The best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity.
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What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
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How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your Mom.
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What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?
Say, “Nice Dick.”
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Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
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What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
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What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
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What’s the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
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What’s the Cuban National Anthem?
Row row row your boat.
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What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time.” A Southern fairytale begins “‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit …”
