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Read More March 8, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
No, it wasn’t a front flat tire on the steel grating bridge to Terminal Island at 80 mph in a driving downpour–we couldn’t be so lucky. It wasn’t a raid on the headquarters by the Texas Rangers to extradite Bandit back to the Panhandle for crimes he committed when he ran away from high school. More devastating than a hole in a piston in the Barstow desert in the summer on a run to Vegas, Bandit’s girls were struck down with the creepy crud.
Bandit’s been missing ever since and rumored found in a sleezebag motel in Daytona Beach recruiting new women. Hey, but all is not lost. When you read the news you’ll immediately discover that we haven’t missed the old bastard one bit. Let’s check it out:
DAYTONA BEACH REPORT– On the first Saturday of the annual pilgrimage by the planet’s entirebiker population to the Sunshine State, Agent Anonymous reports in toheadquarters on the status (excellent) of the Bike Week Bikernet billboard.
Prominent display, directly across from legendary Robison’s former H-Ddealership one block from Ridgewood, it will be seen by tens of millions asthey languish in Speedway Boulevard gridlock while enroute to Beach Avenueattractions and Main Street shenanigans.
Bikernet dayroll performed admirably, as expected. Unique tool pouchfeature kept tie wraps in quick reach for temp repairs when riding buddy’sdistributor (’46 Knuckle) wouldn’t stay in advanced postion during torridI-4 cross-state run.
Bikernet baseball tee cooly reflects sultry heat of Florida springtime sun,to the envy of fellow biker brethren who slowly bake while wearing solarblack look-alike tees.
STATES ATTEMPT TO LEGISLATE MOTORCYCLE PASSENGERS–Hawaii, Maryland and Pennsylvania have recently introduced bills to restrict motorcycle passengers. Hawaii proposes to prohibit passengers under age 12; Maryland’s bill would require the use of passenger footrests; and Pennsylvania proposes to prohibit passengers under the age of 18.
A WOMAN… went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend afortune.
“Well,” said the clerk, “I have a very large bullfrog. They say it’sbeen trained to give blowjobs!” “Blowjobs!?” the woman replied. “Ithasn’t been proven but we’ve sold 30 of them this month,” he said. Thewoman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it’s true…nomore blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy’s ability to her husband, he was extremelyskeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she maynever need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots andpans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frogreading cookbooks. “What are you two doing at this hour?” she asked.
The husband replied, “If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass isgone.
–Gunracer
BUELL BLAST PURCHASE GUARANTEE PROGRAM ANNOUNCED–Buell announced the Buell Blast Purchase Guarantee. The program states that when a customer buys a new Buell Blast, they have a full year, from the original date of purchase, to trade it in on a new Buell V-Twin or Harley-Davidson motorcycle, and receive a trade-in allowance equal to their original base purchase price (up to MSRP) at participating dealers. The offer ends July 5.
BIKE SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT–There are two bike shows coming up. ?One is in Beverly Hills, Calif., thatCraig Germeroth has been working on and the other is in St. Paul, Minn., that Donnie Smith and American Thunder are sponsoring. Details follow on both. ?Go and show your support!!!
Beverly Hills Run ? Should be 100bikes and 300 cars. Separate trophies for Hamster bikes so people don’t gettheir panties in a bunch. Check in is 7:30 a.m. till 9 a.m. Sunday March 18.Trailers can come inside Saturday with security provided by the show.American Thunder TV will be a sponsor and is expected to do a nice piece onus. We have $6 million in show prizes.
Donnie Smith/American Thunder ShowThis will be a great end to our long winter. ?The show is , March 18 at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul. If you’re showingyour bike, you can bring it over and set up on Saturday from 1 p.m.-6 p.m. ?Teardown is at 5 p.m. Sunday.?This is a bike show/swap meet. The show starts at10 a.m. Sunday. ?Be there.
Also, you Minnesota and Midwestern guys, the Spring Flood Run is on April 21,leaving Whiskey Junction at 10 a.m. or meet at Prescott, Wis. ?
–Correspondent Patty, reporting for Bikernet in Minneapolis.
HOLLISTER CONNECTION–“Personal Message” to Commander Ball/Bikernet Crew, if y’all are reallygoing to make Hollister this year, we want ya to know you will be morethan welcome. The red carpet and all that shit. This is just a view fromone of the places we can provide, so y’all can get away from the crowd,if ya want. Monterey in the summer can get damp, so wear your $300tequila proof rain jacket. Hollister is only an hour ride for me fromMonterey; that way you ride 35 minutes. Hold it! If I get a good night’ssleep and we tour by Ocean Thunder for a mornin’snap, we might leave therest of them f…ers and I can draft ya:
— Ride On! Wino Joe
The sneaky bastard creeping across the background is the infamous Wino Joe.
BIKERNET DISCOUNTS STREETWARE CATALOG–In an effort to cut you guys a break on apparel during down economic times, we’ve cut the prices for all Streetware apparel and accessories by 10 percent.
KILJAY RACING UPDATE–Thank you for posting the “Kiljay” racing update onyour Web site. Here is a photo of my crew chief, Killer,with the new engine and another one showing what a 4-5/8bore cylinder looks like. Did you hear that Jim Mclurecrashed in Orlando?
You are right, this motor is a monster. The bore is 4-5/8 inches and the stroke is 4-3/4 inches. Each cylinder is 80 cubic inchesfor a total of 160. The 4-cam cases were custom made by Delkronto Killer’s specs. They have a 1-1/2 raised deck, which meant that Axtell had to custom make the barrels. The heads were top fuel blank heads and Hannan’s Machine shop has set them up to run on gas. The intake valves are 2.3 inches in diameter and we are running an .810 lift cam. The heads flowed 400 CFMat 28 inches of mercury.
We punched all the numbers into a motor horsepowercomputer program and it is telling us we will have over 300 HPon gas only. We are also running a nitrous oxide system with a Schnitz progressive controller, which will allow us to add up toanother 100 HP power if needed (and my balls are big enough).
To get the fuel into the engine, we are running two Super Dcarburetors each with three thunder jets. The heads we set upto run a carburetor out of each side of the engine. ChicagoJoe is custom making the intake manifolds and doing the engineassembly. The parts for this engine were ordered over 16 monthsago and our cost for the engine is over $20,000. I’m indeep shit if I blow this baby. We are estimating redline on thisengine is 6,800 RPM.
–Stan
AMA UNVEILS NEW INITIATIVE TO REDUCE MOTORCYCLE CRASHES–The AMA’s new program, Motorcyclists Matter, aims to reduce motorcycle-car accidents by increasing penalties for car drivers who injure or kill motorcyclists, develop a mandatory course for offenders and raise awareness of motorcyclists through public information campaigns. ABATE of Pennsylvania and Ohio are actively involved with the AMA on this.
A FUNERAL SERVICE– is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the fucking wall!”
HAWAIIAN SHIRTS COME TO BIKERNET– In Bandit’s absence, we’ve contacted Dragonfly, the fastest growing, wild-assed, too-hip Hawaiian shirt manufacturer to come along in years. It’s run by three brothers and overseen by their dad, who has been in the garment business for 40 years. They are biker Hawaiian shirts to the bone and soon to be available in the Gift Shop. The prices will be more than resonable and there’s no charge for shipping and handling. The shirt on the right is licensed by Gibson guitars. Be sure to stay tuned and check ’em out. In a couple of weeks we’ll be launching the shirts once the girls come around to model them. Bandit will be back for that.
NEW IRONHORSE CUSTOM– This Over-Kill Trike was built by Don Center in Roswell, N.M., where everything is distorted. This bike will be on display at the Beverly Hills Bike Show on March 17. IronHorse is a proud sponsor of Bikernet. Paul Venturo is Don’s main mechanic on this project. It’s powered by a ZZ4 Corvette engine with aluminum heads and it’s blown. It’s 500 horsepower and Don plans to race us to Sturgis on this trike. The trike is 14 feet long and 84 inches wide. Don builds these bikes turnkey for $26,000 base price and he will build the engines up to 720 horsepower. Stock trikes are 320 horsepower.
For years Don built Bourget bikes until Mrs. Bourget beat him up behind a bar, and he started building trikes. Many of his show-stopping two-wheelers were featured in Biker and Easyriders. He’s been building these monsters for five years and they’ve come along way. Talk about an open framed rocket ship. Bandit’s negotiating with Don to afford the Bikernet crew a two-week head start to the Badlands. That should do it.
On to Page 2
March 8, 2001 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
SNEAK PEAK AT NEXT HORSE COVER–You saw it here first, the next cover for The Mighty Horse magazine. Watch for it on a newsstand near you… And don’t forget to read Bandit’s shit in it. It will singe your hair and cure any virus you may have.
VAMPIRE BAT–Vampire BatA vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered infresh blood,and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get somesleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and startedhasslinghim about where he got it. He told them to piss off and lethim get somesleep.However, they persisted until he finally gave in. “Okay,follow me,” hesaid as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of batsbehind him.Down through a valley they went, across a river and intoaforest of trees.
Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milledaround him.”Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.
“YES, YES, YES!” all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.
“GOOD,” shouted the bat, “BECAUSE I FUCKING DIDN’T.”
ULTRA MOTORCYCLE CO. SETTLES– Lawsuit With Mull Acres Invmts.Ultra Motorcycle announced that it settled litigation filed by Mull Acres Invmts. The litigation arose out of a series of events dating back to UMC’s January ’97 purchase of the motorcycle manufacturing assets of Mull Acres, then doing business as Ultra Kustom Cycles. Among other things, Mull Acres will recover nothing from UMC.
HERE’S OUR “Mailman” back in the summer of ’95 with his homemade motorcycle trailer. He still uses it, even towed it clear to Palmdale one year behind the van but the new Wells Cargo has solved that problem. He just didn’t like the idea that racin’ his motorcycle meant ridin’ in a cage to get there.
–Helen Wolfe
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE SHIT– going on over at Excelsior-Henderson? I own a ’99 Super X – You’ve ridden one, it’s a great bike. Well, you know they sold about 1,600 bikes before they took the big plunge. InAugust they were bought by a white knight company that calls itself “EHPartners” with the stated intention of getting the company out of bankruptcyand back into production again.
Of course nothing has happened in that direction. “EH Partners” neverponied up the $12.5 million they agreed to and basically now there’s a shitstorm brewing over the chairman, George Heaton. Seems the local newspapershave dug up loads of trash on this guy. Seems he’s a liquidationspecialist, who, contrary to the stated intention, is gonna liquidate theassets of the company, as he’s done in the past with other companies he’spurchased.
I thought this whole sordid affair might make for interesting reading onBikernet. Best part? Just go to this board for the whole story.http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/excelsiorhendersondealerr38This is where you’ll find other EH owners who are struggling to keep theirbikes running.
If you remember all the stuff that happened with BritishIron back in the ’70s, this story will give ya deja vu.
–Lucky
SONNY BARGER CHRONICLES–Sonny returned to Northern California for a book signing on March 3 in Penryn sponsored by Hells Angels Sacramento. He’ll be at Borders in Union City (March 18). Phoenix and Orange County are planned in April; then Cape Cod and Rhode Island in early May, followed by eastern Washington, Idaho, then off to Copenhagen and Oslo.See the tour details with maps:http://sonnybarger.com/meet
Regency Mint has produced a great looking silver medallion, which is available now for $34.95; soon to come will be a bronze keychain with the same design (an image of Sonny and Sarrah on one side and his famous saying, “I never thought freedom was cheap,” on the reverse). Take a look and order now:http://sonnybarger.com/special
The German translation Hell’s Angel: Mein Leben reached number 5 on the bestseller list at amazon.de within the first few weeks of release. There is now a small “mirror” site in German:http://www.sonnybarger.de/welcome.html
The streaming audio has been a big hit, four of Sonny’s best radio interviews last year, and more will be added. Click the “audio” button:http://sonnybarger.com/pressThe fan photo gallery grows with your submissions:http://sonnybarger.com/foto
TWO-WHEELED SALES CLIMBING IN UK–Britan’s new motorcycle registration figures for January 2001 showed that bike sales have an increase of 41 percent compared to the same time last year. Forty-four percent of January’s bike sales were scooters. Supersport bikes continued to dominate the motorcycle bestseller top 10.
THANKS– First off, I wanted to thank you and your crew for the quick delivery of my books (This is Ruth, I ordered 4 books last month), and had a question… After the wonderful discovery of finding your signature on the inside of the “Orwell” cover, some cruel buddies of mine at work planted the thought in my head that it might not really be you that signed it. They seem to think it was funny to joke that maybe it was your gramma or your sister or maybe even some lone warehouse packin guy who scribbles on your book before it gets shipped out…. but I know it can’t be TRUE!! I have faith that it was really you that signed it…!!
My ol’ man likes the postcard of Miss Bikernet that you sent too… –Ruth Allan Damn right, that’s my signature. If it looks like a 3 year old wrote it, it’s me. HONOLULU POLICE ABANDON H-D–The Honolulu Police Department has purchased 20 2001 BMW KP1100 motorcycles. The BMW KP1100 is a special police version of the R1100RT. Prior to the BMW acquisition, the Honolulu Police Department used 32 Harley-Davidsons (Road Kings and FXRPs) and 13 Kawasakis. BIG DOG’S PROSPORT WINS EASYRIDERS’ V-TWIN EXCELLENCE AWARD FOR BEST RUBBERMOUNT MOTORCYCLE– Big Dog is pleased to accept Easyriders’ prestigious V-Twin Excellence Award for best rubbermount of 2001. A long time member of the Big Dog line, the 2001 ProSport is considered by many critics to be one of the best-handling American cruisers on the market today. The ProSport features an advanced vibration-reducing three-point rubbermount frame built by Daytec exclusively for Big Dog. In addition, the motorcycle offers an industry leading engine and transmission package. “This is a great honor for Big Dog. We have worked very hard to make the ProSport the best rubbermount that we know how to build,” said Nick Messer, president of Big Dog. STAFF INTERROGATION–revealed that on a rainy morning Bandit was seen helping a young woman to a waiting ambulance. He had her draped in a blanket and we couldn’t tell whether it was the moisture from the sky or tears as she was placed on the gurney. A terrible virus had grabbed her chest and she was wisked off to a nearby hospital. Another report indicated that the lovely Sin Wu had contracted a flu virus at college. She never made it to the headquarters that day and the big guy waited on the deck in the drizzling rain with a flask of Jack Daniels and Bikernet production ground to a stand still. Later in the afternoon, a once-bubbly blonde pulled up in front of the San Pedro palace in a smart sports car. Bandit bounded onto the deck with a waiting margarita, but the woman never left the car. According to NuttBoy, she had a patch over one eye and a tear running out of the other as she drove away. Devastated, the old guy, just weeks away from his 53rd birthday, slipped out of the headquarters in the middle of the night and we haven’t seen him since. Daytona’s a possibility. Even another women is not out of the question. There has been a rumor of a redhead lingering around the headquarters trying to scratch and claw her way into his life. We’ll report next week. It’s happy hour. –Da Janitor
ABATE of Illinois
Lincolnland Chapter
Activities/P.R. Coord
ISMC ‘ol lady
March 8, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
BIKERNET CYBER CYCLES WINNERS– Following is the winners’ list from February. Just as soon as we have all the winners’ addresses and shirt sizes we’ll be sending out trophies, and prizes from Bandit, Crime Inc. and Samson Exhaust systems. Congratulations guys.
Barry Bassford
Laurel, Md.
Competition
Jerry (DeathMonger) Tomczak
West Bend, Wis.
Pro-Street
Clint Breakall
Hugo, Colo.Radical Custom
Christoph Cordon
Houston, Texas
Street Stock
Darryl Calnan
Comox, British Columbia
Vintage Chopper
BANDIT’S CANTINA DUE TO LAUNCH THE 16TH–With Bandit out of the picture, progress is rapidly taking place in the historic Cantina. This is becoming the Disney California amusement park of Bikernet. It’s so packed with entertainment that we can’t seem to get the staff away from the games, the girls and the Cantina soap opera that’s taking place inside.
WORLD NET DAILY–Britain, Australia top U.S. in violent crime–Rates Down Under increase despite strict gun-control measures
By Jon Dougherty
Law enforcement and anti-crime activists regularly claim that the UnitedStates tops the charts in most crime-rate categories, but a newinternational study says that America’s former master — Great Britain– has much higher levels of crime.The International Crime Victims Survey, conducted by Leiden Universityin Holland, found that England and Wales ranked second overall inviolent crime among industrialized nations.Twenty-six percent of English citizens — roughly one-quarter of thepopulation — have been victimized by violent crime. Australia led thelist with more than 30 percent of its population victimized.
The United States didn’t even make the “top 10” list of industrializednations whose citizens were victimized by crime.Jack Straw, the British home secretary, admitted that “levels ofvictimization are higher than in most comparable countries for mostcategories of crime.”
Highlights of the study indicated that:The percentage of the population that suffered “contact crime” inEngland and Wales was 3.6 percent, compared with 1.9 percent in theUnited States and 0.4 percent in Japan.
Burglary rates in England and Wales were also among the highestrecorded. Australia (3.9 percent) and Denmark (3.1 per cent) had higherrates of burglary with entry than England and Wales (2.8 percent). Inthe U.S., the rate was 2.6 percent, according to 1995 figures;
England and Wales also led in automobile thefts. More than 2.5 percentof the population had been victimized by car theft, followed by 2.1percent in Australia and 1.9 percent in France. Again, the U.S. was notlisted among the “top 10” nations.
’57 PAN LIVES IN JAPAN–Thought I would drop you a pic of my bike. I found it here in Japan lying in a garage about a year ago. I sent you an e-mail a few months back to get your opinion. Just wanted to say thanks, and I listened to you and decided that as much as I want a chopper, I decided to keep this kinda original. So here are some pics of my 57FL. I’ll send ya the update pics once I get her up. Her motor is in and I got a shitload of parts on the way.
Man they got a shitload of chops here and old classics. One Japanese guy in my club rides a ’47 Knucklehead. It’s a damn nice Knuck too. Well, as far as parts, the bike’s body is in good condition. The motor was dicked and I replaced the jugs and pistons. Lower end was okay.We replaced the 3-stud clutch hub with a 5-stud and a bunch more things. Gettin most of my stuff from JP cycles. Though I did get a lot of help from my step dad’s friend in California. Don Whalen, “best bike at Laughlin,” is a good man. I’ll send you updates soon, and if you want some pics of some Jap bikes too.
–later, Craig
On to Page 4
March 1, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 2
LADIES’ NIGHT OUT– The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies’ night out club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friendpulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I’m worried about the way things are going, but fortunatelyshe just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was shortlived.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Noweveryone’s attention is focused on me, and the guy’s egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could Ido? I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.
NEW SITE–ROADHOUSE.COM– I wanted y’all to be aware ofour connect with Bikernet. We are gettin’ a shot in there almost everyweek. This should help promote Roadhouse. Bandit and I are pals, but thatis just us. He has said he would like to “goof” with me. So, Ilet him know, it’s me and him, at 20 paces with squirt guns. And then Iasked, RH Prick to be my second and he sent the letter. We are into thisshit now. But, win or lose, we might get the coverage to pump our sails.
And it seems Mr.Bandit is hip to the cha-cha:) We need his support; sogive it time to work, before any of you crazy purple/black piratesstart to really whip “on.line” with that crew from the purple/white.Let’s see, purple/white, doesn’t that fade to pink? Maybe I shouldn’t havesaid that; oh well:) It’s a game I feel we all can dig. Now, don’t worry’bout sellin’ the farm to get out here. We have enough crew ’round theBiker World to have at least one or two of us to whip on these richf..ers from Bikernet. We all can fight, fuck, or just like Johnny said,Have a ball! How many days is it to Hollister? Commander Ball, it’s youand me, sir. Stop light to light? Pick it? Sorry, it ain’t like the old days,I can’t put up the Redhead. If I do, don’t tell:)
With respect to thosethat count. Ride On! Wino Joe
Hey Joe, you’ll have to send me a big check to make me a rich fuck. If I was rich I’d live in Monterey with you instead of the back streets of San Pedro. Aren’t you riding a new bike? Hell, I’m so poor I can’t pay attention. I’d have a fuckin’ banner here that you could click on and go to their site, but can they get their shit together?–No.
DEASEL UNVEILED–Yes folks, here’s the woman rider behind all the new sizzlin’ fiction on Bikernet. She can turn a tale, make me duck in an empty room or have me chasin’ the new redhead around the house with just a paragraph. Check out her hot style in the story section of Bikernet.
LITTLE MARTIN IS– 4 years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, “Why don’t you go across the street and watch the construction workers building that house? Maybe you will learn something.”
Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied: “Well, first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn’t fit, so you have to take the cocksucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the motherfucker back up.”
Shocked, Martin’s mother said, “You just wait till your father gets home!”
When Martin’s father got home the mother asked him to ask Martin what he had learned that day. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said,
“Martin, go outside and get me a switch.”
Martin replied, “Fuck you, that’s the electrician’s job.”
Jesus, 1.3 million hits? This really is the best Web site!–Nick Trumbo,ex-Excelsior-Henderson MMC
HANNON RACING READIES MOM FOR ORLANDO– Bill Hannon, owner and crew chief of Hannon Racing, is pleased to announcethat Dan Baisley of Portland, Ore., will be flying into Ft. Myers, Fla., on March2 to test MOM. He went on to explain: “MOM is the name of our No. 2 motor. This is themotor that we ran at Rockingham last year setting the 1/8 mile to 4.755seconds, the new 1/8 mile mph record was increased to 149.91 mph and adazzling new World ET and personal best at 7.574 seconds for the “We are looking forward to going to the race track on March 3 andtrying some of the things that we have been working on. The racetrack has away of showing you if what you did over the winter was worth your effort. Wehave both motors ready to go and we will be running MOM and setting up WES. WES is our No. 1 motor and we’re looking forward to showing what he can do aswell. We look forward to seeing all of our racing friends in Orlando, and wewish all of you a safe trip down and back.” Hannon Racing is supported on their 2001 national circuit by Axtell Sales,Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers,The Landings Realty, Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and DynaTek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam. Hannon– www.hannonracing.com SAMSON EXHAUST’S NEW LOGO–Samson’s story of how he built the business from the garage up is now on the site, along with his new logo. “Although the monster logo of the past served the company well for a decade, it was time to make a change,” said Kenny Samson during a Mardi Gras party on Bourbon Street on his way to Daytona for Bike Week. THREE OLD SISTERS– 92, 94, and 96 years old, all lived together. One day the oldest drew a bath. She put one foot in the water, paused, then called downstairs to her sisters, “Am I getting in the tub or out of the tub?” The middle sister started up the stairs to help, then paused and called back downstairs, “Was I going up or coming down?” The youngest sister, who was sitting at the kitchen table having tea, said, “I guess I’ll have to help. I hope I never get that forgetful!” and knocked on wood. She got up, then paused, and called, “I’ll come up as soon as I see who’s at the door!” –Nick Trumbo MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE NEWS–It is an ode to you, my dear. Much love. THE MAGIC MAN: Leave it to the massive, strong arms of mighty Banditenfolding this New York City biker babe to send me all a quiver and protectme from those who lack respect. Bandit is a master life instructor who canteach a lesson or two. Boy can he drill a message home! [Sigh] Must bethe magic from years living on the road and breathing in two-wheeledfreedom. Bandit, the magic man… Leave it to the hunka burnin’ flesh and steel with his smooth, deep, voiceto coax me near, ever closer still, and whisper to me, his breath hot, hismustache brushing against my ear, the value of my creativity, mycontributions to the fold, my ambition and bright future. My left eyebrowlifts both inquisitively and dreamily as I exhale, “Yes. Yes!” Oh, there is a default toughness to me alright, living and surviving in NewYork City; but, sometimes toughness eludes me, especially in business and mycareer as I seek to please and always try to do the right thing towardsfolks–sometimes giving a second or even third chance. No more. Now, I havea renewed sense of how to handle those poor bastards who seek to take, whoseek to dish negative karma because they want to benefit without givingback. They will not steal my magic. I leave them to crush their own soulsand…Bandit works his magic… The life lessons so generously given by Bandit were deep, penetratingmassages, I mean, messages, that brought this Godiva to a higherunderstanding and sweet, so sweet realization, “Yes. Yes!” Darling Bandittaught this damsel a thing or two about how to handle those who treaddisrespectfully in one’s space. So carefully you watched and rescuedme..you’ve renewed my power, my prowess, my diva, my magic. Thank you forthe delicious lessons learned and for keeping me close and watching my backin all ways. Bandit, YOU are the magic, man. –Sasha Vancouver BC CANADA HOG Chapter Schedule ofevents for 2001–NOTE:VANCOUVER HOG CHAPTER MEETINGS WILL BE HELD IN JANUARY, FEBRUARY, MARCH,SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER,NOVEMBER, & DECEMBER THE MEETING WILL BE ON THE FIRST TUESDAY EVENING AT7PM UNLESS IT FALLS ON ALONG WEEKEND. THEN THE MEETING WILL BE THE NEXT TUESDAY EVENING THAT ISNOT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THEMONTHS OF APRIL, MAY, JUNE, & JULY THE MEETING WILL BE HELD ON THE FIRSTSATURDAY OF THE MONTH WITHA MYSTERY RIDE AFTER THE MEETING. UNLESS IT FALLS ON A LONG WEEKEND.THEN THE MEETING WILL BE THE NEXTSATURDAY THAT IS NOT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THERE WILL NOT BE A VANCOUVERCHAPTER BUSINESS MEETING INAUGUST OF THIS YEAR.March 6th HOG Meeting 4608 Imperial in Burnaby Call (604) 434-1502March 17th Ladies of Harley hosts a Wacky Casino Night Call (604)434-1502March 29th Dinner at On Loc Restaurant , 2010 East Hastings, Vancouvercall (604) 434-1502March 31st Ride our Metal Demo days at Trev Deeley Motorcycles Call(604) 291 BIKE CHROME SPECIALTIES LAUNCHES COMPLETE NEW CATALOG ON WEB–I’m embarrassed to say that I recently found out that the CCI catalog is not available on the Internet. I’ve been pointing riders and builders to their site for over a year. Fortunately, their sister company has their entire catalog posted in their own site. So in the future when someone is looking for a part I have a catalog right on Bikernet for them to check. We’re currently working with CCI to help them launch their catalog. The Bikernet Digital Gangster volunteered to assist. It’s important that our readers can research parts as quickly as possible, find a dealer and get back on the road before happy hour is over. We’ll let you know when the big book of Custom Chrome is available. I’ve been curious to check out the Alhambra Bar in Pedro. The whiskey is always waiting, and Layla is waiting on a couch across town. Hope Daytona is killer. Let’s ride–Bandit.
AS THE STORM SURF LAPS AT THE BLUFF ACROSS THE STREET–and the basement begins to fill with water, the soaked electrical box begins to sputter and spark. Hang in there with us. We’ll keep this damn thing afloat. We’re only allowed to sing the blues for a couple of hours, then it’s time to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and hit the road.
March 1, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 1
NOTICE TO ALL VIETNAM VETS–If a military member served any place in Vietnam and contracts prostatecancer, it is now consideredservice-related. If you have had prostate cancer, you are entitled to aservice-related disability. All claims should be filed at your nearest VAoffice. Widows and wives: If your husband died or dies from prostate cancer,you are entitled to dependency and indemnity compensation (DIC) from the VA ($833 per month).
QUANTUM REPORT– Though I was unable to attend the recent Quantum court case on Feb. 26in Orlando, Fla., people there have reported that the judge did approve the sale of bikes and parts to Aquino’s Auto Service Inc.
It is hopeful that the monies recieved from this will go toward payingmoney owed to them for previous work prior to Quantum going bankrupt. All people who are owed money are urged to contact the court and fill outthe proper paperwork.
Aquino’s Auto ServiceInc. offered to purchase certain properties for the sum of $251,000. The trustee had recieved a deposit of $25,000. The trustee will pay a totalof $25,100 to Michael McCusker, Robert Guess and Frank Aliano for servicesrendered in finding and negotiating the sale, leaving $225,900 to the estate.
For furthur information, you will have to contact the court or the trustee. If youdo not have their address, feel free to contact me.
–ROGUE
BUELL REPORT–New featured Buell on Bikernet:Here are some shots of Mike’s ’95 S2 Buell. Mike has just retired, again. This S2 has a really cool paint job. Pretty much stock right now, except it has a SUPERTRAPP muffler on the stock Buell pipe.Mike plans to put in Screamin’ Eagle cams and install Buell Thunderstorm heads. The heads will receive some mild port work along with Evo Big Twin-size intake valves.
Maybe I can also talk him into a Buell race header pipe. That way he can really use the full potential from the cam and the head combo. I’m also recommending the V-Thunder ignition along with some carb re-work.
I really like these S2s about the best of all the Buell models since ’95. They were pretty much a handmade, low- production bike. Lots of carbon fiber and cool body work.My other favorite Buell is the first one I ever saw in 1987 and that was the RR1000. This model had the XR1000 engine for a power plant.
This is the Buell that Don Tilley raced sucessfully in the Battle of the Twins series in the late ’80s.That’s it for now.
Paul
PERFORMANCE MACHINE AND SPORTBIKE RIDERS ASSOCIATION ARE NEW FASTDATES.COM CALENDAR SPONSORS FOR 2002 SEASON–
Gianatsis Design is happy to announce the signing of two companies as title sponsors of our popular FastDates.com calendars for 2002, joining our current established sponsors Mikuni and White Brothers.
One sponsorship agreement involves Performance Machine, the world’s leading manufacturer of billet- manufactured brakes, wheels and controls for the sportbikeand custom streetbike markets. Performance Machine will be joining Mikuni American as co-title sponsors of the best- selling Iron & Lace Custom Motorcycle Pinup Calendar. The calendar will be photographed by Jim Gianatsis of Penthouse, with Pet of the Year Novotna Zdenka with a Performance Machine custom Hardtail featured in a new Performance Machine national magazine advertising campaign. The agreement also welcomes Performance Machine as an associate sponsor this year of the Gianatsis Design/FastDates.com produced 2001 White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show on July 21-22 at the Queen Mary, Long Beach, Calif. More bike show information is available at the FastDates.com Web site at http://www.fastdates.com.
The next sponsorship agreement welcomes the Sportbike Riders Association
WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS–Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to find out why no one noticedthat one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYSbefore anyone noticed.
George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a NewYork firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office heshared with 23 other workers.
He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturdaymorning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during theweekend.
His boss, Elliot Wachiaski, said: “George was always the first guy in eachmorning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual thathe was in the same position all that time and didn’t say anything.
“He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself.”
Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbookswhen he died.
You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally.And the moral of the story:Don’t work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.
SIN WU TAKES OVER BIKERNET CYBER BIKE SHOW– Sundance, the blond bombshell who developed and ran the Bikernet Cyber Bike Show, fell in love and ran off recently. Since the show that offers free enrollment to riders all over the world was growing so fast, we assigned another bombshell to keep the fires burning. Sin Wu, Bandit’s scholarly nooner, will be stroking contestants and lashing Oz when he forgets to judge the winners. Here’s some recent correspondence regarding the show.
Sundance,
I received the various prizes and goodies Friday afternoon. I must tell you that it was one of the BEST prizes I have ever won in a bike show. Even my wife enjoyed going through the box. It reminded me of opening packages on Christmas day. I started reading the book, man that is great stuff! The story line is outstanding. Even if you don’t ride it’s a very good story.
The only regret I have is the postcard was not signed by Brenda Fox. But what the hell, I got a postcard with her picture on it.
There is no doubt in my mind that these prizes are the most significant and meaningful awards I have ever received, the 5-ball and the book will make for a great story.
I wish to tell you how much I appreciate you hosting an event like this, and keep on truckin!
Roy Berry
SFC USA RET
1990 1200 Sportster
Got my prizes yesterday….Please tell Bandit I said THANKS!
The trophy is way cool…as well as the Orwell book (tell bandit it’s in a place of honor…my mini library -complete with throne :-). Great T-shirt too, except you could wrap it around me two or three times – it’s an XXXL and I ain’t even an XL (although I’m getting there).
Thanks again, Sundance. Thanks to Bandit as well. And tell Bandit the only complaint I got against Bikernet is that I can’t read it in the can…… Keep Bikernet alive!
Lucky Dave
Hey…
Nice book! But I’m a biker… if I ain’t ridin’ down the road or in the shoppolishin’ my bike, I’m either polk’n the ole’ lady or saw’n logs. Ain’t ya gotsomethin’ with some girly pictures in it instead? But hey… you wrote it,and any man’s original work is at least worth a shot to look at. I’ll giveit a go.
What bar’d you swipe that 5-ball from that’s on the trophy you sent?Couldn’t help but notice a few gouges in it from bounc’n off walls andfloors. Oh well, guess that’s “character”, huh? What should I expect fornuth’n! At least I got a shot at havin’ my bike win a show and seein’ it on theInternet. Thanks for puttin’ on the show for us all. You guys got a greatWeb site.
Great talent with the animations, too. Jon definitely has the skillwith the pen and ink. Keep up the good work. I’ll let you know what Ithink about your book when I finish eatin’ the pages.
–Ride On!FC
HEY–Stop working on L’il John’s desk and get the Cantina open, along with themember’s only area. Buttera’s been without that desk for just aboutforever, and a few more years more or less won’t upset the apple cart ;-}
About the lame method for getting rid of your cold. It had nothingwhatsoever to do with eating fruits and vegetables, but everything to dowith whiskey drinkin’, sex and having to deal with the California Departmentof Motor Vehicles tryin’ to get the Blue Flame registered. Ya see,dealing with a bureaucrat of any kind develops an intense hatred, borderingon the psychotic. This in turn creates an artificial fever, which burns thedamn nasties up. The whiskey purges their seared and withered carcassesfrom your system into the local San Pedro sewers, while thesex……………Hell, it’s gotta do some good! Maybe it just rechargesthe batteries. Yea, that’s it!
Drive Fast………Take Chances…….,Gunracer
NEW PLATFORM ON THE MARKET–Here’s a bright idea, but it doesn’t lift. Damn, it’s sharp though, and you can move your downed bike around the shop like skates on ice. For more information, visit www.cyber-tec.com/diamond-deck
Continued on Page 3
March 1, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
HOW TO SING THE BLUES–So much bad shit has happened this week, we felt it was appropriate to publish the following for all those guys who were arrested this week, lost a girl or got run over. We’ll all meet at the Alhambra Bar in San Pedro next weekend and get shit faced while cutting our first CD.
1. Most blues begin “woke up this morning.”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. Like:
“I got a good woman — with the meanest dog in town.”
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Like: Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs `bout 500 pounds.
4. Teenagers can’t sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
5. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. Violet
b. Beige
c. Mauve
9. You can’t have the blues in an office or a shopping mall.
10. Good places for the blues:
a. The highway
b. The jailhouse
c. The empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. Weekend in the Hamptons
— Bluely,
Southside TZ
CHROME SERVICES– We have an advertiser, Chris Hill, who does several things. Most of them are wrong, but one of his bits is chrome. He handles chrome and polishing for Harley-Davidson and several other manufacturers. He grew up in chrome shops and knows how it should be done, so if you have a large run of parts and you want someone to oversee the finish work, contact Chrome Services. In fact, Chris is watching over the part for John Buttera’s desk project.
Above is another Chris Hill endeavor. He has his own line of handlebars. Check ’em out.
BLUE FLAME FOR SALE–That’s right. One of the few rigids rode to Sturgis this last year is going on the block with less than 3,000 miles on the clock. It was recently featured in Hot Bike. Before Bandit rides it across the country, jump on it. If interested write to: Bandit@bikernet.com.
This is the best handling rigid Bandit has ever had the pleasure to build and ride. You can see the entire build up on the site in the Garage/Tech area or under the Custom Chrome Department.
SPORTS FANS, PAY ATTENTION–Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I want all thekids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulateme.’
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “Iwant to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skins say: “I’d run over my own motherto win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said, “To win, I’d runover Joe’s mom, too.”
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: “Nobody infootball should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like NormanEinstein.”
CALL TO ACTION IN DAYTONA–We’ll be looking for reports from the East Coast as the world launches into another Bike Week in Daytona this weekend. Watch for the Bikernet billboard on Speedway Boulevard and let us know what the hell is happening out there.
Continued on Page 2
February 22, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 2
EASYRIDERS OF HOUSTON EARNS BIG DOG MOTORCYCLES’ 2000 DEALER OF THE YEAR AWARD–Easyriders of Houston led all 57 of Big Dog’s dealerships in total motorcycle sales. A strong Big Dog dealer since it opened three years ago, Easyriders of Houston has proved to be a model dealership in every respect, with a professional mix of strong motorcycle sales, top-notch customer service and a spacious sales facility that provides an inviting atmosphere for all motorcycling enthusiasts. In addition, Easyriders of Houston has assembled a superior management team in Bert and Debbie Williams and Lee Hayes. This team has shown considerable skill in marketing Big Dog and putting together a knowledgeable sales staff that understands the product.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON NAMES JIM McCASLINPRESIDENT & CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER OF MOTOR COMPANY– James A. McCaslin, 52, has been namedpresident and chief operating officer of Harley-Davidson Motor Co.He will assume the newposition on March 1.
McCaslin joined Harley-Davidson Motor Company in 1992 as vice president andgeneral manager, York operations. He was appointed vice president,continuous improvement in 1997. In 1999, he became vice president, dealerservices. He has a bachelor’s degree in industrial engineeringfrom General Motors Institute and a master’s in industrialengineering from Virginia Polytech. He also attended the advancedmanagement program at Harvard University.
LT. BALL, BIKERNET BOSS–OK sailor, I started readin’ my Christmas card. They want me ta keep’achart of my blood pressure; I did my 2-mile walk and took it and it was cool. Itstarted to rain, so I ain’t ridin’ to the American Legion. I thought if Ikicked back with your book and checked it again after an hour, it wouldeven be better; WRONG:) But maybe you should be happy with that. Now yagot scientific proof, your writing really gets to your reader.
— Ride On! Wino Joe, USA
BUBBA BLACKWELL REPORTS– Another day, Another Harley-Davidson World Record Jump…… This jump was Feb. 10 over 14 Freightliners. This jump was in myhometown of Foley, Ala. It was a sellout and helped raise funds for a kids’ park. The show was filmed for Extreme Machines, to air later thisyear on TLC.
–Thanks, Bubba
RALLY AT THE CAPITAL–There is a rally at the state capital on March 3 at 11 a.m. to protest Rep. Ruth Fisher’s not having a hearing on helmets.We will depart the McDonalds at 8 a.m., stop at the rest area in Everett to pick up the folks who live down there and be in Olympia by 11 to participate in the rally.If the weather is really bad, please feel free to drive a cage, but it would be best to make a show of it with bikes.I am asking Marc to lead us out of Everett to Olympia and the rally site, since I am not sure of the route.Please pass this info to everyone. The more bikes we have there the better.
–Bob
OUR WEEKLY TRIBUTE TO BLONDES– A business man got on an elevator in a downtown office building. As he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already in the car, and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F.” He smiled back at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F,” again. He acknowledged her remark by again answering, “S-H-I-T. ” The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F,” another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, “S-H-I-T.” The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F — T-hank G-oodness I-t’s F-riday; …. get it?” The man answered, “S-orry H-oney, I-t’s T-hursday.”
ULTIMATE BILLET CLOCKS–That’s it. Real billet aluminum clocks by C.J. Allen, engraver supreme. There are only 10 of these puppies and they’re going fast for $150. I have two left in my hot little mitts. Send a check to Bikernet, P.O.Box 1168, San Pedro, Calif. 90733-1168. Each one is polished and engraved with the number.
THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Web site at <
From TheGUNNY’S SACKRight out of the box this month folks I want to remind you that the 2001National Coalition of Motorcyclists Convention is in Orlando, Fla., May10-12. The host hotel is already filled for some nights, but if you have anytrouble getting a room at the Marriott, you can still get rooms next door atthe Sheraton Suites at (407) 240-5555.Be sure and mention NCOM for the best rates.This promises to be the biggest and the best yet. Our AIM attorneys’pockets help provide the funds that support the NCOM Convention every yearand we should take full advantage of it. You will learn more about motorcyclepolitical activity here than at any other place I can think of, plus gettingto meet hundreds of other folks working just as hard as you are for ourrights.
OREGON STATS: Some statistics are out on last year’s Oregon motorcycleaccidents. The numbers are not pretty.There were 38 fatalities for the year and 29 were the biker’s fault. Ofthose, 12 were single vehicle, four of them alcohol-related. There were 17multi-rig fatalities and six had rider alcohol involvement. The 10 alcohol-relatedfatalities had blood alcohol levels averaging .145. Oregon law says .08 issufficiently under the influence that you can’t drive safely. 65.8% of thesewrecks were caused by excessive speed. In other words, tragedies from poorjudgment, as I see it.
Why do all our cries fall on deaf ears? Just here inthe Sack alone, I don’t know how many times we’ve pleaded with our brothersand sisters to take a riding course and don’t mix alcohol with bikes.According to these numbers, there would be 29 people who would probablystill be walking and riding this earth if 10 riders had NOT RIDDEN afterdrinking too much, and if 19 others had not ridden past their ability.
ON NETWORK TV: The very distinguished newsman and host of ABC TV’sNightline, Ted Koppel, came out of the biker closet on Jay Leno’s show inFebruary. Ted rode out on stage on a Harley, in a leather jacket — AND abeanie helmet! He said he rode 30 years ago, but his wife made him stop whenthey had kids! Ted says they’re all grown now, and he can do what he wants! Ilike that attitude. The guy really does have a mind of his own and I’ll justbet his wife rides right along with him too.
PHOENIX, AZ: Titan Motorcycle Co. of America has filed Chapter 11Bankruptcy. Chapter 11 will allow them to restructure some of theirprocedures and capitol needs.Titan is continuing all normal business operations and will continueuninterrupted services to its dealers and customers. In the last few yearswe’ve seen much improvement in all the big ride manufacturers because of thecompetition provided by these kinds of companies. The latest I have isthey’ve found new financing. Good news indeed.
EUROPE: This is globalization as I see it folks:For some years now, FEMA (Federation of European Motorcycle Associations)has taken part in the different committees dealing with Transport within theUnited Nations. One committee they’re involved in has been given theresponsibility to set up the construction standards for the ”World Bike”(Whoops! World Bike?), another is establishing a worldwide Road Safetystrategy. With the Multi-Directive, the ”Euro Bike” standards had beenestablished and FEMA was successfully in the front line to make sure that thebike was one that motorcyclists would enjoy riding. Now, they are working tomake sure that the ”World Bike” will be free of unnecessary restrictions.The European process, where Parliament and Member States have to reach anagreement for a proposal to be adopted is very different from this country.Within the UN, however, Member States operate independently. This means theresults achieved by motorcyclists in Europe will not necessarily be takeninto consideration worldwide. Remember the U.S., Australia, and Asia all arepart of this mess.
On the road safety side, the UN strategy for motorcycles includespromotion of leg protectors in the design of bikes and mandatory fluorescentand reflective clothing. Oh man! FEMA managed to avoid making these thingscompulsory in Europe and now the people that promote this stuff are backtrying to impose their will Internationally! These people want motorcyclesrestricted into oblivion, period.
WASHINGTON, DC: Kawasaki’s recalling about 18,000 motorcycles because therear brakes can fail. The recalled motorcycles are 2001 KX series motocrossrides with model numbers KX65, KX85, KX100, KX125, KX250 and KX500.The bikes were sold from May to November of last year. No injuries as aresult of the break defect have been reported yet but Kawasaki says STOPusing them NOW and get them to your nearest dealer for the fix, or Kawasakiwill send owners the kit to fix’em themselves. If you’ve got one of theseKawi’s, call your local dealership or Kawasaki at (866) 802-9381.
BOMBAY, India: Scooters are falling on their faces here. More people arebuying the fashionable, upscale motorcycles now because the lowly scooter isseen as DOWDY. Uh oh! What next? Maybe BIG MOTORCYCLES? Could be! Motorcyclesgrabbed more than 50% of the overall two-wheeler market there last year, upfrom less than 10% just a decade ago. Scooter sales have fallen almost 37% inthe past nine months. Those trends aren’t expected to change. I don’t thinkI’d invest in a scooter company in India right now.
TOKYO: Japan’s second-biggest automaker, Honda Motor Co. Ltd, is planningto expand domestic sales of cheap motorcycles made at its plants in Asia tocash in on growing demand for cut-price vehicles. The company has released anew series of bikes powered by 4-cycle 50cc engines, targeted mainly at theyouth market to improve domestic sales of the rides.
–Gunny, Oregon AIM Chief of Staff
“I voted Republican this year. The Democrats left a bad taste in mymouth.” — Monica Lewinsky
THE BARTENDER–The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”
Theguy answers, “A scotch, please.”
The bartender hands him the drink, andsays “That’ll be fivedollars,”
To which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’towe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says tothe bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the originaloffer,which constitutes a bindingcontract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat mefor a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What theheck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity tocome back!”
The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this placein my life!” The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this isuncanny.You must have adouble.”
To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
STATE MOTTOS FOR 2001–
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si’ Hablo Ingles (Yes, I speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN–I decided yesterday to fire myself because ofsome terrible business decisions, coupled with daily sexual infractions. Then I had to re-hire myself due to the workload around here. Besides, when we discussed the news with the rest of the staff, Snake began drinking heavily, Zebra caught the next flight back to Europe, Renegade punched someone, Oz fell asleep and Wrench disappeared into the garage–no volunteers. I’ll hit the garage now and begin some tedious metal finishing job on the Buttera desk. The Blue Flame was featured in this month’s Hot Bike and they did a bang-up job. Check it out.
We here at Bikernet are aware of the economic slow-down in some segments of the country so we will be dropping prices on many of the products we carry. First, we’re offering a 10 percent discount on all Street Ware accessories and clothing. I hope to drop the postage and handling charges on all the HA leather line. We’ll be posting the info throughout the various gift shop areas.
Watch for an update on the Shovelhead project and next on the lift is a rubbermount Pro Street digger for Nuutboy. If you have any parts we could use, let us know. We need front end and drive line components. This weekend or next we have a couple of models coming to the headquarters to finish some slinky photography for the Ultimate Tech Tip. This is a sizzler. And they’ll be standing around nude waiting to try on a new line of Hawaiian shirts we’ll be carrying on the site. Some killer shit. In the meantime, let’s ride, Bandit.
February 22, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 1
SUPER-V ENTHUSIAST/WRITER–I follow your stuff in “The Horse.” I especially like to read about SanPedroas I visit relatives there and think it’s a cool town. I’ll attach a pieceabout my fun with the Super Vee (check out www.companyontheweb.com/veejazthe S.O.B. (Supervee Owner Builders club) Web site for more Vee info). “BackStreet Heroes” publishes my fiction fairly regularly. I wrote for “CanadianBiker” for over 10 years, ran the “Laughing Indian Riders” club andnewsletter for the past 15-plus years, and get a fair bit ofsci-fi/fantasy stuff published. I am currently writing short stories for a BBCTV documentary program on custom bikes, coming out in June.
Photos? I’veusually taken my own while writing pieces for “Canadian Biker” (I wrotereportage, research, fiction, and features for them, mainly the vintagescene). As a result I’ve got tons of bike shots, rallies, etc.–not to mention anextensive fiction portfolio.
I kicked my Vee awake last weekend and all mywinter modifications are performing as planned. I can’t wait to hit thePacific Northwest events this year. My Vee was turning 70mph at 2,000rpm in4th with a 23t trans sprocket. Now I’ve fitted a 20t so I won’t beembarrassing the HOG riders quite so badly as I lug past them. Yup! I’d saythe Vee has power. I’ll enclose a shot.
– Allan
Well brothers and sisters, should we allow a Super-V rider into the ranks?
BUELL REPORT–Saw the new picture in the Buell report on the shift linkage.Is that your bike? Where are you on that M2, anyway? Any headway on your upgrades?
I was setting up a new Red X1 today. Ran good, the fuel injection seemedto be working better on this 2001 model. Easier starting.Hey I liked that story on the engraver. In Chicago there are a lot the old world guys who work for the mold shops. Comet Die and Engraving has been around for over 100 years. Them old Germans know their shit. You should see them write script with a Bridgeport. The skill they have is something else.
— Paul
The Cyclone is coming along. We installed new Screamin’ Eagle cams. Watch this mod, because you will probably need to replace the pinion gear. We are replacing the header kit. Modified the carb and made a couple of cosmetic changes. The report will hit the site soon and perhaps be published in the Enthusiast.–Bandit
BIKE WEEK INFOJust as winter starts to get overbearing, a light appears at the end ofUS-1. It’s called Daytona Beach Bike Week. It happens once a year and it’sthe ultimate meeting of beach and bikes. Harley-Davidson wants to helpyou get the most out of this year’s event with our Daytona Survival Guide.
Daytona Beach Bike Week 2001 — March 5-11
THE RIDE–The best way to get to Daytona is on two wheels. For a ride that will rockyour world, try taking Route 1 south along the Atlantic coast. And onceyou’re there, cruise the famous Loop – a 22-mile ride that showcases thearea’s natural beauty. Whatever route you plan to take, you’ll probably bepassing through some unfamiliar territory. Stay out of trouble by knowinglocal riding laws. You should get familiar with the rules of the road(http://www.harley-davidson.com/experience/riding/region/region.asp) in thestates you will ride through, but here’s a quick look at the southern route:
Alabama: Safety helmet required by law. No eye protection required.Georgia: Safety helmet required by law and also eye protection (unless bikeis equipped with windscreen).Florida: Safety helmet not required if over the age of 21 with a minimum of$10,000 in medical insurance. Eye protection required.If you don’t have a helmet, the H-D RoadStore’s got plenty to choose from.
THE RIGHT STUFF–The weather is usually exceptional in Daytona, but you should be preparedfor anything, especially if you’re riding down from northern climates.Anyonewho’s ever ridden white-knuckled through a frigid Georgia rainstorm can tellyou that. But we’re not here to talk about problems. We’ve got solutions.
H-D Gore-Tex Rain Jacket, P/N 97251-00VX
http://rs.h-d.com/rainjacket
H-D Gore-Tex Gloves, P/N 97217-01VM
http://rs.h-d.com/raingloves
H-D Gore-Tex Rain Pant, P/N 97252-00VX
http://rs.h-d.com/rainpant
Rain Gaiter II, P/N 98348-99V
http://rs.h-d.com/raingaiter
Fleece Rain Bib, P/N 97029-00V
http://rs.h-d.com/rainbib
Extra gear requires extra storage. The SAC Bag collection fromHarley-Davidson Genuine Motor Accessories offers water-resistant,flexible storage with style that enhances your ride:
DAYTONA HISTORY–In 1961, Hall of Famer Roger Reiman led 99 of 100 laps aboard a 45cubic-inch Harley-Davidson KR Flathead Track Racer on his way to winningthe”World’s Greatest Motorcycle Race” in its inaugural running at DaytonaInternational Speedway. Reiman also finished first at Daytona on a Harleyin ’64 and ’65. For more Harley history, check out the H-D Timeline athttp://www.harley-davidson.com/company/history/history.asp
BIKE WEEK EVENTS–For the ultimate Harley experience at Daytona, you’ve got to know what’sgoing on. Visit our 2001 Daytona Bike Week At-A-Glance(http://www.harley-davidson.com/experience/events/daytona_01/index.asp)for a complete event schedule that’ll ensure you don’t miss a thing.And if you can’t make it to Daytona in person, just stop byhttp://www.harley-davidson.com between March 6-11 for dailyBike Week photos.
That’s all for now. Ride safe, and we’ll see you on Main Street.–The Genuine Harley-Davidson RoadStore
SIN CYCLES AND SINNER CLOTHING WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO COME SEE US AT THEUPCOMING EVENTS LISTED BELOW:
INDOOR MOTORCYCLE SWAP MEET AT THE ORANGE COUNTY FAIR GROUNDS MARCH2, RAIN OR SHINE, 5 P.M. TO 10 P.M.
STEPHENS MIDDLE SCHOOL HOT ROD AND MOTORCYCLE SHOW, MARCH 4.LOCATED AT 1900 W. COLUMBIA IN LONG BEACH.
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL OR E-MAIL US.
ALSO, LOOK FORWARD TO THE LAUNCH OF OUR 2001 SUMMER CLOTHING LINE, WHICHINCLUDES NEW SHIRTS, BATHING SUITS, TANK TOPS, HATS…AND MUCH MORE! YOU CANKEEP POSTED BY CHECKING THE WEBSITE. YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS “STAR” MODELINGTHE SINNER BATHING SUIT!
Sin Cycles
Sinner Clothing
www.sincycles.com
(562) 997-9119
A WISH GRANTED–Two men are driving through Saskatchewan when they getpulled over bya Mountie. The Mountie walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.The driver rolls down the window and “WHACK”, the Mountie smacks himin thehead with the stick.
The driver says, “What the hell was that for?”
The Mountie says, “You’re in Saskatchewan son. When wepull youover, youbetter have your license ready when we get to your car.”
The driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.” The Mountie runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He givesthe guyhis license back and walks around to the passenger side andtaps onthewindow.
The passenger rolls down the window and “WHACK”, theMountie smackshimwiththe nightstick too.
The passenger says, “What’d you dothat for?”
The Mount says, “Just making your wish come true.”
The passenger says, “Huh?”
The Mountie says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say, “I wish that asshole would’ve tried that shit with me.”
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Getting back from the frigid North, sometimes we wonder how people copewith such climate. Although the down time is great for building, fixingand tooling bikes, we can ride most of the year, same season, same weather.Indy was freezing, 10’s and 20’s even though the sun was out, and Monday wasa nice 50 degrees. Well good luck to those of you who have to sit and waitfor riding weather….poor souls… and here’s to what’s up.
Indy trade show 2001: PM, came out with a new 230 kit for 2000 and up Softails, includes,swingarm, struts, fender, wheel, pulley, hardware and all the spacersrequired, one of the best looking kits I have seen !
Ultra has a new Jackhammer, endorsed by HAMC, big red machine, cool redchopper, the familiar logo of Orange County is on the tank sides. Hope itsells as good as it looks.
There were a lot of choppers all over the show. Paul Yaffe was showing thenew Supertrapp pipes he designed, pretty cool. Jesse James washanging out, looking a bit thinner. The Baker “other side” tranny wasthere as well, Custom Chrome has a new bike in a box designed by Yaffe,kick ass black choppa. The grand daddy of the new chopper, Bourget’s, had acouple of his new Retro choppers, one painted as wood, which was aptly named,Got Wood?
Staz from Staz Motorcycles in Las Vegas was showing the first of a seriesof Staz bikes called Rude Americans, available in Softail, softail chopperand rigid. Also had the chance to meet Big Mike from BMC choppers, alsocoming out with a rigid chopper “Notorious 918,” a rigid 100 Rev Techengined chop, and a TC 88 rigid chop. Ness had another chop in his booth,as well as a thicker tubing frame, next to a Victory from outer space.
Indian was a no show, as was Confederate and Wild West. I hope it’snot a sign of problems.
Gossip was that the Cinci show was the place to be for Americanmotorcycles. Maybe next year Indy won’t be as popular. Cinci, Indy andDaytona, all separated by two weeks, would be impossible to attend.
Really sad to report that Dale Earnhart passed away at Daytona 500, thenews ran like gun powder at the show….Godspeed to number 03.
There were so many things at the show that it will take awhile to report, hangin there, will add other news next week.
Saludos……Jose Bikernet Caribbean
MMA MEMBERS–Doc and Waldo have put up information on the e-group concerning Dennis’s fatalaccident on Feb. 18. I have talked with Jeremy at the shop who istaking care of everything.Dennis was a good friend of ours and many others.
Info on the funeral will be posted and/or calls made by Jeremy. I just got done talking with him. Outlying areas, please pass the word around your area. A lot of people knewDennis.
–Priest
CALIFORNIA BEACH RIDE REPORT–Our phone lines are squirrly this morning and we are unable to retrievemessages from our voicemail. E-mail works or try my cell at (310) 251-5631if urgent. Sorry for the inconvenience.
HELEN WOLFE–Here’s a couple of pictures from 1995 that I like. The identities of the subjects are unknown to me. I didn’t know if I should scratch out the license plate or something on the trailer.
The burnout was by either an ET class bike or a Modified. I bet it was ET like Darin Maulden or Bill Wolf, but I’ll never know. Not often does a photo come out looking exactly like what I was looking at. Man it’s getting late. I’m starting to write like Yoda.
ROY HUTCHISON–A biker with heart was featured in the February issue of Reader’s Digest. He’s from Independence, Missouri and he and his wife adopted a small infant who was severely damaged at birth. Her name is Tiffany. It seems a mentally disabled teenager had given birth in a restroom stall at a hospital in Kansas City. The umbilical cord had been wrapped tightly around the newborn’s neck, shutting off oxygen, causing brain damage. The baby had cerebral palsy. She was almost totally blind and deaf. Moreover, she had curvature of the spine that in time would constrict her breathing and shorten her life. She would never talk or play. She would never graduate from high school, marry or have children. Still, Roy, at the age of 37, took her in and gave her the best he could for her short life. As Tiffany grew older, Roy took her everywhere he went. She enjoyed hanging out in the garage with him while he worked on his new bike. Tiffany lived way beyond what the doctors expected, but died at the young age of 15.
Tiffany’s impact on Roy’s riding partners was substantial, since Roy spent countless hours with Tiffany. After watching Roy and Tiffany together, Bill Young, a father of six, felt envy. “I’ve never loved my kids that way,” he confided. “I thought love came from buying what they needed.” Inspired by Roy, Bill cut his hours at the plant he worked at to spend more time with his kids.Our hats are off to you, Roy.
Continued on Page 3
February 22, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
It’s a different bit nowadays if you want to build a motorcycle you can be proud of and that will stand up to the guys on the street. You need specific talents. It needs to be a team effort. Other than a few very select builders, we all need to find people we can work with to reach the goal we’re after. It’s the same with this damn desk project. We’ve got shit spread everywhere.
The three key issues to building your bike are the performance package (engine rebuilding), fabrication and finish (chrome and paint). Not only will you need an engine builder, but you’ll need someone who understands what you want and is damn good at it. It’s not enough just to find a builder. What if you want a blower, and this guy has never attempted this installation. Fabrication is an art. Few are as good at it as Jesse James or Donnie Smith. Even Arlen Ness farms out much of his fabrication after he dreams it up. Then there’s paint and chrome. Chrome is reasonably basic, but make sure the place you go to has dealt with bike parts and they know what they’re doing. Also look at samples of their chrome. Chrome varies like crazy today. Finally, the finish. A paint job can make or break a bike. Find a guy who does it the way you like. Look at his portfolio and talk to shops that deal with him. No sense waiting six months for a paint job. We have a tech on painting from Al Martinez that will give you some notion of the immense work that goes into paint and what it will cost–check it out.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON NAMES JOHN HEVEYPRESIDENT AND COO OF BUELL MOTORCYCLE COMPANY– John A. Hevey, 43, has been namedpresident and chief operating officer for Buell Motorcycle Co.
Hevey, who joined Harley-Davidson in 1992, will assume the new position onMarch 1. He has served as vice president and general managerAsia/Pacific and Latin America for Harley-Davidson Motor Co. since 1998.
“John has a diverse business management background, and given hisaccomplishments in sales and marketing with the company, I believe hewill provide strong leadership for the continued growth of Buell motorcyclesales. The management team of John Hevey, as president and chief operatingofficer, and Erik Buell, as chairman and chief technical officer, will helptake Buell to a whole new level of achievement,” said JeffBleustein, chairman and chief executive officer of Harley-Davidson Inc.
Jerry G. Wilke, 49, has been named vice president and general managerAsia/Pacific and Latin America for Harley-Davidson Motor Co. Wilkepreviously served as president and chief operating officer of Buell.
A STREET WALKER WAS– visiting her doctor for a regular check-up.”Any specific problems you should tell me about?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniestcut, it seems to bleed for hours,” she replied. “Do youthink I might be a hemophiliac?”
“Well,” the doctor answered, “hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it ismore often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to bea hemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have yourperiod?” the doctor inquired.
After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, “Oh, about $700 or $800 I guess!”
BANDIT’S CANTINA–Contrary to rumors spreading throughout the industry, Bandit’s Cantina is not a restaurant chain being built in several states by an Orange County culinary developer. The reports of ground breaking ceremonies in Los Angeles, Phoenix, Durango and Denver are premature.When asked to comment, the president of 5-Ball Inc., the company that owns Bikernet.com, said, “I’m innocent.”The first Bandit’s Cantina is due to open its doors by March 16.
2001 MOTORCYCLE DEALER EXPO NOTES–
A number of folks asked how Bikernet is doing. My response: It’s got the best content onWeb, 1,330,000 hits last month and climbing fast.
Made the limo ride to the airport with Woman Rider Editor Genevive Schmidt. Cool lady.
The Cobra display featured Denny Berg ‘Cobra’ project bike entry into H-D pipemarket. Drop-fucking-dead get outta’ town gorgeous interpretation of H-Dflattrack/board racer.
The Lakers were in the house for b-ball with the Pacers Sunday. Stayed inCanterbury. Those guys are big! Really!
Most liked Cincy show, more said leaving Indy for Cincy. (I don’t want togo back there.)
Show was bigger(!!) than last year, seemed quieter, but it takes a lot ofpeople to fill six football fields worth of displays.
PM’s wide tire conversion: curious about that offset and handling.
TP and Chopper Guys had Baker’s right side tranny in frame.
Titan there. Ditto Ultra. Hope these guys make it.
If Indian was there, didn’t see them.
New entrant: Mancini Motorcycle in CT with Softail & Dyna line of XL frames.Nice looking stuff.
Talked with Paul Dean on question of why not standards (like SEMA) forframe, wheel builders? Becoming topic of discussion amongst some industryjournalists.
Wanted to ride over (to DB) today to see board. Interstate 4 betweenTampa/Orlando closed due to smoke from 11,000 acre brush fire.
Mid-USA: “new” one-piece crank with plain bearing insert auto-type rodsproprietary engine. Crank/rods/pistons by intown guy Tom Falicon. Offset rods/pistons retain inline cylinders.
Kenny Francis (now MidWest) working on new big-incher.
Mailing you press kit for new bike entry. Water-jacketed, f.i., 102-bhp1500 cc v-twin from Oz Land. Swoopy looking, 500 lbs., very well thoughtout, marketing is perfect, exciting.
Talked to Kreem president Jim Pierce, nice guy, lives in Somis. Told himabout your Sturgis tank adventures.
New product: 88-B replica Softail frame from Wilwert’s H-D (www.wilwerts.com) inIowa seemed popular.
Blue Streak Electronics (Canadian) showed onboard diagnostic scanner forH-D, said to be coming out with comparable for aftermarket components.
–Agent Anonymous
HEY BANDIT–Tell yourfriends that I am not really that scary. I’m gonna attach a jpeg for you,to show them that the Dolls would love to give them a second chance…You know one thing that I am looking forward to? Meeting you in person.Thatwill be very cool.
Love,
GOTHGIRL
DDMC
Continued on Page 2
February 15, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 1
MIKE CUNNINGHAM– from Easyriders’ dealer development is nowin charge of Bikers Dream dealer development?
BILL GATES’ ADVICE TO STUDENTS– about 11 things you will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1: Life is not fair – get used to it.
RULE 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3: You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a carphone. Until you earn both.
RULE 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.
RULE 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping – theycalled it opportunity.
RULE 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaningyour clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your ownroom.
RULE 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failinggrades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get theright answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance toANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
RULE 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actuallyhave to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
V-TWIN TAKES TWO BOOTHS FOR POWERSPORTS DEALER EXPO SHOW 2001– V-Twin Holdings Inc.(OTCBB:VTWN) today announced thecompany would attend and display two booths at the upcoming 33rd AnnualDealernews International Powersports Dealer Expo being held Feb. 17-19 in Indianapolis. One booth will feature V-Twin?snewest Web-based, wholesale procurement subsidiary, CycleClick.com. Thesecond booth will feature the Bikers Dream (www.bikers-dream.com) licensingdivision, another wholly owned subsidiary of V-Twin, which operates sixdealerships and licenses the name to 16 independent dealers in 14 states.
Roger Cheek, CEO of V-Twin Holdings stated, ?We are glad to be a part ofthismajor event and are pleased that we are able to launch CycleClick.com atthistime. It is our aim to sign new licensees for Bikers Dream and add to ourgrowing list of new dealers and manufacturers for CycleClick.com with theexposure we anticipate from the show. Our goal is to be known as aB2B, Web-based marketplace builder that integrates industry brick-and-mortarwith a powerful Web-based e-procurement system.?
For additional information, including a copy of the updated financials forV-Twin Holdings Inc., visit the company’s Web site: www.vtwin.net; or call CFSGat (800) 625-2236.
Hey Bandit: Further to my last comment about V-Twin, I was speaking with ananonymous inside source who told me that V-Twin overall is working reallyhard to make a great company and contribution to the motorcycle industry.
Although my professional experience with them had some really frustratingbumps, which the company has since smoothed, their goals seeminglyare in the right place and they want to do right by people and the business.
They are aggresively staffing up and organizing the company. It’s a longroad, though, and everybody deserves a chance to shine and make a place forthemselves in this world. The V-Twin, Bikers Dream and Cycle Click team want to service themarketplace, streamline and evolve their business, and establish greatbusiness and customer relationships. It’s an ambitious goal and a tougheconomical climate (though our industry isn’t really suffering).
Based upon Rich’s keen effort to mend the angst that was caused because Iwas not paid for months and felt like I got the runaround, I’ll saythat, as a leader at the helm of this motorcycle company….he wants to dowhat’s right and he’s alright with me. Rich…keep it real and ridetough. –Sasha
GENERATION GAP–Generation Gap An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue,yellow. The old man just stared at him.
The young man said “What’s the matter old fart, never done anything wildin your life?”
The old man replied, “Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my kid.”
THE OLD FART ASSOCIATION–This association was formed when every one started calling me and a few buds “OLD” FARTS, from the “OLD Core” humm. No colors, no meetings and no dues, just riding and beer drinkin!
Rules Requirements
1. seeing a brother, buy him a beer
2. allowing a nap after a 6-pack
3. no bitchen unless someone is there to hear you
4. tums/bengay are community property.
5. if a bud falls, check that he is breathing, then buy him a beer
6. asking a bud to hold your bike while you start it is ok!
1.GRAY HAIR !
2. own a bike or know someone who owns a bike
3.wish you were in bed and not drinking
4.rembember when scooters did not cost $20,000.
5 know who Marlon Brando is and what he rode in the movie
Membership is free, but ya gotta meet the requirementsGRAY HAIR, RIDE and DRINK BEER!
This is the addresshttp://home.earthlink.net/~tgoode/old-farts.html
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me abeer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minuteslater, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.” The wife is furious. She yells at him,
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight, you piece of shit? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fatfuckin’ slob, and furthermore …”
The man sighs and says, “Aww fuck. It’s started.”
THE LOS ANGELES CALENDAR MOTORCYCLE SHOW EXPANDS– to two days this year, July 21-22.The West Coast’s largest Streetbike Show, the White Brothers / Performance Machine / Hot Bike magazine -presented LA Calendar Motorcycle Show was a huge sellout success again last year at the new Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach. So for this year, producer Jim Gianatsis is expanding theshow to all the spectators and to give exhibitors more time to set up. Show times will run noon to 8 p.m. on Saturday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday. For the same $15 admission price as last year, spectators will get a two-day show admission pass, admission to the Queen Mary and a fireworks display aboard the ship on Saturday night. Plus, our normal live musical entertainment, beautiful girls, the country’s best custom bike contest and so much more! I hope all the Bikernet readers will join us. Maybe we can talk Bandit into helping us with the judging of the custom bike contest.
Complete details are online athttp://www.FastDates.com
QUANTUM CYCLE REPORT– I have recently recieved my W-2 form from American Quantum Cycles and ithad numerous errors in it. I am not surprised. It has come to my attention that I am not the only one this has happenedto. I have contacted the court and requested that they have mine and any oneelse who has a problem with their W-2 statement corrected. I will also be going to the Internal Revenue Service to see what they say. I would like to suggest that you check your W-2 against your last pay checkreporting slip and make sure it is correct. If not, contact the court andthe IRS.
LAW ABIDING CITIZENS HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR–The same type of “biometric authentication” face scanning system inuse on the streets of London and Japan is now being used in the U.S.Everyone at the Super Bowl had their faces scanned without knowing it.Tampa, Fla., Jan. 29, 2001 -Graphco Technologies Inc. (G-TEC=99),aleading developer of technology and solutions for biometricauthentication,secure access and expert information-sharing systems, announced todaythatthey provided a surveillance and facial recognition system at theRaymond James Stadium in Tampa and at Ybor City, Florida. The system wasinplace from Jan. 21-28 to monitor potential criminalactivities during the sporting events and related activities at the twolocations.
“Not everyone comes to sporting events with good intentions,” says DavidWatkins, G-TEC’s managing director. “The multiple distractions at thenation’s premier athletic events provide criminals with opportunities toengage in a variety of illegal activities. G-TEC’s facial recognitionsystem provided the Raymond James Stadium with a superior surveillancesystem that not only captures images of individuals, but also comparestheirfacial features against a database of known felons.”
=46aceTrac=99 is a trademark of Graphco Technologies, Inc. FaceFINDER=99 is a trade mark of Viisage, Inc, http://www.viisage.com/january_29_2001.htm
THREE MEN WERE DRINKING– in a bar, a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine, he said, “For Valentine’s Day,I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamondring.”
As the attorney was drinking his martini, he said, “For Valentine’s Day,I’m going to buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey, he said, “For Valentine’s Day, I’m going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn’t like the T-shirt, she can go fuck herself!”
LET’S RIDE—THE TRAIN–for those in the Pacific Northwest or who don’t have lots of time, theAmtrak rail ride to Milwaukee for the 100th anniversary would be a goodway to get you and your bike there and back. Two days over, a week there,and two days back, or something like that.
Call Russ or Barb Martz
(253) 848-5130 weekdays
(360) 289-9744 weekends
LEAVE IT TO A FRENCHMAN– to send me this….from Fennec of the Celtic Brotherhood MC…
“The following is a short and rather amusing true story as seen recently by millions of viewers on a Spanish TV channel.The parents of a teenage girl decided to put their daughter’s name forward for a popular surprise game show. She idolized teeny-bopper pop star Ricky Martin, and it was arranged for TV cameras to be placed discreetly throughout the house. The house was then left empty with Ricky Martin hidden in the wardrobe in the girl’s bedroom– all set to give the daughter a wonderful surprise when she returned home from school. Meanwhile, the parents were in the show’s studio, in front of a live studio audience.
Upon returning from school, the daughter didn’t go straight to her room as expected; Instead she began to investigate the house, calling out the names of her family to see if anyone was at home. Having established that she was on her own, the daughter made her way down to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and removed a large tin of pate. At this stage, the live TV audience is wondering what the hell is going on. She then went back upstairs to her bedroom where she proceeded to quickly remove all her clothes and spread pate all over her naughty bits.
Remember at this stage, that Ricky Martin is still hidden in the wardrobe, and half of Spain is seeing a nubile young girl stark naked on the bed with pate all over her crotch.As if the parents were not shocked enough by this, the daughter then calls the family dog, who obediently trots up the stairs to settle down to his favorite meal.
The broadcast is abruptly cut. A set of acutely embarrassed parents are left in front of a deadly quiet studio audience, while a few million Spaniards sit in front of their TVs pissing themselves with laughter. Consequently, sales of tinned pate have skyrocketed.”
–Deasal
MOTORCYCLE DEMOLITION DERBY AND THRILL SHOW– On March 9, the Motorcycle Demolition Derby and Thrill Show will return to New Smyrna Speedway for the twelfth time. The popular motorcycle thrill show annually entertains overflow crowds of fans from all over the country during Bike Week. This year is no exception as the speedway staff has brought back the most-asked-for events and added some new ones.
The main draw is, of course, the Motorcycle Demolition Derby. The event is open to anyone who wishes to ride in it. The bikers are encouraged to enter their own motorcycles. Since very few riders choose to do this, the speedway provides a large amount of running bikes to pick from. The action is fast and furious with a no-holds-barred set of rules. The winner is determined by the last rider standing or running, as the case may be. There are preliminary events and a monster feature event open to all the riders that survived the preliminaries.
For added entertainment, the three-hour show will include several professional stuntmen doing what comes naturally. World famous stuntman “Death Wish” Dan Elders will attempt to jump a motorcycle over a running helicopter.
Stuntman J. J. Steel will lay down a motorcycle at 70 mph and slide it through a curtain of fire.
Fred Sibley will burn a pile of motorcycles and cars into a molten heap with his jet powered truck.
Jesse the human bomb will blow himself off a bar stool using sticks of dynamite.
Other stunts planned for the event will include the trailer trash stunt, which is described by the speedway event department as crashing a car through a 70-foot mobile home end to end, rollerblading over a fire at 50 mph, an auto T-bone crash, an automobile demolition derby, the exciting rollover contest and, back by popular demand, the wall of steel.
Along with the planned stunts, the fans will be invited to come out of the grandstands and join the fracas with a wheelie contest and the world’s largest beer chug contest.
The Motorcycle Demolition Derby and Thrill Show is sponsored in part by Gilly’s Pub 44, Skips Shoes and Boots and Harley-Davidson.
New Smyrna Speedway is located at the intersection of State Route 44 and Tomoka Farms Road (Route 415), 10 miles south of Daytona Beach. The gates open at 6 p.m.; the show starts at 8 p.m. For further information, call New Smyrna Speedway at (904) 427-4129. Be there, be there, be there!
A YOUNG JEWISH KID– excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love andis going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bringover three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees andthe next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits themdown on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma.Guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The redhead in the middle.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
“I don’t like her.”–from the Original 5-Ball
STATE MOTTOS–
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States
Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan
Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We’re Not Really An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn’t Surrender!
THAT’S IT FOR METhis morning started slow with three aspirin and a bowl of cereal. The sun was glistening off the harbor and I needed to ride. I also needed to congratulate Jason Douglass, Mike Osborn and Jon Towle, who are now partners in this madness we call the Bikernet Empire. Now they owe me big time. I tried to launch into the news, but Valentine’s night haunted me. On my list was picking up trophies, which are adorned with billiard 5-balls that just rolled in from a billiard supply company in New York. You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to find 5-balls. I’m putting the finishing touches on a chapter for my next as-yet nameless book, but it contains the HORSE Vince and Chance series. My brain cells finally cooperated enough to let me write an editorial on some of my past shenanigans, also for HORSE.
If Lee Clemens will talk to me, I’ll interview him next week for Hot Rod Bikes. The oldest living H-D mechanic, Earl Kellerman, turned us down for an interview. He works at Bartels’ and I was told he was a crotchety old fart, but good people if you can corner him in a good mood. We’re about to launch Bandit’s Cantina, with games, Fast Date Girls from Jim and all my books in an e-book format for less than the cost of one beer a month. Watch for it. Alright, so I was scrambling around here this morning like a wheel losing its spokes when there was a gentle tap on the door. Sin was headed for school, but had a while to play. Suddenly my day was in focus, my life fulfilled and the dream of riding a Big Dog motorcycle to Daytona a near-reality. Life is good on the coast once more. Let’s ride–Bandit.