Hey,
This weekend was nuts. It’s rained most of the time, but we’ve been cranking from one event and project to another. Friday night we hit the Long Beach Motorcycle Show. Hell, I don’t know what it’s called. It’s not a display of customs but a general, new model show. At the end of the event two items jumped out at us, Larry Hagel’s Dreamcraft Twin Cam custom which is so out of this world, it’s hard to believe. Watch for it in Hot Bike and we’ll cover the build of this mechanical monster on Bikernet. Check their web site Dreamcraftstudios.com. It’ll change the way you think about customs.
The next bikes to watch are the Triumph bobbers from SouthBay Triumph. These people know how to take a brand new 650 or Bonneville and bring the bobber tradition to life. Check them at southbaytriumph.com. What else? If you haven’t ridden a Victory, straddle one. I like the standard Vegas for comfort, styling and performance.
That was Friday night. Saturday we worked around the headquarters. I tried to installed the new S&S super E on the 1928 Shovelhead, but it was too fuckin’ cold in the shop. I tried to catch up with Eddie to find my Sturgis chopper seat, but he was no-where to be found. Then Sasha arrived from New York and warmed the headquarters with her wonderful smile, flowing hair and bundle of energy. She’s working on record deals, television shows, book deals, you name it. It’s all about motorcycles. I tried to pick up the Peashooter frame from Century Motorcycles, the source for old European shit and Triumphs, but Cindy was working on her Christmas party. Then it started to rain. Waves of this shit was splashing against the headquarters walls.
Let’s hit the news and I’ll wrap up the weekend report:
Bikernet Numbers Report From The Mountain
you might find the following link interesting. look at the graph to see the traffic spike over the last 2 months. also note that today bikernet.com is the 63,822 most popular site on the internet. actually if you look at the rank graph it has actually even gone into the mid 30’s. Remember there are something like 500 million web sites on the interent?- so getting into the top 100,000 is?easily within the top?1% of web sites.** That’s overall – not just biker sites!
These are sites linking to bikernet.com ** mathematical note – actually the top 100,000 web sites represents the top?.02% of sites – if there are actually 500 million web sites. i couldn’t remember the exact number off the top of my head – but it’s huge. –Brian Hale Here’s our numbers for November: Unique users 307,000, Hits 7.2 million, page views 820,000 and visits 594,950.–Bandit Califormance.com is partnering with a National Beverage Company on a 2005 Show Car and Girls Calendar There are 24 sponsor spots open in this 12 month calendar. We will produce 30,000 plus?calendars for distribution to Members, Retailers, and Manufacturers. If you would like to be part of this exciting opportunity,?contact Robert R. Clark at 800-481-6617 or Wanted: Models, Vehicles and Product Sponsors. Mooneyes Christmas Party December 11th Mooneyes is having their annual X’mas show on Sat. Dec. 11th. See the atttached file. I’ll have a booth again. Getting some stuff done for it. Thought you’d be interested since you seemed to enjoy it last year. –CGK I might make it, but David Mann’s Memorial is the next day in Ventura. I’m heading out with the dicey Knucklehead. Gotta Slow Down! A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as??time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic??was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of??three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff’s office and said,??”You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and??killing all of my chickens.” “What do you want me to do?” asked the??sheriff. “I don’t care, just do something about those drivers.” So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called the??sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The??’school crossing’ sign seems to make them go faster.” So, again, the??sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN??AT PLAY And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and??called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your??signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own??sign?” The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have??him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the??farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to??call him. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your??sign?” “Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then.??I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” And he hung up the phone. The sheriff??thought to himself, “I’d better go to that farmer’s house and look at that??sign… There might be something there that WE could use to slow down??drivers…” So the sheriff drove out to the farmer’s house, and he saw??the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow??letters were the words: SLOW: NUDIST??COLONY –from Vern Production of AMD’s POWERTRAIN & EFI PRO-GUIDE special is now underway. If you have any powertrain or EFI specific product news, catalogs or other information that you would like to have considered for inclusion, please let us know by return e-mail, or call us TOLL FREE (from USA & Canada) on 866 849 5704. Full contact details are below. As always, our requirements for images are 300dpi resolution JPEG/TIFF/EPS and a minimum 4 inches width whilst at that resolution Advertising spaces in this valuable marketing opportunity are filling fast and advertisers are more than welcome to utilize the facilities and services of our full time design studio. Deadline for receiving editorial submissions & ad artwork is: December 20th 2004 As with all monthly AMD editions, mailing will be to nearly 11,000 Harley aftermarket dealers, distributors and parts manufacturers. Nearly 9000 of these businesses are in the United States. For more information contact either Group Advertising Manager Steve Rix (mailto:steve@dealer-world.com ), Publisher Robin Bradley ( A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. “Dear Lord,” he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you we are but dust. ” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?” –from Skooter Which one of the women? below has the breast implants? Who gives a shit! Rogue Sometimes– Sometimes… when you cry… no one sees your tears. Sometimes… when you are in pain… no one sees your hurt. Sometimes.. when you are worried… no one sees your stress. ? Sometimes… when you are happy… no one sees your smile. But FART!! just ONE time… And everybody??knows!! Vern Bikernet Return Policy– A middle-aged woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work. The clerk tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special”. Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, “PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!” The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the woman and asks, “Ma’am what’s wrong?” She explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming “PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!” Doing so draws and even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads “Ma’am, why are you saying that? In a huff, the woman says, “BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I AM BEING SCREWED!” The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded. –from Vern Gusset Jeans Goes Black Hey the most comfortable rider jeans on the planet just added black to their line-up. I ordered a set immediately. Check ’em out. –Bandit Questions for The (Really) New Testament– 1. ?Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. ?A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.?Can you clarify? ?Why can’t I own Canadians? 2. ?I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. ?In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness – Lev.15: 19-24. ?The problem is how do I tell? ?I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. ?The problem is, my neighbors. ?They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. ?Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. ?Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. ?I don’t agree. ?Can you settle this? ?Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination? 7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I ?have to admit that I wear reading glasses. ?Does my vision have to be 20/20,or is there some wiggle-room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. ?How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. ?He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. ?He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. ?Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone him? ?Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn him to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) –from Buzz K. How Unions Hurt Productivity– I don’t know about other areas of the country but a growing trend here is for people to be a little on the lazy side. It is not that uncommon for as many as 14 to 18 union people to just stand around and watch while only one person is doing the work. As you can see in the attached photo, the situation is out of hand. I hope it’s not happening in your area. Art F. The difference between American bikers & Arab bikers– –from The Devil Record High Jump– A new world’s record in the high jump was set yesterday at a beach in the south of France. Attached picture was taken just seconds before the jump took place. Art F. HARLEY-DAVIDSON INTRODUCES SOFTAIL SPECIAL EDITION FLEET MODELS Heritage Softail Classic and Fat Boy Models Available for Police Officers, Firefighters and Shriners. Harley-Davidson Motor Company expands the Special Edition fleet offering with two Softail model updates: FLSTC/I Heritage Softail Classic and FLSTF/I Fat Boy models. Both models are now available in Peace Officer and Firefighter Special Editions and in Shrine motorcycles. The Peace Officer Special Edition Softail motorcycles are available in Dark Blue, with the unique, updated tank graphics. The Firefighter Special Edition Softail motorcycles feature updated tank graphics and are available in the new, Fire Engine Red paint. The Shrine Softail motorcycles are available in the standard Pleasure Colors along with Concord Purple (Jester members only) and Arctic White and feature the standard Pleasure graphics. The new Special Edition fleet motorcycles will be available starting January 3, 2005. The addition of the Special Edition Softail models will expand the current Harley-Davidson Special Edition police line up to five models: FLHTCUI Ultra Classic Electra Glide, FLHTC/I Electra Glide Classic, FLHR/I Road King, FLSTC/I Heritage Softail Classic and FLSTF/I Fat Boy motorcycles. Harley-Davidson has been building patrol motorcycles since 1908 and currently serves more than 3,000 law enforcement departments in North America, as well as law enforcement agencies in 45 countries. Harley-Davidson police motorcycles offer low maintenance costs, superior durability and unmatched resale value. They come with standard Sequential Port Fuel Injection for quick starts in all conditions and offer enhanced performance and fuel economy. Ederly Ailments– A group of seniors were sitting around the pool talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.” “I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled,” volunteered a third. “What? Speak up, I can’t hear you,” said a fourth. “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. “My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk,” exclaimed another. “I forget where I am and where I’m going,” said an elderly gent. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement. “Well, count your blessings, and thank God we can all still drive!”, said one woman cheerfully. Vern PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THAT I WORKED TODAY… SORT OF– Hi Bandit, Hey, I was thinking that maybe you should look in your Primedia employee’s handbook and see if it’s okay for editorial directors to spend the whole day chopping up pipes and welding them together for a tech piece… I mean I would hate to see you lose the job because you are too hands-on. Here’s a shot of the tank on the OCC tribute bike for Street Chopper and one of me barking orders to our pretty blonde in “bikini bike wash” for Hot Rod Bikes. I saw Conder’s illustration on Bikernet for our joke page in Hot Bike and really liked it… Even more than I like Spam… Do they use real pork in Spam? Best, John WHATTA WEEKEND–It’s been nuts and I’m about to head to the airport to pick up our esteemed web master, Jason Douglass. We’re going to cut a deal with Primedia to have Bikernet become the internet arm of Hot Bike, Hot Rod Bikes and Street Choppers. So let me back up to Saturday. I ended up at that goddamn Long Beach show that night with Dr. Hamster in the rain. Sunday morning Crazy John wrapped on the door early. Hell I wasn’t finished with my first cup of coffee. He wanted to buy the Shovelhead deal of the week. He was fresh out of the Long Beach Swapmeet with a new/old Le Pera Cobra seat for the bike he hadn’t bought. It was raining harder than ever. Finally the good doctor arrived and the transaction completed. We loaded that sucker and I hit the news. Let’s get the hell out of here. I’m going to attempt that carb install this afternoon. I need to read Agent Zebra’s articles for the up-coming mags. We’re not accustomed to winters in Southern California, and we’re feeling it this weekend. Wish you all the best as the holiday season develops. Ride Forever, –Bandit
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