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Jose had to see every H-D dealership in the Los Angeles region. He bought so much memorbilia that he was awarded the above preferred customer card.
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Hamsters at Love RideAs everyone knows I just spent the week end under the tutelage of Bikernet’s tycoon, Bandit, his plans were to make me suffer, so he called for rain, cold weather, a dresser to ride and the mysterious disappearance of his harem, but like the loco postman says, nor rain, nor , whatever…or something like that. Nothing will put me down, the dice were rolling…
Not even the jet lag, nor the hours difference would interfere with the master plan of total domination of the headquarters, the promises of a new Porsche went up in smoke when Bandit with his sickening sense of humour traded the racy car for a stinking fleet of “company” full dressers. I was waiting for a false move, and that cool ass knuckle would have been out of that door faster than you can say..gone…I quickly walked towards the Bikernet garage to ” borrow” the dual carbed Pan, but the old man was sly, he pulled some wires and made the oil light turn red. I did not want to chance it so I backed off, tell you the truth, I would have rather walked all the way to Castaic lake than ride one of those damn dressers….and that’s almost what I had to do. I awaited patiently while the sly mofo sipped his Jack, I was not defeated yet. Meanwhile the cold rain kept falling, and the farenheits kept dropping. Then in the gloomiest of hours I had my first encounter with my nemesis….yeap, the Road Kill. But wait, that was only in the first few hours..there’s more to come.
The following day (Friday) we ended up at Chicas shop in Huntington Beach, it was my revenge, after an overdose of factory bikes we landed in the Mecca of Old School choppers. The shop was full of Panheads, Shovels, Flatties and Knuckles…Haaalleeluyahh !! The Peanut tanks, springers and girders, plus many cool ass Invader wheels commanded the grounds. I soaked it all in, it was like a huge playground for chopper and old school fanatics. After a short tour, Bandit decided to leave (I assume that he wanted to torture me with the Dressers some more). So we headed out for a quick lunch and ready our wet asses for the party/concert at BB Kings in Universal studios, but before we went over by Nuttboy’s playground to cross check some of the progress on the Shrunken FXR and a heavy dose of reality, but I will explain about the card later.
To cement his plans Bandit had us meet with some Hamster friends of his, a situation that had the potential of turning ugly, and of a few rodents getting squished by my Vans, turned into a very pleasant evening. It was one of those reality checks that I will also talk about later. Bandit being the old geiser that he, wanted to leave early, before the party really started and I had a chance to play a bit with the cute waitress or any other hottie that showed up.
By this time Layla was at his side and convinced him to go and hang out at some hot spots in Long Beach… It was still raining in LA, and the night was not happening, we (Bandit) decided to call it a night (which was like 5:00 am to me) and rest for Saturday’s activities. I decided to go hide in my cave and disappear under the comforter.
Saturday morning called for the No Love Party, Jesse James and his crew at WCC get this party together, cool cars, the Wall of Death, all the Monster Garage stuff, and even some choppers managed to be there, it was really crowded and raining, so in less than a few minutes Bandit was missing, I did not notice right away since there was so much stuff going on, and so much to soak in (besides the frigid rain), when I finally was able to part the sea of admirers, I got to talk to Jesse and meet his hot, new wife Janine, just to be attacked by a new set of mobsters a couple seconds later. Sometimes (very seldom) I feel sorry for the man. He did not have a whole minute of peace while the party went on. I ended up meeting with Chris (one of Bandit’s friends) and we called trying to find him, the sly fox was long gone…
Irish Rich, from Denver, Lojack from Florida and a couple other friends were there so we did what any Chopper Freak ™ would do and stood in the rain ogling all the cool bikes that the Sinners had rode in. After a few hours I paid my respects to Mr and Mrs James, thanked them for the invitation and went back to the cave. I was fooled once more, the clock read 5:35 and it was dark, pitch black and raining, I was so screwed by the time change and did not realize I had a cluster fuck of sleep hours. Bandit’s call woke me from my nap, which in reality was bed time back in Puerto Rico. Billy Lane was MIA, so were our other “builder” friends. I was wondering if they were avoiding Bandit like the plague or merely having fun at some party that I did not know about. That night Bandit took us to another joint in Long Beach and then the phone rang, there was another party, and we headed in that direction. The guys from Hot Bike had a small party at the publisher’s house and all our friends were there, Billy, Mike Maldonado, Jesse Rooke, Stacy, Dirty Jim etc,etc. We arrived and had a good, quiet time, amongst old friends and the guys of Hot Bikes who were great hosts (thanks guys). We called it over since the Love Ride awaited the next morning. I felt like jumping out of the car when Bandit told me he had an Exfrumfrumfrumson for me to ride, but I did not know where the fuck I was so had to behave. I had nightmares of dressers and Preferred Customer cards, me dressed in yellow while branding my ” card” with a photo astride a Road King and heading towards Castaic Lake doing 15 miles per hour with a bunch of pins on my vest. I was trapped in a sterile world of HOG members while being directed by Roy with his Road Captain plaque in his lapel….talk about fucking nightmares !!!!!
Bandit sensing that I was about to buy an AK-47 and go postal gave me a break and decided to leave later than normal and avoid the crowds. I arose slowly the next morning and headed towards his section of the Bikernet mansion. Maybe his heart had been softened and the cool ass Knuckle would be waiting for me, no dice amigo. The Exfumfomfufufum was waiting for me, Hell!!!, at least it was pretty cool since it was made in Bandit’s chopper days and was bobbed. After finishing with all the clothing and jackets, and crap, the Pillsbury doughboy (yours truly) was ready to rock. It was finally sunny, but still a bit cold for this tropical soul. In a last effort to break me, Bandit “suggested” that I leave my night riding glasses…..and stupid me left them.
One thing I must admit is that the Old man rode that Road King like there was no tomorrow, me on the other hand, on a bike that I have never ridden before with highbars to the stars, had no fucking choice but to reach for the rails and follow his ass, and that’s what I did…We hauled ass down 110 and crossed LA’s Hollywood area. It’s so cool to be able to ride to all those places, there’s something of riding into “famous” places that I can’t describe. Another thing, all the hot chicks in LA were on that road that morning….Bandit’s plan was crumbling..little by little. We hooked up with interstate 5 heading North towards Castaic. Again the speedo pegged around 80 to 90 mph, we cut lanes every day in PR so I was there with them, no shaking off this home boy, no sir… We managed to make it in one piece to the lake, a lot of guys were checking the Exfrumfomfum out and asking stuff. I directed them to Bandit, mumbled something, and got outta there…fast.
We managed to walk around the grounds, all kinds of vendors were there. We said hi to old friends (who were more than surprised to see me that far West) and met with Chris and The Yellow shirted guys once more (the plans of indoctrination continued their course, to no avail) Chica was there with his VL frame stuffed with a Shovel motor as promised, a two day bike, and very cool.
We walked around and said hi, the girls from the show Motorcycle Women were there, and I swear the oriental girl Qian was checking me out…(G) Maybe they were looking for me to kick my ass, another reality check…. They must have had a much fun as we did on our ride, and it showed. Four of them hanging out and having a ball, a strong bond of ..sisterhood. I guess that the cameras did not matter, the ride was the purpose, and that’s the way it was….Just as I was heading over to ask her out Layla grabbed me and redirected my actions, I guess she was, after all, jealous of the great times we had in Puerto Rico when Bandit went around the World….Or could it be that she saved me of a beating, or making a fool of myself by inviting her to Tahiti….I guess we will never know (By the way, if you are reading this send me an e-mail…)
By then we (I mean Bandit) decided to get the hell outta Dodge, Chris and the other rodents took off with us as well, heading to Brentwood (home of the infamous OJ) and dinner.Once more I was surrounded by full dressers, and going at top speed trying to shake the short wheel based Exfrumfofum and me, once more to no avail. That night we headed back to Pedro and I got ready to hit the airport…It was over. Not before cutting every lane, car, rub, wannabe, V-rod and even animal that crossed our paths. We escaped along truck lanes that were empty and saved us time. I bounced all over the Freeways but managed to keep the Bobber upright…It was not much fun riding at night, freezing my ass, with dark sunglasses. Like always I said Fuck it and rode all the way back just by feel. I made it in one piece…Once again.
Aftermath:I had a great time, all the people I met were so cool to me it’s not even funny. Chris, Clifford and the Hamsters had the coolest Full Dress bikes I’ve seen, and they ride the shit outta them, (there was nothing much left of these dressers but the bags), but cool none the less. The guys at Hot Bike, WCC, Chica, Mike Maldonado, Johnny Suede, Chris Hill, Nuttboy, Bandit, Layla….etc,etc. I thank you all, had a great time. Funny that in the land of fake, actors and silicone, I found true friends and brother bikers, plus saw the sisterhood of the girls on the show and managed to stay away from riding a damn dresser…But man how I missed my Chopper. Maybe next year she will make the trip with me…and maybe, just maybe…It won’t rain.
–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Tour and Travel report
Gripes, kudos or to ask me out (yes you!) mailto:Jose@ChopperFreak.com
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