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RIP’S BAD RIDE REPORT, SORTA–HI ALL , I’M TOLD THIS DIDNT GO THRU THE FIRST TIME I SENT IT. TO ALL OF U WHO VOLENTEERED FOR THE BAD RIDE I WANT TO THANK YOU IN ADVANCE WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU FROM LA#1 THESE EVENTS COULD NOT TAKE PLACE AS IVE ALWAYS SAID LA 1 HAS THE GREATEST PEOPLE FOR THE VOLENTEERS PLEASE ARIVE AT BARTELLS BEFORE 7.30 AM ON SUNDAY I HAVE VOLENTEER T SHIRTS FOR YOU THIS YEAR WE EXPECT THE EVENT TO BE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER HOPE TO SEE YALL THERE WEATHER UR A VOLENTEER OR A PARTICIPANT IN THE EVENT PEACE TO ALL
— ALLAN
DALLAS EASYRIDERS GRADUATES–That’s right, the President of Dallas Easyriders, Stephen Fairless is about to graduate from High School in Dallas. The Chairman of the board, his father Rick is might proud of him, as is his mom Tina.
Hell, the staff of Bikernet is proud of him. Congratulations.
JIMS TAPPETS–We received a complaint about JIMS tappets, but have always had positive reports on JIMS workmanship. Let us know, if you have had a similar problem.”Jims is great until something goes wrong. An axle walked out of a tappet and hit an S&S billet block. Jim does not interference fit the axles and only crimps the axle in 3 places. The ones he makes for Harley are better probably because they demand it. There are numerous patents for retention systems due to these problems by the automakers. He knew or should have known.”
–Kevin
Rough concept illustration by the Nutt himself.
COMMENT FROM NUTTBOY ABOUT HIS RECENT FXR ARTICLE–Like I said, it’s sweeter than tangy cooter, it’s tighter than young cunt, it’s hotter than a $2 hooker, it’s better than sliced bread…… print the fucker…..
— NuttBoy
You can find it on the home page, in the Garage or in the Joker or CCI area.
BIKERNET PRE-LACONIA REPORT–Just days before the kickoff of Laconia’s Motorcycle Week – an event dubbed New Hampshire’s Mardi Gras – six of the largest party venues have been told that the state, worried about signs of a simmering feud between rival biker gangs, probably will reject their requests for special liquor permits tomorrowYesterday, devastated business owners said authorities’ fears are overblown and accused them of a ”politically motivated crusade” to stamp out the 79-year tradition.
”We feel that this whole scenario was staged and orchestrated at the 11th hour in secret meetings to ensure that we will not have enough time to react,” according to a statement from the Motorcycle Week Economic Task Force, a group of bar owners who hired an attorney and held a press conference yesterday. The ban on regulated beer tents, they argued, would only increase public drinking in areas that are not prepared for it.
But New Hampshire authorities point to the deaths of four bikers in New York and Nevada during gatherings this year. Biker supporters, however, say a rally in Myrtle Beach last month – the nation’s fourth-largest – was peaceful.”It does beg the question of what [Motorcycle Week]) is supposed to be,” said Aidan Moore, chief of enforcement at the New Hampshire State Liquor Commission. ”Most of the arrests are alcohol-related … Maybe it’s worth looking at whether this event is too closely correlated with alcohol than its original purpose.”
After the Nevada brawl, New Hampshire authorities began to prepare for possible violence in Laconia, a city of 17,000 that hosts 350,000 motorcycle enthusiasts annually, boasts broad support for the biker culture, and is home to a Hell’s Angels clubhouse.
Soon, the state began to debate how Laconia should prepare for the event, which brought in $250 million in tourist dollars last year. The state’s largest newspaper, the Manchester-based Union Leader, ran a front-page editorial last week calling for cancellation of Motorcycle Week, evoking images of Sept. 11.
John Deachman, the attorney representing the businesses, said he intends to go to court Friday if the commission decides not to grant the special licenses.
Yesterday, some bar owners made a desperate plea to the Hell’s Angels and rival gangs, urging them to tell police that they have no plans to fight one another. But Jay Allen, owner of the Broken Spoke Saloon chain, has already canceled his tent.
”New Hamsphire alone is in hysterics about this,” he said. ”And this is the `Live Free or Die’ state.”
This shot came with the caption that women are dicks, or maybe it’s the ultimate VooDoo Penis.
* VooDoo Penis– A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he’d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said,” Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except—” and he stopped.
“Except what?” the man asked.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis”
“So what’s up with this Voodoo Penis?” he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said “Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!
“The old man replied, ‘But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo Penis, the door.”
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said, “Voodoo Penis, return to box!” The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
“I’ll take it!” said the businessman. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say “Voodoo Penis, my crotch.”
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said “Voodoo Penis, my crotch!” The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, “I haven’t had anything to drink, officer. You see, I’ve got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!”
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, “Yeah, right… Voodoo Penis, my ass.”
The rest is history.
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