Hey, it’s running late. Last night I tinkered in the garage on the Ultimate Chopper Project (I’m up in the air about that title, actually embarrassed). It’s not Ultimate in any means by today’s fabrication standards. What the fuck was I thinking? It’s just a chopper that is designed to handle well and lean back toward the original outlaw notions of a choppers. We’ll see.
So I worked in the shop until after midnight, pondering my life and some changes floating around me. Sin Wu slipped out the back dressed to the nines about 11:00 p.m. She hadn’t seen Coral or the bodacious set in a while. When you’re knee deep in drywall dust that sex counter bottoms out. She needed some action.
About 1:30 I received a call from a bartender at the FirePlug or some such name, Saloon, in Long Beach. We have a pact. If she decides to down more drinks than her svelte body can handle, just call or grab a cab. I made a point to avoid the whiskey bottle all night, just in case. I’ll tell you the rest of the sordid night’s affairs after the news.
Let’s hit it:
A little for Halloween
A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, “Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?”
“We’re Jack and Jill” the girl replied. The man says, “You can’t be Jack and Jill, you’re black!”
They go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the door bell and once again and the man opens the door.
“Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?” “We’re Hansel and Gretel” says the little boy.
“Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can’t be Hansel and Gretel because you’re black!” says the man.
Heads hung low, the kids leave.
Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED.
“Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!” he asks.
“Chocolate M & M’s,” said the little girl. “I’m plain. He’s got nuts.”
–from Ken Miller
Moscow Ain’t Missin’ Out On The Custom Scene
On behalf of organizing committee we are proud to present the Second Custom-Motors show.
The first Custom-Motors show took place in Summer 2004 within the 5th Moscow Motor Park Festival/MIMP-2004 and aroused great interest both wide range of visitors and mass-media.
The First show gave us a lot of experience, we took into account all our mistakes we did were taken into account. The Second show is being planned and it promises to be organized better. We are also planning to increase very significantly the number of exhibitors; one of our main aims is to bring some foreign custom bikes or trikes and their creators along with foreign journalists.
If you’re interested, feel free to drop me a line to pubic@customshow.ru.
For more details please refer to following links: Official site: http://www.customshow.ru
Sergey ‘Sergio’ Frolov
Sunday Cager Deal Of The Week
’62 Ford Country Sedan wagon. Never any rust. Straight. 300 horse 390 waterhouse crate motor, with a fresh C-6. 17×8 Americans, new tires, excellent red and white stock interior.
Daily driver, paint is reeeeal nice but 8 years old. Lots of clear. Has a few minor dings that were personally applied by me, Tim Conder, a big time celebrity.
The car runs great and comes with a complete airbag kit, some extra parts and a loads of good karma. She could use a frontend rebuild and a stereo.
Offered for sale at $900,000… but you can make us a reasonable offer. The Conderosa Bikernet Reporter Embedded A Biketoberfest The number of people here are being inflated by the tourism people in hopes of making people think everything is okay between the bikers and the city of Daytona. The room vacancies are telling the story as Bikers are staying in the surrounding area and only coming into Daytona for specific things they want to see or do. –ROGUE The Amsoil Investigative Report Many popular North American engine oils may actually be harmful to European engines. European automobile manufacturers design vehicles to use specific high quality lubricants with specific properties and additives. Most motor oils offered in America do not meet the demanding specifications, and the European lubricants are not readily available. As a result, problems such as premature wear and engine sludge develop. “Europeans build their cars and impose higher requirements on the type of oil than we are used to here in North America,” remarks an oil industry source. “They have more of a multi-tier system within their specifications, whereas the API uses the lowest common denominator as a guideline. It is by its own admission, within API 1509, a minimum Spec.,, While the American Petroleum Institute (API) sets oil standards in America, the Automotive Manufacturers Association (ACEA) sets them in Europe. “ACEA standards reflect a wider complexity of the offering of engines on the market right now,” says Herve Blanquart, VP Automotive of Motul North America. Do-it-yourselfers are less prevalent in Europe. Qualified repair shops, franchised or tightly controlled by the vehicle manufacturers in order to dictate the type of oil being used, typically perform most of the oil changes. The high quality oils used in Europe allow Europeans to enjoy longer drain intervals. However, when European vehicles are exported to the United States, the concept becomes distorted. A recent class-action lawsuit brought forward by owners of certain 1998 through 2001 Mercedes-Benz vehicles claimed they weren’t informed that synthetic motor oil was required in order to take advantage of the extended drain intervals afforded through the use of the vehicles’ Flexible Service System (FSS). Many using conventional oils experienced premature wear problems, and the settlement will cost the company over $32 million. “The long drain indicator used by Mercedes is predicated on using Mercedes-Benz-approved oil, which is a very top quality synthetic oil,” explains the oil company source. “When those vehicles came to the States, somehow dealerships weren’t impressing upon the consumer the need to use the right oil. And whether or not the dealers were doing so, some consumers were putting in regular API-spec oil, resulting in problems.” Although synthetic motor oils are generally of higher quality than conventional oils, not all synthetics can meet the stringent European specifications. “A good quality synthetic could solve the problem,” says the source, “but in the case of M-B, for example, you’re dealing with an extremely high-spec oil. Not every synthetic is going to meet that spec. Some only meet the baseline API specs. Just because it’s a synthetic doesn’t mean it’s a top tier product. Formulated with top-of-the-line synthetic base stocks and robust additive packages, AMSOIL synthetic motor oils provide superior protection and performance over competing synthetic and conventional motor oils and meet or exceed the most stringent European oil specifications. AMSOIL synthetic motor oils provide superior protection and performance in both foreign and domestic automobiles for extended drain intervals of up to 35,000 miles or one year, whichever comes first. –Dave Mann It’s almost 2005, STILL ALIVE!… ARMAGEDDON TOP FUEL is still going. We’ve weathered countless weird twists of fate and the fuelers are still warm, dry and shiny, their frames freshly oiled down. Alyssa and I have a baby on the way and what the heck, I’m feelin’ mushy. I’d like to thank everyone who has ever contributed with this e-mail. I don’t have all of your addresses so please send this to EVERYBODY you know. Hopefully we’ll hit half of ’em. Here are a couple things to go along with the pictures… * Most memorable quote: From one of the directors of my first reality TV appearance, “Monster Garage”… “Tim, you may have all that (God vs. Satan, screaming top fuelers, lowriders, choppers, angel girls, devil girls and crazy art), but we take a car…and make it into something else……..Maybe if you were a celebrity or something.” * Most frustrating experience: My first serious investor after pulling out… “I just can’t help you Tim, some crazy fundamentalist is going to murder you.” * Most perverted request: From a very well to do art promoter in Seattle… “Tim, I want you to sign something allowing me to use your remains and what’s left of the car that kills you in an art show.” * Most common question: “When are you gonna update the #$%^in’ website?!” * Most confusing thing: The only corporation so far with the balls to try and sponsor us: Jesse James, West Coast Choppers. * A few shining moments… * My second, third and fourth potential investors stepping up for real. * Piling my entire crew including all the documentary guys into one motel room. * Chopper Dave flipping the coin in Bakersfield to decide which fueler was God and which was Satan. * My then girlfriend now wife Alyssa working with me at my shop on saturday night. * Staying up ’till dawn ranting about art with photographer David Perry and editor Dan Stoner from Garage magazine. * The Reverend Horton heat blessing the dragsters after slicing his finger climbing out of S.O.G. * Meeting Tommy Ivo, Kent Fuller and Tom Hanna. * Talking to Tom Jobe and Gene Adams on the phone. * Bandit and Fred Vosk backin’ us up on the web. * My shop, full of people working their asses off to create the impossible. Just a few cool things in a wild and unpredictable story. If you want a piece of it… (707) 843-9454, ask for Tim. Thanks to everybody who’s got our back, and to those who don’t, a quote from Jason Jesse…”We’ll just stomp on your pink guts when you’re dead.” – Friendliness, The Conders The Conderosa Biketoberfest Update–Nothing wild roaming this Buffalo Party DAYTONA BEACH — Danny Mann wants to know what happened to the legend. The last time the DeBary resident attended the notorious Buffalo Chip biker party in Sturgis, S.D., he got an eyeful of naked motorcycle riders, bikini contests and pickle-licking competitions. After two days at the first-ever Daytona Beach version, hosted at Daytona International Speedway, he didn’t even get to see a Jell-O wrestling match. “It’s not the same atmosphere,” the 58-year-old bike said. “Sturgis is more wild than this. You can’t get wild here or you’d go to jail.” For one, Speedway officials had promised community leaders — who have been trying to clean up the area’s party image — that the biker bash they invited to come to Daytona Beach during Biketoberfest would produce a more family-friendly version. And Buffalo Chip owner Rod Woodruff said the babes-bare-all stories are mostly folklore, anyway. By CINDY F. CRAWFORD Staff Writer, Daytona Tribune –from Rogue Bikernet Parental Advice Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, “Dad, my teacher wants me to make a sentence with the words,” Theory and Reality”. Well Johnny’s Dad said, “Go upstairs and ask your sister if she would screw the milkman for five hundred thousand dollars.” Well Johnny asked his sister and she said, “For $500.000, you bet”. Johnny told his Dad what his sister said and Johnny’s father said now go in the kitchen and ask your Mom if she would screw the Mailman for five hundred thousand dollars. So Johnny went in the kitchen and asked his Mom; “Mom, would you screw the Mailman for $500,000?” His mom looked at him puzzled and said ” hmmm, sure I would for $500,000″ Johnny told his Dad this and then Johnny asked, “How is this supposed to help me use the words, Theory and Reality”. Johnny’s Dad said, “Well in Theory we are millionaires, but in Reality we are just living with a couple of sluts.” –Jeff. T Controversy Slams The Devil A reader wrote that his single sided springer fender mount was not feasible. The Devil explained that his study of springer design was accurate and that these fender mounting systems have been thoroughly tested. ” I just realized you may not have seen the original prototype single side mount Springer front fender ( forgive me ),” said the Devil himself. “I was referring to this one when I said it had several hard miles on it. The new one has a different cosmetic design but operates the same.” You’ll see a similar design on our own Bare Bones Bikernet Chopper. –Bandit Bikers Came Help Daytona Recover Businesses are reporting more and more arriving daily and reports are geared to make readers think things are normal. WELL IT ISN’T: Attendance is definitely down. Read Bikers parking Nearly End to End. Normally you can not find a parking place and the lots off Main Street Full. Sitting at a outside bar next to Miller’s on US 1 will fast show you how many Bikers There Is Not! Hopes are that The Buffalo Chip Event at the speedway and the OL Skool Chopper Show at the Last Resort Bar on US 1 in Port Orange will bring people to town. Many are saying they are staying outside of Daytona even though rooms can be found. They are reporting rooms less expensive other places and they will Day Trip in and out of town. It is common knowledge that Daytona wants the Bikers to leave down town so that they can start building condos and hopefully bring in Gambling Casinos. You will see more and more motorcycle business on the mainland and on the outskirts of town. Well, there is still plenty of fun to be had in Daytona so I am off to get my share. See the article below. –ROGUE Cash Registers Roar Back DAYTONA BEACH — Loud roars from motorcycles on Main Street competed with pulsing rock ‘n’ roll as Kim Rossi served a cold can of beer to a patron in the standing-room-only crowd at Wiseguys. “We’re slammed tonight,” she said. That was only Wednesday — a night before the traditional start for Biketoberfest. Rossi’s prediction for the weekend: “Outrageous.” The city’s decision to allow a one-time, week-long head start for Biketoberfest seems to be paying off for those who’d hoped the event would kick-start the local economy after four hurricanes in six weeks. Bikers have been parking nearly end-to-end on Main Street and Beach Street. Visitors in leather and denim are jamming stores, restaurants and sidewalks. Crowds also have been good in outlying unincorporated areas where the party always starts early. Bruce Rossmeyer, owner of the Daytona Harley-Davidson dealership on Beach Street, said sales of T-shirts and merchandise other than bikes rose 19 percent over last year’s pre-Biketoberfest week. “People are coming,” he said. Tom Guest, Main Street Merchants Association president, said business is also up 20 percent at his World Famous Chopper’s World store on Main Street. “This is putting money on the table for people who lost money in the hurricanes,” he said. By JOHN BOZZO Staff Writer –from Rogue Steed’s Girl Coming Next Week Here’s Melody, this time in (very little) Pirate regalia just in time for Halloween. I’m shooting the bike this morning, it’s our touring Monoglide, the Pegasus, 200-TM. Two-up seat, bags, removable windshield, 124 S&S, 6 speed Baker, built to RIDE! I’ll send you more bike shots this afternoon. –John Covington Bikernet Math Studies Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Please read more about the “history of teaching math.” Teaching Math in 1950 Teaching Math in 1960 Teaching Math in 1980 Teaching Math in 1990 Teaching Math in 2005 –from Skooter Leaves Change Colors The Pan’s In The Living Room J&P’s New Wish Book Got All Winter To ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Composed By Panhead Josh Of Outlaws World. Reachin’ Out To Dick Allen I was just on Sugar Bears page readin’ a little about my grandpa Dick Allen . It’s cool to find shit to read about him , maybe you could forward this to Sugar Bear and I could coax him into a telling me a couple a stories or something. I’ve got a Bonneville bobber and a chopped 51 Chevy . Thanx 
Lubrication Specialist – Truck/Automotive Engineer
http://www.performanceoiltechnology.com 
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A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
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A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit?
***********************
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
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By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question:
How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut
down the trees? (There are no wrong answers)
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El hachero vende un camion carga por $100.
La cuesta de production es…………. 
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Winter Is Near
Temps Dip Below Freezing
I Awake To Rain
Longing To Turn To Snow
~
Winter Rebuild Time
Is On Its Way
But I Hold Off On Tear Down
Praying For One More
Sunshine Filled Day
~
Just Arrived In The Mail
New Forward Controls
Little Taller Bars
80-Spoke Up Front
Maybe I Won’t Go That Far
~
Lock Myself Inside
Spend All My Free Time
Building One Righteous Ride
Gonna Be The First One Out
Come Summer Time 
–Drew Allen 
TEKNIC LADIES VENOM LEATHER JACKET FROM CCI
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Black/Gun/Black, $299.95.
Wht/ Silver/Wht, $299.95
Sunday At The Bikernet Farm
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm and says, “This is the pig I’ve been shagging.”
His wife says, “That’s not a pig it’s a duck!”
Man says, “I was talking to the duck!”
–from Art F.
Quick Buy This Shovelhead
This is the perfect bike for a rider to start out with. It’s cheap, complete, registered, the engine and tranny are fresh and it’s ready to roll for nine grand. Grab it quick, bolt up a set of highbars and you’ve got an old school ride.
–Bandit
(310) 830-0630
THAT’S THE NEWS–Let’s get back to the sex. I drove the lowered Bikernet Truck through city streets of Long Beach in the wee hours to find Sin Wu. We have a code about DUIs at Bikernet. It’s against the code to get one. They’re bullshit, and I won’t get caught. Either I don’t drink and rides like a madman, or I drink like crazy and find a girl to take me home. You get the picture. I hate the law and refuse to get caught.
So I drove through a myriad of weaving motorists and party goers to the south side of town. I pulled up to my designated spot behind the bar and was suddenly surrounded by women. Damn, I hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. I was covered in grinding dust wearing a Daytona sweatshirt peppered with welding burns. I wasn’t going to impress any broads. Of course, drunk and bubbly Sin, drug all the girls to the truck to introduce me.
The alley was awash with strange people dressed in costumes, staggering, groping and stumbling to their cars. My concern about DUIs diminished. I pondered all these bastards struggling down the side streets of Long Beach to arrive home safely. It could have been bumper car madness.
“Let’s get the fuck out of hear,” I snapped and grabbed Sin’s arm, while she attempted a final tongue exchange with Wendy, the big-eyed, dark haired cutie, who organized this group. I lit Heather’s cigarette as she swayed into the side of the truck, said deliberate good-byes, then peeled out of the parking log.
Sin leaned back in her seat and muttered drunken stories of the night’s escapades and bizarre behavior as she drifted off to sleep. Sin’s hung over, Layla’s pissed, and that’s why the Post is running late. I swear, it’s the truth.
Have a Margarita on me,
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
