HEATHER — Girl of Bikernet for January 2014

 

 

 

Life is nuts. Look at this babe, shot by Jack in Daytona while hanging at the Hawaiian Tropic estate. She’s a guest, natch. She could be the guest of almost any guy at anytime. Hell, even the bike has a Miami Vice hue. Heather is a regular beer tub girl at Bike Week, so she knows the drill.

 

 

I was going to write some romantic tale of riding into Daytona and stumbling on a maiden in distress, and then I thought about my own distress. Look at her. She looks as pure as the naturally driven snow. Women are the flowers of humanity, but they come with an evil side, sort of like a new uncorked jug of Jack Daniels, or an 8-ball of cocaine. 

 

 

Fortunately, I’ve never been addicted to drugs, but I have been addicted to infatuation or love. It’s the one addiction society makes some effort to accept, although it’s just as devastating as heroin. So what the fuck is a poor boy to do?

 

 

 

Recently, a TV series revolved around a pregnant teenager, and teen pregnancies dropped 20 percent after kids saw the negative effects on a kid’s life. No more parties: now you’re a mom, and of course, the dad hit the road.

 

 

I suppose it’s that black widow syndrome. And as much as we love to check out broads for all their physical attributes, those come with a high mental price. Ah, the spider to the fly mantra. 

 

 

I’ve watched movie after movie where the old man’s wife has a kid, runs the home, gains some weight, and the husband runs off with some hot-looking bimbo. It blows up the home; the kid gets hit the worst, with a piecemeal family, a departed or part-time parent and a severely reduced family income. 

 

 

Too often, the bimbo with the big tits is half the woman the wife was, in every area except the eye candy region.

 

 

So, what’s a poor boy to do? Our Dr. Feng breaks out his book on Chinese astrology and points out, with the use of your birthdate, the perfect match. Will that help? Will anyone pay attention, when Heather is breathing on your neck and her hand is in your pants?

 

 

I was recently in a coffee shop when two hot looking blondes approached. I licked my lips and started conjuring up the perfect introduction line. Then reality hit like a statistical tsunami. She’s got AIDs, or some other STD, or has three kids stashed in a seedy hotel up the street. Her sister is a violent alcoholic or drug addict. She’s deep in debt and thugs are looking for her. She’s a psycho broad from hell. She’s never had a job and doesn’t want one. Why should she, she’s cute… She’s pregnant, but won’t mention it until I’m lost in her nipples a couple of months down the road. I rapidly glanced away and back to my bros and our business discussion.

 

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine…–Johnny Cash

 

I looked at a brother who prefers massage parlor girls to relationships. And it’s no wonder pregnancy and marriage has dropped severely in Japan. The population is slipping by one million a year. 

 

 

Heather may be cooI. She’s a super-hot, highly educated biker chick, who always has a smile on her face. But was she born in the year of the Dragon according to Chinese astrology? If she was, I’m moving to Daytona and buying a case of Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen. I’ll find her and we will test her love of the Dharma. Until then I ride alone…

–Bandit