Sorry folks, no Bandit; Sin here again. The big guy is in Houston, aboard the SS Leon, preparing to leave for his trip around the world.
He left yesterday morning in the driving rain, barely able to carry all the porno, I mean, gear he needed to survive five months at sea. He was searched three times at the airport but somehow managed to smuggle five knifes, two guns and a pair of handcuffs on board the plane. The guns and knifes are to protect his mom, the handcuffs, well, he never did tell me why he needed those.
They landed in Houston about 7:50 p.m. last night. First their cabby said he didn?t know where the port was and then wanted to argue with Bandit because he said it was a bad area and he didn’t want to go there. He was a Cajun fellow with a heavy accent and Bandit could hardly understand him. Bandit finally had to pull a gun on the guy to get him to drive. They found the port around 9 p.m. They started at Dock 29 and needed to get to Dock 16. It was a moonless night and they could hardly see the road in front of them. The cabby drove real slow and went around each building as they strained their eyes to see. Bandit had to get out of the cab to read the names of the ships. When they finally found the ship Bandit was to board, there was a Filipino guy picking his teeth with a knife. He motioned for them to board, then disappeared.
Bikernet?s Classic Joke Of The Day—- There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough–the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” the doc said. Putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “Aha!” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side, then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. “Gee, what did you do, doc?” he asked. The doc replied, “I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots.”
Please attend our benefit fundraiser for the NYC firefighters—– This is an extremely worthwhile cause. We are giving all the profits to charity. The date is Dec. 15. We are having an indoor concert, so even if it rains the concert will still go on. Please attend the event and encourage others in the motorcycle community to attend as well. We are flying in at our own expense and honoring the hero firefighters. The miracle of Ladder Co. 6 from the World Trade Center will attend the ride. We are also expecting Jay Leno and many other celebrities. Our bands so far include The Blasters, Sly and the Family Stone original members, Survivor/Jim Peterik, possibly Blues Traveler, and many other bands to be announced this coming week. Check out the Web site at: www.usaconcertride.com. usaconcertride document home page
We are also offering vendor space for anyone who’d like to sell motorcycle-related products.
Please call us at (213) 216-7666 or (323) 651-0401.
Thanks, Jeff
Here’s a shot of the ship from Bandit’s cabin.
The Irish Take On Bin Laden—-
Osama bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering who to attack next when his telephone rang.
“Hallo, Mr. Laden,” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” bin Laden replied, “this is indeed important news! How big is your army?”
“Right now,” said Paddy, after a moments calculation, “there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next-door- neighbor Seamus and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”
Osama paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begorra!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back!”
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. “Mr. Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Osama asked. “Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer and Murphy’s farm tractor.”
Osama sighed. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 4,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1 1/2 million since we last spoke.”
“Saints preserve us!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. “Mr. Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborn! We’ve modified Harrigan’s ultralight with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!”
Osama was silent for a moment and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to two million!”
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Laden! I’m am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Osama. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” said Paddy, “we’ve all had a long chat over a bunch of pints and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”
Professional or Not?—-
The following short quiz consists of four questions and tells whether you are truly a “professional.” Scroll down for the answer. The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer:
Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, and all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer :
The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer:
You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, about 90 percent of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a 4 year old.
With Bandit and his mom now safely aboard their ship, they unpacked and settled in for the night. This is the ship they’ll be on for the next five months. All we can do now is wait for his updates to see how this trip unravels. Stay tuned… Sin
