Life is fascinating, then you die. Each day we have the opportunity to grow and change. Think about it. You can bang along through life with the same attitude, but then one day challenge your attitude and change it. It’s fuckin’ amazing. So, when you see someone doing something stupid again, just say to yourself. They could change that.
Take for instance our Salt Torpedo project. It’s the first of its kind, so that means we’re trying desperately to learn new shit every day. Hang on, I’m working on another report to be published later this week.
I found a bitchin stock, automatic advance distributor for my weirdo Panhead. I installed it, timed it and Micah came over because I couldn’t get it running properly. It would start and then spit through the carb. “I think we need to take the carb off,” Micah ultimately said. He also asked for a compression test. He inspired me.
I bought a compression tester and both cylinders showed over 90 pounds of compression. I checked my valves and the front exhaust was tight. I loosened the JIMS push rod. Then I called Lee Clemens and discussed timing. He said that if you are spitting gas through the carb it’s either the carb or timing.
I used a pencil in the front spark plug hole to find top dead center. I made a makeshift degree wheel and marked 35 degrees, golden. I backed the flywheel down to 35 degrees before top dead center and presto, the single slot was in the hole. I centered it and used a bungie cord to hold it in place. Then I checked my points. I was 180 degrees out. I double checked it. Yep, I was 180 out. I reset and set the point gap at .020 and presto, it ran like a champ.
I rode it to Walker’s Café yesterday and adjusted the main jet a few times. Each time I leaned it out some more the throttle response was crisper and the bike faster. Not bad.
Let’s take a break, then I’ll tell you about the plans for the week.
PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS FOLLOWING THIS MAIN ARTICLE!
The comments posted by readers are as funny as the story.
Stolen weapon found during search at Tennessee jail.
Loaded Gun hidden in suspect’s Vagina.
APRIL 22–A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.
As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search.
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver–which is four inches in length–had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was “ransacked” last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, “Oh, gosh.” He noted that he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned but added that the weapon would require “a bath in bleach.”
News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.
Archer, seen in the mug shot below, was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility.
According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.
AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES
1. I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a “hair trigger”.
3. Happiness is a warm gun?
4. At four inches in length it comes off as halfcocked…
5. “For sale AA22LR never used; still in the box.”
6. Report reads, “…Introducing contraband into a penal facility.” Shouldn’t that be ‘penile’ facility?
7. If it went off, could you call it her ‘boom box’?
8. Remember: Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10.You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking…
11. Oh my… accident waiting to happen. Could ‘shoot the beaver’.
12.I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a “hole” new meaning…
13.Complete reversal on the classic, “Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”
14.I wonder if she had ‘gun-areah’?
15.Gives a whole new meaning to “Vaginal Discharge”…
16.Do you suppose she had a ‘rectal reloader’?
17.A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
18.Figures… it uses ‘rim shot’ ammo.
19. This supports the “Big Bang” theory.
Medical company introduce hands free automatic sperm extractor for donors
This machine can also simulate a vaginal environment, through massage, twitching, sucking, vibration.
The Chinese government has fears of a looming semen shortage in the future due to a lack of donations, so has urged the men of the country to rise to the occasion.
But depositing your wares in a sterile, clinical environment isn’t always that easy. ‘Hospitals mostly use masturbation as their collection method without providing a venue or equipment,’ inventor Ding Guijiang said.
‘This makes collecting sperm on site very difficult. We invented an automatic sperm extractor which is also user friendly.’
Okay, so I’m about to wrap up a Cantina Episode. I try to scramble out of bed at 6:30 each morning. With my first cup of coffee I enter my office in the dark and fire up my computer. I work in the dark, hopefully focused on something creative, like the next episode for a solid uninterrupted hour, with only a small desk lamp and my computer to light my errant ways.
It works most of the time and I think this will be a hot episode. Hang On.
Next, this week I need to pull together the next chapter of the Salt Torpedo build. What a wild trip this has been. We learn something new every day. This week it will be fire suppression systems and next it will be fiberglass manufacturing.
My grandson is coming over today to pick up our new order of 5-Ball, Racy Women’s Jackets for a dealership. We need to peel to San Pedro Muffler and pick up my Bassini Exhaust system. Again, Lee Clemens coached me on this system. “The collector piece needs to be the equivalent of both the pipes coming from the heads, and you may need to adjust the length as you go.”
He pointed out to me that we are shooting for top speed and nothing else. He also doesn’t like our S&S Shorty G. He wants to send me an S&S D with three Thunder Jets installed.
Hang on for more reports this week.
And Goddamnit, Ride Free Forever!
–Bandit
