Happy Moms’ Day Goddamnit,
The sun’s out and the roads are clear and wide. If mom really was cool I’d throw a bottle of wine at her front door as I rode out of town to a whorehouse just south of the border. She’d toast me and wish me cold margaritas, safe and open roads and big tits to fill my day. Ah, it’s good to dream.
Let’s get to the news, I’m runnin’ late.
SPEAKIN’ OF WOMEN– Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
STARLA MAKES IT TO BIKERNET– Hi, my name is Starla and I am from Modesto, California, I took this picture of me one day goofing off and it turned out rather good, thought maybe it could be used somehow somewhere in a magazine if possible..
–Starla
NEW BIKERNET BONNEVILLER EFFORT SPONSOR– Just read the Thursday news, great job as usual. I sent you guys a $50 sponsorship payment for help with the builds. I know it’s not much, but $50 is like 500 to me at this moment. Money’s tight at the White house, but I’m sure it’s tight everywhere. I really wish I could send you more as I owe you for the opportunities you have provided for me. Anyways, here’s my chump change.
Thanks for being true to the cause and blazing the path others have followed. Tell Nyla we said hello and enjoy the Buell. One of these days, we’re going to just show up and hang for a week at the palace known as Bikernet headquarters.
I will be in fire school for 3 days. No big deal, it’s a job requirement to be trained for industrial fire. I usually have a blast and ride my bike all over College Station. Hey, I can take some shots and send them to you for the sight of us guys fighting fire and getting our asses kicked!
Oh, and I will try to interview a couple of the people for the stamp story today. Goddog I can ramble.
What did I write you for? Oh yeah, here’s my 50 bucks! Buy a steak and have a drink on me!
–Johnny Humble and family
ULTIMATE HILL CLIMB IN NOVA SCOTIA–I live in Nova scotia and am planning a Hill Climb here. I’m just wondering what type of insurance is needed and who you used for insurance. Do you have any info or tips for me?
–Karma-Rae
BIKERNET MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY– “Winners are those people who make a habit of doing the things losers are uncomfortable doing.”
– Ed Foreman
LUCKY DEVIL DISCOVERS AIRPLANE MOTORCYCLE– Hey check this out, the guy from Pimpsticks sent this to me. Man I had quite a day. I got in some good time on fab for another stripped down Shovel, fixed the fence, knocked out two service jobs and then rode the Texas Fireball down town with Bosshamer on his chop to check out a club. We had a killer time but I have to admit the best part was the ridin’.
— Kent
NAVY TATTO LAW CHANGED– Now hear this: The U.S. Navy has opened vast new stretches of skin to needles and ink. Essentially erasing a previous rule that no more than 25 percent of a particular body part could be tattooed, the brass has now deemed virtually the entire chest, back, belly and behind to be acceptable canvasses for artistic decoration or personal expression.
Gone, too, is the prohibition against wearing more than five tats.
About the only restrictions remaining are that such tattoos neither be visible through a white uniform nor racist, obscene, gang-related or otherwise “prejudicial to good order, discipline and morale,” according to an April ruling by the chief of naval operations.
Sailors — for whom tattoos have been a matter of lifestyle and lore for more than 200 years — also may continue to adorn their hands with the inked images, and sport them on arms and legs, so long as they are no larger than the size of the sailor’s hand, with fingers extended. Though it could not be officially confirmed, it appears that the anchors on Popeye’s bulging forearms would qualify.
Still taboo, though, are tattoos on the neck, face or head, as is permanent eyeliner and other such cosmetic applications. This positions the Navy to the starboard of the Army, which last month decided to allow body art on the nape of the neck and endorsed “conservative” indelible makeup.
While critics said the Army loosened its rules to enlarge the pool of young people available to recruit, the service said it did so to adapt to changing trends. It cited a 2003 Scripps Howard News Service and Ohio University survey that found about 28 percent of Americans under 25 say they have tattoos.
But the Navy said its surveys showed that head, neck and face tattoos aren’t very popular. Besides, said Robert Carroll, head of the Navy’s task force on uniforms, such decoration does not fit with the image the Navy wants to present.
“We are keeping our tattoos in line with who we are as sailors and as ambassadors for the United States,” said Carroll, a submariner who sports none. “The American people expect their military personnel to look professional.”
The new rules constitute a tweaking of the first broad, official Navy policy on tattoos, which was issued in 2003, Carroll said. The fondness of the MTV generation for tattoos and other body modifications was the spur for the maiden policy.
“Prior to 2003, it wasn’t an issue. We didn’t have a trend in society,” Carroll said. But, almost from the Navy’s birth during the Revolutionary War, tattoos have been part of its culture. In fact, according to an expert on the history of tattoos, it was sailors who first brought the art of etching the skin with ink to the United States.
— By Lisa Hoffman, Scripps Howard News Service
–from Mark Lonsdale
BIKERNET DISCOVERY, FIRST 48-CYLINDER MOTORCYCLE– Backyard inventor Simon Whitlock has created a 48-cylinder, 4200cc motorcycle basically by bolting a bunch of engine parts together. It apparently took him three years to complete, overcoming some “huge problems” along the way. It needs a 75cc “Donkey” motor under the seat to start the 48-cyl engine. According to the report, the main engine weighs one ton. “Don’t look at it as a bike, look at it as a pure feat of engineering,” he said. Images and video after the jump?
–from John Reed
TULSA ALL AMERICAN MOTORCYCLE CHAMPIONSHIPS NEXT WEEKEND–Tulsa Raceway Park will host the 2nd Annual Tulsa “All American Motorcycle Championships” Sunday May 21st at Dan Gutterman’s constantly upgraded track. The 40 plus year old dragstrip now in preparation for a scheduled 2007 IHRA National has the bulldozers working The RIGHT WAY!!. Last season when the Texas Style Party Drags came to town, TRP had already received a New Tower, NEW Great Viewing Elevated Bleachers and a double throw-down 60 foot wide, plenty long, ground smooth, ALL CONCRETE 1/4 Mile Racin’ Surface…
The 8 Bike Qualified Run-What-You-Brung Top Fuel Harley Eleminator will be in conjunction with a Top Alcohol Harley Eleminator, and over 30 Sportsman Trophy Classes including Macho Eleminator for Harley Davidson & Polaris Motorcycles of all types from Stock to Drag Modified.
Oklahoma’s 2006 Big Drags are Presented by Lonnie Red’s Tulsa based Red Racing. The team is expecting to enter 3 Pro Catagory Harleys in the battle themselves; including their potent Pride of Tulsa Top Fuel Harley.
Polaris Outdoors, Oklahoma?s Thunder Roads Magazine, Blues City Bar & Grill, Green Country Interiors, The Gold Mine Lounge and Jack?s Motorcycle Service along with Myers Duren Harley-Davidson on South Peoria and Route 66 Harley Davidson on South Memorial Dr. will all Sponsor this season’s drags along with Raddison Inn Tulsa and it’s Racers Deals!!
A Vendors Midway, Door Prize Give-Aways, and the ?ever popular? Burn-Out Contest should round out a days fun at the bike drags. Adult tickets are $25 and Kids 5-14 are $5 while Under 5 is Free. Gates Open at 9am – Time Trials at 10am and Eleminations at 2pm.
45 FLATTY BONNEVILLE RUNNER CRITIQUE– I have been following the 45 Bonneville attempt. It has my attention and I am sure the attention of many of the Bikernet.com followers. Last night I read the article on the front end build and I must say it has me concerned. I have a mechanical engineering background and a good eye for what works mechanically or not.
I have a strong opinion concerning the manner in which the 45 front end is set up. In all honesty I don’t think it is the best set up. for one I do not like the spacer above the top steering nut.
I also do not think the dogbone risers below the top tree are the best solution for a low profile. Both give me a sense of dread at how they could affect handling at high speed. Since the 45 has a naturally short wheelbase to start with the front fork will have direct and pronounced input on the handling. I would like to suggest a couple quick fix options for your consideration.
You said the fork tubes you ordered were an inch longer than expected. That is probably because they sent you the wrong fork tubes, it happens. Since you have them installed please consider pulling the steering nut spacer off and installing the fork tree as it should be, directly above the steering neck. You can then pull the fork tubes up through the top tree and adjust as needed to get the best height for the run conditions with little trouble.
The second suggestion is to install a set of K/N Super Bars or a similar style handlebar upside down on the top of the top fork tree. This will give the necessary low rider profile and increase the sense of rider handlebar sensitivity. I can not see how the rider would feel secure with the current rubber mounted under the fork tree setup at high speed.
–Anson
I Will install steering dampers on both bikes. I will also have a motorcycle engineer look over both bikes. On the surface I believe that the longer Sportster front end with add more rake and trail to the chassis and stability over the old springer front end. I’m not sure it matters where the bars are positioned as long as the rider can get low down. But I will get a reputable second and third opinion.–Bandit
JOHN REED ON THE FIRST SPORTBIKE PANHEAD FOR BONNEVILLE–It looks different, I am curious to see it finished. Some of the brackets, etc. you make, look like they are hot rolled mild steel.
If they are, they would be a lot stronger if you used cold rolled steel. On hot rolled they put the material thru the rollers when it’s hot, and all the little molecules squash down more or less where they want.
When they roll it cold, it pushes the molecules in lines, you can tell because the edges of the metal are really square, and the hot cold doesn’t. The hot cold has a blackish finish that has to be ground off before welding and finishing to a polish. The hot rolled bends easy. Sometimes the cold rolled needs a little heat to persuade it.
–John Reed
We are working with and looking for a write who will take us through metals 101, just for this purpose. I grew up around machine shops, but know only the basics. More info coming.–Bandit
EVENT PHOTO WEB SITE– As I said, I have thousands of Florida event images to choose from and many other events coming up so if you need something specific, just ask.
–Jack
BIKERPICS.ORG
PARTS HUNTER– I’m building an old school type chop and need to find a dipstick for my oil tank that is shaped like a dagger or knife of some sort. I’ve seen these in magazines and catalogs for years, but now that I want one, I can’t seem to find anyone who sells ’em. I was wandering if you might know someone.
–bones
mailto:oldshovelmech@aol.com>
THE REAL JOHNNY CHOP TRIBUTE NEXT WEEKEND–In 2005 Mitch Bergeron and Johnny Chop assembled the All American Motorcycle Madness Dream Bike. This bike was built by them over the weekend of the show and was given away to one lucky event participant. Mitch and Johnny did a great job building the bike, and American Thunder TV got some good shots when covering the build on their show. We were all scheduled to do the same this year.
With the untimely passing of Johnny we have been in contact with his family. What we have decided to do is build a tribute bike to Johnny Chop. With the help of Johnny’s friends like Mitch Bergeron, Kirk Taylor, Tom Foster, The Count From Counts Kustoms just to name a few. This bike will be built at the Santa Maria All American Motorcycle Madness show, SPONSORED BY BIKERNET.COM, May 19th – 21st and instead of just giving the bike away to someone at the show we will be selling tickets to win the bike there and will continue to sell them at our other shows. (Rose Bowl BikeFest June 24th-25th and Grand National Bike Show San Francisco October 14th and 15th). The bike is scheduled to be given away on Oct. 15th. We also plan on selling them at other shows like Las Vegas BikeFest with the bike at the booth, they will be available on line on the Johnny Chop site as well as other sites with a 100% of the proceeds are going to his family to fund the charities and special interests that helped Johnny through the years.
We can only imagine that this will become a very celebrated bike build as well as a treasure to own. The tickets for the bike are $30.00 and include a $15.00 limited edition Johnny Chop tribute t-shirt.
–Spike Smile
BIKERNET LESSON IN LIFE– Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a “man about town” so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees. Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack.
When Pedro was undressing Maria said, “Oh Pedro, what is that?”
Pedro being very quick thinking said, “Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these.” And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Maria was happy.
The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something. “Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too.”
Thinking fast, Pedro said, “Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those.”
Maria being very stupid accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night.
Pedro went off to work, again, the next morning; and, when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.
Pedro said, “Maria, what is the matter now?”
“Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one!!”
–from Joe Lankau
BIKERNET SUMMER 2006 BBQ RULE BOOK– After months of cold and rainy weather, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it’s the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine….
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine….
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women….
–from Joe Lankau
NEW ROCK N THE RALLY? MUSIC FEST TO SHAKE UP STURGIS– Organizers Build $11 Million, 34-Acre Amphitheatre with Plans to Hold Music Fest Through 2016. From its humble beginnings to its meteoric rise as one of the top motorcycling events in the world, Sturgis Bike Week will now be considered one of the world’s leading concert destinations with the premier of Rock’n the Rally, a new live-music amphitheater opening in 2006 at the popular Glencoe Camp Resort.
At this year?s 66th Annual Sturgis Bike Week rally in August, Rock’n the Rally will become the world’s largest outdoor amphitheater, complete with seating on natural grass for 120,000 fans. Construction started last September at Glencoe and more than 1.2 million yards of soil have been moved to create a 34-acre music venue to rival even the most unique entertainment complexes in the world today. The project is estimated to cost around $11 million.
At the inaugural debut of Rock n the Rally, Aerosmith, American?s all-time rock and roll group, will head a five-day line-up of more than 20 nationally acclaimed acts. Other signed acts include Steve Miller, Keith Urban, Big & Rich, Steppenwolf, Deep Purple, REO Speedwagon, Foghat, Cheap Trick, Fabulous Thunderbirds, Georgia Satellites, Gregg Rolie of Santana, Shooter Jennings, and Cross Canadian Ragweed.
Organizers will be adding bands daily. A complete list of show times and updates can be found at http://www.glencoecamp.com/.
NEW RACE TRACK– Don’t know if you’ve heard or not… Local Utah capitalist/car enthusiast Larry Miller has built a pretty amazing road course in Tooele, UT. Tooele is about 25 miles west of Salt Lake City (on the way to the Salt Flats). The Gumball Rally just came through and tore it up!!
They have scheduled Vintage Motorcycle Racing on September 15-17th. Here’s a link to the Miller Motorsports Park: http://www.millermotorsportspark.com/
Anyone can drive or ride the track, but definitely not for free!!
–Dan Rivers
$70,000 CASH PURSE AT LA CALENDAR SHOW— $70,000 Purse in Cash and Awards at America’s Premier Street Bike Weekend 2006 LA Calendar Motorcycle Show Weekend July 15-16th.
The 15th annual Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show Weekend, Sponsored by Bikernet.com, July 15-16th 2006 at the Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach / Los Angeles, continues its extraordinary growth and success having become the biggest Custom and Performance Streetbike Show in America and possibly the World focused on the custom, cruiser and high performance sport / streetbike markets. The Calendar Bike Show Weekend features one of the world’s top bike show contests with one of the biggest purses ever.
Many of the world’s top Pro and Amateur Builder street bike builders will be on hand to compete in the Performance Machine Calendar Show Bike Building Championship with a record breaking purse of our $70,000 in cash and awards. This year’s Show Contest features three new classes including Street Chopper, Bar Hopper, plus the new RoadBike Magazine Metric Class located in the exciting new Roadbike Metric Midway featuring Japanese Cruisers, along with classes for European and Japanese Sportbikes.
There will be a total of 10 Calendar Bike Building Championship Classes including the premier Radical Pro Builder Class sponsored by American Iron magazine with a $5,000 cash purse up for grabs, plus the coveted Performance Machine Best of Show Trophy.
Other Championship Classes feature contingency sponsorships by Jardine, Vance & Hines, Havoc Industries, American Iron and Iron Works magazines with winners receiving complete exhaust systems of their choice, magazine subscriptions, and other many other awards totaling $70,000. Not the least of which is the $5,000 product award for Best Performance Machine Equipped Bike at the show from the title sponsor. Many of the class sponsors will be constructing unique one off trophies for 1st place, and in most other classes the Iron & Lace Calendar sponsor’s famous Mikuni Carburetor Desk Set awards will go out for 1st in each class, with 2nd and 3rd receiving the Show’s Engraved Liquor Flasks for the most unique and coveted awards from America’s premier Bike show.
And perhaps most exciting of all, selected bikes form the Calendar Bike Building Championship will be invited by producer Jim Gianatsis to have their motorcycles photographed and featured in the next FastDates.com’s Iron & Lace Custom Bikes & Centerfold Models, and SBK Fast Dates Racebike Pinup and Swimsuit Model Calendars sponsored by Mikuni, Performance Machine and Jardine Performance.
Many of the world’s premier custom bike builders including Jesse Rooke, Harold Pontarelli, Russell Mitchell and Dreamcraft Studios scored their first Bike Show wins and won international media recognition in the Calendars and at the Calendar Motorcycle show as their springboard to fame and fortune.
BILLY LANE DVD AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC– Billy Lane’s new movie, “Blood, Sweat and Gears,” can be purchased online at www.choppersinc.com or by calling (888)BSG-2005. Don’t miss out on your chance to own this piece of motorcycle history! This is a limited edition motorcycle film so don’t wait, order your copy today!
CUT THE CAKE–Mother’s day is behind us and we can rock once more. Watch Bikernet this week for more bike features, more stories about our Bonneville bikes and more girls for Girls of Bikernet, I hope.
One of our major contributors works at a strip joint, another shoots covers for Easyriders. Hell, he’s working on a cover now, plus a feature for Girls of Bikernet. Action is right around the bend.
I also have two features that need to be added to the Cantina. I may work on one later tonight. Hell I did. I cleaned up the story on Tiger, from Hawaii, but the Digital One must post the article in “Badlands” about the 86-year-old member of the World Wide Motorcycle Club. Hang on.
In the meantime have a margarita at the Cantina.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
