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FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the requiredpressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at thefront door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don’t like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sexdrive by 90%.
It’s called a Wedding Cake.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then Godcreated Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God norMan has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Driveand said, “I haven’t eaten anything for days.”
She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africaa man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted.” The next day he received a hundred letters. They allsaid the same thing: “You can have mine.”
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forgetit once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down thestreet with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON HISTORY PLANS ROADTRIP ACROSS AMERICA
Harley-Davidson Announces New Traveling Museum
MILWAUKEE, WI — (January 25, 2002) Harley-Davidson is taking its history back on the road with an all-new Traveling Museum. “A Highway Through Time” will trace the history of Harley-Davidson with vintage motorcycles, clothing, and memorabilia.
“The heritage and history of Harley-Davidson is very important to us and to our riders,” said Tom Bolfert, Director of Harley-Davidson Archives. “No other motorcycle company in the world can proudly boast of a heritage as long and storied as ours.”
Scheduled to make its debut at Daytona Bike Week, March 4-10, the Traveling Museum will appear at many major motorcycle events throughout the year, including over 100 stops at Harley-Davidson dealerships throughout the country.
Bursting with artifacts and memorabilia sure to intrigue motorcycle enthusiasts of all ages, the Traveling Museum contains original vehicles dating back to 1913. Included in this year’s tour is a 1920 Harley-Davidson bicycle and a rare 1920 Sport Model, featuring a 37 cubic inch, fore and aft opposed twin cylinder engine. Absent from the show circuit in 2001, the previous Traveling Museum hosted over 3 million visitors during its twelve year run.
“This new, larger museum presents our story in a manner more consistent with our stature as the world’s premier motorcycle manufacturer. I’m confident visitors will thoroughly enjoy it,” adds Bolfert.
Harley-Davidson Motor Company, the only U.S. based motorcycle manufacturer, produces heavyweight motorcycles and a complete line of motorcycle parts, accessories and general merchandise. For more information, visit Harley-Davidson’s website at www.harley-davidson.com.
Burn Children?s Summer Camp
There is a Burned Children?s Summer Camp in Washington State called CampPhoenix, which is held on Aug 25th this year. contact is Michael425-347 or Jeep at Skagit H-D (360) 757-1515
http://www.burnfund.org/help/burncampvideo.html
About five years ago my wife Rosalie & I started attending along withthe North Cascade HOG Chapter, we took the kids for rides on theHarley. It is wonderful to put smiles on those children?s faces.
Camp Phoenix is located at the edge of some flats that wind almostthrough the pacific ocean no trees, shrubs to speak of and then youcome to a bluff and the camp is on top. Real nice spot to have a summercamp. More like it is right in the beach rather than on the beach.
The second year we attended, it was raining down in buckets. Thechildren were hanging around in the meeting hall doing art projects andplaying chess and the like when the Councilor (there are two ways tospell this word. They have different meanings, I don?t know which one iswhich, so you may see both ways in this message and you can rest assurednone of them are intended to mean an attorney) asked them what theywanted to do the first day of camp this year. All excited, they said inunison ?we want to go on Harley rides.? The councilor said ?It?s rainingreally hard, the HOG group might not be able to attend.? I?m told thechildren mumbled a little and continued to do their projects. About anhour later he said ?you could hear the thunder about a mile or so awayas 65 or 70 Harleys made their way to camp in the pouring rain. The kidsbolted to the door and waited for us outside in the rain.?
Since our first year at burn camp Rosalie & I continue to ask fellowmotorcyclists to join us at the burn camps and take the kids for a ride.
Our Vancouver CANADA HOG Chapter turns out every year to an event thatwe affectionately call the BURN CAMP RIDE. We have since gotten evolvedwith the British Columbia Professional Firefighters Burn Fund. Last yearwe got the British Columbia Hot Rod Association on board.
The Vancouver Chapter holds barbecues like when Trev Deeley Motorcycleshas a Show n? Shine, and we sell Harley-Davidson caps, & burn camp pinsand T-shirts to raise money. We use the money to buy neat things asgifts for the burned kids like super soaker water blasters, Harleybaseball caps, Harley water bottles, Burn Camp Ride Bandanas, Burn CampRide T-shirts and the like. Our local burn camp is in Brackendale BC.This year the British Columbia camp is on July 21st (contact Dave orPeter 604 436-5617 or Dan 604 984-7831).
We meet in Trev Deeley Motorcycles parking lot, where we hold a barbecueto load up on grub because it?s going to be a long day. We get a motorpolice escort from Deeley?s to the freeway and ride to the 99’er Caf?parking lot in Britannia Beach about 30 miles away along a twistyseashore/mountainous type road where we wait for the kids & councilorsto show up in their school busses. Then we escort them to camp about 15miles away.
The kids & councilors alike stow their gear in their cabins then lineup for Harley & Hot Rod rides. You can believe me when I say that nobodytakes their time. It?s like the race is on. I don?t know who is moreexcited the kids or the counselors. Personally I think it is us, themotorcyclists.
One part that I like is they jockey for rides in the sidecars (there are3 of us who usually attend with hacks) and then when they get back froma ride, they go right to the back of the line so as to go ride again.Sometimes it is difficult to get the helmet & goggles back they want torun over the next bike and go for a spin on that one. It?s great fun?
Some of these children are severely disfigured, and they are real good>at staying out of the camera lens. So it is extra special to see thoseones smiling. If we can take their mind off their problems for a fewminutes, well it?s worth all the effort. Like the song says ?sometimes we can be heroes.?
I urge you to check with the firefighters in your town to see if thereis a burn children?s summer camp near you, I know you are busy but ifyou can, please get involved.By the way, these rides are not brand specific so push pull or drag yourass on what ever you ride but please attend.
Respectfully yours,
Dan McNeil
Activities Officer
Vancouver CANADA HOG Chapter
From The Waist Down—-A man came walking up to the house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.
My Nomination for Airline Clerk of the Year—
Oh, to be able to think this fast!
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point. She was confronted with apassenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo?
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “IHAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.” The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?” Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, “May I have your attention please, ” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity,please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glaredat the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “Fuck You!”.
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.” ______
Bad to the Bone!
Bad To The Bone!What we are looking for here is a smile!That is right, just a little smile.If you have one on your face now then you must pass this along to someone else who could use a smile or two!
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