It’s wild out here.
We are trying to duck two storms coming from the north. The reports we receive are constantly inaccurate. We are rolling as much and 35 degrees on an empty stomach and we can’t risk the engines in such severe seas so we’re heading south east probably through the Azores. We just passed a container ship from Morocco. The captain pointed out that it was rolling 15 to 17 second increments. We roll twice as fast which is much more abusive to the vessel.
The rolling severity is due to the edge of the south-bound storm we are racing away from, the fact that our ship is empty and that some container ships have anti-rolling ballast tanks and even wings that reach into the sea 30 meters off each side to slow and minimize the rolls. We have slowed to 15 knots and it feels like 5. If the storm continues to be a threat we will continue south and spend Christmas in the Canary Islands off Morocco, wait out the storm and head north along the coast of Africa, then Portugal.
We may be in the Azores by tomorrow (Saturday) night. As I sit at my desk this afternoon the skies are gloomy and the rain is spraying against the porthole. I’m working on Chapter 10 of the number 2 Chance book, and as the sea rolls my jug of water jumps off my desk and my chair is slipping away from the computer. As I reach out to maintain contact with the keyboard and grab the bottle, my notes on my left go flying. I replaced the water-bottle and turned to retrieve the notes and lose the jug again.
One of the storms is 900 miles in diameter. At the center of the storm is 35-foot swells, and at the edge is 24-foot swells. We are currently dealing with 12-foot swells. Unfortunately another storm is grouping and headed directly in our direction directly behind this one and we have another gale still on our tail. We receive reports from Miami on the storm conditions constantly, we also receive course recommendation from home base in Hamburg. Unfortunately, the directives from Hamburg are fast food quality. Yesterday we received notice from the base that the storm was turning and heading directly into the vicious weather north of it. Based on that information the Captain changed the course to head northeast again toward Europe. Later information from Miami indicated that the storm was heading south directly at us. We’ve run into the outer lip of the storm and it’s heading right at us. Let’s get to the news:
More Scams In New York
T-shirts and caps being sold with the hot FDNY initials — short for the Fire Department of New York — are knockoffs, meaning not a penny goes to the fire department.
Amid the hundreds of funerals following the World Trade Center attacks, the fire department has been trying to manage and protect what is suddenly a multimillion-dollar brand.
“A lot of people didn’t know that FDNY was a registered trademark,” said Stephen Ruzow, an honorary fire commissioner who serves on the city’s Board of Fire Safety Education Fund. “It is owned by the Fire Department of New York and the city of New York.”
To make that point, the department recently sent cease-and-desist letters warning dozens of small retailers to stop selling counterfeit goods.
Then it signed a new licensing agreement with a manufacturer, Matrix, which in turn is selling to Federated, parent of Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s and Burdine’s. The estimated value of that deal is $20 million at retail.
One place where you can get the real stuff is Fire Zone inside Bloomingdale’s, which is officially licensed by the fire department.
Before September 11, the department sold licensed goods only in the small store, and online at FDNY Firezone.org. Proceeds from the shirts, mugs, key chains and model fire engines, among other items, go to a fire safety education fund.
“It’s not a percentage, it’s not a dollar, or five dollars,” said Anne Keating, senior vice president of Bloomingdale’s. “It’s the entire proceeds that go to the fire education funds.”
If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a freaking book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
P.S. Hey, Billy, you want fries with that?
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you asked.
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.>
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
A Sleep Deprived Nation
Sleep deprivation usually manifests itself in feeling especially drained in the afternoon, say sleep experts. It’s the time of day when serotonin and dopamine levels, which regulate mood, sleep and emotion, naturally dip. And if you are already sleepy, this dip is even more dramatic.
“This feeling of drowsiness is sometimes associated with the mid-day meal,” said Dr. Michael Smolensky, author of The Body Clock Guide to Better Health and professor of environmental physiology at the University of Texas School of Public Health in Houston.
“But it really has a lot more to do with natural changes in the brain at this time in the afternoon. The body clock naturally governs itself and it includes this natural dip in the afternoon.”
Many European countries and others with hot climates have long implemented an afternoon down time, or siesta, when stores close, business shut down and residents go home for a nap, or take a long rest at a cafe or restaurant.
Experts say that with a rest during the afternoon hours when the serotoninergic system in a person’s brain slows, workers might perform better at their jobs, and even be more safe.
“What we see in children and adults with this loss of alertness is also a loss of hand/eye coordination in the afternoon,” Smolensky said. “Frankly, I sometimes take a short power nap in the afternoon.”
Another way to feel refreshed in the afternoon, if you are not one who naps, is to take a rest, walk around the block, sit on a park bench, Smolensky says.
Less Sleep, More Bragging
“[Americans] like to brag about how little sleep they need, almost as if they are bragging about how many cars we own,” said Dr. Phyllis Zee, director of Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital’s Sleep Disorder Center. “We say we can get away with something like six hours of sleep. But, that’s not enough sleep. Most people need eight hours of sleep. This is why we feel tired in the afternoon and run down.”
The Council’s study suggests that workers allowed to follow their natural sleeping habits and rhythms would benefit employers by expanding working hours and production.
“It’s a very cultural thing for Americans to push themselves during the day,” said Zee. “With an economy that moves and changes quickly and rapidly, the harder you work and the longer hours you put in, you think you are more productive. But it reaches a point when you are sleep deprived, then you are just going to make mistakes and that productivity you perceive won’t matter.”
Back With Bandit
Well, the initial report was from yesterday, and it was rough all night so the captain decided to have some drills today and we had to don our lifejacket and head toward the bridge where he explained the various sinking scenarios and what we were to do. He also pointed out the various gear and life boat and raft situations. The seas were too rough to test the life boat conditions but we will once through the English Channel and into the North Sea. Actually the Captain in his joking demeanor told us passengers that we wouldn’t feel calm seas until we reached the gates to the North Sea and out of the Atlantic. We’re just north of the Azores as this lumbering 584 foot vessel is tossing its cooking in the Atlantic at 17.4 knots. We watched a video on the life rafts in containers on these ships. They’re hot, but I wonder what kind of shape they’re in after 10 years of bouncing from one seaport to the next.
I’m still getting reports from the front that we’re all nuts to be out here so here’s a bit of a poetry from the beginning of the 19th century about shipping out:
We went to sea in a sieve we did
In a sieve we went to sea
In spite of all our friends could say
On a cloudy morn on a rainy day
In a sieve we went to sea
And everyone said “you’ll all be drowned”
And we said “We don’t give a fig!”
Just goes to show we’re just as nuts as a guy who slaps on his vest and rides across the country in the middle of the winter. Damn I miss the babes of Bikernet, though. Have a great Christmas, it’s the only one you get this year.–Bandit
