As usual I don’t know where to start. The headquarters are in shambles. After the cops left we tried to straighten up the vast complex of offices packed with party favors and gifts. Hell it’s only Thursday in the middle of the day and the Christmas Party hasn’t been launched. I need to bury myself in a high speed cable connected cave. We’ve got a number of hot features hanging in the wind and I need to step up to the plate, edit and launch every last one of them. Dat’s my job, but between the holidays, writing assignments, editing, drinking Jack, working on bikes and chasing a woman from time to time, I’m a bundle of deadline frazzled nerves. I need to hide.
Some reports indicated that the Internet hasn’t been the landfall fulla gold it was reported to contain, but Bikernet is growing and we’re proud of all that we’ve accomplished this year. We’re so proud we sent all or our contributors and Sponsors naked women for Christmas. I suppose that’s the present I would prefer daily, so it may have been a Freudian slip, but what the hell.
Let’s get to the news before I ramble myself into hot water?
DON VESCO GOES TO THE SALT FLATS IN THE SKY–During the ’70s Don was a thorn in the side of the American motorcycle land speed record crowd. He was the first person to ride a motorcycle over 250 miles an hour in 1970, and in 1975 he was the first to travel over 300 mph on a motorcycle, always Jap bikes. In 1978 he broke the World Land Speed Record for motorcycles on a Kawasaki at 318 mph and held the record for 12 years, before Easyriders broke the record in July of 1990. I was proud to be on the team.
I met Don last year when I was assigned to interview him for Hot Rod Bikes. He was a man who loved speed in any form. He currently holds the record for the fastest wheel-driven vehicle at 458.44 mph. Unfortunately, this Monday, the 16th of December, the 63-year-old speed demon who died of prostrate cancer, would still be a racing fool if it wasn’t for this illness. He will be missed by racers all over the world.
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on….Dean Martin
–from Jill Z.
DEVIL DOLLS SANCTIONED CALENDAR RELEASE PARTY–The Devil Dolls are having their official 2003 Calendar release party at Black Widow Eyewear and Leather in San Francisco this coming Saturday, the 21st. The party is hosted By our good friends Judy and Jerry Hart at their brand new, very cool shop.
There will be food, beverages, tattooing, Goth Christmas Carols, and as always with the Dolls, a whole lotta fun! Join us please, you never know what will happen when we are involved. Black Widow is located at:
249 9th Street
San Francisco, CA
Phone: 415-863-3937
Devil Doll Hotline: 415-546-3700
If you’re in the bay area, you better be there, it’s mandatory–Devil Dolls Motorcycle Club.
BIKERNET BOOK REVIEW–It was Sunday, 10:27 am. I was a tranquilized beast, drooling on my pillow and bellowing like a thunderous chorus of chainsaws. My slumber was pierced by an obnoxious ringing and I cursed myself for leaving the alarm on. I took out my self-hatred by bashing the “off” button. The racket continued so I hurled that little bastard across the room. The tormenting tone persisted. I withdrew my S&W Model 13 from under my pillow, cocked the hammer, and was ready to put this fucker out of commission for good when I realized it was actually my door buzzer. Foggy consciousness will play Loki tricks on you like that. Just who the hell was this? I had been out with most of my people until 7am – so it shouldn’t be any of them. I knew this had to be serious.
I crept to the door and put my eye on the peephole. On the other side I glimpsed the face of no one that I knew. I opened the door and there stood a man in mailman regalia holding a conspicuous package. Now, this was SUNDAY morning – I could smell the scam. Either this was some dumbass street punk trying to take it to the next level of house casing with this shoddy disguise, or it was some sinister fiend with more insidious intents. I wasn’t taking any chances with this potential anthrax peddler – in the second it took to deliberate all this I had already grabbed his arm, twisted it, bitten down on it, hemmed him up, and started bashing his head against the wall with my free hand. “I” [whap] “am” [crack] “just” [bang] “the” [thud] “mailman” [crash of his head going through my door window]. Shit, could I have just been groggy paranoid? That’s when I saw the mail truck out on the street. All I could say was, “Ahh…I’m sorry.”
There was a glistening alchemical mixture of blood and tiny glass shards waterfalling down his face. I took pity on this pathetic lump. “Good god, man, come on in and pull yourself together.” I tossed him a roll of gauze and pointed the way to the bathroom, “and don’t worry about that bite, I’m not rabid.” He emerged with below-the-neck composure regained but his head was wrapped like a half-assed mummy. I offered him some shots of ice cold Jeigermeister. I was trying my best to avoid catching a court case. I figured drunkeness was a great forgiver. I asked, “What the hell business do you have coming around here on a Sunday?”
His retort, “You have an Express Mail package – we deliver those any day, including Sunday?s and holidays.” This I did not know. He expressed that this was not common public knowledge and that it was not unusual for mailmen to be greeted on these delivery days with acts of raw violence and brutality. “It’s all in a days work for me.” He then launched into a diatribe on his career highs and lows, but that is of no consequence here.
Ahh yes, the package. What could be so important as to warrant a Sunday delivery? I murked over to the mysterious parcel, eyeballed it, and saw it was of foreign origin! “What the hell?” No more deliberations – I attacked like a lion tearing through the flesh of a freshly downed gazelle. Shreds of manila flew until I got to the prize – a big, weighty, hardcover book. Further inspection revealed that this wasn’t some gaudy coffee table book-of-the-month club waste of a dead tree, no way Jack. This was IT – a book that I had been on the hunt for like a depraved archaeologist seeking an ancient relic. This was a treasure I had heard only rumors of. A book that only the highest ranking members of secret inner-sects of hidden chopper building societies claimed to possess. This was “Zero Chopper Spirit.”
For those of you who have not infiltrated the 33rd degree of the chopper sects, have not undertaken any serious study of the corpus of chopper texts, or are generally just not “in the know,” Zero Engineering has been making INCREDIBLE choppers for over a decade. Their bikes are a balance of artistry, performance, and spirituality. Take one look and you’ll see how these three points intersect and gracefully makeup each Zero motorcycle.
In 1991, Zero founder Shinya Kimura planted the roots of his company in Okazaki City, Japan. Since then they have produced a multitude of soulfully styled Flathead, Knucklehead, Panhead, Shovelhead, and Sportster choppers AND race bikes (the other side of the Zero spirit). Over 30 bikes are documented in this book (even an old 48 H-D Hummer) ? each beautifully illustrated with full color photos and a spec sheet.
The books? creation is a story in itself. In 1994, Kaz Yamaguchi discovered this hidden tribe of builders at a bike show. He started to photo-journalistically and anthropologically record these bikes and builders. Later, upon meeting with Shinya Kimura, he was granted permission to produce this heavyweight book of Zero creations. So off he went, armed with a notepad and Nikon, to hunt down the Zero choppers that were now unleashed onto the populace of Japan. This search took him from the cities to the countryside. All of which serve as scenic backdrops to the bike photos.
Incidentally, Kaz states that he was an amateur photographer when he started the book ? but the photo quality in this book is way beyond amateur status. The reader is also told that the bikes in this book are only part of the Zero Empire. There are many more out there that have not yet been tracked down ? so there are hints of another book in the works?
>Unfortunately, the ?Zero Chopper Spirit? is not widely available in the States as of now. It is published (Chop Stick Publishing) in Japan, and available in English and Japanese editions from Kaz?s website: http://www.zerochop.com. I?ll keep you updated when it?s available in the states. You can also check out The Horse Backstreet Choppers issue #23 (May 2002) for more coverage.
Note to my mailman: Stop by for a free copy when I get more in. You earned it, my man!
–Truth
BIKERNET INVESTIGATES MEMORY–They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this phrase to the people you’ll never forget and remember to send it also to the person who sent it to you. It’s a shortmessage to let them know that you’ll never forget them. If you don’t send it to anyone, it means you’re in a hurry and that you’ve forgotten your friends.
–from Steve Bauman
CHOPPER GUYS COME TO BIKERNET AS A NEW SPONSOR–ChopperGuys is one of the few companies that puts quality way ahead of quantity. There frames are straight and and built solid. They’re totally American made and they take extra time during the construction process to make sure you have a quality chassis for your next ride. Here’s an example of their extensive line of frames:
“BEEFY” SOFTAILS
Features 1 1/8? diameter main frame tubing with a 35 degree rake and 1 3/4? stretch in the backbone.Billet ?wrap around? style axle plates.1 1/4? lower than stock height.Pro-style billet tank mounts and pro-style neck accepts stock triple trees.This frame comes complete with the swing arm, pivot bearings, swing axis tube, axle, axle locators, and CG bolts. These frame are available to accept either a 180 to 200 mm tire, or a 230, 240, or 250 mm tire.
Note : 230 and 240 mm tire require 1? offset tranny plate . 250 tire applications require 1 1/4? offset tranny plate. (appropriate offset tranny plates are included in kit, please specify tire size at time of order.)
PART NUMBERS:FRM-FGSSB-Fat Guy softail frame with billet axle plates, will accept 180 or 200 mm tire.(PICTURED)RETAIL PRICE $2202.81
FRM-FGSM23-Fat Guy softail frame with billet axle plates, will accept 230 – 250 mm tire. RETAIL PRICE $3034.06
FIRST, GOD CREATED– First, God created First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, “There’s something he’s needing’ “.
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
> And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down ‘oer her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
‘Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth…
Ruined the whole fucking thing.
–from Steve Bauman
OPEN LETTER TO ONE-PERCENTERSREGARDING COLORS– “Liar, liar pants on fire your nose is longer than a telephone wire.”
The new Four Corners rally organizers were quoted as saying the patch clubs would not be welcome.Quote:Wallace said he’s been contacted by one-percenter clubs but has not encouraged them to come. “We’ve tried to put the word out (that) if they’re looking for trouble, they’re not welcome here,” he said.
That is not true. Creig Wallace President of Rally in the Rockies never said any such thing. Dan Bradshaw Executive Director of Four Corners Rally in the Rockies and Creig Wallace President of Four Corners Rally in the Rockies welcomes all three-piece patch clubs.
Offending publications, would have you believe the new rally plans on neutering, “Four Corners Rally turning a successful event into a passively domesticated RUB affair.” That is NOT TRUE!
Deception published in magazines or newspapers is unprofessional journalism. An interview supposedly between Dan Bradshaw and Creig Wallace that never took place was published anyway. Foolish reporters and reckless publications use the tool of print erroneously personally attributing to the organizers a bias against the patch holding clubs.
www.rallyintherockies.com
Email: dustymissbb@netscape.net
HELEN WOLFE KEEPS THE MEMORY OF THE GUGGENHEIM ALIVE–In the last two weeks the Las Vegas Guggenheim display was dismantled, but our master Photographer has images of the classic bikes available for viewing. Check it out: Nope, the above bike was not displayed in the Guggenheim, but it’s an old original Arlen Ness creation that Helen found at a drag race and photographed. It’s a classic. Continued On Page 2
