Cantina Babe of the week.
It’s a never ending battle between the sexes, sex and freedom. The blond was all over me today about the Arizona ride and why she wasn’t invited. I could feel the cells in my brain packing a bedroll for more than just the weekend. On top of the constant haranque, Lawless decided to come out of the closet and make a date with the girl down the street. Her descriptions were better than the letters in Penthouse. It’s either feast or famine at the headquarters. Let’s get to the news before terrorists or a massive earthquake shake the rest of the evening:
Helen’s Drag Racing Website
I’ve created an automatically built website (with Photoshop Elements) and have posted it to one of my web servers. Could you take a moment to test it for me by clicking on the link? It’s been so long since I’ve worked with posting stuff to my site(s) I’m not sure I remember how to do it. Keeping crossed fingers, –Helen The King Report We’ve recently installed highbars on the King, 16-inch apes. Also we removed the front turnsignals, passing lights and the front crash bar. Changing bars on a new bike is like changing the dash on a Lexus. It’s involved. Here’s a note from Pablo regarding the teardrop turnsignal we hope to install: Here is the P/N’s for the rear S.E. T/S: 69194-03. Best to cut the wires to length and crimp on new terminals instead of splicing into old wire’s (suck’s). Penalty for splicing is death!! Absolutely no fucken Scotch lock’s or wire nut’s. Penalty for using these again is death!!!!!!!! –Wired Pablo WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up.” –from Rogue Gang Business Linked To PCP Lab By Laurie Willis and Del Quentin Wilber Sun Staff Originally published November 22, 2002, Baltimore Sun City police raid home on Liberty Heights Ave., seize drugs worth $50 million. A South Baltimore motorcycle gang and a Jessup business were being investigated yesterday in connection with the city’s largest seizure of the drug PCP – a stash police valued at $50 million to $100 million. Baltimore police said the gang is responsible for distributing phencyclidine, a hallucinogenic drug known as PCP, throughout the city. The amount of chemicals seized late Wednesday at the home on the 3700 block of Liberty Heights Ave. in Northwest Baltimore amazed city and federal law enforcement officials who participated in the raid. “It was one of the biggest [PCP] labs of its kind on the East Coast,” said Commissioner Edward T. Norris. Police arrested one man and had others in custody, but they wouldn’t identify anyone, including the motorcycle gang. They said the investigation began 2 1/2 months ago and included numerous undercover buys throughout the city. –from Rogue Bad News From Santa I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as: 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.” 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy. 3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace. 4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty.” 5. “Ho, Ho, Ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!” 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off.” 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. And Finally, 8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus –from Mary Ann Old flicks from Bob T. Thanksgiving Poem TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING, BUT I JUST COULDN’T SLEEP THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED – THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR I GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES, I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND, I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES…. MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP. MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE, –from Helen da cook The Bikernet Buell Report To whom it may concern: Here is an excerpt from your site (found on this page: “Gearing: This is an area of choice. Depends on what you want to do. Buells are designed to top out at 110 mph. They’ll do wheelies all day long. They’ll blast through the canyons, but the top end ends at 110. Scott likes that style, but if you want to ride the freeways and hit 130 mph from time to time you may want to look into Daytona gearing and go to chains and sprockets. You may need to slip the clutch in first and second, but you’ll ultimately get to 130 mph. ” Where do you get your information? I have a Buell and it easily registers over 130 MPH. Everyone knows that motorcycle speedometers are inaccurate, that’s a given. Are you saying that every Buell speedo is off by that much? Buells (with the possible exception of the Blast) were not DESIGNED to top out ! at 110 mph. Please do your research more carefully and present accurate information to the consumer. A proud Buell Owner, Veteran’s License Plate Program Report I finally received my new Veteran’s license plate for my motorcycle. I don’t feel so good right now. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I am asking too much, I don’t know. You decide. This is California’s new Veterans license plate for motorcycles: If you drive a car, truck or haul a trailer in California, you can get this plate: As a Viet Nam Veteran, I have learned to live with disappointment from the Government. This plate is another disappointment from a government bureaucracy, DMV. As a Biker, I know when I am being disrespected. This plate is meant to show disrespect. As an American, I know what pride and honor means. This plate shows neither pride nor honor. This plate is a disgrace. As one who has seen war at its worst, I hope a peaceful solution can be found. As simply a man, I am pissed! DMV should be ashamed of itself for creating this plate. Have they no pride in their work? This plate is butt ugly. An infant could paint a better looking Veterans plate with it’s own poop on a throw rug for Christ sakes. I had hoped for a peacock, I would settle for a hummingbird, but this .. mud hen .. of a plate is just too much! This plate will not do. Any ideas?. Trash What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? —- 45 lbs. –from CarlR A Memorial Reception in Memory of Lou Trachtenberg It will take place Wednesday Nov 27th 2002 from 1-4 PM at Chatsworth Park South 22360 Devonshire St., Chatsworth, CA 91311 In lieu of flowers, please send a donation in Lou’s honor to either the American Diabetes Assn at 1-800-DIABETES, or the National Kidney Foundation of So.California at 1-800-747-5527. In Memorium Nov. 18th, Chatsworth, CA- Lou Trachtenberg, 52, owner and founder of STD Development in Chatsworth, CA, passed away this weekend after uexpectedly being hospitalized with what proved to be a traumatic virus infection, brought on by his lowered immune system. –TBear Bikernet Insurance Investigation The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved. –from Chris T. I ducked—into the garage and prepared for new Barnet clutch cable and throttle cables to arrive tomorrow. I had to dismantle half the bike, so I called Frank Kaisler, the former editor of Hot Rod Bikes. His first words were,”Are you taking photographs?” I dropped the phone, then casually retrieved it from a puddle of oil on the floor. “Huh, sure man, sure,” I said in a less than confident tone. “Take shots of everything,” Frank said, “And yes we want to dyno the bike in the stock form before anymore mods. Got that?” Damn, I thought. I have the other set of exhaust, the Screamin’ Eagle intake, etc. I could save a lot of time pulling this stuff down without the dyno run. “Don’t even think about it,” Frank blurted at the other end of the line. “I want to dyno the untouched unit first.” I could swear that the blond gave me the same “Don’t even think about it” line regarding a run I was planning for the first of the year. I’m beginning to feel hamstrung, and tied down. That’s a bad sign. Let’s hit the road. –Bandit
Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 209 
I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.
BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.
AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.
PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES.
‘TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.
HAPPY EATING TO ALL – PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE.
MAY YOUR POTATOES ‘N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.
Mike 
WriteTrash@GeezerFromHell.com The Mudsoldiers
Lou Trachtenberg
Owner, STD Development 
