Holy Hossenpffefer? I just blew a primary, my rent’s due, I’ve got no more credit at the liquor store on the corner, Sin Wu has been leaving me these hostile messages in Chinese on my phone machine, I can’t find the articles that Bandit left in a mayonnaise jar in the basement of Bikernet headquarters, and that bastard Bandit took all the petty cash to spend on some skanky whore in Bremerhaven, Germany.
Now the damn Sunday Post is due and I haven’t been out of this tin box of a trailer I live in for three days. I got a nasty phone call from my ex-girlfriend screaming about some money?and she’s the one with the regular job. I stole a newspaper from my neighbor next door. Look’s as if the United States Air Force has decided to have a Taliban barbecue.
Bandit always has a good word to say about the military. I’m afraid my ’69-’70 experience in Vietnam left me a bit of a cynic. The view of the average grunt is just over the edge of his fox hole and under the brim of his steel bucket. The reality of every grunt in every war is always up-close and personal. For all the guts and glory, most of us felt scared enough to shit our pants at any moment. I hope the guys in Afghanistan are keeping their heads low.
Speaking of keeping one’s head low, I think I hear my ex’s pile of shit SUV pulling up next to my ‘mobile villa.’ I’m bailing out the back window. Oh shit! She just ran over my Weber barbecue. She’s on the war path for sure. Check out the Post and I’ll try to get back to you later??
Bandit Captured By Women!
We are passing between the Florida Keys and Cuba. We picked up a boat full of female Cuban refugees. They all have enormous tits and as soon as I picked one and had sex with her, she reported back to her girlfriends and the place has gone mad. I’ve had several eating each other just to give me a break. This is a shot taken during negotiations. I want at least two shots of whiskey a bowl of fruit and 20 minutes between girls. Do you think that’s out of line?
Bandit
WWJD?—
Most people assume WWJD is for “What would Jesus do?” But the initials really stand for “What would Jesus drive?”
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because “the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.”
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.”
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses’ followers are warned not to go up a mountain “until the Ram’s horn sounds a long blast.”
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John’s gospel where Christ tells the crowd, “For I did not speak of my own Accord …”
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that “the roar of Moses’ Triumph is heard in the hills.”
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: “Joshua’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.”
And, following the Master’s lead, the Apostles carpooled in a Honda …”The Apostles were in one Accord.”
20 Lashes—
A Kiwi was sitting with an Australian and a Indian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden, Saudi police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh suddenly said: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.” So the Indian guy thought for a while and then said “Please be tying a pillow to my back.” This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Australian, watching the scene, said: “Please fix two pillows on my back.” But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again. Before the Kiwi could say something, the sheikh turned to him and said: “As you are from a popular country, and your rugby team is terrific, and your women beautiful, you can have two wishes!” “Thank you, most royal and merciful highness,” the Kiwi replies. “My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes.” “If you so desire,” the sheik replies with a questioning look on his face. “And your second wish?” “Tie the Aussie to my back.”
HARLEY-DAVIDSON DELIVERS THE NEW V-RODS TO U.S. DEALER NETWORK
All-New Bike Will Arrive in Showrooms this Week
MILWAUKEE, WIS. (November 27, 2001) – The trucks are rolling and the initial shipment of Harley-Davidson’s VRSCA V-Rod will begin to arrive in showrooms in the U.S. this week. Equipped with the all-new Harley-Davidson Revolution liquid-cooled 60? V-Twin powerplant and custom, dragster-inspired looks, the V-Rod is pure American muscle.
The Harley-Davidson VRSCA V-Rod was introduced during this summer’s Harley-Davidson Dealer Expo in Los Angeles, and has been praised by the press and public for its groundbreaking styling, strong and smooth powertrain, and innovation. The V-Rod has already won the Motorcycle Design Association Open Class Trophy, a Popular Science “Best of What’s New Award”, Popular Mechanics Magazine design and engineering award, and the Motor Cycle News (MCN) Bike of the Year Award. Manufactured at Harley-Davidson’s Kansas City assembly plant, the V-Rod is the first model in an entirely new line of performance custom motorcycles.
Harley-Davidson Motor Company, the only major U.S.-based motorcycle manufacturer, produces heavyweight motorcycles and a complete line of motorcycle parts, accessories and general merchandise. For more information or to find the dealer nearest you, visit Harley-Davidson’s web site at www.harley-davidson.com.
Narrows Saloon Calendar
Don’t forget to get your 2002 Narrows Saloon Calendar featuring Donnie Smith Customs! On sale now in Bikernet’s Original.
Is she gone? I guess so. Phew, that was close. Something like that old saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” By the looks of my place, she had a major ‘scorn’ to deliver. My neighbor saw me come in and now he’s pounding on my door. He’s pissed about my stealing his newspaper. Well, I guess you’ll have to be the one who has a good day ’cause I sure as hell ain’t.
Remember to ride for fun or ride to dodge the wrath of a woman’s scorn. Try to keep a few signals ahead of them.
Snake
