If you ride motorcycles right and if you ride long enough, you will eventually find yourself in the can, the big house, the pokey, county, or, as the civilians say it, in jail. Now finding yourself in the slammer isn’t any cause for alarm. In fact, I recommend it. It’s a good place to get away from the hustle and bustle of daily living, the nagging old lady, the other nagging old lady, the worries of rent, grocery money and gym memberships, which are all paid for in the hole. But, there is one problem. How do you know when you are in jail? After all, jail time is limited and with today’s overcrowded correctional facilities an outlaw’s chances at some state-sponsored R&R are growing fewer and fewer every day. So in order to make the most out of every day in prison, I’ve taken it upon myself to give the bros a list of ways to know when you’re in prison.
You know you’re in prison when:
1) Your old lady makes you breakfast and doesn’t bitch.
2) The yard gets mown on a regular basis.
3) Your cable TV is mysteriously hooked back up.
4) Your laundry is so clean you can tell the whites from the blacks.
5) You suddenly have health insurance.
6) The light bill gets paid.
7) Nobody kicks down your front door at 4:00 a.m. and yells, “Police! Search warrant!”
8) You get mail.
9) Everybody around you readily accepts you for who you are.
10) None of the bikers around you is wearing a cell phone.
11) Everyone laughs at your jokes.
12) You wake up one morning and find out that wench you foolishly invited to move in with you is finally gone.
13) Some rumpkin yupp fuck custom builder pops off and you break his neck and you don’t get thrown in jail for it.
14) You can get good pot at a reasonable price. Nt
