Everything is out of sorts today. I’m not sure if I’m comin’ or goin’. Had some riders stop by and one proclaimed that if I paid him a grand, he’d buy my T-Bird for nothin’. It was an odd deal, but sounded like the type of transaction that I usually go for, so I took it. Got a line on a ’98 F150 with a long bed, so I need to unload that bird.
The real hot dog!
For some odd reason, I’ve received a number of animal-related shots. I can’t help it, they just roll in here, so I’ll force you to look at ’em. I’m like W.C. Fields. Keep the dogs and the kids away from me. The Bikernet mascot cat, Lucky, only gets to stick around on a week-to-week option.
Dalmatians
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past them. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No, he’s just for good luck,” said another.
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
NuttBoy on Acid
Bug slapped like some two-bit joker on a ripped-off bike he don’t know…there I was, burnin’ the asphalt with Satan’s fire. ?Eyes glazed with a whiff of speed up my nose, I couldn’t see the traffic ahead and it didn’t matter. ?I was headed for trouble on a one-way ticket to hell. ?I had cut all my connections to family and friends. ?I ducked as the 12- gauge blast from my wife sailed over my head like a flight of geese headin’ for Canada. ?And that might be my destination too. ??
???Man, I didn’t know what the fuck was in my tea leaves but it was some vindictive bitch who was readin’ my fortune. ?It wasn’t as if I were some smooth talkin’ son of a bitch. ?I mean it was just me and why the fuck did these women seem to stick on me like flies to shit?
Well I’d have to leave that part of the story to those who would write my epitaph. I’m telling you the story for your own good. ?It won’t help me, I’m fucked. ?The guillotine is sliding downward toward my skinny chicken neck. ? That’s destiny. ?There is no turning back. ?The keen edge of the blade will soon be separating me from any chance I have of ordering another round of beers or playing another game of pool.
?????It’s not a noble life I’ve led. ?I mean, there is nothing that would give the knife edge a pause. ?A moment between the light of day and the black of night. ??I’ve hurt those who cared. ?I’ve cheated those who tried. ?There are honest women who grind their teeth in wretched agony over the pain I have caused them.
More to come if the liquor still flows………a day to get fucked up, I guess.
Perhaps a confession to the devil–Bandit.
Production Knucklehead Sneak preview of this Knuck. We’ll have more on it in the near future.
Every 10th Member Gets Copy of Orwell
This week, Michael Channell of Omaha, Neb., won a signed copy of “Sam ‘Chopper’ Orwell.” Every 10th member to join wins. Not a bad start. Spread the word.
Executive Director Position
The Sturgis Motorcycle Museum and Hall of Fame is seeking individual for full-time, year-round director position. ?Candidate will be responsible for the complete operation of the museum, including grant writing and other fund raising programs.
Send resume to:
Sturgis Motorcycle Museum
P.O. Box 602
Sturgis, S.D. 57785
24 Hours To Live
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?” Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, “Honey, please…just one more time before I die.” She says,
“Of course, dear,” and they make love for a third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending demise, tosses and turns until he’s down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only four more hours. Do you think we could…”
At this point the wife sits up and says, “Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning…..you don’t.”
Sturgis Planning Committee Meeting
Hey, we need to get together and have a Sturgis planning session. I say we leave Friday the 27th. That would give us an extra day if we decide to hang out someplace or have a break down. Let me know what you think of this. We could ride from L.A. to Lone Pine, then to Carson City, Nev., then on to Burns, Ore., Sun Valley, Idaho, and into Jackson Hole. That leaves us one extra day. If we push it the first day, we could ride straight through to Carson City. I’m trying to make this a 250-300 mile-a-day cruise. If you like the sound of this, we can widdle on it some more. Maybe I’ll go to AAA and get stop-over suggestions. Or we just wing it.–Bandit
Fuck it, let’s just ride until we run out of money, then let’s sell the women and ride some more, muthafucker–Dr. Hamster
Yeah, we like that notion. Fuck your plan, Bandit, let’s ride. I say we vote on it. All in favor, say aye!–Renegade
Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, arrrgh….
I have but one suggestion men. Let’s take really hot looking women, so when we sell them we can buy some more.–Bandit
Bikernet Staffer Wins Fifth Place
Bikernet staff member Chris Tonolone, creator of the latest Bikernet sticker, escaped his office the other day to fish in a tournament in Hawaii. His team came in fifth place with a score of tuna.
Gun Alert
H.R. 114 (Holt): This bill would require federal registration of handguns (including handguns already owned) in any state which had failed to implement a handgun registration program.
For more info contact:
Chris W. Stark – Director
P.O. Box 1924
Crosby, Texas 77532-1924
Ph. (713) 202-9548 Fax (810) 283-7459
http://www.GOA-Texas.org
e-mail: Director@GOA-Texas.org
The Lame Game Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
That’s It
It’s a fuckin’ beautiful day and I’m still waiting on chrome for the Buell to put that puppy back together. But it’s time to ride. I’m going to drag the ’48 Pan out and take a putt over to the point.
Sin Wu just stopped buy, screamin’ and a bitchin. I’ll handcuff her to the computer and escape.–Bandit
