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FREEDOM FIGHTER ALERT–Many riders have no awareness of the amount of effort, time, cunning and hard work it takes to keep bikes free. There’s a group of riders all over the country who fight constantly to repeal helmet laws, manage EPA restrictions, and watch insurance companies to keep them from running us off the road completely. We’re very lucky to have these dedicated people working tirelessly for us night and day.

There’s a conference of these freedom seekers scheduled to be held in New Orleans in May.
For more information check the AIM site.

Freedom Fighters risk their lives and freedom to keep us on the road and I’ve been constantly in touch with one who was imprisoned for four years. Fred Harrell, a Nevada freedom fighter, was recently released. In a recent secret missive he reported the following, “I see you for 30 minutes in Laughlin then I’m called back to Las Vegas by my parole officer and the next thing I hear is that you’re all broken up in the hospital. Riding a motorcycle is as therapeutic as it always was. I’d like to spend more time riding, however, I’m still confined to the rules of my release, and this too shall pass.”

We’re currently bouncing through life as if there’s no end in site. Fred has experienced the end. Daily these people face legislation that would eliminate motorcycling forever. They need our support.

WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH SENIOR JOKES?– The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started

leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, “Hi Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, “They won’t let me fart.”

TATTOO OF THE WEEK–

Heckman

THIS DOES SAY IT ALL!!!–After hearing that the state of Florida changed its opinion andlet a Muslim woman have her picture on her drivers license withher face covered, I believe this is even more appropriate. Readon, please!

This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published ina Tampa Newspaper. He did quite a job; didn’t he?

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT–I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we areoffending some individual or their culture. Since the terroristattacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism bythe majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks hadbarely settled when the “politically correct” crowd begancomplaining about the possibility that our patriotism wasoffending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge againstanyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Ourpopulation is almost entirely comprised of descendants ofimmigrants. However, there are a few things that those who haverecently come to our country, and apparently some born here, needto understand. This idea of America being a multiculturalcommunity has served only to dilute our sovereignity and ournational identity.

As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our ownlanguage and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developedover centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions ofmen and women who have sought freedom. We speak ENGLISH, notSpanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any otherlanguage. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society,learn the language!

“In God We Trust” is our national motto. Thisis not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this mottobecause Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded thisnation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate todisplay it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggestyou consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is partof our culture. If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don’t like UncleSam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of thisplanet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and wereally don’t care how you did things where you came from. This is OURCOUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives everycitizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you everyopportunity to do so. But, once you are done complaining, whining and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national motto or our way of life,I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other great Americanfreedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE. Please pass this along if you agree.

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After four and a half months of relative peace at the plush headquarters of Bikernet, there was a wild pounding and screaming in the back alley. Sin Wu, who looks more luscious than ever, pulled the security alarm and got out of bed with the new blonde who was also startled, but for some reason could not hear the clamoring.

Tight security at Bikernet is administered by Lucky the office mascot, who responded immediately by dragging the head and guts of a recently killed gopher into the headquarters. Sin reported that the face at the window was more terrifying than a Stephen King character. She called the Harbor Division of the Los Angeles Police department, but no one was in the office due to a call they got from a shipping company in Houston, Texas. Apparently something occurred on a ship from Altamira, Mexico, that has so stymied the authorities in Texas that they’ve called in backup from other ports. They’ve also gotten complaints about brothel-type activities on the corner of 19th street in San Pedro, which just so happens to match the address of Bikernet. That explains the lack of response. We better get to the news:

ELVIS PRESLEY’S LEGENDARY GUITARIST SCOTTY MOORE TO HEADLINE HARLEY-DAVIDSON PARTY AT LAUGHLIN RIVER RUN–Scotty Moore, the legendary guitarist who accompanied Elvis throughout the ’50s, will headline the Southern California Harley-Davidson Dealers Association’s three-day Harley-Davidson Party at this year’s Laughlin River Run. An 80-by-180-foot tent in the Flamingo Laughlin parking lot will be the headquarters for the official Harley festivities on April 25-27. Admission is free for all festivities.

The tent will also be the official Laughlin River Run headquarters for the Harley Owners Group, which will distribute a limited-edition HOG event pin to all HOG members on Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Scotty Moore will perform April 26 at 8:30 p.m., backed by the Mike Eldred Trio. Scotty was Elvis’s guitarist on record and in concert from their first meeting at Scotty’s house on July 4, 1954, until Elvis was drafted in 1958. Scotty was even the band’s first manager. Now 70 years old, Scotty continues to tour the United States and the United Kingdom and was inducted into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame in 2000.

Laughlin River Run registration packages and limited-edition Harley-Davidson Laughlin 2002 T-shirts are available now at all 25 Southern California Harley-Davidson dealers. Check our www.harley4fun.com.

HOTBIKE’S WHITE BROTHERS L.A. CALENDAR MOTORCYCLE SHOW ROCKS THE WEEKEND OF JULY 20 AND 21–at the Queen Mary in Long Beach, Calif. All weekend entertainment, over 130 major manufacturers, live music, food, dyno shootouts, beautiful girls, the top custom and race bike builders in America. Be there, be there, be there. For all the hot information and spectator info go to www.FastDates.com. This event is sponsored in part by Bikernet.com.

BIKERNET’S MESSAGE FROM THE MASTER–Bandit will be training again with Richard Bustillo of the school of International Martial Arts and Boxing next week. The master, if we are blessed, will afford us bits of wisdom from time to time. Here is one item to ponder: Once a man was traveling and wanted to know how far it was to the next village. He stopped to ask an old man sitting by the road how far it was to the next town. But the old man said nothing. He asked again and again, but the quiet old man remained completely silent. He gave up on getting an answer and went on his way. Suddenly, he heard the old man shout, “Half a day.”

Angry, the man went back to the old man and complained, “Why didn’t you tell me before when I asked you?”

The old man looked at him and calmly replied, “How could I know how long it would take you until I saw how fast you could walk?”

Before you can know how long it will take to advance in training, you must step forward and begin the arduous process of discipline and agility.

Richard is a member of the World Martial Arts Hall of Fame and a Black Belt Hall of Fame and a Filipino Martial Arts Hall of Fame member. He gives seminars on the art of being yourself, Jun Fan Jeet Kune Do, the art of respecting others, the art of developing your own training techniques, the art of having an open mind, and the art of knowing the truth in practical and functional martial arts. The IMB program encompasses the arts of Kali/Eskrima, Boxing/Muay Thai and Jujitsu/Wrestling, enhanced by the Jun Fan Jeet Kune Do philosophies, concepts, principles, theories and training methods of Bruce Lee.

These seminars are held all over the world:
Sept. 22-27 Kettering, England
Sept. 29-30 Schwerin, Germany
Oct. 6-7 Los Angeles, California
Oct. 20-21 Palermo, Italy
Oct. 27-28 Atens, Greece
Nov 3-4 Sterling, Colorado
Nov. 10-11 Bayville, N.J.
Nov. 17-18 Orlando, Florida
Three more will follow in Acapulco, Calgary, Canada and Honolulu, Hawaii.

For more information call IMB at (310) 787-8793

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Text and photography by Frank Kaisler

Hey Bandit, I’m back from Daytona Bike Week. No, I’m not late with the story, you just forgot to extend the deadline. Obviously, you’ve forgotten, once again, how very sensitive I am . . .

As always, I really look forward to the first event of “the season”, specifically Daytona in March this year was no exception. After enduring countless days of snow and freezing rain, along with the misery and back pain that goes with it, the warm beaches and clear skies of Florida were calling. This year I teamed up with my associate, Hatchet Head, who met me in Orlando under the afternoon overcast sky.

The weather was balmy, in the high 60’s as we headed northeast to Daytona and ran into some liquid sunshine just south of the Daytona city limits. Undaunted, but damp, we looked for our base of operations, which was located at the Palm Plaza Hotel in Daytona Beach Shores. After a couple of spin cycles in the laundry room, we were out and about and looking for food. Once nourished, we headed for Main Street to check out the action.

Main St. was in full swing with wall-to-wall bikes, as in previous years, the first two days of the event were for bikes only no cars were allowed to cruise Main St. The sidewalks were walk able so we did a couple of laps on both sides of the street, stopping in various locations for refreshments, as needed. We figured we’d take it easy the first night since the rest of the week was shaping up to be a non-stop motorcycle odyssey.

The next day started like the previous one ended; overcast. Our first stop was the headquarters of AMI (American Motorcycle Institute), where tech inspection for the AHRMA road race bikes was underway. It’s unbelievable the quantity and quality of vintage race bikes that show up for the first race of the season.

That same evening we went up to the Adams Mark hotel for the unveiling of the new 145 cubic inch engine from S&S. To show off the new engine, S&S gave five builders an engine to construct a custom bike to be used as display models for Daytona and events around the country for the rest of the year. The bike builders are Arlen Ness, Roger Bourget, American Iron Horse, Pat Mathers and Ron Simms. All five bikes were unveiled at the coming out party and then moved over to Beach Street where they were put on display at the S&S truck, which was located over on Beach Street, (grass area), for the rest of the week. We caught up to Brett Smith the new COO at S&S, and a third generation Smith at their truck and spent some time trying to find out what’s coming next.

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HARLEY-DAVIDSON CEO JEFFREY L. BLEUSTEIN APPOINTED TOPRESIDENT?S COUNCIL ON 21ST CENTURY WORKFORCE
Council to advise president on business and labor issues
MILWAUKEE — (April 5, 2002) Jeffrey L. Bleustein, chairman and chief executive officer of Harley-Davidson, Inc., has been appointed by President George W. Bush as a member of the President?s Council on the 21st Century Workforce.
The Council provides information and advice to the president through the secretary of labor, the Office on the 21st Century Workforce within the Department of Labor, and other federal officials. The Office on the 21st Century Workforce gathers and disseminates information relating to future workforce changes including technology, globalization, education, and training by conducting summits, conferences, meetings and other appropriate forums designed to encourage the participation of organizations and individuals interested in such issues.
?I am extremely honored to be appointed by President Bush to the Council on the 21st Century Workforce,? Bleustein said. ?I look forward to working with the Council and the secretary of labor on the challenging issues facing business, labor and government in the coming century. I am confident we can use some of the experience and lessons we?ve learned at Harley-Davidson to give both businesses and workers the chance to grow and succeed.?
Bleustein?s appointment along with nine others to the 13-member Council was announced recently by U.S. Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao. ?I am very excited to work with such a talented group of individuals in providing the president critical information and advice that will be a catalyst for positive change in our workforce,? Chao said. ?I am sure the Council is eager to identify where the government needs to get out of the way of change and to develop strategies for effectively addressing workforce issues.? Since joining Harley-Davidson in 1975, Bleustein has served in many capacities. In 1997, he became president and chief executive officer and in 1998 he assumed his current role as chairman of the board and chief executive officer.

Other appointees to the Council are Douglas Banes, General Vice President, United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners; James Hoffa, General President, International Brotherhood of Teamsters; Anna Cabilik, President, ANATEK Inc.; Anna Cabral, CEO, Hispanic Association on Corporate Responsibility; Tom Donahue, President, US Chamber of Commerce; Jim Glassman, Host, Tech Central Station; former Rep. Joe Scarborough; David Lee, Chairman, eOn Communications Corp.

Harley-Davidson, Inc. is the parent company for Harley-Davidson Motor Company, Buell Motorcycle Company and Harley-Davidson Financial Services, Inc. Harley-Davidson Motor Company, the only major U.S.-based motorcycle manufacturer, produces heavyweight motorcycles and offers a complete line of motorcycle parts, accessories, apparel, and general merchandise. Buell Motorcycle Company produces sport and sport-touring motorcycles. Harley-Davidson Financial Services, Inc. provides wholesale and retail financing, insurance and credit card programs to Harley-Davidson dealers and customers.

RCMP TO THE RESCUE–An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stoppedto help a stranded rider standing beside a stalledmotorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, andthe rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava andsnowmobile suit.In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mounties that thecarburetor was frozen.

A motorcyclist himself, the Mounties remembered an oldtrick for just such an occasion. “Try peeing on it,” theMounties said, “That should unfreeze it.””Can’t,” replied the rider.So the helpful Mounties took out his own equipment andliberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soonfired up.

A few days later, the local department received a thankyou note from a father, grateful for the roadsideassistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP.

–from Dennis

BIKERNET CONTRIBUTES TO AMERICAN RIDER–At a recent Bikernet staff injunction a member mentioned contributing a series of ?For the complete idiot, tech articles for the editor who said about the new addition to the magazine, ? I just dunno’. My biggest regret isthat you can only piss off some of the people all of the time.? We plan to take new riders through a slow process of understand a new twin cam model from service to modifications. Watch for ?em in issues to come.

QUOTES TO LIVE BY–As you?ll see the following quotes come from a wide range of sources. Can?t call us literary magnets here: Something for lovers: ?You surely must know magic girl ?cause you changed my lifethe Temptations. On bravery: I?m reading an incredible book about and by Beryl Markham ?West with the Night? about a woman who grew up on a farm in Africa in the early 1900s. Her father cut their farm out of jungle and ultimately had a grist mill and lumber yard. As a young child just before WW I she hunted with members of African tribes with a spear. Brushes with death were often, strolling past angry lions and fighting warthogs. One of the natives Arab Maina said to her once ?Courage lives in a man?s stomach, but there are times when it is not at homeand then the stomach is sour.? Great book.

On accomplishment: ?Anything can be accomplished, if it’s planned right and you have the desire and creativity to execute it.?Jesse “The Governor” Ventura. That last one was graciously sent to us from,Sons of Liberty Riders of Pa. http://www.solrpa.com/

Hey Bandit!–Thought you guys would like to see the tank art on my Maltese Mistress.The clear is a foot deep-I?m jazzed.

Geno

BIKERNET TRAINING ADVICE–Since I?ve been out of the county, but still training I dropped the following note to champion master, my Sifu and world renowned training in Philippino martial arts, Richard Bustillo who came to the states with Bruce Lee: rbustillo@attbi.com:

Sifu Sir, Oh Master of my mental agility,

Every other day I work with the sticks I brought along that you gave me (bamboo poles). I have all the wrong moves down pat. We’ll see when I return.

I?ll be there every Monday and Wednesday morning at IMB dojo. I?m about to reach the Panama Canal, then just six days. Damn, I need a woman, whiskey and a ride.

Ride Forever,

Bandit

*****************************************

Dear Grass Hopper,

All the wrong moves is a correct move if it connects. “Anything that scoresis efficient” Bruce LeeI can help you with the ride and the whiskey. But! you are just asking tomuch for a woman. You are on your own my road captain. I need one myselfand I haven’t been anywhere like you have. Am I in trouble or what?

I just came back from conducting a seminar in Cancun, Mexico and ran intothe college kids Spring Break. You should have stopped in Cancun with allthe women running around.

Live to Ride, RSB

NEW FROM BDL IS OUR LOCK UP CLUTCH FOR RACING AND SERIOUS RIDERS.

THE SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO BE USED WITH BDL?S STANDARD DOME STYLE BELT DRIVE PRESSURE PLATE.

CENTRIFUGAL FORCE ALLOWS THE ACTUATER ARMS TO MOVE OUTWARD WHICH APPLIES

EXTRA PRESSURE AGAINST THE PRESSURE PLATE AND CLUTCH SPRINGS FOR POSITIVE

ENGAGEMENT WITH NO CLUTCH SLIPPAGE.

BIKERNET GOES RELIGIOUS–A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting intheir pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of thechurch.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, tramplingeach other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who satcalmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’sultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said “Don’t you know who I am?”

The manreplied, “Yep, sure do.”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

“Nope,sure ain’t.” said the man.

“Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan.

“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.

“Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for alleternity?” Persisted Satan.

“Yep,” was the calm reply.

“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.

“Nope,” said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked,”Well,why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 48 years.”

–from RSB

Remember Me?— My wife Charley , my bike (old) were on the cover of the horse #11…Anyway, here’s a shot of my new Rigid and my custom designed pipes…

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We also want to thank everyone in advance for not calling or coming by the headquarters for at least one month so we can fill him in on all that’s been going on (yeah right).

Later Gators and now from Bandit—

Sin & Layla

I?m a tad lost today– I tell ya life is a strange place. I go from folks who were brother associates for 20 years and shit in your hat or don?t pay their bills, to riders who I met yesterday and come across like gang busters. I don?t know what to make of it. At one time I was awake enough to recognize a day of conflict and avoid it like the plague. Then again, sometimes it?s just a fuckin? dog eat dog world.

I generally paint a picture of Bikernet as a crazed bunch of individuals building and riding motorcycles with wild abandon when they?re not chasing wanton, bi-sexual chicks around the office.

The above is why I left Easyriders. That and writing books are the goals. Generally we are having a helluva good time, but like everyone on this planet packed with greed and mayhem, we have a bad day from time to time. We?re a very small shop and we like it that way, but it means that we straddle a thin line from time to time. We have never wanted the site to be saturated with advertisers. Our goals was no more than 20 and do a helluva job for them. Well, if you have a few and a few don?t pay their bills, then we?re struggling.

As young men we struggle for power, titles, money and material bullshit until some dismal, cloud shrouded morning we wake up. We may roll over to a fat ugly broad and on the counter is a stack of insurance bills to cover all the happy bullshit we?ve collected over the years that we can?t use ?cause we?re working all the time. That?s when you come to the rude awakening that all the money in the world ain?t worth a hill of beans, if you?re not having a good time. Okay, goddamnit let?s get to the news:

TREV DEELEY WORLD FAMOUS FOR HIS WORK IN THE MOTORCYCLE INDUSTRY PASSED–away Wednesday March 27th during the night. Trev reached the age 82..The funeral will be a private family affair.

There will however be a Trev Deeley Memorial Ride, assembling On SundayApril 21st 2002 at Trev Deeley Motorcycles 2375 Boundary Rd. VancouverBC, CANADA (604) 291 BIKE at 12:00 Noon, and leaving at 12:30 to go tothe Trev Deeley Motorcycle Museum. 13500 Verdun Place Richmond BC 604273-5421

Trev was one of the first of three non American’s to sit on the Board ofDirectors for the Harley-Davidson Motor Company.

There is a possibility of memory patches and a Trev Deeley memorial pinat a nominal fee. Speak to Darwin At the store to reserve one if youdesire as it’s a one time deal. 291 BIKE

–from Dan

SECRETS FROM SIN WU–In an effort to understand the relationships between men and women on the Bikernet staff we are capturing all the e-mails from and to staff members. Here?s another quote. We?re not sure what to make of it, but it?s all apart of the study:I’ll only fuck other women with your blessings and hopefully one day withyour participation. This I can deal with. Sin Wu

Bikernet Caribbean Report–We spent our Easter weekend putting together the “new” takeoffchopper. In less than four whole days we managed to put the bike together,all with takeoff parts laying in different boxes all over the shop. Sureit’s not a “pretty” bike but it’s cool (to me) and it has it’s ownpersonality. It’s a no frills project at its best and we have kept the project( ’till now) to less than 800 bucks. I planned to start it tonight, but asalways, some little problems showed up and we might have to spend a bit moremoney to solve them the easy way.

I know I promised some photos but they will have to wait for next weeksreport, I was so pissed that left the floppy at the shop.Speaking of coolness and personality, I don’t know if it’s me or that Ihave been around bikes for so long , most of the bikes we see now lack thesetwo qualities. They seem like copies of stuff that other people have done or chromebarges with as much “billet” crap as an 700 page catalog can hold. Don’tget me wrong, we do sell a lot of that stuff, but we also put a lot ofpersonal effort and ideas into each bike. We don’t ever want to have a bikelooking like another, twins are cool if the are doing the nasty thing in aporno flick

Also I have noticed that most of the magazines have gone the Gaudy customway, even when they feature choppers they seldom do the cover, or we seeissue after issue of jet sky colored “customs” that looked very similar tothe one’s in past issues, even the ol’ Easyriders have gone the chromebarge way. But have no fear, The Horse stays true to the Chopper scene andthey even have an event for choppers, possers on billet barges are notwelcome. The 3rd SMSO will take place from July 26th to 28th in NorthCarolina, three days of fun, and choppas. We will be there on our way toSturgis and so will Bandit and Billy Lane. It?s gonna be a hell of a party,Check the Horse website or the mag for more info.

All this blah, blah. blah, comes from spending a few days in Daytona anddoing several bikes to customer specs (sort of) of getting drowned in chapsand “factory” jackets, and what about all the posers in the West CoastChoppers shirts…..

This little flat black chopper brings us closer to what its really allabout, using your knowledge (talent ?) to build something out of nothing.Like someone said before” it’s a blank canvas and you are the artist”. Adding bolt on stuff and building bikes from boxes does not makes you acustom builder, period.

Last weeks HOG ride was well attended, as many as 300 bikes showed up forthe ride and party, several clubs joined the event as well as any biker HOGrelated or not, they are following with an exhibition of the new models ata local mall and will close the event this Sunday with a BBQ by Longhorn.Yeap we were invited to show some of our bikes at the mall, and to the BBQ,which we will show up with 20 or so choppers just so the Rubbies know whatthey are missing.

Another Rican that lives in New Mexico has started a t-shirt company,pretty cool chopper shirts for rigid riders, Check his website atCrazyRigids, and tell Noel we sent ya’ score one before the posers gettheir hands on them.

We also got to check Indian Larry’s new place Gasoline Alley, pretty coolchoppers and stuff, also available in the web, take a look and say hi.

The Desertores will have a run this next Sunday, it’s called Visa para unSue?o ( visa for a dream) and all the money will go towards needy children.This group of riders are doing a lot for local charity and doing rides leftand right, congrats to this guys.

If you missed Jesse James camel bike, check his websiteWescoastchoppers.com, the bike is already there, pretty wild !

I don’t wanna sound like I’m plugging other people’s stuff, but we have tothank Accutronix, those guys are great and they have excellent products. Wealso want to wish Randy the best of health after his fight with the big C,it’s sad to have bad things happen to good people. We are all praying foryou.

Dont miss issue 23 of the Horse where we feature our April Fools Kamelbike by “El chopper man”

Well time to go figure out what the hell to do with the primary and rearbrake , also add one more bike for the Bikernet file.
See ya next week…..

Jose– Bikernet poser antichrist agent.

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DETECTIVE SUI–A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famousChinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report anyactivitiesthat might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

She kiss he.
He strip she
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I Play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.

……NO FEE

THE LEXUS CONNECTION A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel he fine leather upholstery, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman.

“Good day, madam. How may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

He answers, “Lady, if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna shit when you hear the price.”

Austin/Bleu Bayou Ducati Racing

Austin/Bleu Bayou Ducati Racing will be taking the grid for the Superbike doubleheader with rider Pascal Picotte at the new California Speedway in Fontana, California. Having trained in the preseason at Fontana, Picotte is ready to take the number 21 Ducati 996RS to the front.

Having been controversially released from HMC Ducati after the season opener at Daytona, Picotte is on a mission to beat Chandler, the rider who replaced him on the HMC team. Since Chandler is considered a front-runner this weekend, this motivation will place the Austin/Blue Bayou Ducati team in good position.

Crew Chief, Lance Baker was happy to announce Thursday that a deal was made with Michelin to provide Picotte with tires that are proven to make the Ducati chassis work. The same tires that enabled Troy Bayliss to win both races at Valencia and Phillip Island and to hold the provisional pole at Kyalami. It may be a learning curve for Picotte to adjust to the Michelins but they should prove to be an advantage for the Austin/Bleu Bayou Ducati team.

Austin/Bleu Bayou Ducati Racing is sponsored by Ducati Austin, Austin Harley-Davidson, and Bleu Bayou Harley-Davidson, Cyclewacko.com, Grand Prix Appearal, Michelin, Nutec Racing Fuel, Performance Friction, Regina Chain, Viron International and Vortex. The team is headquartered in Temple, Texas at Bell County Harley-Davidson.

For more information contact Jarrod Weaver, 254-773-2243.

BIKERNET MAKES ENGINE CHOICE FOR NUTTBOY PROJECT–The following is a rundown on the Rev Tech Engine offering for the custom market. After you read the following you understand why we went with these guys:

Increased cooling fin surface area
No head or base gaskets (ultra-high temperature o-rings are used instead)
High-performance computerized ignition that controls and monitors break-infor the ultimate in a smooth burn-in
Two-finishes available… black with chrome covers and natural with chromecovers
Compatible with Original Equipment and custom frames that accept Evolution?engines
Available in two engine displacements 88″ and 100″88 Cubic Inch has 4 1/4″ flywheel stroke with a 3 5/8″ bore
100 Cubic Inch has 4 3/8″ flywheel stroke with a 3 13/16″ bore

RevTech? Engine Case features:Made from 356T6 cast aluminum

Added material in all high-stress areas for superior strength

Removable press-in/bolt-in bearing inserts on left and right sides of cases

Removable bottom sump-plate permits internal inspection

Late-style RevTech? external pump for improved efficiency and increasedvolume

RevTech? Cylinder features:Improved design with more fins overall, and longer fins in certain high-heatareas for better cooling

Steel liners are Perma-Locked into the outer aluminum castings

Cast pistons for controlled expansion and reduced engine noise

O-ring base seals instead of gaskets

RevTech? Cylinder Head features:

D-shaped exhaust ports for maximum flow and performance

Machined for dual plug applications

Wider-spaced head bolt pattern

O-ring head seals instead of gaskets for increased reliability

Mikuni HSR42 carburetorIntake manifold is closely matched to the port for maximum flow

RevTech? Flywheel features:Forged 4340 steel for superior strength

One-piece design flywheels and shafts

Other engine featuresSpecial cam with .495″ lift for good torque across the rpm range

Crane? digital ignition module and pick-up

RevTech? Engines Include the Following
Chrome Accessories:
Custom Rocker Box Covers
Air Cleaner with Custom-Designed Insert
Lifter Blocks and Pushrod Covers
Smooth Cam Cover with Laser-Etched Point
Cover
RevTech? Oil Filter and Bracket
Oil Pump CoverHardware

THE TRIP THAT TRIED:FATE STICKS A WRENCH IN SUZANNE’S REAR WHEEL–The following is just a hint of what happened to Helen Wolfe?s coastal putt. We were looking forward to her run reports, but the plans ended quickly. Watch for images and the complete rundown shortly:

This is a 2001 HeritageSofttail still under warranty.?

Watch for the complete report in Special Reports section.

DALLAS SWAPMEET– We here at the Texas Scooter Times would like to remind everyone about the:April 7th (THIS SUNDAY) Dallas Swap Meet at the Long Horn Ballroom…..Show Hours are 11am till 5pm

YOU’LL FIND:
Garage Clean outs
Parts Distributors “Over Runs”
Seasonal Leather Deals
Cheap, Used Parts
“Take Off” Parts and Accessories
Traveling Parts Discounters

There will be Live Bands, Door prizes and other contests… Parts & Party… Don’t Miss it!

Directions: The Longhorn Ballroom is located on the corner of Industrial Blvd. and Corinth. Take Industrial Blvd. Exit from I-30 or I-35 where they cross, Right Downtown Dallas Go South 5 Blocks.For more information visit: www.texasscooter.com

Vendor Space still Availablecall 254-687-9066 for reservations

Also don’t forget about the “Big Drags” April 20th at Red River Raceway, Shreveport, La……..

AN APOLOGY–to the readers. I dislike being a sniveler or even philosophical, but life is not all fresh paint and new chrome. I?ve done my time on this hell ship and will soon return to the front where the party and hard work will begin again.

I can?t wait to fire up the touring chopper for a putt to Walkers for a beer or to Tombstone, Arizona for some time with the Kennedys, (we?re putting together a series of articles on them for HORSE). I can?t wait to hang with my brothers behind a barbecue and some Jack and chase Sin and Layla around the office. I?ve even heard rumors that there?s a new blond hanging around the headquarters. I?m also itchin? to take a welding lesson from Paul Yaffee. We have torches and an old Lincoln stick welder at the shop and need to upgrade our welding capabilities. I can?t wait to get back into the garage and get greasy working on Nuttboy?s project. We aren?t major talents in the building industry, but we?re going to build something that will tweak your imagination. I should be back in the saddle by news time next week. Can?t wait.

–Bandit

Continued From Page 2

WANNA MAKE A BET ???–A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada oneday, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that shemust speak with the president of the bank to opena savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!”After much hemming and hawing, the bank stafffinally ushered her into he president’s office (thecustomer is always right!) The bank president thenasked her how much she would like to deposit.

She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash outof her bag onto his desk. The president was of coursecurious as to how she came to get this money, he askedhow did you get this money?”

The old lady replied, “I make bets.” The president thenasked, “Bets? What kind of bets?”

The old woman said,”Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your ballsare square.”

“Ha!” laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. Youcan never win that kind of bet!” The old lady challenged,

“So, would you like to take my bet?”

“Sure,” said thepresident, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”

The little old lady then said, “Okay, but since there is alot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with metomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?”

“Sure!” repliedthe confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the betand spent a long time in front of a mirror checking hisballs, turning from side to side, again and again. Hethoroughly checked them out until he was sure that therewas absolutely no way his balls were square and that hewould win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the old ladyappeared with her lawyer at the president’s office. Sheintroduced the lawyer to the president and repeated thebet: $25,000 says the president’s balls are square!”

Thepresident agreed with the bet again and the old ladyasked him to drop his pants so they could all see. Thepresident complied. The little old lady peered closely athis balls and then asked if she could feel them.

“Well, Okay,” said the president, “$25,000 is a lot ofmoney, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.” Justthen, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging hishead against the wall.

The president asked the old lady,”What the hell’s the matter with your lawyer?”

She replied,”Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AMtoday, I’d have The Bank of Canada’s president’s balls inmy hand.”

WINO JOE WISDOM–Mr.Axe,GJMC,S.Africa. It ain’t an American “thing”. It’s World Wide”shit”. We ride together against it. These assholes wouldn’t go”one-on-one” in a bar fight, so FUCK’EM! Take’m out any chance ya get.One Biker Nation/Many Biker Patches. Ride together & “rat-pack”’em!

–WJUSA

BIKERNET INSIDER BIKER SCOOP–We make every effort to bring you the slippery scoop from inside of the industry. This was written to the editor of a major motorcycle magazine recently. We?ve eliminated names and mag title to prevent job loss. ?Just finished reading your “Meet the Editor” bio. You are as big a piece of manure in print as you are in person! What a waste of human flesh. If you insist on being so pompous, I suggest you shave off your beard …. that way you will properly resemble your only “ass”et!

People like you (the small number of ass-wipes in highly visible positions in the motorcycle world) are large contributors for the reasons riders receive a bad rap from the unindoctrinated. Now, please excuse me while I cancel my subscription..

BIKERNET INSIDER EMAIL–Here?s a small kick in the teeth from one of our esteemed contributors:Threats of impending Native Americans and Transexuals taken seriously by local authorities.Engines & Trannies, engines & trannies, engines & trannies, engines & trannies, engines & trannies……promises, promises, promises, promises, promises, promises, . Listenit?s the rhythm of your engine. mises, promises.

–Nuttboy,

Nuttboy busted his ass to help us build the Bikernet headquarters and has written stories such as Jake De? Hell I can?t even mention the name. We have told Nuttboy and Jon Towle that we will help them build choppers, because they?ve helped, and they couldn?t build a bike if their lives depended on it. Last week I announced that we had ordered the Rev Tech Engine and transmission for Nuttboy?s bike. So does he say, yippee and buy us all a cold one? Nooo.

MOTORCYCLE DOCTORS JUNE RALLY CELEBRATES 25 YEARS OF HEALING–April 2, 2002, Long Island, New York The Motorcycling Doctors Associationwill hold its annual rally, June 11-14, 2002, in Lake Placid, New York.Motorcyclists holding the degree of MD, DO, DMD, DVM, or DPM are encouragedto attend, and apply for membership. Associate membership is offered tolicensed providers holding PA, RN, LPN, DC, EMT, and other degrees. Weproudly celebrate twenty-five years of camaraderie, scientific exchange, andcharity.

Riding motorcycles carries another kind of mystique, like medicine, requiringsynergy and focus. Sometimes the best people to escape with are your peers. Aspecial kind of sharing occurs amongst fellow professionals, on mental, andemotional levels, further enhancing the therapeutic value of motorcyclingitself.

The Motorcycling Doctors Association takes the art of motorcycling asseriously as the art of healing. We hold ourselves to the highest educationalstandards of the Motorcycle Safety Foundation. Riding isn?t our littlesecret, it?s a dignified skill which allows us to meditate, clear our mindand strengthen our psyche. This is what we sharethe most visceral elementsof our identity.

Come to our rally! Come for the ridenowhere in America is summer morebeautiful than upstate New York. Mile after back road mile, the majesticAdirondack Mountains are gloriously alive with fragrant forests and thespirit of the Lake Placid Olympics.

The elegant Hilton Resort package includes generous amenities andentertainment. World traveler – Millennium-ride.com?s Simon Milward, willshow us the Arab/Muslim world he visted just before 9/11/01.Officers of theAmerican Motorcyclist Association and the Harley-Davidson Motor Company havebeen invited to present their insights. Our fellow caregivers in local RedKnights MC (firefighters and emergency services) and Harley Owners Groupchapters will join us for rides and gatherings. Local motorcycle shops cansupport any technical requirements.

Visit our web site http://motorcyclingdoctors.com to contact your closestmember. Meetings are rotated around the country, to encourage the ride, but alocal member can be your first contact. Ride to the rally, and share oursecret

Is this a fuckin? press release or a psychological appraisel of the melding of the medical profession and murder cycles? To many cyclists who have spent their adult lives maintaining and expanding our freedoms, doctors have been our nemesis. As motorcyclists this group could accomplish much for the sport. They could shatter the public burden theory used constantly by law makers. They could put helmets in their place and finally as an added bonus to the nature of man in general they could clear the air to legalizing prostitution. Maybe I?ll go.

BIKERNET BUELL UPDATE– What do you know, a Buell update. Been awhile. Actually not much has been happening. We all are waiting for the delivery of our Buell Firebolts.

I just got back from Phoenix. Went to a H-D service school. While at school (MMI) I got my first peak at the XB9R Firebolt!!! They have about fifthteen of the Buell Firebolts and Blast’s out there in storage.

In late spring MMI will teaching a 4 day Firebolt school for the factory. This is for the tech’s that haven’t been to Milwaukee for the school yet. I will going May 13th. thru. the 16th. Looking forward to it. I liked what I saw out there and I’m ready to tear into one.

Speaking of AZ. I went and saw the guy’s from Chandler H-D/Buell. They are building a new dealership down the street. Looks about six months away from being done. Damn this one will even have air conditioning not just SWAMP coolers!!!

They are a Buell dealer by the way. I also had a visit with the other people I know from Glendale H-D/Buell. My good friend Joe from Buddy Stubbs H-D hooked up with us all for some chow later that evening. Glendale H-D/Buell is also building a new place out by the sports complex in Phoenix. It’s gonna be a big store for sure. I think they also will have lot’s of air conditioning for the service department. Private joke.

With the new H-D/ Buell dealership in Mayer, AZ. Which by the way is awsome. Arizona is going to be a hot bed for the Buell riders in Arizona and around the country.

The only other thing that need’s mentioning here is there was some news from the winter H-D dealer meeting this year regarding the Buell models for 2003. It is my understanding that the M2, X1, and S3 models will be eliminated from the Buell line up for 03. Is this all true? From what I was told this is the last year for those models.

My favorite Buell was the RR1000 and the S2 Thunderbolt, which I own #200. The M2 was one of the entry level models that was in my opinion their best bike for the dollar. Who knows what the reason the “Funny Farm” has for eliminating these fine pieces of motorcycle art. Could it be all the recalls and the bad press they got???? Who the fuck knows.

This news on the Buell lineup for 03 made me put my feet together put my chin down and shake my head from side to side!!! The Bean counters always seem to have there vision of what people want or need. What happened to the thinking that someone might want to go touring on a Buell S3T!!While being excited for the new Buell Firebolt coming out to us in the spring I’m left thinking what’s going to be next from the “Funny Farm” !!

That’s all I have for now. More down the road lot’s of “Stuff” happening spring and summer. Stay tuned.

–Paul

Mustache–How the mustache was invented.

BIKERNET RESEARCH DEPARTMENT– If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it.)

BIKERNET OFFICE EDIQUETTE-A man walks up to a woman in his office each day,stands very close to her, draws in a large breathof air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can’t stand it any longer!The woman goes into her supervisor’s office, tells himwhat the coworker does, and that she wants to file asexual harassment suit against the man.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and asks………”What’s sexually threatening about a coworker tellingyou your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, “He’s a midget.”

–Fran

Tattoo-s Of The Week–Hey Bandit and Krew, what’s up ? So when are you do back in California, work here in Hawaii is picking up, alot more tourist are coming back to Hawaii since thing’s here were pretty bad since Sept. 11, i’m doing a project for Disney that we have been working on for about 2 week’s, there coming out with a new children’s movie called Lilo & Stitch were doing 4 ft. long sticker’s for surfboard’s that they are going to use as promo pretty wild stuff lot’s of color will send you what they look like, anyway hope all is well, oh yea here are some shot’s for your tatto part of bikernet, the girl’s name is Rhiannon,

Get in touch

Chris T.

“HAIL STORM”–A nice looking blonde was driving and got caught in areally bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents,so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner, seeing she was a blonde, decided hewould have a little fun, since his shop was already sobusy. He told her just to go home and blow into thetailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So the blonde goes home, gets down on her hands and knees and starts blowing into the tailpipe of her car.Nothing happened. She blows a little harder and stillnothing happens.

Just then, her roommate, anotherblonde, arrives home and sees what she is doing. “Whatare you doing?”she asks.

The first blonde tells her how the repairman hadinstructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order toget all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate, rolling her yes, looks at her roommate,and says,……..”HELLOOO”….you need to roll up the windows first!”

— Hell on Wheels

Continued On Page 4

Continued From Page 3

OIL AND WATER DO MIX!–Following is a press release sent to the motorcycle media last week:

Adrift on the high seas, battered by wind and lashed by waves, one of the storied stars of Avon Tyre’s 2002 ad campaign is simultaneously pounding out paperback fiction and Web site content via the exotic, globe-encircling, iridium satellite system.

CEO of premier biker Web site bikernet.com, novelist, columnist, historian and dedicated observer of all things biker related, Keith R. Ball is spending six months circumnavigating the planet aboard a tramp steamer, gathering info and inspiration for two new titles in a rapidly expanding library of outlaw biker fiction.

For Ball, it’s all part of the synergy that defines today’s biker lifestyle. Keeping in touch via a satellite-connected phone that provides both voice contact and digital up and downloads through a laptop modem, he uses e-mail like the Indians used smoke signals; sparse, accurate, and just over the horizon.

And as if fending off dangerous pirates in foreign ports-o-call weren’t enough, this 60-weight old school vet is again starring in Avon’s latest personality-driven ad campaign introducing the new Venom line of fat rubber, a role he premiered several years ago.

Larry Hoppe, president of Hoppe & Associates, Avon’s North American advertising agency, considers Ball a unique personality who’s especially suited to appeal to both the hardcore enthusiast and the newly minted H-D constituency. “The fact that he’s well known and respected among both the industry and the consumer market makes him a natural spokesman for Avon’s premium product.”

Although best known for his nearly quarter-century editing Easyriders as it grew to become the lifestyle’s largest publication, Ball is more comfortable these days creating content and counting hits at his irreverent Web site. In February alone, nearly 40,000 users logged an impressive 110,000 Bikernet visits, and an eyebrow-raising 312,000 page views.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON TRAINING MODIFIED– All went well with the service class. Harley is changing its training now. You have to take at least two classes a year to maintain your rating. They are pushing the dealers to comply with this new stuff.

If you ask me, they are getting to be a real pain in the ass making all the dealers have these huge retail T-shirt shops that sometimes sell motorcycles! Anyway, I’m seeing all the old buds, guys from Deano’s, Nassi, Titan, etc. All this with a little R&R. It will be good to get home though.

Phoenix has this weird feeling to me. Everybody is in a transient kinda state of mind here. No roots I guess. That’s it for now.

–Bikernet Undercover Agent

AMERICAN RIDER BUILDING IMAGE–American Rider Magazine is facing redevelopment.American Rider is eight times a year (for some reason). The book is 8 years oldand has had the same design and general tone for all that time. The Augustissue will launch a new design that is a lot more bold and in your face.With that is a plan to pump some attitude, grit and spunk into the book. Atthe same time we strive to get a bit more mechanical. Bikernet will be supplying them with a series of tech articles in the near future. Watch for the mag and let us know what you think.

RUN FOR BREATH/SMOKE OUT REPORT–I have heard you are on your way home. Just wanted to touch base with you on a couple of things. The Horse Smokey Mountain Bike Show is the same weekend as The Run for Breath. I have talked to Edge and we are trying work out the schedule. The run is on July 28. The Smoke out is July 26-28. Between the three of us, I am sure we can work this out.

For more information call Mike Pullin at (704) 847-4647 or (704) 573-9396

BIKERNET CLASSIFIEDS HIT BIG TIME–I didn’t make these up; they’re in our classifieds. Bikernet Classifieds are free to anyone who can figure out the form and fill it out. Don?t ask us.

true love
SINGLE MALE SEEKS DOUBLE JOINTED SUPERMODEL WHO OWNS A BREWERY AND GROWSHER OWN POT. ACCESS TO FREE CONCERT TICKETS A PLUS, AS IS BEING AMILLIONAIRE. MUST BE ABLE TO COOK AND POLISH CHROME.
Contact lochness
E-Mail: shovelhead108@hotmail.com
Phone: none
Fax: none
State: California
Date Posted: 2/14/2002

wife
Selling wife…..high maintenance, doesn’t cook, barely knows the artof giving head, but looks good. Needs some work, will sacrifice.
Contact doug
E-Mail: d_milden@hotmail.com
Phone: none
Fax: none
State: Arkansas
Date Posted: 1/26/2002

BANDIT?S CANTINA–Here?s just one reason to join Bandit?s Cantina, this is an e-mail trail with one of the guys who entered the drawing. Prizes are given regularly to Cantina members:
From: jockshift@aol.com
To: sinwu@bikernet.com
Subject: Your door prize entry has been received at bikernet.com
Thanks, bitch.

From:sinwu@bikernet.com
To: jockshift@aol.com
Eat me

From: jockshift@aol.com
To: sinwu@bikernet.com
Hmmmmm….. been havin a hankerin of sorts for Spicy Asian Food!

From: sinwu@bikernet.com
To: jockshift@aol.com
Too funny. Aside from Bandit, all I eat is fish…

From: jockshift@aol.com
To: sinwu@bikernet.com
Not the LEAST bit interested in a Bandit-based diet. And FISH is far toolimited. Unless, Of course, she’s FRESH!
Are you any relation to the Tu-Wu sisters? The ones that all diedvirgin?There was Tu-Dum Tu-Wu, Tu-Phat Tu-Wu, and Tu-Ug-Lee Tu-Wu. The three ofthem once captured Sum Yung Dik in an attempt to get deflowered. While thesisters argued over which one would be first, he suicided, using one ofTu-Phat’s chopsticks to the jugular.

“I LOVE YOU” IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES–

English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia, Mississippi and Kentucky. . . . . . . . . . . . Nice Tits

–Big Will

UNLEASH MY ASS–I cry out at the top of my lungs each night. I can?t wait to have a wrench in one hand, the clicking of the keys on my Apple in the other. The laptop I?m working with has Windows Pro something on it, and at least twice a day I could shoot the sonuvabitch, if I had access to the guard?s pistol. Useless windows pop up constantly.

Even as I fight the keyboard I?m up to chapter 25 of the first Chance novel that pops up in the Cantina and in HORSE magazine in issue by issue installments. I just finished reading a novel by Sir Francis Chichester, who was an adventurer. His writings reminded me of Rip. At 65 years of age, he sailed around the world single handily with one stop in Sydney, Australia. He sailed from Plymouth, England southeast to the Cape of Good Hope at the bottom of Africa then east to Australia. From Australia he sailed east again past Cape Horn (the roughest spot on the globe) to the Atlantic and north back to England. Unbelievable journey that he barely survived in his 54-foot Ketch, which capsized once. That was in 1966.

For a biker it would have been considered the Hell Run ?66. Incredible tale. He made it in 226 days, a journey of 29,630 miles. It?s odd but there are some remote comparisons. We should have traveled a very similar number of miles in 135 days or so from Houston to Houston.

He wrote 200,000 words during his horrific passage. I will have written one book based on the trip of over 156,000 words and an additional 15 chapters for my first book, plus an additional 56 articles for the site and magazines for a total of 375,000 words. Hell, I?ve even read 10 books. I don?t care if it?s a record or not. I hope that my writing ability has improved and that the brothers enjoy what they read. I found it fascinating, but I miss the headquarters. Two weeks to go.

Have a beer on me in the meantime, go check out some sex toys, ride safe.

–Bandit

Continued From Page 1

BIKERNET?S PERFECT HUSBAND RESEARCH REPORT– There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.00.”

“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price… and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.?

“Great! But before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling our bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000….a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”

“OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye…I do too…”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

–From MM

EASYRIDERS BANKRUPTCY REPORT–The ER thing is still swirling around in the bankruptcy court and the guy Imentioned some time ago (Fred Sands) is reported to still be pursuing atakeover of the company. There is supposed to be another court meeting nextweek.

In addition, popularbelief is that ER needs to go back to its days of old, meaning an elevatedcontent of raunch.

–Undercover agent

BUELL PRODUCTION SHUT DOWN–The rumor on the street is that Buell has discontinued production of all models except for the entry-level bikes.Personally, I would hate to see Buell go away. I believe from personal experience that Buell could be the street fighter bike for the young new rider who will ultimately ride Harleys.Hopefully it’s only a production glitch and will be remedied quickly. If you hear anything, let us know.

BIKERNET HUMAN CONDITION DEPARTMENT–If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have producedenough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee (hardly seems worth it).

NAVY SEAL NEIL ROBERTS RECENT DEATH–

What’s below is an e-mail I received that explains Neil’s situation a littlebetter than the press did. It’s disheartening to hear that a teammate fellout of a helicopter, was captured and executed. What’s below displays amore understandable and palatable rendition. I hope I would’ve done aswell; to the last cartridge.

I apologize in advance for the lengthy e-mail, but I have just gotten backfrom Neil’s funeral. There were over 1,000 people in attendance andneedless to say, it was moving. I had the opportunity to speak with severalindividuals, both in the Teams and in the Agency, who were in country at thetime of Neil’s death and who had also viewed the Predator video as well asanother video. The following is merely a sanitized compilation of theconversations I had and tid-bits from Fitz’s eulogy. The usual disclaimersapply and there is some stuff I need to leave out. And, I know I will notdo the story justice, nor could I ever hope to.

Supposedly…as the helo was on final, it came under fire. An air-crewmanfell off the back ramp and was dangling by his tether. Neil reached down topull him back in. An RPG hit the nose of the helo (didn’t explode) and thepilot subsequently made an evasive maneuver. Neil tumbled out (theair-crewman may have also mistakenly pulled Neil out while Neil was tryingto recover him or that may have not even of happened – doesn’t matter -bottom line, Neil fell from about 10 feet and was on the ground alone).

It isunclear as to whether or not the guys on board the helo knew that they had losta man. Helo peeled away, developed hydraulic problems and crash-landedabout a click away.

Neil turns on his beacon and low crawls to a position under fire. Neiltakes the offensive, firing and maneuvering against the enemy and allegedlystorms a machine-gun nest. Neil was shot several times, but continued thefight.

Apparently, the Predator video shows the mortal wound and Neil fallsto the ground (~an hour after he fell from the helo). He had expended allof his ammo, both primary and secondary, as well as his grenades. The videohas Neil shooting with his pistol at very close ranges to the enemy. He wasdead by the time the enemy arrived and dragged him off.

Not sure on whetherthey intended to use Neil’s body as a decoy! For an ambush or as abargaining chip or for another Somalia street dragging episode. Doesn’treally matter.

Then the boys came. The force was a mix of operators and arrived about 2hours later. As they expected, they encounter significant hostile fire, butreturned fire immediately. Apparently, a lot of undisclosed heroicsoccurred that night and there was significant payback (and I meansignificant). Several of our brothers were wounded, two of which were flownback to CONUS (one of whom may lose a foot). People are talking CMHlevel heroics – we’ll see. After fierce fighting and a valiant rescue,Neil’s body was recovered, as were the other dead, and all were evacuated.

Payback has continued in various ways and that is the stuff I can’t go into.But rest assured, what comes around is going around. Neil went downfighting and took many of those @^%$ with him (an unconfirmed number). Theridge upon which he died is now called Robert’s Ridge. He was posthumouslyawarded the Bronze Star with a V and a Purple Heart. Neil is now SpecOpsfolklore and a legend in the Teams for the rest of eternity, all roundsexpended.

YOU ARE INVITED!

Meet the Hot Rod Bikes / White Brothers LA Calendar Bike Show Band “Powder” at their record Premier Party at the Key Club on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, CA, also on Wednesday April 3rd, 7:30pm. Details at http://www.FastDates.com

Plus complete details of the 2002 July 20-21st Calendar Show sponsored by Performance Machine, The Recycler, Bikernet.com are online at http://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow.HTM

World Superbike Championship, Round 2 from Phillip Island, Australia. The web’s most exciting coverage of World Championship roadracing, available every Sunday night after the races. Introducing new roadrace editorial contributor Andy Rixon with complete race coverage and interviews from the front line!

FIRST LOOK! Kawasaki’s new MotoGP roadracer. The first ever worldwide photo of the new ZX 990RR set to debute on the racetrack later this year. http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.HTM

Continued On Page 3

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