I got calls from riders all over the country well before the week was over. They must have been slipping out of the Badlands early this year. It’s hot as hell today in Southern California. It’s hot all over the country. Brothers are dieing of the Iraqi heat. Find a cold beer or an icy margarita and stay cool.
The air was still last night as Sin pondered Saturday night action. Was she going to chase Tracy, roll the dice in town or jump my bones. She’s hot for another woman, but can’t seem to land one. The frustration is getting her down. Send pictures, send girls, send love notes. Let’s get to the news:
The link below will send you to an announcement for the Beach Ride on Ride Report.com. We contacted the editor to let him know that Cheap Trick, Edgar Winter, and Dave Mason are not performing this year.
We believe that he got this information from the Beach Ride website but failed to see that they were listed there as “past performers.” I also sent him the updated list of starting points so hopefully he will add those to the site as well. I will keep you posted.
Please let me know if you have any questions. The link is: –Kate Bilger 25 Things Men Will Never Do Trouble understanding men? 1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 3. When you are interrogated by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without accusation; beyond that,anyone within earshot is allowed to yell “liar!” (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate is raised to 400%) 6. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. 7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is five minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait ten minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. 8. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. 9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional and slightly suspicious. 10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 11. Before dating a buddy’s “ex”, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. 12. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. 13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 14. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat. 15. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but may never ask who’s playing. 16. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’re able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 17. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re lying on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a “inappropriate word/phrase removed” supermodel…and it’s free. 18. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. 19. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 20. If a buddy is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours, his actions have led you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin’,” then you may sit back and enjoy. 21. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while weightlifting: “Yeah, baby, push it!”, “C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”, “Another set and we can hit the showers”, “Nice ass, are you a Virgo?”. 22. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be referring to his beer. 23. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response. 24. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need. 25. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not. –from Tim Connors Bikernet Report From The Ozarks Life has been ugly this summer. Skitzo has been hanging out with a girl at the shop he works at and she is the best friend of my juvee girl. They all three go drinking and shit, but none of them know about me and her. She’s is one of those girls that you can’t be around and you don’t want to be with. Me and her would go do stuff, and she would tell me how Skitzo was working on scoring her, but she has no interest. She tells me who has a chance and who doesn’t ,because me and her are just “play friends”. Now he’s gone and told her some shit about he’s in love with her, and she’s now got the heeby jeebys about him. He’s all depressed and comes over to my house, and we get all fucked up, and he tells me how bad he has it for her. He has tried and tried to get her to change her mind, so she told him that she has a secret boyfriend to get him off of her. Now that’s got everyone trying to figure out who it is. They are all stupid. If they thought about it at all they could figure it out from the “coincidence” times that we show up places. They all know I day travel for work, and that’s when she sees this secret man. Anyway I made a big mistake by taking my girl over to the shop with me on a Saturday to use the press. While me and Skitzo were working on my stuff, my girl was talking to juvee girl’s friend and the friend started talking about the secret man. My girl can add better than them, and on the ride home, while I’m on the freeway, she starts telling me that she knows, and I should just be a man and own up to it. I denied it, of course, but she was getting violent on the back of my bike. Ever ride on the freeway with a chick pounding your back and screeching in your ear? It ain’t fun. I had to pull off the freeway and have a little talk with her. It was an ugly ugly scene. I finally convinced her that it was all a whole bunch of coincidences and she shut up. She watches me like a hawk now. I can’ t shake her. Everywhere I go she wants to go. Thank god she has a job. Anyway, my buddy crashed his bike again. He denies it, but I think he hit his partner and both went down. He says that his partner hit some gravel and fell in front of him, but they don’t talk to each other anymore. There’s way more to this story. He’s ok but his bike is fucked up. His partner was hurt pretty bad and his bike is trashed. The titty bar tour just hasn’t happened for weeks. I’ve been riding from bar to bar every weekend and it seems like everyone’s just staying home. Some good news, though. I’m almost finished with my Shovel, and I love it. I’ll ride it this weekend. It’s an amateur effort, but for the tools I have, it’s ok. Hopefully I can have as good of luck with this bike as I have had with my Evo, but I ain’t stupid. It is a shovel. I’ll keep you up on Oklahoma a little better now, that I have a new e-mail. –Ozark Ed BIG FISH On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, “look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!” “Son, I’m a priest. Your language is uncalled for!” “No, Father, that’s what kind of fish it is–a Son of a Bitch fish!” “Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!” Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. “Father, that’s the biggest Son of a Bitch I’ve ever seen.” “Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?” “Why, eat it of course. You’ve never tasted anything as good as a Son of of a Bitch!” Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. “Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!” Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, “Father!” “It’s OK, Sister. That’s what kind of fish it is–a Son of a Bitch fish!” “Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?” “Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch.” Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner. “I’ll even clean the Son of a Bitch”, she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. “What are you doing Sister?” “Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishops’ dinner.” “Sister! I’ll clean it if you’re so upset! Please watch your language!” “No, no! , no, it’s called a Son of a Bitch fish”. “Really? Well, in that case, I’ll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you’ve finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch.” On the night of the new Bishop’s visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, “This is great fish, where did you get it?” “I caught that Son of a Bitch!” proclaimed the proud priest. The Bishop’s eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. “And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!” exclaimed the Sister. The Bishop sat silent in disbelief. The Friar added, “And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!” The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, “You mother fuckers are my kind of people.” Da Flow Bench Report Welding these last few months on my days off. Been busy with that. Flow Bench is still happening but at a snail’s pace. No time to do much on it. Sound familiar? Check out my buddy’s website: –Paul High-Speed Police Chase Leaves Two Dead By Jayson Larson (jlarson@athensreview.com) A fleeing motorcycle and a Brownsboro Police cruiser collided during a high-speed chase early Saturday morning, killing two people and injuring two officers who were driving on the wrong side of the road. The chase is said to have exceeded speeds of 100 mph. An accident reconstruction team from the Waco office of the Texas Department of Public Safety is investigating the fatal crash. Russell Shannon Hall, 29, of Mabank and Jamie Nicole Snider, 21, of Kaufman were killed at the scene of the wreck, which took place on State Highway 31 just west of Brownsboro. Hall was driving the 1993 Honda motorcycle with Snyder as his passenger. Pct. 3 Justice of the Peace Sue Starnes pronounced Hall and Snider dead at the scene. An initial report indicates Hall died at 12:06 Saturday morning, and Snider died about 20 minutes later. That is in accord with reports that Snider had a pulse when backup officers arrived at the scene. The posted speed limit along that stretch of highway is 65 mph, according to a report from DPS Waco. The report does not state why the motorcycle was fleeing or why the patrol car was on the wrong side of the road. The pursuit started with DPS just minutes before midnight Friday near Loop 317 in Athens. Brownsboro PD and the Henderson County Sheriff’s Department were asked to assist as the chase moved east. The DPS Waco report states Brownsboro reserve auxiliary Sgt. Larry Ledford, 43, was driving his police cruiser east in the westbound lane of Hwy. 31 when the collision occurred. Hall and Snider were thrown from the motorcycle, which caught fire. Ledford was taken to Mother Frances Hospital, where he was treated and released, according to Brownsboro Police Chief Kyle Bridges. Brownsboro Police recruit Joe Rodriguez, 36, was a passenger in the vehicle. He was treated for his injuries at the scene by EMS. Bridges said it is not unusual for a reserve officer and a recruit to be involved in a chase and noted Ledford is in charge of training for scenarios such as chases. There was no immediate explanation as to why Ledford was driving on the wrong side of the road. “I can’t really comment on the way it happened,” Bridges said. “I wish I could, but I was told not to until DPS finishes its investigation.” Bridges said Ledford will be held off duty pending the investigation. Rodriguez is a police academy student training with Brownsboro PD. Saturday morning’s wreck is eerily similar to a fatal collision between a fleeing motorcycle and Mabank Police three years ago that left the evading driver, 20-year-old Tyson Lamar Curtis, dead. In that case, police were driving on the wrong side of the road and were later ruled to have taken “faulty evasive action.” The Curtis family recently settled a civil lawsuit against the city of Mabank. Old School Tribute I always liked this bike. Looking at it reminds me of old times. Adios, dude. –Stan VIVA LAS VEGAS A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going, and she replied, “I’m going to Las Vegas.” He questioned her as to why and she told him: “I just found out that I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free.” He pondered for a while, went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch with his wife. She said, “And just where do you think you are going?” He replied, “I’m going too.” “Why?” she asked. He said, “I want to see how you’re going to live on $800 a year. –from Rev CarlR Nonprofit Maintains Ties With Warlocks By James Dean FLORIDA TODAYf MELBOURNE — Two weeks after federal agents raided the local chapter of the Warlocks “Our decision was: We’re going to support the Warlocks,” said Mary Grace Murphy, the executive director of Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Brevard. “You’re innocent until proven guilty.” Federal agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives conducted The warrants were part of a 1 1/2-year-long investigation into drug and weapons allegations culminating in raids in six states against the Warlocks and Hell’s Angels. No local members were arrested, but agents seized several During the past six years, BB/BS has accepted about $35,000 in donations generated by the Warlocks’ annual Biker Bash, which is planned Aug. 23 in Cocoa Beach. The nonprofit organization provides mentoring to about 1,000 at-risk children in Brevard. After the raids last month, Murphy said the organization might need to disassociate itself from the bikers, fearing a negative association would taint its reputation. But Murphy said she has received several calls and e-mails from community members supporting the Warlocks, who maintain they have done nothing wrong and should not be judged according to what members in other states or counties have done. “It wasn’t us,” Warlocks member Jeff Riles said. “We can’t be responsible for people in other states.” After considering the Warlocks’ case, BB/BS’ 13-member board of directors voted unanimously July 31 to continue its association with the Biker Bash and accept proceeds that could top $10,000. “We just felt like these guys have been stand-up guys so far, why would we doubt them now?” Murphy said. Riles said while he had another charity lined up to benefit from Biker Bash, he was happy to continue working with BB/BS. “I’m grateful they decided not to leave at time when we needed them and they needed us,” Riles said. –from Rogue Buttery Creation Norma “Duffy” Lyon works on a Harley-Davidson V-Rod –from Rogue The Parrot A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little,” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.” The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s not so bad.” When her two teen-aged daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman’s husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi Keith.” –from Rogue Cyril Huze Dream Bikes 2004 Calendar “Dream Bikes By Cyril Huze” is the theme of the 2004 wall calendar just published by Ronnie Sellers Productions. Ronnie Sellers Productions specializes in theme calendars & picked Cyril Huze for an All Custom Motorcycles Calendar featuring 12 of Cyril’s creations. Distributed through the US & Europe, you can save a trip to your favorite bookstore by ordering it directly online from Cyril Huze at Cyril Huze Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?” Surprised, the father answers, “Well, sure son, we wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t….there are all kinds of breasts…depending on a woman’s age. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.” “Onions, Dad?” “Yeah, you see them and they make you cry….” Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, “Mom, how many kind of penises are there?” The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, “Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree in January.” “A Christmas tree?” “Yep, dried up–and the balls are only there for decoration.” >> –from Ken Miller More Religion On Sunday From Bikernet John and Marie went to the same Baptist church. Marie went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. John went on Christmas and Easter and, once in a while, he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Marie and he noticed what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, “Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?” “Why Yes, John, that would be nice,” said Marie. Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. All weeklong he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, “Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?” “Oh, no, John,”said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?” Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn’t say much until after dinner Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Hey, Marie,” said John, “Would you like a smoke?” “Oh, no, John,” said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?” Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He’d struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. “Hey, Marie,” said John, “how would you like to stop at this motel with me?” “Sure, John, that would be nice,” said Marie. Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything,and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie. The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed. “What have I done? What have I done?” thought John. He shook Marie and she woke up. “Marie, I’ve got to ask you one thing, said John. “What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?” Marie said, “The same thing I always tell them………….. You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a good time.” –from Rogue THAT’S IT–It’s hot as hell outside and calling me to hit the road. There’s cold beer and margaritas in the sizzling sun. Hold on for a new segment of the Cantina Soap Opera next week, and sensual ramblings from Sin Wu herself. We’re going to find her a girlfriend. It’s like that hot humid night in New Orleans. I can’t go into it, but there’s something about the South, the women, the cool drinks and the humidity that makes a woman’s body slick with sweat. Their damp clothes seem to peel off effortlessly with their inihibitions. Let’s Ride, 
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