BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–LOVE RIDE WEEKEND–WE FOUND THE CANTINA

We’ve investigated opening the real Bandit’s Cantina. After years of research we finally found the perfect location. It’s a mere 700 miles from anywhere, off highway 666, on a small 25-mile dirt road that boards three raging streams and two rivers. The rivers, unlike any other dry lake region in the United States this year, are over flowing and vehicle crossing is virtually impossible.

The above shot depicts the state-of-the-art water pump that supplies the Cantina with spring water from the various bubbling springs that surround the property. Well, what the hell do you think? I guarantee that if you can get your bike to Bandit’s Cantina it won’t be stolen.

Let’s get to the news:

BIKERNET’S PRIEST– The Priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he keptin the hen house out back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster andabout ten hens.

One Sunday night the rooster went missing believed stolen,so he decidedto do something about it at church the next morning.

At mass he asked the congregation, “Has anyone got a cock?”

All the menstood up. “No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant, has anyone SEEN a cock?”

All the women stood up.

“No No,” he said “that wasn’t what I meant either. Hasanyone seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?” half the women stood up,

“No No,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant, has anybody seen my cock?”

All thenuns, three alter boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

–Nuttboy

POP’S BIKE–Here is the picture of my Dad in about ’48 or ’49, even he doesn’t remember exactly when. He bought it after he got out of the Navy after WW2. Seems that V-twins and old sailors go together. Keep up the great work on the sight.

–Tom Conley
Montclair, CA

TWIST GEAR NEWS?–The Buell guys seem quite excited about this. Check top end and look at shift points. More info on websitewww.twistgear.net.

I ran this as an example of a release I couldn’t post. We need low resolutions Jpgs that are no biggers than 500 pixels tall or wide. And generally if you just copy and paste your wording in an e-mail to Bandit@bikernet.com, we’re good to go. Too often attachments are packed with coding that drives the girls in the back to early margaritas, if we can open them at all. Thanks.

BIKERNET SENIOR NEWS–An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

“I’m 90 years old,” he says.

“90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”

“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”

–from Nuttboy

NEW CYRIL HUZE SPIKEE GRIPS–Unique design from Cyril Huze with extra length for added comfort. Fits all models except those with air assisted forks. Compliments the new Huze Spikee line of handlebar risers, mirrors, footpegs, velocity stacks, primary side covers. Available for external and internal throttle systems. A spike theme to develop all over your custom bike. All Spikee grips have a removable end on the clutch side for installation of a mirror directly on the grip.

–Cyril Huze
Tel: 561-392-5557
Website: http://www.cyrilhuze.com

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“ENTHUSIAST IN ON THE STREETS NOW– This issue is the first of four quarterly issues, all related to the 100 Anniversary. “Enthusiast” is dividing the last one hundred years into four segments of twenty five years each and detailing H-D’s history with intriguing and unique stories; ultimately ending with the present era.

This issue presents Tom Fritz’s “Great Doings”,on the cover; an official 100th work which you can order in print form with the special 100th Insignia frame package. Inside, an article explains the importance of all the 100th pieces and how the collection was born. This magazine launches a major national campaign to make riders aware of this desirable collection. ( 860,000 to be exact). Call me if you have any questions or need support materials on the 100th Anniversary Commemorative Collection.

— Ron Copple 800-999-1297

MORE NEW PRODUCTS FROM CYRIL HUZE–SPIKEE RISERS–These riser kits have a unique concave design with spike covers. They feature invisible hardware: cover hides the upper handlebar clamp bolts. For strength and security, risers are machined out of steel, and covers are billet aluminum. Then they are beautifully chrome plated. Available in 3″, 5″ and 7″ rise for 1″ or 1 1/4″ custom handlebars (bars must be 1 1/4″ diameter in the clamping area). Clamp bolts included. Cyril HuzeTel: 561-392-5557Website: http://www.cyrilhuze.com

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GUNNY SACK NEWS STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists(A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the LawOffices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE, or visitus on the web at .

From TheGUNNY’S SACK

You know there is no end to some of the nastiness we see in the media about riders andmotorcycles. We’ve had a few reports recently from my boss, Oregon A.I.M. Attorney SamHochberg, about what he sees on TV now and then that gets HIS hackles up. He just toldme another one: Seems that on the VERY popular NBC show “ER,” there was a scene with ayoung girl who was on the back of a bike when it wrecked. She arrived basically DOA inthe emergency room. Not much talk in the script about what CAUSED the wreck. Not ANYtalk about safety training. Just this little exchange. One doc says “What was she doingon the back of a motorcycle?” The British doctor, “Dr. Corday,” says: “What is ANYBODYdoing on a motorcycle?!” It couldn’t hurt to complain to NBC. They’re big boys, they can take it. Tell ’em yourGunny sent you, and e-mail an extra copy of whatever you write to me, if you would, atAIMGunny@aol.com.

NEWS BITS’N PIECES:

TORONTO, CANADA: Here’s some more media hype I saw; this one online. The headline:”Dozens of Outlaw motorcycle gang members, including some top leaders, were arrested inraids on biker clubhouses in Canada and the United States.”

In Canada there were supposedly over 500 officers involved in this abomination, but thepress made it look even bigger than it really was. In the USA, the same game is beingplayed. I’m not saying I think all riders are saints. We have a few sour apples, too. Our biggest problem as I see it is much the same as the Harley parked outside a bar thateverybody sees but no one ever sees the five or six pick-ups parked there too.

HARRISBURG, PA.: This is some good news. Pennsylvania Motorcyclists have “taxed”themselves to ensure safer riding. They voted in some increased funding for their stateMotorcycle Safety Program. It’s the best way to prevent motorcycle accidents, injuriesand deaths, says ABATE of Pennsylvania. And Joe Public still thinks we have a death wishbecause we ride. This bill had 68 co-sponsors.

All SMRO’s (State Motorcycle Rights Associations) could take a lesson here. In Oregon wedid about the same thing a couple of sessions ago and it works.

NOVA SCOTIA, CANADA: This bit comes to me (word for word) from Animal, my good buddy fromthe north country: “Each year I emcee a toy run up in New Brunswick. This year we raisedover $10000 in cash and toys which is an awesome amount for up here. $5000 of it camefrom the inmates of the Dorchester Penitentiary.” Wow! Even convicts in Canada lovekids. And why not.

TOKYO, JAPAN: Government is stickin’ it’s paws where they shouldn’t be again, this timein Vietnam, and it’s about motorcycles. In September, their government put a cap on howmany bikes and bike parts they would allow Yamaha build in their Vietnam plants. I guessthey wanted to give a leg up to their locally-owned motorcycle businesses there. Niceidea, but it sorta backfired. Yamaha just said “screw it,” and shut down their Vietnamplant, at least for now.

EARTH ORBIT: A biker’s wife is the pilot of the space shuttle Atlantis, at this writing. The crew is headed up to the international space station. Pilot-astronaut Pamela Melroyis the third woman to fly as a space shuttle pilot. Seems she hesitated about herhusband getting a scoot. But listen to what she said:

“I thought to myself, the guy’s an airline pilot flying international and I’m a shuttlepilot. Who am I to tell him it’s not safe enough? To hold either of us back from doingsomething that we’re really excited about, because the other person would be worriedabout you, would just be wrong. We just don’t do it.” Now THERE’S a “top-flight” womanwith the right attitude!

NHTSA:(National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) From these good safetycrats comesthis critical information: “{…on a national level, motorcycle deaths have for the lastfour years been steadily rising. The latest figures show that 3,181 people died inmotorcycle crashes in 2001, up nearly 10 percent from 2000, according to Rae Tyson ofNHTSA in Washington, D.C. It’s fairly obvious to me that some folks don’t take intoaccount that ridership has increased phenomenally in the last several years and many ofthese new riders – some of ’em baby-boomers who are just NOW starting to ride – haveNEVER TAKEN A RIDING COURSE! NHTSA says they are perplexed at the sudden rise and tendto blame it on states that have repealed their helmet laws. Well let me tell them this:If we had BETTER and MORE rider ed, you’d see a big DROP in accidents and death. And aLOT of these new boomer-riders have never ridden a big bike, and that’s what NHTSA’s ownstats say they’re riding. Well, if the last time you rode was on a Honda 350 in 1973 andyou get yourself up on a brand-new Fatboy, you’re just askin’ for it if you don’t get outand get some training. A WHOLE lot has changed in the past 30 years about riding. Ifwe’re all better riders and crash LESS, we can continue to tell NHTSA where to put theirstatistics.

DEHLI, INDIA: So I come across this article from Reuters, and I find out that India’stransportation situation is the same as in a LOT of the poorer but up’n coming countries. In short, they all go nuts for motorcycles! Now, some folks think it’s just because thebuggers can’t afford a car, and that IS part of it. These are countries that are justnow getting invigorated with growth and change — kinda like it was here in the USA, along time ago. Bikes are THE most practical thing a person could buy there! Cheap ongas, but flashy and cool. There are a whole slew of models and wild colors — even frommajor companies like Honda — that we NEVER, ever see here in the US. Sounds great forthem — I’ll stick with my Valkyrie.

GUNNY AGAIN:

Remember that the Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) program is in place to helpriders who have had any sort of mishap on the road. Our A.I.M. Attorneys around thecountry are here for us and they are part of our riding world, so they know of that whichthey speak. You can reach these guys by dialing 1-800-ON-A-BIKE or 1-800-531-2424. Youcan reach Sam Hochberg here in Oregon at 503-224-1106, or toll free at 1-800-347-1106.

Keep the round side on the bottom.
Gunny, Oregon A.I.M. Chief of Staff

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–NEW PARTS, TECH, DEALS AND ART

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HALLOWEEN PHOTO SOURCE–Well, here they are, the Tacoma Chapter ABATE of Washington Halloween party photos. I certainly hope you guys got your high speed cable connection already. If not, let me know and I’ll send fewer per e-mail. I’ll try to get a couple more race shots done, but its late again and I’m still at the office – again.

–Helen

DEAL OF THE WEEK– ’94 Sportster Rolling Chassis/ Clean 883 title, forward controls, wide drags on 4″riser, shiny wirewheels, 21″ up front, PM brake,stretch 4 gal tank, dragger front fend, Corbinrear w/flush brake and licence. Lots of chrome, new pipes, short shocks,newlow profile seat. Only $2500.

–Brad
brad.blair@rapistan.com

TECH TIP OF THE WEEK–We are planning to install an oil cooler on the King, but a reader responded to the suggestion with the following. He recommends a Jagg unit because of the routing of the oil lines on the stock job: Yeah, on the Jagg setup, there are two nipples on the oil filter fittingthat reside under the oil filter when it is in place. The oil lines hook upthere and run toward the front of the bike where they hook up to the Jaggoil cooler ( either the real Jagg horizontal oil cooler or the “Jagg asmarketed by H-D” oil cooler) . Short and sweet!!

If you want to add inthe manual switch to turn off the oil flow to the oil cooler, it fits neatlyin the oil lines between filter adapter and oil cooler….just cut the linesand insert the switch.

Jagg makes another type of oil cooler that hangs outin the wind off the left front frame leg and can be used with the Jagg oilfilter adapter as well, but it just does not look good hanging out therelike that….I prefer the horizontal one installed on the voltage regulatormount instead.

–Plugger

NATIONAL ID CARD COMING–A national Identification card — complete with biometric identifiers, such as fingerprints or retinal scans — is coming. Only it’s not being called that. House Resolution 4633 — the Driver’s License Modernization Act of 2002 — would effectively create a national ID if it’s passed.

“The bill would require each state to adopt a uniform standard for driver’s licenses and link their motor vehicle databases to a central computer registry….It would make use of “encoded biometric data matching the holder of the license or card.”

“In other words, American citizens who have never committed any crime would be subject to fingerprinting (or something similar, such as a retinal scan) and compelled to carry a card with an embedded computer chip containing reams of personal information…

“As Eric Skrum of the National Motorists Association put it recently: “Ultimately, anybody in any state with a card reader would be able to look up your personal driving record, credit rating, Social Security number, health information, personal address, and anything else the government would force you to divulge in order to ‘voluntarily’ obtain a driver’s license.”

“They can call it whatever they want, but the end result will be the same. This bill should be rejected as being incompatible with a free society.”

–from Rogue

BASSANI PRO-STREET–Bar Hoppers, Street Scorchers and just about any Harley rider looking to enhance the performance and appearance of his, or her, machine are going to be hard pressed to find an exhaust system that even comes close to these new PRO-STREET pipes from Bassani. Aggressive “Let’s-get-it-on” styling combined with superior exhaust flow characteristics put the latest from the Bassani works in a class all their own. Offered for Softail, Dyna and Sportster applications, Bassani PRO-STREET pipes feature 16-gauge steel construction with stepped head pipes, rugged, show quality hard chrome finish, slant or straight cut tips and Bassani’s unique tunable/replaceable flow-through baffle system.

PRO-STREET pipes by Bassani retail for $359.00 and are available exclusively from North County Customs. Call 866-439-4287 or catch them on the Web at www.northcountycustoms.com

PERMATEX LOCTITE ARTICLE COMING–John Covington today submitted a tech article on the use of Loctite. We’ll have it posted in the next couple of days. Check out the bikes John builds at SurgicalSteeds.com.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN– Introducing Tom Fritz on his newest Oil painting: “What It Takes”.”Although this is a depiction of a rider in a signature posture, I intentionally chose a vantage point which obscured pertinent details of his act in order to direct focus to the rider himself — all gussied-up in his leather, attitude, and righteous pretensions.””I strove to depict self-assuredness. Confidence. Getting his highs. Making it happen. (While doing all this, the title came from some dusty corner of my noggin during the painting and stuck.) It?s one of a thousand moments on a bike where he is caught, sucked in by his addictions, playing the game, doing it instead of talking about it. – Experiencing a soulful connection between a himself and the machine; a relationship that transcends the motorcycle and is part of my mission – to focus on the grandness of the art of riding and the spirit of it all.”

This original oil painting is 23 x 30 (33 x 41 framed). To date every painting that Tom has painted has sold immediately. The price, framed and shipped, is $21,000. Dealer price is $14,750. First come, first serve! www.segalfineart.com

HALLOWEEN TIDBIT– “I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’ ” – Richard Jeni

–from Kris B.

BIKERNET DRAG RACING CORRESPONDENT–Unleashed her new digital camera at the Las Vegas drags recently. Drag racing has a tough time building and obtaining sponsors, but with Screamin’ Eagle they are making some headway.

We’re also looking for a Sponsor for our Drag Racing coverage, so we can continue to send Helen to events.

NEW BIKER NOVEL RELEASED–The author of Hog Fever recently unleased his next book, LIFE, DEATH AND DIVORCE ON THE ROAD TO STURGIS, on all the riders who have experienced a ride to Sturgis while fighting relationship wars. I know Richard La Plante who wrote a series of gruesome crime dramas including Praying Mantis. Christopher Reynolds of the L A Times said, “The result is an offbeat, perplexing book, full of sustained soul searching, unpunished speed limit violations, the occasional raw, true moment and much loving descprition of custom bikes.”You might want to check it out. If you’re looking for Hog Fever, we have a couple of copies for sale in the Bikernet Gulch.

JON TOWLE’S BRUSH STROKES–Jon is creating some new art for the home page. This is just an example of many to come, if he sobers up and his daughter unties him. We’ll keep you posted.

Jon is also building a Sportster from parts donated to the starving artist, by Richard Kransler, Hackasaw, Concrete Pete and Bikernet. When he got it, it was nearly a running mid ’70s Sporty. It’s never run since. We’ll sneak some shots of it soon.

TRICK OR TREAT MOFO–May the night be eery, the moon be full and your chrome reflect the neon of the nightclubs in your area. Speaking of Tricks check that scoot, claiming to be the world’s largest scoot.

I knew there was something more evil to add, but I’m at a loss. Maybe is was the margarita, maybe her costume. Have a helluva Halloween. May it be cool, full or romance, burn-outs, fist fights and hot costumes. Ride Forever.

–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILL MY SON EVER LEARN–JOSE’S REPORT

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LOOKING FOR A GOOSENECK FRAME–They’re available on line through Bikernet’s Shopping Gulch in the Chrome Specialties area. Check it out. Part number 170378. Yep, it’s a rigid for $1299.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Yes, I’m back in the tropics but not for long. Next week we will pay a visit to the Bikernet headquarters. It’s something I must do. The promises of my new Porsche, a first class ticket and accommodations on Bandit’s coin is something impossible to refuse, yeap twist my arm. I’m heading to the land of freeways, silicone implants and sick choppers. I hope the chateau San Pedro is ready for us, yes us, the Choppers Inc. masters of disaster will be following closely. I’m sure this will be a story to tell our kids, if we end up having any, but for now, let’s do this, one more week.

As always I received an e-mail of some Bozo, like I say, one out of twenty ain’t that bad. Almost always the Bozo e-mail is the one who makes me think the most, so here we go. Yessir..fully editorial rampage tonight, just because it’s Halloween. To make things short and not give too much importance to the aforementioned individual, the claim was that since I’m from Puerto Rico and did not fight in the second big war, nor was an Angel, I could not be talking about or building choppers because my roots were as far as they can be from all this ??? In other words, most of us can’t talk, nor build, nor say stuff about other bikes since we are not part of those three things. My choice in building motorcycles, riding rigids, or doing whatever I damn please has nothing to do with my homeland, or my war attendance (I was not even remotely born then) or my membership to a club. I sort of understand what he was saying, I lack the background basics for the true chopper hardcore culture. Maybe so, but…

I wonder how many of the people building bikes in this World are really part of that culture, very few is my wild guess, very,very , few. What gives us the right to build choppers, simple and clear as Jamaican sewer water: We want to and we can do it….. So based on this limited intelligent thought, most of the builders or industry people are not qualified to do this job–back to the employment classifieds guys !!!

Anyway, the freedom that we all cherish is the freedom to do as we damn please with our lives. I can bash any Softail, Road King or rubber mount that I please. It’s called freedom of speech buckoo… But you know what, and since we are on this line of thought, sometimes when people read stuff, they should read between the lines. I really don’t give a rats ass what you ride or what you do with your freedom. To some it might be interesting to read other viewpoints, to some the coolest thing in the world is a Road Kill, do you think that because of Bandit buying a Road King that I don’t think is cool or my respect towards him changed, Hell no!!! He has paid more dues than all of us together.

It’s the Biffs and Buffy’s of this ” lifestyle” who I make fun of, the posers, the wannabees, the pretenders. True I was not born into this culture, but at least I don’t put my chaps on every Sunday, get on my brand new factory whatever and pretend to be a Harley encyclopedia, bad ass, road warrior. I live and breath these fucking cycles day in and day out, year after year…. To me it’s not a fashion statement, nor the latest cool thing to do, it’s a way of life, here in Puerto Rico or in Katmandu, and I don’t have to take my newest priced possession to the ” authorized” dealer for a burnt light bulb. I can kick a damn bike and ride with a jockey shift. These are now rarities in our ” culture” I guess we just respect our peers because they don’t pretend to be what they are not, Softail, rubber mount, rigid or not. We like certain bikes because we can. Everyone develops a certain taste for certain stuff. Some like brunettes, others Asians, some like rigid choppers , some like Softails….The beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I would not be caught dead on a HOG ride, and I have absolutely nothing against them. It’s just not my style, not my kind of people. I rather be wrenching on a broken down chopper with friends that ” enjoying” the ultra reliability of the TC (yeah right !!). I rather be getting soaken wet than have a windshield. It’s what I prefer. To me old is cool, less is more, choppers rule, and posers suck.

And now to the news…….

Congratulations to Jesse James and his new bride, they tied the noose last week, we wish them both the best.

Congratulations to Billy Lane and Rumble Customs from Canada the two new Camel Road House builders. Jim Nasi and Jesse James are stepping down from the honors. All I can say is that Billy’s bike is gonna be wicked….Buy as you know, what happens here, what you see here, and what is talked here…..Stays HERE !

I just read Chuck Zito’s new book Street Justice, another cool book, it’s more or less the story of his life and the rules in which he lives it. I think if there was more people like Chuck this would be a better world. It’s worth a read.

Like we said, we are heading to California, the Love Ride and Jesse’s No love Party, it promises to be lots of fun and chock full of mishaps…stay tuned…

The San Juan HOG chapter will have their annual Caribbean Rally Nov 21 to 25th. There’s still spaces available (you can take mine). They will ride around the island, on their latest 100th anniversary bikes, blinding and boring people as they go by…..Don’t miss it. It’s a great ride, plus a good time to try out how loud your drag pipes really are (do not apply if under warranty).

We had a great time at The Horse Chopper Show, we traded sarcasms with Frank Kaisler, the super West Coast operative and Bikernet tech guru. We totally surprised to see Howard Kelly there and had a blast with the usual suspects and misfits of this industry……

Crazyhorse from the Bikernet stable gettin’ crazy at Biketoberfest.

I want to thank everyone who we met at Biketoberfest and only had good things to say about my stuff in Bikernet and the Horse (even if you were lying). It’s really great to hear people actually liking our work. There was also a lot of people talking about me busting Bandit’s balls about the Road kill, thanks for the encouragement….For those who said that you did not like it….go suck an egg (actually there were none).

Issue 28 of The Horse is already out, cool articles and cool photos of the Smoke Out, I believe even Bandit managed to stay in the infernal heat long enough to get his photo taken. Speaking of taken, don’t even think about the Horse Maiden….

Our friend Mike Maldonado is back at it and in full force. Check his stuff out at Heavy Cycle Customs, it’s on the web.

Also our friend the Sheriff from Sweden got back from his trip to Japan, check out this cool site of the people he was hanging out with www.zerochop.com

Paul Cox’s creation.

We had time to meet with Indian Larry and Paul Cox from Gasoline Alley in NYC, we have all seen Indian Larry’s bike, but Paul had a really cool choppa with the fliest girder front end I’ve ever seen.

Keep an eye for our Biketoberfest report, the regulars, like Crazy Horse, Frank and yours truly will bring you a kaleidoscope (did I spell that right?) of reports. A wild variety, besides all the naked chicks at Lollipops…..Coming soon to a web site near you…..

Our web site www.ChopperFreak.com keeps on growing, we already have a bunch of the Biketobermess photos up and running…check them out, if you want and you can.

Well that’s about it for this week. Gotta go hide before the kids with masks come knocking at the door with Uzis and Glocks. I guess now days it’s treat or lead….See ya next week.

PS: Any gripes, praise or gifts please direct them to Bandit@Bikernet.com care of Porsche 911 Carrera fund.

–Jose “Hardly Dangerous prestigious reporter of the day” award winning Caribbean Report.

YANKEE OPENER–Bill and Hillary were at the Yankee’s home opener, sitting in the firstrow, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of theSecret Service guys leaned forward and said something to Bill. Clintonstared at the guy, looked at Hillary, looked back at the agent, and shruggedhis shoulders.

Then he picked up Hillary by the coat collar and theseat of her pants, and dropped her right over the wall into the field. She’skicking and swearing and screaming, and the crowd goes wild. They’recheering, applauding, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing and smiling, when theagent leans forward and says: “I said, they want you to throw out thefirst PITCH!”

–from Bob T.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON AUTHORIZED RENTALS & TOURS WELCOMES EAGLERIDER TO TOUR OPERATOR PROGRAMMILWAUKEE Continuing to offer the most exclusive and exhilarating motorcycle tours available, Harley-Davidson Authorized Rentals & Tours announces the addition of tour operator, EagleRider, to their Authorized Tours family. Now motorcyclists have even more options to select from for their next motorcycling adventure.

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–MOVIES, RECORDS, NEW MOTORCYCLES AND V-ROD GIVEAWAY

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V-ROD GIVEAWAY TIME!!!–That’s the line at the head of an e-mail I received from California H-D in Lomita. Can’t find anything more on the subject. I’m still looking.

BIKERNET TAHITIAN RUN FOR KIDS–We’re working with T Bear (above) on a bike tour of Tahiti with 20 of our closest friends, to support the island kids’ facilities. Bikernet never does anything using the Biker Book Of Hoil. We’ve got to break rules. So here’s the deal as it stands. We take 20 riders to Tahiti for six days, of island drinks, island hopping, warm pristine waters and island riding. We’ll drag along Bikernet staff, and a handful of well known builders for this week getaway to some of the most beautiful islands in the Pacific.

Stay tuned.

ASPHALT COWBOY MOVIE PROJECT REPORT–The slow process of bringing a biker movie to life plods on. This movie project is based on one of Ball’s book outlines. Here’s recent scriblings from one of the producers:

Happy Halloween to you. We are expecting to speak with Stephen Baldwin this week,as he is back from Hawaii and bound for Montreal to shoot a film for fourweeks. I finally got a signed agreement for Conrad yesterday and now wewill begin creating the Production Board and planning production. It’s anarduous task, but necessary to begin serious discussions with productioncrew, etc.

When we finish with that we will be ready to discuss locationsand hope that we can shoot the begining of the film in San Pedro and useyour garage for one of the scenes, as well. The script needs a majorre-write, which we couldn’t start before contracts were complete and we havehad to have the whole script re-typed, as Conrad had a computer crash and noreadable e-version of the script.

Take care and we will keep you posted,

–Linda and Michael
NELSON MADISON FILMS

DAVIE ALLAN CUTS NEW RECORD–We’re doing a demo cover this weekend and then we’ll start shopping it. I have no label, no agent, no manager…..no representation at all but what I do know is that this is the best damn “Arrows” album ever!!!

Next year marks 40 years since my first recording was released and I never felt the magic before like I do with this new one.

–Davie
davieallan@hotmail.com

NEW JOHN COVINGTON SURGICAL STEED– It’s a Steed Bronco ‘NOglide’. It’s not on the ‘Chassis De jour’ long down tube stretch, more of a Frisco Bobber. New CCI fake knuckle with a 6- speed kicker, tunneled tank, cool 2-1/2″ pipes by me, big 250 tire, OEM H-D Springer with the fender tabs cut off, along with some other interesting ‘chopper’ type stuff.

He just built this for a guy in Denver, and he’s picking it up next week. John asked about a feature in the HORSE. Here’s what he said, “If you think the Horse would be interested, and not put it on their Coon-Tail page, please forward it.

–John Covington
John@surgicalsteeds.com

BIKERNET PARENTAL ADVICE– Have recieved alot af advice from older people.Much was wasted because when I was young I didn’t always listen. Those gemswerewell and good, but the one I remember most.

“Son, Don’t marry a woman with big hands. It makes your dick look smaller.”

–from Rogue

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HALLOWEEN HAUNTS BIKERNET HEADQUARTERS.BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HALLOWEEN HAUNTS BIKERNET HEADQUARTERS.

I’m not kidding. Someone stuck a rubber snake under my door this morning and I unloaded a snubnosed .38 into the hardwood floor. The blond got out of bed with a smile or her face. It had to be a disquise. As I fumbled through the e-mails and news items I couldn’t dig through Helen Wolfe’s Halloween images to get to anything usefull. I finally threw up my arms and surrendered. The news would become a Halloween party whether I liked it or not.

It was barely noon as a gray layer of clouds force the sun back from So Cal and Sin Wu snuck into the headquarters while the dark haired one went to the post office. I knew the day was lost. Let’s hammer it out, so I can hammer it in:

CUSTOM CHROME ROAD TOUR–

The Custom Chrome and Chrome Specialties Road Tour made it to Orlando Florida. The show is designed for dealers only and a way for the company to show their appreciation.

It started Saturday evening at 7:00pm with dinner and drinks followed by music with Big Mike. There was also a raffle and a lot of prizes given out. A young lady won $300.00. The food was great and the booze plentiful.

Sunday things started at 10:00am with beverages and pastry; there were two bike shows, the company displaying and customers participating by showing theirs, vendors galore and a lot of good deals. Noon to 2:00pm fed us again. Damm I?m starting to like these guys more and more.

Well I for one had a Great Time and so did the people I was with.

–ROGUE

HONORING THE HARLEY-DAVIDSON 100TH ANNIVERSARY, SANTA FILLS SLEIGH WITH COMMEMORATIVE, WINTER AND HOLIDAY MOTORCLOTHES ITEMS–MILWAUKEE – Santa has seen many holiday seasons come and go, but this one is sure to be special with the Harley-Davidson? 100th Anniversary right around the corner. “Good enthusiasts” will hope to find commemorative and seasonal Harley-Davidson? MotorClothes? items under their tree.

Elves, enthusiasts and collectors alike will be anxious to get their hands on H-D 100th Anniversary items. The limited edition 100th Anniversary Pewter Replica Set (Part: 97959-03V, MSRP: $395) which includes six hand-carved 2003 pewter motorcycle models cast in fine pewter, is sure to be on the walls of enthusiasts’ homes. The models are individually numbered, made exclusively for H-D and limited to 2003 pieces. Just like H-D motorcycles, this set is made in the U.S.A. A wooden display cabinet featuring the 100th Anniversary logo and a certificate of authenticity come with the pewter set. Featuring the special 100th Anniversary logo, the 100th Anniversary Aluminum Plate (Part: 97973-03V, MSRP: $100) which is individually produced through an ancient process known as sand-casting is great for holiday entertaining and is sure to be a great memento of the H-D centennial. Gather family and friends to toast H-D’s big birthday in style with the limited edition 100th Anniversary Wine Glasses (Part: 97952-03V, MSRP: $35). They come in sets of two and include a collectable commemorative box.

Like jingle bells on reindeer, the sterling silver 100th Anniversary Riding Bell (Part: 97957-03V, MSRP: $45) is an excellent accessory for motorcycles. In addition to adding 100th Anniversary spirit to the bike, the riding bell will also add good luck to future adventures. The 100th Anniversary Medallion Belt Buckle (Part: 97671-03V, MSRP: $35) is the perfect match to a red suit or anything else enthusiasts wear. This belt will stand the test of time thanks to the back hinge that is built for years of wear. The belt fits all H-D belt straps.

Grab a cup of eggnog and get the full story by reading “100 Years of Harley-Davidson” by Willie G. Davidson (Part: 97997-03V, MSRP: $65). The book is a celebration of H-D’s history and the style, ingenuity and freedom it stands for. It contains never-before-published photos and illustrations, as well as personal anecdotes and styling comments by Willie G. Davidson, H-D’s vice president of styling.

Speaking of Christmas. Here’s a little something for really bad kids.

BLONDE REVENGE–* Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache.

* What’s black, blue, and brown and lying in a ditch? A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

* What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure? No one else wants it!

* What do brunettes miss most about a great party? The invitation.

* Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? So brunettes can remember them.

* What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? Invisible.

* What’s a brunette’s mating call? Has the blonde left yet?”

* What do you call a good looking man with a brunette? A hostage

* Who makes bras for brunettes? Fisher-Price

–from Rogue

OPEN HOUSE FOR NEW SHOP–Jim Stultz was the man behind custom creations at Dallas Easyriders, but you know how sensitive artists are. They need their own way to blossom and Show what they are capable of. Here’s one of his project bikes.

Roll over to his shop and check theHOOTERS GIRLS,DJ,FREE DRINKS AND FOOD*,RIDE-IN BIKE CONTEST, andHOURLY PRIZE DRAWINGS.

Saturday, November 2, 2002
11:00AM to 5:00PM
3712 Dividend Drive, Garland, Texas

Vendors welcome. Contact Robert at (972) 276-2200.

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HELL, I DON’T KNOW, LET’S RIDE

Continued From Page 3

NEWS FROM THE AIM CONNECTION, OR GUNNY SACK–TOKYO, JAPAN: Government is stickin’ it’s paws where they shouldn’t be again, this timein Vietnam, and it’s about motorcycles. In September, their government put a cap on howmany bikes and bike parts they would allow Yamaha build in their Vietnam plants. I guessthey wanted to give a leg up to their locally-owned motorcycle businesses there. Niceidea, but it sorta backfired. Yamaha just said “screw it,” and shut down their Vietnamplant, at least for now.

EARTH ORBIT: A biker’s wife is the pilot of the space shuttle Atlantis, at this writing. The crew is headed up to the international space station. Pilot-astronaut Pamela Melroyis the third woman to fly as a space shuttle pilot. Seems she hesitated about herhusband getting a scoot. But listen to what she said:

“I thought to myself, the guy’s an airline pilot flying international and I’m a shuttlepilot. Who am I to tell him it’s not safe enough? To hold either of us back from doingsomething that we’re really excited about, because the other person would be worriedabout you, would just be wrong. We just don’t do it.” Now THERE’S a “top-flight” womanwith the right attitude!

–from the Gunny Sac

BMW Z4 ROADSTER–
Performance – In the Z4, BMW engineers set new standards forroadster performance. An evolved version of BMW’s acclaimed multi-link rearsuspension mated to an extraordinarily rigid chassis results innear-telepathic handling.

Now what’s this got to do with a motorcycle website? Nothin’ exceptthat BMW produced a series of short films for some of their new cars, andbecause of the Z4, Bikernet staffer, Layla made a little moola. Last August a location scoutwanting to look at her house for this BMW promotion, approached her. He tookpictures of the old California Bungalow style home and left. She didn’tgive it any more thought cause this sort of thing happened to her all thetime. The next day however she was bombarded with set decorators,directors, producers, and informed that they were going to use her house, ifshe agreed. Hell yes!

Go to www.bmwfilms.com and click on the USA part of the map. The movie iscalled “Hostage”, and it’s a little trouble downloading the clip, but wellworth it. John Woo was the director and he did a hell of job. Here’s acouple of shots Layla and her kids took with their digital camera.

Layla’s kids & John Woo

Bikernet Caribbean Report–This is going to be pretty short, since we are not back yet, and the wholeBiketobermess story is going to take some time. As always, we had a greattime . We ended up meeting most of the people we intended to, and thensome. There’s so much good news and stuff going on, that you would notbelieve it. Let’s start by congratulating Billy Lane on his Camel Roadhousenomination, and Jesse James who tied the noose. Jesse and Jim Nassi willnot be with Camel next year. We spent some time with our friends from TheHorse, and their chopper show at Will’s pretty cool, around 80 bikesparticipated on the show. And way more than that showed up to the event andthen partied on later into the night.

It’s was weird to see people wearing our Chopper Freak shirts and walkingaround, which is great for us. We got to visit Choppers Inc and see what’sgoing on, but that will be something I’ll save for later. Seems like Billyis way too busy right now…and a lot of good things are happening to him…Another cool thing was that it seemed to be less people crowding thestreets, but still the Biff and Buffy crap went on, badder than bad, andmanners out the door…I guess some people need to learn that a $40,000piece of crap does not give you the right to be rude, that’s cool though,I’ll still be riding when Biff’s stocks plummet and he becomes a man whore.

Man there’s so much going on…let me see, Aha ! Frank Kaisler, we had agreat time trading sarcasms and looking at bikes, I tell ya’ the cat iscool, and if I say so….Sorry HRB and HB your loss….I could make a list of the people we ended up hanging out with, but I don’twant to sound ….Hell what do I care !! No one likes us anyway, they hangout with us because we bring Puertorican rum with us….Anyway, I’ll do theextensive Biketobermess report next week with photos and all. Way beforeCrazy Horse does hers…..Oh well…I know this report looks like a clusterfuck, but hey ! Gotta go, The Stones play in a couple hours and we gottaget there…

Later

Jose, still at large in the State of Florida…Bikernet report

ANSWERING MACHINE AT MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY–Answering Machine at Mental Health Hospital “Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline……” If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on theline so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to themother ship.?? If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell youwhich number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, noone will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.?? If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until arepresentative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephonenumber, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y andc-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0. If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep orbefore the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memoryloss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy totalk to you. If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won’tbe crazy forever.

If you are blonde don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up!

–from Bob T.

HA LEATHER IN THE GULCH–With winter approaching it’s time topull out those leathers and shake out the moths. Maybe you’ve gained a fewpounds over the summer or maybe you’re just tired of the style you’ve beenwearing. If this is the case, take a look inside the Gulch at HA Leathers.Little Joe makes some of the finest leather jackets, vests and Lambskin shirtsin the USA, for men and women. That’s all I’m gonna say about it, see foryourself.

Not the girl, the vest!

TURN THE “CLOSED” SIGN ON–Let’s hit it to the garage, the bar, something happening or to her pad. With all the terrorism bullshit lingering about, we’ve decided to enhance the Bikernet Headquarters security system. Bob T. from the desert recommended the following:

We’re considering his private security team. Hell, they eat rodents and we have an abundance in the dungeon, I mean basement.

Back to the subject at hand. Well not exactly in hand just yet, but the touch of a woman is generally just a quick throttle-snap away or closer. I don’t know about you, but I love women, their tenderness, their touch, the curve of a soft neck or the jiggle of a breast pushing against the smooth texture of a sweater. Motorcycles and romance is where it’s at. Sometimes the action is hot and heavy and sometimes it mellows to a dull roar. That’s when I get edgy and need to ride fast or find the passion once more. Let’s see what happens next week. Ride Forever,

–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–TROUBLE IN PARADISE

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TEXAS MOTORCYCLE RIGHTS ASSOCIATION LOSES SOMEONE SPECIAL– Cyndi Calhoun, State Secretary of TMRA 2 (Texas) was taken toUniversity Hospital in San Antonio on Wednesday. Cyndi has been diagnosed with a Brain Tumor, Cancer in her left lungand spots in her abdomen.

Here is what we have learned at the Hospital.The biopsy reports for Cyndi are in and I hate to forward the results.The doctor says she has about two months to live. If she chooses to gothrough Chemotherapy she could possibly extend her time to eight months.

There is more than one Mass on Cyndi’s brain. She now has a sizable massin her lower back and her left lung shows signs of collapse.They did not do a biopsy today. They had originally planned to get whatthey needed from her left node but it wasn’t large enough. The one in her lower back is pretty big but they prefer not to botherthat one because it is too close to her kidneys.

The Hospital gave Cyndi an emergency treatment and released her to herfamily today. They have take her back to Rockport and take her records to the cancerhospital in Corpus Christi on Monday.

Cyndi is settled in at her sister-in-Law’s house now. Anyone wishing tosend a card or letter, the address is: Cyndi Calhoun, 1036 Pine Avenue, Rockport, Texas 78382Or you many Post any questions to this e-mail ( sputnik_s@hotmail.com)and I will get with you when I can.

And Your Prayers Please.

–Sputnik

DAYTONA SURPRISE: BEMISDERFER NABS BUELL LIGHTNING TITLEJohnson Wins Thunderbike Championship Watching from the Sidelines.

Daytona, Fla. (Oct. 20) – Bryan Bemisderfer of Greencastle, Pa. won an unexpected series championship in the Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories at the final event of the season at Daytona International Speedway, and he nearly nabbed another in Thunderbike.

Bemisderfer, the large and likeable racer who had the Buell Lightning Series points lead going into the penultimate round at Portland, came to Daytona in third place after his team unexpectedly pulled out of the series. He arrived at Daytona with race bikes provided by Harley-Davidson of Frederick but no team support, and with a 14-point deficit, little hope of winning the title. His chances looked especially slim after series points leader Michael Barnes of Kosco Harley-Davidson/Buell-Innovative Motorcycle Research claimed the pole and another point with a 2:01.823 lap in qualifying, placing him just two points ahead of Hal?s Harley-Davidson/Buell rider Clint Brotz in the series standings.

The first title contender to drop out was Brotz, who crashed along with his Hal?s Harley-Davidson/Buell teammate Richie Morris in turn one on the second lap of the eight-lap race. Barnes, meanwhile, was streaking ahead to a big lead and what looked like a certain victory when he crashed violently in the dogleg on lap six. The race win went to Barnes? Kosco teammate Dave Estok, with Bemisderfer 11.4 seconds back in second place, good for 20 points and the series title. Mark Reynolds (Boston H-D/Buell), Darren James (H-D/Buell of Toronto) and Greg Avello (Milwaukee H-D/Buell) rounded out the top five. Bemisderfer ended the season with 120 points to 117 for Barnes and 113 for Brotz.

?I guess I should buy some lottery tickets today,? said Bemisderfer after the race. ?To be honest I didn?t even know I?d won the title, because I couldn?t tell Barnes had crashed. My crew told me when I got back to the pits.?

Bemisderfer found himself in position to grab another championship when Thunderbike series points leader Jeff Johnson of Hoban Brothers/Buell of Appleton failed to take the start of the race due to damage sustained in a minor spill on pit lane. In order to overcome Johnson?s point advantage, Bemisderfer would have to win the race, and all Johnson could do was watch from pit lane as Bemisderfer led the opening laps. Johnson?s points lead proved to be safe when Bemisderfer lost positions to Ed Key (Suzuki) and Tripp Nobles (Tilley H-D/Buell). Johnson?s championship is the third consecutive Thunderbike championship won by a Buell racer.

?That?s not how we wanted our weekend to go,? said Johnson. ?But we?ll take the championship.?

WARRIOR’S PROSTREET ASS KICKERsubtitle: Hand Built Performance Bike For SaleThis scoot was carefully built by Mark Lonsdale, my brother and Sensie. I trained in close quarters combat with the man and rode to Sturgis with him three times. He’s a hard fighting, extensively disciplined individual who trains military, SWAT teams, and is on the Los Angeles Sheriffs underwater rescue dive team, although he has no interest in being a cop. He’s also an active stunt man for the film industry due to his extensive weapons knowledge and physical training. He is a diver, a high altitude sky diver, a mountain climber, and more (I was supposed to climb to the base camp of mount Everest with him at one time). He has written eight books on subjects ranging from mountain rescue to being a body guard and my favorite, Close Quarters Combat.

He built this bike by hand with a little help from me and his ex-Hamster pals. Like me, he is no longer a member. This is not his only bike. At one time he had three, a dresser, a rat chopper and this one. He sold the dresser and kept the Jesse James stretched FXR rat mobile and plans to hold onto it for ever more.

–Bandit

Will sell for $20,000.00– Less than 2,000 miles

Owner: Mark Lonsdale

General
Fabrication: Owner
Year: 1995
Frame: Boyce/HiTech
Model: Special Construction
Type: Pro Street FXR
Value: $30,000
Assembly: Owner/Bandit/Gorman
Stretch: 3″ by HiTech
Time: 9 months

For info contact: TheFrogmen@aol.com

BIKERNET BOOTCAMP STORIES– A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”.

The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”

The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.”

After he had been at the fort for about SIX months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.

The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”

The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town!”

–from Dave B. and the Digital Gangster

HORSE BIKETOBERFEST REPORT–Week went pretty good, but kinda slow merchandise sales this year, no one seemed to be buying anything from anybody?Very weird.

We had about 80 bikes at the Ol’ Skool chopper show, great chops. I heard we had more bikes on display than the Board Walk show, and the bikes were without a doubt the coolest bunch of Ol’ Skool chops I have ever seen in one place. Everyone seemed to have a blast at Will’s HonkyTonk, our headquarters for the week.

–Geno

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP STUDY–WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not – don’t you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I’d get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND: No, she’s left-handed.

WIFE: – – – silence – – –
HUSBAND: Sh*t.

–from Ray R.

ASPHALT COWBOY REPORT–Bikernet is involved in a movie deal that incorporated one of K.Randall Ball’s book outlines into a screenplay written by Conrad Goodie of Con Air. Here’s the latest:Stephen Baldwin (the director) had to run to Bulgaria for ten days to work on a film, butis back next week and we will continue to look for financing. He is verywell connected, so we are hopeful to have some positive meetings next week.Now that we have a strong actor/director attached, we’re ready to rock. I’ll keep you posted.

–Linda
NELSON MADISON FILMS

THE BRIGHT DONKEY–One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. ?The animal criedpiteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be coveredup anyway, it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. ?He invited all his neighbors to comeover and help him. ?They allgrabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. ?

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.Then, to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down. ?A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. ?

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doingsomething amazing. ?He would shake it off and take a step up. ?As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a stepup.

?Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edgeof the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. ?The trick togetting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. ?Each ofour troubles is a stepping stone. ?We can get out of the deepestwells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a stepup!

P.S. ?The donkey later came back and kicked the crap out of the farmerwho tried burying him.

–from Kris B.

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–WILL BIKETOBERFEST LIVE OR DIE?

Biketoberfest shot from Rogue.

Life is strange, wonderful, violent and always a challenge. I got a few slick words for Mohammed. Makes you wonder what makes people tick. Take for instance yesterday. I was in the dojo pounding the heavy bag while Dick Bondano scolded me on my technique. In the afternoon the Professor and I went to work on the Amazing Shrunken FXR. Nuttboy had just returned from Ireland and the project is underway once more. With the help of Kenny’s Samson trash pile we have almost fabricated our own set of exhaust.

Damn, sometimes I don’t get it. When we live in a country packed with creativity, opportunities and beautiful women, why the hell hurt others? Sure there’s a jackass on every corner, but who cares, I’ve got motorcycles to build, bikes to ride and women to touch. What more could you ask for. Speaking of women…well let’s get to the news. I’ll touch on them later:

THE BIKERNET POND– An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a largepond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixedfor swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there fora while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closerhe saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they allwent to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!” The old man replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim ormake you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators.”

–from Chris T.

KID ROCK RIDES Kid Rock, who has bragged in song of how you’ve never met a motherf—er quite like him, has got something else to boast about.The boisterous Detroit MC has signed on to play the leader of a bad-ass motorcycle gang in the upcoming film “Biker Boyz,” according to production company DreamWorks SKG. Directed by Reggie Rock Bythewood, who penned the upcoming DMX flick “Cradle 2 the Grave,” the movie stars Laurence Fishburne and Lisa Bonet.The flick, which is being plugged as a western on motorcycles, tells the true story of motorcycle club president Manuel Galloway (Fishburne), who is known as the King of Cali. His unusual entourage includes lawyers and other white-collar professionals who moonlight as bikers and cruise the country with the King and his girlfriend, Queenie (Bonet).

The supporting cast includes Orlando Jones (“The Replacements”), Brendan Fehr (TV’s “Roswell”), Meagan Good (“3 Strikes”), Djimon Hounsou (“Gladiator”), Larenz Tate (“Dead Presidents”), Melissa De Sousa (“Miss Congeniality”), Salli Richardson, Terence Howard, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Rick Gonzalez, Derek Luke and Dante and Dion Basco.

The film marks Rock’s third acting venture. Last year, he read the voice of Kidney Rock in “Osmosis Jones” and played in Joe Dirt as Robby, a redneck bully who taunts David Spade’s lead character.”Biker Boyz” was written by Craig Fernandez and based on a New Times L.A. article by Michael Gougis.

?Jon Wiederhorn

“Thunder On A Wall” by Fritz

CREATIVITY RULES–This illustration, “Thunder On A Wall” by Fritz, is an just one indications why this country and the freedoms we have rules.

For those who are not familiar with this award-winning artist, it iseasily seen that he is extremely passionate about his work. Tom has aparticular style and brushstroke, which allows him to bring his subjects tolife. The way he integrates intense colors and soft lines makes his imagesjump off the canvas.

In the next couple of days we’ll launch an article about Segal Fine Arts who represent Fritz and all the guys who are Harley-Davidson licensed artists. You’ll see art that as made grown bikers cry.

Say goodnight to the bad guy ? wait, I mean hello to the new guy!–Dirtbags and fluzies – as the newest Bikernet operative I guess some introductions are in order. The name?s Big Truth; I?m transmitting to you from Boston, MA. My mission is to cover local events, profile bike builders, and throw some tech articles in your eyes from time-to-time.

Bandit suggested that I start off with a profile of my company (Choppahead) so that you can get a little familiar with my background and what I do. Choppahead is a greasy, grimy, gritty, hardcore chopper oriented clothing, parts, and mayhem machine company. I got this thing off the ground a year and a half ago and since then it?s grown into a monstrous industrial giant. I?m hell-bent on world domination and everyday I laugh menacingly while rubbing my hands as I watch fleets of trucks ship my evil wares out to the unsuspecting world. Mwoohahaha! POP! (Hear them daydreams shatter back to reality?) Actually, I still operate out of a hidden garage located in a murky Boston alleyway. No storefront. My garage (which three of us share) is my shop and warehouse; my bedroom is my office and multimedia studio. And you thought hi-fashion and chopper building was all glamour?

Read the final complete blood-thirst version on Bikernet in the next couple of days.

BIKERNET PERSONALS–A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to getmarried. She decided to put an ad in the local paper that read:

“HUSBAND WANTED, must be in my age group, must not beat me, mustnot run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants apply in person.”

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay sheopened the door to see a gray haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. She asked sardonically, “You’re notreally asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs!”

The old man smiled, “Therefore I cannot run around on you!”

She snorted, “You don’t have any hands either!”

Again the old man smiled. “Therefore, I cannot beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently, “Are you still good inbed?”

The old gentleman beamed a broad smile. “I rang the doorbell,didn’t I?”

–Nuttboy

Cyril Huze Chopper On Display In Biketoberfest.

Many hope visitors leave plenty of $ in their tills

NEW SMYRNA BEACH –BIKETOBERFEST IS NOT ALL FUN AND GAMES–Excerpts from MARK I. JOHNSON article (mark.johnson@news-jrnl.com)Staff Writer.

As the 2002 edition of the fall pilgrimage of black leather, bright chrome and loud pipes wraps up today, many are hoping the estimated 100,000 visitors riding into the sunset will leave behind a lot of their money.

“I am hoping to make about $1,000 by Sunday night,” said Lisa Paiardi, who is selling beer outside Gilly’s Pub 44 during the biker holiday. But peering into her only quarter-full tip bucket Thursday afternoon, a look of doubt crosses her face. “It’s not too promising right now.”

“The people have come out to enjoy themselves but they are nursing their beers,” he said. “They just don’t have the money.” In terms of accidents, EVAC spokesman Mark O’Keefe said this Biketoberfest so far has been on a par with previous years. In 2001, the ambulance service responded to 56 motorcycle-related incidents, four of them fatal. “This year, we have only had one fatality, a Pennsylvania man who died in Port Orange,” he said Friday morning.

$$$$ WE ALL WANT THE BIKERS IN BIKETOBERFEST $$$$$$$– Well the BIKERS are getting Hip to what is going on and are spending morewisely. They are also spending more time OUT of Daytona Beach.

New Smyrna and points South are welcoming the Bikers and for theirattitude and treatment shows. They want our Business.

It will be interesting to see how many Bikers find Lodging andParties Outside the Daytona Beach area during the upcoming Bike Week inMarch.

–Rogue

DONNIE SMITH 16TH ANNUAL INVITATIONAL BIKE SHOW–Donnies show Promoted by American Thunder Custom Cycles is coming right up somewhere in Minneapolis.

Unfortunately we don’t know when, how or why. Seems the master PR man Bob Clark only sends us files we can’t open on a Mac or a PC. Come on Bob, you can do it.

Photo from Bob T.

ANTIQUE DEAL OF THE WEEK–Not pictured above.Does anyone need a restored 1957 FL for their collection,Priced at 15k? The bike won your antique class in December last year.You know how pretty it is. Black and pepper red. Runs good! New tires!Must sell. Collectors preferred.

She is sitting at the Elliot Museum in Stuart Florida right nowfor a local tribute to the H-D birthday. A ’42 UL and my ’57 are the only true antiques there! Whassup wid that!? The dealer has a selection of 2003’s there mostly.I will be covering the wine tasting event there in a few weeks. tut, tut, hip, hip.

Mandu 0x0x0x0x0x0x
Catts74@aol.com

WORDS WITH TWO MEANINGS–

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female……Any part under a car’s hood.
Male……..The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female……Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male……..Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female……The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’spartner.
Male……..Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with theboys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female…….A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male………Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’sgirlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female……A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male……..Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends withsex.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female……An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male……..A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female……The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male……..Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up havingsex.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…….A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male………A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5minutes

ENGINE DEALS OF THE WEEK– I have Revtech 100″ Rawand Chrome motors for $3500, Polished 100″motors for $4500. Revtech polished or Black 6speeds for $1500. They are all brand new inthe crate with all warranties and MSO’s.

Just thought I would pass it along. Great siteBandit, keep it up.

I also get sweet deals on TP Engineering monster motors, 107-124″!Thanks and By the way, please feel free to post my info below.

Aric Heckman
Heckman Customs
812-569-4876
raheckman@cunn.com

BUBBA One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

“Bubba, where’d you get that truck?!?”

“Bobby Sue gave it to me” Bubba replied.

“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”

“Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods.

She parkedthe truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, ‘Bubba, takewhatever you want’. So I took the truck!”

“Bubba, you’re a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you.

–from CarlR

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