Encountering local law enforcement is always a possibility when putting about on our favorite highways and the outcome of these chance meetings can vary greatly depending on your initial response. In order for these outcomes to be as favorable as possible, I’ve listed ten of my most effective initial responses, which I’ve given over the years to police officers all over the country.
1) “Hot damn, am I glad to see you officer! I was trying to get this bike to the nearest police station as fast as I could! I think it might be stolen!”
2) “Anvil on chest…left arm numb…got to get…to hospital…fast.”
3) Officer! Did you just see a guy zoom through here wearing a ski mask and carrying a SuperDonuts bag full of cash?
4) Somebody said they were selling tickets to the policeman’s ball just down the road. Can you tell me about how much farther it is?
5) Drinking? I’ll say! I’ve been celebrating nonstop ever since some local police officer’s wife started giving blowjobs in front of the courthouse for free.
6) I know what you’re thinking. One hundred miles an hour is too fast for a school zone. But ask yourself one question. How fast were you going, if you were able to catch me?
7) What do you mean, “What the hell am I doing riding naked?” I suggest you ask the maniac on the TV who said he’d release the chief only after a biker rode through town naked.
8) Hell yes these pipes are too loud. That’s why I’m heading to the mechanic’s right now to give him a piece of my mind!
9) Wheelie? That wasn’t a wheelie-the drug dealer in the Cadillac rear-ended me coming off the light.
10) Officer, I know we’ve had our differences over the years, but I just want to say one thing before those Russian bombs hit. I’ve always admired and respected you.
