THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE or visit us on our website at

NCOM COAST TO COAST BIKER NEWS
Compiled and Edited by BILL BISH,
National Coalition of Motorcyclists

EMISSIONS OUT OF CONTROL The National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) is urging all concerned motorcyclists and motorcycle organizations to write to the federal Environmental Protection Agency and voice their opposition to new EPA motorcycle emissions regulations which will drastically alter the way motorcycles are built in the future by reducing allowable tailpipe emissions by more than 80%, necessitating the use of catalytic converters, fuel injection and liquid cooling.

The EPA has extended their comment period until January 7 to allow concerned motorcyclists to respond to their proposed rulemaking. You can write to the EPA at the following address:

Margaret Borushko
US EPA
National Vehicle & Fuels Emissions Laboratory
2000 Traverwood
Ann Arbor MI 48105
*Refer to: Docket A-2000-01 (Emission Control Issue)

NCOM has sent letters to nearly 2,000 motorcycle shops enrolled in their Independent Shop Program (ISP) nationwide, urging them to comment on the EPA proposed new emissions standards, as well as contact their congressional representatives and urge them to co-sponsor HR 5433, the ?Motorcycle and Motorcycling Small Business Protection Act,? introduced by U.S. Representative James Barcia of Michigan. Also known as the Barcia Act, this legislation would establish reasonable emissions standards for street motorcycles and will safeguard thousands of small businesses threatened by the EPA rulemaking.

?The Barcia Act will safeguard jobs and protect motorcycling in America, thereby reducing fuel consumption, traffic congestion and air pollution,? writes Richard Lester, Founder of NCOM.

Please contact your congressman today, because tomorrow may be too late!

UNTHINKABLE? Steve Lundwall, state director of CMT/ABATE of Tennessee, and newly elected board member for the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), made an excellent point in identifying misconceptions as perceived by those who think that “It’ll never happen here” during an interview with Twiggy for the December issue of Easyriders Magazine.

“As I’m out riding, I take great interest in talking with other bikers and I’ll ask questions like, ‘What do you think of the EPA’s proposal to tighten up emissions standards to the point of eliminating carburetor bikes by 2006?’ I get a blank stare. Or, ‘Did you know that your employer doesn’t have to cover your medical costs if you get hurt on your bike, even though you have insurance?’ Once again, they look at me like I’m talking in a foreign language. Maybe I’ll ask, ‘What do you think about the new End of Life legislation that already exists in two European countries and might be adopted by the European Union?’ I then have explain that End of Life legislation would prevent any car or bike older than 15 years from getting a license. Eventually, I may get a response, and typically it’s something like, ‘That’ll never happen here. That’s unthinkable.’

“The problem is that in today’s society there are no more unthinkable ideas. Sex in the Oval Office use to be unthinkable. Declaring the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional used to be unthinkable. A bunch of lowlife cave dwellers destroying our best know symbols of commerce and shattering our sense of security used to be unthinkable. The list could go on, and on, but yet every single one of those things have happened.

“So, why is it unthinkable that motorcycles will be outlawed? Why is it unthinkable that End of Life legislation will be passed? I get tired of people telling me that either they aren’t threatened or they can’t do anything about it. But when it comes to freedom of motorcycling, I’ll pick my fights.”

Steve’s best advice? Get involved, and join your local motorcycle rights organization.

TEXAS LAWMAKER PROPOSES TAX ON ENGINES Cars, off-road equipment and many motorboats and motorcycles would carry a $5 to $7 annual fee to raise money for air pollution-control programs under a proposed new law by Texas State Representative Warren Chisum, the House Environmental Regulation Committee chairman, who said he will file legislation that would require an environmental impact permit sticker on vehicles with a 50-horsepower engine or larger.

“What we are saying is if you have an impact on the environment, that you are going to pay an impact (fee),” Chisum, of Pampa, said after presenting the idea at a clean energy policy forum. “Granted some of you have a greater impact than others, but still everybody has an impact.”

He said he hoped the fee would raise about $188 million annually through 2007. Lawmakers are under pressure to come up with the funding, which is needed to help bring the Houston and Dallas regions into compliance with federal clean air laws.

The plans must meet Environmental Protection Agency approval. If they don’t, the state could lose hundreds of millions of dollars in federal highway money.

Lawmakers last year had approved legislation, Senate Bill 5, that would allow money to be raised through increasing the out-of-state vehicle registration fee from $1 to $225, but the fee was found to be unconstitutional.

“This is not a new tax,” Chisum said. “It’s a different mechanism for funding the same issue.”

Chisum’s plan could meet some criticism, but state money is tight. Comptroller Carole Keeton Rylander has projected the state could face a $5 billion shortfall.

PENNSYLVANIA REPEALS HANDLEBAR HEIGHT LAW “House Bill 152 was signed into law by the Governor on December 9, 2002, and it repeals the requirement that motorcycle handlebars must not be above shoulder height and adds the requirement that all bikes built after 1973 have their headlights on during the day and night,” reports Boyd Spencer, A.I.M. (Aid to Injured Motorcyclists) Attorney for Pennsylvania and New Jersey, and legal counsel for the Pennsylvania Confederation of Clubs.

HB 152 amends Section 3524 of the vehicle code, which deals with footrests, handlebars and handholds for passengers, to delete references to handlebars altogether. Previously, the law stated that “NO PERSON SHALL OPERATE ANY MOTORCYCLE WITH HANDLEBARS ABOVE SHOULDER-HEIGHT OF THE OPERATOR WHILE PROPERLY SEATED UPON THE MOTORCYCLE.”

It becomes law on February 7, 2003.

MASSACHUSETS MOTORCYCLISTS SUE CITY OVER NOISE ISSUE The Massachusetts Motorcycle Association (MMA) has announced its intentions to file a class action suit against the city of Newburyport after 230 motorcyclists were issued excessive noise citations despite the fact that only three noise complaints were filed by residents over the last three years.

After reviewing more than 1,500 pages of Police Department documents, MMA Legislative Director Paul Cote said his organization is questioning whether motorcyclists’ civil rights were violated in the city, especially considering that many of the citations were issued without sound metering equipment.

On September 19, six months after the MMA requested the documentation, state Supervisor of Public Records Alan Cote ordered the police to release the public documents. What the MMA found after analyzing reams of public “noise” documents was that “Out of the 2,321 noise complaints filed in the last year, three complaints were about motorcycles — so for me the question is, what’s all the noise about,” Cote said. “We have enough people to file a class action suit against the city and Police Department.”

Cote said that the MMA plans to bring a class action lawsuit against the city for an estimated $150,000 — the amount in damages to some of the 230 cited riders over the last three years.

Newburyport District Court Judge Peter Doyle has “stayed” all the on-going contested citations awaiting Appeals Court rulings on four cases.

The citation for excessive noise carries a $50 fine, an increased insurance premium of 7 percent for six years, and if more than three citations are issued, the loss of a license for 30 days.

Cote said he believes the city has violated the civil rights of motorcyclists — especially after Patriots Day weekend when over 50 motorcyclists were issued citations. Some motorcyclists say they were detained at roadblocks, harassed, told to “stay out of my town,” and threatened with having their motorcycles confiscated by police Inspector David Foley, who led Newburyport Police on their “Motorcycle Noise Abatement” policy of “directed patrols” this past summer.

Cote said that while only three formal complaints in regard to on-road motorcycles were made in the last three years, the number of citations against motorcyclists continues to grow. In 2000, Cote says there were three noise citations against motorcyclists, but that number grew to 40 citations in 2001, and there were 187 citations filed in 2002. “The number of citations doesn’t reflect residents’ complaints,” he said.

In response to the citations, many motorcyclists have boycotted the city. “There’s definitely an unofficial boycott of the city,” Cote said. “The economic impact to businesses in Newburyport is a $6 million loss. People aren’t coming there even in their cars.”

COP FOUND “NOT GUILTY” IN BIKER’S DEATH The former Rockford, Tennessee police officer who ran down a motorcyclist was found “Not Guilty” of vehicular homicide by a Blount County Circuit Court jury on November 25.

In September 2001, James R. Johnson was indicted by a grand jury for allegedly killing motorcyclist Philip Mickey Laton on March 10, 2001, by running the motorcyclist off the road with his patrol car. Johnson was patrolling old Knoxville Highway in the Rockford area when he received a radio report of a speeding motorcycle coming up behind him.

Johnson told investigators that he then turned on his emergency lights in order to get the rider to slow down, but the motorcyclist lost control and hit a guard rail, and then slid into the police car.

Later, a witness told police that the cruiser had swerved into the path of the approaching motorcycle, causing it to crash. A review of the videotape from the officer’s patrol car confirmed the witness’ account, and Johnson was charged in connection with Laton’s death.

But the jury took less than 30 minutes to return the not guilty verdict, apparently buying into the defense’s argument that Laton’s judgment and reactions were impaired by alcohol, although Laton’s blood-alcohol level was under the legal limit.

The Laton family has filed a $7 million civil lawsuit against Johnson, the Blount County Sheriff’s Office and the now defunct Rockford Police Department.

Due to other incidents, including another motorcyclist who suffered near-fatal injuries following a high-speed chase by another Rockford police officer along Old Knoxville Highway, and a woman who was killed when her car was hit by a Rockford police vehicle, the Rockford city commission voted to disband the city’s four-member police department during an emergency meeting on June 5, 2002.

JAPANESE BUST BIKERS BANNED BY LAW Three biker gang members face up to six months in jail or a 100,000 yen fine after earning the dubious honor of being the first people arrested under a controversial ordinance aiming to rid the Peace City of threatening motorcyclists, police told the Mainichi Shimbun newspaper on November 24.

Police said the three were arrested for violating a Hiroshima Municipal Government ordinance banning biker gang members from assembling in the public areas throughout the city.

“Long plagued by violence from biker gangs, Hiroshima’s contentious ordinance was enacted in April. It forbids biker gangs from assembling in public areas throughout the city, but requires authorities to issue at least three warnings to break up before arrests can be made,” the newspaper reported.

Police told the newspaper that one adult and two teenagers were wearing the uniforms of a biker gang when they assembled with about 60 other bikers in a Hiroshima park on Saturday night. Officers arrived and ordered the bikers to go away, but three of them refused to do so. After standing their ground through another two warnings, they were arrested.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE MONTH: BEER ‘N DEER According to the Darwin Awards, which honors those who have made the supreme sacrifice in cleansing the gene pool, an EMT in southern Georgia was part of a unit that responded to a call from Coffee County late one night in June 2002. They arrived on the scene and found a severely injured man lying at the edge of a field. His stomach had been completely torn open, and he was covered with lacerations and bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread across his chest. The injured man’s companion showed up in a racing model ATV, clearly intoxicated, and gave the following account.

He and his injured friend had been drinkin’ and ridin’ around the field on the three-wheeled ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer in their headlights. The friend, riding the back as a passenger, was struck with a great idea. “Hey man,” he said, “If you quarter off one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog ‘im.” The driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him down. His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers, and perform an excellent example of this rodeo sport. He pinned the animal’s head to the ground, but that’s when things went wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer, simply got up, threw his head back, and tore his assailant’s belly open. The deer then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt him for good measure.

The EMTs noticed that this information accounted for all of the injuries except one. When they asked the driver about the tire track across his injured friend’s chest, he responded: “Well how else was I s’posed to git the deer off ‘im?”

GOOD SAMARITANS CAPTURE HIT-AND-RUN DRIVERS Two young Southern California men were following behind a Harley-Davidson in the city of Brea when a Ford Expedition made a sudden left in front of the motorcycle, clipping the rider’s right leg.

Shaun Linder and Matthew Newcomb pulled over to help the injured motorcyclist while the SUV sat nearby. Charles Kenney, the biker, was holding his leg, crying and screaming for help.

Linder carried Kenney to his car and drove him a short distance to Brea Community Hospital. He was returning to the scene when Newcomb, who had stayed with the motorcycle, motioned to him and yelled that the Expedition had driven off.

Newcomb jumped into Linder’s car, and they drove down several streets, searching for the SUV. They had just about given up when they spotted the red Expedition and Linder said he tried to make a citizen’s arrest.

Linder said he reached speeds of 80 mph as he followed the SUV to an industrial park, where the Expedition pulled into a parking space.

Newcomb hopped out of the car and approached the SUV, holding a Global-Positioning System against his ear. A couple was sitting in the front seat, while three little girls and their grandmother peered at him from the rear seat. “I told them I was on the phone with police and that they were coming,” Newcomb said. “Then they backed into me.”

Newcomb said he fell to the ground and got up only to have the vehicle reposition and ram into him again. His body hurtled onto the vehicle’s hood, and he grabbed a windshield wiper. Linder pulled his car in front of the SUV, blocking it in.

Luckily, another witness had called police, who arrived about 5 p.m., 11 minutes after the collision.

Patricia Summers, 39, was arrested on suspicion of felony hit-and-run and felony driving under the influence. Bradley Summers, 40, was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and DUI. The couple’s three daughters, ages 6, 9, and 11, were released to relatives.

Police believe that Patricia Summers was driving drunk when she slammed into the motorcyclist, and suspect that she later switched seats with her husband.

Kenney suffered fractures to his right leg, right elbow and pelvis.

“They’re my heroes really,” he said of Linder and Newcomb. “Without them, I wouldn’t have anything to go on, no case at all.”

Newcomb, 25, attends Fullerton College. Linder just finished up at the community college and plans to transfer to California State University, Fullerton.

Linder considers lending a helping hand a citizen’s responsibility. “If that happened to me, I would want people to do the same thing,” he told the Orange County Register. “It was the right thing to do.”

ABATE of California plans to reward the dynamic duo with a “Good Samaritan Award” for their act of heroism.

QUOTABLE QUOTES: “One man with courage makes a majority.”ANDREW JACKSON, “Old Hickory”
(1767-1845) 7th U.S. President and Military Hero of the War of 1812

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists(AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the LawOffices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE, or visitus on the web at .

From The GUNNY’S SACK

A New Year Is Upon Us Again. And WOW! We got through another, and our accomplishmentsabound around the country. The motorcycle community is closer together now than it everhas been. The National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) has grown along with theConfederations of Clubs across the country. The various State organizations are growingin most areas, and we ARE coming together. We still have a huge fight on our hands,especially in this current political climate, but it was refreshing for me to see theresponse of our motorcycle world at the polls this year.

Our people are also waking up to the fact that we should NOT drink and ride. The statsI’ve seen show about a ten percent drop in alcohol-related accidents. Unfortunately, thestats also say there seems to be an increase in motorcycle accidents involving those ofus over forty years young. Do we need to take some riding courses and sharpen ourselvesup? Rider training is a positive thing for ALL of us on scoots. You young peoplewouldn’t hurt yourselves by taking a course either. It just makes good sense. I knowyou’re all experts because you’ve told me so, but a little training doesn’t hurt. It’scheaper than chrome and doesn’t get dull with wear, it gets BETTER instead.

GUNNY’S NEW RIDE: As some of you know, I bought a new Gold Wing in October. Sue and Iplan to do some touring soon so I thought we’d get ready. This new bike is completelydifferent than any other scoot I’ve ever owned. It takes some time to get used to thedifferences in handling, the way it feels sitting on it, radial tires, and the brakingsystem. The thing even has a reverse gear for help in backing away from that curb thatdrops away from you. There is cruise control and Oh My God! TUNES on the radio and evena CB and intercom so the better half can talk to me instead of scream at me.

All this newfangled stuff means I need to train myself to ride this bike safely. Whenever we don’t ride for awhile (as in the winter) or get new rides, it means we needto tune ourselves up and re-learn or wake up our sleeping sensitivities to our rides. Asmachines get older or are replaced, we find little things new or things we forgot thatneed to be kept in mind for that terrifying moment when we need to avoid some dipstickwho’s trying to kill us!

This scoot is SO much fun, I’m riding more than I did on the old one, even if it iswinter here in central Oregon. The cold also brings it’s little foibles, such ashypothermia and dehydration. Both these critters can get you in serious trouble so youneed to be aware. Be sure you layer clothing and take care to stay warm. Drink lots ofWATER. Notice it wasn’t spelled B-E-E-R. If you start to get chilled, stop and have acup of coffee or soup in a warm place. You can tell if you are starting to gethypothermic if it’s hard to keep your mind on what you’re doing, and usually you’vestarted shivering some. This is a dangerous place to be, so get yourself warmed upquick, ?cuz it’s a killer.

I’m taking good care of myself this winter…How about you? I have my electric clothingand I carry water in the saddle bags.

NEWS BITS’N PIECES:

MIAMI: The idea of using motorcycles to respond to emergency situations is spreading likewildfire. The firefighters of Miami-Dade county in Florida are proposing their use inthat area, for their EMT’s. The feeling is that quicker response will save lives bygetting much faster response, since a scoot can scoot through the usual traffic gridlockof accidents, especially on freeways.

ELECTRIC SCOOTS: For a measly $99.00, I saw on the ?net that you can now buy your kids a10 mph electric scooter. Just plug it in and charge it up. The kids can ride for about8 miles. It’s got a 100-watt motor and takes 3 to 4 hours to charge it up. Hells Bells,I’d even enjoy one!

TORONTO: Early December the motorcycle show here introduced some motorcycles never beforeseen by our northern neighbors. Aprilia and Benelli made their debut in this country. The 1000 cc Caponord is the Italian company’s first motorcycle to be sold in Canada. This tourer will give Suzuki’s V-Strom a run for it’s money. Benelli’s 900cc Tornado isa hot one with 140 hp. This with many other makes and models made this the motorcycle”show of shows” for Canada this year.

PICKERINGTON, OHIO: If you’ve never been to the Motorcycle Hall of Fame Museum, this yearwould be a good one to make the trip. Progressive Motorcycle Insurance Company plans the”Heroes of Harley Davidson” Exhibit, opening in 2003 to coincide with Harley’s bigbirthday celebration. This will show us a century of growth in Harley-Davidson from agarage shack in the back yard to the sprawling industry it is today, employing thousandsof our people across the country, and giving thousands others of us the pleasure ofreliable motoring enjoyment.

YOU ARE A SUSPECT!.. We already have the US PATRIOT Act to contend with, and now there isa new even more invasive threat on the horizon. It’s called the Homeland Security Act,or as our Oregon A.I.M. (Aid to Injured Motorcyclists) Attorney Sam Hochberg prefers tocall it, the FATHERLAND (as in the Third Reich) Security Act. And if this JohnPoindexter, who is a convicted felon, a Doctor of Physics, and former National Securityadvisor to President Reagan, gets the power he wants with this bill, we as citizens arein about the same place Poland and Hungary were at the beginning of the Second World War!

Our government will have the power to monitor everything every person does in his or herpublic life. He will know more about you than your mother does! Every credit cardpurchase, prescription filled, what magazines you subscribe to, your speeding tickets,and your drivers license number and expiration date, marriage and divorce records,whether you rent or own and almost the color of your socks on Monday morning. We will infact live in a POLICE STATE. Even those new outdoor police cameras will be connected toface-scanners, eventually, to have a little dossier on everyone. He will have the dreamof what they’re calling “Total Information Awareness” (or TIA) on every person in thiscountry. And don’t kid yourself, he WILL USE IT to make himself the most powerful man onearth.

This convict heads the “Information Awareness Office” in our Defense Advanced ResearchProjects Agency, the people responsible for starting the Internet and stealth aircraft,and their official motto is “Knowledge is Power.” The disgraced Navy Admiral has beengiven $200 million of our tax dollars to create dossiers on every one of our people. Just how do you think he will treat Motorcycle Clubs and Associations? We had better bewriting our Congressmen and Senators about how we feel about this monumental intrusioninto our lives. Now I KNOW there’s good reason these days to monitor SOME folks whomight be a 9/11 level of threat; but you can FIND those folks, as I see it, withouthaving to snoop on every American, reason or not.

All this is news printed in the New York Times, The Washington Post, and other largenewspapers all over the country. This is a terrible threat to Freedom in this countryand we need to keep a wary weather eye on this very powerful man and on the proposedlaws. He has no more regard for our freedom than the man on the moon. And we need tospread the word to those that are not so aware.

I don’t know about you but this all scares the skivvies off me, and I gotta tell ya THATain’t a purty sight.

REMINDER: The good people at the Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) Program are inplace for our protection from unscrupulous insurance adjusters and companies. And SamHochberg asked me to remind you that if you are in a wreck and the adjuster soundspleasant and you’re comfortable dealing with that adjuster, then you’re probably REALLYready to get reamed! If an adjuster calls you, Sam’s motto is “Just say NO; but THENcall a lawyer!” If you get in a bind, call your nearest A.I.M. Attorney or use theA.I.M. 24-Hour Hotline: 1-800-531-2424 (or 1-800-ON-A-BIKE, or online:www.ON-A-BIKE.com), and these guys will take good care of you. They are riders and arevery aware of the world we live in on the highway. Sam’s office here in Oregon can alsobe reached at 503-224-1106 or 1-800-347-1106 toll free. He’s online atSamBikeLaw@aol.comKeep the round side on the bottom.
Gunny, Oregon A.I.M. Chief Of Staff

Continued From Page 2

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BIKETOW is simple to use and easy to store, fits any 2″ class (3) receiver. Built sturdy, tow your motorcycle any where, no trailer to park or store when you get to where you are going. Now you can tow your motorcycle with the family car. You do not have to own a truck. BIKETOW has a lifetime limited warranty. Six years of R&D.Please add this to your “NEW PRODUCT” section of your publication. Thank you for your time.

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602-725-6325 805-895-9246
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This product was official sanctioned by Jose.

Remember the ascerbic Flynch from HORSE’s early days. He wrote hard and fast, but was capable of beautiful children.

EXCEPTIONAL CHILDRENS FOUNDATION REPORT, A BIKERNET CHARITY–Greetings…Tiny Brower and his friends have organized a toy drive for the toddlers at ECF’s Early Start program in Arleta (at Terra Bella and Canterbury). Knowing there are tons of toy runs, anything you, you family and friends can do to help our kids is truly appreciated.

We need educational toys (new and unwrapped) rather than stuffed toys. Playdoh, sketch and coloring books, building blocks, etc…all these help with the kids’ development. Micah’s shop, Micah McCloskey’s Custom Motorcycles is one of the drop-off points and the ECF-Arleta Toy Drive box will be there until Saturday 12/14. Thanks so much for sharing and caring.

Carmela Anne Burke, MPA
Director of Development and Communications
(310) 845-8060

HARLEY HISTORY IN PICKERINGTON– Wednesday December 4, 2002, The Motorcycle Hall of Fame Museum, located on thecampus of the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA) in Pickerington, Ohio, hasannounced plans for “Heroes of Harley-Davidson, presented by Progressive Motorcycle Insurance,” anexpansive new exhibit scheduled to run from February 2003 to December 2004.

The 8,100 sq. ft. installation, the largest ever inthe museum’s 12-year history, will chronicle a century of Harley-Davidson people, personalities andproducts that transformed the company into a billion-dollar success story. Twenty-two exhibitareas are scheduled to include displays of the bikes, photographs, biographies, and rare artifacts thattrace the company from its1903 backyard shed to its Buell XB9R.

To celebrate the opening of the exhibit, theMotorcycle Hall of Fame is planning a number of special events and activities, including an exclusivecharity preview to be held on March 4, 2003, during Daytona Bike Week. For more information regarding the exhibit or theMotorcycle Hall of Fame Museum, call (614) 856-2222, or visit the Museum’s Web site atwww.motorcyclemuseum.org .

–from Buzz Buzzelli, editorAMERICAN RIDER

LITTLE SOMETHING FROM MA AND PA–Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking.Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.”

A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.”

Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.”

Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.”

Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.”

A minute later, Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.”

A couple of minutes go by, and Pa says to Ma, “I don’t know about you, Ma,but I just don’t get too much out of this oral sex stuff!”

–from Rogue

INTERNATIONAL SUPERMOTARD RACE PLANNED FOR 2003 LOS ANGLES CALENDAR MOTORCYCLE SHOW WEEKEND–Dec 9th: FastDates.com and Corona Extra Suzuki were excited to announcethis past weekend at the Cycle World International Show in Long Beachtheir plans to feature an International caliber SuperMotard race weekendin conjunction with the Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show on July19-20th, 2003 at the Queen Mary Event Park in Long BeachOn display in the large FastDates.com Calendar feature exhibit at theCycle World Show with top calendar bikes and the beautiful calendarmodels was the new FastDates.com sponsored Corona Extra Suzuki DR400supermotard bike which former AMA National Motocross Champion JeanMichelle Bayle will possibly be racing at selected international eventsin 2003, including the Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show weekend.Bayle was in Los Angeles this past weekend to test and set up the bikewith the Corona Extra team at the Streets of Willow Springs Raceway,where on the asphalt road course Bayle was turning laps times on theroadrace tire equipped 400c single cylinder dirt bike that bested thosebeing turned by a pro licensed racer on a latest 600cc Supersport bike.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

–from Rogue

BIKERNET OZARK REPORT–Thought I’d bring you up to date on shit out here. It’s been sorta boring with the cold weather and all but there’s been a few riding days. My bike hasn’t been charging, and I finally found that the stator plug had melted rubber, breaking the connection. That new battery was a waste, as was the time to replace the regulator. It was a used one that I had around the shop. Glad I saved it and the one I just took off.

Bald headed Patrick bought a new independence hardtail bike and there was a toy run this Saturday. I don’t like riding in those amateur parades but he talked me into it. I knew big tall Roger, Titty bar Mike, and Phillip would be there so I agreed. It was lining up at Rodneys shop so I knew Skitzo would be there. Well, Bald headed Patrick came over about 10 a.m. and my kid’s husband showed up. We rode over to the shop and when I got there, there was 8 miles of bikes. I knew a lot of the people there but I was hung over and I went in the back office of Rodneys to hide.

I drank a few beers and started to feel better. About the time I was really feeling good, Juvee girl shows up. I’ve been dodging her and I haven’t seen her in a week or two. My girl wasn’t with me and because Phillip’s girl works at Rodneys, she came in the back to hide too. She didn’t know I was there. She was just avoiding all the hard dicks that were trying to get her to ride with them. She looked great with that hair all done and dressed to kill. I forgot just how cute she is. She had been wearing only wash and wear with me, because she knew I was gonna mess her up anyway. No makeup and shit like that. Anyway, when I saw her, I started to remember how much fun we had together, and I asked her to ride with me. We waited for the parade to go ahead, and then we left. I stopped at the liquor store and got her a bottle of that vanilla vodka she loves. Then we went to the park where they were collecting toys.

Everyone I know saw her on my bike and they were saying shit about it. I was planning to go to the after party with my girl, but I knew that if I showed up with her everyone would bust me out with the juvenile. I told my girl that I was sick from the bar-b-q and didn’t feel like going out at all. She was pissed but I had to keep her away.

Titty bar Mike called me Sunday and gave me shit and told me everyone at his bar was talking about me and juvee girl. I now have to find each and every one and threaten them about saying something to my girl. I have had two public incidents with that girl and my girl is losing her understanding nature with regards to her. It will be extremely ugly if she finds this out. I called the juvenile this morning, and she said she was at Miss Kitty’s Saturday night and everyone gave her shit about me. If I had been there, my girl would have beat her ass then turned on me. I can’t afford that. don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I wouldn’t want two fine bitches fighting over me at the titty bar. That would be fun ,and I would be the man for years to come with the bros, but my girl is a horrible bitch. It would not be worth it. I need my girl to be happy. I can’t afford to move so I’m stuck with whatever shit she would throw at me. How long would winter be then, stuck in the house with a mean bitch that’s pissed? I’ll be kissing her ass for a week or two just in case she finds out. I told her yesterday that I just wanted to be with her, and let’s turn off the phone and hide from the world. She loved the idea and we hid in the back of the house and didn’t answer the phone. She felt special and I felt safe, at least for yesterday.

I sure wish I had a big brain. I would try to use it for something productive.

–Ozark Ed

Even guys with enormous brains are lured to another woman from time to time. It’s natural, but an explosion if the other woman ever finds out. Life is strange.

TRUE STORY–An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

–from CarlR

READY RAMPS FOR LOADING BIKES–Also included is one picture of what not to do when loading a Harleyonto a truck. Although it’s strong enough for H-D’s, big bikes needmore than one person to load and unload, and it should be handled where theramp can be as flat as possible. I unloaded a full dresser at Daytonaonce by backing up to a grocery store loading dock–whatever it takes tokeep it safe.

Cord Bauer
ReadyRamp

Q: What do you say to a sorority girl that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”

–from Rogue

PACK ‘EM IN–Let’s curl up by a fire and warm our sorry asses. I’ve given Jose’s writing some thought. It’s reminiscent of lots of HORSE writings from the past. I’ve been pondering whether I would walk the splintered plank, winch myself out on a limb and slam the soap box with my own thoughts. Ah bullshit, who need ’em?

I’m an all-consumed romantic. I don’t give a hot tostada who rides what, with whom for how long. Some complain about newbies, with their new rides and new sense of authority in a sport they’ve only enjoyed for a year or less. I use to ride with people who fucked-up or stabbed anyone got in their way. Which would you perfer to run into at the local bar?

I have a fear, though, that involves us all, newbie or old school. In 22 years there will be 63 million more folks in the US (there’s 288 million now). There will be 30 million new stucco homes built and at the rate were going we’re losing 2 million acreas of land a year. I could see the growth, the looming franchise stores and fast food joints as I rode through Arizona recently. It’s already treacherous to ride across town. I hate the thought of iron cages crowed all the way to Phoenix. Hang on.

Ride Forever,

Bandit

Continued From Page 1

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Ladies and Gentlemen after last weeks standing ovation and well wishers, I realized my sucky life had a big void. I decided to mend my ways. It’s no fun living in the past, it’s all a recollection of bad TV shows in black and white, of shitty bikes that leak oil in my new marble floors, of not fitting in with the ” in” crowd. Man how could I not be another sheep in the herd of followers. I had to live in the ” right” side.

This has been a pretty hectic week, I sold two of my old (aka Shitty) bikes to a couple of clueless hard core bikers.

I went back on the weekend to pick up my new ride, and the dealer was nice enough to show me how it worked, how to gas it up and check the odometer so I could bring it back at exactly 1,500 miles for the first check up and oil change. With that I took off into the sunset, being very careful not to over rev it or scratch my new boots with orange soles. That same day they gave me a really nice black and gold card with my name on it, I was a HOG member….Fudge yeah !

So I decided to take Sunday and ride with my fellow hoggers, it was a really nice day, but the weather said it would drop to 81 degrees so I took the jacket and chaps. That babe, the Deuce was shinning like mother of pearl in the morning sun, did I mention that the dealer also installed a set of drag pipes? He promised not to void the warranty, as long as they installed them they were a bit more money than some of those ( God forbid !) after market catalog pipes, but they had the company stamp and that makes them much better. So I took off on my way to Something Cafe, the meeting place of choice. It was great to share stories of stocks and bonds, how to accessorize, and learning so much from the ” experts” who had bought the bikes months before me. Everyone complimented my choice of parts (since they had exactly the same ones) and talked to me about the value of a 100 anniversary bike which only 300 thousand other lucky “bikers” had.

With this super welcome we decided to take a ride, that was a good idea since the mochachinos, cafe lattes, Evian water and Mimosa were getting to my bladder. I found out later that we did not leave earlier because the security orange vests had not arrived, but that would never be a con in such a wonderful week. After listening to the very important briefing, those guys are really prepared. They told us how many stops, miles, which roads, the average speed and even the position we should ride…Wow ! I’ve never felt so safe, they even made up a signal so we could stop and get into our company rain suits, just in case, although that was my first faux pas, in the excitement of purchasing my new bike I had forgotten to buy the rain suit…Oh well, all I could do was hope for no surprises. We even had a group laugh at a couple of ignorant bikers on a couple of choppers going well over the speed limit….I laughed ’till my tummy ached and my eagle fake tattoo flaked….

The ride was such an exhilarating experience, we rolled thru the Emerald mountains on our metal steeds. We enjoyed the pristine azure waters of the Caribbean and had excellent gourmet food in a very classy restaurant, the group bonded magnificently, security was superb, and everyone had so much fun with their drag pipes and horned helmets. It was so cool, everyone looked like Marlon Brando on the Wild Ones, leather, vests, etc.. I also noticed that the guys who were at the lead, the veterans, had lots of pins attached to their vests. Can’t wait to participate for a full year so I can be part of them.

Up to now it was the best day of my riding career. On a sour note, one of the bikes ran out of gas ( I learned that the guy was not paying attention to the gas thingy) and someone called a Flat Bed to take it back to the dealer for repairs ( The experts assumed it was gas since Twinkies never break down !).

All in all it was a wonderful day. I made so many new friends, learned so much and even got invited to rent a bike in Orlando and head to Daytona so we could cruise Main Street. I tell you, those 50 miles were the most fun I’ve ever had without wearing a suit! On the way back home I was humming Born to be Wild, feeling the breeze and looking at my leathered reflection in every car and store window, man did I look freaking bad! I noticed that my gas was running low, then it hit me, there are no “Company” gas stations , what the heck should I do ?? I had my first experience in what they (the veterans) call mechanical ability. I pulled over, got my cell phone and called friends…lucky for me they lead me in the right direction…a full service station…

To shorten things up, I’m so into it that the shop is for sale, I ‘ve decided to become a Stock Broker, or something like that. I’m also proposing to my half orange, plan on having 2.5 kids and buying an H-D Ford truck… soon.

See, I am a totally changed man… Got to thank Willy G., God and our readers for directing me into the correct path.

Then I woke up with sweat running down my spine, chills all over my fucking body…Man that was the nastiest nightmare I’ve ever had….So let’s go to the news:

Biker Spot, the magazine from Puerto Rico will have their first event this coming Sunday 15th in Caguas. Yep we will show up en masse, choppers and all, We are taking time off our super busy schedules to do that, so it better be worth it….Or there’s going to be trouble…

The second of our Caribbean Custom frames is in the shop, we tore right into it since it will be one of the bikes to go to Daytona with us…. I’ll post full photos of the progress and build of all these new bikes, but we will hold for some time so our local “pseudo” competitors won’t be able to copy our ideas…

The guys from Twisted Choppers are doing an awesome , kick ass job. They got my gas tank Monday and as I write this it’s already on the way to PR…Thanks guys… Check the tank mods article at The Horse soon, also see their new website at www.TwistedChoppers.com

Our Road King project is almost done, we had problems with the spokes and it turned out that they were mislabeled, wholly mother fuck! So we are doing the red UPS tango to get the thing rolling. I’ll post some photos next week..I’m dreading the day I’ll have to test ride it….

The interview with the Discovery Motorcycle Women will be up soon, still waiting for some photos….It’s worth the wait, this girls rock !

The Horse #29 is already out, pretty cool stuff and the Horse Maidens (babes) keep getting better…Check it out !

And now my weekly report card…My fucking motor is still missing at sea…I smell a fucking bamboozle…The rear wheel is being spoked and trued as you read, thanks to Choppers Inc. My rear fender should be on the way from Cali, good that I know Jesse and got the stuff ultra quick…..

Things are looking much better…Again, I can’t thank all these guys enough…. As you might imagine it’s a fucking Zoo….let’s see if I live to see all this go thru.

And last but not least, thanks to all that post on my behalf, and enjoy my weekly articles. I really appreciate all the comments, even the negative ones… Speaking of such, I also want to thank the ones who hate my stuff. They give me material to rant about later on.One lesson to be learned..Conformity is the root for mediocrity and creative retardation.

Happy Holidays to all….

Jose Caribbean (warm, sunny and 81 degrees).

OFFICIAL DAYTONA BIKE WEEK SITE–Yep, here it is for anyone interested in the lasted news, accomodations, and events leading up to the main event: http://www.officialbikeweek.com/bwhome.html .

–Rogue

BIKERNET DRIVE THRU INVESTIGATION–MUNDELEIN, Ill. – At one Illinois Burger King, authorities say, you couldorder a Whopper, fries and some coke. Not a soft drink but cocaine.

Four people have been jailed on charges they sold cocaine from thedrive-thru window at a Burger King in Mundelein.

Police had been watching the restaurant for nine months. Then on Fridaynight, they said, they bought about $300,000 dollars worth of cocaine fromthe night manager, his wife and two former employees.

Authorities said customers would either phone ahead or ask for particularemployees. Then they would drive up, place their orders over the microphoneand pull around the window to pick it up. The drugs were handed over in aBurger King paper bag.

–from Rogue

HELEN’S HAMSTER REPORT–Here’s some pictures I took of one of Arlen Ness’ first bikes, a ’59 panhead. The people who have owned it for about 6 years, Smokie and Diane Gabel of Milton, WA, ride it to Taco Thursdays and all around the area. It was sold from Arlen’s collection in 1978. Since there’s been a lotta discussion about ’55 panheads and riding at 50 mph, etc., I thought you might like a shot of this old bike.

By the way, how stupid am I? Just spoke to Mailman and he told me that is a Sportster, not a Panhead in those pictures I e-mailed you. Well fuckin’ duh. Jigs up, I just look at the pretty colors. I’m as dumb as a rock about old bikes.

–Helen

NEW FROM AEROMACH–7″ inch ?Chopper Risers? for Harley?s
Looking for risers that have attitude? Now you can choose your own style of caps to go with them. We designed these risers to bolt right on to your triple trees using your stock ?? 13 bolts. They work extremely well with 18, 25 & 35 degree drag bars in 1 inch diameter.

Longer control (clutch and brake) cables may be needed depending on the drag bar you select. Installation is simple and the cap conceals the top bolts. The 7″ risers are chrome plated and made from extruded billet aluminum.Choose between ?Dome? or the new radical ?Tribal?.

AM-3800C $129.95 Pair
For more information call 800 -990-9392 and tell them Bikernet sent you!
www.aeromachmfg.com

BIKERNET FRESNO, CALIFORNIA EDITION–From now until Dec 21, 2002, Road Rage Performance is collecting donations of used clothing for the Povarello House and Craycroft Foundation in Fresno. On Dec 21, 2002 we would like to invite the entire central valley motorcycling community to join us at the shop to deliver the donated clothing directly to the people who need it most. Meet at the shop at 11am, for light refreshments and then head out at high noon – rain or shine. More info and directions to the shop at www.roadrageperformance.com.

OOPS!, I forgot to mention that we are calling it “Choppers for Charity”…If Buckshot is otherwise engaged, I’ll take pics and write a story on the event for submission to Bikernet….

Thanks,
GFH

Road Rage Performance
4566 e. Pine st.
Fresno Ca 93703
559.252.1700

Continued On Page 3

This is the dastardly delimma I face every day. Women or project bikes? This shot came from a new calendar created by ChopperDog . I don’t know about you, but if I strolled out to the garage and found this woman drapped over my frame, I would have a tough time shoving her aside.

Women contain the warmth of Christmas everyday. Whatta blessing. Let’s get to the news before I become frazzled with distraction:

AS SEEN ON THE DISC0VERY CHANNEL–THE HORSE BackStreet Choppers will hold it?s world famous4th annual Smoke Out June 20-21 1/2 on the Rowan County Fairgrounds in Salisbury, NC about an hour north of Charlotte, NC. This is exit 74 off I-85. Live Bands, Beer, Food and Beer, “Old Skool” Chopper Show, Hot Chicks, Secret Guests, Secret Master of Ceremonies and thousands of the coolest ol? skool choppers you have ever seen!The hours are Friday, 2:00 pm to 11 pm and Saturday, 10 am to 11 pm. That’s a month earlier for all you wimps that can’t stand the heat.

Register now and register as often as you like. That’s “pre-register.” There has never been a deal like this before anywhere in the world.Register before March 15th and get $10.00 off the gate admission of $25.00, plus a T-shirt of all things. We will give you a confirmation number and you will pick up the package at the gate. This non-refundable offer is your chance to secure a spot early at the greatest chopperevent of the year. Here’s the deal:

If you register before March 15, it will be $15 and you get 1 of last years SMOKE OUT III t-shirts.Between March 15 and April 30th it will be $20 witha $5 coupon off any one of “our” T-shirts.We will have a NEW full color event shirt designed by Frank Kozik that will be the talk of Plattsburg.If you snooze, you’re on your own, and pay $25 per day like the rest of the last minute attendees. Send check or money order toThe Horse BackStreet Choppers PO Box 182501 ? Shelby Twp., MI 48318-2501

For more vendor and event Info call 586 566 0306 ask for Edge Go to www.thehorsemag.com for latest info. This is the hotel infoHotels and CampingThere are numerous hotels in the Salisbury, NC area. THE HORSE has worked to get a good deal on the hotels listed below. The recommended hotels will fill up quickly. Don?t wait. Also, YOU MUST SAY YOU ARE THERE FOR THE SMOKE OUT to get the discounted rate which can be as much as $20 less per night.

Comfort Suites
104 east Innes St.
Salisbury, NC 28144
(704) 630-0065 $53 for a suite.

Photos from Kevin Harding (watch for his report in the next couple of days).

THE FIFTEENTH ANNUAL SOUTH FLORIDA PRESIDENT’S COUNCIL TOY RUN IN THE SUN WENT OFF THIS PAST SUNDAY, WITH ONLY A SLIGHT HITCH– THE DAY STARTED OUT AT THE POMPANO HARNESS RACE TRACK AND THE FOUR HOUR, THIRTY THOUSAND BIKE PARADE ENDS AT MARKHAM PARK, ABOUT TWENTY MILES WEST OF FT LIQUORDALE, WITH OVER FIFTY THOUSNAD PEOPLE ATTENDING THIS EVENT EVERY YEAR.

THE TWENTY FIVE (OR MORE?) LOCAL AREA MC CLUBS DO AN OUTSTANDING JOB OF KEEPING THE PARTY, THE BANDS AND THE BEER FLOWING. THE BIKES SHOW WAS FILLED WITH 150 BIKES, MOSTLY FROM THE HIGH RENT DISTRICT, ALTHOUGH A FEW CHOPPERS GRACED THE GHETTO SIDE OF THIS SHOW. SADLY ABSENT THIS YEAR WAS A SHOWING FROM OUR BOY BILLY LANE.

THE AWARD CEREMONY WAS POSTPONED DUE TO A BOMB SCARE THAT WAS CALLED IN JUST AS THE DRIZZLE CAME ABOUT FIVE PM. SOME WOMAN HAD BROUGHT A SUITCASE ALONG ON HER ROADKING AND HAD HER FRIENDS WATCH IT FOR HER AS SHE WATCHED EDDIE MONEY ON STAGE. THEY RESTED THE BLACK SUSPICOUS ARTICLE UP AGAINST A NEAR BY TREE AND WELL, IT NEVER MOVED THE ENTIRE TIME AND SOME PARANOID PERSON CALLED THE BROWARD COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT AND NATCH, THE BOMB SQUAD WAS ON THEIR WAY. THE ENITRE PARK WAS NOT EXVACUATED BUT THE OWNERS OF THE SHOW BIKES HAD TO COLLECT TROPHIES AT A LATTER DATE. WE ARE ALL AWARE OF THE TIMES IN WHICH WE ARE LVING BUT THIS IS JUST ANOTHER SCREW UP THAT WILL MAKE IT HARDER ON THE REST OF US NEXT TIME. NEXT YEAR SECURITY WILL BE WAY TIGHTEN, DUFFLE BAGS AND SUTICASES AREN’T NECCESSARY SO PLEASE, LEAVE THE LUGGAGE IN THE TRUCK!

STEVE TYLER, OF AREOSMITH OPTED OUT OF THE PARADE THIS YEAR, SOMETHING ABOUT BEING SICK. THERE WERE THOUSANDS EAGER TO GET A GLIMPSE OF PAMELA ANDERSON,KID ROCK AND COMPANY BUT BETTER SOURCES TELL US THAT THEY WEREN’T EVEN THERE. DRAG SPECIALTIES SHOWED UP AS DID THE CAMELROADHOUSE WITH PRETTY GIRLS ABOUNDING. THE WALL OF DEATH DID THEIR CIRCUS ACT AND THE VENDORS SAID BUSINESS WAS BRISK. REMEMBER, SUPPORTING THE VENDORS MEANS THEY WILL KEEP COMING BACK. THE BANDS, LOCAL AND NATIONALLY KNOWN GODSMACK? PLAYED INTO THE DRIZZLE. EDDIE MONEY SHOWED REALLY CLASS BY DONNING A RAINCOAT AND SAYING IF IT DIDN’T BOTHER YOU, IT DIDN’T BOTHER HIM.

THE DAY WAS FUN, FABULOUSLY PACKED WITH SCOOTERS OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES. WHAT IS IT WITH THESE WOMEN ON GORGOEOUS BIKES THAT DON’T SMILE AS THEY PROFILE INTO AN EVENT? IF THIS WRITER HAD HALF THE TATAS AND YOUTHFUL BOOTY THAT THESE WELL CARED FOR WOMEN RIDERS HAD, THE GRIN WOULD REACH ALL THE WAY TO SPAIN! EVEN IN THE RAIN!

THE EVENT RAISES BIG MONEY FOR THE JOE DIMAGGIO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL AND CAME THIS YEAR, ON THE SUNDAY AFTER H-D OF POMPANO’S “SUN RUN.” I DIDN’T MAKE IT TO THE DEALERSHIP AS I ATTENDED A SCOOTER RALLY (CUSHMANS, MUSTANGS, ETC) AND STILL HAVE FINAL EXAMS LOOMING IN THE TOO NEAR FUTURE. THOSE WHO WENT SAID ATTENDANCE WAS MINIMAL, THAT IT WAS ALMOST BORING AFTER THE FIRST HALF HOUR. THIS HARLEY DEALERSHIP WANTS TO GET A BIKETOBERFEST STYLE GIG GOING DOWN HERE AND WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ABOUT HOW TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. LOOK UP POMPANO H-D IN SOUTH FLORIDA FOR MORE INFO.

IF YOU GET BORED, MAYBE YOU ARE THE BORING ONE!THERE’S LOTS OF TROPICAL LOCAL FUN RUNS IN MY BACK YARD.AND LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, ON REALLY NICE SCOOTS.TELL THEM YOU READ ABOUT IT HERE ON BIKERNET.COM FIRST!OTHERWISE, I TOOK A ZILLION PHOTOS THAT I GET BACK ON THURSDAY AND WILL PROCESS ALONG WITH A SMALL TOKEN OF CHRISTMAS CHEER TO MY BIKERNET EDITOR AND LOWLY BIKER COMPADRES.

HOILDAY WISHES FOR ALL AND LET JOSE KNOW THAT WE ARE ALWAYS ENTERTAINED BY HIS ANTICS,HIS LEVEL OF HONESTY AND SHEER ENTHUSIASM FOR OUR LIFESTYLE. I LIVE IT EVERY DAY, I WORK IN THE MOTORCYCLE INDUSTRY, FREELANCE MY “BIKER” ARTWORK AND DREAM ABOUT THE TWO-WHEELED IRON HORSE EVERY NIGHT.I APPREACIATE ART, HISTORY, MUSIC, SCIENCE, LIFE AND LOVE.IT’S ALL ABOUT THE LOVE!

SIGNED,(YES, THAT’S MY REAL NAME)
CATHERINE “KATMANDU” PALMER
PORT ST LUCIE, FLORDA

SPEAKING OF SEX– You will love this one! On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,”replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “and if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today.

–from Bob T.

JIM FUELING–Got a phone call that Jim Fueling of Fueling R&D (4 Valve Heads)has passedaway. You may want to see what you can find and mention it.

I hope it’s not true. Jim was one of the mastermind innovators of the industry. He will be sorely missed.

–ROGUE

BIKERNET REPORTS ON DRINKING–A Floridian, a New Yorker and a Canadian are in a bar one night having abeer.

The New Yorker drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In New York our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drinkfrom the same one twice”.

The Canadian [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glassinto the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Canada we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’tneed to drink out of the same glass twice either”.

The Floridian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throwshis glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the New Yorker and theCanadian.

He says “In Florida we have so many New Yorkers and Canadians that we don’tneed to drink with the same ones twice!

–from Rogue

Continued On Page 2

Continued From Page 3

BIKERNET OLD FART STUDY–A little old lady in a nursing home stands and raises her fist in theRec Center one day and yells, “Whoever can guess what’s in my hand canhave sex with me tonight”.

A little old man in the back of the room yells back, “An elephant”.

She yells, “Close enough!”

–from Nuttboy

BIKERNET RELIGIOUS REPORT–This just in… The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativityscene inWashington, DC this Christmas. This isn’t for any religious constitutionalreason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virginin the nation’s capitol.

There was no problem however finding enough assesto fill the stable.

–from Rogue

KING REPORT GETS THUMBS UP– Saw Road King 6 (Backwards Tech.) The windshield worked out pretty good. I’m impressed how good it looks for what had to be done. Very road worthy!!

Your skills with the electric file were quite impressive I must say. Sometimes it comes down to, When in doubt, fucken figure it out. Like the old SeaBee motto “Can Do”.

These kinda of tech’s are the best, really! These are the thing’s you can do yourself in the garage that make a bike ready for the long haul road trips. When your on a road trip as you well know, it’s all about function.

Big ice storm here last night. Charlotte is shut down. God damn truck is covered in a solid sheet of ice, for Cry Eye!! Don’t even know if I can open my doors. So fuck it, I’m stuck here for the duration. Reminds me of fucken Adak in 72′. I have power, but alot people don’t. Hopefully it will continue to stay on. No power no Heat!!!That’s it from North Cackey Lackey now known as Iceland. No Moonshine running today!!

–Pablo

My ol’ man was a SeaBee.

Photograph from Bob T.

A NEW ADENDUM TO THE BIKERNET CODE OF THE WEST– I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female drivercut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to driveon to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angeredthe driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flippedthe woman off. “Man, that guy is stupid” I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever afemale does anything to me in traffic and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that’s 96 miles eachday. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of thebumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look atthe 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a newcar every 40 feet per lane.

That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at leastanother 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That’s 642.According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life asdissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449. According to theNational Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriouslyconsidered suicide or homicide. That’s 98. And 34% describe menas their biggest problem. That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all femalescarry weapons and this number is increasing. That means thatEVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has alousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, hasseriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off?
I think not.

–Forrest

SCREAMIN? EAGLE ANNOUNCES PLANS FOR 2003 RACING SEASON–Screamin? Eagle Nitro Harley Class Moves to AHDRA.MILWAUKEE, WIS. – (December 4, 2002) Screamin? Eagle Performance Parts is ramping up for an exciting AHDRA racing season in 2003 and introducing an entirely new Class Program for Screamin? Eagle Nitro Harley racers.

Screamin? Eagle recently announced the end of its five-year sponsor relationship with the International Hot Rod Association (IHRA). ?We?ve had a long relationship with the IHRA, beneficial to both parties, but we decided to focus our support on AHDRA and NHRA programs for 2003,? said Mike Kennedy, director of parts and accessories marketing. ?Focusing in on two sanctioning bodies versus three allows us to do a better job of servicing our customers in each venue.?

?Harley-Davidson has been a good marketing partner during the last five years. I thank them for their involvement, wish them the best in their endeavors and look forward to working with them again in the future,? said IHRA President Bill Bader.

?Screamin? Eagle Performance Parts will work with AHDRA to create a class schedule that should make for an exciting season for the Screamin? Eagle Nitro Harley racers in 2003,? said Kennedy.

The Screamin? Eagle Nitro Harley class series will feature event payouts at each of the 14 AHDRA races and a national championship series payout. A total of $330,000 in payouts will be awarded over the course of the 2003 season, while the 2003 National Championship will pay a total $64,500 for the top ten racers. 2003 Screamin? Eagle Nitro Harley event payout will be $18,000 for each of the 14 AHDRA events.

?We?re really trying to focus on the racer this season and deliver a schedule that gets them in front of spectators at all levels of our sport. These Harley racers put on a tremendously exciting show at speeds of 220 plus miles per hour,? said Kennedy.

?The Screamin? Eagle Performance Parts sponsorship is a tremendous asset for AHDRA, and we?re proud to have been chosen to take Screamin? Eagle Nitro Harley racing to the next level,? said AHDRA President Craig Tharpe.

Screamin? Eagle is also stepping up its support in AHDRA with additional funding in the E.T. (Elapsed Time) Class, three Event Title Sponsorships, as well as continuing support of the Screamin? Eagle Performance Parts Street Class and the season finale $15,000 Screamin? Eagle Shoot-Out in Las Vegas. In addition, Jim?s Machining, who previously sponsored the AHDRA Nitro Class, is expected to announce their new involvement in the Pro-Fuel Class.

?We?re pleased with the growth and success of the AHDRA program, and we?ll continue to support our dealers and customers who compete at AHDRA,? said Kennedy. ?Attendance at these venues has increased substantially and the management at AHDRA is tuned into the total package of delivering a show for the spectators,? said Kennedy.

THE LEPERA MYSTERY EXPOSED ON BIKERNET–There are many opinions and debates as to exactly what factor is the key to a comfortable motorcycle. However many sides of the story you care to discuss, there is one pivotable area of the body that does most of the comfort seeking. That part of the body is just below the waist area in the rear, you know, the part that follows you wherever you go and gives you that much needed support at the lunch counter.

–Frank Kaisler

Check out the story in the Le Pera Department on the Home Page.

BIKERNET BEER DRINKING RESEARCH–Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, “Is it true they’resuing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?

“Yes, Bubba, sure is true.” responded the lawyer.

“And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fatand clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is thattrue mister lawyer?”

“Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?”

“Cause I was wonderin’, think I could sue Budweiser for all the uglywomen I’ve slept with?”

–Rogue

FRIENDLY FIRE FROM BIKERNET–AH! Wait a minute – It’s in the garage dude – and has been for months http://www.bikernet.com/garage/basictraining.asp Hey Laddy – can you see past them thick glasses, or does the wife have the balls wound up so tight you can’t concentrate? -Butthead

You can read the worst memos that rattle the computers of the Bikernet Staff in the Friendly Fire area, if that bastard responsible for loading them has done his no-count job. The above story take you behind the scenes at a California motorcycle training school.

Z-RATED RUBBER FOR V-RODS–
Three new Venom tires from Cooper-Avon will give custombuilders tall, wide fronts to complement fat rear tires andV-Rod owners the Avon Z-rated rubber they’ve been waiting for.

Complementing theAvon 250/40R18 AM42 rear, the widest motorcycle tire in the world, there is now the120/70-21 62H AM41front. Designed for rims from2.75-3.75 wide, it features astylish tread pattern and aspecial sidewall treatmentincorporating a snake head logo.The tire is H-rated for speeds up to 130mph.

The Avon Z-rated tire for the V-Rod is the 180/55ZR18[74W] AM42 Venom-R rear which, partnered withthel2O/70ZR19 [60W]AM41 VenomR front, can take speeds in excess of 169mph in its stride.

The rear also benefits from Cooper-Avon’s advanced variable belt density (A-VDB) technology. This produces a

The Z rated V-Rod front andrear, and a new tall, wide front to complement Avon s250140R1 8tire using a jointless belt of ultra-strong aramid fibres to give the optimum stress load at all lean angles. The centre tread section has closely wound aramid fibres for maximum stability and durability, while the shoulder has slightly wider spaced wound-on aramid fibres giving a bigger footprint at high lean angles.

An even wider alternative that won’t compromise top speed performance is also available, the 200/55ZR18 [79W] AM42 Venom-R.

For more information, visit:

BIKERNET MANLY ADVICE–Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

AND… A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.

Understandably, he shot her.

THAT’S IT–Bring me the Jack. We rode to Arizona last weekend after a week of Screamin’ Eagle Performance additions to the King. It rained on us as if we pissed on the weather blackjack table. We were in cold water from the moment we pulled out at 5:30 in the morning, but hopefully the entire wild report will be splashed all over the Bikernet Home Page in the next couple of days.

See the guy in the shot above. I have a report that he wrote on a bike accident and how he survived the ordeal to ride again. I’ve promised to read it this weekend or die. I better get to it. Watch for it next week. It’s slick and cold out there, becareful. We’ve all got to ride to Sturgis next year then on to Milwaukee. It’s mandatory. Have a helluva holiday.

–Bandit

Continued From Page 2

Photo from Bob T.

BIKERNET HUNTING RECOMMENDATIONS–A Hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He putthem in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he wasconfronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The gamewarden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and thehillbilly pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license. The game wardenlooked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks,sniffed its butt, and said “This duck ain’t from Oklahoma. This is a Kansasduck. You got a Kansas huntin’ license, boy?”

The hillbilly reached into hiswallet and produced a Kansas hunting license. The game warden looked at it,then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said”This ain’t no Kansas duck. This duck’s from Arkansas. You got a Arkansaslicense?”

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansashunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck,sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Arkansas duck. This here duck’sfrom South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin’ license?”

Again thehillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina huntinglicense. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and heyelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?”

The hillbillyturned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, Your theexpert.”

–from Rogue

BEACH RIDE UPDATE–The Beach Ride is over 10 years old and a major charity, music and bike event for the Exceptional Children’s Foundation of Los Angeles. Since the Laughlin shoot-out the Ventura authorities have canceled virtually every motorcycle event in Ventura County. The city is now being sued by George Christie of the Hells Angels for not allowing colors into the county fair. This is a childrens charity event but the Park and Rec authorities saw fit to double the costs to allow the event then canceled it.

The Beach Ride Committee, which Bikernet is apart of, has researched alternate event sites for years to avoid this unfair treatment. We are negotiating with Fraizer Park of Kern County, but they are currently not returning calls. Meanwhile, the Frazier Park Chamber of Commerce decided at their meeting today to write a letter to Addison/Lerude, the authorities, to push them along. Long Beach is also a consideration.If anyone has suggestions for an alternate site or influence in Kern County or Long Beach don’t hesitate to call. The handicapped childern of Los Angeles need your support.

If you’re in the motorcycle industry and wish to support this event call Carmela or drop me a line, Bandit@bikernet.com.

Carmela Anne Burke, MPA
Director of Development and Communications
(310) 845-8060
(310) 922-3218 (cell)
(310) 253-0525 (pager)

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– I can’t remember when the things started changing, when people that rode motorcycles turned into rich people who rode motorcycles for a hobby. When the Pans and Shovels became things of the past, the new Evo and now the Twin Cam became the engine of choice….When the events boasting incredible numbers, in the hundred thousand, became half million and then some, when the vendor spots that were one thousand dollars became 5 and up to 10 thousand…..I remember when hotels (and the few who stayed there) had reasonable rates, not $300.00 a night. Funny , but even with the lower rate campgrounds were a lot more popular, and the choice place to stay if you intended to live in chaos for the week. I remember when people pitched a tent at the river banks off 14 A in Boulder Canyon (before the new road), when you could get to any rally on Tuesday and it was still mellow…the crowds did not show up ’till Friday…. I remember when there were few magazines, and bikes were mostly built by unknown individuals, just like tomorrow…

Yeah right, I do remember when wearing a ” company” T-shirt showed that you were from a different breed, as well as leathers and boots, tools of the trade if you dare to say so. I remember when patch (or colors) wearing brothers roamed freely amongst all kind of bikers, being able to enjoy their freedoms, just like everyone else, not persecuted, banned and unwelcome….Even the times when a $20,000 bike was a super expensive custom and H-D’s parts catalog was about 12 pages thick (mostly the same parts for different models). I guess all this was back in a time when all the printed exposure one might get was in a Biker magazine, when all the TV exposure was at the 5 o’clock news on channel 4 in Daytona. The funny thing is that all the things above seems like they happened eons ago, in reality, it was not that long, not even close….

I talk about this, since I have nothing else to write about this week (just kiddin’ ). I’m guessing most people would imagine that motorcycle people (there are few bikers out there) talk about the three B’s:Bikes, Babes and Booze, every time they get together, but reality plays a cruel joke sometimes. Normal people talk about normal stuff….. and in one of the conversations these “changes” came up. But the big question was how did we miss that turning point? What made this industry what it is today…. and more important what made Biff and Buffy turn to this ” hobby” ?

To understand this we must back track a bit, in the 80’s ” The Company” was in dire straits and the always faithful bikers were called to save the day, and save it they did, but back then a bike was a bike, and a Harley a Harley, as long as you were riding a Harley you were one of the group. It did not matter if it seeped oil, it was old or new, had chrome, or had a kick starter…We were all the same. To top it of we all ended hating the Evo motor, that new reliable powerplant was the welcome mat to hordes of clueless people invited into this seclusive lifestyle. The salvation of the mechanically retarded, of the week end warrior. Flip that little button a vroom it went….Thank God for the crappy Twin Cam that became the new kid on the block and displaced the Evo too, ” Jurassic” , technology. We also have to realize that the new motorcycles were more reliable, user friendly and yes…again…the little button that brought the beast to life… A big plus, no kicking for Mr. Newbie, sweating is not cool. Some say that the demise was the day that the “company” decided to finance the motorcycles, now it was as easy as going to your dealership of choice, sign some papers and pay a monthly note…Instant bad ass. Who wanted to buy an older, cheaper bike and make it work, with busted knuckles and some sweat when you could be insta riding by just signing your soul to the devil? Suddenly all those old faithful motors and bikes were looked down upon, were machines for dirty bums and outlaws…..

Welcome to the new RUB age… bring the Gold card with you or you will miss all the fun….Welcome to mainstream America. Then the biker became a minority, became outcasts, exiled from their own lifestyle.

Sure good things came with the big change. The aftermarket sky rocketed, the industry was rock solid, dealers, vendors, manufacturers, etc, etc… We all grew in leaps and bounds, but to what cost ? Magazines feature bikes that are more expensive than most houses, pages full of billet and chrome goodies, every part, gadget, apparel, and what the fuck else in the world. Everything and anything…” come on down folks….come on to the Circus….” Numbers multiply at blinding speeds, 74,80,88,96,100,107,113,124,132…..130,150,180,200,230,250….Engine x chrome x tire width x paint x $$ = size of dick……. “Buy your tickets, limited seating only…come see the new V-Rod …”

Yeah our beloved lifestyle has become a circus, money flying all over, heroes being born overnight, and fads being displaced by the swipe of an Amex….So what created this monster..? Fuck if I know…. All I know if that after all this dust settles, all the hoopla and ” fashion” thing fades, all that will be left are those hard core guys on their trusty Pans, Shovels and Knuckles (and even Evos) riding around, in the wind, having a grand time….Like it’s always been.

Goddamn son, you almost had me in tears.–Bandit

Chica monster in the bare, bare stage.

Enough rant…let’s get to the news…..

We’ve heard that Jesse James Motorcycle Mania 3 is on the drawing board….. let’s see what the WCC guys come up with this time….I’m sure it will be interesting.

Since we are on the Jesse James string, we heard that his live chat on the Discovery Board was insane, there was so many people there waiting for him to show up that there were hundreds of messages before Jesse could answer one. I guess all the TV and being one of the 50 People’s magazine sexiest people has just cemented his fame. I’m glad for him….

The second biker build off in Discovery has been postponed to an undecided date, which is a blessing in disguise since I was not looking forward to freezing my tropical butt in sub zero temps, and it gives Billy Lane more time to do all the stuff he is doing right now…. We hope it’s all for the best.

This is still on the works but The Horse, Choppers Inc and Caribbean Custom Cycles are joining up in Daytona Bike Week this year, so if you are there (and we finally go thru with this) come visit, that will be the Chopper Spot for sure.

I don’t know if you watch TV but last Tuesday the History Channel featured two motorcycle shows back to back and TLC did three, plus all the usual Speed Vision stuff…. That’s over eight motorcycle shows in one day…….. Man that’s a lot of bikes !!!! Cool !!!

The Ft Lauderdale Toy Run (or whatever is called now) will take place this coming Sunday, more than 30 thousand bikes are expected including some celebrities….Hope someone report on it next week.

And as promised…. The progress on my new Chopper report..Forking By Franks deserves the super duper dudes you rock , of the week, the tubes are on the bike as I write this (and they said three weeks, delivered in three days).I’m still waiting on my front wheel, promised last week still not here….Mark ????

Super Kudos goes to the Folks at Twisted Choppers in Sioux Falls, SD. They are the masters…the oil tank was here in two days and my modified gas tank in four !!!(see the gas tank feature in The Horse soon)

Anyway..gotta go, a new Tat awaits…. See you all next week…Maybe, just maybe, I’ll have some photos of the rolling bike….

–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Report.

THE REAL DEAL OF THE WEEK–4-1/8″ BORE SUPER SIDEWINDERPLUS ENGINES BY S&S CYCLE–The oil new S&S Super Sidewinder + (SSW+) V2 style long blocks offer the ultimate in performance and the latest technologyfor owners of 1984-1999

Evolution? Big Twin motorcycles. With 4-1/8″ bore, these are the largest street engines S&S has ever offered, but that’s not the end of the story. The new 4-1/8″ bore cylinders and SSW+ cylinder heads have bigger fins for improvedcooling. By coupling the new cylinders with 4-3/8, and 4-5/8 strokes, can offer displacements of 117 and 124. To make the best use of those cubic inches, allSSW+ engines are equipped with the S&S Super G carburetor and the all new S&S 640 camshaft.

In addition to the improved cooling and larger displacement, the SSW+ engines have a number of exclusive features that enhance the performance and improve engine life. Special crankcases are used to house the SSW+s 4-1/8″bore cylinders and pressed together flywheel assembly. A special newly designed oil pump provides higher oil pressure, and increases crankcase oil scavenging. Anytime the engine speed is above idle, oiling jets provide a spray of cooling oil to the bottoms of the pistons whenever the oil pressure is above 10 psi. The crankcases are machinedto return top end oil directly to the cam chest instead of the flywheel cavity.

Fits all EVO frames (stockheight). The new S&S SSW+ engines are only available complete.021162 124″ SSW+ engine complete assembled.

Retail cost is $7,489.99. Buy now and Bikernet will charge you a flat $7,000. Ignore what the shopping cart tells you, we will only charge your card $7,000. Just go to the Bikernet Gulch, the Chrome Specialties Store.

Continued On Page 4

Continued From Page 1

Deals Of The Week From CSI– right here in the Gulch.

.44 Magnum Footpegs By Choppers Inc.
Polished aluminum ends with .44 magnum shell casings fit into lathe-turned body. Foot pegs feature 1/4″ drilled dimples in a staggered pattern.Sold in pairs

Part # 111225

Passenger Pegs. 3 1/2″ long

3/8″-16 mounting

The regular price for these puppies is $245.95. Order them through Bikernet and we’ll charge you a flat $210. Ignore what the shopping cart says, that’s what we’ll charge your card.

DUNLOP DAYTONA TIRE TEST WEB SITE
GOES LIVE DECEMBER 4–Buffalo, NY. Daytona International Speedway in preparation for the AMA national roadracing season opener. This year, the test takes place from December 9 to 11,and the top AMA teams will be there, many of them shaking down their new2003 racing machines, including the new 1000cc four-cylinder Superbikesallowed under the new AMA rules.

This year, Dunlop has created a special web site to give road racing fans aninside look at this closed testing session. The site goes live on December4, 2002 with a four-part interview with Dunlop?s racing guru Jim Allen, whotalks about who will attend, the intricacies of tire testing at Daytona, thestate of race-tire technology, and many other insights into the mostcomprehensive tire test in American road racing.Throughout the event, Dunlop will post live updates on the site, beginningon December 9, including a photo gallery that will give fans an inside lookat the teams, the racers and the racing machines. For your all-access passto the Dunlop Daytona Tire Test, just aim your browser atwww.dunlopmotorcycle.com.

–TBear

NEW CALENDAR ROCK THE BIKER WORLD–

I have produced a calendar based on REAL bikes, driven by REAL people. Road Rage and Choppaheads both have bikes in the calendar and have mentioned the project on your site.

Now that it is done, I would like to get the word out more!

I would also like to have permission to put a link from my upcoming site (Customs and Cuties.com) to your site.

No problem. We’ll take care of you.

THE FOUR CORNERS RALLY in the ROCKIES–BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN–the Southern Ute Tribal Council announced agreement published in Tribal Newspaper, “The Drum” that a new rally group was issued a permit to hold a new motorcycle rally, taking place Labor Day Week-end, August 28th to September 1st, 2003, location; Sky Ute Event Center, Ignacio, Colorado.

The new rally, “The Four Corners Rally in the Rockies” long time residents of the Four Corners, will continue to provide rally goers with the same expectations they have experienced the past nine years. However, the new Rally will expand event activities, individual contests and involvement. The new Rally plans on up grading the music entertainment with both National and Headline acts.

The new Rally wishes to work in close association with the local ABATE, promoting and financially supporting local ABATES’ causes, keeping in time with respect as the old Rally had done in the past.

Local business and groups in Durango formally plan on community support and involvement with the new Rally. Harley-Davidson, Scoot N’ Blues, Durango Mountain Resort, The City of Durango and The City of Farmington have already jumped onto the bandwagon, hosting events for the Rally’s 1st Annual Event, 2003.The “The Four Corners Rally in the Rockies” main goal is to provide a rally everyone will be proud to attend and associate with, returning year after year as the rally grows. “We hope to see you all at what we hope will be the best Four Corners Rally ever!”Quoted Dan Bradshaw Executive Director of “Rally in the Rockies”For more Information please visit our Rally website HYPERLINK “http://www.rallyintherockies.com”

PM PHATAIL KIT–Convinced your SoftailTM has presence?? Think your FatboyTM is actually fat?? Not with that cute little wheel on the back it isn’t. Performance Machine understands your pain and has the solution.

The PM Phatail Kit will allow you to run an 18 x 8.5-inch wheel on your stock frame, with only minor modifications.

It’s true, the kit includes all of the components necessary to convert your medium boy into a street going monster able to scare small children and make grown women swoon.

The BOLT-ON kit for 1991 and newer Softails does not offset the trans or require a custom frame and can be installed at any competent bike shop. Includes swingarm, fender, billet fender struts, all necessary trans parts and detailed step-by-step instructions. To complete the Phatail package, order a PM forged 18 x 8.5-inch wheel, pulley and brake system.

THE NEW YORK DAME REPORT– Keeping on deadline has been grueling. I”m a month past. it. How ridiculous to write an entire book of this caliber in two months…but I am chomping to get it complete and it’s amazing. I finished my feature film treatment, too, and that is being shopped now. Way fun. I hope something happens there. Trying to finish up my celebrity section. I’m working on or have secured:

Molly Culver
Catherine Bell
Carre Otis
Cher
Rosie O’Donnell
Lil’ Kim
Sheryl Crow
kd Lang
Brenda Fox
Debbie Evans
Salli Richardson
Pam Anderson
Kirsty Alley

Lauren Hutton passed on being profiled in the book. I was pissed. Show your face at all the high fluff galas that have to do with motorcycling but don’t make the time to be in a book about female riders….. whatever.

–Sasha

THE BIKERNET OZARK REPORT–This was a great weekend. The weather was nice, a little cool, but just a jacket was enough. Well for me anyway. titty bar Mike had on his full winter gear. He is the most candy-assed man you’ll ever meet, to be such a hard ass to get along with. My oldest daughter’s husband, Jeff, rode along on his stripped down goldwing. It’s the first time we let him go. His bike is ugly but it’s a 1200 so he can keep up.

He’s scared to drink any beer and ride and as the day goes on we tend to go faster after a few buds, but he was hanging in there. When we were heading home Mike goes straight and me and Jeff turn on the east bound freeway. While on the ramp I thought I’m going to see how well he can keep up. I rolled on the freeway fast and I went flat out through heavy traffic for the 8 miles to my exit. He was there move for move.

When we got off and pulled up to the red light, he was all smiling and saying how fun that was. I didn’t really like him when my kid first brought him around because he’s all military and shit, but he’s growing on me now that he has this bike. He doesn’t seem all anal like he did at first. I met his dad and he’s a Vietnam vet m/c patchholder. He comes by and drinks a beer with me every now and then, and we laugh at how stupid our kids are and how we were stupid when we were 19. Funny how shit works out if you give it some time.

–Ozark Ed

MOTORCYCLE CLUB WEB SITE–Please visit my Homepage and sign my Guestbook !

Love , Loyalty and Respect

–Tom
http://www.motorcycle-clubs.de

THE FAMOUS ROAD KING REPORT–Behind the scene correspondence:

Pablo,

The ride was wild, but I won’t go into it today. I need to write the story. We put SE heads, 2-into 1 exhaust, 203 cams, SE air cleaner and the Tach/speedo replacement. Bike ran like a top, but not much top end, 68hp and 76 torque. Any thoughts?

–Bandit

Hey dumbshit,

At first I thought maybe shaving the heads might be something to try. After our conversation and thinking more about your King project concept, I wouldn’t shave the heads. To get the compression up, use the High Compression Forged Piston kit from the H-D P&A book P/N 22864-00. This will give you 10.5:1 C/R. Doing this will prevent clearance problems when shaving heads and your still doing the easier bolt on stuff from H-D that any dealer can do. I keep forgetting not every dealership has a machine shop with a Tech/Monkey to run a mill

So, now you can make use of a higher lift cam. Something like the S.E.211. You’ll need to use the S.E. valve spring kit with this cam for addtional clearance. Also not a bad idea would be the installing the S.E. High Tensile Cyl. Stud Kit P/N 16505-01.

I think this will give you more of the power band your looking for. Also some fine tuning on a the “Wheel” (Dyno) using the S.E. EFI race tuner kit should get you dialed in. A custom map is probably going to have to be made up. You could start with a map that is close and tweak it in using the “Wheel”.

( Next will be the black out procedure and I want to replace the turnsignals with the ones you mentioned. Is there a slimmer bar that goes with them? I will also move the license plate.)

Yeah man, either the S.E. Road King Light bar or the Narrow Light Bar from the P&A catolog (pg. 425) P/N 68611-98

Adios for now,
Pablo

Continued On Page 3

I don’t know about you, but this year has been screaming past. Some would say I pack too much into my fleeting time. Ah, what the hell. It’s all good, helping friends, writing, riding and building motorcycles. Above is our Bikernet Santa for 2002 from Jon Towle.

In the next couple of days we’ll launch the Arizona Run story, two more King techs and a tech on the Shrunken FXR. We have several articles from Bikernet readers that I’m trying to read over the weekend. The site is sizzling with information and wild romance. Hang on:

BIKERS ANGERED BY PROBE OF MYRTLE BEACH DEATHS–By Erin Reed,The (Myrtle Beach) Sun NewsGrand Strand officials say they aren’t worried about motorcyclists’ plans to boycott the Myrtle Beach area, but bikers say their effort should put a sizable dent in the spring Harley-Davidson rally.

Bikers from as far away as Maryland, Pennsylvania and Iowa are upset about the way two biker deaths were handled in May during this year’s rally.

“Through the power of the Internet e-mail system, I was informed of this tragedy,” said Mary Bowen-Brown of Mechanicsville, Md. “Once the e-mails are forwarded and contacts are made through different bike organizations, you can believe there will be thousands of bikers making their decisions not to return to Myrtle Beach this spring.”

The Carolina Harley-Davidson Dealers Association Myrtle Beach Rally is scheduled for May 9-18.

On May 18, 2002, Horry County police Lance Cpl. James Costello was driving an unmarked cruiser southbound on U.S. 17 in Murrells Inlet when he collided with a motorcycle while attempting to cross the northbound lanes. Costello was facing a yield sign before he turned.

Victoria Lee Zickafoose and Charles Eugene Heyde Sr. died at the scene.

Fifteenth Circuit Solicitor Greg Hembree determined in September that Costello would not be charged with reckless homicide and gave the case to the Highway Patrol.

I met some one who saw the accident and said the cop was in the wrong andwhen he said something was told he better shut up and move or he would getarreasted.

The Cop Needs To Get Charged

–ROGUE

TIS THE SEASON FOR CHOCOLATE MOTORCYCLES– Traditions are born when the best things in life come together for your anticipation and enjoyment. This winter, Whitehorse Press is once again offering their unique, solid chocolate motorcycles.

These chocolate motorcycles have been created especially for you by the Old World candy makers at the Bavarian Chocolate Haus of North Conway, NH, using a third-generation recipe that produces the richest, smoothest milk chocolate you’ve ever tasted. To get the incredible detail on this vintage machine, these edible works of art are individually hand-poured by the master himself for a solid, 9-oz. treat.

The Chocolate Motorcycle measures 6 x 3-1/4 inches and weighs 9 oz.

To order a solid Chocolate Motorcycle or a free Whitehorse Press Motorcycling Catalog contact:

Whitehorse Press
P.O. Box 60
North Conway, NH 03860.
Telephone toll-free 800-531-1133 in the United States and Canada, or 603-356-6556 internationally; fax 603-356-6590
e-mail Orders@WhitehorsePress.com, or visit their web site at www.WhitehorsePress.com.

Price is $15.95 for one Chocolate Motorcycle or $29.00 for two, plus $5.00 shipping to points within the United States. Visa, MasterCard, American Express, Discover, checks, or money orders accepted.

Meet the babes in our booth.

CYCLE WORLD INTERNATIONAL CYCLE SHOW THIS WEEKEND IN LONG BEACH–See race bikes and meet the riders this weekend in theFastDates.com Calendar Featured Exhibit at theCycle World International Cycle Show, Long BeachFriday Dec 6th – Sunday the 8th.

Meet renown photographer Jim Gianatsis and the beautiful FastDates.com Calendar models Chandi Mason, Janelle Perzina and Joanna Krupa. See the awesome calendar bikes from top custom builders Paul Yaffe and LA Calendar Bike Show winner Jesse Rooke, Performance Machine, AMA National Roadracing Champions Graves Yamaha Motorsports and Corona Extra Suzuki with the team riders and beautiful Corona girls also in attendance in addition to Bikernet.com staff, a sponsor of the LA Calendar Bike Show.

Joe Catrini of Melbourne sits with a stuffed Tigger in the Merritt Squareparking lot before the start of the 21st Annual Toy Run through BrevardCounty. Photo by Craig Bailey, FLORIDA TODAY.

FLORIDA RESIDENTS ALLOW TOY RUN TO CONTINUE–By J.D. GallopFLORIDA TODAY.MELBOURNE ? The sounds of Christmas and the rumbling of thousands ofmotorcycles were in the air Sunday as bikers from across the countryparticipated in a holiday toy drive.More than 25,000 motorcyclists drove from Merritt Island Square mall throughCocoa to the Wickham Park Pavilion as part of the 21st Annual Toy Runsponsored by the Brevard chapter of the American Bikers Aimed TowardEducation.

The donated toys ? which included stuffed bears, dolls and radio headsets ?will be distributed to the Azan Temple Shrine in Melbourne and given tolocal law enforcement agencies and fire departments to hand out to needychildren.

MYSTERY MOTORCYCLE– could this be the bike this guy saw ?

–Jose

DID I SAY THAT???– Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect whojust couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives askedeach man in the lineup to repeat the words: “Give me all your money or I’llshoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWARD–

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
If electricity comes from electrons … does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
Alarms: What an octopus is.

–from Nuttboy

$10 OFF Harley-Davidson–What better gift to give a true hog fan, than a share of stock in Harley Davidson. With Christmas approaching, this is the PERFECT gift for ALL hog fans.

To make this even more special, for a limited time only, OneShare.com will take $10 OFF each purchase of a Framed Share of Harley Davidson stock (any frame except Collector). Just type in the code harleyten in the promotion code box at checkout!

BIKERNET TRAVELER’S ADVICE–Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane. One guy says to the other, “Let’s talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks, “What would you like to discuss?”

The first guy says, “Oh, I don’t know; how about Nuclear Power?”

The other guy says, “OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?”

The first guy says, “I don’t know.”

The other guy says, “Oh? Well then, do you really think you’re qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don’t know shit?”

–from Nuttboy

IT’S BOOT HILL FOR BOOT HILL– Practically no one goes to Bike Week or Biketoberfest without stopping in at one of Daytona Beach’s most famous biker bars, Boot Hill Saloon. Art Gehris, 53, co-owner of Boot Hill, died Wednesday, November 27, 2002, at home, reportedly following an apparent seizure.

Born in Philadelphia, Gehris was a retired attorney who moved to the Daytona Beach area in 1975 from Gainesville, FL, reports the Daytona News Journal. It was in 1989 that he bought Boot Hill Saloon with a partner for $500,000.

Fellow merchants and Daytona Beach citizens mourn the loss of Gehris, stating he was “instrumental in trying to better the city of Daytona Beach,” and recounted his efforts to reduce the motorcycle noise problem during biker events, reported the Daytona News Journal. Gehris is reported to have funded billboards encouraging motocyclists to “Keep the part alive. Kill your pipes.”

THE DRAG RACING HELEN REPORT– I have made alterations to my main site at www.HelenWolfe.com The change is a movie of the Nungesser burnout at Las Vegas. It will begin to download and play only after you move your mouse over the blank picture frame. It takes a minute to load, but its worth it.

If you could let me know if it functions properly on your ends, I’d appreciate it.

–Helen

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”

–from Nuttboy

BIKETOBERFEST DEATH TOLL–By JOHN BOZZO (john.bozzo@news-jrnl.com)and HENRY FREDERICK (henry.frederick@news-jrnl.com)Staff Writers.

This Biketoberfest was the second deadliest in its 10-year history and a disappointment for some business owners who complained Monday that sales dropped because of a city crackdown on the partying.

Biker event deaths in Volusia and Flagler counties:
YearBike WeekBiketoberfestTotal
200213518
20016410
200015621
1999527
1998516

SOURCE: News-Journal research Bikers trickling out of Main Street early Monday expressed remorse about the death toll of five — nearing the high of six deaths during Biketoberfest 2000.

In 2000, 21 people died during the two major biker events. None of the five deaths related to Biketoberfest 2002 happened in Daytona Beach, but elsewhere in Volusia County.

Police spokesman Sgt. Al Tolley said Biketoberfest normally draws about 100,000 visitors, although police don’t do crowd estimates because there’s no way to be accurate.

While the crowds may have been the same, several merchants said sales weren’t.

Carl Morrow, owner of Carl’s Speed Shop on Beach Street, said his sales were off 25 percent during Biketoberfest from a year ago. He criticized the City Commission, which tried earlier this year to impose a 25 percent cutback in outside sales space.

“The commissioners tried to curtail Biketoberfest by 25 percent and that’s exactly what it did to our cash register,” he said.

— Staff Writer Jaime Hernandez contributed to this report.

–from Rogue

THE NEW RONCO FISH FINDER–I’m sorry but this product is not allowed in Florida.

–from Chris T.

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Continued From Page 1

MYSTERY MOTORCYCLE MENTIONED IN YOUR SHOTS–Here is shot of that Honda that I wrote about in ” Your Shot”.Snake said ” share with the gang” so, I guess I will. Have a good turkey day, ya turkey.

— jon-

THE VISITOR–A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for Christmas dinner. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Mikey, helping them bake some cupcakes.

After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Mikey to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.

“The cupcakes look delicious, Mike.” his uncle said. He took a bite and said, “Mikey these are so good.”

As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. “The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey,” his uncle said. “How did you get the icing so neat?”

His nephew replied, “It was easy. I just licked them.”

The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. “You licked all of these?”

Mikey replied, “Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help.”

–from Miss Kris

I think it’s made by Nokia…..–Jose

LAW CHART UPDATE–A reader recently asked us to update our law chart regarding splitting lanes and lane sharing. We’ve fixed a couple by contacting our legislative connection, Bill Bish, from AIM. Here’s what he had to report on Lane Sharing (riding side by side).

“It’s called “lane sharing” and I know that it’s illegal in at least some states, but I have no idea which ones, or even how to find out without contacting every state DMV. I don’t believe the AMA has any stats on it either. I have a meeting tomorrow with Rob Razor at the AMA, so I’ll ask him. It must be rarely enforced, as I’ve never heard of anyone getting a ticket for it before.”

BIKERNET GARDEN OF EDEN REPORT–One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God…”Lord, I have a problem.” “What’s the problem, Eve?”

“I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“And why is that Eve?”

“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

–from Cindy of Century Motorcycles, San Pedro, CA

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–UNEDITED–Man, can you say Freaked out ! And no, not like the idiotic funk song, really , really fucking freaked out. Why, your always pondering minds may ask… Well, I just drove up to my place and what do I see, the gates to my street, (yeap, gated streets and neighborhoods are common in Puerto Rico) are chock full of fuckin’ Christmas lights…WOW ! I guess I drive up like a robot, or they put them on today, which made me realize one thing, and it won’t take any of you rocket scientists out there…Time is running out ‘ till the next year, to top it off I just found out that today is Thanksgiving, Holly shit ! (I mean found out before since this is not live news..) I’m still waiting for some parts for my new chopper, and if the don’t show up by Wed, then I’m going to be, really freaked…. I was planning on taking this holiday and build , mock up, weld and cut, whatever I had to…between slices of plump buttery turkey. Why I am so freaked out….Time, yes time, the mos! t precious commodity a human can have, screw gold, money sport cars and chicks…..Time is god. So lets put it in lay mans terms, five bikes, three months…Good luck to me….and the crew… Screw this !…let’s get to the…no, not yet !

So it’s Thanksgiving and you guys thought I was going straight to the news without my sermon…No way ! So here we go…Who cares about the pilgrims with their funny ass clothing, dumb hats and the religious persecution, same as the indians (or native Americans to be politically correct, aren’t we always ?) With their pumpkin, corn and all the other stuff that was supposed to be shared…. That’s the picture that has been painted by dreamers and poets, that’s the reasoning behind another hoax… but wait, there’s more… This day in reality is as good day as any to give thanks for what we have and who we are, to realize our lucky breaks, and think of all the stuff we give for granted, maybe as stupid as breathing , as major as breathing heavily…I for one, and yeah it might sound soft…give thanks every single day for the stuff I have, do, etc… So I don’t need no stinkin’ Thanksgiving…But for those who forget how lucky we really are as human beings, today is a must give thanks day….if not it’s just another Thursday, but with turkey being served for dinner instead of the usual cra! ppy fast food…So at least say thank you for that !!! Ok ?Happy Thanksgiving day to all my readers….Share it wisely…And now to the news……

I was floored when I heard the news that Lou (from STD) passed away… He was my friend and one of the great people of this industry, he was great help always, and was there for everyone even when his health wasn’t rockin’. I will never understand why the good guys pass away while the scumbags are alive , I guess when people say hell is here on earth, they might be right. I want to take this little space to say…Thanks Lou….I’m sure you are in a much better place now.

The Caribbean rally gossip is already reaching the secluded walls of my shop…..I’ll keep this positive…so, around 150 motorcycles showed up for the three day ride, mostly up in the mountains of our Central range. The parties went on in the Southern town of Ponce, there’s good things being said, as well as some criticisms… Being this the 4th Caribbean rally, we hope that for the next one they will accept the help from people that know a bit more than they do, and make it even a better one…But anyway, what the hell, people here like to ride so much they would go to a retired leper clown seeking for sex changes event….. BTW, they told me the chaps and leather jackets with the “company” logos looked really spiffy…But what the fuck ! it was 85 degrees…..Let’s see…Auto sauna..yeap that seems like a good word….

Jose’s interview of one of the Discovery girls is coming right up.

The Chopper is on it’s way…. Only if I got the damn parts that are still in the US !!!!!!! Before the Christmas shipping chaos begins…I hope that by next week the Chopper will be rolling…rather push that sucker than ride a Road Kill !!!!

On the same line and if you own or manufacture stuff….I’m going to expose here, and I really don’t care who…If I call for my stuff…(and I will ) and you were rude, our readers will find out, if you are effective, our readers will find out also…..And I will say it like it is….(see I’m freaking out !!) So if Jose, from Caribbean Custom calls….be nice…or get bashed…you decide.And to prove I’m not bullshitting…….Forking by Franks….really nice people, deal with them ! Black bike wheels….highly recommended… Accutronix…bent over backwards……..all A pluses this week..let’s see what happens next one.

The new Chopper Freak ™ design is already out on the web site, check ’em out and buy now before the post office starts sending shit to Frankfurt !! Also see some very rare photos of me and my nemesis the Road Kill…..( No you won’t be able to see the .45 that Bandit was aiming at my head) www.ChopperFreak.com

I have more stuff but the small red and green lights are still freaking the shit out of me…..and since I took a couple minutes to get my greasy paws in the key board…time to head back to the dungeon, seems that by the time I come out and say daylight it will be 2003 already…Actually, I should give thanks….Dawns in Puerto Rico are quite spectacular….and it’s still 75 degrees….

Jose in Daytona trying to grap that girl’s attention.See ya next week….Have a Happy Thanksgiving….
–Jose Caribbean Bikernet report.

BUELL LIGHTNING XB9S RECOGNIZED BYCHICAGO MUSEUM OF ARCHITECTURE AND DESIGN–Milwaukee, WI (Nov. 25, 2002) – The Buell Lightning XB9S has been selected as a recipient of the 2002 Good Design Award presented annually by the Chicago Athenaeum: Museum of Architecture and Design.

The award acknowledges the best and finest new design innovation for products and graphics. Two distinguished juries comprised of authorities in the design world based their decisions on aesthetic criteria measures such as: innovation, form, materials, concept, and function to select award winners.

“I was pleased to see that the Museum of Architecture and Design recognized Buell?s ability to merge stunning good looks with technical innovation,? said Mike Samarzja, Manager of Industrial Design for Buell Motorcycle Company. ?The Lightning XB9S combines sensuousness and raw brutality in its visual appeal.”

The Buell Lightning XB9S will be on display for the Chicago Athenaeum?s Good Design Show Exhibition in Chicago, Ill., from April 1 to May 17, 2003. The list of award winners will be posted on The Chicago Athenaeum web site:www.chi-athenaeum.org on January 1, 2003.

Ride a Buell, when you get a chance. The factory introduced a program wherein all the district managers rode Buells and all the other competing sport bikes. They discovered that most had never ridden a Buell. They didn’t know what they were missing.

RARE SPORTSTER RIGID SOON TO BE FEATURED– Here is a pic. The website has flash on the front page for entry or a link to get in at the bottom of the screen if you don’t have flash enabled on your pc. It should be working ok.

–Andy
www.ezrider.co.nz

WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motoristand forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his ownbankaccounts.

–from Rogue

Wind ’em UP–That’s all I’ve got and Layla and the girls are calling, the turkey is about to be yanked from the oven and spilled on a table across town.

A couple of us riders needed to roll with the flow and the good doctor and I did just that, although a jealous streak was emerging at the headquarters and I had to field heat from the one with the nice ass. She was sure a woman was involved. The only woman I know in Prescott is Dawn Holmes. I wonder it she’ll be home. The Arizona Run is still on to a resort owned by a riding character who wants to support the Beach Ride and the charity for the Exceptional Childrens Foundation. He would like us to consider an event in his area so since Micah and I are on the committee this is a good opportunity to check out his digs and meet with him. Somehow the ride is set. We’ll meet for breakfast at the truck stop at highway 10 and 15 at O’dark thirty, then roll into the desert. If only I can sneak out of the headquarters alive. Happy Thanksgiving.

–Bandit