Here’s a Hal Robinson classic from the ’70s, submitted by Mustang Jack.
Happy Belated Valentines Day. My night wasn’t packed with wild sex, unfortunately. That’s what happens when two women don’t see nipple to nipple. I suffered through with hot chow from a local hole-in-the-wall and Jack Daniels. Although Jessica, in her chinese whorehouse dress, kept my eyes ablaze.
There’s some hot news this Weekend. ABATE of South Dakota is working on a Motorcycle Right-Of-Way law and will try to pull Bill Janklow in as a supporter. The Randy Scott LAW may live to help bikers all over the state and perhaps all over the country. Let’s hit the news:
How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives, and Southerners?
Scenario:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal response:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative response:
BANG!
Southern response:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click…. Reload… BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?”
–from the digital one Looks like I am not the only one who has a Dirty? Rough? Job? Shooting Pics.
Illustration from the Tadler, 1926
Something For Valentines Day–The Perfect Break-up Letter
Dear Terri,
I know the counselor said we shouldn’t contact each other during our “cooling off” period, but I couldn’t wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I’d never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things.
I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I don’t care about looking bad anymore. I don’t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. It’s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says… “There’s no one like you, Terri.” I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they’re not you. They’re not even close. Several things have happened recently to make me know this is true. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don’t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn’t believe and an ASS like a tortoise shell, every man’s dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed, I thought, “Look at the stuff we’ve made important in our lives. It’s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed?” Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I’m getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I’d never really thought of that before. I don’t know, maybe I’m just growing up a little.
Later, after I’d tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, “Why do I feel so drained and empty?” It wasn’t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else, some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn’t feel the same because you weren’t there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby.
Jesus, Terri, I’m just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn’t eating right without a woman around. I didn’t know what she meant until later, but that’s not the real story. Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we’re fucking in our old bedroom. And this broad’s a total monster in the sack. She’s giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she’s not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother’s old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it’s totally hot, but it makes me sad too. ‘Cause I can’t help thinking, “Why didn’t Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We’ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a Sex aid.” (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That’s the saddest part of all for me. But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you.
So, Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon’s just a kid and all, but she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She’s given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She’s pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.). So we’re drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here’s this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let’s face it, she got an extra helping of the Sexy Gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Shannon’s really into the whole anal thing and that gets me thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it And how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I’m thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister’s cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It’s true, baby. In your heart you know it. Don’t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that if you’d just try it, I wouldn’t have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can’t be apart from you. Because, I love you. Please call me.
–Bill
CrazyHorse Won’t Make Daytona This Year
Well, I’m not going to Daytona this year. I don’t want to take the time off right now. The book is my big priority. Getting caught up in my paint work is the other.
I may even be able to ride my chopper (pic attached). Plus I want to take a few road trips later this summer.
–JoAnn
Crazy Horse Painting
Security And Club Members
The manager of Adelaide’s largest nightclub has acknowledged links exist between motorcycle clubs and some Adelaide security companies. In other words, several security firms employ bikers.
Heaven Nightclub manager John Pike said although he hires all his security “personally”, he “would be lying” if he denied a connection between bike clubs and the security company through which he deals.
Mr Pike is the first industry insider to publicly acknowledge a link between security firms and outlaw motorcycle clubs. Management of the two security firms refused to comment.
Mr Pike also hit out at Premier Mike Rann, saying he had been “shooting his mouth off” about an incident on the weekend which saw four teenagers taken to hospital after taking the party drug ecstasy at Heaven.
Mr Rann has refused to visit Heaven or meet Mr Pike “because I don’t like some of the company he keeps”. “I’m happy to talk with the Australian Hotels Association instead, about our proposed legislative changes regarding bouncers,” Mr Rann said.
AHA South Australian general manager John Lewis said there was a problem in the security industry but he was not certain of the extent.
–Outlaw news from Rogue
Randy Scott Right Of Way Law May Live
Currently, we have a number of things that we are doing because of this accident. We have stepped up our Share the Road Program, we have been asked to seat five of our members on the South Dakota Highway Safety Subcommittee, and we are currently building a coalition of motorcycle rights orgs to assist us in bringing legislation to the 2005 South Dakota legislature that hopefully will result in stiffer penalties for right of way violations resulting in someones death.
Your idea would fit in very nicely with this plan, and would probably make our job a lot easier if Bill (Janklow) would sign on to this.
Thanks for that great idea. Now all I have to do is see if I can get Bill to sign on. Actually, since he is a rider himself, and since he has been one of our staunchest supporters over the years, he might just help us out.
Darrel Killion
State Coordinator
ABATE of South Dakota
Sturgis Rally Raffle www.abatesd.com/SturgisRaffle3.asp
Smoke Out Trophy Ideas
I want to get the trophies out of the way for the bike contest at the Smoke Out. Besides the ten winning trophies, I’d like maybe five more trophies, but am not sure of the categories yet. For sure, we need a maiden trophy.
–Hammer Hmm, let me see.
Gayest looking bike?
Bike most obviously trailered in?
Dirtyest bike?
Weirdest bike?
Loudest bike?
Quietest bike?
Ugliest paint job?
Best rat?
“Theme bike” award?
Best mini chop?
“What were you thinking?” award?
Best restoration?
Least taste award?
I can knock these out all night, let me know if I’m on track :o)
–David
One Member Acquitted
A federal jury in Harrisonburg on Monday acquitted a Warlocks Motorcycle Club member who prosecutors dubbed a gang “enforcer” of conspiring to distribute drugs, The Associated Press reported.
The 12-member jury deliberated for nearly six hours before it acquitted Gary Murphy, 49, of Hedgesville, W.Va. The jury convicted his three co-defendants on weapons and drug charges.
The three who were convicted were Dennis Simmons, 51, of Edinburg, Va.; Gerald Guynes, 53, of Martinsburg, W.Va.; and Clyde Newill, 43, also of Martinsburg, AP reported.
No sentencing date was set.
–from Outlaw news and Rogue
Valentines Day Poems
These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
–from Nuttboy
Biker Heavyweights, Fans Gather In Honolulu
The Great Bike Build-Off and Show: 1 p.m. Sunday at the Hard Rock Cafe; entertainment by Willie K; Lanai and Augie to emcee; free; 955-7383
Also: bike-building classes and competition; voting on Arlen Ness and Cory Ness bikes; 330-2919. If you can think of it, the motorcycle maniacs on “The Great Bike Build-Off” will make it. Sometimes, while we watch. In today’s world, custom-made bikes are the rage ? thanks in large part to Discovery Channel shows such as “The Great Bike Build-Off,” “American Chopper,” “Motorcycle Mania” and “Motorcycle Women.”
Hawaii’s scenic backdrop is being added to the mix this weekend. Arlen and Cory Ness, a father-and-son motorcycle- building team, have been tooling around the Big Island on their custom bikes. On Sunday, they and thousands of Island bikers will assemble for a gathering at the Hard Rock Cafe on O’ahu called The Great Bike Build-Off and Show.
“It’s the biggest one-day biker event (in Hawai’i),” said organizer Chris Tronolone, who expects several thousand bikers to gather in the morning at Moanalua Gardens, then take to the streets on their choppers ? via H-3, Waimanalo and Hawai’i Kai ? to wind up in the afternoon at the Hard Rock. There, a bike show with classes, displays and best-in-show voting will be held.
“It’s all happening here because of Arlen and Cory,” said Tronolone. “They built their bikes in California, but Arlen was here earlier on a vacation, when we had our first annual choppers show last July. We invited him to come spend an hour, and he spent the whole time with us.”
When The Discovery Channel contacted Arlen Ness two months ago to do a build-off episode facing off with his son, he said that would be fine, if they could build the bikes in California, unveil them on the show “but shoot in Hawai’i, because of our gorgeous scenery and great weather,” said Tronolone. “Yes, weather was a major factor.”
Mark Deacon (known simply as Deacon, who owns Pro-Street Custom Cycles and is associated with the Hog Pen, said landing this weekend’s show is a big deal for Island bikers.
–By Wayne Harada Advertiser Entertainment Writer Fox
Top 17 Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See
Jesus loves you…but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence…Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings,”
The proctologist called …they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory …some just don’t have any film.
Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.
I used to have a handle on life…but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
–from Rogue
Detective Pleads Reckless Driving
It appears this cop was only arrested because he was involved in a Crash and they could Not Get Out Of Charging Him..
He admitted to drinking, Refused a Breath Test and placed ON PAID Suspension. That sounds like a vacation to me.
The stuff he did to satisfy the court is a fraction of what they are giving other people who are not cops and the Magic word again Witholding Adjudication. I remember that from the Janklow case. That means no record. How nice is that!!!.
I do not see any mention of him loosing his license. Of course that is a Motor Vehicle Hearing Issue. Did they suspend his license like they do everyone else? They can only suspend his right to drive in Florida. Now he is going to another state. Want to bet he will not have to stop driving for even a day?
He is on leave from the Palm Bay Police while he does his duty in Washington DC doing security work. If that don?t sound like special treatment I do not know what does.
Looks like another case of the Boys Taking Care Of One Of Their Own! While the average citizen looses his license and gets all kinds of penalties.
PALM BAY — A sex-crimes detective arrested in August on DUI charges was called to active military duty after pleading no contest to a lesser charge.
Dennis Peoples, who worked for the Palm Bay Police Department since 1994, pleaded no contest in January to a reckless driving charge.
Palm Bay Police spokesman Stan Hanson said Peoples is likely stationed in Washington, D.C., performing security work.
Peoples was arrested Aug. 2 after he crashed his late-model silver Mustang into a guardrail on Palm Bay Road off Interstate 95. Police reports said he had slurred speech, unstable balance, glassy eyes and smelled of alcohol.
He refused to take a breath test, reports said.
According to an internal investigation report: Peoples had been at an engagement party near Cocoa with his girlfriend. He initially told police he had a “couple of beers,” but later told investigators that he had three drinks — one mixed drink, a Jell-O shot and another shot of vodka.
Peoples was placed on paid suspension pending an internal review immediately after his arrest.
BY LOURDES BRIZ, FLORIDA TODAY
–from Rogue
Miller Projects
Five project bikes in the works, added a new section to are shop.
–Ken Miller
Miller4Nitro@aol.com
Henchmen Need Proper State Permit
The Henchmen Motorcycle Club hoped to raise about $2,000 from a raffle at its sixth annual “Christmas in February” dinner. The Friendship Center, a Livermore support facility for senior citizens, was to receive the proceeds from the raffle.
But state law requires an organization to obtain a permit from the Department of Justice to conduct a raffle. Ninety percent of the gross receipts from the raffle must be given to a charity.
According to California regulations, a charitable organization must register with the state in order to receive a raffle permit. The Henchmen Motorcycle Club is not listed on the attorney general’s Registry of Charitable Trusts.
Fresh in his mind is a San Jose Henchmen banquet held earlier this month. Police shut down the event because that local chapter lacked the proper raffle permit.
The 51-year-old Livermore resident said the club’s accountant applied for a raffle permit in December but has not heard back from the Department of Justice.
“We’re not outlaws. We’re more like in-laws,” Davis said. “We come in and help out and know when it’s time to go home.”
–from Rogue
FORD EXTENDS PARTNERSHIP WITH HARLEY-DAVIDSON; 2004 FORD HARLEY-DAVIDSON TRUCK SALES SOAR
Leather and chrome. Freedom and the open road. Trucks and motorcycles. Some concepts just go together, like Harley-Davidson and Ford. Ford and Harley-Davidson announced plans to extend their alliance through 2007, which means three more years of exciting Ford Harley-Davidson? F-Series products.
“We’ve sold nearly 40,000 trucks since we introduced the first Ford Harley-Davidson? F-150 in 1999,” said Steve Lyons, Ford Division president. “We couldn’t be happier with the success of our alliance, and the great response these trucks have generated from our customers.”
Available as an F-250 or F-350 SuperCab or Crew Cab, the limited edition 4×4 model is arriving at dealerships now. Production began last November, and after only four months, the order banks are more than 50 percent completed. To date, more than 90 percent of customers have ordered Crew Cab models powered by Ford’s 6.0-liter Power Stroke? diesel engine.
“We’ve seen a tremendous response to the Harley-Davidson? Super Duty,” Lyons said. “Customers are snatching up these trucks as fast as we can build them and they are opting for the higher-end models.”
Atkins Diet Approved! Big, Fat, 280mm Spoker!
(JACKSONVILLE, NC) Fat’s really where it’s at! This all meat industry first features a massive 7-inch hub that securely anchors the 18 x 10 1/2 rim with 80 cross-laced drop dead gorgeous spokes, finished in powdercoat or chrome or a combination of both.
Old school wire setup meets 21st-century radical in this unbelievable wheel only or wheel/tire combo, which also accepts Chopper Unlimited drive-side brake setup, guaranteeing you’ll have plenty of stopping power to go with the great looks and proven reliability.
Beauty isn’t the only thing unbelievable. CU’s pricing sets the bar, starting at only $1,100.00 retail! Want a little more? How about genuine, made in the U.S.A. quality! Beauty, price, and quality, all in one unique package that gets you noticed in a way that says chop this!
Tech Specs:
3/4-inch axle
steel hub (chrome)
dual sealed bearing
1-inch axle
aluminum hub (chrome)
triple tapered bearing
available with standard offset for conventional brake/drive setup
Kjell Bjerke
Choppers Unlimited
256 S. Marine Blvd.
Jacksonville, NC 28540
Work: (910) 938-3375
Fax: (910) 989-0061
E-mail: choppers@choppersunlimited.com
http://www.choppersunlimited.com
Sunday Paint Job If you get a chance go look at this, you’ll get a nut on this one. Bike of 1000 Skulls – “The 1-Year Nightmare!!” http://www.badasspaint.com/DiabloBlvd.htm
Terry G.
mailto:tgoode@earthlink.net
The New Bandit’s Golf Course
The owner of a golf course in West Virginia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the West Virginia University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, “Everything but my earrings.” You gotta love those West Virginia women
Bikernet Hunting Advice
WEST VIRGINIA Mountaineers A group of W.Va. friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
“Where’s Henry?” the others asked.
“Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied.
“You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?” they inquired.
“A tough call,” nodded the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!
Bikernet Car Theft Tips
The young Mountaineer came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did you see who it was?”
The young Mountaineer answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
–from Rogue
Gatto Diablo Sunday Bike Feature This is a project we did last year for a guy named David Gatto and by luck finished by Sturgis, in two months! The Gatto Diablo was built by Brett Schlief and Kyle Kucin at Donahue Harley-Davidson in Delano, Mn.
The frame is a War eagle frame with a single downtube and the sheetmetal and oil tank are Combs Custom Cycle creations. Sheetmetal and frame is covered in a nice candy red paint with black tiger stripes by Exteme Paint in Wyoming, Mn. The mini ape drag bars, topped off with Joker Machine controls, are by V-twin Obsession and the front end by Pearse.
We chose a big motor for this big tire custom so we went with a 124-inch motor by TP. A 3 3/8″ BDL belt drive transfers the power to the 250 rear tire.
The six speed Baker keeps your left foot moving and the left side pulley/brake rotor combo cleans things up and brings you to a stop. All wiring and brake lines were routed internally and also helped to maintain the sleek look.
This one took some long days, was a fun one to build and was the talk of the town for Stugis 2003. There is no doubt it stood out among all the black and silver anniversary H-D’s.
For more info you can contact Kyle at Donahue H-D at THAT’S ALL FOLKS–We’re packing to move the vast Bikernet empire into a 40-foot shipping container, to be stacked amongst 8,000 other containers in Wilmington, California. I’ll hang onto the King for gettin’ around and enough jeans and sweatshirts to hold me over until summer. Goddamnit, I know I’ll forget something. Let’s ride. 
–Bandit
