I love this fuckin’ website for so many reasons. One, is that we can rock the world from day to day. We can turn it upside down tomorrow, if the wind whispers the word to us. Tonight, I decided that the Cantina would contain an additional benefit, sex. I’ve grappled with whether to air romantic laundry, on the site, over and goddamn over. I’ve backed off, but fuck it, it’s coming back, but only in the Cantina.
One other thing. We better love what were doing, ’cause it’s not making us rich, and that’s partly by design. I like firing off the cuttin’ torch in the garage whenever the mood strikes, expanding the headquarters with my blistered bare hands and goin’ for a ride in the middle of the day. As long as we can feed the animals, keep whiskey in the cupboard and the women happy, we don’t need anything else. It’s a simple existance. Sure, I’m anxious to find a book publisher who believes in my work, but I guarantee that won’t make me rich, just afford me the coin to do what I love, write and ride. If we had more coin for travel, that would enhance the adventures featured on the site.
Speaking of features and sex, did you read the Gusset To Barstow run. What did you think? I’m still waiting for a shot of lovely Jennifer to grace our post office box and complete the tale.
It’s after 3 a.m. and I’ve had my share of Tulla Mor Dew and chasing women for the night. I’m going to hit the hay, hit the Post in the morning and talk about women at the end:
Beach Ride Is Just Around The Corner–Sept. 7
ECF Beach Ride is excited to announce that online fund raising (registration and pledge program) on
Show your supporters:
? How important it is to help individuals with disabilities reach their full potential.
? How crucial it is for them to get involved.
? How easy it is for them to make a real difference.
Before you know it, you will be emailing everyone in your address book and be one of the top fundraisers helping us to meet this year’s fundraising goal so that ECF programs can continue. For more information, call (800) 696-3727.
We look forward to seeing you on Sunday, September 7 for Beach Ride 2003.
–Carmela Anne Burke
Job Interview
A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks, “Are you a veteran?”
The guy says, “Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.”
“Good,” says the interviewer, “That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?”
The guy says, “In fact, I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled. It doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”
“Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you! I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we’ll get you started.”
The guy says, “If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?”
“Well, here at the post office, we don’t do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that.
Woman Rider Magazine Heads Into 4th Year Female motorcyclists continue to take to the roads in record numbers
Minneapolis, MN August 18, 2003 — Woman Rider magazine, the only national all-brands motorcycle magazine aimed at female motorcyclists, moves into its 4th successful year of publishing as more and more women take to the roads on two wheels. Launched in the summer of 2000, Woman Rider catapulted to success right out of the gate when motorcycle riders and motorcycling advertisers latched on to the concept immediately. “It’s been an amazing ride so far,” says Genevieve Schmitt, editor of Woman Rider magazine. “We’ve seen explosive growth in the numbers of women riders on the road in the last three years. This couldn’t be a better time for a magazine like Woman Rider to exist.”
Women riders are the fastest growing segment of motorcycling. According a recent survey by J.D. Power and Associates, the percentage of female new bike buyers has risen from 7.8 percent of the motorcycling population in 1998 to 10.6 percent in 2002. That means one out of 10 new motorcycle buyers is a woman.
More and more women are taking the Motorcycle Safety Foundation’s beginning rider course as well. More than one-third of all the graduates are female. “Proper training is very important to most women learning a new sport. We’re seeing evidence of that in the numbers of women signing up to learn how to ride a motorcycle,” says Schmitt.
Woman Rider magazine is a quarterly lifestyle publication that covers all genres of motorcycling: cruisers, sport bikes, dirt bikes, and competition. Feature stories have included women who own thier own dealership, women who overcame life-threatening obstacles to realize their dream of riding a motorcycle, and women who discovered the joys of riding side by side with her husband. Other stories include motorcycle test rides written from a femal point of view, motorcycle product reviews, tech tips and riding skills advice.
Woman Rider magazine is published by Ehlert Publishing Group and has a cir culation of 47,000. Ehlert publishes 13 consumer and one trade magazine serving four powersports markets: all-terrain vehicles, motorcycles, snowmobiles and personal watercraft/boating.
Old shots from Bob T.
TEXAS QUARTER BEING RECALLED
The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Texas quarters. We are recalling all of the new Texas quarters that were recently issued,” Treasury Undersecretary Russell Shackelford said in a press conference Monday.
“This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices.”
“We believe the problem lies in a design flaw,” said Shackelford. The winning design for the Texas quarter was submitted by Texas A&M University student William Cody.
“Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and a nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.”
–from Bob T.
Only in Texas
A Texas State Trooper pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 dollars in the statewide safety competition.
“What are you going to do with the money?” asked the policeman.
“Well, I guess I’m going to get a driver’s license,” he answered.
“Oh, don’t listen to him,” yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back-seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, “Are we over the border yet?”
–from Bob T.
NEW PROJECT from Cyril Huze
We are working hard at completing a new Chopper called “Stray Kat”. The bike will feature awesome stainless steel trims, new hot rod wheels painted in red, a new black coated exhaust, and a cool artwork designed by Cyril, Von Dutch style,and painted by Chris Cruz. Of course, the bike features our parts. Our objective is to have the bike ready for exhibition during Daytona Biketoberfest Oct. 18/20.
WOMEN’S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass. I thought the results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their ass is too big…
10% of women think their ass is too little…
The other 5% say that they don’t care – they love him and would have married him anyway.
–from Rev CarlR
2004 IRON & LACE and GARAGE GIRLS Calendars
The renown Iron & Lace Custom V-Twin Pinup Calendar sponsored by Mikuni Carburetors and Performance Machine for 2004 again features the hottest new custom bikes from America’s premier builders including Paul Yaffe, Roger Goldammer, Harold Pontarelli, Chica Customs, Roland Sands, Russell Mitchell, plus Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show winning sensation Jesse Rooke with his mono suspended show stopper “Single Sided”.
This year’s beautiful FastDates.com Calendar Angels photographed with the bikes by famed photographer Jim Gianatsis include Miss Great Britain 2003 Nicki Lane, Miss Minnesota Janelle Perzina, plus The Man Show’s Joanna Krupa and Chandi Mason. Custom American iron and beautiful celebrity models in sexy lingerie go together perfectly again in the 2004 edition of Iron & Lace.
Each Calendar is large format 15×15 inch spiral bound size, with high quality reproduction in full color on quality card stock, uncovering a full 16 months beginning with September 2003. Calendars are available from your local motorcycle dealer or mail order direct from for $16.95 each, plus $5 S/H per order. Include calendar name, payment in check, money order, or VISA /MC information and mail your order direct to: FastDates.com Calendars, Suite 344, 8860 Corbin Ave, Northridge, CA 91324. Phone TeamLine 1-800-221-7291 8am-5pm Pacific time, Mon-Sat. For online ordering, news and photo features on the bikes, models and other calendars go to www.FastDates.com.
The Senior Section Of The Cantina
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, standing up.
Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell the wife?”
They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
“Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”
Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares,” Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home.”
The wife says, “Tell him to drop dead!”
“I’ll go tell him,” says Goldberg.
Wino Joe Ride To Milwaukee Mr.Bandit, I got free saddlebags from CrazyBob, Ol’American Youth mc. Yes, he is really crazy & I use ta pick him up at tha nut-house; sign-in as his uncle & ride him ta my cabin, with tha 2 seater outhouse.
Hope this is tha good karma I need for my possible last longride:) Hit tha bricks next Fri, after my eat-money job. Then head East on 80 & get ta WORK! First stop, whorehouse in NV. Ride On!
–Wino Joe, USA
RIDING THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL : While Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell may be the most visible motorcycling legislator, other politicians are climbing aboard.
During a recent meeting of Western governors in Missoula, MT, the star of the show was Idaho Governor Dirk Kempthorne, the former U.S. senator who could eventually be the president’s pick to head the Environmental Protection Agency. Kempthorne is a polished politician, but here he was in a rumpled suit and unkempt hair. What was going on? All was revealed when Kempthorne took the podium and told the audience that he had ridden his Harley-Davidson up from Boise. Kempthorne apologized for his ruffled suit, explaining that his saddlebags didn’t afford much room. The Republican even told how he’d pulled over to hear the birds chirp along the river. The image was Marlon Brando meets Marlin Perkins.
Montana Senator Max Baucus had a meeting in Glacier National Park to discuss the deteriorating condition of its Going-to-the-Sun Road. Baucus seemed to present the image that he was zooming to the rescue, federal checkbook in hand. Why? He arrived – you guessed it – revving the throttle of his Harley-Davidson motorcycle. And, yes, the Democrat did tip off the local TV stations before he rode into town.
Times have certainly changed since California’s Senator George Murphy once called bikers “the lowest form of animal”.
But Ben Long, a contributor to Writers on the Range, is apparently still stuck in the past. “Sure, senators want to look like regular guys, even though most of them are millionaires who wouldn’t know a carburetor from a camshaft. Politicians make laws. Rebels break laws. Politicians and Harleys go together like thermal long johns on an August day in the Mojave. We know the mundane truth: Politicians spend their days behind desks, not behind handlebars.”
That’s It–It’s Sunday and time to ride. We had a long night. I’ve been tempted to drop the romantic bullshit from the site for one piss-poor reason. I didn’t want to give anyone the impression that I was a braggard or pimp. On the other hand romance and motorcycles go together. So Fuck It, I’m going to ramble about the women I know, about the fights, the infatuation, the heart breaks and the long nights between the sheets.
No, it’s not all about me and the women I’m so fortunate to know. The stories will come from you, me, friends, brothers and acquaintances. I enjoy the touch of a woman as often as possible. The news, stories, mags are all about sex and romance. Us guys are constantly in hot water, ’cause we fondled the wrong leg. I still think prostitution should be legal. When a man wants sex, he should be able to afford it, not get married and share half his income to get it once a week. He should be able to marry a woman who fills all the other companion/partner needs in life, and not distrub that relationship with his need for sex. If she’s up for it fine, if not there’s Sin Wu’s Brotherel down the road.
Speaking of Sin, she went on the prowl for another woman last night and the stories I could tell. Damn, when a woman describes the shape of another woman in terms that reek of lust, it drives me wild. Hang on for the next report.
Tomorrow I’m going to see a Hamster doctor about a boob job for a particular babe. I’m also going to pick up my 1928 Shovelhead from LifeStyle Cycles in Orange County. American Iron Horse hauled the creation from Strokers Dallas. Can’t wait for that first ride.
Let’s ride,
–Bandit
