BySnake
Continued From Page 2
Merlin Roadster by Corbin on the horizon
by Teddy Bear
Feb. 13, 10 a.m. Eastern time
What do you get when you take a three-wheeled Harley-Davidson chopper and drive it in reverse?
You get a Merlin Roadster made by a tiny, Hollister, Calif., company called Corbin Motors.The Merlin, which its maker says will hit the streets this summer, is powered by a walloping 1,400-cc fuel-injected V-twin Harley-Davidson motor. But the trick here is that the single wheel is in back, the engine is up front and the driver steers with a wheel, not sissy bars. There’s a gas pedal and brake and clutch, all on the floor, and you shift through a 4-speed manual tranny. And yes, there is a reverse gear, too.
In other words, it’s a front-wheel-drive motorbike that drives like a car.
Yes, it’s still a bike, not a car, so you need a motorcycle license (in most states) to drive one.
The advantage–according to its maker–is that anybody who knows how to drive a car can drive the Merlin. Taxes, as well as insurance, are much lower, and most states will allow it in their high-occupancy vehicle lanes (because it’s a bike–really, officer, really!). It gets better mileage than a typical car. And it will get a lot more double takes.
With 75 horsepower and only 1,100 pounds of weight to haul around, the one-seater is a lot more powerful than other micro cars like…well, like the MCC Smart, which parent company DaimlerChrysler may eventually import to America. The Smart Passion tilts the scales at 1,600 pounds and only puts out a piddling 53 hp–and takes 17 seconds to get to 60 miles per hour as a result. To put things in perspective, the Merlin has roughly the same power-to-weight ratio as a $43,365 Porsche Boxster–but costs $20,000 less.
It also has wider, lower tires than the Porsche and, with that Harley motor, sounds a lot meaner, too.
Then again, wearing a helmet is required; there aren’t any airbags; and, if it rains, the driver is just as wet as he would be on a motorcycle. And with a helmet, plus all the wind and engine noise, what’s the point of the CD player? (Yes, it has one.)
But there are advantages over a hog. There’s a trunk big enough for groceries, a full steel frame under all of that fiberglass, and a seatbelt for safety. Plus the Merlin is available in candy-apple red, tangerine, black or silver. And just think, for the price of a Honda Accord, you can commute with a lot more style!
Specifications:
Harley Davidson 88-cubic inch, twin cam balanced, fuel- injected engine including the Harley ignition and wiring harness
4-speed manual transmission with reverse
Front wheel direct drive and steering
3-wheel disc brakes
Tubular steel chassis
Composite body
Scissor door: (click to view)
Tilt steering wheel
Fully integrated dashboard
Stereo AM/FM radio + CD player
4.5 cubic foot trunk space
52 inches wide from outside of tire to outside of tire
117 inches total length
78 inches axle to axle length
Performance:
100+ mph
35 mpg
Registers, insures and parks like a motorcycle
Colors:
Production models will be available in candy apple red, tangerine, black or silver.
Options:
Chrome Package ($1,700) Chrome wheels and Chrome/Black motor.
More Roadster Information and Online Deposit Form
Order with Corbin Motors Sales Department: mda@corbinmotors.com
Payment:
$1,000 deposit due when reservation is placed, $10,000 second deposit due when production of your Roadster begins, and the balance due upon delivery. Destination charges, tax and license fee are extra.
Price: $23,900
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not HORNY ! – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
11. She is not a SLUT – She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS – She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
13. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE – She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING ! – He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER – He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK-He becomes ACCIDENTALLYHORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS – He develops a case ofRECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT – He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
Bikernet Caribbean Report
Hey guys, I’m back, although by the time you read this we will be in Indylooking at all the new products and hanging out with friends.We will surely try to have all the new stuff that’s coming out in thefollowing months for you to look at first, here at Bikernet.Also, as promised, the trivia is finally here. Here’s how it works: Ipost some questions, the first one to e-mail them back to us with all thecorrect answers will receive a Chopper Freak T-shirt for gratis. Since I’mfeeling much better, I’ll even send two T-shirts if you happen to be thefirst answer and have them all right. All you gotta do is send us an e-mailat Jose@ChopperFreak.com with your answers. In case no one gets them,the one with the most answers wins. In other words, the shirt is goingno matter what.
We have just found out that one of our Bourget’s bikes will be featured inAmerican Iron Magazine. They told us that it’s a six-page spread in the Aprilissue, so keep your eyes peeled. Also, this will be the issue that they giveaway in Daytona, so you might even get it for free.
As you might know, the Indy trade show takes place this weekend> It isthe mother of motorcycle trade shows and includes all kinds of bike stuff.This year they will feature a section for American big twins only, whichseems pretty cool, hence we don’t have to walk the whole damn place toget to the good stuf, although it’s always fun to check out the motocrossstuff.
Sad to report that WCC No. 4 and 5 won’t make it to Daytona. With lots ofwork and the unexpected events, we cannot finish them in time. This, to us,is like Bandit not having a ride done in time for Sturgis….Oh well, thatmeans we will have to go to Myrtle Beach.
Keep an eye on the new Horse magazine for one of our Old School chops, andsome upcoming articles on Puerto Rico.
I bet more than one of our readers has the Olympic bug. Man, one of thethings I wanted to do was compete in an Olympic event, not even to win medals,but just to be there. And trust me, I have been to hell and back but no Olympicsports. I guess when they do chopper riding I might try out.
Also have a great Valentine’s Day, give your loved ones a hug, remember thisis not about red and hearts, it’s about loving your partner and family,life and friends. We are very lucky to have people who care for us, and whowe care about, that’s the essence of life. And now that I got all smushy,here’s the trivia……Good Luck!
1) What’s the last year of the rigid frame for Harley ?
2) In what city did Billy Lane and Warren start their Choppers Inc. business?
3) What was the first year of the “cone” Shovelhead motor?
4) Did you have to wear a helmet in California in 1993?
5) When did Harley turn in 12-volt electrical systems?
6) Who did Jesse James work for before opening his own shop? (any of the3 answers will be correct)
7) What does “81” stand for?
8) What’s Indian Larry’s real last name?
OK, now send those answers ASAP to Jose at ChopperFreak.com and wait for ourreply.Well guys, see ya next week with more news and stuff…..Take care….
Jose,
Bikernet Caribbean report.
The Art of Taking A Pee
(Written to a woman who accidently walkedinto a men’s restroom…)
Please don’t feel bad, lady. It wasn’t you entering the men’s washroom thatcaused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time.
It’s rare for us guys to ever hit what we’re aiming for. Sometimes I go intothe washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I’llmake sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men’s peniseshave a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all theurinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis willstill manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pantleg, and onto his shoe. I’m telling ‘ya those little buggers can’t betrusted.
After being married 28 years, my wife has me trained. I’m no longer allowed topee like a man – standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has>convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she had gone tothe toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee- soaked toilet seator fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she wasgoing to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don’t usually like to talk about, but because youand I have become such good friends and you think I’m a classy guy, I mightas well be candid with you because it’s a real problem, and you ladies needto be understanding. It’s the dreaded “morning wood”.
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee,and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hardyou try, you can’t get that thing to bend, and if it don’t bend you can’taim, well hell, if you can’t aim you have no choice but to piss all over thewallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on puttingon the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, thefriggin’ toilet seat won’t stay up by itself. So that means we have to useone hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to controlourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you’re newly married, (and I know the guys in here willback me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damnfuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing untilthe seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzystarts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flyingdown and tries to whack off your weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it’s just not safe. Itried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her…look, it won’t bend. She said, “sit down like I told you to do all the restof the time.” OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with “morning wood”.
Well it’s is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before Icould manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wallacross the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forceddown under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from thecrack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You pissall over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on tothat damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in frontof the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinarydilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toiletseat.This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split timeprecision but it’s the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl duringthe first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We aresensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but thereare times when things just get beyond our control.
It’s not our fault, it’s just Mother Nature.
Now, if it was Father Nature,… there wouldn’t have been a problem!
~Author Unknown~
Feel the heat, go HOG WILD!
Feb. 14, 2002?Biker Billy wants YOUR recipes for his next book, “Hogwild on a Harley,” to be published by Harvard Common Press, Boston, in spring 2003.
He?s the hottest cook on a Harley, his demonstrations are the hit of the rally circuit. No one knows peppers?from ancho to serrano?better than Bill Hufnagle. His two books, ?Biker Billy Cooks with Fire? and ?Biker Billy?s Freeway-a-Fire? have turned up the heat in kitchens across America.
Biker Billy?s third book will be dedicated to Harley-Davidsons and the people who ride them. After all, we live to ride, and we ride to eat! HOG WILD ON A HARLEY will be a celebration of Harley people, lifestyle, and community expressed through food.
Biker Billy wants to include YOUR recipes?for meals, snacks, parties, holidays, beverages; childhood or family favorites are welcome. Ingredients can come from any food group?animal or vegetable. The recipes don?t have to be hot and spicy, but they must be uniquely yours, not taken from another book, magazine, or Internet site.
Submit recipes on-line until March 25, 2002 at www.bikerbilly.com/home.tpl. Click the recipe submission icon. Please read the release form before you hit submit recipe, that indicates you accept these terms.
Just type, or copy and paste, your text in the form:Recipe title, subtitle if necessary.List ingredients with quantities. Be specific: 1/2 teaspoon, 2 cups, 6 ounces, 3/4 pound; fresh, frozen, dried, whole, chopped, diced, minced, shredded, ground.Step-by-step directions for preparation, and expected results for each stage. Describe consistency of mixtures before cooking, how to correct and test for done.Number of servings, suggested foods or beverages to accompany.A paragraph or two to about your experience with Harleys and food. (50-300 words)
Multiple submissions encouraged! Photographs of you, your motorcycle, and your food (keep them rated G, please) may also be sent through the web site. Biker Billy?s going HOGWILD ON A HARLEY?come along for the ride! Hog Wild on a Harley will be published by Harvard Common Press, Boston in spring, 2003.
On The Front Lines With Customer Assistance
(with hilarious thanks to Kimberly Klein, aka “K-Squared”)
I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true storyfrom the WordPerfect Help line which was transcribed from a recordingmonitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Deskemployee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfectorganization for “Termination without Cause.”
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now Iknow why they record theseconversations):
“Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”
“Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“It’s a blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
“Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have alittle light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cordgoes into it. Can you see that?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into thewall.”
“Yes, it is.”
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice if there were two cablesplugged into the back of it?”
“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the othercable.”
“Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back ofyour computer.”
“I can’t reach.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’sdark.”
“Dark?”
“Yes — the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming infrom the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light, then.”
“I can’t.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power failure.”
“A power…………a power failure? Aha, okay, we’ve got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer camein?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it waswhen you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re too fucking stupid to own a computer.”
Continued On Page 4
