It’s gonna be a quickie Sunday Post folks. Since Bandit’s off to Sturgis, the girls and I have joined forces to keep ourselves entertained while he’s away. We had a party last night here at the headquarters and invited over all our girlfriends. If Bandit only knew how many women were in his house last night he would have turned around and come back! I need to hurry and finish this, we’re tanning in the back and the ice is starting to melt in my margarita.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Confiscate Guns
It Has Started! Illinois Begins to Confiscate Registered Guns July 16, 2001 – Illinois
The Chicago Police Department and the Illinois State Police have teamed up to make good on Mayor Daley’s pledge that, if it were up to him, nobody would have a gun. Daley and his elite “CAGE” unit are apparently taking advantage of gun privacy loopholes to pinpoint certain individuals for inclusion in the confiscation program. The ISRA is following up on leads in one case that has disturbing implications.
An elderly first-generation Chicago resident was recently paid a visit by an Illinois State Police trooper. After asking to come inside the man’s home, the trooper asked if the man owned a gun – to which he replied yes. The trooper then directed the individual to surrender the firearm. The man complied with the officer’s demand and the trooper left with the gun.
And the story gets better… The gun in question was purchased legally by the man in the 1970s, shortly after he became a U.S. citizen. When Chicago’s infamous gun registration scheme went into effect in the early 1980s, the man registered the firearm as per the requirement. However, over the years, the fellow apparently forgot to re-register the firearm, and forgot to renew his Illinois FOID Card. So…what does this all mean?
In the last edition of The Illinois Shooter, we reported on the activities of a shady taskforce known as the Chicago Anti-Gun Enforcement (CAGE) unit. This elite squad, operated jointly by the Illinois State Police, the Chicago Police Department, and the Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office, supposedly exists to identify illegal gunrunners. However, information gained by the ISRA makes it clear that the CAGE unit is targeting law- abiding citizens, not criminal gunrunners. Thanks to a ruling by a liberal federal judge, the CAGE unit now has the name of every single person in the United States who, since 1992, lawfully purchased more than one handgun in the period of a week. The CAGE unit also has all the makes, models and serial numbers of those guns. In essence, the Chicago Police Department is now registering guns and gun owners nationwide.
The ISRA has also learned that the CAGE unit has compiled a list of families where more than one person in that family holds a FOID card. Acting on that information, the CAGE unit is now contacting gun shops where those families have shopped, and is illegally registering all guns purchased by those families. Now it appears that the CAGE unit is scrubbing Chicago’s gun registration list against the list of FOID card holders. Indications are that folks who have let their registrations and FOIDs lapse will have their guns confiscated. We have to wonder how long it will be until state troopers show up at the doors to confiscate the guns of non-Chicago residents who have let their FOIDs expire.
Always Room For Beer
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and filled it with rocks about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
But then… A student named Kelly took the jar that the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is: That no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
Criminal – Lawyer?
A Charlotte NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive ?cigars then insured them against fire, among other things. ?? ???Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great ?cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” ?? ???The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: ?that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
???The lawyer sued….and won! ?? ?
??In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company ??that the claim was frivolous. The judge ???stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company ?in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that ??it would insure them against fire, without defining what is ???considered to be “unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim. ? ??
???Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance ??company accepted the ruling and paid ???$15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars in the “fires.” ?? ???
NOW FOR THE BEST PART… ?? ???After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him ?arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! ???With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case ?being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his ????insured property and sentenced him to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. ?? ?
??This is a true story and was the first place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
Darwin Award
A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. ?She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. ?Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch, naked. ?When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. ?After the ambulance arrived and removed the man – who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital – the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. ?Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what caused his death. ?Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). ?According to the story, after his orgasm, the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, as Bandit would say, that’s it. I’m having the girls over again tonight to watch movies. The only thing is Bandit only has one TV in his house and it’s in his room. We all get to snuggle on his California King!
~Sin
