Continued From Page 3

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN– A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly said, “My family went to my granddaddy’s farm, and we saw all his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate”.

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word “fascinate”.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Little Johnny was noted for his bad language.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate”, so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My cousin’s wife has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight.”

The teacher fainted.!!

–from Ken Miller

COSSACKS MC LOST GOOD BROTHER, JUNE 7 (LAST SATURDAY NIGHT)–On Monday, June 9, a Dallas radio station made a very poor call on theirremarks about this brother, and now they will probably make more newsthan they ever intended to. Texas riders will not take this lightly. Read the following messages about what they thought would be cool to sayon the air and then PASS THIS ON to all the Texas riders you have inyour address book.. We are all working together to promote MotorcycleAwareness across Texas… so let’s get together & pay a visit todefinitely make some people Aware.

Cossacks MC will probably have a plan.. Count me in.

Ride Free ~Suds

He died because he was riding a motorcycle!Motorcycles should be banned!Then I’m supposed to feel guilty when I run over them!

These comments I’ve gotten used to over the years but this time it hasgone too far.These comments were made by Kelly of the Pugs and Kelly show on 105.3during the noon hour on Monday June 9th, as their producer read the newsof two motorcyclist killed when they stuck a van in the parking lot ofTexas Motor Speedway.

Mike Johnstons funeral arrangements had not even been made when this onair personality inferred that he deserved to die because of his choiceof mode of transportation, and felt that the taking of a human life witha two ton weapon should not weigh on her conscience.

I don’t know about you but this is not the type of programing that Iwant on the air in Dallas. If you feel the same way here are a fewrecommendations.

First contact the radio station and voice your disgust with thesecomments.

Second contact the show sponsors and let them know that you will notsupport any business that supports this program and you will ask yourfriends riders and non riders to do the same. If we flood the sponsorswith calls letters and faxes they will call the station for us. It doesno good to boycott something if they don’t know that you are doing itand why. (I will get a sample letter out soon)

Most important tell every one to do the same, as we always say there isstrength in numbers.

Radio Station Info:
Live 105.3
7901 John Carpenter Frwy
214-630-3011
214-787-1053 request line
Program Director Bob McNiell
Station Manager Dave Siebert

–from Rogue

THE MOLE FAMILY– A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little molehole.One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air andsays,”Yum! I smell maple syrup!”

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says”Yum! I smell honey!”

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air,but can’t because the bigger molesare in the way so he says, “Geez, all I can smellis….

Scroll down…….

Get ready…..

Are you sure you’re ready?

“Molasses.”

–from Rev CarlR

THE WEIGHT OF THE KILOGRAM– It turns out that the weight of the Kilogram is not a constant. To the largely quantitative world of science this could have wide sweeping implications.

The original Kilo was based on the weight of a liter of water. This was not a reliable constant so it was changed in 1889 by the International Committee on Weights and Measures.

The new definition was based on a cylinder of platinum and iridium cast in England. This standard Kilogram is (to this day) secured in a Paris adjacent chateau under armed guard. The “mystic” cylinder is inspected once yearly. Our archetypal cylinder is only accessible to three people in the entire world.

Since 1889 the cylinder has lost 50 micrograms of weight. There is no reason to expect the cylinder will not continue to lose 50 micrograms roughly every 114 years. At that rate in about 228 billion years the Kilogram will have disappeared entirely.

–Daniel

Good reason to stick with our system.–Bandit

CALIFORNIA SHOWS–There’s a bike show comin’ to New Port Beach this weekend. That’s all I know. Big show this weekend!!

Major antique and Outlaw Vintage Motorcycle Races the weekend of June 28 in Ventura and the Ventura County Fair Grounds. For more infor try Cycleshop.com or harry@cycleshop.com.

Walteria Benefit Motorcycle Show, Sunday July 13, 2003 at the Walteria Business men’s Club, 24004 Neece Avenue, Torrance. Don’t miss it.

Beach Ride Sept. 7th at the Queen Mary. We’ll start building the Beach Ride Bike on Monday. Watch for reports.

PERFORMANCE MACHINE NEWS–There’s a new rear fender for the Performance Machine Phatail kits, Softail wide tire kits and an integrated license plate and lights.

PM clothes are now set up as e-commerce on our site. Check ’em out.

THE WEB MASTER’S SON–A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.

A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy replied, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it’s called turpentine.”

The Priest said, “No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women’s belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby.”

The little boy replied, “That ain’t nothin’. You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat’s ass and he’ll pass a motorcycle.”

–from the Digital Gangster

WE’RE BREAKIN’ RECORDS TODAY–For launching the news so damn early. We’re on a mission for Tullamore Dew Whiskey and a fountain pump. Oh, we’re researching a rare 1.25 inch brass tube bender for the exhaust system. We’ll take some shots this weekend and blow your mind next week.

Father’s Day is lingering, but the night before should be memorable. Hang on men. Be strong. This is your day. Do what you want, when you want and how you want it. I’ll tell you a Code of The West secret, soon. It’s a sizzler, but true.

Ride Forever,

–Bandit

Continued From Page 2

THE BIKERNET FIREMAN–A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.

“From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night.”

The next night he came home from work and yelled, “BELL 1!” The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled “BELL 2!”, the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled “BELL 3!”, they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled “BELL 4!”

“What the hell is BELL 4?” asked the husband?

“ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,” she replied, “YOU’RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.”

–from Bob T.

SONS OF LIBERTY RIDERS E-NEWS– Voter drives at charity runs–It is time the bikers across this country launch a major voter drive. Wecould just make sure we have plenty of voter registration forms atmotorcycle events. We could possibly make typical charity events a chance toregister more bikers. Maybe a few of the welfare riders could beregistered.

A NIFTY PIECE OF E-MAIL FOR THE POLITICALLY ACTIVE–Are you the kind of person who stays in touch with the folks in Washington?Maybe you want to be sure that they know your views before they cast anyimportant votes. GovernMail was made for you. The software includes complete listings ofHouse and Senate members, along with their Web sites. If you’ve gotsomething really important to say, you can broadcast it to the whole bunch. No need to limit your advice to U.S. lawmakers. GovernMail includes e-mailaddresses for world leaders, too. Why should they catch a break? GovernMail is available free at: http://www.governmail.com/

If you need more info on this or any other subject just go to the Sons ofLiberty Riders Info Zonehttp://solrpa.com/wwwboard/ or http://www.solriders.net/

Later
Hawk
ICQ 34668186
AOL SoLRHawk

6-12-VOLT CONVERSION ARTICLE–Check it out on the home page. If you have a Panhead, this could be the tech for you.

LA CALENDAR SHOW UPDATE– Performance Machine shoots with the FastDates.comIron & Lace Calendar on Speed TV Tuesday June 10thAmerican Thunder segment scheduled to air on SpeedChannel on Tuesday, June 10th at 7:30pm ET and 9:30pm PT. It re-airs on Tuesday, July 29th at 7:30pm ET & 9:30pm PT.This American Thunder program features one of the hottest new FastDates.com Calendar girls, barely legal 19 year old centerfold Martina Warren, Penthouse Pet and cover model January 2003, in a photo shoot with some hot custom bikes from Iron & Lace calendar sponsor Performance Machine. The Iron & Lace calendar shoot shoot takes place inside the high security confines of a Los Angeles County power generating plant with reknown photographer Jim Gianatsis and features two great custom V-Twins built by Performance Machine’s Roland Sands, one a contemporary red Chopper and the other a silver Bar Hopper, both running PM components and Mikuni HSR Carburetors. Pictures: http://www.FastDates.com/IRONLACE01.HTM

Speed TV’s American Thunder features Performance Machine Iron & Lace Calendar Shoot, Joins LA Calendar Motorcycle Show as Associate Media Sponsor America’s premier V-Twin Motorcycle Show goes hog wild over the FastDates.com Calendar & ShowLos Angeles, CA, June – The Performance Machine sponsored Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show produced by FastDates.com Calendar publisher Gianatsis Design Associates has grown to become the biggest and best Custom and HiPerformance Street bike Show in America. And when it comes to featuring the American motorcycle lifestyle on television, the Speed Channel’s long running series American Thunder is the sport’s most popular television program.

American Thunder to feature theJuly 19 & 20th LA Calendar Motorcycle ShowSpeed Channel’s American Thunder will again cover the LA Calendar Motorcycle Show, this year with an expanded 6-man 2-camera crew in an attempt to capture just some of the excitement: The RussBrown.com National Supermoto races, Jardine’s West Coast Horsepower Dyno Shootout, Jim’s Machine Burnout Contest, the FastDates.com Calendar Model Search, Iron Works magazine Olive Crest Charity Ride on Saturday, and the premier Custom, Classic and SportbikeContest on the west coast featuring the coveted Performance Machine Best of Show Trophy. Together with 150 major Manufacturers and Venders in the streetbike market.

And what would the Los Angeles Calendar MotorcycleShow be without its beautiful girls!There will be 2 days of eye catching beauty featuring America’s hottest new female vocal group The Beu Sisters who are featured in the sound track of the new Disney movie Lizzie McGuire, and anupcoming Coca-Cola/ Pacific Sunwear advertising campaign. The Show’sopening band both days will be 2000 lbs of Blues, one of LA’s hottest bluesbands with a special female guest performer.

For additional event information
contact Jim Gianatsis
Gianatsis Design
Ph: 818.223.8550

BIKERNET REDNECKS–Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a coupleof bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said “lookey thar up ahead, Earl,it’s a poll-ice roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these herebeers!!”

Don’t worry, Bubba”, Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw thebottles bottles under the seat”.

“What fer?” asked Bubba.

“Just let me do the talkin’, OK?”, said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, andeach put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, thesheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?”

“No, sir”, said Earl. “We’re on thepatch.”

–from Ken Miller

RUN FOR BREATH UPDATE–The article about the trophy is great! Everyone here at the shop can’t wait to see it.I like those skulls on the sleeve a lot and that wheel is definitely detailed. As soon as we get it, we will put it on display here at the shop. I know a lot of time went into the trophy. I think we we’ll take it to The Horse Smoke Out on June 21 and display it there also.

I am adding an award to the Run For Breath bike show this year. The inspiration for this award came from when you used to do the Easyriders bike shows. At the time and the way I remember it was that you called it an editor’s choice award. It was for a bike that didn’t win in the show for one reason or another, but you felt it deserved an award. I am going to do this award based on the same concept. It’s called the Justin Award.

Thanks again for all your efforts.
–Mike

Continued On Page 4

Continued From Page 1

SATURDAY NIGHT DRAGS–Howdy Motorcycle Enthusiasts & RACE FANS – The “BIG DRAGS” this Saturday Nite June 14th at Texas Raceway are gettin? close !!The Phone’s Ringing CONSTANTLY at the “Times” – The Racers are Gettin’ Ready !! Make your Plans For – “Saturday Nite – Under The Lites” ——

TOP FUEL NITRO HARLEY DRAGSTERS !!! RUN-WHAT-YOU-BRUNG UNLIMITED GAS DRAGSTERS !! “WILD” NOSTALGIA FUEL HARLEYS !! & 30 SPORTSMAN TROPHY CLASSES For Any Type Of Harley Davidson Motorcycle

BURNOUT CONTEST – LIVE “ROCK” BAND – DOOR PRIZES PARTS & LIFESTYLE ACCESSORIES MIDWAYDon’t Miss “The Action in the Evening” at TEXAS RACEWAY(See Pre Race Testin’ & Braggin From Texas Raceway On Streamin? Video on www.texasscooter.com)

IMPORTANT NOTE; IN CASE OF RAIN SHOWERS – TEXAS RACEWAY HAS THE BEST TRACK DRYING EQUIPMENT IN THE RACING BUSINESS – SO COME ON OUT & PARTY DOWN track phone # 817-483-0356

Plenty of Paved Pit Side Parking For Motorcycles Close To The Grandstands
Gates Open at 2pm – Time Trials at 4 pm – Eleminations at 8pm
Adults $20 – Kids 5-12 $5 – Under 5 Free
BE THERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Track Location: Take Business 287 Exit from I-20 in South Ft. Worth. Go South about 2 miles and TURN RIGHT at the top of the hill on New Hope Road. Track is 1 mile down on the Right….

HARLEY-DAVIDSON GETS READY TO ROCK-N-ROLL IN BARCELONA–Operation Mission Accomplished recognizes military personnelWar Veterans ride for freedom to publicize the pow/mia issueHarley-davidson europe joins the “elite 50″Dirt track, roadracing and drag racing highlightsFor the full Newsline report, click here <http://www.h-dmedia.com/> to log on to Harley-Davidson’s media web site.

CYRIL HUZE SPIKEE MIRRORS AVAILABLE– Original mirror design by Cyril Huze featuring a bezel with 3 spikes. Glass is enclosed with no risk of falling off because of vibrations. For a more radical look the spikee mirror can be bolted on a grip extension attached to Cyril Huze Spikee Grips.

To order, call 561-392-5557 or online at:http://store.cyrilhuze.com/CyrilHuze/Accessories/default.asp?CategoryID=10032

Cyril Huze
Custom Motorcycles & Parts
Tel: 561-392-5557
Fax: 561-392-9923
Website: http://www.cyrilhuze.com
Webstore: http://store.cyrilhuze.com

BIKERNET WISCONSIN FACE STUDY–a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

–from Rev CarlR

BIKERNET DEAL OF THE WEEK–A Custom Hand Built 96-Cubic-Inch, 4-Valve-Per-Cylinder, Rigid Frame Tire Smoking Wheeling Hot Rod is up for grabs. This is the Bike that you have seen him on at events all around the country.

The bike was originally built in 1990 starting with a special modified Paugho rigid frame, FXE dual disc brake front end, disc brake rear, factory Mag Wheels 19?front and 16? rear.

Through the years it has had different engines and transmissions and a lot of changes. It has been professionally maintained by Rogue.

At present it is using the Paugho frame, FXE front end and factory mags, Custom Paugho gas tank, Mustang Seat.

The 96-cubic-inch, 4-Valve-Per-Cylinder engine was built at Accurate Engineering in Dothan Alabama and was featured in Easyriders Magazine # 337 July 2001 issue (article available on request). It has an enclosed primary with chain drive hooking to a Rivera Pro Clutch and a 5-speed trans in a 4-speed case with a rear chain drive.

The Custom Paint is by Sonny Keeton, world famous Rats Hole Show Winner. It has saddle bags and a removable tour pack for trips that is adjustable for rider or carrying a passenger. It is truly a versatile motorcycle and gets attention where ever it is.

It has a heavy duty electric starter, forward controls, oil cooler, oil pressure gauge, Tachometer and Speedometer handle bar mounted with a bracket for the radar detector.

And the Really Good News is that the Price is Only $12,000.00 The motorcycle is in Florida and has clean Title. Come here and Ride It Home or I will arrange shipping for you at a fair price.

–Rogue

Continued On Page 3

Here we go. We have a mission this weekend at Bikernet. We’re building a gargoyle manned solid Fung Shui, H-D engine powered fountain. It has the entire staff in an uproar. Sparks are flying, dogs are barking, and Home Depot is complaining.

Why is it so tough to find a weekend without a run or holiday? Saturday is Flag Day, Sunday is Father’s Day. Damn, we gotta tear through the news, the welder is warming up:

WINNERS AT BIKERNET.COM–Free Contest, Contest Free. You have to enter to win and you have to make an impression on the ladies. These guys had some pretty good things to say and showed a sense of humor. We need that in the world today.

Heath Upchurch
Mesa, AZ
Suggestion: ITS A COOL SITE. I DONT REALLY HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS
Wanted: A FINE ASS BIKER CHIC. ONE THAT WEARS THONGS AND LIKES TO PARTY LIKE A PORN STAR. THAT IS MY ONLY WISH… OK, ID LIKE A COOL SHIRT.

Heath gets a gift certificate from Straight Pipez. That way, he can pick his own t-shirt.

BILLY AZLIN
ATOKA, TN.
Suggestion: HOW ABOUT A SCULPTURE CONTEST? A LOT OF US HAVE OLD USED AND ABUSED PARTS LAYING AROUND, SO WHY NOT GET SOME USE OUT OF THEM. GREAT SITE, YOU’VE GOTTEN ME THROUGH SOME ROUGH TIMES RECENTLY!!!!!!
Wanted: I’D LIKE TO HAVE A COOL LOW PROFILE SEAT, I DUNNO, MAYBE A BOOK, OR TWO, OR THREE, A BIKERNET SHIRT???!!!……

Billy gets a set of K. Randall Ball?s books. We do need a contest on homemade sculptures. If you caught the piece on the trophy for Run For Breath, Bandit had a blast making that. Submit your sculptures and we?ll come up with a great trophy if we get a good enough response, and you?re the winner. Anyone interested, submit to sinwu@bikernet.com or bandit@bikernet.com.

CANTINA WINNERS SCORE!– Bruce Bamforth
Oswego, IL
Wanted: A signed T-shirt from Pete Hill. Four time #1 plate holder with AMRA. He ran a 47 blown knuckle in Top Fuel. He is also in the hall of fame in Sturgis. Want to be like him when (if ) I grow up.

I?m gonna work on this, Bruce. Please email me to confirm your address. sinwu@bikernet.com –Sin

Roy Horton
Overland, MO 63114 – U.S.A. baby
Wanted: signed book by bandit, his choice ( one of his of course) thanks ride on

Roy also gets a set of books from K. Randall Ball.

FREE RIDERS PRESS– I hope you like the paper so far. It’s taking time but I think it is starting to come around. Did you ever get hold of Deasel Scot, or is there any way you have or any of the other writers have more fiction.

The locked down bros among others love fiction(me included). If you can give some assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Thx Preacher
FREE RIDERS PRESS
1900A Madison St.
Stevens Point, WI 54481
715-344-6164

The Free Riders Press is a Thunder Press like biker newspaper. They’re working hard. Support them, if you can.

HAWAII CHOPPERS UPDATE– Too busy shaping surfboards to surf the net much, but took advantage of your “garage” section to get some notes on pulling the main bearing race on my Baker 6- speed. Made things a bit easier since the H-D manuals can suck.Thanks.

Now to get the front wheel spacers taken care of so I can send this thing back to Bill and Jesse for some welding.Chris T. says you’ll be coming out in July for the show. Hope to see you there.

Jay hodge

THE WATCH–A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seatnext to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quickglance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date runninglate?”

“No”, he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-artwatch and I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch?What’s so special about it?”

“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” heexplains.

“What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be brokenthen, because I am wearing panties!”

And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says,”Damn thing must be an hour fast!”

–Rogue

Exclusive, under the table, shot from the first issue of Old School mag by the authors of HORSE.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–As always we are trying to find new stuff to do, putting bikes together is fun, but in order to keep it fun you must do other things. Like almost everybody else that owns bikes, I have a couple of cars. No, I don’t mean daily transportation. I mean cool, let’s go cruise down Sunset cars, rods, low riders, cars with soul.

I don’t know what it is but there’s always some kind of car in progress next to a chopper project. I guess gear heads are gear heads, as simple as that, may it be dirt bikes, choppers, jet ski’s, rods or whatever. As well as a Car builders crossing over into choppers, I guess it’s the natural thing. Cool is cool.

Like I was saying, I have this ’53 chevy that we have been working on very little, but now I decided to give it an honest try and build an Ol’ Skool rod out of it, Why? Two answers, to change the canvas, and two, the whole build will be featured in the new sister publication of The Horse , Ol’ Skool Rodz.

My dad has always been a car collector and enthusiast. He has restored quite a few Muscle Cars in the past years, but I wasn’t interested, maybe since I’m pretty busy with the bikes and the other trillion things I gotta do. But mostly ’cause to me cars are a mode of transportation, from point a to b. Sure I can go cruise the Boulevard and fuck around a bit, but cars don’t have the status that choppers do on my book.

So now that Father’s day is getting near, and I’m almost over this goddamn flu. We are going to tackle this project together, just for fun. I guess that with my building skills and his car knowledge it will be a pretty good team. Sure we will have all our friends around giving us a hand, and I’m sure there will be times when the whole thing will be a total ball, and total hell. But mostly it will be a goal gained thru work and friendship. And a lot of new things leaned from it, that is for sure.

I’ guessing that 99% of the bike builders, pro or at home, dig putting cars together as well. It’s really cool, and even a blessing that I am able to share things that I like with my family and friends. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to put a chop or a Rod together with his dad, without all the drama on TV (if you know what I mean) or ride all over the Black Hills.

I guess no man is an island jack….. Give thanks for that.

Happy Father’s Day to everyone !

And now to the news:

To keep with the theme above , Bikernet’s readers favorite magazine The Horse is coming out with a Car publication this Summer, it’s called Ol’ Skool Rodz and will be available pretty soon. It’s going to be full of cool old school cars, not the glitzy ritzy mega money stuff. Again like I said above, if you are putting together a cool car contact Geno Di Pol and send the feature. You can also check the progress at www.olskoolrodz.com

We’ve heard that Indian Larry’s Pan chop won over Paul Yaffe’s bike at the Biker Build Off 3 in Laconia. Congrats to Indian Larry and the crew of Gasoline Alley. I guess T-Bear will have a lot more info in what went on since he was there. Look for the next one which will match none other than Billy Lane and Indian Larry. Hell Yeah ! it’s going to be a cool Old School chopperfest….

The Horse Smoke Out is taking place in a couple of weeks in Salisbury (aka Hell) North Carolina. All our plans of riding up went down the drain, but I will be showing up as promised with the Run for Breath trophies….See you there the week end of the 19th.

We are receiving a lot of photos and history of H-D bikes in Puerto Rico. If you read this and would have something to add please send us an e-mail. I know there’s a lot of you that have left the island, still if there’s any photos of stories , please let me know.

There’s been sightings of a West Coast Chopper t-shirt in the new movie 2 fast 2 furious as well as Horse shirts in a Metallica? video…. Cool for everyone…. cross over maximum…

Anyway I’m outta here, the flu medicine is kicking in. Before I become totally incoherent (and I mean totally), I hope by next week I will be in a better mood for some quality rant.

Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Report

Continued On Page 2

Continued From Page 1

We beefed up the area for the battery with a block of 2 x 4 wood and placed rubber sheets around it for insulation. The battery fit very loose, so I dug through my scrap drawer for a bicycle inner-tube. I tried wrapping it in coils for the correct thickness. In a sense we were rubber mounting the battery to make it last under the devastating rattle of a rigid. We were also insulating it from the metal walls that surround the battery. (A battery note: If you want to protect your bike and components for the evils of battery acid here’s a notion I’ve used in the past. I find a plastic bleach container, for example. Cut off the bottom of the container and slip it beneath the battery to protect the metal surrounding of the battery and catch any acid escaping the cells.)

Here’s the new battery, which came with acid. Ready to rock.

We used the 1.25 amp Battery Tender to charge the battery slowly. The tender monitors progress and shuts off when the battery is fully charged.

The battery came with battery acid and specific directions for filling each cell. Wrench let the battery set for almost an hour then refilled each cell. Then we charged the battery over night and finally topped off the cells once more before replacing the caps. We kept baking soda and water handy in case we spilled any acid. Extreme care in dealing with this nasty shit, is mandatory.

This shows the new battery in place, but wires are not in place. You can see the bicycle inner-tube suspension around the battery.

We could have installed the original metal battery cover but chose not to for a couple of reasons. One, because of the risk of the battery coming in contact with the metal cap (since the cap is not designed for this battery configuration). Two, because of heat and without the cap the battery can breathe. Third, since Sifu had a custom seat, the area was concealed from view and the ugly battery top didn’t show.

The old coil waiting to be removed.

The new Thunder-Bolt coil came with everything including a mounting bracket, fasteners and spark plug wires.

Nuttboy began replacing the coil that comes with everything including the bracket, fasteners, wire lugs and spark plug wires. I generally cut wires or spark plug wires long for safety. Then I trimmed back the insulation and splayed the wires out and over the insulation edge for a guaranteed connection.

We trim the insulation away from the wires for 1/4-inch and spread the wires out, to insure a connection, even if the wire vibrates around the coil peg.

I decided that Sifu’s cracked taillight lens needed to be replaced (it was busted and duck taped in place) and I found a billet license plate ring to conceal the bent and busted edges of the license plate.

About that time Chris Kallas showed up with a ’60s doodle-bug frame that needed pegs and a brake-pedal manufactured. We took a break and became a welding shop for a couple of hours. Believe it or not Kallas is restoring that pieced of shopping-cart crap. He said they’re worth more restored.

Back to the classic Pan. Sifu didn’t have a traditional regulator but a condenser style bolted to the battery. I removed it, traced the wire with a multimeter and used it for the hot connection to the regulator on the end of the generator. Unfortunately, whoever wired this beast, wrapped all the wires in black electrical tape instead of using loom. Some interesting wire configurations was necessary, but it worked out fine. One of the looms of wire had been stuffed between the left engine case and the generator–very hot placement. I moved the wire away from the cases and hid them behind the frame rail.

We removed the suicide clutch pedal to install the generator and regulator. Glad we did, we greased the dry pedal shaft.

These regulators are terrific and are simple as hell. Just take the cap off your generator and replace it with this unit. Wire the Green wire to the generator terminal marked “F”. Attach the Red wire to the “A” or Armature terminal and the black wire heads back to the hot side of the battery.

This unit comes with an indicator lighting system to show how it’s working. The red light indicates little or no charge, but when we screwed on the revs, the light turned green demonstrating that the generator is charging. If the lights go out there’s a problem.

With the generator installed with new Custom Chrome Colony hardware, it needed to be polarized. We could only handle this function after the new battery and regulator were wired into the system.

Figure 1, is the diagram for polarizing mechanical regulators. Momentarily connect a jumper wire of adequate gauge (battery cable) between the “Bat” and the “Gen” terminal on the regulator after all wires have been properly connected and before starting the motor.

Fig 2, shows how to polarize a generator system with an electronic regulator or rectifier. Before mounting the generator on the vehicle, place the generator on a non-conducting work surface (like a wooden bench) and connect the positive terminal of a battery to the armature terminal of the generator. Then momentarily “flash” the negative battery terminal to the generator field terminal.

I ordered a Blue Streak set of points and condenser, since I wanted everything to be electrically fresh. We also replaced the sealed beam and the taillight bulb. I set the points at .022 and the plugs at .024. Then I attempted to time the puppy. I pulled the front intake valve clip and the sparkplugs and pushed the bike over until it began to close. Then I took the timing plug out of the left side of the engine and peered in the hole. When the slot arrived I positioned it directly in the rear of the hole pressed against the back of the circle. With an ohm meter Wrench loosened the point plate with a 1/2 inch wrench and rotated the distributor until the points just opened as it was pushed into the advances position. Much care was taken to be exact.

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Title: Neighborhood Watch

by R. M. Hutchison

It’s funny, the things you remember, the things that seem to stand out in your mind as the years pile up. Back when I was a wet nose kid, we lived in a third floor walk-up that was part of an apartment complex lashed together for vets returning from the big war. It was made up of three story brick buildings each containing twelve apartments clustered around two stairwells. There were twenty buildings lining both sides of a quarter mile of street. It was old when we moved in. It wasn’t really the kind of housing project you see in the inner cities now, but we didn’t know that.

My old man was a big, ornery bad ass who’d made his bones leading an infantry company all the way from Normandy to Berlin. It was made up of what he lovingly referred to as misfits, goofballs, and losers . Not all of them made it, but of the ones who did, most of ’em came by at one time or another to thank the old Sarge and shake his hand. That was how I learned he’d been in the war. Some guy would show up at the door and him and the old man would hug each other and then break out the Old Sunnybrook. I’d get sent to bed early and have to listen from the door of my room as they talked way into the night about things the old man never mentioned. That’s when I understood that my old man was different from the other stiffs he worked with down at the plant. If even half of what those ex soldiers said about him could be believed, my old man was a cross between a water-walking, miracle-working savior and some kind of savage, blood drinking stone killer.

He was different in other ways too. This was the 60’s and nobody in our neighborhood rode motorcycles. Nobody except my old man. He’d ridden old Indians and Harleys as a kid but because of some of the combat injuries he suffered in the war, he’d laid off since then. All that changed about the time I turned seven.

One fall day just before Kennedy got elected, my first grade teacher came running into the room and dragged me to the office. They told me the old man had been in a car wreck and one of them drove me to the hospital and turned me over to my mother. Pissed off and blind drunk, he’d launched the family Plymouth station wagon airborne, at the end of a curve, on the bank of the Elk river, wrapping the big Detroit iron around a perfectly good tree. It died. He didn’t.

He spent three months in intensive care with a broken back and neck, then another three months wearing a brace that looked like a space suit out of a fifties monster movie. They told us he’d never walk again. They forgot to tell him. Three weeks after he strolled out of the hospital, Ma found out he’d been bangin’ one of the nurses since getting out of traction.

When he rode it home the first day, the neighbors had a fit. It was noisy, big and stood out against the beat up Fords and Chevys that hogged the parking spaces in that working class part of town. Somebody had painted the sonofabitch bright blue and that made it stand out even more. There were no lid laws in those days and the old man wouldn’t have pissed in one anyway. He wore boots, khaki work pants with white t-shirts and topped it off with a pair of mirrored “Roy Orbison” sunglasses.

I was in love with the bike and in awe of my old man. All the kids on the street were. He played it up to the hilt, knowing that it drove their parents nuts. Once in a while, if he hadn’t been drinkin’ much, he’d take the neighborhood kids for a short ride. My younger sister came up with the idea of chargin’ the little crumb grabbers a dime for each ride. We had seventy cents and were on our way to a buck-fifty when the old man caught on. He made us give all the money back and gave the rest of the kids in the line a free ride, after which they all got to watch him bust my ass. Since I always lied and took full credit for our evil deeds, my sister missed out on all the old man’s sessions with the big leather belt. All I could do was grit my teeth an hold on while he lit me up.

If we were really lucky, when he was in a good mood and not too hung over, he’d let us kids watch him tear the V-twin motor down. He did it right there in the parking space with all his tools laid out on an old piece of canvas. We knew better than to touch anything or even talk to him until he got the scooter back together and tuned just right. He’d start in the morning and have her purring by mid afternoon. The neighbors went ape-shit.

The kids loved him, the parents hated him, and me, I just wanted to grow up and be like him. I’d watch him tear out early in the morning on weekends to go on rides or to hill climbs. Once the big Panhead had disappeared, I’d listen till I couldn’t hear it anymore then go racing back and jump on my bicycle. We put baseball cards in the spokes to make engine sounds and pretended we were riding with my old man. We’d ride all day and into the night.

He always parked in front of our building so he could be as close to the bike as possible. He left his big logging chain and lock and the huge green tarpaulin in the middle of the parking space to keep some cage driver from taking it. He’d pull up and back into one of the old straight-in parking places between a Desoto or a Dodge , lay it over on the side stand and smoke a cigarette while he waited for the motor to cool. Then he’d cover the bike, wave at the loafers who lounged on the stoop in front of the manager’s office, then head inside.

Although nobody ever said anything about it, it was understood that most of the neighbors thought it was uncivilized to have a big, nasty, oil dripping, motorcycle taking up one of the rare and valuable pieces of prime parking real estate. They couldn’t understand why he didn’t leave it around in the side parking lot, sort of as an incentive to the hubcap thieves and glove box pilferers that prowled that area. But nobody ever actually made the suggestion. Face to face confrontations weren’t their style. The old man continued to mark his spot with his tarp and chain when he was out riding. The neighbors continued to bitch and whine behind his back.

As the weeks wore on, they couldn’t let it go. Seeing the big blue behemoth oiling up that pristine parking stall just ate away at them. Something had to be done and when they finally got up the courage to make their move, they chose guerilla tactics over diplomacy.

They waited in the dark until the old man wasn’t around and then someone knocked over the Duo Glide.

None of us saw it happen of course. They were very careful about that. We were all upstairs in that sweatbox of an apartment waiting for Ma to finish dinner, so we could eat and get back outside where it was a somewhat cooler. The old man answered the door, shirtless like he always was in that heat.

Looking past the old man, I could see a couple more of the local loafers hanging back, down on the lower landing. I watched the neighbor as my old man’s eyes bored holes in him. His face began to quiver a little around the jowls. He was sweating buckets. “Uhh. We think somebody hit it with a car. Probably trying to park in that space..not much light there you know.”

The old man closed the door in the guy’s face while he was still stammering. He turned toward the kitchen, and I saw my mother step away from the stove. She heard what the neighbor said and her face went white. She’d had enough experience with the old man’s temper to know what was coming. We all had.

The old man looked like he could kill death itself. He pulled on his boots and a shirt and headed down the stairs. By this time the messenger was long gone. I followed even though I knew it would be smarter and a whole lot safer to stay inside. I had to see this. I just knew the old man was going to go down there and just start kicking the shit out of whoever got in range. I mean, he didn’t have a choice. He was known to be a bad hombre and he couldn’t let a thing like this go by without some blood and broken teeth, if he expected to hold onto that rep.

I followed the old man out of the hall way into the hot dark night. I could hear the murmuring of the crowd that had gathered around the old man’s parking spot. “Wonder how it happened? Car musta hit it or… Ain?t safe parking a motorbike out here…Them juvie hot rod punks. They probably did it.” I remember thinking, it was funny that they were all men. On a hot night like this there should have been women and kids all over the street.

As he walked across the small square of grass that separated our building from the street, the little knot of men parted for him like he was Moses at the Red Sea. As they stepped back, he saw his beautiful Harley Davidson Duo Glide lying on it’s side puking oil and gas. He stepped up to his scoot and stood there, hands on hips looking down at it. His face was like a stone wall. He said nothing.

Finally, one of the little weasels got the nerve to speak up. “Hey, Mac, ain’tcha gonna pick up yer sickle?”

The old man shook his head. “Nope,” he said, as his eyes drilled into the crowd. “I ain’t the one that knocked it over.” He crossed his arms and glared at them. “And I won’t be the one pickin’ it up.”

I heard another voice from the crowd. “Well, gosh Mac. What are ya gonna do?”

But I thought wrong.

The old mans voice was calm and steady. Eerily conversational. “What I’m gonna do is, I’m gonna go back upstairs to my apartment, have myself a cup of coffee, and smoke a cigarette. That’ll take about thirty minutes. Then I’m gonna come back down here…” He let his gaze rest on each one of the men for emphasis. “By that time, whoever knocked that fuckin’ bike over had better have it sitting up on the kickstand all wiped off and just like I left it.” He turned on his heels without waiting for an answer and strode back inside the building.

I chased after him not knowing what to think. Somebody had kicked over the old man’s beloved motorcycle and no one was bleeding yet. He’d just turned around and gone home. I couldn’t believe it. I was just a kid, but even I knew one of those limp dicks in that crowd had done the deed. Was he just gonna let ’em get away with it?

I got upstairs just as the old man was putting a pan of water on the stove for instant coffee. Ma, being wiser the rest of us, had disappeared. My sister was oblivious in front of the TV and that left me as the only witness to what the old man did. And what he did was nothin’. He made the coffee, sat down with it at the kitchen table, lit up a Camel and watched the clock above the refrigerator wind down.

It was the longest half-hour of my life. The old man was quiet. He just sat there smoking and drinking the bad instant coffee. When a half hour had passed, he got up without a word and headed out the door and down the stairs. I chased after him, keeping my distance. Now maybe we’d see the fire, or the brimstone or maybe at least a little thunder and lightning. Maybe now he’d start kickin’ some ass.

By the time I got to the street, the old man was already there, standing in the big pool of yellow light cast by the street lamp. We were alone. The crowd of neighbors had evaporated. The street was empty. Empty accept for the big blue Duo Glide sitting upright on it’s kickstand, and centered perfectly over the oil stain that marked it’s spot in the middle of the parking place. The green tarp had been neatly folded and placed on the big leather seat.

The old man walked over to his bike and looked it over quickly. Once he was satisfied, he unfolded the tarp and covered the scooter. He stepped back and surveyed his work. Then he crossed his arms and did a slow scan of the entire street with those wicked looking eyes of his. He nodded his head slowly in satisfaction and turned to go back inside.

Usually, I would have tried to remain invisible at a time like this. But I had to know what had just happened. “Hey dad?”

I started for the entrance, trying to talk while still keeping a safe distance in front of him.

“How’d you know?”

“How’d I know what?”

“How did you know who knocked the bike over?”

For the first time he grinned. “Didn’t know.” he said.

Then who set the bike back up?”

“I got no idea.”

I stopped and turned to face him. “Well, don’t you wanta find out?”

“It’s not important for me to know who they are,” he said as he took my hand. “What’s important is for them to know who I am. Tonight, I just had to remind ’em a little.”

“But Dad,” I said, still not catching on. “Don’t ya wanna kick their asses?”

I heard him laugh that deep mean laugh of his. “I just did, boy,”he said. “I just did. Now get yer butt back up those stairs.”

THE END

Continued From Page 1

BIKERNET SALOON ADVICE–This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearingthe tightest pants he’s ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best ofhim, so he walks over and asks”How do you get into those pants?

The young woman looks him over and replies”Well, you could start by buying me a drink.

–from Rev CarlR

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BIKERNET SEXUAL STUDY–It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples isa doggie position.The husband sits up and begs, andThe wife rolls over and plays dead.

–from Rev CarlR

JOKER CHOPPER PIPES–At last, a set of SUPERCOOL chopper pipes that compliment our billet line! Give your bike the HIGH STLYE it deserves with these state-of-the-art pipes manufactured by us at Joker!

? Has Unique Reverse slash cut ends and our diamond logo plate brazed on midway along the outer pipe for an “Old School” look.

? Hand Crafted 3-Step exhaust design will surely enhance the looks and performance of any soft tail.

? Show quality fit and finish including our exclusive support bracket system.

? Fits 89-03? FLST and FXST?s

? Optional power cones available:

BIKERNET BLOND JOKE–A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,”Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New YorkCity?

The agent replies, “Just a minute…

“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up

–from Rev CarlR

THE PHOTOGRAPHY OF MICHAEL LICHTER CAPTURES THE PULSE, CELEBRATION AND SPIRIT OF STURGIS– St. Paul, Minn. – One week each August, The Sturgis Rally and Races, which began as a half-mile dirt-track race in the Black Hills of Sturgis, S.D., transforms from a small, Midwestern town of 6,700 into the center of the universe for more than 600,000 motorcycle enthusiasts from around the world.?

Sturgis: The Photography of Michael Lichter, by Michael Lichter (available now from MBI Publishing Company), is a stunning photographic record of this world-famous motorcycle rally and features nearly a quarter of a century’s worth of Lichter’s artistic photography.

Sturgis: The Photography of Michael Lichter retails for $29.95 (in Canada $47.95) and is available in bookstores everywhere. It also can be ordered through?Classic Motorbooks at (800) 826-6600 or www.motorbooks.com

BIKERNET WASHINGTON REPORT– Here’s the kind of party I love being invited to. A ‘Renewal’ ceremony, not a ‘Wedding’ on the 4th of July for Dave and Debi Goodale. 10 Years ago these two crazy kids got hitched on?Independence Day, ironically, and vowed they’d do it over again on their 10th and sure enough they did and with style! Not a detail was missed, from the sequined blue tailcoat of the groom, the?mad-hatter top-hats even on the preacher, right down to the matching red, white and blue sneakers of all the people in the ceremony, the flowers and balloons – even the?bride’s eyelashes and finger nails were multicolored, adorned with stars & stripes. Later on Don Graf graced us with some traditional Scottish bagpipe songs while the bonfire was ablaze and then the band took over.

Their granddaughter was a flower girl, Deb’s?only daughter gave her away, and the preacher and ceremony were pretty comedic as well, though?he recited a heart-felt?yet funny poem – written by the groom which made the bride cry, but there was hardly another tear falling?’cause it was?an upbeat?ceremony in unseasonably warm weather for Tacoma, WA. The reason behind it was best of all; two of the nicest people you’d ever wanna know celebrating not only 10 years together as a married couple, but renewing their vows to remain together.

Congratulations, Dave & Debi … and many more …

–Helen Wolfe

BIKERNET QUOTE OF THE DAY– “Life isn’t like a box of chocolates … it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow. ”

–from Bob T.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN/HAWAIIAN REPORT– As you all know we have been sunning our asses in Hawaii for the past week, all I can say is that it was a fucking blast ! Sure everything has a downside, like the swell that never showed up, but the rest was gravy. I did so many things that it will take me a couple days to gather my thoughts, so this week’s news is just going to be a fly by, and I’ll save the details for my story later on.I must say everyone was more than helpful and willing to bend over backwards to make our visit there the best possible, bikes were available, cool ass cars (thanks Deacon) cool people, shops, surf boards, even chicks….

The hotel location was primo and the sidewalks of Waikiki and every nook and cranny packed to the gills, the show was a hit and although Billy was getting most of the attention, reducing my famous status to semi famous, but I did my duty and took care of the lonely honeys that were lost amongst the rows of bikes. I got to meet the most talented builders in the island as well as the master of all masters, Mr Tiger Wong, who was kind enough to allow me to drool over his vast collection of kick ass chops and local boyz. I got to see friends that I have not seen for a long time , get in a shaping room and be able to mess with tools and screw up my own board (Thanks Jay Hodge, you go suck some foam you fucker !) This trip was epic, we met Tom from Rumble Customs and George in the street and of course we got to hang out (thanks for Mortons)The radio station was a blast with Augie and Lanai, plus the babe of babes Melisa ( Island Rhythms 98.5) , Cosmic paint, Nui, Roger, Ole Pan, Deacon, Dan and Melody, Captain, Larry, Chris T, Joerlene, Jay, all the dinner invitations, all the parties, all the whatevers we were invited to…..

I will take this space to thank all and everyone that showed up, helped out, took care of us, invited, partied, drank, talked, hung out, got me boards, lent me bikes, etc.etc,etc……. It was a real pleasure meeting everyone and being able to hang out and create some chaos…..Femme Nu for treating us like kings, even our cop bust was a set up !

It was a great time, and I hope I can go back there soon, or let me repay the hospitality here in Puerto Rico if life brings you by our shores…

One big fuckin’ ass Mahalo to all !See you next week, I’m fuckin’ jet lagged and trying to get all the shit together for Sturgis, plus the photos up on the site….

Whadda fuck, to play you gotta pay…..

–Jose

Visit our Web Site http://www.chopperfreak.com

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