It’s actually Saturday morning and I’m going to be a wrenching fool today, preparing for the run to Ventura tomorrow for the ECF Concert to support the kids. Okay, so I know that this is unbelievable to have the Sunday Post launched in such a timely manner. Yes, even I can amaze myself from time to time, except usually for doing something terribly wrong. Let’s get to the news before the wrenches start flying. I’m going to service the RedBall and check the Pan over. I’m concerned about brakes and wheels. I seems to be dragging. I also want to adjust the valves. I think it could be running crisper.
Remember, if you come to the Concert to mention Bikernet for a reduced ticket to $35 bucks.
Quote For This Mornin’
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. — W.C. Fields
Bikernet Does Not Discriminate
Lots of news for the Sportbike Riders Association! ?See the Home page for lots of details and links. ?Here are some of the highlights!
SportbikeS.com will sponsor the Friday Night Fan Party at the World Superbike Races at Laguna Seca the weekend, and of course you can stop by and meet us at our vendor booth, too.
In California, but not going to Laguna? ?How about a track day at the new track, CA Speedway? ?Too expensive you say? ?Not so, thanks to the new Attention CA Sportbikers – Bring your bike to the Long Beach Bike Show on July 20-21. ?This is a great show in one of the most beautiful locations. ?The show is the calendar premiere by FastDates.com, and will premier the 2003 calendars, including the SportbikeS.com sponsored Ripped Pavement Calendar. ?SportbikeS.com is also sponsoring the Sportbike class of the Best in Show, so bring your bike and have some fun. ?Did you say your bike is a performance machine and not a showbike? ?Then bring it to the show and enter it in the Dyno shootout. ?For more information see More highlights of the Sportbike Riders Association. ? Buckshot’s Pan This nasty Panhead belongs to Buckshot, one of the fine fiction writers on Bikernet. Watch for a couple of new stories to be launched shortly. Hell, there’s one on the homepage now. Check it out. Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story) Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chickens” –from Chris T. New Bikernet Banners Coming Thought I’d drop you a line on the progress of the banners: Ramona has two of the three colors done. Black is next today, and Leslie will take the banners home this weekend to hem and grommet them. We’ll put them in the US Mail by?Monday and send them priority insured, so they should arrive by Wednesday or Thursday at the very latest. We will print the sweatshirts on Monday as well and ship them with the banners if we can keep them together. We may just tape them all together. –Helen, Bikernet apparel manufacturer Sturgis Drag Coverage I’m going to contact Dane Miller, about Sturgis Drags and see if he’ll let me have a press pass. I was on the fence about going because of all the time off work I’ve been taking, but when I heard about the race being ran by Dane, well, I’m there. He’s a hell of a nice guy. One year I think in ’98 he broke his leg at the flattrack races and had to hobble around the dragstrip. Turned out the guy who?fixed him up at the track was Mac, our gracious host and friend who lives in Sturgis. –Helen, Bikernet Drag Racing Correspondent Speechless A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the husband replied, “In laws” –from Chris’s brother, Bob T. 100th Anniversary Line-Up About To Pop Complete Harley-Davidson and Buell model year 2003 product information will be available on Saturday, July 13 at 11:30 a.m. central time, on Harley-Davidson’s media web site. Hopefully, soon after that you’ll see it launched on Bikernet Something For The Guys Thought you might need some fresh material to throw at these wonderful men. Treat ’em like Linoleum. Lay them right the first time, and you can walk all over them for life….. Hell lawless, you can tell a guy to go Fuck Yourself and still have class. I am proud of the fact that you speak it like it is. No, guessing. Do we sound like biker bitches out of Orwell????What do they sound like and I want to audition for when the movies start coming out. I will need a job and I?can act. I was married once….. the second time I got married was just to give the kids and I a last name… Happy to you For Men Only 1. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw. 2. What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?????By the time you’ve finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 3. How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. 4. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full 5. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. 6. What is 6 inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money 7. What is the definition of a male chauvinist pig? A man who hates every?bone in a woman’s body, except his own. 8. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind. How can you spot a blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard…. 1. Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels? More head room. 1. What do old women have between their breasts that young women don’t? A bellybutton… 1. Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away. Queen Mary Show Update I asked my boss Ramona, if I could have a couple of days off to ride down and help with the show. Packin’ will be a breeze, two thongs and what I’m wearing for the ride. I’ll let you know if the old man can be trusted for that long. –Helen, Bikernet Event Supervisor CRAIG JONES WINS EUROPEAN MOTORCYCLE STUNT CHAMPIONSHIP ABOARD BUELL LIGHTNING X1 Bechyne, Czech Republic (July 4, 2002) – After a nail-biting freestyle shoot-out, professional extreme rider Craig Jones won the 2002 European Motorcycle Stunt Championship aboard his Buell Lightning X1. Judges from 10 different countries had been unable to separate Jones from his old adversary Kevin Carmichael, and ordered both men to ride in another freestyle competition. Under intense pressure, Jones delivered and won the championship. More than 20,000 motorcycle enthusiasts converged on the Czech Republic for the 2002 European Stunt Championship and witnessed 60 of the world’s finest extreme riders compete for the coveted European title. After a tough qualifying competition involving freestyle and compulsory technical elements, just 12 riders made it through to the final. Jones and Carmichael finished in a tie and then battled it out for the championship laurels. Jones was understandably delighted to have won the championship and noted his strategy of riding ‘two-up’ with his passenger Wing Chui might have provided him with the decisive edge. “Wing has been working with me since I turned professional and we’ve developed an intuitive partnership that allows us to push things to the absolute limit on the Buell Lightning X1,” said Jones. “I think we got the crowd on their feet at vital moments during the competition with a couple of extreme stunts. We performed a front wheel ‘stoppie’ that involved Wing hanging from the front bars and placing his head on the pavement while we were still moving at top speed. Wing wore a motocross style helmet with a titanium modified peak, that created sparks as proof of ground contact.” Jones said the Buell motorcycles used in the championship played a key part in his victory. “The Buell Lightning X1 is an awesome motorcycle that copes with everything that I throw at it. I also used a specially prepared Harley-Davidson FXDX Dyna Super Glide Sport with Screamin’ Eagle performance parts that really deliver the power.” Craig, from Birmingham in the UK, admits that taking part in this year’s championship was at risk after he damaged his wrist the night before the event. He has also been undergoing laser and ultrasound treatment to speed the recovery. “I used several cans of painkiller spray to make sure the wrist held up during the championship and my body could now do with a short break from competition. However, I’ve got a busy season ahead of me and I’ll be back on my Buell on July 28 to entertain the crowds at the World Superbike round at Brands Hatch in England.” Quote Of The Minute “What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?” – Marilyn Pittman Bikernet Menu Announcement What would you like for dinner, big boy?” –Helen, Bikernet chef Hit The Road I mean it. Get the hell out of Dodge, but if you can come down to the concert Sunday afternoon, please do. I’ve had three women to deal with for two days, I need to slip down to Walkers for a beer after some wrenching on the scoots. 
Huzzy Won
Century Motorcycles
San Pedro, California 
We ordered a new Avon for our Amazing Shrunken FXR project. We hope to run a series of wide tire articles on Avon in the near future, but if you ever have a question, don’t hesitate to blast me a Your Shot. We’ll find the answer. Check the Avon department on the home page or in the garage for wide tire info. There will be another Amazing Shrunken FXR report next week, or come to the Queen Mary show to see it. Ride like madmen, we’re all going to hell anyway.–Bandit
