. In the 1/8 mile the new ET standard was lowered to 4.755 seconds, the new 1/8 mile mph record was increased to 149.91 mph and a dazzling new World ET and personal best at 7.574 seconds for the 1/4 mile record.”We had several experimental pieces in our motor, now we know they work. We’ll go home for a couple weeks to freshen up both engines, and hone the knife for cutting more Harley Davidson records in Houston at NHRA,” said Hannon with a big smile.

Oct. 26-29 NHRA Houston, Tx.

Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales, Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty, Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam.

Hannon 941-463-2778, www.hannonracing.com

ADS THAT CAN’T GO UNNOTICED– UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

“INDEPENDENT LENS WILL BROADCAST– in November an episode entitled “Girl Gone Bad.” “Girl Gone Bad” takes the viewer on a wild ride through the extraordinary world of female bikers, an amazing group of women few people know anything about. The film’s guide on this ode to the open road is hard-core biker Dusty Switzer, a native-born Apache, ex-felon, ex-go-go dancer, and single mother of three. “Ride like everybody’s out to kill you,” was her own mother’s sage advice. Outriders and outlaws, club mamas, Dykes on Bykes, biker babes, weekend warriors…each character we meet along the road struggles to defy traditional stereotypes in the sexually charged world of motorcycling, and in the process, establishes her own uncompromising identity. “Girl Gone Bad” has at its documentary heart the quest to understand the true nature of freedom and the true nature of self.

The women depicted in the film are as diverse as are their bikes, the only seeming common denominator of their ferociously independent style. Along the way, we meet Lisa Turvey, an LAPD motor officer, who wants to be a motorcycle sergeant, but finds it hard to exhibit “feminine” characteristics on the job; Peggy Bennington, a mild-mannered family law practitioner from Northern California, whose GRLGNBD license plate was the inspiration for the title of the film; Gail Chambers, sheathed in skin-tight leather from head-to-toe, who explains how an “outrider” (a woman who rides solo) has to comport herself in the typical motorcycle milieu so as not to excite too much sexual tension; Malysa Wise, “Playboy” model and biker aficionado, who never goes biking without her gun; and Scorpio Cornett, who rides behind Liddo Jim Cornett and considers herself his “property.”

LOVELY POTHOLES–The road is long and filled with lovely potholes. Lovely potholes? Whatthe hell kind of pothole could ever be lovely, right? Well, if you answeredunearthing an earthly high from a hole in the earth, I didn’t mean that.

I’m talking about the pothole that’s ragged and deep and mean and makes youcautiously approach and mull over everything. The hole that bottoms you outand makes yer chrome rattle. These past few months have been filled withthem and now that the rough road is somewhat over, I’m contemplating andchanging directions.

Next week will be the official site launch for bikerlady.com phase I. Thesite is enormous in design, but will be a piece meal installation. It’sreally fun to create a community. It’s like building a house with a lot ofrooms and inviting everyone to hang out and stay, to commune. Bandit is amaster at community. He makes ya feel quite at home within the bikernet.compages; kinda like his garage is your garage.

A few years ago, I decided to leave the pitted road called the musicbusiness and pseudo corporate life and hop on my scoot and ride away fromall I know. I sublet my NYC apartment and became a gypsy for awhile, livinghere and there. This new road hasn’t been smooth, nope, not at all. But it’s a hell of a lot more fun than the other boring interstate that led menowhere from which I had to forge my own exit. Get off, I did.

There has been new potholes these past few months that have made me bottomout to realize that time is way too short and it made me groove all theharder. It’s important to really experience beautiful freedom now. Get onthe path that’s windy and winding and takes me on an adventure that belongsto me, and let’s me share with the world at large. My life is perfectly myown. I answer to know one but the wind. Yes, these lovely potholes taughtme much these past few months. . .and it’s good to change direction. –

–Sasha, webdiva of bikerlady.com

HARD CHARGING PICOTTE CRASHES OUT OF WILLOW SPRINGS RACE– Harley-Davidson VR 1000 racerPascal Picotte was charging towards the front of the pack during the AMASuperbike Championship’s final race of the season when he crashed in turnfour of Willow Springs International Raceway. Picotte was attempting to passthe Ducati of eventual 2nd place finisher John Kocinski when he crashed outof the race unhurt.

“I had a great start and passed a bunch of guys right away, then Ilost the front end in turn four when I tried to pass John and crashed,” saidPicotte. “It’s disappointing because we worked so hard all season and didn’tget the results we really wanted.”

Picotte’s crew worked feverishly to restore his VR to track worthycondition so he could rejoin the race and gain valuable points on Honda’sMiguel DuHamel and Yamaha’s Jamie Hacking, who had exited the race due to amechanical problem and a crash, respectively. Unfortunately, substantialcrash damage to his VR meant Picotte’s day was done.

Picotte, who had completed every AMA Superbike race on the schedule beforethe Willow Springs round, finished 11th overall in the 2000 AMA SuperbikeChampionship. Just ten points separated Picotte from DuHamel and Hacking,who finished 9th and 10th in the championship. Picotte posted seven top-tenfinishes with a season best finish of 8th at New Hampshire InternationalSpeedway.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK–Purpose–Lives based on having are less free than lives based either on doing orbeing. –William James

PENTHOUSE.COM / STURGIS EDITORIAL —Launching this month:

LOOKING FOR ADVENTURE…The hardest-working woman at Sturgis lets you ride bitch for her wildride(Road Journal)

HOT WHEELSSturgis has more bitchin’ fat hogs than a Weight Watchers meeting withPMS.(Hot Bikes)

BIKER BABES EXPOSED!The sexiest curves at Sturgis aren’t always on the open road.(Hot Girls)

HELL’S ANGELSonny Barger Excerpt

SMOKE, DRINK, FUCK & RIDE:STURGIS THE LITTLE TOWN THAT COULDby Brock Yates

EXCLUSIVE STURGIS VIDEO FOOTAGESteve Wilson from Steel Dreams TV brings the world’s biggest bikerparty right onto your desktop

RERUN OF BUDDS CREEK FOR PRICE AT THE ROCK–Ray Price, Raleigh, NC, continues to make mega horsepower in the JIMS Top Fuel series, but in getting that horsepower to the wheel, his weak link has been the chain and again this weekend Price’s Top Fueler was followed by his chain.

Price qualified 6th in the 16 bike field running in the 6.8 second zone. But in round one of eliminations Price’s chain broke and looked like a quick snake slithing after his Harley-Davidson Fueler at midtrack at the AHDRA Eastern Finals at his home track, Rockingham Dragway, Rockingham, NC.

If there is a bright spot in the cold cloudy day, it was that Price’s second motor is ready for Shreveport’s IHRA race this weekend. Price and team will leave early Wednesday morning for the IHRA event.

Oct. 12-14 IHRA Shreveport, La. (Finals)
Nov. 4-5 IHRA Rockingham, NC

Ray Price Racing is supported by Ray Price Harley Davidson, Raleigh HOG, S & S Cycle, Power Arc Ignition Co., Ultra Pro Machining, JIMS, Royal Purple Synthetic Motor Oil, Shumaker Racing, Performance Machine, Barnett Tool & Engineering, Vanson’s, Carolina Cobras, and Wilder’s Inc.

Check his site www.rayprice.com,919-832-2261.Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights 10:30 pm EST.

You bros that humped the boonies take a long look at this pic of our Veep, Al. No magazine in the weapon, in fact, no M-16 ammo visible, no M-60 ammo, odd rain gear, only one canteen, and what is that thing on his back? This is on his website as an “in country”picture! Just askin’, Oz.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH ENDORSED BY THE MOTORCYCLE RIDERSFOUNDATION–First presidential endorsement made by national motorcyclists’ rightsassociation.

Austin-Texas Governor George W. Bush was endorsed today by theMotorcycle Riders Foundation, the first presidential endorsement madeby national motorcyclists’ rights association, because of hiscommitment to highway safety and issues pertaining totransportation.

“Governor Bush has pledged to work for rider rights and safetyon a wide range of issues including rider road access to health careto the proper role of the National Highway Traffic SafetyAdministration,”said Tom Pauley, President of the MotorcycleRiders Foundation. “Moreover, the timeliness of Governor Bush’sresponse to complex issues we raised reflects a responsiveness thatriders across the country value – a responsiveness we believe will bea hallmark of his Presidency.”

“Improving highway and motor vehicle safety will be an importantpriority in my Administration, as it is for the Motorcycle RidersFoundation. I favor both continued research on safe highwaydesigns and programs to incorporate the results of this research intonew and reconstructed highway facilities. These advances will make asafer America for everyone who travels on America’s highways,”said Governor Bush.

ODD TECH TESTWhile roaming the Custom Chrome show, I spoke to Randy Simpson of Milwaukee Iron who makes a strong line of fenders carried by Custom Chrome. Randy decided that he better start testing his fender for durability. A tip from a fellow industry leader lead him to purchase a paint can shaker. He mounted a front fender to it and let it rip. The first fender he tried lasted a mere 45 minutes before it cracked, then split in two.

Randy make his fenders with support plates built into the sides and mounting areas. His fender shook for over 24 hours before the machine caught fire and burnt to the ground. The man takes a lot of pride in the strength and durability of his product.

THE SWAPMEET IS OPEN–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each

1 Yellow powdercoated Kenny Boyce Pro Street Frame$400

1 Black powdercoated Kenny Boyce Pro Street frame some scratches on bottom$350

2 Kenny Boyce frames with new brackets welded.Powdercoat damage needs redo$300 each

1 White Kenny Boyce frame with missing brackets$250

1 Delkron FXR 5 speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1,100

1 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1,000

1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250

3 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300

2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each

2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only Rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$3002 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each

5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each

5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each

3 HD inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each

1 HD outer primary cover to fit FXR$100

10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set

5 New Harley Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each

3-5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each

7 Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150 each

3 Rear S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall EVO cylinders standard bore loose$50 each

3 Front S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall EVO cylinders standard bore loose$50 each

7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each

3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each

1 CCI 12-997 floorboards$25

1 CCI 09-930 mini floorboards$75

2 Sets CCI 15-298 Gas Tanks replaces HD 61211-84A & 61228-84$100 set

3 Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) $75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rockerboxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rockerboxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rockerboxes$75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rockerboxes$75 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front exhaust rockerarms$50 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front intake rockerarms$50 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear intake rockerarms$50 each

10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear exhaust rockerarms$50 each

20 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rockerbox covers$25 each

10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$50 each

20 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads$25 each

1 White powdercoated oil tank for Kenny Boyce frames$100

Other stuff like fenders, seats, handlebars, stainless lines and cables to belisted later. I am still sorting parts–rogue@bikerrogue.com

YOU CAN SAY ANY FOOLISH THING– to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!” — Dave Barry

BUELL CUSTOMS FROM EUROPE–More aware of the Buell image in the industry and abroad, I noticed a custom Buell on the cover of American Motorcycle Dealer magazine. The bike was built by R&R customizing in Germany. Vance and Hines also has a catalog for the Buell and Sportster owner. The magazine directed an entire issue to the accessories and custom products for Buells. I need to get on the list.

I’M GETTING OUT OF HERE–It’s been a tough couple of weeks, but I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m prayin’ it’s not a train. With the help of Michele Durant and Michelle Mc Carthy, Jeff Watts (cover artist) and Jon Towle (Illustrator), Orwell will be a decent read. I’m anxious to get to work on the next book, the Buell and my project for the year, a Twin Cam dropped into an FXR frame–the best of all worlds. With the help of Rogue (who has been advertising his parts in the news from Quantum Cycles), we have three pro-street frames in the headquarters. We’re also working on our own front end with Lil’ John Buttera.

We’re clickin’ and that’s what it’s all about. Fast bikes, more fun and women who enjoy the thrill of it all. Speaking of the softer side of life, I’ve got to get the hell out of here. She’s waiting. Ride Forever–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–ULTIMATE TECH TIP REVEALED

Hey,

Last weekend Custom Chrome rolled out the diamond plate for all its major dealers across the country and Europe to allow them to view the inner workings of the largest aftermarket distributor on the planet devoted to getting custom parts to their customers fast. It’s a gathering of manufacturers of the parts we use and they distribute. If your local shop owner had the privilege of attending, he could stand face-to-face with Jesse James and ask him why he doesn’t build a frame for Sportsters. Of course he could ask the same question of Santee or Daytec (they probably make one). They could ask engine builders from their Rev Tech department about new engines, like their new Twin Cam model, Jim at JIMS about his 106-inch kit for twin cams or S&S about their gear drive for the new twin cam motors to eliminate the bothersome hi-vo chains.

We tag-teamed the joint, with Oz relieving me Saturday night at the clone party. I dislike the word clone, but they were all represented, from Surgical Steeds in Phoenix, to California, Titan, Big Dog and several more. I was surprised not to see Oscar from Pure Steel, but I’m sure he’s still reeling from his pact with Penthouse. (Man, was that guy in seventh heaven in Sturgis with the girls hangin’ on him, the cover of the latest issue sporting one of his bikes and all the publicity for his bikes. The guy is dancing on air.) I also spoke to Mark Greene from Titan, who I think is the best in the business at what he does, and he is certain that Titan will rebound. I hope he’s right. I slipped out early in the morning. I had a date at an intimate concert overlooking the Queen Mary on the bluffs of Long Beach. Kid Ramos from the Fabulous Thunderbirds snapped guitar strings as I ran my hand up her thigh. She blew in my ear as Willie G. (not the Willie we know), with a 15-piece band that included a Grammy winner and a member of the Carlos Santana band, melted us in our seats with Latin love.

I almost forgot about parts and shit until a police officer tapped me on the shoulder and asked to speak to me in the back. We better get to the news:

THUNDER UPDATE– The run heads out next week after a country bash in Nashville at the dealership. Legendary bike builders Dave Perewitz and Donny Smith will ride their newest creations, the Thunder Over Dixie customs, from Nashville to Daytona.

Montgomery/Gentry, the group Thunder Productions secured to play the concert in Daytona, was voted Vocal Duo of the Year at the CMA awards.

Thunder Over Dixie has been included in press releases and publications throughout the United States and Canada, courtesy of Daytona Beach Area Convention and Visitors Bureau. They are also arranging the publicity at the Florida state line when we arrive there on Oct 19 and also at Daytona Harley when we pull in that afternoon. This will include local radio, TV and print media.

Speedvision will travel the entire route with us and will air the show Nov 7.The post-ride article will appear in six publications.Biker Billy will have “live” postcards from the road via his Web site, BikerBilly.comT-shirts, ride pins, wristbands and jackets are all in place and we are ready to THUNDER TO DAYTONA!!!! Thanks Bandit!!

I better at least get a pin.–Bandit

WEST COAST CHOPPERS HAS NO LOVE–
Jesse James and his bad-to-the-bone gang of Choppers for Life followers are throwing their third annual pre-Love Ride, No Love bash the Saturday before the Love Ride. Don’t miss the hatred, the evil spirits and da broads. Call (562) 983-6666 (natch), for evasive tactics. Or, if you’ve got the balls, show up from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Nov. 11 at the West Coast Headquarters, 718 W. Anaheim St., Long Beach.

VANCIL’S CONSISTENT 6.5 AT PRESIDENT’S CUP–
Doug Vancil did everything right but WIN at the IHRA’s 9th annual Expressautoparts.com President’s Cup Nationals at Maryland International Raceway, outside Budds Creek, Md.

Vancil qualified second on the Vance & Hines Harley with a 6.540 ET at 208.17 mph behind the third qualifying attempt of Screamin Eagle Nitro Harley reigning champion and current points leader Jay Turner’s 6.517 ET 206.99 mph.

In round one, Vancil defeated Orangeburg, South Carolina’s favorite son, Bill Furr. Furr’s 0.498 RT with a 6.847 ET at 188.41 mph wasn’t enough for Vancil’s 0.511 RT with a 6.593 ET at 199.88 mph. Vancil stayed consistent in the center of the lane as Furr hugged the wall.

In the semis, Steve Stordeur’s 0.442 RT at 6.617 ET with a 204.26 mph pass won over Vancil’s 0.478 RT at 6.592 ET 210.87 mph. Some thought it was the holeshot that gave Stordeur the .011 margin of victory, Vancil thought his front wheel was still in the air.

But the consistent series of 6.5’s just means Vancil has the Vance and Hine’s Nitro Harley on track and dialed in. Vancil will remain fourth in points with two races remaining in the IHRA Season.

“We’re on our way to Shreveport in a couple weeks, then back to IHRA Rockingham. We’re pleased to have found our problems, though late in the season. After Shreveport and Rockingham, we can look forward to a long winter of designing and building next season’s Vance & Hine’s/Drag Specialties nitro bike.”

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

THE BOSS IS ON THE MOVE, AGAIN–Next week, Sonny will head east for book signings in Ohio, New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Connecticut. These appearances are sponsored by local Hell’s Angels chapters.

He will also be appearing at Biketoberfest in Daytona, Florida.

Check the dates, times and locations athttp://sonnybarger.com/nav_tour.html

ON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN– “On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.”– Bruce Willis

“And God said: ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me.And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.'” — George Burns

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold mypurse.'”– Sandra Bullock

VICTORY GOES 007– Victory and Polaris have teamed up to sponsor the James Bond 007 Classics. You could win a v-92 cruiser, snowmobile, an ATV or some form of subversive watercraft. Watch for details. And no, James Bond is not in the image above.

ROSEMARY’S ART–I’ve been checking out your site and wonder if you’d be interested in checking out my art. I am an artist specializing in hand-painted leather. My work isbeautiful and unique. I have been doing this for 22 years, painting for many major leather jacket manufacturers. Some include Avirex, Branded/Orchard Motorcycle, Willis and Geiger and Flight Suits Ltd. My client list consists of many diverse groups such as The Smithsonian Institute and Anheuser-Busch, RCA Music and Elvis Presley’s MemphisCafe. I do jackets and leather patches and I also do canvas. I paint from ideas or photographs and I do motorcycle tank art. For more info, you can reach me at:
Rosemary D. Dery
(520) 774-0086
rosemarydery@webtv.net
All my work is guaranteed 100 percent satisfaction.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY–While in Sturgis, I was supposed to hit Mike Lichter’s photographic art exhibit in Rapid City, about 25 miles east of Sturgis, but I never made it. I’ve never seen so much goddamn traffic. Usually the ride between Sturgis and Rapid is a thundering 25-mile drag race through rolling hills and vast farms. Not this year, pal. That would have been suicide in the Love Ride-like crowds.

In addition, there’s so much going on that you can’t hit every party, race, bar, concert. It’s fuckin’ impossible. Darcy’s still pissed at me for not hitting the Victory new-model announcement. She does a killer presentation.

But all is not lost. You now have Mike’s entire exhibit on Bikernet and if you see a print that tickles your motorcycle bone, you can purchase it right here and Mike will carefully custom print each image, mat the sucker for easy framing, send you the history of the shot and sign it. He’s the best, and has been one of the finest ER photogs for almost 20 years.

The exhibit was evidently a major success since the curator, Deborah Mitchell from the Apex Gallery in Rapid City, is putting out a call to all motorcycle-related artists for entries for next year’s display. For more info, call (605) 394-1254, or drop her an e-mail at deborah.mitchell@sdsmt.edu. I’ll be entering some of my more bizarre motorcycle art. Probably be turned down, though.

JUST IN CASE– you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly changethings. Each year, the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together alist to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year’sincoming freshmen.

Here is this year’s list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were bornin 1982.

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and probably did notknow he had ever been shot.

Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

They were 11 when the Soviet Union brokeapart and do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a nuclearwar.

Their lifetime has always includedAIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. Atari predatesthem, as do vinyl albums. The expression “You sound like a broken record”means nothing to them since they have never owned a record player.

They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV setwith only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV. They havealways had cable. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea whatBETA is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Roller skating has always meant in-line for them.

Jay Leno has always been on “The Tonight Show.”

They never took a swim and thought about “Jaws.”

Michael Jackson has always been white.

SWEET CORAL REPORT–Hi, Bandit,I have to tell you about the other night. I bought a digital camera from work and was messing with it when Sin came over. I told her she should be a model (and she could be too!). So I started taking pictures of her. I made her pose in the most suggestive ways. God, I was getting turned on. She’s so soft and malleable. I told her to touch herself and she spread her legs gently. She had on a pleated black skirt and a white blouse buttoned up the front. A black and white scarf was tied around her collar. She was wearing black stockings and black high heels. She looked like a high school fantasy as I unbuttoned her blouse. I wanted that massive cleavage to show and as I touched her blouse she seemed to push her breasts toward me and my fingers played along the top of each tit, her nipples struggling to free themselves from the confines of her silk bra.I was going out of my mind. I had to kiss her. Gotta go. I’ll tell you about it when I calm down.~Coral

LAND SPEED RACER DON VESCO ATTEMPTSPLUS 400 MPH WORLD SPEED RECORDAT THE FAMED BONNEVILLE SALT FLATS–Capitalizing on a pristine, 13-mile course, speedrecord holders Don and Rick Vesco of TEAM Vesco Racing, together withEd Dempsey, are poised to set a new world land speed record forwheel-driven cars at the famed Bonneville Salt Flats, Oct. 18-21.

“We already hold the national speed record,” explained Rick Vesco. “Itis way past time that the United States take back the world recordfrom England.”

Vesco refers to Britain’s Donald Campbell who set the world record forturbine-powered cars in 1964 at 403 mph. TEAM Vesco’s “Turbinator” hasexceeded that speed nearly a dozen times, but not during anFIA-sanctioned event. The high-speed time trials, conducted by theSouthern California Timing Association (SCTA), will host officialsfrom the international record governing body Federation AutomobileInternational (FIA).

All eyes are on the Turbinator driven by racing veteran Don Vesco, 61,who has held the World Land Speed Record for Motorcycles three times.He is expected to break the existing World Land Speed Record (409mph) for wheel-driven cars currently held by friend and competitorAl Teague of Brea, Calif., but the Burkland family “411” and White family”Spirit of Autopower” streamliners have turned in plus 400 mph runs aswell. “Our friends have shown us that they are capable of 450 mph,”mused Don Vesco, who together with his brother, Rick, have theirsights locked on the elusive record. “I know we are capable of suchspeed, especially with the freshened Dempsey engine in the car.”

Turbinator relies on its 850-pound, 3,750-horsepower turbine enginefor stunning power-to-weight performance. “We already own the worldrecord for electric-powered vehicles,” remarked Ed Dempsey. “Theturbine engine is just another direction to obtain big speed numbers.We want to push the technology envelope, generate a competitiveplaying field and have fun in the process.”

If successful, TEAM DEMPSEY/VESCO Racing will bring the coveted speedcrown back to the United States for the first time in almost fourdecades. Having already set a new national land speed record of 427mph in October 1999 during SCTA World Finals, the world record iswithin reach.

EASYRIDERS OF DALLAS ROCKS–While Rick and Tina Fairless, the owners of Dallas Easyriders, were away on vacation in Tahoe, their young daughter, who is affectionately called Big-Un, went to work. Actually, as you will see, Big-Un and Rick’s mother, Mom, really run the joint. This is just an example. While they were away, Big-Un organized this big party as a pre-Bikers Choice gathering and she’s flying in Dave Perewitz of Cycle Fab, Howard Kelly and Dave Withrow from Hot Bike Magazine for the party Oct. 28 from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. so mark you calendar.

That’s not all. She moved the service department around back to a larger location and hired nine new technicians to be on hand to fix and build bikes, like my Shovelhead (ex-Mexican cop bike). Then she promoted Stone McVey to parts manager and she did a stellar job of marketing the shop while the folks were away. She hired two more parts chasers to keep the stock high and back orders low. Since the folks were out of town, she invited the local hot rod and custom truck enthusiasts by on Friday and Saturday nights to party at her bar, Strokers. It’s not cool for a minor to own a drinkin’ establishment, so don’t let the news leak out.I hope Rick and Tina don’t get upset, but while they were drinking exotic drinks and squandering the company money at the gambling tables, Big-Un ordered a fresh supply of Big Dog 2001 models and Victorys. She expanded the bro’s club and created a calendar of events that you can catch in our calendar section. I could go on. Oh, shit, I almost forgot. As a surprise for the old man’s return to the shop, Big-Un called Easyriders and made arrangements to have her dad’s first serious chopper, built almost entirely with Kennedy components, shot for the cover of the magazine. That should make up for some of the late-night parties.Lookin’ for a job at a shop that’s happenin’, growing and progressive? Big-Un is looking for the following team members to keep the joint cookin’:
Service technicians
Bike builders and fabricators (they need to have my Shovelhead done by the Love Ride)
Parts people; business is cookin’ and the holidays are around the corner.
Counter help (Roadware clothing girl). Big-Un can’t do it all herself. Hell, she’s only 13 and still must attend her classes. Call Big-Un at (214) 357-0707. If you’re a fuck-up, forget it. She may be less than 5 feet tall, but she’ll kick yer ass.

Biketoberfest Sites–Ya need info on the upcoming Daytona event? Here’s a list of sites to help you get drunk, find parts for your wrecked bike, find girls to bail you out or call the cops when she absconds with your bike:

www.daytonahd.com
www.jackonsvilleholesaloon.com Jacksonville
www.gillyspub44.com
www.jacksonholesaloon.com All or possibly Florida
www.daytonausa.com
www.carlsspeedshop.com
www.n-jcenter.com (Not sure what this one is. It was on a list sent me.)
www.boothillsaloon.com
www.americaniron.com
www.biketoberfest.org
www.daytonabeach.com

AB 1515, CALIFORNIA’S ‘VETERANS LICENSE PLATES FOR MOTORCYCLES’ BILL IS NO MORE– This is a goodthing. AB 1515, sponsored by ABATE of California, has been signed into law by Gov. Davis and has been chaptered (see definition below). Its new name is Chapter 859.

It started on Oct. 19, 1998, and was finishedon Sept. 29, 2000. Someone recently asked me if all this was worth the trouble. Huh? What trouble? (Withapologies to Robert Redford.) More than just the passage of a law that allows motorcycle-riding Veterans a way to display their pride in having served, the passage of this bill into law is proof that we can make a difference. Each and every one of us matters,biker, motorcyclist, Veteran or just the common citizen. Each of us has a voice in government.

–Trash The Geezer From Hell

STURGIS REPORT–A handful of brothers had a bitch that I didn’t cover Sturgis in my ride report. There’s a reason for that, in fact, several. One, every fuckin’ magazine on the planet features major coverage of Sturgis. How many times ya gonna read about the Mike Corbin party or the H-D display in Rapid City or the drags. Gimme a fuckin’ break. I rode out, didn’t I? Since I wasn’t there on magazine duty, I chased women rather than hitting every event I could squeeze in. Besides, the traffic was worse than L.A. at prime time. Damn, it was a bitch to get around.

Finally, HORSE magazine called the other day and pleaded with me to write something on Sturgis for their rag ’cause they can’t afford to send a soul to the Badlands. So look out, I have one photograph of the entire region on fire (above) and I plan to write something that will make Armageddon look like a picnic. Shit, it’ll even be the truth. Watch for it.

THREE GUYS AND A LADY– were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guysays “I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know… Young, Urban,Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.”

The secondguysays ” I’m a D.I.N.K, you know… Double Income, No Kids.”

The third guy says, ” I’m a R.U.B, you > know… Rich,Urban, Biker.”

They turn to the woman and ask ” What are you? ”

She replies: ” I’m a WIFE, you know… Wash, Iron,Fuck, Etc..”

L.A. TIMES SLURS BIKERS– Harley-Davidson, Texans, Jesus, Bush and your Bill of Rightsby Special Agent Zebra

As someone holding a degree in journalism, I am appalled and insulted at the yellow rag pack of opinions and elitist slurs recently dumped on American bikers by the liberal rag, the L.A. Times.

According to the Times, all Texans are redneck morons who are raised to kill. All bikers are common scum and anyone with a beard, a ponytail or long hair is a “dirtbag”. Most contemporary depictions of Christ himself include “dirtbag” prerequisite long hair and beard. These and countless other idiotic opinions were leveled and attempted to be passed off as “journalism” by hack idiots at the L.A. Times, despite the fact that even the prosecutor said there is nothing wrong with the Texas concealed weapons law.

The story was that a man committed a murder. Oddly enough, the L.A. Times muckrakers had to go clear to Texas in order to dredge up a phony angle crooked enough to hump their dead horse of gun control and smear a presidential candidate who has the nuts to abide by the Bill of Rights in the face of the constitutionally disrespectful Clinton administration. The article is below. If you feel insulted, especially our bros in Texas, take five minutes and drop them a no-bullshit letter at:

Los Angeles Times
202 W. 1st St.
Los Angeles, Calif. 90012

Or even better, give the assholes a ring at: (818) 772-3200 and let them know what you think of their “journalism,” you long-haired, motorcycle- riding “dirtbag”.

Tuesday, Oct. 3, 2000

How One Texan Got a License, Then Killed 2

By RICHARD A. SERRANO and WILLIAM C. REMPEL, Times Staff WritersLIVINGSTON, Texas–Robert Clinton Hinkle lived life hard–the bandit biker gangs, the death threats, the drugs, the gunfights too many to count. But then something odd came real easy–his plastic concealed handgun license card from the state of Texas. He mailed in the yellow, 19-question application, passed a written exam and a shooting test, and soon became one of the tens of thousands legally walking around Texas with a hidden firearm.With his new license slipped neatly in his wallet, he carried a .380 semiautomatic in a shoulder holster and a .41-caliber magnum Smith & Wesson tucked under his belt at the back of his pants. Hinkle was armed. He was also dangerous. In fact, he is among the most egregious examples of how the state of Texas has granted hundreds of concealed-weapon permits to citizens with questionable backgrounds. Roughly a year after he received his license, Hinkle killed two men and seriously wounded a third in a wild shootout over drugs.

Hinkle is in prison in Livingston, probably locked up for the rest of his life, but he laughs when he talks about how little effort it took to get the concealed handgun license. “It just fell into my hands,” he says, sitting in the maximum security penitentiary next to Texas’ death row.

Law enforcement officials in Texas maintain that because Hinkle had no prior criminal history, there was no reason for him to be denied a license. Ray Nutt, chief investigator in the district attorney’s office in Henderson County, Texas, where Hinkle was tried, convicted and sentenced, called it unfair to blame the state program for awarding Hinkle a license in 1996.

“You’re always going to have a few people who slip through,” Nutt said. “And if you wrote the law so Hinkle couldn’t have one, then nobody could have one.”

Even local prosecutor Shari Jenkins Moore, who helped put Hinkle away for so long that he won’t even be eligible for parole until he is nearly 90, said that while in hindsight he should not have gotten a license, the program is sound and should not be changed.

“Given his history, I don’t think anybody made an error giving him one,” she said. “A lot of it is whether you’re honest about who you are and why you want the license.

“Because even if you beat up your wife and shove a gun in her face, if you’re not convicted of that, you’re going to slip through.”

But Herman Porter, a federal agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, has a different perspective because he had earlier investigated Hinkle and his world of violent biker gangs. Asked whether Texas should have licensed Hinkle to carry a concealed weapon, Porter replied: “Are you kidding me?”

A Love Affair With Motorcycles

A Texas native, Hinkle loves guns (he kept as many as seven around his home at any one time) and he had long been a hunter. But motorcycles, Harley- Davidsons mostly, were his real love. Even though he was nicknamed “Pokey,” he bragged in the prison interview that he once built the fastest Harley around, one that could fly at 187 miles an hour. Twenty years ago he began riding with the Banshees, a biker gang, and soon was flaunting the trappings of that nether world–heavy beard, ponytail, black leather boots, blue dragon tattoo on his left forearm.

“It was like a family,” he said. “We would drive to the lake and drink a few beers, maybe 40 or 50 of us.”

Hinkle was an expert motorcycle mechanic, brought into the “family” because he could build fast bikes.

In the early 1980s, things turned ugly. The Banshees were challenged by another biker gang, the Banditos. According to Hinkle, the Banditos did not want the Banshees wearing the words “Texas Rocks” on the back of their riding jackets. There soon was an altercation–shots fired, knives flashed and one Bandito was left dead. Porter, the ATF agent, helped put a prosecution together, in which he said about 20 Banditos were convicted of various crimes. Hinkle was called as a government witness to demonstrate to the jury what kind of person joins an outlaw gang. “He was pretty raunchy looking,” Porter said. “We tried to clean him up a bit in court, but he was still just a dirt bag biker.”Hinkle said his life went into a tailspin after his court appearance. He said that a bounty was placed on his head for testifying against the Banditos–and that the reward was a five-gallon jug of P2P, an oil base that is a critical ingredient used in methamphetamine.

What followed, he said, was a series of attempts on his life. Suspicious characters began showing up around his motorcycle shop near Dallas and someone placed a bomb on the gas meter at his home, destroying a side of the house, he said.So Hinkle moved east to Eustace, Texas, to elude his enemies, he said. But he kept his shaggy look (ponytail down his back and the beard down to his chest). He kept tinkering with motorcycle engines, did drugs daily, and always, he said, worried about his safety.

That’s not all, unfortunately it’s not short, but I think it’s very newsworthy and hits right along the line of your new book, “Orwell”. I say run this in its entirety. The site for the story is, http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/updates/lat_biker001003.htm. Read the whole burrito. It’s worth it–Zebra

BIKERNET BANNERS–Wanna trade links or sport a Bikernet banner on your site? For anything to do with link trades, sponsorships or advertising, ask the man behind the muscle–Oz. Drop a note to Oz@bikernet.com

LIE CLOCKS–Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. (As if you can believe that!)As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.She asked, “What are all those clocks?”St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”

Oh,” said Hillary, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Bill’s clock?” Hillary asked.

“Bill’s clock is in God’s office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

SENSUAL SASHA REPORTS– I will have my Sturgis piecedone for you next week, before the Penthouse launch. I need to get my outtakephotos back from them so I can use a few for your site. It’s cool with themthat I do that. The story is hot, dripping with sultry notions and longing caresses. You know about that.

Also, been doing stuff with Indian Larry lately. Perhaps you would like todo an article on him someday. He’s New York City’s master builder, as youknow, and a legend in his own right.www.indianlarry.com

THE AMERICAN DAREDEVIL–I recently phoned this 32-year-old, Bon Secour, Alabama boy who has taken over the throne of the Harley-Davidson jumpers from the legend Evel Knievel, and the master doesn’t like it. Bubba Blackwell has broken every confirmable record Evel ever made and he was recently taken under the star-struck wing of the William Morris Talent Agency. I interviewed him for Hot Rod Bikes Magazine. Watch for it in the coming months.

COMPANY MASCOT–Hey, I sent a request for you to be the company mascot. Note to them asfollows: Hello,You need a REAL mascot and I have known one for over 31 years that fits thebill to your beer. He is known by literally millions of motorcycleenthusiasts and readers of top biker magazines throughout the motorcycleriding world as “ROGUE”! Take a look at him and I’m sure you will agree athttp://www.bikerrogue.com. Get him as your “official company mascot” andadvertise in Easyrider & Biker magazineand watch your sales hit a new record! Now, in appreciation of THAT hotmarketing tip, it is sure worth a case of your beer delivered to me! Drinkup!Al Pace, Meridian, IdahoDid someone ask for a mascot? I thought it was Jon Towle’s nick the dick–Bandit

AH, THE PROVERB FOR THE WEEK–Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its troubles,it empties today of its strength. Thought you could use that when moneyseems too important. Remember that you are loved. Put your hand in your backpocket, squeeze, that’s from me. Love, Angeld

TIM CONDOR’S KNUCKLE-CUSTOM–HellBilly will be featured from start to finish on Bikernet. Watch as Tim hand-forms this drawing into a raggedy-assed, fast-as-hell Knucklehead. We’re please to lend our support to a relatively unknown world class custom builder. Remember, he’s the man who rode a highbar chop into downtown Seattle and attempted to demonstrate the ultimate flame job by dousing himself with gasoline and setting himself ablaze, then splitting lanes through the northern city streets. Too bad the fire kept stalling out the bike. Watch for it.

RAY PRICE ROCKS THE SCREAMIN’ EAGLE NITRO HARLEY FIELD– at IHRA but breakage haunts his Ray Price Racing team.

This weekend at the IHRA’s 9th annual Expressautoparts.com President’s Cup Nationals held outside Budds Creek, Md., at Maryland International Raceway, Price qualified sixth on his last attempt with 6.671 ET at 201.67 mph.

In the first round of eliminations, though Price launched a little slow, he was on a good run when the chain broke, ending his day early.

Oct. 7-8 AHDRA Rockingham, N.C.
Oct. 12-14 IHRA Shreveport, La. (Finals)

Ray Price Racing is supported by Ray Price Harley- Davidson, Raleigh HOG, S & S Cycle, Power Arc Ignition Co., Ultra Pro Machining, JIMS, Royal Purple Synthetic Motor Oil, Shumaker Racing, Performance Machine, Barnett Tool & Engineering, Vanson’s, Carolina Cobras, and Wilder’s Inc

Check www.rayprice.com, or call(919) 832-2261.Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Once more waiting for the hurricane to hit or miss. Lifeduring hurricane season is sketchy to say the least–check the weather channel, check the Internet andhope for the best. Isaac went way North, Joyce seems weird, went way southbut the forecast is to come back west, Go figure! Meanwhile, riding is shit,all the rain waves from the storm keep on passing by, maybe raining for fourminutes, maybe four days.

The trailer has to be ready by next week, and on the ship towardBiketoberfest, seems like the same day Hurricane Joyce might come visit, oh well, notthe first time.Finally will get my new chopper, which has been sitting in Phoenix at Bourget’sshop for a couple weeks. I expected to have it for Sturgis but got delayed.Hell, we all know how that goes. As soon as I get it back, I promise willsend some photos. We are also building (at the same time) a chopper for mygirlfriend with a Sportster motor, all hell is breaking loose. Last week,Bourget was here for a while, also Steve Zammit, from BBW New York. Just alittle r&r before mayhem in helmetless Florida!

Speaking of helmets, we are working to change the law in PR and be able toride lid free. A big step was taken when I received a phone call last weekfrom a friend of the governor asking about the study-proposal we did torepeal the law. Seems that our governor talked to the governor of Louisianaand invited him over to ride. The Louisiana governor replied by asking ifhe could ride helmetless or would not come at all….Funny how things turnfor the better. Will keep you posted on this.

Just saw the new Avon 250 tire, hey what’s up? How wide are tires going toget?200,230,240,250……–Jose

A SHY GENTLEMAN– was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat right next to him. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the pontiff.

Shortly after takeoff, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. “This is fantastic,” thought the gentleman. “I’m really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance.” Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four-letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘u-n-t’?”

Only one word leapt to mind… “My goodness,” thought the gentleman, “I can’t tell the Pope that. There must be another.” The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘aunt’.”

“Of course,” said the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”

A WISPY FOG–hangs over the harbor as I wait for Nuutboy to show up and assist with the final construction of the dual-carbed ’48 Panhead. Then Marcus will roll in with burritos and two bus loads of cameras and we’ll finish the tech shots. The cops quit coming around once I got the clue and started to answer the questions with the right answers for me–not them. Always remember, the less they know the better.

I want to thank all the readers who wrote in about my gun-totin’ incident. Most agree that the kid should have been shot. By taking some feeble action, I saved the vehicle, but it cost $500 for repairs. The options would have been a dead kid and life in prison. If I had sat back and called the cops, the van would have been gone and I still would have to deal with a bunch of guys who want to put someone in jail, even if it’s the victim. If the kid had been caught, his girlfriend would have thought he was a cool outlaw and I would have been put in the position of being a snitch, which is against my code. Suppose I saved the tax payers a bundle, the cops a gross of paperwork, and the kid a ton of bail money. Shit, I don’t know. I’ll take a razor out the next time and slice off $500 worth of hide.

Quick, another subject. Sex. Maxim is full of Cosmo tips for guys trying to get laid. What they don’t realize is that women are trying even harder, except they have a problem. Our fucked-up society dictates that they can’t show it except in the way they dress. OK, so we had a meeting the other night and Sin, who is handling the classifieds and the calendar section (they’re both free, so post your shit), suggested a tech tip. Well, actually we threatened to throw Snake out of the Bikernet crew if he didn’t come up with a tech tip–the ultimate tech tip. As usual, the down-trodden bro stumbled and mumbled in a drunken stupor until Sin slithered up beside him, whispered in his ear and the bastard was saved. So Snake is responsible for writing and producing the Ultimate Tech Tip or, in this case, the perfect sexual evening.

I got to thinking about it and I was beginning to let a cloud of hesitancy shadow my raspy thinking when Ray Russell sent me a list of sexual do’s and don’ts from a report in Australia. It was good, damn good, and we’ll post it shortly along with the Ultimate Tech Tip. As Zebra put it, “We do techs on hot rod motors, why not a tech on high-powered sex?”

Get your scoots running, it’s the weekend–let’s ride.

–BanditPS. If you’ve got something to say, post in the news, complain about, here’s your shot–Your Shot

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–GUNFIRE ROCKS THE HEADQUARTERSHey,

Life in the ghetto is never dull. I don’t know how to explain this, except to rattle on and hope you get the gist of the story. We had a box of chrome parts of good news this week. The Street Stalker is sold for enough to print Sam “Chopper” Orwell, so we’ll have books in the next two to three weeks. We’ve figured out how to mount and protect the dual 42 mm Mikuni carburetors on my ’48 Panhead. It could be running next week. A deal came through on some Pro Street frames so Nuutboy’s bike will see wheels over the next couple of months. Dr. Hamster, who recently had a station wagon cut him off and destroy his FXR, will have a new frame, and I may be able to start on a project that includes slipping an 88-Twin Cam into a Kenny Boyce Pro Street frame. The scores came from a friend of 30 years, Rogue in Florida. We’ve been posting his parts deals in the news over the last couple of weeks. There’s more to come.

On the home front, it was a quiet night Tuesday at about 11 p.m., until I heard a knock on the door. It was more like a caress, and I gladly let her in. She was sad, a bit tired from a hectic work week, and worried about something. We talked and drank wine, then she took a bath by candlelight and soaked her worries away. Energy seemed to spring forth and we were up to all hours, only to fall asleep at about 2 a.m., wiped out after another full, satisfying day.

At 3:45, I awoke. I have this nature, that if I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, I immediately lie still and wait to see if something is up. Then I heard it. A grunt and a door closing. That’s when the night took on a completely different demeanor. What once was star-light and love turned violent, but we better get to the news.

BIKERNET SEX CORRESPONDENT–Reporting from the Penthouse Website:

What was to be a simple editorial has turned into an extravaganza withvolumes of photos, video footage and editorial. Mostly pictorial driven,the Penthouse.com presentation will surely tell the story. Had I had free reign, certainly I would have had enough photos for two yearsworth of evolving editorial on the Penthouse site.The Penthouse.com presentation of Sturgis is set to go live Oct. 15.Will I be one of those free-spirited nymphs captured in glossy print? WillBandit be captured, chopper and all, in the chesty grip of a free-spiritednymph? Shhhhh – those secrets are safe with me.–Sasha

AUSTRALIAN BIKERNET CORRESPONDENT REVEALS SOUND CONTROVERSY– Ray Russell, an Australian businessman and rider, sent in the following story about a musician who rolled a Harley-Davidson into his studio and recorded it as part of a musical arrangement, then decided that he owns the sound of the Harley. The following is from a Melbourne newspaper:Bill Cook (Australian musician) owns the distinctive sound of the famous motorbike.Harley-Davidson’s legal department has worked for the past six years toreclaim ownership.But with the help of several other motorbike companies, including Honda andYamaha, Cook has maintained his grip on the bike’s distinctive rumble.

The 57-year-old stonemason-turned-musician took out the United Statescopyright for the bike’s syncopated sound in 1993 when making an albumcalled Steel Stallions.He recorded the idling engine of his vintage Harley-Davidson and made it therhythm section on several of the album’s tracks.

“I rode the Harley into the sound studio and the engineer poked hismicrophone in and around the engine while it was idling,” he said.”He then put it near the head so you could hear the valves falling back intotheir pockets. Then, near the carbie.All this coming through $10,000 speakers at full bore was music to my ears.The Harley sound as the drum track is unique and I believe I have a pieceof music I can sell to Harley riders.”

Manufacturer Harley-Davidson was surprised to find someone else owned thesound of its engine — and it filed an application with the U.S. Patent andTrademark Office to override Cook’s copyright.

Two months ago, Harley-Davidson dropped its six-year effort to patent thesound, saying it was tired of spending money with no end in sight.

This leaves Cook the undisputed owner of the Harley-Davidson sound.Cook says he does not care about the copyright and would “happily” hand itover to the Milwaukee bike manufacturer if it agreed to give away a copy ofhis album with every Harley sold.

Ehhh, I ain’t buyin’ it-Oz

JIMS AHDRA LAS VEGAS NATIONALS–JIMS is proud to host the 3rd annual AHDRA Las Vegas drag racing nationals, held Oct. 20-22. These races are the extreme in Harley-Davidson Drag Racing, and this year guarantees to be one of the best years ever. The event will be held at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, on the brand-new, NHRA-certified drag strip.

JIMS is devoted to Harley-Davidson and racing. Don’t miss it at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. For more information go to the JIMS site: www.jimsusa.com.

RUNNING IN TIGHT CIRCLES–A couple of my straighter riding friends. Next to me is Angus King,governor of Maine, and next to him is Chief Justice DanWalthen. Two other Harley-riding guys out for an afternoon of fun withPaul.

HOT ROD BIKES INTERVIEW RECOGNITION– You’re starting to be a real interviewer; Stone Philips and BarbaraWalters better start watching their collective ass. Good interview withOliver. When he said what a pain in the ass people are when it comes tobackstage passes, I would have loved it if you had said “then go back tothe way it was in the early years at Calamingos Ranch, when there weren’tany.” The first Love Ride I went on was No. 5 and I remember being able togo back for thirds and fourths on the food line, and all the fresh fruit(apples, oranges, bananas) you could eat. Plus I don’t remember a”backstage.” It seems to me there wasn’t any segregation. Of course, like a lot of my memories that are more than three hours old,they tend to become somewhat unclear. Anyway, another good interview.

DARWIN AWARDS–It’s an annual honor given to the personwho provided the universal human gene pool the biggestservice by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupidway. As always, competition this year has been keen.Some candidates appear to have trained their whole livesfor this event!

DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in2 feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewergrate to retrieve his car keys.

2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker whowas always “totally focused when he ran,” according to hiswife, accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his dailyrun.

3. Buxton, N.C.: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deephole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun,and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottomThursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying himbeneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on theouter banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to clawtheir way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Va., butcould not reach him. It took rescue workers usingheavy equipment almost an hour to free him whileabout 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounceddead at a hospital.

SHOULD WE FEATURE IT?–This is a 1999 Ultra Custom, 113 inch S&S motor, Andrews gears, Crane Single Fire ignition, Supertrap exhaust, P & M brakes, stretch tanks and custom paint.

The proud owner is Mike Wagner of Florence, Ky.

Hey, should we feature a manufactured motorcycle as a custom? Let me know what you think. I’m under the impression that we need to honor the hard work of the individual and the talent and innovation of professional bike builders, but let me know your thoughts.

DEMOCRATIC PROCESS–We here at Bikernet want the best for our readers, that’s why we have a limit on the number of sponsors we will post on the site. We want our readers to come to a place where only the best is represented by companies that will back up their products.

In the future, we will create an editorial board made up of the staff and sponsors, so when we need a decision about a product or new sponsor, we’ll put it in front of the gang for a vote. In addition, like the above inquiry, we will throw these decisions out to you guys to let us know what you think. Hell, I’m not working on this puppy constantly to benefit my lost cat. We need to know what you think.

TIM CONDOR PROJECT– Here’s a brother who likes a good mystery. He tells me he’s going to build a Knucklehead called HELLBILLY and sends me a list of components, but no photos, no drawings, nada. Then he says, “Brother, could you help me get this in a magazine?”

Tim, give me a break. I love Knuckleheads. We want it on Bikernet.

* 88-inch S&S cone lower end
* FHP complete dual carb knuckle heads and cylinders
* Morris dual magnetos
* BDL 3-inch belt system
* Revtech 5 in a 4 speed
* Choppers Inc. 40 spoke, 8-inch rim with 4-inch black and birch white checkers /Avon 230
* Black 40 spoke, 21-inch spool rim with the round spool painted like aneight ball / Dunlop
* 3 gallon tanks
* Re-pop V-twin stock springer, black and chrome
* SJP/Weerd Bros. 230 “stock” knuckle frame
* Kennedy rotor brake
* drag bars welded onto dogbone steering head
* Headlight is a model A parking light with a PIAA light in it

* I have all the parts except the back fender (haven’t built it yet). Nolifters or blocks. No chain.I’ve got $17,000 in parts. I’ll sell it now as-is or finished. If Isell it done, it will be black with a jockey. The rims are paintedalready. Thanks again – Tim

DA MARRIAGE COUNSELOR– Everybody knows that no matter how much you’re in love when you get married, at one point or another the honeymoon is over. That’s when the excuses start. I’ve used them, you’ve used them and believe it or not, my wife has used them. Following is a top 10 list of some of the best excuses to get out of having sex with your significant other.

10. I’d love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We’re out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven’t shaved in so long I’m afraid I’d feel I was making love to Big Foot.
7. You’re 20 bucks short.
6. We’re out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn’t a conjugal visit.
3. I can’t tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today watching all those pornos.
2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.

And the No. 1 excuse to not have sex: Your gynecologist just called – you still have crabs and you know how I don’t like seafood.

QUESTION, QUESTIONS?–Been up to my ass in alligators. Work’s been nuts and I’m trying to getcertified in Microsoft NTserver so I’ve had that shit to deal with. Theonly thing that’s keepin’ me sane is the riding. If it weren’t for that, I’dbe in one of those hotels with the padded rooms. How’s the movie comin’along? How’s”Burnin’ Daylight in L.A.” doin? Where’s “1%er”?–jr

I wish I had answer for ya. Marco the producer of “Burnin’ Daylight” took up with a coke whore and he doesn’t do coke and has no money. You can imagine how hard he’s workin’ to keep her tits in his face. Conrad Goode, the writer behind “Asphalt Cowboy” and once a player for the Buffalo Bills, was run over by walking pneumonia. He escaped to his homeland of Kansas for recuperation. Never heard from him again. And “1%” is looking at its 43rd rewrite. But Zebra makes his real money working for an ad house writing shit like, “got milk?” He wishes he wrote those two simple words. Following is his report:–Bandit

The Sturgis story is coming along well. I really dig it. It’s ethereal, yet real roady. A thinking piece.

Two questions; first, I’m thinking of giving Kearie a dozen “1%er” diamond patches to use as leave-behinds when she meets on the script. Know where or how I can get some made?

Oh Zebra, my man. Keep in mind that some clubs take 1%er patches real serious like.

Second, the agency over here is talking to Buell as a potential new client. They’re asking me to run up to Chicago with them to talk to the cats. Know anything about Buell, who runs it, what they’re like? They’re a division of H-D as I understand it, but these guys seem to think they’re independent.

That Zebra character is really up on motorcycle current events. This is what I told him: Buells were designed and manufactured by Eric Buell. Eric always had a tight relationship with H-D and used Sportster engines in his basically road racing chassis. He was the first to create an American Ninja. About three years ago, H-D bought the company from Eric and began to get serious. Jerry Wilke is the H-D V.P. in charge. Jerry is one of those guys who makes things happen. They put him in charge and he turns whatever division it is around and makes it work.

The problem with sales is perception. Racers have a tough time imagining a road racer in a Hog shop. It’s a different kind of customer, different kind of bike and the two have a tough time mixing, but they could. Now, many dealerships have one guy who is a racer of sorts, and a tech-head dedicated to selling the Buells, so that the Buell customer has someone to talk to. Guys who want to buy an H-D come in the dealership, pick a color and order the bike, or beg for one. The road racer wants to know what kind of performance shock is in a Buell, what kind of fasteners hold shit together, etc. They crawl around under the bike, poke and question. So this kid is comparing this 100 horse Sportster-powered Road Racer with a 180 mph Ninja or Katana from Yamaha, which are absolutely state-of-the-art. The highest tech machines in the world. How do they compete? How do they market these tough American machines?

So here’s a couple of points. Ninjas/ Katanas, whatever, are Jap bikes. They sound like Jap bikes, they run like sewing machines. Here’s a bike that handles like a Jap bike, but is American. It rumbles like an H-D, which makes it sexy and entertaining. Bubba Blackwell is a good example. This guy is breaking all of Evel K’s records. He says he could do it all day long on Jap bikes and no one gives a shit. But do it on a Harley and you have something exciting. He does a lot of stunts on Buells, and might make an interesting icon for a campaign.

These bikes need a fit, and I think if they got outrageous with some, customized them, they might find the spark. I want to build one and make it look like a jet fighter from WWII, bad as hell, and tough as nails. Give it that bad-to-the-bone road racer look and you’ll see outlaws riding ’em.

BRIGHT DECISIONS– 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. (Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.)

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON–WHEELS OF FREEDOM–
Overview:Enter a 3D virtual world and experience the freedom of the open road on aHarley, with stunning graphics and realistic handling physics. Featuringthree styles of rally races, multiple riders and the ability to customizeyour own Harley. Harley-Davidson Wheels of Freedom is sure to rule theroad. Players face rough pavement, dirt roads, drag races and more. Doyou have what it takes to meet the Harley challenge?

Features:
Multiple racing styles including Open Road challenge, Draggin’ in theDirt, and
Madman Hill Climb;
Create and ride your own fully customized Harley;
Choose from multiple riders, each with their own style and personality;
Dynamic crash sequences;
Race against others via LAN or the Internet;
Cruise to soundtrack of classic road songs.

Publisher: WizardWorks
Developer: G2M Games and Canopy Games
Release Date: September 2000
Platform: PC

Suggested Retail Price: $19.99

HEY, BANDITO–How’s things? I have been so busy and Sin has been too. We have hardlyhad a chance to hook up lately. Yesterday, we went to this tattoo shop(I’m thinking of getting something on my ass). Anyway, Sin comes out inthis tiny little skirt and skimpy low cut top showing all leg and nothingbut tits. When she sat on the seat, her skirt went above her crotch showingthe perfect little v-shape of her snatch. At first I thought that she justhad white panties on, but after a closer look I realized they were sheer.Because she shaves everything, it was all creamy color down there. Ireached over and ran my finger along… Well gotta get to work Senor Bandito,Talk at ya later!~Coral

P.S. Here’s a shot of the girls.

RAY PRICE LEGENDS OF HARLEY DRAG RACING MUSEUM OPENS– The Ray Price Legends of Harley Drag Racing Museum opened Sept. 23 in a brief, but impressive ceremony.

Several hundred local race fans and a host of drag racers were on hand for the ribbon cutting ceremony for the first installation of the museum.

The ceremony included the “sound of freedom” presented by the Raleigh HOG chapter, invocation by Bruce Brown, chaplain of the Raleigh HOG Chapter. A U. S. Marine color guard presented the colors, Debbie Johnson sang the national anthem and Jamie Emery, the youngest Top Fuel racer, did a burnout making the guests and dignitaries feel like they were at the races.

Ray Price and Jean Price were beaming with pride as Jim Hartley, IHRA chaplain, gave the prayer and dedication. Mary Lou Brewton, the museum’s curator, read the mission statement .

“It is our goal at the Ray Price Legends of Harley Drag Racing Museum to preserve and conserve the history and heritage of the sport of drag racing Harley-Davidson motorcycles. It is our intent to provide a spectacular location for generations to come to view the machines and documentation of, to this point, 50 years of Harley-Davidson drag racing.”

The museum is free and open to the public during normal business hours. The first installation will begin to change in three months and the display cases will change quarterly.

Ray Price Harley-Davidson – (919) 832-2261www.rayprice.com

BREEZE DEPARTS–You’re about to lose one of your highly paidwriting staff for a while. Fall is in the air and it’s timefor me to get back in the breeze. Don’t know for howlong or what way (other than south toward warmweather). Usually don’t know until after I throw my legover and touch it off. I have been thinking of headingto Lynchburg for Mr. Jack’s 150th birthday party andthen on to Nashville for the run to Biketoberfest.FTW,Stroker

Goddamnit, report in, over. Come in, over? Shit, lost another one.–Bandit

BIG DOG ANNOUNCES SALES GROWTH AND FIRST PROFITABLE 6-MONTH PERIOD–Could be one of the few companies of this type making money. Sales for the first half of 2000 were up 30 percent, representing the fifth consecutive year of high double-digit sales growth. “We have been patiently building a company capable of long term, sustainable growth. We continue to focus on being the brand of choice in the premium cruiser niche. Big Dog offers a blend of aggressive custom style, individualized paint and powerful engines. These are motorcycles made to ride in the real world. Now that our volume has reached critical mass, we can press on improving component design. Our profitability allows us to spend more money on key strategies such as embedding a new level of mechanical and sales expertise at the dealer level,” said Sheldon Coleman, CEO and founder of Big Dog Motorcycles.

“We focus on dramatic and continual product improvements cornerstoned by our powerful yet smooth 107-inch drivetrain, and we partnered with many of the industry’s highest quality suppliers and developed exclusive relationships and products,” said Nick Messer, president of Big Dog. “Finally, we strive to create a work environment where our employees enjoy their jobs and realize that they are the keys to any success we may enjoy.”

“…embedding a new level of mechanical and sales expertise at the dealer level.” Sheldon, what the hell does that mean? Are you going to torture these guys? I’ve got to say that out of all the bikes of this nature that I’ve ridden, that 107-inch drivetrain is absolutely one that will make your hair stand on end, and give you the confidence to cut across country without batting an eye.–Bandit

ORWELL FOR SALE–We’re now confident that we will have books in stock in the next two to three weeks. You can now get a copy of Sam Chopper Orwell for $3 off the regular price and receive a free vinyl Bikernet sticker as part of the deal. Click Here for details!

URGENT LEGISLATIVE ALERT–In response to vehicle equipment safety concerns raised by the recentFirestone tire recalls, the U.S. Congress is moving quickly to enactlegislation that could affect manufacturers, dealers and installers of allautomotive equipment. These bills would dramatically increase reportingrequirements for all automotive product safety defects, add newrecord keeping requirements, create tougher recall rules, instituteincreased civil penalties and severe new criminal penalties fornon-compliance and direct the National Highway Traffic SafetyAdministration (NHTSA) to update its Federal tire standard.

SEMA is concerned that Congress, facing an early October adjournment, isrushing through complicated and controversial legislation (S.B. 3059/H.R.5164).

Key new obligations under S. 3059/H.R. 5164:- Vehicle equipment manufacturers may not certify compliance with federalstandards unless compliance has been established through testing orengineering.

– Statutory time period for safety recalls of vehicle equipment increasedfrom 8 to 10 years (3 to 5 years for tires.)

– Vehicle equipment manufacturers must report overseas recall orders,accidents and trends that result in injury or death, as well as legalactions and warranty complaints to the Department of Transportation (DOT).

– The DOT may share confidential vehicle equipment manufacturer informationwith foreign governments, without clearly guaranteeing the confidentialityof product information.

– The DOT may require record keeping and reporting on foreign and domesticconsumer complaints, equipment defect information and communicationsbetween dealers and manufacturers relating to equipment safety- relateddefects or recalls.

– Civil penalties for non-compliance with federal vehicle safety and recallstandards would increase from $1,000 to $5,000 for each violation, whilethe maximum fine would rise from $800,000 to as much as $15,000,000. Nomaximum fine would apply in instances of willful and intentional violation.

– New criminal penalties would be enacted making a director, officer or”agent” of a manufacturer (possibly dealers and installers) subject to afine of up to $50,000, 15 years in jail or both for willful and knowingviolations.

Contact your senators and congressional representative to urge furtherstudy of this legislation.For assistance in determining who your legislators are, please contact theCapitol Hill operator at (202) 225-3121, or you can access this informationvia the Internet at http://www.sema.org/fedleg/legislatorrequest. We haveincluded links to sample letters for your use.

KING MAKES IT FOUR FOR FOUR IN FORMULA USA SERIES–The regular participants in the Formula USAdirt-track series are probably thankful that Team Harley’s Rich King has raced in only half ofthe races this season. King has entered four races and won them all.

Number four came Saturday at the Cal-Expo State Fairgrounds in Sacramento,Calif. King battled briefly with Joe Kopp, Jay Springsteen and Chris Carrbefore grabbing the lead for good on lap three. The track was in poorcondition but King’s motorcycle was perfectly tuned and he skillfullymaneuvered around the rough spots to cruise to a half-straightaway victory.Kopp (H-D of Missouri) finished second and Springsteen (Bartels’ H-D) tookthird.

Like almost all of the dirt trackers this year, King has participated inboth the Formula USA Series and the AMA U.S. Flat Track Championships. Someof the races from the two series have fallen on the same weekends, however.King’s commitment has been to the AMA series, which is the reason he hasraced in only four Formula USA events.

With the win, King has bragging rights up to this point. When combining thenumber of wins from both series, King’s total of five is the most by anyracer this season. Will Davis and Carr have won four events, and Kopp haswon two.

Unfortunately King’s success will not lead to a championship in eitherseries. King sits in sixth place in the Formula USA standings with two racesto go, and is in fourth place with third place in his sights with one raceto go in the AMA series.The next dirt-track race is a Formula USA event scheduled for Sept. 30 atManzanita Speedway in Phoenix.

BIKERS SQUARE OFF WITH GANG BANGERS IN CHILD ABUSE CASE–Know a kid who’s been abused? Often when a child has been abused, they are asked to testify against their attacker, a terrifying thing for most victims and often one they simply cannot face. The sorry part is, if the child can’t or won’t testify, the criminal piece of shit who messed them up goes free.

That’s where Bikers Against Child Abuse comes in. BACA is a national organization with chapters across the United States. I spoke with several BACA members in Sturgis this year and asked them about their organization. They related a story to me about a young boy who had been brutally attacked by big-city gangbangers. When it came time to testify, the gang bangers openly threatened the boy and his family with deadly reprisal. For obvious reasons, the boy was too terrorized to take the witness stand and put the cowardly little fucker who jumped him in the hole where he belongs. Until BACA showed up.

BACA bros spent time with the boy, won his confidence and told him that they would be there, in court with him, watching his back and that he could rest assured that his new biker bros would not let anyone lay a finger on him- period.

The day of the trial came and a large group of gang bangers showed up and sat in the audience in an effort to scare the boy out of sending his attacker to prison. The boy and his parents were fast losing their nerve when the thunder of big American iron shook the courthouse. A massive group of brotherhood in the form of no-bullshit bros walked into the courtroom and proceeded to sit every-other-one between the gang bangers, who shriveled in the face of real fighters. The courtroom was packed with bikers.

The bros mere appearance gave the boy the courage to take the stand and testify against his assailant, who is now doing hard time. The boy was not bothered again.

If there’s ever been an organization to support, this is it. I’ve not found many subjects bikers agree on more unanimously than the notion that motherfuckers who lay a hand on a child richly deserve hanging. The bros website is www.bacausa.com.–Special Agent Zebra,Biketnet.com East

BRENDA FOX PARTIES WITH MADONNA–That’s right, after a grueling day with the Bikernet team at the Rod Stewart music video tape, Brenda wasn’t satisfied. She jumped on her new Duece and hit the showers, or maybe not, and rushed to the Hollywood Hills for an intimate evening with the queen of blondes and other celebs.

Next we will report on Ms. Fox’s relationship with Joker Machine. Like a true chopper rider, her brand new 2001 model is facing major modifications through Joker Machine and West Coast Choppers. More coming shortly.

DID YOU GET YOUR WHEELS?–In 1997 and ’98, a company by the name of Rau Marketing ‘BIKERS’ located inCosta Mesa, Calif.,was advertising a wheel called the ‘Nifty Fifty’. It had an aluminum rim,aluminum billet hub and 50 radially laced 3/8-inch diameter stainless steelspokes. When the owners of the company were put in federal prison oncharges of being responsible for the closure of a bank in NewportBeach, Calif., they left a lot of people screwed.

I’m looking into thepossibility of having mail fraud charges brought against them. What Ineed is to hear from anybody who ordered or paid for these wheels THROUGHthe mail, and never got them or a refund and still has the necessarypaper work to prove it. If you or someone you know were cheated by thesepeople, please contact me at -sbauman2@juno.com or at (949) 586-9468–Steve Bauman, the Vigilante.

CANDY KISS–It was a little boy’s first day in school and the teacher was going to play a “guessing” game.

She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what the item was thatthey received. Whenit was the new boy, Jimmy’s turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss. She asked, “Do you know what it is?”

Jimmy replied “No.”

The teacher said,”Go ahead and open it up and taste it.” Little Jimmy did so. The teacherthen asked, “Now do you know what it is?”

Little Jimmy said “Nooooo.”

The teacher said, “I’ll give you a hint…it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work.

” A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams, “JIMMY, SPITITOUT…….IT’S A PIECE OF ASS!”

A MAN AND A WOMAN– were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. He takes out his penis, waves it at her and tellsher she knows what she can do.

Suddenly the womanreaches over and slices off the man’s peckerbeforetossing it out the window of the car.

Drivingbehind the car is a guy in a pickup truck with his 10-year-old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the flesh-javelin smacks thepickup’s windshield, sticks for a moment, thenfliesoff.

Surprised, the daughter asks, “Daddy, what inthe heck was that?” Not wanting to expose his daughter to sex at such a tender age, and having no way of explaining the horrible act thathad transpired in the car ahead, he replies, “Itwas only a bug, honey.”

The daughter gets a confusedlook on her face, and after a minute she says, “It surehad a big dick!”

HALLMARK CARDS ARE MAKING–Hallmark is making a Christmas tree ornament this year of noneother than HARLEY BARBIE. They come out next month and I telephoned afew stores to reserve one for Rosalie and discovered they are sellingout fast. A couple of stores in Vancouver are already sold out…

Contact your Hallmark store NOW if you want one. In Canada they cost$19.95.

HAMSTER GETS ROLL WITH WILLIS–Check this link out and scroll down to back issues library, type in Sept. 16, 2000, and go to the article Gresham Man Rides Harley into role of new Bruce Willis movie, The Outlook Online – Gresham, East Multnomah County and Oregon news. Skip Pillow, a Hamster from Oregon, is in the movie as a “featured extra.” Check it out.

THE CHIEF STAYS HOT–The deal with Fox 2000 to adapt Sonny’s autobiography for a major motion picture was the buzz in Hollywood last week, and you can read all about it and the players on the new movie page athttp://sonnybarger.com/nav_movie.html

THUNDER OVER DIXIE, GONE INTERNATIONAL–That’s the ticket. The ride that will take riders on a dealer-to-dealer, rocking country-western music run from Nashville to Biketoberfest now has sign-ups from Canada. Other riders are splitting from California to meet up with the Cajun Crawl out of Nashville. If you want the ride of a lifetime, contact the former editor of Big Twin at (949) 645-8036, or head over to Thunderoverdixie.com for more info.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS HOOK UP WITH VICTORY–A new American motorcycle will lead the Vikings to Victory this season. At the season opener, Victory Motorcycles announced its new rough and tumble sponsorship of the Minnesota Vikings with traditional biker style.

Former Vikings’ greats and motorcycle enthusiasts Carl Eller and Jim Marshall, along with Polaris CEO Tom Tiller and Vikings mascot Ragnar, led the team onto the field riding four thundering Victory motorcycles. One was painted Viking colors purple and gold.”Victory Motorcycles is proud to be a bike leading the Vikings onto the field this season,” said Polaris Industry’s CEO Tom Tiller.

ESCAPE HATCH–So the misty night was creeping in on the harbor as I crawled quietly out of the sack and crept down the hall to the Bikernet galley where the window over the sink gave me a panoramic view of the side street. It was quiet and dark and no one was roaming the street. We have a number of vagrants and homeless that meander the seaside avenues of Pedro. There are druggies, bums and escaped prisoners stealing bicycles from kids to get the hell out of dodge, but they always come back. I didn’t see a thing until my bleary focus came upon the dark-haired one’s van park neatly against the curb. Someone was in her van. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The kid was working furiously over the steering wheel and cussing at the length of time it was taking him.

I dashed to the rear entrance of the headquarters but security is high and it was locked. I made my way to the front and it was locked also. I scrambled for the key, then to a cabinet for a gun. It’s mandatory at headquarters that a loaded weapon is located in every closet, drawer and cubbyhole. In my boxers, I scrambled into the street. The kid was still fumbling madly over the steering column and I aimed the gun at the windshield. The weapon was cocked. I could have made that kid a salami sandwich in a split second, but chose to raise the weapon skyward and fire. The kid sat up straight as a rail and looked at me like his mom had just caught him with his hand in the cash drawer. He jumped from the cab and raised his arms skyward. “I was just looking for a place to sleep,” he shouted.

That pissed me off. The sonuvabitch was caught red-handed, why couldn’t he just admit that he was fucked instead of lie. “You lying mutha-fucker,” I said as I lowered the site to the center of his young gangsta features and cocked the weapon again.

Well, I’m currently under investigation by the San Pedro Police Department. So tell me, what would you do if you caught someone stealing your car? Shoot ’em, arrest ’em, let ’em go? Run and call the cops? Chase ’em around the car with a baseball bat? Tie ’em to the bumper and drive to the cop shop to turn ’em in? And maybe you jailhouse lawyers will know the answer to this: What does the book say you should do? Quietly pull the shades, call the local law enforcement and pace the kitchen hoping that the cops will come before your vehicle leaves?Your Shot

Send your suggestions to the Free Bandit Fund. In the meantime, if you’re in Southern California this weekend, don’t miss the Al Martinez Custom Bike and Truck Show in Irvine, Calif. Ride forever–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–TITAN OFFERS TO BUY GENERAL MOTORS!

The week started calmly enough. I hit the Ink Slingers Ball with the dark-haired one and enjoyed the vast array of tattoo art. I was most impressed with the Cori Miller crew’s work from Six Feet Under Tattoo in Upland, Calif.

Samson exhaust system came on board and we’ll be scrambling to produce a line of exhaustive exhaust installation techs to assist riders in deciding which blastin’ pipe system to go with and how to make it purr. I slipped up an antique of mine from Milwaukee Iron, a ’39 WLDR — check it out. Then a call came in from Brenda Fox. “Wind ’em up,” she shouted over the phone. Ever since she got her dream job with Bill Bartels at his Marina del Rey dealership, she talks that biker shit all day.

I ran out and started my touring chopper on he spot. “What now Brenda?” I asked. I always do exactly what the Fox tells me, immediately. “We’ve got a music video to star in,” she said, the deep syrupy-sweet voice dripping down the side of the receiver. “Be at the dealership at 6:30 a.m.” Then she hung up. I was hoping it would be something about me and her in a bed someplace in a cozy studio in Hollywood. That wasn’t the case, and conditions worsened as the day proceeded, but we better get to the news:

THE BARGER REPORT–Sonny will be in Reno this weekend for Street Vibrations. In October he will visit Cleveland, Rochester, N.Y., and Salem, Ore., for book signings, as well as Daytona for Biketoberfest. Check the Meet Sonny page for dates and locations.http://sonnybarger.com/nav_tour.htmlIf you still have not read Hell’s Angel, you can read the 5000-word excerpt online at Penthouse.com. Follow the link at the bottom of the Press/Media page:http://sonnybarger.com/nav_press.html

CLASSIFIED AD DEPT.–Following is a slimy group of classifieds from newspapers across the land. But before we go there, I want to remind you that Bikernet has a place for your motorcycle-related classifieds and personals. They’re free, damnit. So go for it.
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY
$9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT-
SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 – $9 PER HOUR.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS
– $175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT’S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER
> $300.

RIDER SELLS CUSTOM MAG LIGHTS FOR BEANS–C.J. Allan is an old rider of some hidden fame and one of the finest engravers in the world. C.J., who made the Blue Flame point cover that rode with me to Sturgis, is hand engraving mag lights for sale on Bikernet.

If you need something engraved for your scoot, your truck, your gun, your ol’ lady’s purse, a money clip, a belt buckle, boot tips, you name it, C.J. is the man. Check his Web site at http://www.cjs-engraving.com, or give him a call at (270) 492-6209.

Think about it…..don’t think too fuckin’ long though, cause if something don’t happen aroundhis place pretty damn soon, he’s hangin’ up all this bullshit art work, an’ tryin to be a good guy, and goin’ back into thuggery.

SOCAL HAMSTERS AND BIKERNET CREW PERFORM COMMUNITY SERVICE–Dateline San Pedro: Bikernet Crew members and Hamsters from Los Angeles participated in an annual beach cleanup program. Twice a year, once just before the summer season and once at the end of the year, volunteer citizens from all over the coastal regions of any state with a beach line march onto the sand to pick up debris left by the unkempt and unworthy. This program includes international beaches such as the topless sand boxes in Rio and the Mederian. The material is recycled and documented to help government agencies understand the needs of beach dwellers.This year, Bikernet and the So Cal Hamsters came forward to assist on weekend cleaning of the Cabrillo community beaches and parks. With headquarter-made pokers in hand, the squad of motorcyclists scoured the beaches and parks for spare change so we could party later.

A GUY ARRIVES AT THE PEARLY GATES– waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy’s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, “I’m sorry, I don’t see your name written in the Book.”

“How current is your copy?” he asks.

“I get a download every 10 minutes,” St. Peter replies. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn’t arrived to your copy yet.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Pete says, “but while we’re waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?”

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Hmm, well, there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I’d be next.”

“So I ripped the leader’s chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, “Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You’re all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!”

St. Peter, duly impressed, says “Wow! When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago.”

THUNDER OVER DIXIE NEWS– of the hour…..Biker Billy and the Burpee Seed Co. Flame Throwing Harley are joining us on the ride!! Biker Billy will do two shows a day along the route. That’s right folks, crazed maniacs and tainted chefs will be joining the madcap romp from Nashville, Tenn., to Biketoberfest in October. For information on how you can attend the charity ride of a lifetime, call the Dixi–ette at (949) 645-8036.

LANDMARK $433M GUN SUIT DISMISSED– (By Mike Robinson, Associated Press Writer) Mayor Richard M. Daley’s $433 million lawsuit against the firearms industry was dismissed Friday by a judge who said the mayor might do better to combat city crime through law enforcement methods and legislation.

Cook County Circuit Judge Stephen Schiller questioned the city’s use of statistics showing that many guns used in gang shootings in Chicago have actually been purchased at suburban gun shops, many by so-called straw purchasers who bought them for resale to criminals.

Schiller said the statistics represent the kind of evidence that calls for legislation rather than court action.

More than 30 cities and counties across the country have filed lawsuits against the firearms industry, with mixed results. Last October, a state judge allowed Atlanta’s lawsuit to proceed, while an Ohio judge dismissed Cincinnati’s lawsuit.

Daley pledged to appeal the decision and said Schiller, a former criminal court judge, should have understood the need for the lawsuit. “Who in his right mind is going to be having this on the street in front of your child?” he asked, holding up a rifle.

Daley’s lawsuit was filed in November 1998 following an undercover investigation by Chicago police officers who posed as straw purchasers ? people with state firearms owners identification cards who buy guns for those who lack such cards, usually because they have criminal records and are ineligible. Daley said the $433 million was related to the cost of police, medical and other services over a four-year period.

Named as defendants were 22 gun manufacturers, including such major names as Beretta, Colt, Smith & Wesson and Browning. James Valentino, an attorney for defendant Universal Firearms Ltd., said the decision was important for all businesses, not just gun makers. “If the manufacturer of a product can be held liable because somebody uses his product illegally, then no manufacturer is safe,” he said. He said police should concentrate their efforts on straw purchasers.

STALKER HAUNTS HEADQUARTERS– Hey Bandit! I know that you just can’t get enough of me. I check up on you from time to time. Okay, pick a favorite from this…Type in: http://www.whiterabbitstudio.com/GOTHGIRL.htm

I am watching you, bad biker boy. Your evil GOTH D.D.M.C.

Who’s in charge of Bikernet security, anyway?–Bandit

THE AGENT REPORTS–I’ll kick over a bunch more lines when I get out of the weeds on “1%er,” which will be sometime later this week. We can pick our favorites, burn the rest. Made the Poker Run this last weekend. Key West. Key West was incredible. Saw Hemmingway’s house. Got some shots. Pretty big moment. Been trying to see Papa’s place for 10 years. Finally got there. They got about 8,000 bikes. The hurricane spooked a few off. I’ll try to punch out a story with photos.

I’m still working on the Sturgis story. I wrote about half of it, then tore it down to change the direction some. Key West was perfect until the hurricane passed about 100 miles off shore. Then the entire island went under water. Sea water. I got the bike up into restaurant which boarded the doors. Saw two new dressers with wakes going over the seats. The 7- Mile bridge was a spooky devil. Ten stories up, huge gale winds, roaring seas below, 2-foot cement railing. High fun.All is well. Rubber side down, rolling.

CALLING ALL SOCAL BIKERS–I am on the board of directors for Childrens Hospital of Orange County and we are having our inaugural Biker Run for Kids, on SUNDAY, SEPT. 24. We are expecting as many as 1,200 bikers for this event, with all proceeds going to a real worthwhile cause.This is a poker run down the beach and through the canyons with the final stop being Sloppy Joe’s at the Irvine Spectrum (where I-5 and I-405 meet.) Sign in at 8 a.m.; 9:30 a.m. at Sloppy Joe’s with all riders due back no later than 12:30 p.m. for food and a live band playing blues, soul and rock ‘n’ roll.Music will play from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m..Rather than get too wordy please visit the website for this event at www.minimailers.com/CHOCRUN. As co-chair for this event, I have asked that an area be roped off for about 15-20 show bikes.We have a celebrity from the TV series Home Improvement who will be auctioning off items. We will also be having drawings for goods as well. Some of the fine people donating to this cause are Danny Gray, Arlen Ness, Phil Day and Gary Bang.Please call Manny at the this toll free number for details if you too are interested in helping those children less fortunate than others, (888) 245-8083. — Manny Montanez

A WOMAN HAS A DOG THAT SNORES IN HIS SLEEP– Annoyed, because she can’t sleep, she goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring.

A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog’s testicles….sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring very loudly.

The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband’s testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps very soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his testicles. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog’s testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says: “Boy, I don’t remember where we were or what we did but by God we got first and second place!”

MORE PHOTOS– I see you have given us some more coverage, so here are a couple more photos of my girlfriend, Charley, and another of my rig. Feel free to use them. Could you please mention our Website (iworeit.com)? It’s a buisness we own. Check it out if you haven’t already. I am sure your readers will love it.

I am going to start on a new bike project, so, I am going to be selling the Silver Slut. If you know anyone who would like it, and they buy it, I will give you a $250 finder’s fee. Plus, we still want to be in the damn movie. Charley will even smile when we get the part………Rourke

MO’ PARTS–1 Delkron FXR TVR2 5 Speed Spline Shaft Transmission Complete with Pulley$1100.00.
1 4 Speed Harley Transmission fits 1965 – 1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.00.
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box, $250.00.
3 Rev Tech 16x 3 Front Rally Style Billet Wheel complete, $300.00each.
4 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Vision Style Billet Wheels complete, $300.00each.
2 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Vision Style Billet Rims (no hubs),$150.00 each.
1 Sturgis 16x 5 1/4 Rear Attitude Style Billet Wheel complete,$350.00.
1 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Attitude Style Billet Wheel complete,$300.00.
2 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Roadstar Style Billet Wheel complete,$300.00 each.
2 Sturgis 16x 5 1/4 Rear Roadstar Style Billet Rims (no hubs),$200.00 each.
1 Sturgis 16x 3 1/2 Front Billet Wheel complete,$300.00.
2 Sturgis Vision Rear Belt Pulleys,$200.00 each.
2 Sturgis Attitude Rear Belt Pulleys,$200.00 each.
1 Sturgis Roadstar Rear Belt Pulley,$200.00.
2 Wire Wheel Style Rear Belt Pulleys,$200.00 each.
8 Billet Inner Primary to fit FXR,$200.00 each.
5 Billet Outer Primary covers to fit FXR,$200.00 each.
6 Rear S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall Cylinders Std bore loose, $50.00each.
4 Front S&S 3 5/8 Bore and 5.375 tall Cylinders Std bore loose, $50.00each.
7 Front 4 Valve Heads some have worn guides,others 5/16 helicoil $75.00,each.
1 Rear 4 Valve head same as above,$75.00.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods,$50.00 set.
10 New Harley Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO, $125.00each.
3 S&S Cam Covers late model single cam (nose cone),$50.00 each.
2 Dyna DS6-2 Electronic Ignitions,$50.00 each.
3 5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft Diaphragm clutch assembly withKevelar clutch plates, $ 400.00 each.
7 Heavy Billet 5 Speed transmission doors polished & bearings,$150.00 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to ’89$30.00 each
3 JIMS pinion gears 24043-78 red to ’89,$30.00 each.
1 CCI 09-930 mini floorboards,$75.00.
2 CCI 12-997 floorboads,$25.00 each.
4 Dunlop 491 Elite MT90B16 front tires,$60.00 each.
1 Dunlop 491 Elite 160/80 B16 75H rear tire,$60.00.
1 Dunlop 591 Elite 140/90/16 65V rear tire,$60.00.
1 Metzler Perfect ME99A 150/80/V16 rear tire, $60.00.
For info: [mailto:rogue@bikerrogue.com]

THERE ARE TWO INDIANS– and a cowboy walking along together in the desert when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a steep hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the entrance, ” Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” And, then listened very closely until he heard an answer…….

“Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The cowboy was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about…was that Indian goofy or something?

“No,” said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, ‘Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!’ and get an answer back, that means she is in there waiting for you.”

Well, just about that time the other Indian spotted another cave. He took off, ran to the cave, stopped & hollered, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” When he heard a reply “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” off came his clothes and into the cave he goes.

The cowboy started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. Suddenly, he looked up and saw this great big cave. He was amazed at the size and thought, “Man! It’s bigger than the caves those Indians found. There must be something special inside. Well, he darted up the hill at great speed with hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and yelled, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He was thrilled when he heard the answering call of “WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!” He quickly took off his clothes. With a happy face he raced into the cave.

The headlines in the next day’s newspaper stated: NAKED COWBOY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN

QUICKEST PRO STOCK HARLEY IN THE WORLD–Hannon Racing might not be making the NHRA Pro Stock Bike Program, but they are making some numbers. This weekend at MOHNTON, Pa. in Pro Stock Bike Division at the 16th annual Keystone Nationals, Dan Baisley set the Harley world on fire.

Baisley, Portland, Or., turned a 7.802 at 166.21 on his first pass, then a 7.769 at 163.14, then a record breaking 7.667 at 169.10, the 1/8 mile on this pass was 4.80 ET at 146 mph.

Team owner, Bill Hannon thrilled with their results, “we have a lot left in the bike. We’ll be pulling back to Pennsylvania in two weeks for the AHDRA race, then straight to Rockingham for the Eastern Finals at Rockingham, NC. We are really excited about going to NHRA at Houston where weather conditions are traditionally optimal and our equipment should be as well.”

“We can’t thank our sponsors enough, it was tough rebuilding the program after Daytona, but we don’t have any regrets now.”

Sept. 30 AHDRA Maple Grove, Pa.
Oct. 7-8 AHDRA Rockingham, NC
Oct. 26-29 NHRA Houston, Tx.

Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales, Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty, Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam. Hannon 941-463-2778, www.hannonracing.com.

WARNING!–Hey….keep your head outa the paint booth man!

That’s Naples, Fla., and you can’t even recognize oneof your own highly paid writing staff?

Speaking of writing, your editing always gives me agood laugh. What, you don’t like “good to go!”OK…OK… “get the fuck out” does have a little morepunch to it, but I know I won’t be sending you anymoretechnical stuff. You make me sound like an idiot. Youcan’t remove a clutch buy pulling against the clutch. You have to pull against the transmission main shaft. Since you can’t do that directly without taking achance of damaging it, you have to pull against the”clutch hub nut” (after loosening it). Just like I wrote it!

I used to be a technical writer and hated getting badinformation. Old habits die hard, eh… Mr. Editor!

As long as I?m bitchin’, why doesn’t your movie man(madam) have an email address to send wannaberesumes?

You don’t think I’m gona fork out 32 cents for a chanceto not be in your movie do ya!

No….so I’ll just send it to you.*******************************************

Resume
Last Name: Stroker
First Name: Stroker

Qualifications:
1) I Ride
2) I’m still breathing
3) I Ride

Experience:
I don’t know, nor do I pretend to know the first fuckin’thing about acting, taking direction or anything else todo with the movie industry.

References:
K. Randall Ball
I’m one of his highly paid writing staff.

I know you can’t wait to sign me to a big buck deal. Don’t worry I’ll get back with ya.

THE CHIEF’S FILM–Announcement today that “Hell’s Angel” “authorized film history based on Barger’s life” will become theatrical film from Fox 2000 (part of 20thCF). Tony Scott directing; Anthony Zuicker writing. Says film wilL include all the violence, sex and “carefree” living of the bike club and won’t shy away from Barger’s legal problems. One of the producers is Fritz Clapp, who is the longtime lawyer for HA & Barger. Tony Scott has 5 bikes.

ONE LINERS– Ah, yes, divorce……., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet,” — Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself,” — Roseanne

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place,” — Billy Crystal

THE INFAMOUS BIKES & SPIKES MOTORCYCLE MAGAZINE IS NOW ONLINE!–Notorious Motors Inc. brings Bikes & Spikes magazine online!!! You saw it in print, now you need to see it online at www.bikesandspikes.com – your virtual motorcycle rally! Our mission at Notorious Motors Inc. is to inform, entertain and tease, in that order. Not just those females and males who ride, but also those who won’t resist looking in on the fun. We are becoming the authoritative e-commerce guide to fulfilling every need in the bike world and we invite you all to come on in and get to know what goes on in this colorful culture we call motorcycling.

MOTORCYCLES. STREETWEAR. ENTERTAINMENT. YOU.
Motorcycles: Bikes & Spikes will continue to bring you articles on racing, beginning with the Isle of Man, the most dangerous road racing in the world; bike features – first and foremost the 1930 Harley-Davidson VL restored to original condition, purchased and used by the Minnesota State Patrol in 1930 and retired in the mid- to late 30’s; bike maintenance; riders’ experiences; book and movie reviews and more.

Streetwear: COMING SOON is Notorious Motors’ leather collection as leather has never been seen before, featuring its Heavy Metal Tramps & Thieves line and the Alfa Female Native American collection. Our ever-growing catalog will provide you with the latest in everything you need and want for the road, including all those unique rally finds for men AND women.

Entertainment: Besides a large amount of visuals, we’ll bring you biker music and hot spots and events around the nation. WARNING: We’ll ALSO tantalize you via the Bikes & Spikes calling card – our tastefully-done male centerfold, with The Ice Cream Man From Hell as our first online teaser. He’s wild, he’s sexy and he’s a riot! Don’t miss the continuing Sex & Machine saga, our humorous Rally Rebel (she’s too sexy for her chaps!) and many other personalities.

You: We’ve implemented a bulletin board, chat room and profile page for you to post photos, secrets, whatever, and meet other riders in your part of the world. We need your input and interaction. Pass the word! Tap into www.bikesandspikes.com now! It’s for all of you whether you ride your own bike, like the view from the back or just want a glimpse of what you’re missing!

BIKERNET PATCHES–Yes, you can now purchase a Bikernet patch that’s so cool you’ll actually sew it on your favorite jacket. Check ’em out in the Bikernet gift shop. And check out the other crazed products from Bikernet. There’s got to be something from aunt Tilley there.

FEAR– If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost.

BACK AT THE MUSIC VIDEO–Back at the music video. Eleven of us rode out from Bartels’ Harley-Davidson toward downtown Los Angeles. I had recruited Indian John from Walkers’ Cafe in San Pedro to ride with us. We met at the headquarters at 5:30 a.m. and headed along the coast in the morning fog for the other side of the point. John was riding his ’46 custom Indian Chief. Sort of a rat-bike, it ran well, except the bushings in the stock original Indian girder that held the risers for his bars were crumbling and his bar twisted at an odd angle from the front end. His kicker had also rubbed a hole in his front exhaust upsweep pipe and he was losing performance. I told him I would braze it when we returned.

It was supposed to be a half-day gig, but Hollywood doesn’t have the same clocks as the rest of the world. It takes half a day to set up the lights and say hello, then you have makeup, wardrobe, camera equipment to crap out and waiting time for the stars to arrive.

Let’s set the scene. Downtown LA is a strange place. It’s as though Californians saw something bad happening in downtown and abandoned it. There are some theaters and the courthouse is east of downtown, but that’s the end of it. The high rises are packed with thousands of jewelry stores run by India’s finest, the restaurants are all Chinese, and the rest of the area is the ghetto central and dying industrial buildings. The abandoned brick buildings are being gobbled up by studios that surround them with chain link and concertina wire and heavily armed security guards. Weaving through the downtown region is the L.A. river bed that’s nothing more that a massive storm drain. It’s all concrete 30 yards wide with tall sloping walls of more concrete and a 10-foot verticle wall at the top. This particular cement segment is adorned with various graffiti for as far as the eye can see. Some if it is damn nice stuff.So all 11 of us pulled up to this abadoned brick sweat shop and were met by a muscled security guard who looked to be guarding a building in Bosnia. Shortly thereafter, two Los Angeles motor cops arrived to take on traffic control and additional security duties. After it was determined that we couldn’t ride into the mostly dry river bed, a stake-bed truck was called to assist. Seems the river, for some unknown reason, was rising. The inch of rumbling water slithering over the pavement made for the perfect moss-growing atmosphere, and the cement surface was slicker than snot. Upstream though, there was a patch of dry pavement a quarter-mile long. The scene was this vast open concrete alley way with nothing in sight until you came across this cluster of tents and equipment in the middle of nowhere. Rod was perched in a super-long stretch limo while his band was pushed up and down the river bottom always chasing a set of long legs walking away from Rod. The model’s face was never caught on film, just her mini-skirt, legs and and army boots. At one point, all 11 bikes followed those legs along the river bed. Indian John, The Fox and I didn’t see San Pedro until 8:30 that night.

Where the party began… It’s a new day, let’s ride.–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HARLEY-DAVIDSON AWARDS BIKERNET FIRST TWIN CAM, 100-INCH FXR–CONGRATULATIONS MEN!

It’s a dewy morning. Last night a blanket of fog rolled in over the hot harbor. It was a bizarre sight, like some sort of acid rain headed our way. First the coastline was covered, then the massive container cranes, then the channel, then the sagging palm trees across the street, then… then the fuckin’ phone rang and an escape was opened up to hit the Gentry Montgomery concert, backstage for a party with the band. Then a call about a ride for a Rod Stewart video. Could I escape the fog? The touring chopper rumbled at the site of the dense mist hanging over the smooth swells rolling slowly into the jetty. I had fixed the shocks so I could pack someone, but who would be brave enough to slice through the evil cloud for a ride? I would soon find out. We better get to the news:

A TRIUMPH RESTORATION SOURCE– Since I had no luck selling my TR-6 from 1958, I was glad to have it back in its rightful spot. Now I can try to help another guy sell his: I have a 67 TR6-650 chopper. My question, can I post my Trump?

For what it’s worth, here’s a little bit about my biz…I have a littleM/C paint shop in Hawthorne where I do restorations, customs andcollision repair. I keep pretty busy, as I get business from severallocal M/C shops (including Cindy at Century in San Pedro) and walk-in traffic.

If anyone wishes to contact me:

Jim’s Cycle Painting
3822 W. 139th St., unit 13
Hawthorne, Calif. 90250
(cross streets: Prairie & Rosecrans)
(310) 679-1011

We have no problem with Triumphs–Bandit.

INTERNATIONAL AUTOSHOW COMES TO BIKERNET– Over two years of dedicated work have come to fruition as the Canadian International AutoShow (CIAS) prepares for its debut on the world stage, in February 2001, as an “international” show, sanctioned by the Organization Internationale des Constructeurs d’Automobiles (OICA).

The CIAS is pleased to announce that Michelin North America Inc. has agreed to help make the international debut a success by being the official sponsor of the media center for the 2001 show. This latest laurel places Toronto in the same company as the established major international auto shows in Detroit, Geneva, Paris and Tokyo, where the Michelin Media Centres have set the standard for media services to the international automotive press worldwide.

“Michelin is pleased to become a strategic partner with the Canadian International AutoShow,” said Michael Fanning, vice president of public relations and government affairs for Michelin North America. “When Michelin becomes involved in a major international event, we don’t just put our name on a sign. We become true partners, helping to serve as a sounding board for the show and bringing the benefit of our international perspective and experience. We are pleased to join with the outstanding leadership in Toronto in bringing their exciting plans for the 2001 CIAS to reality.”

“The purpose of our Michelin Media Centres is to assist the show organizers, media and manufacturers in covering the tremendous amount of news which these major international events generate,” said Dani?le Dufour, manager of public relations for Michelin North America (Canada). “We are proud to add Canada to the roster of major international automotive events which we support with a Michelin Media Centre.”

The Canadian International AutoShow captures the best elements of auto shows throughout the world and packages them as a “Total Automotive Experience”. Traditional features such as a 4×4 Test Track, a “Cars of the Century” classic car display, and a salute to Canadian motorsports have consistently attracted close to 300,000 visitors to exhibits covering 80,000 square meters in three inter-connected venues located in Toronto’s city center.

For more information or to pre-register for media events, please visit the CIAS web site at www.autoshow.ca, or contact the show organizers directly at (905) 940-2800 or cias@autoshow.ca.

HOLLYWOOD REPORTER, TODAY–Fox touched by ‘Angel.’ Fox 2000 acquires feature rights to “Hell’s Angel: The Life and Times of Sonny Barger and the Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club,” for Tony Scott to direct and produce.

STAGES OF SUCCESS–
At age 4….success is….not peeing in your pants.
At age 12…success is….having friends.
At age 15…success is….having a drivers license.
At age 20…success is….having sex.
At age 35…success is….having money.
At age 50…success is….having money.
At age 60…success is….having sex.
At age 70…success is….having a drivers license.
At age 75…success is….having friends.
At age 80…success is….not peeing in your pants.

PARTS FOR SALE–
Three Kenny Boyce (Quantum) Pro Street Frames – Powder coated – minorscratches-Black-Red-Blue, $250 each.
Three sets of stretched gas tanks, long front fender, long rear fender and dash.Painted one yellow and two green, $200 per set.
One set of stretched gas tanks, short front fender, short rear fender and dash–painted purple, $200 per set
10 Billet aluminum inner primarys to fit rubber mount FXR. The aluminum cost$500 and the same amount to machine them. Ideal for muscle engines.
Six Billet outer covers mate to above same material and price $100.
10 Rear S&S 3 5/8 bore and 5.375 Tall Cylinders standard bore (used on 88 cubic inch single cam engines) been run so cleanup bore necessary, $50 each.
Eight front S&S 3 5/8 bore and 5.375 Tall Cylinders standard bore, same as above, $50 each.
Five front 4 Valve Heads. Some have worn guides, others need 5/16 Helicoil tomount rocker box. Very minor work. $75 each.
Five rear 4 valve heads, same as above, $75 each.
One Delkron EV1-UBB Evolution 3 5/8 bore engine cases. New, in original box, $450.
Three S&S cam covers, late-model single cam EVO, $50 each.
10 sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods, $50 set.
10 new Harley-Davidson factory wrinkle black starters. Fits 84 up EVO$125 each.
Two Dyna DS6-2 electronic ignitions, $50 each.
Dunlop 491 Elite MT90B16 front tire, $75.
Dunlop 491 Elite 160/80B16 75H rear tire, $75.
Metzler perfect ME99A 150/80/V16 rear tire, $75.
One chrome swingarm for above frames FXR, $150.
One Delkron FXR TVR2 5-speed splined shaft transmission, complete, $1100.
Three 5-speed Harley-Davidson taper shaft diaphragm clutch assembly with Kevlarplates, $400.
One 4-speed Harley transmission, fits 1965-1984 Big Twin chrome kicker andcover, converted to 1984 1/2 mainshaft to accept diaphragm clutch,$1000.
One 4-speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin – rebuilt, $1000.
Contact rogue@bikerrogue.com

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!–The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, Ga., announced today the president has proven that you CAN get sex from aides!

Jennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Bill Clinton was anything like the Monica Lewinsky affair. She supposedly replied, “Close but no cigar.”

The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica’s dress: “Presidue”

President Clinton now recruits interns from only four colleges: Moorhead, Oral Roberts, Ball State and Brigham Young.

Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom? It represents inflation, halts production and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed.

Washington has come up with a solution for the Clinton situation. They added the 11th commandment: “Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.”

BIKERNET PUBLISHES JAPANESE BIKE REFERENCE–COULD BE THE END–FastDates.com sponsors EBSCO Suzukibeginning at Willow Springs 24 Hour Endurance this month.Team EBSCO Suzuki, the former AMA Supersport and Formula Extreme Championsin the mid-1990s are back after a three-year hiatus. Fast Dates.com is one ofthe team’s principal sponsors beginning this weekend at the Willow Springs24 Hour National Endurance Race, Sept. 18-20. Team owner LandersSevier will be fielding a two-bike team of Corona beer- sponsored GSXR750s.One bike will be raced by a sportbike magazine team that includes theeditors from the British magazines Sport Bike and Superbike, and theAmerican magazine Sport Rider. The other bike will be ridden by a crew ofprofessional racers to include Scott Brown, Curtis Adams, Jimmy Moore, CalRayborn, James Randolph and Matt Wait as a stand-in alternate.

Additional information and photos online at http://www.ebscosuzuki.comand at http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.htm

For additional information and photography contactJim Gianatsis at (818) 223-8550

CYBER CYCLE BIKE SHOW COMES TO BIKERNET.COM– Yes-siree. We now have a bike show running continuously on Bikernet. We plan to change some of the categories to afford religious Rat bikes a shot at a trophy. Wrench insists that we have a category for the long distance bike, and Renegade will make certain that full or radical customs are now allowed in the street custom category.

It’s a breeze to enter. Send us a sharp, clear, uncluttered shot of both sides of your bike and a brief rundown of modifications, plus a measly five buck entry fee. We’ll post the entrants for a month and then award winners. We plan you use the above logo for our specially designed trophies. Plus through our esteemed sponsors we will be awarding the winners valuable prizes.

Watch for changes coming shortly and for the image of the delicious mistress of ceremonies–Sundance. She’s your connection for the winner’s circle.

DEVIL DOLLS INVESTIGATED FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE– Hey evil one! The Road Rebels show is awesome. They gave our Web site a plus as well, and we have been slammed with responses and orders. Oh my gawd…I have a copy of the show. It is great. We Devil Dolls are really pleased with how it came out. Check the MSNBC website, under MSNBC Investigates, and it should show when it is going to air again. They keep showing it ‘cuz after every time, I receive 1 billion more e-mails…

Stay out of trouble, or I shall come after you. Hehe

GOTHGIRL

D.D.M.C.

THUNDER PRODUCTIONS ANNOUNCES DAYTONA HARLEY-DAVIDSON’S THUNDER OVER DIXIE 2000– The roar on Oct. 15 will be heard throughout the Southeast as a diverse group of country entertainers, professional wrestlers, NASCAR drivers and Harley-Davidson enthusiasts from around the country converge on Nashville, Tenn., to begin Daytona Harley-Davidson’s Thunder Over Dixie 2000.

Event creator Beau Pacheco brings 20 years of experience in the entertainment and motorcycle worlds to create the ultimate motorcycle touring event and concert to benefit the Boggy Creek Gang Camp, a year-round camping facility for chronically ill children and their families. “It’s a ride with the camaraderie and star attraction of the Love Ride, scenery the equal of Sturgis and the fun of Biketoberfest.

On Oct. 16, the earth will shake again as the entire group departs Harley-Davidson of Cool Springs to meet hundreds of riders attending the day’s events at Steel Harley-Davidson in Chattanooga, Tenn. Then it’s on to Killer Creek Harley-Davidson in Atlanta, Ga., on Oct. 17 and C&R Harley-Davidson in Savannah, Ga., on Oct. 18 before following the ocean shore to a hero’s welcome at Biketoberfest’s Party Central, Daytona Harley-Davidson on Oct. 19 while the fest is in full swing.

To register or to find out more about Thunder Over Dixie 2000, call (949) 645-8036 or e-mail ThunDix@aol.com.

CORAL SLINKY COLUMN– I haven’t seen Sin that much lately since she startedworking for you. I guess you get to see her more now. I’m jealous. On the other hand, are you getting alittle jealous of Sin and I? Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you all aboutour encounters. I’m waiting for the day whenyou’re watching us.

We came over to your house last night. Wecould hear music and see some candles lit in the bedroom so we decided notto knock. What was going on Bandit? We want to see this dark-hairedbeauty you keep talking about.

The other night Sin had some ideas shewanted to try. She said she was helping some guy out with ideas for theperfect sexual encounter. Supposedly he’s doing a tech article for you. Sin has surprised me with her sexualcreativity. She wanted to try bondage and spanking. It was great but wedefinitely need another girl. Well, gotta go. You should ask your readers for their favorite sexual encounters.~Coral

KING RULES AT VERNON DOWNS–Team Harley’s Rich King dominated the field Saturday andcaptured his first win of the season in the AMA U.S. Flat TrackChampionships.King grabbed the lead on the second lap and never looked back. He stretchedhis lead throughout the race and was all alone when he crossed the finishline for the easy victory. Joe Kopp (H-D of Missouri) finished second andJohnny Murphree (Coziahr H-D) placed third.

King’s first Grand National win of the season raises his dirt-track victorytotal to four this year. King has won three times in the Formula USA DirtTrack Series. With the win, King moved to within two points of third place in the FlatTrack standings.

Kopp sits atop the standings with a 15-point lead over WillDavis (Moroney’s H-D).

The next U.S. Flat Track race, the final event of the season, is scheduledfor Oct. 15 at DuQuoin State Fairgrounds in DuQuoin, Ill.

HAMSTER’S DAUGHTER RIDE VICTORY–Of course she works there as one of the major marketing players. Darcy has worked in the industry for years following in the footsteps of her dad, Jim Betlach. Of course her mom, Meredith, also works in the industry as the general of all the event car banks (featured on Bikernet). Damn, they’re everywhere.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– While burning the midnight oil, reading Bikernet.com and the Sturgisadventure, I couldn’t hit the sack. Rather I decided to gun the 113- inchchopper to life, heading toward the cobblestones of the old city, and its beer andpiss smelling bars.

To my right is the Atlantic Ocean. It’s 15 miles or so frommy home to the old city, always to my right. Few cars are rolling on thestreets, the few parked on the side get their alarm sirens going by therumble of the pipes, even a few shops blast away. The night is cool,tradewinds lead the way, shit this is better than melatonin, better than ashrink. Lady luck is smiling, as the helmet dangles from the forearm and thefew cops on the road just wave, sometimes it’s great to live on a smallisland.

The old city is still going on, most bars are open and will betill morning. Most drunks and Bohemians are still leaning, talking to thebartenders. The 230-tire slips a bit on the moist cobblestones, the canyon wallsof the city echo the blast of the pipes, a few angry residents shake theirfist at me. Enough, time to head back, now the Atlantic is always to myleft.

Now for the news: The local HOG chapter participated in the Labor Day MDA telethon. Over300 bikes showed up, forking some hard-earned money into their coffers. It waskind of cool to allow other clubs and custom bikes to join in this event.

There is something brewing here. A new line of Chopper Wear is beingcreated in San Juan, only for people who ride choppers (and wannabees), starting with T-shirts and such. As soon as the first come out I will sendphotos. (Hey Bandit, maybe we can add them to the Bazaar?)

Caribbean Custom Cycles is opening a showroom in the city (San Juan),about 6,000 square feet of shop and parking lot (to do burnouts and BBQs).This shop has all the top brands in the aftermarket industry plus is theexclusive distributor for Bourget Bike Works in Latin America-Caribbean. Ifyou happen to be down in Puerto Rico, come by and check the shop.

The Big HOG Caribbean ride is coming down the street. I don’t have theexact dates yet but it’s around November. Most prices include the ride, partiesand more rides. One downside, there are no bikes for rent in PR, so find alocal shop that might want to rent one or figure how to ship them.

That’s it, for now, gotta go get the boat ready for Roger Bourget. He’sshowing up in a couple of days and wants to catch that Blue Marlin that gotaway last year–cool, that the boat owner also has a BBW chopper. BTW anyquestions about PR let me know–Jose.

STREET STALKER FOR SALE–We hauled it out of California Harley-Davidson in Harbor City and took a cruise to San Diego Harley-Davidson. That store is open every day, has no new bikes on the floor, we know the owner and it’s hopping. Hell, I even spoke to a girl who knows the owner. All she had to do was whisper that I should take it to Dago Harley, and I was convinced. Brenda knows. If you’re interested in the glistening road runner with a Bartels’ hopped motor, wide tire kit and custom paint, call Mike Trussell at (888) 8-CYCLES.

MC CLURE SETS NEW SCREAMIN’ EAGLE NOTRO HARLEY RECORD–Jim McClure went north looking for some big numbers and for a while he was right on track. McClure qualified No. 1 in the IHRA’s Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley division at the 5th annual Amalie Oil Northern Nationals, Epping, N.H.

McClure quickly set the new mph standard with a scorching qualifying pass at 6.558 ET 216.76 mph. In the final round of qualifying McClure locked in the new record with a 6.502 at 214.76 mph holding the No. 1 spot on the ladder.

But in round one, McClure broke against Jack Romine of Homewood Harley- Davidson. McClure packed up and now prepares to burn some midnight oil preparing his newest bike for a 2000 debut. “The new bike will be out this season, and we want to get this one to go a little faster. I’ve got a number in my head and we’re not quite there yet.”
Look for McClure at:
Sept. 21-23 IHRA Rockingham, N.C.
Sept. 28-30 IHRA Budds Creek, Md.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads H-D, Southside H-D, F & S H-D, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers –www.jimmcclureracing.com

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 pm EST.

THE WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF–
1. MONICA LEWINSKY
2. O.J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON

WHY? YOU MIGHT ASK. WELL…….
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O.J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN’T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND….
4. BILL CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST!

1% UPDATE–“1%er”, Special Agent Zebra’s fourth feature film script, is a fiction drama based on a character who is the king of the outlaw world, Duke Hale. Upon his release from federal prison after a 10-year sentence for rape, Duke sets out to discover who framed him.

Duke is innocent. His men are hell-bent on revenge, but Duke has other plans. He wants justice, but he’s not interested in going right back to prison to get it. But when both the civilian world and law enforcement back Duke and his men into a corner, Duke comes out swinging and he and his club set out to exact justice by any means necessary. It’s an incredible story that spans the entire country, from Washington to Key West, Fla.

Zebra has called upon his 15 years riding and writing experience in the creation of “1%er” with his writing partner, director Ian Truitner. Zebra has written over the years for Easyriders, VQ and Biker, as well as Bikernet.com.

“I’ve tried to work closely with friends and associates in various 1%er clubs in order to make “1%er” as realistic as possible, while still creating a drama which studios will buy and audiences can understand. I’ve had some outstanding input from 1%ers around the country and am grateful for their comments and personal stories,” Zebra told Bikernet from his home in Miami Beach. “Ian and I have done one hell of a lot of work. We’ve ridden thousands of miles, spoken to hundreds of bikers, written dozens of drafts. We’re very excited about “1%er”. We’ve got several A-list producers on board with serious track records. Our goal is to create a script which will get made and make bikers, both club members and everyone else, proud to ride.”–The esteemed Special Agent Zebra, Bikernet.com.(Special Agent Zebra is represented by Smith Entertainment in Los Angeles.)

THE STURGIS FOUR AND GALLERY–Yep, it’s up. All four glorious chapters, plus a gallery of miscellaneous drunken photographs from Sturgis 2000. The above shot is from Eddie Trotta’s shop in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. What the hell does it have to do with Sturgis? Well, if it wasn’t for Eddie, Agent Zebra would never have left Florida, Bandit would never have broken-in his bike properly and no one in Miami would be able to buy a decent custom motorcycle. Check out Thunder Designs if you’re in the neighborhood.

PRICE QUALIFIES AT EPPING–Ray Price of Raleigh, N.C., had a very interesting trip to Epping, N.H., for the IHRA’s 5th annual Amalie Oil Northern Nationals, qualifying despite some long odds and plenty of adversity.

Price had planned to return from a dealer advisory board meeting in Milwaukee, Wis., on Tuesday evening and leave Raleigh with crew chief Nick Richendollar and crew member Ronnie Johnson in the Blue Bird on Wednesday, making the long trip to the far side of New England. But another meeting caused Price to hop a flight back to Milwaukee, flying to Manchester, N.H., Thursday after more meetings.

Meanwhile, Richendollar and Johnson were almost to Washington, D.C., before the trailer frame broke and they were seriously delayed. Late flights, broken parts, traffic from hell, but they finally all got it all together at the track, but too late to qualify Friday.

Price did qualify on Saturday for the Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley division in 7th with 6.931 ET 196.53 mph. Then in the first round, Price was matched against No. 2 qualifier Doug Vancil of Albuquerque, N.M. Although it didn’t turn out to be Price’s win, it was the closest match of the weekend. Vancil’s margin of victory was only .009. Vancil ran a 0.506 RT with a 6.621 ET and 214.62 mph as Price was runner up with reaction time of 0.516 at 6.620 ET and 205.79 mph.

Price and team are heading back to Raleigh to prepare for the Ray Price Legends of Harley Drag Racing Museum Dedication on Sept. 24 and Race Promotion Week prior to the IHRA CAR Quest Autumn Nationals in Rockingham, N.C., onSept. 21-23.

Ray Price Racing is supported by Ray Price Harley- Davidson, Raleigh HOG, S & S Cycle, Power Arc Ignition Co., Ultra Pro Machining, JIMS, Royal Purple Synthetic Motor Oil, Shumaker Racing, Performance Machine, Barnett Tool & Engineering, Vanson’s, Carolina Cobras, and Wilder’s Inc. www.rayprice.com,(919) 832-2261.(Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.)

FINALLY WISED UP–Ginny told me she contacted you regarding our Web site. Y’know, the Web site you advised us (the girls from Bikes and Spikes to concentrate on so long ago? We had to learn the hard way that you were right.

Anyway, in case she didn’t remember to let you know, we’re including a review of your book, Prize Possession, in our “Review” section, contained in the “In Every Issue” portion of the site.

If you get some time, check out our site and let me know what you think. I’ll value your input.
–Denise BrownBikes & Spikes Online,www.bikesandspikes.com

AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR–

AMEBA SUCKIN’ SLUG PYROMANIAC APPREHENDED IN S.D.–The Ol’ Man got word that some ameba sucking slug with a major attitude problem torched off a part of his country, causing over 63,000 acres to go up in flames in the Black Hills. Hope he enjoys his stay behind the iron doors. Fifteen minutes alone with this asshole would get me a life sentence, I’m sure.

Brothers, don’t fear, the Hills are alive and well and next year’s rally is probably unaffected. Most of the burn is in a remote southwestern area just west of Custer, where the true asphalt bikers don’t go.

The fire is so close to the Ol’ Man’s campground that the Man sent over an evacuation order. Damn, run off by the law again !

It didn’t take long to fire up the Ram Dually, hook up the portable garage and head off to the fire lines on a rescue mission. After long deliberations with his lady on the way, they decided to take what was important and anything that was not replaceable–to hell with the rest. The closer they got the shorter the list.

Within seven miles of the camp, he encountered the first of what turned out to be 150 “Smokies” who wanted to see I.D. Shit, it was like trying to buy beer 35 years ago. Finally arriving, they were greeted by a smoke-filled valley, soot and ashes floating in the air and an absence of all the forest critters–too damn quiet. Even the flies were smart enough to bail out.

It all happened as smooth as a new Harley, in order of priority. The Ol’ Man loaded his 53 Pan into the dragen wagon, grabbed a six-pack of Red Dog (thank God the power was still on and it was cold), took a package of ball parks from the fridge and found a small flame to roast them on, while his lady proceeded to grab pictures of the kids, a couple pieces of furniture left to her from her grandma and a few of her Harley pins which haven’t been attached to her bags yet.

On the way out, one of the Smokies mentioned that it would only depend on which way the wind was going to blow. The way the Ol’ Man sees it, if we all met in the valley, turned our backs to the fire, and revved the scoots to about four grand each, we could have blown the damn fire out.

MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?”– the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
I got in a tiff with Riley.”
Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.”
Aye,.. that he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.”
Dear Lord,… didn’t you have anything in YOUR hand?”
“Aye, that I did — Mrs. Riley’s tit.” Kelly said. “And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!”

AH, THE MYSTERY ANSWERED–We wondered who Rourke was. We knew how his sweet thing looked, although she never smiles completely. Just the wry little grin that sets a man’s mind to wondering. Obviously a fan of Harley-Davidson and the Marlboro Man, Rourke’s bike has similar styling and finish.

KING CLIMBS TO FOURTH AFTER WEEKEND TRIPLEHEADER IN SPRINGFIELD– Team Harley’s Rich King had a productive weekend inSpringfield, Ill., the site of dirt track’s most prestigious and busiest,event of the season.King came into the Labor Day weekend in sixth place in the point standingsin the AMA’s U.S. Flat Track Championships. By the end of three straightdays of racing in Springfield, he had moved up to fourth.

The weekend event began on Friday with the Springfield Short Track Shootoutheld on the new track at the Illinois State Fairgrounds. King finishedfourth behind Nicky Hayden (MI H-D Dealers Association), Will Davis(Moroney’s H-D), and Joe Kopp (H-D of Missouri), who went one, two, three onthe podium.

On Saturday, the racers were juiced for the third annual running of theworld’s richest dirt-track motorcycle event, the Springfield Hall of FameGrand National. Once again, King finished fourth. Davis won the race, andmore than $18,000, by beating Kopp to the wire in a thriller. Terry Poovey(USC Racing) was third.Adding to the race’s excitement was the inclusion of Scott Parker,the semi-retired dirt-track legend to the lineup. Parker struggled to a12th-place finish.

On Sunday, Parker shook off the rust and gave the fans what they came to seein the Springfield Mile. Parker was a factor right from the start. As therace wore on, Parker, King, Kopp and Johnny Murphree (Coziahr H-D)distanced themselves from the pack. With two laps remaining, Parker went low off turn four while King, Kopp andMurphree stayed on the higher line near the wall. On the final lap, Parkerrepeated his move, but this time Kopp followed him and both riders slingshotpast King at the finish line.

It was Parker’s 94th career Grand National victory. Remarkably, 14 of thosewins have come in Springfield. Kopp finished second. His third straightpodium finish pushed him into first place in the standings, five pointsahead of Davis. The third time was the charm for King, who captured thefinal podium spot after finishing fourth two races in a row.

In the Harley-Davidson Sportster Performance Series held in Springfield,Paul Morgan III (Moroney’s H-D) won his second race of the season. Roger LeeHayden (Moroney’s H-D) and James Hart (Dale’s H-D) finished second and thirdrespectively. With one race remaining, Willie McCoy (Tilley H-D) leads ScottStump (Frieze’s H-D) by six points in the standings.The next U.S. Flat Track event is scheduled for Sept. 9 at Vernon Downs inVernon, N.Y.

CLASSIFIEDS FROM BONKERS, N.Y.–

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING “WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS”

SHAKESPEARE’S PIZZA – FREE CHOPSTICKS

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED – USED ONCE

QUOTE OF THE WEEK–Passion is born the moment you catch a glimpse of the potential.
(Zig Ziglar at Success 98)

Naples Hotel

DOES THIS PHOTO MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU?– I was raised in the small community of Naples, so small of an island that I know there isn’t a motel there with that name.

THAT’S IT–WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT–We’ve bolted the twin 42 mm Mikunis on the ’48 Pan and you’ll see a report shortly. BDL is a new sponsor and you can see a BDL, 3-inch exposed belt installation right now, and Huey Schweb’s highbar chopper which sports a BDL unit. We’re beginning to accumulate bike features for the site and along with a gallery of my old scoots, there’s a feature on Huey’s bobbed Softail. Orwell will go to print next week, if the gods of outlaw iron are willing.

So what happened last night? Well, I can’t fill you in on the lurid details, but she did arrive and slipped quietly onto my couch. We had a glass of wine and a bite to eat, then she slipped into the tub to soak those tender curves. Or did she soak, then we slipped into the comfort of the couch with a glass of wine? I remember looking at my watch and at the dewy mist hanging treacherously over the harbor. We were burning valuable minutes. The band was warming up. Her lips were as red as the touring chop. Damn, life is full of wonderful dilemmas. Have a helluva weekend–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–GORE PROMISES TO ABOLISH ALL HELMET LAWS–YIPEE!Why are there always spectacular sunrises over the harbor? She rolled on top of me this morning before either one of us was awake. Where did she come from? Did she slip into the headquarters in the night? I couldn’t figure it out, but suddenly I didn’t need to know anything except her softness. So the morning began on a high note with the sun creeping in the windows, plans for putting the ’48 Panhead back together and the dark-haired wonder straddling me. A perfect Thursday. Let’s get to the news:

VIRGINIA GOVERNOR SIGNS PRO-BIKER MEASURES James Gilmore, governor of Virginia, recently signed into law two bills that support that state’s motorcycling population, the AMA reports. One, HB 430, requires all drivers education programs in public schools to include motorcycle awareness training as part of the curriculum. The governor also signed into law a bill allowing the sale of special license plates that support Motorcycle Rider Safety Training programs. Under HB 429, plates bearing the slogan “Share the Road” will be sold, with $15 of the $25 special plate fee deposited into the motorcycle safety training program fund.

HOLLY CARBURETOR FROM HARLEY-DAVIDSON–That’s it, a shot of the new Holly carburetor from the factory. So lovely Brenda’s new Duece will be sporting one of these puppies and we’ll show you how it’s done. She’s working for Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in Marina del Rey and put up with Forrest long enough to pull a deal on a new bike. Way to go Brenda. Now we’ll see what we can do with it.

MCCLURE STILL IN THE THICK OF THINGS–Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., is still in the championship chase at the far end of mid season. McClure is currently sixth in the IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley division, third in the ADBA Top Fuel Series, and fourth in the JIMS Top Fuel Series with AHDRA.

McClure was very pleased with his final round appearance at the IHRA 23rd annual Mopar Parts World Nationals presented by Ethanol Performs. It was held last week at Norwalk, Ohio.

“The bike is coming around just as it’s ready to be sold. It’s been a tough season, the travel, the new truck and just the quality of the field in IHRA. We’re going to pick up the new bike on our way to Epping, I guess that’ll give ’em something to look at next weekend. We’re hoping to have it finished and on the track, maybe by Gainesville.”

“We are hoping that the television coverage will work to our advantage and help bring in a new sponsor that we’re currently negotiating with. The coverage is great and the airtime is impressive. We getting lots of calls and hope the potential sponsors will see the advantage of our marketing offer,” McClure said.

McClure intends to compete:

Sept. 8-10 IHRA Epping, N.H.

Sept. 21-23 IHRA Rockingham, N.C.

Sept. 28-30 IHRA Budds Creek, Md.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers –www.jimmcclureracing.com(Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.)

BANDIT’S STREET STALKER FOR SALE–That’s right, for a mere $17,000 you can own one of the first Street Stalkers to be formed out of a Fatboy. Its black out style was featured in Easyriders and rode to Sturgis 1998. The bike was hopped-up by Dave at Bartel’s H-D and runs at the top of its game for an 80-inch motor. If you want to talk to me about it, send an e-mail to bandit@bikernet.com, or go see the bike at California Harley-Davidson on Pacific Coast Highway in Harbor City; (310) 539-3366 and ask for Joel.

DEPARTURE BIKE WORKS–I often recommend this shop to riders in the east and south. It’s been a family-owned shop for more than 750 years. Yes, the owner, Lee Clemens, is a crusty old fart, but he knows Harleys (even before H-D started) and performance. His shop in Richmond, Va., which is run by his lovely wife Brenda, now handles Panzer motorcycles for the guys who want today’s reliability with the old-world character of the Panhead and Knucklehead. Check out Lee’s idle-brained ramblings on their site: www.departure.com.

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN– who was so proud of the fact that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife “mother of six.” His wife hated this name and asked him repeatedly not to call her that, but he was a stubborn man and was very proud that he had six kids.

One evening they were at a dinner party for his company and it was getting close to the time that they should be leaving. The husband yelled from across the room to his wife, “Mother of six, are you ready to go?” Annoyed with his question, she responded, “In a minute, father of four.”

ASPHALT COWBOY REPORT–Actually, I have nothing to report, but I came across this photo of the lady of one of the guys who has been inquiring about the movie. His name is Rourke, and he sent in this shot of his girl for consideration. Seems the writer, Conrad Goode, has contracted pneunomia and is hiding in the hill trying to get over it. He needs to get off drugs and get back to town for a part in another movie. MC is also in the midst of working another movie while the producers try to line up a director. Hopefully we’ll have more to report in the near future.

BIKETOBERFEST IN STYLE–Have you always dreamed of rolling into Biketoberfest on your bike, but don’t know how to arrange it? Well we’ve got connections for the ride of a lifetime. It starts in Nashville and rolls from one wild country western party to another H-D dealership and heads east until the final beach party lights up the sparkling Atlantic on the Florida coast. The run is called Thunder Over Dixie and the man behind the crackling in the sky is Beau Pacheco. The price of the run includes handling and service charges (whatever the hell that is); rooms in Nashville, Chataanooga, Rosewell and Savannah; dinners at dealerships along the way; guest loot package; $50 donation to Paul Newman’s Hole in the Wall Charities; preferred bike parking at each venue; admission and VIP treatment at each venue and concert, bikedom’s greatest party in Daytona; and a week’s membership in Motorcycling Touring Service, to cover any emergencies, such as alligator bites. For more information, contact Vickie at (949) 645-8036.

KWIK-STANDS FOR LIFTING BIKES–Here’s a notion, but unfortunately I’m lacking images here. I’m looking for a new extra-long ramp that breaks down for my new pickup. No, I can’t afford the damn truck, but as soon as I find a junker that runs, I’m gonna need a ramp. Anyway, this company, Custom Weldings, builds lightweight bike lifts for the garage. These are the type of tubular lifts that can be hauled anyplace (12-25 pounds) and lift the bike six to eight inches off the ground in seconds. They’re located at 1983 SW Biltmore St., Port St. Lucie, Fla., 34984; (877) 879-6928.The Surgical Banner

RONNIE MONTROSE PATENTS THE SOUND OF A STEED MOTORCYCLE–Guitar legend Ronnie Montrose and motorcycle designer John Covington teamed up to make Heavy Metal Thunder while recording the official theme song for www.surgicalsteeds.com. The two American Motorcycle enthusiasts recorded a soundtrack for Surgical-Steeds’ motorcycle Web site. Inspired by the ’70s Montrose classic “Bad Motorscooter,” the three-minute, 40-second original theme quickly plays in a streaming-audio format on Surgical-Steeds site and also is available as a free download on the Montrose site http://www.ronnieland.com in the MP3 format.The Steed-Theme was conceived when Covington, president of Surgical-Steeds Classic American Motorcycles Inc., met Montrose through a mutual friend. “I was in the middle of building our Web site when I met Ronnie,” he said. “I asked him if I could use ‘Bad Motorscooter’ as a soundtrack for the site when Ronnie one-upped me and offered to compose and produce an original score for us. Ronnie found out that I also played drums and invited me to jam with him on the track. It was a real pleasure pounding the drums while Ronnie did his guitar hero thing. He’s a monster in the rock world, and a really great guy to hang with.”The Steed-Theme was recorded live on Sept. 25 at The Producers House Studio in North Hollywood, Calif. Joining the jam were bassist Dave Henzerling and vocalist Bobby Gaylor. Alex “Knobs” Woltman took on the engineering duties during the performance. “We recorded the song in the afternoon, went out for dinner and mixed it the same night. It was really a magical performance by Ronnie and the whole gang,” Covington said. “We all had a blast and it brings a personal custom touch to my Web site.”

HILLTOPPERS RIOT AND GANG RAPE–Even before outlaws, there were clubs that flourished throughout the country. They were more like clans or tribes. Some were cannibals and ate their young. Even us dope-smoking, gun-toting outlaws were afraid of the older clan. Well, they’ve calmed down some, ’cause they’re so fuckin’ old. But you can still witness what went on behind the scenes at the Hilltoppers 55th year reunion at the Golden Sails/Best Western Restaurant and Hotel on Sept. 9, from 6 p.m. until the hotel burns down. 6285 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, Calif. If you need info, call dangerous Pee Wee Thomas at (714) 898-4557.

AMTRAK AND BIKERS HAUL TO NORTH DAKOTA– This week’s Bikernet news had a note from Steven Iglesias about Amtrak and bikes. This Associated Press story was printed inthe Grand Forks (N.D.) Herald on Aug. 8: East Coast group gets to S.D. by way of Minot and a train. A special train, welcomed by Mayor Carroll Erickson and Amtrak officials, stopped here with more than 180 motorcycles and nearly 250 passengers headed for the annual motorcycle rally in Sturgis, S.D.

The majority of the bikers began theirjourney in Laconia, N.H., while others came from Vermont, Maine,Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey and New York. They rodeinto Boston on Friday and took Amtrak to Minot.

“Taking bikes on the train is a newrevenue, and we’re filling a niche,” said Gary Erford, theproduct line director for Amtrak’s Empire Builder in Seattle. The motorcycles were carried on speciallydesigned pallets.

“This trip has been great. It’s agreat way to travel,” said Charlie St. Clair, head of theLaconia Motorcycle Rally, the East Coast equivalent to the Sturgisrally. “What’s nice in coming to Minot is, it’s a good wayfor us to get to Sturgis. It beats driving a vehicle and towingyour bike. We’d like to get feeder trains from allover to do this,” St. Clair said. “And we expect tocontinue to make our drop at Minot.”–Matt Hammer

IT’S EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS CHEER, BUT WE THOUGHT YOU SHOULD READ THESE–Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I askfor is peace and joy in the world for everybody!Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?

–Santa

Santa Dear Santa, I’ve written you for three years now asking for a firetruck. Please,I really, really want a fire truck this year!Love, Joey

Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I’m gonna torchyour house. You’ll have more fire trucks than you’ll know what to do with.

–Santa

Dear Santa, I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d likefor my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad’s still having withthe babysitter? He’s banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

–Santa

BELT DRIVES LIMITED– Suggests that when you install the clutch hub on the main shaft splines that you fill the splines with Loctite to prevent rattling. So what happens when you want to slip off that hub? Break out a blow torch? Nope. There is a cheap solution.Go to your local NAPA dealer and ask for a steering wheel puller #BK775-9064, then hand them $8.99 and get the fuck out of there. You will need a longer set of bolts for the front pulley. So go find that box of miscellaneous shit that you dump all over the floor whenever you need a nut. If you can’t find a pair, you’ll have to hit the hardware store. You’ll also need a hunk of iron to put across the clutch to pull against. That’s it, you’ll be shittin’ in tall cotton.–Stroker.

YO, BANDIT– I don’t know if I ever told you I hada boyfriend, but I do. He likes to buy me wigs and lingerie and Ibecome different women for him. Have you ever tried role playing? It canreally be nasty if you use your imagination. We have this openrelationship. As long as I’m only with girls, he’s OK with me foolingaround cause I get great inspiration from women. I become these women forhim, he gets to have affairs but with me. Usually I don’t get mygirlfriends involved with my boyfriend but he got a look at Sin and likedwhat he saw, almost as much as I do.

Sin came over the other night. My boyfriend,let’s just call him….Fred, he made us drinks then went and picked upChinese food and videos for us. While he was gone I showed Sin the toys Ibought. She was a little tipsy and was pretending to suck on the dildo.

We got pretty nasty and by the time Fred got back we were… Man I thought he was going to cum in his pants. Sindidn’t seem to mind him standing there, she actually seemed to get alittle nastier.

What a night!!!Too bad you spend your nights with someone other than Sin, she’s wild!

Well gotta go, Sin and I are going to Hollywood for the afternoon. Shewants to go to one of those “toy” stores. Watch out Bandit.–Coral

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– OK, so now the dust is sort of settled between the Sturgis 2000 race,Agent Zebra vs. Bandit. By they way, who won? Now this one is to fatten upthe ante.

For the guys that are still bitchin’ about sore asses, rain and cops,for those who love to bitch and moan about trailers (yeah, you with the “Irode to trailer week shirt!”) Check this shit out:

It all starts one month prior to the Sturgis dates, loading up thetrailer, getting all the paperwork ready, inspections, sweet talking cops,lots of T-shirts, posters and stickers to our local tax man (sort of IRS)and a lot of planning. We ship the bikes for 1,500 miles toJacksonville on a cargo ship. They get there one week later–are you following?

We must fly to Florida, pick up the truck, trailer and bikes anddrive straight to the Black Hills, 2,000 more miles, in a hurry, which takesthree or four days. When we get to the Black Hills, trailer gets unloaded, bikesout, ready to ride, another 1,500 miles added, (we ride all over thewicked hills). At the end, re-load the bikes, repack and drive back 2,000miles to Florida to ship the whole thing back, another week until it getsto PR and a couple days until we do all the paperwork to get them out ofthe docks. All this with a 44-foot trailer loaded with 12 bikes and a Chevydually towing the whole thing !

Moneywise, forget about it ! Shit, ridingfrom anywere in the States would be a breeze…..So next time you bitchabout some trailer queen, think about how easy or hard it may be…..andWhy. Man, we can run end to end in our island 500 times with the mileagewe do get, and in, the Black Hills……And we do four to five events a year…….shit ! A 14-foot trailer sounds reallygood right now, hmm, maybe a diesel truck? Did I tell you the time we didthe Love Ride in L.A.??? Oh well, that’s another story….See ya were it’s always summer. –Jose

THE 1%er MOVIE PROJECT–Agent Zebra has been flying from Miami to Los Angeles every other weekend to talk up his movie script “1%er” to various agents, managers, producers and bums on the streets of Hollywood. Right this second they are hammering away on the 34th draft. If they ever get it right, you’ll hear about it here. Watch the Projector Room for reports.

FREE CLASSIFIEDS– Yep that’s right. Bikernet classifieds are fully interactive, updated and edited daily, and they come in full color with animation and music. Yes, you too can run a classified. Plus, today only, you’ll receive a sparkling set of chromed Gin Su knives as an introductory offer. All right, I got carried off the ship. But the ads are free and that’s as cheap as we could make ’em for our brothers and sisters. If we can get a couple of shops to run banners and pay for ’em, I’ve been told by the Digital Ganster that it’s possible to slap up images of the scoots you want to sell, like the one above.

THE MATH TEACHER– gets called to the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “We need a new sex-ed teacher and you are it.”

The math teacher exclaims, “But I have never taught sex-ed before. What am I going do?”

The principal replies, “Well, you have until Monday to think of something, because that is when the class starts.”

The math teacher decides that he is going to use flash cards to teach the class because they have worked extremely well in teaching his math class.

On Monday morning, the teacher is feeling very confident. He walks into the room and begins to teach the class. He holds up the first flash card and asks, “Can anybody tell me what this is?”

Little Jill stands up and replies, “That’s a breast and my mommy has two.”

The math teacher says, “That’s right Jill! It is a breast, and your mommy does have two.”

The math teacher grabs the next flash card and asks,”Can anybody tell me what this is?

Little Bobby raises his hand and replies, “I know. That is a dick, and my daddy has two.”

The math teacher says, “That’s right Bobby it is a dick,but your daddy only has one.”

Little Bobby stands up and says, “Nope my daddy has two! He has a small one that he uses to pee, and a big one that he brushes mommy’s teeth with.”

SONNY BARGER TOURS ENGLAND SIGNING BOOKS–After a day of press interviews and signing books in London, he was a special guest at the Bulldog Bash. Barger joined about 15,000 bikers at the party hosted by HAMC England. His autobiography shot straight to the British bestseller lists.

Visit and click on the links on the Press/Media page.Listen to the 18-minute interview with BBC Radio at (requires RealAudio).

Sonny has been a legend among bikers for a long time, but now the “mainstream” is learning about his awesome life and commenting (with some reluctance) about his respectable principles and values.

Since returning from England, Sonny has appeared for book signings in Minneapolis, Seattle, Portland, Littleton, Colo., and the Four Corners rally.

In the next two months, he will be at Street Vibrations in Reno, Nev., Cleveland, Ohio, Rochester, N.Y., and at Biketoberfest in Daytona, Fla. Check the Meet Sonny page for details, and tell your friends who may want to meet him in person.

QUICKEST HARLEY AT U.S. NATIONALS–Bill Hannon loves a drag racing crowd. And that made the NHRA/U.S. Nationals at Indy the place to be.

“We almost packed the bike up, still hot from its last test pass at Gainesville, and headed directly to Indy. We didn’t have time to finish the lettering and for that we apologize to our sponsors. We thought the weather conditions would give us a break in the Midwest, but it was just like home, hot and humid, only 3,500 feet above sea level.”

“There was a great field at Indy and we know the Harleys are still a long shot to make the field, but we don’t want to miss a chance to cut some numbers. We didn’t make the qualifying field but Dan Baisley did cut the quickest and fastest times among the Harleys with a 7.80 ET and 165.77 mph. If we can get the back half to match up with our front half numbers, we’re there.”

Hannon Racing is scheduled to attend:

Sept. 8-10 IHRA Epping, N.H.

Sept. 14-17 NHRA Reading, Pa.

Sept. 30 AHDRA Maple Grove, Pa.

Oct. 7-8 AHDRA Rockingham, N.C.

Oct. 26-29 NHRA Houston, Tx.

Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam.

Hannon 941-463-2778 www.hannonracing.com

BIKERNET WEST–STURGIS 2000 COMING–Sometime today the first segment of the Sturgis 2000 saga will hit Bikernet in the garage and the fiction/non-fiction feature department. That first segment will take you through the five-week build of Bandit’s Daytec Chopper. Watch for the wild ride. The bike is currently at the Paul Yaffe Original’s studio being fitted for a new tank. We can’t tell you much more, who was at fault, if there was a girl involved (isn’t there always?), or what the problem is until all four chapters of Sturgis 2000 are posted. Keep checkin’ back.

WHY IS SEX–Why is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common? They’re both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other!

Can you say three, two-letter words that denote small? Is it in?

THAT’S IT–I’m actually getting caught up after Sturgis gangster-slapped my wallet and time piece. It’s been non-stop. But in the near future you’ll need to get your bike polished and shot, then submit it to our own Cyber Cycles bike show. We’ll have new catagories that include non-traditional show bikes, like rat bikes, and bikes that have seen the most miles. Prizes will be awarded monthly and the Best of Show will get a full-on bike feature on Bikernet. In the next week we’ll be rambling on about the Weerd Bros. in Phoenix who assemble and distribute quality front ends, and you’ll get some tips on Mikuni Carb installation. We are looking into, and hold on for this one, a right-hand drive Baker six-speed transmission. If you go into Wrench’s bike barn in the next couple days, you’ll find a new bike feature by Huey Schwebs. Look for more bikes in the near future.

I can’t handle much more, so I’m going out to the garage this afternoon and start to put my ’48 Pan back together with dual carbs, 42 mm Mikuni’s. Giggie from Compu-fire has promised to come over for the tuning process. You’ll see progress reports on the site in the near future.Shit, it’s almost noon and Sin may be strolling past. I better clean up, make her her favorite drink and wonder why I’m so fuckin’ lucky. Let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight. –Bandit

Unlike many years in the past, I didn’t rely on any builders to make the deadline for the trek to the Bad Lands. The Bikernet crew handled building two road-sizzling chops in two and a half months. I’ve got to tell you that it felt good to get back in the garage amongst the socket sets, grinders and torches. Although the drunken work ethic was strong, several times during late-night wrench fests I came mighty close to firing myself. However, since I was one of a very small crew of volunteer wrench merchants, it didn’t make solid sense. Nutboy was there until he couldn’t handle the clogged pressure cooker in the garage, so he grabbed 30 college coeds and flew to Ireland. Never did get the meaning of all that, but it sounded like good fun. Agent Zebra flew in from Miami to pitch his movie 1%er for the 43rd time and came by the Bikernet headquarters to assist with his bike. I quickly discovered that the bull riding champion/survivalist can’t turn a doorknob, never mind a wrench. Renegade lost his patience and we kicked him out of the garage and told him to return to Hollywood and, “Don’t come back without a contract.” Wrench was constantly on hand, Snake was constantly drunk and Oz could never get away from his computer monitor long enough to help, but he was a constant source of phone-advice. Renegade came to the garage daily to criticize everything from finish choices to components. That bastard would make a kid cry about going to Disneyland. He hasn’t had a good word to say since I met him in 1972, but he’s my brother. Whatta ya gonna do? Our challenge was to build two bikes and ride to Sturgis for the first Sturgis Bikernet Chop-Off, a bike-building competition between Bikernet East and Bikernet West. Great plans don’t always pan out, yet become blessings in disguise. We finally turned one world-class custom, which was not the road bike we needed, into two distinctly different asphalt gobblers. Were we up for the task? Did we have the skills and tools to build the bikes? Would they run once they were completed? Had I lost my eye for solid choppers or my mechanical touch? Keep in mind as this saga unfolds that this (Bikernet) is a start-up business, competition and life change. I’ve been helping people get their businesses, projects and products off the launching pad for almost 30 years. Now, faced with no paycheck and no expense account we attempted to build two bikes from the ground up just months before Sturgis 2000. In addition, we would be judged on who had the coolest chop and whipped the other son of a bitch from its designated homeland, namely Miami and San Pedro in Los Angeles, to South Dakota. With the Bandit II dismantled, we stood back and evaluated the situation. We had another set of wheels hanging around in the garage and miscellaneous other parts. Agent Zebra is a short, wiry asshole, so the Paughco frame went to him, along with a set of H-D custom wheels and rotors. We split the P.M. brakes between the two bikes. We checked our leaking bank accounts and began ordering parts. Since the frame for my ride had to be ordered from Daytec, we started on the Agent’s bike first. The original Bandit II narrow glide went back on the stretched Paughco Softail along with P.M. brakes and Harley Thunderstar wheels and rotors. The 88-inch CCI engine slipped into place along with the Baker five-speed transmission. As the days rolled along, we plucked more parts from my pile just to keep the starving Agent’s project rolling. The frame was still painted with the Bandit II theme, along with the tank, so we stuck with it. A Fatboy rear fender was fitted over the 160 Avon Tyre and sent to Phil Stadden for paint along with the West Coast Choppers front fender. The completeness of the 88-inch Rev Tech engines made the project much smoother. The Baker Transmission was a jewel to deal with and improved the ride immensely. With a few odds and ends from the extensive, “if you need it – they have it,” Custom Chrome catalog, the Zebra special was coming together. We had a minor clearance problem with the frame and engine. Fitting the 160 tire under the fender was tight and making the brakes work was a bit of a challenge. In no time, the bike was running and on a custom-painted Gold Rush Semi heading to Miami for the Agent. We shipped it to Eddie Trotta at Thunder Designs in Fort Lauderdale for break-in, a seat from the infamous Keith and tweaking. Of course the Agent couldn’t leave well enough alone and he decided to have special panels painted on the sides of the tank and fender announcing his arrival. The paint work was handled by Eddie Meeks in record time, but it still sliced away at Zebra’s time for break-in. The crew at Thunder Cycle, with less than a week before kick-off, pulled burn-outs up and down the tourist-packed streets of Fort Lauderdale in an effort to spin the miles onto his new odometer. All right, you’re beginning to get the picture, but there are more obstacles to come. The young muscular Zebra had this Germanic girlfriend. She was tall and thin, with super-model looks, natural blond hair and blue eyes like you only see in Scandinavia. She had a whisper of a voice and could speak very little English. Unbeknownst to the Agent, he was in love. He bought her furniture, a car, took care of her expenses, etc. while he was working. Suddenly his Los Angeles highlife went into the shitter and he was forced to move quickly to Miami and set up a crack house in the middle of Cuban controlled South Beach. The competition didn’t take to the blond boy from Kansas, and they dropped a pill in lovely Nicole’s soup. She immediately fell out of love with Zebra and the world stopped. Not only did he lose his girl, but his access to a car and all the furniture in his pad. His massive, attack-trained Malinwa dog, Apache, went homeless on the streets of Miami while Zebra panhandled for coins along the route to the Badlands. On the other hand, my life was a circus of broken promises. Calling in a favor, I contacted Milwaukee Iron for fenders. I had helped Randy build his business from the beginning, yet when the fenders arrived, the UPS dude stood there with a unexpected C.O.D. request, and there I was, in the middle of a financial no man’s land. That scenario happened more than once. We even had a Bikernet sponsor sign our contract then go back on their signature. But “give up” is not written in the Bikernet mantra, so we rolled up our sleeves and kept wrenching. For every time I felt screwed, there was a bright star, a blessing in disguise, a pearl in our soup. The Weerd Bros. from Phoenix not only were helpful beyond our wildest dreams, but their product turned out to be a superb ride and a life saver. Harold Pontarelli, owner of H-D Performance, called me one day about a year and a half ago, while I was still at Easyriders, and said that for running some of his bikes in the mag and for being a friend, he wanted to comp me a paint job. I thanked him profusely, but never expected to take him up on the offer because I knew my days at the page factory were numbered. A couple of months after I left, Harold called me to say his promise was good whether I ever did a thing for him again or not. I was blissfully floored. Custom Cycle Engineering, which you can see featured on the site in our Panhead project section, has always been a good friend. I run their rubbermounted dogbone risers on all my bikes. Finally, Ron at Paughco never hesitates to assist in any way he can. So for every screwing, there was a blessing. Finally, a company I had never had a chance to work with came to my rescue in the final hour. It’s odd that some of the companies I had assisted for years couldn’t step up. Yet the folks at Joker Machine, whom I hadn’t worked with, went out of their way to assist. Geoff and Diane were there when I needed them and I will be forever grateful. Their machine shop is impeccable, the product precise and well thought through, and examples showed up on the road to Sturgis from time to time. They take particular care with polish and chrome. Being flexible is a necessary evil to building a custom. When the bell tolled and the slick-as-a-perfectly-curved-tit Daytec frame arrived, we had five weeks to build the Blue Flame from the ground up. The custom Daytec rigid was ideal for the 14-over Weerd Bros. front end. Tony Day said of the specifications, “An Eddie Trotta formula frame.” Eddie from Thunder Designs in Fort Lauderdale builds a hard-riding stretched Softail chopper that makes riding like first-time sex. The question at that point was whether to send the frame with the sheet metal to Harold in Vacaville, Calif., or to powdercoat in three days and have the chassis building underway while the sheet metal was under the spray gun. Powder has its color limitations. It’s tremendously durable and strong, but comes in few colors. We found a company in Orange County, Primo Powder Coating (Huntington Beach, that has an unheard-of two-stage powder, so I was relieved not to build another fucking black bike. I love black scoots, but I’ve built one too many, including the Excelsior-Henderson last year and the ’97 Street Stalker from the prior year. It was time for a change. While waiting for the welds to cool, we debated whether to powder coat. While wondering, we narrowed a ’50s cop-bike solo seat one inch and Nuutboy fabricated a steel frame and pivot point. A bracket on the frame was modified to allow the seat to glide up and down with rear spring action. Two studs were welded in the center of the frame rails to correspond with the studs on the underside of the seat, but what about springs? The old Bates springs were never strong enough to carry the weight of a man. I had to find a set of 4-inch tapered coil springs that would handle my ass to the Bad Lands. It was June and the sun was as hot as my love life. Something sparked and a dark-haired bundle of intrigue entered my lonely existence in the middle of a bar fight. Although the pressure was on, she remained a soft-spoken Valium in tight pants. She was like finding a jewel in a trash bag full of crushed beer cans. Initially I was concerned, curious and watchful as she roamed in and out of my days, bringing coffee cake in the morning and sex at night. Her schedule fit well with work on the Web site, books and bikes. She showed up on my doorstep at 10 p.m. and slipped out at midnight. She had an 11-year-old daughter whose school was up the street from the Bikernet headquarters. She’d swing by in the morning on her way to work with packs of oatmeal and creamers, stay a few minutes and disappear out the door. She didn’t ask questions, didn’t seem bothered by anything and loved sex — my kind of woman. But I was focused on the goal to build the bikes and driven to ride to Sturgis. I was about to reach for the phone book one morning, on an ass-saving spring hunt, when the mail arrived with an invitation to the Harley-Davidson new-model announcement. At that point I was spending every extra moment in the garage and interruptions were a problem. But the factory has always been supportive and I couldn’t miss the new bike review so I signed on for the event. It took place in Pasadena and all the moto-journalists from the Southern California region were on hand. Occasionally during the presentation I would peer at the list in my pocket and go to the dingy corner where the heads were to make a call about chrome or parts, or I’d call headquarters to check in with the crew. Some years the Harley announcements indicate business as usual at the factory with only minor changes. This year was a vast contrast to the status quo. It was immediately evident the company was making strides to capture a larger segment of the aftermarket with its accessory production pace and the focus on custom parts. The models radiated custom touches. They had finally truly lowered a bike, the new Lowrider Dyna. Road Glides were getting much more engineering attention. Performance was advancing quickly with a Holley Carb introduction and big-inch motor kits. Some of the new paint schemes reached deeply into the custom culture for colors and designs.     Then they came to the new narrower, lighter, police model for 2001. Cop bikes didn’t mean a hill of beans to me, but I scanned the more agile machine that is now available for individual sales and they’re cheap. Dan Ackroyd should get a new one. I noticed springs under the solo cop saddle and immediately jumped to my feet. Two representatives from the factory rushed to my side. “Can we help you answer any questions about the new police model?” one of the engineers asked. I started babbling about this stretched rigid I was going to ride to Sturgis and the two contemporary thinkers backed away as if my radical concept might rub off on them. I ordered a set later that day. They proved to be … well you’ll see. The frame was sent to the powdercoater, the chrome went out and the sheet metal was shipped to Harold’s. The waiting game began while I chased any missing parts. By the time the sun was blazing in the single window of our tiny headquarters, the frame was back in the garage and up on a towel-covered lift. The chromer made me wait another day. I was in the midst of a bolting-together orgy when the dark-haired one appeared in the doorway of the Bikernet den, peeling out of her threads. Her alabaster skin looked like cream flowing into a hot cup of coffee. The satin shaved surface was too delicate to touch. What the hell is a biker to do when heaven is standing nude in the doorway? The crew was looking at 34 days until departure. I was looking at green eyes, a sensitive smile and … priorities men, priorities. It was a factor of hours and parts availability, plus watching for problems. Everything was seriously locktite drenched, tightened and tightened again. I notice a weak link immediately in the wheel spacing. This was an odd, uncalled-for operation. You buy wheels, they come with spacers. You install them and it’s a done deal. You go for a ride. So what was the problem? The tubes had been cut and collars added to assist with holding the grease near the bearings, and to hold the spacer centered when the axle was removed. They weren’t shabby. The dilemma made me second-guess my installation. I checked and rechecked the life-threatening problem. If I left them alone, I would certainly be a candidate for a high-speed wobble. If I set them up too tight, I could burn up the bearings in the desert and be left alongside the road to fry in the sun. Something had to be done to correct the wheels or find out where I went astray. With spacers the correct length, the wheels and brakes could be installed for the last time and anything that could reach final assembly made me smile and saved time. We were frustrated. I centered the wheel and began to space the P.M. Calipers. Something wasn’t right. There was .020 slop in the center spacer that pre-loads the Timken bearings. I was blown away and stayed up until 2 a.m. with a sheet of glass and wet and dry sand paper trimming the spacer down while insuring the flat parallel surface to the bearing race as left intact. I finished uncertain of the tolerances. Later I found that the tolerance prescribed by the factory is .004 to .014. It is recommended that with aluminum hubs you should lead your figure to the .004 side. There was another weak link and Harold mentioned it as soon as he received the mounted Sportster Tank. “That tab system is a little shaky, Bandit.” What could I do? I had two 1/8-inch-thick straps that ran the entire length of the tank and out both ends by three inches. At the last minute I eliminated one because I felt it would be too difficult to bondo. The tank was now in Harold’s hands and time was running out. If I had sent the bare frame to Harold, he would have mounted the gas tank by his proven method. The decision had been made and I would be forced to live with it. We kept moving. Ah, but there was another adjustment that lurked in the back of my mind, although Giggie from Compu-fire checked my installation and gave it a thumbs up. I was sketchy about the primary drive adjustment. I had slipped the original inner-primary O-ring between the engine cases and the motor plate for vibration relief. Bad move. The BDL belt was too tight. There was no slack in the belt and I wanted some. I had to loosen the transmission, unbolt the motor-plate from the engine and move the tranny forward as much as possible. It worked out perfectly, but just in case, I ordered a spare belt (I broke a primary belt in ’97 outside Denver). Giggie from Compu-fire helped kick off the wiring with the installation and timing of the Compu-fire single fire ignition. With it in place sans the Voes switch (this is a chopper, right?). About that time, a tall Asian in a flowered bikini and a black towel strolled past the headquarters on her way to secluded Cabrillo Beach. The entire crew was distracted. It wouldn’t be the last time Sin Wu captured my concentration. She became our lunch time mascot, dropping in from time to time to check the progress and tantalize us. The rear wheel had yet to be spaced properly. It suffered from the same malady as the front wheel and the last thing I wanted storming through my brain at 5 a.m. on a highway in the middle of nowhere was my wheel spacers. We were forced to remove the rear wheel again. I had built in a stud for the hydraulic brake switch behind an exhaust pipe as part of the exhaust bracket. The notion was to hide that ugly bastard yet make it accessible if need be. As it turned out, Joker Machine builds a micro brake switch into their forward controls. Ultimately a dice was drilled and tapped to conceal the stud. Just as I finished the wiring, the paint was delivered. Harold and I discussed the paint scheme at length. The first problem was the frame paint. We were limited to a bright metallic blue. I sent Harold a chunk of square tubing painted the same color to match. He studied it and went to work. We discussed white pearl or cream colored flames and he decided to add a silver accent. We couldn’t decided what color to pinstripe with. We discussed red, pink (no way), even green, but nothing jumped out at us. When Harold called and said he’d pinstriped it gray, I choked. It sounded drab, lifeless. A week later, after clear coating and drying, the paint was shipped. I had become best of pals with the UPS guy, who showed up daily. When he showed up with a small package he’d be greeted with a long face from a disappointed crew member. “We need bigger boxes and more of ’em,” Wrench told him one morning. We did. We were biting our nails, watching the clock and the calendar. The plan called for a running motorcycle two weeks before the takeoff date. The first stretch of road to Phoenix was 450 miles of blistering desert and I was riding alone. I needed a break-in period. Most years we had little or no break-in time. Last year the Excelsior-Henderson had no miles on it after High Tech Custom Cycles customized the rowdy 85-inch monster. I had it for two days before leaving. The first day the front brake kept locking up and we discovered chrome chips in the front master cylinder. With that fixed, I thought I was good to go until the starter motor blew up in my face the night before takeoff. We made arrangements with Bert’s Cycle Mall in Azusa to fix it. I hired a guy to drive my truck, my bike and me to Bert’s, where we sat for half the afternoon while they replaced the starter and some fried bushings, then retuned the bike with a new computer program. Dr. Hamster and I sat in their waiting room with our gear and waited patiently for the verdict. It finally came with a road test by the main mechanic. He rolled out of the parking lot without making eye contact with either of us.    We were as anxious as a man about to undress his girl for the first time as we stood waiting in the parking lot with our gear in our arms. When he rolled back, his dower mug hidden by a full-faced helmet, he buzzed directly into the service department. I followed. “Well?” “It’s good to go,” he finally said without looking up. In the midst of rush-hour traffic, we rolled onto the freeway toward Sturgis.        The year before that, it was the street stalker built essentially by Bartels’ Harley-Davidson. Before that, it was the touring chopper built by Jesse James. All of the above are professionals who are constantly building bikes, have mechanics and extensive tools and supplies. I’m not, and my guys all work on old Panheads. So when we took on these projects as non-professional, skirt-chasing, beer-drinking geeks, we wanted more time to correct all the bullshit mistakes we would make. As it turned out, we didn’t make any more mistakes than the pros had in the past. Plus the feeble, leaning Bikernet headquarters held nearly every tool we needed to keep the operation going. As the sheet metal arrived, Sin Wu and I slipped into the basement of the vast Bikernet headquarters to un-box, un-peanut, un-bubble wrap and un-cellophane the paint. The gray pinstripe was perfect, the finish clean and classic. We made love in the basement in celebration and as a tribute to the notion that this underground slab of concrete would soon become the international Bikernet shipping and receiving department. Fuck, life can be exciting. Sin went home and the brothers began to install the tank and sheet metal. We were moving fast. Time was running out and days seemed to disappear. At one point, we had the grandiose notion that the bike would be ready for the Exceptional Childrens’ Beach Ride in Ventura, California. We couldn’t make it. Then the Calendar Girl Show loomed. What was once the Mikuni Bike Show at the Santa Monica Airport had transcended into the Calendar Girl/White Bros. Show in a small park near the looming bow of the Queen Mary. Cool location, but could we have the bike up in time? Wiring went easy with the internal tubing installed in the frame by Daytec. Tubes ran from the back of the seat post to the top motormount and down the seat tube to the oil pump. I quickly discovered that I could run two switches in the top motormount and Giggie suggested a polished aluminum plate to conceal the switch backs and the single circuit breaker. Giggie emphasized that we use mil spec (military specification) or Marine switches. I had purchased plastic Marine switches but wasn’t confident in them. I wanted to head over to Neptunes Electronics for some heavy duty mil spec metal units, but it never happened. The wiring continued with two switches to control all the electronics on the bike. An on/off switch turned on the ignition and the brake and tail lights and energized the high/low beam switch. The on-off-on switch controlled the headlight and that was all. For the starter switch we used Custom Cycle Engineering’s new mechanical push button, which mounts directly to the starter solenoid of the Compu-Fire starter. It’s the cleanest switch in the world and works like a champ, but if your pipes come anywhere close to the switch, watch out. It’s easy to burn your mitt when the bike is hot. Plus the switch is bolted to the right side of the bike and down low. If that’s going to be a problem with the carb and reaching the throttle, you need to consider those obstacles. It worked like a champ on this rigid with the pipes we chose. For our pipes, we picked a set of Samson 2 1/8-inch drag pipes for a Dyna Glide because they don’t make pipes for rigid frames. From a performance standpoint, I wanted the 98-inch S&S stroker motor to run as effortlessly as possible. I had discovered by mounting a Compu-Fire single-fire ignition system on the touring chopper that it calmed that stroker motor, so I did the same on this one. I wanted to even the exhaust system for firing balance. One pipe was 12 inches longer than the other and hung down too far, which would hamper ground clearance. We took two inches out of the down stroke. Wrench gas-welded it back together with a coat hanger. Then we cut the pipe to even the lengths to 27 inches. That seemed precariously short for the diameter of the exhaust, so we took two Samson exhaust muffler baffles, cut them in half and installed them. Finally, for styling purposes, we asked James Famigatti to scallop the ends of the pipes to contour the shape of the Milwaukee Iron fenders. We called Mikuni America and asked about the carburetor. Lee, the man responsible for every Mikuni carburetor that flies into the states for motorcycles, asked, “For your bike?” “Yep,” I said. “You’re going to install it?” “Yep,” I said. “Forget it,” he said, “Bring the bike to me. We’ll make sure the intake is correct and the cables match, and that the bike runs.” I didn’t know what to make of it, but I did as I was told and delivered the bike to the Mikuni factory. With the swift action of Barnett cables, S&S and American Iron Horse, the correct intake was procured for the tall barrel S&S stroker engine that tucked the polished 42-mm slide carburetor in close to the engine. They fired and tuned the bike for the first time. The technician, Bryan, warned us to back out the air mixture screw half a turn when I reached the altitudes of Denver. They also installed a large tear-drop, exposed K&N air cleaner that would afford the engine all the air it wished to gulp. Time was running out. We still needed miles on the bike but we had no speedometer and no idea where to put it. The cable was in the garage and the drive unit had been installed on the front wheel, but the actual speedometer was nowhere to be found. Then it dawned on me that the ’84 Shovelhead in Dallas had just the speedometer we needed, but planned not to use. I called and asked the crew at Dallas Easyriders to ship the unit quick and it was on its way. We were as anxious as a man about to undress his girl for the first time as we stood waiting in the parking lot with our gear in our arms. When he rolled back, his dower mug hidden by a full-faced helmet, he buzzed directly into the service department. I followed. “Well?” “It’s good to go,” he finally said without looking up. In the midst of rush-hour traffic, we rolled onto the freeway toward Sturgis.   The year before that, it was the street stalker built essentially by Bartels’ Harley-Davidson. Before that, it was the touring chopper built by Jesse James. All of the above are professionals who are constantly building bikes, have mechanics and extensive tools and supplies. I’m not, and my guys all work on old Panheads. So when we took on these projects as non-professional, skirt-chasing, beer-drinking geeks, we wanted more time to correct all the bullshit mistakes we would make. As it turned out, we didn’t make any more mistakes than the pros had in the past. Plus the feeble, leaning Bikernet headquarters held nearly every tool we needed to keep the operation going. As the sheet metal arrived, Sin Wu and I slipped into the basement of the vast Bikernet headquarters to un-box, un-peanut, un-bubble wrap and un-cellophane the paint. The gray pinstripe was perfect, the finish clean and classic. We made love in the basement in celebration and as a tribute to the notion that this underground slab of concrete would soon become the international Bikernet shipping and receiving department. Fuck, life can be exciting. Sin went home and the brothers began to install the tank and sheet metal. We were moving fast. Time was running out and days seemed to disappear. At one point, we had the grandiose notion that the bike would be ready for the Exceptional Childrens’ Beach Ride in Ventura, California. We couldn’t make it. Then the Calendar Girl Show loomed. What was once the Mikuni Bike Show at the Santa Monica Airport had transcended into the Calendar Girl/White Bros. Show in a small park near the looming bow of the Queen Mary. Cool location, but could we have the bike up in time? Wiring went easy with the internal tubing installed in the frame by Daytec. Tubes ran from the back of the seat post to the top motormount and down the seat tube to the oil pump. I quickly discovered that I could run two switches in the top motormount and Giggie suggested a polished aluminum plate to conceal the switch backs and the single circuit breaker. Giggie emphasized that we use mil spec (military specification) or Marine switches. I had purchased plastic Marine switches but wasn’t confident in them. I wanted to head over to Neptunes Electronics for some heavy duty mil spec metal units, but it never happened. The wiring continued with two switches to control all the electronics on the bike. An on/off switch turned on the ignition and the brake and tail lights and energized the high/low beam switch. The on-off-on switch controlled the headlight and that was all. For the starter switch we used Custom Cycle Engineering’s new mechanical push button, which mounts directly to the starter solenoid of the Compu-Fire starter. It’s the cleanest switch in the world and works like a champ, but if your pipes come anywhere close to the switch, watch out. It’s easy to burn your mitt when the bike is hot. Plus the switch is bolted to the right side of the bike and down low. If that’s going to be a problem with the carb and reaching the throttle, you need to consider those obstacles. It worked like a champ on this rigid with the pipes we chose. For our pipes, we picked a set of Samson 2 1/8-inch drag pipes for a Dyna Glide because they don’t make pipes for rigid frames. From a performance standpoint, I wanted the 98-inch S&S stroker motor to run as effortlessly as possible. I had discovered by mounting a Compu-Fire single-fire ignition system on the touring chopper that it calmed that stroker motor, so I did the same on this one. I wanted to even the exhaust system for firing balance. One pipe was 12 inches longer than the other and hung down too far, which would hamper ground clearance. We took two inches out of the down stroke. Wrench gas-welded it back together with a coat hanger. Then we cut the pipe to even the lengths to 27 inches. That seemed precariously short for the diameter of the exhaust, so we took two Samson exhaust muffler baffles, cut them in half and installed them. Finally, for styling purposes, we asked James Famigatti to scallop the ends of the pipes to contour the shape of the Milwaukee Iron fenders. We called Mikuni America and asked about the carburetor. Lee, the man responsible for every Mikuni carburetor that flies into the states for motorcycles, asked, “For your bike?” “Yep,” I said. “You’re going to install it?” “Yep,” I said. “Forget it,” he said, “Bring the bike to me. We’ll make sure the intake is correct and the cables match, and that the bike runs.” I didn’t know what to make of it, but I did as I was told and delivered the bike to the Mikuni factory. With the swift action of Barnett cables, S&S and American Iron Horse, the correct intake was procured for the tall barrel S&S stroker engine that tucked the polished 42-mm slide carburetor in close to the engine. They fired and tuned the bike for the first time. The technician, Bryan, warned us to back out the air mixture screw half a turn when I reached the altitudes of Denver. They also installed a large tear-drop, exposed K&N air cleaner that would afford the engine all the air it wished to gulp. Time was running out. We still needed miles on the bike but we had no speedometer and no idea where to put it. The cable was in the garage and the drive unit had been installed on the front wheel, but the actual speedometer was nowhere to be found. Then it dawned on me that the ’84 Shovelhead in Dallas had just the speedometer we needed, but planned not to use. I called and asked the crew at Dallas Easyriders to ship the unit quick and it was on its way.       With a couple weeks left, I called Joker Machine daily. I didn’t want to press, but I was going out of my mind. My contact, Geoff, had faced some health problems and decided that smoking was his cure. I didn’t want to add to the stress of building high-precision, very costly components that were already on back order. I considered myself a nuisance so I was trying to tread lightly. The staff at Joker was more than helpful and I finally got the call from Geoff. “Come on out and we can bolt on the parts right here. I’ve even found a guy around the corner at Greased Lightening who will make up the brake lines. We finally got the stuff back from chrome, but as usual, all the elements aren’t perfect. You’ll have to roll with one polished piece. The others were sent back to be rechromed.” I respected his desire for perfection and that he had paying customers breathing down his neck, so I was perfectly happy to take whatever he had. Jay from Station 34 in San Pedro, a cool restoration shop built in an old gas station down the street, volunteered to haul me out to Azusa to the Joker Machine facility. Jay from Japan works with the Japanese Easyriders Magazine and wheels and deals with bikes back and forth to Japan. He was also building a rigid to ride to Japan until I helped him make a contact with the Harley-Davidson fleet center and he was able to borrow a Road Glide. The cheater. Anyway, we loaded the Blue Flame into the back of Jay’s ’79 ranchero and hauled it out to Joker, where we installed the forward controls. Then we rolled a couple blocks to Greased Lightening where the owner, Mike Ingle, custom made the hydraulic brake lines for the front and rear brakes. We bled and tested them and loaded the bike for the return trip to Pedro and the first start up. Mike’s shop is small, but his engine building facility is well equipped. He’s experienced and ready now to take on building engines for a larger clientele. He told us that when bleeding brakes, smearing a tad of grease on the threads of the bleeder nipple prevents air bubbles from creeping around the threads and results in a more positive bleed. An hour later, we pulled up in front of the hot rod body and paint joint around the corner from the headquarters. Henry the proprietor and Bob, the owner of one of Henry’s creations, came scrambling out of the corrugated steel building to check the metallic blue monster sticking way out of the back of the baby blue Ranchero. Using Henry’s driveway for an assist to Jay’s ramp, we unloaded the bike easily and fired it to life for the first time. In the back of my mind I planned to use Eddie Trotta’s break-in scenario where he rides the bike for one mile then tweaks, the next day he rides it for 10 miles and tweaks some more, then 50 miles, and so on. I liked the notion and the bike rumbled easily but idled too high. I rode it around the block and discovered a number of tweaks that needed to be addressed immediately. The formula was working. We pulled the bike into the garage as the dark-haired beauty arrived. We celebrated the occasion with more than just a drink. The night was gone in a blur of sex, sweetness and excitement at bringing the beast to life. I’ve been building bikes for 30 years and the exhilaration of a metallic accomplishment that can carry you across the country is still the same. It’s something like sex and winning the lottery. Although nothing compares to sex, like, well … more sex. We’ll leave that for another discussion. I had less than 10 days left when I took the bike for its 10-mile excursion. It ran fine, but the tightness of the belt was bothersome. Something was rubbing on the final belt. The rear wheel spacing was slack and there was still no speedometer. The rear fender was finding its home and the bolts needed to be tightened. The new front brake line needed to be secured and we discovered some industrial wire cable ties with rubber inserts that would do the trick. We removed the inserts and polished the aluminum, and we had a couple of custom hydraulic hose guides. I mounted one to the Weerd Bros. lower triple tree by drilling and tapping a small hole, but I made sure to go in about an inch so I had plenty of thread depth. I also made sure I had enough fasteners to have them match if and when I ran the speedometer drive. I had 10 days to put 500 miles on the bike and dial it in for the 2000-mile jaunt across the desert to the Black Hills. With another round of tweaking under my belt, I rode the bike down the coast for breakfast an put another 50 miles on it. I pulled into a gas station to refill and couldn’t get the gas cap off the Sportster tank. It was a carefully manufactured super clean custom cap that fit right down on the surface of the tank. Damn it looked clean, but the gripping edge of the cap was less than an 1/8-inch thick and a hair off the surface of the new paint. With little surface to grip, it wouldn’t budge. I stood in the station perplexed. I knew I would run out of fuel before I returned to headquarters. Unlike most of the stations in L.A., this one actually had a technician, and a wrench who spoke English. On top of that, the man was generous with his tools, another rarity. I borrowed his largest pair of channel-locks and a rag that I draped over the cap and the top of the tank. The cap came loose. Another item to be tweaked. When the weekend came for the calendar show, the bike had a couple hundred miles on it and I had less than a week until departure. There was still no speedometer but the bike was running fine. I had yet to respace the rear wheel, but two women wanted my company at the show and how could I possibly resist? The sun was ablaze as the girls followed me into the check-in area where I planned to display the bike with Joker Machine’s fine rides and then at the Mikuni booth, which sat alone on the edge of the water without any bikes or babes around it to draw the crowds to their product. I ran into a girl who I had once come very close to dating on a regular basis, Lexy, a blond bomb shell with tiny feet and a skirt that could have been made out of one of my Hawaiian shirt sleeves. She dripped with sexiness as I greeted her. The dark-haired beauty at my side stared at the youngster in the stretched-on skirt and her emerald eyes glistened with some mysterious feminine emotion. Sweat beaded on my forehead and the sun hadn’t even crested the horizon yet. The show was flawless and I escaped early to log on more miles and spend some quality time with the lovelies who chaperoned me through the bikinis and chrome. I continued to ride whenever I could while making arrangements for the trip. A noise nagged me and I suspected the BDL system, which is the easiest thing in the world to install if you watch the spacing and the initial alignment. If I ever install one again, I’ll know just how to go after it, and the thing will be a breeze. I also noted some aluminum shavings in the clutch basket. I kept riding, adjusting and tightening the Joker Machine mirror, which was very flexible and sturdy. The Joker controls worked perfectly and I found a couple CCI frame clamps to hold the clutch cable in proper alignment. Two days before departure I pulled the rear wheel for balancing and fixing the spacing. This time a neighbor had loaned me a flat belt and disc sander and I immediately took too much off the spacer and had to take it to the local shop for shims. The next morning I was at Century Motors first thing. When I asked about shims, the mechanic looked at me with disgruntled eyes, stroked his long beard and said, “I’ll check the washer drawer.” I jumped in the flamed Bikernet T-bird and hauled over to California H-D for an assortment of shims, which I quickly took back to Century Motors. With the proper alignment and the wheel carefully balanced, I returned to the garage for installation. Then I decided the noise was coming from the clutch and began to dismantle it. I couldn’t seem to knock the clutch nut loose and more loose ends began to appear. It was Wednesday, with a day left before a crack-of-dawn departure on Friday, but the signs were pointing at a postponement until Saturday morning. Thursday morning I had lists in my pockets and notes on the Panhead Desk. The spare bedroom was becoming the packing department with my bedroll, my HA leather vest, a Prison Blues denim jacket from Chrome Specialties, my ditty bag, extra sunglasses and shirts. The bedroll was rapidly being buried under shit I threw on the bed every time I wandered down the hallowed Bikernet hall.  With each new creak of the feeble hardwood floor, I thought of something else. Sun Block, bungee cords and the battery charger for the cell phone. Just before noon, as I was writing news for the Web site, the UPS man showed up with a small square box. It contained the Custom Chrome Speedometer. I stopped to sign for the package, confirmed what it was, then headed to the garage. The Blue Flame stood majestically in the dim light as I studied its sleek form. She was beautiful and gave off a sense of alertness and anxiousness to hit the road. I wanted to load up and cut a dusty trail that minute, but I had lists to check off, calls to make, the news to finish. I was waiting for Bikernet patches to arrive. The UPS man had already left. If I waited one more day, perhaps? I looked at the speedo and set it on the bench. I went back to the glass Panhead and kept hammering on the news, although my heart was heading for the door.  That afternoon, I finished the weekly update and jammed for the tilting garage. Nuutboy had already broken under the extreme pressure and hauled ass for foreign shores. Wrench checked into rehab for the 24th time. He had been awake for three weeks and was beginning to look like the guy from the “Living Dead.” Japanese Jay threw up his hands, jumped on the bike from the Harley fleet center, and hauled ass for the border. Renegade bitched and moaned, but under his breath, after smoking several joints, said, “Nice bike.” We knew then I was good to go. I dialed Giggie in a frenzy, “Could I have knocked the clutch hub loose?” “Don’t sweat it,” he said, “It’s tight, but what about the plates?” We had installed a plate wrong and metal-to-metal grating was taking place. With that fixed, I moved on to a shim to prevent the starter jackshaft from peeling away the aluminum on the inside of the BDL support bracket. I was beginning to feel that tight feeling of a motorcycle without any loose ends, except for the speedometer, which I was holding in my hand behind the top triple tree. It seemed to fit and I ran the cable. No problem except the cap holding the cable into the bottom of the speedo didn’t seem to work. It came with another cap and that didn’t work either. My mind raced with options. Throw it into the street and forget it? Find something with the correct thread size and make a cap? That seemed to be an option and I jumped into the flamed T-Chicken and roared to the marine store.  The threads were fine and the same size as any toggle switch nut, except nothing was available except toggle switch waver nuts. I tried the hardware store. The owner who never smiles, then the employees, the Asian with one bad arm who doesn’t speak, and the Hispanic who is always eating burritos no matter what time of day it is pointed at the fastener wall and ignored me. I searched and searched until I had to ask for help. They shook their heads and I searched some more. I screamed, they hid behind paint cans. I couldn’t believe that they would have every size 1/2-inch nut except this one. I roared off to Neptune’s electronics. The owner, in the shop that hadn’t changed since the ’50s, looked at me and said, “Yep, had some of those, but I don’t know where.” He didn’t and I left feeling dejected. It was almost 4:30 as I tore along the harbor while dialing the cell phone. “Phil,” I said gritting my teeth, “You know anything about speedo cables?” “Yep,” he said, as he eyed my CCI cable, “it’s easy to get these things wrong,” and referred me to Drag Bike Engineering on Artesia Boulevard in Gardena. I drove up Western Boulevard, which sucks. It runs north and south through the middle of the Palos Verdes Peninsula. It’s a four-lane boulevard that’s bordered by every goddamn franchise jip joint, fast food place, square boring store front on the planet. The only item it contains more of is stop lights. So I drove, and stopped and drove, and the street narrowed.  I rolled out of San Pedro into Lomita, then Torrance and into some places I had never heard of when I finally hit Artesia. I hung a left and there was Drag Bike Engineering, a clean, well-stocked shop. Phil told me to ask for Jim and I did. Only two knowledgeable riders were in the pristine shop and one said, “Don’t I know you?” I looked at him hard and thought about all 30-some years I’ve been riding and stumbling in and out of events, parties and runs. I hadn’t a clue. “Yeah, a couple of years ago at Kern River,” he said, smiling. The most vivid memory of the Kern was hitting a guy in the face with a bottle of Cuervo Gold ’cause he pulled a knife on one of our guys for the second time. I warned him the first. It wasn’t him, thank God. I introduced myself again, apologized for not remembering anything except what was on my check-off list for Sturgis and asked about the cable.   Jim came out from the back. “Yep, those cables are tough to match.” He wandered over to his rack, pulled off another CCI cable and tossed it on the counter. “See if this will do the trick.” I pulled my knife and began to slice at the plastic wrapper, immediately slitting my thumb wide open. Maybe the pressure was getting to me. The cable was perfect and I bled all over his counter. Jim gave me a Band-aid as his partner put a plastic coating over the braided cable and I hit the road. Good byes are tough, sometimes, and we bounced joyously into the wee hours before she slipped from my arms and into the harbor night. Blissfully high on several stimulants, I attempted to mount the speedo. I had to drill a 3/8-inch hole in the top triple tree. I did so crooked and with that disappointment dampening a near-perfect evening, I went to bed. I was beginning to cut into overtime. Had the Agent left from the east coast? I could care less. He had his bike a month ago. If he chose to dick around, well that was his problem. I had my list to contend with. The final nights were spent saying goodbye to a woman who had made my summer come alive. She was different than so many women I had met. There was no pretense. She had been born and raised in San Pedro and she could give a shit less about Hollywood, stardom or money. She lived a simple life as a single mother of three kids while looking after her aging father. She had roots and was securely attached to them. There appeared to be no agenda, although since splitting from her abusive biker, druggie husband of 15 years she felt ripped off by him and life. She wanted the family /husband and ordinary home and hated the fact that it all was torn from her.         There was also something nasty about this woman who seemed to glide along on tender feet. Her dark wavy hair looked wonderful no matter how she combed it. It seemed astonishing that if she grabbed it and shoved it into a rubber band she suddenly took on a whole new look, yet just as beautiful as the one before. She also had a thirst that once unleashed seemed to permeate her being. If I cared for her, she blossomed, like a brilliant sunlit bloom. And so her sexual appetite was replanted in fresh soil to flourish. It’s as if a woman needs only to have the door carefully opened and the bud goes wild. As I sat back and watched this flower bloom again and again, I relished the minutes we had together. Although my body was floating on air, my mind was aghast with the trivial elements of the trip. I awoke with a start. Only 24 hours to go. She held on as I threw socks over my shoulder into the pile burying the Bandit’s bed roll and began a hectic countdown. The morning began with calls to the patch maker. He gave me some bullshit story about a supplier overseas after the son of a bitch told me they did all their work in-house. I made my way to the garage and reinstalled the speedo several times, corrected the clutch and then hit the spare bedroom and the pile of laundry over the bedroll. I loaded it and unloaded it, checked and rechecked. Then I slipped the heavy bag above my headlight. Tie wraps usually work well to hold it in place, but sometimes not well enough. It seemed to shift six inches off center as soon as I stood the bike upright. I fired the loaded bike in the late afternoon and headed for a refueling station. The Blue Flame had less than two miles on the new speedo when I pulled it back into the garage for final tightening. It was good to go and she was about to come. I locked the back door. The next time I would open it would be to head out at the crack of dawn the next morning. I had planned to wake up at 4 a.m. and leave at 5, but when she rolled on top of me, for some reason I couldn’t move or toss her aside. I didn’t struggle, but as the sun broke above the harbor like a fresh egg cracked into a hot frying pan, I pushed the rigid into the growing warmth and fired her to life. I pushed off with a full tank of gas and no idea of my capacity or mileage. I rolled along the harbor as the 18-wheelers were beginning to rumble in and out of the teeming container docks. The tug whistle blasted above the sound of my modified drag pipes as I rolled onto the freeway heading north to the 91 and north again to the 605 and north again to the 10, where I would set for 430 miles, heading east to Phoenix. I have a code, that I like to cut through at least 100 miles the first leg out. Depending on the length of the day, I slice off smaller chunks as the day dwindles. You know the saying: “Let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight.” My first stop was 101 miles out and the tilted, 3.2- gallon gas tank took 1.841 gallons. That was 54 miles to the gallon. I stopped just past Yucaipa, and I thought of Rip and all his trips from Yucaipa to the Valley. ‘Bout 100 miles in rush hour traffic to work on a motorcycle is nothing to sneeze at, and it’s surprising that something other than motorcycles killed him. As I fueled, I started to strip off the outer layers. Since it was cool when I left, I had on thermal undies, Wranglers, an Excelsior-Henderson sweatshirt, the Prison Blues denim and little Joe’s leather vest, except this one I ordered in brown. I had to wear something different and it was cut larger than the first black one. I would like to be able to afford another lambskin shirt out of brown, also. In the process of stripping off the jacket and strapping it to my bedroll along with a spare primary belt, I bungeed the bedroll to the trees and bars and it quit bouncing around.         I rode another 30 miles and came across Hadley’s, a famous spot for date shakes. Unlike my usual gotta-get-there demeanor, I pulled off the freeway and took a break. Already I was feeling solid about the bike as I stood and watched the sun turn up the amps. The outlook for flat Phoenix was 115 degrees of misery, and I would be riding into the pressure cooker just when the flame reached its max. Behind the scheduled departure time by one hour, I felt both the pressure to keep moving and the release of being on vacation. Yet was this competition with the bastard on the far coast a vacation? Or was it an endurance contest to test my cracked and bruised bones to the Black Hills on a rigid? A rigid? I pondered the question. I hadn’t noticed any discernible terror permeating my 52-year-old muscles or frame by the rigidity of the structure I was riding. Was I deceiving myself about the ride or was it acceptable? Without checking a damn thing on the bike, I gulped down the mixture of dates, bananas and ice cream and hit the road. Damn, that was delicious, but I had a desert to cross on a new motorcycle, through a no-man’s land during the sizzling summer. I kept telling myself that this Sturgis would be different. I was riding a rigid. I would take it easy. The bike needed a break-in period, it needed to be checked out, watched over and I wasn’t no spring chicken. Fuck all that shit. I had worked hard all summer building two bikes. I’d been riding bikes before I drove a car so I wasn’t going to change my style. I rode hard and the bike was going to be forced to handle it. I kept moving up the freeway, through Palm Springs toward Blythe, on the border of the sunshine state and Arizona. For me, Blythe represents reaching the outskirts of Los Angeles and escaping into the forgotten lands of a desert, of Indian reservations and not much else. I like that. I enjoyed the two-lane road that meandered through the low shrubbery and intermittent cactus, surrounded by miles of fine white sand that stings your eyes and catches in the sweat on your sunburnt brow. There’s a silence out there, a solitude that’s hard to find in L.A. Sure, once out of the city there are other counties, other communities, but it’s all the same. One franchise after another, shouting at travelers from the sides of the freeway. I needed to get away and I don’t feel as if I’ve gone a mile until I hit Blythe. It’s a small, sun-bleached truck stop in the middle of nowhere where a biker can refuel and have a meal, then ride a mile to the border and shit-can his helmet. The remainder of the trip would be helmet free. I pulled in under a canopy at the Chevron and refueled. It was hot and I took my slicker, spare drive belt and Prison Blues jacket off my bedroll and unzipped the tool pouch. I have a pack of Allen wrenches in the pocket. I went in the station after refueling and stretched in the cool air of the interior. The two girls behind the counter gawked at the road warrior standing before them and hurriedly gave me the change for my jug of chilled water. I could feel them checking me sideways as I walked into the sun. I had passed a caravan of VW drivers on some sort of product test. The group of Europeans compared notes about the cars and tried to discuss my stretched chopper with me. I don’t speak German. Hell, even my Spanish is rough, but I made do.         I tried my best while adjusting the peg angle on the Joker machine forward controls, to tell them the code of the west and how choppers had taken California from the Spanish. They wandered off pointing at the Blue Flame in amazement. The bike was handling well and the ride was superb. For A rigid, I seemed to be floating on air. I must give the H-D folks the credit and Nuutboy, the man responsible for narrowing the seat pan and building a support frame under the seat. There was no side-to-side slack. The up and down movement was unhampered and the springs carried my weight without a problem. When I first hit the road, I was concerned about my fat-assed weight on the two spindly coil springs and tried to sit forward on the seat to prevent fatigue and over extending their life. I realized before long that there was no way I was going to put my riding position behind the longevity of the springs. I couldn’t stay focused on preventing trucks from running over me. The Joker Machine pegs were well designed and executed. The were designed to allow me to change the angle in case my feet were vibrating off the pegs and change the pivot angle. I made one of the pegs flat and slightly lifted the heel rest on the other. It was a test. The polished chrome surface of the pegs was slick and my old Niki hiking boots were dancing off the surface, precariously close to bouncing off the brutally abrasive concrete below. I chose to wear these leather, low-cut boots for a couple reasons. I generally wear leather cowboy boots. Here’s why: If you wear tennis shoes or rubber soled boots and need to put your foot on the pavement while the bike is rolling, anything that sticks will shove off to the rear and you’ll immediately find yourself bouncing along on your knee. If you can’t put your foot down in an emergency, what the fuck good are you? Many riders wear rubber-soled boots for a specific reason: They’re resistant to oil and chemicals. If you’re in dust or dirt and trying to push your machining around, you get better traction (you should be riding, not pushing). But that’s slow-speed shit. To me, it’s the fast shit you need to concern yourself with. Your boots should have tough but slick leather soles for serious survival. So when picking my wardrobe for the run, I wanted something with some give for the slick foot pegs. Leather soled boots would glide right off. On the other hand, I wanted something hard enough to be less than tire-sticky on the pavement. These hardened Nikis seemed to do the job. Fortunately I never had to test their high-speed capabilities. With the pegs adjusted and enough water in my gullet to keep me from passing out in the heat, I rolled out from under the shade of the gas station canopy and back into the blistering sun. I pulled off the side of the highway under a sprawling billboard welcoming me to the Arizona desert ahead. The sign said freedom to me. I wanted to yank off the jockey-styled helmet and throw it in the gulley with the creosote, tumbleweed and empty junk food containers that line Interstate 10 all the way to the east coast. I let my helmet go a couple of years ago in Utah on my way to the rally, but this year my budget was tight. It took every dime to build the bikes and pay the bills before I headed out. I left Los Angeles with only a $100 bill in my Wrangler pocket. My brother in Phoenix would refill my run fund because I had put our Sturgis motel on my credit card. I would take his cut in cash. Enough cash to keep me going, I hoped. With 160 miles left to make the 429 to Phoenix, I kept rolling. I was already confident that I could make 100 miles without hitting reserve, so I cleared the trip gauge before I left each gas station and it acted as my gas gauge. As I rolled into the desert, the sun was reaching noon high and I thought about the machine beneath me. There’s a sense of fight and might or doom and gloom in each machine I ride. You just know after a couple hundred miles whether the bike is good for the long haul, hanging on for dear life or crumbling under your feet. It’s a matter of sound, vibration and a feel for the driveline balance. I had worked hard to keep the driveline poised, but I had no concept of how the Daytec frame, the Weerd Bros. front end or the Road Wings wheels would stand up under the continued strain. I had been disturbed at the poor pre-load spacing of the Timken bearings in the wheels. The company seemed to be floundering. A collapsed wheel at 80 mph would make me wish I had skis strapped to my ankles. I had allowed a longtime friend of mine and a man who understands and owns long bikes ride my bike during the break-in period. I rode along side him on his black West Coast stretch. I concentrated on watching the frame and front end on the uneven surface of the Santa Monica Freeway. I was surprised to see a 14-over front end work that well. The polished aluminum tubes glided effortlessly up and down after I had installed six ounces of heavyweight Rev Tech oil in each already-wet tube. If the front end had been dry, we would have poured eight ounces in each. The wheels were hard to read. I hadn’t balanced the front, but it didn’t seem to hop on the grated concrete. When the pavement was smooth, the bike appeared to glide along. As I reached the California border, I knew I had over 500 miles on the engine and could raise the speed limit. Until that point, I had kept the revs alternating and not locked on any particular speed, but now it was time to start checking the vibration barriers. I wanted the engine and driveline to hang tight up to about 80 mph and so far the vibration was minimal past 70, so I worked up the speed slightly to test the resonance. Some 20 miles past the border, I began a 75-80 mph test.  The adjustment to the foot peg angle worked perfectly. No longer was I forced to put slight pressure on the outside of my feet to hold the hiking boots on the pegs. The back and forth pivot adjustment seemed to afford me a better position for resting my feet. At times though, I wished for mid controls. I could push it to 80 mph and my feet stayed on the pegs. I began rolling at a constant 75-85 mph range. The driveline appeared to be tight. I would need to check fasteners once I rolled into Phoenix. They would tell me how the frame felt about the ride.  Something else milled around in my feeble brain cells, besides my melting forehead and Agent Zebra on the east coast with a two week head start. I knew how he rode, how he abused motorcycles. He would be lucky to make it to the Florida state line. Aside from a mental check list of a myriad mechanical considerations, there was another woman seeping into my consciousness. A silky-haired Asian woman with dark eyes and a taller-than-average form. We had never discussed a relationship like I had with the dark-haired beauty. Sin would just stop by from time to time at lunch and crawl into bed almost without a word. She was emotionally soft and timid. She studied at Cal State Long Beach, something about sea life, seals, otters and such, but she grew up in San Pedro. She was young, in her late 20s, and I knew she would be moving on when the summer ended. She was a bashful volcano, waiting to erupt on several fronts. As Sturgis neared, I had become so caught up in what had to be done that I didn’t pay attention to what was going on around me. Sin became suddenly sullen about a month out. She didn’t say anything as I babbled about the bikes, the Web site and the trip. At first she seemed preoccupied with a buxom blond named Coral, whom she met at the beach a half mile away.  Coral was obviously bi and aggressive and was tempting Sin into a fling. The encounter became hot bedtime talk and our love making hit an all-time fevered pitch. Sin was aware that she was attracted to the hot blond with the bubbly personality and tits to match. Sin wanted me to watch out for her and began to talk about a tryst at the headquarters. Although quiet and bashful, Sin had a complete back tattoo with a Geisha girl at the center. A mermaid covered one shoulder, but the Geisha girl, fully clothed with a gown that flowed down her spine, was the center of intrigue. The woman in the tattoo seemed torn, yet proud and centered. As Sin bent over the bed, she talked about Coral’s body and her touch. I looked at the permanent illustration of the Geisha and could see the questioning in her eyes. I had told Sin about the dark-haired one and she respected my involvement and didn’t pressure me. This was all supposed to be fun but I sensed her attraction to Coral was growing, and I knew from Coral’s e-mails that she was hungry for Sin’s tall form, milky skin and big boob-job tits. The mixture was pure ecstasy for me. I was dancing on a dangerous cloud and as I headed across the desert, gradually twisting the Joker machine throttle farther and farther past the 85-mph line, I realized that emotions were beginning to reach a collision point. Coral was introducing herself into my life, one that was being shared by the unknowing dark-haired beauty with a quiet stillness about her and Sin, a women so beautiful I knew the thought of keeping her was out of the question. It was a firy bouquet that couldn’t bloom for long.  An 18-wheeler retread exploded and pieces of tire jettisoned in every direction. The truck directly behind the offending vehicle veered and for a few treacherous moments it acted as a steel snake slithering in and out of my lane. I may fall apart in some situations, but in an impending accident I become calm and watchful, hoping to make the appropriate maneuvers. I kept my eyes open for a slight movement, an escape hatch, or another idiot to become involved. I blasted through a cloud of dust and returned to my thoughts of Sin’s tits bouncing below me, her sleek youthful fingertips taunting her nipples, and her words of lust toward another woman drawing me to the brink. Many times I craved for the bikes to be completed so I could have Sin over more. Tonopah finally showed up on a sign as I careened past at 85 mph and the ambient temperature passed 100 degrees. I pulled in and refueled. I was still pulling down 50 mpg, which blew me away. Theoretically I could get 150 miles out of this shapely 3.2-gallon Sportster tank. One of these days, I would like to take two weeks to get to the Bad Lands. I’d like to ride like a fuckin’ tourist, taking all the small roads, gawking at the tundra and pulling off at the viewpoints to check out the majestic canyons. Instead, I ride like I have one day left to live, like I will receive a ten spot for every vehicle I pass, and I want to make a million in a day. It’s fun, I can’t deny it. On the other hand it’s ridiculous. A small Lexus will do 160-mph without blinking an eye and could out-accelerate, out-maneuver and outrun my ass, yet I’m the one pushing the limits. Guess I’ll never learn. I had an ice cream in Tonapah and every son of a bitch I passed over the last 100 miles gently rolled by while kids in the back listened to CD’s and the folks bitched about loud bikes, promising to write their senator when they returned from vacation. Truckers I had blown past rolled on by and by the time I got back on the road I could ride for all I was worth (not much at the moment), and I could just catch ’em before I hit the city limits of Phoenix. But goddamnit, I was going to give it a helluva try. I fired up the Blue Flame, dropped the clutch and wheelied onto the freeway. “Look out you bastards, I’m comin’,” I screamed as I hit 80 mph and merged into the No. 2 lane. I have yet to read a map before entering the Phoenix freeway system. I always roll in and wonder where the fuck I am. I ask around and finally find the way to Easyriders of Scottsdale. This time, the I-10 interchange was closed and I was forced to exit. As I pulled off the freeway, I asked a bunch of Native Americans in the pickup next to me how to get to Scottsdale. They looked at each other in bewilderment, pointed in several directions and finally the driver gave me directions that I couldn’t understand and was dubious to believe. I’m more and more surprised when asking directions of locals, the percentage who don’t know where the fuck they are. Most can’t speak English, especially kids. I asked one kid where Broadway was in Phoenix. He didn’t have the slightest. Ironically, the gas station he was working in was on Broadway. I finally got the word that I could take a big busy street directly into Scottsdale or take another one that led me through a bad section of the area on the way to my destination. It was 115 degrees when I pulled off the freeway and started bouncing from one stop light to another. My informant failed to tell me that the street I chose lead me directly into the international airport, so I suddenly found myself weaving in and out of terminal traffic. I came out of the airport unscathed and was dropped onto a freeway. I was fuckin’ lost. The freeway lead me directly to the one and only Scottsdale offramp and I gladly jumped off the freeway. I knew I didn’t have far to go to get to downtown, but I could sense the engine was tiring of the 118-degree heat and needed a break. It had performed perfectly and deserved to relax. I pulled into Myron’s Easyriders store adjacent to his Billet Bar, coasted under a canopy and shut off the engine. It ticked a sigh of metal relief as I walked into the shop and shouted for service. Fonz, the parts man, and Myron stood basking in a frosty level of air conditioning. Brownie, a veteran mechanic, immediately checked out the Blue Flame, changed the oil to straight 60 weight as prescribed by the manual for consistent temps above 80 degrees and recommended an alternator plug strap. I had made a mental note to bolt one in place several times, but never acted upon it. One of the guys handed Brownie the strap and he eyed it suspiciously and looked at me. “You like this one or do you want me to use one that works?”         “Needs to work,” I said, and they found a Custom Chrome strap that I hadn’t seen before. It is held on by two case bolts and the plug can’t move.         Myron owns the ER store, the bar next door and the Scottsdale Worlds gym, so when I’m in town, I have Brownie work on my bike while I hide under the misters in the Billet Bar patio and play pool. When the master of disaster can get away, we head to his gym. I was behind in my workouts so we hit it hard — chest, triceps, back, biceps and abs. I spent two hours trying to make up for sporadic workouts over the last two months. Myron’s gym doesn’t have that day spa look of soft tones and plush carpeting. It’s more reminiscent of the iron pit at San Quentin, if they allow them anymore. There’s lots of chain link separating various areas of equipment. Lots of mirrors, black rubber padding and polished diamond plate. The ceiling is high and industrial and the brother spends 11 grand a month on air-conditioning in the summer. Cindy, Myron’s wife, runs it and teaches aerobics. That evening, I had dinner with Myron and Cindy at their home, with three snarling dogs at my side throughout the meal. I wasn’t sure if they wanted me or the marinated chicken breasts on my plate. I sat very still and tried to make idle conversation before I returned to Karl’s house for the night. Karl is the fire chief for the rural metro area of greater Phoenix. He’s about 6-foot-3, 250 pounds, an ox of a man with a constant smile. Although it was 118 degrees during the day, the thunderstorms rolled in by the late afternoon and hit hard in the evening. Just as we were about to bed down, lightning rocked the windows and slabs of sideways rain slammed against the stucco home. Tree branches broke off, filling the pool with pine needles. Ten minutes into the gale, the lights went out and Karl went into action. He’s been trained to be calm when the shit hits the fan and he did just that. He gave orders, checked for electrical outages and possible fire hazards, then settled the rattled family down. His wife, the bouncing beautiful Cheri, is an emotional whirlwind unplugged, which seems to control big Karl. I was trying to sleep on the couch while the women screamed at the crackle of lightning and the crash of timbers. Flashlight beams crisscrossed in the darkness. I like Arizona, but the heat coupled with violent storms had me itchin’ to get the fuck out of Dodge. It was time to move.  The next morning, after breakfast at Stan’s diner in Scottsdale, we rolled north toward Payson on our way to Holbrook. Stan’s is a small joint in a dull rectangular building downtown, that Stan tried to spruce up with adobe chairs and tables. A skinny waitress came to take our order but since this was Myron’s regular digs, he went directly to the chef in back and nodded. That was enough. The chef knew what to do. Karl and I attempted to order with smiles on our unshaven mugs but the waitress was dry as toast, and edgy. The cactus twig of a woman could not comply. We had been trying the low carb regimen and Karl had lost 40 pounds, but she couldn’t allow us to substitute potatoes for tomato slices or cottage cheese for toast. We ended up ordering everything a la carte. At first our easy-going hackles were raised because we wanted to hit the road early and slice away some dusty miles, then eat in some strange hole-in-the-wall joint in nowheresville, Arizona. But the more we irritated her, the more fun we had. She was spitting in our scrambled eggs by the time we finished with her, but it was worth it. Phoenix is a strange city. Surface streets are straight and packed with stoplights. We headed out a country road through one boulevard stop after another. Suddenly we were out of the flat city and into the country, winding into the Mazatzal Mountains on Highway 87. At one point we pulled off the highway at an All-Bike junkyard Rye, Ariz., a town with a population of 300. There were acres of bikes rotting in the elements. At this point there were four of us. Myron was riding his black, detailed 2000 Dyna with a 95-inch kit, stretched tanks and a custom windshield. As usual, his bike was immaculate with chromed Harley mags and diamond cut cylinder fins. He had soft bags beside the rear wheel and a bolt-on sissy bar with bags attached. He was one comfortable mutha as we cut through the canyons. The man generally wears a long sleeved T-shirt with a regular T-shirt over it and his HAL vest, plus a scarf. He rides fast and tight. Myron has always reminded me of longtime friend George Christie, the president of the Ventura chapter of the Hells Angels. Although Myron is a massive weight lifter, and George trains in martial arts, the two men are similar height with jet-black hair (graying some, now). Both men are born leaders and strong riders. Karl was on his lowered Softail with drag pipes and drag bars, with his buoyant wife of 25 years at his back. The couple have raised three gigantic kids, consequently Karl doesn’t have new bikes yearly, custom paint jobs and chrome. He’s saddled with a non-working mother and three money-soaking monsters to raise and he’s proud of every minute he can keep the clan in college, clothes and wheels. I respect the fact that Cheri stays home with the kids. It’s a full time vocation and perhaps the most important job on the planet. The mountains were striking and I’m constantly amazed at the Arizona beauty. The state is diverse and open. No wonder people are lining up to move there. It’s a killer place to live. The diversity is unreal, from the arid, open, hot-as-a-mutha desert to the rolling, pine-strewn mountains and the Grand Canyon area. We stopped in Payson for gas. I had clocked 87 miles and took 1.9 gallons. I was still rolling along even in erratic terrain and getting 45 mpg. I bought a cheap tire gauge and checked my tire pressure. Brownie had jacked it up per the tire specs, but I was more flexible and had another priority — the ride. The front tire being on an extended front end didn’t need 50 pounds of pressure and the rear 180-18 Avon needed to be as soft as possible, so I dropped the 40 pounds to less than 30. As I stood there, Cheri chatted away about one thing or another, constantly making sexual references to the most absurd articles. She somehow found honey mustard dressing sexual, or elevators, though I could understand her phallic reference to pickles. As we moved into the hills, the incline felt good to the 98-inch S&S motor. Rumbling up a winding incline, we found ourselves behind several motor homes and a logging truck. When we hit a passing lane, two tourists melded to the right and the logging truck and one camper stayed to the left as if in a 1/4 mile they could pass the other dog-slow travelers. I down shifted and poured the fuel to the stroker, which climbed on the other vehicles like they were standing still. The lumber truck was barely reaching the rear bumper of the motor home when I split between them. I blasted over the rise ahead and began a high-speed decline. I slowed slightly to let the others catch me, but they didn’t come. I slowed some more, then suddenly noticed a thundering 18-wheeler bearing down on me. I had upset the trucker and he planned to flatten my ass. The rigid Blue is light, and I was discovering lightning-fast throttle response. I bolted forward. I spun the throttle, again, and it came alive like the crack from a high velocity .22. Then I noticed a new vibration. It was coming from the tank. The truck was trying to gain on me again, and I slipped the polished 42-mm Mikuni more fuel and she responded like a tongue to a sensitive clit. The bike jumped and roared ahead. Again, a rattling screamed at me from the top of the frame and I pulled my gloved hand off the left grip and put it on top of Harold’s paint work, which glistened in the sun. My teeth immediately responded to the touch. Something was wrong, but I had a semi barreling down on me and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to pull over and give him an open target so I pressed on the tank with my left hand and pushed harder on the throttle with my right. I raced past the signs indicating a dangerous decline ahead and warning truckers to check their brakes. The guy behind me had no notion of using his as he sped to catch me. Fortunately, I could outrun him, if I were riding a bike built for mountain riding. This was my first opportunity to test the handling of the 38-degree raked frame with the 6 degrees in the Weerd Bros. front end. I had specifically built in plenty of ground clearance by cutting the Samson pipes and lifting the front header. There was nothing on the left to interfere with the road and I had a solid six inches of ground clearance underneath the frame. As I leaned I felt the bike want to tumble so I poured more fuel and the front wheel tracked the corner smoothly. The next corner was well marked for speed and curvature. I dipped low and accelerated. Although the rake generally, with speed, wants to force the bike to go straight, the additional rake in the triple trees minimized the trail and the front end adjusted easily to the turn, but I was trying to hold on to my vibrating gas tank at the same time. Another series of turns were dead ahead and the screaming logger was shifting gears 30 feet from my rear Avon. He knew the road better than I did. I took the shift as a signal of manageable turns ahead and turned the throttle. The bike jumped forward and I released the tank to handle the curve. To my left were open oncoming lanes through sliced mountains. To my right was a sheer precipice and a majestic valley a couple thousand feet below. I pushed the Blue Flame and it responded like a thoroughbred. It felt strange. I had ridden choppers for years, but in the last decade I hadn’t ridden a bike with this length of front tubes. The Jesse James touring chopper had a severe turning radius restriction with the bags, but this machine seemed to have no bumpers, no drag, no pegs that prevented me from leaning it closer to the asphalt, so I pushed. The only thing that would hold me back from making the next turn was Avon traction, a flexing Daytec frame or a squirrely front-end. I seemed to handle turns to the right easier than to the left, and I dipped as the curve unveiled itself. The truck was right on my ass as I hit the 35 mph turn at 60. The most terrifying aspect of any turn is the visual. Can you see the chamfer and the complete arch? Is there a mountain on the inside preventing visibility? Are you heading downhill? Downhill racing is the worst. You can let up on the throttle and the bike won’t slow down. That’s the last thing you need when you realize that your bike cannot make the corner. I needed deceleration and it wasn’t there. I had pulled away from the truck, but the tank was singing a violent tune. I ignored the horrible vibration and dipped the machine to the right. To my amazement, it went over easily. Nothing scraped, skipped, twisted or jiggled. The tire remained firmly planted to the road’s surface and I accelerated through the turn and into the next one. The truck loomed behind me except it wasn’t barreling after me this time. The postings along the side of the mountain warned of the steep slope, brake testing and slow trucks. The driver had chosen to ignore the warnings and careened after me, but now in the rearview mirror the trucker’s load seemed out of balance. The massive logs were jostled. The truck leaned at an odd angle. The driver had abandoned the pursuit in favor of saving his own neck. Smoke poured from the brakes as he tried to control the 80,000-pound vehicle before he encountered another curve along the perilous slope. I glanced at the valley below and decided he was more of a threat now than when he was pissed and in control. I turned up the heat and headed quickly away from the collision-bound truck. We had several junctions ahead, including 377 to Holbrook, 277 to Snowflake and 260 to Show Low. With each curve I was forced to test, I became more confident in the Daytec chassis and long Weerd Bros. wide glide front end. I had never owned a chopper that handled with this much ease. I seemed to be able to dip the flaming scoot over so far that my calf was parallel with the pavement. I hit the town of Heber where we had planned to stop for a piece of peach pie, but I blew right through. I passed the 377 turn off and prayed that the trucker survived, but was on his way to Snowflake. I split off on 260 toward Show Low and quickly found a safe place to pull over to check my tank and wait for the others. The rear tab on the tank had broken and the vibration between the remaining tab was eerie, but with the 3M weather stripping holding the tank to the frame backbone and the front tab in place, all appeared secure. Myron pulled up with Karl and the emotional Cheri shouted, “That truck was after your ass.” We only had another 30 miles to go but we hit a hardware store and, based on expert breakdown recommendations from Karl and Myron, I picked up more 3M stripping, JB Weld, sand paper and some grommets. I rode carefully for the final 30 miles into Holbrook where we copped a couple of rooms and prepared to operate on the Blue Flame. I almost had to pry the tank off. The rear tab was toast and I spent an hour cleaning it. I mixed and spread the JB weld, put down new 3M weather stripping and reinstalled the tank. It was time for happy hour and we walked to the local cowboy/sports bar across the highway. There’s an odd sensation that comes over a rider with a busted machine. It’s as if you know you must hike to the top of the hill, but you’re bleeding. You know you’re going for it, but not sure how you’ll make it. Still you keep moving forward. Holbrook was our stopping point about 250 miles out. The bar was cool and for some reason, perhaps the unrelenting heat, we ordered margarita after margarita, then chicken wings, chicken tenders and more wings. Those little puppies were smoldering but went down like chips at a Mexican restaurant. We munched as if we weren’t going to eat for a week, then went in search of peach pie. Why is it that once out of California, fresh vegetables and fruit seem impossible to come by. If I couldn’t have sex, I wanted peach pie, and for some odd reason, it seemed as rare as a whore in church. The next morning, Myron and I got our asses in gear and loaded our scoots. Karl and Cheri were returning to Phoenix the long way through the mountains and Flag before getting home. We said our goodbyes and headed out. It was odd, or maybe not, that Myron and I were travelin’ without maps this year. We remembered the time we rode into Colorado by mistake and Mark the Warrior was mapped to the max. This was going to be an odd trip without a map. Sorta like sailing to Hawaii without a compass. We were flying by the seat of our pants. I babied the Blue Flame onto I-40 and tested it with my left glove. Not an ounce of vibration. It felt as if it was welded to the frame. I took it easy for another 40 miles then rolled it on. I had an entire fuckin’ tool box in the compartment of my handy-dandy bedroll. Hell, if it broke, I’d fix it. We rode to Gallup, N.M., some 98 miles to the east, pulled in and gassed up. A big Indian behind the counter told us, “Just stay on this street til you get to the Mexican restaurant — best food in town. Hang a right there and you’re on 666 heading north to Shiprock. Should take you about 2 hours.” “How about peach pie?” I asked. He just shrugged. An older gentleman dressed in Indian attire and turquoise jewelry looked at us through squinted eyes surrounded by leather-tough skin. “Two hundred miles,” he said. We looked at him, then at the younger man who ignored the bent over old dude with the knowing eyes. Something wasn’t right. We copped out and Myron bought a map. We rode the lumpy street for five miles until we came across the turn for 666 and the restaurant. Inside, we opened the map. He had purchased a perfectly good map of Utah. We weren’t going there, so I folded it and set it beside my napkin while I ate huevos rancheros, then asked the waitress how far Cortez, Colo., was. I’m not sure she knew what state she was in, but she delivered some mean salsa. After eating, we strolled out to the bikes and the waiter followed us. “You forget this, senors,” he said, handing me the map. I waited for him to return to the restaurant then shit-canned the map. We don’t need no stinkin’ maps. Myron’s wheel was clicking and it felt strange in the turns, so we had pulled it apart in Holbrook and found nothing. It sounded even worse as we pulled onto Highway 666 heading north, unaware of how far Cortez or Shiprock were. We just kept riding. The straight stretch from Gallop north was dry and hot, just under 100 degrees as we plowed into a junk yard of a town called Shiprock, named after one of the massive outcroppings in the desert. The roads were torn up like they were when we came through in ’97. We tried to find peach pie, but struck out, so we stopped at a McDonald’s for a shake. We were befriended by a small young Indian man wearing a camouflage hat and pants, a Vietnam ribbon and a tightly pressed denim shirt. He sat across from us, bent over in our direction and started the conversation like he had access to a couple of slices of black market peach pie. He glanced around the plastic franchise nervous like. His voice was slow and low and he peered at me like I was a passenger in De Niro’s “Taxi” movie. His eyes were deep and haunting. He whispered about the Harley he wanted to own more than anything, a Sportster he was planning to leave his wife and kids to get. I got it. If anyone heard him tell that story and it got back to his wife, he was toast. We pulled our chairs closer to the young man and listened intently as he explained his dream. I gave him a Bikernet sticker while wishing I had a Sportster in my bedroll. I would have gladly given it to the man. You could see the intensity in his eyes, the longing and the desperation. Apart from 15 liquor stores and the big Mac, the town had little to offer. On the outskirts there was a track of desolate homes indicative of the area. Each structure was about the size of a single, shoe-box mobile home. They were all painted brick red with white gravel roofs. A winding gravel path wound between them and small tufts of cactus. That was it. No garages, decks, driveways or carports. Each one was worn down by the sun and the wind that kept them engulfed in a cloud of dust. We noted the depressing atmosphere that loomed like acid rain over dying crops and got the fuck outta there. It was only 31 miles to Cortez. We rolled in before 3 p.m. and pulled up to the Best Western inhabited by the Hamsters. In fact, so many of the furry beasts were riding out that they had taken over two motels. My first impression as we pulled into the parking lot packed with dressers was a question. Where were all the custom bikes? The Hamsters have a reputation for being rich and riding nothing but $50,000 customs. From the looks of the parking lot, and the lines of black dressers, I had run into a HOG chapter on its way to the rally. My version of the dubious Hamster mantra has always been a club for custom builders and custom bike enthusiasts. As far as I’m concerned, that’s still the case, although as the guys get older, most can afford something comfortable for the long haul. Arlen Ness still rides a full custom all the way to the Bad Lands. And as far as being wealthy, most of these guys weren’t born that way. They worked for it, building a business that finally became successful. So now they have some money and deserve it. They also employ many riders, like Phil and Karen Day of Daytec. You couldn’t meet more down-to-Earth people. Arlen began his working life as a postman while building bikes in his garage. It’s only idiots like myself who decide to drop everything, go through a divorce and write books for a living who are on the brink of poverty. At least I can say I’m not a yuppie. The tank was still in place, Myron’s wheel continued to be round and roll as we pulled in just before a thunderstorm. Adjacent to the motel was a run down but functioning gym. Although the equipment was rickety and loose we hammered our bodies until we couldn’t walk and beat feet out of there. Every year on the way to Sturgis, Thomas throws a major party for his wife, Cheryl. Tom and Cheryl ride from the Bay area to Sturgis annually on one of Arlen’s luxury liners. He pushes that black beast with red and orange flames, with his wife on the back throughout the entire trip, keeping up with us hot rods. Quiet and unassuming, they plow down the freeway each year dressed in all black, riding hell bent to reach the Bad Lands. Each year at one stop, Thomas makes arrangements to feed and pour for all the Hamsters to celebrate Cheryl’s birth and their relationship. I don’t need to eat or drink that night. It’s enough to watch Cheryl’s face glow as he introduces her once more to the rabid clan. She glows with appreciation and love for her man. The “wind ’em up” call came at 7 a.m. the next day and a handful of riders jammed to breakfast, scarfed their eggs and omelets, asked for peach pie without success and rushed back to the motel to be with the gang as they rode out. We had 320 miles to go through Durango, over the pass into Silverton, up to Delta and into the mountains leading to Aspen. About 30 of us rode out together. There’s nothing more boring than riding in a pack. You can’t look around, check out the girls or look for peach pie. You can’t stop to pick your teeth, scratch your ass or look at the valley below. You can’t fuck around and do wheelies or someone will vote you out of the club. Well, we learned this the first year and then gradually worked our way to the front of the pack and disappeared over the horizon ahead. If a club wants to look impressive, they should meet five miles from their destination and ride together into town. Riding in a pack is fuckin’ dangerous but damn, it looks impressive. It’s the slow guy in the middle of the pack who falls asleep and wipes out the rest. Since I was still testing the handling of the blue chopper, I held back as we entered the mountainous curves leading out of Durango along the narrow gauge railroad into the steep mountains ahead. The tank held fast as we rolled through the sweeping bends and I warmed up to the morning sun. Soon I was trying to drag something as I careened around one curve after another, reminiscing about the touring chopper four years ago and how I had to shift my weight to keep the bike as upright as possible until I could get to a welder at a gas station in Silverton.   As I cruised into the old mining town, I pulled into that same gas station and two of the guys who helped weld the swingarm into place were still there. One showed me his Knucklehead chop at the house behind the station. Some of the guys who hadn’t eaten breakfast were chowing down — another reason packs are a pain. So I grabbed my work gloves, saddled up and headed out of town with one Hamster wannabe behind me on his dresser. Little did I know that this would become a day to remember. We blew out of town and into the hills beyond. The trip at that point was perhaps the most picturesque, with rivers running through the pines below as we rolled through Montrose, then Delta and off at 133 toward Carbondale. We were making good time until we came to a small canyon outside of Carbondale, where the road was torn down to the dirt, grated and driven on enough to become washboard. The rigid handled it well, but I didn’t like the jarring impact on the tank. It seemed to scream as I bounced from one pothole to the next ridge and gully for three long miles. When we finally pulled onto the smooth pavement, I knew I was in trouble. I had a new series of vibrations screaming at me. Another 30 miles and we stopped for gas in Carbondale. We had covered 122 miles. Although I was richening the mixture due to the altitude, I put a mere 2.216 gallons in the chopper for 55 mpg. Aspen wasn’t far off. All we needed was fuel and 23 miles and we would be staring at a Jacuzzi, a pool and drinks. I looked at my cellular phone entrepreneur partner, Milo, and at my tank. Both the front and the rear tabs were broken and basically the tin tank with 25 pounds of gasoline stored inside was being held on with a piece of 3M tape a 1/2-inch wide. Milo shook his head, but I had to jinx the situation. “No problem,” I said, “I had to pry off the tape the last time. It’ll hold.” Yeah, right. Half way up the hill toward Aspen, I went over a slight bump in the road and the tank landed in my lap. Milo was in front and I lost him. I held onto the tank and pulled over. Setting it back in place, I stared at the wonderful paint work by Harold Pontarelli and pondered my situation. I wasn’t thinking immediate fixes. I was thinking about tomorrow and finding a welder, about the outcome of this run, and finally about Agent Zebra and the east coast contingent that was barreling up from the southeast. I had to make it, to fix the fucking tank and keep rolling. I was riding the first rigid chopper to Sturgis in, well, there were perhaps infinite rigids converging on the Bad Lands, so what was my point, anyway. Finally, I awoke from my nightmare, dug out a bungee cord from my bedroll, ran it over the tank, behind the gas cap and down to the front legs of the frame. It seemed to be stable so I rode on into town holding the tank with one hand. We were staying at a swank hotel in the center of trendy Aspen, but all the glitter and class only told me there wasn’t a welding shop in town. I had a mission. I unloaded my shit, checked into my room and picked up the phone. Myron came in about the same time, went to the room and tried to turn on the television. It didn’t work. That was a precursor to the events that lay ahead. I made call after call until I found a welder in Basalt, some 30 miles away. While I was calling all over the valley, Myron attempted to order something to eat, but the swank lodge didn’t start room service until 6 p.m. The welder I was looking for couldn’t be squeamish about welding gas tanks and I made sure to mention that pitfall immediately while calling around. With the welder lined up and a plan in place, I went to the bar to get a drink to calm my nerves. The bar didn’t open for another hour, but Myron and I glared at the barkeep until he found a couple glasses and filled them with Jack. We opted for an early dinner in town, so we attempted to clean up for the event. In the head, I stepped on a piece of glass and bled all over the slate floor. Then I attempted to iron a shirt, but the iron didn’t work. Myron, Milo and I went to dinner with Randy Aron of Cycle Visions in San Diego. I offered to pay for dinner, since Randy was going to run my ass around Aspen to find a welder, but my credit card was turned down. Plus the restaurant didn’t have any peach pie. Hell, the shitty tabs on the tank were my fault, not Randy’s. I was beginning to feel jinxed. El Swank Aspen hotel seemed OK. What else could go wrong? I discovered later that Wachovia bank was trying to track me down. Seems some biker had accosted my card and was riding to Sturgis on my dime, ‘cept that crazed thief was me. Randy, a young, stylish sorta rider is one of those Hamsters everyone complains about. He doesn’t look like the average biker. He drives a new truck and builds world class custom motorcycles. He’s talented and good looking but how did he get there? He started a plumbing business 20 years ago and worked his ass off. He took the risks, learned the trade, found customers, dealt with employees and finally became successful. Let’s shoot the mutha fucker. While the rest of the crew slept in their little sawdust Hamster Beds, I crept out at 6 a.m. and loaded the long chop next to Randy’s hand- formed dresser in his truck. We paid close attention to my sketchy directions and rolled out of the mountain pass down to Basalt where we took a right on Frying Pan Road and found a small industrial building. I pulled up to 3-D Iron and Mike Horn, a skinny, wrinkled man, greeted us with the bad news.   Peering up at me through thick glasses, he said, “If it’s a gas tank, we won’t weld it.” Reaching for the tank that we had taken off the frame, wrapped in towel and duct taped for security, I noticed that liquid had filled the corner of the truck bed. On second glance, I became rudely aware that the petcock had come open and it was gas that soaked my clothes and my bedroll. I rolled my eyes and asked if we could pay for the equipment and weld it ourselves. “Nope, can’t do it. Insurance liability, you know,” he said. “But I will make a strap for the tank.” While I stared at the old welder in astonishment and tried to explain that I spoke to someone who had given me the green light, I knew it was futile. I could see a guy in the back of the shop bent over a bare metal trailer frame. He would only glance in my direction from time to time. Perhaps it was the guilty culprit who said to bring the tank down. Randy stood beside the truck and greeted several guys from the sheet metal shop next door.   Most of the middle-aged workers were going to Sturgis and they readily struck up a conversation. The shop was neat and most of the guys had salt-and-pepper hair pulled into pony tails. Randy tapped me on the shoulder. “These guys will let me use their mig welder,” he said, referring to the team at T&E Marshall Enterprises Inc., makers of custom sheet metal and heating systems. We finally had a formula for success. The old guy from the crappie shop made the strap and drilled the holes while we emptied the tank and readied it for welding. Randy flushed the tin container with water, then held the tank mouth against the exhaust pipe of his truck until the carbon monoxide dissipated any gasoline fumes. The tank smelled clean and he fired his lighter above the mouth. Nothing. In a matter of five minutes, it was ready to weld safely. Randy tested the welder on a piece of scrap. The mig would do the job, but he wasn’t as comfortable as if he had his tig. The mig would have to do. Welding dissimilar metals together is a trick I was once very adept at. The 16-gauge material of the Sportster tank had to be mated to the 1/4-inch thickness of the strap and Randy went to work. Sparks flew, metal crackled and paint sizzled as he welded the tab in several places.   Since I had brazed the original tabs in place, the braze melted and flowed into the welds, causing them to sputter. We let the tank cool and filled it with water. It leaked, my worst nightmare. Even worse than breaking tabs or having a loose tank was the threat of a leak. Randy tried again, but the leaks were coming from under the tab where it was impossible to reach with the welder. In an attempt to fix the existing leaks, Randy blew a hole in the tank. He worked on the hole, then I suggested that we braze over the welds to seal them. It wasn’t a bad idea, but a torch and braze was going to generate much more heat to a wider area and Randy was considering the damage to the paint. So far, Harold’s creativity was unscathed. Finally, Randy and I began an hour job that could have taken 15 minutes. Because of the bondo smoke and the steam from the wet rag Randy held close to the area I was attempting to braze, the torch kept blowing out. It took forever to coat some of the welds with brass. We checked the tank again with water. It seemed to have sealed. We packed up and headed north. Checking tank leaks with water is like filtering your gas with screen door mesh. It’s an indicator, but not a good one. I felt that the only way to guard against gas seeping through the welds was to seal the tank. We had some discussion about saving the tank and welding on it in the future with sealant inside, but finally settled on trying to find some Custom Chrome Tank Creme, a three-stage process. We went to a small diner for lunch and I got back on the phone. The Harley shop in Green River didn’t have it, nor did any of the other bike shops in the valley, but there was a shop in Aspen. It wasn’t in the phone book and couldn’t be reached by directory assistance. I called the Harley shop back and was given the number for Aspen Custom Motorcycles. I dialed and there was only an answering machine. Tired and dejected, we rambled back toward town. During one of our last installation attempts, we broke off the stud that held the rear tab in place. Now we needed an auto parts store for a large hose clamp and some rubber insulation to prevent the clamp from tearing through the durable powder coating finish. We pulled up in front of a Napa auto parts store and parked beside a blue and silver pickup with Krylon letters across the back window, “Aspen Custom Motorcycles.” Inside, a thin man with dark hair and youthful features leaned over the counter wearing a black Aspen Custom Motorcycles T-shirt. I introduced myself and he asked us to follow him. Two blocks away, this guy had his shop set up in a single storage unit stall (970) 544-9419. His undercover shop was complete with three stage creme sealer and we bought his only kit, thanked him and hauled ass for the Swank Hotel. In front of our room was an outdoor corridor leading to the bar and outdoor pool. I picked up several towels, borrowed a large bucket and we went to work. The first stage was a mixture of water and a strong detergent that was supposed to soak in the tank for four hours. We didn’t have the time and let it set for an hour. In the meantime, the guys in Randy’s room where having trouble with the plumbing. After I flushed the toxic mixture into a bucket, I poured it down the toilet in Randy’s room. I knew I should have stopped, but I was beyond the point of no return. I returned to the bike for stage two – flushing the tank with a strong solvent. Again the remnants of the explosive liquid were drained into the toilet. Meanwhile, hotel maintenance men and managers descended on Randy’s room, where a couple of riders had set up their joint rolling station. Plungers, tools and snakes were moved from room to room. Four rooms were effected and they were going to have to snake down from the roof. Randy shook his head. “Won’t work,” he said and poured the final stage of thick milky fluid into the tank. This process included sloshing the creamy liquid around the tank for 10 minutes, letting it set for 20, then sloshing again before draining. Randy sloshed and coated the lining of the tank for what seemed to be hours, making sure every crevice received its fair share. By this time evening was upon us. The tank was supposed to dry for 24 hours. I didn’t have time and Randy suggested that we use a hair dryer to speed up the drying process. The instructions specifically warned against the use of hair dryers because the final process was extremely flammable. Randy continued draining the thickening substance back into the bottle it came from, as we pondered the question. At one point, we tried putting the tank in front of the air conditioner to augment the flow, but there had to be a better way. Finally someone hit up the maintenance crew for a shop vac. As the sun sank, we started sucking the fumes from the tank outside our room.   At one point, two girls showed up, one 22 and the other 27. They wanted to smoke a joint and party some, but the fumes held them at bay. Both were wearing shorts and tank tops and carrying shopping bags. One included a couple pairs of spiked heels that they quickly unwrapped and promised to sport for us. One had on a top buttoned up the front over no bra, and her tits were pressed so hard against the mint green fabric that the heavenly mounds creased the material. When she leaned over to slip on the shoes, we gasped in unison. Whatever it is that makes a woman’s body magic to a man, is a wonderful thing unless abused by either party. If a woman minds that a man gawks at the flesh exposed by too little clothing, she should cover herself. These girls didn’t mind. In fact, they enjoyed it and wanted more. We could have given in to them except we had a mission and a deadline. After the girls asked some probing questions and we didn’t respond appropriately, they rolled themselves a doobie and departed. There was another problem with nubile girls finding their evil ways into our lives. We were staying with 100 of our closest, most gossipy friends in the same goddamn hotel. Speaking of gossip, I hadn’t heard from Zebra for two days. He was supposed to hook up with a pack of riders in Tennessee, and perhaps they roasted him instead of a pig. I didn’t know his whereabouts, but I kept calling his cell phone hoping to hear the number had been permanently disconnected. At 6 a.m. Friday, the phone rang. Larry the mobile mud slide maker was leaving his room to meet me in the parking lot to lend me gas. I was hoping to sleep in, but noooo. I wrestled my ass out of bed and out to the bike with the tank. After setting it on the bike, it was difficult to tell that it had been through hell the previous day. I mounted it, hooked up the lines and went back to bed. I told Larry never to call me at 6 a.m. again and to keep his gas. I wanted to let it air for a couple more hours. At 9 a.m. we put gas in it for the first time from Howard’s truck, just a quart. We loaded up and hit the first station. We were Denver bound. Some of the guys were heading into the pass above, but rumor was that the straight shot was down to Green River, over to the 70 Freeway and into Denver. It was 30 miles out of the way, but we chose the straightest shot. The freeway is only two lanes wide but it meanders along railroad tracks and rivers toward Vail. We stopped for gas in Eagle and were passed by 30 Hamsters blasting onto the freeway. How they beat us I will never know, but I sent my navigator his walking papers the next day. We caught the furry beasts outside Vail. Traffic began to bunch up and we kept riding faster, splitting lanes and running the gauntlet between the very fast cars and extremely slow trucks. Treachery was all around us as we crested a pass and could see the dots of a pack of bikes in the distance. The tank was holding and the bike hadn’t burped, coughed or sputtered. It could handle anything I dished out. I turned the throttle and it responded. About 25 miles outside Denver we blew past the guys in yellow and another couple miles down the road it began to rain, then hail. We ducked off the freeway, pulled on our slickers and found a log cabin watering hole.   That last 25 miles were the worst of the trip. It rained off and on as the traffic became thick as mud on your boots. Lane splitting is not allowed and when we attempted to play ignorant travelers, motorists tried to hit us. As the sun broke over the parking lot of cars, the humidity rose with the mercury. Of course we got lost at one point, found the Two-Wheelers shop and ultimately the hotel. There was a major party planned for the 25th anniversary of the shop, but the threat of rain and the 450- mile trip to Sturgis the next morning forced us to take it easy and hit the hay early. We tried a local restaurant for grub, but they still didn’t serve peach pie. The next morning, Myron and I were on the road by 4:30. An odd feeling swept over us as we rode Highway 25 in the dark. In the rolling fields and wide open spaces of Colorado, it was as if we were lodged on the brink of the city. There wasn’t a row of houses or an industrial park once we turned north and it felt good. We rumbled for 90 miles until we arrived at Cheyenne, Wyo., for breakfast. We hit the road for another 75 miles and pulled off in Wheatland where we refueled and had one of Myron’s safety meals and coffee. He works out constantly and feels that his success in the gym is attributable to his intake of protein. He doesn’t eat a lot or poorly, but often and bushels of protein. As we walked out of the restaurant, we were met by Cheryl. Tom’s bike had a broken shift lever and he was working on it. “How the hell did you get here?” Myron asked. “Uh,” Cheryl muttered, not sure what to say. “What time did you leave?” I asked. “6:30,” she said. We looked at each other in dismay. Myron jerked on his gloves. “Let’s ride,” he shouted, “We’re burnin’ daylight.” We spit dust and rocks as we blasted out of the gravel lot and onto the highway. Suddenly he was hell bent for leather. We stopped just for gas in Orin and headed east on 20/18, blasting toward the small town of Lusk, Wyo.   At the end of town we stopped for another safety meal. We had 130 miles to go to get to Sturgis, but the roads would narrow and we’d have to slow down. Across the street the bikes were lined up in front of the western bar. I liked this town. It’s small but has some action going for it. As we turned toward the door of the Del Rey Cafe, Milo strolled out the door pickin’ his teeth with a tooth pick. “Damn!” Myron said and almost abandoned his safety meal stop. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Milo shrugged, straddled his all-black dresser and took off. The waitress would melt a good man’s bones with her silky, fair complexion, even lighter hair and brilliant blue eyes. My words were stumbling when I asked for peach pie, but I lost all interest when I discovered that she had just run out. “You mean you didn’t save me a slice?” I shouted, throwing my tan gloves on the table. In Newcastle we stopped momentarily for gas, but as we paid our ticket we noticed Hamster Jeff pull into the station. Myron grabbed his gloves and headed for his Dyna. “Fuck the peach pie,” he shouted again, “Let’s ride.” I tried to holler to Jeff as we headed out of the station and hit the highway toward Four Corners. We were in a race now, and although Myron said to most riders as we left them in bars and gas stops, “Keep it under a hundred,” this time it was different. If we had open straight roads ahead, throttles would be pegged to the stops. He couldn’t figure out how these bastards who left the motel two hours after we did were catching up. Hell, we were rumbling along at 85 plus, but we had 14 meals to their one cup of coffee. What the fuck? Now we were in narrow canyons weaving through packs of bikers heading to their homeland. Again the chopper handled the curves as if I were on a rice rocket, dipping and bending with each bank. Each gas stop was spoke to spoke with lines of motorcycles to refuel. Each bar looked like a popular biker hangout from Southern Calif. on a Sunday afternoon.   They were coming from all directions. The rumor of afternoon thunderstorms had us pushing the envelope. Our bikes were a mess, but they were running and we were ready to hit the home stretch for our abode in the Bad Lands. Finally, in Spearfish Canyon 15 miles from home, we slowed and enjoyed the Jack Pines and the bustling brooks that bordered the winding road. We were home. Home to the biker, the outlaw, the bandit and to every fucking rider in the world who enjoys open roads, beer, broads and peach pie. Now if we could only find the girl, or at least a piece of pie.   –Bandit