Hey, it’s a wonderful fuckin’ day. The weather is perfect for barbecues. We’re not being bombed, and the women are beautiful. We need to simplfy our lives some, but you gotta admit that life in the States couldn’t be much better.
Think about it. I spent most of yesterday working on a wreck friend’s bike, then we had a couple of Coronas on the harbor with Mexican food. I kicked Chris out as the sun went down and had the pure pleasure of discussing with one woman about chasing another–whatta turn on. Then I showered poured a Jack and relaxed while Sin Wu powdered her ass and crawled into bed for a long night of sex. What could be better.
Sometimes people just don’t get it. We’re not rich, just understand that wild sex, motorcycles and a little Jack is all it really takes. Let’s hit the news, then the barbecue:
Bikernet Travelers
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice Then I come one lasta time.”
” You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country….we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”
–from Sickel Girl
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact.” But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company’s secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone’s amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant ….and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norske fire fighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, “What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Vell,” said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, “da furst thing vedo is fix da brakes on dat foocking truck!”
–from Skooter
Biker Artists Step Out On Their Own
Check the new artworks by David Uhl, Tom Fritz and the sculptures by Jeff Decker. For those who didn’t get a chance to come by I would just like to remind you that the Fine Art program going forward has no association whatsoever with the previous licensee (segal fine art)and that I personally am no longer associated with them. ART,INC. is a brand new entity owned exclusively by the artists. The attached image is a double page ad which just came out in American Iron magazine announcing the formation of the new co. and pointing potential customers to H-D dealerships to view and purchase the art.
Thank-you, Ron Copple 866-985-9989 ext 2
SCREAMIN? EAGLE DRAG TEAM BACK ON TRACK IN DENVER
Andrew Hines Sets Track Records in Thin Air and Maintains Pro Stock Bike Points Lead
MORRISON, Colo. (July 18, 2004) – The Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines drag racing team put their former home field high-altitude advantage to good use at the 25th Annual Mopar NHRA Mile High Nationals at Bandimere Speedway, as riders Andrew Hines and GT Tonglet advanced in the Pro Stock Bike elimination rounds after qualifying first and third for the event. It was a stark turn-around for the Screamin? Eagle team, which found itself near the bottom of qualifying times after the National Hot Rod Association imposed a rule change, just days before the June 27 race in Madison, Ill., which added 40 pounds to the minimum weight for the Harley-Davidson V-Rod drag bikes. Until recently moving to Indianapolis, the Vance & Hines race shop was located in Trinidad, Colorado, where the team developed a wealth of high-altitude tuning experience. In the thin air of Bandimere Speedway, which lies at 5,860 feet above sea level near Denver, Hines set a new Pro Stock Bike track ET record of 7.509 seconds and a new top-speed record of 185.66 mph to lead all qualifiers. Tonglet ran 7.551/181.37 to qualify third.
?Byron Hines gave us a great advantage in tuning for the Denver event,? said Harley-Davidson Racing Manager Anne Paluso. ?It was great to see the Screamin? Eagle team running up front again, but we?re unsure what will happen when we get back closer to sea level.?
Both Tonglet and Hines advanced easily through the first round of eliminations. Hines was handed a win when Redell Harris had a red-light start. Tonglet (7.640/178.47) beat Fred Camarena (7.769/172.96).
Tonglet was done in round two after he made a red-light start in his match with Shawn Gann. Hines (7.603/177.95) beat Geno Scali (7.681/171.88) to advance to the semi-final round.
Hines drew Craig Treble in the semi-final round, and was the next red-light victim of the night as he left the line early to miss a chance at his fourth final-round appearance of the season. In the final, Gann (7.654/174.23) beat Treble (7.715/172.21) to win the event. The afternoon turned out to be a festival of red lights, as nine of the 15 Pro Stock Bike races were over at the start when one rider left early.
After eight rounds of NHRA Pro Stock Bike competition, Hines leads the class with 733 points, 146 points ahead of Gann, who lies in second place with 587 points. Geno Scali is third with 498 points, followed by Treble with 492 points and Tonglet with 480 points.
The next Pro Stock Bike event on the NHRA POWERade Drag Racing Series is the 17th Annual Fram Autolite NHRA Nationals, July 30-August 1, at Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, Calif.
The Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock Bike team is sponsored by Dunlop, Ford Quality Checked Certified Pre-Owned, Matco Tools and S100.
Shinya Kimura founder of Zero Engineering of Japan celebrates with the Performance Machine Best of Show Trophy for the 2004 LA Calendr Motorcycle Show, flanked by Roland and Ted sands from PM, plus FastDates.com Calendar Girls Nicki Lane and Laura Niles.
LA Calendar Show Success
Excitement, beautiful bikes and girls, and a record turnout highlight the 13th annual FastDates.com and Performance Machine presents the 2004 Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show Jardine Dyno Shootout Shatters World Record, World’s Top Custom Bike Builders with free Seminars, The West Coast’s premier Bike Contest, Rockin’ Concerts, Iron & Lace Calendar Saturday Night Party, Purrfect Angelz gone wild, Beautiful FastDates.com Calendar Girls Premier Calendars, and much more!
Long Beach, CA, July 17-18th -The Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show Weekend presented by Performance Machine at the Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach, CA, continued to grow again this year as the most popular consumer street bike show in America catering to custom, cruiser, classic and sportbike enthusiasts. Always the 3rd weekend of July, this year’s show featured a huge weekend of activities with sold out participation by 167 major motorcycle and product manufacturers, exhibitors and venders, together with leading custom bike builders from across America and the world, together with a 2-day capacity crowd of some 15,000 motorcycle enthusiasts.
AUSSIE CONNECTION SELLS DRESSER
I sold the Electra yesterday and bought a 1990 Sturgis in immaculate condition (it’s number 867 out of 1600 made). I am having a blast with it and Kerry (his wife) loves it , which is a good thing. It’s like being on a ‘bike’ again!.
After riding around Hawaii on a normal bike feeling free with no helmet and windscreen etc, I got home and took the Electra for a spin, something had changed and all of a sudden it felt like a bloody truck.
Owning it was great, I’d ridden 12,000 klms on it in less than eight months and I ended up with a cheque which I immediately slammed into the Pan motor. Funny how things “pan” out.
Regards Glenn, ( Kerry says Hi!)
Australian Connection
MX CHAMPION INSTRUCTOR LAUNCHES FIRST WEB-BASED MOTOCROSS TRAINING CENTER!
MX Tips and Embedded Video Tutorials Available to Online Visitors at www.mxtrainingcenter.com
LISBON, OH/ July, 2004/ — Pro motocross instructor Gary Semics announced the launch of www.mxtrainingcenter.com, a Web-based motocross training academy which makes available to online subscribers many of the tips and techniques he teaches to his roster of superstar MX clients including Jeremy McGrath, Ezra Lusk, Kevin Windham, and many others.
As an incentive for riders to become acquainted with his step-by-step approach to motocross success, Semics allows visitors to his online school to participate in a four-day introductory course at no charge. Covered in the free online sessions are practice strategies, breaking and cornering tips, tips for attacking jumps, and the secret to negotiating whoops. A free tutorial on bike set-up is also available for download.
“For riders who find it difficult to physically attend the Gary Semics Motocross School (www.mxraceschool.com), this online center can really help improve speed and confidence on the track,” says Semics.
Riders who complete the initial series of free tutorials with embedded video clips and photos can subscribe to the site for just $6.95 per month and continue to receive tutorials which teach what Semics terms “The 47 Absolute Techniques of Motocross”.
Site subscribers are able to purchase gear and motocross parts from well known manufacturers like Scott USA, Fox Racewear and Pro Circuit at a 20 percent discount.
For more information on Semics’ new online training center, visit www.mxtrainingcenter.com or contact the Webmaster Paul at (812) 240-9813 or Gary Semics at (330) 424-9295.
Dogs Settle Dispute
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk.
After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen.
Its cage needed steel bars that were 5″ thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund.
Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it’s cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama’s dog.
Osama’s dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund— but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama’s dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, “We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.”
“That’s nothing,”, said Bush. “We had Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a wiener dog.”
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
–from Rogue
2005 IRON & LACE and GARAGE GIRLS Motorcycle Pinup Calendars for custom bike enthusiasts
The renown Iron & Lace Calendar sponsored by Mikuni Carburetors, Performance Machine and Jardine Performance returns again for 2005 with 16 full color pages of the finest custom Harley-Davidsons together with beautiful centerfold models. It’s a revealing look at some of the finest customized, high performance and fully race modified Harleys from America’s top builders, photographed by Jim Gianatsis. Included are the hottest custom bikes from America’s top builders including Paul Yaffe, Don Chica, Harold Pontarelli, Chica Customs, Russell Mitchell of Exile Cycles, Roland Sands of Performance Machine, Mike Stafford of MGS Customs, and Confederate Motorcycles, together with 2-time LA Calendar Motorcycle Best of Show winner Jesse Rooke’s incredible “Kali Kruiser”. The beautiful models in this year’s Iron & Lace include reigning Miss Great Britain Nicki Lane, Andra Cobb from Mikuni’s sexy “Explicit Performance” advertising campaign. Penthouse Pet Martina warren and adult film star Jessica Drake all in sexy lingerie. See why America’s best custom Iron is a perfect compliment to beautiful girls in sexy lingerie in Iron & Lace 2005!
Each 2005 Iron & Lace and Garage Girls Calendar is a large format 15×15 inch spiral bound size, with high quality reproduction in full color on quality card stock, uncovering a full 16 months beginning with September 2004. Calendars are available through Drag Specialities, Global Motorsports, Van Leeuwen, Kimpex, Northern Accessories and W&W Cycles at your local motorcycle dealer, or phone 1-800-461-1226 or order online at www.FastDates.com.
IRAQ THOUGHTS TO PONDER
Saddam had Iraqi men, women and children put to death in human meat grinders, on a daily basis… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Saddam had people thrown off of 3 – 4 story buildings, while their relatives were forced to watch… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Saddam had people’s tongues cut out, limbs chopped off and even beheaded, while their families were forced to watch… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Saddam’s sons, as well as other administrators and military personnel, raped and sodomized Iraqi girls – some as young as 8 years old – on a daily basis… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Saddam’s regime indiscriminately put to death millions of Iraqi citizens, on a daily basis, during the term of his brutal dictatorship, as evidenced by the mass graves recently uncovered, in various parts of Iraq… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Terrorists recently exploded several car bombs in Baghdad, killing 17 innocent Iraqi children and several dozen innocent Iraqi citizens… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Terrorists have been killing American/Coalition soldiers, on a daily basis, since we sent our troops (many of whom gave their lives on Iraqi soil) and used US taxpayer dollars to liberate the Iraqi people… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
Four Americans were killed in Fallujah. Their bodies were burned, mutilated, dragged through the streets and hung on a bridge, while Iraqi people cheered and stoned them… NO OUTCRY FROM THE IRAQI PEOPLE OR THE ARAB COMMUNITY…
–from Rev CarlR
The blonde’s MILK BATH
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?”
The blonde said, “I need to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”
The milkman asked, “Do you want it Pasteurized?”
The blonde said, “No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes.”
–from Rev CarlR
Be All You Can Be
NEW YORK (Reuters) – The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan “Be All You Can Be,” but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers’ dime.
The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free — something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.
“Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible,” Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.
Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said.
The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, “the surgeons have to have someone to practice on.”
–from Rogue
http://www.bikerrogue.com
Sunday reading from the Book of Corporate Life, Chapter 1, Verses 1-15:
1. In the beginning there was the Plan.
2. And then came the Assumptions.
3. And the Assumptions were without form.
4. And the Plan was without substance.
5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
6. And the Workers spoke among themselves saying, “It is a crock of shit and it stinks.”
7. And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, “It is a crock of dung and we cannot live with the smell.
8. And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, “It is a container of organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it.”
9. And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
10. And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, “It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”
11. And the directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, “It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.”
12. And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, “It has very powerful effects.”
13. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.
14. And the Plan became Policy.
15. And that is how shit happens.
–from A. Friedman
Sunday Intelligence Investigation
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it Necessary to hire a private investigator, Alan Pinkerton, for protection. That was the beginning of The Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of multi-letter agencies – FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, ATF, etc.
Now comes the Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service. Can’t you see them now? These Highly trained men and women in their black outfits With initials in large white letters across their backs F. A. T. A. S. S. – – – – – – –
I feel safer already.
–Rogue
High Performance TFI ?HP?
Dobeck Performance introduces it’s new EFI control box for 85 horsepower and greater Harley- Davidsons. The Techlusion Fuel Injection – TFI has been upgraded for High Horsepower applications. Now your big bore kit can get the extra fuel needed with DP’s brand new EFI chip programming.
Dobeck Performance
2595 Simmental Way, Suite 200
Bozeman, Mt 59718
Direct Telephone: 406-586-7707
Toll Free: 1-877-764-3337
Fax: 406-586-7887
THAT’S IT, LET’S BARBECUE–I love to strip a woman out of a hot sunsuit. Let’s get the hell out of here, wind ’em up. Let’s ride while the women prepare the chow.
Cold margaritas await.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
