Readers often ask about fork tube specifications. There are somany we’ve been in search of standard information to help buildersunderstand what the hell they’re working with. This information camefrom Rick Whitehead of Custom Cycle Engineering. As you will seebelow, they make and chrome any size you need.

“For over 30 years we have manufactured extension fork tubes. Westart with DOM 1026 steel tubing thatis ordered specially from a tubing mill,” Rick explained. “Then wecenterless grind the outside diameter to OEM specifications andmachine the rest of the tube to exact ID specs. We buff the materialto a mirror finish and chrome plate the final product to a showchrome finish. This is a product that we are very familiar with, pluswe cover every Harley-Davidson fork tube model all the way back to 1949.” CCE maintains alarge inventory and offer sizes from 4 inches understock FL to 20 inches over stock FL.

“When ordering please specifymodel and year,” Rick pointed out. Hope this helps when trying tofigure out how long the tubes need to be, for your next project.

–Bandit

Back to the Garage…

Yeah, right, there once was a time when changing handlebars meant taking off the throttle, the grip on the left side, and one mirror, replacing the bars and bolting the other shit back on. Ah, but that was 5,000 years ago. Now replacing a set of bars is worse than replacing a piston in the snow with a pair of pliers. So we went to a man who builds limited edition, very specialized handlebars. Initially, I suspected that he knew little about anything, yet something about drinking Jack without training wheels, neat, or straight up, told me he knew whiskey and women.    Sorta like I did when I stood around a campfire all night with a fifth tightly clutched in one hand—it impressed me. The more we spoke to Chris Hill, the designer behind the strangest set of bars in this whirling galaxy, the more he seemed to know, so we picked his whiskey-soaked brain (photo 1).   Photo 1  Ah, but before we launch into the technical jargon, these bars have risers. Billet cut out of ASTM-A36 steel, they weigh in at 10.5 pounds and the tubing aspect of the bars is made from .083 wall material, which is thicker than factory bars. Chris claims it’s the strongest bar on the market, and if you get up close to these slotted puppies, you’ll agree. The centers are knurled, and the handles angled at 20 degrees for comfort. Then the bastards are Tig welded by a certified welder. Three models are currently being made: the Hillbar for extended frames, or stock bikes with short riders. Four slots adorn the rails with a built-in 10-inch stretch. The Outlaw- bar has three windows in the uprights with a 7-inch pullback for more aggressive riders, and The Chopper Bar with the 10-inch rise, is built to be stood up like apehangers instead of pulled back like the other two models. Mr. Hill specifically built these puppies 31 inches wide because most apartment doors are not wider than 32 inches. Makes it easy to pull your putt into the girlfriend’s condo or motel room.   Oh, by the way, that’s Lexi (Photo 2). I’d rather devote the entire next week writing about her, but that’s not what Bandit pays me for, and I couldn’t take her out if I didn’t get paid, so I’ll shut up and write.        Photo2 First, and foremost take the fuckin’ leads off the battery. It can be startling and harmful to create a short in the middle of this process. For Softails, remove the tanks to retrieve the multi-pin receptacle, disconnect and remove the individual pins from the connector, but note the placement. Remove your electrical controls and switches with Allen or Torxs wrenches. Undo the factory clips and remove the wires from the bars. Remove the loom from the wiring harness carefully with a sharp knife or razor blade. Now, measure the wiring. This length varies on some models, for instance: Dyna wide glides have 10-inch factory apes so that wiring harness is longer than most.  To put this aspect of the bike together properly, buy a wiring extension kit from Custom Chrome. Chris recommends soldering the wire and not using crimp lugs. I was in agreement with his thinking also, however a new twist has emerged. I spoke to Giggie from Compu-Fire recently about wiring and he prefers the lugs as long as you use a special crimper that does the job right. He explained that when soldering, the molten metal flows under the insulation and makes the wire rigid. With constant vibration the wire can break.    The key is to ensure the best and longest lasting connections.  Measure your wires, connect them, and check for shorts. De-burr the bars with a file (photo 3), even run something through the bars, like a piece of string to check for sharp edges or abrasions.    Photo 3 Now tape the wires to the end of the string and pull them through. Install controls and check for shorts or bad connections before you light this sucker up (photo 4).  Use an Ohm meter. Install the bars loosely and check for gas tank clearance.    Photo 4  This is very important. There’s nothing like installing a new goodie, only to have it harm an old one.  You’re getting close now. So pre-adjust the bars and install the controls. Make sure nothing binds, the cables are long enough, and check the switches again for proper operations, no shorts. Shrink wrap the wire exiting the center tube on the handlebar for a clean look and protection against abrasion. Make sure you sit on the bike and determine the best position for the bars and all the controls before you put the wrenches to her. Now replace the wire plates on the bars and tighten ’em down with blue Loctite (photo 5). Photo5 Put the gas tank on permanently, hook up the battery, and go for a ride.  Wait, wait, I forgot the cables. Obviously, if you’ve change the position of the bars the cables may need to be replaced. Check it out, before you make that turn and the engine revs!  Ultimately Mr. Hill plans to build several variations of the Hillbars to include two to five slots and perhaps a 16-inch ape-like arrangement, if he gets enough complaints, I mean requests.  If you have any doubts about this operation, get a trained professional to do it for you. Believe me, handlebars with all the fuckin’ wires, cables, hoses, switches and such are as complicated to install as a piston in the snow with just a pair of pliers—oops—I said that already. Now, I gotta go. If I’m ever to have a chance to go out with lovely Lexi, I’ve got to take a shower at least once this week. ‘Course, if Bandit finds out, he’ll cut my pay to make it tougher on me. I’ll find a way. —Wrench

Back to theGarage….
 

Continued from Page 1

A COP PULLS A GUY OVER–for speeding and asked, “May I seeyour driver’s license?”

The driver answered, “I don’t have one. I had itsuspended when I got my 5th DUI.”

The officer asked, “May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?”

Thedriver answered, It’s not my car. I stole it.”

The officer asked, “Thecar is stolen?”

The driver answered, “That’s right. But come to thinkof it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I wasputting my gun in there.”

The officer asked, “There’s a gun in the glove box?”

The driveranswered, “Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed thewoman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.”

The officer asked, “There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?”

The driveranswered, “Yes, sir.”

Hearing this, the officer immediately called hiscaptain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captainapproached the driver to handle the tense situation. The Captain asked, “Sir, can I see your license?” The driver answered,

“Sure. Here it is.” It was valid.

The Captain asked, “Who’s car is this?”

The driver answered, “It’s mine,officer. Here’s the owner’ card.” The driver owned the car.

The Captain asked, “Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see ifthere’s a gun in it?”

The driver answered, “Yes, sir, but there’s nogun in it.” Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

The Captain asked, “Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told yousaid there’s a body in it.”

The driver answered, “No problem.”Trunk is opened; no body.

The Captain said, “I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped yousaid you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gunin the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.”

Thedriver answered, Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I wasspeeding, too!”

–Needlin’ Dan

“To do good things for people is the rent that we pay for living onearth.” – Mohammed Ali

HOTTIE FROM HORSE–Here’s a teaser for an issue to come of the famous outlaw, chopper rag HORSE. Watch for it, and check the current issue.

Damn, they need to change that name. I can’t tell anyone about this rag without explaining the title. The last guy I mentioned it to asked if the rag was about heroin.

GET INVOLVED WITH BIKERS’ RIGHTS– Our culture is under attack by legislators in every state. If we don’t get involved in politics soon, motorcycling will eventually go the way of the horse & buggy. Don’t believe me? How many of you would ride with a big day-glow orange suit on, if it was law? How many would not mind the huge reflectors on your back and chest, or the mufflers on your bike that are the size of stack on a Mack truck? What about the seat belts they keep trying to introduce, or helmet laws?

You see, there are many ways to skin a cat, and devious lawmakers will stoop to any depth to achieve their goals. Most of our elected lawmakers don?t even drive themselves around anymore, let alone ride motorcycles. The thought of a noisy motorcycle passing their limousine in traffic makes them cringe.

Protect your rights. Vote! in local, state, and national elections. Vote for reformers, people that vow to protect and preserve the Constitution, as it was written.

Make use of lobbyists to take our issues to the politicians. A lobbyist can get an aud ience with a legislator and push our issues. When a politician backs our issues, we back him with votes. Politicians only cater to big blocks of voters, If you represent a minority of voters, forget it, your cause isn?t getting the attention it deserves.

The ball’s in your court. You can get busy, or lie down and die as a culture. The choice is yours.

–Rusty AFFA

JOHN SIEBENTHALER IS A GOD– Yes, if it weren’t for the mastermind, we would be nothing. This is a perfect example. We sent him a scan of the above print and below is the masterpiece poster he created for the bus stop in Laughlin. We’re trying to keep him happy so he’ll keep us on the map with his boundless talent. If you’d like to have this caliber of artistic ability shoving your company to the forefront of the industry, give him a call: (727) 397-5087

19TH ANNUAL DICE THROW RUN, MAY, 5, 2001– Tacoma Chapter ABATE’s 19th Annual Dice Throw Run was an enjoyable 130 mile ride around the scenic South Sound area. Ninety seven riders rolled the dice at six check points to determine who would win the 5 handmade wood dice trophies.

It was a beautiful warm day with spring “bustin’ out all over”, views of mountains and water at every turn, and the comradrie of almost a hundred scooter enthusiasts celebrating life and brotherhood. Over $800 was raised for the Child Guidance Association summer camp for behaviorally challenged children.

Having fun and benefiting the community – does it get any better than this?

–Mailman
WA ABATE member 1674
Dice Throw Run Coordinator
Tacoma, WA

BEACH RIDE LOOMING AHEAD JULY 15–Larry Hagman’s the Grand Marshall and there will be a number of celebrities attending including John Belushi (we hope). Edgar Winter will even assist with the auction of two celebrity signed guitars before he rocks the park.

The Kick-off party is scheduled to coincide with Bartels’ Custom Bike Show at the Dealership in Marina Del Rey, California, June 24th. Check in is 9:00 a.m.

I’m running the bike show the day of the Beach Ride, so bring ’em on. Get ’em out, polish ’em up and show ’em off. If you’re in the industry and inclined to sponsor the Trophies for the bike show, get ready to write a check and e-mail me at Bandit@Bikernet.com.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Oh well, life ain’t too bad. We have another Miss Universe, TitoTrinidad our world class boxer beat the crap out of Joppy, and Summer isalmost here. Sturgis is a couple months away and many more states arefighting their right to ride helmet free.

The choppers are taking shapelittle by little, and the struts are on the softail as of now. Hell if itkeeps going like this we might get an Easyriders shoot, or get invited tojoin the Hamsters…. Check out the West Coast Chopper bike before takingit apart for paint. That bike will soon be done and hopefully featured herein Bikernet.com

I don’t know about you guys (and gals) but building a bike is almost morefun than actually riding, when everything clicks together, even when afender fits without tons of labor, that’s pretty cool, like we installedthis rigid flat fender on a sporty rigid frame with a sissybar and wham !It fit first try and looked good enough to tack weld the bungs, thatspretty good. Anyway since there are not that many news this week, Besidesthat our local Harley Davidson dealer, Motorsport, moved into a bigger andbetter space.

Oh well time to get back to the shop and do some more grinding andwelding, sell some parts and hear the same, never-ending stories. Maybetomorrow we won’t get those tropical afternoon showers and might hit thecobblestones once more……After all the years still love that rumblingsound echoing on the 500 year old buildings in the Old San Juan City.

-Jose

To: “Keith R. Ball”
Subject: RE: Help!!
Date: Sun, 13 May 2001 22:01:52 -0700
X-Priority: 3 (Normal)
Importance: Normal

Thank you, I have been searching the web a lot, no luck. – Joe

LOOKIN’ FOR LEE MARVIN SHOT–That’s it. I’m looking for a black and white publicity shot of Lee Marvin in “The Wild One.” Any help would be most appreciated.

–“HRF”

IDIOT AWARD FOR THE WEEK– Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfielddecided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful ingetting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on theriver, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them.Itturned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locatorbeaconwhich activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longeremployed at Boeing.

Here’s your sign guys. Don’t get it wet, the paint might run.

Shot of Bandit and John Buttera receiving his office chopper desk. Bandit lost it when John told him that he was paying for it with old nuts and washers.

MICHAEL LICHTER’S PHOTOGRAPH EXIBITION AT THE JOURNEY MUSEUM IN RAPID CITY– April 4, 2001.If more information is needed for your organization or publication, please contact Michael Lichter (Tel: 303 449-3906, email mike@lichterphoto.com) or Sharon Martin at the Journey Museum (Tel: 605 394-6923, email: smartin@journeymuseum.org)

“Biker Generation” at The Journey Museum will containPhotographs by Michael Lichter with custom bikes by Mitch Bergeron, Jesse James, Fred Kodlin, Billy Lane, Bob McKay, Jim Nasi, Arlen Ness, Cory Ness, Ron Simms, Donnie Smith, Russ Tom, Eddie Trotta and Paul Yaffe.

The Journey Museum in Rapid City, South Dakota will be hosting a photography exhibition by Michael Lichter titled “Biker Generation” The images, which include many of Michael’s best known works from twenty years of photographing the biker lifestyle, will be on display from August 4 through September 3, 2001. Thirteen of the finest custom motorcycles by some of the most famous bike builders in the world will be on display with the photographs in the gallery as well as in the museum atrium from August 4 through August 11, 2001.

An opening reception that Michael Lichter and most of the participating builders will be present at is scheduled for Tuesday, August 7th from 4 – 8pm.

Also featured will be one of Bandit’s Office Choppers, a scooter desk for the rider who can’t leave the highway behind. The above shot depicts Bandit’s most recent creation with the new owner John Buttera. Don’t miss the exhibit.

TIME’S A WASTIN’–There are times in your life when necessity calls for impenetrable inner strength. Popeye called on spinach for the drive to cast him from the hands of evil. As it turns out, Layla’s great grandfather was a fisherman off the coast of Santa Monica. He was a charismatic pipe smoker and noted fisherman who helped save the harbor from over net-fishing. He was also a good friend of the artist who created the legendary Popeye cartoon. The artist created the character after Layla’s grandfather.

Yeah, so what. Well, we were incarcerated on this ship when my cell phone jiggled in my pocket. Even surrounded by slabs of steel hull, the message got through. A woman needed me, and needed me bad. Disguised as travel agents on a tour of the ship, we escaped to keep the party alive. Thank the gods of chrome, the sun is still out and we’re free once more–let’s ride.–Bandit

Just after 4 a.m., 30 guys broke into the headquarters wielding batons, shackles and chains. We put up a helluva fight, but they drug us out of bed, shackled us together and threw us in the back of a stake-bed truck, then tossed a moldy sea-smelling canvas over us. We woke up in the engine room of Carnival Cruise’s new luxury ship, Spirit. It seems they were low on help and the San Pedro police wanted to rid the community of three bikers. The fuckin’ ship has 10 stories of lavish banquet rooms, bars, nightclubs, casinos and staterooms. The mere sight of all the gold, bronze and chrome plate over withering snakes carpeting was enough to make us sea sick as we were whipped and tied to railings to polish the brass.

It was a night from seedy Las Vegas casino hell. We better get to the news.

CHECK JIMS’ CONTESTS Check the new products from JIMS and while you’re at it, they’re giving shit away. Not just T-shirts, but complete twin cam stroker kits.

JIMS makes some of the finest performance components in the industry. Hell, they’re making the Screamin’ Eagle performance kits for Twin Cams for Harley-Davidson. Check it out.

REPORT FROM CRUISING RIDER READER– I hope this reaches the editor at Cruising Rider: I just received the new copy of Cruising Rider and what did I find? An article by K. Randall Ball.

As a long time biker and reader of Easyriders, I can tell you that since Bandit left, in my opinion, things have gone down hill. Anyone who is familiar with Bandit knows that he represents the true biker lifestyle. Sure, that lifestyle may not exist for most of us or may not even exit at all.

Brotherhood, bikers watching out for each other, being in the wind and riding, not because of what someone else thinks, but because that is where you belong.

If you are not familiar with K. Randall Ball, listen to the man. Then you too will know what being a biker is all about.

–Charles

If you listen to me, you’ll be divorced, out of a job and on the run. Maybe that’s not all bad–Bandit

DEAR ABBY– My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issues.

He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all, then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don’t know what to do.

Signed: ????Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Why don’t you move to New York and run for the Senate?

Sexual questions, problems with the Ol’ lady or man? We have our own Abby, ‘cept she goes by the name Lawless and she’s featured in the Cantina–Check her out.

BIKERNET ONLINE BIKE SHOPS– We have two on-line bike shops on Bikernet. One is in the garage and this one is the new kid on the block with the entire Custom Chrome and Chrome Specialties Catalogs on line.

Both shops allow you to order the parts you need without taking time off work, waiting for the weekend, or driving across town. Both shops are reputable, but we want you to report in when you start to order on line.

BUSINESS CARDS?– ?That implies we are actually doing business. ?That puts usin league with Lee Ioccoca, etc. ?Well, I’ve been addressed in manyways…..Hey, Asshole (a not uncommon phrase tossed at me), His Holinesswould be apt but not generally believable, Beallzebub the Omnipotent has anice ring but I don’t have the uniform, as I said yesterday, my army(desperate fun, hedonistic diversions, mind-numbing drugs, soul-numbingalcohol, and the delightful digressions of Cholon’s [Saigon’s Chinesesection] seedier “Steam n’ Cream” parlors)experience and frequent referenceto Heller’s Catch 22…gives rise to the dichotomic title of Moral Officer(we should always celebrate the soul cleansing rites of immorality and’situational ethics’). ?Yup, I think I can live with that ?Dr. Ladd “NuttBoy”Terry, Moral Officer. ?Can they get all that on a card? ?????????????????

–Dr. Nuttboy

Get us off this ship, and you can be the President. Oops I gotta get back to the swabbin’ and shit.

FIRST-EVER SHRINERS HOSPITAL FOR CHILDREN MOTORCYCLE RUN–Los Angeles to Santa Barbara to Los Angeles,Sunday May 20th, 2001.Proceeds benefit the Shriners Hospital for Children–8:15 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. – Registration at Southern California Lodge No. 529,F.&A.M., 7726 Manchester Ave., Playa Del Rey, CA 90293 (near the corner ofSaran and Manchester)

9:00 a.m. Leave

12:00 p.m.: B.B.Q. lunch in Santa Barbara

12:30 p.m.: Blues entertainment

3:30 p.m.: Return to Los Angeles

Donation is $35.00 each, which includes lunch, commemorative T-shirt, adonation in the rider’s name to Shriners Hospital for Children. Passengersride for a $20.00 donation (includes lunch, entertainment and donation).Non-rider donations accepted.For more info contact: (310) 710-4767.

–Tim Conners

MOVING GIF–New technology is constantly coming to bikernet. Well here it is, my first moving gif. I could improve the exposure and the rotation by making adjustments prior to editing the scan, but I’m pretty happy with it considering I slapped it – together.

hmmm it’s Thursday already …Helen Wolfe

FIGHTING BACK–This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the “don’t buy gas on acertain day” campaign that was going around last April or May!The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew wewouldn’t continue to “hurt” ourselves by refusing to buy gas. Itwas more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem forthem. ??BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with aplan that can really work. ??Please read it and join with us!

By now you’re probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50is super cheap. Me too! ??It is currently $1.97 for regular unleadedin my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nationshave conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas isCHEAP at $1.50- $1.75, we need to take aggressive actionto teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace….not sellers.

Since we all rely on our cars, we can’t just stop buying gas. ??But weCAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force aprice war.

For the rest of this year, DON’T purchase ANY gasoline from the twobiggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. ??If theyare not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices.If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to followsuit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon andMobil gas buyers. It’s really simple to do!! ?Now, don’t whimp outon me at this point…keep reading and I’ll explain how simple it isto reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to about thirty people. ??If each of you send itto at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) … and those 300 send it to at leasttenmore (300 x 10 = 3,000) … and so on, by the time the message reachesthe sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLIONconsumers!

–“LandSpeed” Louise Ann Noeth

NEW BIKERNET STICKER–We’re always up to no good. Here’s Jon Towle’s latest bizarre notion of what Bikernet is all about. Actually, it’s not new. It was originally drawn for the book “Outlaw Justice,” but Jon is making modifications. Let us know what you think.

CANADIAN BIKER ON-LINE NEWSLETTER– Canadian Biker On-line NewsletterFrom the desktop of Len Creed

Well, it’s been a month since the last newsletter-that’s not because therehasn’t been any news, it’s just that I’ve been very busy lately with anumber of time-consuming special projects, including the organization of myCross-Canada Ride, our first-ever Friday The 13th Ride, and planning ourcorporate sponsorship of Canadian events such as Sportbike West, staged inKelowna at the end of August. There’s been a lot going on here at CanadianBiker, besides keeping our magazine a number one priority.Perhaps one of our most challenging and technically-complex projects hasbeen to successfully bring our internet site “in-house” by becoming our ownserver. It’s been a learning curve, but over the next month you’ll see justhow big we are getting into the wired world!For now, check our a few of the features below.

Winter Heat– Coleslaw wrestling, superbike racing, tattoos, custom bikes, new bikes,vintage bikes, and 600,000 wild guys and girls partying on Main Street.If it’s March we must be in Daytona. Canadian Biker contributor TomGrenon packed his cameras recently and traveled to Floridahttp://canadianbiker.com/features/places/winterheat171.html

Little Guy, with Big Shoulders– Story by John Campbell.Amid the rush to produce bikes with garbage can-size jugs, middleweightcruisers like Yamaha’s V-Star 650 are nearly in danger of beingforgotten. http://canadianbiker.com/features/reviews/shoulders171.html

New Features in the latest issue of Canadian Biker Magazine andCanada’s Largest Motorcycle Online Site http://www.canadianbiker.com

HEADACHE REMEDY–A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.”

“Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it’s up to you.”

BIKERNET SPONSORS CALENDAR BIKE SHOW AT QUEEN MARY– Actually we’re hosting the Party Saturday Night on the Queen Mary in the Observation Lounge. Goddamnit it’s free to get in, be there.And don’t forget our expanded 2001 2-Day Hot Bike magazine presentsThe White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Showsponsored by Performance Machine, The Recycler and Budweiser is comingup in 2 months on Saturday July 21st & Sunday July 22nd. It’s thebiggest Custom and High Performance Streetbike Show in America! Forcomplete spectator information and Exhibitor Registration visit ourwebsite at http://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow.htm

–Jim Gianatsis
Gianatsis Design / FastDates.com
Phone 818.223.8550

On to Page 2

BLUE FLAME FOR SALE–I hate to sell any motorcycle, but I’ve been informed that the time to sell is while it’s fresh. If it’s not gone before Laughlin, it will haul my ass through the desert to the island of neon along the Colorado River. The price is $34,500, cheaper than a lot of clones, and packed with class and reliability. Write my sad-to-see-it-go self at Bandit@bikernet.com.

CHOPPER ORWELL FOR REAL, TAKE TWO–

United States Patent 5,878,155
Heeter March 2, 1999

Method for verifying human identity during electronic sale transactions:A method is presented for facilitating sales transactions by electronicmedia. A bar code or a design is tattooed on an individual. Before the salestransaction can be consummated, the tattoo is scanned with a scanner.Characteristics about the scanned tattoo are compared to characteristicsabout other tattoos stored on a computer database in order to verify theidentity of the buyer. Once verified, the seller may be authorized to debitthe buyer’s electronic bank account in order to consummate the transaction.The seller’s electronic bank account may be similarly updated.

Inventors: Heeter; Thomas W. (55 Lyerly, Houston, Texas 77022)
Appl. No.: 709471
Filed: Sept. 5, 1996

–Ryder Sgt. Rodney

OLDIE BUT GOODIE!–A few minutes before the Sunday services started, the townspeople were sitting intheir pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

“Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan.

“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man in an even tone.

“Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONYfor all eternity?” persisted Satan.

“Yep,” was the calm reply.

“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.

“Nope.”

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid ofme?”

The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”

–Harleywrench

CHROME SPECIALTIES CATALOG ON LINE–I know that when you need to check on parts, you either need the catalog in your mits or you need to be able to reach the catalog online. For years I’ve been promoting the CCI catalog only to discover that they don’t have it online. There is a company, a Bikernet sponsor, that has its entire catalog online, and that’s Chrome Specialties.We’ve even volunteered to assist CCI in launching their catalog. As soon as they have that monster online, we’ll be the first to let you know.

AN OLD MAN– An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked upto the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors -green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. The young man said, “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”

The old man replied, “Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot.I was just wondering if you were my son.”

ZEBRA NEWS FLASH– Special Agent Zebra heads to Ecuador, project unknown.

With little warning, at 0100 hours Pacific time, Special Agent Zebra announced plans to travel to Bogota, Colombia, continuing on to the FARC guerilla-controlled jungles of Ecuador, north of the city of Quito. It is widely known that these jungles are under close scrutiny by the United States government due to the high rate of kidnapping/ransom abductions by FARC guerillas, as seen in the recently released Russell Crowe movie,”Proof of Life”.

Bikernet.com was put on a strict “need to know” basis, but inside sources have revealed that the Zebra was in close contact with several “members of state” reputed to be on the Ecuador/Colombian border and working on the recent FARC kidnapping of eight oil workers, one of whom was later murdered. Bikernet.com has also discovered that the Zebra has recently been in close communique with retired SpecWarfare experts in the Southern California region.

It is not known what role Special Agent Zebra will play in this situation or why he is said to have secured “temporary weapons permits” from the Ecuadoran military leaders. He is known to be traveling with one Ian Truitner, retired U.S. Army.

— Big Lucy, reporting from Los Angeles

CHROME SERVICES DELIVERS–A subsideriary of Hill Products and Web Harley performs chrome brokering for the motorcycle industry, including Harley-Davidson. However, Chris Hill, president, stated recently, “Chroming for the individual is a mainstay of Chrome Services. We understand the business, the chroming process and have relationships will all the finest chrome facilities in the Southland. We can and will get the job done, monitor the quality and deliver the completed job to the customer, so they don’t have to fuck with it.”

Chroming is a hassle to builders all over the world. It’s good to know that there is someone out there who will take the same pride in your chrome as do.

LITTLE JOHNNY–Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. A priest walked up and asked him whathe was doing.

Little Johnny replied, “I’m looking at the most powerful liquid in the world.”

The priest said, “But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant woman’s belly, she will pass a boy.”

Little Johnny said, “Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put this on a cat’s ass, he’ll passa Harley-Davidson!”

QUANTUM REPORT–Got back from Daytona and there was a letter from the bankruptcy courtinforming me that American Quantum Cycles Inc. has changed its address fromWashburn Road to American Quantum Cycles Inc., C/O Richard Block, 91 E.Dartmouth Ave., Englewood, Colo. 80110.

I do not know what this means or what effect if any it has to the priormonies owed to past employees. Keep it for now and will try to find out more.–Rogue

A HEARTY THANKS–To the owner, Kevin Ruic, of the Motorcycle Demolition Derby for posting our name, Bikernet.com, on all of his billboards in Daytona last week.

Kevin almost lost his business to Easyriders, but managed to hold on to it and is kicking off a new series of demolition derbies around the country. Watch for them.

Continued on Page 2

Continued From to Page 1

AN UPSCALE BROTHER– enters his favorite ritzy restaurant….. While sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby….all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of merlot to be sent over to her– knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”

The man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read:

“Just so you know- I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over $20 million in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut 3 inches off my dick! Just send the bottle back.”

–Terry

BIG DOG OPEN HOUSE TOMORROW–Don’t miss the chance to view their new headquarters, see the bikini contest, look over the new models, see the bikini contest, enter your bike in their bikes show, or catch the bikini contest.

Big Dog recently completed a new 100,000 square foot facility, and they plan to add more warehousing in the near future. Mr. Knife, the President said recently, “We developed this new facility so that we could continue the growth we’ve experienced in the last several years. The new facility will allow Big Dog Motorcycles to meet the greater…” We cut him off there and bought him a beer. Just more company hype. Most guys know that Big Dogs are the Big Dog of the industry, and this weekend in Wichita, Kansas at 1520 E. Douglas is the place to be or call (316) 267-9121 for the real scoop, incase they didn’t change the address on their stationary. Be there, Be there, don’t miss the bikini contest, and tell ’em you saw it on Bikernet.

SENOR CINCO PELOTAS–Senor Cinco Pelotas, Where the hell were ya? I expected a full-blown booth with Bikernet goods, nekedwimmins and a line of eager buyers for yourautographed books. I don’t think you even goto all these rallies you talk about. Lets see…have we ever seen a picture of you at a rally withsomething besides the generic bar scene in thebackground? I don’t think so. Never a famousrally landmark to be seen! You just sit at homein a closet hammering away on the keyboard andcounting your millions, don?t ya? Haaaaaaaaaa!

Where was this new place where the River Runwas held and what did they do with Laughlin? Where were the storm troopers on the bridgehanding out helmet tickets? Where was theGestapo check point from hell on Route 66 toOatman? Who moved out all the residents andemployees and replaced them with people thathave a sense of humor? All of the things Ienjoyed the last time I was there and decided notto go back again. I had some friends going tothe rally this year for the first time and the onlyreason I went was to see them. What a shock tosee. The River Run is worth going to again! DickDale and the beast kicked some serious ass!Maybe I’ll catch you at Sturgis! Ya right!

FTW,Stroker

You’re right, I’ll be in the Bahamas catchin’ some rays. –Bandit

BUELL REPORT–Are you pulling the swingarm or is a qualified Buell?wrench doing it? If you are?gonna do it I can send/fax you some info with destructions. You would need a cherry picker or something to hold up the frame. A shipping strap around?a low ceiling joist will work also. A frabricated “A” frame bolted to your lift is another good option.

I’m sure you can do it no problem, you just need certain tools and stuff. Also, polishing the Buell cast wheels really looks good. Makes a big improvement.

I want?to build a Shovester. My plan was to use?two front Shovel heads and run a carb for each head. Like?S&S did on their Bonneville bike. Trock had a complete Shovester with his cylinders and paper for $1,500 a few years ago. Another cool project I passed up.

–Charlotte H-D

BUELL REPORT PART II–You might be able to do the Shovester Buell.

?I have found that there is always one part of a project that is the key to the whole damn thing. In this case, it is the front cyl. head. You could weld up the front motor mount bosses needed to hang the motor in the frame. It would be better to have?a head cast or machined with the bosses already there for strength, though.

The RR1000 Buell used a XR1000 motor. It had the dual carbs, one for each cyl.?The frame was mounted to the rocker boxes. They were the XR750 type rocker box with the eccentric adjustable rocker shafts.

Awhile back, I contacted Rogue. He was selling?4-valve heads and parts for them. I have wanted to put these?on my S2 Buell since I bought it in ’94. By the way, it’s $200 off the line. There are some out there for Sportsters. Mel from Rivera had a Sportster with Mr. Feuling’s heads awhile back.

My thinking was that a big bore short stroke Sportster motor would really like these heads. What stopped me from continuing on this was the strain on the valve train. What would happen to the rocker arms at 7,500 to 8,500 and more rpm’s? Unfortunately, and maybe it’s for the best, I?don’t have the cash to experiment with a project like this.

I think that a 103 Stroker Twin Cam rigid would be cool. Maybe with a Buell front end and fender. I’ve seen one guy use a Buell style fuel tank like yours on a rigid chopper. I think he was from Sweden. Saw him?at Cinc’y.

Anyway I’ll fax you the Buell swingarm recall bulletin next week. This shows?you how to replace one with all the destructions.

BUELL REPORT PART III–

If you are interested in a definite improvement in your 2000 M2 shifting and brake linkage, I recommend the installation of the bronze bushings available from American Sport Bike in Apple Valley, Calif. Web address: “www.americansportbike.com”.The bushings replace the stock plastic and get rid of the stock rattle and the excess play. The set installs in a few minutes and costs $30. While the 2001 gear shift may be prettier, the M-2 2001 shifter has a shorter throw, making it harder to shift. With the bronze bushing kit installed, the longer, pre-2001 shifter results in positive shifting with minimal foot effort. Finding neutral is also a snap as a result.

–Anson

BUELL REPORT PART IV–

If you have the newer style swingarm, it’s hollow, don’t drill it. About the best thing you can do, I think, is polish it.?Polishing seems to be what the?”Jap” bike guys do. I don’t like to chrome aluminum. It’s done all the time, but it’s just a personal thing I guess.

I didn’t follow you on the “Levers” and whatever to remove. Removing the passenger footpeg mounts from the frame is pretty common. One can go on and on I guess. It just depends on the look you’re going for. I gotta see this “Chopper” Buell from Bandit. This just might start a new trend. Would this Buell then qualify to be in the Horse magazine?

This coming weekend, we are having a open house. They are also doing some Buell stuff. We have a Hooters next door and they usually bring the sweeties over to help out some.?That customer of ours that had the Silver “Millennium” Buell that I sent?you in February just got one of the older Buells. It’s an RR1200. Not many of these?were made in 1988, about 60 or 65. This is a pretty cool bike and in reasonable shape. Should have some good pictures of all this for you.

BUELL REPORT PART V–

From the picture you posted showing the muffler, the recall is NOT done.

?The recall?consists of a big strap around the muffler. Its location will be?just behind the first riveted band on the muffler?on the inlet end of the muffler. The big strap goes around the muffler itself. It’s the same type of strap used to clamp the muffler to the header pipe.

The strap is then?anchored to the primary by a short cable with an eyelet that goes from the strap to the 5/16 socket head cap screw (front one); there are two. These are located?on the bottom of the primary cover?by the primary chain adjuster nut. I think, like me, you won’t like this. A Buell chin fairing from the X-1 hides it pretty good, by the way.

Buell did this because the weld where the inlet pipe attaches to the muffler was failing. This could cause the muffler to drop down and hit the street while riding–a big “Oh shit” here.

As I was looking at the picture of the cam cover, I noticed some things. Now that the oil pump and lines are out in the open, this is an area that could be dressed up some to stay with the bike theme you are going with. Braided oil lines, etc. Maybe a polished oil pump. What do you think? The chrome rocker boxes look pretty good also.

BUELL REPORT PART VI–

Checking the oil is a simple thing on?Harleys most of time. It is on the Buell once you get it the hang of it.

Always try to check it?with the bike warmed up and standing upright. Push the rubber plug all the way in. I keep the oil in the middle between the?add and full mark on the dip stick.

It is easy to overfill this oil tank if you don’t check it like I said. Then you get oil coming out the?air cleaner?all over your right leg. See, the oil drains back from the tank when the bike sits for a time. So?when you check it cold, it looks low in the tank and on the dip stick.?After you start the bike, the oil level comes up and when it’s at operating temp, that’s when you really should check it.

Also, it’s a good idea to use the longer Dyna-style oil filter. It has more capacity than the short stock oil filter. This adds some to the 2 1/2 in the oil tank. I use a black one, not chrome, better for cooling.

One other thing is to make sure your primary oil is not over filled. They changed the location of the breather hose for the tranny. I keep it on the newer models just?below the clutch basket, just a bit.?If the level is?above then it seems to want to blow out the tranny breather hose.

Don’t know how hot it will be out there. In Phoenix I used a oil cooler. If you have low miles try to stay out of the street traffic. You don’t want to stick a piston out there.

That recall for the muffler only takes maybe a half hour, if they have it in stock.

–Charlotte H-D

BUELL REPORT PART VII–

Just looked at the “Badlands” Buell. The pictures really looked good!! That along with the “Ink” made it killer. It left me a Buell rider wanting to see more of the bike.

The cam cover came out good and leaving the rear dowel pin?boss was a wise?move. Also the air cleaner cover looks good. How do you like the Buell pipe???? It works really good huh? I like a SuperTrapp muffler myself. More tuning options for me.

For Sturgis you might want to try a 55 tooth rear pulley. It’s a Buell International P/N. You probably have the motor now for it. It drops the RPM’s about 500 or so. Good for mileage and “High Speed Gear Jammin” down the road. You leave those Big Inch. Big Twin slugs in the dust!!!!

Also the Baker Buell Six Speed?install would be a great addtion to the bike and your articles. Just did a six speed tranny for a Nascar guy.

–Charlotte H-D

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– I have not been able to report shit in the past few weeks, sorry. Withthe shop, getting all the bikes together and another bombing of the islandof Vieques it has been a pretty busy month. But on the bright side, we’vegot a bunch of news this time ! We also got the news that Titan wentchapter 7, and quickly called our local dealer to offer him some Bourget’s.

So it goes like this, we have a ’95 Softail custom who is getting a facelift, or ass tuck, 180 rear tire with Heartland struts, seat and fender,new paint job and new wire wheels, I’ll make sure to send some photos of thebuild.

The CFL Dragon frame from Jesse James it’s almost done, mock up isfinished and it’s on the process of dissasembly to paint. As soon as it’sdone it will rest in our showroom to wait for a victim..ahem, client.Now we got 3 Sporty chopper projects on the way, funny that they are ’71,’72and ’73. All Old School chops, somewhat rusty but in good condition. Oh well,found a bit of time to tell the news, so here we go.

Finally San Juan has their own Biker bar, our friends just opened BlueJeans, in Ponce de Leon #303, They feature bar food, cold drinks, pooltables and dart boards, plus live bands, Wed is the official day, but it’sopen every day, ask for Don or Ana if you happen to visit.

April Fools day was the day for the Desertores (deserters) a group thatlost on the past HOG election and decided to ride by themselves, 178motorcycles showed up for their first official ride thru the mountains onthe south side, ending with lunch and drinks on our local Heineken andCorona distributors.

LAMA (latin american motorcycle association) Had their annual ride inPuerto Rico this past 10 days, they rode around the island and even took aferry to Dominican Republic for a two day putt. Over one hundred LAMAshowed up for this yearly ride, making sure to visit all cardinal points,and some pretty cool parties in the mountains and in San Juan, next yearsevent will take place in Mexico.

HOG San Juan had their Annual Mothers Day ride April 21-22, it was anovernight ride into the fishing town of Boqueron in the West Coast, theyintended to ride all the way up to the highest peak in PR, but a rainy weekend damped the ride. Even though, around 198 riders showed up.

Harley Davidson San Juan had their annual motorcycle introduction and show,for a week they placed new TC 88’s next to some old restored Pans, Shovelsand even servicars, the show ended Sunday with an open BBQ by Longhorn.Over 200 bikes showed up (including our chopper crew) for an afternoon ofribs, baked potatoes and bike oggling. Even some TV stations were therefilming the zoo.

Plans are already developing for a H-D of San Juan and Caribbean CustomCycles bike show, we are trying to gather the best bikes on the island atthe same place, same time, and of course we intend to invite US magazinesto cover the event. What is pretty amazing is that a franchised dealer canget together with an independent custom shop and do something for thebikers in general.

Well thats sort of it for now , with the Miss Universe pageant, the Navybombing the shit out of Vieques, on and off May rains and Mr. Bush’s let’s-all-get-poor agenda things are pretty weird on the island right now, butSturgis is down the road. Just a couple months away, no helmets in theBlack Hills. Shit, can’t wait till August……….

— Jose…….Caribbean Bikernet Report

REBUILDING EFFORT CONTINUES ON VR 1000 FOLLOWING SEARS POINT–Progress Made, but Work Remains; Smith 8th in Overall Points Heading to Road Atlanta.The 2001 rebuilding effort for the Harley-Davidson VR 1000 Superbike race team continued at Sears Point Raceway over the weekend, with Pascal Picotte and Mike Smith finishing 11th and 15th respectively. After testing new parts, Harley-Davidson’s Director of Racing John Baker said gains were made with the VR 1000, but that greater improvement must happen before the team reaches its competitive goals.

“We tried some new things this weekend and we’ll have more to test in the future, a pay off of our new development program and the continued hard work of our race team,” said Director of Racing John Baker.

Picotte continued to recover from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident in April. On Sunday, Picotte finished 11th, unable to sustain the speed he had shown in practice and qualifying.

“I wasn’t able to train much the past few weeks and I started cramping right away during the race and lost focus. So, I slowed the pace and tried to defend my position,” Picotte said.

Smith struggled to find a good suspension set up all weekend. “It was a long race. We kept missing on our set up all weekend,” said Smith, who finished 15th. “Basically it ended up like a test session to try some things and learn a bit more about the bike.”

Despite his set up problems, Smith’s hard work at Sears Point paid off as he is ranked 8th overall in the AMA Superbike points standings.

“We were proud of the efforts of our racers and team, and also proud of our privateer team, Austin-Bleu Bayou H-D, and their rider Jordan Szoke, who ran well all weekend and finished 13th,” added Baker.

Yamaha’s Anthony Gobert won the Superbike final over the weekend, with Honda’s Nicky Hayden finishing second and Suzuki’s Aaron Yates third.

The Harley-Davidson VR 1000 team will compete again May 18-20, when the AMA Superbike tour heads to Road Atlanta in Braselton, GA for a double-header weekend.

THE THREE SAMURAI– Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised fora new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: Bandit, Bad Brad and Dick Bondano. “Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor. Bandit stepped forward, opened a tiny box andreleased a fly. He drew his Samurai sword and “swish!” the fly fell to the floor,neatly divided in two!

“What a feat!” said the Emperor. Bad Brad, show me what you can do.”

Bad Brad smiled confidently, stepped forward and openeda tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his Samurai sword and “swish!” “swish!” The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!

“That is skill!” nodded the Emperor. “How are you going to top that, Number Three Samurai?”

Dick Bondano stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing onefly, drew his Samurai sword and “swoooooosh!” flourished his sword somightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was stillbuzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead, shit,” replied Dick Bondano. “Dead is easy. Circumcision… now THAT takes skill.”

–Sifu

MRF ATTENDS INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE–The Motorcycle Riders Foundation was well represented at the ThirdInternational Rider?s Public Policy Conference April 27-29 in PickeringtonOhio with eight members of the Board of Directors attending. They werejoined by motorcyclists from 21 states and seventeen other nations. Theconference was sponsored by the Federation Internationale de Motocyclisme(FIM) and was hosted in the United States this year by the AmericanMotorcyclist Association. The AMA is the United States affiliateorganization of the FIM.

This conference is designed to bring riders from around the world togetherto share ideas, build coalitions, and prepare them to have an influence onthe myriad of regulations and legislation being developed to implementglobalization of the motorcycle industry.

Robert Tomlins, Acting Secretary General of the Federation of EuropeanMotorcyclists Associations (FEMA) reported on the globalization of vehiclestandards from the rider’s perspective. Tomlins stated that, “We mustwatch out for our interests if we want the resulting motorcycles to besomething we will buy and ride.”

Tim Hoelter, vice president of government affairsfor the Harley Davidson Motor Company, stressed the need for Americanriders to be involved in the process, since it is a much more open systemthan the European procedure.

MRF: My Ride is Freedom.For further information contact Tom Wyld at202-546-0983 or by e-mail at wyld@mrf.org

CHINA BLAMES U.S. FOR YET ANOTHER MID-AIR COLLISION–China Blames U. S. for Yet Another Mid-Air Collision

BEIJING (Reuters) – Chinese officials have stated that they are holding the United States, “fully responsible” for today’s mid-air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American craft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U. S. spy plane.

Officials have stated that at approximately 8:25 a. m., GMT, a squadron of Chinese F-8 fighters collided with an American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese planes downed and the blimp’s electronic billboard damaged. Sources say the billboard’s scrolling marquee had been advertising the soft drink 7-UP, but after the collision, only the words “Up yours” could be seen.

A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision between his squadron, nicknamed, “Panda Rash” told China’s Xinhua news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and crash into wingman Sum Yung Gui’s F-8 jet.

“I told Yung Gui his tail was all broken. ‘Keep it straight. Keep it straight'”, said the pilot. “He just couldn’t shake the American foreign-devil!” The blimp then reportedly veered hard left and then right, taking out the rest of the squadron.

China blames this new accident on the Goodyear blimp, saying it rammed the supersonic fighters, and has demanded an apology.

Officials from the Goodyear Company have said it is unlikely that the slow propeller-driven blimp could turn inside and ram a dozen nimble fighters, unless the Chinese were testing chimp pilots.

LET’S HIT THE ROAD–Time is of the essence. The Beach Ride meeting is coming up next week and I’m having a meeting with the famous photog and promoter of the White Brothers Calendar show this morning. We’ll see what Jim has to say. Bikernet will be sponsoring the Saturday night party on the Queen Mary in the Observation Lounge.

Take a look at the first Buell tech. We should have another one next week, with Joker Machine accessories. There are two new 1928 Shovelhead articles up about a woman who is looking to lure me to Texas. Damn.

I still haven’t filled you in on the emotional blow-up here at the headquarters. I thought Layla was history when she stumbled onto Sin Wu in a compromising position with Coral and me. It’s too strange to explain, but she’s back and as passionate as ever. I was barely able to crawl to my desk this morning to pump (wrong word) out the news. By lunch I’ll have the strength to ride.

–Bandit.

P.S. Just don’t get married guys. I don’t think bikers are meant to be tied down.

With Laughlin behind us, we’re back at the computers like mad men and women. With our new bookkeeper tied up and naked in the basement, I explained to her how lucky we are to be able to make a humble living doing what we love. She just squirmed and nodded. I took it that she was begging for more.

I recently babbled at an ABATE meeting in Southern California. Steve Bauman, a very dedicated member, and his president took me to dinner. This group, which is positioned all over the country, is working with our elected representatives to maintain our rights. They need your support. Even if you’re not a joiner, or a lifetime biker, join anyway. Send in your dues and support the hardworking groups that keep us on the road. You wouldn’t believe some of the laws headed our way. Read “Orwell” and you’ll understand.

A reader suggested that we kick off a memorial section for downed brothers, and since we always do what our readers want, it’s up and happening. I recently put in tributes to several friends who recently passed. I will never forget Travis Clemens, the son of Lee and Brenda from Departure Bike Works in Richmond; Roger Ramjet, the developer of several patented parts for Harleys, and Ed “Big Daddy” Roth.

We need to expand the Bikernet garage. We’re looking for two, 20-foot steel or aluminum containers to squash together. We’ll tear out the adjoining walls and form another garage so we can build two bikes or a bike and a desk in the existing stucco, termite-infested cube. Hell, we’re looking at a used milling machine, lathe and Tig welder to enhance production. They’re lined up, but we don’t have the space. Let us know if you have a connection.

We want to welcome Joker Machine into the fold of Bikernet sponsors. We have a cap of 20 sponsors because we promised our readers we wouldn’t litter the site with advertising. One of our goals was to bring the reader the best in the field and not every company with an ad budget. We think we’ve put together a program that works for everyone and keeps us in beans. Joker makes some of the finest billet accessories on the market. I used Joker Machine components on the Blue Flame and rode that puppy to Sturgis without one problem. Watch for articles on their components on the Buell project for Sturgis this year. They are one of the few companies making a handful of Buell accessories.

Another goal we gladly undertook was to assist the riders who have helped build Bikernet. In doing so, we built the starving writer, Agent Zebra, a bike last year. This year, we are building Dr. NuttBoy, our financial consultant, psychologist, artist and professor, a tight and light pro-street. After that, with the help of reader Richard Kransler, we will begin to put master artist Jon Towle back in the saddle of a Sportster. Hey, we’ve got to take care of our own, right?

We’re a small but happening crew that works tirelessly to build this site. There’s more, but you know I can’t get to the news without something about women, and our relationships with them. A couple I’ve known for years just broke up. I listened to my brother tell me his wife’s reasons for leaving, I thought about it for a while, then it came to me. Sure, we all have reasons for breaking up, but what happened to the marriage vows? Didn’t she make a promise to this man? Does this mean that she will never keep a promise to anyone?

I’m as guilty as sin when it comes to this, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep your promises–especially to the most important person in your life, your partner. Let’s get to the news:

NEGOTIABLE PART.COM–Ran into this crew at a recent swap meet. They helped me out with a handful of parts for NuttBoy’s project bike. They treated me right. They’d be worth checking out.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE COFFEEITIS–Major tell-tale signs:

You ski uphill.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You answer the door before people knock.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE– is brought to you by Aid to InjuredMotorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM),and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. ?For moreinformation, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our Web site at “NCOM”

From TheGUNNY’S SACK:

NEW YORK: Those of us who have been around the block two or three timeswill remember the pop group The Village People. ?They did songs like ”YMCA”and ”MACHO MAN.” ?The biker of the group, Glen Hughes, has succumbed tolung cancer at the tender age of 50. ?They had a good show but faded by the’90s. The biker character was a pretty good imitation, although I kindadoubt what I think was his ”orientation” is real common among bikers, atleast the guys I know.

BERLIN: Now here’s a fine tradition from a town in Germany that Iwouldn’t mind seeing here in the US of A. Every year since 1988, bikers inNiederssachsen, Germany, have a parade to remember bikers killed on the roadduring the previous year.?This year, 10,000 bikers joined in. This storycame halfway around the globe to reach us — it’s from a copyrighted storyfrom China’s Xinhua news agency. ?These people even had a mourning service toremember those brothers and sisters.

NEW YORK: Harley-Davidson is getting an award for the marketing of itsproducts. The company has been elected to the prestigious Marketing Hall of Fame,sponsored by New York’s American Marketing Association. ?Hey, how many otherproducts have their names tattooed on people? ?Even products that have becomesynonymous with their brand — when’s the last time y’saw a guy with”Kleenex” or ”Xerox” tattooed on ’em? ?Man I could go on and on with thisone.

NEW YORK AGAIN: Even the Liner Queen Elizabeth II is getting on the “ILove Bikers” list. ?Now you can stow your scoot along with you. ?The QE-IIhas a garage to haul cars and motorcycles. ?Talk to the Cunard line for more. Bet it would be fun if I had the bucks to do it. ?I understand they have atwo-for-one deal right now. ?You have to call the cruise guys formore. ?I got this number for a Julie Davis: 305-463-3388.I guess Cunard owns the QE-II now. ?Not only can guests attend lecturesby ambassadors, authors, historians and oceanographers, but they also canplay with computers, play bridge, and take art and dance lessons. ?They’vegot sporting activities and drama classes. ?I can see it now–representatives of all the Confederations of Clubs in the USA taking thistrip in their standard black leather on this ship with some of the MONEYEDSET. ?WOW! ?WHAT A HOOT!

ALBANY, N.Y.: Here’s help for some downed bros from a different kind ofHOG. ?Fetal pig cells were injected into the spine of a 50-year-oldquadriplegic biker in an experimental procedure that hospital officials saywas the first of its kind. ?Should work. ?Bikers are one of a kind too. ?Inan Associated Press story, the biker was quoted as saying ”If it doesn’twork, it doesn’t work, but it’s something. ?I’m not getting any younger.” ?If it works, the cells will grow and create a new connection in thebiker’s spine. ?If electric impulses can again flow from his brain, theycould send signals to the muscles and maybe let him walk again. ?Maybe pigs are good for something besides ham and bacon. ?Let’shope it works, the good it can do is limitless.

ENGLAND: Another biker chased to death. ?We’ve seen it before, folks. ?This time, in England. ?At least in this case, the officer in the accident was suspended fromdriving duties during the investigation. ?I just hope investigations inEngland are more open minded than they are sometimes in the USA.Here’s how it went down: The death of a motorcyclist happened when he wasbeing followed by a patrol car. ?The biker, believed to be a man in his40s from Fareham, Hampshire, died after coming off his trail bike inSwivelton Lane, Fareham, as he was being followed by police after he failedto stop in nearby Portchester. ?The biker was dead at the scene. ?

????Deputy Chief Constable Ian Readhead said: ”We would like to expressour sincerest condolences to the family of the man who died.” ?I would thinkthat’s the very least they could do. ???? ?

????GUNNY AGAIN: I’ll report on the National Coalition of Motorcyclists(NCOM) Convention in next month’s issue. ?Remember our A.I.M. (Aid To InjuredMotorcyclists) attorneys are always as close as a telephone if, God forbid,you go down. ?They are here to help us and they ride, too. ?They know what’shappening on our roads. ?Nationally, call toll free, (800) ON-A-BIKE. In Oregon,call Sam Hochberg at (503) 224-1106 or (800) 347-1106. ?Avoid the wreck andride safe, OK?

Keep the round side on the bottom.Gunny, Oregon AIM Chief of Staff

BLONDE PUZZLE–One morning, a blonde called her boyfriend andsaid, “Please come over and help me.??I havethis awesome?jigsaw?puzzle, and I can’t figure out howto start it.”

Her boyfriend asked, “What is it a puzzleof?”

The blonde said, “From the picture on thebox, it’s a tiger.”

The blonde’s boyfriend figures that he’spretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets himin the door and shows him where she has the puzzle spreadall over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, thenhe studies the box. He then turns to her and?says, “First, nomatter?what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you howto assemble?these pieces to look like the picture of thattiger. Second, I’d advise you to relax, have a cup ofcoffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in thebox.”

–ScooterG

REDLINE SPECIAL OF THE MONTH–As for?this month’s?special, I have decided a sleeping bag (http://www.redlineroadgear.com/cgi-bin/store/commerce.cgi?product=sleep)?deal is in order. For the month of May, when you purchase any sleeping bag in our line, you can?take 15 percent off and I will include one of our free T-shirts, even if the total is under $100. As always, you need to contact me directly?to order, or ifyou have questions, because we’re not some huge dot.com that has figured out how to enter special sale codes for discounts yet. Thanks for all the support. See you on the road!

Rick Thomas
Redline Compact Camping & Travel Gear
P.O. Box 1113
Lakeville, Minn. 55044
http://www.redlinegear.com

CICCOTTO WINS BUELL PRO THUNDER ROUND AT SEARS POINT– OVERCOMES BACK ROW START TO CLAIM VICTORY; LEADS CHAMPIONSHIP STANDINGS: In a pre-race interview, Mike Ciccotto told his competitors exactly what he planned to do in the Buell Pro Thunder final at Sears Point: pass every one of them and win the race. Some may not have believed he could win from his last row start, but Ciccotto knew he could, said he would, and did.

“My Hal’s H-D Buell handled like it was on rails,” said Ciccotto from the top of the podium on Sunday. “I want to thank everyone at Buell and Hal’s Performance Advantage for their support.”

Ciccotto won the faster of the two qualifying heat races to claim the provisional pole position, but was later moved to the back of the grid when his fuel didn’t pass a post- race tech inspection. That put Dave Estok, winner of the second qualifying heat race, and his Tilley’s H-D Buell on pole. Estok’s teammate, Tripp Nobles, soldiered through the same heat race with a battery problem, and like Ciccotto, would also be looking to make up for a poor starting position in the final.

?????? Estok experienced a similar battery problem on the warm-up lap for the final and left the starting line in last place. A crash involving three riders on the first lap brought out the red flag and sent the field back to the pits, which allowed the Tilley’s crew to fix Estok’s bike. On the restart, Estok took the immediate lead, but he knew Nobles and Ciccotto were coming. In fact, Nobles took the lead from Estok on the second lap, and Ciccotto had slashed his way through the field to fifth by the third lap. Nobles’ lead would be short lived as he missed a gear and over-revved the engine, ending his race on the fifth lap. Then Ciccotto charged into the lead on lap seven and never looked back. Ducati rider Tom Montano finished second, and Estok hung on to the final podium position.

Following his second place finish at Daytona, the Sears Point win puts Ciccotto and his Hal’s Buell on top of the Buell Pro Thunder points standings. ?

????? “My hat’s off to Mike, I never thought he could come up and win from the back,” said Estok, who is tied for third in the Buell Pro Thunder points championship. ?

????? The Buell Pro Thunder series returns to action June 15-17 at New Hampshire International Speedway in Loudon. ?????? To learn more about Buell motorcycles, visit your local Buell dealer today and experience the pure streetfighter attitude, style and performance only found on board a Buell. Call (800) 490-9635 for the Buell dealer nearest you. Or pull into www.buell.com.

BIKERNET BIKE SHOW WINNER–That’s me!Wow, two months in a row…last month for my 53 G Servicar, then this month for my 50 EL Panhead. Hell,I’m plumb out of old bikes to enter now.

I just finished reading the copy of “ORWELL” that you sent me last month.Fantastic read. Good characters and a great story line. I’m looking forwardto reading another tale of daring-do by the 5-Ballmeister.

Thanks forappreciating my work. It took a whole lot of scrounging and wrenching to makethat old pile of swap meet and scrap yard parts into what you see there. I’llhopefully be riding her from N.Y. to Sturgis this year. Not an easy task whenyou consider that she’s a foot clutching, tank shifting kick starter and thatI have a paralyzed left leg from a wreck a few years back. I guess thatproves that either I have a lot of balls or a serious deficiency of braincells. But riding is my life and if it’s easy, what’s the point? No guts, noglory.

By the way, I’m going to be in Tahiti this July for Bastille Day on the 14th.I’ve arranged to get a tattoo done in the old tribal style, using bambooneedles and a mallet instead of the electric machine. Would you be interestedin the story and pictures for a Cantina feature?

–Teddy Bear

Absolutely, we would be interested in your tattoo saga. Bob Bitchin’, who is one of our clan, also has an ankle bracelet from Tahiti done with bamboo. Just remember, the rum is strong.

JOKER MACHINE SPONSORS RON FRINGER–The excerpt below?is from http://www.bikernet.com/garage/jokermachine.asp, on Bikernet and it’s where I got the connection between Fringer and Joker. Ron had told me at the last race that he wasn’t actually the owner last year, just a pilot. “Three years ago, we got involved with racing,” said Diane, her eyes sparkling as she talks about the drags. “Geoff used to race dirt bikes, but then he started practicing on a Buell at the drags. That’s when we started to sponsor Ron Fringer, who raced top fuel. Joker Machine is also the HDRA pro-stock series sponsors, with Geoff racing in the H-D modified class. We’d like to see more prize money for these guys, but we find the drags to be an outstanding outlet for marketing our products. The enthusiasts are very dedicated.”

Watch for more on Joker’s accessories, Buell products and racing in the very near future.

KIDS BOOKS THAT DIDN’T MAKE IT–

1) You’re Different — and That’s Bad
2) The Boy Who Died From Eating all His Vegetables
3) Robert: Dad’s New Wife
4) Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5) The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
6) Kathy was so Bad That her Mom Stopped Loving Her
7) Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8) All Cats go to Hell
9) The Little Sissy That Snitched
10) Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet can be Friends
11) That’s it, I’m Putting You up for Adoption
12) 101 Things You can do at the Bottom of the Pool
13) The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
14) Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
15) Strangers Have the Best Candy
16) Whining, Kicking and Crying to get Your Way
18) Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

SAMSON’S NEW CHALLENGER PIPE–Here it is, performance fans, the Samson patented Challenger muffler. We will have a complete report on all aspects of this historic invention in the next week. The new baffle system actually pulled the exhaust from the pipe to assist performance.

QUEEN MARY CALENDAR BIKE SHOW HITS SPEEDVISION– I just wanted to let you know that the month of May is LA CalendarMotorcycle Show month on TV’s Speedvision channel. There will be 10 broadcasts of American Thunder’s full, 30-minute program coverage of the1999 and 2000 Calendar Motorcycle Shows -just in time to get enthusiaststotally pumped for our newly expanded two-day 2001 Hot Bike Magazine Presents the White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Bike Show sponsored byPerformance Machine, The Recycler and Budweiser. It will be held July 21-22 at the Queen MaryEvent Park in Long Beach.

NEXT WEEKThe 2000 Hot Bike Magazine Presents the White Bothers LA Calendar Motorcycle ShowAmerican Thunder: May 15, 7:30 p.m. Eastern; 4:30 p.m. Pacific; 11:30 p.m. Eastern May 16, 8 a.m. and 5:30 p.m.May 19, 9 a.m.

For additional information on the upcoming 2001 show in July,visit the Bike Show page on our Web site athttp://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow.htm

TWO NEW GAS TANKS FROM CYRIL HUZE– in 3- and 5- inch stretch.All equipped with pop up gas caps.

1- Hot Chop: a chopper gas tank, 26 or 28 inches long. See it at: http://store.cyrilhuze.com/product.asp?ID=121

2- High Octane: a Cruiser gas tank, 26 or 28 inches long. See it at:?http://store.cyrilhuze.com/product.asp?ID=120

Cyril Huze Custom
Motorcycles and Accessories
Tel: (561) 392-5557
Fax: (561) 392-9923
Web site:
http://www.cyrilhuze.com
Webstore: http://store.cyrilhuze.com

REVISED MIRANDA RIGHTS–You are under arrest and….

1. No, I don’t care who you are.
2. No, I don’t care who you know.
3. Yes… you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes… you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don’t have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are________ (fill in).
8. No, I can’t give you a break.
9. No, I don’t know your friend, Officer __________(fill in).
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I’m sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can’t talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.

Thank you, have a nice day. Your Arresting Officer __________(fill in)

HEY NOW!–Check out the first-ever Blue Cafe Blues Festival info. Blue Cafe Blues FestivalThe Fabulous Thunderbirdsheadline!The Green on the Hill27th and Walnut, Signal Hill, Calif.Gates open at 11 a.m.Music starts at noon

PEOPLE– are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it’s saferto harass rich women than motorcycle groups.

ZEN AND THE ART–20 years ago I took a vacation to Negril, Jamaica. A local took my ladyfriend and me up to his place in the hills above Negril. The house was one room with a porch and completely handmade. He was 18 years old. From his porch you could look over the hills and fields. The house was 15-by-20 feet. He told me it could never be taken away from him because he had it paid off. His words: “A man must always have a place of his own, no matter how humble or proud.” Wise words from such a young man.

Nice article on the Laughlin Buell ride, I enjoyed reading it. Man, it was a long winter. As you may remember, I had family troubles to straighten out. Took over cutody of my two children and was court ordered to stay in Wisconsin. That resulted in my terminating my 20-year employment with my Louisiana oilfield employer. Of course, Wisconsin had its worse winter in recent history, so I was a displaced, unemployed, frozen Mr. Mom.

With the encouragement of friends and family, I hired the proverbial lawyer and fought back. As a result, I was rehired with my previous employer in an engineering position at its New Orlean’s facility. The children were allowed to move with me and we pulled into town dragging a 5-by-8 trailer. I bought a house the following day and we were at work and school the following week. I am not a religious man but I do believe I had help from the Man upstairs. It was a test of faith and a wake up call to what kind of future I want for myself and my family.

Every night is BIKE NIGHT around here. There is a large motorcycle community and it is very pro-active.As for riding, I have dusted off the M2 and put it back on the road. Glad to hear it is a two-up machine as I have a lady coming to town this evening and she is ready to ride! You may note the Buell custom seat on my bike. Purchased it from Dallas Buell/H-D. It is extremely comfortable. If you are riding to Sturgis, do your butt a favor and install one. Ditto on the sport rack.

Come visit some time. New Orleans has a mighty fair selection of beautiful women.

This is a photo of my Buell. It is a great two-up ride, as I found out this weekend. My friend and I rode to the Jazz Fest and the French Quarter and all points in between. She also found it extremely comfortable. I was surprised at the handling and pep it had with the two of us on it. You should see if the factory will lend you the Buell custom seat.

Will get the kids together in front of the Maison de Alexander for a photo shoot.

–Agent M-2, Anson

On to Page 2

Continued From Page 3

AUNT AGNES– was in her 80s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call one afternoon and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things … a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Aunt Agnes had flipped or something…! But he certainly couldn’t mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. “Aunt Agnes,” he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” (pointing to the bowl).

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know… I haven’t had a cold all winter.”

–Leona

MOTOMAMA RIDES AGAIN– with ISSUE 3!MOTOMAMA MAGAZINESPRING ISSUE RELEASE PARTY.May 8, Tuesday Bike NightSpring/Greenwich streets, Manhattan

Come celebrate the spring issue release and hang out with a diverse collection of women bikers from the area, as well as the lovely men and women who appreciate this fine lot. Otherwise, be sure to check your local newsstand or shop for MM Issue 3.

*more info at www.motomama.com

A LITTLE GIRL– A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She standsnext to the barber chair eating a cake while her dad gets his hair cut. Thebarber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on yourmuffin.”

“I know,” she replies. “I’m gonna get tits too.”

GOOD WORDS FOR BIKERNET–I just got a package from you containing a shirt that was missing from aprevious order (it was backordered), along with an autographed copy ofyour book, and I just wanted to drop you a quick note and tell you thatit’s good to know that in the darkness of the motorcycle business, thereare occasional stars like Bikernet that shine over all the rest of thefuckin dickheads who have no idea how to treat a customer or a business.

All I did was buy a couple of T-shirts and you made me feel like I wasyour No. 1 customer.It’s people like you and your team that make this all worth while, well,that, and the wind in my face…..

Keep up the good work, and if ever you or one of your ‘agents’ land inthe promised land, give us a call and we’ll get you all liquored up.

–Ziv Nave
Tel Aviv, Israel

MY BABE FROM SIN CYCLES (WONDER WHY)–Long time no hear! We finally got most of our stuff finished as well. I am putting together the bike that, last you saw, I was sending to paint…maybe some tech tips? I can send you photos of thebike being built and you can use what you like.

We will be having a bikers’appreciation day on May 12, noon to 3 p.m. with free barbecue and music.

Sin Cycles & Sinner Clothing
700 W. Willow Suite E
Long Beach, Calif. 90806
(562) 997.9119
www.sincycles.com

BUELL REPORT–And miscellaneous tech information from our inside source at Charolette H-D.

The mystery hole is for an engine temperature sensor used on the Buell X1 fuel-injected model. The Thunderstorm casting you have is an earlier version. For 2001 they moved the location of the sensor to the top of the head, about where the square hole is in the rocker box cover in the center. Buell uses the same heads for the carb. models as for the fuel injected models.

Sorry I didn’t get back to you on the H-D stroker kit till today. It’s 4 3/8 stroke. With the 95 inch big bore kit it will give you a 103-inch engine. I looked at the pistons pretty good. They are made by Arias and are a true stroker piston, which means they are very short, not much of a skirt.

I sent in a blurb on the release of the kit and you posted it in part one of the news on Feb. 1. Remember, the stroker kit is for only T.C. 88 “A” motors (Dyna’s, Baggers, etc.). Not for the Softails!

As I mentioned, you can remove the entire counter balancing system from the “B” motor. Then you can build a big-inch stroker. There will be the vibration like a stroker shovel. This is a radical option for a new Softail as the engines are not rubber mounted! Not many of these have been done.

I’m just mentioning it to you if you know somebody who has a new Softail and wants to build a strong, unique go-fasta. The balancing system pretty much makes this engine a low rpm motor. We have already replaced two Softail engines where the sprocket gear on the pinion shaft has shifted/rotated. This throws the counter balancers out of time. Suddenly you have a vibration problem, kinda like a Shovel with a broken front motor mount.

On your leaking rocker boxes: Did they leak from the bottom of the rocker box where they bolt to the head? I always put the gaskets on DRY and follow torque destructions in the manual. You can use just a small (dots) amount of Hylamar to hold the gaskets in place if need be.

Also removing the gasket from the bottom of the rocker box can be a royal pain. Use a heat gun and heat up the gaskets before scraping. This makes your gasket removal job less painful.

Wonder what your gas mileage will be riding solo. You should get 40 to 50 mpg. Of course, that depends on how much that throttle grip is twisted! How was the power riding two up? Did you seem to have plenty power for passing?

I had all the power I needed. I never really got to test what it could do.–Bandit

Sounds like Laughlin was a good trip. Did the Buell do OK? Did the gas mileage work out like I thought?The seat on the M2 is the best of the Buell models.

Here is the P/N for the 55-tooth international rear pulley 37727-97Y. Stock is 61 teeth. I forget if the M2 has a 29 or 27 tooth trans pulley. I know the S3 has a 29 T mainly because it’s for touring. The 55 T pulley might be a good choice for the Sturgis run. Running the 27/55combo gives a ratio of 2.04. The 29/55 is like 1.89. Only thing is, you lose that off the line snap you have now by using that 55 T pulley.

CV carb– I know you are swamped with News, but I wanted to e-mail you about the CV carb while it’s on my mind. The beauty of this carb is the gas mileage verses a Mikuni or Spit & Sputter (S&S). It has great performance but also very good gas mileage. It’s that vacuum slide, man. The hole (venturi) is variable and operates on engine demand.

You can modifiy the accelerator pump circuit to give you a mist spray of gas instead of that stream that just wastes all kinds of gas. You would be surprized how much that helps your gas mileage, especially for someone who constantly is “twisting the grip” at stoplights.

So try to keep track of the mileage and let me know how you did. Lots of my buddies go to the River Run from Phoenix.

TITAN GONE– Did you hear about Titan’s Chapter 7? A guy I know who worked for Myon (Easyriders), worked in the motor room for Titan. He was also there when Chuck Ashley ran the motor room.Too bad, they had a decent product. That’s it. Get some R&R man.

A NUN–is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.”

“When did you use this awful language?” asks the elder.

“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”

“Is that when you swore?”

“No, Mother,” says the nun. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the Mother Superior again.

“Well, no.” says the nun. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed elder nun.

“No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked Mother Superior.

“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole.”

The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the putt, didn’t you?

JENNIFER SNYDER SETS THE TONE AT F-USA’s DIRT TRACK OPENER–17-Year-Old Records Fast Time, Wins Heat, Earns Maximum Championship Points. With a daring, last-lap pass, factoryHarley-Davidson racer Jennifer Snyder sent a bold message to the dirt trackcommunity . . . the 17-year old has arrived. Punctuating a dominatingqualifying performance, Snyder sliced through the field to win the FormulaUSA National Dirt Track Series opener, Saturday at Colonial Downs in NewKent, Va. Her first national win came after a race-long battle with teammateRich King and top competitors Mike Hacker and Bryan Smith, silencing thepundits and proving her mettle.

“She’s the real deal,” said Harley-Davidson’s legendary dirt track tunerBill Werner. “And we’re just starting to figure out how to work together.There’s no telling what her potential is in this sport.”According to Snyder, her first national victory, which was the firstnational win by a woman in the history of dirt track racing, is something onwhich she can build.

“My goal was to win, just like every time I race – but this is a greatfeeling,” said Snyder. After dominating qualifying, Snyder got a poor start in the final and had towork her way up through the field, passing eight riders in four laps.Eventually, Snyder, King, Hacker and Smith broke away from the pack andbattled each other for the lead. Snyder and Hacker drafted past King andSmith on the last lap, then Snyder grabbed the lead for good going into turnthree.

“It was a rough race, especially at the beginning, but I knew if I couldlead going into turn three, I’d be able to hold them off at the end,” shesaid.

Hacker finished second, with King holding off Smith for third.With the victory, Snyder earned maximum championship points for the event bysetting the fastest qualifying time and winning her heat race. King will return to action May 5 in the AMA U.S. Flat Track Championship atTexas Motor Speedway in Forth Worth. Snyder resumes the points chase in theFormula USA National Dirt Track Series June 8 at the Sheboygan CountyFairgrounds in Plymouth, Wis.

A COUPLE MADE A DEAL– that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The couple’s biggest fear was thatthere was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and,true to his word, he made contact. “Mary… Mary….”

“Is that you Fred?”

“Yes, I have come back like we agreed.”

“What is it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have more sex, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon till supper-then sex till late at night,sleepthen start all over again.”

“Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven.”

“Hell no, I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”

–from Dave Florence Jr.

SAM ORWELL GETS NOD–been meanin’ to drop a note to let you know I finally got to read the bookand thought it was fantastic… You did a great job with the story line,how you think it’s gonna end and then it shoots off in another direction.

Also wanted to thank you for signin’ the book too. That was unexpected andreally appreciated. Take it easy!!!

–jr

HEADACHE–A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.”

“Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,…

–Glen Romeo

BIKERNET DRAG RACING DEPARTMENT–NEW–This is a message from John Hammock, Modified and Pro Stock class:”I found the site and the races, my class was posted. Thank you for thepics. I have called other riders and given them the Web site info. I am the organizer for the super modified racers association and would beinterested in any exposure I can get for the class (pro-modified). http://members.tripod.com/partnersoftheroad

DAYS GONE BY–Here’s one I think you will like. This is my Web site I’ve been working on. When you get a chance, look it up. Hell, you can put it on you link page. It’s a work in progress. Some day, when it grows up, I hope it’s half has cool has Bikernet.com.

In the pic is my father in law.He used to race with Old Man Sifton. There’s more about him on my Road News Page. The Web address on this page. This is a Partners Of The Road Update. Home page http://members.tripod.com/partnersoftheroad/index.htm

–Thanks Dennis

NEW STARS CONTINUE TO SHINE IN F-USA BUELL LIGHTNING SERIESJUSTIN MCREYNOLDS CAPTURES VICTORY AT WILLOW SPRINGS ON VALLEJO BACKED S1–The Formula USA Buell Lightning Seriescontinues to deliver pavement shredding performance with incredible actionand blossoming stars. In the first two races of the season, the series hasunfurled the checkered for two first-time winners. This past April 22 atWillow Springs Raceway in Rosamond, Calif., Justin McReynolds of Brentwood, Calif.,scored the biggest win of his career, as he launched his Chris Zootis tunedVallejo Buell S1 into the lead and never looked back.

Qualifying second, behind Kosco’s X-1 rider Michael Barnes,McReynolds spooled up the torque of his Vallejo backed Buell from the lineand immediately went into the lead. Barnes, who won the season opener atDaytona, and Tripp Nobles, aboard his New Castle Buell S1, took chase. Thetrio opened up a gap over San Diego Buell’s Joe Hammond and Appleton Buell’sJeff Johnson.

As the white flag lap approached, Barnes was going for broke, butMcReynolds continued to hold the lead, with superior drives through Willow’shigh-speed turns 8 and 9. At the line, with McReynolds jubilant, Barnes andNobles took the remaining podium positions respectively. Just behind, JeffJohnson slipped past Joe Hammond for fourth.

After two races, Michael Barnes leads the Formula USA BuellLightning Series point standings over Tripp Nobles with VirginiaInternational Raceway next up on the bill, June 28 – July 1.

In accompanying F-USA National Road Race Series action, Bartels’Harley-Davidson’s Jody Hendley, a supreme Willow Springs specialist, snaredthe win in the Formula USA Sportsman class aboard his Sportster 1200, edgingout Buell pilots Jeff Johnson and Hal’s Buell backed Dan Bilansky. Johnson,who won at Daytona, still leads the Sportsman points chase.

For more information on the Formula USA series, visit their web siteat www.formulausa.com. To learn more about Buell motorcycles, visit yourlocal Buell dealer today and experience the pure streetfighter attitude,style and performance only found on board a Buell. Call (800) 490-9635 forthe Buell dealer nearest you. Or pull into www.buell.com.

WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT–I know I’m forgetting somethin, but what the hell. There’s always next week. Remember, if you have news, events, good jokes or tech tips, send them to me with jpgs at 72 dpi and I’ll post this shit for the world to see–bandit@bikernet.com.

Nyla hung on like a leech in the Nile. I decided to give her another break in Ludlow on 40, but she was cool and we kept going to the Goff turnoff, where we got gas again. We had blasted through another 112.5 miles and took on 3.16 gallons of high test, which was giving us 35.6 mpg. The difference was due to the speed. We were cutting through a throng of butterflies at 90 mph and for long stretches at 100 mph. As it turned out, we had only another 68 miles to go for a 316-mile putt in exactly six hours. At one stop, I found a dead butterfly in perfect shape straddling my left mirror stem. We gave the poor bugger a proper burial.

At 100 mph, the M-2 ran so smooth I could ride with one hand on the bars and play grab-ass with Nyla. The rubbermount Sportster power train worked effortlessly. The bike is feather light and handles like a warm knife through butter. Even Nyla enjoyed every mile. If you get the chance to test ride a Buell, do it. You’ll be shocked at the fun you’ll have.

I won’t be mentioning Nyla much in the future. I’ll tell you about the female blow-up we had before Laughlin. Layla was as pissed as a rattler without rattles, over something that happened between Coral and Sin Wu, and she stormed out. She was waiting when I returned, though. Ya see, I’m innocent. Let’s ride–Bandit.

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BIKERNET MEETS JIMS MACHINE–Not only are we in the process of developing a line of custom covers with JIMS, but our Web master recently came up with the above neck cup puller design and is sharing it with the bros at JIMS for a possible addition to their line of extensive special tools for working on Harleys. We hope to carry a garage selection of JIMS tools on Bikernet in the near future.

EASYRIDERS OF ALBUQUERQUE CUSTOM– I enjoyed visiting with you in Laughlin. Thanks for taking a minute to look at my creation. As promised, I’m forwarding a couple of photos of the “Alien” Paul sent me. Ride safe.

–Clif Fodge

Cliff owns Easyriders of Albuquerque, and is one of the nicest shop guys around. Check out his new bike and his new facility, if you’re in the neighborhood.

ROGUE’S QUALITY DISCOUNT PARTS– SPECIAL ROLLING CHASSIS– 1-ONLYIncludes : Black Powdercoated Kraftech Pro Street FXR Frame w/Neck CupsInstalled, American Suspension Inverted Front End With Risers, Handlebars &Brake Bracket, Black Powdercoated Oil Tank w/Chrome Oil Dipstick & MountingBracket, Set Of 3 Spoke Mag Wheels, Brake Rotors Front & Rear, Rear WheelBelt Pulley, Avon Venon X Tires Front & Rear, Complete Chrome Rear Swing ArmAssembly, Set Of Chrome Adjustable Tension Rear Shocks, Billet Aluminum RearFender Struts, Front & Rear Fenders, Gas Tanks With Mounting Brackets,Speedo Mounting Plate & Custom High End Seat Made Especially For This Setup.

$6000.00rogue@bikerrogue.com or visit web site at http://www.bikerrogue.com Photo’sAvailable

–From: DalesWenchy@att.net

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ERIC HERRMANN’S LAUGHLIN RENDERING–Eric was nearly finished with his new Laughlin 2001 piece while we roamed the aisles of vendors at the River Run. Here’s a sneak preview. Check out Eric’s other works right here on Bikernet. You can purchase them directly by going to the Bikernet Gulch.

ACCURATE ENGINEERING PARTNERS WITH CYRIL HUZE–I see that Cyril is doing quite well on his articles for you. Has hementioned anything about a press release announcing him getting togetherwith Accurate Engineering and them building Signature Series Engines forhim?

The owner of Accurate Engineering, Berry Wardlaw, is a very good friend ofmine and I stopped in to see him on my recent trip to Texas. They are putting a couple of engines together for Cyril to take to MyrtleBeach.

Berry is also building all my engines now. If you do not already know him,you should. Accurate Engineering, 128 Southgate Road, Dothan, Ala., 36301 -(334)702-1993

–ROGUE

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