BANDIT MISSING AGAIN(Continued)
ByLayla

Continued From Page 1

THIS SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE WOMEN
A little test to sort the men from the women.

Every day, millions of images go to your brain, but you know, only some of these are focused. To prove it, take this test: Stare at the picture and see how fast you can find the car.

Average results:
time for the man: 12.46 minutes
time for the woman: 1.23 seconds

Historic Moment
At 8:02 p.m. on Feb. 20 this year, it will be an historic moment in time.

It will not be marked by the chiming of any clocks or the ringing of bells, but at that precise time, on that specific date, something will happen which has not occurred for 1,001 years and will never happen again.

As the clock ticks over from 8:01 p.m. on Feb. 20, time will, for 60 seconds only, read in perfect symmetry 2002, 2002, 2002, or to be more precise – 20:02, 20/02, 2002.

This historic event will never have the same poignancy as the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month which marks Armistice Day, but it is an event that has only ever happened once before, and is something that will never be repeated.

The last occasion that time read in such a symmetrical pattern was long before the days of the digital watch and the 24-hour clock at 10:01 a.m. on Jan. 10, 1001.

And because the clock only goes up to 23:59, it is something that will never happen again.

Do We Really Need More Security?
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a privateinvestigator, Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of theSecret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to alarge number of agencies – FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc. NowCongress is considering a proposal for another agency: the “Federal AirTransportation Airport Security Service.” Now you tell me, does the image ofa security officer at an airport eating a donut, wearing a jacket that says
F.A.T.A.S.S amuse you as well?

Rogue

RevTech? DFO
Digital Fuel Optimizer For Electronic Fuel Injection Systems

Forget all the complexity and ?black magic? associated with true performance from fuel injection! DFO eliminates the need for expensive factory re-mapping, and quirky pre-fab ?downloads?. Just a simple screwdriver adjustment for low-speed, mid-range and high-speed mixtures and you?ll have the best and broadest FI powerband you?ve ever experienced,at a price that makes it the only choice for Digital Fuel Optimization.

?Stand alone? technology (no factory ?re-maps? or Website-downloads required.)
Increased Horsepower everywhere!
Crisper Throttle Response
Full 3-range Adjustable Fuel Delivery Curve
Easy installation and Set Up
Simple Screwdriver ?Dial-in?

DFO- all you need to know, for maximum GO!

REVTECH DFO-FYI

Our testing has found that the Screamin’ Eagle upgrade ?Module? is a download of optional EFI ?maps? through their diagnostic tool into the OEM black box. Both of these maps are still emission based and therefore are very limited in their function and cannot address the huge possible number of combinations that consumers are going to produce.The Dynojet product although adjustable to each bike, it requires a laptop computer or internet downloads to effect changes to each bike.

DFO is much broader in its range of adjustment(equally effective on stock bikes, all the way up to 100hp-plus, big displacement motors) and that adjustment is very easy to achieve by the end user. Peak horsepower is only one issue that needs to be addressed; the true beauty of our product is the improve- ment in roll-on and throttle response that creates a seat-of -the-pants improvement that will truly impress anyone whotries it!

This one product will address all issues of fuel injection with equal and effective ease and at a price consumers have come to expect… in other words comparable to jetkits.

Bikernet Caribbean Report
Just got back from Indy, and I have a bunch of news. We got the new AmericanIron Magazine (April issue) with my girlfriend’s bike featured, cool. Forthose of you who don’t know about the Indy dealer show, it’s a showcase ofeverything that has to do with motorcycles. Thousands of exhibitors bringtheir stuff and show what’s new for 2002. Of course, what interests us isthe American Big Twin market, so that’s where we spent most of the time.This year a new all-ABT section was added so we did not have to walkmiles and miles of static-charged carpets to find the good stuff. Also, wenoticed the effects of the sucky economy.

Several companies were no shows, and this usually means there’s financialproblems. Others attended the new Cinci show and skipped this one.There wasn’t as much new stuff as past years, but we managed to capturesome photos of the new products like the S&S 124 cubic inch motor.

Most of the “famous” bike builders were present, although Jesse James was ano show. A bunch of new bike companies were showing their motorcycles. Sadly, most of these won’t last through the year. American Iron Horseunveiled its new chopper. It’s pretty cool and at a good price — about $26,000. Orange County Choppers was there with a bunch of bikes, as wellas Bourget’s and its new models. By the way, it was pretty cool to berecognized as the guy that does the Caribbean Report in Bikernet, so Iguess we are doing something right.

After seeing many, and I mean many, bikes, we liked these two the most. Oneof them is a Jap chopper from Cobra with a Honda engine and a cool orangepaint job, but the other was a super slick old school bobber that CustomChrome had at their booth. This blue bike was only 350 pounds and mostlyhandmade. It was so clean!

We managed to attend some of the parties, but missed others. It’s not easyto walk the show all day and then party all night. I guess I might begetting old, or maybe just need a vacation to charge the batteries….whoknows…

All in all, it’s cool to see old friends and be able to talk to them withoutbeing crowded. It’s also good to be able to see the new parts and bikes before theyare showcased in Daytona.We hope that next year the show will be better and with lots of new stuffand companies, once this fucked up economy gets sorted out.

Well, we are waiting for the Trivia answers, and we will only wait for thisweek. If not, the shirt is going out.We have to get ready for Bike Week and it’s insanity. But that’s a storyfor next week.

See ya guys later
Jose- Bikernet Caribbean report

Continued On Page 3

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH – BANDIT MISSING IN ACTION – AGAIN!I know the news always begins with some witty bullshit from Bandit or one of the guys, but for this Thursday, you’re outta luck. Digital?s gone out of town for a few days, Snake is nowhere to be found and Nuttboy is off in the mountains stoned and philosophizing about life and death and trying to stay sane in between. Bandit was last heard from two days ago, leaving the ship in Shanghai. If we don?t hear anything by tomorrow morning, we?re gonna call the American Embassy for assistance. He?s probably just off chasin women… the fucker.

My days are filled with kids, feeding pets, answering endless e-mails and phone calls, and trying to get Sin away from women and closer to work. Boring shit.

There are a few new and exciting things happening with Bikernet that I?d like to tell you about. One in particular is nudity in the Cantina. That?s right folks, we have naked women in the Cantina Girls lineup, compliments of www.cyberfoxes.biz.

If you?re not already a Cantina member, you may want to join now because soon we?re going to increase the price of subscriptions. The Cantina just hit its one-year anniversary and we underestimated the work it would take to keep it changing and exciting. Normally the Cantina is advertisement-free since it is subscription driven, but soon you?re going to see some banners from Xandria, one of the world?s largest sex toy companies. We?ve become an affiliate so that Sin and Coral can get their sex toys cheaper and, let’s face it, sex sells.

As you can see on the home page, Von Dutch has come on board and we?re glad to be associated with these guys. They?re working hard to keep the Von Dutch legacy alive and their product line is not too shabby either. You should check them out when you have a sec.

Pretty soon we?re gonna have something going with Bad Pig, so keep your eyes peeled for their banner. Speaking of Bad Pig, here?s a shot of our very own Brenda Fox, an ex- Bad Pig hottie in yet another of her stunning photos.

For those of you who follow the site, you may have seen our latest contest with Nick The Dick. Well, we have a winner. T-Bear answered the correct number of times Nick died so he?s the winner of the 2?-inch Eight Ball Risers donated by Aeromach.Congrats T-Bear! Send your address to layla@earthlink.net so I can get these in the mail to you and don?t ask for a Dragonfly shirt either. All you get are risers.

Another thing I?d like to mention is Jose, our Bikernet Caribbean reporter. He pours his heart in to each weekly update he sends us and I for one would like to publicly thank him. It sure makes my job easier when I have to pull all this crap together for the news. THANKS JOSE! You?re the best and I don?t care what JJ said about you.

I know Yoli has a lot to do with keeping you going so I would like to give a big thanks her as well. Hola Yoli!

All-righty then, with all the crap out of the way, let?s get to the news?..

Now in FastDates.com Pit Lane News…

Ducati’s New 2003 MotoGP “Motobambinodici” Grand Prix Roadracer!
Exclusive spy shots of Ducati’s upcoming MotoGP roadracer now revealed in the Pit Lane News section at FastDates.com
http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews.HTM

Plus….

Sports Illustrated Supermodel Rebecca Romijn turns killer biker!
Rebecca becomes Killer Biker Chick on her Ducati Monster! All the gruesome details.
http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews2002.02.2.HTM

A World-Wide Sportbike Calendar Review
Pirelli, Yamaha, Ducati and more! The sexy nude factory sportbike calendars you can’t buy in America. And you thought bikinis were too revealing?
http://www.FastDates.com/PitLaneNews2002.01.2.HTM

The Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show – July 2002
Hot Bike, White Brothers, Performance Machine, and The Recycler present A two day decadent display of chrome, horsepower, live music, big boats, parties, beautiful calendar girls. What more could you want? Full details and Exhibitor Registration information online at…
http://www.FastDates.com/BIKESHOW.HTM

FastDates.com -All the really important motorcycle stuff you want to read and see. Not the fluff the other guys try to feed you. Because life is too short to take anything too seriously.

Continued On Page 2

BANDIT MISSING – AGAIN!(Continued)
ByLayla

Continued From Page 3

Visually Compelling
This was made by a lady in Timmins, Ontario, Canada, I believe. Apparently she wins the ice sculpture contest every year.

Chris—

THE HORSE, Backstreet Choppers is pleased to announce the 3rd Annual Smoke Out to be held July 26-28 at the Rowan County Fairgroundsin Salisbury, N.C., about an hour north of Charlotte, N.C. This is exit 74 offI-85.

By popular demand, the debauchery has been extended to three days. See foryourself the amazing Horse Maidens, from the cover of issue No. 22…theultimate Chopper Eliminations (what are these?)…Mad Dog burning the rubberoff his tires…The first ever appearance by Geno, a mystery guest andCharlie Horse, in person, to fill you in on Horse gossip.

There will be no slow races, no mustard-covered hotdogs being bit off. Noindeed. We plan to have a host of our own unique, equally-stupid contests. Stay tuned. More importantly, we will have beer. We will have food. Lots offood and beer. And music. And beer.

Bands are currently in the contracting process but should includeSkirtlifters (rockabilly), Bounty Hunter (classic and southern rock), HayseedDixie (bluegrass, but they only do AC/DC tunes- too bizarre to miss), and theMill City Rockers (one of the most popular biker bands New England has tooffer) and more.

The same simple-minded staff plans to have an oversized motorcycle trailer onthe premises, which will be burned as a tribute to the legions of those whoroad to this prestigious event. This event will someday be known as thegreatest chopper event in the world. The “burning of the trailer” willsomeday be symbolic to all in chopperdom. YOU can be there. YOU will beable to tell the story in bars for the rest of your life about how you werethere for the first trailer burn.

A chopper will be fabricated during the event before your very eyes. Some ofthe best in the industry will be wrenching, cutting, grinding and painting asyou watch on in horrified amazement. Ask questions as they do an enginerebuild or install an S&S carb. Some of our favorite after-market parts willbe used and the chopper extraordinaire will be auctioned to raise money toallow kids with asthma to attend a special summer camp.

Primitive camping is available on the premises for those who want thatEuropean SuperRally type of experience. For those wimps who want a motel room, THE HORSEstaff will be staying at the Comfort Suites (on exit 76B) and at the BestWestern (on exit 75). Both hotels have agreed to knock $20 off the normalrate if you tell them you are attending the Smoke Out! The Comfort Suitesrate is $53 (704) 630-0065 and the Best Western rate is $50 (704) 633-5777.

Admission will cost $25 for the three days, which includes theprimitive camping, the tons of events and the many excellent bands. By thetime you read this, more details will be available on the Web site atwww.thehorsemag.com, maps, announcements of even more events and details onthe bike shows. Venders should call Edge at (803) 269-9699 for a venderinformation packet. Hope you can make it.

What To Do In Case Of An Emergency
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up the young couple wholived there. They had been sleeping so he just tied them to the bed.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous youngwife, bound up on the bed in her skimpy nightgown, and whispered,”Honey, this guy hasn’t been with a woman in years. Just cooperate withanything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along withit and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.”

She hissed and spit out her gag and said “I’m so relieved you feelthat way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!”

Pickle Slicer
There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?”

“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”

The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”

“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”

Kind Lawyer
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, come along with me then,” instructed the lawyer.

“But, sir, I have a wife and two children!”

“Bring them along!” replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, “Come with us.”

“But sir, I have a wife and six children!” the second man answered.

“Bring them as well!” answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall.”

Alligator Trick
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try”. A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle”.

Show Us Some SkinColored or black and gray. We don?t care, we just want to show off your tattoos. Submit photos to sinwu@bikernet.com. If there?s an interesting story behind your artwork, include it.Also, if you give us your address, we?ll send you some Bikernet stickers.

Thanks for sharing, Joseph from Wisconsin!

Victory Motorcycles Expands Partnership WithMaster Custom Bike Builders Arlen and Cory Ness

The partnership between Victory Motorcycles and master custom bike builders Arlen and Cory Ness continues to expand with the company?s announcement that the Nesses will play an increased role in the styling and design of future Victory models. The Nesses will also continue to develop the Arlen Ness Signature Series of Victory accessories, will build concept Victorys for display at shows, and they will make public appearances on behalf of the brand.

?We?re very excited to announce we?ve strengthened our relationship with Arlen and Cory. We?ve been working with them for a few years, and they?ve done a lot of great things for us,? said Victory General Manager Mark Blackwell. ?We?ve worked real hard over the last year to identify how we could help each other even more. We have identified specific objectives and specific targets, and put a plan together that is very focused.?

Arlen Ness said the partnership has been a goal of his and Cory?s.?We have wanted to work with Victory since its introduction a few years ago. We believe in the product and the people that make it happen. We expect big things to happen in the very near future,? said Arlen.Cory added: ?Designing motorcycles is what we love to do. This gives us an opportunity to use our talents on a whole new level.?

The Nesses are in the process of moving their custom bike and accessory business into a large new facility in Dublin, California, just east of Oakland. Their new operation includes a Victory dealership, where, Blackwell said, ?Arlen and Cory will test some new merchandising and sales approaches for Victory in their premiere new showroom, which will open later this spring.?

The Nesses will be involved with Victory in several ways, including:
? They will continue to design and supply accessories to Victory.
? They will serve as design consultants on future Victory models and future accessories and apparel.
? They will continue to make personal appearances on behalf of Victory at events such as dealer meetings, press launches, and major consumer events.

?They will significantly upgrade their commitment and presence as Victory dealers in their new showroom, and they will continue to build special show machines and project bikes that will be featured in motorcycle magazines and at events,? said Blackwell. ?I believe they will also help us identify strong candidates for Victory dealerships as we carefully work to strengthen our Victory dealer network.?

Arlen Ness is a legend among custom motorcycle builders and stylists. He has built numerous innovative and trend-setting customs, has successfully marketed his own lines of accessories, and has been the focus of countless magazine articles and numerous books on motorcycle customization.

His son Cory was raised in an environment that immersed him in art, styling, and, specifically, design of custom motorcycles. He plays a lead role in the daily operation of the Ness businesses, and has created several well-known custom bikes that have been featured at events and in magazines.

?You could argue that Arlen Ness is the best-known and most-respected custom motorcycle builder in the world,? Blackwell said. ?He?s extremely well-known in the United States?and internationally. And I believe that over the coming years, Cory will become equally well known and respected. Arlen and Cory complement each other with their individual styles and approaches, and we think that mix will benefit us in the styling they contribute to Victory.?

Along with the Victory dealership and custom bike building operation, the Nesses? 70,000-sq. ft. facility in Dublin includes a museum featuring Arlen Ness?s personal collection of more than 100 rare and custom-made motorcycles.For more information on Victory Motorcycles, including a dealer locator, visit the Victory Web site at: www.victory-usa.com. A dealer locator service is also offered toll-free at 1-800-POLARIS.

Victory Motorcycles is a division of Polaris Industries Inc. Information about the complete line of Polaris products is available from authorized Polaris dealers or from the Polaris home page at www.polarisindustries.com.

Polaris designs, engineers, manufactures, and markets snowmobiles, all-terrain vehicles (ATVs), Victory motorcycles, watercraft, and the Polaris RANGER for recreational and utility use. Polaris is the largest snowmobile manufacturer in the world, and one of the largest U.S. manufacturers of ATVs and watercraft. Polaris enhances the riding experience with a complete line of Pure Polaris apparel, accessories, and parts available at Polaris dealerships. Consumers can also purchase apparel and vehicle accessories around the clock online at www.polarisindustries.com.

The Polaris Professional Series, a line of heavy duty Workmobiles? designed for use by lawn and landscape companies, equipment rental companies, and construction operations, marks Polaris’ expansion into the commercial equipment marketplace.Polaris Industries Inc. trades on the New York Stock Exchange and Pacific Stock Exchange under the symbol “PII,” and the company is included in the S&P SmallCap 600 stock price index.

Hey Bandit, Check Out This Site, This is the Norton site I found finally for the Weekly News: www.nortonamerica.com.com Also this is a cool Norton site, lots of info (Norton Owners Club) www.noc.co.uk

Paul

Well that?s it—- I know you all can?t wait for Bandit to return. Believe me, no one wants him home more than me. The sun is shining outside, warm air surrounds me and I?m sitting inside stuck on this fucking computer. Snake and Bandit may create the intros and endings you read but I?m the one who has to put all the other shit in place. I?d rather be shopping or something. Plus I?m getting pretty damn lonely. Someone tried to tell me that five months wasn?t that long to go without?.. Hah! That dude must have been a eunuch. All these women Sin has running around are starting to look good. Bandit better hurry or we?ll all be lesbians by the time he gets home. I wonder if he would consider being with a woman cheating? I?ll have to ask.

So, in the proper Bikernet fashion, I?ll end with – Have a helluva weekend, and if the sun is shining, get out and go for a ride!

Layla

Da? Thirsty Nooz (Continued)
BySnake

Continued From Page 3

Here’s a recent photo of Enron’s employees leaving work with all their possessions.

Funeral and the pitbull

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffeewhen she noticed a most unusual funeral processionapproaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second longblack hearse about 50 feet behind.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary womanwalking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind her were200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity.Sherespectfully approached thewoman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry foryour loss, and I know that now is a bad time todisturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral likethis. Whose funeral is it?”

The woman replied, “Well that first hearse is formy husband.”She asked, “What happened to him?”The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”She inquired further, “Well, who is in the secondhearse?”The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She wastrying to help my husband when the the dog turned onher.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passesbetween the two women.

“Can I borrow the dog?”
“Get in line.”

IRS

The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 1999, the penis will be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:10 – 12″ Luxury Tax $30.00

Which one would be your tax bracket?

8 – 10″ Pole Tax $25.00
5 – 8″ Privilege Tax $15.00
4 – 5″ Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12″ must file under capital gains.Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

A FEW INTERESTING THINGS:

After the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, which killed six andinjured 1,000; President Clinton promised thatthose responsiblewould be hunted down and punished.

After the 1995 bombing in Saudi Arabia, which killed five U.S.military personnel; Clinton promised that those responsiblewould be hunted down and punished.

After the 1996 Khobar Towers bombing in SaudiArabia, whichkilled 19 and injured 200 U.S. military personnel; Clintonpromised that those responsible would be hunted down andpunished.

After the 1998 bombing of U.S. embassies in Africa, which killed224 and injured 5,000; Clinton promised that those responsiblewould be hunted down and punished.

After the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole, whichkilled 17 andinjured 39 U.S. sailors; Clinton promised that those responsiblewould be hunted down and punished.

Maybe if Clinton had kept his promise, an estimated 7,000 peoplein New York and Washington, D.C. that are now dead would bealive today.

AN INTERESTING QUESTION:

This question was raised on a Philly radio call-in show. Withoutcasting stones, it is a legitimate question.There are two men,both extremely wealthy. One develops relatively cheap softwareand gives billions of dollars to charity. Theother sponsorsterrorism. That being the case, why is it thatthe ClintonAdministration spent more money chasing downBill Gates overthe past eight years than Osama bin Laden?

THINK ABOUT IT!

It is a strange turn of events. Hillary gets$8 Million for herforthcoming memoir. Bill gets about $12 Million for his memoiryet to be written.This from two people who have spent the past 8 years beingunable to recall anything about past events while under oath!INCREDIBLE

GOLD STAR MOTHERS

Gold Star Mothers is an organization made up of women whose sonswere killed in military combat during servicein the UnitedStates armed forces.

Recently a delegation of New York State GoldStar Mothers made atrip to Washington, DC to discuss various concerns with theirelected representatives. According to NewsMax.com there was only onepolitician in DC who refused to meet withthese ladies. Can youguess which politician that might be? Was itNew York SenatorCharles Schumer?Nope, he met with them. Try again. Do you know anyone serving inthe Senate who has ever had anything but contempt for ourmilitary?Do you happen to know the name of any politician in WashingtonWhose husband once wrote of his loathing of the military?Now you’re getting warm! You got it! None other than the Queenherself, Hilary Clinton. She refused repeated requests to meetwith the Gold Star Mothers.

Now — please don’t tell me you’re surprised. This woman wants tobe president of the United States —and there is a huge percentageof the voters who are anxious to help herachieve that.

I?M BACK
After all that talk of beer drinkin?, it reminds me of my thirst. I gotta? find a beer some where around here. That?s the news for today. I?m on a mission to snag some beer. I guess since no one?s around, I can make a draw on the petty cash drawer. Wow, there?s a ten-spot left. I?m outta? here.

Snake?

Da? Thirsty Nooz (Continued)
BySnake

Continued From Page 2

Merlin Roadster by Corbin on the horizon
by Teddy Bear

Feb. 13, 10 a.m. Eastern time

What do you get when you take a three-wheeled Harley-Davidson chopper and drive it in reverse?

You get a Merlin Roadster made by a tiny, Hollister, Calif., company called Corbin Motors.The Merlin, which its maker says will hit the streets this summer, is powered by a walloping 1,400-cc fuel-injected V-twin Harley-Davidson motor. But the trick here is that the single wheel is in back, the engine is up front and the driver steers with a wheel, not sissy bars. There’s a gas pedal and brake and clutch, all on the floor, and you shift through a 4-speed manual tranny. And yes, there is a reverse gear, too.

In other words, it’s a front-wheel-drive motorbike that drives like a car.

Yes, it’s still a bike, not a car, so you need a motorcycle license (in most states) to drive one.

The advantage–according to its maker–is that anybody who knows how to drive a car can drive the Merlin. Taxes, as well as insurance, are much lower, and most states will allow it in their high-occupancy vehicle lanes (because it’s a bike–really, officer, really!). It gets better mileage than a typical car. And it will get a lot more double takes.

With 75 horsepower and only 1,100 pounds of weight to haul around, the one-seater is a lot more powerful than other micro cars like…well, like the MCC Smart, which parent company DaimlerChrysler may eventually import to America. The Smart Passion tilts the scales at 1,600 pounds and only puts out a piddling 53 hp–and takes 17 seconds to get to 60 miles per hour as a result. To put things in perspective, the Merlin has roughly the same power-to-weight ratio as a $43,365 Porsche Boxster–but costs $20,000 less.

It also has wider, lower tires than the Porsche and, with that Harley motor, sounds a lot meaner, too.

Then again, wearing a helmet is required; there aren’t any airbags; and, if it rains, the driver is just as wet as he would be on a motorcycle. And with a helmet, plus all the wind and engine noise, what’s the point of the CD player? (Yes, it has one.)

But there are advantages over a hog. There’s a trunk big enough for groceries, a full steel frame under all of that fiberglass, and a seatbelt for safety. Plus the Merlin is available in candy-apple red, tangerine, black or silver. And just think, for the price of a Honda Accord, you can commute with a lot more style!

Specifications:
Harley Davidson 88-cubic inch, twin cam balanced, fuel- injected engine including the Harley ignition and wiring harness
4-speed manual transmission with reverse
Front wheel direct drive and steering
3-wheel disc brakes
Tubular steel chassis
Composite body
Scissor door: (click to view)
Tilt steering wheel
Fully integrated dashboard
Stereo AM/FM radio + CD player
4.5 cubic foot trunk space
52 inches wide from outside of tire to outside of tire
117 inches total length
78 inches axle to axle length

Performance:

100+ mph
35 mpg
Registers, insures and parks like a motorcycle

Colors:

Production models will be available in candy apple red, tangerine, black or silver.

Options:

Chrome Package ($1,700) Chrome wheels and Chrome/Black motor.

More Roadster Information and Online Deposit Form

Order with Corbin Motors Sales Department: mda@corbinmotors.com

Payment:

$1,000 deposit due when reservation is placed, $10,000 second deposit due when production of your Roadster begins, and the balance due upon delivery. Destination charges, tax and license fee are extra.

Price: $23,900

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not HORNY ! – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
11. She is not a SLUT – She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS – She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
13. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE – She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING ! – He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER – He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK-He becomes ACCIDENTALLYHORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS – He develops a case ofRECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT – He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

Bikernet Caribbean Report

Hey guys, I’m back, although by the time you read this we will be in Indylooking at all the new products and hanging out with friends.We will surely try to have all the new stuff that’s coming out in thefollowing months for you to look at first, here at Bikernet.Also, as promised, the trivia is finally here. Here’s how it works: Ipost some questions, the first one to e-mail them back to us with all thecorrect answers will receive a Chopper Freak T-shirt for gratis. Since I’mfeeling much better, I’ll even send two T-shirts if you happen to be thefirst answer and have them all right. All you gotta do is send us an e-mailat Jose@ChopperFreak.com with your answers. In case no one gets them,the one with the most answers wins. In other words, the shirt is goingno matter what.

We have just found out that one of our Bourget’s bikes will be featured inAmerican Iron Magazine. They told us that it’s a six-page spread in the Aprilissue, so keep your eyes peeled. Also, this will be the issue that they giveaway in Daytona, so you might even get it for free.

As you might know, the Indy trade show takes place this weekend> It isthe mother of motorcycle trade shows and includes all kinds of bike stuff.This year they will feature a section for American big twins only, whichseems pretty cool, hence we don’t have to walk the whole damn place toget to the good stuf, although it’s always fun to check out the motocrossstuff.

Sad to report that WCC No. 4 and 5 won’t make it to Daytona. With lots ofwork and the unexpected events, we cannot finish them in time. This, to us,is like Bandit not having a ride done in time for Sturgis….Oh well, thatmeans we will have to go to Myrtle Beach.

Keep an eye on the new Horse magazine for one of our Old School chops, andsome upcoming articles on Puerto Rico.

I bet more than one of our readers has the Olympic bug. Man, one of thethings I wanted to do was compete in an Olympic event, not even to win medals,but just to be there. And trust me, I have been to hell and back but no Olympicsports. I guess when they do chopper riding I might try out.

Also have a great Valentine’s Day, give your loved ones a hug, remember thisis not about red and hearts, it’s about loving your partner and family,life and friends. We are very lucky to have people who care for us, and whowe care about, that’s the essence of life. And now that I got all smushy,here’s the trivia……Good Luck!

1) What’s the last year of the rigid frame for Harley ?
2) In what city did Billy Lane and Warren start their Choppers Inc. business?
3) What was the first year of the “cone” Shovelhead motor?
4) Did you have to wear a helmet in California in 1993?
5) When did Harley turn in 12-volt electrical systems?
6) Who did Jesse James work for before opening his own shop? (any of the3 answers will be correct)
7) What does “81” stand for?
8) What’s Indian Larry’s real last name?

OK, now send those answers ASAP to Jose at ChopperFreak.com and wait for ourreply.Well guys, see ya next week with more news and stuff…..Take care….

Jose,
Bikernet Caribbean report.

The Art of Taking A Pee
(Written to a woman who accidently walkedinto a men’s restroom…)

Please don’t feel bad, lady. It wasn’t you entering the men’s washroom thatcaused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time.

It’s rare for us guys to ever hit what we’re aiming for. Sometimes I go intothe washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I’llmake sure I hit something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men’s peniseshave a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all theurinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis willstill manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pantleg, and onto his shoe. I’m telling ‘ya those little buggers can’t betrusted.

After being married 28 years, my wife has me trained. I’m no longer allowed topee like a man – standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has>convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she had gone tothe toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee- soaked toilet seator fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she wasgoing to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don’t usually like to talk about, but because youand I have become such good friends and you think I’m a classy guy, I mightas well be candid with you because it’s a real problem, and you ladies needto be understanding. It’s the dreaded “morning wood”.

Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee,and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hardyou try, you can’t get that thing to bend, and if it don’t bend you can’taim, well hell, if you can’t aim you have no choice but to piss all over thewallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on puttingon the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, thefriggin’ toilet seat won’t stay up by itself. So that means we have to useone hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to controlourselves for that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you’re newly married, (and I know the guys in here willback me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damnfuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing untilthe seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzystarts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flyingdown and tries to whack off your weenie.

So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it’s just not safe. Itried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her…look, it won’t bend. She said, “sit down like I told you to do all the restof the time.” OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with “morning wood”.

Well it’s is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before Icould manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wallacross the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forceddown under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from thecrack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You pissall over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on tothat damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in frontof the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinarydilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toiletseat.This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split timeprecision but it’s the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl duringthe first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We aresensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but thereare times when things just get beyond our control.

It’s not our fault, it’s just Mother Nature.

Now, if it was Father Nature,… there wouldn’t have been a problem!

~Author Unknown~

Feel the heat, go HOG WILD!

Feb. 14, 2002?Biker Billy wants YOUR recipes for his next book, “Hogwild on a Harley,” to be published by Harvard Common Press, Boston, in spring 2003.

He?s the hottest cook on a Harley, his demonstrations are the hit of the rally circuit. No one knows peppers?from ancho to serrano?better than Bill Hufnagle. His two books, ?Biker Billy Cooks with Fire? and ?Biker Billy?s Freeway-a-Fire? have turned up the heat in kitchens across America.

Biker Billy?s third book will be dedicated to Harley-Davidsons and the people who ride them. After all, we live to ride, and we ride to eat! HOG WILD ON A HARLEY will be a celebration of Harley people, lifestyle, and community expressed through food.

Biker Billy wants to include YOUR recipes?for meals, snacks, parties, holidays, beverages; childhood or family favorites are welcome. Ingredients can come from any food group?animal or vegetable. The recipes don?t have to be hot and spicy, but they must be uniquely yours, not taken from another book, magazine, or Internet site.

Submit recipes on-line until March 25, 2002 at www.bikerbilly.com/home.tpl. Click the recipe submission icon. Please read the release form before you hit submit recipe, that indicates you accept these terms.

Just type, or copy and paste, your text in the form:Recipe title, subtitle if necessary.List ingredients with quantities. Be specific: 1/2 teaspoon, 2 cups, 6 ounces, 3/4 pound; fresh, frozen, dried, whole, chopped, diced, minced, shredded, ground.Step-by-step directions for preparation, and expected results for each stage. Describe consistency of mixtures before cooking, how to correct and test for done.Number of servings, suggested foods or beverages to accompany.A paragraph or two to about your experience with Harleys and food. (50-300 words)

Multiple submissions encouraged! Photographs of you, your motorcycle, and your food (keep them rated G, please) may also be sent through the web site. Biker Billy?s going HOGWILD ON A HARLEY?come along for the ride! Hog Wild on a Harley will be published by Harvard Common Press, Boston in spring, 2003.

On The Front Lines With Customer Assistance
(with hilarious thanks to Kimberly Klein, aka “K-Squared”)

I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true storyfrom the WordPerfect Help line which was transcribed from a recordingmonitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Deskemployee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfectorganization for “Termination without Cause.”

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now Iknow why they record theseconversations):

“Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”
“Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“It’s a blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
“Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have alittle light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cordgoes into it. Can you see that?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into thewall.”
“Yes, it is.”
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice if there were two cablesplugged into the back of it?”
“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the othercable.”
“Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back ofyour computer.”
“I can’t reach.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’sdark.”
“Dark?”
“Yes — the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming infrom the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light, then.”
“I can’t.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power failure.”
“A power…………a power failure? Aha, okay, we’ve got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer camein?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it waswhen you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re too fucking stupid to own a computer.”

Continued On Page 4

Da? Thirsty Nooz (Continued)
BySnake

Continued From Page 1

A doctor tells it like it is

This was written by a doctor in Texas and is very good, please read.

I was just reading Yahoo news and the San Antonio Express newspaper. Youknow what upsets me? People with absolutely nothing to do with theirlives,so they complain on how the United States is treating the prisoners or “detainees”from Afghanistan.

Do you know why they are complaining? They see a picture on the news orthe Internet and they see someone who is shackled and blindfolded andwalking with two armed guards behind razor wire. This picture tells themthey are treated unfairly.

Here is what I see….

I see a thin, sickly looking person who, under severe mental duress frombeing bombed, was cleaned up, given a haircut to prevent infestation ofparasites, and given new clothes and shoes to wear. I see a person whois given three nutritious meals per day and a bed to sleep in a tropicalclimate, not the cold desert floor of Afghanistan, eating worms, bugsand goat. I see a person who will be able to get relief from their painsandillnesses without paying a dime for medical expenses. They will get rest andeducation and their mental stress levels will have dropped tremendouslybecause they were taken out of a combat area and will not be shotat again.

I see these people blindfolded and shackled behind razor wire. I have theintellectual ability to understand why they are this way. For those whodo not have this ability, let me explain it to you. They are blindfoldedtoprotect our U.S. soldiers from further harm. These people cannot planto destroy something if they cannot see it. They are shackled becausethese same people have proven they will easily give up their lives to killjust ONE AMERICAN. We are protecting their life as well as our own. Therazor wire is a mental deterrent, just like the little alarm companywarningsigns most of you have on your home, but don’t have the actualalarm system. You would think many times over before actually tryingto cross that razor wire. For all of you people out there thinking how badthese poor detainees have it under such strict guard, you need to do alot more thinking about other things in your life.

I was born on Sept. 11, 1966, and every birthday I have from nowon will never be a happy one. Why? you ask. Because as I am outsomewhere trying to have a nice dinner, someone will have a candle or aribbon or something, crying about the anniversary of a national tragedy.And then I will think about how insignificant my one little birthdayactuallyis compared to everything else that happened on that one day.

It boggles my mind that there are actually people out there in this world,in leadership positions, heads of companies that actually think that we aredoing something wrong when it comes to protecting our nation and ourpeople. These same people will be the first ones to complain aboutsomething that happens to them when they are vacationing outside thiscountry. They will ask why the U.S. does not do anything about theirmisfortune. These are the same people that complain about taxes and howbad their lives actually are.

If you receive this e-mail, please pass it on to everyone in your addressbook. I am not afraid or ashamed to speak my peace. I am an American,my father fought for this country and was willing to die for it.

Dr. Steven Tomaselli

Gen. Schwartzkopf

In a recent interview, Gen. Norman Schwartzkopf wasasked if he thought there was room for forgivenesstoward the people who have harboured and abetted theterrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.His answer was classic Schwartzkopf. He said:”I believe that forgiving them is God’s function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting.”

Do your part

From a retired government employee . . .When you get ads in your phone or utility bill,include them with thepayment. Let them throw it away. Think globally, actlocally.

When you get those pre-approved letters in the mailfor everything fromcredit cards to second mortgages and junk like that,most of them come withpostage paid return envelopes, right?

Well, why not get rid of some of your other junkmail and put it in thesecool little envelopes? Send an ad for your localchimney cleaner toAmerican Express. Or a pizza coupon to Citibank. Ifyou didn’t getanything else that day, then just send them theirapplication back! Justmake sure your name isn’t on anything you send them.You can send it back empty if you want to just tokeep ’em guessing!

Let’s turn this e-mail into a chain letter!Eventually, the banks andcredit card companies will begin getting all theirjunk back in the mail.

Let’s let them know what it’s like to get junk mail,and best ofall…THEY’RE paying for it! Twice!

Let’s help keep our Postal Service busy since theysay e-mail is cuttinginto their business, and that’s why they need toincrease postage again!

Sex in the dark:

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every timethey made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured shewould break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in themiddle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. Shelooked down … and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasuredevice… a vibrator … soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. Shegoes completely ballistic. “You impotent bastard,” she screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explainyourself!” The husband looks her straight in the eyesand says calmly:……….I’ll explain the toy… if you explain the kids.”

THE “FORWARDER’S” 12 STEP PROGRAM – EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME …

I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailinglists if I DON’T forward an e-mail!

I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward ane-mail.

Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria’s Secret doesn’tknow anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me.

Ford will NOT give me a 50 percent discount even if I forward my e-mailto more than 50 people!

I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons or freebies fromCoca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy or anyone else if I send an e-mailto 10 people.

I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail …NEVER –NEVER!

There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I amnot STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 forforwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!

There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program inEngland collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. Heis now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANYMORE POST CARDS or GET WELL CARDS.

The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (orwhatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enablethem to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.

There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorfulflowers, characters or program that I will receiveimmediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!

The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certainindividuals dying of some never-heard-of disease for everye-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVESdonations.

And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending thingsby telling me I am not their friend or that I don’t believe inJesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe thebushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and sendit along to at least five of your friends before the next full moonor you will surely be constipated for the next three months and allof your hair will fall out!

Just Kidding…

Bikernet Blonde Joke

A blonde and her husband were hunting in the woods when the husband falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, “I think my husband is dead, what can I do?”

The operator in a calm voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The blonde comes back on the line, “OK, now what?”

Twin Towers

This picture was taken by a guy returning on a cruise this past summer (July 28, 2001). It is a sunrise over lower Manhattan.

HE Writes: As I watched the beautiful skyline of New York City float past me, I noticed the sun was about to line up just behind the Twin Towers. I was lucky enough to snap the picture at exactly the right moment. If you look at the sun rays it is almost prophetic – a little spooky.

When I show this picture to anyone they almost always asks for a copy. I just want to share it with all who want it. Please take this picture and share it with anyone and everyone who likes it. I’ve been printing them like crazy on my home computer.

B. Tronolone

Continued On Page 3

Da? Thirsty Nooz
BySnakeAttention Bikernet readers: let me say at the get-go, it ain?t my fault. I ain?t no journalist. Some days I have trouble writing my name on a check. I had to walk to Bikernet headquarters ?cause my primary belt exploded. So I walk in lookin? for some tools and a bottle of beer; I find that SinWu, that foxy bitch, has vanished. She and her cohorts are probably off on some wild sex romp up in the San Fernando Valley somewheres?. They drank up all the beer too. Didn?t leave me one. And here it is Thursday and nobody?s poundin? out the news. That bastard Bandit better get back soon to slap some order into the troops. Damn, I?m thirsty. I guess I?ve got to scrawl something out about the happin?s around here. Hmmm, well here?s a bit of interesting info.

Yesterday I was tryin? to dial up my bail bondsman and accidentally punched in the numbers for the O. C. Assholes. A rumbling roar came screaming outta the ear piece, ?Yeah, what the fuck ya want?? Ron Stewart and his gang of merry pranksters have the right attitude. Ron is the president of the Orange County Assholes. He says that it?s a kind of ?shit & giggle club? and their official goal is to party to the max.

Well, we all aspire to some kind of greatness. We try to make our mark in the world. There are those who say it loud, say it proud. This group of Orange County, Calif., Bikers make their declaration loud and clear. Their club decal says it all. The Orange County Assholes is a raucous, good-natured group of motorcycle aficionados with an arm-long line of hash marks of experience.

The O.C. Assholes have been partying as a club for 8 years. The membership consists of a bunch of bikers from the ?old school,? yet they aren?t a bunch of tight-assed purists like some old established clubs are. If you want to have a good time, you are worthy of their credo. Some of the membership includes a goodly number of female riders.Of course, it ain?t all beer and skittles, fun and games, partyin? and ridin?. They sponsor some charitable events sponsor too, such as their support of the Fred Jordan Ministry.

Now let?s not get the wrong idea, these bike- ridin? men and women are always thinking of some kind of goof they can pull off for a laugh. Their most infamous romp is the Annual Mooning of Amtrak. Every Saturday after the 4th of July at Mug?s Away Saloon in Mission Viejo, the slap happy crew sidle up to the chain link fence next to the Amtrak rail line and present their joyous assholes (or tits) to the surprised train passengers.

Word has it that the normal 80 mph rail speed is slowed to a snail?s pace of 30 mph in appreciation of the event. The train crew supposedly puts in special requests for this shift. They warn the passengers who might be offended to enjoy the landscape on the other side of the train.

Like I said, Ron Stewart and the Orange County Assholes are a fun group of men and women who enjoy their beer and ridin?. If you happen to see one of these characters and their club stickers, give ?em the finger and wave a happy howdy.

Crap, here comes Sin. Probably wanting me to work or some shit. Whew, skated. She wants to type a few words to ya?ll.

A Few Words From Sin
In case you didn?t know, the Cantina has been around for one year now. We?ve been putting our heads together to try and come up with something new and exciting for the second year. Well, what we decided to give you was sex?? Yeah baby! Sex is coming to the Cantina. T&A, sex toys, no holds barred. Over the next few days we?ll be working under cover to present a ?New And Improved? Cantina so stayed tuned!

Your Tattoos On Bikernet

Keep sending them! Once a week I?ll post a tat of the week for you. Be sure to include your address when you send your images and I?ll send you some Bikernet.com stickers.

Snake’s wife , Debra, in Calhoun, Ga. No, not our Snake. This guy probably has some class. There?s a fine line between class and our Snake, but we love him.

We also have a contest where you can win a Dragonfly shirt so come on people, send us some pictures of what you feel is a true discovery for ?Digital?s Discovery.? A few images and the story behind your treasure is all we ask for. If yours is chosen, I?ll send you a Dragonfly shirt of your choice.
Submissions go to sinwu@bikernet.com – Have a great Valentines Day! Sorry for the photo of a dude, just couldn’t resist.

Sin

Study supports ‘use it or lose it’ notion about brain

TUESDAY, Feb. 12 — Seniors who read, go to museums and play mentally stimulating games are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease than those who don’t give their mind a regular workout.

That’s the finding of a new study, which supports the increasingly popular notion among brain researchers that keeping the mind healthy means keeping it active. Neurons, like muscles, need regular exercise to maintain or add healthy connections.

However, experts say it’s hard to know whether those with Alzheimer’s develop the disorder because they don’t jog their memory, or whether early symptoms of the disease keep them from fully enjoying their mind.

“Frequent activities seem to ward off cognitive decline,” says Elisabeth Koss, an Alzheimer’s expert at the National Institute on Aging. “Statistically, it seems like a good thing to do.”

Earlier work, including research by Koss and her colleagues, has shown that those who have Alzheimer’s are less likely than those who don’t to have remained mentally vigorous before the dementia appeared.

The latest study, which appears in tomorrow’s issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, adds an important dimension to those findings by following seemingly healthy people over time and looking for differences between those who stayed that way and those who became ill.

The study, by scientists at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center in Chicago, tracked 801 Catholic nuns, priests and other clergy over 65 who were free of dementia when they enrolled in the research project. Over the next 4.5 years, on average, the clergy were tested annually in more than 20 areas of cognitive vitality, such as memory, attention span, spatial ability and language.

They were also asked about their participation in routine activities that are considered mentally stimulating: reading, watching television, playing word games, doing jigsaw puzzles, playing strategy games like chess and checkers and going to museums. How often they did some or all of these translated into a score on a five-point scale.

“This is a crude measure of how intellectually people are spending their time,” says Robert S. Wilson, a Rush Alzheimer’s expert and lead author of the paper.

Over the course of the study, 111 of the clergy developed Alzheimer’s, the researchers say.

But for each increase of a point on the five-point scale, the risk of the disease fell substantially. Those who performed mental exercises least frequently were almost 50 percent more likely to develop dementia than those who reported doing them most often. A one-point increase in the overall activity score markedly reduced losses in cognition, memory and perception.

Education has been shown to guard against Alzheimer’s, and 85 percent of the clergy in the study had a college degree. Yet, those with more mental pursuits later in life had an added measure of protection, letting researchers sort the effects of education from intellectual activity.

Unlike previous work, however, the researchers found no link between physical activity and protection from Alzheimer’s.

The new study considers television viewing as stimulating as reading and other activities. But an earlier effort found that Alzheimer’s patients tended to watch much more television in middle age than their peers without dementia.

“Doing something like TV viewing is not as stimulating as doing something like reading,” says Heather Lindstrom, an anthropologist at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland who helped on the earlier research. “In terms of mental stimulation, I would argue that there’s a difference.”

Still, Lindstrom calls the Chicago findings “another strong piece of evidence that, in fact, cognitive stimulation is protective” against Alzheimer’s.

What To Do

Are you keeping your mind in shape? Although determining what’s adequate stimulation is difficult, here’s a good rule of thumb: If you’re bored, you’re probably not getting enough, Lindstrom says.

An estimated 4 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, which is thought to be caused by the buildup of protein plaques in the brain. The number of patients could hit 14 million by 2050 unless scientists find a cure for the illness, according to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Come to Bikernet once a day to read. Use your brain!

Top Ten Rejected Valentine’s Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunkBut the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollowUnless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the storeIn hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so rightI just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of classEspecially when I’m spanking your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famishedBut now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to passOur love has grown. . . but so’s your ass.

3. You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutieI just wished you had J. Lo’s “booty”.

2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or cornySo, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blisterYou should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Continued On Page 2

NEWS BITS ‘N PIECES FROM AROUND THE WORLDTHE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE.Visit us on our website at

Wow! Here it is gettin’ near Valentine’s Day already, and the year just now seems to have started. Haven’t even gotten over the year-end holidays yet, and away we go again.

Guess I’d better get with it and get ready for our upcoming National Coalition of Motorcyclists Annual Convention in NEW ORLEANS, over Mother’s Day weekend in May.

We all know how important this gathering is to the motorcyclists’ struggle for Freedom of the Road, among other things. The seminars you will attend all are geared to help each of us to return home with tools that help us in this all-important task.

It’s not just the helmet thing anymore, folks. It’s also what’s coming at us, like “End of Life” requirements to recycle older cars and bikes, unrealistic emissions controls, anti-tampering laws to prevent performance modifications, and a myriad of other restrictions that our lawmakers, and their compadres from across the oceans, are foisting upon us with the notion that these laws are for the good of everybody, and bikers aren’t very smart anyway so we shouldn’t mind if we can’t ride anymore.

A dear friend of mine once said, “If this keeps up we will go to museums to look at the machines we once rode with pride on our nation’s highways.”

If that thought makes you ill at ease, don’t miss this year’s NCOM Convention in New Orleans, May 9-11. It promises to be a real doozy. Check with NCOM to get you the information. Call 1-800-ON-A-BIKE, or 1-800-531-2424, or e-mail NCOM’s Bill Bish: ncombish@aol.com, and somebody will happily send you the info. Check the website, too: www.ON-A-BIKE.com. DON’T MISS IT THIS YEAR! Hey, and they’ve got a great Radisson Hotel booked for the conference at $79 a night, near the French Quarter. THOSE rooms are gonna go fast, so call NCOM, or the Radisson Hotel right away. Don’t forget to mention NCOM for the special Convention rate.

NEWS BITS ‘N PIECES:

CHINA: Can ya believe it? ANOTHER banner year of motorcycle production in China. We’ll NEVER catch up in this race, that’s for sure. In a story from AsiaPort and Alestron, we hear that the Chinese manufacturing output of putts went UP by almost 9%. That brings them to a whopping 11 MILLION bikes built in China — just last year. WOW!

We could use some of that Chinese entrepreneurial spirit over here. If we could build even ten percent of that, man oh man… I guess then you’re faced with getting them out of the showrooms and onto the street. Hey, maybe it would give our economy a shot in the arm.

TORONTO: Police in Canada’s largest city said they’ve asked businesses to enforce a strict dress code barring members of the Hells Angels from wearing any of the motorcycle club’s colors when they roll into town.

Boys and girls, I was in the motel business about ten years ago when the Angels came to town and some stayed at my establishment. They were the best customers I had, and they left their rooms the neatest. And they didn’t use motel towels to wipe their scooters off, either. They have their own dress code, and their own code of behavior, and don’t need to be told how to dress or act in public. At least not here in the good old US of A.

LOS ANGELES: Suzuki has done something interesting that we’re seeing more lately: They’ve married the motorcycle and car into these “speed merchant” cars they’ve shown at the auto shows. No info on production for sale of the sports car or their open wheel racer. Check the web site at www.media.suzuki.com.

AUSTRALIA: We’ve all heard or read about the terrible fires in Australia this summer. Reuters news service reported that there have been at least 21 people arrested who were on motorcycles, intentionally setting fires. Millions of acres and countless homes have been lost. Police are also on two wheels, chasing these clowns on dirt bikes. What makes some people tick, I wonder.

FRANCE: According to Berry van Gestel the managing director of Harley-Davidson France, most of the people that buy Harleys there are well-to-do businessmen and not celebrities. Hells bells, even I knew that one! I wonder if they have to wait as long as we do to get a scoot. They say they sold 3,000 rides in 2001. Not bad for the French.

MORE CHINA NEWS: You’d kinda expect SOME motorcycle news here ‘n there from China, lookin’ at our last story of 11 million built in 2001! Seems the Chinese government’s plans to limit bike use in the centers of their BIG cities has helped create a different result — more Chinese are buying bikes who live OUTSIDE those big cities. Hell, if I lived there, you wouldn’t catch ME in a bike-banned city! I guess just because they’re having more ECONOMIC freedom over there doesn’t mean they have ALL their freedoms. Maybe they need some of our biker Freedom-Fighters to go over there and teach those Chinese bikers a thing or three.

THAILAND: Betcha didn’t hear that there were Muslim separatist attacks goin’ on here now, too. It just doesn’t stop, does it? Well, THIS one, right after Christmas, was carried out by a band of five of ’em on BIKES. Why is it that bikes keep popping up in wartime? I guess it’s just ’cause they do the job, for friend or foe. And these guys are killin’ COPS! In this country that would be a BIG no-no.

WASHINGTON: Well, here’s one from right here in the Northwest that caught the eye of our AIM Attorney for Oregon, Sam Hochberg. He caught a wire story about some poor 19 year-old kid up in Renton, Washington, who was racing at 70mph on a city street, and he decided to pull a WHEELIE at 70! The expected happened — somebody pulled out, and the boy died.

Sam says his own first serious bike accident was when HE was 21 — and that’s quite a number of moons back, folks — when HE was popping wheelies on his little 2-stroke — inside a big GARAGE! Smeared him and that little Yamaha right into a Cadillac bumper. Good thing he survived, so he can be on the job for us. Hey, maybe THAT’S why he likes to represent us injured bikers? All the same, if this kid had taken some training, maybe he would still be with us. Wheelies are for the dirt where there is some room to fall down, not on city streets and certainly NOT at 70 mph.

LOS ANGELES and YOUR town: Comin’ around the corner, I hear there’s gonna be a new and improved Independent Shop Program (ISP) for bikers in the USA. It’s sponsored by AIM — Aid to Injured Motorcyclists — those are the lawyers who actually DO RIDE, sponsored by Richard M. Lester. Just show your AIM card to any participating ISP shop, and you’ll get a discount or a deal. Lots of states have shops already signed up now — but watch for more and better to come at your local independent shop!

If y’wanna know more, look in your local ABATE or MRO newsletter, and chances are, you’ll see an AIM Independent Shop Program ad, showing who’s a member in YOUR area. If ya don’t see it, call AIM’s national headquarters in California, toll-free, at 1-800-ON-A-BIKE, or e-mail ’em at aimncom@aimncom.com,and ask about it!

These AIM lawyers are the same folks, as regular Sack readers know, who handle our big and little mishaps on the road. If you get in a wreck, don’t forget to go STRAIGHT to a lawyer, whether it’s AIM or not. Sam Hochberg here in Oregon reminds us NEVER to call those insurance adjusters until you’ve talked to a competent attorney! AIM is there too, “24-7,” at 1-800-ON-A-BIKE. Sam hangs around at 800-347-1106, or in Portland, Oregon at 224-1106, or email SamBikeLaw@aol.com. The Gunny gets his fan mail at AIMGunny@aol.com.

Keep the round side on the bottom.
GUNNY, AIM Chief of Staff for Oregon

IMPORTANT NOTE: Several people sent in subscription requests recently for the AIM/NCOM Motorcycle E-News Service, but unfortunately the computer got hungry and ate them! So, if you or someone you know sent a SUBSCRIBE message to aimncom@aimncom.com, and you aren’t receiving this directly, please re-submit your request and we’ll process it right away. It’s FREE, so what’re you waitin’ for?

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH – BIKERNET GETS 1.9 MILLION HITS (CONTINUED)

Continued From Page 2

Make Me Feel Like A Woman

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. Theturbulence is awful. Suddenly one wing is struck by lightning.

A woman on the plane starts to lose it. She stands up in the front of theplane screaming, “I’m too young to die!” Then she yells, “Well, if I’m goingto die, I want my last minutes to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on thisplane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?”

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. Theyall stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

“I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He is gorgeous, tall, built,with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt………….onebutton at a time.

No one moves.

He removes his shirt.

Muscles ripple across his chest. As he reaches her, he extends the armholding his shirt out to the trembling woman, and whispers:

……………………………..”Iron this.”

Hey Bandit,

These are some pics. I wanted to forward to you. My buddy in Phoenix built these for a customer of his. He is starting out building bikes. Right now he is working out of his house. The mill and stuff are in his garage. He is a fabricator and worked in R&D at the old Titan. Jan 1st. he made the plunge into wonderful world of building bikes. John has some cool ideas and is very detail oriented. We met up in Cinc’y also.

Blackmagic Motorsports??
1818 N. Barkley ?Mesa, AZ. 85203
Ph. 602-524-3968
Johnphopkins@hotmail.com

Utah’s Redrock canyonlands in peril and need your immediatehelp!

We need your online action by Feb. 15 to help save Utah’sRedrock canyonlands.

This world-famous symbol of the American West is a breathtakinglandscape of massive cliff walls, jagged and colorful rock formations,and ancient Indian ruins filled with bighorn sheep, rare pronghornantelope, peregrine falcons and golden eagles.But with the nation’s attention focused almost exclusively on the waragainst terrorism, the Bush administration has moved aggressivelysince Sept. 11 to open up the Redrock canyons to oil and gasdevelopment.

Please speak out today to keep Redrock country wild and free! Go to:
http://www.savebiogems.org/redrock/takeaction.asp?step=2&item=1002and tell the administration NOT to sacrifice these wildlands to energydevelopment and other harmful activities.

The Bureau of Land Management has already approved leases for suchdevelopment in several sensitive canyon areas, without even botheringto assess the real environmental damage that could result. Inresponse, NRDC has filed suit in federal court challenging thisillegal giveaway.

And now, the same agency is preparing a new land use plan for one ofthe most magnificent and fragile parts of the region: the San RafaelSwell, which contains 2 million acres of extraordinary canyons andwildlands.

Unless there is a public outcry against it, this plan could open upthe San Rafael Swell to oil and gas leasing, and continue abusivelivestock grazing and off-road vehicle use over the next 10 to 20years. That’s why I’m asking you and the thousands of other BioGemsDefenders who have already demonstrated your commitment to protectingAmerica’s western wildlands to send a message during thisall-important first phase of the planning process.

Public comments are due to the BLM by Feb. 15, so please actas soon as possible by going to:
http://www.savebiogems.org/redrock/takeaction.asp?step=2&item=1002

Thank you for helping to protect this great American natural treasure.

Sincerely,

Johanna Wald
Land Program Director
Natural Resources Defense Council

Bulls

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They head down thealley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his signstated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year,you could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times lastyear. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365times last year.”

The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times lastyear. That is once a day! You could really learn from this one.”

The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and inquire if it was 365times with the same cow.”

Show Me Some Ink!There?s nothing like a well-done tattoo to make you appreciate fine art. So, show us your art so that we may share culture with the scurvy bunch that follows Bikernet.

Cyril Huze – Vee Coil Bracket

The designer way to relocate your coils between the cylinders for symmetry and custom look. This stylish Vee coil bracket is CNC machined out of a piece of T6-6061 billet aluminum, highly polished and chrome plated. Provision has been made to accept an ignition switch and Dyna single plug coils (ignition switch and coils sold separately). Bolt directly on aftermarket motor mounts or to your original equipment 2-piece Evo motor mount from 91 to 99.

Cyril Huze
Tel: (561) 392-5557
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THE LAST COTTER-KEY–So that’s it. Even with prostitutes running rampant on the deck last night, I pondered what I wanted to build, which direction to take on the ride and if the ’48 would hang for the long haul. Sure it would, goddamnit. I’ve also got a Kenny Boyce Pro Street frame that’s been hangin’ in the garage for some time. I’ve been looking forward to building a hot rod. We’re also working with CCI on a project. Take a look at their line of bike kits and let me know if anything there stirs you imagination.

Ride Forever,

-Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH – BIKERNET GETS 1.9 MILLION HITS (CONTINUED)

Continued From Page 1

A Little Boy’s Valentine’s Day Card

Couldn’t pass up the opportunity to pass this one along……Too damnfunny! Have a great day.

Little David comes home from first grade andtells his father that they learned about thehistory of Valentine’s Day.”Since Valentine’s day is for a Christian saintand we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad atme for giving someone a valentine?”

David’s father thinks a bit, then says, “No, Idon’t think God would get mad.

Who do you want to give a valentine to?”

“Osama bin Laden,” David says.

“Why Osama bin Laden?” his father asks in shock.

“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a littleAmerican Jewish boy could have enough love togive Osama a valentine, he might start to thinkthat maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start lovingpeople a little bit.And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines toOsama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d startgoing all over the place to tell everyone how muchhe loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”

His father’s heart swells and he looks at hisboy with newfound pride.”David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve everheard.”

“I know,” David says, “and once that gets him out inthe open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him.”

Pearly Gates

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the PearlyGates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack thenation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in theface.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end Americans’ liberty,so they gave you death!” Whereupon, Henry punches Osama in the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says “This is why I allowed the federalgovernment to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight onOsama’s kneecap.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, JamesMonroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him backtoward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams”This is not what I was promised!”

An angel replies: “We told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you,

idiot. What did you think we said?”

Food for thought…………

I sat in a movie theater watching”Schindler’s List” and asked myself,”Why didn’t the Jews fight back?”Now I know why.

I sat in a movie theater watching “Pearl Harbor”and asked myself, “Why weren’t we prepared?”Now I know why.

Civilized people cannot fathom, much less predict,the actions of evil people. On Sept. 11, dozens of capable airplanepassengers allowed themselves to be overpowered by a handful of poorly armedterroristsbecause they did not comprehend the depth of hatred that motivatedtheir captors.

On Sept. 11, thousands of innocent people were murderedbecause toomany Americans naively reject the reality that some nations arededicated tothe dominance of others.

Many political pundits, pacifists and media personnel want us to forgetthe carnage. They say we must focus on the bravery of the rescuers and ignorethe cowardice of the killers. They implore us to understand themotivationofthe perpetrators. Major television stations have announced they will assistthe healing process by not replaying devastating footage of the planescrashing into the Twin Towers.

I will not be manipulated.
I will not pretend to understand.
I will not forget.
I will not forget the liberal mediathat abused freedom of the press to kick our country when it wasvulnerable and hurting.
I will not forget that CBS anchor Dan Rather preceded President Bush’saddress to the nation with the snide remark, “No matter how you feelabouthim,he is still our president.”
I will not forget that ABC TV anchor Peter Jennings questionedPresident Bush’s motives for not returning immediately to Washington, D.C.,and commented, “We’re all pretty skeptical and cynical aboutWashington.”
And I will not forget that ABC’s Mark Halperin warned that if reportersweren’t informed of every little detail of this war, they aren’t”likely -nor should they be expected – to show deference.”
I will not underestimate the intelligence of our adversary whopatiently planned and meticulously orchestrated a devastating act ofwar.
I will not forget that the terrorists desire a world society wherewomen are chattel and freedom is forbidden.
I will not isolate myself from my fellow Americans by pretending anattack on the USS Cole in Yemen was not an attack on the United Statesof America.
I will not forget the Clinton administration equipped Islamicterrorists and their supporters with the world’s most sophisticatedtelecommunications equipment and encryption technology, thereby compromisingAmerica’s ability to trace terrorist radio,cell phone, land lines, faxes and modem communications.
I will not be appeased with pointless, quick retaliatory strikes likethose perfected by the previous administration.
I will not be comforted by “feel-good, do nothing” regulationslike thesilly “Have your bags been under your control?” question at the airport.
I will not be influenced by so-called,”antiwar demonstrators” who exploit the right of expression tochantanti-American obscenities.
I will not forget the moral victory handed the North Vietnamese byAmerican war protesters who reviled and spat upon the returningsoldiers,airmen, sailors and Marines.
I will not be softened by the wishful thinking of pacifists whochosereassurance over reality.
I will embrace the wise words ofPrime Minister Tony Blair,who told the Labor Party conference,”They have no moral inhibition on the slaughterof the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000, doesanyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it? There is nocompromise possible with such people, no meeting of minds, no point ofunderstanding with such terror. Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated byit. And defeat it we must!”

I will force myself to:
-hear the weeping
-feel the helplessness
-imagine the terror
-sense the panic
-smell the burning flesh
-experience the loss
-remember the hatred

I sat in a movie theater, watching in quiet reverence as the bloodofyoung soldiers turned the sands of Normandybeach red in “Private Ryan” and asked myself,”Where did they find the courage?”

Now I know.
We have no choice.
Living without liberty is not living.

**********
Author unknown

BIKERNET OFFICE MEMO

Dear Bandit:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individualsthroughout the company have been using foul language during thecourse of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easilyoffended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. Wedo, however, realize the critical importance of being able toaccurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of “TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided sothat proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in aneffective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

Here goes:

TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You’ve got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING:
I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING:
I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This shit won’t work.

TRY SAYING:
I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING:
He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING:
So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING:
I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING:
I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING:
He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s a prick.

TRY SAYING:
She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She’s a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Bill Clinton?s Run

Every morning, Bill Clinton jogged near hishome in New York state.

And on each run, he happened to jog past a hookerstanding on the same street corner, day after day.Apprehensive, he braced himself as he approachedher for what was most certainly about to follow.

“Fifty dollars!” she would shout from the curb.

“No. Five dollars!” fired back Clinton.

This ritual between the ex-prez and the hookercontinued for several days. He’d run by. She’d holler”Fifty dollars.” He’d yell back, “Five dollars!”

One day, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompanyher husband on his jog. As the jogging couple nearedthe now infamous street corner, Bill suddenly realizedthe “pro” would bark her $50 offer for all to hear(including Hillary) and he would have to come up witha very good explanation for his wife, the juniorsenator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them pasther, Bill became overcome with anxiety on how tohandle the situation.

Sure enough, there she was, standing where she alwaysdid. Bill tried to evade the streetwalker’s eyes asshe looked up at the jogging executives.

Then from the sidewalk, she yelled to Bill: “See whatyou get for five bucks?”

Be Careful What You Wear

Be careful what you wear (or don’t wear), when working under yourvehicle…especially in public. From the Sydney Morning Herald in Australiacomes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart,only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the carthere in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.

On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under thechassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turnedprivate parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quicklyput her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staringat her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

Continued On Page 3