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BIKER DATING RULES, THE CODE– If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her make-up, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my bike?
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Football games are okay.
Old folks homes are better. Be afraid. Be very afraid
–from Bob T.
RAY WHEELER AND THE CHARLIE BRECHTEL BAND ARRIVING ON THURSDAY– Haulin ass your direction this Thursday. Factory in Michigan is supposed to ship a minimum, 2 sets of rotors, your address, arriving Thursday the 10th or Friday the 11th .
I may ship a small box from San Jose, rather than carry on hot rod DYNA.
–Ray
831 594-7783
BIKERNET MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU– Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental hospital. Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a Little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive , it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
–from Rev CarlR
PAUGHCO SPRINGER ADDED TO ART’S BIKE– Hey Bandit here are some pic’s of the glide with the springer mocked up to see if it will clear the tanks. Everything was fine so sent it off to the shop for brakes.
–Art
SARASOTA, FLORIDA NEWS FLASH– Sarasota, Florida.. Flash!! Temperatures are supposed to plunge into the high 30/low 40 range by early morning! Many Florida Bikers will be donning their Under Armor and breaking out their leather jackets before this weather threat is replaced with the normally balmy 70s by Friday. Some of these rugged individuals may even forego riding until the wind in their faces reaches acceptible levels (68+ degrees with windchill).
Local officianados predict a sharp decline in motorcycle related activities, over the next two days, with the exception of wiping and polishing. It is predicted, however, that some Harley Botiques may experience over-crowding and have considered hiring part-time help to service the additional demand for Botique leather, and weather related, products.
Some Florida riders are looking for moral support from their friends in northern climates, without a whole lot of success. It is supposed, by some, that their friends in cooler climes will know first hand how easy it is to be overcome with rider’s withdrawal, which can easily descend into deep snow bank-sized depression. Thinner blooded Florida riders are faced with a very real threat of emotional and physical trauma. Authorities here are hoping that the weather patterns will soon resume their normal patterns, possibly for the duration of the normal Florida winter.
Beach-goers, on the other hand, are being encouraged to drink at least one Red Bull a day until the arctic blast has receded and returned to its natural boundaries.
I did do my New Years Day Ride which is a tradition and took one of the bikes I was working on for a test ride yesterday. YUP it was cold haha.
–Rogue
Sturgis Freedom Fighters
Motorcycle Hall Of Fame Member 2005
BIKERNET RECOMMENDATIONS ON DECIDING WHO TO MARRY?– You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. — Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. — Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. — Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don’t want any more kids. — Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. — Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. — Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. — Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they’re rich. — Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. — Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. — Howard, age 8
And my favorite is…….. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck hit her. — Ricky, age 10
–from Rev CarlR
S&S ANNOUNCES SEMINARS AND MATT SMITH AUTOGRAPH APPEARANCE AT CINCINNATI V-TWIN EXPO– LA CROSSE, WI (January 3, 2008) S&S Cycle ? will be presenting several seminars at the 2008 Cincinnati V-Twin expo and an opportunity to meet NHRA Pro-Stock Motorcycle Champion Matt Smith.
The S&S Cycle New Products and Services Seminar will cover our exciting 2008 product line with topics including Flathead Power vintage engines and components, the S&S X-Wedge, S&S EPA Certified Engines, fuel injection components, performance and remanufacturing services and much more.
The S&S Cycle Dealer Essentials Seminar will provide an in depth look at S&S Dealer Development Initiatives, Training and Certification, Dealer Appreciation Programs and also discuss our 50th Anniversary Celebration. All current and future dealers are welcome. More information on all things S&S can be found at “We feel that these seminars are an important part of our presence at the V-Twin Expo. They help us tailor our product and service offerings to best meet the needs of our customers,” said Sales Manager Kurt Peterson. “Feedback from the dealer network is vital to planning the development of future product and service offerings in an ever changing, and sometimes challenging, market place” NHRA Pro-Stock Champion Matt Smith will be on hand at the S&S display Saturday and Sunday to sign autographs and discuss the exciting 2007 racing season. Both seminars will be held in room 230 at the Duke Energy Center: The New Products and Services Seminar will take place Saturday and Sunday, February 2 – 3 from 10:00 am – 11:00 am. The Dealer Essentials Seminar will take place Saturday and Sunday, February 2 – 3 from 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm. In addition, S&S VP of Product Development, Scott Sjovall will participate in the Motors Motors Motors Seminar held Sunday, February 3rd, from 11:00 am – 12:00 pm. NEW FRAME FROM U.S. CHOPPERS AND PAUGHCO COMING SOON–We are working on the new forward control boardtrack configuration and it should be ready for the dealer show in Cinci. –Rick 
U.S. Choppers
2039 S. Lyon St
Santa Ana, CA 92705
714-546-4699
Appointments Only Please
http://www.uschopper.com/ 
IT’S PLAYOFF, RUM AND COKE TIME–I need to find a TV that works. If the shop heater is working, I gotta keep moving on the Assalt Weapan clean-up for the upcoming Sturgis Live Feature and show. Man, the pressure is on again.
We keep shouting that 2008 is the kick-back, finish a book, year, then something pops up. I’m going to ride over to Dr. Terry’s pad for dinner and consult with the guru of pain. Him and his lovely wife, Debbie, helped me restore our joint in San Pedro. He also assisted with the Shrunken FXR, currently for sale at Micah McCloskey’s Custom Cycles in Canoga Park. Plus he helped me build the Custom Chrome Beach Ride Bike for the kid’s charity. He’s adorned with three Phds in various fields and teaches art at a couple of community colleges. He wants to ride, but he’s a madman when it comes to throttles of any sort.
I’ll let you know what he recommends.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
