A Big Thanks to everyone who wrote regarding the new position at Primedia, Hot Bike, Hot Rod Bikes and Street Choppers. Tomorrow’s my first day, so in deep undercover research I stuffed myself with Mexican food on the harbor last night and drank giant Cadillac Margaritas. Then I rumbled to a tittie bar with a hard drinking bro and we started on Jack Daniels and women. I’d never been to this joint across the street from California Harley-Davidson. It was a Halloween treat, sorta. I woke up this morning to aspirin, sex and pancakes. I was beginning to swim out of the previous night’s fog when Bob Nicholson pulled into the Bikernet parking lot and flashed a LA County Sheriff’s badge in my face, then handed me a fifth of Jack Daniels…
We better get to the news, it’s going to be a tough day:
Rider Sends His Girl To The Cantina
Her name is Alicia Braun. She is from Fowler, MI. She is 19 years old. She loves motorcycles. I own 2 motorcycles and she loves to go out riding w/ me. We took this photo of her on my bike, liked it and asked her if I could send it to Bandit on Bikernet and she said go ahead. She is hoping to be a “Cantina Girl”.
Craig Clark
You too can be a Cantina Girl or send a shot of your girlfriend. If there’s nudity involved we’ll need proof of age and her to sign a release, but no big deal and she’s in. Send shots to sinwu@bikernet.com.
Worst Invention of The Year
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University, has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of Bikernet correspondents took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
–from Mike
OCC Builds David Mann Tribute Bike
I think cake decorators pretty much sums up OCC’s talents, but God bless their little hearts for trying. I have been hearing about numerous David Mann tribute bikes being built, and of course, I’m on the band wagon with a few myself.
–Krylon John
Colors Descrimination
Earlier this year we told you about some problems with “colors” discrimination in the town of Dwight, Illinois. Motorcycle Clubs and biker bars were being targeted by a task force in Dwight. The local clubs and the bar owners called several attorneys for help, including A.B.A.T.E. of Illinois Legal Services, the Confederation of Clubs and A.I.M., among others. None of those called helped the targeted bikers.
Frustrated, Linda McFarland of the RonDeVoo Tavern called Mike Hupy, since he had successfully negotiated a settlement in an accident case she had. Mike went to Dwight, met with the bar owners, bikers and bike clubs and city officials. Below is the fruit of those meetings.
Pro bono help for bikers courtesy of Bob Sumption and Mike Hupy.MFH
We haven’t met with them yet. They are leaving all of the bars in Dwight alone. One of the Dwight’s finest told one of our bartenders that the Task Force is not going to come back to the Zoo because they are nervous about legal action.
The charges against our bartender’s son, Dustin Leasure, were dropped. He was the one that was arrested for disorderly conduct and profanity in public on Saturday of Harvest Days. He showed up for his court appearance yesterday and they told him he did not even have to meet with the State’s Attorney or stay for the court appearance.
I guess all we needed was that one phone call from Mike Hupy to get them off our backs. It will be interesting to see what happens in the spring when the bikes are running again. Is this proof that they know they overstepped their bounds?
There is talk about a protest run coming here. There is talk that the mayor will not be reelected because everyone knows he tried to interfere with everyone’s constitutional rights. There is talk about the biggest M/C club reading my “newsletter.” There is talk about it being reprinted in ABATE and HOG newsletters in other states.
Thanks for all of your help! I will keep you posted. For now we’re letting the sleeping narcotic sniffing dog lie.
–Linda
Tribal Forward Controls by Accutronix
These unique forward controls feature a one-of-a-kind custom look that adds the finishing touch to your custom bike. Machined from aerospace grade 6061 T6 aluminum with a show-chrome finish and a 5/8-inch-diameter master cylinder bore. These controls also contain sealed bearings for superior performance and durability. Adjustable brake and shift assemblies for optimum riding comfort. Includes shift rod and mounting hardware. Master cylinder bore diameter measures 5/8-inch.
644040 Fits all Softail models from 2000 to present $1,097.95
Note: Kickstand installation requires the additional purchase of a CC #12214 (OEM 50041-80A) chrome billet kickstand mounting bracket.
Optional Matching Tribal Grips and Footpegs
644041 Male mount passenger footpegs (sold in pairs) $162.88
644042 Handlebar grips (sold in pairs) $149.95
Beer Drinkin’ Blues
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
~ Jack Handy
Bikernet English Lesson
Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser.
Scott Jacob’s Knight’s Tale
KNIGHT?S TALE is the final painting of the wildly popular Flat-Track series of paintings by HD artist Scott Jacobs featuring track legend Scott Parker doing his thing?sliding through a corner at a night-time race. As with the other images in the series this artwork is hand-signed by BOTH Parker and Jacobs and is also numbered. This all canvas edition is attractively priced to dealers at $475 unframed or $720 framed. (Dimension 20? x 26?canvas ) Look forward to hearing from you
–Ron Copple
Artists Riding Together
866-985-9989
http://www.art-inc.biz
Cheers On Beers
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin of the TV show Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here’s how it went:
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
“In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
Tim Conder Complaint Department
Tim is the Von Dutch of our era. He builds killer customs, but don’t tell him what you want on your bike or he’ll build it with spikes on the seat, tools welded to the tank or set it on fire in downtown Seattle to show you the bitchin flame job.
This is an indication of the size of my balls. I asked him, if he would draw illustrations for Hot Bike…
One more thing. Don’t fuck with Tim. This is his badass staff.
US Marine Corp Rules for Gunfighting
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a “4.”
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating
Bikernet Pet Department
Three Labrador retrievers — one brown, one yellow and one black–were sitting in the vet’s waiting room when they struck up a conversation.
The black lab turned to the brown and said, “So why are you here?” The brown lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I go on everything — the sofa, the curtains, the cat, and the kids. But the final straw was last night when I went in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
The black lab said, “So what is the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the brown lab. “They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, “Why are you here?”
The yellow lab said, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.”
So what are they going to do to you?” the black lab inquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too.” The dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, “Why are you here?”
I’m a humper,” the black lab said. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, mailboxes, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away”.
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, “So, nuts off for you too, huh?”
The black lab said, “No, I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
Polisher Bradley Downed
The man on the right was recently in a nasty bike accident with Cheryl. Cheryl is still hanging on, but it doesn’t look good. Bradley passed away a couple of days ago. We just want to send our thoughts.
Every day is a roll of the dice. Us asphalt cowboys know that every night, every girl and every drink could be our last. That’s why we live life to the fuckin’ hilt. See ya down the road, Bradley.
–Bandit
TEARDROP POWER PACC– PERFORMANCE YOU CAN FEEL
Looking for a proven bolt-on method to increase your engine?s performance while maintaining the classic high performance look of the S&S style Teardrop air cleaner cover? Look no further. Doherty Machine has just released a new version of their popular POWER PACC air cleaner kit that is designed specifically for use with the timeless Teardrop cover.
Tested and proven to provide usable increases in overall performance, the POWER PACC air cleaner kit is a simple to, bolt-on conversion assembly that produces significant power gains you can actually feel. The assembly incorporates a unique CNC machined backing plate with integral, enhanced air entry. This induction path provides a 100% unobstructed air flow into the carburetor and subsequent out of the box performance gains. Each kit comes complete with a specially designed washable K&N filter and premium mounting hardware.
Available for `84 and later Evolution and Twin Cam 88 machines fit with Keihin CV, Mikuni, and S&S ?E and G? carburetors as well as current Delphi fuel injection, the POWER PACC TEARDROP air cleaner kit is designed to work with S&S and S&S clone Teardrop covers.
This latest POWER PACC conversion retails for $219.95. Or, you can realize the full benefit of Doherty?s ?Power Products System? by purchasing the complete package including the air cleaner conversion kit and a pair of Doherty?s POWER VENTS for $299.95. For complete details call 800-956-9409. On the web at www.dohertymachine.com
HARLEY-DAVIDSON OFFERS TWIN CAM 103B SOFTAIL ENGINE
Factory-Built High Performance from the New Era Engine Program. MILWAUKEE (October 15, 2004) ? The Harley-Davidson New Era Engine Program now offers the same ground-shaking power introduced in the 2005 FLSTFSE Screamin? Eagle Fat Boy with its Twin Cam 103B Softail Engine (P/N 19293-05 [black and chrome] or P/N 19296-05 [silver and chrome]; $6,895). The New Era program offers new, factory-built engines manufactured and tested to the latest model year specifications. The balanced Twin Cam 103B engine displaces 1690cc and features all of the components used on the Screamin? Eagle Fat Boy engine, including a stroker flywheel assembly, big-bore cylinders and pistons, and Screamin? Eagle cams and cylinder heads.
The Twin Cam 103B Softail Engine is offered in silver and chrome (to match the Screamin? Eagle Fat Boy), as well as black and chrome, and it fits the 2005 FLSTFSE models. It does not include the intake system, stator, rotor or compensating sprocket assembly. This engine is legal for use on public roads only when installed in the specified model.
For additional information on Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Accessories, see your local Harley-Davidson dealer or visit the Harley-Davidson Web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer near you, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.
LET THE EXCITEMENT BEGIN–Keep in mind that you won’t witness any major changes to these magazines for a couple of months, then watch out. The staff seems to be made up of a bunch of good hardworking riders. I’ll do my damnest to keep you informed and you’ll be the first to know about upcoming changes. Sin Wu, Layla and the other girls will hold down the fort here and I’ll work nights to keep you up to speed.
I should have mentioned this from the beginning. But I believe that the connection between these mags and Bikernet could bring you the absolute best in coverage, tech and scooter entertainment in the world. It’s going to be a giant container ship of work, but if handled correctly, it’ll rock. So hang on and hang in there with us. I’ll report as the project proceeds.
Now take a break, take a ride or take a woman… for a ride.
–Bandit
