BIKERNET NEWS FLASH-MOVE CLOCKS BACK ONE WEEK-WE DIDN’T FINISH ALL WE SET OUT TO DO!

Hey,
Another year disappears over the horizon like a space shuttle trying to get the hell out of Dodge. Each year becomes more and more like a time trial. I set out each year with a handful of goals and generally reach each one just in time to formulate another set for the next year. Each year I learn a couple of things about people, business and myself, and forget a couple of dozen. This year was no different, and generally I’m damn proud of what my crew has accomplished. We’ve built a couple of bikes and rode them to Sturgis. We finally got “Orwell” published and it came out damn fine. With the help of the Digital Gangster, we’ve been able to adjust and augment the site to no end. We’ve started to develop a line of products and with the help of Ed Martin at Chrome Specialties we’ll have one helluva line of apparel in the near future. Soon we’ll be publishing e-books. We just took on another sponsor with the inclusion of Big Dog. We are now up to 10 major sponsors. Our goal is 20 non-competing sponsors, the finest in the industry.

We hope to bring our readers a comprehensive list of articles using the finest components. We don’t want every company in the industry on the site–just the best. Over the next couple of weeks we’ll evaluate the business side of Bikernet and decide the direction for next year. I want to thank the sponsoring companies who had the balls to step up to the plate and test our formula. It’s working and we have the hit counters to prove it.

I hope to write two books next year. One will be the beginning of a series of books about a flawed rider who loves to ride more than anything else on the planet. He’s a travelin’ man who can’t seem to settle down, bend to the rules or give up his code. As yet, no woman has ever understood his wandering nature and he can’t seem to find the one who will stick and understand, although some haunt him. The story line is taking shape in HORSE magazine.

With the assistance of Mike Lichter, we hope to finish my long-time project called “Badlands.” It is a series of hard-hitting interviews with veteran members of many of the most notorious clubs in the country. It’s designed to be a coffee table book adorned with Mike’s brilliant black and white photography. We have been planning a cross-country ride to finish the interviews. You’ll catch all the action here on Bikernet.

One more thought, though. While watching a film from the ’40s about a turn-of-the-century family, our stress level came pounding home. At one time there weren’t newspapers, radio, television, phones, faxes, Fed Ex, e-mail, etc. Yet we have the same number of hours in a day. No wonder there’s more general stress now than ever before –just to keep up with the junk mail. We’re also painfully aware that time is much more valuable than money. So this next year we’ll be working on the ideal formula for finding the time to do what we really love–ride, build bikes, write and enjoy the touch of a woman. The rest of the time, we’ll bust our butts to bring you the biker world as fast as it happens. Let’s get to the news:

TOURING CHOPPER FOR SALE OR TRADE FOR PICKUP– That’s correct. I’m selling the famous touring chopper so we can build a bigger shop for Bikernet creations and put my fat ass back into a pickup where I belong. Send offers with your truck flick to Bandit@bikernet.com.

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BASH–At the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach, on the Promenade on Jan 28. Don’t miss it. Click on this to get all the inside info.You can download the invitation here.

QUANTUM REPORT– I attended the United States Bankruptcy Court hearing in Orlando, Fla., totry and find out what was happening in the American Quantum Cycle case (number 0008472-Ob1).

The matter has been turned over to the bankruptcy trustee, George E.Mills Jr., P.O. Box 690457, Orlando, Fla., 32860-0457

Barbara Cooney and I had our filled-out claim forms B10 (Official Form10)(4/98) with us and he took us to the ninth floor where the clerk’s officeaccepted and stamped our claim for monies owed us by American QuantumCycles.

The United States Bankruptcy Court Of Florida, Middle District is locatedat 135 W.Central Blvd., Orlando, Fla., 32801

Any one who is owed money from Quantum should notify the court and/or thetrustee.

The trustee did tell Barbara and me that Linda Condon was scheduled tonotify and send forms to all employees. I, for one, remember too many times thatLinda was supposed to do things and they did not get done. It is yourdecision. If you do not recieve this form in a timely manner and would liketo get paid any monies owed you, I suggest you take the responsibility to geta form, fill it out and see that it gets to the court.

The trustee told Barbara and me that money owed for wages, salaries, etc. would be a priority.

— ROGUE

LITTLE JOHNNY’S MOTHER–Little Johnny’s mother was cleaning one weekend and found this letter thathehad sent to Santa the previous year.

Dear Santa:

You must be surprised that I’m writing you today, the 26th of December.Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurredsince the beginning of the month.

I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades and afootball uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not onlywasI the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school!

I’m not going to lie to you Santa, there was no kid in the neighborhood thatbehaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends and withmyneighbors.

I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There wasvirtually nothing I wouldn’t do for humanity!

What balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a lame ass whistle and apairof socks! What the fuck were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, thatyou’d taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with someshitlike this under the damn tree. As if you hadn’t fucked me enough, you gavethat little shithead across the street so many fucking toys that hecouldn’teven walk into his damn house!

Please don’t let me see you trying to fit your huge ass down my chimney nextyear! I’ll fuck you up! I’ll throw rocks at those corny reindeer of yoursand scare them away, so you’ll have to walk your big fat ass backtothe North Pole, just like I have to do since you didn’t get me that fuckingbike, you punk bastard!

You know what Santa? Fuck you!! Next year you’ll find out how bad I canreally fucking be!

So watch your back next year.Beeyaaaaatch!!!!!

Sincerely,
Johnny

BIG DOG RELEASES THE ALL-NEW BOXER–Every custom cruising rider wants a low slung, tight center of gravity chassis with a low profile. Big Dog is accomplishing exactly that with its new Daytec-framed Boxer for 2001. To top it off, the price is designed to surprise the market while creating a well handling sport cruiser with reduced vibration and excellent handling.

The Boxer is equipped with a 107-cubic-inch engine and features machined aluminum wheels, chrome lower legs and new billet triple trees with internal fork stops. The 2001 Boxer also gets a sporty 21-inch aluminum front wheel. For those rougher stretches of black top, Big Dog equipped the Boxer with Works rear shocks and a fat 160 rear tire.

MAN TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’veboth shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find outabout.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. Youtell her that it is:

A. No concern of yours.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying atthe end of a relationship?

A. “I hope we can still be friends.”
B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.”
C. “Welcome to Dumpsville – population: YOU.”

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sortofintimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

If you answered “A” more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure youreally are a man.

If you answered “B” more than 7 times, check into therapy, you’re alittleconfused.

If you answered “C” more than 7 times, “YOU DA MAN”

COWBOY AND HIS HORSE–A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named “Clint” andbring him back to their camp to meet the chief. Thechief says to Clint, “You going to die. But we sorryfor you, so give you one wish a day for three days.On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?”

Clint says, “I want to see my horse.” The Indians gethis horse. Clint grabs the horse’s ear and whisperssomething, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horsetakes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back witha naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes intothe teepee with Clint.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical whiteman – can only think of one thing.” The second day,the chief says, “What your wish today?”

Clint says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indiansbring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horseand whispers something in the horse’s ear, then slapsit on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes backwith a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in theteepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads,figuring, “Typical white man – going to die tomorrowand can only think of one thing.”

The last day comes and the chief says, “This your lastwish, white man. What you want?” Clint says, “I wantto see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse.Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hardand yells, “Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!”

–Geno
HORSE magazine

STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS EXPIRES! ZEBRA RETURNS TO L.A.! Celebrating the end of the one-year statute of limitations on charges of operating a motor vehicle, in this case a motorcycle, in a manner which “greatly endangers the general public,” Special Agent Zebra has returned to Los Angeles from his posh residence in Miami Beach. He is said to be shagging a film producer in Beverly Hills and residing temporarily at her home until he can score a deal and make enough money to re-purchase his lavish estate in Bel Air.

“I’m glad to be back home. Now I can get this fuckin’ Website back on track and get Bandit sober. The lunatic is out of control. Last I heard he was affixing a supercharger to a fuckin’ Buell that burns straight jet fuel. Jesus, he’s gonna get us all thrown in the slammer. If the China Man doesn’t murder us first, of course. That could always happen. He’s a tricky devil to predict sometimes.”

Bikernet World Headquarters refused to comment on Zebra’s return, other than to say they will appeal charges filed against?the company in Miami Beach by the Miami Beach police alleging that Special Agent Zebra abducted a young Swedish supermodel named Lina on his departure and is hiding her somewhere in the greater Los Angeles area against the orders of the Swedish state department.

Bandit, who was reached by telephone at the dragstrip, was quoted as saying, “Jesus, that fucker is still alive?! What am I paying these people for, goddammit?! I could have bought a second blower with that money!”

Big Lucy, reporting for Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet.com East, Miami Beach

JUST TAKE A MINUTE– of your time to reflect on all the great times youhad last year.Lets do it again next year!

If you drink and drive, at the very least you won’t have a driver’s licenseto ride your bike next year…

–Gypsy Dan

PAUGHCO PRODUCT RELEASE — SWEDISH-STYLE CHOPPER FRAME

Check this out. Paughco, the industry’s oldest and most respected name inreproduction and custom accessories for Harley-Davidson motorcycles, has justintroduced what may be its most unique chassis to date. Identified as the”Swedish-style chopper” frame, the chassis’ long and tall styling addressesdemands of contemporary builders. The unique chassis features a full 10-inchstretch in the front downtubes, 4 inches in the backbone and a 45-degree neckrake. The new frame is available with a stock or extra wide rear section andaccepts applicable stock or wide swingarms, including the new super strongPaughco FXR swingarm. Stock or custom aftermarket FXR struts can be usedwhile the wide chassis requires the use of a custom rear fender. The newSwedish chopper frame is designed and manufactured to the same high-qualitystandards for fit, strength and reliability Paughco has built its reputationon for over three decades. If you’re after the latest in style andtechnology, Paughco’s Swedish chopper frame is on the cutting edge. Paughcocurrently manufactures over 800 replacement and custom frames for just aboutany year and model H-D. Prices start at $625. For complete details, see your local Paughco dealer or call(775) 246-5738. Or check the Internet at www.paughco.com.

NEW PRODUCT RELEASE FROM PAUGHCO – TRADITIONAL CHOPPER FENDERS

When it comes to building chopper parts, Paughco is second to none inexperience and variety. From the largest selection of custom frames in theindustry to a wide selection of nostalgic and replacement fenders, Paughcohas you covered. Shown here are three of the company’s traditional fendersthat custom builders have been using over the past four decades. The 5-by-42-inchflat chopper fender retails for $19 and is also available in 6- and7-inch widths. Paughco’s extended front fender, with bracket, measures 3-by-33 inches and is designed for Wide Glide 21-inch wheel applications. Full rearcoverage is provided by the skirted fender, which measures 9-by-35 inches. For fulldetails on the complete line of traditional chopper and custom replacementfenders from Paughco, call (775) 246-5738. Catch them on the Web at www.paughco.com or e-mail to info@paughco.com

“DRIVERS LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE”–An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman wasdriving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”

The woman turns to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman said, “May I see your licence?”

The woman turned toher husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He wantsto see your licence!” The woman gave him her licence.

The patrolman said, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some timethere once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve everseen.”

The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He thinks he knows you!”

HERE’S WISHINING ALL YOU GREASY BASTARDS–

Good Health, Tight Motors, and SmoothSailin thru the up comming year!Oh yeah, here’s a little somethin for all the Know-it-alls in the Bunch:(((((RACECAR))))spelled backwards is_______?

Rick & Mona

24 THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY–

1. You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately, I don’t blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl ? Good one!

4. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and

missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they’ll still cover.

5. Bar food again!? Kick ass.

6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

7. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I’m gonna go over and talk to her.

8. Let’s just leave the toilet seat “up” at all times, then we don’t have to mess with it anymore.

9. I’ve decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want ’em?

10. It’s only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

11. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie’s bare butt!

12. I’m going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

13. I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.

14. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya’ big silly!

15. You are so much smarter than my father.

16. If we’re not going to have sex, then go ahead and watch football.

17. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?

18. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

19. You’re so sexy when you’re hung over.

20. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

21. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.

22. I’ll be out painting the house.

23. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s Day thing and buy yourself something.

24. Look! My butt is bigger than yours!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT–

This story was sent to me today and I thought it wasworthy of forwarding to you at this time of year. Inlieu of sending out cards, I send this out to expressthe joy we all bring to each other.

##########################################

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw akid from my class was walking home from school. Hisname was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all ofhis books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyonebring home all his books on a Friday? He must reallybe a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a footballgame with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so Ishrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, Isaw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran athim, knocking all his books out of his arms andtripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasseswent flying, and I saw them land in the grass aboutten feet from him. He looked up and I saw thisterrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out tohim. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled aroundlooking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys arejerks. They really should get lives.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was abig smile on his face. It was one of those smiles thatshowed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books,and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, helived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen himbefore. He said he had gone to private school beforenow.

I would have never hung out with a private school kidbefore. We talked all the way home, and I carried hisbooks. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I askedhim if he wanted to play football on Saturday with meand my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekendand the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him,and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the hugestack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy,you are gonna really build some serious muscles withthis pile of books everyday!” He just laughed andhanded me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became bestfriends. When we were seniors, we began to think aboutcollege. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was goingto Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, thatthe miles would never be a problem. He was going to bea doctor, and I was going for business on a footballscholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him allthe time about being a nerd. He had to prepare aspeech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t mehaving to get up there and speak. Graduation day, Isaw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guysthat really found himself during high school. Hefilled out and actually looked good in glasses. He hadmore dates than I had and all the girls loved him.Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of thosedays. I could see that he was nervous about hisspeech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey,big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one ofthose looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, andbegan. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helpedyou make it through those tough years. Your parents,your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…butmostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you thatbeing a friend to someone is the best gift you cangive them. I am going to tell you a story.” I justlooked at my friend with disbelief as he told thestory of the first day we met. He had planned to killhimself over the weekend. He talked of how he hadcleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to doit later and was carrying his stuff home. He lookedhard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, Iwas saved. My friend saved me from doing theunspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd asthis handsome, popular boy told us all about hisweakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at meand smiling that same grateful smile. Not until thatmoment did I realize it’s depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. Withone small gesture you can change a person’s life. Forbetter or for worse. God puts us all in each other’slives to impact one another in some way. Look for Godin others.

–Gypsy

LAST SEPTEMBER– 29th, we threw a charity auction of 34 items, alldonated, that raised $51,000 as part of an overall $280,000 for the Lady RidersBreast Cancer Research Foundation. I was the auctioneer. I even auctionedoff “nothing” for $1,500!

The sponsoring organization, Rock River Chapter,Harley Owners Group (HOG), has only about 500 members and this was the sixthannual ride. Get details from Wisconsin Harley-Davidson of Oconomowoc, Wis., at (262) 569-8500.

–Jonathan Green

SIN WU, THANK YOU– for getting back to me so quickly. You guys are awesomethere at Bikernet. I ordered “Outlaw Justice” and “Orwell” yesterday, which wasDec. 20. Thanks for getting Bandit to sign them for me.Keep up the good work at Bikernet, I can’t function without it.

Oh, by theway, we are still freezing here in Oklahoma, but I managed to pull the FXRout for a ride today.

Happy Holidays to all at Bikernet
Aaron Pritchard

BUELL REPORT–

You can find this article and other Buell Material in the Buell Section.

The first picture is of the newest 2001 oil pump revision on the left and the older version used in ’98 through 2000 on the right. This is a running change. The part numbers are still the same.

The pickup opening at the bottom of the pump tower is larger/longer on the pump on the left for 2001. Also, H-D has changed the ports inside the pump body for better scavenging.One other way to identify the 2001 pump is the date code cast in the pump on the gasket surface area. The 2001 pump on the left has a “00” cast in the pump body. The older version has a “99” instead. The location of the date code pin area is on the flat gasket surface by the green fittng.

The CV carb picture shows the oil line fitting used as a fuel inlet. Thisfitting has a 1/8 NPT THD. The casting can be tapped without drilling as the hole is pretty close to tap drill size for a 1/8 NPT tap. Care must be given not to tap the threads too deeply. There is a step in the hole at the bottom of the inlet hole. Tap to just before the step. Be very careful when tapping and use a good tapping fluid doing this as the casting is very thin here and being in a hurry can fuck up a good carb.body.Doing this modification will allow for a 3/8 I.D. fuel line. That, along with a Pingel petcock, will provide plenty of fuel to the float bowl. The seat needs to be modified also for racing. This will be in another modification shown later on as it is pretty involved. You need to make a new needle and seat.Trock Cycle makes a really cool swivel fuel inlet fitting that presses inthe carb, replacing the stock plastic fitting. It rotates 360 degrees and canaccount for any non stock fuel line placement.More stuff later as time allows.

–Later, Paul

BIKERNET’S CYBER BIKE SHOW RESULTS–Here are the November results. December’s will be up in about a week or so. We’re in the process of designing some strange and unusual trophies for these builders. Plus they’ll be receiving prizes from Custom Chrome, Belt Drives Limited and Bikernet.

Click here to enter your bikes.

Vintage Chopper Winner
Randy Crandall
Newport Beach, Calif.

ProStreet Winner
Gary Kromrei
Lenore, Idaho

Sportster Winner
Edward Jauch
Spring Valley, Ill.

Vintage Winner
James Stevens
La Plata, Md.

Radical Custom Winner
Mike Pullin
Matthews, N.C.

MR. BANDIT, RIDER AND COSMIC BUELL BUILDER–First off, happy holidays to you and your crew and your lucky ladies. :)I understand you are very busy, but if you get a chance, would youconsider clickin’ on our new biker e-zine? Pour yourself a cup of tea andsit back in your rocker on one of those days when it’s too cold to go outback and work in the Bikernet shop. I ain’t justtrippin’; would really like your input.

–Pals, Wino Joe, USA

BANDIT– Enjoy the holidays! I will toast you on New Year’s with a tumbler of J/D Black!

–Ride fast,Anson

–A THOUGHT FOR THE SEASON–People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Forgive themanyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kindanyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some trueenemies.Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frankanyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Buildanyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.It was never between you and them anyway.

-written by Mother Teresa

TWO SISTERS– Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.'”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?'”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blond. She’ll read it slow.” (“com-for-da-bul”).

AFTER THAT JOKE–I better get the hell out of here. Christmas was a whirlwind. Out of the Dark Haired One’s bed at the crack of Santa to ride with the boys to the Queen Mary for breakfast. Not sure I would recommend Jack Daniels for breakfast after tequila shooters the night before. Then I had to be back at the pad for Christmas with Sin Wu. I could have stayed right there for the rest of my life, er, I mean the day, but mom was calling, so I parked the Blue Flame and loaded the Buell soft bags for the ride along the harbor to a small island for dinner. After dinner, I rode back to Pedro for a late-night rendezvous and more Christmas cheer. I must have been a good kid last year, Santa gave me way more than I deserved.

So hang on for the first, another red hot year of life in the fast lane. Life couldn’t get much better for us bikers. Just remember, don’t ride faster than your guardian angel can fly, live beneath your means, live each day like there won’t be a tomorrow and fuck anybody who doesn’t like it. Let’s ride–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WOMEN DRUG MEN FOR SEX BEFORE CHRISTMASAh, last weekend. A blur of warm fires, warm women and Christmas Parades. Friday night was something out of a Holiday porno movie, followed by Redondo Beach Boat parade Saturday, another party, and a midnight ride on the blacked-out Buell back to the Headquarters. The next morning we had our first run on the dual carbed ’48 Pan. It starts first kick, but there’s an idling problem, then a bolt fell out of the shifting mechanism on my way back from Walker’s Cafe and I was stuck if first gear for a couple of miles. Helluva way to break in a new top end.

That night was filled with another party near the canals in Long Beach. It’s Christmas Week, the lights are bright, Christmas Cheer is in full bloom and you and I should not be working, so let’s get the hell out of here quick:

HARLEY-DAVIDSON MOTOR COMPANY NAMED TO FORTUNE LIST OF 100 BEST COMPANIES TOWORK FOR– Harley-Davidson Motor Company has madeFORTUNE Magazine’s annual list of 100 Best Companies to Work For, coming inat No. 92. This is the third time in four years that Harley-Davidson hasbeen on the list.

More than 36,000 employees at the candidate companies filled out the GreatPlace to Work Trust Index, an employee survey that evaluates trust inmanagement, pride in work and the company, and camaraderie.

Details will be available in the Jan. 8, 2001, issue of FORTUNE, which hitsthe newsstands Dec. 25, 2000. Robert Levering and Milton Moskowitz,best-selling authors of The 100 Best Companies to Work For in America,assisted FORTUNE in compiling the list. For more information visit:http://www.fortune.com/fortune/bestcompanies/

New Bikernet Staff member.

WHOAAAA!!! ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU!!! If you get an invitation to view a Biker Graphics Site, YES A BIKER SITE, from someone you don’t know, DONT OPEN IT!!!! It’s a Virus! It nailed me just by opening it, fortunately my virus scan caught it, but it’s a VERY INTELLIGENT VIRUS that’ll put an icon in your “Favorites” bar, & an invisible program on your Start Up for Windows! Whoever created this fucker is too damn clever!

I killed the Virus, but it had an “Invisible back up” that attached to my Windows Start up, so after killin’ it, I searched my whole system & had to find the Invisible Back-up on the Start up MANUALLY!!!

AE: You can kill the Virus, but if you don’t manually Seach throughout Windows, You’re Screwed! It’ll back up the origanal Virus, & re-attach itself to Windows!!! NO SHIT!!! Damn! Sorry but I can’t remember who it was from Somethin’ like Slipery Petes Biker Graphics or Slimey Something??? I killed the whole thing, but forgot to write down who the sender was! Dumb move on my part, but I needed ta kill it ASAP & just dove in kickin’ ass & forgot to take names 🙁 SOOOO, BE CAREFUL of invites from Biker Graghics sites ya don’t know! Someone is targeting Biker Sites now! Go figure???
–Rogue

CHRISTMAS DREAMS–If you’re a dreamer, or even if you’re not. Oh fuck it. we’re bikers, we’re always dreaming about doing something to our bikes or building another one. This is a Cyril Huze creation. Check his catalog if you want some of your dreams to come true.

DEAR ABBY:I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb ofNew Orleans and one of my sisters,who lives in Baton Rouge, is marriedto a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrestedfor growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my othertwo sisters, who are prostitutes in Detroit.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole lifesentencein Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brotheris currently being held in Angola on charges of incest with his threechildren.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who livesin the Gulfporte and indeed is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our ownbrothel with her as the working manager.

I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team.AlthoughI would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would getthemoff the street, and hopefully the heroin…

Abby, my problem is this: I love my fianc? and look forward to bringingherinto the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Gore?

–Signed,Worried About My Reputation

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–All is sort of quiet here in the tropics, the Toy Run took place lastSunday, but it’s been raining for awhile, You guys get snow storms and coldfronts, we get waves and rain. There was a party up in the mountainsafterwards, and by what they are telling me, lots of people at the party,not so many at the run. Guess they dropped the toy and went for the booze.We are trying to get our shit together and getting to mail shirts andstuff. Give us a call if interested in some cool Chopper or shop shirtsfrom Puerto Rico.Special price if you mention Bikernet.com. (sorry for the plug Bandit..)Just saw the new plates and brake light from Choppers Inc. Cool ass shit!An Iron Cross, and Spades brake light, with machined billet plate holder.

This was just a short report. I want to wish all the brothers out there Happy Holidays and the best ever New Year possible. Ride more, work less,money, health and a fuckin’brand new chopper to all.

By the way here’s mywish list for the old red fat dude….No helmets, to all of us who have to wear them without choice.A brand new kick ass chopper ! self explanatory.Sex, sex, and some more sex…..! super self explanatory.No accidents, no tickets, no thieves.Good riding weather, friends and times.Less crowded Daytona and Sturgis (while at it real prices for food, hotelsand stuff)Being able to cruise Main Street without taking an hour, full of mag photoguys and good looking chicks with big boobs waving.Getting your mug in any of the magazines.Getting your bike in any of the magazines.And finding that old barn bike for less than a thousandbucks………..while having them in your pocket…

Good luck and Saludos from the Caribbean……Jose

WARNING– I don’t normally pass along these warnings and alerts, but this one sounds serious. I hope you’ll read it and pass it along to all of your female friends. We can’t be too careful!

–Darcy Betlach

WARNING !!!!! If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your tits, DO NOT show him your tits. This is a scam and he is only trying to see your tits.

QUANTUM REPORT–COULD BE A FINAL CHAPTER–On December 15th 2000 I attended the Bankruptcy Hearing for AmericanQuantum Motorcycle of Melbourne Florida in the United States BankruptcyCourt in Orlando Florida. On that date they changed the Status of Court Case 0008472-Ob1 from Chapter11 to Chapter 7

Any one who has a claim against Quantum should contact the court and submitit. Employees being owed back pay should use form B10 (Official Form 10)(4/98) The next scheduled court date is December 27th in Orlando.

RHOUSE CREW–This ship of fools is gettin’closer to heading out on our first cruise:)We might have ta leave port without Flag onboard? Jim Buck can dig allthat Navy talk; for y’all, it means: even on my “chopper’puter” I getthe “blinkin’logo” of Roadhouse. So, low-end viewers will be able to hitour pages. And Magic Bob/Lil’Kat(my kids)have just got’a new house in thehills ta move to, before Christmas. But, we have LadyGrace to skipperthis E-vessel.

Y’all are “plank-owners”, or like in the gangs, CharterMembers. That & $3, will get ya’a cup’a coffee at Starbucks:)But we’re not on this ride for the money; not yet; right? So, work withLG, your editor, RoadHouseWench@aol.com; get her your bio/photo & firstarticle. She/we work office hours, Tues/Wed/Thru. Y’all are on the job24/7. Don’t stress; all that means is: try ta get’a local run once/mo &if ya want’a cover more stuff, or write shit, feel free. But find theshit the big bike mags won’t cover. Write like you’re just talkin’in’abar. We will have a “Turn Out Room”; if ya got’a bitch, or want’a goofon’a other staffmember; rip on! It won’t sink this ship & might be funfor our(hopefull)viewers.

–Ride On! Wino Joe,USAI’m off ta party with “Lucky” The Redhead; I might “get” lucky:)WJUSA

CHRISTMAS MORNING RIDEIf you live in the L.A. area and don’t have anything going on Christmas morning, I’m having a short Breakfast ride from the Bikernet Headquarters to the Queen Mary for Breakfast. Call (310) 521-9900 for directions or info.We’re thinking about making it a tradition for us homeless, penniless, family-less, Santa-less bikers. Or if you’ve had just about enough Christmas Humbug and want to escape for a few hours, before the relatives arrive.

SANTA SINGS THE BLUES–

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have good mind to scrap the whole works.

I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear.

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes – if that ain’t damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money.

And the kids these days – they all are the pits,
They want the impossible …Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads.

I made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for them,
They want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM!

Flying through the air…dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.

I’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoyment,
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There’s no Christmas this year…now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde.. I’m going SOUTH for the season!!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho

Hey! BLACK MAGIC TATTOOS & ART HAS MOVED TO:Tattoo_You_Gypsy@yahoo.comfeel free to write or send photo’s or comments to the new addy.If you’re in the NW Washington area and want a quality tattoo call (425)344-3103 for an appointment! Gypsy

CENTURY MOTORCYCLES CHRISTMAS PARTY–Here’s a couple of images of the bash at one of the oldest bike shops in the country. That’s Cindy R. the owner there smiling as bikers from all over the South Bay devour her chow. Watch for the interview with Cindy in an upcoming interview in Hot Rod Bikes magazine. She has a story to tell. Actually more than one.

SUMMARY AS OF: 2/24/2000–Introduced.Handgun Safety and Registration Act of 2000 – Amends chapter 53 (MachineGuns, Destructive Devices, and Certain OtherFirearms) of the Internal Revenue Code to, among other things: (1) requirethe registration of handguns in the National FirearmsRegistration and Transfer Record; (2) provide for the sharing ofregistration information with Federal, State and local lawenforcement agencies; and (3) provide for the imposition of the five dollartransfer tax on handguns and a $50 tax upon themaking of each handgun.

PLEASE READ THIS, IT’S IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS WHO GO CLUBS OR BARS ANDDRINK– Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl.Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Andgirlfriends, take heed.

There is a new drug called beer, that is essentially in liquid form. Thedrug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convincetheir male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is thatbeeris available virtually anywhere!

All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply askthe guy home for no-strings attached sex. Men are literally renderedhelplessagainst such attacks. Please! Forward this to everyone you know…

BUELL REPORT–Be sure to check out Barrie Gerolamy. Excellent H-D head porter for allyears. Is also working on porting H-D and Buell throttle bodies.Also Tilley H-D out my way. But he is pretty busy getting ready for the racing season this year.Later, Paul

COAST TO COAST BIKER NEWS–By BILL BISH, National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM)

MINNESOTA A.I.M. ATTORNEY WINS RULING AGAINST GANG STRIKE FORCE In whatis believed to be the first time bikers have successfully gone head to headwith the Minnesota Gang Strike Force, the Law Offices of Stephen R. O’Briensucceeded in obtaining judgment in favor of Michael Kanne and the MinnesotaMotorcycle Club Coalition (Confederation of Clubs).Kanne and the MMCC sued the strike force on October 5, calling a searchthis summer at Kanne’s St. Cloud apartment illegal. Kanne, a member of theChristian motorcycle club Bond Slaves, is Secretary for the MMCC and has nocriminal record.

Seized were various items of personal property as well asthree computers, dozens of disks and tapes, club mailing lists and otheritems belonging to the Coalition.Kanne’s lawyer, Minnesota Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) attorneyStephen R. O’Brien filed a Notice of Motion and Motion for the return of allproperty and the unsealing of the supporting affidavit, the document whichjustifies the signing of the search warrant.”By refusing to divulge the supporting affidavits, the government hasshown no justification for the search,” according to O’Brien, who has servedas legal counsel for the MMCC since its inception.At a hearing on November 9, 2000, Judge Bernard Boland ruled in favor ofMr. Kanne and the Minnesota Motorcycle Club Coalition, immediately orderingthe return of all property seized during the search. The judge also ruledthat the supporting affidavit justifying the search warrant had to bedisclosed. This may enable O’Brien to bring a 1983 Federal lawsuit againstthe Minnesota Gang Strike Force.O’Brien recently sued a Crystal, Minnesota bar for refusing service to abiker, and was awarded a $720.00 judgment in what is thought to be the firstlegal test of Minnesota’s newly enacted Equal Access bikeranti-discrimination law.Once again he has gotten a ruling which favors Minnesota bikers, and forhis tremendous efforts over the years Stephen R. O’Brien was selected by theNational Coalition of Motorcyclists board of directors to receive the NCOMSilver Spoke Award for Legal at next year’s NCOM Convention in Orlando.

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BIKER BASH

In long beach Superbowl Sunday, and here’s your invitation:You can download the invitation here.

MASSACHUSETTS CONSIDERS ”NELLY’S BILL” A bill to put ”motorcycleawareness” programs in the high school and private driver education trainingclasses has been filed by State Representative Bradford Hill, reports the MMAof Massachusetts.”It will be referred to as ‘Nelly’s Bill,’ in memory of Nelson Selig,Sr.,” announced Representative Hill.Selig, a 38 year old father of two from Ipswich was killed earlier thisyear while riding his motorcycle when a teenage driver crossed the centerline and hit his motorcycle head on.”With this bill we hope to bring greater awareness of the more than100,000 motorcycles on the roads of the Commonwealth each year,” said Hill,”and prevent some senseless tragedies.”Rep. Hill continued, ”according to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, over177,400 teenagers are currently licensed. In the formal driver trainingschools, no mention is made of motorcycles on the road. This bill wouldrequire about two hours of motorcycle awareness programs.””Even for experienced drivers, motorcycles are difficult to see if we’renot looking for them. Their speed is tough to judge. It’s time we recognizethey are on the roads, and we promote more ‘awareness’ and everyone ‘checkingtwice,’ looking out for them during the season,” said Hill.

A CHILD ON THE BACK OF A MOTORCYCLE: FUN OR FOLLY? In an October 23column in the Washington Post, a horrified woman told of seeing a small childhanging on to a man’s coattails as a motorcycle sped up the interstate at 70mph.Apparently the article prompted numerous responses, including this one:”Dear Dr. Gridlock: After reading your letter regarding the child on theback of the motorcycle, Maryland Delegate Jean Cryor (R-Montgomery) haspre-filed a bill for the 2001 legislative session that would prohibit a childunder the age of 12 from riding on the back of a motorcycle.”

RIOT SQUAD USES TEAR GAS ON STUFFED TOYS Police have ruined 700 toys dueto be given out to needy children on Christmas, by covering them with teargas during training.ABC News reported that officers in Clarksville, Tennessee, who weretaking part in a tactical exercise, rolled a canister of tear gas into thewarehouse that was storing the gifts, which were collected and donated by theBikers Who Care group.They thought the chemical would harmlessly disperse into the air, but itsettled on the toys instead, making them unsafe.All attempts to save the collection failed, and police worked with alocal toy shop to replace the gifts.

SENATOR CAMPBELL TRADES HARLEY FOR MACK TRUCK U.S. Senator BenNighthorse Campbell did most of the driving of the Mack truck that hauled thenation’s Holiday Tree from his home state of Colorado to the U.S. Capitol inWashington, D.C. Campbell, well known for riding his Harley-Davidson andspeaking out for bikers’ rights in Congress, has a Commercial Driver’sLicense and practiced his driving by transporting various tractor-trailerloads for several companies acr oss Colorado.

GERMAN TEEN CAUGHT IN 75MPH MOPED DASH A teenager who spent all his timesouping up his moped has been caught by the police on his first drive throughtown after reaching 75mph. The 15-year-old German boy had spent all hismoney and most of his time working on the moped and had managed to power themachine up to more than 70mph. In a dash through his hometown of Leverkusen,the schoolboy reached 75mph before being stopped by police who say he wasdoing thre e times the speed limit, as well as making a huge noise.He claimed that the speedometer only went up to 40mph and he had no ideahe was going so fast.From STEVE GARCIA’S ”Stuff”, ABATE OF CALIFORNIA

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JAPANESE TV STATION SUED FOR STAGING BIKER RAMPAGE An imprisonedmotorcycle gang leader filed a 23 million yen damages suit against an OsakaTV station on December 1, claiming he was sent to prison for a recklessdriving incident that was staged for a program by the broadcaster.The 22-year-old man filed the suit with the Osaka District Court againstTV Osaka Co., the program’s director and others, claiming he was convicted ofviolating the Road Traffic Law because he organized and took part in thenighttime biker rampage in summer 1999 at the request of the director.Lawyers representing the plaintiff claimed he is serving a prison termbecause he had found the request very difficult to refuse.The lawyers also said TV Osaka violated ethics and rights-protectionrules of the National Association of Commercial Broadcasters by shooting aprogram that covered ”a crime whose scale and time were prearranged.”According to the suit, the motorcycle gang leader, who was notidentified, was asked by the unnamed director to arrange a group ride in Julyand August 1999 that would be covered by the TV crew.The man, who was on probation at the time for an earlier reckless drivingconviction, accepted the request despite misgivings and asked anothermotorcycle gang to take part, according to the suit.The TV crew shot the cyclists’ wild and noisy nighttime jaunt, in whichthe plaintiff took part, in August 1999 and broadcasted it the followingmonth. The man was later arrested and received a four-month prison term inMay. He is still in jail because his probation on the previous conviction wasrevoked.Police also turned over to prosecutors their case against the TVdirector, alleging that the director encouraged the bikers to violate thetraffic law, but the Osaka District Public Prosecutor’s Office decided not tofile charges.THE JAPAN TIMES

WILLPOWER DRIVES ARMLESS THAI MECHANIC Gontong Puntaeng was born withjust small stumps for arms, but if you need your motorbike fixed he comeswell recommended.The largely self-trained Gontong has fixed hundreds of motorbikes withhis feet in the past 10 years in Thailand. Before that, he spent five yearsrepairing bicycles.”After several years of carefree youth, I quit wasting time and decidedto get a job by training myself to fix pushbikes,” the 37-year-old mechanictold REUTERS reporter Nopporn Wong-Anan from his grease-flooded workshop inSuphanburi province, 120 km (75 miles) northwest of Bangkok.His garage shop is a tin-roofed one-story shelter in which half the spaceis taken up as a living area for Gontong and his family.”I turned to repair motorcycles because I thought it would give me moremoney.”Gontong has perfected the use of his feet to tighten even small screws oruse an electric saw without assistance.He says he learned his trade from scratch but was helped by a 10-daytutorial on mechanics run by a government-run vocational center.”I once disassembled almost every part of a motorcycle and put them backtogether.”His monthly earnings are not large, even by Thai standards, but enough tolook after himself and his mother.` ”There have been good and bad days, but on average I make around 1,500baht ($40) a month,” he said.Handicapped and disabled people in Thailand usually get no specialfinancial support from the government, although some go to special stateschools.Many handicapped people live with and are supported by their parents,while others end up selling government lottery tickets or begging in thestreet.Gontong said his appearance sometimes deters potential customers atfirst.”The first time people see me and how I look…they don’t believe Icould do the job,” Gontong said while taking apart a metre-long plasticcover from a scooter frame with his toes.”But when they see me working they have confidence that I can fixthings, and many people from neighboring areas have started to bring theirbikes to me as well.”But Gontong doesn’t just fix motorcycles — he also rides one.He has a scooter which he modified to allow him to control theaccelerator with his foot. He uses strings attached from the stumps of hisarms to the handlebars to steer the scooter.If he needs spare parts, he can ride off on his scooter to buy them inperson.He won three certificates from Thailand’s Labour Ministry four years agofor his skill at repairing bikes and his ability to teach others.Gontong says he has no interest in taking up sport and competing in thenext paralympics.”But if there was a motorbike feet-fixing competition, I am sure I couldwin,” he said with a smile.Gontong says he is proud of what he does.”Sometimes I feel discouraged and depressed, but when I think of myselfagain, I am proud to be able to perform my work and to see that many peoplerespect what I do,” he said.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: ”The world is a dangerous place to live; notbecause of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t doanything about it.” –Albert Einstein

BUSH WINS ELECTION… He and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House. Cheney orders the “Heart-Healthy” salad.

Bush leans over to the waitress and says”Honey, could I have a quickie?”

She’s horrified! She says, “Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and i’m sorry I voted for you,” and she marches off.

Cheney leans over and says “George, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE

AUSTIN/BLEU BAYOU H-D RACING SIGNS SZOKE FOR 2001 SEASON–Austin/Bleu Bayou Racing has signedCanadian Superbike runner-up Jordan Szoke to ride the team?s Harley-DavidsonVR1000 for a one-year contract, covering the 2001 AMA Superbike season. Thepast year saw Jordan on the Canadian Superbike podium five times in sevenoutings, with four wins. The team, formerly known as Bell County/Bleu BayouH-D Racing, has also received a boost with the addition of AustinHarley-Davidson as a primary sponsor. Effective immediately, the team willbe called Austin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing.

In addition to rider and sponsor changes for the upcoming season,Austin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing and Harley-Davidson Motor Company have agreedto collaborate on their AMA Superbike efforts for 2001, with the MotorCompany providing VR1000 privateer bikes and technical support toAustin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing.

Austin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing is a motorcycle roadracing team thatparticipates in the AMA Chevy Trucks U.S. Superbike Championship, thehighest level of professional motorcycle roadracing in the U.S. Teamheadquarters are located in Temple, Texas. For additional information onAustin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing, call Scott Brooks at (254) 773-3365.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON? VELO GLIDE–There’s an old Harley? saying: “If I had to explain, you wouldn’t understand”. The same is true for the Harley-Davidson Velo Glide. What do you see when you look at the Velo Glide? Sure, it’s a bicycle, but if that’s all you see take a closer look. The Velo Glide is pure Harley-Davidson. It’s not about getting from Point A to Point B the fastest or the most economically. The Velo Glide makes a statement and it does it with style. It just feels right, even if you can’t explain why. Stand back and your appreciation grows. Your expectations are exceeded. There’s definitely more here than meets the eye. But, then again, they aren’t for everyone.

TWO ALIENS– landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station.They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pumps of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response.

The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I’ll fire!”

The other alien shouted to his comrade, “No, you don’t want to make him mad!” But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, “What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?”

The other alien answered, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don’t mess with him.”

SAMSON EXHAUST–Just after the first of the year we will be highlighting Samson Exhaust, a sponsor of Bikernet, and exhaust pipe technology. Watch for it. Since pipes are as critical to tuning as your carb, we plan to get to the bottom of the mystery, and bring the data directly to you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & Ho Ho Ho! I was sitting in my offic humming Christmas carols when Bandit dropped by with my Christmas bonus. The platter of bagels on my desk was growing stale and dry after the morning holiday festivities, but I had been too caught up in the day’s business to attend to its removal. The cream cheese was congealing and had taken on the appearance of a pile of melted ice cream. Cleaning up the mess was the first thing I’d get too after Bandit left.

“Sundance, the bike show is one of our visitor’s favorite new areas. You and the Digital Gangster have really created a great feature”, he started. “We want to promote the bike show as much as we can, so I’ve committed you to riding in nine toy runs between now and Christmas.”

Bandit beamed at me like a man who had just received a gift certificate to a Las Vegas bordello, and I cringed. My holiday schedule was already tight, and I would never be able to make all of Bandit’s events in a few short weeks.

“Bandit, you know we have the reps from Chrome Specialties coming to visit this week. We’re doing the town, and I’m greasing the skids for the 2001 contract. My dog is still at the vet, and I have to fly out of here on Wednesday to get to Chicago for Christmas. When exactly do you think I will fit all of these toy runs into my schedule?” I was having a hard time keeping the irritation out of my voice.

“Come on Sundance, what’s one or two extra toy runs? You can handle it. By the way, here is your Christmas bonus. Santa is getting you a new Daytec frame this year. Ho Ho Ho!” He turned on his heel and disappeared chuckling down the hall. “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout…”

I considered using the cream cheese spoon as a mini catapult to jetison the contents of the container toward the receding back of the jolly old elf, but the thought of cleaning up the mess later stayed my hand.

Nine toy runs! How was I going to manage it? The only answer was the great team we have here at BikerNet. I would have to call on my colleagues.

First I figured out which toy runs were scheduled after Wednesday. Even Bandit would have to admit that I couldn’t be in two places at once! That calculation dropped my dilemna down to five toy runs. OK, five might be manageable. I called Sin Wu and asked her to drop what she was doing to head to the toy store for me. “I need five great toys. Oh, and pick up four more for us to send to the toy runs I can’t ride in, OK?” As always, Sin Wu knew just what I needed and came back looking like a tall, sleak version of one of Santa’s elves.

Next I checked on times and locations, called each of the organizers for details, and started calling in favors from the rest of the staff. Agent Zebra was in town for the holidays, and he owed me big time. Luckily, it didn’t take much arm twisting to get him to take my place at toy run #1. “You know I’m happy to do anything I can for the kids.” The Digital Gangster was just as helpful with toy run #2 in Kent, Washington. Needless to say, by the end of the week, all of the BikerNet staff had made it to a fun and worthy toy run, and me, well, I made my plane.

I hope those toys will really make some child’s Christmas a little merrier this year, and the stale bagels reminded me to make my annual donation to the Harvest Food bank for the homeless.

The BikerNet staff is a great team! Everybody pitches in when someone needs a hand. They love to ride, and they live to make people happy through their riding and the tales of their experiences.

And Bandit, well, he was happy to see everything work out so smoothly. He called me on the air phone. “Sundance, I probably shouldn’t have thrown all those toy runs at you just two weeks before Christmas, but thanks for covering them all. I won’t dump on your schedule like that again. Will you forgive me please?” “Of course”, I said. “Don’t worry about it. Have fun back at HQ with the girls, and I’ll see you after the first of the year. Merry Christmas, Bandit!”

I smiled as I snuggled down in my seat – my eyes growing heavier and heavier, the drone of the airplane engine lulling me to sleep. “Yep, together we are the strongest biker team on the internet.” As I drifted off, I noticed snowflakes out the window. “I’m so lucky to work with these guys…. hmmmm,looks like a white Christmas this year.”

–Love ya! Sundance

New from the Outlaw Motorcycle Company:

Inspired by the latest aftermarket motorcyle wheel designs, these CNCMachined, Billet Aluminum yo-yo’s are one of a kind! They are beautifullystyled and machined and also play smooth as silk. The axel is made of aprecision ball bearing that is pressed onto a stainless steel stud andfitted into a rolled threaded axel hole. This design eliminates wobbleand was designed for VERY long sleep times (one minute sleep is easilyachieved.)

The engineered body gap and taper make for one big time responsive yo-yo. We also provide shims to optimize the body gap and changethe return characteristics so beginners and experts alike can set it up fortheir own personal tastes.

Hard anodized brilliant red on one side, silver finish on the other. The two-tone look is STRIKING! You are never to old for one of these. Theymake fantastic gifts and are great conversation pieces. Everyone fromthe guy who just wants one to put on his desk or hang in his shop, to theserious yo-yo geek (that’s us……) will treasure these!

Each one is serialized and available in limited quantities just in timefor Christmas.A collectors item for sure. These promise to be a favoritefor all who own them. The photo doesn’t do it justice. You HAVE tohold one to truly appreciate the beauty, styling, and precision engineeringin this piece.

Theyare available for secure online ordering in the gift shop here.

MERRY CHRISTMAS–That’s it, there’s more Christmas shopping to do, and Sin Wu is standing over me peeling out of her threads as if it was Christmas morning. There’s a new Panhead tech up on installing dual Mikunis. More fiction has crept into the odessy file. Watch for the ultimate tech tip. It’s one you’ll read over and over. It’s our Christmas gift to all who know how to have a good time.

Let’s Ride, Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–STAFF THREATENS WALKOUT ON THE 15THHey,

I’m innocent, I tell ya. The Union of Pixels and Bytes, Local #352 has threatened to shut the doors on the vast Bikernet empire and walk out on the 15th. Management is due to meet with union representatives this afternoon, and after the news we hope to report on the outcome. It’s a dicey situation here at the headquarters and the girls suspect that Agent Zebra may have connections with the union bosses. Shots were fired earlier, but let’s turn to the footage of last night’s orgy.

It all started innocently enough. The temps were hitting record-breaking lows in the 40s in San Pedro as the sun dipped behind the Palos Verdes Peninsula and we finished another hard day’s work interviewing Ron Finch, famous Detroit bike builder. In fact, the day before the interview for Hot Rod Bikes, Finch closed his shop because of a driving snow storm in his region that prevented the metal working freak from reaching his shop. Snake slithered out of the headquarters and went to the bar up the street and Renegade waited for something to happen, bitching all the way. Hell, we actually had a couple of hours free time. The Blue Flame was in excellent condition for a ride, as was the blacked out Buell. But stepping into the cold sent chickenshit shivers up our spines and we decided since some of the brothers had a meeting with Vince at the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach for the Superbowl arrangements, we decided to finish last-minute adjustments on the dual-carbed Panhead.

We always send Renegade to negotiate for us. He hates everything and generally doesn’t want to buy a damn thing, so he’ll walk away from any deal. “Who needs another fuckin’ party anyway? Waste of fucking money,” he said, pulling his rat bike into the street. I started to synchronize the carbs but my hands chilled and the garage wasn’t comfortable for wrenching. Then Sin showed up at the door with a heater and a tumbler of Jack. I took a swig of the harsh but warming liquid as Wrench suddenly decided to pack it in for the day and scooted out of the shop. The heater buzzed to life and the little wires turned cherry red when Sin stood over the vibrating unit. She’s tall and slender with supple hips and robust boobs with nipples as sensitive as a hair trigger. At first, I sipped the Jack, kissed her gently on the mouth and went back to wrenching. I brought up some inane bullshit about sending out Christmas cards and such, but she didn’t respond, so I looked over my shoulder in her direction and noticed that she was standing with her legs apart over the heater wearing a long trench coat. As I looked at her perfectly shaped calves and my mind followed the waves of radiating heat up her thighs, the coat parted slightly and I yearned.

She was completely nude under the thick overcoat and as the heat filled the satin-soft cavity hidden by the coat, she opened it some more. Needless to say, I put the tools down and spun to fill my focus with lust as the coat fell open. We better get to the news:

In memory of our Bikernet mascot, who was accidentally killed when the Digital Gangster brawled with theBikernet staff during the last revolt. You can read about the incident here in the archives.

NEW FROM OUTLAW MOTORCYCLE COMPANY–

Inspired by the latest aftermarket motorcyle wheel designs, these CNCmachined, billet aluminum yo-yo’s are one of a kind! They are beautifullystyled and machined and also play smooth as silk. The axel is made of aprecision ball bearing that is pressed onto a stainless steel stud andfitted into a rolled threaded axel hole. This design eliminates wobbleand was designed for very long sleep times (one minute sleep is easilyachieved).

The engineered body gap and taper make for one big time- responsive yo-yo. We also provide shims to optimize the body gap and changethe return characteristics so beginners and experts alike can set it up fortheir own personal tastes.

Hard anodized brilliant red on one side, silver finish on the other. The two-tone look is striking. You are never too old for one of these. Theymake fantastic gifts and are great conversation pieces. Everyone fromthe guy who just wants one to put on his desk or hang it in his shop, to theserious yo-yo geek (that’s us……) will treasure these.

Each one is serialized and available in limited quantities just in timefor Christmas.A collectors item for sure. These promise to be a favoritefor all who own them. The photos don’t do them justice. You musthold one to truly appreciate the beauty, styling and precision engineering.

Theyare available for secure online ordering in the gift shop here at Bikernet.

BANDIT DEAR–This gal’s really talented. Are you aware of her work?She should be the feature character in your book o’ luv.

For all you northeast Ohio folks, she will be at Western Reserve Harley-Davidson, on Tyler Road in Mentor, in December— Have a great winter!

–Melissa Harris

BIKERNET READER APPRECIATION SUPERBOWL PARTY PLANS CONTINUE IN DOWNTOWN LONG BEACH AT THE BLUE CAFE–You must watch the game anyway. It’s the law. You might as well enjoy the three bands, killer munchies, pristine pool tables and women while you’re doing you civic duty. There will be Orwell novels on hand, door prizes and hungry women. So mark your calendar, etch it into your Day Runner, type it into your database and put a Post-it on the refridge. Hell, Ray Russell from Australia is threatening to fly over. It’s Jan. 28 on the Promenade in Long Beach, and you can park your bikes directly in front of the joint. What could be more perfect?

G’day Mate, Were you able to download the Harley “Velo Glide” pic? What are the dates for the Superbowl bash? I would like to attend. Please note that we in Australia do not recognize your so- called game of football for you only throw the fucking thing! Whilst in Portland last year, the “Chucker” Superbowl was on and I had a great time with the local natives.

See Ya, Ray

MYRTLE BEACH SPRING RALLY, MAY 12-20– Over 150,000 motorcycle maniacs are expected in Myrtle Beach for the 61st Annual Spring Bike Rally, making this rally the largest single Harley rally in the Carolinas. After 60 years of tearing the town apart, Myrtle Beach businesses and community leaders are finally giving the riders the credit and respect they deserve–or else. More rally events are being planned and hosted by biker-friendly local businesses than ever before. One of the riders who attended last year was the most decent, hard working, responsible and caring person you would ever hope to meet. The rest were nuts. So join in on the insanity. For real, no-bullshit information (like this) on vending space, poker runs, tours or general information, contact: Sonny@MyrtleBeachBikeWeek.com or call (336) 643-1367.

IF ABBY WAS A GUY–

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, sohe goes for the next best thing–your sister. Far from being an issue, thiscan bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved?If you are still apprehensive, then let him be with your relatives, buy hima nice expensive present and cook him a nice meal, and don’t mention thisaspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories perspoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure and gives a greatglow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you toperform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremelypainful for a man. This shows he loves you. Buy him a nice present, cookhim a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The manis a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far frombeing pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and toget back to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional and happythe man is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do is buyhim a nice expensive present and cook him nice meal and don’t mention thisaspect of his behavior.

BARTEL’S HARLEY-DAVIDSON CHRISTMAS SALE–Bartel’s is offering 20 percent off hats and caps, 20-40 percent off kid’s clothing, 50 percent off holiday giftware and 50 percent off all collectibles. And while you’re there, go see Brenda Fox, Miss Bikernet 2000, who will also be attending the Superbowl bash at the Blue Cafe. Shit, I just noticed that this is a one-day sale, Dec. 18 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

FAMOUS VALDEZ SPANISH GUITAR TO BE GIVEN AWAY AT BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BLUES BASH–OK, here’s the deal. I’ve played guitar longer than I’ve been drawing. Ido okay. It’s a real great hobby of mine. Lately I have developed aproblem with my left wrist (the tendons). It is caused from overuse/playing my music. I have three guitars. One of them gives my wrist moretrouble than the other two combined. I love this guitar, but what’s apoor boy ta do?

It’s a Mexican Fender telecaster with a Dimarzio custom pickup in her. Iput it in myself and there are a couple of tiny little fuck-ups aroundthe pickup where I installed. No big deal (a custom jon butcher job).Over all, she’s a great playing/looking axe. I have not decided yet, butI’m thinking of some slob winning it at the party. Possibly have someonetake some pictures of it and slap it on the news telling of the giveaway.

–Juan Valdez Towle

EASYRIDERS OF DALLAS CARRIES ORWELL– You need to order Orwell soon to receive copies before Christmas, but if you’re near Dallas, Albuquerque, San Diego or Phoenix, Orwell is available in fine Easyriders stores and Cycle Vision in San Diego. Check ’em out and their specials for Christmas.

RENO STREET VIBRATIONS IS COMING– Sept. 19-23. Check the shit on this event at www.road-shows.com.

BIKERNET RESEARCH AND TESTING LAB–We have several tech articles heading your way from the Top Secret Bikernet Testing Labortories, brought to you through grants from the Pasadena Art Center of Bad Welders and the Howard Hughes Foundation for the Ill Prepared. We have assigned a crack cub reporter to report back on several build-a-bike chassis kits. We’re going to analyze fitment, component quality and price from Mid USA, Custom Chrome and Bikers’ Choice, and compare the discount kits to what it would cost to put together a Jesse James or Paul Yaffe rolling chassis.

We are going to sneak into the heads and shops of some of the finest speed freaks in the country for their formula for porting, polishing, flowing Evolution and Twin Cam heads.

We plan to work with ABUS to test motorcycle locking systems, chains, padlocks and rotor locks. We’ll break out the freon, hacksaws and bolt cutters and find out what holds, slows down and irritates the shit out of bike thieves.

Here’s one of our on-going tests. This had to do with powerful dog training and restraint tinsel strength. See for yourself.Download it Here.

TITAN AUCTIONS BIKES AT TITAN OF ATLANTA– ’99 Geckos and Sidewinders will be rolling out for $17,000 to $20,000. Model 2000 Phoenix units will sell for $15,000 and $16,000. Each one will receive a useless four-year, unlimited mileage warranty and new MSOs. These scoots will be sold Dec. 12 at Florida Auto Auction of Orlando. To register, call (407) 656-6200. For additional details, call Dave Sullivan at (678) 393-8550. These bikes WILL be sold to the highest bidder! Don’t miss out.

TWO VAMPIRES– wanted to go out to eat, but were having troubledeciding where to go. They were tired of the food in Transylvania and wantedsomething more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italybecause they had heard Italian food was really good. So off they went and ended up in Venice.

On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited fordinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way.Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the bodies intothe canal below.

The vampires were pleased with their first meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first …sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

The vampires are now ready to have dessert. In a short while a third youngcouple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people weretossed over the rail into the canal. The vampires decided it was time to head back home.

As they started to walk away, they heard singing. They were puzzled becauseno one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that the singing was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang…(are you ready for this).

“Drained Wops keep fallin’ on my head …”

–Geno, The Horse Magazine

BLM PUBLISHES DRAFT NATIONAL OFF-HIGHWAY VEHICLE STRATEGY (COULD IMPACT BONNEVILLE RACING)–The Bureau of Land Management today released a Draft National Off-Highway Vehicle Management Strategy that is intended to promote environmentally sound Off-Highway Vehicle (OHV) use on BLM-managed public lands. The Draft Strategy, which reflects extensive public input, is now available for a 30-day public comment period that begins today and runs until Jan. 3.

“This Draft Strategy is aimed at recognizing the interests of OHV users while protecting environmentally sensitive areas on the public lands,” said Henri Bisson, the BLM’s Assistant Director for Renewable Resources and Planning. “It also seeks to focus the agency’s scarce funding and staffing resources on OHV management rather than on OHV-related litigation.”

Bisson added, “The BLM was very encouraged by the public’s participation and input at the 49 OHV ?listening’ meetings that we held this past summer. In addition, the public submitted nearly 5,000 written comments that 10 BLM specialists have been categorizing and analyzing since September. These comments have guided our agency in writing this Draft Strategy.”

The Draft Strategy offers management guidance and recommends numerous actions aimed at creating a local framework for reviewing and resolving OHV-related issues. These issues include current OHV designations; signs, maps, and other public information; existing OHV regulations; route inventory needs; OHV impacts on resources; road and trail design, maintenance, and restoration; management of Wilderness Study Areas; monitoring; education (both public outreach and staff training); law enforcement; and the BLM’s budgetary needs.

The Draft Strategy recognizes, consistent with the BLM’s existing policy, that Off-Road or Off-Highway Vehicle use is a legitimate activity on public lands wherever compatible with the Bureau’s resource management objectives and when in compliance with the Federal Land Policy and Management Act (FLPMA) of 1976. The Draft Strategy notes that under FLPMA, the BLM is required to manage the public lands in a way that accommodates multiple uses while protecting public land resources. “The BLM believes that this Strategy can provide guidance to promote the balance between these sometimes competing principles,” the 64-page document says.Any member of the public who submitted comments or signed in at an OHV “listening” meeting will receive by mail a copy of the Draft Strategy early this month. In addition, the BLM has posted the Draft Strategy on its Internet Home Page (http://www.blm.gov); paper copies of the document will be available from the Bureau’s State Offices and its Washington, D.C., Office by Dec. 8. Comments on the Draft Strategy should be submitted in writing by regular or electronic mail. The mailing address is: BLM OHV Strategy, U.S. Department of the Interior, Bureau of Land Management, 1849 C Street, N.W., Washington, D.C., 20240. Comments may be sent electronically by clicking on the OHV Strategy link on the BLM’s Home Page (http://www.blm.gov) or by sending e-mail comments to a BLM electronic address (ohv_comment_manager@blm.gov).

BIG DOG UNVEILS UPDATED WEBSITE–Big Dog, the leader in manufactured custom motorcycles, and the company that stands above the rest in customer service and warranty repairs, launched their new comprehensive Website (www.bigdogmotorcycles.com). The totally rebuilt site debuts the all-new 2001 model line-up, highlighting Big Dog’s 2001 Platinum Performance Series and 2001 Core Performance Series lines of motorcycles. Along with easier navigation, Big Dog has expanded the site to include complete information on their national dealer network, a full-line paint options section, real-time available factory inventory, comprehensive specifications and special event information. Nick Messner, the President of Big Dog, made some comment about the new site, but he slurred his words so badly, we couldn’t make it out. But he did say something about multimedia sections and downloadable owner’s manuals and expanded part sales in the future.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Just got back from Phoenix, Ariz., the first Bourget’s dealer meeting tookplace there last weekend. Some of the news is the new Website and a newmodel, which will come out pretty soon. Roger is buildingsome trick shit in the milling machine, including rocker covers, transcover, six-piston calipers, brake and clutch levers, etc. Also check outthe new BBW clothing line which is coming out soon.

We went to Myron’s Billet Bar to say hi, but he was not there. Also passedby Sonny Barger’s new shop, cool little shop, and pretty friendly HAs.Deano’s paint shop in Tempe was killer. We saw the latest in paint-relatedstuff and some pretty trick designs. Check his Websitewww.custompainting.com.

Hey Bandit, Roger and I are planning to join on the ride to Sturgis nextyear. Whadda you think?

Finally, Caribbean Custom Cycles is done, 801 Fernandez Juncos Ave., san Juan, PR 00907…..tel (787) 721-0633. We have all the stuff, cool custom bikes andT-shirts. If interested or coming by PR, give us a visit.

The new clothing line is already a reality, for chopper riders only (andwannabees), five of 15 designs are out. Call or write for a flyer.The official opening of Caribbean Custom Cycles 801 is Jan. 13. Roger Bourget will be there, maybe Bandit will too and sign somebooks. If around, come by and party some.

The 2nd Caribbean HOG Rally was a success. HOG members from New York,Chicago, Florida, Italy, Germany, St. Martin and the Dominican Republic joinedthe locals on a three-day ride accross the mountains and coast of Puerto Rico,all ending with a party at a local hotel in San Juan. More than 200 motorcyclistsattended.

Also, the HOG San Juan election took place Dec. 10. The new director isAlfredo Mere and vice director, as always, is Guti Qui?ones.Just got a flyer from the LAMA (Latin American Motorcycle Association) saying its 2001rally will take place in PR and then will take a ferry to the DominicanRepublic. It will be in April. They expect to do 2002 in Mexico and 2003 inCuba. Good luck!

A new Caribbean Custom Cycles has opened in Orlando Florida, at Deep SouthCycles. The shop will just carry custom bikes and Bourget’s since DeepSouth is well-stocked and service is excellent.

Christmas is almost here and I’m still dizzy from the Phoenixtrip. Now it’s time to get back to the shop and finish a 72 XL chopper Ipromised to my girlfriend.

It’s time to give thanks for all the lucky breaks we had over the year, andthanks for being able to ride one more day. Thanks for having a sunny 89-degree day while people are freezing their butts in the frigid north. Iwish everyone a happy holiday……….

–Jose

BLACK AND BLUE EYE FOGLESS GOGGLES–The Blu Eye goggle is designed to meet the demand for comfortable fog-free vision in all weather conditions. They offer cross-eyed eye protection and are as good looking as they are functional. They have a soft rubber frame for comfort and safety, and come with impact resistant polycarbonate lens with anti-fog coating. Interchangeable colored lenses to provide for a variety of light conditions. Adjustable clip and elastic strap for a secure fit. Lenses proved maximum UVA and UVB protection. Lenses are available in clear, mirrored clear, yellow, smoked and rose. They’re available from Custom Chrome or Arlen Ness.

NATIONAL AGENDA FOR MOTORCYCLE SAFETY RELEASED LAST WEEKEND– The 110-page document, compiled by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the manufacturer-sponsored Motorcycle Safety Foundation, did not suggest that any new regulations be imposed on manufacturers.

NHTSA Deputy Director Rosalyn Millman said the federal agency will use the report to guide future motorcycle safety policy. She pointed out that the number of motorcyclists wiped out last year was 2,472, an incease of 188 over 1998. Fatalities have sharply declined, however, in the last decade. In 1989, the number of dead was, 3,141.

The key topics of the study was the enhancement of rider education programs, programs to discourage the mixing of cycling with alcohol and drug use. and a program directed at motorists to make them more conscious of the presence of bikes.

“Helmets are the toughest issue,” said NHTSA spokesman Rae Tyson. “We had to recognize there are a number of different ways in addition to legislation of increasing helmet use. We are not saying that one is necessarily better than another.”

Here at Bikernet we are happy with any government document that doesn’t advocate new laws. That being said, the NHTSA Agenda did call for new studies, and you all know how we feel about studies performed by any government agency. The outcome seems to be known before any work on the study begins. We need to keep an eye on these guys.

Bikernet recently interviewed Rob Rasor the new President of the AMA who mentioned that due to the European Union and the influence of Europe on a global economy that we may be looking at horsepower restrictions, leg protectors and manditory clothing standards in the future. Stay involved! Join your local motorcycle rights organization.

BEST LINE–Best line I have heard about this election mess:”One day you’re the pigeon. The next you’re the statue”

Says a lot about life in general!

–Becky Segal

STEED BRAND AWARDED PATENT–Alternative American musclebike manufacturer, Surgical-Steeds Classic American Motorcycles Inc., was awarded Patent No. 2,367,533 from the United States Patent and Trademark office this past July. The Steed “Brand” logo is used to identify official proprietary products offered by Surgical-Steeds. the registered trademark is used to distinquish each custom Steed Brand Motorcycle. The identifiable silhouette of the Steed Brand logo is emblazoned in their revolutionary Monoglide chassis, logo wheels, parts, accessories and apparel, which can be purchased online at surgicalsteeds.com or at indepandent Steed Dealers.

To celebrate the newly awarded patent, Surgical-steeds prominently outfitted a 2001 Steed Pegasus touring-cruiser motorcycle with the Steed Brand Theme. The “Brand” bike will be on display at dealer appearances, shows and events through 2001 to promote awareness of Steed branded products and accessories.

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Website at <http://www.ON-A-BIKE.com/>

From TheGUNNY’S SACK

OHIO: There are plenty of reasons to take a Motorcycle Ohio Safetycourse: polishing technique, increasing control, fun. The biggie isthat doing it could keep you among the living.

Starting Jan. 1, there’s one more reason. Graduates from MotorcycleOhio safety courses can take their certification directly to OBMV and obtaina motorcycle endorsement on their license. This is good news indeed. Now, ifwe could get all states to work that way, wouldn’t this make things mucheasier on everybody?

WASHINGTON D.C.: While President Clinton was in Viet Nam he made veryclear to the world that he is a motorcycle helmet advocate by encouraging theuse of the things for children in that country. I’m amazed that I am stillliving having ridden thousands of miles before helmets were considered adeterrent to motorcycle accidents.

NEW DELHI, INDIA: The sales of two-wheeled vehicles is mixed in thiscountry but motorcycle and moped sales are doing just fine with Honda in thelead. Scooter sales are down for some reason. I don’t understand it. I’d ride one if I owned one.

NEW DELHI AGAIN: Hero Honda is India’s largest motorcycle maker andright now they sell the 10-year-old CD series and the six-year-old”Splendour” model in the 100cc motorcycle segment. In the middle of 2001they plan a new model and later in the year there is even another coming outboth in the 100 cc range. The roads there won’t handle much more power thanthat. I was there in the 50’s and most rural roads were dirt.

WASHINGTON: Recently we have read that the FBI has tested a new beastof software called CARNIVORE that takes all privacy away from Internet usersand makes confidential information their baby to play with. This is scaryfolks. Privacy experts say they are worried about the breadth of Carnivore’scapability and questioned why the FBI even conducted such a test in June ifit intends to use the tool only for narrow purposes. Hopefully the courtswill step in and set VERY strict standards for this stuff.

EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT DIRECTIVE ALERT: I don’t think anyone with arestored classic car, or for that matter without a restored classic car,could be against protecting the environment. Highways littered withdiscarded plastic cups and other modern junk don’t improve the looks of thecountryside.

With these ideals in mind, the European Parliament based in Strasbourgpassed a law called (ELV) End of Life Vehicles. After vehicles pass acertain age they are to be scrapped and not recycled or restored as happensto many old cars. This law also affects MOTORCYCLES in many countries. Yousay, OH, IT’S JUST IN EUROPE!!

Don’t be smug simply because you, Mr. or Ms. Biker, don’t mess withold cars. Look around carefully at your next ride or rally and if you knowthe difference between the various models of Milwaukee Iron and othermachines, count the number of bikes that are over 20 years old. Harley-Davidson is well known as the most recyclable motorcycle in the worldand holds its value mainly because of that fact. Some Junker proposals haveincluded motorcycles.

VENICE BEACH, CALIF.: Here we go again folks. The Italian motor scooterVespa (built by Piaggio) is invading our shores again and starting inCalifornia, the land of the fad beginnings in this country.

Rising fuel prices, clogged freeways and smog might be a good reasonfor some of the rest of us to save a bag full of coin and get one of thesecute little critters for ourselves.

BRASILIA, BRASIL: China isn’t the only country that’s making hay whilethe sun shines when it comes to the motorcycle. Brazil’s exports ofmotorcycles rose to 51,404 units in the first 10 months of the year (2000), a94-percent increase over he same period of last year. I wish I could getthat kind of interest on my piggy bank.

SUPERMAN HELPS LIAM NEESON WALK AGAIN: CHRISTOPHER REEVE is helpingLIAM NEESON recover from a near fatal motorcycle crash. Neeson was ridinghis motorbike earlier this year when he slammed into a deer and shattered hisleg – and he’s still learning how to walk properly after the accident. After talking with Reeves on the phone, Neeson said, “He got my head in order.”

JAKARTA: If you buy a motorcycle in Indonesia, watch out. Seems moneyisn’t the only thing you can find that’s counterfeit. Apparently there arefake motorcycles being sold here under the guise of legitimate Chinesemanufacture. Hah! My boss Sam Hochberg likes odd bikes — we should findhim one of these scooters. It’s right up his alley.

NEW HAMPSHIRE: UPI has sent out a copyrighted story that says aUniversity of New Hampshire study blames that state’s lack of a helmet law asthe reason they have TWICE the national average of brain injuries in the”Live Free or Die” state (11% compared to 5% nationally, claims the report). I’d like to read that study — and I’d also like to know if maybe NH has aLOWER rate of broken necks in motorcycle accidents there — maybe they have aLOWER rate of paralyzed people. Maybe too, they have twice as many ridersout there enjoying their Freedom of the Road. I’d like to know ALL thosethings, before setting up New Hampshire’s freedom to ride as a target.

HANOI: When President Clinton was here in November, he gave a littletalk to the embassy people there. He teased his new ambassador, PetePeterson, because after Peterson was in the media rallying for his safetycampaign there, he was nailed by a TV crew riding a motorcycle without ahelmet! Maybe Pete Peterson has his heart in the right place.

GUNNY AGAIN: I keep telling folks that the best friends we have areour hard working AIM lawyers. That statement isn’t entirely true. The bestfriend we have is RIDER TRAINING. Our AIM folks are there for us when we areinvolved in accidents. Get the training first and then if you’re involved inan accident call (800) 531-2424 for your nearest AIM Attorney. Sam Hochbergin Oregon can be reached at (503) 224-1106 or if it’s a toll call use(800) 347-1106.

WORDS FROM RUSTY–Did You Know–The Internet was instrumental in putting Jesse Ventura in the governor’s mansion. He needs to be in the White House. It’s the only chance for big changes in government and he respects the individual rights of citizens and doesn’t agree with the “War on America”.

Did you know —the Bureau of Prisons budget in 1986 was $227 million. Now, 14 years later, the annual budget is $4.7 billion. Mandatory minimum sentences for drugs and illegal immigration are the prime factors increasing the prison population. Crime has not gone up during this period. In 1986, the federal government enacted the mandatory minimum sentencing laws with 28 new sentencing guidelines for drugs. Seventy percent of the 2 million inmates in this country are imprisoned for non-violent drug offenses.

Did You Know–We are the biggest prison-building nation in the world. To keep a few employed, we are imprisoning hundreds of thousands. There are 1.4 million imprisoned for drug offenses. It’s wrong, they know it, but it’s a big business for courts, law enforcement, prison guards, food suppliers, etc. They will never turn it around without being forced by the voters.

THE SUPREME COURT– The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C., this Christmas. This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in thenation’s capitol.

There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.

WINO JOE REPORTS–RHouse Crew, gotta get some sleep; off ta the Unknowns MC toy/poker runen la manana. BigT knows. I’ll give’m your respect pal. I might behavin’ problamas con mi ‘puter? I ain’t gettin’ “the whole picture” ofwhat is on “RHouse”? When I get back, or past thru San Jose(booty run) Iwill check with MagicBob. If y’all are out there this cold weekend, keeptha rubberside down.

–Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

LUCIFER ANNOUNCES LAUNCH OF SOULXCHANGE.COM– World’s first MarkLucifer announces launch of SoulXchange.com, world’s firstmarketplace for direct buying and selling of souls.

SoulXchange.com, thefirst and only online marketplace for the sale and purchase of humansouls, launches today at www.soulXchange.com.

Citing advantages over the bait and bribe method of soul acquisitionthat has been employed since the beginning of time, Lucifer referredto SoulXChange as “launching the underworld into the new age andreinventing the war between good and evil.”

“SoulXChange empowers the aggregation of not only more souls but higherquality souls at a higher ROI. This gives us a first-mover advantageover Heaven and what’s his name.”

The site introduces a revolutionary new technique for establishing soulvaluations. News and user-contributed stories help the site assessthe values of numerous soul attributes, ranging from profession tomarital status, which in turn determine the value of souls.

Users register their souls and based on the evaluation of that soul areassigned “SoulBucks.” SoulBucks are used to purchase the souls ofother users. Similar to the stock market, the logic is to buy low andsell high. Individuals with the top portfolios will have their soulreturned.

“SoulXchange is a unique synergy of frictionless user-centrice-processes and pure evil incarnate,” adds Lucifer.

QUANTUM UPDATE–I called the federal court today to verify Quantum’s next court date. I was informed by Adrian of Judge Briskman’s staff that it was continued until 3 p.m. Dec. 15 at the request of one of the attorneys.It will be on the 5th floor of 135 West Central Ave. in Orlando.The group I am going with will car pool and meet at WIDS Bar on Sarno Road at 1 p.m.All with an interest in this matter are urged to attend if you can.

–Rogue

NEEDED–for 1964 Panhead,left side handle bar with a right hand spiral (pulls toward rider) forspark advance.

–dan

THE AMERICAN AND THE AUSSIE– are in the Olympic Village in Sydney.The Australian is having his coffee, croissants, toast, butter & jam when an American man, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation. American : “You Australians eat the whole bread?”

Australian : “Of course”

American : (blowing a bubble with his gum) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia. Do ya eat jam with the bread?”

Australian : Of course!

American : (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to Australia.

Australian : “Do you have sex in America?”

American : (with a big smirk) “Of course we do” Australian : “And what do you do with the condoms?”

American : “Throw them away of course”

Australian : “We don’t. We put them in a container, recycle them,melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America”.

NEW BIKERNET COLUMN– I’ve got an idea for a funny column — Zebra’s Dating Tips. People write in their relationship problems and I give them wonderful solutions that lead to bliss.What do you think?

–Don Juan

ASPHALT COWBOY UPDATE–We don’t have shit to report. The option is in effect and the principles are clamoring to raise the funds to kick off production before the end of the year. We appreciate the interest in the film and the photos that keep rolling in. As soon as something pops, we’ll let you know.

Here’s the latest contribution from Tucker and Mama Hall, shot moments before they split for the Toys for Tots Ride in Santa Barbara, Dec. 3. Here’s what they had to say, “Hey Sleeze! Look at who’s the sleeziest?” LoveYouByeMiaAndMatt

DEAR TECH SUPPORT–Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticedthat the new program began making unexpected changes to the accountingmodules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that hadoperated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such asHot-sex 1.0 and Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.0simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.0 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

–Desperate Wife.

Dear Desperate Wife,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEand install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run theapplications:Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 todefault to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create “Snoring Loudly” wave files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. Theseare not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryand cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additionalsoftware to improve performance. Personally, we recommend HotFood 3.0,Lingerie 5.0 and FunSexToys 9.0.

–Tech Support

OH, GREAT ONE– I would think that the winner of the Great Chop-Off is obviously the Blue Flame and Bikernet West. Long bikes rule, especially when you consider that SA Zebra was given a head start on construction!

Besides, any one who must go to the great lengths that Zebra does in order to prove his sexual prowess, is surely sadly lacking in the “gear” department.

Please, put a stop to his childish whining and set him firmly in his place as a mere lackey to your sterling stewardship of the Bikernet community!

In closing, the following link will fully explain to those faithful readers who do not receive ample booty from that fat bastard Santa, http://www.funstun.com/christmas2.htm.

— Gunracer

SUCCESS–There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work,and learning from failure.

–Colin Powell

NEW PARTS LIST–
1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.00
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.00
1 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$350.00ea
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.00
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.00
2 Sturgis Front Rim Hubs Non Brake Side for Single Brake set-up$50.00ea
1Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.00
1Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with Brake Side Hub(needs Pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar Billet Rear BeltPulley $700.00
1 Attitude style Sturgis Billet Rear Belt Pulley$300.00
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275.00ea
2 American Quantum Billet Aluminum Anti-Reversionary Front Ends – Ready tobolt on. $700.00ea
5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500.00ea
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500.00ea
4 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200.00ea
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50.00set
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150.00set
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70.00ea
3 5-Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400.00ea
Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150.00ea
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30.00ea
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30.00ea
1Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100.00set
5 CCI 13-383 Russell Stainless Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00 ea
5 CCI 13-381 Russell Stailess Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00ea
1 CCI 09-880 Adjustable Rear Mini Shaker Floorboard Set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.00
1 Set (4) Custom Sumax Premium Pushrod Cover Kit For H.D.EVO $135.80Retail – $94.05 Dealer – $80.00 ROGUE
1 H-D 132 Tooth Rear Drive Belt # H.D. 40023-86 Fits 86 to present Softail.$165.95 Retail – $107.95 Dealer – $100.00 ROGUE
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75.00ea
10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75.00 $50.00ea10 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25.00ea50 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$ 8.10ea
50 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves Retail $11.03- Dealer $7.35$ 7.35ea
20 Feuling-Quantum Rocker Box Cover Gaskets w/Sealer built in$10.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum Inner Valve Springs $ 4.00ea
4 Feuling-Quantum Outer Valve Springs $ 5.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100.00set
10 Front Offset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25.00ea
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30.00ea
5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10.00ea
3Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30.00ea
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40.00ea
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50.00ea
1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.003 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.00
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.00
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.00
TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other Info e-mail info@sumax.com andask

Other stuff, such as seats, stainless lines and cables will be listed later. Iam still sorting parts.

4 Valve Parts Available Fully Assembled and ready to bolt on. Mail forprices and details

In the future please use the following addresses:rogue@bikerrogue.comrogue@cfl.rr.comMSN address will be disconnected

INDIANS RETREAT–Indian Motorcycle Co. in Gilroy, Calif., recently laid off 200 employees in an effort to position the company to go public. Even the original boss, Ray, was replaced to become a member of the founders board. Projection to sell 500 motorcyles a month have fallen behind and the company is reducing production to 350 bikes a month. The clone company still houses 500 employees and is struggling to make its bid for a public offering.

ESCAPE HATCH–There was a terrible crash outside the headquarters, and Sin and I jumped out of bed. It was the union leaders unloading the ranks from the back of a rusting school bus. Carrying placards and throwing empty beercans at the headquarters, they started chanting. “We’re outta here. It’s Christmas vacation, you slimy bastard!”

Then I remembered, they’re right. We’re taking a couple of weeks off over the holidays. Why? Because we can. Because you only have one life to live and ya better enjoy the motherfucker before it’s gone. So, is Bikernet going to go stale while the minutes pass as we slip dangerously close to the hour of the new millenium? Hell no! We’re about to launch two new segments of Vince and Chance that were previously published in The HORSE magazine. That series will ultimately become my next book, and the story is just beginning to take shape. We’ll also surprise you with Snake’s ultimate tech tip. If we can find Buck from HardTail magazine we’ll launch another bike feature and a new series of techs. Of course, if you order books, the shipping department will still be open for biz. Other than that, we’re not paying the bills, we’re sleeping in and riding our asses off right up until Christmas day. But next week, when you come for the news, you’ll be lucky if there’s not an image of a bottle of Jack, a set of spokes and a pair of Christmas panties. Make it a Christmas to remember. Let’s Ride–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–SANTA RIDES SHOVELHEAD DRUNK–GETS DUIHey,

It was another memorable weekend, beginning with Friday and some garage time. I repositioned the Joker Machine pegs on the marvelous mystical Blue Flame for a more comfortable ride. If you ever build a bike and want top-of-the-line billet components, try them. These pegs were designed with a 3-inch lip to form a footboard behind the peg for extra support. They put set screws on the interior edge of the milled pegs so you can adjust the angle of the pegs if your feet vibrate off.

Since I have a new Paul Yaffe updraft K&N air cleaner on the Mikuni carb, it sticks out farther, causing my long leg to wrap around it. So with 5/8-inch spacers, I moved the right-hand peg and brake assembly out for more comfort. Then I turned to the ’48 Pan. With the instructions for synchronizing the dual Mikuni carbs from Joe Minton of Mikuni America trying desperately to sink into my faltering memory, I went to work. Joe sent me a new set of jets, which I installed. Then I reassembled the carbs and installed them. This was the final adjustment phase in preparation for trial run.

That night the fog rolled in, a chill fell over the harbor and the candles burned bright in the Bikernet headquarters. Rumor had it that Agent Zebra had returned from the east. Sin Wu and I dimmed the lights in the headquarters and made private plans for our escape under the sheets.

Then the weekend started to heat up with more tinkering with the Panhead. I charged the battery and checked the oil. I took my bizarre handmade carb protectors off the carb and backed off on the idle adjusters until I knew that the throttles were closed. With two 6-inch segments of straight hanger rod, I stuck one under the lip and against the jets of both carbs to insure that the throttles were matched. Getting back from the carbs, I reached over the bike and turned the throttle. It was a static way to determine if the throttles were opening simultaneously. It worked. I adjusted the cables and the mid-range jet according to Joe. Then I wired a new Flanders high/low beam/horn switch from Century Motors in San Pedro, and kicked the bike to life. It was running lean and I adjusted the mid range until the carbs quit spitting, then began to turn in the idle adjusters in search of an idle, and watching my watch. Layla and I had a party to attend and time was running out. I also had a vintage gathering to attend the next day. I was hoping to ride the Pan. The Indian clock on the wall clicked as loudly as an air hammer as I started the Pan, hoped for a proper adjustment, killed it and tried again. Another deadline was looming, girls were waiting, whiskey was abundant. We better get to the news.

MAJOR CHANGES IN STORE FOR VR 1000 SUPERBIKE RACING PROGRAM–H-D Team Won’t Attend Upcoming Daytona Tire Test Due to Level of InternalActivity

Significant efforts are under way toimprove the Harley-Davidson VR 1000 Superbike racing program, said John Baker, director of racing. Due to the intensity of thoseefforts, the team will decline participation in the Dunlop tire test held atDaytona International Speedway beginning Dec. 11.

“The team will be ready for the start of the AMA season at Daytona in March,but not for the upcoming Dunlop tire tests,” said Baker. “When we finishedthe 2000 season, we had a choice to make: Would we move boldly ahead withthe intent of being one of the top teams in the AMA Superbike series, orwould we be satisfied with the status quo?

Harley-Davidson as a company haschosen to invest the resources necessary to develop the VR 1000 into acompetitive race bike in the AMA Superbike series. We’re in this to win.”

POSITION AVAILABLEIMMEDIATE JOB OPENING:Fat lady needed to travel to Florida and sing.

THE WORRIED GUN OWNER–This is VERY important. It concerns a $50 per handgun tax on your 2000IRS form 1040 and may require your fingerprints. Check it out at theSenate Web site. It is very much “for real” people!

You may have already read about this since it started back in February, butit’s worth another look and round of letters to the people in D.C.who “represent” us.

The secret nature of this bill becoming law is scary. This billcan pass WITHOUT the Senate voting on it. We will be notified a MONTHAFTER it has become law.

SENATE BILL S.2099 WILL REQUIRE US TO PUT ON OUR 2000 1040 FEDERAL TAXFORM ALL GUNS THAT WE OWN.IT MAY REQUIRE FINGERPRINTS AND A TAX OF $50 PER GUN. THIS BILL WASINTRODUCED ON FEB. 24.THIS BILL WILL BECOME PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE 30 DAYS AFTER IT IS VOTED INTOLAW.THIS IS AN AMENDMENT TO THE INTERNAL REVENUE ACT OF 1986.

THIS MEANS THAT THE FINANCE COMMITTEE CAN PASS THIS WITHOUT THE SENATEVOTING ON IT AT ALL.THE FULL TEXT OF THE PROPOSED AMENDMENT IS ON THE U. S. SENATE HOME PAGE,http://www.senate.gov/

YOU CAN FIND THE BILL BY DOING A SEARCH BY THE BILL NUMBER, S.2099.YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL —-I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU DO SOPLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS TO EVERY GUN OWNER YOU KNOW TO HELP STOP THISBILL!

BUELL BLAST FEATURED PRIZE IN PEPSISTUFF.COM PROMOTION–(http://store.yahoo.com/pepsistuff/winbuelblase.html)Looking to get some excitement in yourlife? Buell Motorcycle Co. has the answer. Contestants in Pepsi-ColaCompany’s PepsiStuff promotion have a chance to win one of four Buell BlastMotorcycling experiences. Winners will receive a Buell Blast motorcycle anda trip to Harley-Davidson’s Rider’s Edge training school in Las Vegasor Albuquerque (see link above for more info).

The Buell Blast, an all-new single-cylinder motorcycle, appeals to aspirited group of individuals who are looking for an exhilarating newchallenge. The Buell Motorcycle Co. designed the Blast with new ridersin mind, whether young or old, novice or even a bit experienced. Alightweight motorcycle, the Blast delivers easy start-ups, a low center ofgravity and fuel efficiency (73 miles per gallon) all wrapped up in asporty, cool design.

In conjunction with the Buell Blast, Harley-Davidson and Buell MotorcycleCo. continue their commitment to attracting new riders to the sport byoffering “Rider’s Edge – The Harley-Davidson Academy of Motorcycling,” arider training program designed specifically to meet the needs of noviceriders. This course, taught by Motorcycle Safety Foundation’s (MSF)certified instructors, uses the Buell Blast to provide its students with anexperience intended to be not only educational, but entertaining andinspirational. Lasting about 25 hours, the Rider’s Edge NewRider Course offers small class sizes, interactive classroom exercises,plenty of riding practice and time to become familiar with different typesof motorcycles, accessories and riding gear.

SUPERBIKE EDITOR SEDUCES FASTDATES.COM MODEL–It was all so innocent at first. SuperBike magazine editor “Sonic”Cantile wanted to come to Califonia for a little fun and recreation.But once he met our curvey FastDates.com piece of equipment at a quietdesert hideaway, it turned into a no-holds-barred 24-hour endurancemarathon with our hot running babe, and all the explicit details splashedacross the pages of more than one cheesy oil-drenched tabloid. But we hadno regrets. See all the shocking photos and details athttp://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.htm

* Wheelie King Doug Domokis is killed in an ultralight airplane crash.

* Former GP World Champ Alex Criville hurt in testing crash.

FastDates.com Calendar model Jaime Presely’s newest movie premieresthis weekend. What’s next for this Trailer Park Trash star? We’ve got allthe juicy details…

The latest FastDates.com Calendar and Motorcycle Roadracing newsonline at http://www.FastDates/PitLaneNews.htm

And don’t forget to order your copies of the world’sbest selling motorcycle and pinup model calendars online athttp://www.FastDates.com

TOP 10 VIAGRA SLOGANS–>
10 – VIAGRA, The quicker dicker picker upper.
9 – VIAGRA, One-a-day, like iron.
8 – VIAGRA, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
7 – VIAGRA, Home of the whopper.
6 – VIAGRA, It plumps when you take ’em.
5 – VIAGRA, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
4 – VIAGRA, Tastes great, more filling.
3 – VIAGRA, Ten inches long … and growing.
2 – VIAGRA, We work harder, so you don’t have to.

And the number one slogan being considered by VIAGRA:
1 – This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?

HUNS MOTORCYCLE CLUB– was started in Bridgeport, Conn., in the late’60s by a group of guys that regularly rode togother. The numbers grew andchapters opened throughout Connecticut and later to other states and Canada. The HUNS are best known for fighting the mandatory helmet and other unjustlaws.

Don “Pappy” Pittsley, a member of the HUNS Mother Chapter in Bridgeport, ranConnecticut Motorcycle Rights Organization and I was President of the mother chapter of the HUNS.

Pappy took care of the legislative end and I ran the protests. When Pappy died, I resigned from the club and took over Connecticut Rights. The helmet law in Connecticut was repealed shortly after that. In the late ’70s I moved to Florida and the HUNS eventually disbanded. Part of the by-laws of the club was that any member who resigned in goodstanding would be allowed to keep his colors and to also wear them in thefuture at any organization function.

One of those functions is the annual Pappy Run held each Memorial Day inConnecticut.

Though the club offically disbanded many years ago, many retired members arestill in contact with each other and get togother when possible. Connecticut is still helmet free!

–ROGUE

BIKER BABE FROM THE BIG APPLE COME IN–There’s so much going on, Bandit. I now havefour employees under me. I hired the most incredible site developer and adesigner. Both are top in the field in NYC. They both admire my ambitionand believe in me so much. We are aiming for a 1/15/01 launchdate (bikerlady.com). Finally!

I also have a partner, Claudia, who will be my right-hand (biz development,marketing, sales, event planning, associate editor of the site, etc.) and agal named Dale, who will be VP of Administration (finance, research, officemanagement, secretary, etc.) Of course they are both hard core riders!I have an upcoming photo shoot in a few weeks featuring the Confederatemotorcycle. I will also be getting new headshots completed and will do amass mailing to the NYC casting agents.

–Sasha

HARLEY LOVERS ALERT–I wanted to bring to your attention this Website thata group of Arizona State University marketing studentscreated for their marketing analysis of Harley-Davidson Inc. Our research and suggestions are postedunder the project findings link. We would appreciate allor any feedback.Thanks for your time.

Please visithttp://www.vividwireless.com/harley.ht

–Dan Mermelstein

WINO JOE REPORT–Rhouse Crew, there is a chance I will get a window of primo ridin’weather, so I might not check this E-shit till Sunday. Talk amongstyourselves. Just don’t hack on me ’bout my spellin’:) And “Mr.Prick,” noshort dick jokes; save your shit for The Turn Out Room, please:) Toy’all: Life is a work of art, designed by those that live it. Withrespect. Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT WROTE–Many people will walk in and out of your life,But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, useyour heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; If he betraysyou twice, it is your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events;Small minds discuss people.
He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend,loses much more; He, who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, butbeautiful old people are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live longenough to make them all yourself.

Friends, you and me….You brought another friend….And then there were 3….We started our group….Our circle of friends….And like that circle….There is no beginning or end….

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.It’s National Friendship Week. Show your friends how muchyou care….

20TH ANNUAL BEAUFORT TOYS FOR TOTS MOTORCYCLE RALLY– Dec. 16Some local children will have a brighter Christmas thanks toarea motorcycle riders. Southern Scooters, Kim’s III and Steel Stallions MCare promoting the event.

According to Stitch White, owner of Southern Scooters, the annual event isdedicated to the memory of Howell Jones.The Toy Run will start at Southern Scooters, Hwy. 116, #36, Laurel Bay Road, atnoon, Dec. 16. Donations, an unwrapped new toy (worth $10), willbe given to the Salvation Army.

After the run, there will be an Oyster Roast at Kim’s Place III for allparticipants. Other sponsors include Yamaha of Beaufort, Larkins MechanicalServices, Nighthawks MC, Bluffton Lights and Sights, Two Stroke Internationals, Top Gun Airbrush, Uncles Sams MC, Rock Solid Masonry, Discount Auto, Goodtimes, New Image, Maskarades, Lowcounty Riders, &VFW.

–Southern Scooters- (843) 846-2188

QUANTUM/AMERICAN UPDATE–Myself and others went to the Federal Courthouse in Orlando, Fla., todayto listen to motions made by parties involved in the Quantum MotorcycleCo.

Basically what I got out of it was that the parties are talking and tryingto solve some issues. Of course and rightfully so the landlord is interestedin his rent. The people that put up the money for the motorcycles want theirbikes. Money will be needed for the landlord and a crew to work to finish thebikes and that is what they are working on.

They are scheduled to appear Dec. 12 at 1 p.m. in FederalCourt, 135 W. Central Ave., Orlando, Fla., in Courtroom A on the 5thfloor and present a recomendation to the judge. All that have a interest in this matter are requested to attend.

JENNIFER SNYDER JOINS HARLEY-DAVIDSON FACTORY DIRT TRACK TEAM– Jennifer Snyder of Grand Saline, Texas,will join Rich King as the newest member of the Harley-Davidson factory dirttrack team. Snyder recently agreed to terms to ride factory-prepped dirttrackers for the 2001 AMA and Formula USA dirt track racing season.Snyder, 17, finished sixth in the final point standings of the Formula USAPro Singles Series. Although she competed in only seven of the races on the2000 schedule, Snyder displayed her potential with a fourth place finish atTexas Motor Speedway and a seventh place finish at Manzanita Speedway. She alsocame from the back of the pack to finish seventh at the series finale in DelMar.

Snyder began her racing career at age 11. Her father, Joe Snyder, createda track on their property so she could train and race. The Pro Singlesseries is where she will spend most of her time in 2001 but she will alsohave opportunities aboard the Harley-Davidson XR 750, in the AMA series, asshe becomes more familiar with the equipment.”This is a dream-come-true for me,” said Snyder. “I grew up watching ScottParker race and I followed his career closely. We both started racing at11 and he’s been a huge influence on me as far as my racing career isconcerned. I’m really excited to be a part of the factory team and racewith Rich King as my teammate. Lots of people tell me I’m pretty good for agirl. Hopefully after next season they’ll drop the girl part and recognizeme for my racing ability, period!”

In addition to her racing career, Snyder will be finishing her high schoolstudies this year and plans to go on to college.

A HERD OF BUFFALO– can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. Whenthe herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that arekilled first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving bythe regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills braincells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

NEW PRODUCT BOOM AT H-D–If any of you guys have been in a dealership recently and checked out their new 600-page accessory catalog, you’ll immediately see the dedication the factory is putting into developing its own line of custom parts, performance components and accessories. This is just one example of 10 new items we’ve introduced on the site. Check out the info in our new products section or in the Harley-Davidson department.

MORE ON QUANTUM/AMERICAN–We put up a good fight, but I just got off the last conference calland it looks like we have lost. The guys that put the company intobankruptcy do not want to go forward, they are not interested in putting upany more money.

On Monday I expect that the judge will determine that it’s a liquidation andappoint a trustee to liquidate Quantum’s assets. Rick and I will be workingthe weekend to see if there are any last minute things that may be done, butI am not very hopeful.

We needed $1 million to pull it off and for all of the creditor groups towork together, even after we sent a letter to all shareholders and creditors(who have the most to loose) advising them of the situation and asking ifthey were interested in contributing, nobody responded. We can’t do it aloneand nobody else wants to put up, so I guess it’s over.

The recent collapse of the stock market didn’t help, nor the fact that anumber of other motorcycle companies are also in trouble.Rick and I will eventually suceed in positioning American Motorcycle asAmerica’s No. 1 motorcycle company. It will just take us a little longer.

–Murray

THIS IN FROM SOUTH CAROLINA–I’ve been to Christmas parties from Canada to Key West. Saturday night wasthe first “real” Carolina Christmas party I ever attended. Click and DianeBaldwin, owners of Carolina H-D, threw their annual party at their home. WhenI pulled up and saw lights strung up in the woods and several enormous BBQgrills belching smoke, I knew I was in the right place. All manner of H-Dnostalgia hung on the outside walls of Click’s roomy garage. Inside thegarage are several of Click’s Corvettes and the first bike he ever owned,looking much like it did many years ago when he last rode it. The walls arecovered with 30 years of his life on motorcycles. “If it weren’t for Diane,my whole house would look like this,” he said.Jeans and black leather was the attire. A covered porch that runscompletely around the building was the setting for the party. Some folksdid hang out in the house. There was thishuge firepit and I mostly hung out there. There was all kinds of liquor,but

I stuck to the 4-year-old moonshine. Picture it, standing around a fire,handing a jar of moonshine around on a wickedly cold, windy night. I likemoonshine. Goes down smooth and unless you get stupid, it’s a sweet buzz.The food was too much; the best prime rib I have ever had. The menu also included chicken, brisket, ribs, meatballs and every salad on the planet. The hostessgave me a huge plate to take home and complained I would not take more. Thehouse and garage were incredible. If this is how the rest of the holidayseasongoes, then it may just be a good one.

–“Crazy Horse”

SPEAKING OF PARTIES, DON’T MISS BANDIT’S DICEY SUPERBOWL EXTRAVAGANZA–at the Blue Cafe, Superbowl weekend, upstairs in the intimate Blue Lounge. There will be three private pool tables, terrific munchies from the 5-Ball chef, and intimate game watching on a big screen. Or you can watch the game and play pool, or fuck the game, sit downstairs in the patio and listen to Bourbon Jones. As the afternoon wanes, Chris Gaffney and the Cold Hard Facts will be rocking the downstairs, and if your team won and you want to stay and celebrate, James Intveld will sing the blues in the evening. That’s three bands, great food, the Bikernet staff and cuties, book signing and the game of the year. Plus you can park your scoot directly in front of the joint on the Promenade. That’s the Blue Cafe, Superbowl Sunday in downtown Long Beach for the 2nd Annual Bikernet Dicey Superbowl Blues Jam. If you would like to send an invitation to someone, click here

AND IF YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR DRINKIN’ HABITS HERE’S–Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker’s Soul:

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” –Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. –Frank Sinatra

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. –Ernest Hemingway

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. –W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. –Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? –Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
— Brian O’Rourke

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862. –Unknown

Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser. –Unknown

To some, it’s a six-pack/ To me, it’s a support group. –Unknown

EXCELSIOR-HENDERSON LIVES–Comic relief was at hand Friday afternoon when broadcast reporters gatheredin front of the Supreme Court for the historic review. They had their backdroptraversed repeatedly by one (who could hardly be called a protestor)demonstrator – proudly hoisting aloft an Excelsior-Henderson emblazenedplacard.

We’re relatively sure this spontaneous display of First Amendmentindulgence did, in fact, go unnoticed by millions…E-H who?…but not forlack of trying.Paid publicity’s finest hour…seen live on CNN.

John “Wish I’d Thought of That” Siebenthalerreporting from BarcoLounger central

Sundance Breaks Up Bloody BikerNet BattleBandit, the Digital Gangster and I were sitting in my office drinking hot tea and talking about the November judging. The boys were reviewing some technology issues that had come up when Bandit went online to finalize thejudging and things were clearly getting out of control. “Your programs aren’t worth the free parts I give you for them,” I heard Bandit bellow. I looked up from the chart I was working on in time to see the Digital Gangster launch himself across my desk, sending my tea flying and raving something about Bandit not knowing his posterior from a hole in the snow.

As the boys tussled on the floor, I reached under my desk and hit the silent alarm – the one that brings the Dark- Haired One running. She arrived with her first aid kit and a pair of handcuffs – just in case. She soothed the savage Bandit and walked him down the hall to his office for a quick meeting with his old friend, Jack Daniels.

By the time I arrived 20 minutes later with the Digital Gangster firmly in tow, Bandit was calm and happy with the Dark-Haired One planted securely in his lap. The boys made up and Bandit completed the judging without furtherincident. Me, I wandered back over to my office to start the clean up and brew another cup of tea. Just another day here at Bikernet!

Hey, look for the November winners this week, and keep those December entries coming!

GOOD OFTEN FOLLOWS BAD– Due to the recent situation with our presidential elections, I feel that there should be other things that should be “re”-done:

1. We need to contact the state lottery commission. To my horror, while watching the lotto results, I realized that I had picked the wrong numbers and that the lottery’s outcome was not to my advantage. Thus I am demanding a replay of the last lotto. Eight others and I are exploring a possible lawsuit because the numbers were confusing! There are too many numbers to pick and they are too close together. There needs to be a local replay of the lotto!

2. Some young friends of mine are contacting the local college board for a recall of last week’s midterms. To their horror, they chose the wrong answers to the test! They found that the multiple choice questions were too confusing thus leading various students to receive unacceptable grades. THEY demand a local retest of this exam until they get satisfactory results.

3. I demand to be re-interviewed! After my interview with my prospective employer, I realized I had answered some questions wrongly. The answers I meant to give were not given and I need another opportunity to answer the questions properly as I had wished to. I am contacting the local labor board to challenge the decision of not hiring me.

4. I demand that my ticket be revoked! To my horror, I realized that I was looking at my tachometer instead of the speedometer! It’s the manufacturers fault since they placed the gauges too close together! I thought I was only going 5 mph! I am contacting the DMV to revoke my ticket and will be filing a lawsuit against all auto manufacturers who are responsible for putting the gauges too close together!

–Mike

CENTURY MOTORCYCLES ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY– Dec. 10, like, man, that is this weekend. We’ll be rockin’ sunny Sunday to the bone on Pacific Avenue and 17th at Century Motors, one of the oldest shops in the world. You’ll agree the minute you walk in the door. Be there, be there, be there. Don’t miss it. Ride your oldest, most decrepit bike. Cindy will love it and try to buy it from you. (310) 832-6190.

No, the above Indian won’t be there, but the first customized Excelsior will be, and it’s for sale.

SATURDAY NIGHT SIZZLE–With less than an hour to shower, dress and pick up the Dark-Haired One, I reached a lumbering idle. The bike thumped like a finely tuned locomotive. The idle was slow and secure for a 61-inch Panhead. Then it quit idling and revved. I had run this scenario past Joe Minton and he told me a story about a bike that wouldn’t idle, and in doing so suggested that my automatic advance distributor was sticking. I was out of time. I couldn’t get into the distributor and get to the girl on time. I was close, and even closer to a party for one of the Dark-Haired One’s best friends, all the way back to elementary school. It was a different crowd for me. Her young pals are a mix of union workers and railroad employees with young families. The birthday girl is Hispanic, sharp looking and wild, with a daughter who is the spitting image of her mom, and fire in a pink blouse. Her dark-haired pal was a tight package nick-named Birdie who was a guzzling fan of Jack Daniels, after my own heart. Half of the 60 people who came to the party brought her bottles of Jack of every style and size. It was as if I was a heroin addict at a cooker’s palace. I claimed to be the designated driver so that Layla could play with her friends with wild abandon, and I would make sure we survived the night.

The set was generally late 20s to 30, mostly married. Many smoked, plenty had kids and all worked in very secure environments. I listened while nasty looking young girls danced with other scantily-clad girls around the fire. While the girls spoke of threesomes and kids, the guys spoke of motorcycles. Mark, Birdie’s beau, has ridden the Six Flags Endurance Challenge three times on a BMW. Ted, the kid who works for the railroad, wants desperately to meet Jesse James and build a West Coast Chopper, but is afraid to go there with a checkbook. I encouraged him, telling him to get a frame and do it himself. Todd rides a Vespa/mod/scooter with 40 rear-view mirrors and can’t imagine riding anything else. Dennis is building a bike as soon as he can pick up a basket. It was fascinating. To a man, this young set was passionate about motorcycles, but very immersed in secure, straight lives. It was a scary evening for a man who never settled down and doesn’t understand the concept.

As the cops arrived, I packed Layla in the flamed Bird and split. At home I packed her full of water and aspirin and put her to bed, only to have her attack me in the morning. The hangover cure worked. Then I got a call from Hamster Phil, a custom painter who lives in an industrial building. I had an hour and fifteen to meet them on a back road on the edge of town, in an industrial strip in Wilmington. I took my clothes off and crawled back in bed. With 15 minutes to roll, I was out the door on the Blue Flame and heading to our designated rendezvous.

On an obscure street just north of the oil industrial kingdom of Signal Hill, we turned on a small industrial street that dead-ended into a railroad yard. We slid into a dirt and gravel lot owned by the Gunther family for over 100 years, which housed antique cars, bicycles, motorcycles, army vehicles, tombstones, tractors, cranes and enough shit to keep us gawking for hours.

I nearly bought a 1951 White fuel truck once used in Long Beach to refuel airplanes at McDonnell Douglas. It was a guy’s paradise. The deal was that if you come, bring something cool, and people did. From there we hit Walker’s Cafe for Coronas before we split up. Another packed weekend. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Finally, I would like to come out of my shell and mention sex. I bring it up a lot, not because I want to fill the site with pornography, but for two reasons: I think love and wonderful sex is one of the best experiences life has to offer. And damnit, a recent study demonstrates that the more sex you have the less chance you have of a heart attack. It’s special beyond description, and that brings me to my second reason. Motorcycles, choppers, Harleys and sex are meant to be. Building a beautiful motorcycle is tantamount to wonderful sex. The passion of riding like we do, the notion of the solitary vehicle opening the door to romance, is undeniable. As bikers and men we live in heaven, and we need to realize the absolute delirium that is in our hands each time we make love to a wonderful woman, or we build a new scoot or hit the road. For other men it may be flying airplanes, skiing down a soft slope, screaming around a speedway track at 150 mph (which I did about a year ago), and to many, the other end of the formula is a woman’s touch at the end of a day of accomplishment.

As far as I’m concerned, if I could mess with motorcycles and make love each day, life would be, well, heaven. So I must be there. Let’s Ride–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–LIFE’S PLEASUREDOM DISCOVERED BY BIKERNET RESEARCH TEAMHey,

You didn’t know that Bikernet had a university grant to research the essence of life’s pleasures, did you? It creates an interesting quandry. By revealing our findings, our stock will rocket through the tar paper roof of the headquarters. We’ll become filthy rich and loose our grasp on our findings. Snake, our resident bum, Renegade, the angriest man on earth, and Oz, our political analyst, are in a heated debate over whether to unleash the findings to the world. The question is whether to be rich and saddled with time consuming material bullshit, or to wallow in the unrestrained ecstasy of knowing and living within the gilded framework of life’s pleasuredom? While the fist fight is disrupting our stock of busted and broken parts, I have some other announcements…

Bikernet Christmas Tree

Last week I gave thanks to some of the staff for their efforts at Bikernet and their friendship throughout the process. A couple of nights later, I awoke with a start. I knew I would forget someone in my haste to launch the news, and true to poor-form, I did. My mental mistake was also politically incorrect. It was all women and one brother who whines like a woman. Two nights later, the headquarters was broken into and I was lashed to my creaking California King while, one after another, these women sat on my… Believe me, I deserved far worse punishment. First, I forgot to mention Michelle McCarthy, who is no longer with us. In fact, she may now be working with Frank Kaisler at Hot Rod Bikes. Seems she was lured away to some hot dot-com company that shriveled up and blew away. She endured my inability to write for several long and torturous years. There’s the lovely woman who has taken her place recently, Jumpin’ Janet, and the knockout Sundance who founded The Cyber Cycles Bike Show, which is now the Bikernet Cyber Cycles Bike Show. The show is now sponsored by Chrome Specialities and is free to anyone who wants recognition for their custom or roadworthy accomplishment. If you want to enter, check the catagories. We’ve expanded them to include rat bikes and heavily road ridden machines. The prizes have been expanded and when the fight is over in the garage, we will begin creating our own trophies. Believe me, they’re different.

The lovely Sundance.

We are about to launch the entire Chrome Specialties Streetware catalog just in time for Christmas shopping. Watch for it. It contains more than 700 accessories and apparel for us scooter folks.

They can’t seem to come to a decision in the garage, and if they knock over the desk we’re building for little John Butter, I’m going to fly out there swinging. We better get to the news:

A Harley-Davidson Holiday Legend–Arthur Davidson, of the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Corp., died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.”

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of woman?”

God said, “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.
1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
And finally, 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.”

“Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God. “Hold on.” God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. “Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur, “but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention thanyours.”

–Gunracer

BRAND NEW BOOK ON BIKER MOVIES– Mike Seate, with the assistance of Whitehorse Press, has launched a complete book on every biker movie from The Wild One to On Any Sunday. It’s cool and is available through Whitehorse Press, WhitehorsePress.com.

FOR KNUCKLEHEAD FANS–As the name suggests, Flathead Power in Sweden produces performance parts for Flatheads. However, they also now have a wide range of products for Knuckleheads. In fact, they will supply complete Knucklehead engines and, if required, complete bikes. Single and dual carburetors and even top fuel components and engines are available. Check ’em out at flatheadpower.com.

ORWELL UPDATE–We’re all excited to announce that Sam “Chopper” Orwell is on press today in Menasha, Wisconsin. The books should be in our hands by Wednesday of next week. I’m going crazy.

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL PARTY–Yep, that’s it. At the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach. I’ll have books and I’ll be signing ’em like a mad dog. Stop by and meet some of the staff, see us drink and fall down. Be able to blackmail members of the staff for years.

You’ve got to watch the Superbowl somewhere. Get a plane ticket and get out here. Don’t miss it. Be there, be there, be there!

CENTURY MOTORCYCLES ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY DEC. 10–Have you been to a bike shop with character recently? Century Motorcycles has been selling bike parts in San Pedro, Calif., for some 40 years. The business is a combination of museum and junk yard of Eureopean, American and Japanese machines. Cindy, the owner, is the quirkiest bike shop proprietor on the planet. I recently interviewed her for Hot Rod Bikes. When asked what the most pleasurable aspect of owning her shop was, she didn’t hesitate. “The men,” she said emphatically. I’ll probably be there signing books.While I’m at it, check the January issue of Hot Rod Bikes. It contains an interview with the new Evel K., a kid named Bubba Blackwell who has been breaking records all over the country. Check the girl on the cover, too. Oooh ta, too-tah.

BUELL REPORT–We’ve discovered a custom oil cooler designed specifically for Buells. These CNC machined aluminum oil coolers for Buells are made by Ron’s Bike Shop and offered by German custom parts supplier Speed-point. Sold in pairs, they mount on the frame tubes below the gas tank and are available in a choice of polished or black anodized finishes. Check out www.speed-point.com

Mikuni For Sportsters And Buells

Mikuni HSR42 for Sportsters and Buells: Mikuni’s new HSR42 ‘Easy’ carburetor kits for Sportsters and Buells now work with the stock throttle cables, making the HSR42 easier and quicker to install. They are designed with an eight-roller bearing flat throttle slide assembly, which allows an unobstructed venturi at full throttle to flow more air and make more peak power. It offers more precision at all throttle settings to provide additional power, torque and fuel economy gains across the entire power band. The roller bearing throttle slide offers smoother throttle control and allows the use of a lighter throttle return spring. Check out www.Mikuni.com.

Breather and Pipe Kit

Hit 105 mph coming up the four-lane onramp over the weekend.The Buell race breather kit and the Vance/Hines pipe really improved the response on my 2000 M-2.

Installed a pairof Napoleon bar end mirrors to get rid to the stock Mickey Mouse-appearing units. The mirrors install in 10 minutes andcost $30 each. Had some interference with the lever ball ends, so I cut the balls off (neutered) my brake and clutch levers.

Next project is the installation of the carbon fiberX-1 style chin fairing. The fairing and hardware are sold separately. Will provide you with a hardware list after the installation.

–Agent M-2, Anson

Carb ModsOn your carb, start by drilling the slide to .109. This is a nominal/fraction size drill bit. Use the Dyno jet spring or cut two coils off the stock spring for starters. Use the 88 Sportster needle first. A spacer may or may not be needed. I use a .010 spacer under the head of the needle, but my heads have been reworked and flow better than the stock Thunderstorm Buell heads. Also my CV carb is bored.Start with H-D #45 slow jet, which it may already have. For the main jet, start with a stock H-D #185 size. Don’t use a Dyno jet kit! They cost way too much and it ruins your gas mileage.I know you have heard me say this before, but you should call Trock about boring and setting up the carb. I would do the mods above first. Then if you have the time, Dyno the bike. Actually, Dyno it before you do anything for a baseline.Keep notes on every change you do. Then you know what is working and what made the biggest change. I know time is always a problem. But there is really only one way to see what’s going on.Oh yeah, make sure your Buell has an idle speed adjuster cable with a small black knob. It should be by the frame and air box on top. If you don’t have it, get one. Makes setting the idle much less painful than without it.Try just taking the “L” tube inside the airbox out. Put in the plastic Venturi ring from Screamin Eagle. Also a K&N air filter for the air box. I know the air box looks funky to most people, but it does grow on you after a while.What’s good about the thing is it’s really a good still air box.Ah yes, the brakes. As you may have found out, the rear brakes don’t do a whole lot. So you have to learn to front brake. The front brake is one of Buell’s best features. You don’t really need two rotors/calipers for the street. I do agree with you though, it looks trick with a dual disk setup. PM makes the calipers for a dual setup. They are spendy though. Ferodo makes really good rotors and pads, also spendy. Both these guysare in your extensive “Link” page.

As for the shock mount recall, Bartels can run the VIN and tell you.Visually, the recall has an alum. split bell shaped looking cover with two clamps at the rear of the shock. At the front of the shock there is a U-shaped bracket that goes around the shock “eye” and is held in place by a serious two-piece clamping bracket. All this is designed for is tokeep the shock from coming apart if the ends of the shock break, which is very, very rare. It’s that abuse thing again.

I forgot to mention the air/fuel mixture screw on the CV. It’s located on the bottom of the carb, behind the float bowl, under the rear spigot. I drill a small hole (.078 DIA.) in the side of the boss about .100 from the bottom of the boss. This puts me just above the alum. plug and belowthe threads of the mixture.I then take a Snap-on curved pick (hook) and stick it in the drilled hole and push out the alum. plug, which I save.

Start by turning the screw in lightly til it bottoms, not too hard or you will fuck up the screw. Back it out about 2 1/2 turns to start. If this is good, push the plug back in the boss and stake it. Then silicone up the small hole.If the mixture screw gets lost or screwed up, a Kowalski Vulcan CV carb screw can be used. Don’t have the P/N here, it’s at work.

— Paul

Stoppys

Stoppys are front braking rear tire wheelies. If you really need to do this, try doing them starting at 20 mph. Grab a lot of front brake, you’ll feel the rear come up. Be ready to let go of that front brake fast! Bereally careful!I do not recommend any wheelie on a Buell. It is really hard on the rearshock and the front fork neck bearings. I like to check my neck bearings at the 2,500 mile service interveral. I have replaced a lot of these and it’s usually due to abusive riding. Also, the rear shock front mount bolts to the engine case. Lots of stress when you beat on the bike.

Start by grabbing a little more brake than usual at a normal stop. You can feel the rear of the bike lift up. You gotta remember the front brake on a Buell is very powerful and stops you like right now. If you feel comfortable, try them at 20 mph.Also, just put Charlotte, N.C., and drop the Charlotte H-D. Don’t need thephone calls that might come from this info.

Headwork

Also explaining that reworking the heads is really part of the total package but can be done later. This will put them in the 90-plus HP range. Ninety to 100 HP on a Buell is truly a rush.Hope all this helps. Would like to see the “Buell Report” be a success.For what it’s worth, if you’re in Phoenix, look up Scott Jensen. He is the service manager at Glendale H-D. He is a road racer and has raced Buells.He is the guy to see in Phoenix if you need help, ideas, etc. on Buells.That’s it for now.Later, Paul

BANDIT’S BIKER BARS–We have some 100 biker bars listed and shortly we will have the capability to show photos of the best bars in the country. Keep ’em coming. Next year I plan to ride cross country and I’ll need plently of places to gas up.

A WOMAN WAS LEAVING– a 7-Eleven with her morning coffee when she noticeda most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary womanwalking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking singlefile.

The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”

“What happened to him?” The woman replied, “My dog attacked andkilled him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.” A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the twowomen.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

“Get in line.”

BIG DOG MOTORCYCLES JOINS BIKERNET– Sheldon Coleman, the CEO of Big Dog, and Nick Messner, president, cut their salaries to afford the company the opportunity to become part of the Bikernet team of sponsors. It’s steep, but we’ll make it worth their while. You’ll see the entire line-up of Big Dog Bikes for 2001, plus we hope to assist them with unloading their surplus parts, so watch for more deals in the future.

HANDFUL OF HARDPARTS–Ed Martin of Chrome Specialties has asked me to select a handful of hard parts from their catalog to carry in our shop on Bikernet. I will be looking for unique, quirky and solid shit. What interests me is jockey shifts for Evolutions, and weird shit like that. Watch for them in the StreetWare and Dare area.

BIKERNET SPONSORSHIP PROGRAMS– We have a program for the companies that end up on our home page and we’re still looking for a couple more. We have a limit on how many companies we will take, so we want the best non-competitors. For instance, Daytec is one of the mix as our frame manufacturer. We won’t let any other frame manufacturers into the sponsorship program until their contract is up. We are looking for a brake manufacturer to complement the crew. If you’re in the business and need specific info on this program, drop a note to Oz@bikernet.com. For banner advertising, write Sinwu@bikernet.com. Next week we’ll come out of the closet and post our advertising rates and programs on the site.

NEW PARTS LIST–

1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16-inch spoke wheel in box$250.
1 Revtech 16×3 front rally style billet wheel complete$350 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.
2 Sturgis front rim hubs non-brake side for single brake set-up$50 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.
1 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with brake side hub(needs pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar billet rear beltpulley $700.
1 Attitude style Sturgis billet rear belt pulley$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi-spoke$275 each.
2 American Quantum billet aluminum anti-reversionary front ends – ready tobolt on. $700 each.
5 Billet aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 Billet aluminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
4 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 set.
2 Spyke starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70 each.
3 5-speed Harley-Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly with Kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
Heavy billet aluminum 5-Speed transmission doors polished and bearings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 green to 89$30 each.
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 red to 89$30 each.
1 set CCI 15-294 6-gallon gas tanks H-D FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
5 CCI 13-383 Russell stainless steel disc brake rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50 each.
5 CCI 13-381 Russell stainless steel disc brake rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50 each.
1 CCI 09-880 adjustable rear mini shaker floorboard set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve head front new Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve head front new Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150 each.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395 each.
1 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rocker box covers Retail $86.52- Dealer $57.68$25 each.
10 dual carb plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75. $50 each.
10 intake plenum runners for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25 each.
50 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$8.10 each.
50 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves Retail $11.03- Dealer $7.35$7.35 each.
50 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts Retail $17.03- Dealer $11.35$11.35 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Intake Valve Guides Retail $5.45- Dealer $3.63$3.63 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Exhaust Valve Guides Retail $5.45- Dealer$3.63 $3.63 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Intake Seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5$5 each
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Exhaust Seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5$5
20 Feuling-Quantum Commetic Head Gaskets for Non-O-Ring Heads$15 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum Rocker Box Cover Gaskets w/Sealer built in$10 each
10 Feuling-Quantum Inner Valve Springs $ 4 each
4 Feuling-Quantum Outer Valve Springs $ 5 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve Front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 Cam V-twin$150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150 each.
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Plenun chambers for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$100 each.
5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100 set
10 Front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25 each
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30 each
5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10 each
3 Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30 each
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40 each
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50 each
1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.$50.
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.$50.
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.$50.
1 Sumax #8654 Front Fender $156.$75.
1 Sumax #8604 W Rear Fender $158.$75.
1 Sumax #8609 W Rear Fender $127.$60.
1 Sumax #8617 W Rear Fender $114.$55.
1 Sumax #8619 W Rear Fender $119.$60.
1 Sumax #8656 W Rear Fender $192.$95.
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.
3 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.
TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other info e-mail info@sumax.com andask. Other stuff like seats, stainless lines and cables to be listed later as Iam still sorting parts. Prices subject to change and some parts are limited. 4-valve parts are available fully assembled and ready to bolt on. Mail forprices and details

–rogue@bikerrogue.com

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY– At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Insist that your e-mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

Sing along at the opera.

A November entry in the Vintage Chopper Class sent in by Frank Pedersen of Olathe, Kansas.

CALL FOR ENTRIES–“November will soon be only a distant memory. Hurry now to enter your ride in the Cyber Space Bike Show! Sundance is accepting entries for this month until midnight Nov. 30. The Digital Gangster has made online entry so easy, your 3-year-old could do it! Not to mention, it’s the only place on the Web where you can enter for FREE and still win great prizes!

If you don’t manage to enter by the end of November, no sweat! Sundance runs the bike show every month and she’ll be happy to receive your entry next month. Slide by the bike show if you’d like to check out the current competitors. There are some sharp-looking bikes and some interesting comments. Then watch for the winners to be posted the first week of December. Check it out to see if our talented, unbiased judges picked the bike you liked best!”

BIKERNET BABE FROM THE BIG APPLE REPORT–Oh, I’m writing stuff for Bikers-Dream, not Ultra, though, I should maybehelp out there too.

This Sunday is the annual Toys for Tots run in Queens, N.Y. We get about 20,000attendees. Pretty good. Lots of clubs, city folks, etc. Nice bikes too.If I can make it back into town by then, I’m going. I’ll write some stufffor you and snap photos.

For what it’s worth to ya, I’m going to the opening reception on Dec. 8 forthis too:
The Great New York Motorcycle Show
Dec. 9 through April 10
Exhibition Hall

On Dec. 9, the New York State Museum will open a first-of-its-kindexhibition of motorcycles invented and manufactured in New York state. NewYork pioneered the invention and early manufacture of motorized two-wheelersand continues to produce a rich variety of motorcycles for utilitarian use,pleasure riding and competition. The Great New York Motorcycle Show willinclude them all, from the first motorized bicycles of the 1890s through the77 cubic-inch Emblem touring machines of the 1910s and the dual-purpose(on-off road) Yankees of the 1970s to the exotic custom cruisers of today.The exhibition will also include engines, catalogs, posters and photos. Inconjunction with the exhibition, the museum is publishing a book, “TheMotorcycle Industry in New York State: A Concise Encyclopedia of Inventors,Builders and Manufacturers,” which will be available in its gift shop.

This exhibition is sure to be a major Albany event…one perfect forthose of you who were born to be wild. Museum members are invited to attenda reception to preview this exciting exhibition on Dec. 8 at 6p.m.

Sex Prevents Heart Attacks–Men: How would you like to cut your risk of a major heart attack or strokein half–and have fun in the process? Britain’s University of Bristolreports that men can do just that by having sex three or four times a week.Basically, the good cardiologists have determined that sex is as legitimatea form of exercise as a game of squash or a long run. In the groundbreakingstudy, researchers questioned 2,400 men in Caerphilly, Wales who had nohistory of major diseases. They asked the men a wide range of questions,including whether they had sex once, twice, or three or more times a week.

“What was found when the men were followed up over the next 10 years wasthat those who’d had three or more orgasms a week were half as likely tohave had a heart attack or a stroke,” said Shah Ebrahim, a professor at theUniversity of Bristol. “We’re now moving to a situation where we would saythat even mild to moderate levels of physical activity are likely to havesome cardiovascular protective effect,” he added. –Cathryn Conroy

–From John Siebenthaler

BLUE FLAME FIRED UP AGAIN–The Blue Flame was burning down the highways during the Love Ride, sportin’ a new steel stretched Independent Gas Tank Co. tank. Paul Yaffe of Phoenix solved the very explosive mistake I made in mounting the Sportster tank by welding mounting tabs on the frame that support the new tank with rubber mounts. The tech is in the garage and this is living proof that the Flame is alive and on the road with new paint from Harold Pontarelli of H-D Performance in Sacramento. Check the tech and watch for a bike feature on my favorite rigid in the March issue of HOT Bike.Check the new air cleaner from Paul Yaffe Originals in Phoenix. Gives it that bad ass chopper look.

QUOTE FROM THE RICH AND FAMOUS– * (On going to war over religion) — “You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.” -Yasir Arrafat (PLO leader)

* “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”-Sharon Stone

* “My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.” -Dan Rather (News anchorman)

* “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, “Thyroid problem?'”-Arnold Schwarzenegger

THE NAME GAME– We are continuing to give medium or 2X T-shirts to riders who submit prospective titles for our “In the Wind” section. Give it your best shot or send us a flick that will melt thousands of monitors in a single nano-second. Don’t forget to send along your shirt size and address. T-shirts are flying outta here. Here’s another submission:

Oh mighty Wordsmith, how about Vagabond Voyeurfor your Wind page?

It comes from my road anthem. If you don’t like it,maybe the lyrics will inspire you to come up with aname.

–FTW,Stroker

WHEREVER I MAY ROAM

…and the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride
so in her I do confide
and she keeps me satisfied
gives me all I need .
..and with dust in throat I crave
only knowledge will I save
to the game you stay a slave

rover, wanderer
nomad, vagabond
call me what you will
but I’ll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind anywhere
and I’ll redefine anywhere
anywhere I may roam

where I lay my head is home
…and the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
under wandering stars I’ve grown
by myself but not alone
I ask no one

…and my ties are severed clean
the less I have the more I gain
off the beaten path I reign
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will

but I’ll take my time anywhere
I’m free to speak my mind anywhere
and I’ll never mind anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home
but I’ll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind
and I’ll take my find anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home
carved upon my stone
my body lie, but still I roam
wherever I may roam

Finally get a compliment from your ass and it’s not my work!Wouldn’t ya know it. My road anthem is a Metallica song.

Just thought you should know, as it is copyrighted. Don’tknow if that affects you posting it or not. Just don’t giveme credit for writing it.

I’ll keep trying, maybe someday my own writing will earn acompliment. Still want to try fiction someday. Been busyas shit lately and haven’t written a damn thing.

Congratulations on your first year! Keep up the good work.

–FTW,Stroker

HEY!– You evil rat bastard! What am I, chopped liver? I founded Bikernet.com East and you forget to thank me and my entire staff, Big Lucy, Apache, myself. If it weren’t for me, you would have never gotten into motorcycling in the first place. You’d have stayed in sewing school and been a queer fashion designer. You swine. You’ll pay for this, Ball.

–Don Zebra

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands injelly.

JENNY– from Biker’s Choice let me know that their top salesman died of a massive heart attack the other day, and that I needed to live life to the fullest because you never know. It’s actually unlikely that a heart problem would stop me in my tracks, maybe splitting lanes at 90 in downtown traffic on a Friday night, but not some goddamn illness. The point is that there is heaven all about us. We just need to slow down to touch it, let it fill our lungs and glide away on a cloud of it.

The key is to stop and take stock of what makes you happy, really happy, like orgasm happy. Then focus on those elements of life and fuck the rest. I’m not prescribing that you take a powder on the boss, or maybe I am. Take, for instance, my humble existence. What truly rocks my boat: Sex, building bikes, sex, writing, women and riding. So I took stock of my life, saved a few coins and eliminated everything else. If I had a lot of money, I’d have more crap that would take up my time. So stop what you’re doing, grab someone soft and let her take you away (I do this each and every night) where you can focus on what makes your life a pleasure. Then figure out how to stay there. In other words–Let’s ride.

–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–THANKSGIVING CANCELED, TURKEY DRUNK

Hey,

As the sun created a fireworks display over the L.A. Harbor this morning, the Dark-Haired One slipped into the turkey chasin’ mode and hit the stores. I knew the news was slight, but the show must go on.

It’s actually a perfect opportunity to thank the staff for the hard work and dedication they’ve put into this start-up biz. Ya see, when I departed ER, my intentions were to get drunk and write books. Well, actually, it was to chase women and write books. I only get drunk when I can’t find a soft touch–I get depressed. A couple of brothers told me that the site was cool and I should go after it. I hesitated, but finally decided that we would give it all we had for the year, then take a step back and review what we had accomplished. Well, it’s been a helluva year.

The credit needs to be piled on the few, the proud and the mean: Jon Towle, for his creative ability and his divorce, which slanted everything he drew; Ladd “Nuut Boy” Terry and his lovely wife, Debbie, for helping me drive every nail into the Bikernet headquarters, and for Nuut Boy’s contributions and Bikernet guidance; The Digital Gangster for his round-the-clock Website diligence, unrelenting drive to create new programs and build the site, and Oz for his censorship standards (keeps me on the straight and narrow), and help when he isn’t involved with some political campaign. He’s currently consulting for Harley-Davidson and running for membership on the AMA board. Soon he’ll be such a damn heavyweight he won’t talk to us at all. I want to thank the Dark-Haired One, for her support and disdain for everything healthy that I eat. She cringes at protein shakes, squirms at steamed vegetables and turns her head at tuna salads. Of course there’s Sin Wu, who is a flower in a bucket of bolts, as she moves seductively through the war rooms and heated discussions keeping the accounting in order, helping advertisers and stroking my leg.

I want to finally thank all the sponsors on the site who believed in us enough to jump on board. It’s what keeps me in Top Ramen and Jack Daniels, Markus Cuff in film and the parts in the garage. We need to get to the news, but just one more thing. This year, unlike many in the past (even though I was working in the business), I felt the pure adrenaline joy of being a biker.

Here’s a glimpse of the interior of the Bikernet headquarters.

I’ve spent more time this year in the saddle, in the garage and on the road than many years in the past. There’s nothing like being a biker: The romance of cutting through the streets in the wee hours to her house in the ghetto; working in the garage from dawn to dusk to make another machine unique, or to try something new. Calling pals all over the country to find out what the fuck I’m doing wrong now, and enjoying the power of busting your ass for months on a machine that will cut traffic like wire through cheese. There’s nothing like it, so if you can, turn off the goddamn computer, roll that sucker into the street and find a turkey to attack. Let’s ride.

CONTEST WINNERS–

We have contest winners for the name of our “In the Wind” section and from the photos that are now up in the Freedom Photo section (we haven’t decided on a final name yet). There’s David E. from Grapeville, Penn., and Dave Dinneen from Melrose, Iowa. Each one will receive a double XX original Bikernet T-shirt. Paul Morris from Ventura, Calif., suggested “Knees in the Breese,” which we all thought sucked, but he gets a T-shirt anyway.

Photos are in and the section is up. Have A Look

WINO JOE ON TURKEY DAY–Mr. Bandit and crew, I figure y’all are in a rush to head over thahills/thru tha woods to Grandma’s house to eat her food. ThisOl’Cherokee is from the Turtle Band, so I’ll just take my time and when Iget there, I’ll eat Grandma:)

–Ride On! Wino Joe, USA

BRENDA, BRENDA, BRENDA–She works for Bartel’s Harley-Davidson, but she’s actually the property of Bikernet. The Orange County Hells Angels and the New York chapter are trying to kidnap her. While she’s still tied up in the Bikernet basement, you can see what we’re doing to her new Deuce on the site. Check the H-D section and she’s even in the Samson section. Damn, she gets around. Last week the fleet center retuned her carb (that better be all they did), and installed a Screamin’ Eagle ignition. Not sure I like the sound of that one. We’ll post the results here on the site.

FOUR WOMEN IN TEXAS–When one woman calls, that’s cool, but when I get to four, I call my travel agent. This week I spent a couple of long nights in Dallas, but I must have forgotten to brush my one tooth before I left because Jenny left town as soon as I arrived. Kelly left me at the airport, Lena, from Dallas Easyriders, (my sixth wife to be) refused to have lunch with me and Dawn made up for all the rest. I spent a day with the riders of Chrome Specialties, one hell of an upbeat group, all striving to make Chrome Specialties a stand-out distributor of custom parts for the hardcore and chopper enthusiast.

In the next couple of days, you will see the entire Streetware apparel line launched on Bikernet. Yep, you’ll be able to pick from over 750 items, including Jesse James apparel, Bad Pig and Prison Blues. This is cutting-edge, bad-assed, asphalt-dirty, slick shit. The first thing I’m ordering is a couple pairs of Prison Blues denims. They even have a pair of fleece-lined denims. Prison Blues are made by Oregon prisons and are cut to fit like shackles on a road gang.

FLORIDA TO BE DROPPED FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA– WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning,Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state’s voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 presidential election. “This is the last straw,” said Utah Sen. Orin Hatch. “First Elian Gonzales, now this.”

Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming. “We’re all pretty much sick of Florida,” said Rep. Barney Frank. “They’ve been a constant embarassment for too long now.” AddedFrank, “They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that’s right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot”

In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachussetts Sen. Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida’s sizable elderly population will freeup billions of dollars in Social Security funds. “These are valuable funds which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened military,” said the senator to roaring applause.

As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in eachstate will be tabulated by robots. “It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherantly flawed,” said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. “The presence of these new, superior robot mast- err, I mean – tabulators will ensure 100 percent accuracy.” “Remember,” said Hastert, “every vote counts, especially if it’s counted by robots.”

Dynamiting will begin in Florida next Wednesday, after which the statewill be completely geographically seperated from the United States. “After that, they’re on their own,” said Hastert. “I hope they sink.

WRENCH’S BIKE BARN–Watch for new bikes coming to the Bike Barn on a regular basis from the publisher of HardTail magazine The Real Deal, the only rag on the market devoted solely to rigids and traditional choppers. The rough riders are back and running strong.

Quantum MEMO–
From: Murray Smith [mailto:aceo@home.com]
Sent: Monday, November 20, 2000 4:32 PM
To: rogue@bikerrogue.com
Subject: Quantum

Hi Rogue, it’s Murray Smith. I just finished reading bikernet.com and allof its back issues. Great stuff! I don’t know what Starke is up to, buthe should at least have his facts right. I was neverCEO of Quantum, I still remain the sole director of American MotorcycleCompany (a wholly owned sub of Quantum). Rick Block and I did go to NewYork and are both working 16 hours a day trying to save the company.

There is a hearing in Orlando on Dec. 4 that should tell all.There are a lot of good people working hard and praying for Quantum tomake a comeback. Rick and I are doing both.

I do not have time to waste on anyone who is not working with us. Ifyou’re not with us, get the fuck out of the way.

Anyway, I hope to see you and the rest of the team soon. Please feel freeto e-mail anytime or call (416) 250-7051.

–Murray

This is Dave and Steph from the Love Ride. We are still accumulating photography for our extensive Love Ride coverage, which will go live as soon as we’re sure no one will be arrested or busted for being with the wrong babe. This couple is cool. We checked ’em out.

ANOTHER WINNER IN THE NAME GAME–Here’s a list of some names for a road-worthy site. I know I need to slow down on the wacky weed, but what the hell, I’m outta whiskey. Hope to read about the Love Run tomorrow. I hope you had a helluva time and tell us those stories that legends are made of.

Here are some suggestions for names of the new addition to Bikernet about being on the road.

— Smack

A little gas and a sore ass any and everywhere
A million cars and new bars
A million past and a million to go
Anywhere but here
Ass calluses
Backroads pleasure treasure
Baggers to bungee cords
Bedrolls and backroads
Bedrolls and chuckholes
Bedrolls and tent poles
Been there but I’ll be back
BFE
Blacktop
Break away
Bungee cords and bushes
Burn’t rubber
Chaps and chuckholes
Coast to coast
Constant thunder
Cool, crisp and clean the road machines
County lines
Cruisin and outdoor snoozing
Curves and corners
Dawn to dusk
Twists and turns
Etching new trails
Every which way the wind blows
Flying gravel
Forward controls
Fouled plugs and freeways
Freaks and film
Freedom from freeways to farm roads
Freeway flights
Freeways to farmland
From molehills to mountains
FTW I’m seeing it!
Gas grabbers
Genuine hard asses
Getting around
Glutton for the road
Good vibrations
Grid what?
Greasy spots and frozen snot
Hardcore highway
Hell bent for traveling
Hemorrhoids and hard tails
Here and there
Home is the highway
Kings and queens of the road
Leather asses
Live to ride
Loving leathers
Map markers
Meetin’ and greetin’
Miles and piles
Miles behind
No gridlock
No substitute
Oil stains and ass pains
Old places new faces
Old roads new friends
Open road warriors
Outta here
Photos and fairways
Pissin’ in the snow
Pissing blood
Porta potties and potholes
Rain, sleet, snow, and the winding road
Reliable rumble
Righteous road ramblers
Road signs
Road trips
Road worthy
Running streams and nice scenes
Rural route ramblers
Saddle shifting
Saddle sores
Saddle surfers
Saddlebags and hags
See ya later
Seeing it all
Sled heads
Spent miles
Spinning spokes
Spinning spokes and billet blacktop
Squatting in the bushes
Super shiftin’
T’aint here, t’aint there
Tales and smells
The open road
The outside track
The real feeling
The room with the view
The scene
The wayward road
Toilet paper and road rations
Tread wear
Trips and tramps
Turnstile tramps
Twistin’ the wick
Two-wheel views
V-twin dreams & scenes
Weather love
Whereabouts unknown
Whispering winds
White line times
Wind blown
Wind-chill
Wish you were there
Worn tread

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the law offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Website at http://www.aimncom.com

Good news from the UK!! Due to diligent work on the part of MAG (Motorcycle Action Group), motorcycles are now recognized as part of the solution to traffic congestion, not part of the problem! They will notbe charged a toll (the ”congestion charge”) to enter central London. The logic of MAG’s campaign to promote motorcycles to combat pollution and congestion took hold in Britain. Good news indeed for our brothers and sisters in that part of the world. Time for the REST of the world to take note!

CUSTOM CHROME has instituted a virtual showroom on the Internetfeaturing interactive 3-D. Customers can look at parts from all angles and decide if they want to buy them without driving across town and maybe not being satisfied and coming home empty handed. Now you can look first and THEN drive across town. Neat stuff, huh?

LAS VEGAS: We all remember hearing about that stunning motorcycleshow the Guggenheim Museum put together last year. Well, now they plan tobuild on the Vegas Strip in two places. The Guggenheim Las Vegas and the Hermitage Guggenheim Museum will be built by the prize-winning architect Rem Koolhaas in the Venetian Resort-Hotel-Casino.

The gallery’s inaugural exhibition will be “The Art of theMotorcycle” that opened at the Guggenheim Museum in New York in 1998, and receivedlots of kudos from the motorcycling community, including a Silver Spoke Awardfor Arts from the National Coalition of Motorcyclists.

CHINA again: This time, well, it’s “electrifying.” They’ve gotthis Jumping Antelope brand of electric bikes that are going to be a bighit all over Asia real soon. The Jumping Antelope brand of electrically operated motorcyclesare built by the Suzhou Little Antelope electrically operated Motorcycle Co.Ltd. in Jiangsu province. The bike has been chartered as the anti-pollution vehicle in the 21st Century by the Ministry of Foreign Trade and Economic Cooperation. What’s more, over 1,800 Jumping Antelope motorcycles have been exported to the United States, Italy, and Thailand.

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla.: The Florida insurance industry is renewing a callto force bikers to strap on helmets after the deaths of five people during Biketoberfest this year. (Four people died last year, according to DocReichenbach, president of ABATE of Florida and chairman of the board ofNCOM, and attendance at this year’s event was much higher because it waslid-free.) The AAA and health and safety organizations fought hard during last spring’s session of the Florida Legislature trying to block the repeal that allows bikers older than 21 to ride without helmets as long as they carry $10,000 in medical insurance.

The insurance industry lost that legislative battle, conceding defeat only after Florida Gov. Jeb Bush signed the new helmet bill into law last June.

This is more proof the helmet fight isn’t over anywhere we manage towin, folks. They will come back at us with any excuse they can find. We needto be responsible riders or we will never win this battle. And when thereare>deaths of unhelmeted riders, we need to look REAL close at the stats and circumstances. TOKYO: Well, here’s a brand new use for a motorcycle: According to the Kyodo news service, some biker in Japan figured a way to rig a littlespycam in a ladies room and broadcast it through a radio system on hismotorcycle! Must be a new option for Honda in 2001, eh? I gotta say the cops weren’t impressed and they arrested the guy.

SPAIN: A new concept to protect motorcyclists from hitting guardrails – or worse yet, those ”cheese grater” wire barriers – has been developedin this country. It’s a net that’s set under the rail and prevents a bodyfromsliding under it. An additional piece of protection covers the sharpedges of the crash barrier post. There may be other advantages to the idea suchas preventing small animals from scooting out onto the road suddenly in frontof traffic, and maybe reducing the effect of lateral wind. They also pickeda white color for the net, for better road visibility in bad weather.They’re also talking about adding reflective devices into the net. This is justone example of safety engineering that really counts, and ISN’T an impositionon our personal rights. Could it be that highway engineers are beginning to realize scooter people are citizens too? Seems so in Spain, anyway.

BIKERNET BIKER BABE REPORT FROM THE BIG APPLE–Here’s a riding woman on the move writing for Bikenet, creating her own site, Bikerlady.com, covering Sturgis for Penthouse, writing the tale of Biketoberfest, being featured in Easyriders and writing sales material for Ultra. She’s non-stop. Watch for her at events near you, and for her impact and insight on the new Ultra products geared for the softer rider.

BRANSON MOTORCYCLE RALLY–There’s a motorcycle rally in Branson next May and you’re invited.Visit us at bransonmotorcyclerally.com for more information

The largest independent travel service and one of the top resorts in Branson, Mo., have partnered up to host the first Branson Motorcycle Rally. The organizers for the Branson Motorcycle Rally feel that a family oriented event held in an area offering mountains, lakes, entertainment and shopping, and which is centrally located in mid-America will attract a large segment of motorcycle enthusiasts.

It appears that most successful events are those that offer a wide variety of entertainment opportunities (best lookin’ babes), a unique location (plenty of saloons), and excellent accommodations (big beds). Slip away to America’s heartland, and one of the most remarkable places on earth… a unique combination of big-time fun and a small-town heart… a dynamic mix of neon and nature. This place is Branson, Mo.

There is music, comedy, magic and fun from morning to night. Forty theaters, with more than 90 shows, provide guests with entertainment options unlike any other vacation destination in the world. Plus, area theme parks and attractions will surely please every member of the family. Click here to enter the bransonmotorcyclerally.com Website!

DEVIL DOLLS 2001– Calendar Release Party. Come out and help us celebrate the release of our hot new calendar for 2001!

When? Dec. 1, 7 p.m. – 2 a.m.

Where? The Double Play (groovy niteclub), 2401 16th St., at Bryant San Francisco (across from the Portrero Hill Shopping Center)

Featuring live music by ManMade God A wild fetish/fashion show by Stormy Leather and the Dolls Devil Doll merchandise and, of course, plenty of our new HOT 2001 calendars and the Dolls to make ’em personal…

$5 cover at the door Plenty of parking.– See ya there No Fear.

www.devildolls.com (415)546-3700

INTERESTING SHIT–Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on aPezdispenser.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of theNikefactory workers in Malaysia combined.

Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion butwas talkedout of it by her doctor.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

All U.S. presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like beingseenwearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

TOURING CHOPPER FOR SALE–OK, so Don Whalen is trying to sell the Indian, but the prices keep fluxuating due to the influx of the new Indian brand. The Touring Chopper is another matter. A complete concept bike built in six months, the bastard took me to Sturgis in 1997. It’s still a low mileage, 98-inch stroker that has always been treated with respect. We recently redesigned the exhaust system and corrected the rear suspension with new, slightly longer shocks. The Bikernet garage needs expansion, so we may have to just let the Red Ball go to a rider with heart.

TURKEY TIME–Time to roll the bad-assed Blue Flame into the street and hit the road for feasts and females, flights of fancy, soft curves and tantalizing tastes. Thanks for hangin’ with us this year. We’ve had a helluva time with the help of good friends and family.

Here’s another shot from inside the Bikernet headquarters.

Talk about a wild time for this industry. The bottom line is that everything changes, and the wise and strong survive to party another day. So stay on your toes, secure the garage. Don’t let anyone get to your bike. It’ll be interesting to see the next year unfold. Some companies will be drifting away, new ones will emerge. The factories will continue their onslaught into the custom component market. I’ll drop a twin-cam engine into a Pro Street FXR frame, the Buell will sing and I’ll try my damnest to write another book. In the meantime, remember that it’s not material bullshit that counts, but the adventures of life, the experiences, the nights of pure total bliss and the shit we create with our bare hands that makes it all worth living. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Say hello to grandma. She’s the only one of the scowling family who digs it that you have the balls to ride and defy tradition. Rebels forever–Bandit

BIKERNET NEW FLASH–MOTORCYCLES STOLEN IN HOLLYWOOD

There’s never an ordinary weekend around the Bikernet headquarters, and the Love Ride Weekend would be no exception. First, rain threatened, and schedules floundered under the illusion that there might be a downpour. But the crew at Bikernet continued to prepare for the weekend by getting up late, drinking early, riding around town instead of working and attempting to retrieve the Blue Flame and have it running. No problem, right? Well, when you look hard at this sprawling industry, you see where the biker/industry strongholds are. Phoenix is rapidly becoming the Soldier field of the custom industry with the likes of Paul Yaffe, Titan, Pure Steel, Eric Herrmann, Independent Gas Tanks and, damn, I’m forgetting a couple companies. It’s a happening town. Oh yeah, Jim Nasi is also out there.

Paul Yaffe mounted the tank and Myron Larrabee of Easyriders of Scottsdale was going to deliver the chassis to Los Angeles. Actually, a month or so ago I had planned to fly out, hone my feeble welding skills at the Paul Yaffe Originals factory and ride the scoot back. Ah, but the tank was flown to Harold Pontarelli for repaint and time clicked past. The next rattlesnake bitin’ missive came in the form of a phone call from Harold. “Well, I’ll be haulin’ the tanks from Sac. Will the bike be there?” When I wasn’t sure, Harold made some calls. Since Myron was going to duck the inclement weather, I had to shift gears. Harold knew a bunch of guys in Yuma who were rolling out and would bring the long bastard if I could get it to their town. Jim Nasi was in the process of building a trailer and if it was completed, he would bring the bike. If Paul Yaffe had the room, he would pry it in, and the list went on.

The opportunities and circumstances were riding the same rollercoaster as the stock market. One day my baby was coming home, the next I might never see her again. I knew for sure the tank had been repainted by the master and would be here, although he called me from time to time to kid me about the color match. “Hey, Bandit. What do you think of fuchsia instead of blue?” I’d gag and he’d burst out laughing and hang up.

I’ll let you know what happened later. We better get to the news.

BARTELS’ H-D OPEN HOUSE–This Sunday. That’s right, big time at the dealership this weekend with Brenda Fox, new bikes to check out, Brenda Fox, New Hells Angels’ Big Red Machine Bikes, Brenda Fox, music and chow. Check out one of the biggest dealerships in the known world this weekend and say hello to Brenda. While you’re at it, beg her for one of her Hells Angels promotional postcards. It’s a shot to remember.

MCBRIDE–AMA/PROSTAR 12TH ANNUAL WORLD FINALS– Larry and Steve McBride are preparing for their first national championship since 1991. The McBride brothers need only to qualify and win the first round to capture the 2000 National Championship on Nov. 17-19 in Gainesville, Fla.

So far this year, the McBrides were No. 1 qualifiers at Gainesville, Fla., Indianapolis, Ind., and Chicago, Ill., and went on to win those races in the AMA/Prostar Series. They have also raced with the NHRA this year as No. 1 qualifiers at Gainesville, Fla., Houston, Texas, and Chicago, Ill. They also won all those races.

“Our relationship over the years with AMA/Prostar and the Kizer family has been wonderful. We hope to continue competing with them in 2001. This season’s exposure with the NHRA exhibition series has been great for our sponsors and we’ve been thrilled with the fan response,” McBride said.

McBride represents Pingel Enterprise, Red Line Synthetic Oil Corp., Trim-Tex, Drag Specialties, Muzzy’s Performance, Kibblewhite Precision Machine, HPC, Kawasaki USA and Web-Cam on his Tour 2000. Product sponsors assisting Larry McBride Racing include Vanson Leathers, Performance Machine, Belt Drives, Ltd., Street & Competition, Dayco Belts, Trac Dynamics, Simpson Race Products, Nitrous Express, APE, Arias, R & D Springs, Autolite, EK Chain, MSD, Clevite Engine Parts, Protect All, Whipple Industries, Cometic Gaskets, TSP, Carolina Cycle.

If you want to see an exciting weekend of racing, come to the 12th Annual AMA/Prostar World Finals held at Gainesville Dragway, Gainesville, Fla., Nov. 17-19.

Larry “Spiderman” McBride www.larrymcbride.com, or (757) 599-5236.

BIG DOG’S 2001 PITBULL–Big Dog’s line-up for 2001 has the tightest driveline and the best warranty program. Check out their line-up here shortly. We’re working on a section containing everything you ever wanted to know about the Kansas-based company. For now, check their new Website, bigdogmotorcycles.com. It debuts the all-new 2001 model line-up, highlighting Big Dog’s 2001 Platinum Performance Series and their 2001 Core Performance Series lines of motorcycles. Big Dog dealer info is on the site.

BEUDROW– The hillbilly biker walks into the doctor’s office.He has a carrot stuck in his left ear, a French fry in his right ear and a sausage crammed up his nose.

“Son”, says the doctor, “I don’t understand you biker ol’ boys. But, I can tell you right now, you just ain’t eatin’ right.”

–Steve “Redhorse” Brown

BUELL REPORT–This is our Buell mascot, gang leader, badass broad, Devil Dolls prospect. She is chained to the Buell as my personal security system. Check the Buell Report in the H-D department. These bikes are the hidden secret of the H-D family, and they’re cheap. Take one for a ride. You’ll be blown away. The Buell is sport bike with a hopped-up Sportster driveline, FXR rubbermount system and it handles like… Well, try one out.

If you hear of any modifications to Buells that will make them go fast, handle or look cool, let us know and we’ll post the news for other riders to suck up.

We’ve begun some mods to the above M-2 Cyclone. Next week we’ll tear into the carb, followed by exhaust mods, performance mods, and you’ll get to watch the Bikernet crew transform this black beast into a sport bike with a Harley attitude.

THUNDER OVER DIXIE COMES TO BIKERNET–Beau Pacheco, the creator, promotional director and boss (when Vickie is not around) over the ride from Nashville to Biketoberfest, has posted a full Thunder Over Dixie report on Bikernet in the Events section. Check out the shots and his rundown.

I’ve been invited to attend next year, and you can bet I’ll be there. Read the rundown, you may want to ride along with us.

BIKERNET GOES EURO–When I left ER we bowed to the gods of chrome and asked for guidance. When that didn’t work, we asked the Feng Shui goddess Sin Wu for counseling, then Tarty Terry for Tarot Card readings. Then we worshipped the Code of the West, which I had a hand in writing. We came up with a couple slogans. “If it ain’t fun, we ain’t doing it.” That was one, and we plan to stick with it. The other is, “We as Americans work way too hard.” Money is really not the valuable commodity here, but time. In fact, give a man too much money and he buys material shit that takes up more of his valuable time. So we instituted another rule. We would take on the European vacation rule – six weeks a year, and this is how it’s gonna work. We’re shutting down for two weeks during the holidays. And of course we’re taking off from July 15 to Aug. 15 for Sturgis. To me, this formula should become an integral portion of the Code of the West. Let it be written, let it be done.

TOP 25 THINGS A WIFE SHOULD SAY AND LIVE BY–

1. I’ll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!
4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
5. That was a great fart! Do another one!
6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
7. You’re so sexy when you’re hung over.
8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.
12. I’ll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sundays. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor’s daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!
15. I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
16. No, no, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother is way better than mine.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year for Christ’s sake. You go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a rack of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Heather over for a threesome!
21. Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let’s go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya…

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL PARTY–Yep, it’s the 2nd Annual Bikernet Superbowl Party at the Blue Cafe on the Promenade in downtown Long Beach. This is the perfect party location and the perfect day with the perfect entertainment, and it’s free. The only dicey aspect is the weather, but what the hell. We’re going for it.

Hell, this party is so perfect I don’t have to remember the date or time. Be there on SuperBowl Sunday in time for the game. We’ll have a private room with two, that’s right, two, televisions, pool tables, grub, and downstairs in the afternoon the blues bands will kick up and we’ll be rocking after the game.

So come on down. There’s bike parking directly in front of the cafe for our guys. We’ll be handing out Bikernet stickers, I’ll be signing my new book, “Sam Chopper Orwell,” plus there will be a number of door prizes. Don’t miss it. Be there, be there, be there. Oh, I forgot the girls…they’ll be there too.

You’ll also have the opportunity to meet Jon Towle, the affable artist who is really the powerhouse behind Bikernet. He’s the master, the creator, the legend. In fact, the Digital Gangster recently set up the home page so a new image would be launched for each day of the week. He’s the man!

VETERAN’S DAY HOLIDAY–Mr. Bandit, great day on the Central Coast. Will pull into the AmericanLegion before it gets cold and have a cheap drink with shipmates and onefor you. —

Ride On! Wino Joe, FTG3 CVA19 “The Hanna Maru”

BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT INDICTED– Doesn’t it bother you that “Burnin Daylight” is the character AND the title of one of Jack London’s books? Hey, if ya see a silver flash streak by ya one day around Thanksgiving, don’t worry, it’s just me on the DYNA–Lone Wolf 777.

Is that why Agent Zebra and Marco left the country recently?

BIKETOBERFEST REPORT–I still got a bad case of the post-Biketoberfest 2000 blues. I had way toomuch fun in Daytona. It was my first time riding in the Sunshine Statewithout a helmet. Two friends, J12 and Donnie, from my old home, thehelmetless state of Connecticut, tore up the road getting down there. It was a wildweek of killer riding weather that went by too fast. All I know is it feltgreat not having to stop and put a helmet on each time I fired up the bike.I heard no riders complaining.

The Corbin party was one of the highlights of the week. The guys tookadvantage of the open bar, then tried to do the same to the lovelyhostesses. Thursday night becomes increasingly difficult to remember afterthat point. We hit the bank, then got a needed fix of night air and openroad.

The house I stayed at had parties to rival any in Daytona. After gettingthrown out of several bars, the party moved to the house and stayed forThursday, Friday and Saturday. Wild women, confused guys, the yardcompletely filled with bikes, madness prevailed. At one point, two guys wentfor beer and came back with a shopping cart– the Leaning Tower of Beer. Theywere doing well until they hit the sand at the end of the driveway.

Riding all day, riding most of the night, stopping just long enough toquench my thirst and stuff down a quick bite of food, I somehow managed toget by on three to four hours of sleep a night. But like I tell a certain friend ofmine, I don’t go to Daytona to sleep. Why would anybody?

–Jo Ann

ABOUT ORWELL– I’m glad to see you get “Sam Chopper Orwell” published. I remember reading what I assume to be a condensed version in ER a few years back. At first I wasn’t sure what kind of bullshit you were thinking about. Now a few years later I remember the story and some of its contents. I believe you are on the right track. It seems almost daily our freedoms or rights are being re-written or flat taken away. One thing I remember most in the story is the government provided beds for people to combat a workers bad back and medical problems. I read that excerpt and the ones that followed in the continuing monthly issues. It probably wasn’t what I would call good biker fiction at the time. Now it is one story that remains with me in my mind and one that could possibly be more to the truth than we realize. Hats off to you Bro! I’m sorry to see the black and yellow Street Stalker go, but it went for the bigger picture.

Without trying to sound like I’m kissing your ass.. I like what you are doing on Bikernet and I think you are able to reach a lot of folks that would otherwise not know who you are or where you came from. No, I don’t know you personally nor have I ever shaken your hand, but I have seen your undying commitment to the American motorcyclist and I like what I see.

Keep it up, You, my friend, will ride forever!!!!!!!

— Smack!
Way West Texas

PS: Can you tell me where I can get a faster guardian angel? You said once, never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly. Any suggestions are helpful….

I believe there’s a rhythm to riding, or a groove, whether you’re in the country or splitting lanes in bumper- to-bumper traffic. If you’re in that groove, then your guardian angel is right there with you. If you slip out of that groove, don’t look around, she’s not there.

CHRISTMAS IS COMIN’–

Dear Santa, I wood like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a goodboy all yeer.YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You’re on your way to being a monkey trainer.How ’bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write?I’m giving your older brother the space ranger.

–Santa

******************************

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I askforis peace and joy in the world for everybody!–Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?

–Santa

Hey Ball, I got the shirt. It’s killer, man. I’m so tired of the white-on-black thing, the orange-on-tan looks great and it’s fancy button job!hope everything is good with you. This next issue of HORSE is a killer. I’ll get ya a handful as soon as it’s printed.I also attached a pic of my bike that Billy and I just finished and my pop’s ’52 Pan frame with the 100 retro S&S motor shoved in it. Man, that fucker screams.

–Geno

SONNY BARGER UPDATE–Sonny’s last scheduled book signing appearance for the next several months will be Nov. 18, noon to 4pm, at Fairfield Harley-Davidson. Fairfield is about midway between Oakland and Sacramento in Northern California.

This event is sponsored by HAMC Vallejo. Come to meet Sonny, buy a book and have it personally signed (or bring one if you already have it), and have your picture taken with him.

Click here for a map and directions:http://sonnybarger.com/nav_tour.html

BIKERNET WEEKLY CONTEST–That’s right. We’re having another contest, goddamnit. We have a few of the original white-on-black Bikernet T-shirts left, ‘cept they’re all mediums and double-X. It’s easy: Give us a name for our ridin’ photo section, or send us a shot and tell us what size you want, medium or 2X. Entries can be sent to Bandit@bikernet.com. The photo size should be less than 350 pixels square.

Wait, don’t move, don’t press send just yet. Make sure you send me your address. It’s a shoe-in.

THE RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT–When the framers of our Constitution were writing it, why do you think the First Amendment was the freedom of speech? Could the reason have had something to do with the fact that under British rule many of them had suffered great loss of freedom and property because they didn’t have the freedom to criticize government policy under British rule? I think so. That’s one of the beautiful things about America. The ability to speak out against policy you don’t agree with, without the threat of jail or loss of property. It was on the top of the list of “most important issues” when written into our Constitution, or it wouldn’t have been the First Amendment. All of democracy hinges on the freedom of speech. Without it, you can’t have democracy.

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing about this, right? Over the years I’ve seen bumper stickers, editorials and even guest book comments on my own Website from people who say things like “America, Love it or Leave it.” When someone criticizes government policy, does that mean they don’t love their country? I don’t think so. You think I’m bad, criticizing drug laws, etc. Go sit in on a session of Congress. All they deal with is government policy and they argue their asses off about it. So, what I’m trying to say is, don’t think I, or any of the contributors to this site don’t love our country because we criticize some government policies. If you feel we are wrong to state our opposition to policies we don’t agree with, or we don’t believe we have the greatest country in the free world, you are wrong. We believe in the Constitution as it was written.

–Rusty, freerusty.com

HARDTAIL MAGAZINE SPONSORS BIKE FEATURES–We’re a bunch of hard-riding, chopper-loving, women-chasin’ creative types, so when Buck Lovell, the publisher of HardTail Magazine, a scooter book devoted to rigid frame chops, asked if we would like some features of bikes published in HardTail, we were all for it. Watch for more features and techs from Buck on Bikernet. The Real Deal

BIKERNET NEWSFLASH! SPECIAL AGENT ZEBRA BRAWLS WITH MIAMI BEACH COPS!–In what appeared to be a routine noise complaint gone wrong, SpecialAgent Zebra became entangled with local law enforcement on Miami Beach’s fashionable Ocean Drive late Saturday night, according to authorities. A short fist fight occurred, during which bikers came to Zebra’s aid and what began as a minor argument quickly turned into a major scrap.

Sources say the dispute began when police were summoned to Zebra’spalatial mansion, the former home of late Italian fashion mogul Gianni Versace, to investigate reports of random gunfire during a massive party at the residence. Miami Beach police officers arrived on the scene but were unable to determine where the soundshad come from. Special Agent Zebra was questioned and also could offer no clue as to where the sounds of gunfire originated, though he was wearing histrademark H&K .45 in a hip holster (it is legal to keep and BEAR arms in thestate of Florida).

When asked if they could look around, Zebra said, “Sure,just show me the warrant, lads, and I’ll be glad to put you on the guest list.”

At that point, reports are mixed, but reliable sources say that ayoung Swedish supermodel named “Lina” strolled out topless (also legal in Miami Beach) and asked if Zebra was going to return to the party soon. Officers requested proof of legal drinking age as the young woman was in possession of a what appeared to be a martini. Special Agent Zebra then allegedly took the martini from the topless supermodel, drank it and tossed the glassceremoniously to the sidewalk, shattering it. Officers attempted to arrest Special Agent Zebra on charges of destroying evidence and littering,which lead to Zebra allegedly decking a police officer and slamming another to the ground. Several more police officers attempted to subdue Zebra when a mob of bikers charged out of the mansion and engaged the officers.

During the melee, Zebra ran to a nearby chopper, reportedly theGreat Northern Steamer, and with the Swedish model Lina roared off down Ocean Drive. He has not been seen or heard from since, though we have it ongood authority that he recently was spotted at The Tavern on Airline Highwayin New Orleans, a well-known southern biker bar, partying with old friends and a very beautiful blonde with a heavy Swedish accent.

Nine local bikers were arrested for disorderly conduct and assaulton a police officer. All were released on bail, which was posted by Bikernet.comEast.

Miami Beach police reports indicate that a warrant for littering andaiding to the corruption of a minor have been issued against Special Agent Zebra, though assault charges on an officer were put on hold after 143 eye witnesses, all bikers, signed affidavits attesting that Special Agent Zebra slipped and fell, broke his glass and then rushed himself to a nearby hospital and that police testimony that Zebra resisted arrest and assaultedan officer is false.

Stay tuned to Bikernet.com East for up-to-the-minute reports on thisunfolding saga.

–Big Lucy,Filling in for Special Agent Zebra

MIKUNI 2001 IRON & LACE CALENDAR– The Mikuni-sponsored Iron & Lace is renown as the world’s finest custom motorcycle pinup calendar. It’s photographed by respected Easyriders, VQ, Big Twin magazine and pinup photographer Jim Gianatsis. The featured cover model this year is a new discovery, sexy brunette Jessica Kane. Together with Playboy centerfold Natalia Sokolova, sexy actress Rebecca Chaney, calendar favorites Tiffany Gramza and Brooke Johnson, plus a bevy of barely legal schoolgirls, the 2001 Iron & Lace couldn’t get any steamier without an “R” rating! Each year is a real collector’s edition of great bikes and babes worth keeping.

Order byphone, mail, or online at the FastDates.com Website.http://www.FastDates.com/IRONLACE.HTM

QUANTUM UPDATE– Murry Smith has resigned asCEO and director of Quantum Cycle. He made his announcement Nov. 9 before a bankruptcyjudge, an hour before the hearing. The update on your page stating he and Rick Block went to New York isinaccurate in that Murry Smith is in no capacity to do so. If yourequire verification of this, contact Bruce Wise at (800)247-4302. He isthe landlord and is as surprised by this action as I am. –Jeff Stark.

BEST QUOTE OF THE DAY–“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THOSE LITTLE OLD LADIES IN PALM BEACH CANPLAY 15 BINGO CARDS SIMULTANEOUSLY – BUT CAN’T PUNCH A BALLOT CORRECTLY?”

–Nov. 13–Leno

Did anyone watch the NBC miniseries about the Bible? Tonight theyshowed the part where Moses receives the Ten Commandments. Originallyit wasjust eight, then Moses asked for a recount!

I am getting really annoyed with the networks. It’s day six already! Can’t they drop the breaking news part?!

BANDIT’S ’46 INDIAN FOR SALE– That’s right. It’s still in the hands of Don Whalen, the master Indian restoration expert. If you need Indian info, restoration info, or to buy an Indian, Don is the man. (626) 358-9696.

LOVE RIDE REPORT CONTINUES–There I was, pacing the headquarters garage waiting for another misleading message that would send me to the cupboard for another shot of Jack. It was Thursday afternoon and I was tinkering with the black Buell M-2 Cyclone. I had removed most of the plastic covers and the air box. I replaced it with a tear drop K&N filter that once resided on the Blue Flame, but after a short spin discovered that the rubbermounted drivetrain was causing the back of the filter to rub the frame. It wouldn’t work, so I was hoping that the Blue Flame would arrive and I’d be on the road, but that wasn’t happening. So I went looking for another solution. I picked up a round Screamin’ Eagle air cleaner kit for a big twin and went to work. With some mods and tweaking, it fit perfectly. Over it I bolted on a Harley billet cover without the casing that covers the element. The Buell was ready to fly for the weekend when the call came down. Paul would be bringing the Blue Flame to the other side of Los Angeles. Harold was coming from the north, so he volunteered to pick up the bike on the west end of town and bring it to San Pedro.

There was hope that the Blue Flame would live again on the streets of Los Angeles. But the best laid plans don’t always run true to course. When Harold arrived, the Yaffe gang hadn’t. Once the original crew arrived, Harold was on the wrong side of town and fighting his way through rush- hour traffic to reach the hotel. It was almost curfew on Thursday night when Harold asked if it was safe to park his custom dually up the street. I said, “Oh sure, as long as we’re in the street here watching it, and we’re armed.”

I helped Harold unload the bike and could tell by the bags under his eyes that he had about had it for one helluva long day. I sent him home, after reviewing the new tank and paint. The tank size and shape filled the top rail of the Daytec frame to a T. There was hope with a simple installation that the Blue flame would ride again. We set the tank in place as I watched Harold’s big eyes droop and the dark-haired one ran her hand up my thigh. Ah, she was right, it was Love Ride weekend.

The next morning life was all wrenches and Teflon tape. Articles to post on the site, including the installation of the tank, which is now segment No. 9 in the Sturgis 2000 Bikernet West category of the Bikernet Garage area. Of course, true to form, I couldn’t find a gas cap that would fit and almost destroyed the petcock trying to install it. After another grueling workout in the Bikernet iron pile, I showered and bundled for the brisk ride to the Sagebrush Cantina for the first party of the weekend. (Although the intimate one the night before was nothing but love and fireworks.) After 30 Gold Margaritas on the rocks, 400 chicken tacos and enough chips to build a small building with, I hit the road for the coast. This chopper rides and runs like nothing I’ve ever had. It’s tight, strong and easy to handle.

There’s one major bummer I need to throw into an otherwise puttin’-perfect weekend. I received a call from Harold early Friday morning. Three motorcycles were stolen from his trailer while parked in the hotel parking lot in Hollywood. Here’s a man who had busted his ass to paint my tank on time, then took the time to hassle through rush-hour Los Angeles traffic to pick up the bike and deliver it to me, only to be ripped off. All three bikes were top-of-the-line customs. This shit breaks my heart, and brings out the warrior in all of us who won’t tolerate bike thieves.

The next morning I was just beginning to get her up and out of the sack when riders attacked the headquarters. We were due to hit the YMCA charity ride through many of the manufacturers in Orange County. The kick off time was way too early so we cut in line at the Samson exhaust factory, where we reviewed their manufacturing process, the owner’s motorcycle collection and his coffee and donut stash. From the vast Samson loud pipes heaven, we hit the beach and Dukes on the sand in Huntington Beach for lunch, then Jesse James West Coast Choppers for the No Love Party. His collection of hot cars and hotter bikes expands daily.

The parties continued into the night, but somehow we had to be up and rolling at 7 a.m. The dark-haired one was escorting me to the Love Ride so we pulled out the Buell for the blast across town to hook up with a pack of Hamsters for the event run. We rolled into the Love Ride right on time. She raised $100 for the Love Ride Foundation with the help of co-workers Marisa and Toni, and Oliver (the founder and owner of Glendale Harley-Davidson) was gracious enough to donate $5,000 to the Bikernet charity, Human Services Network to help us buy homes for the boys.

I’m trying to get out of here. I have a pressing project looming over my lumpy head, a hot evening ahead and the Blue Flame is fired up and ready to burn through another Avon tire. I could go on for another hour about the Love Ride itself, but I’m going to drop the sizzling description and just conclude with: It was a helluva weekend, biggest Love Ride ever. More bands, action and vendors. More friends, great food and action. And the evening following the Love Ride contained its share of love. Let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–LOVE RIDE MANIA ROCKS LOS ANGELES

The Blue Flame will be home tonight and we ride like hell bent for leather once again. I’ll break out the riding crop and whip her like she’s never been beaten before. It’s Love Ride Weekend, when Los Angeles becomes biker-world for a wild couple of days. Every night is a party — The Sage Brush Cantina one night, an Indian party, Easyriders party, Jesse’s No-Love extravaganza, Samson and the YMCA ride to the various manufacturers, and, of course, the Love Ride on Sunday.

I’m gonna make this quick ’cause I’m already deep into Buell tweaks for some of the weekend activities. I’m teaching myself how to do wheelstands. Bubba Blackwell will be slippin’ me tips. It’s the front wheel wheelstand that has me baffled.

Hey, don’t forget to send me some shots of you on the road. The more outrageous, the better. We’re beginning a section of reader’s shots with some collectin’ valuable prizes. Oh, by the way, we need a title for this section, such as: Open Road, Bandit’s Road Pics, Asphalt Adventures, and some that are too nasty to print. We’ll pop for a Bikernet T-shirt for the rider who comes up with the luscious label we plaster on the site.

My feeble mind is whirling with faint female touches, modifications to the Buell, the return of the Blue Flame and the approaching weekend, so let’s get this over with and let the party begin:

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules. But first some info about this event. Love Ride 2000 is supported by 50 California dealers. Jay Leno is the grand marshal, Willie G. Davidson is the honorary chairman and Peter Fonda is the honorary grand marshal. Music will be provided by Creedence Clearwater Revisited, Blood Sweat and Tears (featuring David Clayton Thomas), and John Kay and Steppenwolf. The national anthem will be sung by Pat Boone. Last year’s event raised $580,043 from gross receipts of $1.3 million, so 53 percent of the gross receipts went to charity.

This is the type of humor that got Bikernet ousted from sponsoring a Southern California charity. It’s a chick with big knockers.

BIKERNET ATTEMPTS CHARITY INVOLVEMENT–We tried to get involved with the annual Anaheim Family YMCA benefit ride that’s sponsored by Samson Exhaust, Hot Rod Bikes, Performance Machine and more. It’s on from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. this Saturday. The ride takes scooter jockeys from the Anahiem Street Promenade to various manufacturers and back to the Promenade. It costs $35 a rider and $15 for passengers, and is a helluva way to meet and greet some of the guys who make the parts for our bikes. For more information, call Danea Roth at (714) 635- 9622.

We attempted to make Bikernet part of this ride and scramble eggs for everyone to kick off the event. Unfortunately, Roth checked out the site and found a dirty joke. We were 86’d from the line-up for being to risque. Should we clean up our act?

NEW BOOKZINE BY RICK CAMPBELL– the publisher of Motorcycle Industry magazine. Rick announced that he’s created “Motorcycle Pros,” a compilation of favorite stories from motorcycling’s top magazine editors. The publication will be available in January.

Rick contacted me some time ago and I sent him my story and some flicks of my lovely self. He’s never spoken to me since. Maybe the story sucked, was too long, too risque, too bizarre, or all of the above. We’ll see if I was cut from the coffee-table quality, glossy “bookazine.” For more information, call (800) 574-4624.

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE TO TEAM WITH VANCE & HINES IN NHRA DRAG RACING– Harley-Davidson announced todaythe signing of a multi-year agreement that teams Screamin’ Eagle PerformanceParts and Vance & Hines Racing in a new National Hot Rod Association (NHRA)Pro-stock Drag Racing effort.

According to Mike Kennedy, director of Harley-Davidson parts and accessoriesmarketing, the move comes with a renewed commitment to field achampionship-caliber drag race team.

“To say that we’re excited about this partnership is anunderstatement,” Kennedy said. “Harley-Davidson has raced motorcycles fornearly 90 years for one purpose: to win. And the Vance & Hines organizationhas an unmatched winning record in NHRA drag racing.”

Vance & Hines Racing, which has won 17 NHRA national championshipsand has never failed to qualify for an NHRA event, will immediately begindevelopment of the Screamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock Bike.

“This is a natural fit,” said Terry Vance, a former multi-time NHRAchampion. “A big part of our business is designing and building performanceexhaust systems for Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Now Byron and I will beable to take our racing experience and work with Screamin’ Eagle to field acompetitive Harley-Davidson Pro Stock bike at the top level of drag racing.”

“I totally recognize the challenge of our new commitment,” saidByron Hines, who is regarded as the leading engine builder in motorcycledrag racing. “The NHRA series is extremely competitive and I’m excited withthe prospects and challenge of building a winning V-twin machine.”The Screamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines Team will use the 2001 NHRA season as adevelopment year, attending selected events.

More information on the newScreamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock motorcycle race team will beannounced at a later date, including rider selection and race dates.

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)– Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws. While they went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for awhile became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was OK, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what itwas, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passedout, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And yes, Linda is blonde.

VICTORY DELUXE V92C– In its third model year, Victory has introduced the 2001 Deluxe Cruiser in response to consumer demands for a comfortable, accessorized cruiser suitable for touring. The Victory V92C Deluxe offers the same performance, power and handling of the previous two models, but with the addition of accessories such as a full-height windshield, slightly oversized, studded leather saddlebags, custom-touring seat, backrest and passenger floorboards.

The Deluxe is powered by a 1507 cc fuel-injected V-Twin engine. It features custom-blended paint in three color choices and 40-spoke wire wheels with chrome-plated aluminum rims. Watch for the Deluxe on highways near you.

MCCLURE SETS NEW IHRA ET AT 6.491–Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., set a quick pace qualifying No. 1 for the 2nd Annual CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham, N.C., with a 6.429 ET at 219.08 mph in the Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley series.

McClure, riding this season’s bike for the last time before it goes to its new owner, locked in the new IHRA Nitro Harley ET record in round one of eliminations with a 6.491 at 216.34 mph when Bill Furr of Orangeburg, S.C., broke on the start line.

In the semi-finals, McClure was defeated by Mike Romine of Sturgis, Miss., with a 6.644 over McClure’s 6.792 ET.

McClure was also honored with the prestigious IHRA best pro engineered car award (although we all KNOW it’s a BIKE) at Rockingham Dragway.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads H-D, Southside H-D, F & S H-D, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers.

Contact McClure at www.jimmcclureracing.com.Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

RACER SHOT AND KILLED–Here is a statement from Steve Frisbee’s friend, attorney and fellow racer Toni Froehling: Long-time Washington state Harley-Davidson drag racer Steve Frisbee was shot and killed by unknown assailants on Nov. 4. He was a victim of a shotgun blast as he looked out his front door. As of this time, the investigation is continuing and the Pierce County Sheriff’s Office is working hard to make an arrest. There was no obvious motive for the shooting.

As anyone who knew him can verify, Steve was a free spirit who was filled with adventure, creativity and a sense of humor. He operated his shop, Fantasy Motorcycles, in Sumner, Wash., for nearly 20 years and had been active in the local and national racing scene for most of that time. For the past 10 years, he has been riding fuel bikes, including his own under the name Altered States Racing, and one built by Carl Pelletier operating as Competition Motorcycles based in Boise, Idaho. He most recently competed at the California Fun Drags and the AHDRA races at Las Vegas.

Those who knew Steve will miss him, and those who never had the pleasure have missed a great opportunity. Plans for a memorial will be announced in the near future. In the meantime, any kind thoughts will be appreciated. They are being collected for his mother, who continues to reside in Arizona, and can be forwarded to:

Toni Froehling
16208 – 60th St. E
Sumner, Wash. 98390
email ctjstr@aol.com

AN ELDERLY MAN IN PHOENIX– calls his son in New York and says, “I hatetoruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I aredivorcing;45 years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.”We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so youcallyour sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Likehellthey’re getting a divorce,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.” ShecallsPhoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT gettingdivorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling mybrother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do athing. DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone too, and turns to his wife. “OK,” hesays,”they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them forChristmas?”

“1%er” UPDATE–Zebra and his partner in crime, Ian Truitner, authors of the outlaw biker script, “1%er” are at last done with the 10,000th re-write on their semi-literate nightmare. Producer Kearie Peak, who’s feature credits include executive producer of “American History X,” is preparing to take the script to studios late next week.

“We’ve been doing a lot of hand shaking and partying,” Zebra told our people from his palacial estate (the late Gianni Versace’s mansion) in Miami Beach. “Loads of drugs, nude women, late night drag races through downtown L.A. Just a lot of hard work, nose to the grindstone stuff.”

Zebra was in L.A. last weekend for New Line Cinema’s Halloween Party, hosted by studio President Bernie Goldman.

“It was a blast. Later we went out drinking and raising hell. We got into a huge brawl in Beverly Hills. Those two old ladies didn’t know what hit ’em.

“One of the studio execs who read “1%er” recently commented that he felt the characters were a ‘little over the top’ and ‘somewhat Marvel comics-like.’ He changed his tune after we chain whipped him and drug him through the ports in Long Beach behind the Great Northern Steamer, then dumped his corpse in the drink.”

We wish Zebra all the best and we’ll keep you posted on the progress, if there ever is any, on his script “1%er” and whether or not he lands his sorry ass in the federal pen before he can actually get the goddamned thing made.

FTW
Big Lucy, on assignment, South Beach, Miami

ULTRA SIGNS NEW DEALERS– Bikers Dream Inc., which operates under the name Ultra Motorcycle Co., has announced a new president, Hal Collins. Hal has been working hard to bring seven new dealers to its dealer network and started shipment of the 2001 Sledgehammers. Hal championed the chopper-style rigid frame, Sledgehammer, which is the newest addition to the Ultra line, and features apehanger handlebars and a 230 rear tire.

The company will be offering $500 rebates to customers on select 2000 model Ultra motorcycles to make room for 2001 models in the dealer showrooms. Ultra says that it increased production capacity, and is continually seeking new dealers.

The lastest seven to sign up brings the dealer network to 95 locations. Ultra also participated in the grand opening celebration of the Bikers Dream Superstore in Santa Ana, Calif., under new ownership and management. The store and four others were owned by Ultra until Jan. 31, when it sold its retail operation to V-Twin Holdings Inc.

We’re considering interviewing Hal, who seems to be turning this company around, for Hot Rod Bikes magazine in the near future. Congratulations, Hal, we wish you the best of luck in the future.

BIKERNET BIG APPLE BABE REPORT–I wish I could go to the Love Ride. I was prepared to purchase my air ticket but the money is not available for this trip.

It pains me to miss this ride. I was looking so forward to it all yearbecause I thought I would finally be able to go. What I will miss most,though, is spending time with you and Brenda. Have a wonderful time and myspirit will be with you.

I’m forging onward, though, working hard, believing in my dream and tryingto make it happen. I met a wonderful lady friend who has had severalsuccessful business in the past and is very eager to work with me onbikerlady.com. Myfirst priority is a technology person to help me create this site.

Bikers Dream hired me to write all their marketing and operations materials.This is terrific. Also, they are taking meto Indy and reserved me a room at the Radisson. Isn’t that great? They arekeen on having me help them with all things related to the female motorcyclemarketplace. They especially want to develop a merchandising relationshipwith my company.

–Hugs,Sasha

HORSE MAGAZINE TURNS DOWN AD–It’s too risque, according to a statement from the creators at Chrome Specialties. “They said it wouldn’t fly with their distributor in Canada,” said our contact at CSI. Seems perplexing that the most outrageous chopper publication on the planet would turn down this ad. Horse management would not comment except to say, “We hate yuppies, the factory and anyone who can afford chrome.” We’ll try to get to the bottom of this startling controversy and report back.

VANCIL/VANCE & HINES SEASON WRAP-UP–Doug and Julie Vancil put 25,000 miles on the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties 18-wheeler this season and if you count all the passes on the Nitro Harley you can add about 25 more miles under nitro power.

Vancil took the Vance & Hines/Drag Specialties nitro monster to his personal best at the Grand Bend Motorplex in Ontario, Canada, to a sizzling 219.03 mph and 6.453 ET. He qualified at every event, setting track records at Englishtown and Ontario. They competed in two countries and 15 major metropolitan areas. And that was before the IHRA 2nd Annual CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham Dragway in Rockingham, N.C.

Vancil, qualifying third, was victorious before a record crowd at the Rock and set his personal best with a 219.97 mph at 6.456 ET over Mike Romine of Sturgis, Mi., on his Chromatic Inc. Nitro Harley in the final. The win is good enough to move Vancil into the third spot in the Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Championship points.

The Vancils are proudly supported by Vance & Hines, Drag Specialties, Performance Machine, K & N, PJ 1, B & J Transmission, & Axtell.

Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

QUANTUM REPORT FROM OUR FLORIDA CORRESPONDENT–On Nov.7 in Federal Court in Orlando, the judge gave Quantum two daysto come up with $150,000 to go forward with Chapter11.

If they are not successful, the company will slip into Chapter 7 and be over with.Richard Block and Murray Smith were off to New York to try and raise the money.Everyone is still optimistic at this time that it will be a success and thecompany will be able to move forward.

ELECTION DAY BUELL REPORT–This is the setup to use on your Buell M2 when installing a non-stockairfilter setup. (ex. Buell race kit)It is a manifold with hardware kit that allows for running the head breatherhose to a K/N type breather filter or back to the air breather backing plate.Available at your local H-D dealer, it is Eagle Iron product P/N 29281-91T.The manifold and hardware are chrome plated. List price is $30.It was originally intended for the XL model.–Agent M-2

This is the short air horn with the Buell Race backing plate. This fits inside the air cleaner and cover photo No. 15. It’s good for an extra 2 to 3 HP over just the plastic donut that comes with the kit. I made this by cutting up an S&S air horn for an “E” or “G” carb and welding on the mounting flange as shown.

If you are going to install the race air filter on the Buell, you will have to do something about the stock breather head sytem. Here is what I used for the same application: Head over to your local H-D dealer and pick up Eagle Iron P/N 29281-91T, $30 list. It is a breather manifold and hardware kit for the XL which will work on your Buell. It will allow you to run a hose to a K/N type filter or back to the rack kit breather if you prefer. The manifold and hardware are chrome plated.Also I had the carb spacer welded to the backing plateas I heard “rumors” that the backing plate could crack where the carb bolts were drilled due to vibration.

–Anson

HELLS ANGEL RUSTY’S PRISON FORUM–In future news sections, we will run excerpts from Rusty’s forum on clubs, police and the court system. The Web address for our Forum is http://www.geocities.com/freerusty/Rustys_Forum.htmlThis is the direct address, and we are linked off the Defense Fundpage.

If you can’t wait for the news next week, there’s the info for the full scoop.

NEW FEATURE–IN MEMORY OF JUSTIN–Here are some pictures of a bike I built in memory of my son Justin. Hepassed away on Nov. 14, 1998, from an acute asthma attack.I hope you find the photos useful. Justin always wanted to own a Harley oneday. The bike won first place at the Easyrider Show here in Charlotte (January2000, Spectator Class-In the Wind).

The bike itself is based around a Santee rigid frame, 4-speed Rev-Techtransmission, Jockey shift, Del-Kron engine cases. The paint was done by myfriends Teddy Hodge and Rodney Burnett. Max at Brown’s American Cycleshandled final assembly and fabrication.Sometimes when I am out on the bike I feel as though Justin is right therewith me.

–Mike Pullin

Mike has entered the “Justin Machine” in the Bikernet Cyber Cycles Bike Show, and we have just finished a full feature on it in Wrench’s Bike Barn. Check it out–Bandit.

BURNIN, ONE HELLUVA LOT OF DAYLIGHT–A SPECIAL REPORT–Regarding the never-ending saga that “Burnin? Daylight” has become — the outlaw adventures of Bandit and myself — several new events have occurred. First, our criminal director, Marko the Destroyer, has finally been located thanks to tips from our loyal bros across America and a vigorous nationwide search. A former commando of the Argentina armed forces as well as a fighter pilot for seven years, the unwashed Hun can vanish instantly when he feels like it. Turns out our big Argentinean neck cracker had holed up at his warehouse in the ghetto area of Miami known as Overtown.

I tracked him down out here in the Far East and he promptly gave me an invitation to his bash, “Halloween in the Hood.” It was a rowdy ball with bands, home-spun DJs in the back lot, pitbulls hanging from rope swings and some of Miami’s finest pussy dressed up as, well, pussy. That’s right, stunning 6-foot-tall blondes and brunettes that would melt Avon rubber strolled about in leather cat suits everywhere. Must have been a good year for the costumers who were selling those sexy mothers. The beer was free, the whiskey cheap, the food good and, of course, plenty of hardcore riders happened to show and accidentally got into a drag race through the desolate warehouse district. Fortunately, nobody ran over a crackhead and even the celebratory gunfire, of which there was plenty (The Destroyer himself ripped off a 20-round mag full of .223 from an old Chinc SKS), failed to summon Johnny Law.

There was even a short but brutal brawl when a local gang thought it’d crash the party. The only thing that wound up getting crashed was their heads as they flew into the walls and pillars and then later out the door and onto the asphalt.

What’s the story with “Burnin? Daylight,” you might ask. Hell who knows? Marko said he had a rough cut, but he managed to get out of town before I could get it out of him. Bandit is screaming in my ear some drunken horseshit about having an Academy Award-winning editor in L.A. who owes him a favor for killing a rump who was getting on his wife, who allegedly stands at the ready to edit the piece. Digital Gangster is drunk and sending me several hundred Bikernet updates a day. Jon Towle is threatening to draw a likeness of my mother on the side of the Playboy building on Sunset. The Chinaman told me he’s pregnant and Bandit, well, he mysteriously got a rev limiter welded to the front rim of his new Buell recently. Of course it coincided with my being in town last week to knock on the door of a certain Spanish goddess, Ana, and I’m getting full credit/blame.

It’s probably better that it’s taking so long to get “Burnin? Daylight” up and running. Maybe some of the statutes of limitations will expire before we show the world who done it.

By the way, if anyone up north is wondering, the weather in Miami Beach today is a balmy 90 degrees, winds out of the south at 2 miles an hour and the topless beach is packed with endless rows of semi-nude 20-year-old fashion models fresh in from Europe for the winter catalog season. Eat me.

Burn, baby, burn.

Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet.com East
Miami Beach

FAST DATES HITS THE NEWS–For our calendar model fans, Pit Lane News has information on covergirl Jaime Pressly’s latest movie called “Poor White Trash,”premiering next month, plus information on where you can join Jaime inperson at the movie’s Hollywood premiere party on Nov. 30.

Plus two of our other popular calendar girls, Linda O’Neil andFrancine Dee, will be at the Asian Models Expo in Los Angeles on Nov. 12, where you can meet them in person and get anautographed picture. Check it out at:http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.com

Most of you Harley guys in Southern California, though, will be atThe Love Ride on Nov. 12.We’ll be doing lots of Iron & Lace Calendar shoots this coming week with all the top custom bike builders being in L.A. On Thursday, we’ll beshooting Russ Tom’s latest creation from Down-Town Harley Davidson,Seattle, with a beautiful babe for the TV cameras from American Thunder onSpeedvision.

Then on Friday it’s builder Paul Yaffe’s award- winning Prodigycustom bike shoot with calendar girl Taylor McKegney.Taylor was a Perfect 10 magazine feature model and has a current pictorialin Member’s Corner.

If you don’t have your current edition of the 2001 Iron & Lace, orany of our other motorcycle and pinup calendars, stop by and order fromyour local dealer or easily online. We’ve also got all five editions of the2001 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendars, all at:http://www.FastDates.com/CONTENTS.HTM

–Jungle Jim,FastDates.com Calendar Corner

BIKERNET FLORIDA BEACH BABE REPORT–Katmandu is back. Not that she ever really left us, but after a short hiatus with, of all things, RV parts, our girl is now parts manager for a shop here in Port St. Lucie called B.C. Choppers.

Her many years in the parts department of two dealerships, T.S.I. in Ellington, Conn., and Harley-Davidson of Stuart(now called Treasure Coast H-D), have laid the solid foundation for new adventures in motorcycling.

Joining talents with owners Frank Hersey and Scott Trahan, they are producing bikes with mutha-sized motors, rainbow prism paint jobs and too much chrome to detail. Antique enthusiast that she is, her latest project is the “Heartbreak Harley” a bone stock, rigid frame ’57 Panhead with little chrome and lots of history.

She is also a well-known freelancing photographer, published several times over by national and local editors. Riding that same old flamed Shovelhead, now aptly named “The Mule,” she carries her cameras in those extremely used saddlebags and is quick to share a root beer or two with the members of our tribes.So what’s next for our favorite parts person? “I’d like to learn how to be a better storyteller. To weave a web of intrigue and leave ’em laughing, all at the same time.”

You can reach her by telephone, (561) 344-0305, during the week or leave a message at her e-mail address diva14789@aol.com.We’re glad she’s back to help with our motorcycling needs.We can’t wait to see what she’s up to next!

–from her friends and customers here in PSL and the TriCounty area.

THUNDER OVER DIXIE SCORES–The ride from Nashville to Biketoberfest was a thundering, thumping, roaring success. From thekick-off at Cool Springs Harley in Nashville, to the ass- kicking MontgomeryGentry, Danni Leigh concert in Daytona Beach, Thunder Over Dixie is nowestablished as THE ride in America.

On Oct. 15, the galaxy of Thunder Over Dixie celebrities, custombike building legends Arlen Ness, Dave Perewitz, Donnie Smith and JohnCovington, along with WCW wrestler and monster truck driver Madusa, Monumentrecording artist Danni Leigh, the irrepressible Biker Billy and 5,000Harley owners gathered at Cool Springs Harley-Davidson in Nashville for theadrenaline-drenched launch of Thunder Over Dixie, America’s newest, biggestHarley Jam.

The next morning, after a day of partying and rock ‘n’ roll, the five Thundersemi-trucks and a tumultuous tribe of riders headed to Steel Harley-Davidsonin Chattanooga, Tenn. Riders lazed along at their own pace, embraced bythe flaming fall colors of the Appalachians. The scenery was beautiful, theweather was perfect, and they’ll be singing songs in the hills aboveChattanooga about the night Madusa came to town.

There are concerts, and then there are concerts. Sometimes they rock,sometimes they just occur because everyone is getting paid. But the ThunderOver Dixie concert featuring Danni Leigh and CMA Duo of the Year MontgomeryGentry transcended anything ever seen in Biketoberfest.

Thunder Over Dixie 2000 ended with the concert and the riders who had riddentogether all week said their last goodbyes amid tears and hugs. They had metas strangers way back in Nashville — they departed as family.

(The Thunder over Dixie Television special will be broadcast Nov. 7 at7 p.m. on Speedvision’s BIKEWEEK show. Also, look for Thunder stories in everymajor motorcycle magazine, and Harley-Davidson’s ENTHUSIAST publication.Updates at www.thunderoverdixie.com)

BULLSHIT INFORMATION EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW–A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s firstflight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive fromeachsalad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

The first CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in theUSA.”

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in themorning.

The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number ofvarieties ofpickles the company once had.

If you missed Daytona Biketoberfest, here are the first picturesof Cyril Huze’s new “Kool Kat” complete rolling chassis for the new 240 mm& 250 mm rear tires from Metzeler and Avon.

Just click on http://store.cyrilhuze.com/product.asp?ID=112.

For more information, call (561) 988-0056 or e-mail info@cyrilhuze.com

THE PARTS CONNECTION–

10 dual carb plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads, Retail $95.07, dealer $75, $50 each
20 intake plenum runners for Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads, Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25 each
100 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$7 each
100 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts Retail $17.03- Dealer $11.35$9 each
50 Feuling-Quantum oversize intake valve guides Retail $5.45- Dealer $3.63$3.63 each
50 Feuling-Quantum oversize exhaust valve guides Retail $5.45- Dealer$3.63 $3.63 each
100 Feuling-Quantum oversize intake seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $ 5$5 each
100 Feuling-Quantum oversize exhaust seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5$5
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve front rocker boxes for Sportster or 4-cam V-Twin$200 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve rear rocker boxes for Sportster or 4-cam V-Twin$200 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-Valve front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4-camV-Twin $150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4-camV-Twin $150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4-cam V-twin$150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4-camV-Twin $150 each
*** 8 Feuling 4-valve plenun chambers for Sportster or 4-cam V-Twin$100 each
1 white powdercoated oil tank for Kenny Boyce frames$100
10 sets of billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100 set
10 front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25 each
10 front Ofset motor mount chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30 each
10 petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10 each
10 petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30 each
10 Barnett idle cables 96 up H-D$8 each
10 Barnett throttle cables 96 up H-D$8 each
20 steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5-speeds$40 each
2 chrome Softail oil tanks$150 each
5 FXR chrome kickstands$50 each
1 Sumax #8635 front fender $100$50
1 Sumax #8650 front fender $100$50
1 Sumax #8651 front fender $100$50
1 Sumax #8654 front fender $156$75
1 Sumax #8604 W rear fender $158$75
1 Sumax #8609 W rear fender $127$60
1 Sumax #8617 W rear fender $114$55
1 Sumax #8619 W rear fender $119$60
1 Sumax #8656 W rear fender $192$95

TO VERIFY SUMAX fender prices and other info, e-mail info@sumax.com.

Other stuff, such as seats, handlebars, stainless lines and cables, to be listedlater as I am still sorting parts

–Rogue, BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com>

ROB RASOR HEADS UP AMERICAN MOTORCYCLE ASSOCIATION–In a move that many around the country think was 11 months too latein coming,the board of trustees of the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA)announced that Robert Rasor has been named the association’s newpresident, effective Nov. 1.The announcement was made at a meeting of the AMA board at the association’s headquarters in Pickerington, Ohio.

Rasor has been a member of the AMA staff for nearly 28 years, startingin January 1973 as a legislative analyst. In the early ’80s, he becamedirector of the AMA’s Government Relations Department, a postsubsequently titled vice president for government relations.

We at Bikernet.com want to congratulate Rob and wish him great success.

FAST TRACK TO HELL–That’s right, I’m outta here for this week. The site is clickin’ like the magazine on a .357 magnum in the hands of Agent Zebra at a car theft convention. Rumor of his return to the West Coast has women returning to their farm roots in the Midwest and starlets eager to do anything to become almost famous in glittertown are rethinking their vocational choice. We discussed camouflage for the headquarters, but it wouldn’t help. His massive attack dog, Apache, would sniff us out.

In the meantime, while he’s stymied on the East Coast, we’ll have a helluva good time this weekend. If the morning escapades of the dark-haired one on her way to her highrise job are any indication, the weekend will be grand.

If it weren’t for Kyle at independent Gas Tanks, the Blue Flame wouldn’t have a new fuel cell. Paul Yaffe from Paul Yaffe Originals is hauling it in from Phoenix to be met with the newly painted tanks from Harold Pontarelli from H-D Performance in Sacramento. Paul mounted the new tank and made some adjustments to the bike to suit the new tank. It’s been a team effort. The Blue Flame will once again sparkle under the lights of Los Angeles, fly along the freeways and scream freedom to the caged motorists fighting to understand the monotony of their lives. There’s nothing in the world like being a biker on a Friday night, in heated bumper to bumper traffic in a state that allows lane splitting. It’s an E-ticket to the edge of the sinister mind. It’s a metalflake bull ride off the edge of a cliff, and it’s a heart-pounding precursor to stand up and shout sex later in the evening. So what the fuck are you waiting for? Let’s ride–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE G. KIDNAPPED BY FOREIGN TERRORISTS

We all seem to be burning the candle at both ends. Do you feel the same? I think I’m busy and call someone in the industry, and I can tell by the tone of their voice that they’re moving at light speed. Their words are clipped and their concentration drifts. They’re moving onto other projects while dealing with the list facing them. It’s a good thing, then again, maybe not. We need time to reflect on our success, on what we’ve accomplished and to enjoy the fruits of our nail-biting. In other words, grab your babe, a fresh bottle of Jack and your finest ride and get away. Make a point to take time off. Stop thinking about work, memos and politics, grab a handful of heaven and go for a ride. I did on Halloween night, and look at me. I’m a wreck. Let’s get to the news:

STAFF MEMBER RUNS FOR AMA BOARD–Mike Osborn, our affable advertising director and the chairman of Abate of California’s Political Action Committee, has been working within the political structure of motorcycling for over 15 years. Now he’s prepared to take another giant step in the world of motorcycling and run for the board of directors of the American Motorcycle Association.

Speaking of freedom and the elections that are coming up, the country seems to be at a crossroads. Another Abate member recently asked me why we don’t have more celebrity motorcyclists come out publicly in favor of the freedom motorcyclists work so hard to preserve. Could it be that helmet laws have become a political hot potato that rivals abortion or gun laws? Has the public decided to give up its freedoms in exchange for safety regulations? Have they given up their right to choose in favor of mandatory regulations? Have they abandoned the responsibility for one’s actions in favor of having government agencies protect them from themselves? Who the fuck knows. We’ll see, though.

THE BIKERNET FOX REPORT–We’ll be releasing Brenda’s Deuce techs on the site any minute now. But just as we were about to disrobe the Fox from Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in front of Randy’s camera for some suggestive shots in the new Bikernet T-shirt, Hells Angel Dan snagged her for one long wheelstand to Palm Springs Bike Week. We chased his stroked FXR, but he left Snake in the dust. Fortunately Dan couldn’t keep his front wheel on the ground, even in downtown Palm Springs, and he was arrested. We quickly swooped in and kidnapped her back.Watch for Dan, the wheelstand king, who’ll have Big Red Machine Bike on display at the Love Ride. Don’t miss ’em.

LOVE RIDE NOVEMBER 12, 2000– Visit http://www.loveride.org for details and event schedules.

MC CLURE FINISHES UP 2000– McClure Finishes Up 2000 Jim McClure has one more race to finish up his 2000 Top Fuel Harley-Davidson season. McClure will be competing in the rescheduled IHRA CARQUEST Autumn Nationals at Rockingham Dragway Nov. 4-5.

After the final points were tabulated in AHDRA, McClure finished third nationally in the JIMS Top Fuel series and second in the Eastern Top Fuel points challenge. McClure missed four AHDRA events because of dates that conflicted with the IHRA series.

McClure is currently sixth in the IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Division. The Top Fuel Racers Association has announced that Screamin’ Eagle will continue to sponsor the Nitro Harley series on the IHRA curcuit in 2001.

McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite and Vanson Leathers

Catch the man at www.jimmcclureracing.com, and don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.

LAST NAME BLUES–

BANDIT– Oh, Bandit. You are so cool. No explosions here. Groovy. I hope that you like it…We are and will always be… your loyal outlaw girl gang.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
–GOTHGIRL
Devil Dolls MC

As the sun drifted behind the Palos Verdes Peninsula and a sliver of a moon crept into the Halloween sky like a razor sharp glass shard, a package was delivered to the smoldering Bikernet headquarters. It was the new Devil Dolls MC 2001 calendar. Smoke slithered out of the envelope and the San Pedro bomb squad was called. When they discovered that the call originated at Bikernet, they retreated to the home of the kid with an apple sporting a fuse. For information on the Goth Girl’s new calendar, head to devildolls.com. Keep a fire extinguisher beside your computer though.–Bandit

BUELL REPORT–Here is an S&S Super “D” air horn on a Trock bored 40mm CV carb. This is on my ’95 S2 Thunderbolt. Made the adapter, which has same internal taper as the air horn. Small opening of the air horn is 2.375 diameter. The diameter of the carb radius entry is 2.250 at the carb’s gasket flange. This controls the thickness of the adapter (.750) with the given taper of the S&S air horn. This works very well!!! Too bad there is no filterelement for it.

Also, for a neat light show, turn off the lights when the bike is running on the Dyno. Then point a timing light at the air horn while the bike is running. You get to see what’s going on in the intake tract–eerie shit.–Paul Davis, Charolette Harley-Davidson.

Yes, the air horn is available. It’s a Spit & Sputter (S&S) Super “D” 4 inch.Their P/N was SS17-0141 awhile back. Its cost was about $35. The adapter I had to make. I have enough “Rudiminum” stock to make a couple or so. I had planned to make some this winter. It also requires a mod. on the carb mtg. bracket so it can be screwed on.

Got to make this quick as I have a plane to catch this morning.Got together with the local Buellies last night and got to looking at some of the tricks and tips they have put together as a group.

1.) Shifter linkage and brake lever sideplay? Invest $30 in a set of bronze bushingsfrom American Sport Bike P/N 5546. It tightens up the linkage nicely for smoother shifts and ease of finding neutral. (ABS phone: 760-946-3379)

2.) While you are at it, the aluminum shifter linkage and brake lever polish up nicely.Spray a coat of clear on them before reinstalling to maintain the shine.

3.) Want some footpeg relief from the vibrations? Replace the solid Buell footpegs with a set of standard H-D pegs. I installed a set from my old FXR and what a difference.

4.) The three-spoke wheels can also be stripped of the paint and polished. Looks totally custom. They are super nice wheels when you stop to appreciate them.

5.) Maybe by now you found out that the Buell quits running if you attempt to ride away with the kickstand down. There is a cut out switch at the kickstand pivot mount. It can be bypassed by shorting out the wires if you so desire.

Dropped the stock muffler this morning in anticipation of the Vance/HinesSS2R replacement I ordered. Couldn’t help but start it up with the header in place.Sure sounded like a hotrod Harley! The kids at the bus stop started cheering!

I am out of here. Ride fast, ride safe!!

— Bikernet Buell Agent, Anson

THINGS YOU CAN SAY AT THANKSGIVING–and get away with:

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It’s Cool Whip time!

4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!

5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!

6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Don’t play with your meat.

10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

11. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!

12 . You still have a little bit on your chin.

BIKERNET’S BIG APPLE BABE REPORTS FROM BIKETOBERFEST–Biketoberfest 2000Tricked and Treated while on the Prowl!

The Confederate Hell Cat 2001 both tricked and treated me with its 107-inch S&Sand the Total Performance engines. I couldn’t ride just one. I straddledtwo…a black and a red “kitty.” My grin was like a carved pumpkin facewith a permanently lit candle inside. I made a scary realization:I’ve found my perfect ride. The bike was the definition of sex, drugs androck ‘n’ roll. The sleek steel sexed me up, the horsepower drugged me andthe torque rock ‘n’ rolled me down I-95.

The bright red hellcat with its arched tank was an undeniableTechnicolor dream (or trip?) and the black kitty crossed the paths of many,bringing drools and good luck to the ogling eyeballs of the general cruisercrowd. By the end of my day’s ride, I had affectionately named the prowlingmidnight pussy “kitten,” ’cause I was smitten. I’m still trippin’ from theride!

Florida was OK. The highlight was getting to drive the 2001 HellcatConfederate. Test drove the new Confederate for American Rider but had a photographer with anawful attitude who really made my life difficult. And Ithought this guy was my friend, too.

Chopper2

MY FIRST CHOP–Got these scanned finally. I have more of the Pan but they are slidesthat need to be converted to jpg files. The Pan was my first chopper, first bike. Built it when I got out of the Navy Seabees in ’76.

A ’69 Bagger was my second bike. Put a ’76 front end on it, along with same year seat and heads. Had all Andrews gears in the tranny. I put in a set of 1/2-inch stroker S&S wheels, rods and pistons. It had solids with a “C” grind cam. It was a real sleeper!! Notice the handmade Derby cover on the ’69 one piece primary.

Let me know what you think about the Pan with the Fury Girder.

— Paul Davis, Charolette Harley-Davidson.

Man/Woman– A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells “PIG!”

The man immediately leans out his window and yells, “BITCH!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the nextcurve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If only men would listen.

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT– After a couple weeks and countless hours, we have *finally* tracked down the source of the Mailman (and other) problems–the ethernet card is malfunctioning. That’s why registered readers receive several duplicate e-mails

We have been grappling with our ordering system. We will have new software shortly. If you are turned down trying to order a product, let us know. If you do have a problem, drop us a check in the mail and we will have the order out to you pronto.

Il signore con la barbetta bianca e’ Willi G. Davidson, quello con la maglietta nera Americana Roma e’ Marco J.L. Il primo e’ arrivato con l’aereo privato, il secondo con un viaggio di 40 ore.Ma Willi G. ha disegnato la FAT BOY e io l’ho comptrata.. basta questo!Hasta pronto

Sorry Bandit, I sent an e-mail to my list named “bikers” and you are inside of it, of course.It was just to salute my friends from the HOG NACIONAL RALLY MEXICO (Oaxaca). Attached is a picture of me shopping with Willie G. and his bodyguards.

I went there because if you remember I was interested in organizing a biker meeting in Playa del Carmen for this year, so I met the chapters of Mexico City, Monterey, Guadalajara, etc., and we are going on, finally straight ahead!I hope I will receive the help of the locals. It will be a great meeting. It’s organized by an Italian enthusiast in Mexico in a global village on the Caribbean sea, showing the best of American Legend, with the bikes (few or many) parked on the pedestrian walkway. An expo with Mayan signs and piercing, a mix of anything we like, mescal, tequila and girls included… and don’t forget the TOY RUN!Would you like to be on it? You’d be truly welcome and part of the Californian Kustom Kulture that I think has a lot of roots inside the Mexican way of life, colors and tastes and fine art of “just do it …later.”

If anyone is interested, I need help from only the best!Marco aptcentauro@hotmail.com

MR. BANDIT– give the kids their candy tribute, then scare ’em! After dark,get naked with your pals and party. The next mornin’, have breakfast withthe Dead. Let the holiday season begin! With respect to those thatrespect tradition. Ride On! Wino Joe, USA

Only in the outlaw tradition–Bandit

ORWELL UPDATE–We have a print date of Nov. 20. The books will be shipped the day they are printed or the next. We’re praying for a slightly earlier date so we’ll have the books before Thanksgiving.

OFFICIAL BIKERNET ARTIST REPORT–have just sent Digital Gangster a new, full color, 10-panelcartoon of Nick the Dick. So, please go screwyourself!

–Jon Towle, master craftsman and prick.

WORDS TO LIVE BY–I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a big dick or huge tits.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others — they are more fucked up than you think.

NEW LINK PAGE LAUNCHED–Here in the hallowed halls of Bikernet, we’re working our butts off the seats of our P-pads to make Bikernet more user-friendly. Now, for quick reference to other biker sites, bikers’ rights organizations and our sponsors, run or peel-out to our grand link page for direct access to the cats you need to contact.

QUANTUM UPDATE–Well, Quantum officially filed Chapter 11 on Oct. 27. It looks likethey are going to try and make a go of it.One of the things that almost fucked it up was a dude named Jeff Starke. Hewas a vice president and one of the people that originally started thecompany. He was doing some back door dealings and wanted the company to goChapter 7 (bankrupt). He was trying to get the rights to the 4-Valveheads. His plan was to get the heads and find someone to finance a whole newdeal with him in charge.This is the same guy that made American Motor Works go belly up. Beat everyone out of money and then found investors to open up Quantum. They made him apresident and then eventually vice president when he got other people toinvest more money.It seems to be his scam.

When he moved here from South Florida and boughtHarley Motor Works from Dennis Mitchell, they ended up going to court. ThenSmitty from Spirat had some dealings with him and it either went to court oranother route. The Snap-on tool truck is not allowed to stop at the shopbecause he ripped them off too. Everyone I know of that has any kind ofbusiness dealing with him has had problems or gotten screwed.

Well the new investors knew all this too and wanted to cover all their bases.It appears that they have and are going to try and make a go of it.I met with Keith Ruxton and a couple of the guys Friday and let them knowthat I was still game for it, especially if Starke was out. They assuredme he was.

Now we wait for things to take their course.I will keep you informed–Rogue

AMERICAN IRON MAGAZINE REPORT–Starting with the February 2001 issue, on sale in January, American Iron Magazine will begin year-long coverage of the Indian scene to be part of the 100 years of Indians. This coverage will be in additional pages so we will not be giving up any Harley-oriented editorial pages.

VALUABLE INFO–American car horns beep in the tone of F.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age orolder.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache

CYRIL HUZE ABSOLUTE CUSTOM–Here’s another sharp example of Cyril’s handiwork. For more information, hunt him down for one of his Miami Vice catalogs.

BIKERNET EAST WEEKLY PARTS CONNECTION–

5 S&S Shorty (E) series carbs with chrome air cleaners$200 each.
1 Delkron FXR 5-speed spline shaft transmission complete with pulley$1100.
1 4-Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin (rebuilt)$1000.
1 Roadstar 16-inch spoke wheel in box$250.
3 Revtech 16×3 front rally style billet wheel complete$300 each.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Daytona style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rear Mirage style billet wheel complete$300.
2 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 rims only Mirage style billet wheel$150 each.
2 Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rims only rear Roadstar style billet wheel$200 each.
1 Roadstar billet belt pulley rear$300.
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275 each.
5 billet aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500 each.
5 billet aluminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500 each.
3 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200 each.
1 H-D outer primary cover to fit FXR$100.
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50 set.
5 S&S connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150 each.
2 Spyke starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$80 each.
5 New Harley-Davidson factory wrinkle black starters 84 up EVO$125 each.
3 5-Speed Harley-Davidson taper shaft diaphragm clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400 each.
7 heavy billet aluminum 5-speed transmission doors polished and bearings$150 each.
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30 each.
3 JIMS pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30 each.
2 sets CCI 15-294 six-gallon gas tanks H-D FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100 set.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide, seat, threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide, seat, threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$175 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve front intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
10 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rear exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $50 each.
20 Feuling-Quantum 4-valve rocker box covers Retail $86.52- Dealer $57.68$25 each.

–BIKERROGUE@email.msn.com

FREE RUSTY.COM–A token of freedom for Rusty–Naomi and Suzy from Bikers Dream. For information on law enforcement, support items and Crime Inc. products, see the above site. Also, if you’re a Hells Angel fan, follow the plight of Rusty Coones on this site.

HAWGSKINS.COM– Are you a long-distance putter? Do you ride in weather that sinks ships? Well Hawgskins manufactures heavy leather bras for lower legs of Harley front ends. These custom puppies will protect your lower legs from ragged nicks and dings shot at you from the high- speed open road. They’re like chaps for your front end. Go to Hawgskins.com and check ’em out.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PUMPKINS DRINK TOO MUCH–

BIKERNET FEATURED IN INDUSTRY REPORT–No shit. Bikernet, that’s us, was featured in an industry report on biker Web sites to watch. I was blown away. It’s like featuring Joe’s Bar in an exclusive restaurant magazine. Here’s a quote, “This West Coast-based online bomb-thrower achieves symmetry, balance and biker Zen by blending old-school savvy with high-tech funk.” Wow! I was blown away. I’d quote some more, but the rest was bad. Real bad. The other site featured was American Motorcycle Network. “Lee Love, whose claim that AMN is the ‘largest source of motorcycle news on the planet,’ is grooming AMN to be ground zero for two-wheeled surfers. Check out the newly launched Motorcycle News Wire for the latest industry buzz including quotes, rumor and hot links.”We sent these bastards a letter bomb this morning. We’re now hiring subversives in the Virginia area to eliminate this site. Please send your resumes to bandit@bikernet.com.

A GHOSTLY RETREAT–Like I was saying before I was interrupted by the news … We need to get away more often. Think back to Halloween night when you painted your face crimson, installed the long fangs of evil and started your glistening steed for a wild ride into the slippery city night. Begin to focus on the party, on the scantily clad girls, the evil lurking around every corner. If your brains cells aren’t completely fried, try to imagine that last party, the one where you promised to meet the women from the first two.

As you sip your last Jack of the evening and watched the lightweights and punks slip into their drunken stupors, you catch the eye of someone in silk with buttery cleavage. Her form entices you, and someone introduces you. One girl is tall, her hair a silken robe that hangs like black icing flowing down the side of a Halloween cake. The other is bouncy and aggressive, short but long on witty attitude. She knows what she wants and is actively pursuing it. They chat with you, each word probing for a response, for acceptance, for an open door. You listen and agree, tease and let the door swing. With each subject, the sexual overtures blossom forth. It’s only for you to allow them freedom. The short blond becomes more furtive, until words turn to touch and the night explodes with new sensations.

What begins as an evening of drinks and cool rides becomes ecstasy between the sheets. As you watch the sun come up, you wonder what the 12-hour work days are all about. Hit the iron pile, polish the bike and find a new adventure. It’s biker heaven right here on earth.

Better hit the road before I’m recognized.–Bandit