In a turbulent meeting of the Bikernet board of directors, content decisions were made without the president in attendance. At the year-end meeting of the board, which consisted of vice presidents Digital Gangster and Layla Notball, Art Director Jon Towle, office squeeze Sin Wu, Renegade, Snake, Wrench and Wilburn Roach.
Among several cost-cutting measures and the decision to fix the flat tire on the company truck, several issues of content were discussed. In addition, ways to implement such changes turned into the most drastic negotiations. It was easily decided that Bandit’s “Sea Cruise” report be 86’d from the Bikernet News and Sunday Post to the uproarious applause of many readers. The difficult question was how to tell the big bastard. We better get on with the Post:
Bikernet Readers’ Survey Sports Conclusion
Read the following six statements and the amazing conclusion they lead to:
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers and professionals is golf.
The amazing conclusion is the higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
Bikernet Plans for Sturgis 2002
As the new year unfolds, so does planning for Sturgis 2002. We have a couple of options to pursue and we want input from Cantina members. We’re considering street modifications to a Victory or perhaps a Custom Chrome, built from the ground up using one of their bike-in-a-box kits.
Since Bandit isn’t around, we’re going to make the decision for him then tell him, “Sorry sucka, but this is what you’ve got to ride to Sturgis. Take it or leave it.”
We’re only having problems with one aspect of project. We can’t find anyone who will break the news to the sorry sonuvabitch.
New Idiot Awards Given
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Time Out
After an almost 24-hour slugfest/debate, the board sheepishly decided to move Bandit’s sea-going tales to a separate area on the site. Jon Towle has illustrated it in an effort to appease the whiskey-drinking, romantic fool. After extensive investigation and readers’ surveys, we discovered that one reader enjoyed the reports. Since Bandit can’t view the site from the rusting hulk he’s riding on, the board drew straws, yet still couldn’t decide whether to send him a message in a bottle, in the form of a slinky Shanghai maiden who could break the news to him when he’s most comfortable, or Wilburn Roach. He’s a Vietnam veteran who drew the short straw, and as a last resort we may be forced to fly him somewhere in the Orient, like Singapore, to do the dirty deed. His final demand was that we would agree to cover his expenses to become an opium addict in order to perform the task.
We’ll report later. Wrench
