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Read More December 14, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
The WCC No. 2 is ready to be put together. We are waiting for the paint todry and some parts are still on back order. If things go as planned, we will have the whole build next week here onBikernet. But wait, there’s more. WCC No. 3 is already in the paint booth,so… stay tuned for next week’s saga.
Not too much news since it’s been raining (again) all over theisland and most of the stuff going on is mere gossip.We are waiting for some sun to do our electronic Christmas cards, and sometime to finish the WCC No. 2 bike, which is going to live in Boston. Oh well guys,till next week…….. Hey Weasels, you punks suck!
Jose—- Caribbean Bikernet Agent.
Bikernet Recipe
Just a little something to lift your ‘spirits’ for the holidays!
BIKERNET HOLIDAY FRUIT CAKE
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 gallon whiskey
Simple Directions
1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl.
2. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highestquality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
3. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large,fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
4. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn offmixer.Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of driedfruit.Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,pryitloose with a drewscriver.
5. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticaty. Next, sift 2cupsof salt. Or something. Who cares?
6. Whisk the checkey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain yournuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you canfind.
7. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’tforgetto beat off the turner.
8. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again.
9. Go to bed. Who in the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
Bikernet On Religion
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacherwentto the congregation and asked for a raise.After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule thatwhenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.After fiveor six children, this started to get expensive and the congregationdecided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s pay.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much theclergyman’sadditional children were costing the church. Finally, the preachergotup and spoke to the crowd, “Having children is an act of God!”A little old manand in his frail voice in the back of church shouted
“Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get toomuch, we wear rubbers!”
Perspective
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at theclouds.He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God.
“God,” he said, “how long is a million years?”
God answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.”
The man asked, “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God answered, “To me, it’s a penny.”
The man then asked, “God, can I have a penny?”
God answered, “In a minute.”
Midget
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he’s sending a friendoverto buy a horse.”How will I recognize him?” “That’s easy, he’s a midget with a speechimpediment.”
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a maleorfemale horse. “A female horth.” So he shows him a prized filly. “Nithlookinhorth. Can I thee her eyeth?” So the guy picks up the midget and hegivesthe horse’s eyes the once over and says “Nith eyeth. Can I thee herearzth?”So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.”Nithearzth. Can I thee her mouf?” The rancher is gettin pretty disgusted atthispoint, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth. “Nicemouf, now can I see her twat?” Totally upset at this point, the ranchergrabs the midget under his arm and rams the midget’s head as far as hecanup the horse’s twat,pulls him out, and drops him on the ground.
Themidgetgets up, sputtering and coughing. “Perhapth I should rephrathe that. CanIthee her wun awound a widdle bit?”
Bikernet Virus Warning
If you receive an e-mail titled “Death to the Infidels!” or”Badtimes”, delete it IMMEDIATELY.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will notonlyerase everything on your hard drive, but it will also deleteanythingon disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on yourVCRand uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs youattempttoplay. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only “900” numbers.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD’S SAKE, ARE YOULISTENING??
It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you areexpecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine,allthe while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your backandbilling their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a waythatis only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your activeverbstopassive voice and incorporate undetectable misspellings whichgrosslychange the interpretations of key sentences.
If the “Badtimes” message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment,itwill leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged indangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattressesandpillows, It will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *******
And if you don’t send this to 5,000 people in 20 seconds you’ll fart so hardthat your right legwill spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks thatwillignite the person nearest you.
Send to everyone in your address book….
In case you are a blonde, this is a joke.
Continued On Page 3
December 14, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
A Note From Sin—
As I sit here at my computer trying to put together some sort of news for you, my mind drifts between fantasy and reality as I know many people do daily. Just from talking to different Bikernet readers, many wonder what?s real and what?s bullshit on this site. Well, I believe we would all love to have a little fantasy occasionally and add some spice to our otherwise normal routine. That?s our goal here at Bikernet, to add that spice.
A lot of us go through life with somber reality. Our days are orchestrated and we function as if walking in our sleep. Get up, get ready for work, drive to work, etc. Then at the end of the day we go home and deal with the house, kids, trying to find time for ourselves and so on.
From time to time we see something that makes us smile. If we?re lucky we get a good belly laugh or we read something that makes our chests swell with pride, passion or even anger. Sometimes we feel the need to write to the source of the emotion and express ourselves as many of you do in ?Your Shot.? We appreciate this feedback and thank you for it.
Bikernet has many contributors who take a few minutes out of their daily routine to shoot us an image, a joke, a fictional story or even a real life event, and because of them, we?re able to give a fantasy, a smile and a laugh– the spice of life. We have the coolest readers any Web site could ask for, always adding their two cents and keeping us in check, and we have our much-appreciated sponsors that make it possible.
The purpose of all this drivel is to THANK YOU ? for taking the time to help us with our goal.
Sin Wu
And Now For Some Bullshit, Heeerrreeesss Bandit!
Not much to report from sea this week. Last weekend I partied with Larry McCullough, a Hamster prospect from Baltimore, and his partners, Eric, Don, Rob and the girls, Debbie, Tina, Christina and Giovanna, a girl with a lot of heart who was building another bike after her last one took her leg. Larry’s a young builder who owns ProPaint in Baltimore. If this kid was in L.A. and had the promotional opportunities of Jesse James, he’d be the guy with Penthouse articles. He’s a talented fabricator.
The ship had a welding fire in hold No. 2 in Japan, which destroyed two freshly built Taiwanese yachts. The captain made arrangements for the remaining 200 tons of lead to be hoisted out and the hold powerwashed. At 6 p.m. Sunday, departure time, he inspected the hold and didn’t care for the progress. That delayed departure six hours — to well past midnight — until a tug tugged us away from the dock and the pilot came aboard for the 12-hour trek out of the Chesapeake Bay, which was a traffic jam of war ships, including the carrier Enterprise. Maybe the President went for a cruise.
I gotta tell you that this is sorta like riding an out-of-balance rigid. Vibration is a key element as we motor from port. Originally it was explained to me that fighting currents for speed in shallow waters was causing excessive vibration, but we’re now in the Gulf Stream, a third of the way and two more time zones into the Atlantic, and it vibrates so bad that we broke a fuel line yesterday. With one storm on our ass and one dead ahead, we were forced to shut down and sit dead in the water. We fixed the leaking fuel line and we’re now cruising at 17.4 knots. Another thing that could be contributing to the vibration is that the ship is virtually empty heading back to Hamburg, Germany, and that single screw with fins 15 feet high may be splashing in the water behind the ship like a drunken dolphin.
We better get to the news before the swells toss Richard’s laptop against the bulkhead along with the rest of my gear. Day before yesterday a weather report told the captain that we were running dead into a force 8 and 9 violent storm. We hit nothing. Last night the same weather service recommended that we veer off course bearing north, which by all indications was directly into the storm we’re trying desperately to dodge. He went south and we’re still slapping the tail end of it.
Let?s get to the news:
Bandit took this shot the day before, while pulling out of Baltimore. Changing of the guards.
Excelsior-Henderson In The News Again
For Sale/Not for Sale, this is a question only the bankruptcy court in Florida will be able to determine. Just hours before the complete factory and holdings of Excelsior- Henderson were to go on the auction block, George Heaton, head of the Florida-based investment group that saved E-H from its first run-in with the bankruptcy courts, filed for protection under the Chapter 11 bankruptcy laws. This terminated the auction and will allow the investment group to hopefully restructure. Only time will tell what the courts will do.
The continued turmoil saddens even the most ardent backers of the company and its Super-X cruiser motorcycles. Dan Hanlon, who co-founded the company in 1993 and intended for it to be a competitor to Harley-Davidson, hasn’t been actively involved in its management since the firm emerged from bankruptcy in August 2000. The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in December 1999 after burning through about $100 million in capital, much of it raised from Minnesota investors. Hanlon came to the auction Thursday seeking what he called “finality,” which never materialized. “Let [Excelsior-Henderson] have its peace,” Hanlon said. “There is nothing left to restart. Let’s be real about it.”
Bikernet Caribbean Report—
Like we said last week, we were in Phoenix at the new Bourget’s shop, and have included some photos of the new area.
It’s great to see companies in thiseconomy growing and being successful, and more so since all the othermotorcycle factories are flopping left and right. I guess if you have agood product and plan your growth during these turbulent times, it willbe easier.
Speaking of turbulence, I bet Bandit is having a little while crossing theAtlantic. Seems like the weather is not cooperating. We have received heavysurf and winds during this past week, and that means cold and heavyrollers up by the shipping lanes. I hope the USS Rust Bucket is doingfine. The two BBW exps are ready; I will post the photos next week (as soonas we can roll ’em outside) and will be shooting them for the Horse in anupcoming issue. Now we go to the news……
We just read an article on Jesse James from this month’s Penthouse magazine(yep, the one with the nakkid gurlies). Also, his second TV program will air on theDiscovery Channel in January, check your local listings.
BBW has three new styles of exhaust that are available for Bourget’s owners(and soon to the general public). If you’re interested, call the factory or yourlocal dealer.
S&S carburetors now come with a bracket that will make those long 90 upthrottle cables fit. They still send the short bracket just in case youwant to keep doing it the old way, also for TC 88s.
Our local Toy Run will take place Dec. 16. The ride will go to thetown of A?asco (about 80 miles) to give all the toys to needychildren. This will be open for any brand of motorcycle, and all they needfrom those participating is a toy.
We heard that the new Sonny Barger book will be in bookstorespretty soon. They expect this book to do as well as the first one. Don’tworry, as soon as we find out when, so will you.
Continued On Page 2
December 6, 2001 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
Party At Bikernet!—
Hey Bandit,
Where the fuk are you exactly?
Was a huge party at the Bikernet headquarters last night … kinda weird Layla said it was a make bandit fly home and fuk me party? We all donated $15 bucks, there was a silent auction too. I bought the desk and panhead, only cost 2 grand!
Figure I can sell Jesse the pan and keep the desk, or is it the other way around?
Come home goddamit
Chris Chrome
Her side of the story:
He was in an odd mood Sunday night. We planned to meet at a bar for adrink.I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn’t say anything much about it.The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go offsomewhere> more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and startedto wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, Isaid that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant because you know he didn’t say it back or anything.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly,I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined meand to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself tosleep.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he’s seeing someone else.
His Side of the Story
Can’t believe the fuckin’ Yankees lost. Got laid though.
12/29The Doobie Brothers Live in Concert
Konocti Harbor and Resort
Clearlake, California
A tribute to drummer Michael Hossack’s recovery from a serious motorcycleaccident
Featuring a special auction:
Exclusive rock n roll memorabilia from different legends and artists
Exclusive items from Harley-D corporate
Exclusive hot rod custom bike designed by Mike and signed by all The DoobieBros.
For more info: www.doobiebros.com
God bless you all and thanks so much for any help you can give!
S’miles,
Sasha
Corny Spuds—
Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, who they called ‘Yam’. Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato’, and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato, either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high-class Yukon Golds. Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he was just a…
Common Tater
Finger Lickin? Good—
Hey Bandit,
Q: What does eating at KFC and a woman have in common?
A: When you are done with the breast and thighs you>have a greasy box to put your bone in.
Ride Free….
Stich
Good Ol’ Generous Motors (& Ford, too) etc..
Check out Harley Davidson …
BUY AMERICAN, OK???
Which Motor Company Cares About the USA?
After seeing a short news listing on “CNN Headline News” regarding Ford andGM’s contributions to the relief and recovery efforts in New York City andWashington, DC, I was prompted to see what the other automotive companieswere contributing. It is important to know which companies are there for usin a crisis. I went to (the news, press release and philanthropic areasof) each of the companies’ web sites. If the company had several sites, Itried to visit them all.Additionally, I visited the leading news and automotive sites. This is whatI have found:
Aston Martin – Nothing.
Audi – Nothing. Audi’s web site states “Audi News: Always up to theminute.”
BMW – Nothing despite other press releases/postings since 09/11/01. Lastupdated 09/13/01.
Daewoo International – Nothing.
Daimler Chrysler (includes Dodge, Jeep, Mercedes-Benz and Plymouth) – $10million to support the children and victims in addition to otherdonations from their employees, dealers, and suppliers.
Fiat – Nothing.
Ford Motor Company (includes Jaguar, Lincoln, Mazda, Mercury and Volvo) – $1million to the American Red Cross, matching employee contributions to theAmerican Red Cross and 10 Excursions to the New York Fire Department. Thecompany has also offered emergency response team services and office spaceto displaced government employees.
General Motors (includes Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, Oldsmobile,Pontiac, Saab and Saturn) – $1 million to the American Red Cross, matchingemployee contributions and a fleet of vans, trucks and SUVs.
Harley-Davidson Motor Cycles – Donated one million dollars and 30 newmotorcycles to the NYPD to assist in relief efforts and replace motor cycleslost in the attack. Harley-Davidson’s own employees drove the cycles to NYin a day and a half and turned over the keys personally to the NYC MotorDivision. Check out their website at www.harleydavidson.com for info andpictures of their generosity.
Honda (includes Acura) – Nothing. “The latest news on Honda can always befound right here?” No press releases/postings since 9/04/01 when the releaseboasted “American Honda Motor Company,Inc., recorded its second best salesmonth ever in August.” My search included: hondamotorcycle.com [other pressreleases posted on this site since 9/11/01
Hyundai Motors Group (includes Kia) — $300,000 to the American Red Cross.
Isuzu – Nothing.
Mitsubishi Motors – Nothing. Mitsubishi-motors.co.jp site states,”The latest news about Mitsubishi Motors.” I also searchedmitsubishimotors.com.
Nissan – Nothing despite other press releases/postings since 9/11/01.
Porsche – Nothing. Press release with condolences posted on the Porsche website on 09/12/01, but no contribution.
Subaru – Nothing. Despite other press releases/postings since 09/11/01.
Suzuki – Nothing.
Toyota (includes Lexus) -Nothing. Press release with condolences posted onthe Toyota web site on 09/14/01, but no contribution, despite earlier pressreleases boasting that Toyota had high sales in July and August.
Volkswagen – The employees and management created a Foundation, fundedinitially with $2 million, to assist the children and victims withhumanitarian help including medical and psychological assistance,rehabilitation and scholarships.
We have the freedom to choose which companies we make purchases from and I,for one, will make my purchases from and give my money to the companies thatare giving their money to America at this time of need. I hope that youwill, too. We can only hope that it is an oversight by the companies thathave not made a contribution and that they will join the relief efforts.
Bikernet Funnies
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
OK…so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” andtheTampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make theTennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1enjoys it?
There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of theChristian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or atHooters.
Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it is 20% off.
What’s the definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoyingsex.
Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
What’s the difference between the Pope and your boss? The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin? It won’t work and you can’t fire it.
My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it is gone.
Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in thebathroom.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen; just vending machines.
My blond girlfriend told me, “I was worried that my mechanic mighttry to rip me off, but I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”
I’m so depressed… I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting a newflagpole on a condemned building.
Well, did you get your fill of bullshit?
Bandit’s out cruzin’ on the SS Leon and I ain’t got no more time to waste on this digital rag, there’s women out there lonely for my manly charms. And if they ain’t, screw ’em. Which I intend to do.
I guess I’m supposed to sign off with one of Bandit’s witty sayings.
Well, all I can say is, stay between the ditches and away from any babe I’m scoping out.
Snake
December 6, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
Bikernet Caribbean Report—After endless delays, lines and numerous securtity checks, we finally madeit back from Phoenix. No wonder the airlines are close to flopping, theyare a disaster! A flight that normally takes six hours took us more than12. Anyway, we just got back from visiting the new Bourget’s Bike Worksshop. They put a lot of effort and dinero into building this new shop, one of the bestorganized I have ever seen. It’s on a 2-acre lot, about 80,000 to 90,000 square feet. The new shop is set up for 25 bikes a week andthe new BBW aftermarket parts manufacturing(you heard it here first). They’ve already started with some really cool exhaust.Oh well, I did not mean to mix the news with the intro, so here we go.
Phoenix is like the Mecca of motorcycles. Several shops and builders claimthis city their home, and we are guessing why:Manuel’s Mexican restaurant. Man, if there’s a place that you can reallypig out and eat as many chips and salsa as you dare, this is it!
We visited our friends at Accutronnix. They always have something very coolto show us. Their triple trees are the best, and now available in yourchoice of anodized colors. They’re not huge, but their factory putsout some of the best billet aluminum parts money can buy. We also want towish Randy a quick recoup and strentgh in his battle. I still don’tunderstand why bad stuff happens to good people.
We passed by PYO. It was already closed but Paul’s new shop is lookinggood. Maybe for the next trip we will get there earlier.We visited Sonny Barger’s shop. Geno was there and treated us like family.They just expanded and have a section just for support wear and shopshirts. Go visit if you happen to be in Phoenix.
The Billet Bar and Easyriders of Scottsdale was pretty happening on Sunday.Seems like rubbies enjoy this kind of place. It was a nice day to ride andeveryone was outside having some cold drinks. No choppers though, and only alone shovel at the lot.
Dec. 16 is the date for our annual Toy Run, which goes about 100 miles across the island and brings toys to needy kids. About 1,000 motorcycles are expected.
We have the first EXP chopper from Bourget’s at the shop. This bike is aBBW bike but with a H-D 80-cubic-inch motor and 5-speed tranny. It comes in threecolors and retails in the mid-$20,000. If the budget is tight but you musthave a custom, call a dealer near you and ask for this bike.
Oh well guys, I’m outta here. We are so busy (and jet lagged) that I won’teven bother with the Weasels tonight. See ya next week with the full reportand ussual photos.
Take care Happy Holidays……..Jose Caribbean Bikernet agent.
Excelsior-Henderson Goes On The Auction Block—-
Belle Plaine, Minn. – Excelsior-Henderson went under a secured parties sale (public auction) on Dec. 6. Capital Recovery Group, an auction and appraisal firm, conducted the sale on site (805 Hanlon Drive, Belle Plain, Minn.), and, it was broadcast live online (www.crgauction.com). Potential customers could bid concurrently from their computer with the live auction. The sale was advertised as “ultra-modern motorcycle manufacturing facility, state-of-the-art assembly line, new parts inventory, apparel and accessories.” And the terms of the sale included, “as is, where is with all faults. All sales are final.” A 25 percent deposit was required at the time of sale by cash, certified or bank check or bank wire transfer.
Excelsior-Henderson Motorcycle Manufacturing Company was founded by Dave, Dan and Jennie Hanlon in 1993. Production began in 1998. E-H started shipping motorcycles to dealers in early 1999. In December 1999, the company filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy, temporarily ceased manufacturing operations and, as a result, laid off approximately 101 employees of its 116-person workforce. In April 2000, it was announced that a Florida investor group, EH Partners, comprised the reorganization and acquisition of Excelsior-Henderson. Excelsior-Henderson emerged from bankruptcy in August 2000. In October 2000, the new owners, EH Partners, announced that they would resume production for model year 2002. By February 2001, there were no signs of intent to resume production, employment numbers continued in decline and the company had no guarantee of availability of spare parts.
To die for!—-
An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that to prolong his life they should cut out sex.
He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn’t worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, “I was coming up to die.”
She laughed and replied, “I was coming down to kill you!”
HARLEY-DAVIDSON DELIVERS THE NEW V-ROD TO U.S. DEALER NETWORK
All-New Bike Arrives in Showrooms
MILWAUKEE, Wis. (November 27, 2001) – The initial shipment of Harley-Davidson’s VRSCA V-Rod have arrived in showrooms in the U.S. Equipped with the all-new Harley-Davidson Revolution liquid-cooled 60? V-Twin powerplant and custom, dragster-inspired looks, the V-Rod is pure American muscle.
The Harley-Davidson VRSCA V-Rod was introduced during this summer’sHarley-Davidson Dealer Expo in Los Angeles, and has been praised by the press and public for its groundbreaking styling, strong and smooth powertrain, and innovation. The V-Rod has already won the Motorcycle Design Association Open Class Trophy, a Popular Science “Best of What’s New Award”, Popular Mechanics Magazine design and engineering award, and the Motor Cycle News (MCN) Bike of the Year Award. Manufactured at Harley-Davidson’s Kansas City assembly plant, the V-Rod is the first model in an entirely new line of performance custom motorcycles.
Harley-Davidson Motor Company, the only major U.S.-based motorcycle manufacturer, produces heavyweight motorcycles and a complete line of motorcycle parts, accessories and general merchandise. For more information or to find the dealer nearest you, visit Harley-Davidson’s web site at www.harley-davidson.com.
Aliens Trying To Contact Bikernet!
We get some weird shit here at Bikernet but this is an actual e-mail sent to Bandit?
If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!
My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!!I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!
I need to be able to:
Travel back in time.
Rewind my life including my age.
Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back.
I am in very great danger and need this immediately!
I am aware that there are many types of time travel and that humans do not do well through certain types.
I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist.
I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that.
If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided.
If anyone thinks they can help this guy, let Bandit know, not me.
Snake
SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK
1. CURL UP AND DIE……..
I walked into a hair salonwith my husband and three kids in tow and askedloudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and ablow job?” – Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, Texas
2. PAD PLEASE……….
An insurance man visited me athome to talk about our mortgage insurance. He wasthrowing a lot of facts and figures at me, and Iwanted to follow as best I could, so I told my6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came backand handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. -Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, N.C.
3. HO, HO, HO………….
I was taking a shower whenmy 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrappedhimself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, helooked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took afew shots. They came out so well that I had copiesmade and included one with each of our Christmascards. Days later, a relative called about thepicture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I takea closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and wasshocked to discover that in addition to my son, I hadcaptured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothingbut a camera! – Name Withheld
4. LADY GOLFER…………….
I was at the golf storecomparing different kinds of golf balls. I wasunhappy with the women’s type I had been using. Afterbrowsing for several minutes, I was approached by oneof the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store.He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, Ilooked at him and said, “I think I like playing withmen’s balls.”- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, Mich.
5. NUTS ABOUT YOU…………
My sister and I were atthe mall and passed by a store that sold a variety ofnuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boybehind the counter asked if we needed any help. Ireplied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” Mysister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, mysister has never let me forget. – Faye Emerick, 34,Ellerslie, Md.
6. PRICELESS………….
A lady picked up severalitems at a discount store. When she finally got up tothe checker, she learned that one of her items had noprice tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checkergot on the intercom and boomed out for all the storeto hear,”PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rearof the store apparently misunderstood the word”Tampax” for “THUMBTACKS.” In a business-like tone, avoice boomed back over the intercom. “DO YOU WANT THEKIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUNDIN WITH A HAMMER?”
7. MOM’S ADVICE………
A teacher noticed that alittle boy at the back of the class was squirmingaround, scratching his crotch and not payingattention. She went back to find out what was goingon. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that hehad just recently been circumcised and he was quiteitchy. The teacher told him to go down to theprincipal’s office. He was to phone his mother and askher what he should do about it. He did it andreturned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotionat the back of the room. She went back to investigateonly to find him sitting at his desk with his penishanging out. “I thought I told you to call your Mom,”she screamed. “I did,” he said, “and she told me thatif I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pickme up from school.
Continued On Page 3
December 6, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
I don’t know how that bastard Bandit does it. Women seem to think he’s so cool that butter won’t melt in his mouth on a hot day. It must be that Barry White baritone of his.
I figured that since he’s out of town, enjoying his world fuckin’ cruise, I could score on all the loose babes. I tried Harold’s, The Alhambra, Royale,The Spot and Rebels.Nothin’. I mean zip. I even tried to put on the charm. I treated one woman to a free beer, goddamn it. Nothin’.Bandit’s haunted every beer dive, gin mill, sleazy saloon, slap happy hour hoo haa, unfortunately his legacy lingers like bad cheese.
I’ve got news for Bandit, he ain’t the coolest dude in town?and I’ve got news for you out there in digital space?
Bandit Reports In—-
It’s 10:15 Wednesday night (EST), 70 miles outside of the Chesapeake Bay. We are rolling along at 17.4 knots with a bearing of almost due north. The seas have a gentle swell to them, but are as glassy as a mirror, reflecting a nearly orange full moon that’s almost on the water and glows like a pumpkin-colored street lamp leading ships across the Atlantic.
Last Friday I awoke to what I believed was the ship getting underway after being anchored outside the mouth of the Savannah River, leading some 30 miles from our dock up the narrow river. I sat up in bed anxious to see us get underway and get into port. I had a mission, actually several. When I looked out the large brass porthole I caught the last docking moves put to the hull by a seagoing tug called General Oglethorpe. We were already in port and secured. I jumped out of the sack like a sailor who missed his watch.
I’m discovering that we are like a delivery truck for general cargo on the sea. If you need something shipped, they’ll pack it away and run it anywhere you want to go. I wonder if the factory needs a bunch of new models shipped to Germany. As it stands, once we leave Baltimore we’ll be empty during our rough seas winter Atlantic crossing. With all the cranes perched top side on this monster, we’ll be top heavy. Give us a call if you have anything to ship. We need the weight or it’s a suicide mission. There is no set schedule that doesn’t change. We had some 70,000 tons of lead in the hull of the ship and we were unloading a substantial amount at the Newport docks off Crossgate Street in Garden City at the Wentworth Port. This ship is designed to carry anything that won’t fit in a container. I suppose they didn’t pack containers full of lead bars due to the weight. Lead is nearly the heaviest metal around. There are only two heavier, mercury and osmium, a rare mercury-like substance. One set of bars strapped together with four double wide shipping straps weighs a ton. It’s about the size of a Harley engine crate.
The union dock workers took over the three 20-ton rusting cranes on the ship and began to unload one clump of lead bars at a time. But they were dismayed with the speed of the process and started to look around for alternatives. There were eight fork lifts on the dock. Fork lifts took a pack of bars from a crane drop and moved it to the center of the pier, then another moved the block of lead off the pier. Over the next four days several efforts were made to streamline the process. First fork lifts were hoisted aboard and into the bottom of the holds. They could stack the blocks over the cables. Then platforms were connected to the cranes and lowered into the holds for the fork lifts to stack on. Finally a system was brought in with two platforms that were attached by cable to another super structure that held the cables over the corners of the platforms and was connected to the crane hooks. This way the crane could drop a batch, be unhooked and hooked to another platform. While the platform on the dock was being unloaded, they loaded another one on the ship.
What was going to be a two-day operation turned into four and the captain gleefully told us each day of the new schedule. I’m discovering that as he tells us one schedule, it could change to something else, but who the fuck cares, I’m just here for the ride. Tuesday night we pulled out of Savannah about two hours late, and the brothers on the dock worked right up to the second we left. The captain informed us that our next stop was a mere 12 hours away in Newport News, Virginia, on the James River, a small port and naval town near Norfolk, an hour from Richmond. I called Lee Clemens from Departure Bike Works who has been a friend for 20 years. Lee was going to hop on his bike and come down for lunch, but when I got up this morning I hit the bridge to find out that we were still 450 miles from Newport.
When I spoke to the captain the night before, he expressed a strong desire to pour the coals to the ass end of this rust-soaked puppy. I’m one deck below the bridge in the cabin next to the captain’s. The vibration on E-deck is enough to shake my teeth loose. While on the bridge I asked him about the vibration, assuming that the main shaft was out of balance. We had just had a fire alarm go off in the engine room and the captain nervously told us that it was no big deal. Fuck, I didn’t pay any attention to the alarm. I didn’t know where to go in the event of an alarm anyway, but I assumed that someone would tell me what to do if we were floundering in the chilly Atlantic waters. At least we could go down in the Gulf Stream and be swimming in tepid waters. The clevis pins holding the life boats on this sucker have been painted a dozen times in 20 years and it would be virtually impossible to free them to lower the boats. I checked my life jacket and the rats hadn’t carried all the stuffing away to make their nests.
The captain straightened me out on the vibration, I think. He had stoked the fires below because he was trying to build speed against the current. Since we were running hard in shallow waters leading out of the harbor, the close bottom enhanced the vibration. The hatches up and down the halls clinked and rattled like old ice machines. We were on two missions: One, to avoid a tropical storm that was whipping its way toward the coast. The other was to get this creaking bastard into Newport to have one of the holds industrially cleaned after the fire in Japan.
I got the hell off in Savannah on the day of the Hog Chapter Toy Run to Old Town Savannah and was able to catch the Christmas parade on River Street, beside the river. As the girls danced past in their tights, I remembered my mission, to find a whore house on the streets that just 20 years ago were crowded with prostitutes. Hell, River Street was made of rectangular granite stones that were used as ballast on ships coming from Europe to grab a load of cotton for the English crowd. Oglethorpe founded Savannah, but couldn’t own land due to his contract. Each guy who wanted to make a life in Savannah and guard the north from the Spanish to the south was given 50 acres and a cow for a start. After the Civil War, General Sherman promised blacks 40 acres and a cow to help them get started once they were freed but that deal was never implemented.
The history in Savannah was incredible, and I can’t remember half of what I learned, but here’s a tidbit: Oglethorpe was a brother. While he was here in America, a friend of his went broke in England and they threw him in debtors’ prison, where he died of small pox. When Oglethorpe found out, it pissed him off and he offered to take debtors to America to keep them out of prisons. The English government was cool with the idea because they didn’t have to house the prisoners, but they had a stipulation that the people still needed to pay their debts. When they arrived in the colonies, Oglethorpe’s crew took plaster prints of their teeth and put them to work in the city doing servant work (he wouldn’t allow slaves in town). They worked like that for four to seven years to pay off their debts, and then they could have their 50 acres and Betsy. That’s where the term indentured servants came from.
I’m proud to announce that last night while we tossed and turned on the briny Atlantic that I finished the fifth chapter of the second book of the Chance series. Maybe we should go ahead and launch chapters in the Cantina. Let me know what you think. This shit is steamy and I don’t mean the fuckin’ boiler room.
The schedule right now claims that we will only be in Newport News for six hours before heading up to Baltimore on the Chesapeake for several days. Then we’ll head across the Atlantic for Germany. I’ll report in after a couple days.
On To Page 2
Chica Custom Cycles
By Crazy Horse |
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 With bike builders seemingly dropping from the trees these days, it gets harder and harder to stand out. Chica of Chica Custom Cycles in Huntington Beach, Calif., doesn’t have that problem. His wide array of unique creations is distinctive enough to get noticed, even among the endless displays at the Indy Dealer Expo and Pomona Easyriders Show, where he took a third place for best of show against other West Coast heavyweights.
 A few years ago, I saw one of his bikes in a magazine and I was blown away. It was a clean, mean scoot that looked like it meant business.
 Chica hails from southern Japan. He started out as a Honda mechanic whose hobby was Harleys. After a few years of turning wrenches for Honda, he started working toward his dream. He and few friends opened up Chica Motorcycle Service. They did mostly service work, not much custom work. But the ideas were brewing and when the opportunity came to move to the States, Chica packed up his wife and kid and moved to Diamond Bar, Calif., where he worked in a friend’s shop. After a year and a half, he decided he could build bikes on his own, bringing his designs to life. It was at that time that Chica met Don Millhouse, who worked for a company that exported aftermarket parts to Japan. Chica built bikes in his garage while Don exported parts from his. They outgrew their garages after six months and opened Chica Custom Cycles in Huntington Beach. That was five years ago.
 Chica’s favorite H-D is the original 1946-47 Knucklehead. But his design ideas are pure late ’60’s-1970s with a surreal twist. Most of the bikes he builds are rigids.
 He also likes the flat track racer look, like his creation for Chrome Specialties’ Trick.
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November 29, 2001 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
Have you heard the news? They found bin Ladin!They dumped Viagra all over Afghanistan and that little prick just poppedright up!
Don’t know how true this is, but it gives one pause.
You know, it’s funny. I remember very vividly the Oliver North hearings, butdid not recall the name of Osama bin Laden as the terrorist that North wasthreatened by. Has this slime ball been around that long? It’s prettyevident, in hindsight, that we should have listened to OLLIE!
This is from a clip of a video of Oliver North during the Iran-Contra dealsduring the Reagan Administration.
There was Ollie in front of God and country getting the third. But what hesaid stunned me. He was being drilled by some senator I didn’t recognize whoasked him;
‘Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home securitysystem?’
Oliver replied, ‘Yes I did, sir.’
The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience,
‘Isn’t thisjust a little excessive?’
‘No sir,’ continued Oliver.
‘No. And why not?’
‘Because the lives of my family and I were threatened.’
‘Threatened? By who.’
‘By a terrorist, sir.’
‘Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?’
‘His name is Osama bin Laden.’
At this point the senator tried to repeat the name but couldn’t pronounceit, which most people back then probably couldn’t. A couple of people laughedat the attempt. Then the senator continued.
‘Why are you so afraid of thisman?’
‘Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of.’
‘And what do you recommend we do about him?’
‘If it were me I would recommend an assassin team be formed to eliminate himand his men from the face of the earth.’
The senator disagreed with this approach and that was all they showed of theclip.
It’s scary when you think 15 years ago the government was aware of Osama binLaden and his potential threat to the security of the world.I guess like all great tyrants, they start small but if left untended spreadlike the virus they truly are.
Rogue-
Quite often we ask ourselves hard to answer questions, like, Whatis a sonofabitch? And we wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations,incomplete aphorisms and inconsistent sophism that make one more andmore sure that the only true thing is that a picture is worth a thousandwords.
In this photo, the guy on the right is a member of a bomb squad in midstof a deactivation. The guy behind him, well, he’s a sonofabitch.
Bikernet Caribbean Report—We are guessing Bandit’s already cruising the Caribbean Sea in the USSRustbucket on his way to Panama. I hope his stomach is strong cause theweather is anything but nice this time of year. Looking at what’s goingon in the West, seems like it’s colder than a seal’s butt, and all thatweather rolls down in waves and rain to this part of the world. All we cando is wish him the best luck ever.As life goes, everyone is freezing in the North and now our best ridingseason starts, cooler weather and less rain , ’till the cold fronts come,makes our riding very pleasant. Rides and more rides are starting todevelop for the season. Every Sunday we can find an event going onsomewhere in the island (too bad we still have tons of work) but ourcustomers come into the shop and tell us about their rides. Maybe what I’mtrying to say is that Christmas is the best time ever for us in PuertoRico, we get to see a lot of friends, party and ride around if we have anyfree time, plus the shop does better and better. Maybe I will sound like atourism board TV ad, but if you wanna get out of the miserable cold,consider San Juan, and if you do, please come by the shop, we will point youin the right direction.The guy that was buying the WCC chopper featured here in Bikernet hasbacked out, so the bike is for sale. Please let us know if interested, weare asking $30,000. The bike will be featured in an upcoming The Horseissue.
Watch out for the upcoming hubless wheel from Choppers Inc. Billy did somepretty trick stuff to it. My guess is that it will be featured in The Horsepretty soon.
We received a call from our Curacao friends, who are planning a three-day ridein late March. We will try our best to attend and will make sure to reportevery detail here on Bikernet.
We just got news that the next HOG Caribbean Rally will take place in theDominican Republic. It sounds like a fresh change and knowing our islandneighbors, they will go all out to make all the attendees more than athome.
Well guys, that?s about it. I will go check the new Bourget’s factory and postsome photos next week. The cheapo chopper is on the welding process sothere?s nothing new, WCC No. 2 will be out of the paint booth by this weekendand the final assembly will start.
Take care and see ya next week…….Weasels, you can fool some people some of the time, but can’t fool all thepeople all the time.
Jose – Caribbean Bikernet Report
A man asked his wife, “If you could have anything in the world for oneday, what would you want?””I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, hegot her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. Whataday! He put her on every ride in the park: The Death Slide, TheScreamingLoop, The Wall of Fear, everything there was. Wow!Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling andher stomach upside down. Off to McDonald’s they went, where herhusband ordered her a Big Mac, extra fries and a refreshingchocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie: the latest Hollywoodblockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M & Ms. What a fabulousadventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed intobed.He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what did it feel likebeingsix again?” She opened one eye and looked at him and said “You idiot! Imeant my dress size!”
The moral of this story is:
“If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, He’ll still get itwrong!”
Beware Of The Budweiser Frog! — Someone is sending out a very cute screensaver of the Budweiser Frogs.
If you download it, you will lose everything! Your hard drive will crashand someone from the Internet will get your screen name and password! DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! It just went into circulation yesterday. Please distribute this message.
This is a new, very malicious virus and not many people know about it. This information was announced yesterday morning from Microsoft. Please share it with everyone that might access the Internet.
Once again, Pass This Along To EVERYONE in your address book so that this may be stopped. AOL has said that this is a very dangerous virus and that there is NO remedy for it at this time. This is VERY important. If you receive a screen saver from a friend or anyone you may not know with the Budweiser Frogs in it, DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT OR OPEN THE FILE! Press the forward button on your e-mail program and send this notice to EVERYONE you know. Let’s keep our e-mail safe for everyone.
The Golden Phone— An author decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country.
On his first day, he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call.”The author, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000, you could talk to God. The author thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. “OK, thank you,” said the author.
He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, Boston, New York and all the way to Anchorage. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same “$10,000 per call” sign under it.
The author, upon leaving Alaska, saw a poster for Hawaii and decided to see if people in Hawaii also had the same phone. He arrived in Honolulu, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read “10 cents per call.”The author was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. “Father, I’ve traveled all over America and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in every state, the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?”
The priest smiled and answered, “You’re in Hawaii now son, it’s a local call.”
FINAL REPORT — This report is coming to you off the coast of Florida somewhere between Miami and Orlando. I’ll be pulling into Savannah tomorrow morning for some pecan pie. You are getting this jumbled mess through a world wide iridium satellite phone and modem. These reports will come to you from wherever I am as we truck across the Atlantic to Hamburg and Italy and through the Med to the Suez Canal. Stay tuned.
Now go for a ride and have a beer on me, goddamnit.
–Bandit
November 29, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
When I arrived in Houston, the cabby didn’t want to admit that he knew where the port was or how to get there. He nervously drove through the gates and down to the docks. It was dark and the docks were poorly marked, so we had to find markings on some of the ships. Actually, some were such rust buckets that markings and names were difficult to find. We finally reached the scow Leon, which was tied up beside collapsing buildings and next to a dock strewn with busted pallets and battered fork lifts. Some military construction equipment painted a dark green with camouflage treatment sat next to the ship with flat tires.
The cabby nervously waited beside his van as I unloaded my bags. Three short Filipinos in grease-soaked overalls ran down the rattling gang plank to snatch up my bags. I asked the cabby to hang to take me to town for grub, but he refused. As soon as my last bag was gone, he jumped back in his vehicle and split without even charging me. I didn’t even have a knife on me; they were still in my bags.
The gangplank was the first indication of the quality of vessel I was escaping on. It was constructed from aluminum angle iron some 30 years ago. The damn thing was only about a foot and a half wide. As it deteriorated, pieces of mild steel angle iron were bolted across it for strength and to keep crew from slipping. Even wood was screwed to it to fill holes. There were no railings, just rope pulled through rings andold netting that wouldn’t prevent anything from falling into the oily sewage between the ship and the pier.
The ship is 584 feet long and 85 feet wide. It belongs to the historic Rickmier line out of Hamburg Germany, but doesn’t carry a usual Rickmers name. The more I saw of the ship the more I knew why. Tramp Steamer is an accurate description. The first night aboard someone left the air conditioning on all night and we about froze to death. The next night the crew tried to cook us in our cabins. The officers are polish and the crew Philippino. The Captain speaks broken English and so does the steward. The Phillipinos don’t speak Polish and the Poles don’t speak Phillipino. This particular ships has six cranes and the same number of holds and each hold has several layers. It’s a general cargo ship which means it packs anything and everything all over the world. If they can hoist the motherfucker on board, they’ll take it. If there’s not room in the holds and they can strap it to the deck, they will. This in not generally a container ship, so it usually spends more time in port off-loading and loading more goods.
They were scheduled to depart on Tuesday and I was originaly planning to arrive on Monday and going to have dinner withBilly Tinney, the editor of Tattoo Magazine Monday, who lives in Houston and should be editing a magazine on antique gun sales. It’s better that I arrived on Saturday. Sunday after setting up my cabin I took a bus to downtown through the ghetto to the upscale shopping area to buy some much needed communications equipment and gym equipment for my cabin. Monday afternoon the Captain anxiously announced with five minutes notice that we were pulling out. We yanked for the docks by a tug and headed out the canal past Galveston and the Battleship Texas Memorial and into the Gulf of Mexico.
DEAR BIKER ABBY– Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing — your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closertogether.
Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friendswithout you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook himanice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Anight out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happyhe is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when hegets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him anice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much asyou should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood.
Stop beingso selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral on himand cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.
A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
This is pretty good:
This was in the Washington Post… the title of the article was “BestCome Back Line Ever.”
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence,22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, publicindecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse onMonday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decidedto stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there wasno one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” hestated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulledover to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt wasappropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfyhis alleged “need”. “Guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evidentembarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett Countypolice car approaching and was unaware of his audience until OfficerBrenda Taylor approached him.
“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “Iwalked up to (Lawrence) and he’s… just working away at this pumpkin.” Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.”I just went up and said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that youare copulating with a pumpkin?'” He froze and was clearly very surprisedthat I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, “Apumpkin? Damn …is it midnight already?”
Hey…Here’s some shots from our next issue, the James Gang shot is going on the cover. We shot Jesse and Gang in Cali a few months ago with his newest creation and some fox he found. There is also a very inside interview with Jesse and Frank Kozik. Its a killer issue as usual.
Geno “the pusha”
The Horse Rules
Cantina Soap Opera– Chapters are rolling in and the Cantina is heating up. You may not want to miss the action. Keep in mind that there’s a couple of writers involved in this program, so if she’s got blue eyes and long red hair in one chapter and she’s a short haired big titted dyke in the next I’m innocent.
Here are the latest Cantina winners. These lucky people win an signed copy of Orwell just for signing up in the Cantina.
Brian Rodgers of Allentown, PA
Terry & Julie McCarty of Bethpage TN
Wayne Wheat of Odessa, TX
Bern Meighen of Canton, Ohio
We also have a winner of the Cantina Door Prize Giveaway.
Thomas Brown wanted Bandit’s mouse pad since he won’t be around to use it. O.K. Brian, you got it. Don’t complain about the dirt on it because you could have asked for a new one. But Bandit’s old one it will be.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’sbirthday and as they had not been dating very long, after carefulconsideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, theclerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheartgot the panties.
Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: “I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but shewears short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearingfor the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yourson for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contactwith them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!
All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
Narrows Saloon Calendar, Featuring Donnie Smith Custom Motorcycles
Top quality 17×24 – 12 month calendar features beautiful Minnesota locations, models and the extraodinary craftsmanship of Master Motorcycle Builder Donnie Smith.
An industry legend since 1971. Minnesota based Donnie Smith and his custom motorcycles have been feature in nearly every motorcycle publication both nationally and internationally as a master builder an patent holder. Named to the Sturgis National Hall of fame in 1995, Donnie Smith is not only tops in his field, but a great Minnesota institution.
Celebrate the open road, cool bikes and hot babes with this stunningly beautiful limited edition calendar.
Coming soon to The Bikernet Gift Shop! Watch for them.
When in Santa Paula, CA.,
You have to visit the California Oil Museum. Featuring “Bikes And Badges” Motorcycles of the Police & Military.
Exhibit runs from Nov. 4th. to Feb. 22, 2002.
We have two pair of Gift Passes to the first two emails two sinwu@earthlink.net. (Submit only if you know you can make it.)
Enjoy!
Continued On Page 2
November 22, 2001
By Bandit |
This is going to be short and sweet. I’m on call for a turkey dinner and actually I should be over there now helping Sin Wu with preparations, but I’m waiting here for bike parks and Jack Daniels. Suppose that’s an indication or my priorities.
On the other hand, I want to wish all a helluva Happy Thanksgiving. We have much to be thankful for, and if nothing else take a moment to ponder that thought today. We’re lucky motherfuckers. Let’s get to the news:
BIKERNET FAMILY COUNSELING– A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!
The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to class and behave. The teacher and Harry both agreed.
The Test:
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9”.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36”.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know, Harry answered correctly. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third grade.”
The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?”
The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment, “Legs.”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” Harry replied, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants”
Teacher: What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid ?
Harry: Coconut
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog can do on three legs?
Harry: Shake hands
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up,and I get wet before you do. What am I?
Harry: A Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Harry: A Wedding ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
Harry: A Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
Harry: An Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?
Harry: A Fire truck
The principal interrupted, breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”
–from Chris T.
How we spend Thanksgiving in the Caribbean.
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– We hope that everyone is having an excellent Thanksgiving day ! This dayreminds us to be thankful for all the stuff we have, to be able to ridechoppers, to be able to tell stories, to breathe and see the next daylight.We shall give thanks for the ability to read and write what the hell wechoose, to be able to reach millions of people by this forum, to have lovedones that care about our well being and support us in the down times. To beable to read or see the, lately, tragic news and not being them. Thanksfor being able to get on the bike, kick the stupid helmet and roll down thehighways letting our world and worries pass by, taken by the wind thatsnaps at our ears, and with the corner of our eyes see those grand sights,hills, beaches, woods, deserts, that let’s us know we are still humans.
The HOG Caribbean Rally took place last week end, it was a 3-day ridearound the island of Puerto Rico. The attendance was in the hundreds with afew brave visitors from the US and Europe. This kind of event is anexcellent way to visit the island, but as other new rides it’s flawsovercome it’s pluses. We hope that in following years the organizers willtake advice from people who are non HOGand just work together to make a better event. Hope to sort the kinks andsee you next year in Puerto Rico.
Bourget’s Bike Works has moved to a new 2 acre building in Phoenix. Theopening will take place Dec 3 and 4 with the second dealers meeting.BBW promises even better service and more space to do those super coolcustoms. Seems that the way to do it is to start small and thengrow….Some other bike companies should learn something from them.Congrats Roger and Brigitte !
The guys from the “Factory” showed up at the Caribbean Rally and sponsor aride in bike show, this year our Road King took second place, leaving firstto a fireman from New York on his cruiser. Cool guys, I would have done thesame,(the bike was featured a couple weeks ago).
WCC number two is already on the paint booth, final mock up was done and wehope to have something worth of photos in a week or so. We will have thebike around Bike Week in March.
Our Build the cheapest bike project is on the way and here’s thedevelopment.The frame was found at Custom Chrome, a Santee rigid in special sale wichkept it way under the thousand bucks. We found a set of sporty triple treesthat came out of an accident, a little cutting and polishing did it , alsowe just did an FXR and the sliders and tubes were “donors” , the front 21inch wheels came from the same bike.Our rear fender was a half left fromanother project, bungs and struts were done from steel. We found and oldsoftail spoke wheel, took the hub and spokes and are looking for a wide rimto lace the wheel. A peanut chopper tank was found for 40 bucks, as well asrisers and bars saved from the piles of takeoffs, the front caliper wasalso from the takeoffs box and its a “factory” one. We decided to buy newtires, so the 21 front and 16 rear are already there. Total aproxinvestment ’till now $840.00. We have a lot of takeoff parts that will beused and are into the cheapo chopper box, will report on them in followingweeks.
I read replies at You Shot, thanks for your support. If anyone has questions shoot them or e-mail me at Demiguel@compuserve.com, make sure to add bikernet, or I’ll delete them as junk mail.
Oh well, time to go rest since we have lots to do, next week we will showthe FXR we just did, also the progress in WCC # 2, and the new shirts fromthe shop available at $20.00 shipping included. Like I said at thebeginning, Have a great Thanksgiving day !.Hey !!!! POP goes the Weasel !!!
–Jose Caribbean Bikernet “turkey stuffed” agent.
GREETINGS AND SALIVATIONS– WE HOPE ALL YOU MUGS HAVE A HAPPY & HEALTHY TURKEY DAY.WE WISH WE COULD GET ALL YOU GUYS TOGETHER FOR AN OLD FASHIONED TURKEY STUFFIN, BUT I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR?THIS ?STINKIN E MAIL..THE PANHEAD IS IDLING OUT IN THE SHED WITH A 20 LB BIRD?STRAPPED SECURLY BETWEEN THE JUGS, ROASTIN AWAY, THE SPUDS ARE RESTING ON THE STRAIGHT PIPES AND THE CRANBERRIES ARE COOKING IN THE EXHAUST FUMES.
A REMINDER THAT FESTAVUS OFFICALLY BEGINS TOMORROW, SO I’LL BE SENDING YOU ALL THE FLAKINGS OF THE OFFICIAL ALUMINIUM POLE SHORTLY. SO KICK BACK, OPEN THE TEQUILLA JUG AND HAVE YERSELVES A HAPPY AND HEALTHY…..
LOVE TO ALL
TEDDY BEAR & MAGGIE
STUD ROOSTER INTERVIEWED–A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new studrooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster strutsover to the old rooster and says, “Ok old fart, timefor you to retire.”
The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannothandle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has doneto me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hensover in the corner?”
The young rooster says, “Beat it! You are all washedup and I’m taking over.”
The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud.I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever winsgets the exclusive domain over the entire chickencoop.”
The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t standa chance old man, so just to be fair I will give youa head start.” The old rooster takes off running.About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes offrunning after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse andtheyoung rooster has closed the gap.He is already about 5 inches behind the old roosterand gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spoton the front porch when he sees the roosters runningby. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows theyoung rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, “Damn it,that’s the third gay rooster I bought this month.”
Moral of this story …Don’t mess with the OLD FARTS!
–Emma
ROSCOE DRAG RACING REPORT–My ol’ buddy Geoff sent this to me. Thought you’d like to see who won at Roscoe’s.Roscoe’s Ole Tyme Harley Drags results,Nov. 18th, 2001,Big Fun in Central Florida.
Top Fuel
winner Chuck Jones
r/u Doc Hopkins
semi Joe Coursey
semi Sonny Mickalowski
broke Ray Cason
Top Gas
winner Eddie Strauss
r/u Harley Bishop
Street King
winner Donnie Huffman
r/u Willie Herschberger
Pro Bracket
winner.. Donnie Huffman
r/u Bob Drapp
Trophy Bracket
winner Larry Guy
r/u Jerry Snider
Buell
winner Phil Hines
r/u Frank Giambatlista
Big Twin Evo
winner Willie Herschberger
r/u Scott Trahan
Twin Cam 88
winner Pat Doyle
r/u Jeff Herschberger
Ladies
winner Glenna Campana
Dresser
winner..Willie Herschberger
Old Pharts
winner.. Tree
r/u Sleezer
Special thanks to all that worked so hard to make this race come off in a timelyfashion even with two rain delays & an oil-down.
Photographers: ?Miserable George & English Jim
Thanks again…….Roscoe’s race director….Geoff White
–Charlie Brewton
SAM “CHOPPER” ORWELL BOOK REVIEW–I don’t know if you’ve seen the issue with the “Sam Chopper review in it but this is the link to it on the web if you want to see it.www.dixierider.com/pastissues/november%202001/royal.htm#bottom
–Scott cochran
Dixie Rider Motorcycle News
Sam is available in the Bikernet Gift Shop or through CSI above.
THINGS THA SOUND “DIRTY” AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN’T– “Talk about a huge breast!”
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
“It’s Cool Whip time!”
“If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
“Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
“Don’t play with your meat.”
“Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
“How long will it take after you stick it in?”Happy Thanksgiving!?
–from Chris T.?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING…….
“Twas the Night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The Leftovers beckoned – the Dark Meat and White
But I fought the Temptation with all of my Might.
Tossing and turning with Anticipation
The Thought of a Snack became Infatuation.
So, I raced to the Kitchen, flung open the Door
and gazed at the Fridge, full of Goodies Galore.
I gobbled up Turkey and Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles and Carrots, Beans and Tomatoes.
I felt myself Swelling so Plump and so Round,
‘Til all of a Sudden, I rose off the Ground.
I crashed through the Ceiling, floating into the Sky
With a Mouthful of Pudding and a Handful of Pie.
But, I managed to Yell as I soared past the Trees….
Happy Eating to All – pass the Cranberries, please.
May your Stuffing be Tasty, May your Turkey be Plump.
May your Potatoes ‘N Gravy have Nary a Lump,
May your Yams be Delicious May your Pies take the Prize,
May your Thanksgiving Dinner stay off of your Thighs.
May your Thanksgiving be Blessed!!
THE JOURNEY SOON BEGINS–Thought I’d say my good-bye in my own weird way a little early as I?know you are busier than all get-out. This is an excerpt from the book about Meriwether Lewis, “Undaunted Courage” by Stephen E Ambrose, almost halfway through.??When it was written, their location was at Fort Mandan?in the center of North Dakota where they had just experienced one of the coldest winters ever recorded for the area.? The date was April 6 & 7, 1805.??The mis-spells were the way he actually wrote. It made me think of the journey you are about to begin. Sure your situation is not?closely comparable to his?but the anticipation must be.
April 6,Lewis predicted that the expedition would reach the Pacific Ocean that summer, then return as far as the head of the Missouri, or perhaps even as far as Fort Mandan, for the winter of 1805-6. He told Jefferson, “You may therefore expect me to meet you at Monachello in September 1806.”
Lewis’s concluding paragraph must be the most optimistic report from the field from an army officer about to set off on a great venture that any commander-in-chief ever received: “I can foresee no material or probable obstruction to our progress, and entertain therefore the most sanguine hopes of complete success. As to myself individually I never enjoyed a more perfect state of good health, than I have since we commenced our voyage. My inestimable friend and companion Capt. Clark has also enjoyed good health generally. At this moment, every individual of the party are in good health, and excellent sperits; zealously attatched to the enterprise, and anxious to proceed; not a whisper of discontent or murmur is to be heard among them; but all in unison, act with the most perfect harmoney. With such men I have everything to hope, and but little to fear.”
April 7,”Our vessels consisted of six small canoes, and two large perogues. This little fleet altho’ not quite so rispectable as those of Columbus or Capt. Cook, were still viewed by us with as much pleasure as those deservedly famed adventurers ever beheld theirs; and I dare say with quite as much anxiety for their safety and preservation. we were now about to penetrate a country at least two thousand miles in width, on which the foot of civillized man had never trodden; the good or evil it had in store for us was for experiment yet to determine, and these little vessells contained every article by which we were to expect to subsist or defend ourselves. however, as this the state of mind in which we are, generally gives the colouring to events, when the immagination is suffered to wander into futurity, the picture which now presented itself to me was a most pleasing one. entertaing as I do, the most confident hope of succeeding in a voyage which had formed a darling project of mine for the last ten years, I could but esteem this moment of my departure as among the most happy of my life.”
Send reports back to us like Lewis did to Jefferson – except by internet, not canoe, of course.? Have a wonderful journey, I’ll be wondering what you are up to.
–Helen
Aye, aye, Ms. Captain, ma’am. We’ll have reports weekly.–Bandit
FROM THE “SO TRUE” FILES–Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur’s court. He hada long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen’s voluptuousbreasts. But he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day herevealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King’schief physician. Horatio said “I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000gold coins to pay bribes”. Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching lotion and poured alittle of it into the Queens brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soonafter she dressed the itching commenced and grew in intensity. Uponbeing called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only aspecial saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch,and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michaelthe Dragon Master’s mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master and issued the imperialcommand. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote to the itchinglotion, which Horatio had given him, into his mouth and for the nextfour hours worked passionately on the Queen’s magnificent breasts.Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demandingpayment.
However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatioanything and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never reportthis matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotioninto King Arthur’s loincloth. And Michael the Dragon Master was againsummoned by the King.
Moral of the story: Pay your bills.
–From Forrest
A FINAL JOKE–A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle.He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill”. The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house”, the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off”. The man takes another look through the scope, and says,
“You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”
–from Rogue
TIME FOR TURKEY–I agree, not much to do with motorcycles, but what the hell. Just be thankful that I put anything together at all. I’ve now got a brother Hamster in the hospital due to a bad accident. We wish Domenic all the best, and a member of the Uglies is also down. We also wish him swift recovery. For all who are up, alive and riding, have a safe, comfortable and fulfilling weekend. Ride forever, Bandit.
November 15, 2001 Part 1
By Bandit |
Hey, I wish I knew what was up. Yesterday, I was minding my own business scrambling through another colorful day on the coast when Nuttboy showed up for lunch. Sin Wu was at the pad and we were taking care of some business. Nuttboy and I usually go to lunch once a week to discuss book ideas, creative projects for the site and story lines for the Cantina drama, our Bikernet soap opera. Sin Wu knows our schedule, but I could tell by the glint in her college co-ed eyes that something was amiss.
You know the feeling when a woman gives you that look, or doesn’t look at all, and her words become short and quiet. So I asked her if she wanted us to pick something up for her. No answer. Here’s a shot of her two years ago in Japan, before her boob job.
So Nuttboy and I stomped out of the headquarters. I only got a block away before my cell phone rang. I didn’t want to answer it and have my day ruined by another psycho broad, but I pressed the button.
“You ruined my day,” was how she initiated the conversation. “I want sex and there’s no food in the house. You’re leaving for months and I won’t have you. I mad. Don’t say anything to Nuttboy.”
Hell, I didn’t know what to say and thought better than to add to the conversation.
“I hanging up now,” she said, and the phone went dead.
I ground my teeth and we continued down the road to the Lighthouse Cafe, where Nuttboy and I debated the direction of the Cantina drama. I tried to hold down a discussion while thinking that I should be back at the Bikernet headquarters strapping the help to the bed. Women. Let’s get to the news, but later I’ll throw some ideas out that Nuttboy and I discussed for the “Chance Goes to sea” book.
BIKER ELECTED MAYOR– The Bikernet Digital Gangster is fighting off a group trying to put a casino in his back yard. Got a biker mayor named Fuzzy in Snoqualmie. He’s trying save the bears. Way to go Digital! – Helen
NCOM COAST-TO-COAST BIKER NEWS–Compiled and Edited by BILL BISH,NATIONAL COALITION OF MOTORCYCLISTS. Here are some briefs from the NCOM Biker news. For the full stories go to Bikers’ Rights on Bikernet:
OHIO CONSIDERS BIKER ANTI-DISCRIMINATION BILL. As fall comes into full swing, the legislative staff of the Ohio Motorcyclists Coalition has been hard at work through the summer advancing the cause of equal access for all motorcyclists. House Bill 238, which seeks to outlaw discrimination against motorcyclists, now has the support of at least 24 Ohio representatives, and it has passed its first sponsors hearing.
U.S. SUPREME COURT APPROVES ROADBLOCKS The U.S. Supreme Court concluded that it is constitutional for law enforcement officers to set up roadblocks to randomly check motorists and other road users for proper driver’s licenses.
S.C. SUPREME COURT HEARS TATTOO CASE South Carolina’s highest court heard a challenge to the state’s tattooing ban, focusing on whether the practice is an issue of free speech or public health, reports the Associated Press.
HORSE MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS AVAILABLE ON BIKERNET–Yep, that’s right, and if you like homebuilt bikes, Triumphs and choppers, this is the mag for you.
“Here’s a shirt we are coming out with next week (kozik design),” said Geno, the art director, during a drunken party in the Keys.
Below is a teaser of an upcoming cover of the HORSE. Don’t miss it.
Two twin lovelies are two issues away. (Jesse is on the next cover, then the Biktoberfest cover.) Here’s the cover chick for the next issue that was printed yesterday and goes on sale Dec. 24.
Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a roomtogether?
A: 100 people who don’t do dick.
–from Hamster Terry
DONNIE SMITH FRONT END?–Donnie Smith, notoriously famous bike builder from Minneapolis, has developed the first girder front end in two decades. Two years ago in Sturgis he unveiled the prototypes. We’re not sure that this is one of his units, but we’re checking.
The above shot came from Rogue. “Check out the front suspension (along with the RevTech calipers and wheels) on this 2500cc V-Twin.” Rogue’
SLOW BUT SURE DRAGS COVERAGE– The Woodburn?ladders are posted in the “Down the Track” section. I’ll be working on the Las Vegas race over the next month or two. The digital camera worked real well for its first time out at Vegas and it worked great at the Guggenheim’s “Art of the Motorcycle”. As for the points, you’ll have to go to the AHDRA website for the final results of the 2001 race season at Top 10 Excuses Not To Exhibit At Intermot: The Largest Motorcycle ShowIn The World– 10. I am allergic to pretzels. We can’t overcome reasons 2 through 10, but we can help you live up to yourfull marketing potential in a worldwide forum. As the Global ProjectDirector for Munich Trade Fairs North America, I am constantly hearingcreative excuses why companies do not want to go abroad to exhibit at atrade show. The fact of the matter is that most people who have neverbeen to Europe for business are afraid of the unknown. That is wherewe come in. Intermot Facts: Our USA pavilion is the perfect way for companies to gain internationalexposure without exhausting all of their resources. We provide thebooth, furnishings, carpeting, electrical services, access totranslators and the use of the USA exhibitor lounge starting at justunder $5,000. Melanie Pelouze Here’s how rumors get started. POLICE STATE THREAT– By Kelly Patricia O’Meara If the United States is at war against terrorism to preserve freedom,a new coalition of conservatives and liberals is asking, why is it doing soby wholesale abrogation of civil liberties? They cite the Halloween-weekpassage of the antiterrorism bill – a new law that carries the almostpreposterously gimmicky title: “Uniting and Strengthening America byProviding Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct TerrorismAct” (USA PATRIOT Act). Critics both left and right are saying it not onlystrips Americans of fundamental rights but does little or nothing to securethe nation from terrorist attacks. Rep. Ron Paul of Texas, one of only three Republican lawmakers tobuckthe House leadership and the Bush administration to vote against thislegislation, is outraged not only by what is contained in the antiterrorismbill but also by the effort to stigmatize opponents. Paul tells Insight,”The insult is to call this a ‘patriot bill’ and suggest I’m not patrioticbecause I insisted upon finding out what is in it and voting no. I thoughtit was undermining the Constitution, so I didn’t vote for it – and thereforeI’m somehow not a patriot. That’s insulting.” Paul confirms rumors circulating in Washington that this sweeping newlaw, with serious implications for each and every American, was not madeavailable to members of Congress for review before the vote. “It’s myunderstanding the bill wasn’t printed before the vote – at least I couldn’tget it. They played all kinds of games, kept the House in session all night,and it was a very complicated bill. Maybe a handful of staffers actuallyread it, but the bill definitely was not available to members before thevote.” GETTING THE MONEY– We’ve all heard the phrase “you learn something new everyday.” Well,here’s today’s lesson: Think before you speak! This actually happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshmanraised her hand and asked, “If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?” “That’s correct,” responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?” After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red and, as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return. However, as she was going out the door, the professor’s reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question. “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day.” Continued On Page 2
9. Germans do not believe in “lite beer.”
8. I look foolish in lederhosen.
7. Cuckoo clocks give me a headache
6. I have trouble pronouncing “Aufwiedersehen.”
5. I yodel off key.
4. I cannot spell October with a “k”.
3. The animal rights group I support will not permit me to eat wienerschnitzel.
2. I’m scared to ride my bike on the Autobahn and I can’t admit it.
1. It’s too expensive, I don’t have distributors and I don’t know how.
1,100 exhibitors
150,000 visitors
82 countries
2,000 journalists
Bikers Camp
Sept. 17-22, 2002, during Oktoberfest!
Global Project Director
Munich Trade Fairs North America Corp.
120 South Riverside Plaza, Suite 1460
Chicago, Ill. 60606 USA
Direct: +1-312-377-2650
Fax: +1-312-377-2660
mpelouze@munichtradefairs.com
www.munichtradefairs.com