Don’t know if I can get away with this, or I should start packing again. Let’s go for it. There are a handful of wild men in this industry. I’m sure you’ve run across a couple I don’t even know about. I’m referring to Dr. Neon, Vinnie and Chris Hill. Most of us sorta head down another isle at the show when we stumble across these Walt Disney biker characters.
Dr. Neon recently rolled into Wilmington looking for a building. He stepped out of the all-black Mercedes, wearing an all-black cloak, lookin’ like an evil tyrant about to take over Gotham City. He musta messed with the preacher’s daughter in North Carolina and was searching for new digs. Last weekend at the LA Calendar show someone displayed a military helicopter turned limo. It could only be a Vinnie creation. Then there’s the owner of this bike.
Chris Hill has been around this industry since straight spoke wheels were a craze that killed riders. That’s still a hot controversy. He designed the ugliest handlebars on the planet, the Hill Bar. They actually work like a dream on dressers. He’s a chrome broker and professes to chrome wood. “Fuck you Bandit,” Chris barked from across the studio. “I chrome anything, plastic, wood, you name it.” He’s the chrome broker to the gods with connections far and wide. He pours Jack Daniels over his cereal in the morning and eats a Valium salads for lunch. “No lettuce, please.”
Okay, so I’m a good hearted soul and give him a hand whenever I can. He shit-canned his handlebar partner, or was it the other way around? Had a brain tumor removed from his skull, started another product line, “Bad As Hell”, and was run off Ortega Highway by a drunk van driver recently.
I helped him repair his Road Glide that was stuck in a tree, until I couldn’t stand him in the shop. But I had to admit that it’s one hot looking Glide. So he rolled out of LA toward Vegas, after 14 surgeries and six months of rehab, loaded on whiskey and packing a bimbo. He didn’t make it. The rear wheel collapsed somewhere in the desert.
Chris repaired the bike again, and again I offered to feature it on Bikernet. We produced a tech on Bikernet, and made some production suggestions for his latest product, the ultimate fork leg cap. It’s in our tech area or on our 2003 King.
Let me step back to my Bimbo comment. I used that descriptive term because Chris’s choice of women are sorta insane maniacs with a taste for the equally dismembered men, Chris Hill. He met one girl, married her one-day and divorced her the next. They were hitched and unhitched a half dozen times in six months. She jogged daily around a golf course and collected used golf balls. Here condo was fulla them. Is that a clue?
When we discussed his feature I mistakenly mentioned the Girls of Bikernet. Chris was set into whiskey-fueled motion and look who he came up with. This must me the nastiest girl in Southern California. “I bought her a new outfit,” Chris said, “every time we went to the studio.” Studios are expensive. It generally takes one studio rental to cover a bike, but no. This shoot turned into a relationship, a party, and a summer long project. I received a report-call weekly about the next shoot, the last shoot, the new outfit, and the party afterwards. I started to hide the phone. “I call her Jizz or Jezebel,” Chris said slurring his words into the phone. “When are we going to drink Jack and eat burritos?”
”That’s Margaritas and burritos, goddamnit,” I said and hung up. So here you have it. One hot Road Glide, the Nastiest babe in Southern California, and a madman owner. If you see him at a show covered with leather and too much jewelry, back the-fuck-up, or he’ll pour you full of Jack, feed you Valiums and tell you stories of Bandit and his women. Don’t believe ‘im.
2000 PUSSGLIDE Specs
Owner: CHRIS CHROME HILL
City/State: HUNTINGTON BEACH CA.
Builder: CHRIS CHROME / BANDIT
City/state CHROME SERVICES.com
Fabrication: CHRIS CHROME / BANDIT
Manufacturing: CHRIS CHROME “BAD AS HELL LINE”
Welding: BANDIT
Machining: CHRIS CHROME
Engine TC88
Year: 2000
Make: H-D
Model: ROADGLIDE
Displacement: 1450cc
Builder or Rebuilder: PHILS SPEED SHOP
Cases: H-D
Case finish: WRINKLE FINISH
Barrels: STOCK
Bore: STOCK FOR NOW….
Pistons: STOCK THIS WEEK….
Barrel finish: WRINKLE FINISH
Lower end: H-D
Stroke: STOCK
Rods: H-D
Heads: H-D THIS WEEK…
Head finish: WRINKLE THIS TIME
Valves and springs: FACTORY JOB
Pushrods: UMMMMM
Cams: ANDREWS EV
Lifters: ANDREWS
Carburetion: FUEL INJECTION, BUT RATHER BE BLOWN?
Other: CORBIN SIDE COVERS, SEAT AND FRONT FENDER
Transmission
Year: 2000
Make: H-D, by Phil’s Speed Shop
Gear configuration: TOP SECRET
Final drive: YOU GOTtA BE KIDDING ME, READ ABOVE?
Primary: YUP WITH BAD AS HELL DERBY!
Clutch: BARNETT
Frame 2000 HD ROADGLIDE
Year: 2000
Make: H-D
Style or Model: AKA THE PUSSGLIDE!
Stretch: NOPE!
Rake: YUP
Modifications: CUT BACK PART OFF
Front End
Make: STOCK WITH CHROME SERVICES BLING BLING AND BAD AS HELL FORK CAP
Model: ROADGLIDE AKA ROADKING SETUP?
Year: THIS IS GETTING OLD?
Length: HUNG LIKE A HAMSTER!
Mods: EVERYWHERE!
Sheet metal
Tanks: Bandit and ROCK AND ROLL PAINT WORKS
Fenders: CORBIN
Panels: CORBIN
Oil tank: UMMMM?
Other: AGAIN MORE STUPID STUFF? LOOK AT THE BIKE. DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOURS. NO, EVERY DAMN PART WAS CHANGED!
Paint
Sheet metal: AGAIN, MORE B.S.
Molding: NAH
Base coat: YUP
Graphics: FLAMES WITH PINSTRIPE
Frame: POWDERCOATED BLACK WE RIDE THIS PUPPY!
Molding: AGAIN….
Graphics or art: FREEKIN OLD SCHOOL COOL FLAMES?
Special effects: OLD SCHOOL COOL
Pinstriping: YES GREEN!
Wheels REAR FATBOY!
Front FRONT LACED, CHROME SPOKES, RED POWDERCOAT RIMS
Make: H-D
Size: 140
Brake calipers: CHROME FACTORY
Brake rotor(s): DANIEL BOONE
Tire: AVON
Rear FATBOY 2000
Make: H-D
Size: 16-INCH
Brake calipers: FACTORY CHROME
Brake rotor: DANIEL BOONE
Pulley: FACTORY POWDER-COATED RED
Tire: Avon
Controls
Foot controls: FACTORY DECHROMED POWDER-COATED BLACK, CHROME BY CHROMESERVICES.COM
Finish: BLACK POWDER-COAT
Master cylinder: STOCK
Brake lines: STAINLESS BY CHRIS CHROME WRAPPED IN BLACK SHRINK WRAP TUBE.
Handlebar controls: YUP CHROME
Finish: SEE ABOVE
Clutch Cable: BARNETT
Brake Lines CHRIS CHROME MO JOBBIES
Shifting: MALTEESE FULL BOOT CONTROL BY CHRIS CHROME
Electrical OMG INTERNAL WIRING BY CHRIS CHROME
Ignition: H-D
Ignition switch: H-D
Coils: H-D
Regulator: H-D
Charging: H-D 2ND ONE, FIRST DIED?
Wiring: CHRIS CHROME / H-D
Harness: CHRIS CHROME
Headlight: H-D HIGH INTENsITY BLUE HALOGON
Taillight: STOCK
Accessory lights: CHRIS, H-D
Electrical accessories: COMING SOON
Switches: FOR THE BITCHES
Battery: YUP, 2ND TIME AGAIN?
What's Left
TONS, LOOK AT ALL THE WEIRD STUFF, CARBON FIBER TAILIGHT HOLDER, CHOPPED WINDSCREEN, CHOPPERBAR INTERNAL WIRING, REMOVED BUMPER BARS, REMOVED LOWER FENDER LIGHT, FLIPED LAY DOWN LIC PLATE BELOW TAILIGHT, CUT OFF FACTORY LIC MOUNT DECHROMED MOUNTING STUFF.
Seat: CORBIN WITH Chris Chrome NAME IN IT!
Pipes: SAMSON FISHTAILS
Mufflers: SEE ABOVE
Exhaust finish: CUSTOM BLUE JOB
Gas caps: H-D
Handlebars: CHOPPERBAR BY HILL PRODUCTS
Grips: STOCK
Pegs: 9MM BY SICKSHOOTER.COM
Oil filter: YUP
Oil cooler: NOPE
Oil lines: YEA
Fuel filter: AS IF?
Fuel Lines: I BET SO…
Throttle: WFO (WIDE FUCKN OPEN)
Throttle cables: YES
Fasteners: SOCKET HEAD CAP SCREWS
Specialty items: BAD AS HELL FORK CAP!
Comments: RIDE LIKE YOU STOLE IT
Credits: THIS ONE’S A WELL HONERED THANK YOU TO MY BRO…..BANDIT-
WHISKeY GOD DAMN IT!
