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Read More March 22, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 1
BANDIT’S CANTINA ORDERING GLITCH SOLVED–As a demonstration of the professionalism of Bikernet, here’s an actual complaint scenario recieved moments after the Cantina was opened:
“Hey, what about us poor, bankrupt mf’ers who don’t have a credit card tojoin the Cantina club? I really want in. Can’t you set up a form to send amoney order?”
Fuck man, I’ll fix it. I swear. I really fucked up bad, here. Do me a favor bro, don’t tell Bandit. I’ll post a form so you can drop a check in the mail. Hey, I’m all over it. I swear. Just please don’t tell the big bastard. He’ll kill me. Promise me man. It’ll be done in minutes.
Praying for a reprieve,
Digital Ganster
Thanks Digital, my check is in the mail! Ha! Ha!Bandit has the BEST site on the net and I bet the Cantina iseven better.That’s enough ass-kissing for this week.I appreciate your prompt action on this matter.
–J.H.
A HELPING HAND–One day, farmer Williams was in town picking up supplies for hisfarm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and ananvil. Then he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple ofchickens and a goose.However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchaseshome.
The livestock dealer said: “Why don’t you put the anvil in thebucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each armand carry the goose in your other hand?”
“Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost.
Sheasked: “Can you tell me how to get to 123 Township Road?”
The farmer said: “Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 132 TownshipRoad. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be therein no time”
The little old lady said: “How do I know that when we get in thealley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt andravish me?”
The farmer said: “Holy smokes lady, I am carrying a bucket, an anvil,two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold youup against the wall and do that?”
The lady said: “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, putthe anvil on top of the bucket, and I can hold the chickens.”
–WHO
NEW FROM CRIME INC.–We must apologize for the models. Make sure you check out the new stuff from Crime Inc. in the Bikernet Gulch. The shots are entertaining, and here in the Pedro Ghetto it’s easy to pick up a couple of winos for models. Five bucks and a new T-shirt and they thought is was Christmas all over again. Tough to get ’em to stand still for very long.
THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the law offices of Richard M. Lester. For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Web site at <
“BEST BIKE WEEK EVER!” Despite the gloom and doom predictions of themedical and insurance industries, and some politicians hoping for anyjustification to reinstate Florida’s recently repealed helmet law, thisyear’s Bike Week resulted in only six official traffic fatalities, almost athird of last year’s record number of 15 traffic deaths.”Authorities had worried that this Bike Week would be deadlier thanusual because it’s the first one since Florida repealed its helmet law,”noted the St. Petersburg Times.Two of the six fatalities were pedestrians — one was a drunk homelessperson struck by a motorcycle when he staggered into the street.
An estimated 500,000 bikers poured into the Daytona, Fla., area for the64th Annual Bike Week, and many of them took advantage of Florida’s newly wonright to decide on helmet use.ABATE of Florida Inc. succeeded in modifying the 31-year old mandatoryhelmet law to allow freedom of choice for riders 21 and older who can showproof of medical insurance coverage. The law became effective July 1,making Florida the fifth state in five years to repeal a helmet law.
MASSACHUSETTS BILL WOULD REQUIRE EVERYONE TO WEAR A HELMET. As reportedhere last month, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts has a bill introduced torequire the use of protective headgear for drivers and passengers of allmotor vehicles. Motorcyclists’ rights activists are pushing H1263 to drawattention to the Commonwealth’s current mandatory motorcycle helmet law, andthey want legislators to be aware of the fact that over 90 percent of allautomobile crashes result in a head injury, and that the state could saveuntold millions of dollars in public burden by requiring all vehicleoccupants to wear a DOT-approved helmet.
OREGON UPDATE. “Our Oregon helmet bill I believe is about to pass ourHouse,” reports Oregon AIM Attorney Sam Hochberg, “but we’re holding it incommittee in the Senate until we’re sure we have the votes. Problem is, thesame governor who vetoed it in the last two sessions has come out and said hewould veto it again.
“So,” says Sam, “BikePAC is really focusing more on other bills:One would allow lane-splitting, another would allow motorcyclists to filltheir own gas tanks, which we USUALLY do now anyway, in spite of our law thatsays NO self-serve. We’re one of two states — the other is New Jersey –that forbid self-serve.”
ILLINOIS CONSIDERS HELMET LAW Although no state has enacted a motorcyclehelmet law since Maryland in 1992, Illinois lawmakers are considering a billto require riders under the age of 18 to wear a helmet. Illinois is one ofonly three states that have no helmet law covering younger riders. Coloradoand Iowa are the other two that have no helmet law on the books.
Two Chicago area legislators are reportedly pushing the helmet law inretaliation for ABATE of Illinois heading off a City Council attempt to banmotorcycles on certain Chicago streets, primarily Lake Shore Drive.Rep. Julie Hamos (D-Chicago) introduced HB3084, which passed 7-0 incommittee and will now go to the House Floor. Sen. Donne Trotter(D-Chicago) is carrying a similar bill in the state Senate.”Don’t expect this to go anywhere, though,” predicted Rich Miller inthe political insider publication “Capitol Fax” on March 5.
NEW MEXICO REPEALS HANDLEBAR HEIGHT LAW Gov. Gary Johnson signed abill into law on March 12 that repeals sections of the vehicle code thatrestrict the height of motorcycle handlebars, making New Mexico the fifthstate to repeal or amend its handlebar height law. The other four statesare Iowa, Arizona, Oregon and Washington. The repeal becomes effective July1.
Most states enacted handlebar height laws in the ’60s to give lawenforcement officers justification to stop and harass bikers because of thehigh handlebars on their choppers. Rep. Rick Miera, a long time rider and member of the NationalCoalition of Motorcyclists’ Legislative Task Force, introduced and carriedthe bill. Miera also introduced a bill to allow special motorcycle licenseplates for veterans and disabled veterans, which he said he expects to pass,and a biker anti-discrimination bill that is still being heard.
DISC JOCKEYS SUSPENDED FOR ENDANGERING BIKERS “A pair of San Joseafternoon radio deejays who said on the air that motorists should open cardoors or run over motorcyclists and bicyclists were suspended from KSJO-FM,”reported the San Jose Mercury News on Feb. 21.Kramer and Twitch were the subject of several angry complaints frombicycle and motorcycle organizations, including the National Coalition of Motorcyclists.
SENATOR BEN CAMPBELL TO TAKE HILLARY CLINTON ON A HARLEY RIDE Just whenshe may need it most, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton could get a new image:biker babe.It’s all thanks to U.S. Sen. Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R-Colo.), America’sNo. 1 motorcycle advocate. Campbell recently told of his plans to transformthe former first lady into a biker.
EASY BITER By devising “The Easy Biter,” an invention thatincorporates a set of motorcycle handlebar grips that make revving soundswhile corn lovers nibble on their ears more easily, young Nicholas Kretschmerof Hales Corner, Wis., was crowned the winner of the National Veggie EatingInvention Contest held at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Museum last year.
NOW BOARDING Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can beaggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with anenormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, butthe woman argued that her bag was a “carry-on” because it had wheels and ahandle. Without blinking, the attendant said, “My Honda has wheels and ahandle, but that doesn’t make it a carry-on.”READERS DIGEST, Contributed by Analyse DavisTHOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “A plan to save humanity is almost always a falsefront for the urge to rule.” H. L. Mencken
–Bill Bish, NCOM
Continued on Page 3
March 22, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
Note the logo on the front of the trailer.
As the fever grew, so did my excitement. I was determined to ship my 1939 Milwaukee Iron flat-track racer to the field and ride the Blue Flame. Don was on his way when I got a call from Sin Wu. She had been toying with her Epson digital camera and had promised to deliver a couple of girls to the headquarters to pose in the new Dragonfly Hawaiian shirts that we were going to carry. She called the night before the show. “Remember that weekend?”
“No, what weekend?” I shot back.
“That weekend,” her voice lowered, “we spent all weekend in bed?”
“Hell, that’s every weekend.” I was trying to finish an article and go for a ride, and she was dragging this thing out.
“Not like that, honey,” Sin said, and her voice dropped to a sad wisper, like a child who cleaned her room and I failed to notice. Every syllable was like a piece of ice on the back of my neck. I woke up.
“I’m sorry baby, of course I remember that weekend. Remember the warm honey?” I added the detail to let her know I was back on track.
“Thank you babe,” she said. “Well, I have a surprise for you. On Sunday I’m bringing two intimate friends from college over to party with us. Oh, and they’ll pose wearing the Dragonfly shirts.”
I got all tingly, like a 13 year-old going to Disneyland for the first time. My mind started to race, then I remembered the bike show… We better get to the news:
10TH ANNIVERSARY BEACH RIDE–It’s coming like the salt off the ocean and this year it will be better than ever. The Beach Ride benefits the exceptional Children’s Foundation of Los Angeles, one of the largest organizations in Southern California serving children and adults with developmental disabilities. Larry Hagman will be the grand marshal this year. They’ll have three hot bands, a bike show run by Bikernet, a tattoo contest, a Mr. and Mrs. Beach Ride contest, lotsa food and over 150 Vendors. It’s coming July 15th to the San Buena Ventura State Park, Ventura, Calif.
For information on sponsorships, advertising in the 10th anniversary collector’s journal, or for vendor information, call (310) 470-3644. And write me at Bandit@bikernet.com if you’re interested in sponsoring the trophies for $1,000. TP Engineering
WOW–The guy who designed the above ad for TP Engineering designed our billboard and is working on a poster for Laughlin. TP Engineering has sealed a deal to supply Big Dog with more than 800 engines. That’s a helluva compliment and vote of confidence from the best custom bike manufacturer in the country.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN CALIFORNIA, IF–You make over $250,000 a year and still can’t afford a house.
It’s sprinkling outside, so you leave for work anhour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
Your child’s third grade teacher has purple hair,a nose ring and is named Breeze.
You can’t remember… is pot legal?
You’ve been to a baby shower for an infant whohas two mothers and a sperm donor.
DOWNED BROTHER– A bro from K.C., Mo., e-mailed me and told me that Chuck Ashley just died. He was awaitng a bypass operation the next day, I was told. Chuck worked for Titan about two years ago and ran the motor room there. He is in one of Eric Herrmann’s paintings. Chuck finally got his own shop going again. He was located a couple of blocks from GlendaleH-D. When I last saw him he was doing the motors for Jim Nasi’s custom bikes.
Chuck was originally from the Modesto, Calif., area. I did some welding for him while he was at Titan — engine repair shit, cyl, cases, tools, etc. He was a walking book of knowledge on a lot of things, along with his H-D background. Alwayswas a lot of help when you had questions. I thought he was a genuine bro. You always knew where he stood on things, no bullshit. He will be missed by many.
I guess Arizona Bike Week is coming up soon. Again, I can’t make it. My bro from K.C. is going. I went last year. Miss seeing my buddies out there. If you go, check out Chandler H-D/Buell. It’s a new dealership. It’s owned by the corporation that owns Glendale H-D and Tucson H-D. That’s it for now man. Just wanted to pass on the news about Chuck.
— Paul
NOTICESCHEDULING EVIDENTIARY HEARING– for the Quantum case. I have objected to the trustee’s motion for authority to compromisecontroversy and shorten time. This matter pertains to the selling of motorcycles and other items toAquino’s Auto Service Inc. for $251,000. After payments to various individuals, there was a balance of $141,000.
When I asked the judge at a previous court hearing how money was dispensed,I was told court fees and expenses would be first, then the next prioritywould be employees’ back pay up to $3,400 each.
In the trustee’s motion, the $141,000 was awarded to InternationalHoldings, Inc. (Joe Hale) My argument is that employees should have been paid before Hale. Hale went to Quantum’s office at 731 Washburn Road and removed truckloadsof office equipment and who knows what else. He also made a deal withAquino’s to purchase everything else in the building.
All visible property that was at the Washburn address is beingremoved. Therefore, no assets are to be sold to pay employees. The hearing on this will be held on April 3 at 10:30 a.m. at the UnitedStates Bankruptcy Court, 135 West Central Blvd., Orlando Fla. It is requested that everyone appear at this hearing to let the judge know yourfeelings on this matter. There is plenty of time to make arrangements to attend this hearing.
If for some reason you just can’t make it, at least write to the judge andlet him know how you feel about this matter and what a hardship it hascaused you.
Honorable Judge Briskman
135 W. Central Ave.
Orlando, Fla. 32802
I am hoping to see all of you in Orlando and please tell everyone you know.
–ROGUE
FIVE SURGEONS– are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. Thefirst surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table becausewhen you open them up, everything is numbered.”
Second surgeon says, “Yeah,but you should try electricians. Everything inside is color coded.”
Thirdsurgeon: “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything is inalphabetical order.”
Fourth surgeon: “You know, I like construction workers.Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end,and when the job takes longer than you said, they’re cool.”
Fifth surgeon:”You are all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s noguts, no heart, no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”
DON’T MISS THE PARTY– Just wanted to let you know that we here at cyclpath are having a party on June 3, with food, drink and a band. More information is coming soon to the Web site, www.cyclpath.com. Thanks and hope to meet you some time if I have not already!
–Jeff Carney
SURVIVOR 3– Rated PG. A major network is planning the show “Survivor 3” this winter. In response, Texas is planning “Survivor, Texas Style.” The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, “I’m gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I’m here to confiscate your guns.”
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.
DEVIL DOLLS HAUNT CANTINA–“Devilish Chaos in the Cantina!” Gawd, I love it..Hey, can I write a fictional (yeah, sure) story about a damsel in distress being rescued by the Devil Dolls? Or better yet, a kidnap/fantasy scenario involving the Dolls and the really handsome but oh- so-brutal rebel boy club?
Love,
Goth rock star
ddmc
My God, what will be next?–Bandit
DRAGONFLY HAWAIIAN SHIRTS HIT BIKERNET–We’ve selected 12 styles of Dragonfly’s hot lineup of wild-assed Hawaiian shirts for the coming summer. These shirts are killer, and if you like them, we’ll take on more styles. They’re 100 percent polyester or 100 percent acetate/rayon for that heavy satin look. Besides, they’ll look good draped over your girlfriend the morning after. What does Samantha look like the morning after…? Like the tattoo around her thigh.
ITALIAN CONNECTION–for antique bikes. If you have one for sale, he’ll also look into taking it on. Check out his extensive collection.
THE BIKERNET EDUCATIONAL AND CULTURAL DEPT. BRINGS YOU–Modern terminology for the hip and with-it.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and everyone — and then leaves.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
On to Page 2
March 15, 2001 Part 4
By Bandit |
TELEPHONE SCAM ALERT–I received a telephone call last evening from an individual identifying himself as an AT&T service technician who was conducting a test ontelephone lines. He stated that to complete the test, I should touchnine(9), zero(0), the pound sign (#), and then hang up.
Luckily I wassuspicious and refused. Upon contacting the telephone company, I wasinformed that by pushing 90#, you give the requesting individual fullaccessto your telephone line, which enables them to place long distancecallsbilled to your home phone number. I was further informed that thisscamhas been originating from many local jails/prisons. I have alsoverifiedthis information with UCB Telecom, Pacific Bell, MCI, Bell Atlantic andGTE. Please beware. DO NOT press 90# for anyone. The GTE SecurityDepartment requested that I share this information with everyone I know.
DEAL OF THE WEEK–They are Atlantic Technology Speaker System Sets Atlantic Technology, makers of high-end home theater speakers and equipment, introduces an incredible set of high-end computer/multimedia speakers with sub woofer and stands.This is an outstanding speaker system that retails for $360.I am selling them for $85 a pair, plus $10 shipping.I have 800 pairs and will also consider a quanity price break. Contact me at: mailto:thequeen@corderostudios.com
–Just call me the peddle princess!
?Fit for Golf? Bootcamp–How’s this for a Bikernet exclusive? Dr. Hamster is writing a book on pain-free golf. Along with the book comes a personal seminar, and here’s his L.A. location.
Want more distance and better scores? Then improve your fitness and physical conditioning! In this workshop you will learn what top players in the game are doing to condition their bodies and swing for the maximum performance. Drills and exercises to improve stamina and strength and overall scoring potential. Taught by sports physician Christian Reichardt, aka Dr. Hamster, and PGA tour instructor, Bob Cisco. Vital to play your best golf!
Results you can expect:
– more flexibility, strength and endurance
– more distance and accuracy
– less pain and soreness
– a better game!
Dates: Saturday, March 24
Time: 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.Location: Cascade Golf Course, Sylmar where the 405/5/210 freeways meet
Cost: $195 per person
For reservations, call Dr. Reichardt at (310) 829-0453
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!”— Benjamin Franklin
PARACHUTIST LANDED ON BEER VENDOR– at acoleslaw wrestling match during central Florida’s raucous “Bike Week”celebration, seriously injuring the vendor, sheriff’s deputies said.
The accident occurred on Wednesday afternoon at Sopotnick’s CabbagePatch bar in Samsala, which sponsors an annual coleslaw wrestling.
Just before the women wrestlers squared off in a pit full of cabbageand oil, a sky diver hired to parachute into the makeshift arena was blown off courseby high winds. The victim, Sherri Lee, 37, waswalking with a tray full of beer near the beverage concession, where she andother members of a local charity were working.
“We yelled, ‘Move, dummy,’ but she never looked up because it happenedso quick,” biker Dave “D.R.” Paul told the Orlando Sentinel.
–FastEddy
MCCLURE MOVED–Maybe Out on Monday.Moments after she arrived at her Florida home, about an hour from the Orlando hospital, Phyllis McClure received a call that Jim would be moved to a room late Friday night.
“Today was a really long day. I’m just beat. But this is great news. They’re moving him tonight. They’ll give him a big dose of medicine so he’ll sleep through the night after all of that moving around. If everything goes like it’s been going, they may release him on Monday.”
“I figure that by the Richmond race, he’ll be ready. We’ll work with our orthopedic doctor at home as soon as we get there. Unfortunately, there’s no way we can run Rockingham.”
To send the McClures a note, go to www.jimmcclure.com. A postal address for cards, etc. will be posted as soon as possible.
I love this job…. all the bikes, booze and sex I can read about.
–JANET CREAMER
ESCAPE TO THE CANTINA–It’s coming down to the bottom line. We’re about to finish the Buttera desk, and for some reason I seem caught up on the numerous deadlines that plague me like a recurring flu, but I love it. Even more I love the touch of a woman, a glass of Jack and a smooth running engine.
We’re planning to ride to the Beverly Hills Bike Show this weekend to rub elbows with the rich and expensive. On second thought, I might just ride on by and blaze back to the ghetto on the coast and … we’ll see.
Enjoy the weekend, it’ll never come around again, and for everyone’s hard work and dedication, join the Cantina. If for nothing else, Jon Towle’s illustrations are priceless. Let’s ride–Bandit
March 15, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 2
DALLAS EASYRIDERS ROCKS–The Dallas Easyriders newsletter just arrived. I’m glad Rick’s (the owner with his wife Tina and my sixth wife Lena) code for writing is not the same as mine. “You know, the more I drink, the better I write,” Rick said recently while eyeing his lovely wife. “I remember why I married her 18 years ago. She looks great with a six-pack in her hand.”
Rick’s Strokers Ice House next to the shop will soon be serving hard liquor, so I’ll be headed back out there to tune up my writing inspiration.
Rick carries what his experience tells him are the top- of-the-line custom manufactured scoots: Big Dog runs a strong first, followed by American Iron Horse, and he’s having good luck with Victory. Whether you want to have your bike serviced, a ground-up built, your scoot detailed, want to rent a scoot, or party, Rick and his family have what you need to get the most out of being a biker. Besides, the fucker’s nuts. Go visit him and take him some riding inspiration when ya do–Miller Lite.
HER WISH, OUR COMMAND–I would love it if you would post my boyfriend’s ’52 Panhead.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON SUPERBIKE RACING– Begins Rebuilding Season with Best-EverFinish at Daytona.
Harley-Davidson’s VR 1000 Superbike racingprogram began its rebuilding season with a solid performance at DaytonaInternational Speedway on Sunday. Mike Smith finished seventh and Pascal Picottefinished 32nd after running in the top 10 for most of the race. Picotte wasin sixth place when a mechanical problem sidelined him in the final laps ofthe 200-mile AMA Superbike season opener. Mat Mladin of Australia won theevent, followed by Eric Bostrom and Kurtis Roberts, both from the UnitedStates.
“We ran a conservative race set-up,” said Director of Racing John Baker.”Our goal was to finish this race and continue our development efforts aimedat improving the performance of the VR 1000.”Smith, who posted the VR’s best-ever finish at Daytona, had to be helpedfrom the bike after the race and was treated at the infield medical centerfor severe muscle cramping in his hips.
“I was really working hard out there and focused on the finish,” said Smith.”I picked up some good points and I’m looking forward to going to SearsPoint with a good handling race bike.”
The VR 1000 Superbike team will compete at Sears Point Raceway in Sonoma, Calif., May 4-6, where Picotte finished third in 1999.
LEGACY VETS LOOKING FOR DOOR PRIZES–Bandit, as you already know, or might not know, I’m a patch holder for the “LEGACY VETS M.C.”, which is part of the “VIETNAM VETS M.C.”, to carry on their memory when they are gone. The reason I write you is, we are having our annual Memorial Day party to raise money for our chapter (Chapter “N” New York ), and we were wondering if you would mind making a donation on behalf of Bikernet. Something to raffle off. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Diesel, Chapter “N” New York, LEGACY VETS M.C.
–“Dan LaBarge”
dansaysftw@hotmail.com
VANCIL/VANCE & HINES WIN ORLANDO– Doug Vancil started his season like he ended his 2000season-with a win. Vancil won the prestigious season opener at OrlandoHarley-Davidson AHDRA Bike Week Nationals. Vancil not only took the win overTony Mattioli of Middlegrove, N.Y., but had qualified No. 1 with a 6.630.
Vancil was the only JIMS Top Fuel rider in a field of 16 to consistently run6’s at the Orlando facility. AND he set new JIMS Top Fuel AHDRA nationalrecords at 6.616 ET and boosted the mph record by over 6 mph to 216.45.
The Vancils are supported by Vance & Hines, Drag Specialties, PerformanceMachine, K & N, PJ 1, B & J Transmission, and Axtell.
–Ray Russell
HANNON RACING WINS DAYTONA– Hannon Racing waited till the last few weeks to refurbishthe hearts of ol’ Mom and WES, their Pro Stock engines of reknown. In fact,the quickest and fastest Pro Stock Harley-Davidson in the world remained ondisplay at Harley-Davidson of Ft. Myers until mid February, when the action tocompete got the best of the now infamous Hannon/Baisley bunch. Not only didDan Baisley win the event, but he ran the lowest ET at 7.695 seconds and HannonRacing now holds the Orlando Speedworld Pro Stock Harley Davidson record witha.7.695 ET.
Bill Hannon said, “We dedicated this race week to Dave Schultz, our friendand member of our great team of mentors. We are proud to have taken the winin his honor,” in a sentiment shared by the entire team at Hannon Racing.
Hannon Racing would like to thank their sponsors for helping maintain thequickest Pro Stock Harley-Davidson in the world. With HannonRacing for 2001 are Axtell Sales, Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & GChassis, Harley-Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty, Inc., Red LineOil, MRE, BPM, Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Vanson Leathers, Mastercam.CNC Software,Red Shift Cams and R & D Motorsports.
Hannon: www.hannonracing.com
SWEET REVENGE–For decades, two nude heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, “that I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for 30 minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
“You still have 15 more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely, the nude female statue turned to the nude male statue and said, “Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head.”
Continued on Page 4
March 15, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 1
ATTENTION BIKERS–So, you think you’re a biker! Well, now is your chance to come and meetthe man who has been there and done that. Tuesday night, May 1, 2001ABATE Local 9 is proud to have as a guest speaker Keith R. Ball. Betterknown in the biker world as “BANDIT”, Keith was the heart and soul ofwhat was once the bikers bible; Easyriders Magazine. As the editor ofthis magazine for over 20 years he played a major role in establishingthe biker lifestyle.
Along with being kicked out of more bars than most of us have been in, heis also one of the original founders of ABATE. Make plans on being at ourMay meeting and hear some of the very interesting history of ABATE andthe people who helped make us what we are today. Find out why there was aneed for an ABATE. Keith will be there to educate, entertain, answerquestions, and you’ll also have a chance to pick up an autographed copyof his most recent book; Sam “Chopper” Orwell. For those of you who don’tknow about Sam Orwell? he is character that Keith introduced inEasyriders several years ago. Now he is back, still fighting for theright to ride in a society that has outlawed motorcycles.
Where: The Swallows Inn
31785 Camino Capistrano Blvd.
San Juan Capistrano
When: May 1, 2001
Time: 7:00 PM
Host: ABATE Local 9
Information: Steve Bauman (949) 586-9468
DAYTONA REPORT IS UP ON BIKERNET–thanks to JoAnn Bortels of Crazy Horse Painting, “Glad you liked the report. I had 3 bikes in shows down there. I have attached pics of two of the tanksto this email. One is of the Purple Haze chopper that won in Columbus, theother is the top of a black prostreet that was down there. Purple Haze didok in Daytona and Arlen Ness had Click park the black prostreet at hisdisplay as it has many Ness parts on it. But my real killer paint job didnot show up. The customer only showed the bike in Louisville. But it is thewildest paint job I have ever done.
I have attached 3 pics of it. I wishthis bike could have been in Daytona. Maybe next years Rats’ Hole.I worked today, sprayed a red candy softail. But I’m taking the night off.”
BANDIT’S CANTINA LAUNCHES AT THE CRACK OF DAWN ON THE 16TH–Sure you’ve seen it all. You know about Stephen King’s e-book site. Now’s there’s Bandit’s books e-style. You’ve seen soap operas, now enter the grizzly world of Bandit’s Cantina–the series. You’ve stumbled on a $20 on a restaurant floor, as a member you’ll have the opportunity win valuable door prizes. You’ve discover treasure on the discovery channel. In the cantina you’ll find unique fact and treasures from the lost biker planet. It’s all there Friday the 16th of March, Bandit’s Birthday, in the Cantina for a lousy 1.60 a month.
A LADY FROM CALIFORNIA– purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, “What took you so long?”
The unperturbed doctor replied, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.”
THANKS– for all the info over the last couple months. Here is where we are so far. Near future mods will be wheels and 4-degree trees.
Thanks Again,
Paul Coon
Euless, Texas
Continued on Page 3
March 8, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
EVOLUTION DESK– The last sighting of Bandit was in the garage throwing tools around as the big bastard and NuttBoy began the final assembly of an Evolution-powered desk for Little Jon Buttera. Check it out in the Garage.
HELEN WOLFE UPDATE–Stan Sheppard sent this to me last week along with a photo order. Thought I’d pass it along – I asked his permission to do so and he said OK, so I figured I’d throw in a couple more photos of him. He won in the ET class in October in the AHDRA/JIMS Las Vegas Nationals. He also runs a Pro Gas bike, which he refers to in the article.
Haven’t heard word from Daytona yet. They’re in the thick of it right now. I am there in spirit. Been trying to astral-project – I think it’s working … gotta go!Helen WolfePhotos@HelenWolfe.com
AMERICAN IRONHORSE SALES INCREASE 38 PERCENT–American IronHorse Motorcycle Co. announced that its motorcycle sales grew 38 percent in 2000 to about $11.5 million, and that it sold 500 motorcycles in 2000, up 46 percent from 1999. American IronHorse also added 56 jobs and 17 new dealers in 2000.
NEW CRIME INC. WEAR–Watch in the next couple days as we pump up the line of clothing from Crime Inc. Flex-fit ballcaps that are comfortable as hell. Hooded, zip-up sweatshirts with thumbs in the sleeves to hold them in your gloves while riding–they’re killer. More tops for girls. Long sleeve T-shirts and all with the Crime Inc. logo silk screened or embroideried on each garment.
NOW, FOR OUR RELIGIOUS CORNER–A diagnostic is someone who doesn’t know whether there are two gods.If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.I am an agnostic pantheist. I doubt the existence of many gods.Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoysthem very much. –G.K. Chesterton
NEWS FROM THE BIKE WEEK SAND–Weather’s the big story so far; windy, steady 20 and gusting to 30-40 mph.That makes for a wind chill in the 30s, with plenty of sand blowing aroundif the cold doesn’t get to you first. Forget the beach, unlesssandblasting’s a favorite activity.
Talk is mostly about first year without helmet law, against last year’srecord fatality count of 15 deaths, although only 10 were bike-related. Asof Sunday, only two deaths, both involving bikes, despite numerous crashes.
Florida law requires riders without helmets have $10,000 injury insurance.They can’t pull you over to check unless there’s a moving violation,accident or DUI stop.
Preliminary investigation of fatalities by federal Centers for DiseaseControl concluded that, considering the huge crowd, the number of deaths wasn’tabnormal and that there wasn’t a trend.
Another item on the radar is noise. The chamber of commerce is funding a studyby the University of Florida to measure decible levels in variousneighborhoods. An uneducated guess is that they’ll discover it’s pretty damnloud during Bike Week.
Economic claims are for $250 million impact on economy, but that’s anyone’sguess. Still, it’s a lot.
–Agent Anonymous
V-TWIN HOLDINGS SIX-MONTH INCREASES TO 8.4 M–Although V-Twin Holdings’ total revenue for the six months ending December 31 was up compared to the same period in 1999, the company had a decrease in gross profit as a percent of total revenue. This is primarily due to the sale of motorcycles at lower margins during the second quarter ended December 31.
REMEMBERING THE OLD TIMES WITH RON FINCH–I have really enjoyed the interview series you have been doing for HOT ROD BIKES magazine. Your most recent about Ron Finch really brought back some memories of a time long ago in a place far, far away. Everybody in the Detroit area knew about Hatten, Carlini and Wild Bill, the paint gurus of the times in the early to mid ’60s. Ron Finch was tucked away in a little shop in Pontiac. He was just a guy who was getting started and liked to paint motorcycles.
I met Finch sometime in late 1965 or early 1966 when I was working at the first of the mega dealerships in Michigan, Anderson Sales and Service in Pontiac. They had it all, Triumph, BSA, Norton, Matchless, Honda, Ducati and Moto Guzzi. I worked in the parts department and rode a 1965 Triumph TR-6, (I couldn’t come up with the extra few hundred for a Bonneville) it was my first new bike and I loved it. That winter I finally owned a car and did not have to ride to work, so I took the bike apart to get some chrome parts done. One part leads to another and then all of a sudden it was time to shit or get off the pot, PAINT TIME. Finch was around the shop once in a while and we started to talk about what color and next thing I know I’ve got a candy blue metal flake Triumph.
I do vaguely remember Finch’s shop in Pontiac; it was so small you had to go outside to change your mind. There was a bunk or two, always a bunch of people and the refreshments of the era to enjoy. A weed of some kind I think and lots of wine. In 1967 I got tired of my Triumph and sold it to a friend of mine. I walked into Roy’s Harley-Davidson in Pontiac and bought a brand new XLCH ($1,514.00 out the door), the baddest thing on the street. The next day I rode to work at Anderson’s and was fired on the spot for riding a Harley.
My next job was at a shop in Detroit, Shores Motorcycles, so I just didn’t get out to Pontiac that often and hadn’t seen Finch since then. The next time I saw Finch was in 1998 during the Hamster ride into Sturgis, riding one of those weird things he puts together out of welding rods and whatever else he uses. I think it was in E.R. during your tenure, the bike with the tanks as part of the floorboards. I didn’t get a chance to talk with him but he sure looked the same, one of those people you just don’t forget.
Please, in the future stay in the ’70s and later. I don’t want to write you letters about Zundap Super Sabres, NSU Super Fox’s, BSA A-50’s and all the rest of my early bikes.
If I can find it, I’ll send you an article from 1968, I was on the front page of the Detroit Free Press complaining that bikers could not get served at Big Boy restaurants with a picture of me on my CH.
Thanks for the memory jog,
–T.L.
On to Page 3
March 8, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
No, it wasn’t a front flat tire on the steel grating bridge to Terminal Island at 80 mph in a driving downpour–we couldn’t be so lucky. It wasn’t a raid on the headquarters by the Texas Rangers to extradite Bandit back to the Panhandle for crimes he committed when he ran away from high school. More devastating than a hole in a piston in the Barstow desert in the summer on a run to Vegas, Bandit’s girls were struck down with the creepy crud.
Bandit’s been missing ever since and rumored found in a sleezebag motel in Daytona Beach recruiting new women. Hey, but all is not lost. When you read the news you’ll immediately discover that we haven’t missed the old bastard one bit. Let’s check it out:
DAYTONA BEACH REPORT– On the first Saturday of the annual pilgrimage by the planet’s entirebiker population to the Sunshine State, Agent Anonymous reports in toheadquarters on the status (excellent) of the Bike Week Bikernet billboard.
Prominent display, directly across from legendary Robison’s former H-Ddealership one block from Ridgewood, it will be seen by tens of millions asthey languish in Speedway Boulevard gridlock while enroute to Beach Avenueattractions and Main Street shenanigans.
Bikernet dayroll performed admirably, as expected. Unique tool pouchfeature kept tie wraps in quick reach for temp repairs when riding buddy’sdistributor (’46 Knuckle) wouldn’t stay in advanced postion during torridI-4 cross-state run.
Bikernet baseball tee cooly reflects sultry heat of Florida springtime sun,to the envy of fellow biker brethren who slowly bake while wearing solarblack look-alike tees.
STATES ATTEMPT TO LEGISLATE MOTORCYCLE PASSENGERS–Hawaii, Maryland and Pennsylvania have recently introduced bills to restrict motorcycle passengers. Hawaii proposes to prohibit passengers under age 12; Maryland’s bill would require the use of passenger footrests; and Pennsylvania proposes to prohibit passengers under the age of 18.
A WOMAN… went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend afortune.
“Well,” said the clerk, “I have a very large bullfrog. They say it’sbeen trained to give blowjobs!” “Blowjobs!?” the woman replied. “Ithasn’t been proven but we’ve sold 30 of them this month,” he said. Thewoman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it’s true…nomore blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy’s ability to her husband, he was extremelyskeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she maynever need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots andpans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frogreading cookbooks. “What are you two doing at this hour?” she asked.
The husband replied, “If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass isgone.
–Gunracer
BUELL BLAST PURCHASE GUARANTEE PROGRAM ANNOUNCED–Buell announced the Buell Blast Purchase Guarantee. The program states that when a customer buys a new Buell Blast, they have a full year, from the original date of purchase, to trade it in on a new Buell V-Twin or Harley-Davidson motorcycle, and receive a trade-in allowance equal to their original base purchase price (up to MSRP) at participating dealers. The offer ends July 5.
BIKE SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT–There are two bike shows coming up. ?One is in Beverly Hills, Calif., thatCraig Germeroth has been working on and the other is in St. Paul, Minn., that Donnie Smith and American Thunder are sponsoring. Details follow on both. ?Go and show your support!!!
Beverly Hills Run ? Should be 100bikes and 300 cars. Separate trophies for Hamster bikes so people don’t gettheir panties in a bunch. Check in is 7:30 a.m. till 9 a.m. Sunday March 18.Trailers can come inside Saturday with security provided by the show.American Thunder TV will be a sponsor and is expected to do a nice piece onus. We have $6 million in show prizes.
Donnie Smith/American Thunder ShowThis will be a great end to our long winter. ?The show is , March 18 at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul. If you’re showingyour bike, you can bring it over and set up on Saturday from 1 p.m.-6 p.m. ?Teardown is at 5 p.m. Sunday.?This is a bike show/swap meet. The show starts at10 a.m. Sunday. ?Be there.
Also, you Minnesota and Midwestern guys, the Spring Flood Run is on April 21,leaving Whiskey Junction at 10 a.m. or meet at Prescott, Wis. ?
–Correspondent Patty, reporting for Bikernet in Minneapolis.
HOLLISTER CONNECTION–“Personal Message” to Commander Ball/Bikernet Crew, if y’all are reallygoing to make Hollister this year, we want ya to know you will be morethan welcome. The red carpet and all that shit. This is just a view fromone of the places we can provide, so y’all can get away from the crowd,if ya want. Monterey in the summer can get damp, so wear your $300tequila proof rain jacket. Hollister is only an hour ride for me fromMonterey; that way you ride 35 minutes. Hold it! If I get a good night’ssleep and we tour by Ocean Thunder for a mornin’snap, we might leave therest of them f…ers and I can draft ya:
— Ride On! Wino Joe
The sneaky bastard creeping across the background is the infamous Wino Joe.
BIKERNET DISCOUNTS STREETWARE CATALOG–In an effort to cut you guys a break on apparel during down economic times, we’ve cut the prices for all Streetware apparel and accessories by 10 percent.
KILJAY RACING UPDATE–Thank you for posting the “Kiljay” racing update onyour Web site. Here is a photo of my crew chief, Killer,with the new engine and another one showing what a 4-5/8bore cylinder looks like. Did you hear that Jim Mclurecrashed in Orlando?
You are right, this motor is a monster. The bore is 4-5/8 inches and the stroke is 4-3/4 inches. Each cylinder is 80 cubic inchesfor a total of 160. The 4-cam cases were custom made by Delkronto Killer’s specs. They have a 1-1/2 raised deck, which meant that Axtell had to custom make the barrels. The heads were top fuel blank heads and Hannan’s Machine shop has set them up to run on gas. The intake valves are 2.3 inches in diameter and we are running an .810 lift cam. The heads flowed 400 CFMat 28 inches of mercury.
We punched all the numbers into a motor horsepowercomputer program and it is telling us we will have over 300 HPon gas only. We are also running a nitrous oxide system with a Schnitz progressive controller, which will allow us to add up toanother 100 HP power if needed (and my balls are big enough).
To get the fuel into the engine, we are running two Super Dcarburetors each with three thunder jets. The heads we set upto run a carburetor out of each side of the engine. ChicagoJoe is custom making the intake manifolds and doing the engineassembly. The parts for this engine were ordered over 16 monthsago and our cost for the engine is over $20,000. I’m indeep shit if I blow this baby. We are estimating redline on thisengine is 6,800 RPM.
–Stan
AMA UNVEILS NEW INITIATIVE TO REDUCE MOTORCYCLE CRASHES–The AMA’s new program, Motorcyclists Matter, aims to reduce motorcycle-car accidents by increasing penalties for car drivers who injure or kill motorcyclists, develop a mandatory course for offenders and raise awareness of motorcyclists through public information campaigns. ABATE of Pennsylvania and Ohio are actively involved with the AMA on this.
A FUNERAL SERVICE– is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the fucking wall!”
HAWAIIAN SHIRTS COME TO BIKERNET– In Bandit’s absence, we’ve contacted Dragonfly, the fastest growing, wild-assed, too-hip Hawaiian shirt manufacturer to come along in years. It’s run by three brothers and overseen by their dad, who has been in the garment business for 40 years. They are biker Hawaiian shirts to the bone and soon to be available in the Gift Shop. The prices will be more than resonable and there’s no charge for shipping and handling. The shirt on the right is licensed by Gibson guitars. Be sure to stay tuned and check ’em out. In a couple of weeks we’ll be launching the shirts once the girls come around to model them. Bandit will be back for that.
NEW IRONHORSE CUSTOM– This Over-Kill Trike was built by Don Center in Roswell, N.M., where everything is distorted. This bike will be on display at the Beverly Hills Bike Show on March 17. IronHorse is a proud sponsor of Bikernet. Paul Venturo is Don’s main mechanic on this project. It’s powered by a ZZ4 Corvette engine with aluminum heads and it’s blown. It’s 500 horsepower and Don plans to race us to Sturgis on this trike. The trike is 14 feet long and 84 inches wide. Don builds these bikes turnkey for $26,000 base price and he will build the engines up to 720 horsepower. Stock trikes are 320 horsepower.
For years Don built Bourget bikes until Mrs. Bourget beat him up behind a bar, and he started building trikes. Many of his show-stopping two-wheelers were featured in Biker and Easyriders. He’s been building these monsters for five years and they’ve come along way. Talk about an open framed rocket ship. Bandit’s negotiating with Don to afford the Bikernet crew a two-week head start to the Badlands. That should do it.
On to Page 2
March 8, 2001 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
SNEAK PEAK AT NEXT HORSE COVER–You saw it here first, the next cover for The Mighty Horse magazine. Watch for it on a newsstand near you… And don’t forget to read Bandit’s shit in it. It will singe your hair and cure any virus you may have.
VAMPIRE BAT–Vampire BatA vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered infresh blood,and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get somesleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and startedhasslinghim about where he got it. He told them to piss off and lethim get somesleep.However, they persisted until he finally gave in. “Okay,follow me,” hesaid as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of batsbehind him.Down through a valley they went, across a river and intoaforest of trees.
Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milledaround him.”Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.
“YES, YES, YES!” all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.
“GOOD,” shouted the bat, “BECAUSE I FUCKING DIDN’T.”
ULTRA MOTORCYCLE CO. SETTLES– Lawsuit With Mull Acres Invmts.Ultra Motorcycle announced that it settled litigation filed by Mull Acres Invmts. The litigation arose out of a series of events dating back to UMC’s January ’97 purchase of the motorcycle manufacturing assets of Mull Acres, then doing business as Ultra Kustom Cycles. Among other things, Mull Acres will recover nothing from UMC.
HERE’S OUR “Mailman” back in the summer of ’95 with his homemade motorcycle trailer. He still uses it, even towed it clear to Palmdale one year behind the van but the new Wells Cargo has solved that problem. He just didn’t like the idea that racin’ his motorcycle meant ridin’ in a cage to get there.
–Helen Wolfe
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE SHIT– going on over at Excelsior-Henderson? I own a ’99 Super X – You’ve ridden one, it’s a great bike. Well, you know they sold about 1,600 bikes before they took the big plunge. InAugust they were bought by a white knight company that calls itself “EHPartners” with the stated intention of getting the company out of bankruptcyand back into production again.
Of course nothing has happened in that direction. “EH Partners” neverponied up the $12.5 million they agreed to and basically now there’s a shitstorm brewing over the chairman, George Heaton. Seems the local newspapershave dug up loads of trash on this guy. Seems he’s a liquidationspecialist, who, contrary to the stated intention, is gonna liquidate theassets of the company, as he’s done in the past with other companies he’spurchased.
I thought this whole sordid affair might make for interesting reading onBikernet. Best part? Just go to this board for the whole story.http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/excelsiorhendersondealerr38This is where you’ll find other EH owners who are struggling to keep theirbikes running.
If you remember all the stuff that happened with BritishIron back in the ’70s, this story will give ya deja vu.
–Lucky
SONNY BARGER CHRONICLES–Sonny returned to Northern California for a book signing on March 3 in Penryn sponsored by Hells Angels Sacramento. He’ll be at Borders in Union City (March 18). Phoenix and Orange County are planned in April; then Cape Cod and Rhode Island in early May, followed by eastern Washington, Idaho, then off to Copenhagen and Oslo.See the tour details with maps:http://sonnybarger.com/meet
Regency Mint has produced a great looking silver medallion, which is available now for $34.95; soon to come will be a bronze keychain with the same design (an image of Sonny and Sarrah on one side and his famous saying, “I never thought freedom was cheap,” on the reverse). Take a look and order now:http://sonnybarger.com/special
The German translation Hell’s Angel: Mein Leben reached number 5 on the bestseller list at amazon.de within the first few weeks of release. There is now a small “mirror” site in German:http://www.sonnybarger.de/welcome.html
The streaming audio has been a big hit, four of Sonny’s best radio interviews last year, and more will be added. Click the “audio” button:http://sonnybarger.com/pressThe fan photo gallery grows with your submissions:http://sonnybarger.com/foto
TWO-WHEELED SALES CLIMBING IN UK–Britan’s new motorcycle registration figures for January 2001 showed that bike sales have an increase of 41 percent compared to the same time last year. Forty-four percent of January’s bike sales were scooters. Supersport bikes continued to dominate the motorcycle bestseller top 10.
THANKS– First off, I wanted to thank you and your crew for the quick delivery of my books (This is Ruth, I ordered 4 books last month), and had a question… After the wonderful discovery of finding your signature on the inside of the “Orwell” cover, some cruel buddies of mine at work planted the thought in my head that it might not really be you that signed it. They seem to think it was funny to joke that maybe it was your gramma or your sister or maybe even some lone warehouse packin guy who scribbles on your book before it gets shipped out…. but I know it can’t be TRUE!! I have faith that it was really you that signed it…!!
My ol’ man likes the postcard of Miss Bikernet that you sent too… –Ruth Allan Damn right, that’s my signature. If it looks like a 3 year old wrote it, it’s me. HONOLULU POLICE ABANDON H-D–The Honolulu Police Department has purchased 20 2001 BMW KP1100 motorcycles. The BMW KP1100 is a special police version of the R1100RT. Prior to the BMW acquisition, the Honolulu Police Department used 32 Harley-Davidsons (Road Kings and FXRPs) and 13 Kawasakis. BIG DOG’S PROSPORT WINS EASYRIDERS’ V-TWIN EXCELLENCE AWARD FOR BEST RUBBERMOUNT MOTORCYCLE– Big Dog is pleased to accept Easyriders’ prestigious V-Twin Excellence Award for best rubbermount of 2001. A long time member of the Big Dog line, the 2001 ProSport is considered by many critics to be one of the best-handling American cruisers on the market today. The ProSport features an advanced vibration-reducing three-point rubbermount frame built by Daytec exclusively for Big Dog. In addition, the motorcycle offers an industry leading engine and transmission package. “This is a great honor for Big Dog. We have worked very hard to make the ProSport the best rubbermount that we know how to build,” said Nick Messer, president of Big Dog. STAFF INTERROGATION–revealed that on a rainy morning Bandit was seen helping a young woman to a waiting ambulance. He had her draped in a blanket and we couldn’t tell whether it was the moisture from the sky or tears as she was placed on the gurney. A terrible virus had grabbed her chest and she was wisked off to a nearby hospital. Another report indicated that the lovely Sin Wu had contracted a flu virus at college. She never made it to the headquarters that day and the big guy waited on the deck in the drizzling rain with a flask of Jack Daniels and Bikernet production ground to a stand still. Later in the afternoon, a once-bubbly blonde pulled up in front of the San Pedro palace in a smart sports car. Bandit bounded onto the deck with a waiting margarita, but the woman never left the car. According to NuttBoy, she had a patch over one eye and a tear running out of the other as she drove away. Devastated, the old guy, just weeks away from his 53rd birthday, slipped out of the headquarters in the middle of the night and we haven’t seen him since. Daytona’s a possibility. Even another women is not out of the question. There has been a rumor of a redhead lingering around the headquarters trying to scratch and claw her way into his life. We’ll report next week. It’s happy hour. –Da Janitor
ABATE of Illinois
Lincolnland Chapter
Activities/P.R. Coord
ISMC ‘ol lady
March 8, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
BIKERNET CYBER CYCLES WINNERS– Following is the winners’ list from February. Just as soon as we have all the winners’ addresses and shirt sizes we’ll be sending out trophies, and prizes from Bandit, Crime Inc. and Samson Exhaust systems. Congratulations guys.
Barry Bassford
Laurel, Md.
Competition
Jerry (DeathMonger) Tomczak
West Bend, Wis.
Pro-Street
Clint Breakall
Hugo, Colo.Radical Custom
Christoph Cordon
Houston, Texas
Street Stock
Darryl Calnan
Comox, British Columbia
Vintage Chopper
BANDIT’S CANTINA DUE TO LAUNCH THE 16TH–With Bandit out of the picture, progress is rapidly taking place in the historic Cantina. This is becoming the Disney California amusement park of Bikernet. It’s so packed with entertainment that we can’t seem to get the staff away from the games, the girls and the Cantina soap opera that’s taking place inside.
WORLD NET DAILY–Britain, Australia top U.S. in violent crime–Rates Down Under increase despite strict gun-control measures
By Jon Dougherty
Law enforcement and anti-crime activists regularly claim that the UnitedStates tops the charts in most crime-rate categories, but a newinternational study says that America’s former master — Great Britain– has much higher levels of crime.The International Crime Victims Survey, conducted by Leiden Universityin Holland, found that England and Wales ranked second overall inviolent crime among industrialized nations.Twenty-six percent of English citizens — roughly one-quarter of thepopulation — have been victimized by violent crime. Australia led thelist with more than 30 percent of its population victimized.
The United States didn’t even make the “top 10” list of industrializednations whose citizens were victimized by crime.Jack Straw, the British home secretary, admitted that “levels ofvictimization are higher than in most comparable countries for mostcategories of crime.”
Highlights of the study indicated that:The percentage of the population that suffered “contact crime” inEngland and Wales was 3.6 percent, compared with 1.9 percent in theUnited States and 0.4 percent in Japan.
Burglary rates in England and Wales were also among the highestrecorded. Australia (3.9 percent) and Denmark (3.1 per cent) had higherrates of burglary with entry than England and Wales (2.8 percent). Inthe U.S., the rate was 2.6 percent, according to 1995 figures;
England and Wales also led in automobile thefts. More than 2.5 percentof the population had been victimized by car theft, followed by 2.1percent in Australia and 1.9 percent in France. Again, the U.S. was notlisted among the “top 10” nations.
’57 PAN LIVES IN JAPAN–Thought I would drop you a pic of my bike. I found it here in Japan lying in a garage about a year ago. I sent you an e-mail a few months back to get your opinion. Just wanted to say thanks, and I listened to you and decided that as much as I want a chopper, I decided to keep this kinda original. So here are some pics of my 57FL. I’ll send ya the update pics once I get her up. Her motor is in and I got a shitload of parts on the way.
Man they got a shitload of chops here and old classics. One Japanese guy in my club rides a ’47 Knucklehead. It’s a damn nice Knuck too. Well, as far as parts, the bike’s body is in good condition. The motor was dicked and I replaced the jugs and pistons. Lower end was okay.We replaced the 3-stud clutch hub with a 5-stud and a bunch more things. Gettin most of my stuff from JP cycles. Though I did get a lot of help from my step dad’s friend in California. Don Whalen, “best bike at Laughlin,” is a good man. I’ll send you updates soon, and if you want some pics of some Jap bikes too.
–later, Craig
On to Page 4
March 1, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued from Page 2
LADIES’ NIGHT OUT– The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies’ night out club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friendpulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I’m worried about the way things are going, but fortunatelyshe just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was shortlived.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Noweveryone’s attention is focused on me, and the guy’s egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could Ido? I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.
NEW SITE–ROADHOUSE.COM– I wanted y’all to be aware ofour connect with Bikernet. We are gettin’ a shot in there almost everyweek. This should help promote Roadhouse. Bandit and I are pals, but thatis just us. He has said he would like to “goof” with me. So, Ilet him know, it’s me and him, at 20 paces with squirt guns. And then Iasked, RH Prick to be my second and he sent the letter. We are into thisshit now. But, win or lose, we might get the coverage to pump our sails.
And it seems Mr.Bandit is hip to the cha-cha:) We need his support; sogive it time to work, before any of you crazy purple/black piratesstart to really whip “on.line” with that crew from the purple/white.Let’s see, purple/white, doesn’t that fade to pink? Maybe I shouldn’t havesaid that; oh well:) It’s a game I feel we all can dig. Now, don’t worry’bout sellin’ the farm to get out here. We have enough crew ’round theBiker World to have at least one or two of us to whip on these richf..ers from Bikernet. We all can fight, fuck, or just like Johnny said,Have a ball! How many days is it to Hollister? Commander Ball, it’s youand me, sir. Stop light to light? Pick it? Sorry, it ain’t like the old days,I can’t put up the Redhead. If I do, don’t tell:)
With respect to thosethat count. Ride On! Wino Joe
Hey Joe, you’ll have to send me a big check to make me a rich fuck. If I was rich I’d live in Monterey with you instead of the back streets of San Pedro. Aren’t you riding a new bike? Hell, I’m so poor I can’t pay attention. I’d have a fuckin’ banner here that you could click on and go to their site, but can they get their shit together?–No.
DEASEL UNVEILED–Yes folks, here’s the woman rider behind all the new sizzlin’ fiction on Bikernet. She can turn a tale, make me duck in an empty room or have me chasin’ the new redhead around the house with just a paragraph. Check out her hot style in the story section of Bikernet.
LITTLE MARTIN IS– 4 years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, “Why don’t you go across the street and watch the construction workers building that house? Maybe you will learn something.”
Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied: “Well, first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn’t fit, so you have to take the cocksucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the motherfucker back up.”
Shocked, Martin’s mother said, “You just wait till your father gets home!”
When Martin’s father got home the mother asked him to ask Martin what he had learned that day. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said,
“Martin, go outside and get me a switch.”
Martin replied, “Fuck you, that’s the electrician’s job.”
Jesus, 1.3 million hits? This really is the best Web site!–Nick Trumbo,ex-Excelsior-Henderson MMC
HANNON RACING READIES MOM FOR ORLANDO– Bill Hannon, owner and crew chief of Hannon Racing, is pleased to announcethat Dan Baisley of Portland, Ore., will be flying into Ft. Myers, Fla., on March2 to test MOM. He went on to explain: “MOM is the name of our No. 2 motor. This is themotor that we ran at Rockingham last year setting the 1/8 mile to 4.755seconds, the new 1/8 mile mph record was increased to 149.91 mph and adazzling new World ET and personal best at 7.574 seconds for the “We are looking forward to going to the race track on March 3 andtrying some of the things that we have been working on. The racetrack has away of showing you if what you did over the winter was worth your effort. Wehave both motors ready to go and we will be running MOM and setting up WES. WES is our No. 1 motor and we’re looking forward to showing what he can do aswell. We look forward to seeing all of our racing friends in Orlando, and wewish all of you a safe trip down and back.” Hannon Racing is supported on their 2001 national circuit by Axtell Sales,Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers,The Landings Realty, Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and DynaTek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam. Hannon– www.hannonracing.com SAMSON EXHAUST’S NEW LOGO–Samson’s story of how he built the business from the garage up is now on the site, along with his new logo. “Although the monster logo of the past served the company well for a decade, it was time to make a change,” said Kenny Samson during a Mardi Gras party on Bourbon Street on his way to Daytona for Bike Week. THREE OLD SISTERS– 92, 94, and 96 years old, all lived together. One day the oldest drew a bath. She put one foot in the water, paused, then called downstairs to her sisters, “Am I getting in the tub or out of the tub?” The middle sister started up the stairs to help, then paused and called back downstairs, “Was I going up or coming down?” The youngest sister, who was sitting at the kitchen table having tea, said, “I guess I’ll have to help. I hope I never get that forgetful!” and knocked on wood. She got up, then paused, and called, “I’ll come up as soon as I see who’s at the door!” –Nick Trumbo MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE NEWS–It is an ode to you, my dear. Much love. THE MAGIC MAN: Leave it to the massive, strong arms of mighty Banditenfolding this New York City biker babe to send me all a quiver and protectme from those who lack respect. Bandit is a master life instructor who canteach a lesson or two. Boy can he drill a message home! [Sigh] Must bethe magic from years living on the road and breathing in two-wheeledfreedom. Bandit, the magic man… Leave it to the hunka burnin’ flesh and steel with his smooth, deep, voiceto coax me near, ever closer still, and whisper to me, his breath hot, hismustache brushing against my ear, the value of my creativity, mycontributions to the fold, my ambition and bright future. My left eyebrowlifts both inquisitively and dreamily as I exhale, “Yes. Yes!” Oh, there is a default toughness to me alright, living and surviving in NewYork City; but, sometimes toughness eludes me, especially in business and mycareer as I seek to please and always try to do the right thing towardsfolks–sometimes giving a second or even third chance. No more. Now, I havea renewed sense of how to handle those poor bastards who seek to take, whoseek to dish negative karma because they want to benefit without givingback. They will not steal my magic. I leave them to crush their own soulsand…Bandit works his magic… The life lessons so generously given by Bandit were deep, penetratingmassages, I mean, messages, that brought this Godiva to a higherunderstanding and sweet, so sweet realization, “Yes. Yes!” Darling Bandittaught this damsel a thing or two about how to handle those who treaddisrespectfully in one’s space. So carefully you watched and rescuedme..you’ve renewed my power, my prowess, my diva, my magic. Thank you forthe delicious lessons learned and for keeping me close and watching my backin all ways. Bandit, YOU are the magic, man. –Sasha Vancouver BC CANADA HOG Chapter Schedule ofevents for 2001–NOTE:VANCOUVER HOG CHAPTER MEETINGS WILL BE HELD IN JANUARY, FEBRUARY, MARCH,SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER,NOVEMBER, & DECEMBER THE MEETING WILL BE ON THE FIRST TUESDAY EVENING AT7PM UNLESS IT FALLS ON ALONG WEEKEND. THEN THE MEETING WILL BE THE NEXT TUESDAY EVENING THAT ISNOT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THEMONTHS OF APRIL, MAY, JUNE, & JULY THE MEETING WILL BE HELD ON THE FIRSTSATURDAY OF THE MONTH WITHA MYSTERY RIDE AFTER THE MEETING. UNLESS IT FALLS ON A LONG WEEKEND.THEN THE MEETING WILL BE THE NEXTSATURDAY THAT IS NOT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THERE WILL NOT BE A VANCOUVERCHAPTER BUSINESS MEETING INAUGUST OF THIS YEAR.March 6th HOG Meeting 4608 Imperial in Burnaby Call (604) 434-1502March 17th Ladies of Harley hosts a Wacky Casino Night Call (604)434-1502March 29th Dinner at On Loc Restaurant , 2010 East Hastings, Vancouvercall (604) 434-1502March 31st Ride our Metal Demo days at Trev Deeley Motorcycles Call(604) 291 BIKE CHROME SPECIALTIES LAUNCHES COMPLETE NEW CATALOG ON WEB–I’m embarrassed to say that I recently found out that the CCI catalog is not available on the Internet. I’ve been pointing riders and builders to their site for over a year. Fortunately, their sister company has their entire catalog posted in their own site. So in the future when someone is looking for a part I have a catalog right on Bikernet for them to check. We’re currently working with CCI to help them launch their catalog. The Bikernet Digital Gangster volunteered to assist. It’s important that our readers can research parts as quickly as possible, find a dealer and get back on the road before happy hour is over. We’ll let you know when the big book of Custom Chrome is available. I’ve been curious to check out the Alhambra Bar in Pedro. The whiskey is always waiting, and Layla is waiting on a couch across town. Hope Daytona is killer. Let’s ride–Bandit.
AS THE STORM SURF LAPS AT THE BLUFF ACROSS THE STREET–and the basement begins to fill with water, the soaked electrical box begins to sputter and spark. Hang in there with us. We’ll keep this damn thing afloat. We’re only allowed to sing the blues for a couple of hours, then it’s time to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and hit the road.