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Read More June 6, 2002 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
Entrepreneur revs up motorcycle museum
Art Popham; News Tribune columnist
With all the hoopla over the proposed LeMay car museum, Tacoma has paid little attention to another noteworthy vehicle museum.
The Pioneer Museum of Motorcycles & Conference Center will break ground Sept. 25 and open in fall 2003, if all goes according to plan. The museum, an $8 million to $10 million private project, now seems a certainty for the industrial east side of Thea Foss Waterway.
Marty Moloney, driving force behind the motorcycle museum, now declares his project will definitely happen in the very near future.
“Until now, I’ve kept this very low-key,” Moloney said. “Now, let’s go for it because this is certain. It’s a real, real reality.”
Moloney is making a major commitment to this endeavor. He has already sunk some $2.7 million of his own money and equity into the project. He emphasizes Pioneer Museum of Motorcycles will be an entirely private venture, with no city or state money. He says he has private capital sources in the Puget Sound area.
Since 1996, Moloney has acquired 6.5 acres of L-shaped property at East Third Street between East D and F streets. He isn’t done spending his own money.
The three-floor, 51,000-square-foot museum will be built on the property’s waterfront at 326 E. D St. In addition to 90 parking spaces on that land, a covered breezeway will connect to a 250-stall parking lot on F Street.
BIKE RIDERS MAKE THE FRONT PAGE OF LA TIMES–Yesterday there was an article about bike riders. It compares the “For years, the biking world was dominated by the Harley-Davidson crowd, most of them older,…a more laid back generation of bikers… riders who prize the freedom and camaraderie of the road.”, as compared to younger riders, “…who can buy a bike for less than $10K…half the price of Harleys…, that reaches speeds of over 200MPH,…faster than a NASCAR. Police admit they are outmatched by the powerful machines.”
–from Nuttboy
BIKERNET NASA REPORT– When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in 0 gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Enjoy paying your taxes.
–from Kris B.
“OUTLAWS” INSPIRE NEW BREED OFCOUNTER-CULTURE PATRIOTISM!–book review.Celebrate The 4th Of July With The Authors Of “Why We Rule.”
“Patriots come in all shapes and sizes,” points out Rob Cohen , one of the authors of the new book,Why We Rule: 101 Reasons To Love Our Country (HarperCollins), now in stores nationwide, just in time forFourth of July.
“In the wake of 9/11, patriotism was mostly represented by folks like Rush Limbaugh,” adds co-authorDavid Wollock. “Just because you have tattoos or piercings, or don?t support everything our governmentdoes, doesn?t mean you don?t love your country. We wanted to illustrate why guys like us might want towave the flag. To us, the Ramones and rap music are as American as one of those Sousa marches or?God Bless America.??
Accordingly, Cohen and Wollock ? two progressive, well-educated, pop culture addicts ? came upwith a 225-page salute to what, in their opinion, makes America great, from Plymouth Rock to Kid Rock.Why We Rule! pays tribute to U.S. civil liberties (speech, religion, porn), inventions (the internet, thePost-It), heroes (Abe Lincoln, Madonna), sports (baseball, naked Twister), monuments (The Statue ofLiberty, World?s Largest Ball of Twine), and achievements (first to the moon, worldwide leaders in saltproduction.) The book has been praised as both “a counter-culture history book” and a “patrioticcelebration for folks who don?t necessarily like that crap.”
FLYING SOUTHWEST AIRLINES– A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “Ifbig dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have babyplanes?”??
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.So the boy asked the stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have babycats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”
The boy admitted that this was the case.
“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest alwayspulls out on time. Your mother can explain that.”
–from Miss Kris
MAGNETO TECH COMING–Damn I love it when things start going together?. I will be doing a tech article on how the Pros @ hunt magnetos rebuild mags on wed. should be finished for thurs? Also think this would be a good article to cross over to the HORSE.
Ride safe & Damn I miss the RedBall that thing spoiled me.
–Richard
The RedBall touring chopper is up for Auction on Ebay currently–Bandit.
DIXIE RIDER REPORT– Thanks for attending the 2nd annual Iron Cavalry Reunion in Helen last week! We had a blast. Jimmie Van Zant brought down the house. Pat Savage was a no-show, but I understand he had some transportation trouble. But, honestly, we hardly missed him because Dan Plowden picked up the ball and gave us a night to remember! (well, some of you will remember, the rest probably don’t need to remember!)
Anyway, I wasn’t writing to brag about the weekend, I’m asking a favor. I’ve been getting several e-mails a week asking about new and unique poker run ideas. I know you folks in the South have found ways to make boring poker runs exciting. If you’ll send me your unique poker run, I’ll either publish it or put it on the web site and give you or your club credit. Not that you’ll gain any monetary value from your generosity, but I’ll buy you a beer at the next event you and I attend!?
Send me your unique poker run ideas asap.?
The pictures for the Reunion will be on the site soon so if you attended and are interested in seeing them, give us about a week. As for the Photographer from Easyriders/Biker Magazine that was there, Rogue tell me to look for the article sometime next year in the May or June issue.
–Scott Cochran
Editor Dixie Rider Motorcycle News
www.dixierider.com
High Speed Divorce Agreement– A married couple are driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wifebehind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, Iknow we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.”
The wifesays nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph.
He then says, “I dont?want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affairwith your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. “I want thehouse,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eightymph.
He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster. Bynow she’s up to ninety mph.
“All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts,and all the credit cards, too.”
The wife slowly starts to veer toward abridge overpass piling.
This makes him a bit nervous, so hesays, “Isn’t there anything you want?”
The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”
“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”
Right before they??slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles and says,??”The airbag.”
–from Miss Kris
THE WALL–The first time I touched?my uncle’s name on The Wall, I received an electric shock that spun me around & left me on the ground, sobbing. When The Wall That Heals was in Moscow in 1998, its caretakers told me that many people have felt the same jolt of energy. Perhaps the story by Patrick Camunes is more than just fiction.—-Miss Kris
We’re going to see if we can run the story about the “Reflections” painting of the Vietnam Wall. Watch for it. –Bandit
Bikernet Philosophy Quiz of the Day–An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board, “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, pencils scratched, and erasers erased in furious fashion. They filled blue book after blue book. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour, attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have received an “A” when he had barely written anything at all. What did he write, they asked.
The answer: “What chair?”
–from Nuttboy
LACONIA REPORT CONTINUES–Greetings from Bikers-Links.com www.bikers-links.com. LACONIA IS HERE! In less than a week it’s time to head up to NH foranother year. LACONIA MOTORCYCLE WEEK www.laconiamcweek.comThis is the official site for Bike Week and is full of all the news andevents you will need to get around. Their booth is located by the LobsterPound and is full of souveniers, runs and events for the week!
STANDING MAN www.standing-man.comThis band rocks! They will be appearing Sunday June 9-Wednesday June 12atOriental Gardens. Lead singer Stan (formerly of Jet City) fronts the Bandand can be found at several biker bars in the MA/NH area. Check out theirwebsite for more info on material and future dates!
BROKEN SPOKE SALOON www.brokenspokesaloon.comYes once again the Spoke is up again as one of our choices. Jay and thecrew have been doing this long enough to know what bikers like. No covercharge-No waiting in lines-Reasonable prices-and awesome bands. See theJimmy Van Zant Band (first cousin to Johnny, Donnie, and the late andlegendary Ronnie Van Zant brothers) appearing June 13-15. This band packsem in as they bring back all the old Lynyrd Skynyrd songs. I’m stillwaiting for the video they shot last year! And don’t forget the lovelySarah at one of the beer tubs-she’s usually workin all week and alwayshaving a good time! Also when your around the spoke stop by the”Tamarack”on the corner next door and see Eddie for a “Lucious Lobster Roll” Theyjust broke 2000’s record of 830 sold in one day by 2001’s new record of881! GUNSTOCK www.gunstock.com/motorcycle
If your going to the Hill Climb on Wednesday or any of their other eventsduring the week your infos here! It’s always a great time.
A LACONIA BIKE WEEK VIDEO www.friendlyproductions.com/laconia_.htmI met these guys several times filming all over. Its always a good ideatograb a video of the events to see everything you missed-or just forgot!Best of luck to Bill and his crew and looking forward to another one thisyear!
Thanks to all the webmasters who put together some great sites forusto enjoy. If you know of any that havn’t taken advantage of our FREE LINKto our site please let em know to log on at www.bikers-links.com
— John, Bikers-Links.com
MYSTERY E-MAIL–
1800 727 6767??Toll Free in USA or ?call 1 408 727 6767????or E-Mail Also diagnoses ; Harley-Davidson Ducati Moto-Guzzi Cagiva MV-Agusta Laverda Bimota GAS-GAS Piagggio
–Mike Colburn
NEWS FROM WHITEHORSE PRESSWe’re often asked about our bestselling products. What’s hot and new rightnow? A small, inexpensive, black vinyl pouch (1 x 2 inches) called theMotorcycle Information Carrier System ($1.99 each or six for $10) is flyingout the door, and it might just save your life or that of a riding friend!http://www.WhitehorsePress.com/Email.asp?CN=50245&EN=en0205&ID=info You mayhave read about it in the current issues of Rider magazine, BMW Owners Newsor Motorcycle Product News.
Designed to be affixed unobtrusively to the outside of a rider’s helmet, theMotorcycle Information Carrier System includes a tear-resistant, waterproofdata form on which you fill out your personal medical information (familycontacts, doctor’s name, medical/ surgical history, medications, allergies,etc.). The form is then inserted into the pouch, which measures just 1 inchby 2 inches, and displays both a warning to first-responders of the dangersassociated with helmet removal and an arrow showing where to find the dataform. http://www.WhitehorsePress.com/Email.asp?CN=50245&EN=en0205&ID=info
— Aliens Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it: Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader. The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump’s haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I’ll fire!”
The other alien shouted to his comrade, “No, you don’t want to make him mad!”
But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 feet into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, “What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us!
How did you know it was so dangerous?”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my travels through the galaxy … any guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn’t mess with.
–from Chris T.
DEALS OF THE WEEK– We have 2 machines available. The motorcycle for the man, istruly an imaginative ride. The machine for the “Little Lady” is practicaland easyon fuel. They each make a lot of noise. We are taking offers, now. “jerry windsor” “Everything is fine. You have nothing to worry about,” said HomelandSecurity Director Tom Ridge during a televised press conference. “Still,just to be 100 percent on the safe side, I would urge all Americans to keepthese life vests on at all times.” Ridge said he was not at liberty to divulge the specific reason forthe unprecedented national life-jacket distribution, but he insisted thatthe move is “merely a minor precautionary measure.” “To say exactly what these life vests are for would not be in thebest interests of national security, but I promise that this is notindicative of any serious threat,” Ridge said. “The best thing for everyoneto do is simply go about their normal lives. With their life vests on, ofcourse.” Ridge went on to say that, in addition to the life jackets,citizens should keep the accompanying kits-containing a packet offluorescent-orange marker dye, shark-repellent pellets, and three magnesiumflares-on their person at all times. Citizens have reacted to the federal mandate with equal partscuriosity and consternation. “I’m not sure I like this,” said Dan Speigel, a Seattle advertisingexecutive. “Why do I have to wear this thing on the bus when I go to work-abus, I might add, which is now equipped with side pontoons and driven by auniformed Coast Guard officer?” “On the subway today, the announcer guy said that our seat cushionscan be used as flotation devices,” said Danielle Uris of New York City.”When did they start saying that?” During a Tuesday appearance on Larry King Live, Vice-President DickCheney stressed that the life-vest distribution has nothing to do with thecurrent state of world affairs. “This move was not done in anticipation of any sort of terrorist attack,”Cheney said. “That’s ridiculous. If only you were privy to the specifics ofthe closed-door meeting I had this morning with President Bush, Tom Ridge,Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State Powell, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, CIAdirector George Tenet, and several leading State Department meteorologists,you would know just how silly and unfounded those fears are.” Added Cheney: “The U.S. has received no threats at any time in thepast 22 hours, so you can all just relax.” “I expect every citizen to do his duty and be brave,” Bush said.”Good night, and God bless the United Aquatic States of Hydro-America.” JUST ABOUT HAPPY HOUR–There’s a drop of Jack still in the bottle. It’s been calling to me all afternoon. Yesterday at my IMB martial arts class, the master Bruce attempted to kill all five of us in a horrendous endurance test. One of the toughest workouts I had ever encountered, on top of a slight groin injury while riding my Panhead last weekend. One student, a young Los Angeles police officer couldn’t hang and slipped out the back door. I’m still stiff as a dried and cracked tire, but ready for the weekend. Next week we will retrieve Nuttboy’s shrunken FXR frame and go to work. It should be a good one. In the meantime, have a helluva weekend.–Bandit
WASHINGTON, DC-Assuring the nation that “there is no need for alarm,”the Office of Homeland Security issued all U.S. citizens life jackets forsome unexplained reason Monday.
Above: Life-jacketed pedestrians cross a busy intersection inManhattan.
Above: A police officer patrols Brooklyn in the new NYPD uniform
June 6, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
THE TED REPORT–well the weather has been nice lately. it’s hot in the afternoon traffic but I am taking off work early to beat the traffic. A woman I work with brought her 16 year old daughter to work yesterday. Wow she’s hot for 16. her mom kept saying take her for a ride, take her for a ride. I was thinking how much I would like to ride her daughter, but I just said “most women try to keep their daughters off of my bike” and she let it go.
Surely she knows me by now. I’ve worked with her for 3 years and every chance I get I’m working her for a titty rub. Hell, we’ve gone in to girl’s bathroom at a bar down the street and pissed together in the same john. So if she catches me with her daughter in a few years I’ll tell her it’s her fault. They are both so cute that you know what I’m thinking, don’t you now, huh?
Ted F.U M/C
BIKERNET HISTORY LESSON–In his 1813 letter, Jefferson wrote a one-sentence description of Lewis that is as fine a tribute to a subordinate as any president of the United States has ever written. It is impossible to imagine higher praise from a better source:
“Of courage undaunted, possessing a firmness & perseverance of purpose which nothing but impossibilites could divert from it’s direction, careful as a father of those committed to his charge, yet steady in the maintenance of order & discipline, intimate with the Indian character, customs & principles, habituated to the hunting life, guarded by exact observation of the vegetables & animals of his own country, against losing time in the description of objects already possessed, honest, disinterested, liberal, of sound understanding and a fidelity to truth so scrupulous that whatever he should report would be as certain as if seen by ourselves, with all these qualifications as if selected and implanted by nature in one body, for this express purpose, I could have no hesitation in confiding the enterprize to him.”
I did not know he committed suicide and only?3 years after his return from the Pacific Ocean at the age of 35, October 11, 1809. They now believe he?suffered from manic depression and he also did a lot of morphine and other drugs for what he thought was bouts of malaria, and perhaps syphillis not to mention he drank a LOT of whiskey. He was governor of the Louisiana Territory at the time and the government was fuckin’ with him over money and trying to break him. He was on his way to Washington DC to work it out when he tried to off himself twice and was on suicide watch.?
He’d have probably been fine if his friend Jefferson hadn’t done him a favor and made him governor. He’d have been happier living in Washington and working on his journals. He never worked on them after his return and no one knows why. It was as if he avoided the project altogether. There were huge gaps in the journals as well when he probably?didn’t write for months at a time. One load of his artifacts was lost in a ship grounding while on its way to DC from Louisiana and it really bothered him. That’s why he was heading to WA DC by ground and Clark was heading there by sea. Had Clark accompanied him, perhaps history would have been written differently, as Lewis seemed to be looking for Clark to show up when he was not “right”.
–Helen Wolfe
36 LIMITED EDITION?GRAND PRIX? ALLIGATORS–Price – $35,000 plus tax, $15,000 deposit required?to reserve place in line, balance due upon delivery.
?When the first handmade production ALLIGATOR motorcycles hit the streets, they will include elements of a true American heritage. Dan Gurney ALLIGATOR Motorcycles Inc. plans to build 36 Limited Edition ?Grand Prix? ALLIGATORS to sell to the public as they introduce a unique concept to the industry; combining nostalgia with 21st century technology.
?The number 36 is significant as it was the number that donned the Formula 1 Eagle which won the 1967 Belgian Grand Prix at Spa, a first for an American built car and driver/constructor and an achievement that has not been duplicated yet. Now the first 36 ALLIGATORS will commemorate and bear the color of the car that made F1 history. With the ALLIGATOR motorcycles being designed and built in the very same facility as the Formula 1 car, Dan Gurney hopes that the ALLIGATOR can make history on an entirely different front.
BIKERNET JESSE JAMES RESEARCH– I see Jesse James/WCC wasfeatured on Aaron Brown’s Newsnight on CNN.
Slow news night? Gazillion dollar scooters? I’m trying to think of an anglethat doesn’t include a reference to Dennis Rodman as to why this should beshared with the entire planet.
–JS
I haven’t pried into Jesse’s legal affairs, buy I’m sure Aaron Brown would. Maybe the true story was uncovered.
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– I’ve read some articles about the different rides, some people bitchin’about the expenses of covering all the injuries that occur at Laconia,other people freaking out “if” and big IF, something like Laughlin happens.
So it’s great to receive the millions of dollars that bikers bring into theeconomy of those towns but sucks to take care of people that are involvedin accidents…???
I don’t know if its me, but if someone breaks down in the wind I will stopand help, since I can, but the pencil pushers are worried about how much itwill cost to save someone’s life…. I’m not a doctor, nor fireman, andcertainly no paramedic, but if I were my mission in life and my oath wouldbe to save peoples’ lives, no matter what. More so if this “dirty bikers” areleaving twice the money my town makes in a whole year, Go figure…..
A Borget/Jose creation.
We have just received news that the famous Jack Daniels BBQ competitionwill take place June 23 rd, and as always they are expecting all the PRbikers to show up. We will sponsor the event once more and will have lots,lots, of choppers there. Uhmmmaybe Bandit would like to show up, sign some books and enjoy the tropics. Anyway and a little message to the Weasels, We own the BBQ….don’t even tryto sneak in…..
The Desertores will take off Monday to the US on their way to Laconia. Theywill start in DC and ride all the way to Montreal and then back to OrlandoFl. We wish them luck and a very safe trip.
June 23 will also be the date for the new TV program Monster Garage, whichwill feature the likes of Jesse James and Billy Lane building some whackedcars and trucks…. Check your local TV listings….should be in Discoveryor the Learning channel.
Watch for an upcoming issue of the HORSE, we own the cover and Crazy Horsewill have a full feature on her “controversial” Daytona story. Also we willhave a bike featured on the Sept. issue of American Iron, now if we couldget something into Easyriders…. (Bandit are you listening…)
Since Sonny Barger did not choose our story for his new book, we willfeature it here on Bikernet, and maybe extend it a bit more, once Banditgives me the green light we will let you know.
You got the green light, brother.–Bandit
It’s sort of funny that when we started on this adventure ( the bikething) it was by chance, some friends that liked to ride around town andhave fun, it’s been a few years now but we all still ride around and stillhave fun doing it. We used to go thru the pages of Easyriders and dreamt ofhaving a bike featured one day, we even managed to get Ol’ Rip to visit PRand ride around with us.
We waited patiently for the next month issue and see the new stuff, we evenimagined Bandit being a hard ass pounding on his Panhead desk and throwingletters and bike photos into the trash can. Roll forward a decade and ahalf and you are reading this, week after week, monthly articles in TheHorse, and every now and then at American Iron…..Not bad for some islandboys, not bad at all…..Still wonder though what if we had met Banditduring his Easyriders time….Who the fuck knows…..
Have a great week………
–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Report……. Gooool !!!!
Let’s see the bike you want in ER. –Bandit
New Life For Old 45’s!–Old enough to remember when 45’s were new and flatheads were nearly stateof the art? Neither are we, but at one time the venerable 45 was thebackbone of a struggling, Depression-era H-D Motor Company, poweringsquadrons of Servi-Cars and police patrols through and around a bustlingurban America – not to mention hauling Allied troops by the tens ofthousands around Europe and across North Africa in World War II.
If you’re into retro, the flywheel pros at Truett & Osborn have crafted abrand new bottom end from the same high quality 110,000 psi ductile iron astheir impressive lineup of more contemporary flywheel offerings. Otherpluses include completely rebuildable thrust washers and full dynamicbalancing when ordered as a complete crank assembly.
Truett & Osborn’s stroker versions of this old favorite let today’sbuilders pack some punch into what was originally a 50-mph tops workhorse.And while T&O doesn’t expect anyone to put a 45 on the bottle, it’s nice toknow these new wheels carry the same guaranteed unbreakable warranty as therest of their family of flywheels.
Available in stock as well as 4 7/16-inch (the same as Indian’s old Chief)and 4 1/2-inch stroker versions for even higher compression, T&O canprovide other strokes on special order. Set up for stock 45 crankpin, rods,stock pinion, and sprocket shaft, they’re perfect for your nostalgia drivenproject, whether it’s new construction, a ground up restoration, or just awell deserved freshen to get you back on the road.
Contact INFO
Paul Osborn
Truett & Osborn Cycles
3345 E. 31st South
Wichita, KS 67216
truettandosborn@aol.com
ViagraViagraA woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells sizeextra large condoms.
He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”
She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someonedoes?”
BIKERNET STAFFER MAKES THE MOVIES–I found the movie I was an extra in!??Apparently it didn’t go to a?theater near you, but the?grocery store video shelf. Hey, it’s even on DVD. I haven’t seen it, just found it on the web. But I’ll be looking for it at?my?local Safeway.?
–Helen
Continued On Page 4
June 6, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
RIP’S BAD RIDE REPORT, SORTA–HI ALL , I’M TOLD THIS DIDNT GO THRU THE FIRST TIME I SENT IT. TO ALL OF U WHO VOLENTEERED FOR THE BAD RIDE I WANT TO THANK YOU IN ADVANCE WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU FROM LA#1 THESE EVENTS COULD NOT TAKE PLACE AS IVE ALWAYS SAID LA 1 HAS THE GREATEST PEOPLE FOR THE VOLENTEERS PLEASE ARIVE AT BARTELLS BEFORE 7.30 AM ON SUNDAY I HAVE VOLENTEER T SHIRTS FOR YOU THIS YEAR WE EXPECT THE EVENT TO BE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER HOPE TO SEE YALL THERE WEATHER UR A VOLENTEER OR A PARTICIPANT IN THE EVENT PEACE TO ALL
— ALLAN
DALLAS EASYRIDERS GRADUATES–That’s right, the President of Dallas Easyriders, Stephen Fairless is about to graduate from High School in Dallas. The Chairman of the board, his father Rick is might proud of him, as is his mom Tina.
Hell, the staff of Bikernet is proud of him. Congratulations.
JIMS TAPPETS–We received a complaint about JIMS tappets, but have always had positive reports on JIMS workmanship. Let us know, if you have had a similar problem.”Jims is great until something goes wrong. An axle walked out of a tappet and hit an S&S billet block. Jim does not interference fit the axles and only crimps the axle in 3 places. The ones he makes for Harley are better probably because they demand it. There are numerous patents for retention systems due to these problems by the automakers. He knew or should have known.”
–Kevin
Rough concept illustration by the Nutt himself.
COMMENT FROM NUTTBOY ABOUT HIS RECENT FXR ARTICLE–Like I said, it’s sweeter than tangy cooter, it’s tighter than young cunt, it’s hotter than a $2 hooker, it’s better than sliced bread…… print the fucker…..
— NuttBoy
You can find it on the home page, in the Garage or in the Joker or CCI area.
BIKERNET PRE-LACONIA REPORT–Just days before the kickoff of Laconia’s Motorcycle Week – an event dubbed New Hampshire’s Mardi Gras – six of the largest party venues have been told that the state, worried about signs of a simmering feud between rival biker gangs, probably will reject their requests for special liquor permits tomorrowYesterday, devastated business owners said authorities’ fears are overblown and accused them of a ”politically motivated crusade” to stamp out the 79-year tradition.
”We feel that this whole scenario was staged and orchestrated at the 11th hour in secret meetings to ensure that we will not have enough time to react,” according to a statement from the Motorcycle Week Economic Task Force, a group of bar owners who hired an attorney and held a press conference yesterday. The ban on regulated beer tents, they argued, would only increase public drinking in areas that are not prepared for it.
But New Hampshire authorities point to the deaths of four bikers in New York and Nevada during gatherings this year. Biker supporters, however, say a rally in Myrtle Beach last month – the nation’s fourth-largest – was peaceful.”It does beg the question of what [Motorcycle Week]) is supposed to be,” said Aidan Moore, chief of enforcement at the New Hampshire State Liquor Commission. ”Most of the arrests are alcohol-related … Maybe it’s worth looking at whether this event is too closely correlated with alcohol than its original purpose.”
After the Nevada brawl, New Hampshire authorities began to prepare for possible violence in Laconia, a city of 17,000 that hosts 350,000 motorcycle enthusiasts annually, boasts broad support for the biker culture, and is home to a Hell’s Angels clubhouse.
Soon, the state began to debate how Laconia should prepare for the event, which brought in $250 million in tourist dollars last year. The state’s largest newspaper, the Manchester-based Union Leader, ran a front-page editorial last week calling for cancellation of Motorcycle Week, evoking images of Sept. 11.
John Deachman, the attorney representing the businesses, said he intends to go to court Friday if the commission decides not to grant the special licenses.
Yesterday, some bar owners made a desperate plea to the Hell’s Angels and rival gangs, urging them to tell police that they have no plans to fight one another. But Jay Allen, owner of the Broken Spoke Saloon chain, has already canceled his tent.
”New Hamsphire alone is in hysterics about this,” he said. ”And this is the `Live Free or Die’ state.”
This shot came with the caption that women are dicks, or maybe it’s the ultimate VooDoo Penis.
* VooDoo Penis– A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he’d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said,” Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except—” and he stopped.
“Except what?” the man asked.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis”
“So what’s up with this Voodoo Penis?” he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said “Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!
“The old man replied, ‘But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo Penis, the door.”
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said, “Voodoo Penis, return to box!” The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
“I’ll take it!” said the businessman. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say “Voodoo Penis, my crotch.”
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said “Voodoo Penis, my crotch!” The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, “I haven’t had anything to drink, officer. You see, I’ve got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!”
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, “Yeah, right… Voodoo Penis, my ass.”
The rest is history.
Continued On Page 3
June 6, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
Here’s the Run For Breath Banner for this year. The run takes place the 28th of July our of Charlotte. Contact Charlotte H-D for information–Bandit.
I don’t have the slightest idea of what to say on this balmy afternoon. Everything’s on hold, yet traveling at light speed. The site is raging, bikes are coming together, and women are taking care of business. In the wings are deals on books, bikes being sold and even a couple of bills are being paid. Hell the refrigerator is packed. I don’t have a thing to complain about. Tomorrow’s Friday. Let’s get to the news:
NEW PROJECT ON BIKERNET–This is some of the work we do here at Easyriders of Quincy Illinois.Check out the pics , let us know what you think. Also check out our web siteit’s got more pics. http://www.easyridersquincy.com
–Tom
Bikernet reporter, Rogue, on the job.
THURSDAY NIGHT IS LADIES’ NIGHT AT BIKERNET– Two women go out one Friday night without their husbands. As they head back home, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. The only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.
The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties, used them to clean herself and discarded them.
The second not finding anything either, thought, “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other, ” We have to be on the look-out. It seems that these two were up to no good last night. My wife came home without her panties.”
The other responded, “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that read, “We will never forget you.” — from Rogue
JOKER MACHINE’S NEW RENEGADE TRUCK–If you see this truck skipping along the freeway it’s headed to an event or the drags with the Joker Machine team aboard. We just ordered a bushel of quality parts for Nuttboys shrunken FXR from Joker. I’ve never had one lick of trouble with Joker stuff. American Iron Horse Motorcycles in Houston is using Joker controls on all their high end models.
If you’re in SoCal come to the Grand Opening of the Route 66 Roadhouse and Tavern, 1846 E. Huntington Drive, Duarte, CA 91010 for a bike show on June 22. Joker is sponsoring the show.
Check out more on Joker Machine in the tech articles on Nuttboy’s project.
Watch for V-rod parts from Joker Machine in the near future.
Continued On Page 2
Fendering the 18-INCH OPTION
By Bandit |
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Installing a 160 tire into a stock frame just might be easier than you thought. A few additional modifications are necessary, but can be performed by you, at home with the right tools. We need to add some additional clearances to make this tire fit, but the final affect is sure worth the time. The massiveness of a 160 tire requires more room under the fender so we have to narrow the fender lip to 1/8-inch and eliminate the internal wire harness brackets. Using a strip of 1/8-inch masking tape, lay it down on the outside edge of the fender.
Next locate and remove the metal tabs inside the fender that are used to hold the wire harness, we’ll re-install one later.
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Use a plastic cable harness and silicone it to the highest inside point of the fender.
This will relocate the harness out of the way for additional clearance. Don’t go too big here; use the smallest size necessary to hold your wires. For re-mounting the fender, we have two simple options. One, you can use a half width nut on the inside of the fender, or two, use a buttonhead allen bolt from the inside out and secure with nuts on the outside of the struts.
Either way will work, the choice of fastening is up to you. Here are the basic hand tools used by the folks at Damon’s Motorcycle Creations to perform the job.
Make sure the wheel spacing is correct for the center of the bike and you’re ready to roll! Source: |
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May 30, 2002 Part 4
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 3
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT
Yeap, I’m going to sound like I work for the tourism board, but what thehell, it’s summer and we are in the Caribbean, so here are a few tips onour part of the world.
Some call this the 8th continent, a chain of islands from Cuba to Trinidadwith a super mix of everything in between, french, dutch, british andspanish from island to island. I have been lucky enough to sail all overthe caribbean and there are so many incredible places, I don’t even knowwere to start. My favorites are many, but islands like St Martin andAntigua are top ones, The British Virgin islands are amazing, the water,the scuba and the fun, the US Virgin Islands and British are so close youcan cruise all of them in one day, but it will take weeks to really enjoythe whole area.
St Martin, St Barths and Antigua follow the chain, obviousislands for the “stars” and super models, you can rent a Harley in St.Martin and cruise the half french, half dutch island in style , one awesomeparty that can’t be missed is Antigua Sailing Week in may, can’t bedescribed, but if my assistance record shows how great it is…….been 10straight years, and by no means miss Shirley Heights every Sunday.
Guadeloupe and Martinique are french, also Harley populated, the club medthere are to kill for and those creole chicks wearing nothing at the beachare the cherry on top. St.Lucia has Rodney Bay and the parties at GrossIllet are killer, every friday, every week, every year, plus Le Pitons, twomountains that rise right from the sea and the bay it creates it’s asbeautiful place as you could ever see. St Vincent and the Grenadines, arechock full of coves with water 50 feet deep and so clear you can see theboulders at the bottom, the local “fishermon” bring lobsters right to theboat, just caught, and sell for fair prices, Mustique is the island of therich and famous, every rock star and their mothers have a mansion there,
Bequia is friendly and amazing, and most of the Grenadines you can spendthe whole day on an island by yourself. Grenada and Barbados are at the endof the line, if you like to surf Puerto Rico and Barbados are the places todo so, Grenada is famous for the nutmeg and Barbados for the flying fishand parties.
I’m making this short since there are so many places and so many differentthings to do, Dominican Republic is a great place to have an inexpensivevacation and it’s also Harley friendly. All in all each island hassomething extraordinaire which I could not even start to describe in suchshort space. A few years ago when I had less things to do I used to cruiseall the islands, sometimes for months and always rediscovered my”attraction” to them. Hope you can do the same one day. For now, checkPuerto Rico out and give us a call if you are around we will point you inthe right direction.
By next week our friends from the Desertores should be riding the great UShighways heading for Laconia and Montreal, around a dozen bikers will rideall the way from Orlando FL, and back, I will report of their adventuresupon their return.
Three more lucky owners have received their new choppers form Bourget’s,all ready and waiting for the Summer, so we will have even more guys oncool ass choppers on the road pretty soon…. San Juan is a chopper townBaby ! get used to it.
Seems like there’s a V-rod mania going around, heard of prices up on the30’s. You gotta be nuts to pay that much for the V-Max wannabee……Ohwell different folks for different strokes I guess…… Crack kills….
That’s about it for now, have a date with a chopper that’s gotta be donefor Sturgis, even though the Black Hills are a few months away we aregetting ready now…..it’s a long trip from this tiny Caribbeanisland…..See ya next week.
–Jose
Bikernet Wedding Coverage From the North West
The wedding was interesting … it was between a biker named Astro (in his fifties and first time married) and?my brother’s ex-girlfriend of 12 years, and in attendance was my brothers other ex-wife and kid, and his daughter (my niece) by yet another ex-wife was a bridesmaid. Basically an ex-relative biker wedding whew! The got married in the flower garden by the wishing well in Pt Defiance park.?
— Helen
BIKERNET LETTERS TO THE EDITOR–
Bandit,
As good looking as you are honey, you can say anything and it would bealright. I get the little tiny hairs on my knees standing up just when Ihear your name..
Love you,
H.W.
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance: if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features; and if she is menstruating, she is more prone tobe attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass.
MOTORCYCLE MICHAELS OPEN HOUSE–Saturday, June 15th 12-5 pm. FXR Raffle, raffle for leathers, Accessories and much more. Live Rock ‘n Blues by the Rogues, Miss Motorcycle Michael’s Wet T-shir Contest, cash prizes. He’ll throw his own bike show with Custom and Oiginal Trophies. BBQ lunch, vendow and discounts on all the stuff you need. Motorcycle Michael’s 22624 Normandie Ave. B, Torrance, CA (310) 328-3377.
HORSE COVERS BANDIT’S ARREST– Actually the coverage in an upcoming issue will discuss only the first time Bandit was arrested. Other articles in HORSE will cover more arrests. It’s the future arrests the staff of Bikernet is interested in.
The shot below is of the ’66 Shovel he was riding when arrested for kidnap and wreckless riding. That’s is first wife in the background.
You can read more life and Times of Bandit in the Cantina.
IT’S HAPPY HOUR– Let’s split to factory where the girls is just getting off work. You grab the little one, I’ll take the one with the biggest rack and let’s ride to the Cantina for margaritas, chips and salsa and…. Well, we’ll see how the evening goes. Ride forever–Bandit.
May 30, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
Here’s Rogue, a constant and hard working Bikernet reporter for many years. We wouldn’t have funny shit like the next joke without him. He’s been submitting material to ER for over 30 years and looks it. He’s a good man.
BIKERNET MEDICAL STUDY
A well known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. Ahuge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. Theheart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst intolaughter.
When confronted, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral…..I’m a gynecologist.”
–from ROGUE
OPEN HOUSE IN PHILLY
Anyone in the Philadelphia area on June 23rd we are having our open house @ 162 N. Main St. Souderton PA All welcome! 215-721-4110 for more info Thanx!
That’s all I know–Bandit
An aircraft filled with 101st Airborne Division soldiers en routeto Afghanistan circled the World Trade Center disaster site in lowerManhattan last week to remind the troops of why they weredeployed.
It was the first time since Sept. 11 that the Federal AviationAdministration allowed a commercial plane to fly over the site.
Capt. Richard Osborne, pilot of MD-11 World Airways, radioed 20minutes ahead to coordinate the maneuver and the air traffic controllerswere notably moved by the request.
“They were happy to do it when we told them the 101st AirborneDivision (Air Assault) was on board,” said Osborne. “These people are goingover there and are literally risking their lives in response to theterror that occurred at that place; it was very significant that they getan opportunity to see it”
For the soldiers of Task Force 187 making the trip, it was a reminderof what the mission is all about. “It was definitely a sobering moment,(a reminder) of what we’re doing here,” said Spc. RaymondBallance, Company D, 311th Military Intelligence, ground surveillance. “Itbrought it back to the front of my mind, of why we’re doing this, byseeing those two barren sites.” Ballance is also prepared to make thesacrificeto help eliminate terrorism. “Hopefully I’ll find some bad guys anddetain them so we can bring them to justice,” said Ballance.
Osborne, who was an Army aviator during Vietnam, said he was proud to have the job of flying the “Screaming Eagles” to theirdestination.
“I’m glad we’re able to bring them on this leg and what we’re reallylooking forward to is bringing each and every one of them back home,”said Osborne.
“I was proud when I served in the military and I’m proud of the quality of people who are on board today.”
(Editor’s note: Spc. Eric Bartelt is a member of the 40th PublicAffairs Detachment now serving in Afghanistan.)
BIKERNET BILLBOARD ART–We are kicking around ideas for out Sturgis billboards this year. John Siebenthaler our designer has submitted this notion for the board to approve or disapprove. Whatta ya tink?
EASYRIDER EMPLOYEE CUTBACKS–Joe had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.It would be a hard decision to make, as they were bothequally qualified and both did excellent work.
He finally decided that in the morning whichever oneused the water cooler first would have to go.
Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung over afterpartying all night. She went to the cooler to get somewater to take an aspirin and the executive approachedher and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but,I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Debra replied, “Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache.”
–from CarlR.
Continued On Page 4
May 30, 2002 Part 2
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 1
CANTINA GIRLS CONTEST–If you have a hot shot of a babe with your bike that you’d like to see in the mix of girls in the Cantina, send her in. If Renegade and Snake decide to add her to the silky soft Cantina Girl line-up you’ll get a free annual membership to Bandit’s Cantina. Just send the wicked, wanton image to Bandit@bikernet.com.
Unfortunately we must require that the girl sign a model release and prove that she’s 18 year of age or older.
We’ll post a feature on this bike when we receive shots and his seat is finished. Helluve nice bike. Here’s some info on it:
“There is only one or two parts that are not hand made or modified on the entire bike. The paint job is my first (including flames and pinstriping) and this is my first bike. I designed a lot of the parts like the top motor mount and the rear fender bracket (which also holds the regulator and oil filter) and I did as much of the fabrication as I could, like the polished aluminum shift rod. A mutual friend of ours, Cliff Cake (Buckshot), split the cases for me and then reassembled the entire motor after it had some powder coating and polishing. Cliff is an awesome guy who did a lot of labor in trade for some parts and the fun of it.
Well the seat is still under construction… We scrambled to just get it together enough to put the bike in my friends’ “vendor booth” for his shop at the 2002 Selma Rendezvous (small show outside Fresno). We are in the middle of wiring it and I just bought a battery today so I can start on the seat pan. I am still wrapping my brain around a cool air cleaner idea, then she is ready to roll. “
–G
HORSE SMOKE OUT BIKE SHOW QUANDRY–Yes, there is a major bike show planned for the Smoke Out this year in July. It’s a wild weekend event hosted by the crew at HORSE. The Bike show will be judged by Billy Lane of Choppers Inc.
The question is, what classes to have? Give Edge, the man behind the Smoke Out, your input:EdgeHorse@aol.com
THE TED SAGA CONTINUES–Well I blew off work yesterday afternoon and went riding. Highway 10 going west out of little rock. It’s great because 5 minutes from downtown and you’re in the hills riding beside lake maumelle. The road is wide and smooth, big rolling curves and lake views from the high spots. There is a roadside rest area about 25 miles from the freeway and it has become our burn spot. I rode out there, burned, and slugged down 2 tall boy buds. I was then feeling the road and I made a loop around Pennacle mountain.
After a couple of hours of just wandering, I rode over to Rodney’s shop. It was funny because old fuck Rodney himself was out in the shop wrenching on a bike himself. I’ve been around these guys for over 8 years and ain’t never seen Rodney do nothing but paint. He’s missing Phillip. Anyway, I left and went to titty bar Mike’s house for a while. Remember, he’s “building a bike”. We all are getting a good laugh at his “effort”. Well he has gathered up a bunch of crap parts and has been bolting shit on it willy nilly. I’m getting scared that he might actually come up with something that he will want to ride with me. I told him what I thought he ought to do next and went home to find skitzo Eric in my shop hanging with the old lady.
She had grilled up a bunch of meat and we ate and drank till way too late. Now I’m suckin and I blew off work yesterday. Big boss man is still mad about me cussing him earlier in the week, so he’s gonna fry when he finds out I’m leaving at 11:00. I won’t see him again till tuesday, so fuck him. I’ll tell him “I’m leaving. You saying I can’t come back?” and he’ll stomp around and take it out on all the goober boys who are scared to walk.
Still no solid plan for the weekend but one things for sure, I am gonna sledge hammer party for the whole 3.5 days.
–Ted-F.U.M/C
HAWAIIAN PROJECT NEARS COMPLETION–The Hawaiian rider responsible for the shiny bikernet stickers is building a new scoot in his garage.
If you would like a sticker drop us a self addressed stamped envelope to Bikernet, P.O.Box 1168, San Pedro, CA 90733 and we’ll drop one in the mail to you free of charge.
And if you need stickers for your event, shop, club or business check out Chris’s web site. He’s good people to work with and Jon Towle is always available for art.
AN OPEN LETTER TO JOHN ASHCROFT, ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES–The following is a letter read by Claire Braz-Valentine, the author, at thisyear’s In Celebration of the Muse, Cabrillo College in California. It isworth knowing that the author is a woman of 60+ years, conservativelydressed and obviously quite talented.
On January 28, 2002, Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that he spent$8,000 of taxpayer’s money for drapes to cover up the exposed breast of TheSpirit of Justice, an 18 ft aluminum statue of a woman that stands in theDepartment of Justice’s Hall of Justice.
John, John, John, you’ve got your priorities all wrong. While men flyairplanes into skyscrapers, dive bomb the pentagon, while they stickexplosives into their shoes, and then book a seat right next to us, whilethey hide knives in their luggage, steal kids on school buses , take littlegirls from their beds at night, drive trucks into our state capitalbuildings, while our president calls dangerous men all over the worldevildoers and devils, while we live in the threat of biological warfare,nuclear destruction, annihilation, you are out buying yardage to saveAmericans from the appalling alarming, abominable aluminum alloy of evil,that terrible ten foot tin tittie. You might not be able to find Bin Laden,but you sure as hell found the hooter in the hall of justice.
It’s not that we aren’t grateful. But while we were begging the women ofAfghanistan to not cover up their faces, you are begging your staff membersto just cover up that nipple, to save the American people from thatmonstrous metal mammary. How can we ever thank you?
So, in your office every morning, in your secret prayer meeting, while anAmerican woman is sexually assaulted every 6 seconds, while anthrax floatsaround the post office and settles in the chest of senior citizens, you’vegot another chest on your mind….
Where the hell did this come from?–Bandit.
Continued On Page 3
May 30, 2002 Part 1
By Bandit |
The industry lost a brother last Friday. Tony Carlini died after a losing fight with cancer. Originally he owned a shop in Detroit and ultimately migrated to the coast. For most of us, the product we will always remember Tony by is the torgue arm he developed for Evolutions, but few know the design projects he was involved with including the Dodge Prowler. A long time pal of Hulk Hogan, Tony ran with serious creative thinking design freaks. His touch will be missed.
I’m not sure where to take my rambling spirit today. One woman, Sin Wu is so kind to me I don’t know what to do with myself, the other is as vicious and a caged python. Keeps me on my toes. Nuttboy’s bike is still with Dr. John for frame modifications. We’re looking to upgrade our Bikernet welding capabilities, although I managed to build a gargoyle gate with the old Linclon stick welder. It weight 5,000 pounds and took a fork lift to move, but it will work. While I wait for the Pro street frame to be modified, I’m thinking about building a fountain in front of the head quarters with a 1916 Indian engine.
Okay, I’m losing it, I agree, while waiting for a New York agent to sell my soul and my next two books to a deep pocket publisher. Let’s get to the news:
Johnson to Challenge HarleyAt a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers ofJohnson outboard marine engines and other recreational and powersportsequipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcyclesdesigned to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.
Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, “We have studied themarket and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowlymissed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers”. Long added, “We, atJohnson, are convinced our product hits the target dead center and promisesto draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle hasbeenable to accomplish”.
The new line of bikes, marketed under the name ‘Big Johnson Motorcycles’,will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. “Ourresearchshow that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after”.
At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley ownersagreed. “When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson”,said one Harley owner.” But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacementfor having a Big Johnson.”
Triple A FINALLY SUPPORTS MOTORCYCLES–The auto club finally broke down and is offering support to RV users and motorcyclists. I broke down twice over the last six years and called on the Auto Club for support each time. In each event I was told that since I was riding, I was out of luck.
Fortunately the Bros Club came along to fill the gap. I threw away my Auto Club Card recently and we support the Bros Club for insurance and breakdown towing.
Now the AAA has what they call in their ads, “This exciting new benefit includes up to $200 worth of motorcycle towing service per disablement.” I thought you guys should know.
Yes, the master of the martial arts training facility, the IMB in Torrence, California is looking for a late model road king, but he wants a deal.
Let him know if you have a King for sale: Richard Bustillo, rbustillo@attbi.com.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to tradeespecially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of herown beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm anddesirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war – haunted by pastmistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders areunpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and allconquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, butnoone wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq – ruled by a dick
–from Cpl. Barry C.
Goddamnit coporal, whose side are you on?
In Bikernet News last week a guy named Brian was asking about Clyde Rawlings. Clydewas busted up pretty bad in a collision with a van a few months ago. He alsolost the lease on his shop, but was ready to move into new digs when theaccident happened. He’s recuperating from his injuries, and we hope to seehim back in business soon.
Clyde’s sis, Audrey, is still painting, and stillone of the best anywhere. I’ll keep ya posted when I hear anything.
–Buckshot
BIG DADDY CHOPPER FROM BMC– Bandit this is the new BMC Big Daddy chopper…. Jose
BMC Motorcycle Company
63018 Plateau Drive, Suite 2
Bend, OR 97701
Phone: (541) 312-2760
Phone: (541) 749-2208 Sales
Fax: (541) 312-2762
www.bmcchoppers.com
THE TED REPORT–Well bad news. titty bar Mike is going out with purhouse Don on his boat, so he ain’t going anywhere. Phillip was contacted, finally, by the Easyrider guy about the photo shoot of his bike. Ee won editors choice award at the er show in memphis (he is on your website under the arkansas abate show winners). Well his base gasket started leaking on the drag races run three weeks ago and it got oil all over the bike. He won’t ride it this weekend because he hasn’t fixed it and he doesn’t want to get oil on it again. So he ain’t going. Wayne and Mark are going to a small club party in a small town where we all grew up. I could go to that, but I spent my whole life trying to get away from those losers, and the last thing I want to do is go down there to another party. I want to GO SOMEWHERE. I got a fews days off and I want to hit the road. I am gonna go by Rodney’s and try to find some people going to Gulfport and hook up with them.
I’ll let you know.
–Ted-F.U. M/C
9/11 BROTHERHOOD BIKE FEATURE–We’re damn proud to run a bike feature this week on Frank Falco’s rigid. I hope to also see it in the HORSE in the near future.
Frank was building the bike to ride with his brother who was a New York fireman. Read the story. It will give you goosebumps and tremendous respect for Frank.
BIKERNET WEEKLY TECH TIP– While I was in Phoenix for school?Hiro a?Buell guy in my class showed me this easy pull clutch deal made by MRC Clutch. This thing?really works good. I put it in my S2 Buell.
I previously removed the spring plate in the clutch pack and added 2 metal plates and a one addtional friction disk. Along with with that I added a stronger clutch pressure?spring. The lever pressure was a bit stiffer after all the mods. With the MRC easy clutch installed it reduced the lever pressure at least 30% if not more!! Installation?for all Buell models is exactly the same as the stock H-D devices for actuating the clutch.
The MRC easy clutch are distributed by:
Phaedrus Cycle
1992 Antelope Hill Ct.
Henderson, NV. 89012
Phone/Fax: 702-269-7322, Cell: 702-580-8759
— Paul
Continued On Page 2
March 28, 2002 Part 3
By Bandit |
Continued From Page 2
WHAT DOES YOUR DADDY DO?–It was the first day of school in Houston, and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
Then one little boy said: “My name is Jimmy, and my father is a strip tease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.”
The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approached Jimmy privately and asked if it was really true that his Dad danced nude in a gay bar.
He blushed and said, “No ma’am. Truth is, my dad is an auditor for Arthur Andersen, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”
BIKERNET HEALTH DEPARTMENT STUDIES:– Number of physicians in the United States: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 700. (1999)
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000094
Statistically, doctors are approximately 18,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
“FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor.”
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistic on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.
Coolest Tattoo Of The Week–
Brady
BIKERNET SEXUAL EXPOSE–While Biker Bandit goes on a trip to China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells Bandit to return in two days for the results. Bandit returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.”
#%$&* says Bandit. “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.” The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
Bandit screams #$%&*!, “Absolutely not! You #$%&*. I want a second opinion!” The doctors replies, “Well it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.”
The next day, Bandit seeks his All-Knowing-Trusted Sifu, figuring that he’llknow more about the disease. His Sifu examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”
Bandit says to his Sifu, “Yes my Honorable Master I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!”
The All-Knowing Sifu shakes his head and laughs, “Stupid American doctor! American doctor always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”
“Oh, thank God!” Bandit replies.
“Yes,” says his Sifu, “you no worry! You build me a Road King and wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself.”
BIKERNET FRIENDLY FIRE–Jim Houck, aka Wildman Agent Zebra, established the name of this column to house inarticulate ramblings and hateful e-mails between staff members. It’s killer reading if you have a minute. Here?s an example:
To Sin from Nuttboy: I’m a mess. My back has been thrown out, throbbing with pain,stabbing bolts of agony. Probably due to too much time on the computer (youknow how long it takes to download that porn stuff).
Anyway, I’m miserableand stuck at home. I’m working on the Thursday News, if you need it. Letme knowwhat I can do to help, recognizing that I’m about as useful as that wad ofgum stuck under one of the seats at the local movie theater.
Give me a callif you like the sound of continuous whining.
Have a history teacher explain this–If they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Ford.”
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘Lincoln.’
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker.
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Take This Job And Shove It–
Memo To all Employees
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, weareforced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, olderemployees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting theretention of younger people who represent our future.Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the currentfiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employeeswho are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside thecompany.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records beforeactual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey ofCapabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal withupper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority FollowingTermination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,SCREWEDtwice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled toget:HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP(Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who hasreceived HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on boardthatthe company will continue its policy of training employees through our:Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).
We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive.We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If anyemployee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see yourimmediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all theSHITyou can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Victory Motorcycles Generates Additional
Momentum at Daytona Bike Week 2002–Victory Motorcycles made a winning impression on hundreds of new riders andenhanced the riding experience of current Victory owners withcompany-sponsored activities at Daytona Bike Week 2002 in Daytona Beach,Fla. One highlight was the first-ever Victory Riders Association (VRA)Victory Ride as Victory owners enjoyed a group ride that led to Bethune Parkin Daytona Beach where they enjoyed a free lunch and the chance to make newfriends.
“It was our best Bike Week ever. We had a great turnout for the VictoryRide, lots of interest at the demo rides-which were booked full all week-andwe generated a lot of valuable exposure for the bikes and the Victorybrand,” said Victory General Manager Mark Blackwell.
VRA members met at Seminole Power Sports, the Victory dealer in Longwood,Fla., on the morning of March 6 for the first Victory Ride.It was the fourth annual Victory owners ride at Daytona Bike Week, and wasthe first VRA group ride held since the owners group was launched in late2001.
Dozens of Victory?s powered their way along scenic country roads beforestopping at Bethune Park for a sumptuous lunch and the chance to getacquainted with VRA members from across North America. License plates on VRAmembers’ bikes showed they had trekked to Daytona from as far away asCanada, California, Texas, Arkansas, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Maine, New York,and several other states both near and far.
The riders especially enjoyed the chance to meet Arlen Ness and CoryNess, the father-son team of master custom bike builders that suppliesVictory with custom accessories and consults Victory on future modeldevelopment. The Nesses took time from their newly opened Arlen NessMotorcycles store on Beach Street in Daytona to enjoy lunch with VRAmembers, pose for pictures, and sign autographs.
For more information on Victory Motorcycles, including a dealer locator,visit the Victory Web site at: www.victory-usa.com. A dealer locator serviceis also offered toll-free at 1-800-POLARIS.
Victory Motorcycles is a division of Polaris Industries Inc. Informationabout the complete line of Polaris products is available from authorizedPolaris dealers or from the Polaris home page at www.polarisindustries.com.
“The Old Marine Colonel:–A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown,hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies inattendance,one of whom approached the colonel for conversation.
She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Areyouthis way all the time, or is something bothering you?”
“No,” the colonel said, “just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It lookslikeyou have seen a lot of action.”
The colonel’s short reply was, “Yes, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “Youknow, you should lighten up a little – relax and enjoy yourself.”
The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this thewrongway, but when is the last time you had sex?”
The colonel looked at her and replied, “1955.”
She said, “Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quittakingeverything so seriously – I mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a littleextreme?”
The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,”Oh, Idon’t know.
……….. It’s only 2130 now!”
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