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THE TEACHER AND HIS WIFE–Check this out..my wife is going to be riding thetrump this summer!
–Kevin Baas He’s just trying to make me jealous. I wanted to buy the Triumph. Now I want to buy the Triumph and steal his wife. It’s just not fair.–Bandit BIKERNET MEDICAL LIBRARY– Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: “I’m sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.” The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class.” Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?” The old man said: “I’ll tell you, but first you’ll tell me what you think.” One of the students said: “I think it’s Petry Syndrome.” The! old man said: “You thought………. but you are wrong.” Then the other student said: “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.” The old man said: “You thought………. but you are wrong. So they asked him: “Well, what do you have?” The old man said: “I thought it was GAS……….. but I was wrong.” –Rik S. STAMPEDE PREPARES FOR BLACKOUT– When the lights go out, demons come out to play! The new Stampede BlackoutDress Parts line can change a ho-hum scoot into a dark beast of a bike. TheBlackout Line includes Billet Head Bolt Covers, Carburetor Bowl BoltsExtensions/Enrichment Knob, Tranny Vent Cover and Tire Stem Covers. Teamedwith a Black D&M Spear Air Cleaner, you may want to call for an exorcism.Call your MC Advantages dealer for details. Don’t forget the Stampede Chromed, Bored & Boosted Carb for the baddest andbrightest way to add horses and torque to your ride. MC Advantages DAYTONA HARLEY AND EPA EMMISSIONS–There’s a catalog-quality photograph of a motorcycle hanging on a wall in Ed Mook’s office at Daytona Harley-Davidson. The long, straight tailpipes are tied into a giant knot. Call it the satirical model for the dealership’s customer-relations honcho.”Basically, that’s what it’s coming to,” Mook said. Tighter Clean Air Act emission standards, based on California’s law, went into effect on Jan. 1 for motorcycles manufactured in 2006 and beyond. Modifying exhaust systems on those bikes also became tougher, limiting owners to one customized road machine in a lifetime that doesn’t meet air quality standards. That bike cannot be sold for five years.Motorcyclists are as hot as their tail pipes about the law, especially in a Bike Mecca like Daytona Beach. “When you buy a cycle, the first thing you want to do is change the pipes. Otherwise, no one hears or sees you. It’s the greatest sound in the world,” said Mook, 57. “This law eventually is going to take away the look of Bike Week. It will destroy what Daytona is about.” The Environmental Protection Agency said motorcycle-emissions standards hadn’t changed since the late 1970s, and today’s technology can improve air quality without harming a bike’s performance.Opponents say enforcement of the law might prove difficult, since Florida no longer requires annual emissions tests for cars or motorcycles like some states. The state’s Department of Environmental Protection said any suspected violators would be investigated, and if tampering was found, “options for prosecution would be explored.”Fines of up to $10,000 can be handed out for each violation. Under the new law, a manufacturer may sell or lease 24 custom motorcycles a year, but only for display, not everyday riding.Brigit Duncan, owner of Custom Works in Daytona Beach, said her shop counts on the business of Harley-Davidson owners. Among Harley owners, “98 out of 100” modify factory-installed exhaust pipes, Duncan said. “If the law’s enforced as it’s written, we will be devastated. We do a lot of kit bikes,” she said. “We’ve lost about 80 percent of those sales since we started letting people know about the law three months ago. But it was the right thing for us to do.” Looking ahead a decade or two, she envisions blander Bike Weeks. “It will be very quiet and very ugly, approved by the EPA,” Duncan said. Another motorcycle repair shop owner, 65-year-old “Snake Shoe” Pete Consiglio, predicted demand will increase forHarley-Davidsons that were built before 2006.”People will look for older bikes to get around the law. It’s going to create a market for used Harley-Davidsons,” said Consiglio, who owns BAS2, a shop in South Daytona. “People are going to find an older bike and then modify it. They’ll get around the law.” Mike Hubbard, a 50-year-old Daytona Beach biker, said he has owned five motorcycles in the last five years and customized four of them.He learned of the new law just this week, and was incredulous about the one-time, lifetime limit on customizing the exhaust systems of new bikes. “I thought we were in America,” Hubbard said. “There’s no way it’s going to be enforced. No one’s going to pay attention to it.” –Rogue BONNEVILLE TEAM CODE–Chop N Grind Motto:”We would rather lose going fast enough to win than win going slow enough to lose.” –BOB T. BIKERNET POSITION OPEN–A guy walks into the local welfare office, gets up to the counter and says, “Hi… You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year.” The guy, wide-eyed, says, “You’re bullshittin’ me!” The social worker says, “Yeah, well… you started it.” –from Art Friedman ABATE DOMAIN NAME FOR SALE–If your ABATE group is looking to revitalize it’s web presence, there is no better name than this!The name says it all and it’s easy to remember.ABATE-dot-US as in “United States.” I bought this domain name as a speculative investment in April of 2002, knowing I’d soon be quitting my job to devote all my time to fight for rider’s rights. It has served my ABATE Local in California for all that time. I bought the domain name http://www.harleydavidson.us on that day too. I beat H-D to the punch, but of course, their lawyers quickly took care of that one and sniped it away from me. They’re like that. Well, I had some unexpected problems arise in 2005, and 2006 has dealt me an even worse blow. Suffice it to say, luck is no friend of mine. The domain name goes up for sale immediately along with the ex’s 2001 883 Sportster, $5500 bucks O.B.O. with only 18,000 highway (3 trips to Sturgis & back) miles. Better hurry, I’ll be homeless soon and my shopping cart won’t come equipped with High Speed DSL. I’ll be popping off the radar screen completely in about a month. I’ll be back one day, you all aren’t gonna be that lucky, but it’s looking really dire right now. Please submit your best offer to splatt.the.harley.ratt@gmail.com LUCKY DEVIL PERFORMS TECHS FOR BIKERNET–Check out this photo, if you look hard enough you can see the bike we are going to try out the Merlin Engineering, GEROTOR, oil pump on. Frank Likes to ride hard and often, so it’ll get a good work out. We’ll get it installed over the weekend and check it out next week. –The Devil FAT MAN’S CYCLE COMES TO BIKERNET– I see that Fat Mans Cycle has come on board. Please do me a favor and tell Chris that the frame he sold me on Ebay is featured on your site. I will have an update for you from the MRF for the Thursday news. I purchased an ’89 5.0 Mustang this weekend. The thing runs liked a raped ape. Life is a gas. — Art Parry ALL NEW ENGINE FROM VIPER–Here’s the brand new Viper 152-inch engine, exclusively for Viper motorcycles. Watch for more about Viper on Bikernet in the near future. –Terry Nesbitt DEWEY’S PEGS STORY CORRECTION AND COMMENT–I bought a new FX in 1976 for $2700 but my first bike was a 1967 XLCH , tell the fuckin kid to get it right. You old bastard. –Dewey From a reader: Good fucking story! I know all about the “shut the fuck up and listen” andhe always finds a way to chew on my ass for no fucking reason. You shouldhave seen the shit I had to go through to get his ugly ass logo refreshed.That’s why his website looks like shit. He doesn’t want any “fancy newshit”. I’ll say this much, still haven’t met him face to face but I’ve learned alot of bike shit from him in just the few years I’ve been getting to knowhim. He’s a hell of a guy even if he is the cheapest basturd I’ve everknown, but at least he’s “real people” and there ain’t to many of thosearound these days. Hopefully this Spring or Summer I can ride up to FourCorners and finally see the old fucker. –rpb SONS OF LIBERTY SUPPORTS BIKERNET–These guys send periodic reports, many of which ran in this news. Show your support for the fight, buy checking their site and joining your motorcycle rights organization. http://www.solriders.com/products/ If you need more info on this or any other subject just go to the Sons ofLiberty Riders Info Zone SUCKER PUNCH SALLY RUNS R-MAX USA TRANNYS–Old School Bobber Builder Installs R-MAX Transmissions & Open Primary Belts.January 28, 2006, Ontario, CA – R-Max USA by Roadmax Transmissions areinstalled in every old school bobber built by Jeff Cochran and Donny Loos atSucker Punch Sally. Before living the lifestyle, Cochran was a professional jeweler and jewelrydesigner. Some four years ago his personal ride landed on the pages of TheHorse magazine. The phone started ringing and a short time later he hung up hismonocle and began building and selling bobbers. Since his debut in The Horse he has built over 200 bobbers. The SPS crew is Jeffhis partner Donny Loos and 4 builder assemblers. The process is for Cochran todesign the bike and then mock up the components. It is then broken down andsent to paint and powder coating. The assembly is then finished by Jeff and hiscrew. Each bike is ridden 30 to 50 miles before it leaves the factory. Each bobber features an R-Max tranny and 95% of the bikes come with an R-MaxTech-3 open primary. “The transmissions shift smooth and have a nice fit andfinish,” stated Cochran. “In addition, the open primary looks good and theinstructions are top notch. The instructions are so good that I sell them tocustomers for self installation.” The old school design is currently cutting edge for 2006. Cochran has always hada kickstart Shovelhead and has been riding Bobbers for over 20 years. Becauseof his background he knows how to make them handle and perform. Their rigidframes have been thoroughly tested with the geometry designed for greathandling. All the bikes run left side drives and can run 200 tires with a chainand up to 180 with a belt. For more information on dealer sales contact:John “JAZ” Zbiegien jr. at 866-R-MAXUSA NOTHING DEFINES YOU LIKE GATORZ EYE WEAR– It’ s more than just a symbol of strength, precision and feel of expression. It takes you beyond the limits of your imagination, a technological dream. Gatorz revolutionizes the world of eye wear.
KBAAS 
1-800-726-9620
http://www.MCAdvantages.com
President
Viper Motorcycle Company
Viper Performance Inc.
5212 Whispering Oaks Drive
Dallas, Texas 75236
Office-972-780-0957
Cell-612-616-9855
terryn@vipermotorcycle.com
http://solriders.com
Stronger than steel and lighter than plastic, our trend-setting design will carry you through life in comfort and style. It’s eye-wear with an attitude. and a perfect fit foryour lifestyle.
Ok, ok, enough of the salesman bullshit. We saw the Gatorz booth at the Long Beach Bike Show and passed them up. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that they didn’t catch my eye. I thought they were sick. It’s probably because I’m a cheap-ass. Or maybeit’s because I’ve broke so many sets of shades in the past that I buy my shit at the drug store anymore.
So when Tom, contacted use about possibly selling Gatorz on the site, My only thought was cool, free samples. I didn’t think that under my care they wouldn’t last more than a week. But, I was wrong these things truly are Bad-Ass they’re made to order out of T- 7075 aircraft aluminum, in as many colors as you can imagine. You can pick from a wide array of colored 100% UV protected lens. Plus they carry a Life Time Rebuild Agreement.
I know, what your thinking. What about when you?re on the road? Shit.. you can bend them to fit your face perfectly. Besides we had them tested and no wind slips underneath or through the sides. They don’t fly off when you look over you shoulder. So as soon as we finalize the deal with Tom and Gatorz they’ll be available to you in the Bikernet Black Market.
–Black Market John
IT’S A WRAP–Break out the iron, the whiskey and the women. This news about kicked by ass. I was going to lay out the rest of the year, but screw it. I’ll cover that later as all the small shit comes together in a flurry of heated negotiations.
I’m going to write a column for HORSE mag once more. It’ll give me the ass-kicking impetus to work on Badlands for the Cantina. Each story will be a blistering historic rampage about the outlaw biker past. They’ll sometimes keep you on the edge of your seat, teach you the warriors code or give you some insight into one man’s two wheeled history. The first one will cover an 82-year-old member of the World Wide Motorcycle Club in Hawaii. This guy is still a wild man. No one will publish these stories except the HORSE and Bikernet. Watch for them.
Let’s wrap it up and take a break. Goddamnit it’s supposed to be happy hour somewhere.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
