BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–SUPER BOWL PARTY JUST AROUND CORNER–BANDIT HAS GONE TO SEA TO HOLD WEATHER FRONT OFF COAST

I don’t know where to start today. If you can make it to the Super Bowl party, great. We’ll be there, Bandit’s girls will be there, the game starts at 3 p.m. PST and we’ll be rockin’ with three bands at the Blue Cafe until we can’t stand up.

It’s been cool for the coast, but I rode the Buell to a couple of car lots looking at trucks, then Joetta called from Daytona. “Have I got a billboard for you!” she said. There went the truck budget. John Siebenthaler from the East Coast put together some comps and here, somewhere is the one we decided to go with. If you go it will be posted on Highway 92 or International Speedway.

I knew Layla’s birthday was just around the corner, but it was creeping up on me. The Dark Haired One doesn’t have a lot of material wants. She perfers the touchy/feely sensual experience that makes her knees weak, so I went into action. First thing in the morning I called Romona’s Bakery and ordered her a cake, something special. She came from a poor household in the San Pedro projects and with a gang of rugrats running around, budgets were tight. She had never had an official birthday cake. Then I rolled over to a flower shop and picked up a dozen roses, but not ordinary red roses. These looked like a knockout flame job with a cream colored base and bright red edges. My mind was a whirl of sexual notions for the evening and I decided to step onto the edge and try something wild. Since she likes to talk to other women about sex, I reached into my bag of tricks. We better get to the news before this gets too steamy and I call Sin and put off the news til next week.

If you need information about the party, check this link.You can download the invitation here.

BANDIT FACED WITH ANOTHER DEADLINE–Just when he thought the deadlines were under control, Crusing Rider hammers him for a column. Josh Placa, who lives in Sedona, Ariz., and edits Cruising Rider, sent a box of rattlesnakes to the headquarters and threatened to unleash them if the big bastard didn’t come up with a column. Look for the first in a long line of ridiculous bullshit in the summer issue.–Renegade.

DARWIN AWARD PICKS FOR THE WEEK– A 22-year-old Reston, Va., man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. “The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,” Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was “major trauma”.

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend – no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate – was hospitalized.

SUNDANCE AND THE BIKERNET CYBER SPACE BIKE SHOW CHECKS IN– The Digital Gangster has made entry so simple that even the toy poodle that belongs to the old lady across the street could enter – if she had a scoot! Bandit has generously made the entry fee absolutely FREE! You read that right – ZERO, ZIP, NADA! Anyhow, with all of these perks, you can bet that there are plenty of entries keeping me busy here at HQ!

Since we have so many entrants, it was bound to happen – occasionally we run into a real rocket scientist who can’t figure out why his pictures won’t upload to our server. Perhaps it is time for a quick course in Internet photography and scanning 101. First of all, while you might believe that scanning at the highest resolution is the best, this is not entirely true. If you are scanning photos to send to us, the ideal resolution is 75 to 100 ppi. The human eye is incapable of discerning the tiny differences in quality between a 100 ppi photo and a 200 ppi photo, but the 200 takes up more than three times the space on the server. This occasionally means that the photo file becomes too large and cannot upload to our server.

Also, if you are sending two or three different photos, please scan each of them separately. Then upload each photo as directed. Do not lay all three photos on the scanner at once and then upload the one huge, mammoth collage of photos. We here at Bikernet are tempted to dump these in the garbage can, but in all fairness to the competitors, we sit in our office, quietly swearing under our breath, while separating all of these lovely conglomerations!

If your photos turned out fuzzy or overexposed, they will only look worse on the Internet. It might be a good idea to go back out with the camera and try again. Keep your elbows tight to your body when shooting (Not you, Oz!), and keep the camera steady. Keep the sun behind you, and try to shoot on sunny days. If you cannot see the entire bike through the viewfinder, it will not show up in the photo either. Take one step back, and we can trim off the excess if we need to when your photo arrives. Try to find a pleasant background for your pictures – a lake, a grove of trees, a mountain vista – whatever turns you on.

If you are snapping your photos indoors, turn on all of the lights and use your flash. Try to move miscellaneous junk out of the picture so our judges can concentrate on the beauty of your ride and not the cool topless model poster tacked to the back wall of your garage. They have been known to get easily distracted by that type of thing!

Bikernet wants every ride to have an equal chance of winning in the Cyber Space Bike Show, and sending in good quality photos that upload easily is the best place to start! Judging for January starts in just about a week, so hurry to get your entry in today.

–Happy Snapping!Sundance

AGENT M2 UPDATE–Bandit,I am shooting for Daytona Bike Week in March. Progress has been made in the past eight weeks with getting my ex back on track. I believe it is fair and provides for the family. It will be up to me to maintain contact with my kids and monitor their concerns. My ex and I both agree it is in the family’s best interest to see that I complete this last two years of employment and secure the retirement benefits.

So at this point I believe we are well and getting better. I appreciate your concern.By the way, your Web site is improving at an alarming rate! I trust San Pedro is not subject to power outages or I hate to think of all us bikernetters missing out on our weekly fix!

–Enjoy the game,Anson

Send batteries and kerosene

AHDRA FOR SALE–An underground contact just slipped us the following:Well, no surprise here, but AHDRA is officially for sale (so went theannouncement at the banquet). What we need out there is one more Rolexrider-gonna fix stuff for us.I will keep you posted. I’m curious to know if the H-D deal will go with it, butI’ll do some checking.

–Mystery correspondent

Cool looking Iron Head

Here are some pics from the Easyriders Bike Show in Charlotte. This is a Chopper’s Inc. Pan.

I forgot the ’56 Panhead from Charlotte H-D. It won first place in its class. Also, my buddy Bob Williams did all the restoration. I wanted to send you his full name as he wasn’t at the show.

–Paul

EASYRIDERS FINAL BIKE SHOW DATES FOR THE SEASON AND RODEO DATES FOR THE SUMMER–

Feb. 10
Memphis, Tenn.
Memphis Cook Convention Center

Feb. 16-18
Columbus, Ohio
Franklin County Veterans Memorial

Easyriders Motorcycle Rodeo Tour 2001

June 22,23,24
Hopkinsville, Ken.
Western Kentucky State Fairgrounds

July 6,7,8
Middletown, N.Y.
Orange County Fairgrounds

July 13,14,15
Wilson, N.C.
Wilson County Fairgrounds

July 27,28,29
Prospect, Penn.
Butler County Fairgrounds

Aug. 17,18,19
Fowlerville, Mich.
Fowlerville Fairgrounds

Aug. 30-Sept. 3
Chillicothe, Ohio
Ross County Fairgrounds

INTERESTED IN ADVERTISING ON BIKERNET?–Or would you like to order a dozen or more copies of “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell” for your shop? Well, the info for both is now posted on the home page, or just click here for the details.

INCREDIBLE BAMM REPORT–CC: South Carolina ABATE has filed an equal access bill to allow bikers toenter places of public accommodation without being harassed for their dressor mode of transportation. It’s been pre-filed as H 3115.

CC: ABATE of Pennsylvania’s Board of Directors approved a proposedlegislative agenda this past Saturday and told their “junior” lobbyist,CharlieUmbenhauer to proceed. In case we never mentioned it, Charlie had beentheir State Legislative Coordinator since the invention of dirt and bowedout atthe end of 1999 claiming a multitude of personal issues that needed to beresolved. Near the end of 2000, yours truly proposed to the Board ofDirectors that we hire him and pay the man for the work he has always donefor free. Although he has been involved with motorcycle rights far longerthanBruce Johnson, the lobbyist Charlie hired to work with ABATE back in thelate ’80s, it’s kind of amusing to refer to a man who won a Golden SpokeAward as a “junior” lobbyist.

If you enjoy the saga of Pennsylvania’s legislative attempts, here’s themenufor what to expect during the 2001 – 2002 Legislative Session here inGestapo land:

1. Helmet Law – what else? Get the damned thing off our heads.

2. Equal Access – sound familiar? We got publicly called wimps for wantingan “anti-discrimination” law which was previously filed on our behalf. Wewere included with groups I won’t name here who need equal employmentand housing protection. Now that we have the right name maybe we can getsome action.

3. Handlebar Height – ABATE of PA is going on record in favor of norestrictions on ape hangers and will ask that the current law be done awaywith. It was enacted to discriminate against chopper riders and give thecopsa way to harass them. It never was a safety issue that held much water. If aguy wants to ride around looking like he’s hanging from a tree, by damn, heought to have the right to do it.

4. Covered Loads – Maryland has a covered load law with teeth. Ours can’teven gum a violator. We’re going to use Maryland’s law as a model and worktoward stopping a variety of shit from sand blasting bikes and cars,breakingwindshields and putting big knots on various parts of our bodies. We wantthe act of dropping unsafe stuff all over the road causing dangerous ridingconditions to be illegal.

5. Motorcycle Parking – Same deal as last year that would allow two or morescooters in a space without indiscriminate ticketing of one or more of them(a fairy government’s way to produce revenue). It passed as part of thetransportation Omnibus bill, but got vetoed by Ridge because of other stuffinthe 203 page bill he didn’t like. Back to square one – AGAIN.

6. Veteran’s Plates – Lots of us old biker farts were once young defendersofpeace, truth and the American Way. Some of us, on the other hand, werejust plain killers who enjoyed the hunt. Nevertheless, our veterans alldeserveto be recognized for their service to the country and what better way thanontheir scooter’s license plate?

7. Motorcycle Awareness – Patterning the initiative after Virginia’sVCOM/ABATE success in this area, we want motorcycle awareness taughtin every driver’s ed class taught in the state. In addition, we wantmotorcycleawareness questions on the licensing exam; just to make sure the kidsweren’t playing grab ass during that portion of their training. We hope itwillkeep them from running us over later on.

8. Motorcyclists Matter – Someone will send you the info on this; so it’senough to say here that it’s an effort in consort with the AMA to getstifferpenalties levied against the folks who take away our right-of-way and causeus to be run over by them. “I didn’t see him” won’t float as an excuse forgetting a $25 failure to yield ticket while there’s a dead body on the hood.We want them prosecuted and prosecuted BIG TIME. Enhancing penaltiesmight just make the jerks pay attention to what they’re doing and looktwice,maybe thrice.

9. Taxing our brothers – That’s about what it amounts to, but it’s for agoodcause and will save their life if they take advantage of the program. PA’sMotorcycle Safety Courses are funded by a whopping $2 surcharge onmotorcycle learner permits and class M licenses. That means anyone with ascooter permit or license can take the MSF’s MRC or ERC course for free. Infact, permit holders who pass the MRC can be licensed right on the spot byour Site Coordinators. Last year we trained over 14,000 riders. But that wasthe maximum available funds would allow and we have around 750,000licensed motorcycle operators in this state with more coming on board everyyear. Last year, the state extended the valid time period for a permit from6months to a year. That means, duh, that fewer learner permits will be issuedand the program will be getting less funding. ABATE of PA’s commitment tomotorcycle safety demands that we propose an increase in the surcharge sothat more riders can be properly trained in this extremely importantprogram.

CC: Meanwhile, just below us in Maryland some bozo has proposed a billmandating motorcycle safety training as a prerequisite for obtaining amotorcycle license. Pretty dumb move considering there apparently isn’t anyfunding in place, an insufficient number of training sites are available and ashortage of qualified instructors exists not to mention the fact that, evenifthey had enough of everything mentioned, making the course mandatory willprobably result in more unlicensed riders on the road who haven’t had toexhibit any skills at all. In addition, students forced into trainingclasses mayhave a tendency to be disruptive and prohibit serious students who choose totake the course from having the opportunity to learn. HB 141 is simply a badidea. If you’re local to the following areas you can call 410-946-5400(Baltimore) or 301-970-5400 (Washington), and request a copy of the bill.Anyone not living there can eat up some government phone money and call800-492-7122 to get a copy. Apparently they maintain a log of bill requestsand comments, using it as a barometer of the public’s interest. This is thesame state run by a governor who wants built-in electronic trigger locksthatcan read the user’s hand print before the gun can be fired. That would bethesame governor who explained how easily an adult can remove a trigger lock ifthreatened by an aggressor and then fumbled with the damned thing fornearly a half hour before giving up. Prime time news was a hoot for the pro-gun folks that night.

PICKERINGTON, Ohio — The American Motorcyclist Association (AMA) hasannounced that Richard Gray and Jeff Smith were the winners in this year’selection for the AMA Board of Trustees.

Gray, a 21-year AMA member who lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, hasserved on the Board for the past six years and is the current chairman. Hewas the winner in a three-way race for the seat representing the NortheastRegion. Other candidates were Jerry Wood, and Robert Coy.

In North Central Region balloting, Smith, of Wausau, Wisconsin, earnedthe Board seat over Dale Greenwald. Smith is a 28-year AMA member whoserved for nine years as executive director of the American Historic RacingMotorcycle Association (AHRMA) before retiring last year. He is also a two-time world motocross champion. In the Northwest Region, Trustee Dal Smilie of Helena, Montana, who isalso the Board vice chairman, was unopposed. All three candidates were elected for three-year terms.

Alert! New high-tech Sniffer lets police secretly test driver’s breathfor booze WASHINGTON, DC — A sneaky new high-tech device that allowspolice to analyze your breath for traces of alcohol without yourknowledge or consent doesn’t just violate the Fourth Amendment, warnsthe Libertarian Party — it could get you tossed into jail for drunkdriving even if all you did was use mouthwash.

“All you have to do is breathe once, and, without so much as asearch warrant or a warning, police can administer a drunk-driving testthat is unreliable, underhanded, and unconstitutional,” charged theparty’s national director, Steve Dasbach.

CC: ABATE of PA’s Legislative & Leadership Seminar this coming weekendis SOLD OUT. In fact, we’re over-sold so if everyone shows up then someonewill be eating their Awards Banquet chow while sitting on the floor or theedge of the stage. Circle your calendar now for 2002. The seminar is alwaysheld on the last weekend of January.

Continued on Page 2

We are often asked to manufacture raked triple trees. Our decisionNOT TO RAKE TRIPLE TREES revolvesaround the stability and handling of the bike, and the safety of you,the rider. Raked triple trees are scientificallyunsound, as explained below.

As trail is REDUCED, instability results, producing a naturaltendency towards deflection or speed wobble.

As trail is INCREASED, so does the ability of a motorcycle toresist wobble and follow a straight line. There is alimit, however – too much trail can result in a motorcycle only beingable to travel in a straight line!

TRAIL is geometrically determined by continuing a centerlinethrough the frame head to the ground, and drop-ping a vertical line from the center of the axle. The differencebetween the 2 points (corrected to the centerlineof the motorcycle) is measured in inches.

THREE DIFFERENT FORK CONFIGURATIONS SHOWING HOWTRAIL IS AFFECTED

A) Typical Stock Configuration
A 30° rake is established in theframe head. The fork is alsoat 30°, with no rake changeevident in the triple trees. Thetrail is lets say 3.5″

B) Raked Triple Tree
The Frame Head remainsunaltered at 30°. The triple treesare machined to produce 35° inthe fork. The trail vanishes tozero degree, producing grossinstability.

C) How it Should Be Done
>The components are the sameexcept that the Frame Head isreconfigured to 35°. The alteredgeometry increases the trail tolet’s say 4.25 inches and producesmore straight-line stability.

So what’s the solution? We recommend altering the frame head inorder to achieve the desired non-standardrake. Never consider the “easy way out” by choosing raked tripletrees. We would caution the rider to seek professional help inselecting a precision jig and only using sound, careful weldingprocedures.

Glossary

RAKE: The angle of the fork tubes, expressedin degrees off vertical. Also: CASTER

TRAIL: An imaginary distance arrived atgeometrically, expressed in inches.

FRAME HEAD: A tubular section of the framethat houses the assembled fork stem andbearings. It is a normally immovable part whichestablishes the rake of the fork.

TRIPLE TREE: Machined, forged or castplates which contain the fork tubes and fork assembly.Usually no rake angle is established here.

Bikernet News Flash–Agent Zebra’s Great American Steamer Stolen

Yes, last weekend as I danced with Sin Wu in the narrow passageways of the Queen Mary, the dark forces that linger in the alleys of Hollywood reared their ugly heads and struck at the Agent’s ride. Brenda Fox from Bartels’ Harley-Davidson reported the following day that two more Harleys were captured in a ritzy Marina del Rey neighborhood while I groped at Sin’s milky flesh.

Was there foul play at the headquarters? Only the district attorney’s investigation may unleash the sordid details. Were women involved? Of course they were. The lovely Germanic blonde, Nicole, called me Friday morning and asked, in her dry, threatening, sharp-as-a-razorblade dialect, what I was doing. I mistakenly told her the tasty weekend schedule. If the rain let up I was to meet the Devil Dolls in San Diego. Goth Girl had demanded my presence in an underground night club in the old town section of Dago. I was scheduled to take two hefty brothers as back up since the Dolls seemed to be on a rampage, but then Sin and Layla got wind of my plans and enticed me into an evening of unrelenting sex and debauchery. Getting a sensual guarantee seemed more intriguing than being jack-boot stomped by the notorious Devil Dolls.

Back to the conversation with the tall blond Nazi. I shuddered at her request but didn’t hesitate to comply. Zebra had first been ousted from Los Angeles by the homeless union of derelicts and winos. He was nasty as an unemployed biker. He moved to Miami and set up a crank lab in the center of Cuban drug cartels. His popularity decreased rapidly as his low-quality speed filtered through the already edgy streets and skyrocketing humidity. He begged to return to Los Angeles. The staff voted against the Agent’s request for subsistence for all his hard work on the site. This didn’t endear the Agent to the staff, or as his threatening antics escalated, the staff to the Agent. In a recent marathon sexual strategy meeting, the Agent burst into the garage and started firing that nasty .45 automatic and even startled Renegade. The outburst forced the staff to pull his Bikernet patch and send him down the road. So when the lovely Nicole called demanding that we go to a particular party on the Queen Mary, we conceded. Little did we know that she was protecting us with a valuable alibi so that the nefarious deed could take place and we would be completely covered. I thought renting an entire ship and throwing a party for 300 people was a bit extreme. The story slips deeper into a den of depravity from here. We better get to the news:

–HARLEY-DAVIDSON REPORTS RECORD FOURTH QUARTER AND 15th CONSECUTIVE RECORD YEAR–2000 Net Income Increased 30.1 Percent on 18.5 Percent Higher RevenueHarley-Davidson, Inc. (NYSE: HDI) today announced record sales and earnings for its fourth quarter and year ended Dec. 31. Revenue for the quarter was $756.2 million compared with $662.5 million in the year-ago quarter, a 14.1 percent increase. Fourth quarter diluted earnings per share (EPS) were 31 cents, a 26.5 percent increase compared with last year’s 24 cents. Revenue for the full year was $2.91 billion, compared with $2.45 billion in 1999, an 18.5 percent increase. Diluted EPS for the full year were $1.13, a 31.1 percent increase compared with $0.86 in 1999.

“Our 15th consecutive record year exceeded our expectations, and despite the current economic uncertainty in the United States, the outlook for retail sales of Harley-Davidson motorcycles continues to be very strong,” said Jeffrey L. Bleustein, chairman and chief executive officer of Harley-Davidson, Inc.

“Through the continued introduction of market-defining products, a dealer network that is the envy of the industry, and our demonstrated ability to focus on and to fulfill our customers’ dreams, we are confident we will continue to deliver record revenues and income.”

“Fourth quarter results, current demand and our continued success in expanding motorcycle production, have given us the confidence to increase our production target to 227,000 Harley-Davidson motorcycles for 2001,” said Bleustein.

Fourth quarter shipments of Harley-Davidson motorcycles totaled 54,129 units, up 5,509 units or 11.3 percent over the same period last year. Sales of Harley-Davidson motorcycles were $606.1 million, an increase of $75.9 million or 14.3 percent.

Sales of Parts and Accessories (P&A), which consist of Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories, totaled $98.5 million, an increase of $20.2 million or a 25.9 percent increase from the year-ago quarter. Fourth quarter sales of General Merchandise, which consists of MotorClothes? apparel and collectibles, totaled $40.7 million, an increase of $5.6 million or 15.9 percent over the same period last year.

Longer term, the Company expects the growth rate for P&A revenues to increase slightly faster than Harley-Davidson’s motorcycle unit growth rate, while it expects the growth rate for General Merchandise to grow slightly slower than the motorcycle unit growth rate.

Fourth quarter gross margin was 34.7 percent of revenue, up slightly from 34.6 percent of revenue last year.Fourth quarter operating margin for the Motorcycles and Related Products Segment was 17.3 percent of revenue, which was better than last year’s fourth quarter operating margin of 16.6 percent. Operating expenses did not increase as rapidly as revenue, resulting in improved operating margins. Included in operating expenses was a charge of $4 million related to the cost of extending the warranty for a rear cam bearing in certain Twin Cam 88? engines.

Harley-Davidson/Buell retail registrations in 2000 have grown in all major markets, with the U.S. up 15.4 percent through November, Europe up 8.8 percent through October and Japan/Australia up 3.6 percent through October. (See Table that follows for more detail.)

Harley-Davidson Financial Services, Inc. (HDFS), a subsidiary of Harley-Davidson, Inc., reported fourth quarter operating income of $13.0 million, up $4.5 million compared to the year-ago quarter.

For the fiscal year ended 2000, total Harley-Davidson motorcycle shipments were 204,592 units compared with 177,187 units in 1999, a 15.5 percent increase. Harley-Davidson motorcycle revenue was $2.25 billion, an increase of $355.5 million or an 18.8 percent increase.

Total Buell motorcycle shipments were 10,189 units compared with 7,767 units in 1999, a 31.2 percent gain. Buell motorcycle revenue was $58.1 million, a decrease of $5.4 million or 8.5 percent. The decline in revenue was driven primarily by a shift to production of lower-priced Buell Blast motorcycles, which target new riders.

P&A revenue totaled $447.8 million, a 23.5 percent increase, while General Merchandise revenue totaled $151.4 million, a 14.1 percent increase compared to 1999.

Full year operating income for HDFS was $37.2 million, an increase of $9.5 million or 34.3 percent compared to 1999.

Diluted earnings per share were $1.13, an increase of 31.1 percent. After the first quarter sale of the Harley-Davidson? Chrome VISA? card is excluded, diluted earnings per share were $1.11, an increase of 28.5 percent.

This is ET 29, Kim Swank from Broomfield, Colo. He is seventh in the AHDRA national points standings for 2000. This was also from the Las Vegas race in October 2000.–Helen Wolfe

BUELL REPORT–Had a day off here and didn’t even want to be at the shop. Needed to work on my forks on my Buell but needed more to be away to clear my head. So first I went up to Tilley’s and did some “bench racing” with my buddyNeal. Showed him some Flow Bench plans I ran into, a really cool way of building one.

He showed me a stock Buell air box that he had on his S2. It was the newer style that a lot of people don’t like. He modified it with a air intake opening on the front end of the air box cover. It had a K&N air filter at the opening. Good way to do Ram air. It was also paintedthe same color as the the bike and not the stock textured flat black.

After that I visited a buddy at Curley’s H-D in Winston Salem, N.C. I checked out the dealership. It’s a nice place with the “diner” and all. They were pretty busy. Doing a lot of cam changes on Twin Cam bikes.

Also saw Bonnie, a lady friend of mine there who used to work with me at Charlotte. Made a point for me to try and get tickets for the Easyriders Bike Show this weekend at Charlotte.After that I went and saw T.R. at Tman performance. Man I was in DragBike heaven! There was cool stuff all over the place — Serdi machine, heads, flowbench, just amazing stuff. Not the kinda stuff you see in any magazine. It was stuff that you see at the Strip taken apart being worked on. This guy is really talented.Going there and also going to Tilley’s is just what I needed to get my head going again. Wish I had some pictures because words don’t even come closeto describing some of the stuff that these shops are doing.

Anyway, other than that, nothing really to send. Hope to get some pictures for you from the Easyriders show this weekend.– Paul in N.C.

VANCOUVER BC CANADA HOG– Chapter Schedule ofevents for 2001

Note:Vancouver HOG chapter meetings will be held in January, February, March, September, October, November and December. The meeting will be on the first Tuesday of the month at 7 p.m., unless it falls on a long weekend. Then the meeting will be the next Tuesday that is not a holiday weekend. The months of April, May, June and July, the meeting will be held on the first Saturday of the month, with a mystery ride after the meeting. If it falls on a long weekend, then the meeting will be the next Saturday that is not a holiday weekend. There will not be a Vancouver chapter business meeting in August.

Jan. 19-21: Vancouver Motorcycle Show at Tradex Center in Abbotsford, BC. Call Trev DeeleyMotorcycles (604) 291-BIKE.We will have the HOG BUSS again this year on the 21st. Bussleaves TrevDeeley Motorcycles at 10 a.m. to go out there and leaves the Tradex Centerat 2:30 toreturn to Trev Deeley Motorcycles. Call (604) 291-BIKE

Jan. 27: Delta LOH Bowling nite: Vancouver vs. Delta. Call Penny (604)576-8022

Feb. 6: HOG Meeting 4608 Imperial in Burnaby Call (604) 434-1502Feb. 10: 3rd Annual Sweetheart Dinner Party at the Rockin HorseLounge in Maple Ridge.Bring a non-perishable food item for the soup kitchen. Call Dan (604)984-7831

Feb. 18: Wacky Bowling Nite with the Honda Group. Call (604)434-1502

Feb. 24: LOH hosts a Guys ?n Gals Billiards Night… Bring a non-perishable food item for the soup kitchen. Call (604) 434-1502.

BIKERNET DECEMBER SHOW WINNERS– Well, now that Oz and the Gangster have kissed and made up and things are back to normal (well normal for this place), we have a whole new set of winners to share with you in the Cyber Space Bike Show. There are some fabulous bikes that really deserve a look-see. These winners from December can look forward to a great Bikernet trophy and some other hot prizes. Remember, it cost them nothing to enter.

ProStreet – Kevin O’Neal of Erie, Penn.

Radical Custom – Eddie Funk of Olathe, Kan.

Ridden The Pirate – Jack Verburg of Sicamus, B.C. Canada

Sportster – Gail Hamilton of Charlotte, N.C.

Street Custom-Stock – Chris Chrome of Huntington Beach, Calif.

Vintage – Christopher Lotz of Lawrenceburg, Ken.

Vintage Chopper – Ray Carter Jr. of Harlingen, Texas

Our congratulations to these wonderful winners. One problem Bandit… Chris Chrome, the winner in our Street Custom-Stock category, swears that I, Sundance, am you “in a skirt.” Now I’ve seen you in plenty of skirts, but you were never the one wearing them, so we’ll have to find a way to convince Chris and any other “Doubting Thomases” out there that you and I are two different people. Unless you don’t mind having our visitors think you are some split personality transvestite! I’m looking forward to the January judging. Geez, I always love to see who our new winners are, but I can’t wait to see Oz have the Gangster keel hauled if he comes across another glitch in the programming!

Love ya!
Sundance

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our website at http://www.aimncom.com,http://www.On-A-Bike.com

COAST TO COAST BIKER NEWS–Compiled and Edited by BILL BISH,National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM)

FEDS ENDORSE HEALTH CARE DISCRIMINATION For the past several years,motorcyclists have rightfully believed that we had won the federallyprotected right to medical benefits from our health care providers in theevent of an accident. But now, over four years since bikers from across thecountry successfully lobbied Congress to ban health insurance discriminationagainst motorcycle riders, new regulations released recently may actuallyhave the opposite effect.The original intent of the legislation, the Health Insurance PortabilityAct of 1996, was to protect employees from being discriminated against bybeing denied coverage ”due to their participation in activities such asmotorcycling, snowmobiling, all-terrain vehicle riding, horseback riding,skiing and other similar activities,” according to the Congressional Recordfrom that time.But on January 5, 2001, the three federal agencies involved in therulemaking process to codify the legislation into federal regulations,released the new rules which appear to completely contradict the originalCongressional intent. While on one hand the regulations state that employers cannot refusehealthcare insurance on the basis of an employee’s participation in legalrecreational pursuits, on the other hand it allows health care benefits to bedenied for injuries sustained in connection with those activities.

Weencourage concerned riders to contact your Congressional representatives andurge them to take corrective action.To contact members of Congress, call the Capitol Telephone Exchange at(202) 224-3121.
Flash-Just in, President Bush has declared a moratorium on any new regulations being printed in the Federal Register. This may effectively block implementation of this new rule. Stay tuned for more updates!

EPA TO TARGET MOTORCYCLE EMISSIONS– The Feds are drawing a bead onmotorcycles, and will soon tighten emissions standards for street bikes andimpose standards for dirt bikes, which are currently unregulated at thefederal level.The Environmental Protection Agency is expected to follow California’slead in both sets of standards, reports the San Francisco motorcyclepublications CITY BIKE.Along with bikes, snowmobiles, marine engines and industrial engines suchas those used in forklifts are expected to come under scrutiny in the comingmonths.In a November document called an Advance Notice of Proposed Rule Making,the EPA puts forth their case for regulating machines hitherto untouched. Onpage 3 of the document, it is proposed that while they’re at it, they may aswell tighten standards for street bikes too.

TAXMAN MAY SOMEDAY RIDE WITH YOU One day, perhaps, every vehicle on the road will be equipped with a computer that uses satellite technology torecord every mile you drive, and in which states and on which roads. Thenthe government will use that information to tax you for your driving.That day could be just five to 10 years away, according to an article byLarry Sandler in the MILWAUKEE JOURNAL SENTINEL, as Wisconsin has joinedeight other states and the federal government in paying for an $800,000 studyof whether such a system could be created to replace the gas tax.Although this Orwellian concept is plagued with privacy concerns, they’repressing ahead with the study, because they fear the growth ofalternative-fuel cars could mean the end of the road for the gas tax. As aside benefit, they say the system would give every driver a satellitenavigation unit and a way to call for help in an emergency.

MICHIGAN PASSES LAW TO LIMIT MOTORCYCLE CONFISCATIONS Michigan GovernorJohn Engler signed a bill on Jan. 5, that will prevent policeagencies from withholding a motorcycle longer than 30 days after it isconfiscated. The motorcycle confiscation bill (SB1012) provides for safe andsecure transportation and storage from the time the bike is picked up by anypolice agency (if the bike gets damaged the bill has provisions forpenalties). The police then have 30 days to return the bike to the owner orface penalties, court costs and actual attorney fees (if an attorney wasrequired to get the bike back). This bill will help prevent the police from taking a bike just to harassand detain bikers and then keeping the bike for years without cause.Senator Mat Dunaskiss (R) sponsored the bill at the request of Angel(Communications Director) ABATE OF MICHIGAN, Inc.”I sure hope other states can use this too,” said Angel, ”We are allin this together and we don’t always live or ride in the same state all ofour lives.”

SPANISH BAN ON MOTORCYCLE TRAILERS BROUGHT BEFORE COURT The EuropeanCommission (EC) has decided to bring Spain before the Court of Justicebecause it considers that Spain’s absolute ban imposed on motorcycles towingtrailers is an unjustifiable barrier to the free movement of goods andpersons between Member States of the European Union.The EC, while sharing the Spanish authorities’ concern for road safety,which was cited as justification for the ban, considers that road safety canbe achieved by measures which are less trade-restrictive. For example, otherMember States impose maximum speed limits on motorcycles with trailers or setmaximum trailer dimensions or weight limits on the load which the trailersmay carry.After Denmark, where the trailer ban was lifted in June 1998 thanks tothe efforts of the FEDERATION OF EUROPEAN MOTORCYCLE ASSOCIATIONS (FEMA),Spain is the only country imposing this type of ban. According to FEMA, thiscauses a lot of problems for many touring motorcyclists with trailers who aretraveling between southern countries, all of which allow trailer use.

SIDECARISTS SOMETIMES OVERCHARGED AT TOLL BOOTHS ”Back in the 70’s inresponse to statements from our members, we found that many tollways, tollbridges, toll tunnels, turnpikes, etc., were charging sidecarists up to 50%MORE than the driver of a heavy two axle limo or pickup truck,” E-mailed HalKendall of the UNITED SIDECAR ASSOCIATION.”Over a period of about five years we worked consistently to bring abouta uniform and fair toll not to exceed the rate for a passenger car,” saidHal. ”We thought we had all tollways in line but it seems that on occasionsome will charge a sidecarist as a three axle vehicle.”The latest, says Hal, was the Harris County Toll Road in Houston.Upon receipt of Hal’s letter requesting clarification of their rates, Mr.Bernard Koudelka, Executive Director responded that they will address thisissue with all their collection personnel and to charge sidecarists at theirprivate passenger 2-axle rate.

NEW DARWIN AWARDS UPDATE–The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individualswho contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselvesfromthe gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunkcheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixedgasolinewith milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and hevomitedinto the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fireburnedhis house down, killing both him and his sister.

A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his homediedof suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6’2″ tall andweighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, blackandwhite saddle shoes, and a woman’s wig. It appeared that he was trying tocreate a schoolgirl’s uniform look. He was also wearing a military gasmaskthat had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in itsplace. The other end of the hose was connected to a one end of a hollowwooden tube approx. 12″ long and 3″ in diameter. The tube’s other endwasinserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of hissuffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances ofhisdeath to his family very awkward.

Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at lowaltitudewhen another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moonthe occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraftandcrashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with theirpants around their ankles.

A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highwaynearMarseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger andkilling herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not havequalified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that thedriver’s attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring,whichhad started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempttopress the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi’s life, the woman lostherown.

TO ALL HAMSTER FRIENDS–I am saddened to have to pass this information on to everyone. Our goodfriend, Travis Elliott from Leavenworth, Kan., passed away last night. Hewas out bowling with friends and had a heart attack. We will truly miss himand his good spirit and kind words for all.

The services are as follows: A visitation will be on Jan. 18from 6-9 p.m. at the Davis Funeral Home, 531 Shawnee, Leavenworth, Kan. 66048;phone (913) 682-5523. The funeral is at 11 a.m. on Jan. 19 at Davis Funeral Home; the burial is at 12:30 p.m. at the VA cemetery.

To express your condolences and prayers to Lana and their family, the addressis:Lana Elliott404 S. 11th St.Leavenworth, Kan. 55048

Our hearts go out to Lana and her family. If there is anything further, I’lllet everyone know.–Patty

THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS 2001 SCHEDULE CHANGES–

September 15………….Shiloh Junior High School
September 22………….Cub Scout Troop #101
September 29………….St Paul Blind Academy
October 6………………….Spanish American War Vets
October 13……………….Crippled Children’s Home
October 20……………….Elgin Mental Hospital
October 27……………….Girl Scout Troop #353
November 3…………….OH Venereal Disease Clinic
November 10……………Lakewood Boys Choir
November 17……………Korean Amputees Special Monday Night Game
December 9…………….Brecksville Girls Club

ROGUE’S DISCOUNT BIKE PARTS–Yes, he is the king of parts discounts. This week we even have photos to accompany the vast inventory of late model parts.

2 – American Quantum FXR PRO STREET FRAMES $600.00 ea
1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.00

1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.00
1 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$350.00ea

1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.00
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.00
2 Sturgis Front Rim Hubs Non Brake Side for Single Brake set-up$50.00ea
1Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.00

1Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with Brake Side Hub(needs Pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar Billet Rear BeltPulley $700.00
1 Attitude style Sturgis Billet Rear Belt Pulley$300.00
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275.00ea
2 American Quantum Billet Aluminum Anti-Reversionary Front Ends – Ready tobolt on. $700.00ea
5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR Rubber Mount, Extra Strong$500.00ea Retail $1000.00 +
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR Rubber Mount,Extra Strong$500.00ea Retail $1000.00 +
4 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200.00ea

10 9135 H.D. Inner Primary Bearings, 5 Speed 1987 upRetail $20.00 Dealer $10.00 Rogue $8.00
5 39998-65 Anchor Plate Chain Adjuster Inner PrimaryRetail $152.00 Dealer $98.39 Rogue $75.00
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50.00set
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150.00set
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70.00ea
3 5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400.00ea
5 37906-90 H.D. Clutch Basket Bearings Retail $83.00 Dealer $41.30Rogue$35.00
3 Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150.00ea
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30.00ea
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30.00ea
1 Set CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100.00set
3 25-550x Custom Chrome Flatside Gas Tank Mounting Kit Retail $49.95 Dealer$32.95 Rogue $25.00
5 CCI 13-383 Russell Stainless Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00 ea
5 CCI 13-381 Russell Stailess Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00ea
3 32-574 Custom Chrome Bolt Kit For Rear Disc Brake Rotor to Hub W/CastWheelRetail $10.00 Dealer $6.65 Rogue $5.00
1 CCI 09-880 Adjustable Rear Mini Shaker Floorboard Set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.00
1 Set (4) Custom Sumax Premium Pushrod Cover Kit For H.D.EVO $135.80Retail – $94.05 Dealer – $80.00 ROGUE
1 H.D 132 Tooth Rear Drive Belt # H.D. 40023-86 Fits 86 to present Softail.$165.95 Retail – $107.95 Dealer – $100.00 ROGUE
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads)Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75.00ea10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75.00 $50.00ea
5 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Heads Flanges Machined andBored to 1 7/8 for S&S Carb Retail $120.07 – Dealer $100.07 – Rogue $75.07
10 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25.00ea

5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100.00set
10 Front Ofset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25.00ea
10 Front Offset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30.00ea

5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10.00ea
3Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30.00ea
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40.00ea
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50.00ea

1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8654 Front Fender $156.00$75.00
1 Sumax #8604 W Rear Fender $158.00$75.00

1 Sumax #8609 W Rear Fender $127.00$60.00
1 Sumax #8617 W Rear Fender $114.00$55.00
1 Sumax #8619 W Rear Fender $119.00$60.00
1 Sumax #8656 W Rear Fender $192.00$95.00
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.00
3 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.00

Clear Coated Universal Stainless Steel Brake Line
16 Inch Long Retail $27.95 Dealer $17.95 Rogue $15.00 ea
17 Inch Long Retail $25.95 Dealer $18.15 Rogue $16.00 ea
19 Inch Long Retail $27.95 Dealer $19.95 Rogue $17.00 ea
23 Inch Long Reail $30.10 Dealer $20.95 Rogue $18.00 ea
26 Inch long Retail $31.10 Dealer $21.65 Rogue $19.00 ea
38 Inch Long Retail $34.95 Dealer $24.45 Rogue $22.00 ea
47 Inch Long Retail $37.95 Dealer $26.55 Rogue $24.00 ea
54 Inch Long Retail $40.95 Dealer $28.65 Rogue $26.00 ea
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.00
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.00

TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other Info e-mail info@sumax.com andask.Other stuff, such as seats and cables, to be listed later as Iam still sorting parts.Prices subject to change and some parts are limited.

SHIT!– I’m gonna have to stop being such a nice guy. I mean, you go out of your way to help a buddy who’s in a bind and you end up on the Internet being tagged a bike thief. That’s gratitude. Next time I do you a favor, I’m makin’ sure there aren’t any cameras around. People used to just think I was a low life, now they’ll know it for sure. I hope you never get any pictures of me screwing some dude’s old lady, I’ll be fucked for sure.

–Steve

So, what do you want me to do with the film?–Bandit

ALWAYS THOUGHT GREEN SNAKES WERE OK? READ ON–Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous, Yes, grass snakes, notrattlesnakes. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of pottedplants,and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of themindoorstoprotect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a littlegreengarden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it hadwarmedup, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.She let out a very loud scream.

The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living roomnaked tosee what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under thesofa.He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. Aboutthattime the family dog came and cold-nosed him in the butt. He thoughtthesnakehad bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, soshecalled an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him onthe stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and theEmergencyMedical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.That’swhen the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital.The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so shecalledon a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armedhimselfwith a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.

Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on thesofain relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions,whereshe felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, thesnakerushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her layingtherepassed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at thegrocerystore, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and slammed herhusband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knockinghimout andcutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. An ambulancewasagain called and it was determined that the injury requiredhospitalization.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighborlying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed hehadbeenbitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a smallbottleof whiskey, and began pouring it down the man’s throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelledthewhiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They wereabout toarrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it allhappenedovera little green snake.

They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and hissobbingwife. Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch,One ofthe policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake andhitthe leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The tablefelloverand the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fireinthe drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fellthroughthe window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled,jumped upand raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoiditand smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire. Meanwhiletheburning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house wasblazing.

Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire-truckhadstarted raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street. Therising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricityanddisconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed —————– Both men were discharged from thehospital,The house was re-built, The police acquired a new car, and all wasrightwith their world ——- About a year later they were watching TV andtheweatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband askedhiswife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

She shot him.

THE BAD AMERICAN– I like big cars, big guns and big tits. I believe the money I make belongsto me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a badcomb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squeezing out babies.

I don’t think playing with guns makes you a killer. I don’t think being aminority makes you noble or victimized. I don’t care if you call me aracist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I know that no matter how big JenniferLopez’s ass gets, I’ll still want to see it.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac in America, you do it inEnglish. I don’t use the excuse “it’s for the children” as a shield forunpopular opinions or actions.

I know what the definition of “is” is. I didn’t take credit for inventingthe Internet. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osborne, Ice-T orMarilyn Manson sang. I think that being an art student doesn’t give you anymore insight than working at Blockbuster.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God. I think the WNBAis cool, as is the US Women’s’ Soccer Team – because they kick ass.

My heroes are John Wayne, Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, NormanSchwartzkopf, Colin Powell and whoever canceled “Dr. Quinn, MedicineWoman”.

I think creative violence and useless nudity and sex makes movies moreinteresting.

I don’t hate the rich. I don’t pity the poor.

I’ve never owned or was a slave, I didn’t wander 40 years in the desertafter getting chased out of Egypt. I haven’t burned any witches or beenpersecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-hell-up already.

Rocky and Bullwinkle still make me laugh. I think you can respect andadmire women while mentally undressing them. I believe a self-righteousliberal with a cause is a lot more dangerous than a 9-year-old with a PlayStation.

I think explosions are cool. I don’t care where Ellen DeGeneres puts hertongue. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you’rerunning from them.

I worry about dying before I get even.

I like the convenience of buying oranges while I’m waiting at a stoplight,and I’m pretty sure the Latina girl selling them to me is glad she no longerlives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Ensenada.

I figured out Bruce Willis was dead midway through The Sixth Sense butenjoyed it anyway.

I think turkey bacon sucks.

I believe you don’t have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch or paintfor your living room.

I’ll admit that the only movies that ever made me cry were “Sands of IwoJima” and “Ole Yeller”. I didn’t realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I hada kid.

I and many like me are neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter howdesperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.–YES, I am a BAD American

HEART ATTACK–A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.While on the operating table she has a near death experience. Duringthat experience she sees God and ask if this is it.

God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Uponher recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have afacelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figuressince she’s got another 30 years she might as well make the most ofit. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and iskilled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and complains: “I thought you said I hadanother 30 years.

God replies, “I didn’t recognize you.”

TOURING CHOP FOR SALE– One of the icons of Bikernet is for sale to help us stay in bean and Jack, plus assist with the construction of a new shop. The entire saga of the construction of the Touring Chop is covered in the annals of Bikernet. Recently the ignition system was changed to a Compu-Fire single-fire unit, which smoothed out the stroker motor, and we re-engineered the rear suspension to give it the finest ride it’s ever had. Plus a couple of months ago it was featured in a Rod Stewart music video.

For more information, drop me a line, bandit@bikernet.com>Happy New Year, first of all. I haven’t much to say lately butI still visit your site weekly and enjoy the hell out of it. You’re stillmy other heroKeith and thought you might enjoy the picture. I haven’t a clue who theowner is, butwhat a designer. Some men may take it to the next level and never get off! ha, haThank you for giving this matter your immediate attention.

HOWDY–If you enjoy Bonneville history, especially the exploits of Ab Jenkins, you might want to check out the link to the SAE Motorsports Web site. I am a regular columnist with them and gave them the piece about Ab from my book, “Bonneville Salt Flats,” but used photos not published in the book.http://www.motorsportsengineering.sae.org/motorsports/ccol003A.htm

Speedy Regards,”LandSpeed” Louise Ann Noeth

WIN A HARLEY–There is a radio station here in Denver that is giving away a Harley to aMANwho will agree to have breast implants. He has to keep them in for oneyear.They say it is an $8,000 bike. Can you imagine doing that for abike???????I think this is a lawsuit waiting to happen (not to mention potentiallyimmoral), but then again, what do I know???

— Jane

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE PERFORMANCE PARTS AND IHRA ANNOUNCE NEW NITRO HARLEY-DAVIDSON PURSES AND SHOOTOUT–Screamin’ Eagle Performance Parts, a division of Harley-Davidson, has announced their increased commitment to the IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley-Davidson class. Beginning with the 2001 season, the class will be known as Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley-Davidson’s. The commitment creates the biggest, most lucrative motorcycle drag racing competition program in the United States.

IHRA’s partnership with Screamin’ Eagle includes a $19,000 purse at each of 11 Nitro-Harley Davidson national event races and a $90,000 season-ending championship points purse fund that guarantees $35,000 to the world champion.

New to the program is the $22,000 Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley Shootout at a yet undetermined location. The Shootout pays $8,000 to win, with $5,000 awarded to the runner-up.

1998 IHRA Nitro Harley World Champion and successful Houston Harley-Davidson dealer, Johnny Mancuso has supported the class from its beginning and welcomes Screamin’ Eagle’s increased commitment.

BIG DOG MOTORCYCLES L.L.C. UNLEASHES THE 2001 MASTIFF–Big Dog Motorcycles would like to introduce the all-new Mastiff. The ultimate fat attitude bike. The Mastiff comes equipped with a 230 rear tire and an integrated LED taillight on a comfortable solo seat hidden shock frame. The Mastiff’s low slug hidden-shock frame delivers great looks and an unexpected level of main street comfort.

Like every core performet, the all-new Mastiff comes with a smooth 107-inch engine, sporty machined aluminum wheels and all-new chrome lowere legs.

Big Dog sell motorcycles both “consumer direct” and through a growing number of authorized dealers.

CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY–A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the manopposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. Thistime the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed moreamused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, She complainedto the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20) what he had tosay for himself. The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: Whenthe lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She satunder a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Slogan’s Liniment will reducethe swelling” and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did theTrick” and I could hardly contain myself. BUT your Honor, when she moved thefourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could haveprevented this Accident…I just lost it.”

“CASE DISMISSED”

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL PARTY AND BLUES JAM–It’s Jan. 28, upstairs in the Blue Cafe off Broadway in the downtown Long Beach Promenade. Three blues bands, great chow, you can park out front and we have three dedicated pool tables just for us. Here’s some more info or drop me a line if you need anything else–Bandit@bikernet.com. Here’s a link to the invitation, enjoy–You can download the invitation here.

21 and over club – No kids allowed
Outside patio for smokers
$7 cover charge starts at 7 p.m., but as long as you’re already there and with us, you’re cool.
Three regulation pool tables in Blue Room – opened for Super Bowl partygo-ers
Free parking for cars in Long Beach Plaza lot on Third Street between Pine Avenue and Long BeachBoulevard.
$3 parking in front of Blue Cafe for cars.Bikes park free.
Two full bars
If you can’t stand the food we ordered, they have a full kitchen open till 11 p.m. Nothing on the menu is over $8.95.

Sunday drink specials:
Bloody Mary $3
Dixie Voodo $2
Rattlesnake $2
Dixie $2

ATTENTION BIKERS!–Learn your rights regarding search and seizure and inspection of your personal property if stopped by the police. California ABATE, Local 9 is having a quest speaker at its March 6 meeting to address these and other issues.

If you have questions about what you must do or don’t have to do when pulled over by law enforcement, this is the night to have all your questions answered by a knowledgeable specialist on this topic. Bring all your friends and fellow criminals. Remember that knowledge is power, and a citizen who knows his or her rights is a threat to the powers that try to hinder our personal freedom.

Time: 7 p.m.
Date: March 6
Place: Swallows Inn, San Juan Capistrano, Calif.
Host: ABATE local 9
Information: Slippery Steve (949) 586-9468

MORE STATE MOTTOS–

Georgia: We Put the “Fun” in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes. Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First of the Rectangle States
Kentucky: 5 Million People; 15 Last Names
Louisiana: We’re Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos
Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man’s Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s

WHERE WAS I? There’s an evil spirit hanging over the L.A. Basin. I’m trying desparately to buy a pickup and Don Whalen called. He’s an Indian and vintage expert who is selling my ’46 Indian (626-358-9696). Although, I’d rather keep this beautiful puppy. He only called an hour ago to report that someone had just stolen his El Camino. This cage was beautiful and has a license plate that says SCOOTERS. If you see it, kill the driver and give me a call. That’s three bikes and a biker’s truck in a week. Not a good average.

Damn, I wanted to share some of the sordid details from last weekend. The girls just get nastier by the day. But now I’m not up for tales of long nights of crumpled sheets and satisfying moans. It just doesn’t seem right. I’m going to pour a Jack on the rocks and reflect, or spin the cylinder on a .357 mag and wish for outlaw justice. Let’s mount up and ride–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–PERFECT STORM WIPES OUT BIKERNET HEADQUARTERS

Hell, it’s just the first week of the new year and life is already bananas. We stayed up all night prepping for the Easyriders Bike Show in Pomona. We stole a truck and Steve Bauman drove us to hell and back, helped us set up a couple of bikes, the Blue Flame and the touring chopper.

We donated door prizes and hit the road, then straggled back in at midnight to pick up the bikes and haul home.

I’m finally getting around to registering the blue bastard from hell, and we attended Rusty’s sentencing at the federal building in Orange County. Bizarre experience. The building is so far removed from the streets where Rusty resided as a Hells Angel that it seemed like a Twilight Zone experience. It smacked of a funeral, yet something more strange, like two worlds colliding in pristine quarters. I can’t explain it, but I was confronted with two legal anomalies. If you confess to a crime, you can’t be convicted unless there is supporting evidence. On the other hand, Rusty is going to jail for conspiracy to make drugs. The point there is that you don’t have to perform a crime at all, just talk about it. In fact, you can stick someone with a knife and catch a misdemeanor, but if you talk about sticking someone, it’s a felony, even if you don’t do it. Watch out.

Earlier this week we launched The Ultimate Tech Tip, bit ot was on the site less than a couple of steaming hours. Every girl I know called and demanded photographs before we publish. So, you’ll just have to wait for the revised Ultimate Tech.

It’s the first of the year and already we’re inundated with projects. We have to get the banners to promote the site at bike shows and billboards for Daytona Bike Week, and we’re making plans to attend the Easyriders Trade Show in Cincinnati. We’re also planning decorations for the Superbowl party. Layla and I met with the chef and Jon Towle is designing a special T-shirt for girls to wear. As you will see in the news this week, life is moving fast. Let’s get to it, before I get immersed in any more trouble:

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the fuckhappened.”

–Terry L.

HORSE MAGAZINE CONCEPT COVERThis is a first. A concept cover from the artistic caverns of HORSE magazine. A Bikernet staff member broke into the magazine’s Boca Raton offices and held Geno the artistic master at gunpoint while he took this shot of an upcoming cover. Does it mean anything? Hell no. Is is worth anything? Not a dime, but you saw it here first.

ANOTHER SECRET SHOT–Here’s a shot of a Bikernet project bike in the secret concept bike department of Easyriders of Dallas. It’s designed to be a 1928 Shovelhead and it will be featured in various forms as it comes together in the halls of Bikernet. That’s a Paughco rigid frame, a Bad Boy front end, 1915 flat track reproduction tanks from Europe, a JIMS-built engine and trans, a 1928 reproduction seat and 1920 repro fenders.

The talent behind this project is my sixth wife, Lena, who is 14 and runs the vast Dallas Easyriders enterprise, and Jim, the service department fabricator who’s been messing with my sixth wife. What’s a bereaved biker to do: Go in shooting and stop the project, or give up the woman?

WINTER GIRDER PROJECT–Here is my winter girder project. Phil B. found this girder in hisold parts stash at home. The girder forks are in pretty good shape.The trees shown in the picture are from a dual shock Fury girder. Theycan be saved, but need lots of work to get them right.I’m going to Cincinnati in February and hope to find some shock manufacturers that can helpwith a dual shock setup.

By the way, Mike P., our parts manager, is on the right. He sent in the”In memory of Justin Pullin” bike.

— Paul

As is often the case, people are thinking along similar lines. We were beginning to look into building a girder based on the famous Durfee front end, then we discovered that Donnie Smith is reproducing some of his old girders, and now so is Paul from N.C. The girder is an immensely strong front end that’s not nearly as complicated as a springer and makes it easy to attach fenders and front brakes. Watch for girder to emerge on the market over the next year.–Bandit

ONE WISH GENIE–Bill and Harry are in the locker room after their racquetball game when Bill notices that Harry has a cork stuck up his ass.”If you don’t mind me saying,” said Bill, “that cork looks terribly uncomfortable. Why don’t you take it out?”

“I can’t,” lamented Harry. “It’s permanent.”

“I don’t understand.” said Bill, quite puzzled.

Harry then explains: “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over one of those ancient oil lamps. Suddenly, there was a puff of smoke, and then a huge Arabian man in a turban came oozing out.””Wow!” responded Bill. “What happened then?””He said: ‘I am Ahmed the Great and Wonderful Genie. I can grant you whatever you wish… But only one wish!'””And I foolishly said: ‘No shit?'”

THE CYBER SPACE BIKE SHOW– is one of the most popular features on Bikernet! Thank you, thank you to all of you who stop by to visit, view the competitors and maybe even enter your own ride. We have so many new and exciting entries every day that I can’t wait to check my e-mail each morning to see what came in while I was sleeping. Your response to this feature has been totally overwhelming. We had 870,000 hits in December.

Recently, I received a message from a fabulous photographer named Helen Wolfe. She is well-known in the industry and shoots a lot of film at AHRDA races around the country. Helen wanted to know if she could enter pictures of some of the race bikes she has photographed in the Cyber Space Bike Show. Unfortunately, the rules of the show are pretty clear – only the owner of the bike may enter a bike in the show, so I had to let Helen know that unless the owners wanted to use her photos in their entries, I wouldn’t be able to include them in the bike show.

I was as disappointed as Helen because the Race/Competition division of the show is one area where we haven’t had a lot of entries, and I would love to see more AHRDA members competing. Helen’s photos would have been a great avenue for increasing their presence here on Bikernet.

Well, I just couldn’t allow such beautiful shots to go to waste, so I decided to post a few of them in the News every now and then. For you racers out there, these are the kind of shots we’d like to see you enter in the bike show. You spend an awful lot of money getting your ride to look as great as it runs. Wouldn’t you love to receive some recognition and earn yet another trophy all just for sending me a top-notch shot of your bike in action?

PF2 Steve Lundstrom, Winner, #1Q, Low ET, Top Speed
Copyright Helen Wolfe, 2000

Some of the other divisions where I’d like to see more entries in the bike show are:
Vintage Custom/Radical Chopper
Radical Custom Frame
Ridden
Rat
If you have questions about the requirements for entering any of these divisions, click on the Cyber Space Bike Show and come check them out.
Thanks again Helen Wolfe for the great photo from the AHRDA races in Woodburn, Ore., on Sept. 2-3.

–Sundance

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL PARTY–reigns supreme as the upcoming event not to be missed. Imagine free parking directly in front of the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach for the game of the year. We will have three dedicated full-size pool tables. Three bands will be jamming downstairs throughout the day. We’ll have a big screen set up in an intimate dining area and it’s all free (except for the drinks). Here’s some more info, and the invitation: http://www.bikernet.com/events/superbowl2000.asp
21 and over club – No kids allowed
Outside patio for smokers
A $7 cover charge starts at 7 p.m.
Three regulation pool tables in Blue Room – opened for Superbowl partygoers
Free cage parking in the Long Beach Plaza lot on Third Street between Pine Avenue and Long BeachBoulevard
$3 car parking in front of the Blue Cafe
Bikes park free
Two full bars
Full kitchen open till 11 p.m. Nothing on menu is over $8.95
Sunday drink specials:
Bloody Mary $3
Dixie Voodo $2
Rattlesnake $2
Dixie $2

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE–The following new blurbs are brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by attorney Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Web site athttp://www.ON-A-BIKE.com/>

From TheGUNNY’S SACKAnother doc on our side: Dr. Dean Edell has a nationwide phone-in radioshow about health. In late December, he was on the air while our Oregon AIMattorney Sam Hochberg happened to be listening, talk-show fan that he is. Sam tells us at the Sack that the good doctor was complaining about howirrational some of our safety laws are.

He started talking, as a joke, about how we ought to outlaw candles, orat least put warning labels on them because of the associated fire hazards. Then he talked about head injuries, and said if people really wanted to havean impact on that, they should make car drivers wear helmets! He admittednobody would go for that – and then said, and this is pretty much a quote,”So what are we always picking on the poor motorcyclists for? Theyrepresent a TINY FRACTION of head injuries!”

–Right on, doc!

BEIJING: According to Asia Pulse, the number of motorcycles per 100 urbanhouseholds has risen about 40 percent in two years. As of the third quarter of2000, 18.6 out of every 100 urban households in China owns a registeredmotorcycle. I doubt even Sturgis has that high a percentage per capitaduring Sturgis Week. I’m impressed.

ENGLAND: Model Jemma Kidd dressed up as a traffic cop to launch acampaign to show that two-wheeled transport is just the ticket to solve London’stransportation problems.

Kidd was supporting motorcycling for London, where they’re calling formore free and secure parking spaces for scooters and motorcycles. There areincreasing numbers of commuters who use them to get into work there.They were also calling for scooters and motorbikes, whose sales were up27 percent last year, to be allowed to use bus lanes and be exempt from anycongestion charges introduced by London Mayor Ken Livingstone.Bob Doughty, chairman of the National Motorcycle Council and spokesman formotorcycling for London, said, ”Motorcycles and scooters givethe personal freedom you get from a car but they are smaller, quicker andreduce congestion.”

Let’s face it folks: We all know two-wheeled rigs take up less space, useless fossil fuel, and are less polluting than other means of motorizedtransport.

MOTORCYCLE RECALL: Fisher-Price says its battery-powered toymotorcycles can have the foot pedal get stuck in the on position.

Obviously this is a real concern for parents whose little guys are riding thesethings and it should be looked into promptly. Here’s how to get the scoop on these recalls of battery-powered toyriding vehicles sold by Tek Nek Toys, Empire Industries and Fisher-Price from1995 through 2000. On the Tek Nek and Empire models, the battery charger canoverheat and cause a fire. Call Tek Nek at (877) 446-7719. Call Empire at(800) 872-1869, Monday-Friday, 8:15 a.m.-5 p.m. On the Fisher-Pricemotorcycles, call (888) 289-9292.

CHINA: Two-strokes are making a comeback. They’re pushing them as betterfor the air in China, so this new Orbital design must be a lot cleaner thanthe old two-stroke bikes from the early ’70s. Australia is selling the newengine to Chinese manufacturers as fast as they can ship them.

TIME IS TICKING: Time going too slow for ya? Try this one on for size. Now you can experience the rumble and roar of a Harley engine 24 hours,seven days a week with the new, officially licensed Harley-Davidson wallclock. This thing announces each hour with a different Harley engine sound. Keeps you right up to snuff on how your scoot should sound when it’srunnin’ right. Gotta get me one of those critters, just for laughs. You canget yours at your nearest Harley dealer and many other department storesaround the country.

Just gotta give you a break from all the in-depth coverage with a shot of smiling Sasha, the Bikernet correspondent from the Big Apple who is currently snowed in. She makes sure I get the news from AIM, and I appreciate her timely efforts.–Bandit

SACRAMENTO: Talk about needed scooter parking, listen to this pearl: People suing the city for parking lot injuries from parking garage armsnearly had the city banning scooters from parking garages. After paying$68,000 in injury claims between 1992 and 1997 — including two cases wherethe arm knocked passengers off the back of the bike — the city consideredbanning motorcycles from parking garages altogether and ticketing those whorebelled.When riders raised hell over it, officials instead decided to shorten thegate arms, allowing motorcycles to ride around the gate and park for free. Now, however, after installing a new system of gates, the city is worriedabout bikes not being accounted for and the possibility of attendantstapping the tills.

JAPAN: From the newspaper Mainichi Shimbun comes this piece of reality. It seems the powers that be were worried about the scooter people and theirNew Year’s celebrations in this country.The National Police Agency mobilized 33,000 officers across the nation tostep up control of groups of motorcycle people because they were rumored tobe planning reckless driving sprees from New Year’s Eve through the firstthree days of 2001.

From New Year’s Eve 1999 to Jan. 1, 2000, police questioned nearly1,440 motorcyclists for their suspected reckless and noisy riding onexpressways and thoroughfares in the country. And we worry about harassment.Wow!

WOODCLIFF LAKE, N.J.: BMW of North America Inc. has continued itswinning streak for 2000 and surpassed all previous U.S. salesfigures. The company’s motorcycle sales are up even beyond 1999 figures, not tomention auto and sports activity type rigs. Seems Americans are starting toappreciate the reliability of these vehicles and scooters.

FLORIDA: It’s time to plan for the annual National Coalition ofMotorcyclists (NCOM) Convention. It’s in Orlando, Fla., on theThursday-Saturday of Mother’s day weekend, at the airport Marriott. Get yourroom reservations now because they’re goin’ fast, at (800) 766-6752. It’s reallygonna be somethin’ this year so don’t miss it. I’m sure gonna be there, andwe’re expecting well over 1,000 bikers’ rights people, including most ofthe AIM lawyers. Bill Bish at NCOM headquarters has the scoop for you. Call him at (800) 525-5355 and he’ll send you flyers and such, or e-mail himat aimncom@aimncom.com.

GUNNY AGAIN: If you are run over on the road,always call your nearest AIM attorney for advice and help. The nationalnumber is on the front of your AIM card. No AIM card? Try800)ON-A-BIKE and tell ’em what happened and they will also send you anAIM card if you ask for one, free. Call me at (503) 359-5356, or e-mail me atAIMGunny@aol.com, and I’ll get one to you in Oregon. Come to a run and signup this summer, as we have AIM booths set up at most motorcycle events. TheAIM card is free and the runs are fun too.

— Keep the round side on the bottom. Gunny, Oregon AIM chief of staff

BIKERNET’S CULTURAL ENHANCEMENT DEPARTMENT– 1. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bedframes by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattresstightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase, “goodnight, sleep tight.”

2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 yearsago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father wouldsupply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because theircalendar was lunar based, this period was called the “honey month” or whatwe know today as the honeymoon.”

Rigid Frame Richard’s Little Red Ride – Check out the bike feature in the Bike Barn

TEXAS MOTORCYCLE RIGHTS LEGISLATIVE DAY– I had to go to a TMRA 2 meeting this evening, which is one of the motorcycle rights organizations here. We have our legislative day coming up this month. You may have even meet Sputnik at the COC meeting this past year in SF if you were able to attend. If you did, you would remember him, that’s for sure.

–Rigid Frame Richard

52ND ANNUAL GRAND NATIONAL ROADSTER SHOW IN SAN MATEO WILL OFFER PLENTY OFEXCITEMENT BEGINNING JAN. 18– Over 250 of the world’s most outstandinghot rods, custom cars, tricked-out motorcycles, competition machines andrestored classics will be on display and in competition for a number ofprestigious awards at the 52nd Annual Grand National Roadster Show. Thefour-day indoor event, presented by your local Ford stores and the SanMateo Times/ANG Newspapers, begins Jan. 18 in its new home at theSan Mateo County Expo Center in San Mateo, Calif.

The Grand National Roadster Show traces its roots to January 1950, whenMary and Al Slonaker assembled a display of 100 hot rods, customs, classicsand antiques at the Exposition Building in Oakland and drew over 27,000spectators. The original show was capped off by the first presentation ofthe prestigious 9-foot-tall America’s Most Beautiful Roadster Award(AMBR).

Daily admission is $15 general ($12 for seniors over 62); $8 children ages 6-12 andfree for children under 6. $2-off general admission discount coupons willbe available at your local Ford stores in the Northern California area.

In addition to the 52nd Annual Grand National Roadster Show, Dan CyrEnterprises Inc. will present the 51st Annual Sacramento Autorama on Feb. 8-11 at the Cal Expo in Sacramento, Calif., the 3rd Annual Portland Rod andCustom Show Feb. 15-18 at the Expo Center in Portland, Ore., andthe 2nd Annual Seattle Roadster Show at the Stadium Exhibition Center inSeattle, Wash., March 15-18.

For additional information on any of these events, contact Dan CyrEnterprises Inc. at (503) 236-0632 or toll-free at (877) 236-0632. Visit ourWeb site at www.hotrodshows.com.

TRICK CONCEPT SPORTSTER FROM CHROME SPECIALTIES–After “Trick” we should do “Slick” & “MightyQuick”. These 3 bikes represent our “Dare To Dream” bikes for 2001 & allwill be featured in magazines as well as be on display throughout the yearat our “Road Tour” stops. “Trick” & “Mighty Quick” were built for us by”Chica” & “Slick” was built by Donnie Smith.

Tour events/dates are shown in our new 2001 catalog.

Lastly, we’ve just built a bike in cooperationwith the Martin Bros. here in Dallas called “Livin’ Large”. We’ll bepresenting it to Big Mike Griffin at our party in Cincy Sunday night. Thebike is featured on the cover of Big Mikes new C/D aptly titled “Livin’Large”, and our party will be the C/D’s debut/release party.

We’re alsotying everything in to our new “Livin Large” line of clothing for the “bigboys”! Easyriders magazine is already scheduled to take photos of the bikeat Cincy and do a feature on Big Mike and our association….should be goodink for both of us!

SCATHING INTERNAL BIKERNET MEMO–

To: Bandit
From: Digital

I must warn you Captain Blye…. The crew may see fit to mutiny if thisindescression and insult continues. My sensative nature will not allow suchan intolerable attitute.

If this behavior of yours persists, I shall be forced to keel haul yourindignant ass.

Sincerely,
Mr. Christian

BUELL REPORT–I saw your section on Buells and thought you might like this shot. His name is Chris O’Conner and it was taken at the AHDRA race at Las Vegas in October. He’s number 4 in the national points in the ET class for 2000, lives in Hagerstown MD, but that’s all I know of him. It’s one of my favorites.

–Helen Wolfe
Tacoma, WA

THIS IN FROM WINO JOE–Mr.K.Randall Ball,aka BanditThank you for the New Years note. Again, thank you for the signed copyof your book. I am happy for your success as a “working” biker; a man ofthe people of the Biker Nation. It ain’t the patch on a rider’s back;it’s the heart & work we put into the biker community. “Take’a little;leave’a little.”

Didn’t Robin Hood hip us ta that one; Frank & Jesserode free by it. Even Pancho & Zapata said it their way. And Ripshowed us how to give back. This is year ONE; let’s pull together as acrew.

There are enough assholes out there to fight; we don’t have toshoot each other. Patchholders that’va got’a “test” each other, can goback ta the ol’fair-fight law: step outside & fist-fight, alone. No onehas to watch. Or else, why not set up a boxing ring & sell tickets for acharity. Show some class. We did it in the ol’dazes.

Respect to you &b.net outfit; y’all keep tha rubberside down. Ride On! Wino Joe

– Biker Magazine does it right :

Did you all get the December 2000 edition of Biker Magazine (www.bikermag.com )? Well if you didn’t – see if you can still get it at the local HD shop cause Jay’s last creation is on the cover. Full spread with the very attractive Miss Amber. The Extra Wide Fat Glide really has turned into our trademark over the last year or so. Read on and you’ll find out that different finishes are also available these days.

– Weerd Bros front ends in chrome? :
Oh boy! The guys from SJP in Holland have given in and have started production on the complete line of front ends in chrome finish. Yes, even the Fat Glide and the Extra Wide Fat Glide, aka The Dinosaur. So now the choice is polished, anodized and chrome. What a dilemma!

– Great a bigger tire but what about the wheels :
Avon 250 tire no problemo but now find a 10″ wide wheel. Guess where you can get them? Yup. We have ‘m. Solid, 5 spoke and now also 10 spoke. Matching rotors, matching pulleys and matching pulley brake systems.

– Matching pulleys, rotors and pulleybrake systems :
Of course knowing Rick’s they did it right the first time but they’ve been getting better and better. Now they also have matching pulley brake assemblies, pulleys and brake rotors for the 5 and 10 spoke.

– 250 frames :
No use in having the 250 Avon and a 10″ wide rear rim if ya don’t have a frame. Right? Well we do. The hardtails are in full production and the softails should be done by the time you all get this update. Give us a call for more info.

– More and more custom bike builds :
Guess Weerd stuff’s getting hip and trendy. The more the word gets out the more complete custom bike builds we’re doing. And then to think that in the good old days judges wouldn’t class our bikes because we had car tires in the back and flat black wasn’t accepted as a custom paint color!
That’s all folks. If you haven’t gotten a poster yet give us a call or drop us a mail with your address and we’ll get one out to ya.
Have a good one,

-The Weerd Bros

TRIBUTE TO FRISBEE–From Steve Frisbee’s friend and attorney and fellow racer Toni FroehlingLong time Washington State Harley Davidson drag racer Steve Frisbee was shot and killed by unknown assailants on Saturday, November 4. He was a victim of a shotgun blast as he looked out his front door. As of this time, the investigation is still proceeding and the Pierce County Sheriff’s Office is working hard to make an arrest. There was no obvious motive for the shooting.

As anyone who knew him can verify, Steve was a free spirit, who was filled with adventure, creativity and a sense of humor. He operated his shop, Fantasy Motorcycles, in Sumner, Washington for nearly 20 years and had been active in the local and national racing scene for most of that time. For the past 10 years, he has been riding fuel bikes, including his own under the name Altered States Racing, as well as one built by Carl Pelletier operating as Competition Motorcycles based in Boise, ID. He most recently competed at the California Fun Drags and the AHDRA races at Las Vegas.

Steve piloted his own Top Fuel bike TF 271 and recently was getting off the ground with TF 4857, but has been piloting for Carl & Lesa Pelletier (Salt Flat record holders) of Boise, ID for the past 5 years on PD 32. (AHDRA)

Those who knew Steve will miss him, and those who never had the pleasure, have missed a great opportunity. Plans for a memorial will be announced in the near future. In the meantime, any kind thoughts will be appreciated. They are being collected for his Mother, who continues to reside in Arizona, and can be forwarded to:

Toni Froehling
16208 – 60th St E
Sumner, WA 98390
fax: 253-770-0144
email ctjstr@aol.com

WHERE DID THE LAST YEAR GO?…and so fast. This new yearseve there are no resolutions jus this thought written byWalt Whitman.

Oh, to be alive in such an age when miracles are everywhereand every inch of common air throbs a tremendousprophecy of greater marvels yet to be…..

–Jerry

ROGUE’S GENUINE PARTS DISCOUNTS– Yes, he is the King of discounts.
2 – American Quantum FXR PRO STREET FRAMES $600.00 ea
1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.00
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.00
1 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$350.00ea
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.00
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.00
2 Sturgis Front Rim Hubs Non Brake Side for Single Brake set-up$50.00ea
1Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.00
1Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with Brake Side Hub(needs Pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar Billet Rear BeltPulley $700.00
1 Attitude style Sturgis Billet Rear Belt Pulley$300.00
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275.00ea
2 American Quantum Billet Aluminum Anti-Reversionary Front Ends – Ready tobolt on. $700.00ea
5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500.00ea
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500.00ea
4 HD inner primarys to fit FXR$200.00ea
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50.00set
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150.00set
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70.00ea
3-5 Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400.00ea
Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150.00ea
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30.00ea
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30.00ea
1Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100.00set
5 CCI 13-383 Russell Stainless Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail
$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00 ea
5 CCI 13-381 Russell Stailess Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00ea
1 CCI 09-880 Adjustable Rear Mini Shaker Floorboard Set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.00
1 Set (4) Custom Sumax Premium Pushrod Cover Kit For H.D.EVO $135.80Retail – $94.05 Dealer – $80.00 ROGUE
1 H.D 132 Tooth Rear Drive Belt # H.D. 40023-86 Fits 86 to present Softail.$165.95 Retail – $107.95 Dealer – $100.00 ROGUE
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear intake rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear exhaust rocker arms Retail $159.38- Dealer$106.25 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rocker box covers Retail $86.52- Dealer $57.68$25.00ea
10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75.00 $50.00ea
10 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25.00ea
50 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$ 8.10ea
50 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves Retail $11.03- Dealer $7.35$ 7.35ea
50 Feuling-Quantum rocker shafts Retail $17.03- Dealer $11.35$ 11.35ea
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Intake Valve Guides Retail $5.45- Dealer $3.63$3.63ea
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Exhaust Valve Guides Retail $5.45- Dealer$3.63 $3.63ea
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Intake Seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $ 5.00$5.00ea
50 Feuling-Quantum Oversize Exhaust Seats Retail $7.50- Dealer $5.00$5.00
20 Feuling-Quantum Commetic Head Gaskets for Non-O-Ring Heads$15.00ea
20 Feuling-Quantum Rocker Box Cover Gaskets w/Sealer built in$10.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum Inner Valve Springs $ 4.00ea
4 Feuling-Quantum Outer Valve Springs $ 5.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear intake rocker arms for Sportster or 4 Cam V-twin$150.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear exhaust rocker arms for Sportster or 4 CamV-Twin $150.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Plenun chambers for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$100.00ea
5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100.00set
10 Front Offset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25.00ea
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30.00ea
5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10.00ea
3 Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30.00ea
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40.00ea
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50.00ea
1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8654 Front Fender $156.00$75.00
1 Sumax #8604 W Rear Fender $158.00$75.00
1 Sumax #8609 W Rear Fender $127.00$60.00
1 Sumax #8617 W Rear Fender $114.00$55.00
1 Sumax #8619 W Rear Fender $119.00$60.00
1 Sumax #8656 W Rear Fender $192.00$95.00
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.00
3 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.00
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.00
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.00
TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other Info e-mail info@sumax.com andask

Other Stuff like seats,,stainless lines and cables to be listed later as Iam still sorting parts,

Prices subject to change and some part limited.

4 Valve Parts Available Fully Assembled and ready to bolt on. Mail forPrices & Details

STATE MOTTOS FOR 2001–
Alabama: Smarter than Arkansas
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong
Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Yes, We Are Still Counting

ONE NIGHT–a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a littlehorny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against thewalland, smiling,he says to her: “Baby, would you give me a blowjob?”

Horrified, she replies “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

Him: “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

Her: “No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

Him: “Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”

Her: “No way. It’s just too risky!”

Him (horny as hell): “Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?”

Her: “No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!”

Him: “Oh yes you can. Please?”

Her: “No, no. I just can’t”

Him: “I beg you … ”

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: “Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. But for God’s sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.”

RUBBLE IN THE BUBBLE–The Los Angeles freeways are teeming with accidents and SUV rollovers. Streets are flooded and the next wave of Mother Nature’s rage is building but a few miles off the coast. Life is tenuous at best yet the Devil Dolls are planning a major party at San Diego Harley-Davidson this weekend as a Tsunami lingers off the coast waiting for unsuspecting riders to roll into the port town. I’m planning to spend the entire afternoon rescuing Sin Wu from the harmful effect of the seaside chill. Keeping her warm is my mission for the day. Long range, the goal for this week is to convince the DMV that I’m worthy of a plate for the Blue Flame, and we have just about finished the motorcycle desk for John Buttera of Little John Products.

This year already makes life in the fast lane seem like a retirement program. We’ll re-evaluate our condition over the weekend and decide what the hell to do next. Stay tuned and warm.–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH: ECONOMIC BOOM FOR ENTIRE YEAR BUT ONLY FOR BIKERS AND THEIR FAMILIES Hey,

Half the country is buried in snow and it’s as dry as a popcorn fart on the coast. Makes a man want to ride more than work. The new year started with a bang. I can’t tell you some of the plans just yet, but a couple of deals are under way that will, well, you’ll just have to wait and see. We’ve been in the garage a lot recently. The 1928 Shovelhead we’re building at the Dallas Easyriders store is rocking and scheduled to go to paint in the next couple of weeks. I’m working on a paint scheme without much luck. Maybe I need to go to the Easyriders Bike Show in Pomona this weekend for some inspiration.

We’re beginning our Buell hop-up this week or next. Here’s an eye-opener: One of the projects for this year will be to finish my Badlands book with interviews with several veteran club members. Mike Lichter is the man behind the photographs. Mike and I may make a cross-country run to get the interviews and photos. The Harley-Davidson Street Fighter or Buell will be the mount for the ride.

We’re finishing up the details on the next motorcycle desk project. The base for this unit will be a Paughco frame and front end and a channeled Evolution motor with a Custom Chrome 4-speed transmission. The pipes that hold up the glass top will be carefully crafted by Samson Exhaust Systems.

I’m trying to unscramble my feeble brain to explain what happened on Jan. 1. There was a party, a girl, then another girl, then I woke up. At least I think I woke up, and went for a ride. It’s all so fucking fuzzy. Let’s get to the news.

MINNESOTA A.I.M. ATTORNEY WINS RULING AGAINST GANG STRIKE FORCE– St. Paul, Minn. – (MCNW) In what is believed to be the first time bikers have successfully gone head to head with the Minnesota Gang Strike Force, lawyer Stephen R. O’Brien succeeded in obtaining judgment in favor of Michael Kanne and the Minnesota Motorcycle Club Coalition (Confederation of Clubs).

Kanne and the MMCC sued the strike force on Oct. 5, calling a search this summer at Kanne’s St. Cloud apartment illegal. Kanne, a member of the Christian motorcycle club Bond Slaves, is secretary for the MMCC and has no criminal record. Seized were various items of personal property, three computers, dozens of disks and tapes, club mailing lists and other items belonging to the coalition.

Kanne’s lawyer, Minnesota Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) attorney Stephen R. O’Brien, filed a notice of motion and a motion for the return of all property and the unsealing of the supporting affidavit, the document that justifies the signing of the search warrant.

“By refusing to divulge the supporting affidavits, the government has shown no justification for the search,” O’Brien said.

At a hearing on Nov. 9, Judge Bernard Boland ordered the immediate return of all property seized during the search. The judge also ruled that the supporting affidavit justifying the search warrant had to be disclosed. This may enable O’Brien to bring a 1983 federal lawsuit against the Minnesota Gang Strike Force.

O’Brien recently sued a Crystal, Minn., bar for refusing service to a biker, and was awarded a $720 judgment in what is thought to be the first legal test of Minnesota’s newly enacted Equal Access biker anti-discrimination law.

For his efforts, O’Brien was selected by the National Coalition of Motorcyclists board of directors to receive the NCOM Silver Spoke Award for Legal at next year’s NCOM convention in Orlando, Fla.

SUPERBOWL PARTY– Someone called the other day and asked if there was a charge to come to the party. Well the answer is “No”. The food is on Bikernet, the Superbowl on the NFL and the bands on the Blue Cafe, but you need the coin to buy me drinks. Hell, even the parking directly out front is free.

Of course, if you want a copy of my new book, you’ll have to pay big candy. Don’t miss it. Here’s your personal invitation: You can download the invitation here.

HARLEY MAKES FORTUNE LIST OF 100 BEST COMPANIES TO WORK FOR– Harley-Davidson Motor Co. has made Fortune magazine’s annual list of “100 Best Companies to Work for,” coming in at No. 92. This is the third time in four years that Harley-Davidson has been on the list.

More than 36,000 employees at the candidate companies filled out the Great Place to Work Trust Index, an employee survey that evaluates trust in management, pride in work and the company, and camaraderie.

Details will be available in the Jan. 8 issue of Fortune, on newsstands now. Robert Levering and Milton Moskowitz, authors of “The 100 Best Companies to Work for in America,” assisted Fortune in compiling the list. For more information, visit http://www.fortune.com/fortune/bestcompanies

ULTIMATE TECH TIP–Yes, after extensive research and threatening Snake with his job, Sin Wu came up with the notion for the ultimate tech tip. It hurts to be forced to admit that the concept for the ultimate tech came from a woman, but I humbly admit that it’s true. It’ll be posted soon, don’t miss it.

FACTS OF LIFE–

1. At least five people in this world love you so much they would die foryou.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to bejust like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’tlike you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. Without you, someone may not be living.
9. You are special and unique in your own way.
10. Someone whom you don’t know even exists, loves you.
11. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
12. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. You most likely turned your back on the world.
13. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, youprobably won’t get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably will get itsooner or later.
14. Always remember compliments you receive, forget about the ruderemarks.
15. Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel much betterwhen they know.

BUELL REPORT–Check out this exhaust for the Buell from BUB Enterprises at www.bubent.com. It retails for $470.Good looking setup, don’t you think?

__Agent M-2 Anson

ZEBRA SURFACES–Got a question for you. This gas tank is leaking, again. It’d would be the fourth time I’ve had it welded, if I fixed it again, which I’m not interested in doing, because it won’t work. I think the capacity of the tank (although I’ve only been running it half full after Miami to try and remedy the problem) versus the thickness of the steel is a ratio that allows the weight of the fuel, during bumps and rough roads, to crack the metal around the welds, no matter how many times they fix it and I repaint it.

Do we have anyone out there who can get me a tank that’ll hold fuel and not bust all to hell, and that’d look decent on that scoot? Something under a million dollars.

–The fireman, Zebra

If we don’t see an edit of “Burning Daylight” in the near future, our explosives will be set to detonate rather than corrode.

OPEN LETTER TO BANDIT FROM SEDUCTIVE SUNDANCE, DIRECTOR OF BIKERNET’S CYBER BIKE SHOW–You know that most women feel that if we want something done, we’d better handle it ourselves, and let me assure you that I’m no different – especially when dealing with Bandit!?

I was relaxing in my office with a hot cup of tea and reviewing some new bike show entries when my computer chimed to notify me of a new e-mail message. Ed Jauch, one of our winners from November, was writing to ask me if I had received his mailing address. It seems Ed had not yet received his prize for winning in the Sportster Division over a month ago and was wondering what the hold up was.

“BANDIT!” I hollered as I headed down the hall. “What is it you wish, oh tall and blonde one?” Bandit schmoozed as he looked at me with his most innocent little boy grin. “Did you forget one tiny little detail last month when you knocked off for the holidays?” I asked. “No, I don’t think so. Gee, Sin even watered the plants while you were gone. What’s up?” “Well, it seems our November winners are?still waiting on their prizes, and I just know you sent?them out already, RIGHT?”

“Oh SH_T! – the prizes!” Bandit was moving at full speed now, and I trailed him down the hall to see Layla. “With all of this year-end stuff, I completely forgot to mail the prizes to the November winners. Can you get them out today?” She looked up cooly from her still wet nails and calmly informed Bandit that she could take care of a simple task like mailing prizes. Bandit looked at me and smiled. “See, no harm done. The prizes will get out today! You worry too much Sundance!” Bandit saluted us both and headed back down the hall, grateful that I no longer had cause to be angry with him. Layla looked at me like a kindergarten teacher addressing her class on the first day of school. “I thought you knew by now that if you want something done around here, you should bring it to me in the first place.” “I know, I know. It won’t happen again,” I apologized. We smiled that smile of female camaraderie (and began to disrobe), and I wondered if it would ever occur to Bandit who it is that really runs Bikernet.

–Sundance

I tell ya, I’m innocent–Bandit

REMEMBER?–having your photo taken on this bike in So. Cal. at an Easyriders rodeo? They gave away a workstation the same weekend. Recently sold the scooter to a friend in No Cal. His name is Shawn. Will also send photos of a diamond deck workstation for the new product section.

–Thanks a million, Ray C. Wheeler

22 SIGNS THAT YOU’VE ALREADY HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 21ST CENTURY–

1. You just tried to enter your password on themicrowave.
2. You now think of three espressos as “gettingwasted.”
3. You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck ofcards in years.
4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach yourfamily of three.
5. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s timeto eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’sfor dinner?”
6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via herWeb site.
7. You chat several times a day with a stranger fromSouth Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your nextdoor neighbor yet this year.
8. You didn’t give your valentine a card this year, butyou posted one for your e-mail buddies via a Web page.
9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the recordsyour college roommate used to play.
10. You check the ingredients on a can of chickennoodle soup to see if it contains echinacea.
11. You check your blow dryer to see if it’s Y2Kcompliant.
12. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox askingyou to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she cancreate a screen saver.
13. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home.
14. Every commercial on television has a Web siteaddress at the bottom of the screen.
15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out ofdate and now sells for half the price you paid.
16. The concept of using real money, instead of creditor debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
17. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fastfood bags out of the back seat of your car.
18. Your reason for not staying in touch with family isthat they do not have e-mail addresses.
19. You consider second-day air delivery painfullyslow.
20. Your idea of being organized is multiple-coloredPost-it notes.
22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead ofin person.

RACE PROGRAM INSPIRATION–Few women are into racing motorcycles, but a group has now been formed to enable women to become more of an intragel part of the racing scene. The group, centered in Cleveland, Ohio, is called WRAFS — Women’s Race Action for Sex. Leader Shiela Lust said of the new organization, “There’s nothing more rewarding in the world than accomplishment and sex. We know that sex is the ultimate stimulus for accomplishment, and there’s nothing that drives a man to better, faster and more quality accomplishment than the promise of fine sex. Besides, when they’re on top of their game, it’s all the better for us. Imagine making love to a loser. The program works, and we’re looking for more women to join to help our men succeed.”With over 500 members, they plan to move into virtually every competitive arena. Watch for Shiela and representatives of WRAFS to be featured on Jerry Springer later this month, then on Jay Leno.

FAST FOOD REPORT–I’ve noticed McDonald’s recently added a small sign to their front door, asfollows:

Braille andPicture MenusAvailable

Obviously aimed at the blind who can’t see and the illiterate who can’tread.

–John S.

SAN DIEGO FEMALE GANG WARS– Bandit, that would be so totally cool if you attended our bash. Damn…It is definitely gonna be a good time, definitely wild, and not for the mild.

OK, here’s the info: “The Devil Dolls MC and NY Myke/San Diego H-D are hosting the killer bash on Jan. 12 with a VIP gig, then on Jan. 13 a party from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. Then it’s a free for all as we all go out and terrorize the So. Cal. citizens! For more info, check events on www.devildolls.com, or call (888)8 CYCLES. “No khaki/blue shirt yuppie uniforms allowed.”

Be cool, baby.Happy New Year!
GOTHGIRL
DDMC

THIS IN FROM WINO JOE– Muchas gracias por su libro con su firma. Nuff’a that Mexshit:) Have’a good one pal! Keep them senor-eaters on their knees toplease! Y’all keep the rubber-side down. Party up! But pack that rollin’a garbagebag; spend the nite with pals and don’t get “caught” out inthe cold.

With respect to those that count. Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

BIKER BABE FROM THE BIG APPLE REPORT–Here is happy me wishing it were riding weather. Brrr…too much cold andsnow. Yuck. Give me that crazy, sexy, hot weather any day over this cold,nippilating temperature. Want to come melt some icicles?

–Sasha

WHAT A DUCKHEAD!– A man took his old duck to the doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat. The doctor explained to the man that as ducks age, their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up its food.

“What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck’s nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it’ll drown.”

The man goes about his business and about a week later the doctor runs into the duck owner. “Well, how is that duck of yours?” the doctor inquired.

“He’s dead,” declared the heartbroken man.

“I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned, didn’t he?” insisted the doctor.

“No,” lamented the man. “I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise.”

–from Rick

AN OPEN LETTER TO OZ (BIKERNET ADVERTISING DIRECTOR) FROM THE DIGITAL GANGSTER–

OK Oz, repeat after me….. For 2001:

1.) I resolve to get Digi-Dude the parts he needs to build his rigid.
2.) I resolve not to tell Bandit to fuck off every day (even if he does deserve it).
3.) I resolve to sign the best in the industry as sponsors and keep us all in beans and booze!
4.) I resolve NEVER to be a politician, because the guys at Bikernet need me, and don’t want to see me converted into an EVIL profession…….
5.) I resolve to make that Softail Standard one bitchin’ ride – then run Zebra over with it.
6.) I resolve NOT to round file this e-mail where it will never been seen again.

Happy Fuckin’ New Year!!!!!
-Digital.

TOURING CHOPPER FOR SALE–That’s right, the touring chop is on the auction block. It may be on display at the Easyriders bike show in Pomona this weekend. Come watch Bandit squirm around on the pavement detailing his bikes. It’s Saturday from noon to 11 p.m.

I’VE LEARNED SOME NEW SHIT–I’ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’redown will be the ones who do.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunctionmakes us feel better about ourselves.

I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from youtoo soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

I’ve learned to say “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke” … in six languages.

–GENO, THE HORSE MAGAZINE

HAPPY FRAGGIN’ EVERYTHING CREW–Watch “Junkyard Wars,” a must see for bikers andmotorheads of all ages. If you locked Tim Allen, MadMax and Monty Python in a garage, you’d end up with”Junkyard Wars” – the engineering contest of harebrainedschemes, incredible tools and lots and lots of ducttape (remember boys and girls: Duct Tape – don’t leavehome without it). Thisprogram pits two teams of tool-toting gearheadsagainst one another to see who can create the biggest,fastest or strongest whatever with parts they scroungeout of a junkyard.

“Junkyard Wars” made its North Americanpremiere on Wednesday nights this past December. Thenew sasson, the All-Americanversion, started Jan. 3. Mark yourcalenders.

Consider this a public serviceannouncement.

Live Free Or Die,
Jim Buck

LIFE, LOVE AND THE ETERNAL PURSUIT OF LUST AND SATISFACTION–My code for the week. The new year is underway with a straight-pipe blast. The ER show circuit is underway. The dealer shows are coming in February and already we’re trying to finish bikes by March for Daytona. Sin Wu is tapping on the back door and, believe it or not, it’s warm enough out there to lay in the sun and watch those warming rays put a natural glow on her perfect naked body. Can you blame me for wanting to split? Then later we’ll tinker with Little John’s desk project and go for a ride. Life couldn’t get much better. –Bandit

Welcome to the inside of the Bikernet Northwest Garage. This is where the next project begins. The goal – To complete one bad ass, mail haulin, knuckle draggin’, speed bump scrapin’, rip the skin off your face, back breakin’ rigid scoot. This bike is going to be ALL about mailorder. Since many of you don’t have shops in your area that are versed in how to build a custom scoot, we thought you might like to know how we did one without the help of a local professional shop. Buying parts is easy. Painting, powder coating, and certain sheet metal fabrication and modification however, can pose particular problems when you, the builder, do not have the ability paint or weld. Watch over the next couple of months while we put this beauty together (without the help of a local shop) and tackle some of the hurdles of a ground up – mail order custom. The following is a glimpse of some of the stuff we have so far. It should be noted that the most important piece of equipment here IS the cooler pictured in the first photo (above). You gotta have beer to properly build and test a rigid….. This is the single piece Softail tank with welded shrouds on the front and in the seat pocket. This particular tank is available from Custom Chrome. Since this is going on a custom frame with a 2″ backbone stretch, we made some minor mods that required some welding and finishing. More on that later. The Baker Six Transmission. This is the Softail version. These amazing pieces of engineering come with full width Andrews Gears. They’re tough. Damned tough. One of these took Zebra from Florida to Sturgis at a non-stop 110 MPH last year.

It was then time to put the Revtech engine in place. Caution and ease are the keys to success here. One thing to note: If you build a ride of your own and are using the type of stand I do, which sits under the frame, make sure the rails are around where the bottom of the engine will sit to ensure the motor will fall into place and not sit ON the rails.

 

Using a pen, the front and rear engine mounts were traced. The engine was removed and what is left is what you see in the next photo.

 

Using a razor blade, I removed the tape from the areas where I planned to mount the engine and prepared to strip the powder coat. The powder must be stripped from the mounting area because the power train must make electrical ground contact to the frame for the ignition, starter and speedo sensor on the transmission.

 

Once the tape was removed, a small Dremel tool was used to strip the area down to the bare metal.

 

The area was cleaned and the engine was placed back in the frame over the bare metal spots.

 

 

Then it was on to the area where the transmission was to be placed.

 

The transmission plate from Custom Chrome and the rear fender mounts were put into place and bolted down.

 

The transmission was then put in place but not bolted down.

 

You’ll notice at this point that the secondary pulley is already on the transmission’s output shaft and the shifter lever is in place. Note: You want the shift lever to be straight up and down when bolted in place. The one in the photo required some adjusting to make this correct.

 

The spring plate on the clutch had to be removed to allow for bolting the rear pulley to the shaft. This was done by removing the six spring/bolt assemblies and the plate.

 

The bolt was torqued down to spec, along with the front pulley. I was then ready to turn the motor to make sure the belt tracked properly. To torque these down, an air compressor and an impact wrench was required. I would never have been able to torque against the motor or transmission using a regular torque wrench unless I had jammed the pulleys.

Using a large torque wrench, I turned the motor forward a few times to make sure the belt could make three revolutions and still track to the center of the two pulleys. If you use one of these set ups, it should track as assembled, but if it doesn’t, check the spacing on your front pulley. If you still have problems, you can call BDL and they will walk you through how to shim things up on your frame.

 

 

 

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH-MOVE CLOCKS BACK ONE WEEK-WE DIDN’T FINISH ALL WE SET OUT TO DO!

Hey,
Another year disappears over the horizon like a space shuttle trying to get the hell out of Dodge. Each year becomes more and more like a time trial. I set out each year with a handful of goals and generally reach each one just in time to formulate another set for the next year. Each year I learn a couple of things about people, business and myself, and forget a couple of dozen. This year was no different, and generally I’m damn proud of what my crew has accomplished. We’ve built a couple of bikes and rode them to Sturgis. We finally got “Orwell” published and it came out damn fine. With the help of the Digital Gangster, we’ve been able to adjust and augment the site to no end. We’ve started to develop a line of products and with the help of Ed Martin at Chrome Specialties we’ll have one helluva line of apparel in the near future. Soon we’ll be publishing e-books. We just took on another sponsor with the inclusion of Big Dog. We are now up to 10 major sponsors. Our goal is 20 non-competing sponsors, the finest in the industry.

We hope to bring our readers a comprehensive list of articles using the finest components. We don’t want every company in the industry on the site–just the best. Over the next couple of weeks we’ll evaluate the business side of Bikernet and decide the direction for next year. I want to thank the sponsoring companies who had the balls to step up to the plate and test our formula. It’s working and we have the hit counters to prove it.

I hope to write two books next year. One will be the beginning of a series of books about a flawed rider who loves to ride more than anything else on the planet. He’s a travelin’ man who can’t seem to settle down, bend to the rules or give up his code. As yet, no woman has ever understood his wandering nature and he can’t seem to find the one who will stick and understand, although some haunt him. The story line is taking shape in HORSE magazine.

With the assistance of Mike Lichter, we hope to finish my long-time project called “Badlands.” It is a series of hard-hitting interviews with veteran members of many of the most notorious clubs in the country. It’s designed to be a coffee table book adorned with Mike’s brilliant black and white photography. We have been planning a cross-country ride to finish the interviews. You’ll catch all the action here on Bikernet.

One more thought, though. While watching a film from the ’40s about a turn-of-the-century family, our stress level came pounding home. At one time there weren’t newspapers, radio, television, phones, faxes, Fed Ex, e-mail, etc. Yet we have the same number of hours in a day. No wonder there’s more general stress now than ever before –just to keep up with the junk mail. We’re also painfully aware that time is much more valuable than money. So this next year we’ll be working on the ideal formula for finding the time to do what we really love–ride, build bikes, write and enjoy the touch of a woman. The rest of the time, we’ll bust our butts to bring you the biker world as fast as it happens. Let’s get to the news:

TOURING CHOPPER FOR SALE OR TRADE FOR PICKUP– That’s correct. I’m selling the famous touring chopper so we can build a bigger shop for Bikernet creations and put my fat ass back into a pickup where I belong. Send offers with your truck flick to Bandit@bikernet.com.

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BASH–At the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach, on the Promenade on Jan 28. Don’t miss it. Click on this to get all the inside info.You can download the invitation here.

QUANTUM REPORT– I attended the United States Bankruptcy Court hearing in Orlando, Fla., totry and find out what was happening in the American Quantum Cycle case (number 0008472-Ob1).

The matter has been turned over to the bankruptcy trustee, George E.Mills Jr., P.O. Box 690457, Orlando, Fla., 32860-0457

Barbara Cooney and I had our filled-out claim forms B10 (Official Form10)(4/98) with us and he took us to the ninth floor where the clerk’s officeaccepted and stamped our claim for monies owed us by American QuantumCycles.

The United States Bankruptcy Court Of Florida, Middle District is locatedat 135 W.Central Blvd., Orlando, Fla., 32801

Any one who is owed money from Quantum should notify the court and/or thetrustee.

The trustee did tell Barbara and me that Linda Condon was scheduled tonotify and send forms to all employees. I, for one, remember too many times thatLinda was supposed to do things and they did not get done. It is yourdecision. If you do not recieve this form in a timely manner and would liketo get paid any monies owed you, I suggest you take the responsibility to geta form, fill it out and see that it gets to the court.

The trustee told Barbara and me that money owed for wages, salaries, etc. would be a priority.

— ROGUE

LITTLE JOHNNY’S MOTHER–Little Johnny’s mother was cleaning one weekend and found this letter thathehad sent to Santa the previous year.

Dear Santa:

You must be surprised that I’m writing you today, the 26th of December.Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurredsince the beginning of the month.

I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades and afootball uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not onlywasI the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school!

I’m not going to lie to you Santa, there was no kid in the neighborhood thatbehaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends and withmyneighbors.

I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There wasvirtually nothing I wouldn’t do for humanity!

What balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a lame ass whistle and apairof socks! What the fuck were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, thatyou’d taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with someshitlike this under the damn tree. As if you hadn’t fucked me enough, you gavethat little shithead across the street so many fucking toys that hecouldn’teven walk into his damn house!

Please don’t let me see you trying to fit your huge ass down my chimney nextyear! I’ll fuck you up! I’ll throw rocks at those corny reindeer of yoursand scare them away, so you’ll have to walk your big fat ass backtothe North Pole, just like I have to do since you didn’t get me that fuckingbike, you punk bastard!

You know what Santa? Fuck you!! Next year you’ll find out how bad I canreally fucking be!

So watch your back next year.Beeyaaaaatch!!!!!

Sincerely,
Johnny

BIG DOG RELEASES THE ALL-NEW BOXER–Every custom cruising rider wants a low slung, tight center of gravity chassis with a low profile. Big Dog is accomplishing exactly that with its new Daytec-framed Boxer for 2001. To top it off, the price is designed to surprise the market while creating a well handling sport cruiser with reduced vibration and excellent handling.

The Boxer is equipped with a 107-cubic-inch engine and features machined aluminum wheels, chrome lower legs and new billet triple trees with internal fork stops. The 2001 Boxer also gets a sporty 21-inch aluminum front wheel. For those rougher stretches of black top, Big Dog equipped the Boxer with Works rear shocks and a fat 160 rear tire.

MAN TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’veboth shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find outabout.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. Youtell her that it is:

A. No concern of yours.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying atthe end of a relationship?

A. “I hope we can still be friends.”
B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.”
C. “Welcome to Dumpsville – population: YOU.”

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sortofintimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

If you answered “A” more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure youreally are a man.

If you answered “B” more than 7 times, check into therapy, you’re alittleconfused.

If you answered “C” more than 7 times, “YOU DA MAN”

COWBOY AND HIS HORSE–A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named “Clint” andbring him back to their camp to meet the chief. Thechief says to Clint, “You going to die. But we sorryfor you, so give you one wish a day for three days.On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?”

Clint says, “I want to see my horse.” The Indians gethis horse. Clint grabs the horse’s ear and whisperssomething, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horsetakes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back witha naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes intothe teepee with Clint.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical whiteman – can only think of one thing.” The second day,the chief says, “What your wish today?”

Clint says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indiansbring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horseand whispers something in the horse’s ear, then slapsit on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes backwith a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in theteepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads,figuring, “Typical white man – going to die tomorrowand can only think of one thing.”

The last day comes and the chief says, “This your lastwish, white man. What you want?” Clint says, “I wantto see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse.Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hardand yells, “Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!”

–Geno
HORSE magazine

STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS EXPIRES! ZEBRA RETURNS TO L.A.! Celebrating the end of the one-year statute of limitations on charges of operating a motor vehicle, in this case a motorcycle, in a manner which “greatly endangers the general public,” Special Agent Zebra has returned to Los Angeles from his posh residence in Miami Beach. He is said to be shagging a film producer in Beverly Hills and residing temporarily at her home until he can score a deal and make enough money to re-purchase his lavish estate in Bel Air.

“I’m glad to be back home. Now I can get this fuckin’ Website back on track and get Bandit sober. The lunatic is out of control. Last I heard he was affixing a supercharger to a fuckin’ Buell that burns straight jet fuel. Jesus, he’s gonna get us all thrown in the slammer. If the China Man doesn’t murder us first, of course. That could always happen. He’s a tricky devil to predict sometimes.”

Bikernet World Headquarters refused to comment on Zebra’s return, other than to say they will appeal charges filed against?the company in Miami Beach by the Miami Beach police alleging that Special Agent Zebra abducted a young Swedish supermodel named Lina on his departure and is hiding her somewhere in the greater Los Angeles area against the orders of the Swedish state department.

Bandit, who was reached by telephone at the dragstrip, was quoted as saying, “Jesus, that fucker is still alive?! What am I paying these people for, goddammit?! I could have bought a second blower with that money!”

Big Lucy, reporting for Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet.com East, Miami Beach

JUST TAKE A MINUTE– of your time to reflect on all the great times youhad last year.Lets do it again next year!

If you drink and drive, at the very least you won’t have a driver’s licenseto ride your bike next year…

–Gypsy Dan

PAUGHCO PRODUCT RELEASE — SWEDISH-STYLE CHOPPER FRAME

Check this out. Paughco, the industry’s oldest and most respected name inreproduction and custom accessories for Harley-Davidson motorcycles, has justintroduced what may be its most unique chassis to date. Identified as the”Swedish-style chopper” frame, the chassis’ long and tall styling addressesdemands of contemporary builders. The unique chassis features a full 10-inchstretch in the front downtubes, 4 inches in the backbone and a 45-degree neckrake. The new frame is available with a stock or extra wide rear section andaccepts applicable stock or wide swingarms, including the new super strongPaughco FXR swingarm. Stock or custom aftermarket FXR struts can be usedwhile the wide chassis requires the use of a custom rear fender. The newSwedish chopper frame is designed and manufactured to the same high-qualitystandards for fit, strength and reliability Paughco has built its reputationon for over three decades. If you’re after the latest in style andtechnology, Paughco’s Swedish chopper frame is on the cutting edge. Paughcocurrently manufactures over 800 replacement and custom frames for just aboutany year and model H-D. Prices start at $625. For complete details, see your local Paughco dealer or call(775) 246-5738. Or check the Internet at www.paughco.com.

NEW PRODUCT RELEASE FROM PAUGHCO – TRADITIONAL CHOPPER FENDERS

When it comes to building chopper parts, Paughco is second to none inexperience and variety. From the largest selection of custom frames in theindustry to a wide selection of nostalgic and replacement fenders, Paughcohas you covered. Shown here are three of the company’s traditional fendersthat custom builders have been using over the past four decades. The 5-by-42-inchflat chopper fender retails for $19 and is also available in 6- and7-inch widths. Paughco’s extended front fender, with bracket, measures 3-by-33 inches and is designed for Wide Glide 21-inch wheel applications. Full rearcoverage is provided by the skirted fender, which measures 9-by-35 inches. For fulldetails on the complete line of traditional chopper and custom replacementfenders from Paughco, call (775) 246-5738. Catch them on the Web at www.paughco.com or e-mail to info@paughco.com

“DRIVERS LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE”–An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman wasdriving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”

The woman turns to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman said, “May I see your licence?”

The woman turned toher husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He wantsto see your licence!” The woman gave him her licence.

The patrolman said, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some timethere once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve everseen.”

The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He thinks he knows you!”

HERE’S WISHINING ALL YOU GREASY BASTARDS–

Good Health, Tight Motors, and SmoothSailin thru the up comming year!Oh yeah, here’s a little somethin for all the Know-it-alls in the Bunch:(((((RACECAR))))spelled backwards is_______?

Rick & Mona

24 THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY–

1. You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately, I don’t blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl ? Good one!

4. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and

missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they’ll still cover.

5. Bar food again!? Kick ass.

6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

7. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I’m gonna go over and talk to her.

8. Let’s just leave the toilet seat “up” at all times, then we don’t have to mess with it anymore.

9. I’ve decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want ’em?

10. It’s only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

11. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie’s bare butt!

12. I’m going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

13. I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.

14. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya’ big silly!

15. You are so much smarter than my father.

16. If we’re not going to have sex, then go ahead and watch football.

17. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?

18. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

19. You’re so sexy when you’re hung over.

20. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

21. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.

22. I’ll be out painting the house.

23. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s Day thing and buy yourself something.

24. Look! My butt is bigger than yours!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT–

This story was sent to me today and I thought it wasworthy of forwarding to you at this time of year. Inlieu of sending out cards, I send this out to expressthe joy we all bring to each other.

##########################################

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw akid from my class was walking home from school. Hisname was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all ofhis books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyonebring home all his books on a Friday? He must reallybe a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a footballgame with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so Ishrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, Isaw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran athim, knocking all his books out of his arms andtripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasseswent flying, and I saw them land in the grass aboutten feet from him. He looked up and I saw thisterrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out tohim. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled aroundlooking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys arejerks. They really should get lives.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was abig smile on his face. It was one of those smiles thatshowed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books,and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, helived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen himbefore. He said he had gone to private school beforenow.

I would have never hung out with a private school kidbefore. We talked all the way home, and I carried hisbooks. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I askedhim if he wanted to play football on Saturday with meand my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekendand the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him,and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the hugestack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy,you are gonna really build some serious muscles withthis pile of books everyday!” He just laughed andhanded me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became bestfriends. When we were seniors, we began to think aboutcollege. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was goingto Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, thatthe miles would never be a problem. He was going to bea doctor, and I was going for business on a footballscholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him allthe time about being a nerd. He had to prepare aspeech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t mehaving to get up there and speak. Graduation day, Isaw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guysthat really found himself during high school. Hefilled out and actually looked good in glasses. He hadmore dates than I had and all the girls loved him.Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of thosedays. I could see that he was nervous about hisspeech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey,big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one ofthose looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, andbegan. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helpedyou make it through those tough years. Your parents,your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…butmostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you thatbeing a friend to someone is the best gift you cangive them. I am going to tell you a story.” I justlooked at my friend with disbelief as he told thestory of the first day we met. He had planned to killhimself over the weekend. He talked of how he hadcleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to doit later and was carrying his stuff home. He lookedhard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, Iwas saved. My friend saved me from doing theunspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd asthis handsome, popular boy told us all about hisweakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at meand smiling that same grateful smile. Not until thatmoment did I realize it’s depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. Withone small gesture you can change a person’s life. Forbetter or for worse. God puts us all in each other’slives to impact one another in some way. Look for Godin others.

–Gypsy

LAST SEPTEMBER– 29th, we threw a charity auction of 34 items, alldonated, that raised $51,000 as part of an overall $280,000 for the Lady RidersBreast Cancer Research Foundation. I was the auctioneer. I even auctionedoff “nothing” for $1,500!

The sponsoring organization, Rock River Chapter,Harley Owners Group (HOG), has only about 500 members and this was the sixthannual ride. Get details from Wisconsin Harley-Davidson of Oconomowoc, Wis., at (262) 569-8500.

–Jonathan Green

SIN WU, THANK YOU– for getting back to me so quickly. You guys are awesomethere at Bikernet. I ordered “Outlaw Justice” and “Orwell” yesterday, which wasDec. 20. Thanks for getting Bandit to sign them for me.Keep up the good work at Bikernet, I can’t function without it.

Oh, by theway, we are still freezing here in Oklahoma, but I managed to pull the FXRout for a ride today.

Happy Holidays to all at Bikernet
Aaron Pritchard

BUELL REPORT–

You can find this article and other Buell Material in the Buell Section.

The first picture is of the newest 2001 oil pump revision on the left and the older version used in ’98 through 2000 on the right. This is a running change. The part numbers are still the same.

The pickup opening at the bottom of the pump tower is larger/longer on the pump on the left for 2001. Also, H-D has changed the ports inside the pump body for better scavenging.One other way to identify the 2001 pump is the date code cast in the pump on the gasket surface area. The 2001 pump on the left has a “00” cast in the pump body. The older version has a “99” instead. The location of the date code pin area is on the flat gasket surface by the green fittng.

The CV carb picture shows the oil line fitting used as a fuel inlet. Thisfitting has a 1/8 NPT THD. The casting can be tapped without drilling as the hole is pretty close to tap drill size for a 1/8 NPT tap. Care must be given not to tap the threads too deeply. There is a step in the hole at the bottom of the inlet hole. Tap to just before the step. Be very careful when tapping and use a good tapping fluid doing this as the casting is very thin here and being in a hurry can fuck up a good carb.body.Doing this modification will allow for a 3/8 I.D. fuel line. That, along with a Pingel petcock, will provide plenty of fuel to the float bowl. The seat needs to be modified also for racing. This will be in another modification shown later on as it is pretty involved. You need to make a new needle and seat.Trock Cycle makes a really cool swivel fuel inlet fitting that presses inthe carb, replacing the stock plastic fitting. It rotates 360 degrees and canaccount for any non stock fuel line placement.More stuff later as time allows.

–Later, Paul

BIKERNET’S CYBER BIKE SHOW RESULTS–Here are the November results. December’s will be up in about a week or so. We’re in the process of designing some strange and unusual trophies for these builders. Plus they’ll be receiving prizes from Custom Chrome, Belt Drives Limited and Bikernet.

Click here to enter your bikes.

Vintage Chopper Winner
Randy Crandall
Newport Beach, Calif.

ProStreet Winner
Gary Kromrei
Lenore, Idaho

Sportster Winner
Edward Jauch
Spring Valley, Ill.

Vintage Winner
James Stevens
La Plata, Md.

Radical Custom Winner
Mike Pullin
Matthews, N.C.

MR. BANDIT, RIDER AND COSMIC BUELL BUILDER–First off, happy holidays to you and your crew and your lucky ladies. :)I understand you are very busy, but if you get a chance, would youconsider clickin’ on our new biker e-zine? Pour yourself a cup of tea andsit back in your rocker on one of those days when it’s too cold to go outback and work in the Bikernet shop. I ain’t justtrippin’; would really like your input.

–Pals, Wino Joe, USA

BANDIT– Enjoy the holidays! I will toast you on New Year’s with a tumbler of J/D Black!

–Ride fast,Anson

–A THOUGHT FOR THE SEASON–People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Forgive themanyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kindanyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some trueenemies.Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frankanyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Buildanyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.It was never between you and them anyway.

-written by Mother Teresa

TWO SISTERS– Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.'”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?'”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blond. She’ll read it slow.” (“com-for-da-bul”).

AFTER THAT JOKE–I better get the hell out of here. Christmas was a whirlwind. Out of the Dark Haired One’s bed at the crack of Santa to ride with the boys to the Queen Mary for breakfast. Not sure I would recommend Jack Daniels for breakfast after tequila shooters the night before. Then I had to be back at the pad for Christmas with Sin Wu. I could have stayed right there for the rest of my life, er, I mean the day, but mom was calling, so I parked the Blue Flame and loaded the Buell soft bags for the ride along the harbor to a small island for dinner. After dinner, I rode back to Pedro for a late-night rendezvous and more Christmas cheer. I must have been a good kid last year, Santa gave me way more than I deserved.

So hang on for the first, another red hot year of life in the fast lane. Life couldn’t get much better for us bikers. Just remember, don’t ride faster than your guardian angel can fly, live beneath your means, live each day like there won’t be a tomorrow and fuck anybody who doesn’t like it. Let’s ride–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WOMEN DRUG MEN FOR SEX BEFORE CHRISTMASAh, last weekend. A blur of warm fires, warm women and Christmas Parades. Friday night was something out of a Holiday porno movie, followed by Redondo Beach Boat parade Saturday, another party, and a midnight ride on the blacked-out Buell back to the Headquarters. The next morning we had our first run on the dual carbed ’48 Pan. It starts first kick, but there’s an idling problem, then a bolt fell out of the shifting mechanism on my way back from Walker’s Cafe and I was stuck if first gear for a couple of miles. Helluva way to break in a new top end.

That night was filled with another party near the canals in Long Beach. It’s Christmas Week, the lights are bright, Christmas Cheer is in full bloom and you and I should not be working, so let’s get the hell out of here quick:

HARLEY-DAVIDSON MOTOR COMPANY NAMED TO FORTUNE LIST OF 100 BEST COMPANIES TOWORK FOR– Harley-Davidson Motor Company has madeFORTUNE Magazine’s annual list of 100 Best Companies to Work For, coming inat No. 92. This is the third time in four years that Harley-Davidson hasbeen on the list.

More than 36,000 employees at the candidate companies filled out the GreatPlace to Work Trust Index, an employee survey that evaluates trust inmanagement, pride in work and the company, and camaraderie.

Details will be available in the Jan. 8, 2001, issue of FORTUNE, which hitsthe newsstands Dec. 25, 2000. Robert Levering and Milton Moskowitz,best-selling authors of The 100 Best Companies to Work For in America,assisted FORTUNE in compiling the list. For more information visit:http://www.fortune.com/fortune/bestcompanies/

New Bikernet Staff member.

WHOAAAA!!! ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU!!! If you get an invitation to view a Biker Graphics Site, YES A BIKER SITE, from someone you don’t know, DONT OPEN IT!!!! It’s a Virus! It nailed me just by opening it, fortunately my virus scan caught it, but it’s a VERY INTELLIGENT VIRUS that’ll put an icon in your “Favorites” bar, & an invisible program on your Start Up for Windows! Whoever created this fucker is too damn clever!

I killed the Virus, but it had an “Invisible back up” that attached to my Windows Start up, so after killin’ it, I searched my whole system & had to find the Invisible Back-up on the Start up MANUALLY!!!

AE: You can kill the Virus, but if you don’t manually Seach throughout Windows, You’re Screwed! It’ll back up the origanal Virus, & re-attach itself to Windows!!! NO SHIT!!! Damn! Sorry but I can’t remember who it was from Somethin’ like Slipery Petes Biker Graphics or Slimey Something??? I killed the whole thing, but forgot to write down who the sender was! Dumb move on my part, but I needed ta kill it ASAP & just dove in kickin’ ass & forgot to take names 🙁 SOOOO, BE CAREFUL of invites from Biker Graghics sites ya don’t know! Someone is targeting Biker Sites now! Go figure???
–Rogue

CHRISTMAS DREAMS–If you’re a dreamer, or even if you’re not. Oh fuck it. we’re bikers, we’re always dreaming about doing something to our bikes or building another one. This is a Cyril Huze creation. Check his catalog if you want some of your dreams to come true.

DEAR ABBY:I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb ofNew Orleans and one of my sisters,who lives in Baton Rouge, is marriedto a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrestedfor growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my othertwo sisters, who are prostitutes in Detroit.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole lifesentencein Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brotheris currently being held in Angola on charges of incest with his threechildren.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who livesin the Gulfporte and indeed is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our ownbrothel with her as the working manager.

I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team.AlthoughI would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would getthemoff the street, and hopefully the heroin…

Abby, my problem is this: I love my fianc? and look forward to bringingherinto the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Gore?

–Signed,Worried About My Reputation

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–All is sort of quiet here in the tropics, the Toy Run took place lastSunday, but it’s been raining for awhile, You guys get snow storms and coldfronts, we get waves and rain. There was a party up in the mountainsafterwards, and by what they are telling me, lots of people at the party,not so many at the run. Guess they dropped the toy and went for the booze.We are trying to get our shit together and getting to mail shirts andstuff. Give us a call if interested in some cool Chopper or shop shirtsfrom Puerto Rico.Special price if you mention Bikernet.com. (sorry for the plug Bandit..)Just saw the new plates and brake light from Choppers Inc. Cool ass shit!An Iron Cross, and Spades brake light, with machined billet plate holder.

This was just a short report. I want to wish all the brothers out there Happy Holidays and the best ever New Year possible. Ride more, work less,money, health and a fuckin’brand new chopper to all.

By the way here’s mywish list for the old red fat dude….No helmets, to all of us who have to wear them without choice.A brand new kick ass chopper ! self explanatory.Sex, sex, and some more sex…..! super self explanatory.No accidents, no tickets, no thieves.Good riding weather, friends and times.Less crowded Daytona and Sturgis (while at it real prices for food, hotelsand stuff)Being able to cruise Main Street without taking an hour, full of mag photoguys and good looking chicks with big boobs waving.Getting your mug in any of the magazines.Getting your bike in any of the magazines.And finding that old barn bike for less than a thousandbucks………..while having them in your pocket…

Good luck and Saludos from the Caribbean……Jose

WARNING– I don’t normally pass along these warnings and alerts, but this one sounds serious. I hope you’ll read it and pass it along to all of your female friends. We can’t be too careful!

–Darcy Betlach

WARNING !!!!! If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your tits, DO NOT show him your tits. This is a scam and he is only trying to see your tits.

QUANTUM REPORT–COULD BE A FINAL CHAPTER–On December 15th 2000 I attended the Bankruptcy Hearing for AmericanQuantum Motorcycle of Melbourne Florida in the United States BankruptcyCourt in Orlando Florida. On that date they changed the Status of Court Case 0008472-Ob1 from Chapter11 to Chapter 7

Any one who has a claim against Quantum should contact the court and submitit. Employees being owed back pay should use form B10 (Official Form 10)(4/98) The next scheduled court date is December 27th in Orlando.

RHOUSE CREW–This ship of fools is gettin’closer to heading out on our first cruise:)We might have ta leave port without Flag onboard? Jim Buck can dig allthat Navy talk; for y’all, it means: even on my “chopper’puter” I getthe “blinkin’logo” of Roadhouse. So, low-end viewers will be able to hitour pages. And Magic Bob/Lil’Kat(my kids)have just got’a new house in thehills ta move to, before Christmas. But, we have LadyGrace to skipperthis E-vessel.

Y’all are “plank-owners”, or like in the gangs, CharterMembers. That & $3, will get ya’a cup’a coffee at Starbucks:)But we’re not on this ride for the money; not yet; right? So, work withLG, your editor, RoadHouseWench@aol.com; get her your bio/photo & firstarticle. She/we work office hours, Tues/Wed/Thru. Y’all are on the job24/7. Don’t stress; all that means is: try ta get’a local run once/mo &if ya want’a cover more stuff, or write shit, feel free. But find theshit the big bike mags won’t cover. Write like you’re just talkin’in’abar. We will have a “Turn Out Room”; if ya got’a bitch, or want’a goofon’a other staffmember; rip on! It won’t sink this ship & might be funfor our(hopefull)viewers.

–Ride On! Wino Joe,USAI’m off ta party with “Lucky” The Redhead; I might “get” lucky:)WJUSA

CHRISTMAS MORNING RIDEIf you live in the L.A. area and don’t have anything going on Christmas morning, I’m having a short Breakfast ride from the Bikernet Headquarters to the Queen Mary for Breakfast. Call (310) 521-9900 for directions or info.We’re thinking about making it a tradition for us homeless, penniless, family-less, Santa-less bikers. Or if you’ve had just about enough Christmas Humbug and want to escape for a few hours, before the relatives arrive.

SANTA SINGS THE BLUES–

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have good mind to scrap the whole works.

I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear.

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes – if that ain’t damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money.

And the kids these days – they all are the pits,
They want the impossible …Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads.

I made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for them,
They want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM!

Flying through the air…dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.

I’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoyment,
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There’s no Christmas this year…now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde.. I’m going SOUTH for the season!!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho

Hey! BLACK MAGIC TATTOOS & ART HAS MOVED TO:Tattoo_You_Gypsy@yahoo.comfeel free to write or send photo’s or comments to the new addy.If you’re in the NW Washington area and want a quality tattoo call (425)344-3103 for an appointment! Gypsy

CENTURY MOTORCYCLES CHRISTMAS PARTY–Here’s a couple of images of the bash at one of the oldest bike shops in the country. That’s Cindy R. the owner there smiling as bikers from all over the South Bay devour her chow. Watch for the interview with Cindy in an upcoming interview in Hot Rod Bikes magazine. She has a story to tell. Actually more than one.

SUMMARY AS OF: 2/24/2000–Introduced.Handgun Safety and Registration Act of 2000 – Amends chapter 53 (MachineGuns, Destructive Devices, and Certain OtherFirearms) of the Internal Revenue Code to, among other things: (1) requirethe registration of handguns in the National FirearmsRegistration and Transfer Record; (2) provide for the sharing ofregistration information with Federal, State and local lawenforcement agencies; and (3) provide for the imposition of the five dollartransfer tax on handguns and a $50 tax upon themaking of each handgun.

PLEASE READ THIS, IT’S IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS WHO GO CLUBS OR BARS ANDDRINK– Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl.Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Andgirlfriends, take heed.

There is a new drug called beer, that is essentially in liquid form. Thedrug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convincetheir male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is thatbeeris available virtually anywhere!

All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply askthe guy home for no-strings attached sex. Men are literally renderedhelplessagainst such attacks. Please! Forward this to everyone you know…

BUELL REPORT–Be sure to check out Barrie Gerolamy. Excellent H-D head porter for allyears. Is also working on porting H-D and Buell throttle bodies.Also Tilley H-D out my way. But he is pretty busy getting ready for the racing season this year.Later, Paul

COAST TO COAST BIKER NEWS–By BILL BISH, National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM)

MINNESOTA A.I.M. ATTORNEY WINS RULING AGAINST GANG STRIKE FORCE In whatis believed to be the first time bikers have successfully gone head to headwith the Minnesota Gang Strike Force, the Law Offices of Stephen R. O’Briensucceeded in obtaining judgment in favor of Michael Kanne and the MinnesotaMotorcycle Club Coalition (Confederation of Clubs).Kanne and the MMCC sued the strike force on October 5, calling a searchthis summer at Kanne’s St. Cloud apartment illegal. Kanne, a member of theChristian motorcycle club Bond Slaves, is Secretary for the MMCC and has nocriminal record.

Seized were various items of personal property as well asthree computers, dozens of disks and tapes, club mailing lists and otheritems belonging to the Coalition.Kanne’s lawyer, Minnesota Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) attorneyStephen R. O’Brien filed a Notice of Motion and Motion for the return of allproperty and the unsealing of the supporting affidavit, the document whichjustifies the signing of the search warrant.”By refusing to divulge the supporting affidavits, the government hasshown no justification for the search,” according to O’Brien, who has servedas legal counsel for the MMCC since its inception.At a hearing on November 9, 2000, Judge Bernard Boland ruled in favor ofMr. Kanne and the Minnesota Motorcycle Club Coalition, immediately orderingthe return of all property seized during the search. The judge also ruledthat the supporting affidavit justifying the search warrant had to bedisclosed. This may enable O’Brien to bring a 1983 Federal lawsuit againstthe Minnesota Gang Strike Force.O’Brien recently sued a Crystal, Minnesota bar for refusing service to abiker, and was awarded a $720.00 judgment in what is thought to be the firstlegal test of Minnesota’s newly enacted Equal Access bikeranti-discrimination law.Once again he has gotten a ruling which favors Minnesota bikers, and forhis tremendous efforts over the years Stephen R. O’Brien was selected by theNational Coalition of Motorcyclists board of directors to receive the NCOMSilver Spoke Award for Legal at next year’s NCOM Convention in Orlando.

BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BIKER BASH

In long beach Superbowl Sunday, and here’s your invitation:You can download the invitation here.

MASSACHUSETTS CONSIDERS ”NELLY’S BILL” A bill to put ”motorcycleawareness” programs in the high school and private driver education trainingclasses has been filed by State Representative Bradford Hill, reports the MMAof Massachusetts.”It will be referred to as ‘Nelly’s Bill,’ in memory of Nelson Selig,Sr.,” announced Representative Hill.Selig, a 38 year old father of two from Ipswich was killed earlier thisyear while riding his motorcycle when a teenage driver crossed the centerline and hit his motorcycle head on.”With this bill we hope to bring greater awareness of the more than100,000 motorcycles on the roads of the Commonwealth each year,” said Hill,”and prevent some senseless tragedies.”Rep. Hill continued, ”according to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, over177,400 teenagers are currently licensed. In the formal driver trainingschools, no mention is made of motorcycles on the road. This bill wouldrequire about two hours of motorcycle awareness programs.””Even for experienced drivers, motorcycles are difficult to see if we’renot looking for them. Their speed is tough to judge. It’s time we recognizethey are on the roads, and we promote more ‘awareness’ and everyone ‘checkingtwice,’ looking out for them during the season,” said Hill.

A CHILD ON THE BACK OF A MOTORCYCLE: FUN OR FOLLY? In an October 23column in the Washington Post, a horrified woman told of seeing a small childhanging on to a man’s coattails as a motorcycle sped up the interstate at 70mph.Apparently the article prompted numerous responses, including this one:”Dear Dr. Gridlock: After reading your letter regarding the child on theback of the motorcycle, Maryland Delegate Jean Cryor (R-Montgomery) haspre-filed a bill for the 2001 legislative session that would prohibit a childunder the age of 12 from riding on the back of a motorcycle.”

RIOT SQUAD USES TEAR GAS ON STUFFED TOYS Police have ruined 700 toys dueto be given out to needy children on Christmas, by covering them with teargas during training.ABC News reported that officers in Clarksville, Tennessee, who weretaking part in a tactical exercise, rolled a canister of tear gas into thewarehouse that was storing the gifts, which were collected and donated by theBikers Who Care group.They thought the chemical would harmlessly disperse into the air, but itsettled on the toys instead, making them unsafe.All attempts to save the collection failed, and police worked with alocal toy shop to replace the gifts.

SENATOR CAMPBELL TRADES HARLEY FOR MACK TRUCK U.S. Senator BenNighthorse Campbell did most of the driving of the Mack truck that hauled thenation’s Holiday Tree from his home state of Colorado to the U.S. Capitol inWashington, D.C. Campbell, well known for riding his Harley-Davidson andspeaking out for bikers’ rights in Congress, has a Commercial Driver’sLicense and practiced his driving by transporting various tractor-trailerloads for several companies acr oss Colorado.

GERMAN TEEN CAUGHT IN 75MPH MOPED DASH A teenager who spent all his timesouping up his moped has been caught by the police on his first drive throughtown after reaching 75mph. The 15-year-old German boy had spent all hismoney and most of his time working on the moped and had managed to power themachine up to more than 70mph. In a dash through his hometown of Leverkusen,the schoolboy reached 75mph before being stopped by police who say he wasdoing thre e times the speed limit, as well as making a huge noise.He claimed that the speedometer only went up to 40mph and he had no ideahe was going so fast.From STEVE GARCIA’S ”Stuff”, ABATE OF CALIFORNIA

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JAPANESE TV STATION SUED FOR STAGING BIKER RAMPAGE An imprisonedmotorcycle gang leader filed a 23 million yen damages suit against an OsakaTV station on December 1, claiming he was sent to prison for a recklessdriving incident that was staged for a program by the broadcaster.The 22-year-old man filed the suit with the Osaka District Court againstTV Osaka Co., the program’s director and others, claiming he was convicted ofviolating the Road Traffic Law because he organized and took part in thenighttime biker rampage in summer 1999 at the request of the director.Lawyers representing the plaintiff claimed he is serving a prison termbecause he had found the request very difficult to refuse.The lawyers also said TV Osaka violated ethics and rights-protectionrules of the National Association of Commercial Broadcasters by shooting aprogram that covered ”a crime whose scale and time were prearranged.”According to the suit, the motorcycle gang leader, who was notidentified, was asked by the unnamed director to arrange a group ride in Julyand August 1999 that would be covered by the TV crew.The man, who was on probation at the time for an earlier reckless drivingconviction, accepted the request despite misgivings and asked anothermotorcycle gang to take part, according to the suit.The TV crew shot the cyclists’ wild and noisy nighttime jaunt, in whichthe plaintiff took part, in August 1999 and broadcasted it the followingmonth. The man was later arrested and received a four-month prison term inMay. He is still in jail because his probation on the previous conviction wasrevoked.Police also turned over to prosecutors their case against the TVdirector, alleging that the director encouraged the bikers to violate thetraffic law, but the Osaka District Public Prosecutor’s Office decided not tofile charges.THE JAPAN TIMES

WILLPOWER DRIVES ARMLESS THAI MECHANIC Gontong Puntaeng was born withjust small stumps for arms, but if you need your motorbike fixed he comeswell recommended.The largely self-trained Gontong has fixed hundreds of motorbikes withhis feet in the past 10 years in Thailand. Before that, he spent five yearsrepairing bicycles.”After several years of carefree youth, I quit wasting time and decidedto get a job by training myself to fix pushbikes,” the 37-year-old mechanictold REUTERS reporter Nopporn Wong-Anan from his grease-flooded workshop inSuphanburi province, 120 km (75 miles) northwest of Bangkok.His garage shop is a tin-roofed one-story shelter in which half the spaceis taken up as a living area for Gontong and his family.”I turned to repair motorcycles because I thought it would give me moremoney.”Gontong has perfected the use of his feet to tighten even small screws oruse an electric saw without assistance.He says he learned his trade from scratch but was helped by a 10-daytutorial on mechanics run by a government-run vocational center.”I once disassembled almost every part of a motorcycle and put them backtogether.”His monthly earnings are not large, even by Thai standards, but enough tolook after himself and his mother.` ”There have been good and bad days, but on average I make around 1,500baht ($40) a month,” he said.Handicapped and disabled people in Thailand usually get no specialfinancial support from the government, although some go to special stateschools.Many handicapped people live with and are supported by their parents,while others end up selling government lottery tickets or begging in thestreet.Gontong said his appearance sometimes deters potential customers atfirst.”The first time people see me and how I look…they don’t believe Icould do the job,” Gontong said while taking apart a metre-long plasticcover from a scooter frame with his toes.”But when they see me working they have confidence that I can fixthings, and many people from neighboring areas have started to bring theirbikes to me as well.”But Gontong doesn’t just fix motorcycles — he also rides one.He has a scooter which he modified to allow him to control theaccelerator with his foot. He uses strings attached from the stumps of hisarms to the handlebars to steer the scooter.If he needs spare parts, he can ride off on his scooter to buy them inperson.He won three certificates from Thailand’s Labour Ministry four years agofor his skill at repairing bikes and his ability to teach others.Gontong says he has no interest in taking up sport and competing in thenext paralympics.”But if there was a motorbike feet-fixing competition, I am sure I couldwin,” he said with a smile.Gontong says he is proud of what he does.”Sometimes I feel discouraged and depressed, but when I think of myselfagain, I am proud to be able to perform my work and to see that many peoplerespect what I do,” he said.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: ”The world is a dangerous place to live; notbecause of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t doanything about it.” –Albert Einstein

BUSH WINS ELECTION… He and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House. Cheney orders the “Heart-Healthy” salad.

Bush leans over to the waitress and says”Honey, could I have a quickie?”

She’s horrified! She says, “Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and i’m sorry I voted for you,” and she marches off.

Cheney leans over and says “George, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE

AUSTIN/BLEU BAYOU H-D RACING SIGNS SZOKE FOR 2001 SEASON–Austin/Bleu Bayou Racing has signedCanadian Superbike runner-up Jordan Szoke to ride the team?s Harley-DavidsonVR1000 for a one-year contract, covering the 2001 AMA Superbike season. Thepast year saw Jordan on the Canadian Superbike podium five times in sevenoutings, with four wins. The team, formerly known as Bell County/Bleu BayouH-D Racing, has also received a boost with the addition of AustinHarley-Davidson as a primary sponsor. Effective immediately, the team willbe called Austin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing.

In addition to rider and sponsor changes for the upcoming season,Austin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing and Harley-Davidson Motor Company have agreedto collaborate on their AMA Superbike efforts for 2001, with the MotorCompany providing VR1000 privateer bikes and technical support toAustin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing.

Austin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing is a motorcycle roadracing team thatparticipates in the AMA Chevy Trucks U.S. Superbike Championship, thehighest level of professional motorcycle roadracing in the U.S. Teamheadquarters are located in Temple, Texas. For additional information onAustin/Bleu Bayou H-D Racing, call Scott Brooks at (254) 773-3365.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON? VELO GLIDE–There’s an old Harley? saying: “If I had to explain, you wouldn’t understand”. The same is true for the Harley-Davidson Velo Glide. What do you see when you look at the Velo Glide? Sure, it’s a bicycle, but if that’s all you see take a closer look. The Velo Glide is pure Harley-Davidson. It’s not about getting from Point A to Point B the fastest or the most economically. The Velo Glide makes a statement and it does it with style. It just feels right, even if you can’t explain why. Stand back and your appreciation grows. Your expectations are exceeded. There’s definitely more here than meets the eye. But, then again, they aren’t for everyone.

TWO ALIENS– landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station.They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pumps of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response.

The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I’ll fire!”

The other alien shouted to his comrade, “No, you don’t want to make him mad!” But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, “What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?”

The other alien answered, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don’t mess with him.”

SAMSON EXHAUST–Just after the first of the year we will be highlighting Samson Exhaust, a sponsor of Bikernet, and exhaust pipe technology. Watch for it. Since pipes are as critical to tuning as your carb, we plan to get to the bottom of the mystery, and bring the data directly to you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & Ho Ho Ho! I was sitting in my offic humming Christmas carols when Bandit dropped by with my Christmas bonus. The platter of bagels on my desk was growing stale and dry after the morning holiday festivities, but I had been too caught up in the day’s business to attend to its removal. The cream cheese was congealing and had taken on the appearance of a pile of melted ice cream. Cleaning up the mess was the first thing I’d get too after Bandit left.

“Sundance, the bike show is one of our visitor’s favorite new areas. You and the Digital Gangster have really created a great feature”, he started. “We want to promote the bike show as much as we can, so I’ve committed you to riding in nine toy runs between now and Christmas.”

Bandit beamed at me like a man who had just received a gift certificate to a Las Vegas bordello, and I cringed. My holiday schedule was already tight, and I would never be able to make all of Bandit’s events in a few short weeks.

“Bandit, you know we have the reps from Chrome Specialties coming to visit this week. We’re doing the town, and I’m greasing the skids for the 2001 contract. My dog is still at the vet, and I have to fly out of here on Wednesday to get to Chicago for Christmas. When exactly do you think I will fit all of these toy runs into my schedule?” I was having a hard time keeping the irritation out of my voice.

“Come on Sundance, what’s one or two extra toy runs? You can handle it. By the way, here is your Christmas bonus. Santa is getting you a new Daytec frame this year. Ho Ho Ho!” He turned on his heel and disappeared chuckling down the hall. “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout…”

I considered using the cream cheese spoon as a mini catapult to jetison the contents of the container toward the receding back of the jolly old elf, but the thought of cleaning up the mess later stayed my hand.

Nine toy runs! How was I going to manage it? The only answer was the great team we have here at BikerNet. I would have to call on my colleagues.

First I figured out which toy runs were scheduled after Wednesday. Even Bandit would have to admit that I couldn’t be in two places at once! That calculation dropped my dilemna down to five toy runs. OK, five might be manageable. I called Sin Wu and asked her to drop what she was doing to head to the toy store for me. “I need five great toys. Oh, and pick up four more for us to send to the toy runs I can’t ride in, OK?” As always, Sin Wu knew just what I needed and came back looking like a tall, sleak version of one of Santa’s elves.

Next I checked on times and locations, called each of the organizers for details, and started calling in favors from the rest of the staff. Agent Zebra was in town for the holidays, and he owed me big time. Luckily, it didn’t take much arm twisting to get him to take my place at toy run #1. “You know I’m happy to do anything I can for the kids.” The Digital Gangster was just as helpful with toy run #2 in Kent, Washington. Needless to say, by the end of the week, all of the BikerNet staff had made it to a fun and worthy toy run, and me, well, I made my plane.

I hope those toys will really make some child’s Christmas a little merrier this year, and the stale bagels reminded me to make my annual donation to the Harvest Food bank for the homeless.

The BikerNet staff is a great team! Everybody pitches in when someone needs a hand. They love to ride, and they live to make people happy through their riding and the tales of their experiences.

And Bandit, well, he was happy to see everything work out so smoothly. He called me on the air phone. “Sundance, I probably shouldn’t have thrown all those toy runs at you just two weeks before Christmas, but thanks for covering them all. I won’t dump on your schedule like that again. Will you forgive me please?” “Of course”, I said. “Don’t worry about it. Have fun back at HQ with the girls, and I’ll see you after the first of the year. Merry Christmas, Bandit!”

I smiled as I snuggled down in my seat – my eyes growing heavier and heavier, the drone of the airplane engine lulling me to sleep. “Yep, together we are the strongest biker team on the internet.” As I drifted off, I noticed snowflakes out the window. “I’m so lucky to work with these guys…. hmmmm,looks like a white Christmas this year.”

–Love ya! Sundance

New from the Outlaw Motorcycle Company:

Inspired by the latest aftermarket motorcyle wheel designs, these CNCMachined, Billet Aluminum yo-yo’s are one of a kind! They are beautifullystyled and machined and also play smooth as silk. The axel is made of aprecision ball bearing that is pressed onto a stainless steel stud andfitted into a rolled threaded axel hole. This design eliminates wobbleand was designed for VERY long sleep times (one minute sleep is easilyachieved.)

The engineered body gap and taper make for one big time responsive yo-yo. We also provide shims to optimize the body gap and changethe return characteristics so beginners and experts alike can set it up fortheir own personal tastes.

Hard anodized brilliant red on one side, silver finish on the other. The two-tone look is STRIKING! You are never to old for one of these. Theymake fantastic gifts and are great conversation pieces. Everyone fromthe guy who just wants one to put on his desk or hang in his shop, to theserious yo-yo geek (that’s us……) will treasure these!

Each one is serialized and available in limited quantities just in timefor Christmas.A collectors item for sure. These promise to be a favoritefor all who own them. The photo doesn’t do it justice. You HAVE tohold one to truly appreciate the beauty, styling, and precision engineeringin this piece.

Theyare available for secure online ordering in the gift shop here.

MERRY CHRISTMAS–That’s it, there’s more Christmas shopping to do, and Sin Wu is standing over me peeling out of her threads as if it was Christmas morning. There’s a new Panhead tech up on installing dual Mikunis. More fiction has crept into the odessy file. Watch for the ultimate tech tip. It’s one you’ll read over and over. It’s our Christmas gift to all who know how to have a good time.

Let’s Ride, Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–STAFF THREATENS WALKOUT ON THE 15THHey,

I’m innocent, I tell ya. The Union of Pixels and Bytes, Local #352 has threatened to shut the doors on the vast Bikernet empire and walk out on the 15th. Management is due to meet with union representatives this afternoon, and after the news we hope to report on the outcome. It’s a dicey situation here at the headquarters and the girls suspect that Agent Zebra may have connections with the union bosses. Shots were fired earlier, but let’s turn to the footage of last night’s orgy.

It all started innocently enough. The temps were hitting record-breaking lows in the 40s in San Pedro as the sun dipped behind the Palos Verdes Peninsula and we finished another hard day’s work interviewing Ron Finch, famous Detroit bike builder. In fact, the day before the interview for Hot Rod Bikes, Finch closed his shop because of a driving snow storm in his region that prevented the metal working freak from reaching his shop. Snake slithered out of the headquarters and went to the bar up the street and Renegade waited for something to happen, bitching all the way. Hell, we actually had a couple of hours free time. The Blue Flame was in excellent condition for a ride, as was the blacked out Buell. But stepping into the cold sent chickenshit shivers up our spines and we decided since some of the brothers had a meeting with Vince at the Blue Cafe in downtown Long Beach for the Superbowl arrangements, we decided to finish last-minute adjustments on the dual-carbed Panhead.

We always send Renegade to negotiate for us. He hates everything and generally doesn’t want to buy a damn thing, so he’ll walk away from any deal. “Who needs another fuckin’ party anyway? Waste of fucking money,” he said, pulling his rat bike into the street. I started to synchronize the carbs but my hands chilled and the garage wasn’t comfortable for wrenching. Then Sin showed up at the door with a heater and a tumbler of Jack. I took a swig of the harsh but warming liquid as Wrench suddenly decided to pack it in for the day and scooted out of the shop. The heater buzzed to life and the little wires turned cherry red when Sin stood over the vibrating unit. She’s tall and slender with supple hips and robust boobs with nipples as sensitive as a hair trigger. At first, I sipped the Jack, kissed her gently on the mouth and went back to wrenching. I brought up some inane bullshit about sending out Christmas cards and such, but she didn’t respond, so I looked over my shoulder in her direction and noticed that she was standing with her legs apart over the heater wearing a long trench coat. As I looked at her perfectly shaped calves and my mind followed the waves of radiating heat up her thighs, the coat parted slightly and I yearned.

She was completely nude under the thick overcoat and as the heat filled the satin-soft cavity hidden by the coat, she opened it some more. Needless to say, I put the tools down and spun to fill my focus with lust as the coat fell open. We better get to the news:

In memory of our Bikernet mascot, who was accidentally killed when the Digital Gangster brawled with theBikernet staff during the last revolt. You can read about the incident here in the archives.

NEW FROM OUTLAW MOTORCYCLE COMPANY–

Inspired by the latest aftermarket motorcyle wheel designs, these CNCmachined, billet aluminum yo-yo’s are one of a kind! They are beautifullystyled and machined and also play smooth as silk. The axel is made of aprecision ball bearing that is pressed onto a stainless steel stud andfitted into a rolled threaded axel hole. This design eliminates wobbleand was designed for very long sleep times (one minute sleep is easilyachieved).

The engineered body gap and taper make for one big time- responsive yo-yo. We also provide shims to optimize the body gap and changethe return characteristics so beginners and experts alike can set it up fortheir own personal tastes.

Hard anodized brilliant red on one side, silver finish on the other. The two-tone look is striking. You are never too old for one of these. Theymake fantastic gifts and are great conversation pieces. Everyone fromthe guy who just wants one to put on his desk or hang it in his shop, to theserious yo-yo geek (that’s us……) will treasure these.

Each one is serialized and available in limited quantities just in timefor Christmas.A collectors item for sure. These promise to be a favoritefor all who own them. The photos don’t do them justice. You musthold one to truly appreciate the beauty, styling and precision engineering.

Theyare available for secure online ordering in the gift shop here at Bikernet.

BANDIT DEAR–This gal’s really talented. Are you aware of her work?She should be the feature character in your book o’ luv.

For all you northeast Ohio folks, she will be at Western Reserve Harley-Davidson, on Tyler Road in Mentor, in December— Have a great winter!

–Melissa Harris

BIKERNET READER APPRECIATION SUPERBOWL PARTY PLANS CONTINUE IN DOWNTOWN LONG BEACH AT THE BLUE CAFE–You must watch the game anyway. It’s the law. You might as well enjoy the three bands, killer munchies, pristine pool tables and women while you’re doing you civic duty. There will be Orwell novels on hand, door prizes and hungry women. So mark your calendar, etch it into your Day Runner, type it into your database and put a Post-it on the refridge. Hell, Ray Russell from Australia is threatening to fly over. It’s Jan. 28 on the Promenade in Long Beach, and you can park your bikes directly in front of the joint. What could be more perfect?

G’day Mate, Were you able to download the Harley “Velo Glide” pic? What are the dates for the Superbowl bash? I would like to attend. Please note that we in Australia do not recognize your so- called game of football for you only throw the fucking thing! Whilst in Portland last year, the “Chucker” Superbowl was on and I had a great time with the local natives.

See Ya, Ray

MYRTLE BEACH SPRING RALLY, MAY 12-20– Over 150,000 motorcycle maniacs are expected in Myrtle Beach for the 61st Annual Spring Bike Rally, making this rally the largest single Harley rally in the Carolinas. After 60 years of tearing the town apart, Myrtle Beach businesses and community leaders are finally giving the riders the credit and respect they deserve–or else. More rally events are being planned and hosted by biker-friendly local businesses than ever before. One of the riders who attended last year was the most decent, hard working, responsible and caring person you would ever hope to meet. The rest were nuts. So join in on the insanity. For real, no-bullshit information (like this) on vending space, poker runs, tours or general information, contact: Sonny@MyrtleBeachBikeWeek.com or call (336) 643-1367.

IF ABBY WAS A GUY–

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, sohe goes for the next best thing–your sister. Far from being an issue, thiscan bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved?If you are still apprehensive, then let him be with your relatives, buy hima nice expensive present and cook him a nice meal, and don’t mention thisaspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories perspoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure and gives a greatglow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you toperform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremelypainful for a man. This shows he loves you. Buy him a nice present, cookhim a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The manis a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far frombeing pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and toget back to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional and happythe man is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do is buyhim a nice expensive present and cook him nice meal and don’t mention thisaspect of his behavior.

BARTEL’S HARLEY-DAVIDSON CHRISTMAS SALE–Bartel’s is offering 20 percent off hats and caps, 20-40 percent off kid’s clothing, 50 percent off holiday giftware and 50 percent off all collectibles. And while you’re there, go see Brenda Fox, Miss Bikernet 2000, who will also be attending the Superbowl bash at the Blue Cafe. Shit, I just noticed that this is a one-day sale, Dec. 18 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

FAMOUS VALDEZ SPANISH GUITAR TO BE GIVEN AWAY AT BIKERNET SUPERBOWL BLUES BASH–OK, here’s the deal. I’ve played guitar longer than I’ve been drawing. Ido okay. It’s a real great hobby of mine. Lately I have developed aproblem with my left wrist (the tendons). It is caused from overuse/playing my music. I have three guitars. One of them gives my wrist moretrouble than the other two combined. I love this guitar, but what’s apoor boy ta do?

It’s a Mexican Fender telecaster with a Dimarzio custom pickup in her. Iput it in myself and there are a couple of tiny little fuck-ups aroundthe pickup where I installed. No big deal (a custom jon butcher job).Over all, she’s a great playing/looking axe. I have not decided yet, butI’m thinking of some slob winning it at the party. Possibly have someonetake some pictures of it and slap it on the news telling of the giveaway.

–Juan Valdez Towle

EASYRIDERS OF DALLAS CARRIES ORWELL– You need to order Orwell soon to receive copies before Christmas, but if you’re near Dallas, Albuquerque, San Diego or Phoenix, Orwell is available in fine Easyriders stores and Cycle Vision in San Diego. Check ’em out and their specials for Christmas.

RENO STREET VIBRATIONS IS COMING– Sept. 19-23. Check the shit on this event at www.road-shows.com.

BIKERNET RESEARCH AND TESTING LAB–We have several tech articles heading your way from the Top Secret Bikernet Testing Labortories, brought to you through grants from the Pasadena Art Center of Bad Welders and the Howard Hughes Foundation for the Ill Prepared. We have assigned a crack cub reporter to report back on several build-a-bike chassis kits. We’re going to analyze fitment, component quality and price from Mid USA, Custom Chrome and Bikers’ Choice, and compare the discount kits to what it would cost to put together a Jesse James or Paul Yaffe rolling chassis.

We are going to sneak into the heads and shops of some of the finest speed freaks in the country for their formula for porting, polishing, flowing Evolution and Twin Cam heads.

We plan to work with ABUS to test motorcycle locking systems, chains, padlocks and rotor locks. We’ll break out the freon, hacksaws and bolt cutters and find out what holds, slows down and irritates the shit out of bike thieves.

Here’s one of our on-going tests. This had to do with powerful dog training and restraint tinsel strength. See for yourself.Download it Here.

TITAN AUCTIONS BIKES AT TITAN OF ATLANTA– ’99 Geckos and Sidewinders will be rolling out for $17,000 to $20,000. Model 2000 Phoenix units will sell for $15,000 and $16,000. Each one will receive a useless four-year, unlimited mileage warranty and new MSOs. These scoots will be sold Dec. 12 at Florida Auto Auction of Orlando. To register, call (407) 656-6200. For additional details, call Dave Sullivan at (678) 393-8550. These bikes WILL be sold to the highest bidder! Don’t miss out.

TWO VAMPIRES– wanted to go out to eat, but were having troubledeciding where to go. They were tired of the food in Transylvania and wantedsomething more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italybecause they had heard Italian food was really good. So off they went and ended up in Venice.

On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited fordinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way.Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the bodies intothe canal below.

The vampires were pleased with their first meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first …sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

The vampires are now ready to have dessert. In a short while a third youngcouple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people weretossed over the rail into the canal. The vampires decided it was time to head back home.

As they started to walk away, they heard singing. They were puzzled becauseno one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that the singing was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang…(are you ready for this).

“Drained Wops keep fallin’ on my head …”

–Geno, The Horse Magazine

BLM PUBLISHES DRAFT NATIONAL OFF-HIGHWAY VEHICLE STRATEGY (COULD IMPACT BONNEVILLE RACING)–The Bureau of Land Management today released a Draft National Off-Highway Vehicle Management Strategy that is intended to promote environmentally sound Off-Highway Vehicle (OHV) use on BLM-managed public lands. The Draft Strategy, which reflects extensive public input, is now available for a 30-day public comment period that begins today and runs until Jan. 3.

“This Draft Strategy is aimed at recognizing the interests of OHV users while protecting environmentally sensitive areas on the public lands,” said Henri Bisson, the BLM’s Assistant Director for Renewable Resources and Planning. “It also seeks to focus the agency’s scarce funding and staffing resources on OHV management rather than on OHV-related litigation.”

Bisson added, “The BLM was very encouraged by the public’s participation and input at the 49 OHV ?listening’ meetings that we held this past summer. In addition, the public submitted nearly 5,000 written comments that 10 BLM specialists have been categorizing and analyzing since September. These comments have guided our agency in writing this Draft Strategy.”

The Draft Strategy offers management guidance and recommends numerous actions aimed at creating a local framework for reviewing and resolving OHV-related issues. These issues include current OHV designations; signs, maps, and other public information; existing OHV regulations; route inventory needs; OHV impacts on resources; road and trail design, maintenance, and restoration; management of Wilderness Study Areas; monitoring; education (both public outreach and staff training); law enforcement; and the BLM’s budgetary needs.

The Draft Strategy recognizes, consistent with the BLM’s existing policy, that Off-Road or Off-Highway Vehicle use is a legitimate activity on public lands wherever compatible with the Bureau’s resource management objectives and when in compliance with the Federal Land Policy and Management Act (FLPMA) of 1976. The Draft Strategy notes that under FLPMA, the BLM is required to manage the public lands in a way that accommodates multiple uses while protecting public land resources. “The BLM believes that this Strategy can provide guidance to promote the balance between these sometimes competing principles,” the 64-page document says.Any member of the public who submitted comments or signed in at an OHV “listening” meeting will receive by mail a copy of the Draft Strategy early this month. In addition, the BLM has posted the Draft Strategy on its Internet Home Page (http://www.blm.gov); paper copies of the document will be available from the Bureau’s State Offices and its Washington, D.C., Office by Dec. 8. Comments on the Draft Strategy should be submitted in writing by regular or electronic mail. The mailing address is: BLM OHV Strategy, U.S. Department of the Interior, Bureau of Land Management, 1849 C Street, N.W., Washington, D.C., 20240. Comments may be sent electronically by clicking on the OHV Strategy link on the BLM’s Home Page (http://www.blm.gov) or by sending e-mail comments to a BLM electronic address (ohv_comment_manager@blm.gov).

BIG DOG UNVEILS UPDATED WEBSITE–Big Dog, the leader in manufactured custom motorcycles, and the company that stands above the rest in customer service and warranty repairs, launched their new comprehensive Website (www.bigdogmotorcycles.com). The totally rebuilt site debuts the all-new 2001 model line-up, highlighting Big Dog’s 2001 Platinum Performance Series and 2001 Core Performance Series lines of motorcycles. Along with easier navigation, Big Dog has expanded the site to include complete information on their national dealer network, a full-line paint options section, real-time available factory inventory, comprehensive specifications and special event information. Nick Messner, the President of Big Dog, made some comment about the new site, but he slurred his words so badly, we couldn’t make it out. But he did say something about multimedia sections and downloadable owner’s manuals and expanded part sales in the future.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Just got back from Phoenix, Ariz., the first Bourget’s dealer meeting tookplace there last weekend. Some of the news is the new Website and a newmodel, which will come out pretty soon. Roger is buildingsome trick shit in the milling machine, including rocker covers, transcover, six-piston calipers, brake and clutch levers, etc. Also check outthe new BBW clothing line which is coming out soon.

We went to Myron’s Billet Bar to say hi, but he was not there. Also passedby Sonny Barger’s new shop, cool little shop, and pretty friendly HAs.Deano’s paint shop in Tempe was killer. We saw the latest in paint-relatedstuff and some pretty trick designs. Check his Websitewww.custompainting.com.

Hey Bandit, Roger and I are planning to join on the ride to Sturgis nextyear. Whadda you think?

Finally, Caribbean Custom Cycles is done, 801 Fernandez Juncos Ave., san Juan, PR 00907…..tel (787) 721-0633. We have all the stuff, cool custom bikes andT-shirts. If interested or coming by PR, give us a visit.

The new clothing line is already a reality, for chopper riders only (andwannabees), five of 15 designs are out. Call or write for a flyer.The official opening of Caribbean Custom Cycles 801 is Jan. 13. Roger Bourget will be there, maybe Bandit will too and sign somebooks. If around, come by and party some.

The 2nd Caribbean HOG Rally was a success. HOG members from New York,Chicago, Florida, Italy, Germany, St. Martin and the Dominican Republic joinedthe locals on a three-day ride accross the mountains and coast of Puerto Rico,all ending with a party at a local hotel in San Juan. More than 200 motorcyclistsattended.

Also, the HOG San Juan election took place Dec. 10. The new director isAlfredo Mere and vice director, as always, is Guti Qui?ones.Just got a flyer from the LAMA (Latin American Motorcycle Association) saying its 2001rally will take place in PR and then will take a ferry to the DominicanRepublic. It will be in April. They expect to do 2002 in Mexico and 2003 inCuba. Good luck!

A new Caribbean Custom Cycles has opened in Orlando Florida, at Deep SouthCycles. The shop will just carry custom bikes and Bourget’s since DeepSouth is well-stocked and service is excellent.

Christmas is almost here and I’m still dizzy from the Phoenixtrip. Now it’s time to get back to the shop and finish a 72 XL chopper Ipromised to my girlfriend.

It’s time to give thanks for all the lucky breaks we had over the year, andthanks for being able to ride one more day. Thanks for having a sunny 89-degree day while people are freezing their butts in the frigid north. Iwish everyone a happy holiday……….

–Jose

BLACK AND BLUE EYE FOGLESS GOGGLES–The Blu Eye goggle is designed to meet the demand for comfortable fog-free vision in all weather conditions. They offer cross-eyed eye protection and are as good looking as they are functional. They have a soft rubber frame for comfort and safety, and come with impact resistant polycarbonate lens with anti-fog coating. Interchangeable colored lenses to provide for a variety of light conditions. Adjustable clip and elastic strap for a secure fit. Lenses proved maximum UVA and UVB protection. Lenses are available in clear, mirrored clear, yellow, smoked and rose. They’re available from Custom Chrome or Arlen Ness.

NATIONAL AGENDA FOR MOTORCYCLE SAFETY RELEASED LAST WEEKEND– The 110-page document, compiled by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the manufacturer-sponsored Motorcycle Safety Foundation, did not suggest that any new regulations be imposed on manufacturers.

NHTSA Deputy Director Rosalyn Millman said the federal agency will use the report to guide future motorcycle safety policy. She pointed out that the number of motorcyclists wiped out last year was 2,472, an incease of 188 over 1998. Fatalities have sharply declined, however, in the last decade. In 1989, the number of dead was, 3,141.

The key topics of the study was the enhancement of rider education programs, programs to discourage the mixing of cycling with alcohol and drug use. and a program directed at motorists to make them more conscious of the presence of bikes.

“Helmets are the toughest issue,” said NHTSA spokesman Rae Tyson. “We had to recognize there are a number of different ways in addition to legislation of increasing helmet use. We are not saying that one is necessarily better than another.”

Here at Bikernet we are happy with any government document that doesn’t advocate new laws. That being said, the NHTSA Agenda did call for new studies, and you all know how we feel about studies performed by any government agency. The outcome seems to be known before any work on the study begins. We need to keep an eye on these guys.

Bikernet recently interviewed Rob Rasor the new President of the AMA who mentioned that due to the European Union and the influence of Europe on a global economy that we may be looking at horsepower restrictions, leg protectors and manditory clothing standards in the future. Stay involved! Join your local motorcycle rights organization.

BEST LINE–Best line I have heard about this election mess:”One day you’re the pigeon. The next you’re the statue”

Says a lot about life in general!

–Becky Segal

STEED BRAND AWARDED PATENT–Alternative American musclebike manufacturer, Surgical-Steeds Classic American Motorcycles Inc., was awarded Patent No. 2,367,533 from the United States Patent and Trademark office this past July. The Steed “Brand” logo is used to identify official proprietary products offered by Surgical-Steeds. the registered trademark is used to distinquish each custom Steed Brand Motorcycle. The identifiable silhouette of the Steed Brand logo is emblazoned in their revolutionary Monoglide chassis, logo wheels, parts, accessories and apparel, which can be purchased online at surgicalsteeds.com or at indepandent Steed Dealers.

To celebrate the newly awarded patent, Surgical-steeds prominently outfitted a 2001 Steed Pegasus touring-cruiser motorcycle with the Steed Brand Theme. The “Brand” bike will be on display at dealer appearances, shows and events through 2001 to promote awareness of Steed branded products and accessories.

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Website at <http://www.ON-A-BIKE.com/>

From TheGUNNY’S SACK

OHIO: There are plenty of reasons to take a Motorcycle Ohio Safetycourse: polishing technique, increasing control, fun. The biggie isthat doing it could keep you among the living.

Starting Jan. 1, there’s one more reason. Graduates from MotorcycleOhio safety courses can take their certification directly to OBMV and obtaina motorcycle endorsement on their license. This is good news indeed. Now, ifwe could get all states to work that way, wouldn’t this make things mucheasier on everybody?

WASHINGTON D.C.: While President Clinton was in Viet Nam he made veryclear to the world that he is a motorcycle helmet advocate by encouraging theuse of the things for children in that country. I’m amazed that I am stillliving having ridden thousands of miles before helmets were considered adeterrent to motorcycle accidents.

NEW DELHI, INDIA: The sales of two-wheeled vehicles is mixed in thiscountry but motorcycle and moped sales are doing just fine with Honda in thelead. Scooter sales are down for some reason. I don’t understand it. I’d ride one if I owned one.

NEW DELHI AGAIN: Hero Honda is India’s largest motorcycle maker andright now they sell the 10-year-old CD series and the six-year-old”Splendour” model in the 100cc motorcycle segment. In the middle of 2001they plan a new model and later in the year there is even another coming outboth in the 100 cc range. The roads there won’t handle much more power thanthat. I was there in the 50’s and most rural roads were dirt.

WASHINGTON: Recently we have read that the FBI has tested a new beastof software called CARNIVORE that takes all privacy away from Internet usersand makes confidential information their baby to play with. This is scaryfolks. Privacy experts say they are worried about the breadth of Carnivore’scapability and questioned why the FBI even conducted such a test in June ifit intends to use the tool only for narrow purposes. Hopefully the courtswill step in and set VERY strict standards for this stuff.

EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT DIRECTIVE ALERT: I don’t think anyone with arestored classic car, or for that matter without a restored classic car,could be against protecting the environment. Highways littered withdiscarded plastic cups and other modern junk don’t improve the looks of thecountryside.

With these ideals in mind, the European Parliament based in Strasbourgpassed a law called (ELV) End of Life Vehicles. After vehicles pass acertain age they are to be scrapped and not recycled or restored as happensto many old cars. This law also affects MOTORCYCLES in many countries. Yousay, OH, IT’S JUST IN EUROPE!!

Don’t be smug simply because you, Mr. or Ms. Biker, don’t mess withold cars. Look around carefully at your next ride or rally and if you knowthe difference between the various models of Milwaukee Iron and othermachines, count the number of bikes that are over 20 years old. Harley-Davidson is well known as the most recyclable motorcycle in the worldand holds its value mainly because of that fact. Some Junker proposals haveincluded motorcycles.

VENICE BEACH, CALIF.: Here we go again folks. The Italian motor scooterVespa (built by Piaggio) is invading our shores again and starting inCalifornia, the land of the fad beginnings in this country.

Rising fuel prices, clogged freeways and smog might be a good reasonfor some of the rest of us to save a bag full of coin and get one of thesecute little critters for ourselves.

BRASILIA, BRASIL: China isn’t the only country that’s making hay whilethe sun shines when it comes to the motorcycle. Brazil’s exports ofmotorcycles rose to 51,404 units in the first 10 months of the year (2000), a94-percent increase over he same period of last year. I wish I could getthat kind of interest on my piggy bank.

SUPERMAN HELPS LIAM NEESON WALK AGAIN: CHRISTOPHER REEVE is helpingLIAM NEESON recover from a near fatal motorcycle crash. Neeson was ridinghis motorbike earlier this year when he slammed into a deer and shattered hisleg – and he’s still learning how to walk properly after the accident. After talking with Reeves on the phone, Neeson said, “He got my head in order.”

JAKARTA: If you buy a motorcycle in Indonesia, watch out. Seems moneyisn’t the only thing you can find that’s counterfeit. Apparently there arefake motorcycles being sold here under the guise of legitimate Chinesemanufacture. Hah! My boss Sam Hochberg likes odd bikes — we should findhim one of these scooters. It’s right up his alley.

NEW HAMPSHIRE: UPI has sent out a copyrighted story that says aUniversity of New Hampshire study blames that state’s lack of a helmet law asthe reason they have TWICE the national average of brain injuries in the”Live Free or Die” state (11% compared to 5% nationally, claims the report). I’d like to read that study — and I’d also like to know if maybe NH has aLOWER rate of broken necks in motorcycle accidents there — maybe they have aLOWER rate of paralyzed people. Maybe too, they have twice as many ridersout there enjoying their Freedom of the Road. I’d like to know ALL thosethings, before setting up New Hampshire’s freedom to ride as a target.

HANOI: When President Clinton was here in November, he gave a littletalk to the embassy people there. He teased his new ambassador, PetePeterson, because after Peterson was in the media rallying for his safetycampaign there, he was nailed by a TV crew riding a motorcycle without ahelmet! Maybe Pete Peterson has his heart in the right place.

GUNNY AGAIN: I keep telling folks that the best friends we have areour hard working AIM lawyers. That statement isn’t entirely true. The bestfriend we have is RIDER TRAINING. Our AIM folks are there for us when we areinvolved in accidents. Get the training first and then if you’re involved inan accident call (800) 531-2424 for your nearest AIM Attorney. Sam Hochbergin Oregon can be reached at (503) 224-1106 or if it’s a toll call use(800) 347-1106.

WORDS FROM RUSTY–Did You Know–The Internet was instrumental in putting Jesse Ventura in the governor’s mansion. He needs to be in the White House. It’s the only chance for big changes in government and he respects the individual rights of citizens and doesn’t agree with the “War on America”.

Did you know —the Bureau of Prisons budget in 1986 was $227 million. Now, 14 years later, the annual budget is $4.7 billion. Mandatory minimum sentences for drugs and illegal immigration are the prime factors increasing the prison population. Crime has not gone up during this period. In 1986, the federal government enacted the mandatory minimum sentencing laws with 28 new sentencing guidelines for drugs. Seventy percent of the 2 million inmates in this country are imprisoned for non-violent drug offenses.

Did You Know–We are the biggest prison-building nation in the world. To keep a few employed, we are imprisoning hundreds of thousands. There are 1.4 million imprisoned for drug offenses. It’s wrong, they know it, but it’s a big business for courts, law enforcement, prison guards, food suppliers, etc. They will never turn it around without being forced by the voters.

THE SUPREME COURT– The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C., this Christmas. This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in thenation’s capitol.

There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.

WINO JOE REPORTS–RHouse Crew, gotta get some sleep; off ta the Unknowns MC toy/poker runen la manana. BigT knows. I’ll give’m your respect pal. I might behavin’ problamas con mi ‘puter? I ain’t gettin’ “the whole picture” ofwhat is on “RHouse”? When I get back, or past thru San Jose(booty run) Iwill check with MagicBob. If y’all are out there this cold weekend, keeptha rubberside down.

–Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

LUCIFER ANNOUNCES LAUNCH OF SOULXCHANGE.COM– World’s first MarkLucifer announces launch of SoulXchange.com, world’s firstmarketplace for direct buying and selling of souls.

SoulXchange.com, thefirst and only online marketplace for the sale and purchase of humansouls, launches today at www.soulXchange.com.

Citing advantages over the bait and bribe method of soul acquisitionthat has been employed since the beginning of time, Lucifer referredto SoulXChange as “launching the underworld into the new age andreinventing the war between good and evil.”

“SoulXChange empowers the aggregation of not only more souls but higherquality souls at a higher ROI. This gives us a first-mover advantageover Heaven and what’s his name.”

The site introduces a revolutionary new technique for establishing soulvaluations. News and user-contributed stories help the site assessthe values of numerous soul attributes, ranging from profession tomarital status, which in turn determine the value of souls.

Users register their souls and based on the evaluation of that soul areassigned “SoulBucks.” SoulBucks are used to purchase the souls ofother users. Similar to the stock market, the logic is to buy low andsell high. Individuals with the top portfolios will have their soulreturned.

“SoulXchange is a unique synergy of frictionless user-centrice-processes and pure evil incarnate,” adds Lucifer.

QUANTUM UPDATE–I called the federal court today to verify Quantum’s next court date. I was informed by Adrian of Judge Briskman’s staff that it was continued until 3 p.m. Dec. 15 at the request of one of the attorneys.It will be on the 5th floor of 135 West Central Ave. in Orlando.The group I am going with will car pool and meet at WIDS Bar on Sarno Road at 1 p.m.All with an interest in this matter are urged to attend if you can.

–Rogue

NEEDED–for 1964 Panhead,left side handle bar with a right hand spiral (pulls toward rider) forspark advance.

–dan

THE AMERICAN AND THE AUSSIE– are in the Olympic Village in Sydney.The Australian is having his coffee, croissants, toast, butter & jam when an American man, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation. American : “You Australians eat the whole bread?”

Australian : “Of course”

American : (blowing a bubble with his gum) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia. Do ya eat jam with the bread?”

Australian : Of course!

American : (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to Australia.

Australian : “Do you have sex in America?”

American : (with a big smirk) “Of course we do” Australian : “And what do you do with the condoms?”

American : “Throw them away of course”

Australian : “We don’t. We put them in a container, recycle them,melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America”.

NEW BIKERNET COLUMN– I’ve got an idea for a funny column — Zebra’s Dating Tips. People write in their relationship problems and I give them wonderful solutions that lead to bliss.What do you think?

–Don Juan

ASPHALT COWBOY UPDATE–We don’t have shit to report. The option is in effect and the principles are clamoring to raise the funds to kick off production before the end of the year. We appreciate the interest in the film and the photos that keep rolling in. As soon as something pops, we’ll let you know.

Here’s the latest contribution from Tucker and Mama Hall, shot moments before they split for the Toys for Tots Ride in Santa Barbara, Dec. 3. Here’s what they had to say, “Hey Sleeze! Look at who’s the sleeziest?” LoveYouByeMiaAndMatt

DEAR TECH SUPPORT–Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticedthat the new program began making unexpected changes to the accountingmodules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that hadoperated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such asHot-sex 1.0 and Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.0simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.0 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

–Desperate Wife.

Dear Desperate Wife,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEand install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run theapplications:Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 todefault to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create “Snoring Loudly” wave files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. Theseare not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryand cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additionalsoftware to improve performance. Personally, we recommend HotFood 3.0,Lingerie 5.0 and FunSexToys 9.0.

–Tech Support

OH, GREAT ONE– I would think that the winner of the Great Chop-Off is obviously the Blue Flame and Bikernet West. Long bikes rule, especially when you consider that SA Zebra was given a head start on construction!

Besides, any one who must go to the great lengths that Zebra does in order to prove his sexual prowess, is surely sadly lacking in the “gear” department.

Please, put a stop to his childish whining and set him firmly in his place as a mere lackey to your sterling stewardship of the Bikernet community!

In closing, the following link will fully explain to those faithful readers who do not receive ample booty from that fat bastard Santa, http://www.funstun.com/christmas2.htm.

— Gunracer

SUCCESS–There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work,and learning from failure.

–Colin Powell

NEW PARTS LIST–
1 – 4 Speed Harley transmission fits 1965-1984 Big Twin ( rebuilt)$1000.00
1 Roadstar 16 inch spoke wheel in box$250.00
1 Revtech 16×3 Front rally style billet wheel complete$350.00ea
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 front Mirage style billet wheel complete$350.00
1 Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rim only Daytona style billet wheel$250.00
2 Sturgis Front Rim Hubs Non Brake Side for Single Brake set-up$50.00ea
1Sturgis 16×3 1/2 Rims only Rally style billet wheel$250.00
1Sturgis 16×5 1/4 Rear Roadstar style billet wheel with Brake Side Hub(needs Pulleyside hub available from Sturgis wheel) Sturgis Roadstar Billet Rear BeltPulley $700.00
1 Attitude style Sturgis Billet Rear Belt Pulley$300.00
2 CCI 47-098 70 tooth rear pulley multi spoke$275.00ea
2 American Quantum Billet Aluminum Anti-Reversionary Front Ends – Ready tobolt on. $700.00ea
5 Billet Aluminum inner primarys to fit FXR$500.00ea
5 Billet Aliminum outer primary covers to fit FXR$500.00ea
4 H-D inner primarys to fit FXR$200.00ea
10 Sets of 4140 Steel EVO connecting rods$50.00set
5 S&S Connecting rod sets part number 34-7010$150.00set
2 Spyke Starter jackshaft kits CCI 28-677 big twins 89-93$70.00ea
3 5-Speed Harley Davidson taper shaft diaphgram clutch assembly w/kevlarclutch plates $400.00ea
Heavy Billet Aluminum 5 Speed transmission doors polished and beaings$150.00ea
7 Jims pinion gears 24045-78 Green to 89$30.00ea
3 Jims pinion gears 24043-78 Red to 89$30.00ea
1Sets CCI 15-294 6 Gallon Gas Tanks HD FXST 1984-96 & custom frames$100.00set
5 CCI 13-383 Russell Stainless Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41813-79) Retail$ 79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00 ea
5 CCI 13-381 Russell Stailess Steel Disc Brake Rotors (oem 41791-79A) Retail$79.95 – Dealer $55.25 – Rogue $50.00ea
1 CCI 09-880 Adjustable Rear Mini Shaker Floorboard Set Retail $ 179.95 -Dealer $116.95 – Rogue $100.00
1 Set (4) Custom Sumax Premium Pushrod Cover Kit For H.D.EVO $135.80Retail – $94.05 Dealer – $80.00 ROGUE
1 H-D 132 Tooth Rear Drive Belt # H.D. 40023-86 Fits 86 to present Softail.$165.95 Retail – $107.95 Dealer – $100.00 ROGUE
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve Head Front New Retail $295.68 – Dealer $197.12$195.00
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads front, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides& seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads rear, minor repair needed on some(guide,seat,threads) Retail Price $295.68, – Dealer $197.12 But has guides & seats alreadyinstalled.$150.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
1 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes complete, need to be reshimed$395.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve front rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer$122.80 $75.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve rear rocker boxes Retail $184.20- Dealer $122.80$75.00ea
10 Dual Carb Plenums for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $95.07-Dealer$75.00 $50.00ea10 Intake Plenum Runners for Feuling-Quantum 4 Valve heads Retail $87.42-Dealer $58.28 $25.00ea50 Feuling-Quantum intake valves Retail $12.15- Dealer $8.10$ 8.10ea
50 Feuling-Quantum exhaust valves Retail $11.03- Dealer $7.35$ 7.35ea
20 Feuling-Quantum Rocker Box Cover Gaskets w/Sealer built in$10.00ea
10 Feuling-Quantum Inner Valve Springs $ 4.00ea
4 Feuling-Quantum Outer Valve Springs $ 5.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Front Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
*** 8 Feuling 4 Valve Rear Rocker Boxes for Sportster or 4 Cam V-Twin$200.00ea
5 Sets of Billet fender struts to fit Boyce frames$100.00set
10 Front Offset motor mount black powdercoat Boyce frames$25.00ea
10 Front Ofset motor mount Chrome KB 01-301 Boyce frames$30.00ea
5 Petcocks CCI 25-253 & Chrome Spec. 260366$10.00ea
3Petcocks CCI 27050 Accel$30.00ea
20 Steel motormount stablizer (turnbuckle complete) rubber mount 5 speeds$40.00ea
5 FXR Chrome Kickstands$50.00ea
1 Sumax #8635 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8650 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
1 Sumax #8651 Front Fender $100.00$50.00
3 CCI 13-389 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for FXR 1987 – 1990 Retail$143.95 – Dealer $99.35 – Rogue $80.003 CCI 13-387 Russel Stainless Oil Lines for Softail 1990 – 1992 Retail$156.95 -Dealer $109.15 – Rogue $90.00
1 Dunlop 491 MT90B16-71H Front Tire $70.00
1 Metzler Perfect ME-99A (150/80X16) Rear Tire $70.00
TO VERIFY SUMAX Fenders Prices and other Info e-mail info@sumax.com andask

Other stuff, such as seats, stainless lines and cables will be listed later. Iam still sorting parts.

4 Valve Parts Available Fully Assembled and ready to bolt on. Mail forprices and details

In the future please use the following addresses:rogue@bikerrogue.comrogue@cfl.rr.comMSN address will be disconnected

INDIANS RETREAT–Indian Motorcycle Co. in Gilroy, Calif., recently laid off 200 employees in an effort to position the company to go public. Even the original boss, Ray, was replaced to become a member of the founders board. Projection to sell 500 motorcyles a month have fallen behind and the company is reducing production to 350 bikes a month. The clone company still houses 500 employees and is struggling to make its bid for a public offering.

ESCAPE HATCH–There was a terrible crash outside the headquarters, and Sin and I jumped out of bed. It was the union leaders unloading the ranks from the back of a rusting school bus. Carrying placards and throwing empty beercans at the headquarters, they started chanting. “We’re outta here. It’s Christmas vacation, you slimy bastard!”

Then I remembered, they’re right. We’re taking a couple of weeks off over the holidays. Why? Because we can. Because you only have one life to live and ya better enjoy the motherfucker before it’s gone. So, is Bikernet going to go stale while the minutes pass as we slip dangerously close to the hour of the new millenium? Hell no! We’re about to launch two new segments of Vince and Chance that were previously published in The HORSE magazine. That series will ultimately become my next book, and the story is just beginning to take shape. We’ll also surprise you with Snake’s ultimate tech tip. If we can find Buck from HardTail magazine we’ll launch another bike feature and a new series of techs. Of course, if you order books, the shipping department will still be open for biz. Other than that, we’re not paying the bills, we’re sleeping in and riding our asses off right up until Christmas day. But next week, when you come for the news, you’ll be lucky if there’s not an image of a bottle of Jack, a set of spokes and a pair of Christmas panties. Make it a Christmas to remember. Let’s Ride–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–SANTA RIDES SHOVELHEAD DRUNK–GETS DUIHey,

It was another memorable weekend, beginning with Friday and some garage time. I repositioned the Joker Machine pegs on the marvelous mystical Blue Flame for a more comfortable ride. If you ever build a bike and want top-of-the-line billet components, try them. These pegs were designed with a 3-inch lip to form a footboard behind the peg for extra support. They put set screws on the interior edge of the milled pegs so you can adjust the angle of the pegs if your feet vibrate off.

Since I have a new Paul Yaffe updraft K&N air cleaner on the Mikuni carb, it sticks out farther, causing my long leg to wrap around it. So with 5/8-inch spacers, I moved the right-hand peg and brake assembly out for more comfort. Then I turned to the ’48 Pan. With the instructions for synchronizing the dual Mikuni carbs from Joe Minton of Mikuni America trying desperately to sink into my faltering memory, I went to work. Joe sent me a new set of jets, which I installed. Then I reassembled the carbs and installed them. This was the final adjustment phase in preparation for trial run.

That night the fog rolled in, a chill fell over the harbor and the candles burned bright in the Bikernet headquarters. Rumor had it that Agent Zebra had returned from the east. Sin Wu and I dimmed the lights in the headquarters and made private plans for our escape under the sheets.

Then the weekend started to heat up with more tinkering with the Panhead. I charged the battery and checked the oil. I took my bizarre handmade carb protectors off the carb and backed off on the idle adjusters until I knew that the throttles were closed. With two 6-inch segments of straight hanger rod, I stuck one under the lip and against the jets of both carbs to insure that the throttles were matched. Getting back from the carbs, I reached over the bike and turned the throttle. It was a static way to determine if the throttles were opening simultaneously. It worked. I adjusted the cables and the mid-range jet according to Joe. Then I wired a new Flanders high/low beam/horn switch from Century Motors in San Pedro, and kicked the bike to life. It was running lean and I adjusted the mid range until the carbs quit spitting, then began to turn in the idle adjusters in search of an idle, and watching my watch. Layla and I had a party to attend and time was running out. I also had a vintage gathering to attend the next day. I was hoping to ride the Pan. The Indian clock on the wall clicked as loudly as an air hammer as I started the Pan, hoped for a proper adjustment, killed it and tried again. Another deadline was looming, girls were waiting, whiskey was abundant. We better get to the news.

MAJOR CHANGES IN STORE FOR VR 1000 SUPERBIKE RACING PROGRAM–H-D Team Won’t Attend Upcoming Daytona Tire Test Due to Level of InternalActivity

Significant efforts are under way toimprove the Harley-Davidson VR 1000 Superbike racing program, said John Baker, director of racing. Due to the intensity of thoseefforts, the team will decline participation in the Dunlop tire test held atDaytona International Speedway beginning Dec. 11.

“The team will be ready for the start of the AMA season at Daytona in March,but not for the upcoming Dunlop tire tests,” said Baker. “When we finishedthe 2000 season, we had a choice to make: Would we move boldly ahead withthe intent of being one of the top teams in the AMA Superbike series, orwould we be satisfied with the status quo?

Harley-Davidson as a company haschosen to invest the resources necessary to develop the VR 1000 into acompetitive race bike in the AMA Superbike series. We’re in this to win.”

POSITION AVAILABLEIMMEDIATE JOB OPENING:Fat lady needed to travel to Florida and sing.

THE WORRIED GUN OWNER–This is VERY important. It concerns a $50 per handgun tax on your 2000IRS form 1040 and may require your fingerprints. Check it out at theSenate Web site. It is very much “for real” people!

You may have already read about this since it started back in February, butit’s worth another look and round of letters to the people in D.C.who “represent” us.

The secret nature of this bill becoming law is scary. This billcan pass WITHOUT the Senate voting on it. We will be notified a MONTHAFTER it has become law.

SENATE BILL S.2099 WILL REQUIRE US TO PUT ON OUR 2000 1040 FEDERAL TAXFORM ALL GUNS THAT WE OWN.IT MAY REQUIRE FINGERPRINTS AND A TAX OF $50 PER GUN. THIS BILL WASINTRODUCED ON FEB. 24.THIS BILL WILL BECOME PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE 30 DAYS AFTER IT IS VOTED INTOLAW.THIS IS AN AMENDMENT TO THE INTERNAL REVENUE ACT OF 1986.

THIS MEANS THAT THE FINANCE COMMITTEE CAN PASS THIS WITHOUT THE SENATEVOTING ON IT AT ALL.THE FULL TEXT OF THE PROPOSED AMENDMENT IS ON THE U. S. SENATE HOME PAGE,http://www.senate.gov/

YOU CAN FIND THE BILL BY DOING A SEARCH BY THE BILL NUMBER, S.2099.YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL —-I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU DO SOPLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS TO EVERY GUN OWNER YOU KNOW TO HELP STOP THISBILL!

BUELL BLAST FEATURED PRIZE IN PEPSISTUFF.COM PROMOTION–(http://store.yahoo.com/pepsistuff/winbuelblase.html)Looking to get some excitement in yourlife? Buell Motorcycle Co. has the answer. Contestants in Pepsi-ColaCompany’s PepsiStuff promotion have a chance to win one of four Buell BlastMotorcycling experiences. Winners will receive a Buell Blast motorcycle anda trip to Harley-Davidson’s Rider’s Edge training school in Las Vegasor Albuquerque (see link above for more info).

The Buell Blast, an all-new single-cylinder motorcycle, appeals to aspirited group of individuals who are looking for an exhilarating newchallenge. The Buell Motorcycle Co. designed the Blast with new ridersin mind, whether young or old, novice or even a bit experienced. Alightweight motorcycle, the Blast delivers easy start-ups, a low center ofgravity and fuel efficiency (73 miles per gallon) all wrapped up in asporty, cool design.

In conjunction with the Buell Blast, Harley-Davidson and Buell MotorcycleCo. continue their commitment to attracting new riders to the sport byoffering “Rider’s Edge – The Harley-Davidson Academy of Motorcycling,” arider training program designed specifically to meet the needs of noviceriders. This course, taught by Motorcycle Safety Foundation’s (MSF)certified instructors, uses the Buell Blast to provide its students with anexperience intended to be not only educational, but entertaining andinspirational. Lasting about 25 hours, the Rider’s Edge NewRider Course offers small class sizes, interactive classroom exercises,plenty of riding practice and time to become familiar with different typesof motorcycles, accessories and riding gear.

SUPERBIKE EDITOR SEDUCES FASTDATES.COM MODEL–It was all so innocent at first. SuperBike magazine editor “Sonic”Cantile wanted to come to Califonia for a little fun and recreation.But once he met our curvey FastDates.com piece of equipment at a quietdesert hideaway, it turned into a no-holds-barred 24-hour endurancemarathon with our hot running babe, and all the explicit details splashedacross the pages of more than one cheesy oil-drenched tabloid. But we hadno regrets. See all the shocking photos and details athttp://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.htm

* Wheelie King Doug Domokis is killed in an ultralight airplane crash.

* Former GP World Champ Alex Criville hurt in testing crash.

FastDates.com Calendar model Jaime Presely’s newest movie premieresthis weekend. What’s next for this Trailer Park Trash star? We’ve got allthe juicy details…

The latest FastDates.com Calendar and Motorcycle Roadracing newsonline at http://www.FastDates/PitLaneNews.htm

And don’t forget to order your copies of the world’sbest selling motorcycle and pinup model calendars online athttp://www.FastDates.com

TOP 10 VIAGRA SLOGANS–>
10 – VIAGRA, The quicker dicker picker upper.
9 – VIAGRA, One-a-day, like iron.
8 – VIAGRA, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
7 – VIAGRA, Home of the whopper.
6 – VIAGRA, It plumps when you take ’em.
5 – VIAGRA, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
4 – VIAGRA, Tastes great, more filling.
3 – VIAGRA, Ten inches long … and growing.
2 – VIAGRA, We work harder, so you don’t have to.

And the number one slogan being considered by VIAGRA:
1 – This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?

HUNS MOTORCYCLE CLUB– was started in Bridgeport, Conn., in the late’60s by a group of guys that regularly rode togother. The numbers grew andchapters opened throughout Connecticut and later to other states and Canada. The HUNS are best known for fighting the mandatory helmet and other unjustlaws.

Don “Pappy” Pittsley, a member of the HUNS Mother Chapter in Bridgeport, ranConnecticut Motorcycle Rights Organization and I was President of the mother chapter of the HUNS.

Pappy took care of the legislative end and I ran the protests. When Pappy died, I resigned from the club and took over Connecticut Rights. The helmet law in Connecticut was repealed shortly after that. In the late ’70s I moved to Florida and the HUNS eventually disbanded. Part of the by-laws of the club was that any member who resigned in goodstanding would be allowed to keep his colors and to also wear them in thefuture at any organization function.

One of those functions is the annual Pappy Run held each Memorial Day inConnecticut.

Though the club offically disbanded many years ago, many retired members arestill in contact with each other and get togother when possible. Connecticut is still helmet free!

–ROGUE

BIKER BABE FROM THE BIG APPLE COME IN–There’s so much going on, Bandit. I now havefour employees under me. I hired the most incredible site developer and adesigner. Both are top in the field in NYC. They both admire my ambitionand believe in me so much. We are aiming for a 1/15/01 launchdate (bikerlady.com). Finally!

I also have a partner, Claudia, who will be my right-hand (biz development,marketing, sales, event planning, associate editor of the site, etc.) and agal named Dale, who will be VP of Administration (finance, research, officemanagement, secretary, etc.) Of course they are both hard core riders!I have an upcoming photo shoot in a few weeks featuring the Confederatemotorcycle. I will also be getting new headshots completed and will do amass mailing to the NYC casting agents.

–Sasha

HARLEY LOVERS ALERT–I wanted to bring to your attention this Website thata group of Arizona State University marketing studentscreated for their marketing analysis of Harley-Davidson Inc. Our research and suggestions are postedunder the project findings link. We would appreciate allor any feedback.Thanks for your time.

Please visithttp://www.vividwireless.com/harley.ht

–Dan Mermelstein

WINO JOE REPORT–Rhouse Crew, there is a chance I will get a window of primo ridin’weather, so I might not check this E-shit till Sunday. Talk amongstyourselves. Just don’t hack on me ’bout my spellin’:) And “Mr.Prick,” noshort dick jokes; save your shit for The Turn Out Room, please:) Toy’all: Life is a work of art, designed by those that live it. Withrespect. Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT WROTE–Many people will walk in and out of your life,But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, useyour heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; If he betraysyou twice, it is your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events;Small minds discuss people.
He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend,loses much more; He, who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, butbeautiful old people are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live longenough to make them all yourself.

Friends, you and me….You brought another friend….And then there were 3….We started our group….Our circle of friends….And like that circle….There is no beginning or end….

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.It’s National Friendship Week. Show your friends how muchyou care….

20TH ANNUAL BEAUFORT TOYS FOR TOTS MOTORCYCLE RALLY– Dec. 16Some local children will have a brighter Christmas thanks toarea motorcycle riders. Southern Scooters, Kim’s III and Steel Stallions MCare promoting the event.

According to Stitch White, owner of Southern Scooters, the annual event isdedicated to the memory of Howell Jones.The Toy Run will start at Southern Scooters, Hwy. 116, #36, Laurel Bay Road, atnoon, Dec. 16. Donations, an unwrapped new toy (worth $10), willbe given to the Salvation Army.

After the run, there will be an Oyster Roast at Kim’s Place III for allparticipants. Other sponsors include Yamaha of Beaufort, Larkins MechanicalServices, Nighthawks MC, Bluffton Lights and Sights, Two Stroke Internationals, Top Gun Airbrush, Uncles Sams MC, Rock Solid Masonry, Discount Auto, Goodtimes, New Image, Maskarades, Lowcounty Riders, &VFW.

–Southern Scooters- (843) 846-2188

QUANTUM/AMERICAN UPDATE–Myself and others went to the Federal Courthouse in Orlando, Fla., todayto listen to motions made by parties involved in the Quantum MotorcycleCo.

Basically what I got out of it was that the parties are talking and tryingto solve some issues. Of course and rightfully so the landlord is interestedin his rent. The people that put up the money for the motorcycles want theirbikes. Money will be needed for the landlord and a crew to work to finish thebikes and that is what they are working on.

They are scheduled to appear Dec. 12 at 1 p.m. in FederalCourt, 135 W. Central Ave., Orlando, Fla., in Courtroom A on the 5thfloor and present a recomendation to the judge. All that have a interest in this matter are requested to attend.

JENNIFER SNYDER JOINS HARLEY-DAVIDSON FACTORY DIRT TRACK TEAM– Jennifer Snyder of Grand Saline, Texas,will join Rich King as the newest member of the Harley-Davidson factory dirttrack team. Snyder recently agreed to terms to ride factory-prepped dirttrackers for the 2001 AMA and Formula USA dirt track racing season.Snyder, 17, finished sixth in the final point standings of the Formula USAPro Singles Series. Although she competed in only seven of the races on the2000 schedule, Snyder displayed her potential with a fourth place finish atTexas Motor Speedway and a seventh place finish at Manzanita Speedway. She alsocame from the back of the pack to finish seventh at the series finale in DelMar.

Snyder began her racing career at age 11. Her father, Joe Snyder, createda track on their property so she could train and race. The Pro Singlesseries is where she will spend most of her time in 2001 but she will alsohave opportunities aboard the Harley-Davidson XR 750, in the AMA series, asshe becomes more familiar with the equipment.”This is a dream-come-true for me,” said Snyder. “I grew up watching ScottParker race and I followed his career closely. We both started racing at11 and he’s been a huge influence on me as far as my racing career isconcerned. I’m really excited to be a part of the factory team and racewith Rich King as my teammate. Lots of people tell me I’m pretty good for agirl. Hopefully after next season they’ll drop the girl part and recognizeme for my racing ability, period!”

In addition to her racing career, Snyder will be finishing her high schoolstudies this year and plans to go on to college.

A HERD OF BUFFALO– can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. Whenthe herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that arekilled first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving bythe regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills braincells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

NEW PRODUCT BOOM AT H-D–If any of you guys have been in a dealership recently and checked out their new 600-page accessory catalog, you’ll immediately see the dedication the factory is putting into developing its own line of custom parts, performance components and accessories. This is just one example of 10 new items we’ve introduced on the site. Check out the info in our new products section or in the Harley-Davidson department.

MORE ON QUANTUM/AMERICAN–We put up a good fight, but I just got off the last conference calland it looks like we have lost. The guys that put the company intobankruptcy do not want to go forward, they are not interested in putting upany more money.

On Monday I expect that the judge will determine that it’s a liquidation andappoint a trustee to liquidate Quantum’s assets. Rick and I will be workingthe weekend to see if there are any last minute things that may be done, butI am not very hopeful.

We needed $1 million to pull it off and for all of the creditor groups towork together, even after we sent a letter to all shareholders and creditors(who have the most to loose) advising them of the situation and asking ifthey were interested in contributing, nobody responded. We can’t do it aloneand nobody else wants to put up, so I guess it’s over.

The recent collapse of the stock market didn’t help, nor the fact that anumber of other motorcycle companies are also in trouble.Rick and I will eventually suceed in positioning American Motorcycle asAmerica’s No. 1 motorcycle company. It will just take us a little longer.

–Murray

THIS IN FROM SOUTH CAROLINA–I’ve been to Christmas parties from Canada to Key West. Saturday night wasthe first “real” Carolina Christmas party I ever attended. Click and DianeBaldwin, owners of Carolina H-D, threw their annual party at their home. WhenI pulled up and saw lights strung up in the woods and several enormous BBQgrills belching smoke, I knew I was in the right place. All manner of H-Dnostalgia hung on the outside walls of Click’s roomy garage. Inside thegarage are several of Click’s Corvettes and the first bike he ever owned,looking much like it did many years ago when he last rode it. The walls arecovered with 30 years of his life on motorcycles. “If it weren’t for Diane,my whole house would look like this,” he said.Jeans and black leather was the attire. A covered porch that runscompletely around the building was the setting for the party. Some folksdid hang out in the house. There was thishuge firepit and I mostly hung out there. There was all kinds of liquor,but

I stuck to the 4-year-old moonshine. Picture it, standing around a fire,handing a jar of moonshine around on a wickedly cold, windy night. I likemoonshine. Goes down smooth and unless you get stupid, it’s a sweet buzz.The food was too much; the best prime rib I have ever had. The menu also included chicken, brisket, ribs, meatballs and every salad on the planet. The hostessgave me a huge plate to take home and complained I would not take more. Thehouse and garage were incredible. If this is how the rest of the holidayseasongoes, then it may just be a good one.

–“Crazy Horse”

SPEAKING OF PARTIES, DON’T MISS BANDIT’S DICEY SUPERBOWL EXTRAVAGANZA–at the Blue Cafe, Superbowl weekend, upstairs in the intimate Blue Lounge. There will be three private pool tables, terrific munchies from the 5-Ball chef, and intimate game watching on a big screen. Or you can watch the game and play pool, or fuck the game, sit downstairs in the patio and listen to Bourbon Jones. As the afternoon wanes, Chris Gaffney and the Cold Hard Facts will be rocking the downstairs, and if your team won and you want to stay and celebrate, James Intveld will sing the blues in the evening. That’s three bands, great food, the Bikernet staff and cuties, book signing and the game of the year. Plus you can park your scoot directly in front of the joint on the Promenade. That’s the Blue Cafe, Superbowl Sunday in downtown Long Beach for the 2nd Annual Bikernet Dicey Superbowl Blues Jam. If you would like to send an invitation to someone, click here

AND IF YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR DRINKIN’ HABITS HERE’S–Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker’s Soul:

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” –Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. –Frank Sinatra

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. –Ernest Hemingway

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. –W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. –Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? –Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
— Brian O’Rourke

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862. –Unknown

Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser. –Unknown

To some, it’s a six-pack/ To me, it’s a support group. –Unknown

EXCELSIOR-HENDERSON LIVES–Comic relief was at hand Friday afternoon when broadcast reporters gatheredin front of the Supreme Court for the historic review. They had their backdroptraversed repeatedly by one (who could hardly be called a protestor)demonstrator – proudly hoisting aloft an Excelsior-Henderson emblazenedplacard.

We’re relatively sure this spontaneous display of First Amendmentindulgence did, in fact, go unnoticed by millions…E-H who?…but not forlack of trying.Paid publicity’s finest hour…seen live on CNN.

John “Wish I’d Thought of That” Siebenthalerreporting from BarcoLounger central

Sundance Breaks Up Bloody BikerNet BattleBandit, the Digital Gangster and I were sitting in my office drinking hot tea and talking about the November judging. The boys were reviewing some technology issues that had come up when Bandit went online to finalize thejudging and things were clearly getting out of control. “Your programs aren’t worth the free parts I give you for them,” I heard Bandit bellow. I looked up from the chart I was working on in time to see the Digital Gangster launch himself across my desk, sending my tea flying and raving something about Bandit not knowing his posterior from a hole in the snow.

As the boys tussled on the floor, I reached under my desk and hit the silent alarm – the one that brings the Dark- Haired One running. She arrived with her first aid kit and a pair of handcuffs – just in case. She soothed the savage Bandit and walked him down the hall to his office for a quick meeting with his old friend, Jack Daniels.

By the time I arrived 20 minutes later with the Digital Gangster firmly in tow, Bandit was calm and happy with the Dark-Haired One planted securely in his lap. The boys made up and Bandit completed the judging without furtherincident. Me, I wandered back over to my office to start the clean up and brew another cup of tea. Just another day here at Bikernet!

Hey, look for the November winners this week, and keep those December entries coming!

GOOD OFTEN FOLLOWS BAD– Due to the recent situation with our presidential elections, I feel that there should be other things that should be “re”-done:

1. We need to contact the state lottery commission. To my horror, while watching the lotto results, I realized that I had picked the wrong numbers and that the lottery’s outcome was not to my advantage. Thus I am demanding a replay of the last lotto. Eight others and I are exploring a possible lawsuit because the numbers were confusing! There are too many numbers to pick and they are too close together. There needs to be a local replay of the lotto!

2. Some young friends of mine are contacting the local college board for a recall of last week’s midterms. To their horror, they chose the wrong answers to the test! They found that the multiple choice questions were too confusing thus leading various students to receive unacceptable grades. THEY demand a local retest of this exam until they get satisfactory results.

3. I demand to be re-interviewed! After my interview with my prospective employer, I realized I had answered some questions wrongly. The answers I meant to give were not given and I need another opportunity to answer the questions properly as I had wished to. I am contacting the local labor board to challenge the decision of not hiring me.

4. I demand that my ticket be revoked! To my horror, I realized that I was looking at my tachometer instead of the speedometer! It’s the manufacturers fault since they placed the gauges too close together! I thought I was only going 5 mph! I am contacting the DMV to revoke my ticket and will be filing a lawsuit against all auto manufacturers who are responsible for putting the gauges too close together!

–Mike

CENTURY MOTORCYCLES ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY– Dec. 10, like, man, that is this weekend. We’ll be rockin’ sunny Sunday to the bone on Pacific Avenue and 17th at Century Motors, one of the oldest shops in the world. You’ll agree the minute you walk in the door. Be there, be there, be there. Don’t miss it. Ride your oldest, most decrepit bike. Cindy will love it and try to buy it from you. (310) 832-6190.

No, the above Indian won’t be there, but the first customized Excelsior will be, and it’s for sale.

SATURDAY NIGHT SIZZLE–With less than an hour to shower, dress and pick up the Dark-Haired One, I reached a lumbering idle. The bike thumped like a finely tuned locomotive. The idle was slow and secure for a 61-inch Panhead. Then it quit idling and revved. I had run this scenario past Joe Minton and he told me a story about a bike that wouldn’t idle, and in doing so suggested that my automatic advance distributor was sticking. I was out of time. I couldn’t get into the distributor and get to the girl on time. I was close, and even closer to a party for one of the Dark-Haired One’s best friends, all the way back to elementary school. It was a different crowd for me. Her young pals are a mix of union workers and railroad employees with young families. The birthday girl is Hispanic, sharp looking and wild, with a daughter who is the spitting image of her mom, and fire in a pink blouse. Her dark-haired pal was a tight package nick-named Birdie who was a guzzling fan of Jack Daniels, after my own heart. Half of the 60 people who came to the party brought her bottles of Jack of every style and size. It was as if I was a heroin addict at a cooker’s palace. I claimed to be the designated driver so that Layla could play with her friends with wild abandon, and I would make sure we survived the night.

The set was generally late 20s to 30, mostly married. Many smoked, plenty had kids and all worked in very secure environments. I listened while nasty looking young girls danced with other scantily-clad girls around the fire. While the girls spoke of threesomes and kids, the guys spoke of motorcycles. Mark, Birdie’s beau, has ridden the Six Flags Endurance Challenge three times on a BMW. Ted, the kid who works for the railroad, wants desperately to meet Jesse James and build a West Coast Chopper, but is afraid to go there with a checkbook. I encouraged him, telling him to get a frame and do it himself. Todd rides a Vespa/mod/scooter with 40 rear-view mirrors and can’t imagine riding anything else. Dennis is building a bike as soon as he can pick up a basket. It was fascinating. To a man, this young set was passionate about motorcycles, but very immersed in secure, straight lives. It was a scary evening for a man who never settled down and doesn’t understand the concept.

As the cops arrived, I packed Layla in the flamed Bird and split. At home I packed her full of water and aspirin and put her to bed, only to have her attack me in the morning. The hangover cure worked. Then I got a call from Hamster Phil, a custom painter who lives in an industrial building. I had an hour and fifteen to meet them on a back road on the edge of town, in an industrial strip in Wilmington. I took my clothes off and crawled back in bed. With 15 minutes to roll, I was out the door on the Blue Flame and heading to our designated rendezvous.

On an obscure street just north of the oil industrial kingdom of Signal Hill, we turned on a small industrial street that dead-ended into a railroad yard. We slid into a dirt and gravel lot owned by the Gunther family for over 100 years, which housed antique cars, bicycles, motorcycles, army vehicles, tombstones, tractors, cranes and enough shit to keep us gawking for hours.

I nearly bought a 1951 White fuel truck once used in Long Beach to refuel airplanes at McDonnell Douglas. It was a guy’s paradise. The deal was that if you come, bring something cool, and people did. From there we hit Walker’s Cafe for Coronas before we split up. Another packed weekend. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Finally, I would like to come out of my shell and mention sex. I bring it up a lot, not because I want to fill the site with pornography, but for two reasons: I think love and wonderful sex is one of the best experiences life has to offer. And damnit, a recent study demonstrates that the more sex you have the less chance you have of a heart attack. It’s special beyond description, and that brings me to my second reason. Motorcycles, choppers, Harleys and sex are meant to be. Building a beautiful motorcycle is tantamount to wonderful sex. The passion of riding like we do, the notion of the solitary vehicle opening the door to romance, is undeniable. As bikers and men we live in heaven, and we need to realize the absolute delirium that is in our hands each time we make love to a wonderful woman, or we build a new scoot or hit the road. For other men it may be flying airplanes, skiing down a soft slope, screaming around a speedway track at 150 mph (which I did about a year ago), and to many, the other end of the formula is a woman’s touch at the end of a day of accomplishment.

As far as I’m concerned, if I could mess with motorcycles and make love each day, life would be, well, heaven. So I must be there. Let’s Ride–Bandit