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Dear Civilians:
We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can’t join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:
1) The next time you see someone (an adult) talking during the playing of the National Anthem…..kick their ass.
2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American flag in protest…kick their ass. If you see this on television, as many of us have, you are simply required to have a deep burning suddenly arise inside of you….then go and kick their ass.
3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this nation great. Then hold them down while the veteran kicks their ass.
4) If you are not in the military, DO NOT pretend that you are. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs), telling others that you used to be “Special Forces,” and collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been OK when you were 7, but now it will only get your ass kicked. (Veterans are exempt from this rule.)
5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine “Sir,” stand back…..a Marine will kick their ass.
6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them “Do you fly a jet?” Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. A Marine will be called to kick your ass. (Children are exempt)
7) Roseanne Barr’s singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper….it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh and sooner or later, your ass will be kicked.
8) Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her and the military member or veteran lucky enough to carry her. Your stupid funnel cake will forgive you if you stand for 5 minutes with your hand over your heart. You might as well be throwing the funnel cake at the flag if you don’t stand…..of course, either will earn you a severe ass kicking.
9) What Jane Fonda did about Vietnam makes her the enemy….hate her or else. (Asses will be kicked.)
10) Don’t try to discuss politics with a military member. We might vote as separate parties, but that doesn’t mean we don’t all bleed the same. We are, simply put, Americans. Our military chain of command, to include our commander in chief…the President… (for those who didn’t know) is all that we acknowledge. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those “representatives” meet. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)
11) “Your mama wears combat boots” never made sense to me….stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely kick your ass!
12) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists. So stop saying, “Let’s go kill those Commie’s!” And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me…if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know so I can kick their ass.
13) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas that you enjoy with family and friends, there are thousands of troops overseas. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.
Deal Of The Week! – Digital has to part with his prized ’67 Olds convertible. Too many project bikes in the garage are forcing the sale…. Sweet car, only $8,500. Check out all the photos and details at http://www.bikernet.com/cutlass4sale
Bar Bears in Montana ….
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana, and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, becoming angry, demands that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.”
The bear says, “I’m NOT on drugs.”
(……..You’re going to love this………….)
The bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.
Men Will Be Men—
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.”
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Mama needs new clothes!”
Then she hollered…”YES! YES! I WON! I WON!” She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”
The other answered, “I don’t know, I thought YOU were watching!”
Moral of the story:
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are…men.
I’m back…
We had dinner with Rob, Debbie, Christine and Sholana, great people, in a joint called Mothers, with fuckin? wonderful apple pie with handmade ice cream. Better stop that, I?m beginning to sound like Rip?s tales. I had been at sea for 15 days and what I needed the most was the touch of a woman. Larry and Rob, one of the seven shop guys, took me to a seedy little joint called Night Spot and a totally nude bar, and I mean nude. Oh fuck, these girls were sweet, tender and nimble, crawling along the large oval bar top bare naked and moving to your licking pleasure.
Sometimes I hesitate to talk about sex on the site, because of all the weird trappings construed with sexual discussions. I believe that sex is one of the grandest things on earth. Men need sexual stimulation, and it?s not fair that we?ve got to buy diamond rings and make bullshit promises to relieve a natural tendency. It would be like telling a woman she can?t have a period without getting a job. Goddamnit. It?s fucking natural, and someday we should beat the prohibition on the oldest profession on the books so if we need tang, we can get it anytime, anywhere and go about our business without launching new children.
These girls were having as much fun as the guys and I was surprised to see three or four girls in the bar with guys enjoying the pussy-to-pussy closeness. It was a trip watching a naked stripper spread her legs in front of another woman and move her pussy confidently close to another girl?s teased grin.
The guys I was with surprised me with a lap dance from a particularly cute brunette. She was perfectly built and cute as a button as she slipped onto my lap and ground her pussy against my crotch. I wasn?t sure if this was pure torture or at least a mild touch of a woman without?
Just to show you how strange my life can be. I crawled into my bunk at 4:15, yet got my ass up at 7, worked out and had lunch with an 84-year-old retired admiral in a beautifully austere restaurant on the inner harbor. Like Savannah, this harbor is blossoming into a beautiful area of 1,700 brick row homes in some 200 ethnic neighborhoods. I only hope that San Pedro will wake up to the success some of these eastern ports enjoy. Admiral Rindskopf was the youngest skipper of a submarine during World War II, at 26. He was ultimately the captain of another sub, a destroyer and a sub tender before taking his knowledge and experience to Washington until he retired after 35 years. He mentioned that he was working with another officer, Admiral McCain, during the Vietnam War, while his son, Bob McCain, was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. At one point the Vietnamese sent the admiral a deal to release his son. The Vietnamese, much like the Taliban, were not men of their word and he was unable to implement his son?s release.
Let?s see what happens tonight. I?ll still be trapped in the god- foresaken port for a couple of days before heading across the Atlantic, through the English Channel, on our way to Hamburg, Germany, to fill this bastard with cargo for the remaining trip around the world.
Meanwhile, I haven?t been able to contact the Bikernet headquarters. The women have taken over, and although I have a signed contract from all three women in my life to be able to seek sexual release in various ports and hunt down motorcycle connections, there seems to be a mutiny afoot. Rumor has it that Coral and Sin Wu are trying their damndest to lure Layla into some sexual nirvana.
Reports are in that motorcycles have been moved in the headquarters and frilly curtains hung from the purely bachelorized windows.
I hope to have more information by News time next Thursday. Snake and Dr. Nuttboy have escaped the treachery to hide in the mountains until the dust settles.
Goddamnit, go for a ride, Bandit.
