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Read More March 21, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
Ink, Ink, Ink!!!
Here is a tattoo for ya! This back piece will be in Skin and Ink magazine pretty soon or already is out. His name is ‘Repo’. He is an actor and has danced with Calista Flockhart and recently fought with Burt Reynolds for a commercial for Maaco. He has a lot of great ink mostly be Mike Pike ‘Pshyco City Tattoo’ in Lancaster, Calif. This was a tattoo contest in Laughlin, Nev. He will probably be participating again this year. What a great run that is. Okay hope to see this picture posted on your site.
Later…. Laura
HOLD-UP GOES AWRY IN ANN ARBOR–: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that aman walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said hecouldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Please note that these people are allowed to vote
NUTTBOY’S PROJECT FXR–It appears that the next project bike to roll out of the Bikernet Garage will be a ground up mystery motorcycle for the strange and unusual staff member Nuttboy. A Renaissance man, artist and college professor, Nuttboy’s major problem is that he’s short yet a spry judo champion, so we must build accordingly.
The plan it to build a robust fighting machine that’s different from anything that walks on the highways today. One of my inspirations was a bike built by Russ Tom at Downtown Seattle Harley-Davidson. Russ is a master in the custom bike arena and there’s only one other Harley dealer who focuses as much of his dealership on truly custom motorcycles and that Bob McKay in Canada.
Russ built a tight black rigid a couple of years ago with a twist. He shrunk it. He shortened the frame, tanks and front-end to give the bike a very snug, well proportioned look. Five years before Russ dreamed up his project the owner of the Broken Spoke Saloon in Sturgis, and a small shop outside Bisbee, Ariz., Jay Allen, did the same with a 45-inch trike. He narrowed the rear end and cut the frame to match the size of the engine, then shortened a front end to fit. Tightest trike you’ve ever scene.
We’re going to do the same with the chassis you see here for the ——– wild man, Nuttboy. There’s a competent frame guy in the Los Angeles are who goes by the name the Frame Doctor who we will see out to modify the frame and shorten the swingarm. We will machine a short set of leg for the front end then go to work on developing sheet metal and a tank to carry out the scheme.
We hope to kick this project off the drawing board within a week of my escape from the MV Leon out of the port of Houston. I’ll be on the first flight out of Houston for Los Angeles. Each segment will be available on the Bikernet as the bike comes together.
BIKERNET EAST REPORT FROM CRAZYHORSE–
I just finished up two features for The Horse. One about a pretty evil rigid I saw in Daytona. Geno had e-mailed me and asked if I would take a look at the bike and write something up. It turned into a extreme goose chase of sorts. The other article is a How-To-Do-Flames bit.
It was nice meeting Jose (Bikernet Caribbean) at the Rat’s Hole Show. Too bad he missed the bowling party. Billy Lane was relaxing there, basking in his well-deserved, builder of year victory. I met and hung out with all kinds of folks at the Rats Hole. It was the best time I ever had at that show. And I didn’t have single bike in it, first time in 9(?) years. Wow.
Well my Daytona Bikernet story this year in gonna be a very funny, wild one. I told Sin about it. She was stunned. She’d never heard anything like it, (do we have an official Bikernet Lawyer?)
Bandit asked me to do a personal experience story. I remember thinking, ‘ I hope something remotely wild or unique happens’. But a crazy hurricane of a woman blew in from the north. I was caught up in the storm before I knew it. Just ask the head gatekeeper at the Broken Spoke (or what’s left of it.) Right now I’m finishing up a few paint jobs before they get the rope out. Then I’ll open up that bottle of South Australian hooch and force myself to look through those Daytona pictures. Right now, it’s almost pumpkin time.– Crazy Horse
I wish I understood half of this. I’ll be waiting with baited breath for her report. Bandit
THE MAGIC SANDALS–This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with an Indian accent say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”
So the married couple walked in. The Indian man said to them “I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like great desert camel.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?”
The Indian man replied, “Just try dem on, Saiheeb.”
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Indian man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Indian’s thighs.
The Indian then began screaming,”YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!
BEACH RIDE 2002 REPORT–As I mentioned last week, I’m on the committee for the Beach Ride in Ventura, Calif., in June or July. (Someone gimme the date, will ya?) I’m responsible for the bike show, so if you would like to attend, drop a note to Bandit@Bikernet.com. Keep in mind that this in a charity event put on by the Uglies motorcycle club and the Exceptional Children’s Foundation of Los Angeles.
Bikernet makes it a policy to support organizations and charities that specifically deal with children’s issues for a couple of reasons: As a biker I was a shitty father. I believe with both parents working and under today’s stress kids need all the attention and breaks they can find and finally because kids represent our future. Without good ones we don’t have much of a future.
The contract with Ventura County Parks Commission was finalized only a few weeks ago. Also, WAR has been booked to perform. We’re off and running (with scissors).
At the last core meeting, the committee decided to produce thejournal prior to the event for distribution at the BR Kick-Off/LA #1 PokerRun as well as to bike shops. This means that the production deadline ismoved up 1 month to May 1. (Less than 6 weeks away!)
–Kia
This is great news!— Forwarded by Partners Of The Road?http://members.tripod.com/partnersoftheroad/
Last night, the Sunland Park N.M. City Council unanimously voted down the helmet law, modified it to adhere to the State of New Mexico requirements with the amendment that all persons under the age of 21 be required whether a passenger or rider to wear a helmet while riding rather than the state required age of 18years of age. Consider it a victory that we as adults have won the freedom of choice. I thank all involved and the collective groups involved intend to show our thanks to Sunland Park by holding an event at The Racetrack and Casino sometime soon. WTCOC, TMRA2, TX State Rep Norma Chavez, NMCOC, NMMRO, and thanks to Revv of ABATE for his efforts though he missed this meeting because he was in the Midwest on business participated greatly down here on the issue. Bottom line: All internal strife aside, THIS IS WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT!
What happened last night is what we really need to concentrate on in the state of New Mexico. We have a legislative session coming up , which is going to take all the legislative power we can COLLECTIVELY muster in order to gain ground on what we stand for.
Bandido Eugene 1%er
Secretary, Las Cruces Chapter
Chairman NMCOC
NMMRO commitee member
BREAK TIME–That’s it. That’s all the news I have. Hell, I don’t have any real gossip to spread, except that Sinwu asked me if it would be OK if she picked up on girls at the parties we attend. What should I tell her?
With some help and encouragement from Kenny Price, the master behind Samson Exhaust, I’m looking forward to hand-fabricating the exhaust for Nuttboy’s bike when I return.
I finished the first draft of my second Chance book a handful of rocking days ago. I believe that it is my best effort. I have two desperate projects hanging over my head as we steam toward Houston. I need to find a publisher who also believes in a Jack Daniels drinking biker’s prose and I better top off the first book in the series before I reach port.
Old Dawg, the bastard who loaned me a laptop that would connect with the satellite phone I use to stay connected to base with, he laughed the other day when he found out I finished the second book before the first book was complete. Very fuckin’ funny.
March 21, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
Hot Bike presents the White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show
2-Day Weekend Streetbike Extravaganza set for July 20-21 at the Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach
The Show features all-weekend entertainment with live music by two incredible bands, Powder and Soto, the most competitive bike contest on the West Coast with its prestigious Hot Bike magazine Best of Show Trophy, and a Bikernet.com party on Saturday night aboard the Queen Mary with a huge fireworks display. Other activities include The White Brothers West Coast Horsepower Dyno Shootout, a FastDates.com Calendar Girl Pageant, and of course the premier of the 2003 FastDates.com Calendars with the beautiful calendar models in attendance. Together with over 125 major motorcycle and related product manufacturers, distributors and select retail vendors involved in the street bike market. Event hosts include the legendary Keith Ball, a.k.a. Bandit, and the lovely Brenda Fox.
?Our change to the two-day format last year was a necessity and a huge success as the Calendar Bike Show continues to grow every year,? explained event producer Jim Gianatsis of Gianatsis Design, a motorsports advertising design agency which also produces the popular FastDates.com Motorcycle Pinup Calendars. ?Motorcycle enthusiasts love our show because of its quality and excitement, all the top custom and race bikes, beautiful models, and the fact it has been the only outdoor bike event in Los Angeles County, now located on the ocean?s edge at the beautiful Queen Mary Park.?
The expanded show not only gives fans more time to enjoy it, but it provides real value. When most admission prices at sporting events, race tracks and outdoor amusement parks cost $40 – $50 per day, our Bike Show?s low one-day admission price is just $15 ($20 for both days) and includes free admission to the Queen Mary (a $15 admission to tourists).
With all the additional attractions that Long Beach has to offers including the ferry boat to Catalina Island with a day?s activities there, the Aquarium, the downtown restaurants and clubs, plus what greater Los Angeles has to offer, the LA Calendar Motorcycle Show is a must do attraction for across-the-country visitors and it will continue to grow as a major motorcycle week destination like Laughlin, Daytona and Sturgis.?
Spectators and Exhibitors can find out more about The LA Calendar Motorcycle Show, the Bike Contest and all the available weekend activities online at www.FastDates.com.
One For The Irish—
Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt prettybadly so the morgue needed someone to identify thebody. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean also Irishmen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said “Yup,he’sburnt pretty bad. Roll him over”. So the morticianrolled him over. Seamus looked and said “Nope, itain’t Paddy”. The mortician thought that was ratherstrange and then he brought Sean in to identify thebody. Sean took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’sburnt real bad, roll him over”. The morticianrolled him over and Sean looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Paddy”. The mortician asked, “How can you tell?” Sean said, “Well, Paddy had two arseholes.” “What, he had two arseholes???” said the mortician. “Yup,everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, “Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes….”
International Martial arts BoxingSeminar with Panhead RiderRICHARD BUSTILLO–a member of the Black Belt Hall of Fame – Instructor of the Year Award, the World Martial Arts Hall of Fame – Pioneer Award, and the Filipino Martial Arts Hall of Fame – Life Time Achievement Award, has the distinction of being certified as a law enforcement defensive tactics instructor with the FBI, LAPD, and the LASD.
Sifu Bustillo is a founding member of the Bruce Lee Educational Foundation and a senior instructor of Bruce Lee’s Jun Fan Jeet Kune Do. He is a recognized 9th degree black belt and Grandmaster with the fame Cacoy Doce Pares Eskrima of Cebu, Philippines.Sat/Sun., Apr. 27 & 28, 2002 @ Integrated Martial Arts @ Fitness113 So. Livingston Ave., Livingston, NJ
The hands-on training is not designed to compete against your style but will compliment all levels from beginner to advanced. We will not teach you only martial art techniques. We will teach you to be able to develop it. We call this process Jun Fan Jeet Kune Do. Evolve with change for a simple and practical seminar. Under age 18 must have prior approval to attend. No spectators or video allowed. Come see why Richard Bustillo is one of the most acclaimed and sought after martial artist.
Jun Fan Jeet Kune Do Saturday Morning @ 9 A.M. to 11:30 A.M.Bruce Lee’s basic footwork, hand/foot speed, explosive power and strength drills, philosophies, and training concepts to enhance the three combat ranges below.
Jujitsu/Wrestling Saturday Afternoon @ 1 P.M. to 3:30 P.M.Learn basic standing and ground grappling. Sense body positioning for escapes and defense. Recognize submission holds, locking drills, reverses and counters.
Boxing/Muay Thai Sunday Morning @ 9 A.M. to 11:30 A.M.Bring focus gloves and Thai pads for offense/defense/counter drills on Boxing and Muay Thai. Understand training techniques for self defense and sport.
Cacoy Doce Pares Eskrima Sunday Afternoon @ 1 P.M. to 3:30 P.M.Bring double stick and single stick for training drills for Pangamot (empty hand), Agaw (disarming), Dumog (grappling), and Pormas (forms).
Fee: $100.00/Pre-registration by April 20, 2002$115.00/Door fee, $65.00/per day or $45.00/per sessioncontact: Sifu Don Edwards (973) 422-1500http://www.imafit.com
I was training with Sifu Bustillo before I left and will take up classes with the man when I return. He’s the best, his Panhead is almost as old has he is, but he can’t swim for shit.Bandit
Suckin? Up—These pics are from Rigid Frame Richard. He?s the man!
SCREAMIN? EAGLE NHRA PRO STOCK DRAG RACING TEAM DEBUTS IN GAINESVILLE
Expectations Remain High Even Though Team Doesn?t Qualify for Main Event
MILWAUKEE, WIS. – (March 18, 2002) The Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) Pro Stock Bike drag racing team made its debut at the NHRA Mac Tools Gatornationals in Gainesville, Florida this past weekend. Although the team didn?t make the show on Sunday, their expectations remain high they will become the first V-Twin in a full field of 16 to qualify for a Pro Stock Bike event and become competitive in the series.
?We knew going into the weekend we were not where we wanted to be with the new program. Doing final testing and tuning at the track was very risky business, but we also knew we would learn valuable information under actual race conditions,? said Mike Kennedy, director of marketing Harley-Davidson Parts and Accessories. ?While we didn?t accomplish the first part of our mission by not qualifying, we did learn a lot and got fantastic fan reaction and support in Gainesville.?
On Friday, the Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines team ran quarter-mile elapsed times (E.T.s) of 7.704 and 7.687 seconds. Saturday morning?s run dropped to an encouraging 7.572 but the team ended the afternoon session with a 7.691. The bump time for Sunday?s show was 7.396.
?Unfortunately, we put ourselves in a tough position, as we haven?t totally fine-tuned this V-Twin package. The good news is we are producing plenty of power, we just need to spend some more time testing and convert this power to much better times on the track,? said team engine builder Byron Hines.
The other good news coming out of the weekend came from rider GT Tonglet, who produced great reaction times (R.T.s) throughout qualifying, and was pleased with the potential of his new ride and the support of Harley-Davidson fans. ?The new Screamin? Eagle V-Rod is a blast to run and I?m happy with our progress,? said Tonglet. ?The fans in Gainesville were great. They were excited we were out there and let us know in the pits and from the stands.?
?Moving forward, the combination of resources we have on this program could not be better,? said Kennedy. ?Vance and Hines has an unmatched record in NHRA Pro Stock Bike. This team will figure it out and get us in the show.?
Craig Treble won the Gatornationals Pro Stock Bike final aboard his Matco Tools Suzuki with a .429 R.T. and a 7.248 E.T. at 184.17 MPH.
Screamin? Eagle Performance Parts are inspired by and built in the spirit of the raw adrenaline and power of motorcycle racing, offering both racing-grade and street-legal performance options for the Harley-Davidson motorcycle owner. Visit www.harley-davidson.com for more information.
Continued On Page 3
March 21, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
GEORGE CHRISTIE RELEASED—That’s right, after one of the biggest cases ever in Ventura County, Calif., courts fell apart, George Christie, his daughter and son were released. Several months ago, the entire Ventura County Chapter of the Hells Angels was arrested and a bunch of other suspects and the clubhouse was confiscated.
In the last couple days, the court cut George loose, returned most of the confiscated money and their clubhouse. George pleaded guilty to one charge of conspiracy and no contest to one count of tax evasion.
“I had to admit to being the boss,” George told me this morning via satellite phone from the middle of the Pacific.
I’ve known George for over 30 years and recently wrote a story in HORSE magazine about a Yuma Prison Run we went on in 1973. Watch for it.
CANTINA SOAP OPERA HEATS UP–When we kicked off Bandit’s Cantina, we decided that it needed its own soap opera, and so the Bandit’s Cantina Soap Opera was established. Of course it’s wild, racy and full of suspense. We endeavor to put up a new chapter every couple of weeks, after the board of directors fights over whether we’ve gone over the racy line or not.
Bikernet Caribbean Report—Another week is going by, seems like we are heading for the summer atextreme “velocipede,” with all the California rides, The Horse Smoke Out andSturgis. It’s all coming up sooner than we think….
Like I’ve said before, it’s a lot of fun meeting people in this industry. Wehave received lots of e-mails, calls and letters congratulating ourcontributions here and on various magazines, (and some bashing too) but ingeneral the responses have been more than positive. It still amazes me theamount of people who are reached by Bikernet and the magazines. We want tothank all those who took the time to say hi, to drop a message or to justcall on the phone. Thanks a lot guys! It’s not easy to do this stuff weekafter week, monthly in some cases, and juggle our pretty busy schedules inbetween, but, to tell you the truth, it’s all worth it. This is a great wayto say what I want to say every time I feel like it. Maybe in another lifewe could have helped Bandit when Easyriders was worth buying. Look at itthis way, we are 4,000 miles away from San Pedro, but we still manageto communicate every day with all of you. That’s amazing !
We don’tadvertise in magazines so our chances of having bikes featured are slim tonone, but we still manage to do it once in awhile, how come? Sweat, bustedknuckles, lots of work and, most important, very good friends we havemet along the way. The best of all is that this is only the beginning. Sure, we also receive our share of critics. We listen to the ones who make sense and say “fuck off” to the ones who just do it for the hell of it. All in all we are pretty happy with all this, just wish that we had more time,more resources, and more space to show what we’ve got. Oh well…..
I guess “I’m going editorial” like Bandit says, but since he won’t be herefor another couple of weeks…….
We were talking about bikes (so what’s new) and decided to refer to bikesin a different way. We were trying to use a word for a bike that is not achopper. We call them “normal” or “regular” bikes, but we ended up beingasked what normal was. (Good question.)
So we came up with a comparison. A normal bike is a Hot Bike bike, a Rubchopper is a Street Chopper bike and a cool chopper is a ?The Horse bike.?Easyriders and Biker mix them up so we could not use them, so let’s saythat a Ness bike is a Hot Bike, a Choppers Inc. is The Horse, am I makingsense? Jet ski graphics belong to Hot Bike, Flames, The Horse and on andon.
To make a long story short, if someone asks me if I like his bike, I sayit could be a Hot Bike bike. No one gets insulted and we all stay confused,simple! I’m saying this ’cause it seems like there’s more and more gaudy,complex bikes, and less simple ones (duuhh). A bike show will be won by themost colors, gadgets and chrome, not by craftsmanship or sweat. I have seenamazing bikes (in my opinion) that are ignored cause they don’t happen tohave flashy colors or the latest billetry. To those guys who know whatI’m talking about, we salute you! A trophy does not make a cool bike.
Ohwell, enough babbling, let’s hit the news…..
We heard that Frank Kaisler left Hot Rod Bikes magazine to search forgreener pastures. We will miss him and his crew (which seems to have vanishedfrom the mag too). We also miss the chicks in skimpy clothes but we guessthat the powers to be (Hot Bike who bought HRB) have different plans forthe publication…
Our local San Juan HOG chapter will have its first ride of the year thiscoming weekend. They are doing a two-day jaunt to the town of Ponce. It’sincredible that they allow them there after last time’s mayhem.Also the Desertores will have a ride April 7 in Caguas, followed by the big BBQ- presentation from our local H-D dealer. We aregoing to share space at one of our local malls in a Harley exhibition.It’s pretty cool when you can show your choppers at the same space as thefactory products (and invited by them, might I add). The exhibition featuresnew and old models(which, by the way, we provide Laughlin is near, so get ready for some fun in the desert. Also we heardthat 18 or so riders from Puerto Rico are heading over to Laconia, ridingin from Orlando, Fla. Quite a trip, we wish them the best. Also, we heard some rumors, and I MEAN rumors, that the third MotorcycleMania is on the drawing board. We really hope that the huge success ofthose two programs expands into a whole bunch of airplay for bikers ingeneral. Hell, maybe they will give us a call. Chaos in the Caribbean wouldbe a fun thing to watch. Time to get outta here, the wrenches are calling…..Ah! To finish this, weare working on a whole section of our bikes here in Bikernet(if the almighty Bandit gives us the space) as soon a we have the time wewill start sending those photos, hope you like them. See ya’ next week…. Jose — Caribbean (and sometimes World) Bikernet report. Jose, if Bandit doesn?t make room in the site for your bikes, I will. Sin Continued On Page 2
March 14, 2002 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
BIKERNET DEAL OF THE WEEK–Wassup bro, I’m tryin to sell some of my used parts on your site but don’t move around real well in cyber space, kind of like ridden a rigid halfway cross country and then goin’ out chasin’ whores and doin’ burnouts at the Iron Horse. How about E-mailing me back and smooth things out for me to run this list of parts…?
Know anybody looking for some early 900 sporty elec. start cases? How about a 54 K model?? Keep your powder dry bro, Larry, Larydababa@aol.com.
DAYTONA REPORTS–Over the next week you’ll see so much bullshit about Daytona, you’ll get cross-eyed. Rogue has already reported in. I’m hoping for something special for Joann Bortels who is also writing some of the bike mags.
Initially the report is, well here’s one quote, ” Just got back from Daytona, The weather was fucked so it wasn’t as crowded as usual.” from Larry. Another reliable source said that since this year followed the 60th numbers are expected to be down.
Watch for a series of reports to be launched shortly.
Leather Help From A Bikernet Regular—
The proper way to patch a hole in your jacket.
Before
BIKERNET REPORT ON BIKERNET REPORT ON–Month before last we almost hit 2 million hits. Here’s the latest, good or bad. We’re still growing, yet the hit count is down this month. John Siebenthaler said that hit counts aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on and he’s a marketing expert. That’s his business. So here are the other figures in addition to the hits.
These numbers are not generated by the staff, but an independent source, Web Trends, through our server. Does that mean they’re accurate? You goddamn right.
Date & Time This Report was Generated Saturday March 02, 2002 – 06:40:36
Timeframe 01/31/02 16:00:04 – 02/28/02 15:59:24
Number of Hits for Home Page 32,468
Number of Successful Hits for Entire Site 1,771,321
Number of Page Views (Impressions) 311,471
Number of Visits 109,496
Average Number of Hits Per Day 63,261
Average Number of Page Views Per Day 11,123
Average Number of Visits Per Day 3,910
Average Visit Length 00:08:20
Number of Unique Visitors 36,803
Engineers perspective
VENTURA, CALIFORNIA BEACH RIDE SIGNS WAR FOR SUMMER EVENT–Since I’m out of the loop except on the vicious rumors, don’t quote me. The Beach Ride which I’m a committee member of (missed a few meetings this year so far, oops) celebrated its 10th anniversary last year. This one-day event in July is a pure Charity Event for the Exceptional Children’s Foundation in Los Angeles. We at Bikernet support two efforts, grass roots motorcycle rights organizations and children’s charities. Last I heard the committee was still in negotiations with the Ventura Parks people over their usual location. Unfortunately the parks people are not a friendly bunch and hit up this wonderful charity for a large chunk of the profits. On a positive note the Beach Ride is sponsored by the Uglies Motorcycle Club which is very connected to the film and music industry and this event draws the best bands and this year they are already boasting WAR and perhaps Toto along with several major names who come every year. I’ll have more reports in the near future.
BELT DRIVE LIMITED LAUNCHED NEW CLUTCH SETS–This report takes the cake. Beyond knowing that BDL is launching a new line of clutches for big twins I know nothing. I mean it. I don’t know which models they will fit, if they will fit stock bikes, early years or only their own belt drive lines. I don’t know shit, and we’ve been trying to find out more for a few weeks. Check their section on the site and drop them a note. Maybe you can pull some weight from the boys at BDL and we can post more info.BDL
How good is your trailer hitch?
TAKE A BREAK–I mean it. We all work too fuckin’ hard trying to impress someone with a title, another degree or a pay raise. What the fuck for? The whole world is out there to enjoy. Life is too short and tomorrow your health or life could be scooped out from under you like magician yanking the lace table cloth out from under a silver place setting. That fast lane can change in a blink, so take some time to enjoy it, goddamnit. Make some time for your old lady and the kids instead of shoving them off to a fuckin’ daycare center or pushing them in front of a television, ’cause you’ve got bullshit paperwork to do at night. If you don’t have a family, take the time to ride, work on a scoot and chase women. It’s all part of the adventures of life. Ride Forever, Bandit.
March 14, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
Hey Bandit—I still can’t figure out why these back tires wear out so fast?Happy New Year from “Bikeweek”
Kyle…
CRUISING RIDER AND AMERICAN RIDER SHARE EDITORS–Buzz Buzzelli of American Rider fame was recently kidnapped from his office and is being held hostage in a small tin shed behind the Buell Factory in Wisconsin. It could have been something he wrote, or hell, something he didn’t. Josh Placa a true company man raised his hand at a recent board meeting at Ehlert Publishing Group and volunteered to edit two issues of American Rider during the strenuous negotiating process. Rumor has it that if Buzz is not freed before the summer waves of heat and humidity drench said shed, he’s dead.
Josh who is headquartered in Sedona, Arizona immediately called the Bikernet headquarters for assistance. American Rider has recently been smeared on the drawing board for design changes and with Josh at the helm, who knows what will happen. Watch for it and report in if you notice improvements.
The Lovely Sasha Reports In—-
Bandit:
This photo is from my most recent photo session with photographer KarenFuchs here in NYC. She’s a popular sports figure and music artistphotographer.
Bike is courtesy of Chrome & Custom Cycles in New Jersey, built by JC. Lovethe pants? Thanks to Jan’s custom leather designs at House of Rousseaux.She designed this whole outfit just for me. The matching halter is awesometoo, but the session lights were just too hot for a top!
Sweet dreams!
Love always,
Sasha
The HELLBENT Event—
We were very honored when the Monterey Boyz asked us to do this Event with them, Sonny, and HELLBENT Custom Motorcycles. It is truly going to be a Rock Star Weekend because the night before this Event is Oakland’s infamous and widely notorious St. Patty’s Day Party. The party at HELLBENT Custom Motorcycles kicks off at 10am the very next day… (I think you see where I am going with this)
So, come party like a Rock Star with us next weekend. Show us what you are made of. And if you do not wear anything GREEN, well, you’ve heard of the “PIMPIN’ CREW”? Well, you had better keep an eye out for the “PINCHIN’ CREW”!!
No Blue Shirts/Khaki Pants
DEVIL DOLLS MOTORCYCLE CLUB
Goth
“Afghanistan Liberal Cruise”– We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn’t forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W. Bush became President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who want to keep their promise.
ATTENTION:
Would Alec Baldwin, Barbara Streisand, Rosie O’Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue, David Geffen, Julia Roberts, Brad & Jennifer Pit, PierreSalinger, and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all U.S. assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, “Elation” which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan.
You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.
Please pack for an extended stay…at least four years and you should consider the possibility of eight years.
Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton- as captain, Al Gore-as cruise director, Monica Lewinsky- as recreation director, Ted Kennedy- as lifeguard and emergency procedures Director, Rev. Jesse Jackson-as spiritual advisor and marriage counselor, and ex-Congressman Gary Condit – as intern coordinator.
If you’ve any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her ‘village’ can raise your children (while you’re gone) and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
“Bon Voyage!”
—–Chris
Continued On Page 4
March 14, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
C.J. MASTER ENGRAVER PULLS MAJOR ENGRAVING CONTRACT FROM HORSE MAGAZINE–That’s right, HORSE magazine, the rag for brothers who like their hands constantly grimy with the grit of building choppers, hired C.J. to engrave 50 or more point covers in the only outlaw style he knows. Check the tech department for banners and an article on his craft.
He is the man when it comes to pure biker engraving. None of that frilly shit from Brockton, Mass, but hand engraved lightening bolts, flames and skulls. I’ve been the proud owner of a CJ point cover for 18 years. If I sell the bike, the cover never goes to the new owner. He’s damn good and we’re working on a series of “Bandit” parts for JIMS machine, that is if he ever finishes them. Only one problem. Like many artists he?s persnickety. Don’t sent money until you get your parts. Where’s my billet Yo-Yo motherfucker?
SIN WU AND BANDIT CELEBRATE 2ND ANNIVERSARY–On a romantic note, it’s true that Sin Wu has been sneaking into the Bikernet headquarters at noon before Layla gets home for 2 years. Since I’ve been out of town, I’ve nearly lost the wanton wench to Coral her play girl with big round suckable tits and skin so soft it would make a grown man cry just to touch her inner thigh.
I’ve been throughout the orient from Singapore, into Vietnam, Korea, three ports in China and now Japan, and I’ve yet to find a knockout who competes with Sin. Sure hope she’ll have me when I get home.
Happy Anniversary, Baby.
Tattoo Of The Week–
HOW NOT TO HANDLE A BEER RUN– Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Hillbilly Weather Station
NEW NORTH CAROLINA EVENT SHOOTS FOR DISCOVERY CHANNEL COVERAGE– Edge the founder and producer of the hottest new charity weekend event to rock North Carolina,The Smoke Out, is working with the Discovery Channel on coverage. “Last year I set a goal to try to get the Discovery Channel cover the Smoke Out,” said president Edge. The event is also sponsored by Bikernet.com and HORSE magazine and is contributing to the American Lung Association through the Run For Breath that is produced by Mike Pullin from Charlotte Harley- Davidson. Bandit is the master of ceremonies that charity run.”Gathering what information I could – I found out that Motorcycle Mania II which was on the air last year -was produced by Occidental Productions,” said Edge. Mania III is a program that covers the building of three custom motorcycles, then the builders ride their bikes to a selected event. Edge is hoping that the Smoke Out would be the event of choice.Tom Beers, the president of Occidental Productions has reported that they are shooting Motorcycle Mania III. Edge is currently working with Mr. Beers on the notion of bringing three world class builders to his event.We’ll report more on the Salisbury, North Carolina Smoke out in Weeks to come.
Hope to see you there!
Layla–
Continued On Page 3
March 14, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
Yep, well you’re absolutely right. I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground as usual, can’t control my women and the in the last port, I chased a slinky, silk, slit up the side Hua Fu dress for Sin Wu. It’s against the Code of the West to buy clothing for women. Jewelry is cool, a handbag a wallet or a car, but no clothes. You can’t win. If it’s too tight you’ve embarrassed her. If it’s too big, you’ve called her fat.
So how the hell would I know about the industry, get the cool insider info or be able to bring you the deal of the century? How the hell would I know, let’s see:
EASYRIDERS COLUMBUS SHOW TOPS OLD NUMBERS–That’s right the national show in February in Columbus pulled 18,000 onlookers. According to the editor, Dave Nichols, “I think attendance was up because of better radio coverage toget people to the show, and the fact that the weather was great (no snow). Also, bike events have been doing very well since 9-11.”
BIG DADDY RAT, BIKER LEGEND TAKEN OUT–I mentioned that he was attacked by several woman, but that wasn’t the case, although, he wished it was. He’s been fighting stomach cancer for sometime. He was the master of the Big Daddy Rat images of the ’60s. He developed his mammoth bike shows in Daytona and Sturgis then worked with the man behind the Essen, Germany shows, to deliver his winners to Europe each year and share them with the 350,000 spectators who came to the motherland shows. Unbelievable.
Big Daddy, or Karl Smith, was a helluva guy and one of the major forces behind Bike Week in the early days. Good brother and a wild character, as nuts as his Rat logo. I’ll miss him.
Bikernet Caribbean Report—Hey ! Just got back from the Daytona mayhem, shit, it sucks more everyyear. It was fun to meet with old friends and talk a bit, the Sheriff fromSweden was there shooting for ScanBike, we always meet him, no matter whatand it’s always good to see him (plus and avid reader of Bikernet). BillyLane was there with his new hub less bike and a couple missing fingers, badaccident, he got them caught in his primary belt, it hurts just thinkingabout it, but like he said, “What I did with ten, can do with eight ” wayto go Bro.
We did not see Jesse, but he was there, his stuff was selling like hotcakes, and I mean one of every five had some garment that had Jesse’s logo,good for him. Also he brought a Funny car, a cool ass Hot Rod and his pickup truck to the booth, obvious that his area was the hot place to be.
Wemet Crazy Horse which is a fellow contributor to Bikernet and The Horse, shewas having a great time and went to every party and then some, we took apicture together so maybe sometime it will show up in here.
Also we sat down and talked to the guys at Killer Choppers(killerchoppers.com). They had some really cool frames and parts forchoppers. These 3 amigos got a good thing going on, check their web siteout, and all the frames are done customer order and at a very reasonableprice. Check ’em out
One gripe I have, and yes I’m gonna bitch, Daytona is getting way too bigfor it’s britches, the A1A traffic was 7 miles long, even the residentialstreets that we use as shortcuts were crowded. It took some people a solidthree hour drive from Orlando just to get to the Speedway, also we noticedthe amount of crotch rockets, I would dare say half, which adds to theabsurd amount of people there. Also the “Rubs” with their new bikes crackin’those drag pipes at all hours and all places. We even saw a few guyschanging pipes on the parking lot to go and make noise down the street. Dudes, if you don’t make that much noise back home, Why Daytona? Needlessto say they were getting busted for noise, but most of the time we saw thecops picking the wrong guy. We avoided Main Street like it was a bad caseof herpes. We almost punched out a “newbie” that tried to sit on my bikefor a photo, Hey stupid ! Other people bikes are sacred!We saw some crazy shit that did not happen before, people were pushing andshoving while walking down the street, and even fights breaking out. I tellya’ these new riders have to learn the rules and pay their dues beforesomeone smashes their faces in.
It’s like you have to watch your back from an over excited, drunk, yuppie,one thing that we have never done, even with the baddest of the 1% ers.On the other hand, we lost Big Daddy Rat, which is sad for the whole bikerlifestyle, and the Rat’s Hole show had many cool bikes from all over theworld, although, people will have to build a special bike for these shows tobe able to compete, and spend over 50 g’s on it. We are suckers for oldschool stuff and choppers, there were a couple there, but obviouslyignored. Also I saw the nicest Twin Cam I?ve seen yet, it was a fat boy withflat black paint, apes, white wall tires and red rims. Dude if you readthis, that was a cool ass bike, too bad I did not have my camera.
We got a new Buell Blast, it’s not the fastest most powerful bike , buthell it was a trip. We zipped around town cutting lanes and had a greattime. The little bike is quick and easy to handle, we were almost stealthamongst all those posers, shit we managed to come back with no tickets! BTW this bike is a gift for Yoly, but we had to test it, right ?
All in all Daytona is the mother of all rallies, people from all over theworld show up there for ten full days of bike action, fun and games.There’s still so much stuff to do that no one can see everything, or canget there without frying a piston, too bad it’s starting to suck thanks tothose who don’t know the unwritten rules of this lifestyle. Tell ya thetruth, there’s not enough money in this world to pay those cops, sometimesit turned into pure chaos. (Hope they read this and don’t bust us anymore)
So there it is, trial and tribulations in Daytona, I know I?m forgetting acouple things, but hell, we got next week!Hey I say it as I see it !!!
Later……..
Jose,
Bikernet Caribbeanagent
Continued On Page 2
March 7, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
Jewish woman—-
An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait painted.She told the the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, adiamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach and a Rolex.”
“But you are not wearing any of those things.”
“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before myhusband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife togo crazy looking for the jewelry.”
Erik Buell Inducted into National Motorcycle Museum Hall of Fame
MILWAUKEE, Wis. – (March 6, 2002) Erik Buell, chairman and chief technical officer of Buell Motorcycle Co., was inducted into the National Motorcycle Museum Hall of Fame during Daytona Bike Week. Recognized as a leader in the industry, Buell joins other legends such as Willie G. Davidson, Jim Davis and Joe Parkhurst, all previous inductees into the Hall of Fame.
As America?s premier designer of sportbikes, Buell has had a long history of developing motorcycles that fuel the passion and stir the soul. He began his career designing motorcycles while attending the University of Pittsburgh and working his way through school as a mechanic and custom bike builder. Fueling his passion even further, Buell started road racing in 1973 and was up to professional status within a few years.
By 1984, Buell was building Formula One class racers at his home in rural Wisconsin. Just as Buell was beginning to make a name for himself, the American Motorcyclist Association eliminated Formula One racing and the market for his motorcycles. After six more years working as an independent manufacturer, Buell realized he needed a partner. Harley-Davidson Inc. bought the majority interest in Buell Motorcycle Co. in 1998, with Buell staying on as chairman and chief technical officer.
Constantly rethinking the industry is what has set Buell, and the motorcycles with his name embossed on them, apart from the other ubiquitous sportbikes. Design philosophies of mass centralization, low unsprung weight and frame rigidity have allowed Buell to create the ultimate streetfighters.
The National Motorcycle Museum was founded in 1988 to promote the motorcycling industry and to preserve its history. The Hall of Fame was organized to recognize people who have contributed to the role of motorcycling in terms of industry, promotion, leadership and competition. A voting committee consisting of motorcycle enthusiasts from across the United States selected this year?s winners.
To learn more about Buell Motorcycles, visit your local Buell dealer today and experience the pure streetfighter attitude, style and performance only found onboard a Buell. Call (800) 409-9635 for the Buell dealer nearest you, or pull into www.buell.com.
GASOLINE—–
Nothing is more frustrating to me than the feeling that every time I fill up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family and my friends. It turns out that oil companies import a lot of Middle Eastern oil and others do not import any. I thought it might be interesting for Americans to know which oil companies are the best to buy their gas from.
Here is the list: Top 5 companies that import Middle Eastern oil for the period 9/1/00 – 8/31/01. By the way, 86 percent of all Middle Eastern oil comes from Saudi Arabia and Iraq.
1. Shell: 206,742,000 barrels of oil.
2. Chevron/Texaco: 144,332,000 barrels of oil.
3. Exxon/Mobil: 130,082,000 barrels of oil.
4. Marathon: 117,740,000 barrels of oil.
5. BP Amoco: 62,231,000
If you do the math at $30 per barrel, these imports amount to about $18 billion. That’s a lot of money.
The following large companies do not import much, if any, Middle Eastern Oil.
1. Citgo: 0 barrels of oil.
2. Sunoco: 0
3. Conoco: 0
4. Sinclair: 0
5. Phillips: 0
All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and can be easily documented. Refineries located in the United States are required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing. They report on a monthly basis.
You may want to keep this list in your car, share it with friends.
Stop paying for terrorism !
Proof that Vodka is Good For Your Brain—-
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface, including glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 Celsius.
When confronted with the same problem, the Russians used a pencil.
Has anyone lost or broken the remote? The attached brand is better with a reasonable price.
HOW OLD IS THIS MAN ……??—–
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. He asked what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The granddad replied, “Well, let me think a minute …I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, well the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn’t yet walked on the moon.
Your grandmother and I got married first-and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, and every boy over 14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect. And they went hunting and fishing together. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I,’Sir’-and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, ‘Sir.’
Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those in need, and visiting with family or neighbors. We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios. And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald’s and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5- and 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day, ‘grass’ was mowed, ‘coke’ was a cold drink, ‘pot’ was something your mother cooked in, and ‘rock music’ was your grandmother’s lullaby. ‘Aids’ were helpers in the principal’s office, ‘chip’ meant a piece of wood, ‘hardware’ was found in a hardware store, and ‘software’ wasn’t even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap and how old do you think I am – ????
ANSWER
This man would be only 59 years old.
Teddy Bears—–
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they endupleaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her aroundhis apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed withsweet,cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the wayalong the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher,andhuge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kindofsurprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especiallyone that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him,beingquite impressed by this sensitive side of his personality. She turns tohim, they kiss and then they rip each other’s clothes off, and make hotsteamy love.After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they arelying together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,”Well, how was it?”
The man says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Redneck country—–
Did you hear about the guy from Arkansas who passed away and left hisentire estate to his beloved widow?
But she can’t touch it ’til she’s 14.
How do you know when you’re staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, “I gotta leak in my sink,” thefront desk replies, “Go ahead.”
How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married?
There’s dried tobacco juice on BOTH sides of his pickup.
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! What do they call rerun of “Hee Haw” in Arkansas? Documentaries.
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
An Ohio State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the Arkansas driver, “Got any I.D.?”
“Bout wut?” says the driver!
Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets$3 a year for a million years.
Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Arkansas burned down?
Yep.Pert’ near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss, too. Both books-poof!-up in flames and he hadn’t even finished coloring one of them.
A new law recently passed in Arkansas:
When a couple gets divorced,they’re STILL brother and sister.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder—–
They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. Hooray!!
I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder…
This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. Ok, I’m going to wash the car. But first I’m going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trashcan is full. OK, I’ll just put the bills on my desk and take the trashcan out, but since I’m going to be near the mailbox anyway, I’ll pay these few bills first. Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there’s only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there’s the coke I was drinking. I’m going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, oh maybe I’ll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while. I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I’d better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flowerpots – – Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We’ll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I’d better put it back in the family room where it belongs. I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do? End of Day: The car isn’t washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can’t seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this is a serious condition and I’ll get help, BUT FIRST I think I’ll check my e-mail…
Okay, how was that?— Not much about banana production but there was a bunch about bikes and bikers, some babes, some jokes, some news. If you want advice, talk to Bandit. Just like he said, ?Make sure you don?t get too much Lok-Tite on yer nuts.? As for me? Advice? How about?stay between the ditches? Naaaaah.If it weren?t for all the Venetian blind manufacturers, it would be curtains for all of us.
Later,
Nuttboy
March 7, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas
ByNuttBoy
I like working with my hands. I?m not an ?old school? biker. I?m not much of a bike rider. Building a new bike is the kind of challenge I like. My father, a tool and die maker and machinist, showed me how to use tools. What he taught me was how to solve mechanical challenges. The most important thing he taught me was to apply the rigor of precision relative to the demands of the task. Aerospace demands a tolerance beginning at .001, car engines are built to .001. Motorcycles are a bit different.
My motorcycle mentor, Bandit, introduced me to the creative challenge of building bikes. As we were busy crafting a pile of metallic crap into a sculptural beauty, I was on one side of the bike frame cussing and fussing about the crudeness of the thread cut on a couple of chrome 16-20 bolts. Suddenly Bandit?s rangy, 6-foot-2-inch, scowling countenance loomed over the other side of the rusty, raw rigid frame. ?God damn it,? one of his furrowed brows arched, the other eye squinting like Wallace Berry as Long John Silver. ?The main thing you gotta remember about buildin? bikes is ya gotta have fun. Oh, and ya gotta make sure you don?t get too much Lok-Tite on yer nuts.?
Well, I?d say that was pretty good advice for everyone. Too often I encounter hard heads and nitwits who have this rigid view of bikes and bikers. What a bunch of hemorrhoids. These old poops want time to stop, they want nothing to change, while they drop trou?, pissing and moaning about the lack of respect they feel is due them. For all their chest thumping bravado, time flies like an arrow.
Change will happen, for better or worse, as sure as the ebbing of the tide. Yesterday?s badass wanna be, is today?s crusty old fart, cussing and moaning about crappy thread cut in a drafty old garage. That and having a friend who reminds you, none too gently, that the point of it all is to live life to fullest, ride with heart and enjoy the pleasures of a good woman.Now, as concerns Bolivia?s projected banana production, fiscal year 2003-2004?Here?s the news?
Helen Wolfe
Passes Away
Karl ?Big Daddy Rat? Smith has died. He was 74 years young and is known for his famous bike show promotions held in Daytona Beach, Fla., during Bike Week and Biketoberfest. He also put on bike shows in Germany, Sweden, Holland and Sturgis, S.D.
He had a massive heart attack March 4, 2002, while at his daughter?s house in Daytona Beach.
His Rat?s Hole T-Shirt and Gift Shop on Main Street is open and The Big Daddy Rat?s Motorcycle Show will go on as planned on at 10 a.m. Saturday at the Ocean Center, 101 N. Atlantic Ave. Smith’s son, Karl Jr., will run it.
Karl was going to receive an award at the show for his lifetime efforts to promote Bike Week activities in Daytona Beach. The ceremony will be turned into a memorial. No time has been set for it as yet.
My how priorities change!—-
ONE DAY AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN WHO LOVED TO FISH WAS SITTINGIN HIS BOAT WHEN HE HEARD A VOICE SAY,”EXCUSE ME, SIR! WOULD YOU PICK ME UP, PLEASE?”
HE LOOKED AROUND AND COULDN’T SEE ANY ONE. HE THOUGHT HE WAS DREAMINGWHENHE HEARD THE VOICE AGAIN,”EXCUSE ME, SIR!! WOULD YOU PLEASE PICK ME UP?!”
HE LOOKED IN THE WATER AND THERE FLOATING ON A LILY PAD WAS A FROG.THE GENTLEMAN SAID “ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?”
THE FROG SAID, “YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU! PICK ME UP AND KISS ME.I’ll TURN INTO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOUHAVE EVER SEEN AND WILL SATISFY YOUR EVERY DESIRE! IT WILL BE EVERYTHING YOUHAVE EVER DREAMED OF!
THE GENTLEMAN LOOKED AT THE FROG FOR A SHORT TIME, AND THEN REACHED OVERAND
PICKED IT UP CAREFULLY, PLACING IT IN HIS FRONT BREAST POCKET ANDBUTTONINGIT TIGHTLY.
THE FROG SAID, “WHAT!?! ARE YOU NUTS!?! DIDN’T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? ISAIDKISS ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU SUCH PLEASURES AS YOU HAVE NEVER HAD.”
HE OPENED HIS POCKET, LOOKED AT THE FROG AND SAID,
“AT MY AGE I’D RATHER HAVE A TALKING FROG.”
Tattoo Of The Week
How to use a condom after 50—
Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6 or 12—-
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son … Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a six pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men.” the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March……..”
Dentist—-
George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner.
One of the guests walks over to them and asks what they’re discussing.
“We are making up the plans for World War III,” says Bush.
“Wow,” says the guest. “And what are the plans?”
“We’re gonna kill 14 million Muslims and one dentist,” answers Bush.
The guest looks to be a bit confused.
“One…dentist?” He says. “Why will you kill one dentist?”
Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, “What did I tell you?
Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims.”
THE SILENT TREATMENT—-
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early- morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5 a.m. Wake up.”
MEN JUST AREN’T EQUIPPED FOR THESE SORT OF CONTESTS
Continued On Page 2
March 2, 2002 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
Know Your Job—-
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.
He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to removehis eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It said, “Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.”
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job or you might missa great opportunity!
Big Sisters In Trouble Now—
A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from asmall cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider.
“Why do you want cider?” asked Mom.
“To take the pain away, ” sobbed the little girl.
Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass.
The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink.
“It doesn’t work!” she yelled.
“What do you mean?” asked Mom.
“Well, ” sniffed the little girl, “I overheard my sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider.”
Don’t try this at home, boys and girls!
Something to think about!—
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. The American tourist standingnearby complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fishandasked how long it took him to catch them. “Not very long,” answeredtheMexican. “But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?”askedthe American. The Mexican explained that his small catch wassufficienttomeet his needs and those of his family. The American asked, “But whatdoyoudo with the rest of your time?” “I sleep late, fish a little, playwithmychildren, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go intothevillage to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, andsingafew songs…I have a full life.”
The American interrupted, “I’d like to give you some advice. I’m amanagerwith GE, have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! If you startfishinglonger every day, you can then sell the extra fish you catch. With theextrarevenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the largerboatwill bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on untilyouhave an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to amiddleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants andmaybeeven open your own plant. You can then leave this little villageand movetoMexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you candirectyour huge enterprise. “How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.”Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American. “And afterthat?””Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered theAmerican,laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start sellingstocksand make millions!” “Millions? Really? And after that?”
“After thatyou’llbe able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late,playwith your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta, and spend youreveningsdrinking and enjoying your friends!”
Well, them Bikernet females was like a bunch of braying mules. They were hootin’ and hollerin’, crowding the doorway, pointing at the little fella. I grabbed my pants and hobbled away, hollerin’ back at them, “I’ve got news for you. See if I offer to get naked with you again, ya’ floppy-titted, fat assed dikes.”
Sin Wu hollered back, “We aren’t getting naked for you, ya’ slime-ball. We’re getting naked for the paying subscribers to Bandits Cantina. Only the finest strip bare for the pleasure of a real connoisseur of female flesh.” Some days are like that, goddamn it. I’ll let Bandit tell you to live free and ride with the wind. As for me, I’m finishing off this six pack.