BIKERNET NEW FLASH–NASTY DEER REPORT AND DISCOVERY REVIEWS FROM JOSE

Continued From Page 1

BIKERNET TESTIMONIAL–Here it is, a picture of my bike. Thanks again for all your help. Never could have done it without you.

–ShovelFXWG82

BIKERNET NURSING HOME NEWS– I passed by the nursing home & there were six old ladies lying naked on the front grass. I thought this was a little peculiar, but continued on my way because it’s a long walk & I wanted to get it over with before it got truly hot again today.

On my way back, the ladies were still lying in the yard & to quench my curiosity, I went inside & asked to speak to the director of the facility.

When I asked him if he knew there were six naked old ladies lying on his front lawn, he replied, “Yes, I know. They’re retired prostitutes & they’re having a yard sale

–from Carlr

TOURING CHOPPER REACHES NEW HOME–My brother and I were there when the Goldrush truck arrived at PropaintBaltimore. Larry has not put in the new solid lifters yet. Therewas an annual open house the next day at the York, PA, Harley Factory andI wanted to ride up. We decided to ride it and look for any thing thanneed to be addressed. He checked the bike over and gave us a thumbs up.My brother rode it home from Baltimore. I wanted to look at it and takepictures more than ride. The bike is beautiful. The lines and stance aregreat.

–Garth

BIKERNET DEER REPORT–Since I smacked a deer in Wyoming, I’ve found out that deer are the most dangerous animals to the human race in the US. Beware. Guys who make pickup truck hauls on rural highways run cattle catchers on a regular basis. Deer whistles are no joke. Don’t ride at night on dark highways. Here’s another example:

“The story, as I understand it, was that the deer jumped off theHwy 101 bridge over 394 in Wayzata (it was apparently scared by a car that drove by as it was walking over the bridge). The Durango was drivingunder the bridge when it was hit by the falling deer.

–from Chris T.

JON JUNIMAN REPORT–In light of your comments in the Sunday post, I have decided to revisethat paragraph of the Blue Ridge story. How’s this:

“A bee hovers in front of me, smelling my leather jacket. I draw myRuger .44 Magnum and gun down four innocent bystanders for noreason at all. That Bee pissed me off.

“Bone splinters mixed with little gobs of meat are drippingdown car windshields and storefront windows to form sticky red pools in thegutter. The little fucker takes the hint and flies away to go smellsomebody else.”

Better?

–Rev. J.

SANDBLASTING REPORT IN CANTINA–We have an antique section in Bandit’s Cantina and now there’s a new tech on Sandblasting and Chemical stripping.

BANDIT’S SIFU REPORT–Dick Bondano the master of the IMB Academy is Bandit’s trainer. He was recently inducted into the Martial Arts Hall Of Fame and here’s his latest recognition:Martialinfo.com is proud to announce that the IMB Academy has been selectedas School of the Month and is currently featured in the October edition ofMartial Arts On Line Magazine.

Congratulations on this honor. You can find the link provided here:http://www.martialinfo.com/OnlineMag/asp/view.asp?issue=42

–Michael Matsuda
Martialinfo.com

Can you figure out where the hell this event is?

HIS PRISON SENTENCE– A woman awakes during the night, and discovers her husband isn’t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting atthe kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be indeep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

What’s the matter, dear?” she asks. “Why are you down here at this timeof night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, andyou were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

“Yes, I do,” she replies. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of car making love?”

“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?”

” I remember that, too, ” she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would have gotten out today.”

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Ok, seems like we all have been glued to our TV sets this weekend. We had a marathon of Discovery Channel of bike shows, from good to bad, to worst. And of course and as expected I will give my opinion of all of them. No bashing intended, just my sincere opinion. Let’s put it this way, every show had some positive things and some negative, like always we all end up winners since the mere mortals can experience more and more the motorcycle lifestyle and what it takes to actually put one of those cool bikes together. Here we go…

Biker Build off, very cool show, the best of them, not because we were there (me and friends) but it had a little of everything, bike building, riding, fun, brotherhood, and having a good time at an event.

Since I was there and know what went on I would have trashed the Monster Garage ads and the dude on the bike/ airplane, I would have also shortened the building parts and expanded the riding and mayhem, and The Horse Smoke Out event. The way I saw the show it was a contest between a mega builder with lots of moola and a guy with limited resources but heavy on the inventive side. It all ended up with these two individuals becoming good friends and enjoying the ride until the end. Billy won, but I would have called it a tie. It takes the same effort and creative ability to build both of those bikes, and they both followed their own styles… How boring it would be if we all did the same shit, over and over. Roger said it all when he told Billy, ” You are always welcome in my town.” Seems like I’ve known this guy for 20 years. But we all won, since we had such a blast……and found true brotherhood.

Bandit gives it a thumbs up. Digital gives it a thumbs up. Two thumbs up ! And who really wins?Me, since I’m an exclusive distributor for both companies in the Caribbean…Thanks guys….

American Chopper, let’s say that Paul Jr. is my friend, so don’t get pissed at me. He has a lot of fabricating talent and cool ideas, but all the fighting and bickering during the show was a bit too much, and ended up looking…well..not too good.. Let’s say how much I love the magic of television, and I mean magic. Tanks being made that look really familiar, Paul Sr shouting it out with the paint guy and the paint guy actually showing up. The mechanic bitching at the owners son, you know stuff like that. I loved the part when he said ” Take some geritol pops” je,je,je….. I think the show was ok since it gave us exposure to stuff that actually happens in shops, more so when the pressure is on, but I think it ended up looking bad for the guys at OCC. We know all that shit happens, but in front of the world ? Maybe not. I’m not crazy about theme bikes, or overdone choppers (putting it mildly), but they achieved their goal, whatever it was, and too bad it was raining. That bike would have won in any of the Florida shows…where they love flashy stuff. Anyway, if it was me and the mechanic is my friend and throws a tantrum, he’ll be on the unemployment line right now. Bandit thumbs up, Digital thumbs down. And gentlemen am I behaving tonight….!!!!! yessir….

Motorcycle Women….Oh boy what can I say, I’m totally fringed out….I saw more bandannas than on a Howdy Doody convention, and aquamarine galore…. The purpose of the show was cool, again people, in this case females, of all walks of life, riding thru an amazing route on the way to Frisco. Plot was ok, I guess if you are into girly mayhem, that does not include Jerry Springer behavior. The cleanest bikes I’ve ever seen on a 1500 mile run (yep, they are girls !). I also Imagine that they took so long since they stopped at every shop and trinket vendor on the way, and we know the trailer was just for their clothing and accessories….What’s really cool about it is that they were typical girls, you know, accessorizing, trying to look good and doing what they do, but in this case they were riding Harleys…and a Vulcan….One of them?was wearing more?stuff than the whole 25 of us packed?on the Builder ride!!!! I know that show did not go too well with the actual riding ladies who work on their bikes and don’t need to be fringed out in tiny tops, or even worry of looking good…

By the way, the oriental girl on the tiny tops rocked ! And you know that women are brutal critics. But you got to take it for what it is, a trip for girl power. I loved the part when the two ladies said they’ve been riding dykes for 30 years, oopss, mean bikes…You know English is not my first language sorry. Another gripe: We’d rather see the panties “on” than in the laundry, but, what you gonna do? All in all it was another story of brotherhood, here I go again..Sistership, and the relations between bikers and a real life. Bandit thumbs down (unless they all show up at San Pedro begging for his closed door parties). Digital thumbs up, (he would give a thumbs up too a walking stick with tits).

Man, I was so into the Bandit and Siskel thing that I forgot about the news. I guess we will always have next week to do, but before I head back to my padded cell…..News from Bikernet Enquirer….. Someone has found the long lost son of a famous biker magazine and web entrepreneur Bandit. This rare event took place when one of the readers noticed that Jose’s editorials reminded him of a younger Bandit. That prompted both parties to attend a taping of the Jenny Jones, Jerry Springer and falling asleep on Maury Povich to do some paternity tests and clear the doubt, Sin and Layla promptly denied being Jose’s mother (not what you said in Puerto Rico, remember come to mama….??) on the fragile rebuttal of just being younger than him.

Mr Bandit is being charged for a backlog of pallimony to the amount of 2.5 million. Even though the paternity tests proved semi positive and the lie detector pulverized the needle, Bandit still claims he is innocent of all charges. We talked to Jose who is still in limbo….

“Imagine all the bikes that I could have featured in Easy Riders…. and I paid those damn 6 bucks for so many years. Man to think that, it makes me angry….Yep six bucks for those mags…man.”

We will expand the story on following weeks, with the new hot story, Geno and Chris Maida were separated at birth !!!!Inquiring minds wanna know…….

–Later,Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Report (and behaving…) www.ChopperFreak.com

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–NEW PROGRAM REVEALED

A brother of mine recently had his motorcycle stolen. Dean Shawler, the editor of Biker Magazine, had his motorcycle bagged from in front of the hotel near the California Speedway. Stealing bikes is bullshit. To many riders their bikes are their lives. They put their hearts into these machines. They aren’t goddamn televisions. We need them back. Some 32 bikes were stolen from Street Vibrations a week ago.

I’m going to start to post stolen motorcycles in the news. If you or a friend has a bike bagged tell us as much as possible about the bike and when and where it was taken and we’ll post it.

If you spot one of these bikes or know what happened to one, we don’t want to be snitches. We want the bikes back. We will develop an archive of stolen bikes and see if we can’t get a few back. Let me know your thoughts. Let’s get to the news:

LOVE RIDE 19

SHERYL CROW, MICK FLEETWOOD & FRIENDS,
AND JEFFERSON STARSHIP HEADLINE
LOVE RIDE 19 ON SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 10

JAY LENO & PETER FONDA TO LEAD 20,000 MOTORCYCLISTS IN LARGEST
MOTORCYCLE FUND-RAISING EVENT IN THE WORLD

OVER $1 MILLION WILL BE RAISED FOR CHARITY

GLENDALE, CA – Sheryl Crow, Mick Fleetwood & Friends, and JeffersonStarship will headline Love Ride 19, the largest motorcycle fundraisingevent in the world, on Sunday, November 10. Grand Marshal Jay Leno,Honorary Grand Marshal Peter Fonda, and a host of celebrity bikers will lead20,000+ motorcyclists on a 50-mile caravan from Harley-Davidson of Glendale,California, to a barbecue, trade show, and concert at Castaic Lake.Proceeds will benefit Reading By 9, MDA, and other charities. In 18 years,the Love Ride has raised over $15 million.

Sign up is 6am-9am on Sunday, November 10 at Harley-Davidson of Glendale,with a 90-minute Jefferson Starship concert at 7:00am, followed by acelebrity press conference at 8:45a.m. The caravan of bikes departs toCastaic Lake at 9:15am.

Festivities at Castaic Lake will begin at 11 a.m. until 4 p.m. (gatesopen at 10am). Mick Fleetwood & Friends perform at 11:45am followed bySheryl Crow at 1:15. The minimum donation is $60, or $50 if you sign-up inadvance online (www.loveride.org) or at Harley-Davidson of Glendale beforeNovember 5, 2002. For larger donations, participants qualify to receive avariety of prizes, including a 2003 100th Anniversary Harley-Davidson V-Rodand a 2003 Ford Harley-Davidson F-150.

Harley-Davidson of Glendale is located at 3717 San Fernando Road betweenLos Feliz Blvd. and Glendale Avenue. For more information, call (818)246-5618, extension 7.

RAPE, KIDNAPPING CHARGES DISMISSED–Oct 1, 2002 – Minnesota,Hennepin County prosecutors dismissed rape and kidnapping charges against an alleged member of the Hells Angels motorcycle club. Jay D. Rankin, 42, of Hastings, was charged in July with raping a 25-year-old woman June 27 at a clubhouse in northeast Minneapolis. According to the criminal complaint, the woman said she was sexually assaulted by several men, including Rankin, at the clubhouse after being forced to drink a beverage that left her partially paralyzed.

“New credible evidence came to light which was inconsistent with the original version of the events,” Deputy County Attorney Pete Cahill said Monday.

The clubhouse had a surveillance camera and the woman was seen on tape hugging and snuggling with one of the men who was accused of raping her two hours earlier. A tape also showed her leaving on someone else’s motorcycle. “Her behavior was not consistent with someone who was raped,” Tallen said. The woman reported that she was raped by several men but only Rankin was charged.

Laboratory reports showed no sign of a date-rape drug. Rankin is being held in federal custody on drug-trafficking and money-laundering charges and is scheduled for trial Nov. 4 before U.S. District Judge David Doty.?

OZARK ED CONFESSES–It seems that Wednesday is going to be the day for me and the juvee girl. She’s off work and doesn’t have college classes until 6 pm. Anyway, yesterday we went on a road trip to this little park about 20 miles from town. It’s on top of a hill looking out over the lake. We were there for 3 or 4 hours. At the last minute I decided to meet her in my car so we could leave it and talk in her car while we traveled. I almost took the bike. Glad I didn’t.

On the way home I’m stopped at a red light and I look across and guess whosE sitting there? Titty Bar Mike. He was looking right at me, but her car is a Honda and there are thousands of them just like it in the neighborhood. If I had been on the bike… busted. If I had taken my car… busted. It’s a miracle that he didn’t see me.

I dropped her off and drove like the wind to get home before he called. I wasn’t sure if he saw me or not, so I called him as soon as I got home and he didn’t say anything. So I know he missed it. I have to be more careful. I don’t want to mess this up.

I think me and Mike are going to san Jose, ca this saturday. His dad has a tattoo shop. We’ll drive non stop there and back. One day (22 hours) to get there. One day to get home, and one big old party day in between. I need some ocean. Been a long time since I woke up on the beach wondering what happened. I can’t wait. Hope my country ass don’t get all California’d and I come back saying “dude” all the time. That’ll get your ass whipped around here.

–Ozark Ed

WILL THE DRAG RACING REPORT RETURN?– I’ve attached a photo of Ron Houniet who won Top Fuel at Woodburn. It was of one of his over 200 mph passes that weekend. My digital just doesn’t want to take sharp shots of fast moving objects, though.

Perhaps?you can see why I need a better camera body. Actually, I have two great film bodies, but digital is what I need and want.?Film’s frustrating and expensive.?

–Helen

I smell negotiations.?

PRESIDENT BUSH AND COLIN POWELL SITTING AT BAR– A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”

Bush says, “We’re planning WW III “. And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”

–from the Princess

RUMOR HAS IT A GROUP OF RIDERS HEADING OUT OF SAN PEDRO FOR TOMBSTONE–It’s scheduled for the 18th through the 20th of October in Tombstone. Apparently, they turn the clock back to the 1800’s and reenact the Gunfight at the OK Corral, do a bunch of Old West stuff like shootouts and the whole nine yards. I’m going to stay in Benson which is about 25 miles from Tombstone. The other towns close are Sierra Vista and Bisbee. I just got off the phone with the Tombstone Chamber of Commerce and the lady advised me that the temperatures should be in the 80’s during the day and 60’s as a low. Sounds like perfect riding conditions to me!

–Forrest

Anti-Virus Control.

MINNESOTA INDICTMENT–October 2, 2002 – Minnesota -Pioneer Press.The Hells Angels motorcycle club, once synonymous with violence, drug dealing and racketeering, is making headlines again. And while Minnesota has not had deadly shootouts like in Nevada and New York earlier this year between rival motorcycle clubs, authorities here have investigated the Hells Angels for drug trafficking and money laundering. Federal prosecutors Tuesday announced the drug distribution indictment of the local Hells Angels chapter president Patrick J. Matter, who also owns a motorcycle shop in Northeast Minneapolis. A federal grand jury also indicted two of Matter’s associates, Mark A. Armstrong and Michael T. Eason, although it was unclear whether they are members of the Hells Angels.?

–from 1%er.com

Valentines Day isn’t even close.

GOLF BALLS AND BLONDS–A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls”.

Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

–from Nuttboy

“THE OUTLAWS MOTORCYCLE CLUB MAY BE HURTING IN ONTARIO, BUT FAR FROM DEAD,” A BIKER SPECIALIST WARNS–?October 1, 2002 – Canada,And if messages on the club’s Web site are any indication, he’s right. “You can’t dismantle the Outlaws by just having 50 per cent of the Ontario members in jail and 10 per cent of the puppet club,” said Guy Ouellette, a former Quebec anti-biker officer. Thirty-five of 70 known Ontario Outlaw bikers and four of 30 Black Piston puppet club members are behind bars, he said.

That leaves many still on the streets, Ouellette said, and others soon will be out on bail. “They are in a mess,” he said. “But they will go away only when they are dead.”?

ASPHALT COWBOY REPORT–?? We have been meeting with Stephen Baldwin to discuss casting,rewrites and have had a few meetings, but he went back to New York lastnight. He has lots of connections and feel confident that we will get it moving quickly.

We are really excited and aresetting up meetings with several distribution companies over the next twoweeks. We really want to start shooting by January 1, which is when Stephenis available. He has a quick movie to do in Montreal and then we can getmoving.

–Linda Nelson
NELSON MADISON FILMS

THE ROMANCE CONTINUES–Man my life is good. I spent the whole day with the juvee girl. We rode some beautiful roads then spent four hours at her cabin in the mountain, then had the beautiful ride home.

Big tall Roger and Skitzo Eric came over last night and we sat out in the shop and drank a bunch o’ buds. Juvee girl just had her hair darkened and the two of them started talking about how fine she is and yada yada yada. You know how hard it is to not tell them. Dammit, iIcould be “the man”. Of course that would blow the whole deal, so I just listen to them talk their shit and I nod along in agreement.

I have been down this road before. I know that sooner or later we’ll get caught together and the shit will hit the fan. Then I’ll be shit with my girl, but the man with everyone else. I hope that day never comes. I could do this till she gets old and ugly.

–Ozark Ed?????

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE WRITES BOOK, BANDIT HAS MOVIE PROPOSAL

Continued From Page 3

THE BIKERNET DOWN-UNDER REPORT–An Australian woman was having a shower and slipped butinstead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she did the splits,and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Jacko. “Jacko! Jacko!” she yelled.Jacko came running in. “Jacko, I’ve bloody suctioned myself tothe floor,” she said.

“Strewth!” Jacko said and tried to pull her up. “You’re just tooheavy, girl. I’ll go across the road and get Bluey.” (his mate).

They came back and they both tried to pull her up.

“No way. We can’t do it,” Bluey said “Lets try Plan C.”

“Plan C?” exclaimed Jacko. “What’s that?”

“I’ll go home and get my hammer and chisel, and we’ll break thetiles under her.”

“Spot on,” Jacko said. “While you are doing that, I’ll stayhere and play with her tits.”

“Play with her tits?” Bluey said, “Why the hell would you wantto do that?”

Jacko replied “Well, I reckon if I can get her wet enough, wecan slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren’t so expensive.”

–from Bob T.

FROM THE BIKERNET ARCHIVES–

MURDER CHARGES DROPPED IN GANG FIGHT– Prosecutors dropped murdercharges today (Sept. 19th) against a member of the Hells Angelsmotorcycle club, saying he may have been justified infiring the shot that killed a member of a rival club at aHells Angels event in February. Members of the other group,the Pagan Outlaw Motorcycle Club, had crashed the event,many of them wielding bats and other weapons.

As part of a plea agreement, the Hells Angels member,Raymond G. Dwyer, pleaded guilty to a lesser charge ofthird-degree weapons possession in connection with thefracas, which erupted at a catering hall in Plainview wherethe Long Island Hells Angels chapter had been holding amotorcycle and tattoo exposition.

“We cannot prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Mr. Dwyerwasn’t reasonably justified when he fired,” Robert T.Hayden, a Nassau County assistant district attorney, toldJudge Alan L. Honorof in Nassau County Court.

Later, Mr. Hayden explained that Mr. Dwyer could haveconvincingly claimed that he acted in self-defense when hefired five or six shots, one of which killed a 51-year-oldmember of the Pagans, Robert Rutherford of Lancaster, Pa.More than 70 members of the club had arrived at thecatering hall to confront the Hells Angels in the latestchapter in a longstanding rivalry, the authorities said.

“This group of about eight or nine Pagans was stormingthrough the front door, swinging pipes and clubs at theHells Angels,” Mr. Hayden said. “It was in that situationthat Mr. Dwyer pulled out the gun.”

Mr. Dwyer, 39, appeared in court in a dark gray suitadorned with a silver pin denoting his allegiance to theHells Angels. His brown hair was pulled back in a neatponytail and a pair of sunglasses rested on his head.

He declined to comment on the case but handed a reporter astatement praising his lawyer and supporters. “God Blessthe United States of America and God Bless the Hells AngelsMotorcycle Club,” he wrote.

His lawyer, William S. Petrillo, told the judge that “wecould literally have had hundreds of supporters here onbehalf of Mr. Dwyer,” but that he had chosen not to createsuch a scene. Instead, there were only three supporterspresent.

Mr. Petrillo said that Mr. Dwyer, a tattoo artist, did notacknowledge firing any shots, only that “whoever fired thegun obviously did so in self-defense.”

Judge Honorof agreed to sentence Mr. Dwyer to no more thanone year in the Nassau County Jail, and to postpone thatsentence until a separate case is settled. In that case,Mr. Dwyer and six other Hells Angels members were arrestedin May; the authorities said they had beaten and robbed aformer member.

The judge agreed today that if Mr. Dwyer is convicted, thesentences will run concurrently.

Most of the 73 Pagans charged in the February attack havepleaded guilty to federal racketeering-related charges. Theauthorities said the Pagans had driven to Long Island fromas far as Virginia, Delaware and Pennsylvania to confronttheir rivals.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON 100th ANNIVERSARY RIDE HOME IN AUGUST 2003– In August 2003, members of the Harley-Davidson family of riders, dealers and employees will begin riding home to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to help celebrate a century of great motorcycling. The 100th Anniversary Ride Home includes four routes across the United States that will stop in 26 cities from August 17-26, 2003.

The Ride Home is a major component of Harley-Davidson’s 100th Anniversary celebration, which helps share the passion of motorcycling with people around the world. The Harley-Davidson family has a goal of raising $5 million for the Muscular Dystrophy Association during its 100th Anniversary celebration.

Ride Home participants can choose to ride an entire route at their own pace, join along the way, or celebrate at a single community stop on the route. The four Ride Home routes are: Southwest Route from Las Vegas, Northwest Route from Portland, South Central Route from Baton Rouge, and Northeast Route from New York. The rides are free and open to the public.

“With exciting events and gathering points along each route, the Ride Home gives Harley-Davidson enthusiasts all over the country the chance to celebrate the 100th Anniversary even if they can’t make it to Milwaukee,” said Joanne Bischmann, Harley-Davidson vicepresident of marketing. “The Ride Home stops will be memorable events for local communities, and you don’t have to be a rider to attend.”

Free public events along the Ride Home routes include Rendezvous parties, festivities hosted by Harley-Davidson dealers, local street parties, and Harley-Davidson plant tours in Kansas City and York, PA. Harley-Davidson 100th Anniversary events help support the Muscular Dystrophy Association through ride sponsorships, pledges, raffles, commemorative pin sales and other fundraisers.

Additional information on the Harley-Davidson 100th Anniversary and on the Ride Home can be found at www.harley-davidson.com as it becomes available. Ride Home dates, locations and activities are subject to change.

DEVIL DOLLS DICE RUN 2002–

ST. MOM’S WORT–Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by renderingpreschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

THE FINAL REPORT FROM OZARK ED–This whole juvee girl thing is really a man’s dream. She is so beautiful andfun to be around, but she understands the whole thing with my girl.

Shedoesn’t want to have a “boyfriend” at this point in her life, but she wants tohave fun. She has a constant stream of guys following her around trying toscore her. They are so obvious that they are trying to find that trophy girl,and they immediately scare her off with the pursuit.

I never tried to score.I told her the first time I met her that I had a girl and she couldn’t haveme. She found that different, and she isn’t scared of me. We laugh at theefforts of the hard dicks and dream up ways to frustrate them. It’s cruel funat their expense but what do I care? In the mean time, she is mine for thetaking and nobody knows. I have met my goals of getting to hit that once ortwice a week, probably for years to come. She doesn’t want me to leave mygirl, she’s not jealous, she makes no demands and she’s very discreet. I haveno clue why I have the kind of luck I do, but I ain’t bitchin.

Come on, youhave to admit, shit just goes my way. I’ll probably die a long brutalagonizing death from something, insteadof a fiery crash and burn quick death. You would think that there has to be aprice of some sort for the good fortune that I have had my whole life.

QUOTE OF THE WEAK–“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” — Robin Williams

–from Kris B.

THAT?S IT–While the men are hard at work, I had to finish the news. They really look busy don?t they? I could be sarcastic and say ?whatta life Bandit?s got? but I?d be a hypocrite. Truth is, my life is pretty damn good playing here at the Headquarters and getting to call it work. I?m one lucky bitch and I know it.

We had to lock Lawless Lorraine up in the basement this morning. Ever since Jose threatened to come for a visit, she?s been speaking Spanish and panting like a bitch in heat, (she LOVES a man with a Spanish accent). Then when Marcus Cuff and Frank Kaisler showed up this morning, she tried to attack them. Jose better bring a bodyguard when he comes down cause we may not be able to protect him from Lorraine. Or, maybe he?d like that?.I should warn him, she?s one big Amazon woman!

Back to the ?work? going on outside. Bandit is modifying his Road King with H-D touring accessories (bite your tongue Jose), for an American Rider tech tip article; Marcus Cuff is doing the photographs. Frank Kaisler is also shooting the King project for Bikernet.

It?s a beautiful, sunny day here in San Pedro with a gentle West breeze keeping us cool. I?m off to my kickboxing class for an hour then a seriously painful stretch class for another hour. Hopefully when I get home these guys will be finished with their project and out of here so Bandit and I can relax with a Jack on the rocks & White Russian. Maybe I?ll get to practice some new moves on him!

Sin

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE WRITES BOOK, BANDIT HAS MOVIE PROPOSAL

Continued From Page 2

DUCT TAPE–A few weeks ago I asked for your best duct tape stories. I showed a pic of how Bandit used it for medical purposes and here?s one response I got. I can?t believe that with all the people reading the news weekly, Lochness is the only genius that had the sense to solve a few dilemmas with duct tape. C?mon, there?s got to be a few more geniuses out there. Let?s have your duct tape stories and by all means, include photos if you got ?em. Submit them to sinwu@bikernet.com

Layla

I remember one time before I had a carb support bracket made, my shovel wasn’t starting or idling right. After hours of scratching my head, I realized the manifold was slipping ever so slightly towards the ground. Not enough to see visually but enough so the bike wouldn’t start or idle. I had a friend hold the carb up while I kicked it over, and kicked and kicked and kicked. Once I got it started, I had to hold the carb up with my left hand so it wouldn’t start slipping down and stall. I remember riding home trying to get through the gears as fast as I could so I could take my left hand off the clutch and use it to hold the carb up. Man that was an experience riding home holding the carb. I got some weird stares that day. I finally got home and used duct tape to hold the carb by taping the carb to the gas tank. I rode to the bike shop and had them make a bracket out of scrap metal.

Another time I went to my local shop to pick up some 15″ apes, risers and a taillight for another bike I?m working on. I also had to pick up oil and a filter. It didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t be able to fit all that shit in my bag until I got ready to leave. I crammed the oil, risers and light in my bag and sat in the parking lot cussing and contemplating how the fuck I was gonna get those apes home. I ain?t got a car or truck so that wasn’t a option. After a couple a minutes, I crushed out my smoke and grabbed a roll a duct tape from a mechanics tool cart and taped those apes to my forks. Bingo, they made it home, no problemo.

I even once used duct tape to seal a deep puncture wound on my ankle too. My buddy and I were doing some serious drinking and he was throwing empties at a wall and a piece of glass Ricochet off the wall about ten feet from me and went clear through my jeans and into my ankle. When I pulled the glass out, blood started flowing real quick like. Anyway, the tape stopped the bleeding. I changed it daily and it eventually healed fine.

Lochness

VIAGRA COFFEE– This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine.

The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”

The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.

“Well,” the doctor continued, “let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

“How did it go?” the doctor asked.

“Terribly, doctor, terribly.”

“Did it not work?”

“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”

“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”

“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”

–from Miss Kriss

MIDDLE-EASTERN MEDICAL STUDENTS–I just read some of the postings about the medical students from themiddle east that were jacked-up in Florida as a result of running theiryaps in a restaurant. If it’s true that they were trying to sound liketerrorists as a joke on other patrons at the restaurant, it sounds like itbackfired on em. It’s lucky I wasn’t there if that’s the case.

I’ll tell you a story of a similar situation that happened to me at theheight of the Iranian Hostage Crisis in 1980. As most of you know, therewas a lot of hate towards Iranians in the U.S. I was mad about whatthey were doing to American hostages and I even organized a “Komen CarBash” – an event where you donated money to see the sledgehammer fly.

Anyway, I was eating lunch at a House of Pancakes in Garden Grove, when Inoticed three Iranians sitting at another table by me. After awhile, notignoring the fact that they were laughing and having a good time, itstarted to get to me that they were in the U.S., safe and sound, whilemany American citizens were being held hostage in their country. Being anasshole that I can sometime be, I walked over to their table – when I didthis, the whole restaurant went quiet like an E.F.Hutton commercial. Ilooked down at them and said, “are you Iranians?” (Kinda loud) After some nervous squirming one said, “No, we’re French!”

I said, “Fuck you,you speak Iranian, look Iranian, and are reading an Iranian newspaper, youlying fucking punks, how about we fuckin go outside right now and I’llkick all your fuckin’ asses?”

After not getting the invitation answered oraccepted, I said, “Just what I thought, a bunch of fuckin cowards – justlike Khomeni.” I went back to my table and ate lunch. The next day I wentback there and the waitress said, “You were right, they are Iranian, theycome in here often.”

I look back and think I was out of line when I did that, and withoutprovocation. I probably wouldn’t do that now, but the Americans theykidnapped didn’t provoke anybody, did they?

Now we have today’s terrorism and the same feelings towards somemiddle-eastern people. I know that if I was in that restaurant and heardmiddle easterners joking it up about terrorism in today’s climate, Iprobably would’ve kicked some ass and not called the police, but that’s me.

-Rusty HAMC-BHC

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH–Yes I?m back with my countdown to chaos. Only 90 days till Christmas and you?ve got to started on your holiday shopping. Perhaps you?d rather have a spanking instead? Well me too but for now I?m talking about the Gulch and the Cantina.

Where else can you read an on-going drama with sex, violence, drinking, motorcycles and more sex? I don?t know either but I do know you can get it in the Cantina. A Babe a Day, Digital Discovery, and K. Randall Ball?s books in their entirety among other things fill the Cantina for good action-packed reading while your cruising the Internet instead of working.

Only a few more days left with the reduced price of $15.00 per year and then it goes back up to $20. Don?t wait – DO IT NOW!

And now for my Gulch plug?

---

“VISIT BIKERNET GULCH FOR ALL YOUR BIKE NEEDS”

SELECT A SHOP ABOVE
OR SIMPLY CLICK HERE!
FOR EVEN MORE SELECTIONS!

Shirts, Books, Art Prints and more make it easy for gift giving this year. We have leather products and Local 81/Crime Inc. shirts, hats and sweatshirt too. Anything you could possibly need for the biker in your life is right here in the Gulch.

So you say you need parts? Well we have those too. Look for Parts Direct banners for discount parts or click on the Chrome Specialties building in the Gulch for their complete catalog.

It doesn?t get any easier than that. No more hassles of driving, finding a place to park or waiting in line. Shop online and simplify your life. Hey guys, cruise through the Gulch and make a list for your ladies. You?ll save her lottsa time by showing her exactly what you want, where you want. While your looking, you?re sure to check out the cute little thong and panty sets, or a cool woman?s shirt from Joker that would look great on your lady.

Now, about that spanking, who?s first?

Sin

HARLEY-DAVIDSON HAS ITS CENTENIAL CELEBRATION IN THE BAG–MILWAUKEE, July 17, 2002 – Premium leather, plenty of storage and a century?s worth of design experience make Harley-Davidson?s 100th Anniversary Saddlebag Collection the perfect long-haul companion for 100th Anniversary Dyna and Softail models.

The 100th Anniversary Leather Saddlebags for Dyna Models (P/N 91617-03) has a clean, angular design that complements the smooth lines of the Dyna. Featuring an all-new design that is enhanced by the commemorative 100th Anniversary logo, the saddlebags offer ample amounts of both storage and style. The bags fit ?02 and later Dyna models (except FXDWG) and have a suggested U.S. retail of $649. They do require Turn Signal Relocation Kit P/N 68732-02 for domestic and P/N 68733-02 for international vehicles.

The 100th Anniversary Leather Saddlebags for Dyna Wide Glide (P/N 91622-03) offer the perfect blend of street attitude and practicality. Styled to accent the sweeping bobtail fender of the Wide Glide, these bags are as roomy as they are cool. Featuring the official 100th Anniversary cast logo, these bags fit ?02 and later FXDWG models and require the separate purchase of Turn Signal Relocation Kit P/N 68734-02 for domestic and P/N 68735-02 for international vehicles. Suggested U.S. retail is $649.

The 100th Anniversary Locking Leather Covered Rigid Saddlebags for Softail (P/N 92015-03) feature locks with push-button operation for added security. The premium look of leather is enhanced by an extra durable construction. The blow-molded core prevents the bag from sagging and the lids open outward for added distinction. The prismatic 100th Anniversary logo is prominently displayed on the bags, which have a suggested U.S. retail of $859. The bags fit ?00 and later Softail models (except FXSTD) and also work with 84-99 Softail models with the separate purchase of Directional Relocation Kit P/N 53692-96 (FLSTC and FLSTS models do not require this kit).

The 100th Anniversary Leather Saddlebags for Softail Deuce (P/N 92018-03) feature an ingenious mounting system that eliminates visible hardware when the bags are removed. With styling as contemporary as the Deuce itself, the strong lines of the bag accentuate the curve of the Deuce?s fender and the 100th Anniversary logo adds a final distinctive touch. The bags fit ?00 and later FXSTD models and have a suggested U.S. retail of $629. For proper installation, the bags require Saddlebag Support Kit P/N 68360-00 and Directional Relocation Kit P/N 90395-00.

For additional information on the 100th Anniversary Saddlebag Collection and other Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories, see your local Harley-Davidson dealer or visit the Harley-Davidson web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer near you, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE WRITES BOOK, BANDIT HAS MOVIE PROPOSAL

Continued From Page 1

POLARIS OPEN HOUSE– Set for Oct. 12-19 This October, somebody is going to win the ultimate treat, and there’s no trick involved. The first-ever Polaris National Open House will take place Oct. 12-19, giving outdoor lovers across America and Canada an opportunity to visit their local Polaris dealer to demo product, learn about Polaris’ mind-boggling 2003 new product lineup, take advantage of a very special finance offer, and last, but definitely not least, register for a powersports lover’s dream prize package.

To celebrate the Polaris National Open House, consumers who visit participating Polaris dealers between Oct. 12 and 19 can enter the “Ride of Your Life” sweepstakes to become eligible to win a grand-prize package that includes one vehicle from each of Polaris’ four recreational product lines, plus other goodies. All together, the grand-prize package is worth a retail value of more than $35,000. Additionally, one first-prize winner will receive a certificate to participate in the Richard Petty Driving Experience.

The Grand Prize

The Polaris “Ride of Your Life” sweepstakes grand-prize package includes a Polaris product for any weather and every terrain, and can help anyone find a way out of the stress of everyday life. The package includes:

A 2002 Polaris 700 XC SP snowmobile
A 2003 Classic Cruiser Victory motorcycle
A 2002 Polaris Virage i watercraft
A 2003 Polaris Magnum 330 4×4 all-terrain vehicle
A Floe two-place trailer
$1000 in Polaris apparel and accessories (excluding service and parts)

“With all the exciting new things happening at Polaris, we figured it was about time we got together with our dealers and celebrated with a good old-fashioned open house,” said Tom Tiller, president and CEO of Polaris. “This gives folks who have been kicking around the idea of buying a new recreation or utility vehicle the chance to come in, see what’s new at Polaris, and while they’re there, register to win an amazing prize package.”

Driving home with a new Polaris or Victory will be easier than ever during the Polaris National Open House. A special no money down, no payments and no interest for 12 months financing offer is available with the purchase of $1,000 in Pure Polaris apparel and accessories. Details on financing programs are available at all participating dealerships.

The Polaris “Ride of Your Life” Sweepstakes is open to persons 18 years of age and older who are legal residents of the United States and Canada. Subject to official rules – to see official rules, visit a participating Polaris dealer or log on to the Polaris Web site at www.polarisindustries.com. Consumers also may mail in an official entry or a hand-printed 3-inch x 5-inch piece of paper in an envelope with postage affixed to: Polaris Ride of Your Life Sweepstakes, P.O. Box 6685, Stacy, MN 55078-6685. One entry per person. Mail-in entries must be postmarked not later than midnight October 21, 2002 and be received no later than October 28, 2002.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–This world is going to Hell !! What’s going on ? Bikernet is turning into Harleys R Us, Bush wants a war no matter what , some chick gives a beating to her kid and she’s going to jail, and the poor girl to a foster home?

I don’t know if it’s me but we all got a pretty good (and maybe deserved) beating once in a while, it’s called discipline, I believe. But this woman, and I’m not saying that what she did was right, slaps the kid around and she’s going to jail!!! I think it sucks. What kind of care would that little girl get in a foster home? The powers that be are fucking her life up, and now the kid’s with some strange people in a strange world, that’s sick.

To top it off now, all the kids have to wear helmets for any activity they do, skates, bikes, skateboards….. I don’t recall even using a helmet for any of that when I was a kid , and we all banged our heads more than once…..We got up and kept on doing what we were doing. What?s next, if you run around the house you will have to wear a lid ‘ cause you might bang your head on a wall? Come on…Isn’t this the ” Land of the Free” ??? That’s why I don’t even watch news or read newspapers.

What the hell do I care if Miss Universe lost her crown because she doesn’t get up at 4:00 am….Man, I don’t blame her who the hell wants to get up that early! Or because she’s banging Putkin or whatever his name is….so she should be celibate for a year because Trump wants to…..go suck an egg. I guess I understand more and more , less and less, oh well…enough ranting….Let’s bash Harley once more.

How come the “factory” is bending over and taking it like a man from the government. All I’ve heard is that the V-Rod will replace the air cooled V-Twin because the EPA is getting stricter with their stuff. Soon all bikes will have to be CARB , and carburetors will be a thing of the past.

If I had the power that H-D has on the economy of the USA, I would tell the bureaucrats to get the hell outta town, play by our rules, we won’t play by yours. Let’s see why Harley is what it is today, maybe because fanatics (yes we are fanatics) like that old style, like to have a part of that past and nostalgia that this American Big Twins give them? How come the best selling models are the Fat Boy, Heritage and Road King? If you see those bikes and they remind you of the old FL?s, give yourself an A!

How come a magazine like EasyRiders (RIP) is on the way to a 7′ deep hole? They forgot the formula that made them what they were, choppers, the biker lifestyle and??. nostalgia. Who cares if your bike cost you ten grand or 100 grand, how come you can be riding on the latest 100th anniversary model and the guy next to you on a basket chopper gets all the attention? Because choppers have an appeal that no other vehicle has (maybe super expensive exotic cars, AND Muscle cars). Maybe it’s because we spend our lives remembering the past, the things we’ve done and seen….. Why does most of the week-end warriors dress up like they do….Bingo! Marlon Brando, James Dean, Easy Rider, Hells Angels…..all the images of those cool, suave dudes being rebels. Images of past. They all wanna-be bad asses, no kicking and no nasty carbs, and God forbid riding a rigid! We have become consumer freaks. I bet the Davidson and Harley brothers are twisting around in their graves with the sight of what’s become of their company. And that’s the way I see it.

PS: Just read Fiction on the new Biker Magazine, Nov issue 206, I guess it has something to do with what I’m saying above.

Jose, check this letter our from 1927

And enough bull, let’s get to the news…..

Billy Lane is featured in Cycle World this month…yeap Cycle World, pretty cool article, check it out.

Speaking of magazines, Jesse James has an article in FHM, yeap the hot chick mag for men, are we getting that famous ??? Only time will tell.

A report of the Key West Poker Run has been received, tons and tons of Ford pickups with trailers hauling bikes heading for the Keys, (Some say 10,000, some say 40,000). I got a report of very few cool bikes, 99% having the ham can air cleaner (so I guess we are 1% er?s after all) and the new South Florida rage….Gold !!! Gold everything from rims to chain guards… Cops waiting for bikes with open pipes to bust them (check points with clubs to stick it in the pipes, It’s Key West !!) Etc.etc. Geno reported that he has ” Loser” bike photos for the next 4 years of the Horse….At least there’s always Upstairs…

Street Vibrations is taking place as we speak, the Reno event seems to be a pretty cool party, in a mini Vegas style. I hope it does not get too hot to handle…lets see.

I’ve noticed a new banner-sponsor on Bikernet….Choppahead…cool swags by cool people, check them out at Choppahead.com, Welcome.

The Discovery Channel is airing Bike Week end, it starts Saturday, Sept 28th at 9:00 pm eastern time with Motorcycle Mania 1 then The Great Biker Build-Off/ Horse Smoke out thing at 10: 00 pm, that’s the show we are all waiting for. See what happens and let us know how you liked it. Sunday is Motorcycle Mania 2, American Chopper and Biker Women. Monday there will be new Monster Garage episodes….Cool it’s going to be a Chopper full week -end.

I’m trying to create a database on our web site www.ChopperFreak.com of Latin American shops and builders. I’m sure there are more people that do the same as we do, so shoot us an email; let’s see what’s going on chopperwise in this part of the world.

Seems like the Race to the Badlands, 100th is happening….stay tuned for the play by play reports as the race unfolds, bike builds, plans, etc…..I’m going Old Skool, I guess Bandit is going Techno…And let’s see who joins up…..It will be fun….I’m already printing maps of the house in Lead so Bandit can meet us there….whenever he gets in.

Countdown to Biketoberfest……..soon, very soon….3 weeks soon. I really don’t care much about the event, but The Horse Party and general mayhem with friends is the stuff I look up to. I’m even taking a bike (chopper of course! ) that’s making it’s way to California……

Anyway….time to get out of here….see you all next week…

Jose “Acclaimed” Caribbean Report…..

THE DEFINITION OF SOCIAL SECURITY SEX– Two guys were talking. “So, how’s your sex life?”

“Oh, nothing special. I’m having Social Security sex,”

“Social Security sex?”

“Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!”

FOR SALE, RIGIDFRAME.COM – US$ 495–Please note that after years, the registration on the domain nameRIGIDFRAME.COM was not renewed and this domain had become available to register.

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This is a VALUABLE and HIGH PROFILE domain and we believe that thisdevelopment could be of genuine interest and benefit to your operation. Please note that the domain name market is extremely solid at the moment and similar domains are currently selling on afternic.com, greatdomains.com (domain auction sites) and by domainname brokers, in some cases, for many thousands of US dollars.

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If you would like to use WWW.RIGIDFRAME.COM for your online business, please contact us at your earliest convenience. We will be on hand should you require any further assistance or information.

–Jenny.
Marketing,
ioffers.com

LAST BIG DRAGS OF THE YEAR–Howdy, The Texas Scooter Times would like to remind everyone about the “Last Big Drags” of the year!! The STATE FINALS- October 6th (Sunday) at Lone Star Raceway Park in Sealy, Texas…

Originally scheduled for a two day event, this Race has been rescheduled to a one day event….Featuring Nitro Harleys – Nostalgia Fuel Harleys and Unlimited Top Gas Harleys with 30 Sportsman Classes for ANY Type of Harley!Huge Vendor Midway – Burnout Contest and much much more!Gates open at 8am, Track opens at 10am and Eliminations at 2pm…. BE THERE!

Track is located 10 miles West of Sealy on Interstate 10. Take the Beckendorf Exit and Lone Star Raceway Park is located on the South Service Rd…..

For More information visit: www.texasscooter.com or call 254-687-9066…..Vendor Space Still Available… Call the Scooter Times for Details and Reservations…

Continued On Page 3

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILLIE WRITES BOOK, BANDIT HAS MOVIE PROPOSAL

Just an ordinary day at the headquarters. Two big LA lawyers are pounding on the door after the IMB stick fighting class. They drag me to lunch and ask me question about shit I would just as soon forget. I know nothing. Then Frank shows up and we split to the garage to tinker with the 2003 Road King. But first I receive an email from Linda Nelson of Nelson Madison Films, “Stephen Baldwin has agreed to direct ASPHALT COWBOYS. We’ve signed a contract with Conrad Goode on your Asphalt Cowboy screenplay. We have several companies interested. As soon as the contract iscleared up (hopefully on Monday), we will rock.

That news makes my day and the tinkering in the garage all the more of a blast. We’ll be reporting on the progress on a regular basis. Let’s get to the news:

HARLEY-DAVIDSON Motor company & BULFINCH PRESS RELEASE–
Willie G. Davidson’s 100 Years of Harley-Davidson.
For almost 100 years, the Harley-Davidson Motor Company has touched the lives of millions of Americans and millions more around the world. From the first motorcycle built in a wooden shed in 1903 to the latest V-Rod model, Harley-Davidson motorcycles have become a cultural phenomenon. To celebrate its 100th Anniversary, Harley-Davidson Motor Company, in conjunction with Bulfinch Press, is set to release 100 Years of Harley-Davidson — a remarkable, personal account of the Company’s history written by Willie G. Davidson, grandson of William A. Davidson, one of the company’s four founders.

Spanning 288 pages and featuring 500 spectacular images, many rare and unseen, 100 Years of Harley-Davidson (Bulfinch Press; October 11, 2002; $65) delves into all facets of the famous brand from its freedom-inspired customers, to Willie G’s personal insights and family memories, to vintage and present day bikes to races and rallies. Divided into six eras, each chapter not only details the evolution of the Company, but the role Harley-Davidson has played in American culture. Willie G’s personal memories are shared from the early days of building the brand with dedicated employees to the evolution of the culture, capturing the history of the Harley-Davidson legacy.

100 Years of Harley-Davidson will be available at bookstores everywhere and through online booksellers beginning October 11th.

FROM THE WOMENS’ CORNER–“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack saysas he stepped out of the shower, “honey, what do youthink the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawnlike this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money,” shereplied.

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL TO FEATURE THE HORSE-BACKSTREET CHOPPERS’ BIKERFEST, THE SMOKEOUT III, ON ‘THE GREAT BIKER BUILD-OFF’–Show airs Saturday, September 28, 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. ET/PT

The Horse-Backstreet Choppers today announced that its famed chopper and bikerfest, The Smokeout III, will be featured on The Discovery Channel’s ‘The Great Biker Build-Off’. The show will air Saturday, September 28 at 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. ET/PT, and The Horse’s 20 page coverage of The Smokeout III hits newsstands on October 29th.

‘The Great Biker Build-Off’ follows legendary bike builders Roger Bourget and Billy Lane as they create the perfect machine from scratch in just eight weeks. Both bikers ride their new creations to The Smokeout III in Salisbury, N.C., where attendees of this radical chopperfest and bike show vote on which of them deserves the “people’s choice” prize.

The Discovery Channel has dedicated programming towards Bike Weekend on September 28th & 29th, which highlights two days of pure motorcycle madness. The shows include: Harley-Davidson: Birth of the V-Rod; Motorcycle Mania; Motorcycle Mania 2; American Chopper, and Motorcycle Women.

MOST PROLONGED FART–Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for anofficially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.

–from Ray R.

TIP FROM OZARK ED–As usual things just seem to work out for me. in 2000 my girl bought her anew SS monte carlo. What a piece of shit it turned out to be. Without goinginto a long bitch session, I’ll just say it was a nightmare of a car.

Everything was covered under warranty so it was just the time and hassle thatI had to deal with. But you couldn’t trust the car. It would let you downevery time you HAD TO HAVE a car. Anyway, I met this guy with GM and he saidhe could resolve my problems. I took the car to the dealer he indicated andthen after two or three tries, he said it just couldn’t be fixed. Well, I just got anotice that GM has decided to buy my car from me and they are paying me backthe full price I paid, all the interest, the taxes, license fees, and theyare subtracting 3 grand for the mileage put on the car until I had theproblem. Shit. After I pay off my loan, I’ll have enough left over to buy mygirl a nice car for cash.

She found one that she really wants and I’mactually going to have about a thousand left over. That will buy my Shovel’sheadlight, a large bag, a big ole box o’ buds, and have a few stripperdollars. Imagine that, one day fucked, the next day golden.

–Ozark Ed

NEW SUICIDE CLUTCH–

I call it the “Jockey Latch”. It is a cam/latch device that willlock the clutch pedal down at the end of the pedal travel and releaseswhen hit again. It will also cycle through if you press it down to thestop. In other words, it’s there if you need it and not there if youdon’t.

The pictures I have are of the original prototype which isinstalled and used on my ’62 pan. I have an updated version NC machinedfrom billet and chrome plated. It also has some internal mods that makeit bullet proof.

I’m a career tool and die maker and also worked manyyears in the aircraft industry building F15 parts. This is the real deal,and I’m currently setting up my own shop for manufacturing them alongwith lots of other trick stuff, (notice the titanium pressure pad in thepics).

I will be in Daytona during Biketoberfest with the new unit ondisplay and the Panhead for demos. I have a few more pics at my smallwebsite athome.earthlink.net/~hunterlsl/index.html.Feel free to call me at 636-561-2706 or meet me in Daytona.

–Suicide Bob

BIKERNET DRINKING STUDIES–When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave upreading. –Henny Youngman

Continued On Page 2

ROGUE’S REPORT

Cops, Helmets And Budgets Collide

Organized by Rogue

CC: Ooops! Apparently disappointed and pissed off that they were unable to locate and bust “street racers” in Houston, the city cops offered K-Mart shoppers a texas-sized Blue Light Special and hauled in everybody they could find hanging around a K-Mart parking lot. Thirteen police officials have been suspended with pay in the wake of the arrests of 273 people at a Kmart and a burger stand, allegedly for loitering and trespassing. The police chief implied that officers should have refused the order to arrest people. The head of the police union seems to think the raid on hapless bystanders was justified because there are “no loitering” signs posted in the K-Mart parking lot.

This appears to be a pretty good example of a complete absence of common sense on the part of the cops. Leadership on the scene of the debacle included two Captains, two Lieutenants and a raft of sergeants. It seems to us that a citation was the way to go in this case, but the boys in blue opted to “cuff ’em up” and haul the crowd off to Central Booking. The city is now bracing for an onslaught of well deserved lawsuits, one of which has already been filed for $100 million. So far, no reports on whether or not Homeland Security will be invoked as a defense or if the cops will simply claim this event was “for the kids.”

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/story.hts/topstory2/1552982

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CC: If you think the arrests in Houston were an isolated bit of police over-kill, wait until you read this. A New Hampshire police chief thinks his department should be permitted to seize a college dorm under the state’s forfeiture law because drugs were found there. He claims the dorm comes under the “Crack House” law. Good grief!

http://www.free-market.net/rd/277493920.html

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CC: If you’re still not sure of what the Patriot Act has done to decimate your civil liberties, this article gives a thumbnail sketch of how your personal freedom has gone down the shitter since last September.

http://insightmag.com/news/262278.html

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CC: Before it happened, experts warned that the feds shouldn’t be allowed to completely take over airport screening. They argued that private companies should be held to higher standards when hiring and training their employees. They foresaw major screw ups if federal employees – with federal supervisors – were to take over at the nation’s airports.

Well……. several billion dollars later, it appears the doomsayers were right. Not surprising is the fact that the feds are cutting corners and taxpayers are getting less service at a much higher cost.

The following article details how an “elite team” of TSA baggage screeners are on the job protecting the traveling public after only 15 minutes of training. The manufacturer of the equipment they’re using claims they should have had a minimum training period of 100 hours. The government claims there will be retro-training to bring the screeners up to speed. Meanwhile, we recommend taking the bus.

http://www.free-market.net/rd/824854090.html

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CC: It’s a rare occasion when we reprint a complete message from one of our subscribers. It isn’t because we have a policy against it. Rather, few of you send us something we feel should be shared with, and can be used by, thousands of your fellow readers. The following letter is one of those items we think everyone will appreciate. Hopefully, it may inspire you to write your elected representatives and ask for help in keeping the NHTSA focused on the problem.

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Dear Congressman Pastor,

My name is Mitchell Elder. I have lived in Arizona now for almost 15years. The Air Force brought me to Tucson to begin with and in threemonths I will retire with 21 years of active service. I plan onremaining here in Tucson to work and support my community as an activemember of the civilian population along with the retired military herein Southern Arizona. In addition to my affiliation with the UnitedStates Air Force, I am also an ordained minister and an avid motorcyclerider with over 30 years experience in the saddle.

I am very concerned about the NHTSA’s current agenda concerningmotorcycles and those of us who ride them. After spending 21 years inthe military, protecting the rights of Americans to make their ownchoices in life, it disturbs me to see federal agencies attempting tolegislate the daily lives of average taxpayers.

The NHTSA’s continued focus on legislating what riders wear is entirelythe wrong approach to public safety. I do not require laws designed toprotect me from myself. Further, the NHTSA’s failure to support ridertraining, coupled with a dramatic increase in motorcycle sales, has onlycontributed to an increase in rider accidents and deaths.Unfortunately, the raw statistics are presented by the NHTSA in such amanner as to suggest that mandated rider clothing (i.e., helmets, brightcolors, etc) is the answer.

This does not address the basic problem: rider AND driver ignorance.

I share the road with thousands of automobile drivers. Unlike me (Ihave attended annual motorcycle riding training on a regular basis sinceit was first made available) these drivers are never given additionaltraining on how to safely share the road with other vehicles, includingmotorcycles. As a result, these drivers continue to pull out, and makeleft-hand turns in front of motorcycles “they just didn’t see.”

They were never taught to look for us.

So over the years, the burden has been placed on the victim (the rider).

Now, the NHTSA wants to conduct more “safer crash” tests. This is aridiculous waste of taxpayer money. Since the NHTSA’s agenda – as isclearly shown by their consistent track record – is to manufacturelegislation designed to burden motorcyclists and the “synthetic”statistics to support said legislation, I fear that these tests willonly go toward the creation of more ill-conceived rules that will notprovide any measurable increase in safety for motorcycle riders butrather, will only serve to further burden them. In fact, the very ideaof “safer crashes” is ludicrous. Why not focus on crash avoidanceinstead?

I’ve crashed a motorcycle before – more than once – I’ve got the x-raysto prove it. My goal is always to avoid the accident in the first placeand they only way I can effectively do that, is to ride defensively. Itsure would be nice if I knew that the other riders and car drivers onthe road had had some education as well.

Congressman, the bottom line is this: if the NHTSA wants to perform avaluable public service, they should be focusing on education of ridersand drivers, not legislation. They should be supporting equity on thehighway, not placing burdens on a minority who simply choose analternate form of transportation. They should be recognizing thatoverall, motorcyclists are better educated users of the roads and aremore alert and aware than operators of other vehicles, instead oftreating us like pariah and attempting to legislate us out of existence.

Motorcyclists are not the enemy, ignorance is.

Please urge the NHTSA to address the real issues: rider and drivereducation and training, and leave the personal choices of individuals(rider clothing and gear) exactly where they belong – to the individual.

Thank you so much for your time. I hope I can count on your support toprotect the rights of individuals to choose freely how they will livetheir own lives.

Sincerely,

Mitchell Elder
“Ridin’ Reverend”
Tucson

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CC: Recently I was asked to participate in yet another charity run to help raise money for the victims of the World Trade Center disaster. I declined and the sponsor’s immediate reaction suggested that he thought I was a heartless bastard.

Well, I probably am. But beyond my natural tendency to gravitate toward helping critters (because they, unlike humans, cannot help themselves when they’re in a disaster situation), I have a problem with increasing what I can only define as the “windfall profits” that came from that horrible event. Maybe because of my current economic situation I’m a bit jealous, but I don’t think that’s all of it.

Perhaps your own feelings after you read the following article might better explain my position. Keep in mind, as you read this, that the family of a serviceman killed in Afghanistan will receive a flag, $200 toward his funeral and a very meager survivor’s benefit.

—-

ENRICHING SURVIVORS WAS A COSTLY MISTAKE
By Jeff Jacoby
The Boston Globe
August 29, 2002

Last week, the federal Victim Compensation Fund announced its first 25 awards to families of those who were killed on Sept. 11. The amounts offered were not uniform, but after taking into account the mandatory deductions for life insurance policies and pensions, the average award came to $1.36 million. That much income would ordinarily be taxable at the highest rate — currently, 38.6 percent. Thanks to legislation passed in January, however, the victims’ families will receive their awards tax-free. The same law also exempted Sept. 11 victims retroactively from income tax liability for 2000 and 2001. Any taxes they already paid will be refunded.

Last week’s awards were actually on the low side; according to Kenneth Feinberg, the special master overseeing the fund, the average net payout will ultimately be around $1.5 million. That is roughly 36 times the median US household income, and is considerably more money than the vast majority of American families will ever see. No amount of money, of course, could ever replace a murdered loved one. But as an expression of sympathy and support for those who suffered a devastating loss in the terrorist attacks, the federal victims fund was munificent in the extreme.

It was also a mistake.

The American people didn’t need the government’s help to demonstrate their compassion for the families of the Sept. 11 victims. Well before the law creating the federal compensation fund was passed, tens of millions of Americans had donated hundreds of millions of dollars for the benefit of those affected by the attacks. By now, the total raised by private charities is estimated at a mind-boggling $2.7 billion, more than half of which has already been distributed.

This torrent of private relief has not merely ensured that survivors can meet their mortgage payments and put food on the table. It has turned many of them into millionaires. USA Today reports that relatives of the New York police officers who died on Sept. 11 are receiving an average of $929,000 in charitable funds. The families of firefighters and ambulance crews are getting $1,037,000. All of these gifts are tax-free. (Surviving spouses of most rescue workers also receive a lifetime pension equal to the victim’s salary, plus a federal death benefit of $259,000 for public safety officers killed in the line of duty.)

To be sure, not every victim’s family has been enriched as lavishly as those of the emergency workers killed at Ground Zero. The charitable gifts received by other families have averaged only $146,000. But “only” $146,000 is hardly trivial, especially when it comes with no strings attached, when it is not taxed, and when it is in addition to any insurance, pension, or Social Security benefits the family is entitled to. And when more than $1 billion remains to be distributed.

Add to all this the billions of dollars’ worth of goods and services that have been donated to the victims’ families — from free financial planning for life by top Wall Street firms to the hundreds of free slots at children’s summer camps nationwide to the free gifts Tiffany’s will distribute next week at a baby shower for the 103 widows who have given birth since last September.

Never has the extraordinary generosity of ordinary Americans been more evident than in the months since Sept. 11. It wasn’t necessary for the government to get in on the act, let alone to shower the victims’ families with seven-figure jackpots. Those who lost a child, parent, or spouse in the attacks last fall suffered a terrible tragedy, and the hearts of decent people everywhere went out to them. But tragedy strikes American families every day, and their grief is not eased with million-dollar fortunes from the Treasury. Why should the families of Sept. 11 have been treated differently?

The Victims Compensation Fund was created in part to protect the airlines from being bankrupted by wrongful-death litigation; survivors who accept money from the fund are barred from filing suit. But the airlines were not to blame for the horrors of Sept. 11. Their losses that day, both human and financial, were staggering. If Congress wanted to shield them from catastrophic lawsuits, the way to do it was to cap their liability at $0.00, not to bribe the victims’ families with million-dollar awards.

With such huge sums of money at stake, the congressional fund has predictably led to feuds and ill will, as relatives of the dead fight over the federal largesse. It has inflamed greed, too. Many families now insist that the planned awards are not lucrative enough; others gripe that after insurance and pension proceeds are deducted, they will get nothing. (“Nothing,” in this case, means a quarter of a million dollars, which Feinberg says is the minimum payment guaranteed to virtually every victim’s family.)

Meanwhile, a corrosive precedent has been set for the future. The next time innocent victims die in a terrorist attack, their relatives will expect a handsome government payment. The next time *any* catastrophe strikes — terrorist or otherwise — there will be a clamor for federal compensation. But the worst consequence of all is that after the next disaster, fewer people will give willingly to private charity. Why donate to help stricken fellow Americans, they will reason, if Uncle Sam is going to make them rich anyway?

A Pandora’s box has been opened. It will not easily be closed.

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CC: With all of the rhetoric flying around about attacking Iraq (and the not-so-surprising news that Iraq is digging in, moving equipment and readying for the assault), we’re wondering why Congress just doesn’t simply reinstate the CIA’s authority to terminate with extreme prejudice. It seems to us there is a lot less risk, at least in the numbers of potential US casualties, to unleash a team of well trained special ops professionals on Sadaam.

Uh, wait a minute……we forgot. The US doesn’t have anyone so trained these days. Congress cut the CIA’s balls off years ago, thinking it’s not nice to over-throw the governments, or kill the leaders, of hostile nations.

Yep, sure makes sense to announce an impending attack well in advance and then commit tens of thousands of troops to go after an army on high alert. We suppose it just isn’t politically correct to use the element of surprise these days. Too bad the Japs didn’t play by the same rules sixty-odd years ago.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–BIKERS ALLOWED TO WEAR COLORS TO COURT, BIKERNET WORST DRINK AND NEW DEUCE

Continued From Page 3

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE DEUCE IS CUSTOM TIMES TWO–It’s Deuces Wild

In designing the Screamin’ Eagle Deuce, Harley-Davidson CVO sought to accentuate the long, low custom style of the Softail Deuce. A lowered front and rear suspension was installed, along with a front spoiler and a custom low-profile seat and pillion with chrome inserts. The bike rides on chrome slotted six-spoke wheels with a 21-inch front and a 17-inch rear. Special Centennial Gold and Vivid Black paint is detailed with 23K gold leaf graphics, and the frame and swingarm, air cleaner, timer, derby cover and fuel tank console inserts are color-matched in Centennial Gold.

The 2003 Screamin Eagle Deuce is the first Softail model to be the subject of a CVO project. Established in 1999, Harley-Davidson?s CVO program has produced low-volume, custom motorcycles using a handpicked team of technicians on a special assembly line at the Harley-Davidson plant in York, Pa. Approximately 3000 units of the 2003 Screamin’ Eagle Deuce will be produced.

SISTER MARY KATHERINE ENTERED THE MONASTERY OF SILENCE– The Priest said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.”

Sister Mary Katherine said, “Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Priest said, “We will get you a better bed.” After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.”

“Cold food, “said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. “You may say two words today.”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.

“It’s probably best”, said the Priest, “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here.”

–from Jill Z.

BIKERNET AUSTRALIAN CONNECTION BUYS 2003 SOFTAIL– “My new 2003 Anniversary Softail arrived today. TALK ABOUT A HARD-ON!!!!!”

–Ray Russell

FROM THE BIKERNET SCIENTIFIC DEPARTMENT–GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN ????Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa,half discovered, half wild, naturally beautifulwith fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America,well developed and open to tradeespecially for someone with cash.Between 31 and 35 she is like India, veryhot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France.Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia,lost the war, haunted by past mistakes.Reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia,very wide and borders are unpatrolled.The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia,has a glories and all conquering past, but no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Mosteveryone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 80 a man is like Iraq – ruledby a dick.

–from Kevin R.

FEDERAL COURT RULES BIKER COLORS OKAY IN NEVADA COURTHOUSE– A Carson City courthousedress code that prohibits biker “colors” is unconstitutional, a federal appeals courtruled on Monday, August 26th, overturning a Northern Nevada judge’s ruling and findingthat motorcyclists can wear “biker colors,” even those with swastikas, inside thecourthouse.

For the whole story and more legislative headlines, check the Bikers Rights department of Bikernet.

AIRPORT SECURITY– Airport Security Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire aprivate investigator – Alan Pinkerton – for protection. That was the beginning ofthe Secret Service. Since that time federal police authority has grown to alarge number of multi-letter agencies – FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now comes the “Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service.”Can’t you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their blackoutfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs: “FATASS.” I feel safer already.

–from Thomas Conley

BIKERNET TERRORIST REPORT– Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death. Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer. “You will die on an American holiday.”

“Which one?” Osama bin Laden asks nervously.

“It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it will be an American holiday!”

–from Catts

RIP Kenneth Robert Howard ~AKA ~ Von Dutch
Born 1929 – Died September 19, 1992—Pinstriping on cars and motorcycles was a dead art when 15-yr. old KennyHoward went to work in George Beerup’s motorcycle shop in the mid-forties.The last automobile striping on an American car was done by General Motorsin 1938. Then, in the mid-fifties, customizers brought it back in style inmostly radical form believing they were doing something entirely new! Kenny,the motorcycle mechanic was the man who started this “new” vogue under thename “Von Dutch.”

Dutch lived life hard. His bad habits eventually caught up with him, andhe developed a stomach abscess. He didn’t like doctors, but towards the end,the pain got so bad, he finally saw a doctor. By then it was too late. Dutchdied on the 19th of September, 1992.

In the next few days, we’ll have a full article on Von Dutch from one ofhis best friends, Bob Burns. Stay tuned.

BIKERNET SITE OF THE WEEK–About Harley five-speeds you must visit www.twistgear.net.We’re getting more and more positive reaction to the helical approach totranny gearsets. I’m adding content weekly, and will be for awhile, as wellas figuring out and refining the site itself.

Brand New! is SportGear, developed primarily for Buells but also fine forSportys. Info is still being collected, but anything relevant will eventuallyfind it’s way to the site. IronWorks is our second pub to do an install,December issue, and Ozbike just got their kit for install in the shop mule,a ’95 Road King.

We got a 2/3 page mention in last year’s Power and Performance, but itdidn’t really translate into anything consumers could make a judgementwith.

-JS

BIKERNET WORST DRINK AWARD–The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunkis Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night andconsists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen.It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

–from Ray Russell

WIDE SCREEN FILM FESTIVAL– Special Guest: Peter Fonda! – Easy Rider – WideScreen Film Festival!!! California Harley-Davidson/BuellProud Sponsor

Cal State University Long BeachWideScreen Film Festival!!!Featuring a WideScreen Presentation of the Classic Film:Easy Riderwith Special Guest: Peter Fonda!Tickets on Sale Now at California Harley-DavidsonFriday, October 4th6:00 to 10:00 p.m.$25.00 per person

ITINERARY:
* 5:30 p.m. Meet at California Harley-Davidson
* 6:00 p.m. Parade of bikes leave CaliforniaHarley-Davidson for CSULB
* 6:30-7:45 p.m. Dinner
* 7:55 p.m. Harley-Davidson Merchandise Raffle
* 8:00-10:00 p.m. Easy Rider screening/Q&A withPeter Fonda ?

Date of Event “Friday October 4th” – Tickets on Sale Now at California Harley-DavidsonOnly $25.00 per person – Tickets are limited !! ?

IT’S A WRAP–One comment though, before I head to the garage to tinker with the Road King. I received a clipping in the mail from a local paper. It was a citizen complaining in a letter to the editor about loud bikes in a restaurant district. I’m going to respond, and when you notice this shit do the same. This is a free country. There’s a lot of shit I don’t like, but I keep my mouth shut for that reason. If someone acts like a jackass, I’ll take it up with them not the cops, the newspaper or politcians. If some bastard wants to go out in public, he needs to deal with what the public has to offer not run to snitch everyone off. Look at what we are doing to one another. Kids can’t ride skateboards, people can’s smoke, we can’t make noise. Gimme a break. What’s next?

That’s it. Get involved, fight back and I’ll jump right down from the soap box, take another pain pill and chase that chick down the hall.

Ride Forever,

–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–OZARK ED RETURNS, WOMEN GET A VOTE, AND SCOTT JACOBS ABOUT TO LAUNCH NEW PRINT

Continued From Page 2

THE QUARTER–A dad walks into a market with his young son. The boy is holding aquarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking,and shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue businesssuit is sitting at a coffee bar inthe market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At thesound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on thesaucer,neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she getsup from her seat and makes her way, unhurriedly, across the market.Reaching the boy, the woman pulls the boy’s pants down, carefully takes holdofhis testicles, and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever morefirmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up thequarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing theboy, thewoman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in thecoffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects,the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her profusely,saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before. It wasfantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” she says, “Divorce attorney.”

45 RAFFLE–Below is the info on the raffle involving this scoot. It doesn’t appear to be a upstanding deal, though. They will only take 5000 entries at $20 a shot which equals $100,000 grand, then donate only 10 grand to a charity. The bike can’t be worth over $20,000, that leaves someone with $70,000 profit. I’ll let you be the judge:

That’s right, you could win a 1942 Harley Davidson for $20.00.Just go to this link:http://www.rent-a-hubby-usa.com/page385940.htmCheck out the details and enter as many times as you like.Send $20.00 for each entry to RDG,ltd., PO Box 153308, Irving, Texas 75015Only the first 5000 entries will be accepted.10% of the profits will be donated to the local humane society.Enter as many times as you like and watch WALNEKS Cycle Magazine for the winners photo.

THE BIKE

A 1942 WLA Harley Davidson. 1st place winner, Roar at the Shore, Padre Island, Texas, in 2000.Fresh re-build on motor.Regularly serviced, runs great. Own a piece of history for $20.00. Remember only 5000 tickets will be accepted.

Good Luck,

Stephen
stephen.haley@attbi.com?

FREEDOM TO BUY CIGARETTES–That’s right… Now you can shop online, and get your smokes here at a huge discount! Choose from your favorite premium brands like: Marlboro, Winston, Camel. Save even more money with economy brands! Cigarettes are sold by the carton = equals 200 cigarettes! Price even includes free delivery!

Cigarettes 1 Carton $19.95 FREE Delivery
Online Discount Smoke Shop
http://www.coolforyou98.com

THE OZARK ED REPORT–Damnit, you knew it was going to happen. Titty bar Mike and Miss kitty brought my girl home Thursday night and she saw juvee girl’s car in my driveway. When I went on the titty bar tour Friday, EVERYBODY knew about me and her out together. Phillip was asking if I got it. Titty bar Mike was saying “she’s no good, don’t do it.” Skitzo Eric kept saying “you can tell me, man.” Only phillips girl defended me, which is strange because when me and juvee girl have talked about what people would think, we thought she would freak. Of course, no one really knows the whole deal. They think this was a freak chance opportunity that we took advantage of. They have no clue that this was a carefully planned thing that was only fucked up by the girls’ coming home early. Anyway, it’ll blow over. I just can’t have any more incidents AT ALL for a while, but for sure, if I get caught with juvee girl again I’m screwed.

I was on my best behavior this weekend, except for this cute little military girl who was in town for the weekend on national guard duty. She and some of her buddies came out to the club and she got herself really drunk. She was breaking some rules and I told her real nicely what she couldn’t do. Later she came in to the pool room and threw herself on me and was grinding her snatch into my business while saying she was so sorry for causing trouble. I looked over to the bar and there was my girl just fucking glaring at me. I raised both of my hands so she would know “it ain’t me”. But that started the whole “Seven days without a violation” over again.

She made some nasty comments about why can’t I just act right. anyway? Me and Titty bar Mike rode to hot springs for the HOG rally Saturday. What an old man dresserfest that was. No customs, no girls, no beer, just a bunch of guys standing around. We went to the titty bar, but it sucked. We went to little Bill’s shop, no one there. I bought me a 40 ounce Bud and slammed it, then rode the back way mountain road home. Man those curves are bad ass. Nothing like getting high and hammering some curves. Nothing exciting yesterday. Me and my girl took my little boat out on the river for a while and got rained on. It was fun but I could have done without the rain. gotta go. It’s Monday and I have plans.

–Ozark Ed

FROM THE BIKERNET ARCHIVES–The front and the back of the Enthusiast from June 1945 War years.

BIKERNET DARWIN AWARDS– Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sancheztried to wash his own “balls” in a ball washer at the local golf course.Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix.

Sanchez managedto straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much tohis dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on themachine with Sanchez’s scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in themechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsedand tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of theball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testiclesare in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.

Sanchez’sscrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked fromhim forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle wascompressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez brokea new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and wasusing to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery,and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

–from Rogue

WORLD RENOWNED HARLEY-DAVIDSON ARTIST, SCOTT JACOBS GATHERING–With the assistance of Chris Carr, Scott Parker and Jay Spingsteen, three of the most famous motorcycle racers in the world, Scott will unveil his painting depicting their crossing the line in a “photo finish” race at The Springfield Mile.

The opportunity of the Del Mar Races lends itself to this rare gathering.Along with these world famous racers, many other notable racers will be present. To name a few; Terry G. Poovey, Johnny A. Murphree, Joe J. Kopp, Kevin Atherton, Shaun Russell, and Rich King.Also attending are some of the biggest names in the motorcycle industry.

We’ll let you know when we find out more and can get a shot of his latest creation.

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–CARIBBEAN WATER POISONS WRITER

Continued From Page 1

ARE YOU BORED?–1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Like all of us who use the internet I have been following some chat places,bike related, not “Tony the black Python” kind of forums, and after sometime I have realized that most of those places are home away from home tosome bored , ass tight jerks.Sure there is lots of information that can be gained by those, and 99% ofthe people are fellows with similar interests that get to “socialize” withothers, but there’s so much negative feedback everywhere it’s amazing! Iguess the stuff that is said (written) on those forums is pretty bold, boldbecause most are hidden in anonimity by some “nickname” or handle, stuffthat many of them would not dare tell anyone face to face. Bashing isrampant, they call names, ridicule, and critisize everything, from race tobike preferences, from magazines to bike builders and brands. Which I guessis cool since we are all entitled to an opinion, but you know what theysay, opinions are like assholes, everybody has one… But getting topersonal attacks to people you don’t know, it’s simply and act ofignorance. Get a fucking life!I would love to see one of these guys say the crap they write, forexample, to Jesse’s face, they will know the actual meaning of a knucklesandwich.

And now to the news……

There’s a new magazine coming up here in Puerto Rico, the name’s BikerSpot. I’ve had a couple meetings with them and I see good things. They havean interest in making it a top notch local mag. Where others have tried and failed,this one might succeed. Yes, you betcha, I will be writing editorials andarticles for them. Let’s see what happens.

I’ve got the info on all the stuff that’s going on Discovery, they arecalling the week-end of September 28th Bike Week end, The Biker Build off.Both of Jesse James motorcycle manias, Biker Women , American Chopper andMonster Garage on Monday.It’s great that our lifestyle is getting so much exposure…and aboutfucking time too !!!

It’s only a month to Biketoberfest, yeah….The Horse will have a partyonce more…can’t wait to see those cool choppers and our friends oncemore……

This week end is the Key West Poker run, so take your damn bike and headdown that beautiful road….We used to do this run, but it’s smack in the middleof hurricane season for us, not the smartest time to be away fromhome.

Man do I miss that place called Upstairs….. and all those southFlorida girls getting really wild on Duval….could do without the”factory” dudes with cooler than thou attitudes…well and the world couldbe a perfect place…..Sure.

For those of you that liked last weeks tribute to 9/11, Thank you, it wasmy honest opinion. To those who made fun of it…..Lick my Vanssoles……and use a real name so I can make fun of you too….

I want to wish Geno Diddy, the master playa’ mack daddy ball buster a HappyBirthday !!! I know it sucks turning seventy, just ask Bandit…..

Our Caribbean Custom Cycles chopper is in the works, and it’s almost areality. The first two frames are on the way…Will post stuff as soon as Istart putting those together…..Nope we are not riding on the bandwagon,for us choppers have never been out of style.

We are really happy with the way the web site has been working. Check it outwww.ChopperFreak.com. We have been adding stuff almost daily, but it’s getting there. We are doing somenew stuff all the time, so check it out…(as soon as Bandit get’s thosephotos…)

We are working on a new section for The Horse, sort of kinda an interviewthing….Keep your eyes peeled…. I’m trying to make it really funny…..let’s see……

Speaking of The Horse….yeah, yeah, I know the Horse again !!!! issue#27 has a cool article of one of our bikes and seems like #28 is going tobe even better…..

I’m still pushing the Chopper Freak shirts, and still will give apercentage of sales to Mike Pullin’s Run for Breath, so check our websiteand order some damn shirts !!!! Before everyone sees them on Discovery !I want to make those donations now so the can reach the $7,500mark….Let’s do it… ChopperFreak.com

Well, enough for this week, gotta save some stuff in order to be able tokeep my “acclaimed” status. one more thing. Bikernet has the power of agroup of “experts” in the motorcycle mechanics, Frank Kaisler, master of tech,Bandit, 70 years of experience, Crazy Horse, T Bear, Sin & Layla, who knowall about chicks and whips and so many others. Don’t be a fool, use it toyour advantage. Use Your Shot for technical questions (all are answered) and please post messages back if we sortedout your problems (so we know). Hell where else does will the Bandit buy a RoadKill, just to give readers new tech about EFI stuff…….No fukin’ elsewhere…..

See ya next week….time to take my red pills…..

Jose Caribbean, webmaster, chopper builder, sales manager, the Horse,Biker Spot, Bikernet reporter……

97 Days Left Till Christmas– And you were hoping I wouldn’tremind you of that. Sorry folks, but facts are facts and Christmas is rightaround the corner.

Last week I promised we would have new art prints in the Gulch and we do!Chris Kallas, featured below the news in Special Reports and Interviews, hasa new print called “Chopper Heaven”. Now you can purchase it right here onBikernet.com in the Gulch.

O.K., your thinking to yourselves, I really don’t care for artwork but Ido like to read, well hop on over to the book section for Sam “Orwell”Chopper. A great biker fiction novel that you won’t be able to read fastenough or put down. Now, I’m not just saying that because I’m boinking theAuthor, I read it and really enjoyed it.

We also carry the full line of HA Leather products, the best leatherjackets and vests anywhere. Joe and Lori really take care of theircustomers, going out of their way to make sure you get a perfect fit. Check’em out!

(Bandit trying to look cool!)

Now you’re thinking, I wish this bitch would go away so that’s enough ofthe ole’ pump and grind from me. I’ll be back next week to harass you somemore and I know you just can’t wait!

Take care,
Layla

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